The Best Of The Pick Up - Wedding Day & Baby Name Leaks!
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This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is The Pick Up, which I'm sure you all know by now, but in case you don't, that is our national radio show across the country where we package up all the best bits and we bring them here for you, in case you didn't listen to the radio this week. I would say if you are a new listener to Life Uncut, welcome. Don't

Don't start here. Go to one of our other... We do three, four episodes a week. Go to the other ones. You should probably start with great episode in case you missed it. What? The wedding? The wedding episode, yes. But I feel like no one missed it. It had great downloads. Everyone's listened to that one. I was going to say the aftermath episode...

Also had great downloads but nothing like starting with an Ask Uncut aftermath that we've been teasing for two entire years. Yeah, but if people are new here, they don't even know what Ask Uncut is. Just go and listen to any other episode that's not the radio show because that's what the podcast actually is and then we do package up the radio show here for you and just put the little best parts in it. Well, look, something we spoke about on air this week and if you guys have been following on socials, you would know this.

I talked about this on Life Uncut like a couple of weeks ago and that was that we've chosen the name for our unborn child. First name. For the little girl. Middle name and last name, surprisingly. That's so crazy to me. I mean, I haven't been pregnant so I don't know, but I just never imagined I'd be able to choose the entire name before I saw it. I've done that every pregnancy. Marlee Mae Rose Johnson, she was locked and loaded well before pregnancy.

You picked her the first week of The Bachelor. You're like, we're going to lock that guy down. Do you know what? I think I just saw the name somewhere and I was like, not Marley May, but I saw the name Marley somewhere. It was probably Marley and Me. Marley and Me? I don't reckon you would have named your daughter after a dog that died. Marley and Me is spelt different. That's M-A-R-L-E-Y. Oh my God, you really did Marley Me, Marley May. It was from Marley and Me. That's so, it's the whole name. Yeah.

Anyway, Marley May, that was like locked and loaded. And then Lola as well. Lola, I was like flicking on Instagram one day and someone had made a reel to the song. La, la, la, la, Lola. Don't listen to lyrics of that song. Not appropriate to name your child after. But I was like, yeah, I love that name, Lola. Interesting.

What sort of inspiration do you have? So that's where it came from. None of my kids have great like really sentimental naming stories. Well, you were going, you did say that you'd pick the name but we beeped it out. You were not going to announce the name. Yeah, so that was a point I was getting to. Sorry, thanks for getting me back on track. I,

I spoke about how we'd chosen the name. I spoke about picking it and then we beeped it out because I had not checked with Matt as to whether it was or wasn't appropriate for me to tell, you know, the entire world that we'd chosen a name for this child. Turns out my husband did not give me the same courtesy and he blurted it out on,

two doting dads recently and told everyone the name that we're calling the kids. So if you guys are interested. He doxxed your kid that's in the womb. He doxxed our baby womb. He doxxed your womb. But also, if you want to know the name, I say it on this episode. So you will now know too. Oh, now you're breadcrumbing. We're not going to tell you now. You got to listen to get the name. Listen in. No, we did do a really cute. I did get married last week and it was really cute. You guys, you guys put everything.

Can I just say every show, every single segment we've started on radio and also on the pod, Britt has started with, I got married. Sorry, it's the biggest life event of my literal life. I am thrilled by it. It is just funny because you'll be like talking about burnt toast and you're like, so this week I got married and then I made toast and the toast was burnt. Okay, how else do you want me to – how do you want me –

To hook that you made a wedding package for me without saying I got married, Laura. Oh, is that what you're talking about now? No, I was actually going to talk about toast. You idiot. LAUGHTER

I would like it to be known that I did not make this package. This was all of the... Oh, I was going to give you props. No, only because of the song choices that's in it. It's really funny. This was like a cute little package that was played out. Producer Grace on a case made the package. Grace was like, how dare you? It was a walk down memory lane and when it started, I did think it was going to be like a walk down memory lane of like Ben's and my relationship. But no, Grace felt the need to go back to when I got dumped on The Bachelor and my whole life...

Love life. Demolishers love life. If anything, it's just a real showcase of the lows and the highs and like where you've come from and the struggles that you've been through. And I really liked the part in the package that was put together where it was like, what doesn't kill you makes you strong.

Grace, no, we loved it. We're not paying you out. It was beautiful. It was wholesome. Could have cut a few pieces, maybe The Bachelor, but whatever. Like, you do you. But that was really nice to have a walk down. And then we did talk about a very, very funny science-based study. Also, I'm so sorry that this entire show has just become me slagging my husband. The reason why we talked about this science-based study is because we wanted to do a true investigative look into whether or not the man look or, you know, a boy's look is actually –

a genetic deformity, abnormality that happens in men or whether that there's a, you know, a psychological, social or something or other reason that goes beyond just weaponised incompetence. Yeah, and that wasn't actually the... And beyond stupidity, one of the two. Wasn't actually the study I was going to talk about, but thanks for hijacking my story. Just to finish my sentence, the study I was talking about...

talking about was what's dirtier in your house than a toilet. Like what everyday things you use around your house is dirty than a toilet. But Laura told a story too. So if you listen, you'll hear it all. Sorry, guys. We're delirious. We've covered some ground this week. It was a lot. Let's let them listen on their own. See ya. Bye. We have such a special show for you guys today. Special for everyone here, especially you, Britt, because Brittany just got married!

Brittany's a wife. Why am I talking about Brittany in third person? I don't know. I got married. I cannot believe it. For everyone listening, you guys might not know this story. So Brittany and I have been doing a podcast together for six years now. I have been there through all of your turbulent relationships. And when we started our podcast, Laugh and Cut,

It was all based around sex and relationships. And a big part of that was Brit talking about her dating life and talking about some of the absolute monstrosities that she'd experienced in that time. It was a tumultuous time, a lot of red flags to navigate. Brit came back from her first date with Ben and I heard about this Swiss, extremely tall footballer who lived overseas and

who she had had a one-night stand with that kind of evolved into a few more days. It was supposed to be a one-nighter. And then she drops about a week before Christmas that year. I'm going to go overseas for a holiday. And I was like, I see what's going on here. And it wasn't until only a couple of days before that she actually admitted she was going over to see this guy that she'd hooked up with on a dating site for three days whilst he was travelling. Like two months before. With his team. And I said...

this is the worst idea you have ever had. I was like, this is going to end in disaster. Laura was like, do it, fine, if you want to, but don't say I didn't tell you, so it's not going to end well. I was like, do it for the content, but come home with a story and do not fall in love with this guy. Now look at us. Yeah, now we're literally getting married. You are married. Oh, yeah. Fuck.

Well, look, we've been through the journey with you, Britt, everyone here at The Pickup, but also across Life Uncut the Pod as well. And it's been such a beautiful love story to be able to witness, to be able to be in a small way a part of. You know, I only did it, Laws, just so three years later I could say told you so.

I don't actually like the guy. I'm just like, yes. Anything. Do you know what? I'm also okay with saying when I'm wrong and I was very wrong. But Britt, we have put together a little recap of the last few years of your love story, not just yours of Ben and how you guys met, but also just some of the ups and downs along the way. Have a listen to this.

In 2018, a young, vibrant Brittany Hockley braved reality television seeking love on The Bachelor. Definitely the most vulnerable I've ever felt. Where she would make Bachelor history when the honey badger picked no one. I've developed strong feelings for you, Brittany. When I say those three words, I want to really mean it. Right now, I can't give 100% of me to you. See ya! Hey, hey, wake up.

After an unsuccessful attempt at finding love on television, Brittany Hockley found hope. I woke up, I literally sat up out of bed and I thought, today's the day, I'm going to get back on the horse. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to have my first ever one night stand. And so I went on Raya, this like six foot six...

beautiful Swiss man that was here playing football like he was a professional athlete so I swiped right we matched we talked for about half an hour so he came over eventually we got down to the nitty-gritty hooked up it was amazing and then he had to go and as he was leaving I thought I'm never gonna see this guy again then the next day he messaged me and he's like hey do you want to see each other again I've got a bit of time and I was like yeah all right

We just fell in love from the very beginning. But not all was smooth sailing. I'm in my first argument with my new boyfriend, Ben. So we've been dating for about four months now. I had FaceTimed Ben because he'd asked me something, so we're having a quick conversation. There was all this urgency because back on air, 20 seconds. I signed off really quickly on the phone call and I was a bit panicky. So I was like, OK, OK, OK, I've got to go, got to go, love you, bye. And then I hung up the phone. PHONE RINGS

And I said, oh my God, I've just said I love you. Two seconds later, I get a text. Did you just say I love you? And I did what any normal woman would do and I gaslit him and I said, no, you did not say that. Yes, lie. Two weeks later, he said I love you in another language. But I knew what he was saying. So now we're in this argument about who said they love him first. What doesn't kill your man?

Turns out they were both in love and their relationship grew from strength to strength until one day she had some exciting news to share with the Pick Up team and Life Uncut community.

I've been single for the better part of 10 years and I was always the single friend watching all my friends fall in love, which made me so happy. But it was definitely hard and I started to think maybe it wasn't for me. We love love. Then in 2022, I met this amazing guy, but he lived overseas. My friends were really concerned because long distance is never easy and I've always had commitment issues.

But this time it felt different and I thought he was worth it. Flash forward to now and I've never been happier. And last week on a beautiful island, he asked me to be his wife. You crying? And I just want to know what's a cute way to tell my friends that I'm getting married. Best moment. So long to tell you guys. With you.

Oh, Britt. Also, that gets me at the end. It really gets me. It gets me at the end when I told you guys. It was like the most wholesome moment. Now, Britt, you and I have been doing a podcast together, Life Uncut Podcast, for anyone who wants to go and listen. We've been doing this together for six years, right? And I think between you and I, we have a pretty good gauge on what is or isn't appropriate to share in terms of storytelling because...

I'd say a perfect gauge. Yeah, like I, you know, my husband, he also has a podcast and like sometimes we tell personal stories whether it be about parenting or it be about what's happened in our lives and Matt and I are pretty much always on the same page. Like I don't think I've ever crossed a line in sharing a story that he wasn't okay with. No, and I think this might surprise a lot of people because our job is to talk. We do five radio shows a week and we do three podcasts a week and

People think we share everything. We absolutely don't. Like there are so many things that we know for our relationships or our friendships, like where the line is. Totally. Or for like privacy. Sometimes it's not your own story. And so like you're not going to share someone else's secrets. But recently, I mean, we were talking about it and I was telling you guys if you were listening the other week,

how Matt and I have chosen our third baby's baby name. Oh, yeah, but you wouldn't actually tell us. You kept beeping it out. We beeped it out because, like, I just assumed that a baby name, unless you've had a conversation with your partner, unless you both have mutually agreed that you're not going to tell people or that you are going to tell people, I feel like that that's a decision you come to together. And now, for reference, I'm not saying, like, tell your friends or tell your mum or tell... I'm talking about, like...

talking about it on a podcast or saying it on a national radio show. I feel like that's one of those things that you should just kind of check and make sure that everyone's okay with. Yeah, 100% agree. So I alluded to the fact that we've chosen a name, first name, middle name, and the first name starts with P. And we're pretty certain on that.

I receive a message whilst we're away in Bali for your wedding, Britt, by a listener who doesn't listen to our podcast, who doesn't listen to this radio show, but she listens to Matt's podcast. And she said, I just wanted to say the name Poppy is so cute. I think you've chosen a great name. And I was like, I'm sorry, what?

And then she goes, oh, was Matt not meant to say it on the podcast? I then went through the transcript of Two Doting Dads. And Matt, not only did he say the name that we actually chose. He doxxed your unborn baby. Yeah.

It gets worse. So he dogs our unborn baby. Now everyone, in case you're curious, we're calling it Poppy. It's not a pick up exclusive. So is that out now? It's out. Popstar. It's out, yeah. Pop-Tart. Poppy. No, I'm going Pop-Tart. I like that. Yeah, cute. Lollipop. Popsicle. Cute. That's what I call my dad. I love that. Poppy means we've got a Marley, a Lola and a Poppy and I feel like those names fit beautifully together. What happens if it comes

if it comes out, she comes out, sorry, and. It doesn't look like a poppy? And you're like, you're not poppy. I just feel like babies all look weird anyway. I feel like they could be anything. So just stick to it anyway? Like what baby came out and looked like a David? It grew into that name.

Interesting example. Yeah, okay. Continue on. No, I get it. Like Frank. What baby's Frank? So I have something to tell you as well. And that is that there were more things that my husband has leaked recently. So you made it very clear. I mean, we didn't talk about it on the show. We didn't talk about it on the pod. We have not spoken about it anywhere. And that was the details surrounding your wedding. We all went to Bali on a secret mission to get Brit Hitch.

I was in Italy. Everyone was well aware. Yeah, Brit was posting from Italy pretending she was in Europe. I was also on a work trip in Bali, so I had said I was over there for work and managed to kind of, you know, fly under the radar. Our friends, everyone who's from Australia that was travelling over there all pretended as though they were not in Bali. Yeah. Now my husband, my husband got on Two Dating Dads and said on his podcast, oh yeah, we're going over to Bali for Brit's wedding. What?

The day of your wedding, that came out. So that came out at 6 a.m. Is he that thirsty for a headline? Do you know what he said? He's like, you guys get everything.

I even had to give my baby gender reveal to the pickup. He's like, give me this. I was like, the wedding's not yours. That's fair, but the wedding doesn't come into the baby gender reveal. No, it was an honest mistake. And the problem was that... See at the location, give coordinates, like timeframes, schedule. Pandawa estate. Pandawa Clip Estate guest list. Yeah, he put a drops map. That was just in the description. Secret entrance on the left wing. No, he, yeah, he was devastated. So once again, someone, one of his listeners, devastated.

slid into my DMs and was like, hey, was Matt meant to give away the fact that you guys are all over there for Britt's wedding? Which I said, no, no, he wasn't. What a little turd beggar. He made a mistake because he had pre-recorded that episode and so when he looked at the dates

He just assumed that it was going to be retrospective, that your wedding would have already happened and it would have been okay. He didn't realise it was the day. I must admit that would have been very hard to cross-check your release date with the wedding date. Yes. That's asking a lot. Yeah, that's a big cost. A lot of data there to go through, Matt. He was so sad. I don't think I... Oh, he was sad? My wedding? Poor baby's name got doxxed.

about the children. To be fair, he was almost in tears when he realised and he had the podcast taken down straight away. Several thousand people had already listened, but that's okay. I'll put your wedding invites out for Matt. Put them on the stoop. Yeah, I'll put the baby out for him as well. Oh my God.

It is time, because it's Thursday, for Ask Uncut, and that is where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. We do this segment, Ask Uncut, on our podcast, Life Uncut, every week, every Thursday, where we answer your listener questions, and you guys call in or you write in, and this week, we have a question from someone who wants to remain anonymous for fear of her potential future fiancé finding out. Look...

A bit double-handed. I understand why she wants to be anonymous, but maybe she shouldn't be. Maybe he needs to hear it. Let's call her Sally. Sally came across a photo. This sounds like the start of a storybook.

Sally likes sunsets. No, all right. We've been talking a lot about weddings this week because obviously Brooke got married, but this has to do with when you find out that your partner is going to propose to you. So we're not going to call Sally. The person who wrote in, they found the pictures in their partner's phone of the engagement ring that he is planning to propose with. It's only at the design stage. So by the looks of things, it hasn't been made yet, but all the tech drawings, like the CAD drawings for the design for the ring have been done.

Now, firstly, she is incredibly thrilled that he's going to propose. Love of her life. Woo, yay. So excited. Yeah, love that. Hold on. On the other hand, she absolutely hates the ring and thinks it is the ugliest thing she's ever laid her eyes on. Oh, no. Knowing that he hasn't gone through yet or, you know, she doesn't know for certain, but she doesn't think he's gone through with making it yet. How would you approach this situation? Do you just...

suck it up and bear it and get a ring that you hate? Or do you tell your partner that you know that they're designing a ring because you saw it in their phone and you don't like it? She doesn't know it hasn't been made yet. You've seen a photo. She doesn't know that it hasn't been made, that he doesn't have it socked away. Or maybe he's trying to throw off the scent. Maybe he knows she's Snoopy McSnoop. She was going to go through the phone. Nah. So he's put... Nah, you don't reckon? Nah, no one is that...

Very few people are that sort of like savvy. Okay, here it is. Just hypothetically, it hasn't been made yet. It isn't throwing her off the scent. It's the real ring and she hates it. Can you tell him that you accidentally went through his phone, saw the ring, spoil the engagement and double down by saying you don't like the ring? No, unless you want him to not propose. Okay.

That's like there are so many things wrong with that. You absolutely can't. Totally. But what do you do if you get a ring and it's just so hideous? What do you do? I know someone. It's hard. Yeah, I know somebody that that happened to and she still has it to this day. It's been like 15 years and it was bad. I will say that.

I remember I have a friend in my life whose ring I actually ended up designing the ring for them and it worked out well. Not exactly what she wanted, but it was well. But what he wanted for her was worlds apart from what she wanted. And I remember him sending me the designs and the ring was so ugly. And it took a really... You're like, I don't even want to make it. It took a really long time to like...

get him to realise that maybe he was designing a ring for himself and not for his future wife. Also, just to catch up to speed, if you don't know, Laura is a jewellery designer. Oh, yeah. So she made my wedding rings, which were wonderful once we got it to fit properly, but she makes other people's engagement rings. Anyway, well, look, I think that the way that you can get around this is you cannot tell them that you don't like the ring. You can't even tell them that you've seen the ring, I don't think, because it will just, you know... And it wants to be...

want it to be a surprise. You don't want, if you spoil the surprise for him, I've seen this happen before, he's not going to do it. Well, he might still, but he might just do it a bit deflated. And especially if he knows you hate the ring. What I think you can do though, you could just start tagging him on Instagram in rings that you really like. Sending him inspiration and be like,

hey, honey, in case you're ever thinking of marrying me, this is the ring that I would really like. I think that you can do it knowing full well that you are going to get proposed to. He does want to marry you. And hopefully if he hasn't started the design process, he can make a pivot. I think what you can do is to, there's always these carousels on Instagram of multiple rings. And it's like, which ring do you like? I used to send those to Ben and be like, which one do you think I would like? But you could put your own bunch of pictures together and

put one that is similar to the ring that you know he's got but also put ones that you love and go through them and say, hey, which one would you pick for me? And then you tell him which ones you like. Did we ever talk about this with you, Brit? So Brit was away in the jungle when Ben was organising her engagement ring. So this was like last year. Brit was in the jungle which meant I had access to Brit's Instagram because I was managing her social media and Ben told me, I'm thinking of proposing to Brit.

do you have any idea what kind of ring she would want? And it was so helpful because you had saved so many engagement rings and they were all the same. Massive, oval and with four prompts. And guess what I got? Massive, oval and four prompts. You can thank me for that. I found that and I knew exactly what you wanted. I had sent that to you.

him anyway a hundred times. Like this kid knew what I wanted. Well, he got the affirmation. You made it very easy for everyone to know what you wanted. And I think that that's what we have to do. Take the pressure off him. Just send him what you like. You don't have to say you've seen it. Send him what you like. Make it very clear. Leave printouts, circle it, send links, swipe ups, whatever it takes. But unfortunately, if you do end up with him proposing with the ring that you hate, you just, I think you got to suck it up until one day you get it insured and then you accidentally lose it.

I didn't say that because I don't want to get sued by an insurance company. Yeah, I think you can melt it down too after the fact. Nah, not everyone's okay with that. But anyway.

to talk to you about something that has been plaguing my relationship? Well, lucky we are together now on a radio show. Then we talk. Oh my God, amazing. I know. What are you talking about? So we've all heard of like the man look. Cute. We all make jokes about it. Men who can't find things in the house. Like you've had a man's look. Yeah, you've had a man's look. You know, you tell someone exactly where it is and then they can't find it and the quote is, it's a man's look.

This has become a real point of contention in my relationship with Matt. And I don't know whether it's getting progressively worse, whether he's, I don't know, maybe the testosterone is increasing in him and therefore he just can't find things anymore. But it is something that we deal with frequently to the point where I feel as though I could not be more specific about where I tell him something is.

And he will walk downstairs, wander around looking at the ceiling and then say, oh, I can't find it. Can't find it. It must be bad too because you're bad. So if he's worse than you, like because in our relationship, you're like, have you seen my such and such? And if you're guiding him, then like the both of you. There's problems, yeah. Where are our kids? Has anyone seen? How many kids do we have?

I don't know. That's why we're having another one. Just replace them. Because you've lost the other one. She'll show up. She's under the lounge. No, speaking of, okay, so I was putting the girls to bed the other night and Lola specifically has a drink bottle, you know, that she has in bed with her when she goes to sleep. They both do but they're usually always in their beds. Anyway, I'd brought them downstairs and I had washed them and so I'd put them away instead of taking them back upstairs and just putting them next to their bed. I called out to Matt and I was like, babe, can you get Lola's drink bottle?

He's like, I can't find it. And I was like, okay, well, it's- As he sits on the lounge. Literally, literally. And I was like, it's in the cupboard where the drink bottles are. We have this one cupboard in our house. Yeah, I know the kind. Because we have so many drink bottles. He's got a million drink bottles for his bloody protein shakes or everything. Anyway, it's just full of drink bottles, nothing else. Yeah, everyone has that cupboard. And I was like, it's in the drink bottle cupboard. I hear nothing for a second.

Can't find it. And I was like, okay, well, why don't you just grab one of the other drink? It is in there. Grab one of the other drink bottles. I know that there's five kid appropriate drink bottles in there.

nah, there's no drink bottles in here. And I was like, I'm sorry, are you telling me that there is not a single drink bottle? In the drink bottle cupboard. In the drink bottle cupboard, which I just restocked. And he was like, yep, can't find it. Okay. I was like, and this is what you do, right? You go, if I walk downstairs. You know it's bad. Like he's a child. No, but you know it's bad if you start with mate. So I do. I walk downstairs, open the drink bottle cupboard, full to the brim of drink bottles, right in front of five kids' drink bottles. My husband turns around and says to me, oh, I didn't know they were in that cupboard.

Sorry, you've lived in the house for two years. We mutually live in this house. This is the cupboard that has always held all of the... And now I realise the reason why he keeps buying more frigging drink bottles is because he didn't know that... He thought he was losing them and he didn't realise they were just going into a cupboard. I'm sorry, you don't live in the royal palace. The kitchen's not that big. He could have

I figured it out. I know. I'm calling it, I'm going to use the term weaponised incompetence. Okay, well, I mean, let's not throw big terms around that some people might not know the meaning to. You can tell when I've learned something new. I will drop it. Matt said, you know, I might have had a man's look. He's like, but I really tried this time.

I thought I was looking in the right cupboard. Rubbish. And I think that there has to be more to this because it can't just be weaponised incompetence. Men out there, surely they're just as capable at looking for things as their female counterparts. No, they're lazy and they're not as smart. That's odd.

All the men in the car are turning over to listen to, I don't know, who else is on the afternoons. No, okay, look, there's minimal research on this topic, which might come as a surprise, but there is a theory. It's called the hunter-gatherer hypothesis. So this is what it says. Oh, here we go. Some researchers suggest that men inherently struggle to find things more than women. However...

Some researchers suggest that men's brains might be more adept at identifying distant, rapidly moving objects like prey, while women's brains are better at recognising nearby static objects like berries and household items. Whoa, whatever! Because we have... You lost me at...

Trust me at pray. Men are out there catching balls and women are catching drink bottles. I mean, that's literally what my husband does. He's a gold key, but he catches balls. Okay, here's my first thought. Why the hell are we doing research studies on why men can't find stuff when we haven't done them on endometriosis? We haven't done them on menopause. We haven't done them on... No, I'm all for this. I think these research studies need to be done. No, come back to me.

We've done research on menopause that we can talk about why men can't find stuff. I literally just got off the – I mean, you were in the break, Laura. You were listening to my conversation with my husband. He's at my house. I left him out some keys and I'm trying to talk him through where they are. And I'm like, no, Ben, they're right in front of you. He's like, I can't see them. They're not here. It was infuriating. I could see them in the FaceTime. I'm like, they're there. They're there. He couldn't see them. And I'm like, what is wrong with men? But I'm glad now we've got the research that he can't find a berry, but he could catch a ball and find the prey.

I mean, we've made this very heterosexual, but what about if you're in a same-sex... What if it's two men? They never find anything. But Grace, you're in a same-sex relationship. Surely there's someone in your household who just can't find anything. Yeah, I suck at looking for things. And my partner's like, if I find it in three seconds, I'll be so mad. That's an empty threat. No, but you are mad. Nah, but you win them over. And I know you would too. You've got your eyelids. I'm very lovable. Self-proclaimed. We're getting out of here. I've got shit to look for. Anyway...

All right. What I'm about to tell you all is going to make you feel gross. Your skin is going to crawl. You are going to maybe want to burn your house down. Don't do that. There

There is a doctor that has come out and revealed the everyday household items that are dirtier than your toilet seat. And now this article is being read and shared so many times, but I'm pretty sure it's because of how hot the doctor is, which has nothing to do with it. But look at that picture of the doctor. Joe Whittington. Dr. Joe, you're doing well for yourself, aren't you, pal? Look him up. It doesn't even matter that he's talking about toilet seats and poops and stuff because he's good looking. But...

I'm going to get a bit sciencey here for a minute. He talks about these things in units of CFUs, which is colony forming units. Now, that is how they see how dirty something is. It's bacteria per square inch. Before we get into a list, though, and rattle that off. Yeah.

The only thing that I have been told that's more dirty than a toilet is money. That's like, have you heard that old wives tale? I don't think that's a wives tale. That every single dollar coin or like coins or notes or whatever have actual poop particles on them. Well, I've also heard, I've got a few other ones, the door handle of the toilet is the worst than the toilet. Because if you think about it. Because a lot of people, you walk out, you don't wash your hands. What touches the toilet seat? Yeah. Thigh maybe? No.

Okay, don't answer that. My brain was going 100 miles an hour. It depends on if a man has sat down to do a poo because then it's more things to touch in the toilet seat usually. I've also heard a rumour that toilet toothbrushes. Yeah, sometimes, Grace, you've got to tuck it in. Okay, my husband. Okay, stop trying to flex on Matt. Matt is not tucking it in. He's not rolling it up. Or maybe it touches the toilet bowl. And he's not strapping it to his leg. Okay, he always sits down to do a wee, but then I wonder, like, does it flap against? Mate.

He's doing all right for himself, my husband. I'm proud of him. Sorry, too much for Grace. Producer Grace has gone into the corner. Well, let's, let's. Poor Matt can't even close the door because he gets stuck in the door. He uses,

He uses it to open the door. Whatever. Same with my husband, Ben. I hope he's listening to this show. He'll be thrilled. Okay, let's get back on track. So to give you context because we want to base it off this, a toilet seat has 50 CFUs. Colony forming units. That's the bacteria. So we're going with 50 bits of bacteria. Okay.

Now, listen to this. A TV remote. You sit down at night, one hand in the popcorn, then you touch the TV remote. That has 5,000 CFUs. So that's 100 times dirtier than your toilet seat. That's disgusting. Okay, you think that's bad. No, strap in. Okay.

cutting board can have up to 10,000 CFUs. That makes it 200 times dirtier. I can believe this one though. And I also wonder, is like plastic chopping boards or wooden chopping boards worse? Because wooden can't be good. Wooden harbors more bacteria. Of course. It soaks in and then just sits in there. And then every so often you like give it a bit of a wash and there's your chicken for three days. This one I feel like

we know but this is disgusting it makes me want to go get some bacteria wipes and wipe it down now but your mobile phone 25,000 CFU poos surely 25,000 poos surely though your mobile phone is only dirtier if you're someone who doesn't wash your hands because if you're the only person handling your phone it's

Because it's everywhere. Other people put their hand on a surface, the phone goes on the surface, then it goes onto your hand. It's like it transfers off everything. But then your hands would have more dirt on them than a toilet seat because you're touching. It's your hands. They do. I don't have the poo stats on that one, but your hands are dirty. God forbid. Let's stick around. That's going to be on next week's show. But do you want to know what the two highest ones were?

A pillowcase. If you're not washing your pillowcase weekly, which I reckon most people listening, I don't think people are doing it weekly. Maybe bi-weekly. Bi-weekly is twice a week. Twice a week. Me and Fort Knightley. I mean Fort Knightley. Yeah. Thank you for that. You're welcome. Bi-weekly, you're killing it. Bi-weekly, you're good. But a pillowcase if left unwashed for one week, three million poos. Sorry.

And then if we move on to the killer, the number one, so you need to go home and throw these out, single use, your kitchen sponge. What you think you are wiping bacteria with to clean it is actually spreading it. 10 million CFU poos. Do you know what, though? I listen to this and, yeah, look, horror, terrorising. Ah, I'm so scared of the germs. I'm not a very germy person, as in, like, I don't care about germs as much as I think. That's why you're sick every week. No, but I'm not sick. That's my point. My point is...

is that I think you need germs to be able to have some sort of immunity. Yeah, but not 10,000 poo particles. No, but I think we worry a bit too much about germs. Like I'm the mum that when I drop – back in the day, my kids are not with dummies anymore, but dummy drops on the ground, pick up the dummy, wipe it on your shirt, shove it back in the kid, she's fine. Look, I eat off the floor all the time. It's fine. I'm not a germy person. I worked in a hospital for 13 years. I have picked up everything and I have a really great immunity.

But there's something about knowing that you are spreading 10,000 poop CFUs across your bench when you're wiping it that's just not cool. I think there's some things we need to learn from it. If your sponge looks gross, throw it out. I agree. And just because it's soap doesn't mean it's clean. I will never forget. Just because it's cold

I mean, raining doesn't mean it's cold. No, I will never forget being in a public toilet once. I was like maybe 13 years old. It's a memory that's stuck with me forever. And I went to wash my hands. There was a bar soap that was sitting in this public toilet. You know when the bar soap's like old and dry and it's got like the cracks in it? Well, it's just got the cracks in it because it's so dry and the cracks are kind of like black in between the cracks. The soap was there.

And this old lady was in the bathroom. She was washing her hands as well. And she was just with water. And she turned around to me as I went to reach it and she goes, darling, just because it's soap doesn't make it clean. That's true. And I looked at that soap and I was like, I'm going to – that's a wise, wise woman right there. And I've kept that lesson my whole life. I was going to say and I kept that soap. I've still got it.

On one hand, they say that being a parent is like the greatest joy. Gift. The greatest gift. I mean, I'm not sure. Yeah, it is. Oh, here comes the sandwich that everyone has to say when they talk about their kids. No, it's not. I'm not saying a sandwich today. What I'm saying is that it's also known to be quite a...

a thankless job at times. You know, like, especially when you've got little kids, they're not good at telling you how grateful they are for the amazing life that you're building for them. They often like to tell you that they hate you. And my kids, I've got a five-year-old, a four-year-old, Lola, who I seem to talk about a lot because she really is the personality of the family. She's a little bit

She is going through a phase at the moment where she likes to tell me that she hates me. Either, I hate you, you're the worst mummy ever, I'm getting out of this family actually. They're all different versions of how much she hates being a part of our household. That was my favourite. Let's just quickly play that audio now when she yelled at you and said, I'm getting out of here actually. I hate you.

That's my favourite. That was when we told her that she was having a baby sister and she was thrilled. Anyway, so recently we, I mean, we went to Bali. Obviously it was your wedding, Brit, but we took the kids over there and we had a holiday alongside that as well. And the kids had...

a truly amazing time. We booked a hotel that was, it's called The Family Nest. It could not be more for children. It has like a big play centre there. It's got a kids club on site. Even within the own, like the second bedrooms of every villa, it's decked out for children with toys and like blocks and cubby houses. What more could you want? It had a pool. Like it had every single thing that a kid could possibly want.

So we'd already done all those kids' activities around the hotel and then this one, it was the day after your wedding and they'd been with the babysitter for a few days. Mind you, Lola had told me that she loved the Balinese nanny more than me. We were in the car and she... Oh, my God, that's a hard pill to swallow. So we were in the car, we'd gone to the beach, she collected two little rocks

She handed me one rock. One rock was evidently nicer than the other. One was very obviously not an attractive rock. She handed me the ugly rock and she said, mummy, this is for you, but this one is for Yarny and she's patting the pretty stone. And I was like, okay, that's cute. And then she looks at me, this is about five minutes later in the car ride, she looks at me and she goes, mummy, can I have that? And I was like, yeah, and I handed it back to her and she goes, I changed my mind, they're both for Yarny. Oh,

I think I should throw it out the window. She was like, I know that one. Like she even said, she said, you can have that one because it's ugly. But then she wanted to give them both. Anyway, that was one thing. A little bit of a heartbreak. I just want to like prop you up here. Yarny's the fun. She doesn't have to parent. She's the nanny. So she looks after them. She plays with them. And you're the disciplinarian and the one that has to like break the news. I don't know. I still think I'm the fun mum. Sometimes we're on holidays. Yeah, but you make them eat the vegetables and stuff. The kids were eating ice cream for breakfast.

God damn it. I was just trying to make you feel better. Fine, she hates you. Whatever. Well, let's go back to your story. So...

So we're on the last, it was like the second last day before we left. We went to like a beautiful beach club. Like the kids could not have had a better day. They went and played at like an activity centre. They had ice cream after their breakfast. We went to the beach club. They had a second ice cream. The whole day was centred around them just having an amazing time. Yeah. And they seemed relatively grateful whilst we were doing the things. We came home. The only thing that they had to do in that day that was against their wishes was

was that we needed to wash their hair because it had been a full seven days of zero hair washing and Lola looked like she'd rolled out of a bin. Okay, I didn't want to say anything when I saw her. She stunk. She'd been showering. She just had to be hair washing. So I was like, okay, we're going to wash your hair. The screaming match that happened.

absolutely ensued afterwards. It was like an unrelenting battle. You would have thought that I was trying to cut her legs off. It was horrendous. Why? Because she didn't want to wash her hair and that resulted in her and she's so stubborn. She goes, I hate you, mummy. I hate you. You are the worst mummy and she went to bed

so mad at me and I went to bed so completely deflated as a mum that I was like... Does it make you upset or do you know that it's like not real and they're a child and etc, etc? Or do you actually get upset by your child saying that to you? Sometimes. Sometimes.

to be honest, like I can make jokes about it. Sometimes it makes me feel sad when I feel as though I've tried so hard. Like I feel like I've done everything I can to really make a special day for them and I wanted it to be special and we've gone out of our way to do things that are just for them. It's not enough. Well, it's not that it's not enough. It's just that like they see everything in isolation. So they're having fun at that moment while they're having fun and then as soon as they don't get their way about something, then they're mad about it. And I know it's like –

I don't want anyone to listen to this and think that I have the most ungrateful kids in the world. I absolutely don't. I have a four-year-old. It's just big emotions. And in one day, it's the full spectrum of every emotion. And, you know, as much as she tells me how much she loves me all the time, she also tells me that she hates me. And I know she doesn't hate me, but I feel as though this is something that every parent who's at this age of parenting has to go through. Do you know, I remember this one story that has stuck with me from childhood. And thank God it wasn't me. It was my younger sister, Sherry.

It must have been exactly what you've just said, right? Like we're four kids in our family and they're all very close together. And my mum obviously just – she's great, great, great, great, great. We wear her down. She had a low point and she was back, right? We would have said those things to her all the time like, I hate you, mum. I hate you, dad, whatever. Yeah.

But this one day Sheridan, my little sister, she must have had an argument with mum. Mum wouldn't have let her do anything. She was like five. She laid on her back and crawled on her back, kamikazed under our – like our little table, like a coffee table. And in her text she wrote, I hate mum. Under the table. On the table. So it was there forever. It was like a tattoo. And so –

mom saw her. She's like, what are you doing? And Sherrod was like, nothing. And mom crawled under the table and saw that she'd just written, I hate you, mom. And I'll never forget. It made her so sad. She wasn't angry, but it was obviously like one of those days where we'd all water down. All week we'd been wearing it down and I'll never forget. She was so sad. And then we had to be like, love you,

love you, mum, like we hardly know. But I've remembered it now. I think it's just sometimes it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. And like as a parent, your whole existence is geared around trying to keep your kids safe, trying to keep them happy. Give them a good life. Do you think I want to go to seven kids' birthday parties on the weekend? No, but I'm doing it. Do I want four ice creams a day? Yes.

Do I want to go to Yochi? Absolutely. No, but you do so much and your entire existence revolves around making them happy. Yeah. And then when they can't be grateful for it because they're children and also they're just going to go through it. Sometimes it really, yeah. I didn't mean for this to get sentimental, but...