Ask Uncut - Not My Biological Father, Career or Motherhood & Concert Etiquette
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. I'm so dead. That is not what you're going to say. I am dead. You said, do you think I'm allowed to say I am fucking cooked? No, I said fucking rooted. Oh, rooted. I'm rooted. I'm rooted.

I completely underestimated how bad the jet lag is coming back from South Africa. And, you know, we talked about the delightful lifer who was the air flight hostess on the flight. Yeah. She said to me, she was like, it is the worst place to fly back from. She's like, it is. You will never have jet lag like it. And the shorter the trip, the worse the jet lag.

I think I'm dying. I woke up this morning and I was vomiting. That's not jet lag. You've got a bug. I'm also really cold. I don't know. This is screaming virus. Laura, this doesn't scream jet lag. I'm not well. She's like, my diarrhea is exploding. It's not jet lag. I always shat on everyone. No, I haven't. I haven't. You've obviously picked up some sort of a bug either on the plane or in South Africa.

Because jet lag, I fly a lot. And I never have vomiting and diarrhea when I land. I just think I'm so tired that I'm now, I'm sick of myself. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm unwell. I'm glad you came in to sit in really close proximity to us. It's so nice being here, everyone. I just don't want anyone to think that I would ever miss an episode. I'm here for you guys. Never let you down. Your dedication is admirable. And I have to completely admit, sometimes when you're really tired...

You do get a little bit unhinged and it's my favourite because it's really funny. It's like there is no filter and I enjoy it deeply. I do have a question for you guys before we get into all the Ask Uncut questions. Hey, this could be an Ask Uncut question. What is the worst flavour of Alan's lollies snakes?

The snakes. I'm glad we're doing the hard-hitting stuff. I'd go orange. Yeah, same. Orange sucks. Is there black? It's always the last one. I like black. I hate black. No, I hate black. I hate any black lolly, black licorice, black jelly bean, black snakes. Okay, I'm asking you this, though. Have you seen the article that came out? Are you saying orange because you've read it? No. No, I hate orange. I don't know. I haven't seen an article. Sometimes I don't even eat them. I just throw those ones out. So statistically, orange is apparently the worst flavor. It's the least liked flavor. I don't mind orange. Do you know what it is? What flavor do you think it is?

Is this one of those things like, stop it. It's not orange. It's apricot. Yeah, that checks out. I bet I like apricot. Well, it's apricot and then people don't like it and apparently Alan's is changing that lolly colour. I don't know. I might be making stuff up but I'm also delirious. I have malaria. I have malaria.

I'm really gaslit by Alan. It's not apricot flavor. It's orange flavor because it's orange. It's apricot flavor. Why the fuck would you make it apricot flavor? Do you also know what the flavor is of the sweet and sour sauce at McDonald's? Don't tell me it's like mayonnaise. Sweet and sour. But what is that flavor? Sweet and sour. I don't know. I feel like it's like the KFC 11 secret herbs and spices. It's like it's a secret. Would you like me to tell you what that secret is? Is it going to make me upset? Apricots.

It's apricot sauce. Do you know what? On your chicken nuggets. The thickness checks out though. Yeah. When you think of the consistency of the sauce. I never knew that apricots were such like a well-used fruit, a

across so many condiments and lollies. You look horrified. Really surprised by the sweet and sour having apricot in it, but I think you're right. No, it is apricot. It's like that's the main ingredient. With a bit of pepper. Yeah. Spice it up a little. Growing up, like one of my favorite meals with my mum was like apricot chicken, which is chicken with apricot. So it actually makes sense. Can we just all agree though, just while we're talking about Alan's lollies, the number one, this also is not sponsored by Alan's mind you, the best lolly that they make is the peaches and creams.

A hundred percent. Yeah. Hands down. I would dig every single one of those out of a party pack before I go and give it to the kids. That's parenting 101. Yeah.

The orange ones are the best, Marley. Have all the orange ones. They're so good. That is so funny. Hey, I just want to ask Keisha, I don't know if you've received this yet, but it was very funny. My mum and dad came to visit on the weekend, which was really nice. And I was walking down the street with my dad and Delilah and we were going to get like a bacon and egg roll, which is irrelevant to the story. But this life I was running past, I didn't know she was a lifer yet. Someone was running past and she had headphones on and she saw Delilah and she stopped and she was like, oh my God, is that Delilah? And then she looked up at me and she went, oh,

Brittany. And then she looked at my dad and she went, Tony. She goes, no way. And then she was like, Tony.

And she was more. Did she go, I get it. He is really hot. That's how Keisha reacts every time she sees Tony. And my dad was beside himself. He couldn't stop laughing. And she was like, I actually can't believe this is happening. She's like, can I have a selfie? And I went to get in. And she's like, and you, Tony. Anyway, it makes my dad get in. When you said she wanted a selfie, I thought, you know, like she like gave you the phone to take a photo of her and Tony. But then she did. And then she goes, I'm just, I can't wait to send this to Keisha. And she took the photo of me.

with my dad and wanted to send it to you. That is the best thing I've ever heard. And dad's like, have I missed an episode? And I was like, possibly. We hope so, Tony. We really do. We really hope so. Just so that no one feels uncomfortable at Brittany's wedding. No, that my dad, because dad caught up with, this sounds weird, dad caught up with Keisha on the weekend. Yeah.

Like it on record. Brittany's mum, Nikki, was also there and our friend Claire. And when I got into the Uber, I was a little bit uncomfortable. Tony was in the front and I was like, it's best to separate him. The reason why Nikki was there is simply because she's surveilling you. She's onto you. She won't let Tony come anymore if she finds out that you're going to be there. She has to.

She has the chaperone Keisha and my dad. She's got this stick and she just pokes me away when I get too close. I thought it was very funny. Yeah, it was very funny. So I don't know if you've got the photo yet, but keep your eye out. But my dad was super chuffed. Well, guys, we have lots of questions to answer for you today. So let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha, you have a very exciting vibe for this week. Tell everyone about it.

This is very much getting high on our own supply, but if you haven't seen it across your podcast feeds or if you haven't seen it across social media, we released a brand new 10-part miniseries on Thursday. So it's been out for a couple of days now. Yay! It's called Cloud and it is something that we've been working on for a couple of months now and I have...

I've actually just given my whole heart to this. It's become something that I've actually ended up being really, really proud of. And so the first two episodes of it are out. There is an episode that the three of us did together. And then there is an episode of an interview I did with Mark Manson that is about productivity and work. The whole cloud series is a bit of a different conversation about ADHD.

We've had so many requests over the last couple of years to do an episode around ADHD. I mean, so many of you who have been long-term lifers know that Keisha was diagnosed a couple of years back. And obviously there's so much information about it now. And there is so many women in particular who are having conversations about it and media facing women who are having conversations about it. But we really talked about it amongst ourselves and decided instead of just doing one normal episode that sits in the feed, we wanted to do this as a miniseries. Yeah.

There's a lot of content about ADHD, but most of it is about explaining the condition to other people. Whereas I feel as though this series, it's not going to be just for people with ADHD. I think it will be particularly enjoyed if you have ADHD. But I wanted to kind of do the next part. You know, I wanted to be like, okay, so you now know what ADHD is. And we're going to talk about some of the ways that we tend to be wired or the tendencies that we have.

But how can we utilize that as a strength? Like how can we kind of shape our lives around, you know, the way that we naturally are to make us feel fulfilled lives? Like that was the part of the conversation that I felt was maybe missing in comparison to the other types of content about ADHD. I find that most of that is kind of explainer stuff. And that's probably what it would have been if we had have just done the one episode. And that's why I really like that we're kind of taken it that little bit further. When we were

coming up for names for this podcast series, we threw around a couple of different ideas and the word cloud really stood out to me because I've obviously had a lot of conversations, particularly with late age diagnosed women. And every single one of us said the exact same thing. We said that we felt like this cloud had lifted, like this fog had cleared when we had realized that that's what it was. And our whole lives we've been experiencing this thing that kind of felt like

background fuzz or a little bit of like a fog in our brains. And it's not just the realization of, oh, it's actually called ADHD. I think it's a lot of the unpacking of why we have been certain ways and why certain things like Mark Manson spoke about, certain productivity things just don't work for the way that our brains are wired. Why we are kind of skewed towards novelty and why we really have this propensity for impulsivity and

Yeah, I just, I so hope that you guys all love it. It's been something that I've been really, really proud and I felt so grateful that you guys gave me the space to like go on this self-exploration journey and learn so much more about myself and learn from some really, really amazing people.

It's a bloody good series. It's so good. You've done such an amazing job on it. I hope most of you have already listened because it got dropped at the end of last week. But if you haven't, please go back and start because they are going to be dropping in the coming weeks as well. But well done, Kish. We're super proud of you. I'm super chuffed. Thanks so much, guys. Britt, what is your vibe on Unsubscribe? My vibe this week is a Netflix documentary. It's called It's All Over, The Kiss That Changed Spanish Football. So you guys remember...

Well, you might remember we spoke about it when it happened. But back in 2023 around the World Cup, there was a case where the Spanish football coach, Luis Rubiales, at the end of the tournament when they won, all the women were lining up and they were giving each other hugs. And the coach came up to one of the players called Jenny Hermoso and he celebrated with her and he kissed her. There was a moment it was caught on TV, kissed her on the lip.

and nothing much was thought about it at the time. She sort of walked off. They kept celebrating. And it snowballed into this huge thing where it was unsolicited, not consensual, and she was really uncomfortable by it. So she put in a complaint about saying, hey, you can't do this. So much stuff has come out since then that they're putting in this documentary. So this documentary follows Jenny herself and a number of the female players that are explaining just exactly what went on at the time.

And the coercion and the manipulation and the bullying that was surrounding that case that we had no idea about because now they're speaking openly about really, really shocked me. And the reason that I am watching it now, it's been out for a little while, but Luis Rubiales is in court like this week. I think they're expecting a verdict to come out in the next week. So I'm really enthralled in this case again at the moment. So I think if any

had any interest in it. It's very fascinating and it's just a real inside look into the disparity, not only against what women experience in sport, but compared to men, like compared to the male football team, they were trying to get some of the male players to go and speak to her to say like brush under the rug, forget about it. It's

It was a really brilliant documentary. But also it wasn't like an isolated thing. The reason why she put in a complaint is because of his ongoing behaviour. Yes. And I think that that was pretty evident. I mean, that sounds fascinating. And it's interesting how these things, they have a life cycle. Like they're so under the spotlight when it happens. Then everyone kind of forgets about it for a while. And then once it's like the investigation or there's a court case or whatever it looks like, it comes back into the pop culture sphere of conversation again. I also think it's really interesting when things like that happen.

happen in the pop culture space, you know, and you see that crack in the facade and that's what you get the slightest bit of insight and then it all kind of comes out. And I mean, we've seen it happen time and time and time again with these predatory men, if

You think about Since Me Too and Diddy and Kelly and like these things that have been going on for so long. And then we finally get a public insight into it. And then it all kind of unfolds. I'm actually really keen. What's it called? Sorry. It's called It's All Over, The Kiss That Changed Spanish Football. It's called It's All Over because at the end that became the trending hashtag that the females started to say. Hashtag It's All Over. Like, wow.

you know, we're done, we've had enough. And the sacrifices some of them had to make, they had to put a real stand up saying that we won't play for you anymore, thinking that the whole team would do that. But then the big competitions came around, the World Cup came around, representing the national team, and a lot of them were like –

do I take this once in a lifetime opportunity that I've worked my whole life to do to play or do I morally like give up my career to, it's such a horrible place to be put in and I feel so sorry for them but brilliant, can't recommend it enough. I have two. Firstly, my unsubscribe. I'm going to be very honest.

I have never been as flat as what I feel right now. So my unsubscribe is jet lag. My unsubscribe is me. I am unsubscribing from myself. I just haven't had the capacity to consume anything that is of like worthy contribution at the moment. That's okay. So that's my full honesty. But my one vibe is White Lotus new season is out season three and I have watched the first episode. It's on binge. I was obsessed with season one and season two.

I'm vibing it, although I'm unsure, if that's fair to say. I agree. The reason why I'm saying I'm unsure is because obviously it doesn't have Jennifer Coolidge in it or she's not in it so far. Assuming she was dead on the last season. She was shot off the boat. She died on the last season. So if you didn't see that, you know, sorry for the spoiler, but she was obviously like the incredible highlight of the last two series. So this season, season three has been filmed in Thailand and

It definitely still has the same vibe and energy of the first season one and two. But the person and the character that's come back in this is, do you guys remember from season one how Jennifer Coolidge promised one of the workers from the hotel that she was going to fund her health and wellness spa?

And then she kind of abandoned her. That character is coming back. So she's back in season three and she's, yeah, she's a really likable character. So I have high hopes for it, but I'm still not convinced if I'm going to like it as much as I did the other ones. Can I tell you something really funny? When I went to Sicily a year and a half ago, so the season two was filmed at a hotel in Tamina in Sicily. And-

I said to my boyfriend, I was like, oh, you know, this is the White Lotus kind of area. Like, I wonder if we could go and see because it was actually filmed at the hotel. And so the hotel exists and you can stay there, but it's a four season. So I couldn't afford to stay there. It's like booked out constantly now. Yeah. So I just went myself on a little walk on Google Maps and I couldn't get into the hotel. Like,

I think you can only get in if you're actually a paying customer and a guest. Because I was just going to go to the bar or something and order a drink so I could see, you know, where they'd filmed it, but I wasn't allowed in. Do you know what my unsubscribe is on that? The theme song. The theme song. So it doesn't make sense because season one and season two had the most incredible theme song. Blah, blah, blah.

And they taught it. Everyone loved it. And it's honestly the only series, it's the only show that I have ever watched where I enjoyed watching the intro to it, right? Like I would sit through that theme song and every time it started, I was like, ooh, yeah, here we go, another episode.

And that theme song has changed. And I don't understand why they would do that. Maybe it was a licensing thing. Why did you do that to me? But like everyone is up in arms. And it was kind of like the one big thing that when it started, I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm going to enjoy this as much. So maybe it's going to take a bit of time. I think they're rage baiting. It was a weird shout because that music was so, so great. Well, I have, I love White Lotus and I have high hopes for this season, but I have three unsubscribes that I don't like from the first episode. One.

The theme song. Shouldn't have done it. Two, the AI of the monkeys and stuff and the lizards, too much. Like all the animals in there are so obviously AI that you can see that it's AI. Three, do you know who the main character is in the first series? You know, the guy that's like the young teenage guy that's like wanting to try and have sex with all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Do you know who he is? No. That is Arnold Schwarzenegger's son.

What? Yes, that he's Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. And I hate him as a character already. Like, I'm like, you're so annoying. And I don't know if you're just a really good actor to play someone that's annoying, but he's really grounding my gears. So they're my like comments from the first episode, which is a shame because I didn't have one bad thing to say about the first two seasons. And like, not to be too dramatic, but the fact that they changed the theme song ruined my entire week.

So it's been a hard week for me, guys. That's why Laura's so flat. But apparently Patrick Schwarzenegger, rumor has it, that he's got like a full frontal nudity penis scene. I'm there for that. I like watching full frontal nudity. I always find it interesting. Okay, let's move on. I don't see many penises anymore. It's my husband's. I should hope so. Where else would you see them? Okay, question one. I'm too lazy.

Question number one. Growing up, I always looked and felt really different from the rest of my family. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. You need to like preface how fucking cooked this question is firstly. Question one. Now this question is pretty cooked. Okay.

So growing up, I always looked and felt really different from the rest of my family. It was always a running joke that I was adopted because I don't resemble anyone. When I was 14 and really into science, I learned that my blood type wasn't a possible combination of my parents. I brought it up with my mom, but she completely shut me down and made me feel silly for even questioning it. Fast forward to late last year, and my sister and I did a heritage DNA test just for fun. Oh, wow.

Why would you do that when you know your blood's not compatible? You know the answer. It's not fun. Blowing up your family unit's not fun. When the results came back, we found out that we in fact were only half sisters, meaning that we do have different dads. I have no idea what to do with this information. I've always had suspicions that my mum might have had an affair over the years because I have seen some texts on her phone to another man at times.

The thing is, my dad is the sweetest, most pure-hearted man. He's retired now and living his absolute best life. And I know that something like this would absolutely shatter him. I don't know if it's my place to bring it up or if he would just be happier living in ignorant bliss.

I don't care about finding out who my quote unquote real biological father is. I just care about what's best for my dad. Is it my duty to dig deeper and confront my mum? Do I just let this go to protect him? I'm completely torn. I don't know what to do. This is almost an impossible question for us to answer for what you should do for yourself. The only way that we can answer this is kind of unpacking what we would do if we found ourselves in this situation. But like, can you imagine...

I can't imagine the feeling, right? Like you've gone your whole life thinking someone is your father. And of course he still is your father. We know like blood doesn't mean anything at the end of the day. He's still your father. A sperm contribution does not make him your dad. Absolutely. So like you already know that by the sounds of things. But I just can't imagine that feeling of...

I guess it's the being lied to your entire life. And especially when you've gone to confront your mum in the past, like it must be really hard to say, hey, science has literally told me this is impossible. And your mum's like, no, science is lying. And then you're like, okay, I'll just go on my merry way. So firstly, I'm sorry that happened. If I were in that situation, and I've been thinking about this all morning today, if I was in this situation,

I don't think I would. No, I know. I know I would not tell my dad. I don't think anything good can come from that. When he's in retirement, he's raised his whole life. I find it interesting that retirement seems to be like, why does it matter? Because retirement, this is the best. It's your golden years. But it's your golden years. Like you've worked the longest, most stressful life. This is when life is supposed to be bliss. Imagine when you're just winding down and someone comes and blows up your life.

I wouldn't tell my dad either. But the question is, would I tell my mom? The one thing I do want to say is I don't want to villainize your mom. Like we don't know the situation or the circumstances of their marriage. Your dad may be the sweetest, most wonderful dad. And I think sometimes we think we know what our parents' relationship is like, but we don't always know the intricacies of our parents' relationships because often they shelter us from that. Yeah.

So I don't want to make your mum a villain in this story. We don't know how or why. We don't know if your parents went through a phase where they had an open relationship. We don't know if your parents stopped having sex for years. You just don't know. The thing that's really hard though is obviously your mum is not facing it with you and when you have brought it up in the past...

she's denied it, which to be fair is probably the only reaction she could have had at that point. You were 14 years old and you've kind of figured it out from like the science stuff that you were doing in class. It was a pretty easy thing for her to turn around and be like, no, no, no, don't be silly. That's ridiculous. I would have homeschooled my daughter. The only thing is now you have like,

unrefutable truth to it. So I think I would talk to my mum in a way that wasn't accusatory and in a way that wasn't, I don't know. I guess my thing is, is I would still love my mum and I would still love my dad. And obviously this is a huge thing to try and process, but I don't think I would want to completely throw my relationship out the window with my mum and my dad, because maybe your mum didn't know. Like maybe she, like God, who bloody knows? Who knows?

When I say she didn't know, I know she knows that she had sex with someone else. She knows. But I mean she may have been taking a punt that it was your dad's kid. I just look. There's a lot of deception that's gone on, but is it worth you throwing out your relationship entirely with your parents? I'm not sure if I would do that. Going with the benefit of the doubt, you know she slept with someone else. You know that your biological dad is somebody else, but you don't know why. Unless…

It could be one of those very rare but does happen situations where something might have happened with your dad's sperm. I don't know which order of sister you are, but if you're the younger one, maybe something happened and maybe this is something they agreed upon and they just decided to never tell you. Yeah, I mean. But that's why you should ask your mum. Yeah, true. She wouldn't tell you that. There is a slight chance that she didn't sleep with someone else.

Although it is low and she has, and she has said that she's seen texts and stuff. I mean, look, I guess my thing is, is no one is going to have the same answer to this. Some people are going to hear us answer this question and be like, I would have so much resentment and hatred for my mom. Like some people would feel like that. And those feelings are totally valid. We are not in this situation. We have not just found out that our dad's not our biological dad. All we can do is try and unpack like how we might feel if this happened to us. And I guess for me,

I don't think I would want to completely blow up my relationship with my parents. But I do think I would want to speak to my mum. I think I would want more clarity. I would want to understand why. And maybe that is her admitting to the fact that she had an affair. Maybe that's her admitting to the fact that they had to use a sperm donor, whatever that looks like. I think I would just want validity and truth from her to be able to move forward in our relationship. And I don't think I could move forward without knowing the truth.

Also, maybe just chat to your sister about it. Like your sister also received the results. She also knows now that you are half sisters and that your dad is different. At least now you have somebody that you can lean on and talk to and chat this out with. I think you need to be on the same page as well because you don't want her to be like, fuck this.

you know, I'm blowing this up. You deserve answers. You don't want that to happen either. It's also, yeah, it's completely triangulating, isn't it? Because I mean, you imagine you go and you speak to your mom, you find out the truth, then you have the burden of the truth. And so then your dad's the one who's triangulated from that. He's the only person that doesn't know that he's been lied to all these years.

It is an impossibly hard situation to be in. I would really sit with this first before you do anything dramatic. And, you know, I think I would definitely, like you said, Britt, I would absolutely speak to my sister and get on the same page with her as well. Yeah.

This is so hard. And this is probably something, I'm not going to say it happens common. Like, I don't think it's a common occurrence. I know people that this has happened. But it definitely would happen off the back of this whole Ancestry.com and everything. People discovering actually my identity and reality is not what I expected it to be. And I think that the only thing that would really change this for me is if you did decide

at some point that you do want to know who your biological father is, like the actual person that that sperm came out of. You're like, hey, I do want to know his medical history. I do want to know, like there might be a reason where you're like, well, one day I want to have kids and I need to know what my medical history is. Yeah. That is going to change things a little bit because I think if you're going to go down the avenue of searching that person out, if they're still on this earth, if you're going to talk to them or meet up with them in any way or contact them,

that's when I think you need to think really carefully about talking to your dad because that is even worse as much as it would hurt his feelings if it ever got out that you had tracked down him and spoken to him and then he hadn't even known any of this, that would be explosive. And like, I just felt that'd be devastating. But at the moment you've said you don't care. It's not an issue. You're not worried. So I think that

First step would be to talk to your sister, maybe a therapist, and then approach your mom. But I would approach her with the benefit of the doubt. And I know that sounds crazy, but we really don't know the circumstances. And then you can give a response that is warranted to whatever she tells you. Yeah. And also, I think the last thing I just want to add to this is that there really isn't

a right or a wrong way to approach this because you are not the person who has done anything wrong in this. And I think just be very mindful about what is an emotional reaction to something and what is kind of a more considered and thought out reaction, because I think you will feel better if you make choices that are off the back of going, okay, I really thought about this and this is how I want to approach it rather than I'm angry, I'm hurt and I want to do something about it.

because that's when I think a lot of collateral hurt can happen as well. All right, next question. It's very trivial, but I think a lot of people have experienced this. Can you stand up at a concert when you are in reserved seating? If you want to stand up, you know, and dance along, should you have booked GA standing?

Yes, you can stand up wherever you want. Stand up. If you are at a concert and you are telling everyone to sit down and you're a granny that shouldn't be there, like if you've gone to a concert, it doesn't matter if you're in the, what are they called, in the nosebleeds. It doesn't matter where you are.

You have to remember, I'm going to think of Taylor Swift, for example, because she's obviously was the hardest artist to get tickets for in the history of history. And every single person was standing up. You would get a ticket. No, but like you would get whatever ticket you could get. You were so desperate to go to a concert that it didn't matter if you had to swing upside down from the nosebleeds. Like if that was the only spot you were going to get it and you were going to be up and dance and people...

don't have the luxury of choosing if they want to be downstanding or like a lot of the time. I am too old for GA standing. I hate it. Same. I want the option to sit. I need a seat. I don't like being in a mosh pit. I don't like having people touching me. I don't want to be like sweating. Yeah, I'm not 18. I'm too old for this shit. We went to. You went to Blink 182 and you weed your pants.

But I was standing in my seat and I had a great time because I had my own little space. Also, you're just reiterating that, yes, she is too old for this. She went herself. Who do we go to? We went to, and we were in GA standing, DJ, I've forgotten his name. Fred again. Fred again.

We went to Fred again and we were in GA standing and I love him and I loved the experience, but I hated standing. I hated it. Yeah. All the whole time. I was like, this is a really long time to stand. That's what I was thinking. And I was like over the concert by the end because I wanted to go home because I wanted to sit down. I'm more for the standing in your seat and having a little bit of a break when you need to. I went to Coldplay not that long ago. We're seated.

Stood up almost every song, but the two or so minutes in between that I could sit. It's a good recharge. It's just what kept me in the moment. Like if I couldn't have rested my back, I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. So yes, you cannot definitely ever ask anyone to sit down if they're standing up in the seated area. Do you know when I recently had to experience this? Your filming of Dancing with the Stars on Saturday. Yeah. Because the people in front of us,

stood up for every single thing. No, that's different. That's not a concert. That's a show. Like sit down for a show. Stand up for a concert. There's rules. That's like going to the theatre and standing up. You can stand up for a standing ovation. Did anyone do that for me? No.

We did stand up for you. Do you know what? I was going to stand up for you anyway, but I had no choice because the people in front of us stood up within the first three seconds. I was wearing heels. I had to take my shoes off. I was in the studio barefoot because I was like, I can't stand in heels for this amount of time. You people need to chill out and sit down. I'm very excited. I was the grumpy one who was like, no, please sit down. Keisha wrote this question in, everybody. It was Keisha, yeah. If I'm at Dancing with the Stars and someone was at

I've just started dating a new man for the first time after being cheated on in my last relationship. We went on two dates and I really like him. We slept together. He stayed the night and it was a great time. This man ticks all of my boxes. How do you know you've only been on two dates?

Just means she came. All of a sudden, after staying the night, he stopped replying. I thought he'd ghosted me and things were all over. Then three days later, he came back and explained that he and his ex had hooked up in October last year and that she is pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

She's now just started her second trimester. He said he wants to prioritize the baby and her, and he and his ex agreed on no dating communication through the pregnancy, which is completely reasonable. He said he wants to keep talking to me after the birth because he really enjoyed spending time with me and wants to see where things go. My question is, do I rekindle things in five months or is it just too messy? No. It's just too messy. No. No. No.

It's a no. It's a no. It's a big no. You don't know him. You don't know him. You don't know him. You went on two dates with him. I don't want to be that person because I am marrying the person I went on three dates with. So I don't want to be that person. But you don't know him. I'll be that person. He wasn't. You were that person to me. You were like, Brittany, you can't go to Scotland. You don't know him. I was like, I'm getting married. Yeah, but it does not surprise me about you. I'll give better advice to other people who might take it. We should play that audio at my wedding. Anyway, moving along. So what I think is.

Two things stand out here. One, what we said, whilst I know somebody can seem so amazing and you want to be invested, it is absolutely not worth you waiting five months. And also chances are, I don't want you to be offended by this, chances are he's not going to give a fucking five months. He's going to have a new baby. He probably has met somebody else in that time. Or you know what? Look.

He might, but it's not going to come off the back of you waiting around. No. Something might come up in five months time or six months time. That's okay if it does, but do not let it come up because you waited and you manufactured that to happen. I think go and live your life, go and date other people, go and experience whatever it is that you want to experience. And I know that you say you've had a really hard time because you've been cheated on in the past relationships. You are

entering a very messy situation here. And it sounds like you may be slightly attracted to the drama of this more than you actually are attracted to the man because you do not know him after two dates. I need you to know that. What I do want to say too is like, and this doesn't make sense to me and it's not going to work out how he said it is.

He and his ex have said that you will not be dating or communicating with other people throughout the pregnancy because they're just going to focus on the pregnancy. Why? That doesn't make sense. When the baby comes, what do you think that all of a sudden she's going to be like, okay, you're free to go and date now? It's going to be worse. His time is going to be next to none.

His brain, his mind, his thoughts, his finances, his energy, every single thing he does now belongs to his child. Like you will not, if you are not a priority while she's growing the baby, you are never going to be the priority when he has it. It would be different if you'd been with this guy for like,

He'd cheated, fallen pregnant. You decided to work it out, like which I'm not saying is okay, but like you don't know him. This is a random guy that is having a family with someone else. Every atom in my body is saying forget him and move on and find someone more amazing. Yeah. My only other thing I want to add to this is I,

On one hand, he could be like a lustrous unicorn who found out his ex was pregnant, is so kind and generous that he was like, do you know what? I will be there solely for you but as a friend.

not date anyone else he's not not have any communication with anyone else just so that i do not disturb your pregnancy but i will support you platonically because you're carrying my child he's not a unicorn he's doing that and then as soon as that baby's born he's going to rekindle a whatever it is with you like it's almost an unbelievable scenario because to me he's either like potentially back together with her and they're giving the relationship a shot or

Or when the baby comes along, he's going to be exactly like you said, Britt. If he's giving it that much focus now to the pregnancy, how much focus do you think he's going to give to a newborn child? Like this situation doesn't make sense. His explanation for it doesn't make sense. And I think you just need to give him and this whole very messy, very messy scenario a bit of distance.

Oh, no, just forget it. Not distance. It's done. Burn it to the ground. Honestly, please, please, I truly believe this. Just date other people. Live your life. You have to forget him because he said he's not allowed to have communication with anyone else. So, like, forget him. If...

The universe decides that you two are meant for each other. He will come back in five, six, seven months. He will be the unicorn and it will be fine. But the worst thing you can do is put your life on hold for another six months over a guy you banged twice. Yeah. Who he's saying he can't have any communication with you anyway. Which is a load of shit. Yeah. Just because his ex is pregnant. It's so wild. But like...

He said he can't talk to you for five months. So what are you going to do? Just sit around and wait and text him in five months time? How's baby? Yeah. Will he text again? It's going to be like, hey, the baby's come out now. Finally, we can talk. Like it doesn't make sense. I think he's still with her. All right. My partner and I are trying to work out when we should have kids. This is a really hard one, guys. I think a lot of people are going to relate to this. I'm 30. He's 39. His career is well and truly set up and he's happy where he is.

I, however, am not. When I was younger, I always just wanted to be a mom. But as I've gotten older, my priorities have shifted to being more career focused. I'm a pilot and I want to progress my career a little bit more before we have kids. I'm not happy where I currently work and I want to have more stability in my job, especially one to go back to after having a baby.

I'm not sure this new job will come in the next year or so. So my husband and I have been talking about prioritizing babies first due to my husband approaching 40. As much as I want to be a mom, it breaks my heart that I may not get my dream career that I've worked years for and spent $200,000 to train for. I don't want to put off having kids for too long, but I also feel that if I take a break now from my career that I'll be setting myself back years compared to my male colleagues.

I feel very stuck. I feel very lost. And I keep getting told that I'll know when the time is right, but will I? Is 40 getting too old to be a first-time dad? Also, the income I earn would not be enough to support a family. So my partner, who is also a pilot, would be the one to continue to work and I'll be the one to take time off. I really, really like the feel for this girl because I felt the same feelings that she has felt in many aspects. But

Let's just sort of go back to the start. You're 30 and he's 39. 30, I mean, it's really tricky because I don't want to say you have plenty of time to have a child because I don't know what your fertility situation is, but 30 is still young. First and foremost, I would say go and start the fertility testing, get your egg count done, get the base level so that you at least have some more information based around the

if it needs to be something that you look at in the next 12 months or if your fertility is flying. I don't know if you have pre-existing conditions, PCOS, endo. Flying because she's a pilot. That was very funny. Sorry. But all of that stuff actually matters to determine if you need to get a move on.

Next up, he will be 40. 40, I don't believe. This is subjective. I don't believe 40 is too old to be a first-time dad. Like, I know so many people in their 40s that have become first-time dads. It comes down to what you guys want as a couple. But at the end of the day, it's different for men. We know that. We know that.

we know that they have all the time in the world, generally speaking, unless there's a medical condition. It's a really tricky spot because you have dedicated a lot of money and a lot of time and a lot of passion to your career and the thought of, oh, cool, do I have to pick one because my career is going to stall to be a mum, that pressure is horrific. Like it's a really tricky place to be in and it sucks that as women we have to be in it. What I want to say, knowing no background to your health,

I want to say I would keep focusing on my career for a few years because you said it might happen in two years. You'll still only be 32. Like I'm 37, 38 this year, still don't feel like I am ready.

but I have to make that decision. So I'm feeling what you're feeling now, but I've got seven to eight years on you. Another couple of years, I would be like working so hard to make the changes in my life to put me, to steer me in the place I want to be for my career so that then I can go boom and have my baby when I'm ready. Yeah. I feel very careful about answering this question because I never want to tell someone to delay doing something in their life that they want to do. Like if you really want to have a baby and you really want to have a family and

I don't want you to listen to us here saying, hey, wait a couple of years and then you find yourself in a situation where it's challenging. So I do agree. The very first thing to do is go and get your fertility tested for the peace of mind about clawing back a bit more time with this. But also he needs to be tested too. Yeah, 100%. His sperm needs to be tested. The only thing I want to say is that it feels unfair to me

that you are the only one that has to make a sacrifice in this situation. And what I mean by that is your partner has said he doesn't want to be an old dad. Okay, I understand that. He's 39 and he'll be 42 by the time he has kids.

But also you don't want to not have a career. That's something that's important to you. And you want to have a career to go back to once you've left maternity leave. So whose wants and desires are more important? And that would be the conversation I'd be having with my partner because the difference of two years could be a huge career difference to you.

But it's not going to be a huge time difference to him, not necessarily. So, I mean, I think that there are some really big conversations to have there. And I absolutely understand that when you are someone who is career driven and you really have aspirations and dreams and hopes for your life that sits outside of motherhood, that those two things can feel really, really conflicting. The only thing I do want to say, and maybe it's more challenging because I know nothing about being a pilot.

Do you not? It's shocking. I know. I don't know what it requires. I'm glad you said that. I don't know what type of pilot you are, like whether you're domestic, you're international. Like I don't know what it is that you're, you know, that it is that you're pursuing. She's just like piloting one of those plane rides at Dreamworld, you know, the ones that go around the kids. She's like, I'm essentially a pilot. Thank you.

But the reason why I say this is because I don't know how taxing it's going to be when you do become a mum. I don't know how many days you're going to have to be away or what does that look like? Like how manageable is this work that you're pursuing alongside being a parent, especially when both you and your husband do the same type of job, you know? And that's not to say that you need to sacrifice that.

I think that there are a lot of incredible examples of women who have juggled motherhood alongside incredibly successful careers simultaneously. It's not to say that it's easy. It's not easy. It's very hard, but it is doable. And there are examples of that out there. So I would be talking to other women who are pilots

I would be talking to other people in your industry to find out how they have managed it. You know, people who are mums who are able to do both. What are the structures that they have in place in their household, in their families that allow them to navigate that transition from being a career-focused woman to being a career-focused woman who's also a mum? It's going to be a hard one, no doubt, but there's ways around it. Yeah, so my friend is a female pilot. She had a baby two years ago and she –

Just as of last week, she spent a week over in Scotland with my sister Sherry. Without her daughter, she's still a pilot. She knew that her career was important. So she went basically, she had a bit of time off, went straight back. But the reason she can do that now, still be a pilot, still go away for a week at a time if she has to, is because she has a really supportive partner. So it is just simply impossible, unfortunately, to do a job

that involves going away for days at a time, flying an aircraft, if you don't have someone at home that's going to support that and literally be there to look after the child. Totally. So your support network is everything. There's also, I think, within that then, Britt, there's a really big conversation around what sacrifices is he going to make in the long run so that your career can be

So that it can progress because, you know, you said that he's going to be then the main breadwinner. He'll need to go back to work. So if you do take this sacrifice, when will you be able to get your career back on track? When will he be able to take a little bit of the downtime and the parenting time so that you can focus on these things?

And it's a really hard one because I think that there are a lot of, there's a lot of scaremongering that's out there. And I know that I felt like this before I became a mom. I even remember having Marley and I like looked at Matt and I was like, my career is over. Like I don't have anything and you can just walk out the door without a baby and you're fine.

The reality is my career has never been better since when I had kids. Like there is a transition and a revolution that happens for some women, depending on the types of industries that you work in. It's also not for everyone. It's not manageable for everyone, but I don't want there to only be examples of how motherhood and career is hard. I think it's important for us to highlight that motherhood and career is achievable. You just have to have the support networks around you to do it.

Yeah, and the last thing I want to say because this is important is that you said –

It breaks my heart that I may not get my dream career that I've worked for years for and spent $200,000 to train for. The fact that this breaks my heart, does this mean that I shouldn't be a mum? Like the fact that you're so upset about your career not progressing, does that mean you shouldn't be a mum? Absolutely not. These two things can run concurrently. You can want to be a mum and be an incredible mum and also do your career. We actually, this is so like sidestep here. We had this conversation recently.

There's this astronaut that I'm obsessed with. There's this female astronaut and I've been following, she's American. I've been following her journey for quite a while because she's going to space soon. This sounds so left field. She's going to space soon with this all female team. It's incredible. Like they're just kicking huge goals. Obviously going to space is not conducive with having a baby. You're in space for a year, two years, however long your mission is, six months. But like you don't duck up to space and come back the next day.

And she was really wanting to become a mom. And it was her last time to do IVF and be a mom before the next space mission. So if she had a baby, she would have had to have left the baby in the first year of its life with the father, who is very capable, that's fine, and then have come back when the baby was one, continue on normal life as a normal mom. And it was a really divisive conversation that was happening because people were like, well, why are you having a baby if you're going to leave it for a year?

But her career doesn't allow for her not to leave it. But she still has the rest of her life. Yeah, we disagreed on this internally, whereas I was all for it. I was like, I think it's amazing that you want to have a child, still go to space, find

like with an incredible female team to do your job, come back in a year, you're still going to be a mum for the next 60 years. I think it's really cool that women are able to juggle both. What I want to say from this story is having dreams and a career and goals shouldn't offset or negate your feelings of still also wanting to be a good mum. It's a tricky one for me and I heard that story and I obviously –

I don't want to pass judgment on anyone else's way of parenting or what people choose is good for them. But I do think that as parents, and this is not just one parent, this is not just, you know, I'm not saying that just because she's a mom, the expectation should be different. I think it's both parents. I think that there's a, if you're going to have a child,

not being able to be present in its life for the first two years of life because you're completely, literally on another fucking planet. Well, I don't know how long it was. I don't know if it was six months or a year. I don't know how long her exploration was. That obviously makes a big difference. But I remember there being some chat around it being up to two years. To me, yeah.

I don't quite understand that because I think if you are going to choose career, that's absolutely okay. But there still has to be a way in which motherhood is feasible alongside the career. And being completely absent means that that's not a feasible juggle. That means you've chosen 100% one. But the reason I disagree with that is because it's okay for men. We see it. But I don't think it is either. But it is. Men...

Our dads all the time go to war, go into another country and literally don't see their kid until they're four, five years old. And it happens all the time and it's okay. It's like, yes, so brave. But they're also doing their job absent from their child's life for years. And I know the expectation is on the mother that –

that it's different, that maternal relationship is different. And I know it is, but I still think with the right support system in, this is such a specific example, like no one else just goes to space. Like this is not a normal example, but I,

I'm just trying to say I do think it is so okay for you to prioritize both. Yeah. It's so tricky because as soon as you're a mom who prioritizes career, you're deemed as being selfish. Exactly. But dads are not. Yeah. There's a different set of standards. Look, I think, like I said, go and have some conversations with female pilots and

who are successfully doing both and find out how. But the first thing is a big conversation with your husband and also fertility testing that will like absolutely give you some peace of mind around all of this. Yeah, good luck. Yeah. Well, that's it from us, guys. If you have a question for Ask Uncut, slide on into the DMs. You can send us your question. Also, all of the shows are on YouTube. Go and watch it on YouTube and also give Cloud a listen if you haven't yet. And remember, tea mum, tea dad, tea dog, tea friends, and share the love because we love you.

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