Side Stories: Sole Survivor
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There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

Also got some people wrote a very emotional letter about ska. Yes. A lot of people saying... A lot of people have... Comparing... Interestingly comparing ska to funk, saying that they're both music that incorporates rock music and, you know, horn instruments. Ska, that's where they're wrong because ska is bad. Yes. But it's just a very interesting...

yin and yang thing going on there. But I don't think so. I think it's yin and then the music that sucks. I think it's the yin that's good music and I think that the yang is music that sucks. Here's the problem with ska is that it's just so easy to make fun of. That is the real problem with ska. I don't even think I hate it as much as I like making fun of it. Yes, and that's what they even said. I got several very impassioned defenses of ska.

since the last episode and everybody says the same thing. It's you're attacking a vulnerable person. It's like pushing Piglet down. Yeah. It's like grabbing Winnie the Pooh by his penis.

penis and swinging him around and stuff like that. It's like going up to Joe Biden. It'd be hard to get Winnie the Pooh's penis. It's hard. You've got to get through the hair. It's like going up to Joe Biden while he's on set with Reacher because he went to go visit set on Jack Reacher today for some reason. He got lost. He did. He actually got lost. But it's trying to just tell him that's not Jack Reacher.

Yeah. That's an actor because he's still going like, let me be clear, Jack, you're a big guy. Oh, big guy. You want to handle my wife? Hey there. I just want to say, Mr. Reacher, again, I call you Mr. Reacher. I just want to say it's me, Joe, me, Joe, Joe Biden. I just got to say, you know, I'm just so glad for your service and you got to be the biggest guy I've seen since. Are you my son?

His son was with him. No, I thought his son had to have an ankle monitor on now. Hunter was with him. Oh, good for him. Oh, yeah. Hunter's free, bro. Yeah, but I don't think that... I mean, Joe Biden is just hanging out on set. Yeah, well, no, he was in a restaurant and they were shooting next to the restaurant and then he kind of stumbled outside. Oh, let me go and see over there. And then someone's like, holy shit, that's Biden.

Hey there, Jack. I don't think I... Check out my Corvette, Jack. You're big for it. Oh, you're a big boy. Oh, tell me. Oh, I'm going to slap some breasts on you. Can I transition you? Let me smell your child. Give me. My name's Joe Biden. I want to transition you. All right, come here. I want to turn you into a lady I can kiss. Oh, come on. Come here closer. Where's my wife? Where's Jill? She's died. She died five years ago.

Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski with the incredibly relevant Joe Biden at the Jack Reacher set sketch that I just performed. Congratulations, buddy. You're really coming back into sketch comedy. Oh, every day I think about, ooh, when's the world ready for my Joe? When's the world ready for my Joe Biden? I don't know. Absolutely.

And I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. How you doing? What's going on? I'm super excited. This Friday coming up, we have the seance. Yes, might as well plug it out right now. Gotta do it at the front. It's the biggest thing we've ever done. 9 p.m. PST.

June 20th. It is on our YouTube for free at LPN-TV. Come and check it out. It is going to be a very, very interesting night. We're going to be hanging out with Exorcist RH Stavis. Yeah. And this is going to be very, very interesting. We have a lot of VIPs in the crowd as well. Including the haunted Ouija board. Oh, yes. I'm going to bring my haunted Ouija board. We are going to see what's attached to it.

We don't know if there's a haunted Ouija board in the box because apparently you've never opened it. No, why would I? But when I opened it, when I just took the box, I just didn't even think about it. I was going to open up the box, but then when I had it in my house, that was when I had all the weird slime, all the stuff I talked about, all the slime stuff, and I never got to take it out of the cardboard box. So I just left it in it, and we're going to unbox it

Oh, that's, everyone loves an unboxing video. I'm glad we're doing those now. But it's a con, it's a haunted unboxing. It's a haunted unboxing. We have all, like, you honestly just check it out because it's going to be for free. Do you think there would be a good unboxing video with like a, you know, like a grave robber? I mean, I think that's a sketch that's already been done.

That is definitely a sketch that's out there. I've never seen it. There is no way. You know what? I'd like to see an unboxer at the back of a dumpster of an abortion clinic. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. Just because I'm a kid. Wee, wee, wee. Wee, wee, wee, wee. Oh, this one's still kicking. Wee, wee. Let me get my pike. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Are you afraid at all for the seance? No. You scared? What are you going to do if Ghost shows up? Are you going to talk to it? Are you scared of it? I get to subscribe to the show, LastPodcastOnTheLeft.com. You're going to want to go to, I mean, Apple, you're going to go to your app, you're going to take out your podcast app as of Ghost, and I'm going to subscribe you. I got a Ghost app.

I downloaded for the Ghost Box. Yeah, the Ghost Box. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got it to see if I see anything while we're there. No, the Ghost Box, that's mostly where I put my career, my acting career. We also have some side story shows. We've got 7-Eleven. We're going to be the Salt Lake City Wise Guys. It's going to be awesome. 8-7 with the Asheville Orange Peel. 9-21, Casey Truman going to give old big boy right here some Joe's Barbecue from delicious, delicious, delicious Joe's Barbecue.

Okay, so we're doing Joe's. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. People have been sending me recommendations. They're wrong. That wasn't on the list. No, Joe's Barbecue at the gas station. That's the one we're going to. You're making me eat at a gas station? It is a gas station that got so popular with the barbecue that it turned into a restaurant. You're going to love it. Do they still sell gas? Only by the cup. But that's what's so delicious. And then 1024, you can thank Trump for that oil.

1024 Redding, California. We're going to be back at the Mateel Community Center. Bring weed. Yes. Can't wait. Tickets aren't available yet, but we are coming. They should be ready next week or something like that. November 3rd through 7th, Crime Wave at Sea. We're going to have a lot of fun with the Sinister Hood gals and a couple other rowdy, rowdy individuals. It's going to be fun time at sea. And then come see us November 30th, Columbus. Oh.

Ohio. We're coming to Epstein country and we can't wait to meet your Wexler Nation buddies. That's right. The Newport Music Hall the Sunday after Thanksgiving will be in Columbus, Ohio. Everybody's favorite day to go out. So come and check us out there. We're going to have a good time. And I just want to give a quick plug. I'm doing another dog benefit.

Oh, wow. I don't even know why. Another dog benefit. I'm doing another dog benefit. Is that not- Conflict? Not anymore. Well, the other one's done. That's right. The other one's done. This one's going to be on Tuesday. If you're in North Hollywood, please come check me out, 7 p.m. Haley's Wines on Lancashire. 20% of wine sales go to Maitre Chaud. And Maitre Chaud is, of course- Maitre Chaud. Maitre Chaud. That is the rescue where I got Harley from. Okay, so you're double dipping. Yeah, I'm double dipping.

What do you mean? You can. I'm performing. But we're not, but we already had one with one, it's like they don't consider this to be like cheating. Who, I mean, they actually, it seemed like they might have not been there when they realized that I did a benefit for the other competing dog fostering company. Well, they didn't ask for it first. This is all about, this is one of those things you've got to fight. You've got to fight for your own dog. This one's not going to make that much money. So if you can, please come out. $10 suggested donation and buy some wine.

Buy some wine. Split it with your dog. Yeah. You know, have you ever looked up dog wine? Does it exist? Dog wine is one of the silliest. I thought grapes are bad for dogs. Nope.

Not when it's wine. If you go to Pet Wine Shop, Eddie, we sat the other night and we just laughed. If you watch this, so you can sit like this is Zinfantail, right? This is dog wine. And the way that it is for the loneliest people that you have ever, look at the pictures of this. Do you drink it as well? Yes, you can drink it.

But it's also if you have a glass of wine and you are so, which again, we have our lonely listeners. I love our lonely listeners. I would love to get to see some dog wine. Buy some. Petwine.com. You can go to Petwine. Share a glass of wine with your dog. I don't think she can handle it, to be honest with you. We're not sponsored by them. We're not sponsored. No, and they're not getting your dog drunk. They're not getting them drunk.

It's just wine that you can share with the dog while you're having wine so you don't feel alone. Watching a sunset. If you're at a funeral. If you're outside a buffet waiting to go in when you're pre-gaming before the buffet in your car. You can split a wine. You drink wine in your car before the buffet? I'm pre-gaming. I'm having fun inside my car in my parking lot. Okay? This is my time. You don't own the parking lot unless you own the buffet. I own the car in which that I'm in the air of wine.

which is in the parking lot so the air within the car is free air in which I can drink. And so can my dog. My dog, Wendy, got her little shablark. And then I got a zinfantail, the zinfantail for Carmi because she likes a white. Did you really buy this stuff? No. Oh, okay. No, Natalie and I aren't ready. Yeah, I think you should. We've been talking about it because it's all like, enjoy it while you're watching television. When's Natalie's birthday? April 18th. Fuck. I'm not going to remember that. Nope. But you know...

Sit and enjoy. Are you relaxing at night? If you're outside, have a glass of wine with your dog. If you're about to go to a protest like we did. Yes. I went to the protest. I brought the two little dogs. They loved it. I went. I got my iced coffee. I went to the riot. I beat a cop. I laughed. I came back. Me and the dog. I kissed a cop. Yeah, that was cool. But it was still assault. Yeah.

Don't worry. That's the thing. It was cool. It was the way you did it. Yeah, they weren't expecting it. No, no. But then they did slide in. Man. They got used to the water. Water's fine. It's so funny. We talked about it for a little bit last week about how the LAPD beats us fine. We don't need the national... They really have turned it up. They really have. They really have. They understood. They're so good at this. They're showing off for the Marines right now. We don't need the competition.

Okay. I don't need anybody hedging in on my stuff here. Man, I really had a nice time at the riot. The riot was nice. I brought an iced coffee. I was chilling. I held someone else's sign. I barely did anything, and people were calling me a hero. It was awesome. I love being a hero for doing nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't do shit. I walked through there. I danced around.

You know, I was dancing with a lady for a while. I was dancing with a weird old man. You started some fake chants? I did, yeah. Hey ho, hey ho, this penis party's got to go. Hey, hey, ho, ho, this penis party's got to go. Well, that's from PCU. Yes. Kumbaya, oh my lord. Yeah, it's funny. Kumbaya.

Go to sleep! Go the fuck to sleep! DCU is really one of the great movies. The only time I can really stand Jeremy Piven. It's the only movie he was good in. It's the only single thing he was ever good in. I think that is the truth. Yes, unfortunately. Well, maybe Very Bad Things. Yeah, I like Very Bad Things. Very Bad Things is good. I enjoy that movie. I've actually, I wanted to start really quickly by a little bit of a list of what I've been watching because someone asked me recently, have you watched anything good? And I have. It is The Ugly Stepsister. It

is amazing. You do need to go see it. And also... And what is The Ugly Stepsister? It's a film. It's about the perspective of the Cinderella story from one of the ugly stepsisters. Okay. And she has to do all these, like, body mod shit in order to get hot enough for her mom. It's fucking... Does she get hot?

It's fucked up. Is it a happy ending? No, nothing's happy about it. It's a brutal movie. It's really, really brutal. It's going to make you squirm. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Does Cinderella make it? Yeah, of course. Cinderella's fine. Oh, she's fine. Is she the bad guy in this? No, she's just more of a...

Cinderella is born great. Okay. It doesn't matter what happens to Cinderella. How about the fairy godmother? You've got to watch it. Now I'm just explaining it. Is the fairy godmother in it? You've got to see it. All right. I'm just going to put it in there. It's very, very good. And also, I want you to shut this podcast off right now.

Goodbye. I want you to go to your... We have no... We're not remotely affiliated with this. No. But Predator Killer of Killers is one of the coolest fucking things I have seen in a long time. Okay. That is one of my favorite adult cartoons I have ever seen. That shit is fucking awesome. It's awesome.

And it's a full movie? Dude, it's an hour and a half. I could watch 10 of them. Really? It's like anthologies of different predators fucking attacking new people. It's great. It's so good. And does it take place like over, like is it in the past? Like the last one? All over the place. Really? It's all across the timeline. It's fucking great. So like one of them's like against a caveman or something? Semi-sorta. Cool. It's pretty great. Is there one in the future? No, not yet. Wow. They're working on it.

Is the Predator from the future? I don't know, but the Predator does enjoy himself a couple of goblins of dog wine before he goes to sleep. It's a bit of a spoiler. Yes. And we also, we went to the movies and we saw dangerous animals. Saw a lot of stuff. That was fun. The shark serial killer movie. Really great movie. I had a really good time with it. That guy was scary. He was. And also, I am, we're bringing back Flag Day.

I did my first ever commemorative Flag Day party, and Flag Day is going to be the new party. I forgot my gay Florida flag. This is the new... It's the new party. Fuck July 4th. Yeah. Flag Day. Flag Day. You know what's nice about Flag Day? There's nothing in there. It's literally about the piece of fabric that is the flag. Yes. It's not even about...

what the flag means or what any flag means. It's about fabric. Is it about flags or the American flag? It's about the American flag. It's about the day that we chose the American flag. It's a dumb holiday. It doesn't make any sense. That's a stupid thing. Flag doesn't know. How can a flag have a birthday? It's just a flag. It's a piece of

It's a piece of fabric. It doesn't know. It doesn't exist. It doesn't have a mind. 1777, we picked the flag. So every June 14th, we're going to get together. We're going to have a flag day party. We're taking it back. We're taking back wearing the American flag, ironically, like we did in the aughts, I

I'm bringing... I don't care. I like it. I got lots of American flag stuff. Me too. I'm ready to wear it. It's time to have it come back out of the fucking woodwork. It's our flag! We got to take it back. Fight for the flag. Just the flag. Don't care about the rest of the country. Don't care about the troops. Hate the president. Hate the pope.

Love the flag. The piece of fabric that is the flag. That's it. Now, is the Pope still American or is the Pope now Vatican-y? Oh, he's American. He's American. Yeah, we got him now. We got the Vatican now. But I'm saying once you become the Pope, are you still an American? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he's still there. They always do a thing where it was like John Paul would have to go down to, to Porsche or whatever he'd be and go like, and then the other guy would go kiss the road to Auschwitz. He, the, the old year he'd go to Auschwitz and go like, thank you everybody. I love that. I'm the love this place. I miss this place. I used to summer here. And then the newest Pope, uh, small footed pussy Pope. He, uh, he also, I believe would talk a lot about empanadas. Yes. Yeah. So that was like what he covered. Yeah. What is this? What are you showing me?

Oh, United States. Oh, it's from you and Peru. Oh, it's from Peru. And then now he's a Vatican City resident as well. Good for her. Robert Francis Provost probably gets, I think that they get rates at the Vatican Disney. Oh, he's 69. Yeah, he gets like the local rate, which is actually pretty great. That Vatican, have you been to Disney Vatican? Have you heard about that place? No, I haven't. I would love to go to Disney Vatican. I've been on Spaceship Earth. I'm going to put it this way. The shrieks don't come from the rights. Live from Northland.

Hey, everybody. How you doing? Ed here. I want to talk to you about Rocket Money, okay? Rocket Money is going to help you save money and make smart money decisions.

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But that's not the only thing we're covering here today. What are we covering? We have a lot of, we got a lot of stuff, Eddie. We do have a lot of stuff. There's one big story I feel like we got to talk about even though I don't want to. I'm going to talk about it because it's fucked up. So now, Vance Belter. This was the, I'm going to say the Chad Daybell-esque bodied...

man that killed Minnesota House of Representatives Melissa Hortman and her husband. I believe Melissa Hortman shot her husband. I believe her husband is alive. No, both of them died, and he also wounded State Senator John Hoffman and his wife, Yvette. Yes. So he wounded a senator as well. Vance Belter should have changed his name to Vance Suspenderer because he's shaped like

like an egg that is out of shape. He really, he was trying to kill a lot more people too. Yeah, he was a failure at that. So he had a bit of a scrawled manifesto. We now know that Vance Belter went to these various homes of these political representatives. He went to one

of another Democratic leader and they were not home. And so then he went to the Hoffman house and then he went to another house where a police SUV saw him there. He ran away and then he finally went to the final senator's home that he shot. And he went on. He was dressed like a police officer. He had a silicon mask, much like the town. Remember the movie The Town? Yes. It's very scary looking mask. It's scary. He walked in. He knocked on the door. He opened it up. He shined a flashlight in their eyes. He claimed to be the police.

They knew he wasn't the police immediately and he opened fire. Now, we know that in the very, very beginnings they were trying to spin it like he was some kind of Marxist. They were trying to talk about how the representative Hoffman did some vote stripping the health care from undocumented citizens. And he's basically saying, oh, they at first were trying to say, oh, he's a Marxist guy that because he's so left.

that he wanted to kill these people. Utterly incorrect. He's a full Trumper. He wrote a little manifesto with a list of his other targets. Did you read the manifesto? I know you love manifestos. I do. And it was so hard. You couldn't get it. It was also not, it was more of a to-do list. And it was of the things that he wanted to go and several other people that he wanted to murder. One, including Governor Tim Walz.

And they are he did it fairly. It's you know, it's it's fucked up. It's easy to do. But he's also a total piece of shit that was obsessed with being a police officer. He outfitted his car to look like a police car. He had lights on it. And this was all before this. He had been doing this up to this point. If you ask his I'm going to say the saddest not hard to become a cop.

Actually, Eddie, it's not hard, but it's not easy either. It just keeps the lip just enough that somebody like this piece of shit can't be a cop. Yeah. But it's also a lot of other pieces of shit that are pieces of shit for other reasons also then get to become a cop.

If your roommate works at Papa John's, you shouldn't be a cop. Well, one of the things I mean, the idea, I think one of the biggest crushing things of this whole thing is everyone saying, where's his manifesto? Where's his manifesto? I saw his manifesto. It was his 57 year old roommate.

That is enough. If you're 60 and you have roommates and a wife, also Vance Belcher had a wife. Did he have a wife? They were all living together in the most delicious little home you could possibly imagine. It looked like the candy home that the witch lived in that attracted those kids to it. I'm wrong. It's a hovel.

They live in a little hovel, and we had this jaunty cowboy cap on. You remember when they saw him with the cowboy hat? But he was running back and forth, but his roommate... When you're hiding from the police, it's always good to put on a cowboy hat. A big hat! Big, big hat! And that way, they're not looking at me. They're looking at the hat. It was like, no, no, no, no, you look like an idiot, sir. And his...

We all got to work. This isn't about the job. OK, but when you got live news in front of your your home and you're the roommate of a brand new political assassin, I'm just going to say.

Don't throw your Papa's shirt on. Yeah. I know you work at Papa's and you're proud of Papa J's and you like working for Papa John's, obviously, because you are probably mostly garlic sauce. I imagine the most of his blood is garlic sauce. His hair looked like he was using it to style it. Yeah.

That's for fucking certain. He is pepperoni grease if it was a human being. I don't think this man has many shirt options. I'm just saying, if you've got a work shirt, keep it the work shirt. We all are like this. We all got our work shirts. We got our home shirts. He needs a different shirt. The wicking isn't working. He's soaked. He looks like he was dipped in fucking marinara sauce. This guy is disgusting.

And I'm ragging on him because it's another example of both him and the other one, both of the dumpers, were what they called military enthusiasts.

Now, they look like beanbag chairs. Yes. But they called themselves military enthusiasts. So these are the guys that like to cosplay. They went and bought a bunch of assault rifles. They bought all the gear. When you saw Vance Belter, he was covered in fucking gear. He had all the armor. Did you like gear? When the fires came, you bought a bunch of gear. I mean, is that really a bad thing? I like gear. No, no, I like gear. But it's this... It's calling yourself...

military enthusiast. No. When the most you could be is a human shield. Like the most that man, the most, probably the best way that guy could serve our country is if we threw him in front of a bunch of people that were gonna get killed instead. And so this guy is a, these are, they are both staunchly anti-abortion even though this man probably hasn't seen a vagina since he was born.

And the other one was his wife. They're all very, very anti-abortion. They've talked on all these various gun boards. They were weirdly politically connected, which led some other people tossing shade around. He did all this stuff. But still, in the end, these guys went after unarmed people in their homes. Yes. That is not what the military does. Why? Debatable. Hey, debatable.

You know what I mean? But you know, like, if you're a military enthusiast, I just think that's the silliest thing. I saw this kid in the gym the other day. Yeah. Same thing. Like,

he looked like a Muppet Baby version of the villain from Despicable Me. He had a little round head like a little cherry tomato, a little fat body, right? A little gross little boy at the gym. And he had a shirt on that had an assault rifle on it. It says, come take it. Okay. And there's a little part of me that's like, I'd love to. Yeah.

You're like, I would love to come knock you over. You need to be bullied. You need to be bullied. Well, maybe he's there because he was bullied. He needs to get bullied harder. Bully him harder. These people need to be bullied to death. This is like that roommate. I guess he says he didn't know what was going on, but he was also saying that Vance Belter has been...

He went kind of under the radar. For a while, he was very, very staunchly anti-abortion. Hates women. Yeah. I'm just going to go on a limb. That he hates women. And that this guy, he kind of like... They used to talk like this together as boys because the roommate and Vance have been best friends and living together. It's like fourth grade or something. Yeah, fourth grade or something. And he just seems like he went underground with his beliefs for a little bit. And then...

Unleash this plan on a bunch of people Yeah, because he texted the roommate that he was going to do it He didn't actually tell them in advance, really No He told them he was like, dad's gone to war today Oh yeah, that's what he said to his kids That was the sketch of his family, yeah Dad's gone to war today And he was a preacher

Oh, I mean, it all checks out. It's all just one of those things where is it a war if they're unarmed in their home? It seems that you're going to somebody's house to kill them. It's not going to the war. He also killed the dog. I know. That's the saddest one of all. And they keep showing all the pictures of the golden retriever. I mean, it was a cute fucking dog.

I mean, yeah. You've got to be a real fucking bastard to shoot a golden retriever. Think about that. Now, like a Doberman or something, I love all dogs, but a golden retriever, that's a hard one to look in the eyes and shoot. This is the type of man that would do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? He was really very, very excited. It was supposed to be a service dog, but they liked him so much that they kept him. Aw.

Aw, that's very cute. I know, but they should have. I mean, it's a golden retriever. They should have made him a service dog. He'd still be alive. Honestly, teach the dog how to use a gun. Not anymore. The only thing that stops a bad man with a gun is a good dog with a gun. Amen to that.

Does he get charged for killing the dog as well? Is that like added on? I'm certain it all gets in there. Yeah, why not? Because I feel like there should be justice. Animal cruelty? No, there is a little bit. Who got an extra month for the dog? They'll throw something on top there. But normally, yeah, they get something.

Oh, my God. I can't believe he killed the dog. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's a bastard. That's just real. How mean are you? And then also, just like- Even the Klan likes dogs. Hey. You know? It's just like, I mean, what's he doing? The white ones. Yeah.

You know, he also, he reminds me a lot of John Wilkes Booth and the fact that he was also, again, found in a bush. Yeah. These guys all just jump into a bush. And are devil in the Ozarks, man. They're all these guys. They look a lot alike. Very similar in builds. Yeah. Very, very similar. Lots of tits going on there between those guys. Dude, he's got tits like a mother wolf. He has like full on side teats, man. It's nice to see in a way. Yeah.

You know, again, it shows that the best warriors are about 100 pounds overweight and shoot you from a foot from your face. It seems that our most proudest warriors are the ones that do that. You know, even the child that tried to shoot the president did it from afar with a sniper rifle. Yes. Well, yes. Yeah. And we all know.

that trump's ear is miraculously healed oh yes because thank god chose god chose his ear and he saved his ear god chosen yes we all know that that's what happens ask evander hollyfield oh we know his ear pop right back and then he just keeps biting it back off he's just like when's that could have finally come out what that trump wasn't shot oh it's it's that's over that's a very long over but like why like that would be a scandal right no if

What scandal? With what? Within what? Within there. How could that be bigger than any other scandal? Stolen valor. It's nothing but scandals, Eddie. It doesn't really matter. They've done that very expertly. It's nothing but scandals, so it doesn't matter. I'm glad they're finally recounting the votes. I mean, yeah, wow. That's really going to get to the bottom of it, y'all.

Definitely how we should be spending our time and our fucking money. That is for certain. Yeah, let's just wait fucking half a year before we start thinking about that. And then we can fucking trot out Elizabeth Warren and she'll go like, these men are bad. And then she'll go back to her fucking mansion. All these fucking idiots. All these useless fucking morons.

Now let's get into some other fucking stories. Peeing in the shower is bad for you. That's horseshit. Well, says the New York Post. Yeah, they'll say anything. All right, so the title is, most people are guilty of doing this in the shower, but experts warn it's incredibly dangerous. Don't do it. It's not incredibly dangerous.

They're saying with ladies, if you pee in the shower, it might make your pussy too loose. Yes. It might make your pee-pee door get too swingy. It could. Hot take, but don't pee standing up in the shower or anywhere for that matter. Ladies, you are training your bladder that it's okay to...

empty while standing. Don't do it. This could cause bladder leakage. I just don't know how that... I said pee a little. It's okay. Just pee a little bit. It's fine. I thought peeing and then maybe stopping it very quickly might help your pee-pee muscles. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. How do you strengthen your pee-pee muscles? Listen, if we all smelled a little like pee-pee, then it would be more acceptable. I don't like pee-pee.

You don't like pee pee? I don't want to smell like pee pee, no. Come on, why not? Because I don't like the smell of urine. Do you leak at all sometimes? Yeah, of course. It goes in my pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they're for. I get a little dot on my underwear when I wake up in the middle of the night. That's what underwear's for. You know what I get so mad about when I pee in the middle of the night and there's a little bit on my underwear? I feel I can't put the pillow back in between my legs until it dries.

Just be a husband and do it, buddy. No, I gotta wait. It's warm for me. It's your pillow. I don't want to get pink eye. It's your pillow. I know it's my pillow. I have my below waist pillow. Oh, you have a pee pee pillow. Well, I have a possible shit, piss, cum pillow. Really? Because you never know what's going to come out of me. Wow. I do have enough pillows to designate. You cum on the bed? Well, I don't cum on my pillows. Not necessarily. Not unless I try. No.

Weird. Weird. That I think is weird. Yeah, so the New York Post says that if you pee standing up, it kind of fucks with your bladder. And then they even said it could be bad for men. Why does everything have to have rules? Why is everything with rules? I can see why people want there to be no rules. It's like, I'm so sick of these stupid rules. Yeah, they say it's, for one, not very hygienic. But more importantly than that, it will destroy your pelvic floor.

Yes, and it might also create mental associations where you hear water running and all of a sudden you need to run to the bathroom. What are we? Are we all dogs? You know what's weird, though? I do find that sometimes I'll really have to pee and then it's only because I'm thinking about it.

And then if I can train my mind, then it goes away. Then you can pee. Then just pee. Yeah, well, sometimes you're busy. But nothing matters. Just stop what you're doing and go pee. Well, not if you're at the movies. I always do. You can't stop the movie. I get up and I go pee. Man, it's hard. I do. I know. I just saw Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for Father's Day. That's how I celebrated. Oh, wow. And I had three pees during the movie, and I felt bad each time. But at least it was good about seeing an old movie that you've seen a million times. I knew exactly when to go pee.

Exactly. Yeah, that was nice. You're allowed to choose, yes. But they say standing while urinating also puts men at risk for benign prostatic hyperlapsia, which occurs when the prostate gland and surrounding tissue expand, obstructing the urethra. Sadly for many men, the thought of sitting while peeing is looked down upon in Germany.

Those who stand to relieve themselves are called sit sprinklers. No, I am a fucking... I am a sit sprinkler. You're a sit sprinkler! See, I'm a... You didn't! I've talked about this. No. No! I haven't talked about this. I am a proud sit sprinkler. Yeah? I am proud of it. I pee while sitting, but not by choice. If I'm already sitting, I'll let it go, but I'm not... I have...

Y'all? Are you trying to read or what's the deal? No. I'm just trying to sit. Now, what about the middle of the night? Whenever I... Sometimes I sit. Most of the time I'll stand because it's easier to get to the water while I'm standing. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, dude, I sit now, dude. All the time? Almost 98% of the time, yeah. Not when you're out in public? No. Public urinal? Yes. Yeah, yeah, I have to do urinal. When I'm home, I sit. Really? Yeah, buddy. At here at work, I sit. Do you read or do you just get lost in your thoughts or you just pee and go? I pee and go. Really? Yeah. And you sit and you just get out? Because I imagine if I sat to pee, I would sit there for an extra five minutes. I do sometimes. But also, I'm trying to not get piles anymore. Yeah.

I don't want my butthole to get worse anymore by being on the toilet for too long. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the other fucking problem. But I'm just saying. That's why I'm not saying something out there the whole time. You got to sit down and pee. Man, that's crazy. Sit down and pee, guys. Fucking give it up. Jason Biggs. Jason Biggs is sit down and pee. Whatever. He's not even a fucking Lionel Messi. Lionel Messi. He's the guy. Lionel Messi. That's who you look up to as a sit sprinkler.

A shit sprinkler is one of those guys, that's what you do. If I'm going to sit sprinkled, I'm going to do it because I'm even more of a man than a man who stands. Yeah. Because guess who sits? Kings. Kings sit? Well, it's a throne, I guess. That makes sense. See? Yeah, but one thing I heard about Lionel is he makes a messy of his pants. He is driving very fast. Very, very scared. Now, speaking of, I want to talk about this story again.

horrific. None of us like hearing about plane crashes because we have to be on planes so much. Oh, yeah. But this story is just, I mean, there's not much to it. It's just insane. The India crash. So this last Thursday. Yeah. Air India. A plane crashed. I want to say it was something like more than 200 bodies have already been pulled from it. Everybody died on this massive plane, in this massive plane crash, except for one

Okay. His name is Vishwash Kumar Ramesh. He told Indian state media DD news that he said, I managed to unbuckle myself, use my leg to push that opening. And I crawled out. Essentially they said they went up, the plane went up. It started like the lights are flickering on the plane. Then they said it felt like it stopped in the air and then it slammed into a fucking building.

And he said his when they slammed the whole thing exploded, except his section fell from the top of the building and landed. And the way he put it was that he was sitting there blinking his eye. He was like he was he thought he was dead. He looks fine. He's got like a scratch on his face. He has almost no injuries.

Everybody else is dead. 11A. Yeah. That was his seat. That was his seat, just so you know. That's a good seat. And so he, like, the way he put it, I can totally imagine how surreal that must be. Right? Like, you fall from the sky and you're sitting there and you're just alive. And he's, like, feeling his body. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And then he just gets up and he walks out of the plane crash. And so he got, they checked him for injuries. He seems to be fine. Wear your seatbelt.

Every once in a while, it seems to really work. Yeah, yeah. But he was also sitting right next to the emergency exit. So maybe that was something that helped him out. Maybe. Or maybe he just wanted it more than the rest of them. If you ever think about that, maybe he just wanted to live more than everybody else on that plane. That's a good point. We should be giving this man the unbreakable test. I would love to see. Now let's try to stab him. Yeah.

Yeah, someone call M. Night Shyamalan. We should find out what's happening. Let's shoot him. Let's shoot him in the head. If we shoot him in the head and he lives, then what? He's king. Pope. If guys are invincible, what is the guy who's invincible? What do we give him? I feel like you don't want to give him a role of power. He's already got everything.

He's invincible. Yeah, but that also means you're going to have to figure out how to work for the rest of your life. Yeah, it doesn't make him super strong. No, nothing. It just makes you live forever. Yeah. So if he's invincible, he might have to die naturally. Send him to Antarctica. Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Speaking of Antarctica. What should we do with these invincible people? Yeah, what do you do with an invincible man? I do want to talk about Antarctica, actually. Why do you want to talk about Antarctica? That is the most, I mean, this is the, it's just wild to me. That just got to be the craziest thing.

than you could ever do. Like you could just live. You could just live. What, from the plane? Have you ever seen that story with the Errol Morris documentary series with the chick that fell out of the plane in her chair? No. A plane exploded midair and she fell out of the plane in her chair and then crashed in a tree and lived. Wow.

Another crazy story. That's just one of those that I have reoccurring nightmares of a plane around me exploding and me flying through the air. It's called Wings of Hope. Oh, wow. Well, I'm going to start taking different flights of you because I don't have any. Oh, yes. Werner Herzog, not Errol Morris. Oh, okay. It was Werner Herzog. It's great. I want to watch this. It's a little short. You got to watch it. You would love this. I would love to see this. Wow, this happened. It was a 98 made for TV documentary. Okay. Yes. She said that people were...

It was wild the way she described how when she landed, she caught her, like, she took herself off the chair and she just saw people, just their feet sticking out of the ground. Oh, yeah, man. Because they just plunge in chair first. They landed for, they just buried themselves in the ground. Man, I remember, do you remember that plane crash in Jersey? I want to say it was like 99 or 2000. My buddies had just moved there and they fucking, the plane crashed in their, in their,

in their yard and uh it were like because it was kind of scattered and they had like people in their seats like in their backyard and shit damn but they didn't crash through the house or anything so that's nice that's nice thanks yes

Are you scared of planes still or you don't mind? You get a little stressed out. I am actively in therapy that I do work on it. It's so weird because I feel safer in a plane than a car. Once I'm up, I'm fine. I've dealt through it. It's just weird. It's one of those things that's kind of come up and gone away for me. It's just so out of your control, it can't even upset me. I know, but then it's so out of my control, it does upset me.

Because I do wish I could go there and just wrestle the controls from that fucking pilot. But you'd have no idea what to do if you won the fight. Exactly. And that's what scares me. Stronger pilots. That's what we're looking for. That's what we're looking for. Yes. Fight. Fly from your grave.

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That's T-H-U-M-A dot C-O slash Pandora. Oh, man. Well, yeah, so what do you... Oh, yeah, Antarctica. Let me talk about this. I'll talk about this story real quick. What happened in Antarctica? Well, this is, again, not a heck of a lot to it, but it is... I'm going to say concerning. All right. So we have... Part of what we do is... Antarctica is obviously a very mysterious place, and we...

have fought over it for a very, very long time, right? Like, we fight over it. Russia fought over it. We got... Like, it's supposed to be this international zone. And now that the temperatures are rising, more and more weird shit is coming out of Antarctica. We've been talking about... They saw these weird creatures. I don't know if you saw this thing where it was like they found this sort of, like,

essentially a new type of like fish creature that's just swimming around in the ice. Like, you know, we're talking about maybe getting released viruses getting released from the inside of the ice, all this type of shit. Yeah. They call them feather stars. These thing that they found these really gross little creatures. Right.

But this is one of those where... Those things are awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, they named it after a strawberry. Oh, we named it after a strawberry. It's got 20 arms. Yeah, it's really gross. Wow. It's really very frightening looking. I don't like it. It's a facehugger. It looks like a facehugger, yes. It was found in Antarctica. But now, things in Antarctica just got a little bit more mysterious. What happened now? So they have this thing. They detect pulsars coming from space.

Using a thing called the Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna, ANITA. It's a balloon. It's got antennas on it. So we do this sort of like, we listen for space, the signals from cosmic space, right? That's the idea. We're listening for signals from space where we're catching whatever comes in. But the way they used to it, I found interesting, is that the signal comes from space and it bounces off the ice and up. And that's how they hear it. Yeah. Yeah.

They're getting this new set of sounds that they are saying is coming directly from underneath the ice. That's probably a whale. That's not good. They're saying that nothing should be able to make a signal that could travel through that amount of ice up to it. They don't know why. They feel like maybe that things have significantly changed. We don't know. They said the signals seem to pass through thousands of kilometer of rock.

Whoa. They don't know what they are. Of course, they're calling it a fascinating mystery. It's probably an earthquake. I don't know. They could know it's continuous. Okay. It's in a repeated fashion. They said that something could have come from neutrinos, which are particles that make up, I believe, I might be wrong here, but I believe neutrinos are essentially the things that make up atoms.

Right there, the very base of reality. This is way past my knowledge. Neutrinos, you know, they're just around us, right? They give us mass. Detecting them is very hard. So sometimes they say that when one of them does hit something, sometimes inside of like a hit a signal or a recording signal, neutrinos will make sounds, apparently. I don't know what the hell this means. Could be a bloop.

It could be a poop. Bloop. Remember the bloop? Poop. I know poop. That shit that comes out of my ass. I understand shit. I'm talking about the bloop. Do you remember the bloop? Bloop doesn't live in that neighborhood. What about Kraken? Oh, like the Kraken? The Kraken. I think he's booked. He's working with Liam Neeson.

He's out there. You're the Kraken. I mean, we do have giant octopi, but they don't live under the ice. They live in the deep, deep water. Interesting. So they're not under the ice. Now, is the under ice melting as well? Do you think something could be cutting loose from down there? I don't know if the FUPA ice is melting. I think that they call it the FUPA layer. I know. I've heard that before. The fat upper pussy Arctic area. Mm-hmm.

And that is very difficult for anything to go in and out of that. It's very thick. Oh, no, that's what that FUPA stands for. Oh, great. Thank you, Rob. Rob just looked up FUPA and he gave us a lot of examples. Yes, yeah, it was very popular. People love that shit. No, they really do. But yeah, that's really all there is to this. It's...

Weird? Yeah. Bad? Maybe? It's hard. Antarctica, I feel like sometimes we get news stories from there and then it's just so far away, nothing ever gets followed up. Like, what happened to those scientists? Are they dead? Are they happy? Do you remember we found out we couldn't hear from them for six months? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So it's been about four months now or something like that? No. Yeah. Does that happen in like March or April or something like that? Yeah. I don't know what's going on with these guys. No. The scientists in trouble, Antarctica, South African, whatever happened to them. Yeah. This was in March. You're right. Yeah. So these guys, I mean, we don't know what happened to them. I mean, they're probably fine. They probably just talked it out.

Yeah, sure, definitely. Let's all talk about this thing now. They said they really can't for 10 more months. They're still trapped there. They're trapped for 10 months. There's nothing they can do. So we don't even know. Nope. That's pretty cool. That's going to be fun to find out. I want to find out the whole ending. Yeah, I'd love to find out the end of the story. I wonder if these are related. That would be awesome. I mean, they're scientists. They should know about this noise. Whoa, that would be cool. I hope that's true. I wonder if this is them just shooting guns into the ice. See, that's fun. I would do that.

Let's blow it up. That's what I say. Get a couple grenades. Throw it in there. I want to blow up some of these. What do they call them? Sea fairies? What do they call them? Those weird, horrible creatures? Sucking and fucking on each other. What are the 20 arm thing? Yeah. The feather. Oh, yeah. The feather. The feather eels or feather stars. You love them. I mean, they creep me out.

They really do. They give me a weird free... I feel weird. Would you go to Antarctica? Yeah. Yeah? I'd love to go. Yeah? I'd rather go to the North Pole. Yeah, I'd like to do both. Yeah, South Pole. I'd love to go to Antarctica. I don't know why. No attraction to the South Pole. I'll go anywhere at this point but space. You don't want to go to space? No, not with the guys that are currently running it, no. Would you go with NASA?

No. Would you ever consider making up with NASA? No. No, they're dead to you. Fuck them. Wow, so none of the space people you're into at all? No. What about, like, Japan?

I'd love to defect to Japan. Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to defect to China every week. Well, I wanted to tell you, I found this thing right before we came in here, and it's from, you know, full disclosure, it's from Daily Mail. Yeah, who knows? We don't know if this is true or not, but the story's too side story-y to not mention. So I just wanted to bring it up. Nudist resort residents hot dog taunt neighbor ended...

in double murder. That's right. A hot dog based taunt. Yes, that's right. An elderly couple were killed and mutilated by their neighbor after being humiliated with a taunt about a hot dog. That's right. Michael Royce Spark, 62, is facing murder charges over the deaths of Stephanie and Daniel Menard.

who were brutally killed at their nudist community in Olive Dell Ranch in Redlands, California. Okay, that's a nice place to have a nudist resort. Now, he wasn't mad about the nudist stuff. Whoa, that's the naked lady, huh? Well, she's got something on there. She's got a smock on there. They're having fun. Honestly. No judgment here, man. No, there's no judgment at all. I'm glad that they got to be as naked as they wanted to be. Yes.

But he lives next door to them, and they've had a lot of fights over the tree overhanging. Are they nude during these fights? I don't know that. There's been a noisy generator that's made Sparks upset also. But he felt most humiliated after Menard bought him a $1 hot dog. And the reason he was mad is that he thought...

that he was worth more than a dollar hot dog. So the guy, he's a homeless man? The Menards bought the hot dog. No, he's their neighbor. He's got a house. So they just bought him a hot dog out of the goodness of their heart. Mr. Sparks felt that the hot dog was a jab at him, making him feel like he was worth only a dollar hot dog, and that's what set him off that day. I'm not worth a dollar hot dog. I'm not some kind of dollar fucking hot dog. I'm not a fucking dollar hot dog.

I'm a Hebrew goddamn national. Sparks went outside and struck Mr. Menard in the head until it caved in. Yeah, that's what you get. How fucking dare you think I'm a $1 hot dog? I ain't no goddamn $1 hot dog. Now you're a fucking $1 dead old man. That's right. And then Michael's wife, Stephanie, came outside yelling, no, no, no. Step, step, step, step, step, step. Now you're a dead woman too. Yes, and he beat her until she was dead with a rake of...

A hoe and a hammer. They call me the gardener. You come and fucking try to give me a dollar hot dog. I refuse. Next time you go to Subway, you get me a sandwich from Jersey Mike's. He allegedly told fellow prisoners that he dismembered Stephanie and mutilated Michael during a search for the home. The police found the body parts stuck in plastic bags and a Home Depot bucket. I did it in a funny way where what I did was I carved them up into six.

and I can show how the buns come in packs of eight. That's right. And that drives me crazy. I haven't made it. Oh, what am I supposed to do with the two extra buns? See, I don't understand. Like a pack of hot dogs, like a nice Hebrew national pack is less than a dollar a hot dog. So why does this guy really want? Why? You look at me. You look at me, your neighbor.

You're the man that helps you make up the spirit of this town. What is it called? Sheboygan Dick's Resort? Like old hangin' Dick's Resort? I am the one that makes this nudist colony. Everybody knows I'm the one with the funnest butt hair. And everyone likes to see me naked the most. And you decided that my incredible sable gray body hair is...

Is worth a dollar hot dog? You die. You die. Judge, jury, and executioner, here goes the gavel. Court is adjourned. Everyone's dead. Yes, we have an unfortunate theme today because after he killed both of them. Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. He then went inside their house and grabbed their shih tzu and drowned it in their sink and then brought it out to the hillside and left it there for coyotes to eat. See, it's a bit, I see that's a step too far.

That is a step too far. His name was Cuddles. Yes, the Shih Tzu's name was Cuddles. Cuddles is very cute. Give me your cuddles. It has an underbite or had an underbite. Give me your cuddles. Give me your cuddles. Shut up, Cuddles.

Shut the fuck up, Cuddles. The Menards were missing for four days before the case turned into a homicide investigation. I'm no $1 hot dog! I'm no fucking $1 hot dog! I'll never be one ever again! $1 hot dog. You give your neighbor a $1 hot dog and you don't think he's not going to systematically kill all of you and your dog?

He texted a friend before he was taken in by the cops. Hey, it's me committing suicide today. Take care. Bye. Wow. And he didn't. No, he didn't. Actually, they said, wait, what's going on? Where are you? And he said, chopped up my neighbors. Didn't know I had it in me. Snapped.

He used punctuation. If he used punctuation, that's true. He actually put a comma after snapped, and then that was the end of it. So I think he was just upset. He then tried. He did try to kill himself with a long rifle, but it misfired or jammed. And then the cops were like, all right, get out of here. Wow. We're going to take you in. Just doesn't...

Wow. Yeah, so this is a crazy-ass story. I feel like it's barely in the news. It seems like such an insane tale to not make it across everything. That's why I'm a little skeptical that it's even true. I mean, it sounds... Sadly...

It sounds like a thing I have heard and people will kill for because everybody seems to be real torqued up. He looks like he would do it. Oh, look at that face. He definitely looks like a man who kills over a dollar hot dog. Oh, no, no. That's a man. There but for the grace of God. I have to look at this man's face and remember, choose your battles. Choose your battles. Sometimes it's just a hot dog. Sometimes. Sometimes it's a mortal insult.

But in the case that it's a mortal insult, take it to the courts. Okay? That's my word of, that's my little word of wisdom. Take it to the courts. Taking it to the courts. Taking it to the courts. Taking it to the courts. Here we go. All right. I think it's time for some listener emails.

I think just real quick before we move forward, there are two new Sphere videos that have come out and they look fake. I'm going to save some of that for the stream. Great. So we'll go over the different spheres. We got new spheres in town.

New spheres, new shapes. It's spheres. They're queer. They're here. Sphere to your queer. Just understand that the spheres are here and there ain't nothing we're going to do about it. So we might as well just let them marry each other. All right. Because we have several. Yeah, because it was the boogersphere. Now you got one in China. We have another one in Colombia. It's close to where the boogersphere was. A lot of spheres. Now we got to get to. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

All right, let's go. We got some stuff in here. I like it. We're going to get a sound cue. Yeah, send us a sound cue. We need a sound cue. Honestly, it's been too long since we've had a good sound cue. We just did an interview with a guy on radio, our buddy Victor Wilt, and he was saying he doesn't want to play all the stupid radio noises and radio sounds. We love them. We wanted them. Yeah, we wanted them. Yep.

Here we go. So, first of all, a lot of penis implant talk. A lot of penis implant talk. Seems expensive. My friend sent me, I'm not allowed to even remotely hint at this because it's very illegal technically, but they sent me a bit of a thing where I know exactly before markup a penis implant.

Costs about $19,000. $19,000? $19,000. That's more than a baby. That's before the hospital takes their markup. Whoa. Yep. Oh, yeah, it's definitely more than a baby because it's entirely elective. That's crazy. Like, technically, it's entirely elective. I guess it makes sense. Yes. How much are fake tits?

Two grand. I think you pop in one and out. Pop in one and out. Two grand's not bad. You can get like, I believe you can get a discount too, depending on where you're at or what you want to do for your life or what you want to do for a living. I think that if you're a certain age, I believe you get them for free if you're 18 and you're getting into the dancing. They're anywhere from five grand to ten grand for fake tits. Damn. I mean, I suggest going for the ten granders. Go for the bigger ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the bigger ones, but the better ones. The better doctor. Yes. Yes. Yes. Go to Cena's brother. Okay.

He'll give you some fake tits. Yeah, go see my old buddy. See his brother. Come on. He'll pop your tits out and make brand new ones. He'll take out the old ones. He'll throw them in the trash. He'll pop on some new ones. Never want to love you again.

So let's go. A lot of people, the reason why they said the Border Patrol shows up places is because they're specifically very good at tracking humans. Oh, yes. A lot of times. Yes. And a lot of times they're brought in because they are specifically trained to track people over wide expanses of desert. So they're very good at finding people.

I got a buddy who's not a buddy, an old friend from from college. He's honestly he was like I was he wasn't even a friend. He was just someone I knew in college and he was the most racist. It was the race, the most racist person in our friend group. And he got new. I got a head injury and he wanted to be a cop and it didn't work out. And so now he's Border Patrol.

And then he married a Mexican woman and she helps him find Mexicans together. That is fascinating. Yes. That is literally fascinating. I'll never understand. I'll never know. I don't know how people work, man. Yeah. People are the most interesting. They never stop being interesting. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Oh, one asked. Remember we asked about the two kids that killed and about whether or not they were going to get their diploma because they did it right before graduation? Oh, yeah. I got an answer on that. Oh.

A public educator of 17 years in both California and Oregon. From my experience, the students will still graduate and receive their diplomas, but will not be allowed to walk in graduation.

Yeah. Yep. All right.

All right, good. I hope they really figure it out, those two. Yeah, I really hope they figure that one out. Also, one opening in Notre Dame next year. So if you're holding out, maybe hit them back up. Maybe one of you, it's better for you to be the talking Irish instead of the fighting Irish. The thinking Irish. All right, I'm going to tell one Glimmer Man story because I like all these Glimmer Mans. You love the Glimmer Man. I like Glimmer Man. Great.

I was somewhere between the ages of two to five when this happened, and it's actually one of my earliest memories. I distinctly remember being awakened and taken out of bed in the middle of the night by being so strange that the memory stuck with me for the rest of my life. The entity had the silhouette of a person, but the figure looked to be made out of TV static. In the static, little orbs of colorful light would slowly blink in and out.

This thing took me by the hand and gently but firmly led me through the house. I remember we moved slowly and almost gracefully, and I remember crying the entire time because I was absolutely terrified. I had the distinct impression that it was taking me out of our house for whatever reason. It then led me to our living room and sat me down cross-legged in the center of the floor. It then slunk away into the darkness, leaving me all by myself.

I sat there crying for what seemed to be a long time, afraid to move, before my father found me and took me back to my room. Obviously, there's weird things about this story. First, it clearly wasn't a dream because I know exactly how I got to the living room and my parents still remember finding me there to this day.

Second, it was strange because it seemed like it was taking me to the front door, which was an absolute bitch to open because the house was like 200 years old and that door required a skeleton key. It was actually so hard to open and close that we always used the side door to avoid the headache. Looking back, the being felt incredibly gentle. It was almost motherly now that I think of it.

I remember how gently and almost lovingly it seemed to sit me down on the floor. I'm not sure if it sat me there because I was crying too loudly and I blew its cover, if it planned on leaving me there from the very beginning, or if there was a period of missing time that I don't remember and it was dropping me off after taking me out of the house like I was anticipating. Sounds like it was nice and it cared about him. Who knows? What tops it all off is the fact that my father had an incredibly similar experience when he was a child.

My father is what you would probably consider to be an abductee. And he said that the experience that mirrored mine was one of his very first encounters with the visitors. My dad's side of the family is filled with abductees going through generations, going back generations, which we all know isn't uncommon for this sort of thing.

I never connected this experience with the other weird experiences I had growing up, and certainly not to the abduction phenomenon until a couple of years ago. And I've had a lot of weird shit happen to me in my life, but this one was definitely one of the strangest. Is that something you hear? Like when people are abducted, it's like someone's dad is abducted, you have more of a chance of being abducted yourself? It almost, it seems that it's almost always in the family.

Okay. That it comes from a long line. And it's a lot of times if you believe you've been experiencing this type of thing, it's been going on since you were a kid. So it's like getting molested. Yeah. By your father who was probably molested himself. Yeah. Interesting. You know, it's just, we can always play that game, ghost alien or molested. Yes. You know, we always can because guess what?

If the molesting's going and the ghosts are going and the aliens are going, we got a show. That's right. You can love the fact that anytime something bad happens, that's another thing for old Ed and Henry to joke about. And we love the, we live for the fact that we assure, you know, what we're doing is we're really helping people have a cathartic experience and we're really helping people laugh at

at the things that are difficult to laugh at. And also it's fun to just be laughing at things that are extremely inappropriate. Just like a couple of dead dogs. God, wow. Yeah. Before we get to our piss friend, I wanted to say, if you're in northern Michigan and you got a Bigfoot photo, you're going to want to go to this marijuana dispensary. They said they're going to give out free joints. They're giving out free joints of the best pictures. Yeah, it's only one pre-roll.

If I got a picture of Bigfoot... Oh, you're giving me a pound of fucking weed. Yeah, no. That's my complaint here. Oh, no. What I suggest you do, if you got a picture of Bigfoot, you fucking hold these fuckers...

I'll tell you what. You got to attack them. You got to show up and be like, you ain't getting shit. I got a pound of weed for you. I'll buy you a pound of weed. If you got... Don't go to this place. No, send it to me. Side stories. LPOTL at gmail.com. I swear I will get you a pound of weed. I have a bounty. Yes. Yeah, I got half. Henry's got the other half. We will get you a pound of weed. If you have a credible picture... Fuck this one pre-roll. Let's fucking jump ahead of this thing.

Dude. Yes. No, yeah. If you have a good... Honestly, Eddie, if you have a good picture of Bigfoot, you're going to get a pound of weed. Mm-hmm. And you're also going to come to every one of our shows. That's true, yeah. For a year. Yeah. For free. But, you know, probably you can't come backstage. No. No.

No. But I want that picture. And that picture better be good. It better be a damn fine picture. And I also want that picture to be fucking, we need to get an analysis guy in here. Oh, no. We're definitely screening this fucking photo and having it taken in. If we believe the photo in the first place. I mean this. I am not fucking joking here. I'm serious. This is the fucking, this is a prize. It's going to pay for itself. Yeah.

Yeah, bring a photo. So Unique Cannabis can go fuck. No, fuck Unique Cannabis, man. I mean, it's a great idea. What, pre-roll? Bring a photo proof of Bigfoot. For a pre-roll, guys. Also, they put Bigfoot as two words. Yeah, that's pretty angry. Bigfoot's one word. I'll go Welch.

Yeah. They're going to fucking Welch. I was going to like these guys, but now that I've thought about this for two seconds. I'm fucking, literally, before this, we were talking about how awesome this was. Yeah. And now I'm angry. One pre-roll? That's it? That's it. For proof. A proof of Bigfoot is worth at least $100,000, right?

Shut up. I'm offering a pound of weed. I don't have $100,000. I don't have that. I do not have this money. No, I'm not giving it. No, no, no. You're not giving me the money that you deserve. Technically, you should sell it. But if you want something from us. Yes, we are overstepping these motherfuckers. Fuck them. Yes. So I want to hear about it. I want to find your Bigfoot photos. And if it looks credible.

We're going to get it analyzed, and then if it seems like it's on the level, you got a pound of weed coming your way. Yep. You're going to probably have to come here to get it. Yes, you're going to have to come to California to get it, for sure. But still, we're going to make it happen. All right? And for those, speaking of, will they make it happen? Yeah, they will, because we make shit happen all the time. Like, we're making for our buddy, filmmaker Derek Milton, who has spent the last...

I say year or so, doing a full deep dive into the piss bandit. Now, if you guys remember, he has now a new YouTube documentary called The Piss Saga.

It is on his YouTube channel. What is his YouTube channel? It is at Derek Milton. Yes, go and check it out. D as in dog, E, R as in rape, E, K as in karate, M as in munch, I, L as in lick, T as in tits, O, N as in never mind the album by Nirvana. You just said I and O. You didn't give them a little thing.

They don't need them. You're right. Nothing really rhymes with I, does it? Except for... Alright, folks. Come see Side Stories Live. Come to the show. The last podcast show in Atlanta at the end of the month. Dude, that sold out as hell, though. Yeah, well, the Side Story shows are sold out at Dad's Garage, but the last podcast show at the Coca-Cola Roxy still has a couple tickets left, so go check that out. We're talking July 11th.

We're going to be in Salt Lake City's Wise Guys. August 7th, Asheville Orange Peel. September 21st, Kansas City, the Truman Theater. October 24th, Redding, California. We're coming back to the Mateel Community Center. Yeah! They're going to be sponsoring the one-pound giveaway.

November 3rd through 7th. Dude, if we get a real picture of Bigfoot, if we get a credible picture of Bigfoot, this is what I'm... This has to happen. Yes. No, yeah. If you have a picture, we got a pound of weed for you. You need it, by the way. If you're seeing Bigfoot, you need weed. You need weed. November

3rd through November 7th, crimewave at c.com slash left. Come and see Henry and I yucking it up in the Caribbean. Oh, yeah. And then, you know, I just want to give a big shout out to Cuddles. Cuddles, we love you. Poor, poor Cuddles. You shouldn't have died in that. I'm really sad that you were, I'm really, really sad that your parents could not have respected your neighbor more. Yes. Yeah, no, it's a shame. Cuddles drowned in puddles.

And I'll be doing jokes for the dog rescue at the Mesa Shore Rescue. That's going to be on Tuesday in North Hollywood over at Haley's Wine, 7 p.m. on Lancashire. So come and check that out. Also, I got a show planned on August 29th.

Cincinnati, Ohio. Tickets are available on my website, eddytoons.com. So come see me there if you're in the Cincinnati area. I'm going to be at the Rheingeis Brewery on August 29th. We're going to have a lot of fun. I love you guys. That's it, right? Yeah, we did it. We really did it, Eddie. Good work. RIPP to Cuddles and the Golden Retriever. Our real heroes of the day. Wow, two dogs died this episode, huh? Two dogs were senselessly murdered. That's really very sad. It really is sad.

The humans. I couldn't care less. Don't really, you know, it's upsetting, but yeah. I just couldn't care less. All right, guys. No cuddles.