Shownotes Transcript
This episode was recorded on Camaragal land.
Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And if you're listening to this on Monday, there is a very good chance that I am in the South African jungle. Yep. Very exciting. Is it exciting? Well, it's exciting for Matt because it means he made it to the end. Not so exciting for you because it means you've got a very big trip with two very small children. I'm just petrified of the long haul flight that has two layovers with
two children through the night. I think it is going to be hell on earth. Oh, 100%. I don't want to like rub that in, but you're going to hate your life for the next couple of days. But the way this works is, so we are recording this a few days early because your life gets put on hold. You're on standby for a flight because obviously people don't know who's going to be the last three in the show. Yeah, and also like, I mean, it's tricky for us because actually it's quite...
quite early that we're recording this because we don't know when Matt's going to get out. So like if I do fly over there, I might be in the air and he could get out on TV. Do you know what I mean? So like I don't know. How annoyed would you be if you got there and you found out he'd already been eliminated? So.
Fuck. Do they just send you straight back? So. What happens if you get halfway? No, I think if you get there, you still come home on your normal return flight. Like the return flight is booked, but it depends on how many days I get to get with him. Because if he makes it through to the final, I don't get any days with him. It's the final and then we fly home the next day. So we actually have no time in Africa together to actually enjoy Africa. No African activities. That's all you had to look forward to.
So technically if he gets out early, then I would have had some more time with him. You could go bungee jumping. Yeah, Keisha's been bungee jumping in South Africa, everyone, in case you haven't heard. This is true. But also you guys, I mean, by the time this comes out, you will know the outcome because it would have been last night. But we are in the past and it's so hard to know what's happening. And I'm in fucking purgatory for I'm a celebrity right now. I'm manifesting. I feel like he's going to be 100% finale. If not, he's gone for the win.
That's what I think. That's a lot of pressure. I think Reggie. His finale for sure. I hope so. I think Reggie's pretty high up there. Like, so Reggie Bird, for anyone who doesn't know who she is, she's won Big Brother twice. Yeah. And she is very, very, like, personable, relatable, but also just has, like, a really beautiful, incredible story around the hardship that she's faced with herself and also with her son. I kind of think that, like, she's getting the public vote, you know? Yeah.
Matt's just getting the force like vote for my husband vote I want to go to South Africa vote yeah but he has been very entertaining and I know that obviously we're a bit biased because obviously last year Brit we were biased for you and I'm also having sex with him so I'm pretty biased well not for a while I'm not we're not having sex with each other thank god thank god that would be a real issue when
that'd be a scandalous episode if that came out on an ass gun cut. Okay, let's put on a bet some because like I said, it is in the future. Who do we think will make it top three? I think it'll be Reggie, fingers crossed Matt and Max. That's what I think. I thought Sam, the rugby player. I think Max is taking Sam's spot maybe. Oh,
Do you think that you're going to like, I don't know why I'm laughing. Do you think you're just going to like want to rip each other's clothes off and have sex? Or do you think you're like, I'm so fucking tired. And he's like, I'm so hungry and scrawny. And it's just not going to be any lovemaking. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be like. Cause there has never been a time in our relationship. Like obviously we did long distance after the bachelor for got like months, like five months or something crazy. Um,
but we could speak to each other every day and we could FaceTime each other every day. I feel particularly disconnected from him at the moment because I've not had a single conversation with him for almost five weeks, which is as much as I've seen him on TV, you know, and like it's great seeing him on TV and I'm very, very proud of him, but I don't feel, I feel like I need to have a conversation with the man and be like, hello, I'm your wife. Nice to see you again. He's a mango. He also says.
said that he'd rather eat a mango than have sex with you so yeah but now he can have both he doesn't have to make the choice he can do them simultaneously or he could have sex with a mango or he can fuck a mango when he gets out yeah the choices are endless it's wild
I don't know. I honestly don't know how. I think it'll be very emotional for him seeing the girls as well. And that's the big reason why I'm taking them over. Yeah. Even though it is like a hellish flight and it's a very quick. So I think by the time we get there, I think we're only there for a couple of days, maybe three nights in total. And then we fly back home. So it's a very quick round trip, but I'm doing it because I know that how much it'll mean to him to have the girls there, even though that that's going to be hell for me. And I also think that
I have like runs on the board now for like plenty of girls trips. Like I am owed some girls trips out of this. Your bank is overflowing with your like payback bank. Yeah. Hamilton Island anyone? We're coming. Yeah. I'm going. Hi.
Buggy. Noosa, I hear it's fabulous this time of year. I'll be there. Like, don't you worry. You would go in a tsunami right now. You would be like, get me out of here. You would see me every weekend. You'd be like, is Laura away again? I'd be like, yes, with my girlfriends. It's been great. If we are the girlfriends that you're speaking about, I am absolutely keen to come. So, yeah. So, look, guys, like I said, I mean, unfortunately, you know, everyone knows what the final has happened now. I wish we could talk about it for this episode, but we won't know until like latest week on Wednesday. Do you remember? And like,
this is how much Matt is going to be excited to see you. I remember when I came out of the jungle, all I wanted to do, like the intensity to see Ben, like the overwhelming feeling was so much that I booked a flight there and I was going to see him for one day. I was flying from South Africa to Scotland to surprise him for just over 24 hours. It was costing me a bomb, but then I was going to fly back to Australia. I was on the runway and,
I'd organize the surprise. I'd organize the next door neighbors to leave keys out. Like I was going a bit creepy, but I was going to be in his house when he got home. It would have been the best surprise I have ever pulled off. And that was probably one of the only flights in my life that's ever been canceled. I was on the runway to go and they canceled it because of weather.
And I was hysterical. You would have thought a family member had passed away because I was just so upset at how close it was. And then it got taken away from me because the feeling is just so intensified. Like you said, I'm always away from Ben. You're away from your family, but you're not even speaking. So it's intensified. Trust me, if I'm stuck in Singapore sitting on a plane and the flight gets cancelled with two kids next to me, I also will be hysterical. You'd be happy.
I will feel the same. No, if I am stuck with a cancelled layover with two kids in an airport, I will be devastated. Have you ever given them Finergan?
No. Because I've heard that that can be a bit of a dice roll. I don't want to tempt that. No. I'm also not like, I'm not a melatonin mum. I've never done melatonin. I know it works for a lot of people and like a lot of people like are cool with giving melatonin to their kids and like absolutely no judgment on that. I just kind of feel weird about it. And my kids are relatively good sleepers. Like they go to sleep pretty, that's a lie. That's actually, I was like doing,
I call bullshit on this or do I let my kids are fucking terrible but I still don't want to give the melatonin I feel bad about it so actually the worst sleep is ever Lola tried to sleep on my face last night so yeah I really like a cat she's like it's really warm here so she like lays horizontal across my face anyway that's it so that's my update for me guys I will once I know more you will be the first to know well they'll already know
Yeah, but like once you know more about like how it's been on our side, you know, obviously you'll see what plays out on TV. But, you know, I'll tell you, I'll update you on the mango or not. And we're going to get Matt on. We'll chat all about it. We'll catch up with him and see how it went. Compare notes. We'll get a mango juice sponsorship. Boost Juice, come for us. Mango smoothie. This episode is brought to you by Boost Juice. I mean, it's not. I wish it was, but...
Here we are. Let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes before we answer your questions. Britt, what's your vibe for the week? My vibe is a Netflix show. It's number one or two at the moment, so it's not shocking. Apple cider vinegar. Okay. I started this and I got like five minutes in and I was like, I hate this. It was really hard. I'm vibing it.
because I really loved the issues that it highlighted more so. So if you don't know what it is, Apple Cider Vitiga is the Netflix show that is based on the story of Belle Gibson who pretended she had cancer, scammed a lot of people, like really horrible. She's the Aussie. I mean, most people know who she is.
But if you don't, they've turned it into a Netflix series. And they really lean into the fact that it's fiction and nonfiction. It's based on a true story, but we're also trying to make a drama. They learned from baby reindeer. Oh, no, they did. It's a theme. Every single episode is a bit of a joke on it. One of the characters is in character and they look at the camera and they were like,
Just to reiterate, whilst that we are making this drama, we want to be clear that Belle Gibson did not make a cent from this. And they really lead into the fact from off the back of Baby Reindeer. But I like the fact that it highlighted the dangers surrounding withholding from traditional medicine and only using like juice cleansers. And it highlights that they go to Mexico and they do all this meditation and whatever else to try and treat their cancer. Now, I'm all for holistic approaches.
combined with traditional medicine. Like I think that they can go hand in hand, but it highlighted the problems with foregoing medicine. What was the name of her app that she had, Belle Gibson? The Whole Pantry. The Whole Pantry. So they talk all about it. They talk all about the app. They talk about her whole story. It's really fascinating and I –
I guess I want to say I learned a lot about her story, but I also don't know how much was a bit of added flavor. I find it, this is an interesting vibe for you, Britt, because I have, like you said, Keish, I have heard very mixed reviews because I was really excited to watch it when I first saw that it was coming out. I find the Bell Gibson case devastatingly interesting. Like I really find it fascinating, but I also just like cannot comprehend the hurt and the
that that was to so many families who were already suffering with sick kids. However, yeah, it hasn't had great reviews and I wonder if it's because of the way in which it's been created or people expecting it to be more of a documentary style. It's had mixed reviews. I think at the same time as I'm recommending it that I enjoyed some of the themes in it.
It was also quite annoying at times. Like I was frustrated and I was annoyed. So I don't know how... I know there's a lot of people saying, I don't know how they can go hand in hand. Did you like it or you didn't? This is a recommendation, but you might hate it. No, but you know why I'm...
Okay. I was annoyed by the themes because you could see what was happening. You could see that there were people withholding using medicine and it was frustrating because I was like, I know what's going to happen. Like, why are you doing this? Listen to the doctors. I was, I found myself frustrated and angry, but I thought it was almost like I owed it to the families that got scammed that I wanted to watch it through. I had like this weird attachment to it where I thought this is real people's lives. Like I do want to see this out and I do want to see what happens.
Some of the acting was brilliant. There's an Australian actress in it, Alicia Debnam Carey, who was brilliant. The lead girl is actually American. The girl that plays Belle is American and her Australian accent was really, really good. Like I take my hat off to it. Very divisive. It's not, some people are frothing it and some people are hating it. I'm sitting somewhere in the middle, but enough that I was like, you know what?
Watch it and tell me what you think. That was similar with Baby Reindeer, though. And I remember even people in our own Facebook group were like, Keisha, I think you're just a bit too basic for this because you're not supposed to enjoy it. You're supposed to feel uncomfortable by the content. And I was like, no, that's not why I watched it. I am a bit more basic than that. I loved it. Anyway, my vibe for this week is...
It's a podcast episode of Mid, which is done by Holly Wainwright at Mamma Mia. And it is the episode with Amanda Keller and her best friend, Anita McGregor. Now, Amanda Keller is someone that for a really, really long time I have idolized. I think she is absolutely fantastic, particularly when I was in radio, when I was like a radio host. I looked at Amanda as someone that I just...
so wanted to be like. You know, I think that she has this beautiful vulnerability in the way that she talks on radio and the way that she connects with people. And I just find her so incredibly likable and intelligent. And her best friend, Anita McGregor, is a forensic psychologist. So they actually have a podcast themselves. And I have listened to that in the past. I don't know why I haven't listened to it for a little while, actually. I should get back into that. But this particular episode that they did with Holly on M.I.D. was about their best friendship.
And it was about women's friendships in general. And there was this little part that Holly did at the start that actually brought me to tears because she was talking about how she had this best friend and they'd been best friends for decades. And it was just such a special friendship that she's carried with her throughout her entire adult life.
and how they have just been these pillars for each other. And anyway, she kind of went into this conversation and asking Amanda and Anita, who have been best friends for 17 years, how they have helped each other navigate different life stages, different, you know, parts of their friendship, whether they give each other feedback that's honest or if they're just supportive. And it was just one of those episodes that I listened to and I was like, oh,
fuck, female friendship is just actually so important. You don't get that message from the Life on Top podcast. Of course I do. But I think it's different when it comes from people who are a little bit older than me. I had a similar response when I listened to Jane Fonda on Julia Louis-Dreyfus podcast quite a while ago. I vibed that a long time ago because they were just talking about female friendship. And it was a beautiful reminder for me of really nurturing the friendships in my life
because I will need them over the course of my lifetime. So yeah, Mid with Amanda Keller and Anita McGregor. It's the most recent episode. Well,
Well, my recommendation is for anybody who is potentially a content creator or finds themselves needing to be hands-free and facing their phone. Britt, you have on your phone like a suction case. So like Britt's had this thing on for a while. I was an OG. It's like a full suction case that you can like stick your phone onto anything. I mean, I don't recommend it, but you could stick your phone onto your laptop screen. I do that too. You can stick it onto your window. You can stick it onto anything, right? Like it genuinely sticks to a wall.
So I tried the one that you have, Britt, but I kind of hated that I couldn't ever take it off the case because it's very bulky and it's quite difficult to get your phone in and out of your pocket, right? So there is one that I have found which comes with either a magnet or it goes directly onto the back of your phone and it is from Casemate, but it's basically like an attachment that you can put onto your phone which allows you to stick your phone anywhere and do things hand-free. So for us who are constantly like doing stories or we're on our phones a lot,
I find it incredibly handy. I think you guys are going to be like, what the hell is she talking about? But if you're watching it on YouTube, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about because I'm holding it up in the air. They're so good. They're very handy. I stick mine everywhere because I'm always talking to Ben. So like when I'm cooking, just stick it on the kitchen wall and I just move around the kitchen as I'm
You know what I mean? Like it just goes in, going into the shower, having some sexy time, goes on the window. Well, I stick mine on the, like anytime I'm on the Peloton, I stick it on the screen of my Peloton and then I can still do stuff whilst I'm working out. It's right there. I use it when I'm doing makeup. If I'm watching a makeup tutorial and I'm trying to imitate it, I put it on the mirror next to my face so I can pause it. Do you do makeup tutorials and actually copy them like as you're watching them? I try to. Do you? I didn't know that.
I don't know that. I don't know anyone who does that. That's wow. Really? Yeah. That's the only way that I'm able to like do my, I've had a lot of weddings and we've had a lot of awards things lately. And I don't pay to get my makeup done. But you do it in like real time. Like you'll watch it as they step by step you through and then you stop, start, stop, start. Well, I pause and then I try and copy it. And then I hit play and then I try and copy the next bit. I've done the same makeup every day of my life. Same. I never change it. I am the most repetitive basic bitch that there is. Same.
I don't ever try something new. I'm not about trying new things. Well. I'm about safety. Maybe you could now that you've got your sticky case made. That's true. Anyway. Laura doing a makeup tutorial is not on 2025 bingo list. No. You're really creative. Maybe watching one. Yeah, I'm creative but not with makeup. I know what works for me and less is more because I look like I'm – this doesn't do me well. Anyway, let's get into the questions. Okay. Okay.
Question number one. My husband passed away in an accident nearly three years ago. He was 29 and we'd been together since we were 16. That's really sad. After years of heartache, which will live with me forever, I'm finally feeling open to the idea of dating again. I've recently reconnected with an old friend who was also a friend of my husband's.
He has the most grounded, secure, kind energy and I have found myself having feelings for him. I have no idea where he stands on this situation and whether or not he sees me as just a friend or has feelings too. I want to ask him slash tell him how I'm feeling, but I don't know if I want to risk getting it wrong and potentially uplifting our friendship.
Oh, I mean, like, I guess there's like kind of two questions in this. It seems like the main one is, is like the fear of getting it wrong. The reality is, is you could get it wrong no matter who it is that you have feelings for. You could put yourself out there and you could be rejected. Like that's a very real thing when it comes to dating. Obviously there's an added layer to it in terms of he is someone who was friends of your husband's. But also I kind of think that if he is this like kind grounded, like
understanding person that you've described him as, I don't think he's going to come to you with judgment if you say that you have feelings for him and you explain it in an honest way. Like it's been three years. You clearly loved your husband so much. This is not you moving on at rapid pace with his best friend. This is a very like considered and conscious thing with a lot of time in between. And I certainly don't think that you should feel bad or feel guilty if you do feel bad or feel guilty for having these feelings. I think that it's really
really understandable and it's actually probably more common than what you might realize that people have feelings for someone who's already within their network because they become a huge comfort to them through grief. Yeah, my heart really, really hurts for you. Like thinking that you're only 29, you were together since you were 16 and you lost the love of your life. It's a huge thing to experience at a really young age. Yes, horrible. And I want to start by saying like I cannot imagine, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
But I feel like I want to say you probably know better than ever that life is short. Like you don't need people to tell you that. You have lived it. So if you have these feelings, I think I say tell him. I think I say talk to him about it and just see there is a chance that maybe it is being confused with a connection that, you know, you both share with your husband and that's why you were close or it's a chance that it is super real and he feels it too.
It's so normal to have these feelings for people that you spend a lot of time with. And I think your guilt is only coming from the fact that he ran in the same circle. It's not that you're moving on. It sounds like it's just that he also knew who your husband was, but you 100% deserve to be happy.
And I do agree with you, Laura, whilst we don't know him, he sounds like a wonderful friend and a wonderful human that I think if you said that, I think I have feelings for you. I don't think that's going to make him never want to speak to you again. If you did get it wrong. Yeah. And I mean, look, I mean, reading your question again, there isn't anything in here that says that you feel guilty for having feelings. That doesn't say anything that you feel as though, like maybe you should be concerned about the fact that you had now have feelings for a man that was once friends or is friends with your husband who passed away. Yeah.
But what you've asked is, I want to ask him or tell him about how I'm feeling, but I don't want to get it wrong and potentially just ruin the friendship. I don't think it'll totally ruin the friendship, but I do think that you can approach this conversation slowly. And I think that it can be kind of a bit of a slow creep. I don't think you need to sit down with him and be like, these feelings are overwhelming. I'm in love with you. Like it would be more of a, how much you appreciate them being there and being there for you and how your feelings have started to evolve and, and,
how did they feel about that? And I think that that is kind of a softer way to approach it than emotionally dumping. I want to go so far as to say too, it doesn't just have to be
verbal. Like you can put signals out, you can put your feelers out with touch. You can flirt. You can, there are things that you can do to see if it's reciprocated. Most people can feel it out and see someone's flirting back. Like you can tell if someone's reciprocating feelings when you put them out there, or if it's an awkward moment where they haven't like doubled down on the feeling, like you will get a vibe. And if you are putting those feelers out a little bit, like even if it's
that you wouldn't normally do that still could be innocent, a touch of the leg or like an extra long hug or, you know, those little things where you brush past someone. There are all these little ways of trying to investigate. If you don't want to go like hell for leather, if you don't want to sit him down and be like, look, I think I love you.
But don't you think like maybe those things have already been done and that's why she's at a point where she's like, okay, I'm wondering whether I'm picking up on these things. I can only imagine though that there is an added layer of absolute confusion when you add in the fact that, you know, he's someone who was friends of your late husband's. I don't know how you navigate that without having the conversation with
a bit more honesty and a bit more openness because you've both been through so much. Like that is a huge grief that the two of you have been through. So I agree with what you're saying, Britt, in a normal situation, but I'm not sure if just like pivoting the friendship to flirty town necessarily would be the best way for you to go about it when you've been friends for so long. I don't know. It's a tricky –
It's a really tricky one to navigate and I just think it's an honest conversation. Yeah, but I think the strange thing here is it's not – there haven't been besties for ages. She said, I've recently reconnected with an old friend. So he hasn't been in the circle for a long time. They haven't been really close besties. They were friends a long time ago, all obviously in the same circle. They've reconnected. Why have you reconnected? Why have you sought each other out? Well, that's a good question. Did he seek you out? Was he like, hey, it would be nice to catch up? Did you seek him? Like ask yourself all these things. But I really want to say –
Life is really short. If you have these feelings, every part of me wants to say to you, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to fall in love. And if you think that that's reciprocated, then I want to say, go for it. Like I
I can't imagine any pain that you were going to experience is going to be remotely similar to what you have been through. I would be taking your chance in love, but that's, but I'm a romantic. I'd take your chance. No, I agree. And I think it's always good to ask yourself the big question of like, what am I going to lose by being honest in this? And like, if it uproots the friendship and the friendship does shift, like if you do lose that friendship, like what does that look like for you? Is that a risk you're willing to take? Like, is the friendship one that's so imperative to you?
because it's not necessarily a friendship when you have these feelings anyway. You know, it's already compromised. So at least like you have the answer to your question. But also, can you send us this in as an aftermath? Like, can you update us on what you do and what happens with this situation? This is one I'm proper invested in. Yeah, I agree. All right. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I attended my cousin's baby's dedication at church, which I'm guessing is kind of like a christening. Yeah.
All was going well until they announced in front of all of our friends and family that my husband and I were the godparents to their child. We were shocked.
There was no previous conversation surrounding this topic, and my husband and I agreed that if they asked us, we would politely decline. Oh no. As it's a serious role to take on, and we already have three kids of our own and wanted to try for another one. We stood there awkwardly smiling and didn't know how to react. We were never asked to be their child's godparents, and were announced with the title in front of everyone with no prior discussion. My question is, is
This is wild. There are things that you can get away with not asking. No, they obviously were so confident that you were going to say yes. No, yes.
That is so ballsy to assume that people would take your kids if you die. That's a question. That's what godparents mean. No, it doesn't. A godparent traditionally just means that you are responsible for the religious upbringing of that child. You're not responsible for inheriting that child if you pass away.
No, I have been asked to be, I'm so many people's godparents because I've got no kids and all of them, it's who you want your child to go to if something happens to you. Of course, it's about like the bringing up as well. But if God forbid something happened to parents, it's about who the person is that they trust to be the stepping parent. Okay, genuinely, and I say this from someone who was raised in the Catholic church, but a classic Christian
Christian godparent, if that's where this is, is a person who presents a child at baptism to promise to take responsibility for their religious education. I think it's evolved. I agree. I agree. But I don't think that every single person out there who has taken on the responsibility of a godparent necessarily is also taking on the responsibility of adopting the child. Wow. Because I've got a lot of kids coming my way. If something happens to the parents.
Yeah, look, I mean, brazen, bold. Maybe it's because people don't really often say no to that request. I think like godparent request is kind of like being asked to be a bridesmaid. Most people just say yes, even if they do it reluctantly. Well, I'm okay. This is my thing, right? I'm not religious, but I have said yes to being people's godparents because when you're not religious, it means something else. So I can't come to it from a religious aspect because I didn't grow up in a church, but
But for me, the people that have asked me to be a godparent, it has been to be there when they need you, et cetera, et cetera, to help raise the baby if you need to. But it's also if something goes wrong. It's almost like riding them into a wheel. So that's my experience. If that is your experience here, which I'm not saying it is, maybe it's just about the religion and teaching them. If it is your experience, that is a really big thing. And I think you absolutely are entitled to
to have a conversation and say, "Hey, what are the expectations around this?" When you say, "I'm your godparent," what level of involvement does that mean? And really clarify what it means because evidently, even as we've discovered in this conversation, it means very different things to different people. So I think you really need to firstly nut out what are the expectations of your role as godparent and then maybe you can decide because if it's really low key,
and it's just a title because that means you mean something to them and you don't have to do that much, then just look at it maybe as an honor. But if they have these really high expectations and it does maybe mean that you have to inherit the children one day and it's quite excessive and you don't want that, then I think that that is a different discussion. Yeah, I absolutely agree. I think have that and then
once you understand what the expectations are of you in that role, then you can say whether or not you do or don't feel comfortable to be that person. But also like asking someone to be that significant thing or person in your life, whether it might be a bridesmaid, whether it might be a godparent, whatever it is, maybe it's asking someone to marry you. It's like, that's a moment. That's like a special thing that you share with that person that makes them feel valued and respected and important. And you share it with them first because those qualities are
so important prior to sharing it with everyone. You know what I mean? It's like a thing that makes that person feel individual within something that's very special to everyone. But maybe they thought you were going to say no. So they're like, we'll just put them on the spot. Do you reckon? Yeah. I don't know. Why else do you do it? Weird one. The only reason you ever ask people things or say statements in front of other people like witnesses is so that they can't say no and they feel pressure to say yes. But who says no to being a godparent? Like that is...
Yes, I do agree. But it's also like quite an offensive response. Like if I was like, hey, I love you and I want you to be such a big part of my child's life and I'd love for you to be their godparent. And someone was like, oh, not for me. But it's a lifelong responsibility. I know it is. But I would think that if you're choosing someone to be a godparent, you've chosen them because –
You think that they're going to be a lifelong person in your life and your child's life. You guys are clearly on the wrong page. Like you are not feeling the same about this role. Which is why there are some things I think like, oh, bite the bullet, just let it happen. But like a lifelong dedication to a child is not one of those things where I'm going to say bite the bullet. I think you need to have the conversation and just
it 100% comes down to what they see your role is as a godparent do you know what this reminds me of it's very different but you just like ride the ride the wave with me everyone it's like when you're like casually dating someone you're casually dating you are not committed this is a situation ship I am not your girlfriend and then they just introduce you as their girlfriend and you're like how I did not fucking sign up for that pal how do we get here why am I meeting your mom Laura you're with
the person that's doing it you're the person introducing the situationship as a boyfriend yes 100% unless unless you're the other person but this happened to me many many years ago we were like chill chill chill everything's chill and then all of a sudden I was introduced as a girlfriend I was like we're not chill anymore and then I was like freaked out they had to break up with him it was awful Keisha was like let me sign up I was the opposite you were the one who I was like stop introducing me as your friend
We've been hooking up for four months. You're like, we've been together for five years. We live together. We're invited to weddings. Did this happen? Yeah. Toblerone? No, no, no. Before. Yeah. Stop introducing me as your friend. Not just once. That's bad. To be fair, my...
partner I was with for two years and was getting married to used to do that too but yeah the sociopath yeah yeah I think we've all this is the reason why we've bonded so deeply over the years we've all experienced it the guy my situationship of an entire year I met his mum finally and it was around Christmas time and I thought I was meeting his mum because we were dating and I got called a mate so that was also this is my mate Laura okay we're taking a trip down memory lane I hate you
I remember when I was meeting this guy I was with for two years, right? Like thought I was with him properly, obviously. Thought we were getting married. I remember meeting his parents and you know, this makes me sound like hindsight's a wonderful thing. I realized that I can see the red flags in hindsight, but when you're in it, you don't see it. We were going to meet his parents for the first time, which was already, mind you, well over a year in. And he said, I just want to preface this. Like, I think I'm just going to introduce you as a friend. And I was like, why? Why?
And he's like, it's just too hard at the moment. My parents are going through a divorce. It's all very messy. They were really, this is what he said. They were really attached to my ex and I just don't want them to be like a thing where they don't like you because you're the new person yet. So, and I was like, I totally get that. I really want them to like me. So I fucking met them as a friend. His parents had been divorced for like 15 years. Everything was bullshit. And I went through that and I met them as the friend and
Can you believe that? What I can't believe is that people take advice from us, the three of us. You're like, I learnt my lesson.
Absolutely fucking useless. It's weird. No one has asked me to be their child's godparent. Not a single person. Neither have I. I'm no godparents. Yeah, I don't think you and I scream religious upbringing. I also don't have godparents for my children. And I think the reason why I don't have godparents for Lola and Marley is because of what it means to me to be a godparent. Because when being raised Catholic and being raised in the church and going to Catholic school and, you know, doing all of the different things,
It had a very specific meaning to me and so it kind of feels a bit mute now that I don't identify as being religious at all. So what you're saying is that it's available, the position's available. Do you want it? You can audition, Keisha. Who would you pick? Me or Keisha? Would you tell us beforehand or would you just announce it in front of everyone? You could both be it. I don't think we need it. I don't like the idea of it having to be like gendered. You have a male and a female. I'll have Marley. You can have Lola. No, we can't split them up. One of us is taking them. They've got to go together. You can both. You can both.
Who do you trust more? It's the same. As if if I don't give them, if I give them to you, Britt, they're going to end up at Keisha's house every weekend anyway. With Delilah. Like what's the difference? It's so funny you say this because I have, I think I'm three people's godparents, like different family members. They all have like, hey, if something happens, can you have the kids? But they've all said the same thing. They're like, we don't know how we feel about it, but you're the only one that's got like stable job. You don't have any kids so they'd fit in. But we're a bit worried about what they'd eat and what they'd do. And I'm like.
I don't know if I'm flattered or not. The kids live off chicken nuggets. Dinosaur nuggets? Chicken nuggets and salmon steaks, which sounds like semi-luxurious and also a bit povo, but it's like in between. One extreme to the other. That's funny. Yeah, I don't have godparents. No. And also, do you know what? I grew up with godparents. I couldn't even tell you who my godparents are. I was given godparents as a child. Mm.
No clue who they are. I have no idea. I'd have to check with my mum. My aunties and uncles. I just reread, we stood there awkwardly smiling and didn't know how to react. Relatable. It's so awkward. All right, next question.
I have a lot of trust issues. Okay, let me preface this. This question is a little bit cooked. Okay? It's a little bit cooked. We don't judge. So are we. Yeah. It's fine. We're a company. We've established that. All right. We listen and we do not judge. I have a lot of trust issues. I've had a rough time with relationships and trust in the past, and I always go through my husband's phone, literally once a day, I would say, not necessarily finding anything, just making sure. Wow.
Yeah. Every 24 hours. About a month ago, I asked him to change his password so I couldn't go through his phone anymore. What do you ladies think about this? Not having your partner's phone password. Do you think it'll help my trust as I have to keep reminding myself that he's a good guy and my past is still haunting me? Or do you think that it's unhealthy? I did counseling for a long time after my previous relationships, but now it's too expensive with two children. Help.
I was thinking, okay, if this is a newish relationship, I get it. Maybe you don't know where you're at or you don't know much about him, but it's your husband. So I'm assuming that it's a relatively long relationship that you've been with him for, if you've been long enough to know him, date him, have kids, get married. So I'm wondering if he's done anything to make you feel that way. That's one thing. If he's been an amazing husband that's never made you question and your issues are still from your past, then it is a way bigger issue.
I do not think it's normal to go through your partner's phone. So I have Ben's passwords and he leaves his phone unintended all the time and I have not ever once opened it. He has my passwords. Yeah. He can go through it whenever he wants and he doesn't. And I don't want to say like it's, you know, I don't want you to compare it to this, but I do want to say that it's...
It is not normal to have this level of distrust that you're going through your husband's phone every single day if he hasn't done anything to make you feel that way. Yeah, it's this to me, I read this and I was like,
you can do something so often that it becomes a compulsion to do it. Like you have created like an incredibly toxic habit that you feel like you have to have maintenance on your husband to quote unquote make sure he's not doing anything. Like there is so much fear that you have manifested and I don't want to say –
because we don't know, you have not said, you said you had a really rough time in relationships and trust, but you haven't said, like you said, Britt, you have not said if that is from this relationship, right? So I don't want to say that this is all you and you've manifested this and you're like creating this in your mind. It may be the byproduct of really bad behavior of your husbands and therefore you are now in this cycle of like not totally being able to trust and not totally being able to forgive and just kind of going around in the hamster wheel. But making the assumption that that's not the case,
You are making this so much worse by the habit and the constantness of the checking. So I think firstly, I think it's good that you've put some parameters in place so that you can't check his phone not knowing his password is a good step. Well, you've recognized there's a problem. Yeah. However, the thing is, is that
I think that you probably need to try and work to create some distance in terms of like, you don't want it to be the fact that the only reason why you're not going through his phone is because you don't know his password. Do you know what I mean? Like you might need this for a period to help to create that separation, but you do have to get to a point where the reason why you don't check his phone is because you trust him. You trust that there's nothing going on there that needs you to check it in the first place. And I mean, I know that you said you've done counseling and you did it
in your previous relationships, but now it's too expensive. It's almost as though that you've created a compulsive behavior, but the compulsive behavior isn't just the checking of the phone. It's the constantly thinking about the checking of the phone. It's the constantly thinking about wanting to catch him out about something. And you're in this like loop of when you think that you worry and manifest and are
having this anxiety that he's done something wrong and you need to check his phone to satiate the worry and the anxiety. You are being made to feel better every time you check his phone because there's nothing there. So you're getting that sort of like reassurance that
The thing is you have to get to a place where you break that feedback cycle and you're able to give yourself the reassurance that there's nothing there and actually trust that statistically you've checked it a hundred times. There's nothing there. There's nothing more to check. Well, no, I mean, I don't believe that. One day there might be something, but I'm not trying to say that to scare you. But if he hasn't been the cause, you've done the first step. You've recognized that you're the problem and what you're doing is not right because you've asked him to change that.
the password. This means he's hyper aware of the fact that there is an issue. Like otherwise, it's not a normal thing for you to go to your husband and say, babe, change your password. There has to have been a conversation of some sort that's happened off the back of that. What I want you to ask yourself is what was that conversation like? How in depth did you go? How much reassurance did you get? What was your husband's reaction? Because it might just be that
I would normally say speak to someone and get counseling, but I totally understand that's so expensive and that is not currently an option for you. So maybe it can be the way that you talk to each other. Like maybe you and your husband, you can really explain what your issues are and why, and you can say, okay,
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I can't explain why I'm doing it, but I want to stop. And maybe it's a matter of him giving you some more reassurance in the relationship. Maybe there's some sort of lack of affection that's making you question what your relationship is. I can't be sure what is the driving force here for your insecurity in this moment, but
What I can be sure is saying help talking to your partner is always going to help in some capacity. If he doesn't want a bar of it, that's another discussion. And I would then say I understand where your insecurities are coming from if he doesn't want to talk to you about it. It's tricky because like, yes, I understand like if he doesn't want a bar of it, but like let's assume he's never done anything wrong. And every day he has his wife checking his phone, doing maintenance just to make sure. There's this like presumptive
presumed fault here that's happening, it would become exhausting having to constantly reassure your partner that you're not a bad person and that you're not cheating on them. If every single day they are checking your phone. And so I understand if he gets to a point where he's like, I don't want to keep talking about this. Like, I don't know how much more reassuring you want.
I've changed my password. You're the one with the issue. You're the one that needs to get over this. Like, how do you move past it when like all the reassurance is being given? How would you react if you found out that your partner was checking your phone every single day? Oh, I'd be really upset because I'd be upset because the implication is that you don't trust me and that you think I'm doing something. Whilst he has access to it,
I would ask why, what is it that you're looking for in my phone right now? Like it's different when you need to go in and just check a message or an email or send something or go into Google maps or, but if you're just scrolling through my personal phone, it's still your personal device. It's very, very accusatory. Like I'm looking through this with the
expectation of the maintenance that I might find something. So it's like an invasion of privacy. Yeah, totally. Well, I mean, yes and no in some instances. Like, for example, I have full access to Matt's phone. We have like an open phone policy in our house. It was never laid out. We never sat down and were like, we're going to have an open phone policy. But we've always been very open with our phones.
If I came downstairs and he was going through my phone, I would not assume that he was going through my text messages because he thought that I'd done something wrong. I would think he was looking for someone's pay ID or he was looking for a photo or something. Do you know what I mean? Because like we have that openness to it. But if I found out that every single day he was going through my phone trying to catch me out for being deceitful, it would affect the way I feel about him in some way. I would feel really hurt, I think, that he didn't trust me.
But I do think that there is another layer to this. And I think that, yes, you might have a lot of anxieties about past relationships. But what I said in the beginning, you have created a loop of habit. And I think you actually, apart from maybe looking at, you know, okay, what do I need to do from a relationship or self-work perspective? I actually think it could even be helpful to looking at how to break a habit every single time.
that you, if you have the urge to check his phone, every single time that you put that phone down and you walk away from it, rather than checking it, you are creating new synapses that tell you that you don't have to do that habit anymore. Do you know what I mean? Like you're creating the habit of not doing it. Well, that's what she's done by changing the password. She can't physically do it. Exactly. You've taken one step, but this is like, this is something you have to be conscious of every day. And every single time you have that urge, you've got to go, do you know what?
I'm not going to check it because I do trust my husband and he's a great guy. And then walk away from that phone and go for a walk or go and do something else, do something that totally distracts you away. And the more times that you are able to do that, the more chance you have of breaking this really fucking toxic habit that you have around phones and your husband. You know what's interesting though?
I would be off the fact, even though we have an open phone policy too, if Ben was just going through my phone for shits and giggles all the time, I'm off that. It's still like my private life. Like it's still like my private diary and I'm not my diary. I'm not hiding anything in there, but there's just something that puts me off if I just found Tim in the depths scrolling my phone and reading messages in the emails. Like I just think it's still my private life.
When I say Matt goes to my phone and he goes to find a picture or something, or sometimes he'll go to find an email that's like something that he might need. But I know he's not scrolling through my, like he's not in there with the intention of anything other than something that mutually benefits us or him. You know what I mean? Like it'd be because he needed an invoice for the reno or like, do you know what I mean? There's never been a time where I've seen Matt going through my phone and thought,
What are you looking for? What are you trying to get? Huh? I'm like, oh, what photo do you want? Tell me and I'll tell you where it is. Do you know what I mean? Like it's never been met with that because there's just so much trust. Whereas I think about my past relationship and I was this person. I've been this person too, yeah. When I was in my fucking really toxic relationship with the guy who was cheating on me, I went through his phone every single day.
Every day. A guy I was dating changed the name of the girl that he was cheating on me with to one of his best mate's names so that I wouldn't see the name on the phone and think to click on the messages because I thought it was just his mate. That warrants you going through his phone. That's why. But I only found that out because I went through it. Totally. But the thing is, though, is that you didn't take that
relationship trauma into your next relationship. You didn't start dating someone and then start going through their phone thinking that that person is the replica of your ex. You know what I mean? You give everyone the benefit of the doubt based on the new relationship and how they treat you. It took a couple of goes, but I actually remember in my current relationship, when we first got together, I remember having the conversation with myself and I actively said, the second you feel the need to go through his phone, you need to end your relationship.
because that is your past and that shows that you don't trust your new boyfriend. And because of what I had been through previously, I knew I couldn't feel safe in a relationship where I still felt that need to check that everything was okay. So did you just link his iCloud to yours, so just computer? I'm so bored. His messages are so boring. Yeah.
No, but what I mean is like I actually do understand what started this behaviour and I think exactly like you've said, Laura, it's just become a habit. Like now I think you're kind of just –
You're getting that regulation of the calm down effect by not finding anything. And so you're like, okay, I'm good for another 24 hours. I'll check again tomorrow when the anxiety raises again. And so I think you need some regulation work. Go and listen to the episode we do with TJ Powers at the beginning of this, which is all around like how to regulate your dopamine and your internal cortisol. And see the sun first before you go through your partner's phone. I know that sounds...
That sounded really base, but like maybe try it. All right. Last question. I have been with my partner for five years and we are expecting our first child. I already owned a house before meeting him and have since sold it so he can buy something for our growing family. The issue is I am the only one contributing to the deposit as it is a large sum of money from the sale.
He is older and has no assets of his own. How do I navigate this so that I don't resent him for, quote, getting a free ride to a house, which I have worked so hard to have for myself? I can't help but resent him for not getting his shit together earlier. For context, we had very similar upbringings and occupations, so there isn't much of a salary difference between us. I've just been better with my money. Oh, you need to have a prenup. Even if you guys aren't married and you're having a baby together, you're a de facto relationship.
It is not offensive and it is not abnormal to have a prenup. You need to have a big conversation with him about finances. He knows that you're coming to this relationship with more money than him. He knows that you're coming to this relationship with the deposit for the house. And you say, I love you and I love everything that we're building together. And I love that we have a family. However, financially and from a financial security perspective,
I wanted to have a conversation with you about this house that we're buying together. I am putting down the deposit and I want that money to be protected. So if anything does happen in our future, I know that at least I'm going to walk away from our relationship with that deposit still intact. Yeah. And if he turns around and says that's a problem, then that is an absolute red flag as to what type of person this guy is. Yeah. This to me is so easy and straightforward. I,
I'm in this exact situation besides the fact we are expecting our first child. So I bought a house as an investment a couple of years ago. I don't live in it. I rent now, but I made an investment for myself before I met Ben. Since Ben's coming to the picture, we're getting married. We have had that discussion where I have said, look, whatever we build together,
from here forward and whatever we build together as a couple and a family will be ours as a couple. I said, but I want to know that we're on the same page here. What I have built before you and what I have worked hard for is mine. Are you happy if we move forward like that? And it wasn't even, he was like, of course, like you've done that before me. This is yours. He's happy to put that in writing. And the same with him, anything that he has built before me, I wouldn't think about touching. But I do think once
you make something as a couple, it gets a little bit more tricky. So this comes down to, is he going to be contributing to this new mortgage? I understand you're bringing the deposit. Is he going to be paying week to week? Is it 50-50? Is it all you? Because you can say, you can put into an agreement. You
you can put anything you want into a legal financial agreement. So you can say, I'm bringing $200,000 deposit to this house. So I will own that percentage of when we sell, whatever profit we make on the rest, we'll split 50-50. Like you can make that financial agreement, whatever suits you, as long as you go down the legal aspect. Yeah. And there's a couple, like you said, Britt, there's a couple
ways. Like you could have interest on the deposit or you could simply just safeguard the deposit itself. Do you know what I mean? Like you might find that a better way of going about it. Just being like, cool. Well, I want to make sure that if we sell the place and things don't go well, I at least get my initial deposit back and everything else we split 50-50 because we've been contributing to the mortgage 50-50. Genuinely go and listen to the episode we did with Victoria Devine. We talked about prenups. We talked about protecting your financial wealth.
you, and I don't want to go down too hard on you, but you would be silly to go into this relationship without having this conversation for fear of offending your partner. Because I know that we go into relationships with the best of intentions with them working out and being long-term and
nobody goes into a having a baby with someone or potentially getting married thinking oh my gosh this is probably just going to end in divorce that's not how relationships work but unfortunately and statistically sometimes things don't go to plan and sometimes we do have to navigate what that looks like at the end and I think having the conversations early on make you very very prepared and make you both much more on the same page if something like that does go down and
Also, like you say, you're feeling resentful. You're feeling all these things already. Like a really honest conversation about it has to be had. And if he has an adverse reaction, then like that's a whole other issue to unpack. It's actually wild. I was just looking up some stats on divorce. I absolutely agree. It's like we want to think the best, but we know so many relationships don't last and you just don't want to be in that position where they can take something from you. Totally.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 100%. It's kind of like the saying of everything in life. Isn't there a song? My saying is... Prepare for the worst. I don't know, but you shouldn't. Are you going to travel? Matt and I, we never had to have this conversation prior. So like Matt and I don't have a prenup and we never discussed our finances when we got together, really. And the reason for that is because we both were pretty much financially the same. Like we both came into our relationship with...
Not a lot of savings. We were pretty similar. And so everything that we have in our life, we've built since being together. So even though we have not the same incomes, like our incomes are not comparative, financially, we earn different amounts of money, right? But-
we've built that together and everything I see mutually as both of ours, right? It completely down the middle. If we got separated, I would only assume it's very, very 50-50. But I think that that kind of makes sense when you've both come to a relationship with the same financial situation. But if you're coming to a relationship with a very different financial situation, you have to protect yourself. Yeah, it's just smart. Literally smart. You haven't worked your ass off your whole life for it to be taken by someone else. Well, that's it from us, guys. And the next time you hear
from me we'll have the lowdown on what the hell is happening in the jungle and maybe Matt will be back and maybe you've been on safari probably not to be honest I don't think there's any time for safari no there is there is if you're actually going there is it is pretty cool where you will sleep you literally walk down this like don't leave the girls unattended because I could get eaten by some kind of animal it's wild Lola would like that she's like I'm back with my people mom you can
I'm going out with the lions. You can walk down the stairs of the backyard area and there is a car and you're in safari. Like you are, it is, it's really cool. If you go, you're going to have an amazing time. Well, I'll see you all on the other side, my loves. And if you've enjoyed the episode, go leave a review. Also, you can watch this all on YouTube. Play the questions, ask your partner, your friends, like how they would respond to these questions. Get a prenup. It's always a good fun dinner party activity. And you know the drill.
Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love.