Julie Bowen: What Am I Holding Back?
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Hey, everybody. It's literally with me, Rob Lowe. I love me some Julie Bowen. Love her. On the list of America's sweethearts, she's certainly on it, whether it's from Modern Family or Happy Gilmore or what have you. And we did a movie together called Knife Fight. We're going to get into some good stuff. Let's get to it with Julie Bowen.

You have been doing Ryan Murphy world, right? Oh, yes. And that is not glamorous. No. In the trailer. I had 11 years of Modern Family. I shared a trailer with Ty Burrell. We had like a cut in half. And like...

Wait a minute. You did not share on that massive iconic hit a trailer. That's how we that's how we saved our money. Yeah. No, no. We shared it. We had, you know, two bangers and you would be worried about farting in your bathroom because you'd be like, sorry, Ty. Like, oh, my God. I know. Like running water. And he could hear phone conversations. I could hear him snoring because he likes to nap.

So I love the technology for people who are not familiar. There's the honey wagon. Remember those? I mean, hell yeah. That's where you go to. That's where basically the entire crew has to use a moving toilet. And there are also...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Then you graduate to a double banger, as they call it. And that's a trailer where it's partitioned, and there's one little bed and one side, and that's what you're telling me with all the money you made. Yeah.

both you made and that you made for the studio and the network, that was the best they could provide. And they wouldn't bring our trailers on location. Sometimes they would if it was really far, but I remember one time having the 16-hour day and I never got in a fight with production at all, but I said, would it be okay if we had like a chair or something to like sit? And they go, for what? I said, well, I just sort of wanted to sit. Never mind. And we just sat on the curb. There

They were like, we would change in one of the neighbor's houses. The Dunphy house was next door to this house for 11 years. Like we knew the neighbors. We saw them grow up and you would go in and they would be cooking and you would go inside and they would have their feet up on the coffee table. Do you want some wine? No, thank you. I'm good. Go up to their daughter's room where like her personal things were and change.

I mean, because they didn't want to pay to move the trailers. But that's how you make Jeff Morton. God bless him. That's how you make that's how you make the studio happy and keep going. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Well, you know, it's like that thing of when you succeed and cutting costs. Yeah.

And you think you're waiting for the like, thank you, or the acknowledgement. What you get is silence and them expecting you to do that all the time. Yes, yes, exactly. It's like if you did it once for X, you can do it twice for half X.

I'm looking at you and behind you is a poster for My Three Sons. Yeah. Because I have three sons. Because you have three sons. I have three sons. And I thought it was funny. Did you ever watch that show? I remember watching that show. I remember. Da-na-na-na.

But I was very young. It was in reruns and I was young. I thought all those shows were live. I didn't understand. Remember the beginning of when they had the hands clapping and stuff? I thought, how are they doing this each time? Just like at the beginning of Max Smart when... The door's closed? And I thought, every time he walks into that door, it's got to hurt him. I thought it was happening every night. I remember...

Watching Hogan's Heroes. And then reading that Warner Klemper was going to be the Grand Marshal for the Hollywood Parade. How is he going to get out of the prison camp in time to get to Hollywood? Was he Schultz-y or was he Colonel Clink? He was Colonel Clink. Oh, okay. He was Colonel Clink and you're like, how is he going to get out of there? He's stuck.

it's black and white. And no, actually was it black and white or in my mind? It was, it was black and white. It was black and white. I can't remember in my mind. I just remember that, um, my dad wouldn't let us watch that. Cause he said that world war two was serious. Well, exactly. And I always think about the, the, the, the pitch, like when they went into the network, um,

You got a comedy for us? We said we wanted a comedy. And yes, we do. We have it. But it's a mixed bag. We've got a very flamboyant Englishman. Yes. And he was like the lover. And they got care packages all the time. And there was like the hot Nazi nurse that would... Who was her name? Fraulein or Frau...

I'm sure Freulein. Whatever she was, and she was always getting it on with Hogan. By the way, sorry, Dad, I watched it. I just realized I gave it away. I watched a lot of Hogan's. It melted your brain. It melted my brain. But I still get it. I still get that World War II is serious. I've read the books. I know it's real.

Yeah. I mean, but they made the same with MASH. I guess MASH was the Korean War. Korean War. Absolutely. The Korean War. Yes. And they and it was that was like I think it was that's probably the last time or the last time it will ever be done to any success where they had a laugh track.

a single cam, which was 50-50 drama and comedy. Yes. Where were the... Like, I used to watch as a kid going... Okay, by the way, it always took place in the most depressing tents ever. So depressing. Everything was in a...

inside of a tent. And I'm thinking, what tent are the people in who are laughing? Where are they? They're so far away, Rob. And they shot all of that out in Malibu Canyon. Malibu Canyon. No, in Las Virginas. Yeah, you can still go hiking there and see them like bombed out mash trucks and stuff. I was so excited to find that out. I loved that show. Alan Alda was my first...

Sex dream. And by the way, sex dream, it was I kissed him. I was nine. That literally is the first one. That is. I literally dreamed that I kissed Alan Alda on match. How was it? I mean...

I exploded. There was nothing left of me. It was so exciting. And it's funny, Alan Alda was your guy as opposed to the guy who was in for like the first season and left who was like super duper handsome. What was his name again? Oh, Larry's... There was the guy who was his... Oh, the guy with the mustache who was cool. He was so fucking cool. Where did he go? Why did he leave? Wayne Wilcox? No, that was Chips. I don't know what his name was, but he was...

a smoke show. Larry Linville? I don't think it was Larry Linville. My producer is telling me it's Larry... Schultz is telling me it's Larry Linville. Schultz, I don't think it's Larry Linville. I think Larry Linville is a character. Schultz? Schultz. Literally, he's out of Hogan's Heroes. I hear nothing!

I see nothing. Well, it was he was so hot, but there was something that why did he leave? Did he want to go do like theater? Yeah, he was going. He wanted to go do movies. Oh, God, that's always Rogers. Oh, good. Oh,

I think it might be Wayne Rogers. Wait, wasn't that the guy who ended up being the tent mate? A lot of confusion in the tents. Well, the tents and then... It is Wayne Rogers. I have confirmation from Schultz. He is not from Hogan's Heroes. And it's Wayne Rogers. Um...

Yes. So where are you? Are you up in Santa Barbara? Yeah, I'm in Santa Barbara, but I'm still shooting for Ryan on Lone Star. I pass where your trailer camp has become the trailer camp for the mothership, 9-1-1. How is it? Are your hours... You know, I did an internship over there. Yes. I did a directing internship, not on 9-1-1, on American Horror. And it was... And I thought...

Oh, God, this is what's coming for me. These these are real hours. These are real working people hours like. Yeah. And going to work with your son, by the way, side by side. I love that kid. How is he? Well, the Netflix thing that I just approved will be a Netflix comedy that he co-created.

where he and I play alternative universe versions of ourselves. Oh, my God. Are you so excited? I'm so excited. He wrote three Lone Star scripts. And so, you know, I would find myself on, you know, he'd be at the monitor and, you know, the director and he would come over and they go, all right, so I think we just need to focus more. And I would be like, this is

This is surreal that my son is basically giving me direction. He wrote three lone star scripts and he was, yeah, because he would be out there. We would be at that like some old mental hospital in Covina or wherever, whatever it is in the city of orange. And that kid, he's funny, though. Is this a is this a funny piece? This is a comedy. Oh, good. He's more he's he's more a comedic.

you know, like he, I mean, he did great on Lone Star, which is a very, you know, audience friendly sort of traditional show, but his, his, left to his own devices, he's a little more odd. And so this, this will help. But because you're like a superpower who was banging it out in your two banger in the 80s, are you able to make, are you able to say, hey, listen, Ryan Murphy, you may own most of Hollywood, but I'm only going to work

six hours a day, twice a week. No, you do it. Well, because here's the problem. I'm also a perfectionist and, you know, an executive producer on the show with Ryan. So we're partners. And so I, here's what I won't do. I won't shoot

long, unnecessary hours, but I'll shoot long, necessary hours. So like if, if we, if the only way to be at this airport to get a runway where a plane is landing, I will do that. But, but, but to be shooting unnecessarily on a set that we own, that we could be on anytime. I'm not that, that I, that I do 800 pound gorilla, that stuff. I love to hear that. And you still, but you drive down from, from Santa Barbara every day.

I finally broke down and got a little place in L.A. So because the kids are out. I only did the drive all the time when the kids were still right in the house. And when Cheryl and I became empty nesters, I was like, oh, now I don't have to schlep home every single night. So.

I it makes a huge difference. I'm telling you now this this this I was doing my homework for this. I was just listening to your Sophia Bush episode and she nailed she you two both glossed upon the fact that you have intimacy issues.

And I was like, I always knew I liked Rob. I did. And we did make out in a movie once. We did. But you said that you had intimacy issues. And now you're saying that you have a place down in L.A. And you don't have to go home every night because the kids aren't there. And I get it. I prioritize my kids. But I'm single now. And I will not. And I'm not even going to date. I'm done. I'm like, everybody wants to get close. They want your time. They want to get in your head. And I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah. As a law student, by the way, can I just pitch your new show you're developing? L.A. Minx. Thank you. You were there before I was. L.A. Minx. I heard it. And the typeset should be like L.A. Law. Yes. And you should have that as your license plate.

Yes. And then I drive away as L.A. Minx. That's right. But I'm just in a shit out of that. But, you know, you probably wouldn't because my actual life is pretty boring because I'm super into my kids and I love them.

But I've recently like, okay, so I do this podcast with a guy named Chad Sanders, who is not a Hollywood guy. He's actually like a full blown intellect, wrote a book. He writes, he writes for TV and movies as well now, but he's a smart dude and he has a real hard time with people. They were always like, I love you. I love you. So we were talking about it. Like, what the fuck does that even mean anymore? Like, I love my kids. Right. Um,

I love my dog. I also love certain foods, but I don't know if I can get myself to loving like a new adult person in the same way. Thoughts? Yes. Yes. How about just yes and yes? I mean, but that said, you're not ready to go sit, you know,

in a monastery or a convent, in your case. I was like, I've retired. I'm retired. It's, it's, I'm done.

I'm not into it. And then I'm not into dating. I tried. I did try. There's a lot of nice people out there, but they want a lot of time. And it's like, it feels like a young person's game. Like, yeah. It's got to be, right? And then like, and if you have kids, you're sleeping over and where are you going to? It's a nightmare. It's just a nightmare. So, I mean, of course, he's never say never. Idris Elba knocks on my door.

Mm hmm. Yes. There's a chance. I'm saying you got a chance address. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. I don't know any of yourself's personal life. He's met him. He's great. But you have to have a list of like Idris Elba and reach out. Why wouldn't you? Well, he's married. My list is really weird. It's got like Stephen Colbert.

Top. Married. Moved to be near him. Run by his house daily. Could be arrested for stalking. Married. Let's see. Who else? Who else would be on that list? They're all married.

I mean, there's not a single one that isn't married. There's most of the NBA. But it's just, that's his fantasy time, though. Like, what are you going to do with that, really? I don't think there's a prototype or an archetype of the needy, clingy NBA player. Can you imagine? Can you imagine, like, Russell, Russell, Westbrook, it's a, just go. But baby, I, no, come on.

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When I first started being on podcasts as a guest, I would forget it was an interview. Yeah. And you just have a conversation and then you're like, oh my God, did I reveal too much or whatever? You did. I did. You did. I've listened to all of your podcasts. It's oversharing. Of course it is. But at a certain point, I don't know. At a certain point you go, what am I holding back? What have I... Listen, I'm not only a trailer sloth, I'm also in the world of giving no fucks.

I've been in that world for a few years now. When do you think that happened? Within the last decade. Within the last decade. Like the deal making, for example, is so arduous on everything now. Everything is a nuclear winter. There's no gentleman's agreement. I mean, listen, you've been through it on Modern Family. Yeah. It's insane. So my son, this is his first taste of it.

And so he cannot believe how calm I am because I know at the end of the day, it's a giant kabuki. Yeah. And everything's going to work out. There are times when it doesn't. But when it doesn't, then you don't want it to work out. Right. It's so egregious. But I just refuse to live in the stress.

of 80% of daily life because I know it's going to work out. I just won't do it. I won't invest on that minute-by-minute level anymore. And

And for many, many years, that was where I hoped to be, where I was sometimes, but not other times. And then something just clicked. And I'm just like, okay. But how does it just click? Like that's, it's literally like being like, yeah, and then I found God and, you know, you're like, whoa, that's the most important part. Just time, just hanging out. But it is, but it is a belief in, you know, either a higher power or God or something that, you know, you're,

Have you ever been let down? Well, actually, I mean, really let down. I'm not disappointed or tragedies or sadness or things you wish never, ever happened to you and you wouldn't wish on your worst person. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about like legitimately horribly let down. And I'm like, no, you know what? I haven't. So why is it going to start now?

What do you mean let down? Like everything you just described was a huge let down, like betrayed, lied to, hurt. But you're still here. You're still here. You're still functional. You're still successful. You're still whole. You're not, it didn't kill you. No, no, but it does. It can make you a little shy of getting out there, make yourself vulnerable again. And that is stuff that I have actively worked on.

And that all of us have, whether you call it your cross to bear or your lesson that you were put here to learn, however you want to look at it. You know, the very part of me where I can go out of my body as I'm trying to navigate through a fucking airport. Right. Is this part of me that can go out of my body.

You know, when I need to be present in my own body in a different situation. Good news is I've kind of conquered it, but I've spent a lot of time working on it. How have you conquered it? Meditation, surfing, because I know you love to surf. All of it. All of it. It's a little bit of everything. Mostly it's recognizing when it's happening. Yeah. And then you go, okay, so why did I just...

Why did I just close off and why, you know, why, why did I just like, am I sitting above myself watching myself like an episode of Bewitched when they're up in the roof?

Endora. You want to endure it? Just go up through the roof and chat. Yeah. It's, it's, you know, this is not comes to shock. It's anytime I'm feeling it, not anytime, but it's triggered by anxiety. Yeah. Stress. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no. Fear. Fear is the fucking worst. There's nothing worse than fear. But at the same time as an actor or, or even as an interviewer, there are times when you're, I'm aware when I've got this kind of master brain thing,

That's going, we got it. We know where the cameras are. It's okay. We got, we know, you know your next line. Like, it's talking you through it and is doing some sort of also like in this case, some sort of like analysis as you're there. We're not talking about getting rid of that, are you? No. Okay, good. By the way, it's interesting that you say that because I sometimes wonder having that brain

either makes you a truly superior actor or an inferior actor. Because like the notion of like, I just lose myself and my character and I, and then I just kind of come to, and I don't even know what happened. I'm like, well, okay, well what if you have to fucking adjust for the camera? I know. What if, what if you realize that, Oh,

if I don't move an inch to my left right now, they're not recording any of this. This is all gone. That's why I was reading something recently, I have no idea why, about Cape Fear. And Juliette Lewis is talking about doing some of those really iconic scenes with Robert De Niro. And that they were just, he would like run down the hall, but the hall wasn't part of the sect. And she would follow him and, I mean, I'm paraphrasing, but like, and then Scorsese's just like, got the camera and I'm like, Yeti!

you're lucky if any of that ends up on camera. Like, how is that? How is that sustainable or replicable? Because in TV and film, you have to replicate at a certain point. I mean, it's not like an automaton, but you got to be able to do it again. You got to be able to. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. Here's what it comes down to is.

when they talk about craft, that's the craft of acting. There's acting and then there's the craft of acting. And I've worked with a lot of actors who are all actor. They're 100% actor, but they have no craft. Right, right. They can't. Yeah, that is the part that, and it's probably so boring to so many people, but I remember finally feeling as an actor, like, I mean, it was a long time ago. It was like, oh, I know where the camera is and where the light is and I don't have to look.

And that kind of like, and I know that we're in a whatever shot it is. And I now, now I can do my job within that space. Yes. But the idea of just being like, I worked with an actor who's fucking phenomenal. And I won't say his name because he's really well known, but he would just do the funniest things, but he dropped to the ground and he'd be off camera. I was like, get up. No one can see what you're doing. This is not going to ever be on film.

No, it's, it's, I, when I come to a set based on where the camera's pointed and I knowing what we shot, I don't need to know. Okay. So in this shot, we're going to pick it up from when you, I'm like, I know. Right. It's clear. Right. But that's, but also you want to be and are a director as am I. And I think.

that we're interested in that and know all about that stuff is the director part of us. For sure. But there was a time when being an actor seemed like the coolest thing in the world. When do you think for you, because you become an actor or producer, I mean, you become a director or producer or writer because you realize that actors have no power. Like, it seems like the world loves you and you have power. You have no power. You're waiting for the phone to ring. So when did that worm turn for you when you were like,

wait a minute, everyone wants to fuck me, but I have no power. Yeah. That is, it is, that's good when for a certain age and hormone level. And after that, you know, I need something else. Well, I mean, it's funny, you know, again, my, my son, John Owen, you know, when he, he, uh, told me he wanted to be an actor. I was like, okay, be it, be a content creator. Yeah.

And that's the only model that works today. Yeah. I just had, I was, for me, it wasn't the power thing so much as it was I being an actor. I had, there were no more surprises. I'd done every rescue. I've, I've played every scene. I've played every note. It's very rare that there's something that I haven't played at some point and I need to be

and I have more to give. And then the other thing was, I say this with all possible humility. I'm loathe to even say it. I can't wait. This is going to be the best part. I already know it. When you know more than anybody else on the set, and that comes with the amount of time. Right. I'm 50 fucking seven. Yeah,

Yeah, it's just hours on set. I've been doing this since 1979. You look great, Rob. You are so highly desirable. You're highly fuckable. Thank you. You're welcome. I don't think that, but I do think that that's an interesting shift that starts to happen for people when you go. Because for so long, getting a job feels good. And getting a job and knowing you have a place to go in your life, I hate.

I hated being an out-of-work actor so much. Friends would be like, we're going to see the matinee at the Bev Connection. And I'm like, what? Yes, right? We've given up. They're like, well, we don't have anything else going on. I mean, to me, and here's the other thing is when I'm directing and really in an editing room is the best. Like, I'm never tired. I'm exhausted as an actor. Yeah. Exhausted. Sloth. Sloth. What do you like about the editing room?

And it's the same as being in the recording studio. Like when I can geek out with my friends who are in rock bands, I get to be in there all day long. It's like a little more guitar, a little less guitar. What if we put in a timpani? It's like you get to really make you... Everything is made in the editing room, as you know. Yeah, I do know. And I find it really interesting. And how much do you think about that when you're shooting? Like when you're directing, are you always thinking about editing? I remember when I was young,

Like people would say, oh, when you work with that director, you should know he's he's cutting. He's cutting in in the camera. He's cutting in his head. Oh, wow. Cutting in their head. Oh, wow. That's amazing. And now, of course, you are. Yeah. Who's the fuck they're doing? Knows.

what they're going to use and what they're not and don't shoot things. But by the way, that's not the way like you should move it like apocalypse. Now they've, they shoot everything in anything and then it's a big mound of debacle and then they bring it into the editing room and they, and they find the movie and they craft it. That's that, that's nobody does that. Nobody does that. I work with Steven Soderbergh on, on behind the candelabra. I did a scene with him where it was Michael Douglas and I meeting at, at a door. He never even shot Michael's coverage.

Oh my God, that's fucking bold. That's a bold move. I love that. I love that. Because there's a lot of people that now because you don't shoot on film. So it's cheap. It's cheap to shoot everything. Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it, shoot it. And then later on, you'll, you'll kind of like a, someone will figure it out. So I don't, and I don't, I don't love that. I don't love that at all. But,

Do you I want to go back to this thing that you're you have a you. I just want to note, I love that you've taken control of the show. Yeah, I love that. I don't know. I know ability not to. I'm so sorry. Would you like to take control of it? Are you like a dominatrix? No, not at all. I think that's probably my big problem. People like, oh, you're bossy and you're driven and they want that's what they want that for me. And I'm like, oh, all I want is to not be in charge for a minute.

I would love to not be in charge. I'm in charge of three little boys. They're teenagers now, but three boys and I've got employees and production and I would love to not be in charge. What are your boys into? What are the kids into these days? Tell me that. One out of three is super into sports and it's just starting to happen now because he suddenly grew and

And he stopped caring if he got hurt. He used to have to put ice on everything, and now he's like, screw that. So he's really into soccer. He's really into basketball. He's really into football. He's into all of it. And one of them is into, I'm not sure what he's into. We're just really hoping, I won't say his name because I'll feel bad if he hears it, but he knows. Yeah.

He knows who he is. I'm like, he's going to run a Fortune 500 company or he's going to end up in jail. He's one of those outside-of-the-box thinkers that there's no, he doesn't even know there's a box. I know.

Understood. Yeah. You're right about that. No, I know. And then my, and then the other one is, um, he's very quiet and we're sort of waiting to see what happens over there. Crazy smart. Keep your eye on that one. That's exactly right. Right. Do you have, did you, was one of yours really quiet? I have, I have my oldest, I have two, John Owen, who, you know, and then Matthew and Matthew is the quiet killer. What's Matthew doing? He went to Duke, got his law degree, um, then passed the bar.

And he is now working in a VC company. And he's got like, you know, he's out there doing, I mean, he's into all of it. What city? In LA. And he understands crypto? Oh, beyond belief. All of it. Okay. Okay. Can you do crypto in two sentences? It's an instant digital currency that eventually everything has gone digital. Yeah.

You know, so why wouldn't money? I think it's inevitable.

In fact, what I said to him, I said, I don't understand anything. I want you to. I want schmuck insurance. So just invest smart across the board. Smart. So so I'm not one of those guys who goes, I remember when I first heard about the computer. Right. Exactly. I don't want to be that asshole. So I'm in. Right. Because it's it's inevitable. I'm sorry. It is just like the Met. By the way, the metaverse is another one.

Absolutely happening. The metaverse is like, I thought the metaverse applied to like action movies. You mean the real metaverse? Like where everything is virtual? 100%. It's, well, here's the thing. It's 100%. I actually did an event in for meta in the metaverse. Oh, really? And it's so rudimentary. It's the equivalent of, you know,

Of what Pong was to what video games are now. And that's how far they're going to go, you think? It will be exponential. I have a cousin who works at Google and he's like, the only thing people want the metaverse for, the thing that's going to make it go at first will be porn.

Yes, that's what made the Internet go. Right, exactly. And then the rest follows. But it's always sex first. But the idea of that, oh, actually, you know what? You can fuck Claire Dunphy virtually all you want. That's fine. That's cool. I don't care. It's like my it's funny. My Rob Schulte, he's right. Just hit me with.

with cryptocurrency, it's like you want to be in it because it's like beta and DHS. Somebody's going to win. And you want to be in it. But in the metaverse, it's like I want to, I mean, literally anything you can imagine will have like, I want to, like our, also our likenesses.

we will be able to license. So like if you, I would like to see the version of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid had Elvis Presley been the Sundance Kid. Was that ever an option? Yes, it was. What? What?

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I'll never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

They said the best friends you will ever make.

will be the friends created by the AI that knows you. Okay, that's where I say no. There's got to be some chemistry element, some thing that sustains you. Okay, until you go to the Meta, which I did. I hosted a Super Bowl party for charity in the Meta, and you look at someone and you go, oh, wow, I kind of like this. No! You've got a nice little vibe going. It's a fucking avatar. It looks like a bad cartoon.

You've got to be kidding me. No. And then here's the and here's the other thing that happened is you go, well, I'm never going to buy anything that only exists. NFT is the other thing that. Right. Yeah. Right. That even and I'm a I'm a huge believer in NFTs and all of that because.

You absolutely are going to want your Hermes Birkin bag in the metaverse. 100% you'll buy one. 100% you will. Why? Why am I going to buy this, Rob? You have not convinced me. I don't want to. Why would I spend money on a thing that's not real?

because when you're in the metaverse and you see some, you go to this, I went to a table where they had sunglasses you could pick up or, you know, a wig or a hat. And I was like, I want that hat. And then somebody was like, no, I want the hat. And then maybe you don't get it and you look at somebody who has the hat and you're like, no, that's pretty fucking cool. It's life. It's just like life. Were you robbed

low in the metaverse like did they make an avatar that looks like you or do you know what you look like oh no no i i i helped design my own but again it's so rudimentary it looked just like my my emoji yeah like your bitmoji thing that's like it looked that you send your mom with like the hearts for eyes because you have nothing else to say yeah yeah yeah that's what it looks like now but that's that's this is the pong version yeah bloop bloop bloop yep imagine when it looks like

halo yeah what it looks like now i can't and i and i don't know if i want to but i i do want to understand crypto but i can't i understand that it's important i understand it's the future i get it but i watch i sit there with my kids i watch videos on youtube about blockchain and i go yes my head can't do this i don't understand a thing

Well, and here's the thing is we're, we really aren't made. It's, it's not for us to understand. It's for our kids to understand and their kids. And we're just going to be the, we're the last, you know, it took 12 years for the horse and buggy to go from all the only way anybody could be, could be, could, could, could ride anything on any distance as a horse and buggy within 12 years, they were gone from existence forever.

Twelve years. You know why I really like you? I mean, you've always been cute and all that stuff. But you and I, we are very, very large, incredibly shallow pools. We have an incredible expanse of knowledge.

We don't know about the depth. No idea about the depth. I have no depth. I mean, I do feel like we could we could do we could do a show called Shallow Pools and just very large, but but just bounce around. And it's only 12 years for a horse and buggy. Yeah, there's a great there's a great photo you can see of the what parade is it in New York? I want to say that like the St. Patrick's Day parade in New York in like 19.

100? Horse and buggies, as far as you can see. Yeah. 1912? Gone. Cars, as far as you can see. And that was considered also a big environmental cleanup and still is in a lot of ways. Do you know that they had hundreds of millions of pounds of horse shit and they literally did not know what to do with it? And they had to cart it out. It's like us with plastics now. What do we do with this? We have no idea what to do with it.

it. And they kept having to run it out to the countryside, but there's less and less countryside. And they were having a methane problem. Well, now we just put it to factory farming, but whatever. As the great Rosanna Rosanna Dana used to say, talk about an old reference. It's always something. It's always something. I know. I love that. You've hosted SNL.

Yes. How many times? Three. Are you going for your five-timer? I would like to be one of the five-timers. Here's the thing about SNL. I...

If I never host it again, that will be fine because I had I'm never going to have better, better episodes than I did. They were all three spectacular. And and I had so much fun. I wouldn't want to go back and have it not be as as fun as it was. And and and I like SNL, but it's it's you know, it's always a young man's game. Yeah. And it's a lot of staying up real late.

It's a lot of stand up real late. And I and I don't you know, it's not. Here's John Owen. Should we talk to John Owen? Yes. Can we say congratulations? Hang on. Hang on. I'm putting John on. John Owen, are you there? Yeah. You're live on on my podcast with Julie Bowen right now. She says hi. Oh, my God. My partner in crime. Oh, my God is right. She's saying, oh, my God. I was telling her about our little show. What have you heard? Any any news? I hear we're good.

I mean, you're hearing more than I am. I just went to get a haircut to distract myself because I was pulling it all out. See, he's anxious. Your dad tells, it says that you need to chill out. It's all going to work out. He has this. You have to get to the place of the fuck-its that I've got. I've been telling Julie about that. I wish I had the fuck-its. I'm 26 years old, though I think that would be kind of a dangerous thing for me to have. The fuck-its. It might be his coach soon for the fuck-its. But are you excited to work with your dad?

Yeah.

You were great at improv. There's no yes and there. Be like a mediator, though, and come hang with us. We'll pay her handsomely. No, we want you to come direct. I would hang out with you people all day long. Oh, my God. I would love to direct John Owen. How great would Julie be directing? She'd be fantastic. We decided that she needs to create a show called L.A. Minx. And she needs a star in it. Oh, my God. It's good, right? Isn't it?

That is good. As long as you have nothing to do with that show, I think it could be successful. That's not very nice. All right, I'll call you back. I'm doing a show here. Are you on a flip phone, Rob? No. Oh, okay. Sorry.

But I happen to know that kid. I really like him. I believe I dropped him off on the side of the highway once to get like an Uber. I was like, I'll drive you home. He's like, you don't even know how far away. You live in Santa Barbara. I'm not doing anything. I'm avoiding my kids. I love that. He's a nice person. Thank you. He loves you, too. He loved. So you two were shadowing the directors on American Horror Story just to sort of see how they were doing on on. And.

The Ryan Murphy universe is unlike any other universe in television. It's its own world. And it literally has crossover episodes with like, oh, the producers from this are coming over to that and everybody's shifting around. But I love that that man will hire from within, promote from within. He finds, he believes in people's talents. I like that. Yeah. We have been...

We were trying to find something to do together since Nip Tuck. And Nip Tuck, I've told this story before, so I'll make it quick. Do you know my... I don't know your Nip Tuck story. Just very, very, very... I love Nip Tuck. Yeah. I think it was one of my favorite shows ever. And I used to watch it going, why can't I have a part like...

that why can't I have a part like that that is that I would crush in that and so I got a meeting with this Ryan Murphy character and I told him all that and he goes and he was just he just like went white he says

Well, I wrote it for you. No! Yeah. Do you fire agents? No, because I understood what happened was, this is very inside baseball, but it was for, I believe, a network called FX. Yeah. They had never done scripted programming at all. Right. This was their first foray. And he was new. And as Ryan said, and I wasn't Ryan Murphy then. No, he wasn't.

And my agents had me fresh off the West Wing. And it was bonanza time. And they were like, he's not going to do some FX whatnot thing with this whatnot guy. Right. We've never heard of it. Right. So they never gave it to me. That's okay. I read The 40-Year-Old Virgin. And I think I was pregnant or had had a long day of work. And I was like, I don't know. I can't focus. I don't get it.

And then you, and then you see it later. You go, fuck is wrong with me. But you never know until you know. And it, and it leads to something else. It's like, you know, I, I turned down Grey's Anatomy cause I, I, I,

for various reasons. But I don't regret it because I wouldn't have done Parks and Recreation. And I love Parks and Rec. And that changed, I think, to Parks and Rec. Let me just tell you what changed your career. Let me tell you about you, Rob, because you know nothing about you. This is going to come as a shock to you. I'm a narcissist and I love when people talk about me. Go ahead.

That did change your career because you're too handsome by half and I don't say that as a compliment. I know you don't. I don't trust and it's a burden to carry around. No one takes you seriously. You can do really funny shit

the stuff you did in Wayne's World and stuff was really funny, but it wasn't until Parks and Rec when you got to be silly. You weren't even funny. You were fucking silly. So silly. That I was like, he broke free. He finally broke free. He's making fun of every single thing everybody thinks he is, and he finally broke free. I was really, really excited to see it because you pretty, and pretty is hard to carry around. Yeah.

And also, no one wants to see Pretty get old. Like, Pretty's hard. I know it's not hard, but then it's hard. Well, you're very sweet to say it. And you're right. The silliness is, and that's why, again, what this show I'm trying to do is I need to have that in my life. Yeah. I need to be a fool.

Do you know what I mean? I do. I love that. What's the character in this? If you're playing different versions of your, not of you, but of the same character in different times. Well, what happened was my son got a, he kind of, the internet kind of fell in love with him trolling me. Yeah. Yeah.

And it became a thing. People talked about it on TV shows, newscasts, and it kind of became a thing. And so we were like, wow, people really like this. I wonder if there's any there there. And if so, what would it look like? And so we're like, well, we're not going to do a reality show about our relationship. We're certainly not doing that. And I don't think we should be playing a sort of Curb Your Enthusiasm where we're ourselves, but we're not really ourselves. I don't think

And then I'm like, and I don't want to do anything about show business because I did the grinder and I loved the grinder. But so what does it look like? And so we like, OK, what is the math of this equation that people are liking? What's the what what is the math in the equation? And it's me as a public figure that my son knows in a totally different light and can't really get his head around the fact that.

that the world sees, doesn't see me in the way that he does. Yeah. And then the comedy version is I'm, he knows me to be an untethered buffoon, which by the way, might be the working title. And, and, and,

And the world sees me as this great savior. I'm going to play like an Elon Musk tech genius. Oh, so you're revered in this. Like people take you seriously. Oh, yes. Like literally I'm on the cover of Time Magazine. Will Ellis Ross save the world? Because I invented a way to harness carbon in a way that's never been harnessed before. Oh, I take that guy seriously too. Okay. Do you know what I mean? But he's also...

He's also the kind of guy that insists on taking meetings in his infrared sauna because when his bone marrow is warmer, he has more clarity. So he's kind of a little bit. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Oh, yes. And so John Owen can see those that part of you and knows that part of this character. And so it's kind of John Owen's show.

Yes. I mean, you're you're the he's the he's the Liz Lemon and the Alec Baldwin. Yeah. OK, so he's it's really his journey we're on and you're the ever fixed mark like you're not moving. No, no, I'm not changing. And by the way, and same with on Parks and Rec, Chris Traeger did not change. And that's the he's a joke. I want to play the joke machine.

I've had enough character arcs. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I've had enough journeys. I just want to be the joke machine. And this is going to be, this is obviously, well, it's a comedy, so you don't know how long it has to be because it's Netflix. It's like 30 minutes. Yeah. Like 40 pages because they do, you get to do whatever you want. Are you so excited to get to do whatever you want? So excited. I'm so excited to get to be a fool because I love being a traditional leading man. I love it.

But if I didn't have an outlet for the nerd fool in me, it would be a prison. By the way, on the same side of if all I was was a...

was considered some lightweight comedy actor. Yeah. I would be like, Oh my God, I have some base notes. Right. Right. You would want, you want to reach for the thing that nobody knows that you have in you, but we people do know you have this in you. This is just your fun place. If you're going to, if you're going to, yeah, if you're going to show up and do this for hours and hours, and you're going to do this in addition to the Ryan Murphy metaverse. And that's what this, this, that's what that phone call was, was like everybody negotiating how I'm going to do that.

Oh, oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, I get it. Because that's... This is like a very behind the scenes episode, literally. Like, it's like, it's unfolding in real time. I feel like Wolf Blitzer. It's all unfolding in real time. It's happening right now. It's happening right now. By the way, can we just... Wolf Blitzer. Okay. I wish he would stop.

The Scud Stud. The Scud Stud. That was not Wolf Blitzer. That was some other... That was Wolf Blitzer. No, it was not. Ask your peanut gallery. This is a layup. This is a layup. It was the Scud Stud. I'm asking Schulte right now. No, he was a handsome, young... He wore like a version of a members-only that was leather. Arthur...

So what was Wolf Blitzer's nickname then? I thought he was the scud study. Wolf Blitzer is Captain Obvious. Yes, thank you for that report. War is bad. Thank you. And please be safe. It is certainly not safe when there are missiles in the air. Thank you. Like literally watch Wolf.

come out of a report and he will tell you exactly what you've just seen. Which you just saw. That, of course, was the vice president speaking from the South Lawn. Yeah, we just saw it.

I pretty much know that. We saw it. He's basically doing intros and outros. He literally is hosting like, and next up. It's a story about a dead bird. Yes, and dead birds are sad when they're dead. Windows, bad for dead birds. Next up. But CNN's going to change now. Did we get a new head? Got a new head of CNN.

I think it's going to be more newsy, maybe. Who knows? The new McLaughlin group is what Schultz is saying. The new McLaughlin. McLaughlin. McLaughlin. McLaughlin. McLaughlin.

I know. I know. It sounds like you're gargling with a dick. This has been so fun. How great is Ms. Bowen? That was Julie Bowen. What a minx. Julie Bowen, a modern family. Julie Bowen. She was here. She was in the podcast and it was always funny. She was here. She was here. Has a podcast. Hello, I'm Wolf Blitzer and you've just heard literally. It was a podcast and it was hosted by Rob Lowe and Julie Bowen was on it.

And podcasts are heard through your ear holes. And certainly something that some find entertaining. We will be back next week. But first, the lowdown line. Hello, you've reached literally in our lowdown line where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-4551.

So have at it. Here's the beep. Hey, Rob. This is Mike from Dayton. So here's the premise. I won this contest to have dinner at the Pine Club with you and another famous Daytonian. So who do we pick? Martin Sheen, Allison Janney, or Nancy Cartwright? And why? Thanks. Keep up the good work. Wow. I love hearing from my homies in Dayton. And I love me the Pine Club.

I just don't like waiting in line at the Pine Club. So the Pine Club is a steakhouse in Dayton, Ohio. It's in Oakwood where I grew up. I grew up all over Dayton, lived on the north side, also lived in Oakwood. But the Pine Club is an institution and they're famous for the fact that they do not take reservations and they really get off on making you wait. There's pictures of like George Bush cooling his heels while he's president.

To get a table. That's their thing. Been going there since I was a baby. There's one person on the list. That I don't think you mentioned. Jonathan Winters. My dad practiced law on the Winters Tower. It's called the Winters Tower now. I think it's called something else. So I'm going to go with Jonathan Winters. Maybe it's because I've had so many dinners. With Martin Sheen and Allison Janney. But Jonathan Winters. God rest him. One of the great comedians of all time.

But that's a good row of Daytonians there. I'm proud to be among them. And the only thing is you need to go and wait for the table and then call me and then I'll come down. I don't want to wait at the Pine Club for the table, but I will eat the food. Thanks for calling. We will be back next week. What happens after the week you've been living through is over on Literally. Thank you.

You've been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe, produced and engineered by me, Rob Schulte. Our coordinating producer is Lisa Berm. The podcast is executive produced by Rob Lowe for Low Profile. Jeff Ross, Adam Sachs, and Joanna Solitaroff at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson at Stitcher. Our researcher is Alyssa Grahl. Our talent bookers are Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

And music is by Devin Bryant. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week on Literally with Rob Lowe. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

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