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Dr. Dolittle.
Staying Alive with John Gabers and Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad-free with SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts. The only way anything happens good is one day at a time, I think. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Literally. I'm very excited today to have Chelsea Handler making her return to the podcast after years of avoiding us, frankly. I'm just going to say it out loud.
I mean, I never know what I'm going to get with her. This could be the beginning of something great or it could be the end. And it is the beginning of a new concept, a crossover concept. So the first half of this interview is here on Literally. But then you got to go to Chelsea's podcast, Dear Chelsea, to get the other finishing part of the podcast. So here is part one with Chelsea Handler on Literally. ♪
Handler, where, first of all, I always got to know where you are. Are you up in Whistler? I am. I am in Whistler. Yes. Good. Hi, Rob. Okay. So tell me, how was the ski season? Is it still going on? Let's get to the important stuff first. Absolutely. First of all, the ski season was great. I was working so much this year that I didn't even really get to enjoy it. I missed all the powder days. I got
Three powder days in early January. But then, you know, everything, I just had to keep going back and forth. And I only got 25 days of skiing in this year. And that's not terrible. But, you know, it's not my dream. My dream is to get 50 days a year. But my body is starting to react to skiing in a way that is saying, no, thank you. And I have to figure out what kind of exosomes or drugs I can take to continue to perform on the slopes in the manner in which I have.
I 100% agree with you. I,
I didn't get any ski days this year. I just didn't. Rob Lowe, and Rob, listen, I have heard you talk a lot about skiing. I've heard you, I've heard, I've met people here in Whistler who have skied with you. One person who said that you spent a lot more time taking pictures of yourself on the slopes than actually skiing. But with the caveat that you are a decent skier. I would direct everybody to my TikTok.
right now, go to my TikTok or my Instagram. And, uh, I have, I have a couple of great Whistler powder day videos that are just, I don't know about you, but I like to, I like to ski with a videographer if there's great skiing, just because you just, it's such great. I go back and look at it like on a, on a year like today where I didn't get this year where I didn't get to ski. I, I can go, Oh yeah, that was a great one. It's it, it gives you a good memory.
Well, you know, every year on my birthday, I ski in my bathing suit and then I film that. So I have that always to reference. So this year, I had to ski in my bathing suit three times this year. I did it for my 50th with a group of girls. We rented a mountain in Idaho. And then I did it for this afternoon.
That I did with Gold Bond because they wanted to do like beat the Guinness Book of World Records without as many people skiing down the mountain as possible. Wow. And then the third time, my girlfriend's 50th birthday. She's like, OK, we all have to get in bathing suits. I'm like, that's my idea, bitch. Yeah. And anyway, I did it again. And I was like, OK, enough with the bathing suit skiing. You know, you really kind of have to prepare for that. Well, I was going to say, by the way, I think I can never get too much Chelsea bathing suit.
So I, as an audience member, I say keep it going. Now, as a practical person, someone who is himself now on the cover of AARP,
I wish it were a bit. I really do. But it's sadly. But it's not a bit, is it, Rob? No, it isn't. It's not a bit. Let's talk about aging. Yeah. Let's talk about how you feel about aging. For sure. So let me ask you this. Because you look exactly the same. So obviously things are going great for you. I mean, possibly you're bald underneath that baseball cap, but I doubt it. I can't imagine you being bald. But even if you were bald, you'd still be good looking. Let's do a reveal. I see your fake tail coming out of the back. Look, it's like, it's.
How old are you, Rob? It's a mop. Look at a mop. I've got a mop growing. So that's why I got to put the hat on. There's no way anyone your age looks like you. How old are you now? 62.
Oh, my God. That's how old Ralph Fiennes is. Did you see pictures of him recently online? Ralph is 52? He's 62, and he had to get his body together for that movie, The Odyssey. And so all of these pictures of him have been going viral. He looks amazing. And he's shredded and ripped. He looks amazing. I want a part so badly where I can just avail myself of the team that goes...
Wake up now, eat this, get on this treadmill, lift this weight, eat here again, get this massage, do this stretching, take this injection.
What's in it? Just take it. Testosterone, basically. Yeah, we all need testosterone. I'm sure, I mean, my doctor told me that I had no testosterone like five years ago. And I was like, well, what is it for? And he said, it's to protect your muscle mass and to give you a sex drive. And then he said, and the side effects is that your hair can thin. I'm like, well, what do you want me to be, bald and horny? Like, no thanks. No thanks. I'd rather not have testosterone. I already have a huge attitude. I...
have done it. I've done testosterone. My wife hates it. Hates it. Yeah, yeah. It's not as good for women. Men, I understand. It's good for men, but not for women. My wife doesn't like it. Cheryl hates it because she thinks it makes me grumpy, which it does. Oh. Or aggressive. Does she think it makes you aggressive or grumpy? Short-tempered is the word. Okay. And I definitely, it's, they should add hair loss,
Road rage should be an actual stated. Yeah, but you're not losing your hair. Your hair is as thick as ever. It looks like you're wearing a merkin. It's a hedgehog. It's a full-on hedgehog. But, like, I remember I was turning 30.
And I hadn't been on a magazine cover in forever. And I got the West Wing and the West Wing was having a moment. And so I got on this People magazine cover. I was so excited. And I looked at the cover and said, wait one fucking second here. What is, hang on. And I thought I might be receding a little bit. And I immediately, I took it with the seriousness of a nuclear threat.
America's heartthrob starts to lose his hair and then what? No one wants it. No one wants that. You're right. No one wants it. I don't want it. No one wants it. And so I went to the best doctor in LA and he was like, I walked in and he was bald. And I was like, fuck. But I listened to him anyway and
You know, we have science. We have medicine. We have pills that can help. We have minoxidil. Shit works. That stuff works. That's for anybody. You guys, minoxidil, let's do a PSA for people. Minoxidil is a great prescription medication that makes your hair grow. I take it. I think, I mean, every gay man I know takes it. That's how I found out about it from all my gay hairdressers. Yeah. I mean, there's no excuse. That's why I'd always like...
I guess the cultural thing is like, I remember watching, oh, I don't know. There's no excuse to become bald. Yes. That's what I was about to say.
Well, some people are just kind of born bald. Like they don't have a long shelf life for their hair anyway. Like, you know, that Senator Mark Kelly, he hasn't had hair ever since I've known him. That's right. Since he's been on the public scene. So I think some people, when they go bald, there's no coming back. You have to like hit it in the nip it in the bud as soon as you start losing your hair. That's right. And then the other thing is commit to that because that's a great look. Bald is great. I got no issue with it. It's the I mean.
Oh, I think you have an issue with it, Rob. I definitely think you have an issue with going bald. No, no, no. But I would... Okay, do you remember in the day, back in the 80s, there was a Star Trek movie and it was revolutionary because they had a hot, beautiful character woman in it who was bald. I'll never forget her name, Persis Kambada. Look that one up for a deep cut.
But I look like her if I look bald. I look like a bald woman. A bald woman. Yeah. Well, yeah, you do have some feminine features, which is why you're so handsome. Why you're so appealing, I guess. Maybe handsome doesn't go with the feminine features, but there are handsome women out there, Rob. Yeah, well, and she was one of them. And I'm like, I've had to wear, you know, skull cap, bald caps for parts and stuff. And I literally like, yeah, I'm like Brooke Shields without propitia.
Yeah, you, yeah, you came up with Brooke Shields, right? Totally. Yeah, she's probably 60. You guys are kind of the same age, same ilk. Yep. There's a, there's a, listen, Cruz is up, Cruz is my age. Um, there's a, look, as you, it's a cliche to say, I mean, you, you're, you look amazing. We're out skiing. You'd out ski the average 25 year old person for sure. Yeah. 100% you would.
Isn't it funny when you go skiing with people who say, oh, I can ski or like people go, oh, can I come up and visit you in Whistler? I'm like, can you ski? And they'll be like, yeah. And I'm like, where have you skied? And one, I had one boyfriend, Joe Coy, who was like, I know how to ski. I skied in Vegas. And I, I said, Joe, that's not real. Is that an indoor ski resort? And he said, yes. And I'm like, that's not skiing. Indoor skiing is not skiing.
But so many people think they can ski and they can't fucking ski. So it's like if you have to be honest about your level, just because you went skiing three times when you were a kid doesn't mean we're on the same level. And then I have to put you with a ski instructor. That's $1,500 a day. You know, it adds up. And the other thing is, how about when you realize that and you've taken them up to the top and you're up there and you babysit them all the way down?
Yeah, that's annoying too. It's annoying. The way I learned to ski was my dad would literally take my brother and I up to the top of Snowbird. Oh, yeah, that's hard. And we'd take the tram up and then it'd be howling wind and super scary. And we were so little, the wind would literally blow us on our skis.
And you can't see this cat track and it's like. Yeah, yeah. I've skied Snowbird and Alta and they're both fucking scary as shit. And I'm a good skier. There's only whenever there's only four lifts. I'm like, I don't think so. That means you're going up to four places and there's no other way to get down. I like mid-mountain lifts. Mid-mountain. Yep. I like to avoid lunch. Oh, you do? Big lunch avoider.
Oh, really? I don't, I see. I have to stop because I, well, you're sober. I need a margarita juice booth at around 1130 noon every day when I ski. Because at first I get up, I'm usually skiing around nine. Then I ski for a couple of hours. I want to stop for a couple of snacks and a margarita, possibly two. Then I go back out and then I'm more fearless for the next, the set, the next,
set of the afternoon skiing, which is usually where I step it up. And then I'm like, okay, okay. And so, but I know you're sober, so you can't even enjoy those things. I'm winding it down. My thing is now to hit it hard and then start winding it down. I don't want to do the last run, hoorah, Achilles snap. It's like...
I'm going to warm up in the morning and I'm going to hammer it. And then when everybody's out and had their margaritas, thank you very much. And oh, sorry, I didn't see you. No, no, I'm not like that. My margarita makes me more focused, not less focused. Oh, okay. Yeah. What about schnapps or like a... Is there such a thing called a boda bag or am I misremembering this? A boda bag? Yeah. What's that? It's like a... Like kind of like animal skin...
Canteen Oh yeah But I don't want I like going in And chilling at a nice restaurant I don't want to go to the cafeteria I don't want to have fucking gummy bears I want serious food I want some prosciutto and like mozzarella And possibly some like grilled prawns And then I go back out I need really fine dining When I go skiing I don't like any of that shit So mammoth is off your list
Mammoth is off my list, but I heard about Mammoth. This is a special ski episode. This is, right? People are tuning off in droves. I know. People are like, who fucking gives a shit? Mammoth is good because it was just bought by a developer, so they're going to actually make it so that there's a center of town and make it a resort. Because you know Mammoth is a little bit random. There's nowhere—it doesn't feel like a resort. It just feels like, eh. It's—
It's a great mountain. It's too windy. It's a great, great, great mountain. And literally, if you don't want to eat only, you know, French fries, hot dogs and chicken fingers, you're fucked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do want those things, but I can't really have those anymore. You know what I mean? I'm not 25 years old. All right. Back to aging. You're right. By the way, yes, we're talking about skiing, but we're using skiing as a as an entry point.
Okay. As an entry point to talk about how we are navigating, getting, I don't even want to say getting older, embracing our current chronological state. How about that? Yeah. Yeah. Was that a question? No, it's a statement. Let me ask you this. Are you meditating?
At all? Are you doing yoga? Are you doing any of these things? Yeah, I meditate. I haven't done yoga, but I'll probably have to start doing yoga just because my body needs something different from weights all the time. I have to do the weights because, you know, we have to like hold on to our muscle. But I need to start doing Pilates or yoga, something that involves a lot more stretching because my body's just really...
I'm traveling so much. I mean, do you travel as much as I do? Are you flying around all the time? Not as much. There are times when I do, but never as much as somebody like you would do who goes out on the road. How do you handle going out on the road? Do you go, I'll do X amount of dates, but then I need to be off and then...
Yeah. And like, are there certain cities where you're like, oh my God, that's two flights to get there. No, thank you. Well, I don't, I try not to do that. If it's a two flight city, it's kind of off my routing. I don't do that anymore. But if it's like, I'm about to go on a European tour where I start off in Reykjavik and I end in Lisbon. Wow. And I'm also looking for obviously an international husband so I can get the fuck out of this country. But I am, that's going to be 16 cities in like 22 days. Wow.
So I'm going to either probably not, I'm probably not going to drink because I can't. You're going to Europe and you're not, you're the one person who's going to Europe and not drinking?
Yeah, you're right. That's the lie. That's not good. I'm going to drink. That's a bad plan. But I'll probably have to keep it to a dull roar because it's going to be so much traveling and it's going to be so much wear and tear on my body. The one thing that I do subscribe to that I think, well, I subscribe to everything. I take as many supplements, peptides. I mean, all of those things keep me very energized and like youthful. So I take tons of peptides and I'll be traveling with those. Those are for, you know, muscle recovery, stamina, not to get sick.
Thymosa alfin, all of these things. And then, I don't know, I'm going to have to figure something out. I mean, I've been pretty tough my whole life. Like, I've been able to handle a ridiculous amount of work in a ridiculous amount of time, and more so than many other people I know. But, I mean, it's definitely catching up to me. I got food poisoning the day before yesterday. Oh.
And I haven't had that in years. I haven't had it. I had a bad sushi meal and I thought I was going to die. And I knew, I'm like, oh, you're 50 now. This isn't like you're 25 and you can just roll it off. Like I had to get an IV last night with a leader. I had to, and my kidneys felt like two slings. Somebody had taken two slingshots and just, you know, aimed them right at my two kidneys. And I was like, oh, I might die tonight. And I was like, oh God, you know, what?
If I did die, thank God it's now. You know, thank God it's now so I don't have to see the end of this administration. But I was, I recouped. I mean, I'm up. I'm walking around. I'm going to get on a plane later this afternoon to come back to LA. So it was just a nice wake-up call to say, be gentle to your body. Be careful with your body. You can't continue living like you did when you were in your 30s now that you're 50. You have to respect your body.
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Is there a je ne sais quoi you're looking for? I mean, I love sexy Spaniard, sexy Spaniard. Well, frivolous French. I love British men. I mean, I love British men. That's always been my thing. I love I mean, not always been my thing. It's one of my things, because obviously, you know, I have a lot of things. Yeah. But I love British men. What do you love about them?
I just like their sense of humor. They're biting. They're sarcastic. I like that. I can relate to that. They're bright. They're well-educated. But there is an advantage to having a language barrier with somebody from a different country. Like perhaps, Portuguese men are never large enough for me. They're diminutive. So they're small. And that's not going to work for me. So I have to find either a French man. Where do you draw the line on diminutives?
Yeah, I can't have a man that I could hurt in a fight. You know what I mean? I need somebody physically superior. You and I right now are in a 7-Eleven and we're turning around by the door is that chart that when the robbers run past the guy behind the bar can go, he was 5'5". Oh, yeah, that's smart. Looking at that 7-Eleven robbery chart.
Right. Where do you draw the line on what's romantically appropriate for you? Six feet is romantically appropriate for me. Well, I would be fucked. Why? How tall are you? 5'11". Oh, really? You seem so much taller. Have you shrunk? Oh, for sure. Probably. I don't want to get, I definitely, that's the one measurement I definitely don't want to do because when the shrinkage, men don't like shrinkage. Which shrinkage are we talking about, Rob? All of it.
Oh, okay. We don't want, I don't want any of it. Well, imagine if they were measuring your penis size and your height when you were running out of a 7-Eleven after you robbed them. That would be really actually easy to find the person. I would be like those guys who are like on Broadway where they have to be naked in front of people and they're just fluffing for like a half, they get there like an hour before curtain call and just fluff it. Have you ever done Broadway? I have, but my penis hasn't.
Oh, well, you know, your penis has. That's true. That's true. I always have to remind you of this stuff, Rob. I know. I'm limited.
You know, I was, I interviewed you. I asked you, I invited you and Cheryl to come to my show at the Santa Barbara Bowl like two years ago. But you guys were out of town somewhere. I know. Isn't it great, that place? You must have killed, I'm sure you killed it there. But that is the best venue ever. One of the best venues ever. It kind of reminds me of Red Rocks. Have you ever been to Red Rocks? It's such a gorgeous venue. It really is like so special. And Santa Barbara Bowl is one of those venues. I love performing there. Are you, when you get back from the European tour, are you doing an American leg performance?
No, I'm going to go. I'm just trying to take some time off from touring. So what I'm going to do is to revert back to your earlier question about, so I do, I'll do like these 16 dates,
And then I go to Mallorca. I have a house there. So I go there for a week. I'm promising myself not to invite any friends because usually I say that. And then every once in a while, I'll be like, oh, you might as well meet me in Mallorca. And then I say it to another person. And then before I know it, I have a house full of people who've never met each other before. Oh, interesting. So I'm going to go to Mallorca for a week. And then it's my sister's 60th birthday. So we're going to Greece for a week. All the girls in my family, like 11 of us.
We're going to go to Greece for a week. And then I thought I might as well go to England and go to Glastonbury because I had never been to Glastonbury before. I have never been. So I'm going to go do that. And then I thought, well, Wimbledon is right after that. So I'm just going to stay in Europe for about two months and hopefully I'll be able to get back into the country after that. And if not, so be it. Glastonbury, do you know who's playing yet? Have they announced the bill?
I know Brandi Carlile is playing because she's the one who told me about it. I love her. Yeah, I mean, who doesn't love Brandi Carlile? She's awesome. But I mean, no, I don't even know the lineup and I don't care because it's just so much fun regardless. So I got my hotel rooms. I got my transportation. I'm bringing a friend. And yeah, I'm excited to go to Glastonbury. That seems like it's going to be a great party. What if you have found your European potential husband? Would you bring him along or would you sort of...
keep him within his own borders for a while and do your own thing and kind of... I think long distance is really where I thrive, Rob. I'll be honest. Like, I'm not interested in living with someone or shacking up with someone. I like long distance. I want there to be, like, a period of time where you really miss them and then you get to see them for short, like, a week or two weeks or a vacation. And then, you know...
And I'm not a 24-hour-a-day person with somebody. I can't even think about something like that for me. And you're on Raya now? I've always been on Raya. You've always been on Raya. Even when I'm dating someone, I'm still on Raya. Yeah, you're one foot in, one foot out. Always, always. You know, I'm not looking... Like, when I get with a boyfriend...
and this doesn't apply to every boyfriend, but I'm never thinking, oh, this is forever. Like I always think, oh, this will be a fun period of time in my life. Enjoy it for what it is. Don't put any expectations about the future onto it because I think that's where we can really mess up. And if you end up like staying with the person for five years, great. But I'm never going into a relationship hoping this is the one. I find that to be a large crock of shit. What is the...
Yeah, everything's one day at a time. Yeah. The only way anything happens good is one day at a time, I think. Yeah. Well, that means you just have to be present minded. Do you find yourself someone who's very present minded?
Uh, I, I have to be because it's the only way to, that my sobriety has worked. It's the only way my marriage has worked. It's the only way, um, any relationships have worked because it, you know, inherent in not doing it is taking things for, for granted. It's like, oh, I can always do this or they'll always do that. And yeah, it's not easy and it requires work, but one, 100% being present. Yeah.
And when do you think sobriety like became something that wasn't so effortful? Like when at what point when someone becomes sober, does it just become OK? Like it's not a struggle anymore that is like painful. It's different for different people, for sure. For me, I was so depressed.
as they say, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired that I was so elated to like at least have a roadmap to begin a new journey. And then, you know, you're on what they call the pink cloud where you're just, you're like so excited. I remember I got a t-shirt that said 100% drug free. It was like whenever I was wearing those Wham t-shirts, remember those white t-shirts, the big block letters? Yeah.
Mine was like, yeah. And I was, I was like super into it. And, um, but you know, 4th of July rolls around. I'd like a Corona a lot with lime in it. I'd like, I'd like that. New Year's Eve rolls around. I'd like to be getting blasted. It's, uh, it's 1130. Got a half an hour here. Um, I'm at the Dodger game. It's hot. I'd love to have some beer. Definitely. That's or, uh,
You're at a Rolling Stones concert. This happened to me with Nine Months of Sobriety. And Keith Richards' girlfriend goes, Keith wants you to come party at the hotel. I'm like, are you fucking kidding? Where were you six months ago? Yeah, that's hard. That's really hard. Is Cheryl sober? No, total normie. Oh, so yeah. Interesting. Which she's a total normal person. And I love it because I get to watch how actual regular people
experience life yeah where like they the kind of there's like a half of a joint or you don't have to actually finish the whole thing like i have to finish i had to finish everything i had i had to finish everything everything ever oh and it's still that way with like you know somebody if i'm skiing i'm like oh my i'm aching they go take uh take two here here's two advil i'll take
If two's good, then three's for sure better. I mean, that's just the way my mind works. Go off to my own device. Yeah. I have some similarities to that. I have an ick. I dated this guy who brought... We were at my house in Mallorca and he brought a drink to the bedroom at night. Like we were going to bed and he brought his cocktail up to the bedroom. And I...
was there was something in me that was so, I felt so, it was so repugnant. Like the idea of bringing a drink to the bedroom was like my last line. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. You can't bring a drink to the bedroom. That is so gross. Let me ask you this though. Again, because I'm trying to think of like in a past life, what you and I would have been like. So, okay, I wouldn't have brought a drink to the bedroom.
because I would have already had a drink stationed in the bed. Like I had, see, so my jam, because I learned everything about what was cool from bad influences in movies and television and music. From all the movies that you were in. Well, even before that, I was like, I was like, oh, to be a movie star, you need to be a pussy hound and live on Mulholland. Great, check, I'll do that.
And then you're like, you know, Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty. Hello. And then it was like, and Laker seats got to have that too. And then it was like, and you had to, a party was Cuervo Gold and the fine Colombian, Steely Dan. Right. Oh, yeah. So I learned, I literally learned everything from those influences. So I had the Cuervo Gold by my bedside table. Didn't have to bring it. Yeah. It was there. What about like, what time of day would you start drinking?
Well, if I was working, I didn't drink because I was one of those guys and you still see it out there and I get it. It's like work hard, party hard. Like I was super disciplined. I was a pleasure to have in class. I'd never wasted, never even occurred to me to like I was like a real pleasure to have in class, like team player. Great. But when the sun went down and I was off the clock, then that was a different story.
So it was like, you know, when the sun went down, I have a friend who says, when the sun went down, the eagle would fly. Yeah, that's...
That's what I am. I'm like a type A in the morning from 8 to 11 where I get all my shit done and then I turn into a type Z at around noon because I'm very effective. I'm very motivated and productive, but I can't work ridiculous hours. You know what I mean? If I'm doing a press tour or something, that's a different thing. But in my personal life, I get up, I read, I take care of my emails, I do my stuff. And then at around noon, I'm like, okay, anything goes.
And sometimes anything does go and sometimes nothing really happens. But it's interesting. It's interesting to think about. This guy that I dated also once had a drink, had a beer at my house at 9.30 in the morning. Uh-oh. So those were two signs that, I mean, he's since, you know, been removed from my life just because I found... Not because...
I mean, it's definitely judgmental, but it's also just such an ick. You know what I mean? It's such an ick for someone to have a beer at 9.30 in the morning. Gross. I feel that way. And I know half of my audience is going to go, oh, come on. I feel that way about pot. First of all, I never liked pot. And it was before they had all the cool versions of it. Like I bet now, particularly in Vancouver, I could roll into any store and go, I want the version with no paranoia.
None. And I want the version that like, you know, is, is, if by the way, if it just no paranoia would have done it. Oh, and not nauseous. Sometimes I would get nauseous. Weird. Oh, that's funny because pot helps you not be not like yesterday when I was so sick and nauseated, I took a hit of my little pipe because I was like, oh, this will cure my nausea. And it did. So that's funny that it made you nauseous. I just,
think some people have an allergic reaction to weed. Some people cannot handle weed and you have to respect that. Just like some people can't handle alcohol. The minute they have a drink, their personality fucking changes and they're a sloppy hot mess. Right. You know what I mean? I'm that way with pot. I was like super gnarly. Yeah. And so it's not for you. Yeah. It wasn't for me. And I kept trying it. I kept going,
It must be. I could do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I remember at one point I was on Willie Nelson's tour bus and. Oh, wow. And yeah. And and I fake, you know, like passing it in the circle and you kind of like fake toke it to like be. I fake toked it. Like Bill Clinton? I didn't inhale.
I did not inhale. I once smoked pot with Willie Nelson on his tour bus. I was filming something for my old Netflix show. And I smoked a joint with him and his, I guess it was his girlfriend who was on the bus or maybe his wife. I don't know. She seemed very like, you know, they were together. And I was high for three days after that.
that. I couldn't drive home, obviously. I was a disaster. We were filming somewhere in Orange County and they drove me home and I wasn't right for three days. So who knows what the fuck is going on with that guy? That guy. I couldn't get out of the tour bus and I fake-toked it. Faked it. And I couldn't get out of the tour bus for hours.
Well, what I think is true is, well, A, you're around all that pot. So you were high anyway, whether you inhaled it or not, because everyone else was. But I also believe in osmosis, like, and I mean, to believe in osmosis, it's science. But when you're high, like, say I'm on mushrooms and I'm around someone else and I'm giggly and laughing and hysterical, that person becomes giggly and laughing and hysterical too. So there is osmosis. Like, even if that
person didn't ingest the drugs that you did, they are simply, they are feeling the effects of it as well. So there's something to that. And so put those two things together and that explains the reason you couldn't get off the tour bus. Mushrooms, I was good for like a mushroom. I liked mushrooms during the Christmas season because there were so many twinkly lights around. Oh, that's right. That's nice. What's so festive? What's more festive than mushrooms? Mushrooms.
Nothing. I don't think. And, but then, and I would, I would always end up on the floor. Like I couldn't get low enough. Like I always wanted to be like, there's something I just, I just want to get like really down on the floor and I would howl. I loved that. But, but like once a year, once, twice a year was enough. That was it.
Yeah. Yeah. Mushrooms are intense. You don't need them all the time. Wait, have you done ayahuasca? Wait, we must have talked about this. You've done ayahuasca. Yeah, I did ayahuasca. It's on Netflix. It's a special on Netflix. Yes, we talked about this. Yes. But I do. My new thing is LSD. I like microdosing LSD.
because it gives you, it's just the best. It's not too much where you feel out of control. It gives you a little energetic, not a little, but if you're out skiing and you take a microdose of LSD, it's just like, it makes everything just even better and more exciting and you're more energized. And when you're looking at nature, it just really beautifies everything. So my
What I'm on lately is a microdose of LSD, and I love giving it out to people and letting them experience the joys. I got very scared listening to that. I had anxiety agita. Good. That means that you did the right thing by becoming sober, Rob. Because I would be so, so scared. I don't want to be like...
Brian Wilson took that first hit of LSD and then lived in a sandbox in his bedroom for a decade. Like that's my... Is that what happened to him? That's what they say. Oh, poor Brian Wilson. That's terrible. But that was when LSD was LSD. Right. Like now they can refine things and put them in such micro doses that it's not overwhelming. Like your day's not shot. It actually, like I could take a hit of LSD and do podcasts all day and be fine. Well, and all the tech
bros do it, right? Like at Silicon Valley, everybody's microdosing. Everybody. They're on lots of shit. They're on ketamine. They're on fucking LSD, MDMA. Who knows? I think everyone should just take a bunch of MDMA so our world can calm down and become a more loving place. Oomch, oomch, oomch, oomch. We could do like a, we could have a Coachella. You could even dance to MDMA.
MDMA makes you so tolerant that I could dance to techno if I take some MDMA. I could stay up and dance to techno all night long. And I fucking hate techno. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I kind of, I don't know. Like it? I kind of, I kind of get it. I mean, I kind of, I kind of get it. Like a little Daft Punk, like, like, you know, a little, I mean, that's such an old, by the way, there couldn't be a more old man reference than that. I know. It's like, ooh, Daft Punk. Congratulations, 2008.
I don't have any real modern day techno references anyway, so I can't even help you out right now. Yeah, I can't either as I'm saying it. Although I recently became aware of a DJ called Horsewoman. Oh, that sounds like me. A lot of people call me a horse. A lot of people call me a horse. I don't know if they mean whore or horse, but I'm pretty sure it's horse. A lot of people have said that I look like a horse. And you know what? I can't disagree with them. I do have some big features. Yeah.
I have a question. How do you like living in Montecito? I love it. Obviously, because you're still there. Is it nice to be out of LA? Like, what's so great about Montecito other than the size of everyone's homes and the nice atmosphere? Well, it's been nice for different things in different phases of my life. So when I moved up here 30 plus years ago. You were like the OG Montecito. I definitely feel like the OG Montecito, for sure. Yeah. Particularly as I...
as I walk around and see so many people who you would never, ever, ever, ever have seen in Montecito in the day. And I welcome them all. I feel like it's all additive. But it was very sleepy when I moved in. I was always the youngest person in the room by far, by 20 years. There were no young families, none at all.
And I just wanted my kids to be raised out of LA. And it was rural. Almost no one was in show business. Yeah.
In fact, do you blame yourself for all of the do you blame yourself for Meghan Markle and Harry moving there and all the other celebrities that you've since ushered in? Actually, I know Cheryl helps a lot of people when they do move up there. She helps people, mutual friends of ours find homes when they were building homes, blah, blah, blah. So do you feel responsible? I mean, in that I've always been people always ask about it and I always
talk about how much I love it on that level for, for sure. But I, I think what really, what really happened, I know is, is, um, LA went to shit, uh, and COVID happened and people realized maybe I don't actually need to be in the office or maybe I don't actually need to, or maybe I can just do it. So that changed the way we thought. And, um, and then LA continues to just get worse and worse and worse.
So, I think it's kind of, it was inevitable, but it was powered by, I think, those things. And every time you go to the airport, do you drive two hours or do you take a helicopter? No, you drive. By the time you do all the other stuff around it, it's easier just getting the car and go.
Yeah, because that's like a barrier of entry for me. Two hours to the airport. I'm always at the airport. I'm like, I feel like I should live in like Vista Del Mar just to help my life. Obviously, you know, but yeah, I got to be close to the airport. When I'm in Whistler, I'm two hours away from the airport and that's a big pain in my ass. Oh, it's huge. Like I think about shooting in Canada and stuff and I go, well, if I shot in Vancouver,
The budget would be better. And because everybody always wants me to shoot out of L.A. And I've so far been the only person that one of the only people I know that has been able to keep my productions in L.A. But Vancouver is always on the list. And I go, I don't want to have to go round the flagpole. Remember that thing? Do you know what that is? What they make you do that up there? What is no. What is that? Oh.
It's where there was like, hey, you got to go around the flag pulley. I'm like, fuck. And it's where you go to the border and there's literally a flagpole. You drive from Vancouver to the border. You go around the flagpole and they restamp you and then you get to go and be in Canada. It's like a work permit visa thing.
And that is a barrier to entry for me is like the hassle. I've never heard anything about that. That sounds terrible. Around the flagpole. That sounds like a game you'd play in nursery school. Ask around. You'll hear about... Next time you're at customs, go. I don't have to go around the flagpole, do I? I'm going actually today, this afternoon. We'll see if I get in. Yeah. I mean, you just know. And now you never know. ♪
Okay, so, okay, we covered your boyfriend search. By the way, if you ever settled, settled, settled with quote, big quotes around it down, you wouldn't be the Chelsea Handler that we know and love. Like, America's not rooting for you to win in a rom-com. I don't know. I mean, when I have been in relationships, I had one very public relationship and everyone was really excited about it. But I have to say, I...
I feel like I got through the period of time where I would have been vulnerable to having children and having a husband and getting married. You know, I've been with men who've wanted to get married and obviously I had to break up with those people. You have to immediately, obviously.
But I got through like that tunnel of vulnerability where I would have been susceptible to children or a husband. And now that I'm on the other side of it and I'm 50, obviously I'm not going to have a child that would be functioning. And I'm not going to... Now if I got married, it would be like a fluke. Like it would be like, oh...
Like it would be, why not try it? You know, who cares if it ends or, you know, it lasts very long. I talked about this a lot in my new Netflix special. Oh, by the way, I should plug my Netflix special. Yeah, we got to talk about that. It's on, it's currently streaming. On Netflix. It's called The Feeling. It came out like two weeks ago. It's my favorite special. So please download it if you want to hear anything more of what I have to say. Which we all do. I know I always do.
I know you do. I wish I got to see you more often, Rob, because it's always nice to see you. I know. We don't... We got to... Because you're in Canada so much and on the road, I feel like it's always like a holiday party. It's the only time we ever get to see each other. I know, but I haven't seen you in years. It's been years. Years, years. And you look exactly the same. Honestly. It's just... It's...
It's confounding how you can look exactly like you did in St. Elmo's Fire. You know, we're doing a sequel. We're doing St. Elmo's Fire 2. Are you fucking kidding me? We are. We are. We're waiting for the script to come in. Oh, my God. We're supposed to get it literally like any week. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. I saw you guys did a panel recently with Ali and Demi and right. Everyone. That was breakfast. That was Breakfast Club.
Oh, that was Breakfast Club? Yes. Oh, okay. So St. Elmo's Fry. Those two are kind of go hand in hand. They're sort of peanut butter and jelly. They kind of go together. If you're going to do one, you better do the sequel to the other also. Breakfast Club is great. To me, Breakfast Club is the good fellows of those movies. Really. What? So what would be the circumstance if you guys would just be reuniting after all this time? How many years ago was that? 40? 30? I think it's 40 years. Fuck. Oh, my God. I know.
I know. That's so crazy. I mean, but it's one of those things that like you go, yeah, I'm super interested in those characters.
what the fuck happened to them? Like, what did they do with their lives? And what are those relationships like? Are they still in those? There are probably people in the, in, in the world of St. Elmo's fire who haven't even, they've maybe seen each other a couple of times. Others are still really close, but they all get back together for this one particular incident. And, and,
It's a death. I can already tell it's a death. You come back together for a death. That's the big chill model, right? Well, it worked for that, didn't it? You know what's amazing is when we did St. Elmo's Fire, they called us the little chill because the big chill had just come out. And I watched the big chill again recently because when it came out, it seems so adult. They're like barely 30.
In the big show. Oh, God. Really? Yeah. They're barely right. Because we remember that. Oh, they're so. Bull fucking shit. They weren't. No. They were like barely 30. Newlyweds. Maybe. I don't think any of them had babies.
Isn't it so funny, our frame of references? It's like, you know, what was that other show with Ken Olin? 30-something. Right? 30-something. And like, we looked at that. Like, I remember being young and watching that and being like, oh my God, these people are so mature and so old. At 30? Like, I didn't have anything fucking going on at 30 years old. I was a hot mess. And then you look up and you're like, these people, you know, like, were so professional. 30 is nothing. No, it's, I have a son who's 30.
Oh, my God. Are your kids married? No. He has a girlfriend and my youngest son is, so no, I have a son who's 31. You're on a TV show with your son, right? Yeah, Johnny, yeah, on Netflix called Unstable. And he's going to be 30 this year, this coming year. That freaks me out. That freaks me out more than me being 60 plus.
Yeah, that's the whole reason that I never had children is because it's just a reflection of your own aging. You know, before you know it, you have a 20 year old and then you're like, what the fuck? How old am I? And then you have a 30 year old and then it just keeps going and going. If you're lucky. Yeah, it never it never ends. Like my dad is is 86 and it freaks him out that he has a son who's 62. Yeah. How old do you how old do you think you feel?
Uh, 30? I feel like I'm 30. I honestly, I mean, I, I, I, that I think for, for, for me, the sort of disconnect between like looking at my driver's license or like when you have to say what year you were born and then how I, how literally how I feel, believe, act, interest. It doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't make any sense at all. And, and,
I think that's the good news. But I talked to lots of folks who are way up there. I mean, Clint Eastwood's 90 plus. He's still directing movies. I promise you he doesn't seem like... I promise you he mentally does not go, I'm 90.
Yeah, but he feels like... There are some adults that feel old that are old. Like, that are adults. You know what I mean? I could believe that you feel like you're 30, but I don't believe Clint Eastwood feels anything less than 70. I mean, some people are just old. They're not feeling young or youthful. They want to be...
You know, I always think like you see like a father, right? You see a father like in a dynamic. And like I grew up thinking my father knew the answers to everything, you know, and then I realized he was just a fucking idiot. But when I grew up, I really believed like he knew. And it's like, why? Why do we think that?
Of course, we're little kids. We're impressionable. They think they know the answers to everything. My dad would always say, I know what's best for you. I know what's best for you. And it's like, you absolutely don't know what's best for me. You know what's best for you. And in relation to you, what's best for me? That's what you're thinking about. You're not really thinking about me as an individual, right? So I always think it's so interesting when parents are like these arbiters of like, or these bastions of like the right decision. And they know everything. It's like your parents don't know
don't know fucking anything other than like, you know, sign you up for school. No, they're making, they're making it up as, as they go along. Okay. So here's, now we're on one of my favorite subjects and because I am. Orgasms. Oh, do you want to go there? No, I didn't know. I thought you said that you wanted to talk about one of your favorite subjects or we were on it. I just assumed. What, what were you talking about? Think about orgasms again, because everything I learned, I learned from movies and TV, right?
And as Steely Dan says, I should know by now it's just a spasm. That's what they say. We are now going to do what they call a cliffhanger. If you want to know what I feel about orgasms.
or parenting. Now we're going to go to your podcast and you're going to have to, the second half of this podcast is going to be. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing, we're releasing these on the same day, right? How cute is that? It's so cute. How synergistic, Rob? I love it. I know, isn't it? I mean, this is like the professional teams that surround, I didn't think of this idea, but I do kind of love it. Don't you? Yes, I do love it. Let's do it. Okay. So everybody on three, two, one, we're going to Chelsea's podcast. Dear Chelsea.
Well, that was fun. I hope some of you went over to Chelsea's and I hope some of your Chelsea people came over here and we just made a big, happy mix of our various audiences. I always feel exhausted talking to Chelsea because I never know like,
She's so funny. She's so outrageous. And then like, it gets like super real. I love it. I hope you had as much fun as I did. And anyway, I will be back with more for you next week here on Literally.
You've been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe, produced by me, Sean Doherty, with help from associate producer Sarah Begar and research by Alyssa Grau. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel. Our executive producers are Rob Lowe for Low Profile, Nick Liao, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross for Team Coco, and Colin Anderson for Stitcher. Booking by Deirdre Dodd. Music by Devin Bryant.
Special thanks to Hidden City Studios. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time on Literally.