Dana Carvey: Alan Hale’s Lobster Barrel
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Has our conversation started? Do you have things you want to say to me offline that you're scared to say to the public? Not necessarily. I just want to say that in terms of my hair color on my chin, I reserve the right to do anything I want with my hair based on older rock stars who I admire. Like Ringo Starr is encased in chocolate brown hair.

And so why should I be Santa Claus on the chin? 100%. Hey, welcome to the podcast. Welcome to Literally. It is my extreme pleasure today to have, look, I've worked with a lot of funny people, but I've never worked with someone funny where I look in their eyes and realize that they would eviscerate my human flesh for a laugh.

there's a phrase people use about comedy killer and people can talk about who's funnier than who and whatever. But in terms of killer and killing and onstage comedy violence, it's Dana fucking Carvey hands down. And I cannot wait to literally see what he has to say for himself. The first time I hosted you, I always tell people getting on a live television with Dana Carvey is like going into the ring with a,

Like a tiger. Like, you don't want to look in your eyes on live television. You're like about to be fucking eaten alive. It's like people used to say, you know, doing a duet with Judy Garland. She would just fucking maul you. Oh, she was a badass. She's a badass. Okay, good. You get it. You get the analogy. Yeah. Yeah. I can remember vividly when we did Church Lady.

looking over at you and going, oh, he wants to kill me. He wants to, he would, he would kill me. He would kill me for a laugh without even thinking twice. I try to play fair though. I don't know. Yeah. No, I mean, you would play fair. The other, the other time I saw that look in your eyes, do you remember in Wayne's world when we did this scene, which makes no sense at all, where I come down in the basement and you're building like a robotic hand? Yes. And I remember you saying that was one of your favorite scenes. That was very flattering. And yes, yes.

I do, and I have no excuse for it. It's just, should we tell the story? Yes, we should tell the story. So...

So Rob famously was in Wayne's World 1. Being the character Garth, I inserted this weird little sketch where I was working and making a mechanical hand. And the subtext for me, which was never explained, because Mike is brilliantly always clear with his jokes. Like, you know, he really is able to, and he's an engineer, he's a scientist at it. And I kind of do these flights of fancy. So it didn't really make sense. But anyway, I make this mechanical hand.

The nemesis, Rob, comes in, the guy who I'm thinking of strangling with the mechanical hand. And then you said, Garth, what are you up to? Or something like that. I had some stupid hat on or some big helmet or something. I don't know if I like that. But then the hand started to move once you came in. And then I just smashed the shit out of it with a hammer.

And sometimes it would sort of lay there at the previews because the audience was like, what? Right. But then I do remember Lauren coming in late in the process of vetting the film. And there was two sides, stay in or stay out. And Lauren said, it's one of those things that you'll see 20 years from now and you'll be happy that it's there. Yeah.

So that's why it stayed in. Yeah. Very Lauren, right? You'd be happy it's there. Not only is your Lauren brilliant, but you know he said that. That's absolutely something he would say. Oh, I love inhabiting Lauren and Dennis Miller. There's certain people that are really fun to be inside that rhythm, you know. Your Dennis has always, has always been great. Cry six, but the quiet Dennis. Things aren't really happening, okay? Halty. Okay.

Christ sakes. Doing a pod thing with the low cat. Give me a topic. Just any topic. Let's see. Let's do, I like your Dr. Blix. What would Dana say about Dr. Blix? Jeez, Blixy. Okay, I got to keep track of all those scars every day. You might do a redo once in a while. So why don't I have to do the math of this has two flamingos in it instead of seven. Okay. First, I got enough on my plate. Cha-cha.

So I love just putting it's like a sausage pack. Same with me with Laura. You just get it to anything and you can just put it through and you know how they'd say it. That's why it's really fun. Dennis's nickname for me, it was Sky Lolo. And Sky Lolo was apparently a a wrestler.

In the 50s. I Googled it. It's true. I'm glad that nickname didn't take. That was the first shot anybody ever had of giving me a proper nickname. I've never really had one in my career. But Amy Poehler was the one who finally got a nickname for me that's sort of taken on life. And that's Rollo. And she's like, how has no one ever called you Rollo?

Hmm. That is clever. Yeah, Rolo's good, isn't it? Yeah, Rolo, Locat. Locat, yeah. What else would you, what else you got for me? Okay, Dennis Miller trying to figure out names for me. Jesus Christ, you got two syllables there. Not a lot of work with there, Rob Lowe. Lowe's like a tough nut to crack in many ways, all right? Okay, okay, okay. He looks like he's in junior college, all right? Cal State Stanislaus, okay? Okay.

Jesus Christ, Dorian Gray, what happened here, all right? I want to meet his dermatologist. I can't wait to see if his teeth were any whiter, you know, the teeth.

People will be suing him for blindness. Okay, why don't I... He's the best. I saw your most recent oeuvre was a great version of Dr. Fauci. And I thought if just for a minute I could... Because I have a lot of questions for that motherfucker, actually. And I say motherfucker in the best possible way. He clearly knows what he's doing. He's clearly a selfless guy who's devoted his life to...

to science and been a tremendous help. But he is the harbinger of terrible news. I just would love for one day to have him say something that makes me feel good. Well, he's very raspy, more than you think, because you want to go gravely. But it's more raspy what we're going to do with the COVID-19 experience.

We're going to take all the exotic animals from the wet markets all over the world, the bats, the skunks, the rats, the platypuses, and the anteaters and what have you. We're going to put them in the Circus Circus Hotel one night only, and we're going to put on a benefit for COVID-19. We've got Lance Burton and Chris Angel. We'll train these exotic animals, and we'll put on quite a show in the clown room. It's 1,800 seats. We'll social distance.

The anteater, I understand, will wear a dress and they don't wear dresses. And that's the comedy of it all. You'll see a bat in a tuxedo. You'll see a skunk singing. And it's not normal. And that is where the comedy is. I understand. Dr. We'll be selling us scarves in the foyer.

Dr. Book's specialized scarves, $89,000 a scarf for COVID-19. Too much, you say? How much would Lincoln's top hat go for? $15 million. It's an investment. The Target King guy has agreed to be in a freak show. He was resistant.

Trump's going to pardon. He was resistant. We had him look at Amir and he agreed to appear in a kind of a tent where you can go in and point at the Tiger King guy. I'm Anthony Fucci. You know what? Go fuck yourself. I just feel like in his brain, he's like a really tough guy. You know how tough he is.

Yeah. 40 years surviving his basketball team. He was five, two and he dominated. I figured at the end of everything in his mind, every speech, we're finding the flattening the curve. And for the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourself. Oh, for sure. He's like, do you know how many horrible diseases have tried to take me down? There's all kinds of viruses, STDs, microorganisms, bacteria. They get in you. They get in you. Yeah.

I also like when your Anthony Fauci is describing what's funny is really great. That will be the comedy. That is, you're right. That's the funniest part of the little...

live riff bit that I sent to our our mutual manager I saw a bit you did once you're by the year you're my favorite guest ever to have on things you just always crush um I saw you on it might have been do we ever on Johnny with with Carson oh yeah six times not that I'm counting well it was Carson and I did one with Jay and then six with Johnny

Until I was blacklisted. Yes. Well, that's a whole other chapter we will get to. I didn't know that you wanted to talk about your blacklisting. I am so controversial, Rob. There's a lot. I'm a recluse. I've been social distancing my whole life. This is nothing new to me. I love going to the Arclight Theater at 10 in the morning. I've been in theaters a lot alone. I saw 2001 alone.

At the amphitheater when it was reissued last year. But you like to go alone because you don't like to wear pants. No, just no underwear. So tell me. Oh, Johnny. Johnny Carson.

Is it? Is that weird? I mean, heat. Now, that is a great, a great rhythm to be in. I did this on the Conan deep dives, but these are this is an example of something that means nothing to the universe, but just made me happy. That was Johnny getting pulled over for drunk driving.

in the 1970s. And it's all about where he was drinking and the name of the cocktail. Amazing. Sorry, officer. I didn't know I was swerving. I had two slippery monkeys at the hook and crook.

So that's just too funny. Just anyway, he could have actually had a drink at Alan Hale's lobster barrel. Alan Hale from Gilligan's Island. Dude, did you not know that this might have been before your time in L.A.? I remember being a kid when I moved to L.A.,

And, you know, Gilligan's Island Night we all grew up on. And I was going down La Cienega Boulevard, probably on one of my first auditions riding the back of a bus. And I looked over and there was this restaurant and it's Alan Hale's Lobster Barrel.

And it was there for years in the 70s. Yeah, it just sounds hearty, like a lot of lobster. Because you think of barrels, you think of giant kegs. It's huge barrels of lobsters. I was always really into the 70s. Listen, you brought it up. You sent me on this tangent, so I blame you. If the listener doesn't like it, it's not me. I know it's my podcast. I put my name on it, but this is all Dana Carvey's fault.

Yeah, if you don't want to go down the wormhole of celebrity 1970s Los Angeles restaurants, that's on you. But do you want to go to Carol O'Connor's The Ginger Man? That was one. That was a restaurant? Yes. Or a bakery.

No, the irony was there was no gingerbread at Carol O'Connor's Ginger Man. And it was in Beverly Hills. It was right in the heart of it. Like, Allen Hill's Lobster Barrel at least was like on La Cienega. Wow, the worst investment you could make. No wonder O'Connor kept doing Archie Bunker. Well, my grandfather was in the restaurant business for 50 years and had a, it's now a historical landmark in Sydney, Ohio, called The Spot. And it's just a burger joint.

But he famously missed out on his buddy Dave Thomas's idea to do a restaurant chain called Wendy's. My grandpa missed the boat on Wendy's and we never let him forget it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But this is my favorite, though. Wow. He was going to make up for it with his next big idea, which was a restaurant chain of Phyllis Diller's Chili. Right. Because, you know, when you think of Phyllis Diller. Yeah. You think of her chili. Chili.

That's like Mickey Rooney had a lot of those. Mickey Rooney's macaroni, Mickey Rooney, you know, Mickey Rooney was always trying to come up with names for franchise stuff. You worked with Mickey? Oh, yeah. The single craziest person I ever worked with. Oh, come on. First job. Well, 38 revolver, fully loaded. This script is caca. Come on. Yeah, yeah.

He said when he walked around New York, it's 1981. They're not going to get me. I'm ready. Well, Mickey, I don't even know how to start. He was. I am obsessed with with Mickey Roney. I mean, well, the guy's the biggest you people can't today cannot even imagine what a ginormous star he was for so many years. And when I worked with him, he's probably 62 years.

And he talked about that, how big he was in the show business constantly. And it wasn't even a joke all the time. I was the number one star in the world. You hear me? Bang, the world. Which I did on Saturday Night Live once. And I didn't. I was working with Bonnie and Terry Turner, who helped write Wayne's World, great writers. And I just, every line I told them was what Mickey said.

to go in the sketch. And then years and years later, I'm hosting SNL and with John Mulaney and Bill Hader. They're young, you know, Bill, they were just kind of first couple of years on SNL, fresh face guys. And I go, well, what do you guys want to do? I mean, what do you like of what I did on the show? And they said, well, our favorite thing you ever did was Mickey Rooney. I go, really? Well, yes, that was it. So you're telling me that all that great Mickey Rooney stuff you did

was not you riffing. He actually said it to you. Oh, yeah. Judy Garland never owned a car. Just non sequiturs. You'd hear him down the hallway. How long's Robert Redford been in the business? 10 years? I've been in the business 61 years. You know, one of those guys where it's like six months less than what he was born. Yeah.

I called the head of Warner Brothers. These are all quotes. In 1955, I said, this is Mickey Rooney. I need a job. He hung up on me. And then he would just look off.

But he had a thing, I don't know, this is R-rated, right? But he had an idea for a show where every character's name was a swear word. And he would act it out. Hello, Mrs. Funk. How are you, Mr. Shit? And he went on for hours. Here's our kid, son of a bitch. And Fuckface is going to go over shit. It was just on and on. Hysterical. I'm just thinking, if anybody ever wanted to know what the demo of this podcast is, we've spent 10 minutes on Mickey Rooney. ♪

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount. Terms and conditions apply. Oh my gosh. Where'd you get that outfit for school? I don't gatekeep. Burlington. It's my secret for the hottest trends. And my mom's for saving. Well, secret's out. I need to go. Girl, I got my backpack, these sneakers, this makeup. Wait. Yes. The price is so low. Wait, did you find those jeans there? Ah!

my favorite brand. I'm so excited. I'm going to Burlington now. We're going to rule the school this year. Burlington Deals Brands. Wow. We've known each other for so long that I, and we've been through so many different phases of each other's careers and people we know and all of this. There are stories in my mind that I'm going, is that true? Did that really happen? I need to ask Dana if it happened. Did you

have a really intense experience with a poltergeist. Yes. In my neighborhood here at Montecito at the San Ysidro Ranch. Yes. Yeah, I always, when I'm around Hollywood people and no one knows what to say, I usually use that. I go, has anyone ever experienced anything supernatural besides meeting me?

That's the joke part. But everybody kind of lights up a little bit and they think back. But this one was so bald face that my wife and I go to San Ysidro Ranch. We have dinner. We go in the room. The San Ysidro Ranch is literally a mile from my house in Montecito. Yeah. And it's kind of from the 1920s or something. It had an old vibe. Very cool. But we're in a bungalow.

So I have what I thought was a waking dream state where I felt like something was pressing down on me. My wife's asleep. It's like 3 a.m. pressing down on me and I couldn't move. I was which I found out later. A nightmare comes from the sense of a horse laying on top of you. Oh, yeah. Fun fact. Right. So I get up, I go to the bathroom, puts the water on my face, whatever. OK, that was just a waking dream state.

So I get back into bed. I'm as awake in my mind today. Right now, I'm as awake as I am right now. And then it starts again and it's harder. And then it starts to throb on top of me. It's just and seems angry. And I've never had any other experience like this. Not like I'm some kind of nut job, but it's weighing down on me.

And so then I'm really flipped out. I get up and I'm like, what the fuck? So I wake up my wife. Part of the reason we're still married. I said, honey, we have to go. It's 3 a.m. It's like 400 a night. She goes, OK, OK, that's that's an amazing wife. So then we went out and there was a the sky was lit up with thunder.

And lightning. And then we're driving back on the 101 back to Encino. And there's a dead, a giant possum, half dead, half alive. We're coming up on it on the freeway on its back. It already been hit, but it was alive. So everything was spooky that night. And the only the only time I had a couple little ones was up in Marin County. Our house was built in 1909.

And there was a couple of times and I did not know about white noise or anything. It's just like I woke up. My one son used to have nightmares a lot. So he's in with his brother and he had a little boom box in his room. And I woke up and I said, God, the radio is on. It's in it's between is between stations. What the fuck? It's 3 a.m. So by the time I got into the room, it had stopped. And that would happen to me once in a while. So all I got. What do you got? Well, that this is timeless stuff.

That's really, really, really hard to top. I mean, that's insane. But that said...

Um, I have, so we've been sheltering here at the house for a while and everybody has been seeing, um, a man walk up the steps. Okay. But it doesn't feel scary. Yeah. It doesn't feel, it doesn't feel, it's like you said, it felt angry. This feels actually comforting in a weird way. And we're trying to figure out who or what it is, but every single person in the family has seen it. How old is the house? We built it.

Well, my Irish relatives with Irish accents, they just accept this in Ireland and it's no big deal. And they're just like ghosts. They were just saying, yeah, in our house growing up, there was a mother and a daughter and we'd see her once in a while. And it wasn't a big deal. You know, you just say to them, hello, how are you doing? And then you go about your business. That's all. And with their accent, you just believe them totally. They're just like...

No big deal. So I think now, I mean, we're having fun. It's a podcast, getting to see you and talk to you again. But you got a problem. I would get the fuck out of that wherever. I don't know who your contractor was. Well, did people independently like...

Was it a chain, like someone came in and said, I've seen this, and everyone said, me too? Or they started looking for it and then said they saw it? No, no, it was...

I've seen it. Me too. Everybody's had their own thing. And it's been completely... I mean, you have to understand, though, that I and my boys did a show called The Low Files. I know the show. I thought it was really cool. Thanks, man. To bring it back. Yeah. It was very Scooby-Doo. It was like Scooby-Doo meets Anthony Bourdain. Yeah. And we...

We went to a very known... Sorry, I love that Scooby-Doo. Yeah, of course, Scooby-Doo. Hi, Anthony, how are you? Uh-huh. I'm Scooby-Doo. You must do a great Casey Kasem, by the way. I'm Casey Kasem. If there wasn't a me, there'd be a you doing me. I'm Casey Kasem. Another thing that our young demo is going to go, fuck yes, I just heard a podcast about

where they talked about Casey Kasem. Do you know what I like to do? This is how you know you're getting older, is like I take really good comfort in going to SiriusXM or whatever and listening to Casey Kasem count down the top songs from my childhood. It's unbelievably comforting. Next is Chicago with whatever. The Captain and Tennille with Muskrat Love. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Have you ever heard that great audio of him losing his shit? Oh, yeah. I want to make one up for myself so it can exist in folklore. Yeah, because like Batman, that one. Adam West has one, too?

No, the new one. Oh, the new one. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was Christian Bale. Christian Bale. Right? Yeah. Losing his shit. Oh, I don't like you. Why are you looking at me? Why do Australian actors have such great American accents like Russell Crowe and Christian? I mean, they're just pretty good. Yeah. And the Brits. The Brits, too. It's like you said that when you speak in a certain type of accent, as Americans, we'll believe anything. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Like if a British accent is said to us in a specific way, we just believe it. That's why they get, you know, like they come in and casting directors go, oh, yeah, you can play like an American cannot play James Bond. Like that is not ever going to happen. Believe me, I've tried. They're not having it. It is like the thought of it is a national disgrace. Yeah.

But British people can play our presidents. I know. I love it. I like all British accents. I like the Coltney accent. I like the upper crust, too. If I could talk like this, I would. If I could get away with it. Hello, Robert. Do you know Michael Caine is, you must do him. He's one of the great men of all time. And I've had amazing conversations with him about acting and things. He's like the wise, just...

Like kind of has it all all wrapped up. I made it. I intentionally learned him because I love Steve Coogan's impression of yes so much. Yeah. Yeah. So I usually don't try to learn people, but I literally recorded it and then I started doing it.

And I realized the main thing is you've got to go nasal. If you don't go nasal, you can't really do them. And he started steps down, like he's walking down the staircase and take the bottom. And I, I,

I don't want to scare you, but I think I've got an idea for you in terms of your career. I did leave a message for J.J. Abrams as Michael Caine. Did you know that? What prompted you to call J.J. Abrams as Michael Caine? Well, J.J. Abrams and I, just he liked me on Howard Stern. We met up a couple times, and then we became friends.

just sort of email buddies with Conan sometimes and my brother around our beetle fanaticism. So we've really gotten to know each other talking about things like that. But at one point when I were learned Michael Caine, I wanted to record it for him. And then I just did this message was sort of like, uh,

This is JJ. This is Michael Caine. I heard you're making one of those spaceship movies, and I'd like to put my hat in the ring. I know I'm a bit long in the tooth, but maybe this old geezer's got one more lap around the track. Well, if you feel me, call me up. I'll be here at 1-9-4-9-7-6. Operator 4-9-4-9-7-6.

But yeah, I love him. Yeah. Guy, you've met everybody. You're famous. No, it's, but that's, that's the beauty of like, you know, hanging around the business as long as we have like our heroes, we get to meet them. And, you know, I, one thing I, that always continues to inspire me about doing what we get to do is that,

You know, everyone is a fan of somebody's no matter how famous you are, no matter how long you've been around, no matter where you are in the business. Like there are still people that like get us excited and move us. And, you know, I know for you, it's probably the Beatles, right? I mean, they're there. You're a massive Beatles fan.

Yeah, there's lots of me. I think what they achieved in those six, seven years could not be fathomed even by them. And I think that it took probably 30 or 40 years for it to start to percolate up as new generations went, who the fuck are these people? And I think now with XM Radio and the Beatles Channel, it's kind of like their highest frequency maybe since they started. I get, you know, in terms of comfort,

Well, I get real, you know, anxiety goes down. I get very relaxed with early Beatles, you know, No Reply by John Lennon or Help or those early Beatles rockers where they were harmonizing and Paul and John were sort of sharing their songwriting. Hard Day's Night, Help. And then, of course, Revolver, I think, is great.

Might be their best album, though. I was at Lawrence with Paul. With Paul McCarthy. We both had. I had my Paul story, too. But I want to hear yours. So my Paul story, and I do this in my one-man show. I tell this Paul story. Oh, I got to see your show, too. The year would have been, I'm going to say...

In the 90s? Oh, no, 2003. Oh, okay. I'm going to say it's around, I'm going to say it's 2001. Now, maybe a little earlier, but in the early, very early, early, early, early 2000s. So it's very, it's Stella McCartney, who is a genius and just an amazing woman. And just, I just love her. Yeah. And my wife, Cheryl, and Lauren, and Allison, Paul, and just Paul and Stella was the two of them. Yeah. And

There's music playing in the background, very quiet lunch, and very quietly in the background, suddenly it changes and it's a Beatles song. And I'm like looking at Paul McCartney and I'm hearing the Beatles song playing. And I'm wondering, is it like when I'm channel surfing and I come across a movie and I either maybe don't notice it or hate it or am embarrassed by it or think it's great or underappreciated or whatever. Like I'm wondering what is it like to be Paul McCartney and hear his music in public and

All the time. Yeah. And as I'm thinking that, I look over and he's humming the words to himself. And I hear him sing. So if you want some fun, take a bloody blood. Oh, OK. And he looks up and he sees me that I've witnessed it. And then he gets like really embarrassed.

And then I get embarrassed and it gets really awkward and neither one of us knows what to say. And then he's – and then after a long pause, he goes, I don't even know what it meant really. Take, oh, blah, dee, blah, dah. And his daughter turned to him and said, don't be an idiot, dad. You meant take drugs.

I love the dad thing. Yeah, when I was hung out with him, we went over to his house and I guess his son James had a plastic sword and he was up on a banister and he was going to drop it on his sister. And I'm just walking up with Paul McCartney and Paul goes, if you do that, we're going to have a problem. Him as stern dad. Then he pointed to a piano and guitar and kisses in the inspirations. I mean, there's no way

I mean, he's carried the mantle so brilliantly. He's not gone crazy. He's a happy guy. And I think that his persona...

Because I remember when I met Jimmy Stewart, I'll come back to this. You know, I had I don't do this, but I was at an event and I had to go meet Jimmy Stewart. And I walked up to him. I started to talk and he just grabbed my hand and said, I know, I know, you know. Oh, yeah. You heard it so many times. I got to say what your movies meant to me. I know it's OK. Yeah. You know, I've heard it a lot.

You can go now. Yeah. No, I didn't say that. But with Paul, the...

The funny thing was to me, which I don't normally tell this part of hanging out for four days with him and his wife, Linda, at the time at Lorne Michaels house, never been around wealth. I'd gotten cast on Saturday Night Live. I didn't have any money. I was a stand up and shitbox clubs. I played a pizza parlor in July and then I'm pre-marrying on the show in October and I'm in like five things. I didn't even know I was in the cold open.

You know, it's just like they just threw you in. But Paul and Linda had met me. I'd never been on TV and they were just my wife had stayed in L.A. She had a really good job. Every show I'd ever done had been canceled.

So she wasn't going to come out because I assume it would get canceled. But after an hour later, Linda and Paul come over to me. I just met them and I'm incredibly nervous. And they go, we think Paula should be here. We don't like she they remembered her name. We've we don't think Paula should she should be here with you. We don't think she should be in L.A. Amazing. So then I know and and this is worth telling because of the flow we're in, but when

When I met him, I did have the presence of mind not to say anything about the Beatles. I brought up a song from a tug of war from an album in 1981 that was really good. And George Martin produced it. And I just said, yeah,

In the chorus, one day we'll stand on top of the world with our flag unfurled, but it won't be soon enough for me. What were you thinking? And I really could tell that it affected him, you know, because he never heard that. And I always tell people, what do you say to a celebrity? I say, you find something really obscure that you truly love.

That probably they're never asked about because people who wrote, hey, Jude, or what does let it be mean? But then this, you know what I mean? So this came up and it was thing about a flag, you know, it's just all food. So then he had an album out, pressed to play. So I said, well, can you bring it tomorrow night? Because he and Linda came over every night around 10 o'clock. So the next night they came in and they had the album, but they're kind of sheepish.

And I, oh, you brought press to play. Linda said to Paul, see, I told you he'd like it. So they were having conversations about me. He's brushing his teeth. I don't know if I should. I don't know what Dan's going to think about it. You know, I mean, so it's anyway, I find them absolutely fascinating. I find the relationship between John Lennon and Paul McCartney fascinating. Hearing it through their music. You write a song called Dear Prudence. Ringo's on hiatus.

Paul plays a bass line from the heavens and does the drums and then is harmonizing on your song. So I knew that they loved each other because you can't not. You write a song. Paul goes, how about this bass line? Fuck that.

fuck, that's the best bass line I've ever heard. I always tell people Paul was just the bass player of the Beatles. He would be irreplaceable. Just the bass player. So anyway, I find them fascinating. So we have a little club, Conan, and we'll put you in the link if you want. My brother finds obscure YouTube things about the Beatles and chord structures and all kinds of downtown stuff, and we just fan up on it. I love that. One of my questions I ask people

on the podcast is, you know, Stones or Beatles. I'm with you. And also the thing about McCartney, enough about that guy, is just he's, you can't get more

of being on Mount Rushmore of legendary status than Paul McCartney. You simply can't. It's not just that he's famous, because there's a lot of famous people today who have never accomplished one thing in their lives that will ever be noteworthy. But what he's given to the culture alone, it's beyond belief. And then when you meet him, he's like the most regular, warm-hearted person

full of humility, charming. Yeah. The last party I was at sitting with Lorne and we were talking about the proficiency of Paul as a melody writer, you know, and Lorne just said, oh, he's Mozart, which I guess in, you know, classical music is just like, how did he keep coming up with these melodies? So end of speech. Hope that trends. Thank you.

And we'll be right back after this. All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. I need to hear about George Bush. W. W. The son. Your W. Sorry, H.W. You did the dad. Let's just call him the dad. I get mixed up on initials, Roman numerals. I'm bad. That's why they went 41 for the dad and 43 for 41 and 43. Yeah, that's another way to do it.

That's how they do it. Their family. What's amazing about the elder Bush is there's something about him. Well, you just captured him so perfectly, but, but he's, he's a fucking bad-ass dude. He bailed out of his plane in world war two, stepped out of the wing and then survived on it. I mean, but yet his affect is very sort of not, you would never think of him as a tough guy ever. And he was. Yes, definitely. No one, you got to have sharp elbows to become president of the United States. No one waltzes in.

But yeah, that World War II generation, when you think about how much safety we've, my generation is generally have. And I had one brother who was drafted, but he was stationed in Germany, but I didn't go to Vietnam. And I think in some ways it's made us more afraid and less risk-taking as a culture because we've had so much safety until this pandemic, by the way. We'll see where this goes. It's a little part of history. Yeah.

For sure. But my relationship with him, you know, the only reason it's interesting in 2020 where we find ourselves, which I think is still driven by technology in a certain way. I mean, if they had Twitter and Facebook and all these social media platforms in 1860, can you imagine the Confederates versus what would have been?

But in those days, when I was real, I was really apolitical in the early 90s in a sense. And so I wasn't out to get him or anything. I was just trying to find a funny rhythm. And I think he kind of sensed that, you know, and I finally did meet with him. He said, well, you never hit below the belt.

Never went downtown, kept it up in this area. Never lower, never battering that area down there, but keeping it above the belt, boxing reference.

Low blow, got a point, deducted. You went up top, kept it on that belt area. Yeah, with him, you just keep going. There is no end to how many. And I've said this many times, but I would do I do that to cover myself, not just as an affectation. Like right now, if there's any kind of performance or anxiety, I just go Rob Lowe podcast. Good friend, funny out there doing his thing.

Doing television, movies, you, comedian, hiding in a room, safe, mic, Zoom, podcast.

It's so much. It's very comforting when you just you'd break down your life to that. You know, do you go to the Lincoln bedroom? Did you get to sleep there? Oh, yeah. After he lost the election, he was depressed or they thought he was. But, you know, he wanted to he was very into dignity in the office. So he called me up like, well, why don't you come out to D.C., cheer up the troops? People are a little down, want to bring them up.

And I was so shocked. I was talking to the president. This is December. I literally said to him, well, where would I stay? Just that, you know, he thought I was negotiating. Well, he paused. He goes, well, stay right here in the White House with Barr and I.

So two weeks later, we're in the Lincoln bedroom, my wife and I. Oh, man, that's so cool. And we hung out with them for like kind of like two and a half days. We would have dinners with them. We took walks with them. We went to the Kennedy Center once.

with them. And it was Kennedy Center honorees were in the presidential box with them. And it was everyone going through, Ginger Rogers, whatever, getting their awards. And then at the end, well, the newsman of the day, folks, Walter Cronkite, turned up to the box and said, and now salute to President George Herbert Walker Bush for 50 years of service to America. So the whole audience stands up and

and gives us a standing ovation. I'm next to the president. And, you know, I'm a bit of a ham. So I kind of thought, well, maybe maybe a bit of it's for me. Well, but anyway, so just a tiny. But so then I see he's getting emotional with the Secret Service takes us out. Suddenly we're in an elevator with Barbara Bush, George Bush, my wife and I. And he's just streaming tears down his face, not sobbing, but just really emotional. I thought, really? Really?

My life has been like this. I don't know if you have moments where you go, what the fuck am I doing here? It's like when I did the last movie that Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas did. I'm like, and even being on Saturday Night Live. What? I'm on Saturday Night Live? That's not possible. So this was the same kind of moment. And, you know, we we kept in touch. We did gigs together. He loved we did charity events. He loved me doing Ross Perot. That that was his favorite.

Called him an Henri little shit. Can't finish one time. Can't finish one time. So I would do that for him. And I went to visit him a lot. I was in Houston. They would come visit me in the hotel. The Secret Service would sweep the room. They would come in and there'd be red wine and

George Sr. said he was just a little bit of wine. So I was a waiter at one point at the Holiday Inn. So I was opening it up and pouring easy, easy, not too much. Got to work, you know. And then Barbara Bush goes, you know, George always loved Impressionists and he always fancied himself an Impressionist. Didn't you, George? So then George does a pretty good James Cagney and Henry Fonda. Not bad. So that was another one. Anyway, I could go on. But we became good friends.

My impressions are either okay or bad. When I do my Paul, I do the Paul McCartney thing and it's not when I do my one man show and it's not to do the impression because it's not that good. It's just to tell the story. I don't even know what it meant really.

Well, here's my theory on that. Like, real impressionists like Frank Caliendo that do certain things. He does Morgan Freeman. Like, really, it's beyond an impression. I mean, it's not even. Right. It is just, it's your impression of the guy. I mean, it can be really loosely jointed. I could teach you how to do it. Everything's a question. Did you go to the store? Yeah, I went to the store. You just go up. Yeah, store. You didn't go to the store. I went to the store. I don't know what it meant, really.

I didn't know what would be a line you'd need in your one-man show, and I'll just give you the line. Yeah, because I can do line reading. All my directors have to come on the set and just say, shut up, Lowe. Say the line like this. And I say, well, say it for me. I used to do this with Aaron Sorkin on the West Wing. I'd say, Aaron, just say it for me. And he'd say it, and I'd just say it like that, and that was the end of it. Well, I'm especially a writer like that. Yeah, you're the writer. You hear it. So tell me. I'd do that. Yeah. Here's the line I need for the one-man show. Okay.

I don't even know what I meant. Take Obladi Bladar. Well, I don't even know what I meant. Take Obladi Bladar. It's almost like it's just discovered a cave with a pirate in it.

I don't even know what I meant. I don't know what you mean by oh, blah, dee, la, dah. And look, there's a pirate in a cave. Everything's a little bit like that. A cave? A cave. It extends. I didn't even know what I meant. Oh, blah, dee, la, dah. I could have been anything. He's discovered a cave.

Except for the cave, it's like a pirate in a cave. He's got his drawers down, his old doves are just all over the place, you know. He's got to cover them up with a scuba. You can make up words to him. He gets a scuba, a hood, a clamp, all this private area, you know, and his bottom blonger, you know. And he went wiggly-wiggly with his dirty dudes, you know. Lots of things that they were.

They were flabbing in the flips. You know, the dad just met a mom before. And all of a sudden, it's all this waggly-woogly, right? And I was like, hold on, hold on. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. Probably from a hard day's night or something. I don't know. But yeah, you can do that. Just seen a pirate in a cave.

I had a flashback. You got that look in your eyes. See, I could see you. He's got the Dana Carvey glint where, you know, you're fucking going down. I that. Yeah, I was kind of trained to kill because I came from rough and tumble stand up. And I didn't even know I was actually a sketch player there. I didn't have groundlings in San Francisco.

So with stand-up, it's a dog-eat-dog. You know, you're following a super blue, loud... The audience is drunk. And show us your dick! This guy's not fucked up. You know, this guy was so hung, he was like a human tripod. And he's just killing. So to survive in the clubs, you had to kill. So when I got on SNL, I'd never done sketch comedy. In fact, the very first sketch I did...

I had to stop myself when the audience would laugh to look at the audience. I had to look at the other person. You know, I'd never done sketch before.

So how do you remember your audition for SNL? I had two. I had one where Lorne Michaels saw me do stand up, but a little hundred seater on the West side that Rosie O'Donnell was playing this little club called Igby's. And I knew that I bombed so many times, three times I auditioned for SNL at the comedy store. I followed Kenison's The Ultimate.

killer stand-up, maybe the greatest of all time. He's in The Conversation in his prime. I followed him at midnight with no MC in between. Just he levitated the room and then it's, and now Dana Farquhar, they never got my name right, Dana Garneau and I went up, played to Dead Silence. So when it came around again and Lorne Michaels was in town,

I said, let me let him see me at Igby's because it was a real like tight little club. Wasn't a show business club. So Rosie O'Donnell said, OK, make room. And so we were talking who will go on first. And I I'd never met Rosie, but she even then she just seemed like incredibly confident. So I said, maybe I'll open, you know, but I got to do 40 minutes instead of five. So and I was in pretty good shape. But Lauren, right as I went on, I saw Lauren Michaels come in.

to the room with Brandon Tartikoff, the head of the network, NBC at the time. And then to top it off was Cher. So the trio sat down and there was a tiny room. I could see their faces. And now, Dennis Kamakwa will come up and entertain you. And that was my first audition. And then I did one where you just stood in front of Lauren and like Nora Dunn and Dennis Miller and two other people. And that one was...

I guess I Jim Carrey went in and put his foot. He put his foot behind his neck and dance. I go, he's that. Well, I was like, well, hire him. What are you crazy? You know, but I did. I did get it. But probably from a combination of the two. You know, Dana, I don't think that people should use their bodies for laughs. I think it's cheap.

Dana, we've seen the chopping broccoli thing. Could you play anything else? He would kind of push you a little bit. Do you have a phrase that you've thought of, like a wisdom, like a Rob Lowe wisdom that you think is your own, but you're not sure? Because I have two of them. I can give you an example of mine. Yeah, please. It would be like...

Children give more than they take and they take everything. And that's really good. Your peace of mind, because you're tethered by a string. What if I didn't see that one coming? That's a really good one. And the near greats rule the world.

Ooh. Is that mine? The near greats. Ruled the world because I had to figure out how people... Because I always thought the funniest or the most talented or the best would then be the richest and most successful in show business. But then I just saw... And I mean it politically in all kinds of ways. Imagine if people would run for office if it wasn't there, you'd destroy your family. All across the board. You know, how people intersect...

and stuff. So I just sort of, as I looked at it, I thought, well, the near greats rule the world. So if you're really, if you're great, it's almost a handicap. Yeah. Because being great always means being ahead of your time. Yeah. By definition to be great, you need to be ahead of your time and, and to, to, to be accepted, right. And to be accepted by the masses, you can't put

most people out of their own experience. Yeah, it's become different. When I came through

You know, it was just Kevin Neal and I were offered a Hans and Franz commercial for Nike. We were going to do the actual first campaign of just do it. So it was just do it, you know, that kind of thing. And Lorne called me up and Lorne changed, too. But he said, I just don't think it's what we do. It's not it's not part of our, you know. And then 10 years later, we had Cone had oven mitts in the SNL merchandising store, which I get it, you know.

I turned down a lot of commercials, a lot of things. I was thinking more like I'm Bob Dylan or something. I mean, I'm fine financially, but it is funny how it shifted to –

branding came up and then leveraging your brand, keeping your brand out there, being treating yourself in a good way as a product and a brand, and then leveraging it monetarily asymmetrically wherever you can. I think it's a more honest way to do it. So, but it did shift from, I was still kind of from the sixties in some, some fashion, you know? Yeah. You can't, you can't picture George Carlin accepting that.

an endorsement deal, but it's really, really, like you, I've seen the business change in the way people are perceived. I remember when it was beneath a movie star to do any publicity. Yeah. Beneath them. Yeah. You were just like, the other day, I was just tapping upon a Gene Hackman story, and I thought, okay, there was a guy

Who just was in the movies. I think pretty much all the way through. And you just never saw him anyplace else. So there was that mystique to it. But now it just changed. I don't think I think maybe it's better. I don't have any thing negative to say about it. I think it's more freeing, though. Yeah, I think it's better now. Yeah, it's more freeing. I mean, listen, we live in a world where.

When you win an Academy Award, the next move is you're now the next person in a Marvel franchise. That's what it is. Yes. Or you win an Academy Award and you now are the face of Chanel. Yeah. It's what it is. That's the world we live in. And it's not good. It's not bad. It's just different. And so that would have been unthinkable.

Um, there's no way Dustin Hoffman wins the Oscar for Tootsie and then does a car commercial. It's not happening. It's not going to happen. I think it's more honest. Yeah. And it's like, it's all good. It's more honest in a way, because if you're in on the fence about doing a movie, cause you're not so sure the script is right. And you're maybe not so sure about the director, but it's good money. And maybe there's a co-star, someone in it that you kind of like.

The commercial is just the commercial. It's not your work. Even Paul Newman did a Super Bowl commercial on a little motorcycle. Then it became Vogue. That was the first breaking of the ice. Just do a Super Bowl commercial, which I got...

A couple of those with Lovett's. Johnny Lovett's. Johnny Lovett's. Can I tell you one funny story? He'll listen to this, but he'll laugh. So we're doing a Super Bowl commercial. We're in Miami. We have 51 second shots. We go on a trailer. They have 200 Hawaiian shirts. We're both going to be in Hawaiian shirts. I mean, 100, 200 Hawaiian shirts. And they're all one size fits all. They're kind of baggy.

And so I go in, I get a Hawaiian shirt and I come out and I'm sitting there waiting for John. We're in bleachers. We're in some football stadium. One second shot. John's in there like a half hour, 45 minutes ago. Get John. What's he doing? He comes out. He's got no Hawaiian shirt on. He points at mine. He says, can I wear that one? John, there's a hundred shirts. I like that one.

That was that was that really made me laugh. He'll hear this and got it. Well, he knows it's true. How would how would Paul McCartney wrap this podcast up? Well, you know, we went to, you know, we went downtown a bit. You know, we went back in time and a little time machine. We got Mickey Rooney, Johnny Carlson and people, you know, if you're younger, if you're from a younger generation, you can look it up on Wikipedia. You know, it's like a encyclopedia that, you know, people can add things to.

And then, you know, they talked about the near greats rule the world and this and that. And they went round and round. You know, Dana got scared by a ghost. He was going to ghost me on top of him. That was more riveting than anything else in the whole podcast. So there it was, flash bar. You can watch it in pieces. You know, they didn't, we're trying to save the world. Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx. They're the real superstars. But it's people, people on Zoom talking about nothing.

Just rapping about nothing. Oh, they seem spaced out at least half the time, looking for something to go to. But it's all right. It's all right. They're not scientists trying to come up with a vaccine. But two people in show business going, how are you? Well, how are you? What'd you turn down? I turned down this. You knew him. I did too. That's all it was. That's all it was. All right. Hmm.

I will see you farewell so long, whatever they say over there. I'm going to go cash in. Sorry. That's it. I'm back to you with your hand in Wayne's World basement. Same thing. Fucking God damn you. You made my hand sweat. That's right. I remember this now. You are the only person who can make me laugh till my hand sweat.

Geez, that's interesting. Wow. That's your near-greats rule of the world. All right. I love you, Carve. I love you. We'll talk soon. For sure. Leave meeting. All right, I'm going to try to do what I learned. Well, now it's over. It's all over now. Now, it sounds... God damn it. I had it. When Dana was talking to me about it, I had it. Well, I want to thank my guest, Dana Carvey. No, that sounds like a valley girl.

That's a disaster. Anyway, I want to thank Dana Carvey. He was amazing, as always. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I do. Or you guy. Or you girl. Because I don't think you're like putting this on a speaker and sharing it in front of a group of people. You're like in your car somewhere or wherever you are. Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for listening. We have more to come. You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Tory Bryant.

Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile. Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blairt. Talent producer, Jennifer Sampas. Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts. And remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

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