Valerie Bertinelli: Worthy of Love
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That's right. Discover automatically doubles the cash back earned on your credit card at the end of your first year with Cash Back Match. Now that's a real crowd pleaser. Everyone knows how it ends. Double the cash back. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Valerie! Long time no see. Let me see that. Is that a dog you have next to you? He's as big as a dog. Now this is Tigger. Oh my, wait, you have to be kidding me with that cat. ♪

Welcome to Literally. I mean, come at me if you think that there's anybody other than Valerie Bertinelli, than America's sweetheart. I think it's her.

I really do. We're going to get into some good stuff. I'm going to get some Van Halen. We're going to crack the door open on Van Halen. We're going to crack the door open on her participation in Battle of the Network Stars, which to me is like winning an Oscar. And of course, talk about addiction and recovery, which, you know, I love talking about. So let's get to it with Valerie Bertinelli.

When do you think the first time we met was? I think it was in the, I want to say the mid 80s in Malibu.

I was hanging out with Allie Sheedy a lot before she moved to New York. And you knew Allie. Yeah, of course. And somehow, I don't know what happened. We all met up at Zuma. Because didn't you and Ed live like above, like a Malibu Park area? Yes, up Trankus. Trankus. I still have that home. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, that's going to Wolfie when I die. It's one of those houses that needs to just keep going through the family. In the family, yeah. Is it literally up in the, like, it's up above the market, right? Up in that area? It's on a cliff. It's 104 steps down to the beach. So do you remember when Trankus Market had, like, that little stage and bands would play? Of course. Yeah. It was great then. That was great. I saw, I mean, I saw Mick Fleetwood. Oh, yeah.

Sitting in, I saw, I mean, it was always, it feels like, what's his name? Oh, hang on. That song, it's you and me and we just did Dave Mason. I feel like it was always Dave Mason. It was a cool little hang. It was good. Yeah. Ed never played there, though, that I know of. I don't, I think he might have gotten up.

With some friends that were that booked a gig there. I feel like maybe he did. We used to go watch football over there on all the TV. Yeah, it was it was fun. It's very different now. You know, I mean, Malibu now is like.

I mean, when I moved there now, it didn't used to be hoity-toity. When I moved to Malibu in 1976, people rode their horses to the market. There was a hitching post. Wow. So you were before me because I didn't move there till 84. Did you ever participate in Battle of the Network Stars? I feel like you did. A couple times. Yes. Excellent. Do you know I am obsessed with Battle of the Network Stars? Stop it. No, I am. Where do you see it? Where do you see it?

see it. I used to go to Pepperdine and watch them film it. And I loved it because what people don't, because listen, in those days there were three networks, three, that was it. There was only thing on TV. You had three network Fox didn't even exist. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. I think that it was battle of the network stars where I met Melissa. Is that why you were there? That yes, that must've been it. It was the year that must've been. I was there with Melissa Gilbert, my girlfriend at the time. And that's where I would have met you for the first time. And I,

In those days, okay, if they were to redo Battle of the Network Stars today, it would literally be, can you imagine the HBO team versus the Netflix team versus the NBCs, which means like the Game of Thrones guys would be in a canoe and like the Sopranos would be in the fucking, you know. But there would be like, you'd have to do like a, you know, the, the,

Like the final 16, the NCAA, you'd have to do it like that. The suite and have to like to work it down because there'd be too many teams. There's so many channels on television now or television. You even call it television streaming. Wouldn't you want to see like Ted Lasso in the dunk tank? Yeah. Against the squid game people. Oh,

I don't know if I would have the heart to put the Squid Game people in Battle of the, I mean, you don't die, but I mean, still, don't they play enough games already? I was good. Don't you think they've been through enough? I think they've been through enough. Oh, God, I love that show, though. Do you love, didn't you love that show? Yeah, it's great. It was phenomenal. I had to get up in pace. Wolfie was like, Mom, sit down, watch it. I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't watch this happen. It's killing me.

But that was I mean, those you guys were the biggest television star in the in the planet. Now, the best was because there weren't that many then. That's why. So they redid it a couple of years ago. I don't know if you saw this. No. God bless their hearts.

And so my brother, Chad Lowe, is an actor and a TV director. And they called him to be. And he was like, they asked me to do Battle of the Network Stars. I don't know if I should do it. I'm like, it's Battle of the Network Stars, dude. And he said, I knew it was going to be bad when I went into the trailer and they didn't have. Remember how great the sweatsuits were? I still have them with your name. Yes, I do.

I have the green CBS one because I was on the CBS team because One Day at a Time was on CBS. I mean, it's this big. I don't know. I mean, I was tiny back then. I was like 105 pounds. I thought I was fat. It's so stupid. But yeah, tiny.

Oh, my God. Why do you you should have that like in a framed thing in the living room, like an Oscar? That's to me is as I'm more interested in talking about that than if you had an Oscar. I should box it like a like a jersey. You should sports jersey. And how did you end up on one day at a time? What was the audition process? Because I always like to talk to young actors about what what auditioning was like.

In the day. I don't know what it would be like today. And I don't know that I would have be able to get through it. I know you have to do a lot of it on tape and send the tapes in, which doesn't seem quite fair. It's like, are you sure they're watching it? Um, when you're in there in front of them, you, that casting director is all eyes on you. Um,

So I, yeah, I went to, I think it was by the fourth or fifth callback that I was told I had the part. But it was like any other commercial that I would go up for any other thing that would go up for. I was busy doing commercials at the time. I think it was on six or seventh. I didn't, I went through at least 99, 100 commercials.

interviews before I ever got one job. I got a lot of rejection and I thought, I don't want to do this anymore. This is not fun for me. And my mom's like, fine, you don't want to do it. I don't want to drive you. So she was never one of those stage mothers. But I went in, they seemed to like me. I came back. I think Jan Murray was the casting director. I want to say, I'm not sure. Oh my God.

Have you ever read for Jane, Jan? Yeah. That was my era. Are you kidding me? Okay. Okay. Well, I'm before you, baby. I'm a little bit before you. You're a little younger than me. So I read for her, got the callback. I saw a bunch of these beautiful blonde, red, all these gorgeous, tall, skinny women. We were all 15, 16, 17. Maybe there were some 14 year olds, but then I got the third callback. And then by the fourth callback,

We go to CBS Television City down on Fairfax and Beverly and

And Norman Lear is in the room when you walk in. Like more of the big people were in there. Sat right next to Norman at a big round table. Open the script. I'm like shaking because even me, I knew who Norman Lear was. I mean, he was and still is the king of television. I mean, he did everything. Yeah, he's amazing. For those of you who may not know Norman Lear, all in the family, the Jeffersons. I mean, every every great.

70s into the 80s and and beyond a genius genius total genius and um he liked what he had me do it again i believe um this is a long time ago um but it kind of sticks in your brain and um then i left the room and um jan the casting casting director if that is her please i hope i'm not wrong um

She said, okay, everybody can go. And then she turned around to me and said, you stay. And I went, Oh, I think I got it. And that feeling, that feeling is such an amazing thing. I don't feel that feeling very often in my life, but that's, that was the feeling. And then it started to like roll and we were there. We were. And I was, um, when I, the first day, um, for the read through, um,

I'm going to CBS Television City. I get in the elevator and then Mac walks in. And I knew who she was because at this point, just driving down Ventura Boulevard, you see all the posters for Rafferty and the Goldust Twins. Rafferty and the Goldust Twins. Yes.

So I was like, oh my God, this is Mackenzie Felix. This is so amazing. And she looked me up and down and I'm like, oh, you're my little sister, huh? Because this was the second pilot. They had done the first pilot and Mac was the only daughter. And then they reconfigured the pilot with all the notes that the network gave them. And Richard Master, who played David and me, Barbara, my character, Barb Cooper were added. And that's where I met everybody. And it was nice.

Nine years later, when we finished. It's funny, Mackenzie Phillips, I just somehow came across, literally last night, a speech she was giving on recovery. And it was so good. So powerful. She's amazing. She has turned her life into a life of service where she really does help people. And she's still a brilliant actress. She was on...

What is that? Orange is the New Black for a while. An amazing character on that show. So she's she's I just adore. I was just texting with her the other day. She's she is truly my sister. And I never had a sister. I grew up with three brothers. So when I met her, we would go to sleepovers together. We would really hang out and we would fight like sisters and we would make up like sisters. I adore her. It's so great because it's not as you know, it's not.

not always the case. Right. I mean, you just never know how that's, how that's going to go. You know, of all the things that you've done and God bless you, you have Jesus Christ. You just never stop working, dude. Can you think, and I'll even categorize it for you. Okay. Like the dramas. Yeah. Even categorize it even, even closer. Well, let's not talk about movies right now. That's just about talking about television, drama, comedy, which were your favorites that you were in.

Oh, you can't argue with success. So Parks and Recreation. I was hoping you'd say that. I have another podcast called Parks and Recollection. So if you guys haven't checked it out, check it out. It is all about that. But I also did a show called The Grinder. It only lasted one year.

And on Fox, I did it after Parks and Rec. And I think it's the best comedy I've ever been in. It got great reviews and everybody loved it. I play a demented actor who's been on a lawyer procedural for 20 years. It gets canceled and he decides he's actually going to simplify his life.

and practice law on his own. But all he knows is what he learned being a star. It's insane. And it's so nuts that I'm surprised it ever got on TV. The fact that we did 22 of them is a miracle. But if you guys haven't ever seen The Grinder, it's my favorite comedy I've been in. I will look for it. I will look for it. Who wrote it? Who wrote it? Who was the showrunner? They were Andy Mogul and Jared Paul, two really, really hilarious young actors.

young guys and I'll look for it. I feel like we hijacked the network. But Parks and Rec, I would say, and that people still like it is cool. And Drama is

You know, look, I think. I know what you're going to say. You have to say it. The West way. Yes, thank you. I mean, you got to say it, right? You got to say it. By the way, how cool. But right before I got on with you to talk, I was talking to the White House. I had Jen Psaki, White House press secretary. Stop it. And it was like she's in the White House and we're talking and I'm like and we're nerding out about, you know, it was it was super. It was super, super fun. Oh, my God. I love her.

I love her. She's so ridiculously smart. Oh, my God. That's exciting. She was unreal. It was super fun to have her on. Oh, that's exciting. It's fun. It's fun stuff. But like, you know, look, we've been we've been around this business forever. You and I, you know, we know we know who what's what. I mean, yeah.

I loved you in Hot in Cleveland and old Betty. God bless her heart. My sweet Betty. Wasn't she the best? She really was. She really, I mean, there was no one like her and I don't believe there ever will be anyone like her. I tell people this all the time. What was Betty like? She literally, literally glowed.

She walked in a room, never made an entrance, but you couldn't help see that Betty was there because there was something, there was just this light around her when it was even dark out. She just oozed goodness and kindness and gratitude. She was just, oh, I miss her. What a life. I loved her so much. Yeah. What a life. What a life. I used to watch

Her and her beloved Alan Ludden, when they were together on, I want to say password a lot. Yep. That's where they met. Is that where they met? I didn't realize that. Yeah. He asked her to marry him for over a year. And she said, one of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't say yes sooner because she said the years with him were just so wonderful. Yeah.

They had a little place up in Carmel. She would go up and do her needlepoint. He would make Bloody Marys on the weekends for them. They had the most... It just sounded so wonderful and so calm and so loving. So that's the part... Even though we have to miss her because she's gone...

I'm so happy for her because I truly believe that she is with Alan now. And every pet that has passed before her, she is hanging out with all of them and having the most amazing time. She was an animal activist way before it was fashionable. Yes. Yes. And a lot of people, thank God, on her birthday, which was a few weeks back, they just...

Gave to animal rescues. I gave to a couple local rescues here. And I think that's a really great idea. Always do it in Betty's name. Do it yearly and just give to a local animal rescue. There's so many across the country, so many that deserve the help. They do it on such a small budget and they spend hours.

They're the life that they spend taking care of animals and dogs and pets and cats. And I mean, God bless them. They're, they're another people that are of service to animals that we, um, forget that, um,

They they have feelings and lives and, you know, we need to be kind to animals as well. I always know if someone's not kind to an animal, I won't be around them. Oh, for sure. My wife and I do a really fun thing. We probably do about every three or four years because it's a lot, but it's so great. We will go to the various shelters in our in our area and identify, you know, 20, 30, 40 dogs, dogs.

And then pre-home them with people. And then we take them all out at once in vans to our house where we have mobile groomers, mobile vets. And this all happens like out on our driveway. That's a lot of work. And it's a full weekend's worth of work.

And it's an assembly line of like animals getting groomed and set up. And then there are new families there. And then inevitably, of course, it's just an excuse for us to get more dogs because there's always somebody that like...

The person thinks they want them and they don't want them. And then you're like, what are we going to do with this dog? And so we end up being these foster homes to these animals. A lot of foster. I fostered kittens for a few years there when my love of my life cat died in 2013. And I fostered kittens. And somehow I now have six cats. I don't know how that happened, really. And.

Your cat that you had, see, I'm watching you on Zoom. Oh, yeah. He's over here now. He might be the biggest cat I've ever seen. Yeah, he's a big boy. He was my last foster failure. He is about seven years old. Does he eat other cats for a living? Because he's massive. He tries to eat my parents' cats.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. How did you meet Mr. Edward Van Halen? I used to live in Shreveport, Louisiana. Well, my parents lived... Let me be clear. My parents lived in Shreveport, Louisiana, and...

I would go there a lot. And in August of 1980, you may remember this, there was an actress strike. Yes. Oh, yeah. I remember. Well, so there's nothing for me to do. And I was roofing houses with my brother, Drew. And then my other brother said that there's this rock band coming through town. We really want to see him. And the radio station said, if you come, we can get backstage passes. I'm like,

Okay. And then I, my brother said, go look at the eight track I have in the back of your car. Yeah, for sure. And I saw what he looked, I'm like, okay, I'll go. This guy's cute.

So I went and, you know, there we go. It was love at first sight for sure. It wasn't LA. It wasn't show business related. It was literally backstage way off the beaten path. Yeah. Backstage at a Van Halen concert. Yeah. But, and that was it. You guys were off to the races and the rest is history. We pretty well, I gave him my phone number and he said he was going to call. I gave him the number of my parents. Cause I was staying with my parents in Shreveport and I gave him that number. Cause there was no cell phones back then in 1980. And, um,

He didn't call for three days. And I thought, well, that sucks. I really liked this guy. I wonder why he's not calling. And then he finally called on the third day, right when they were going to Oklahoma. And he said, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I was so scared. I didn't think you really wanted me to call you. I'm like, I gave you my number. Of course I wanted you to call me. And then from then on, we were together until we got married eight months later. Wow. Now, what was it like being...

accepted into the world of Van Halen. Spit take. You just took a sip of water. I almost spit all over my computer. Well, after Ed and I became involved, all of a sudden there was this rule that there was no girlfriends and no wives allowed on the road.

Isn't that convenient? All of a sudden. Yeah, I got along great with Al and with Mike. There's someone else. I don't know why he didn't like me, but what are you going to do? Who would that be? Al and Mike, who are we missing? I don't know. I don't know why he didn't like me. I mean, I was always nice to him. I honestly don't know. One day I'd like to sit down with him and go, dude, what did I do?

Honestly, I've always been a fan of yours. I think you're a brilliant front man. I think you're a brilliant songwriter. I love your lyrics. Why don't you like me? What did I do? Did he think you were going to be Yoko Ono?

Well, I have been accused of that, even though Yoko didn't break up the Beatles, and I certainly didn't break up Van Halen. Not only did Yoko not break up the Beatles, but when you watch the Beatles documentary, which I'm obsessed with as much as everybody else is, it's so clear she didn't break them up. Oh, yeah. They were headed toward that. That last Let It Be, that was...

You could see it all happening. You could see all the cracks in it. You could see it all happening. And they were so young. They were all in their late 20s. They were such babies. Somehow, I don't think Van Halen was being brought toast when they were in the studio like the Beatles were. I mean, I may be wrong. I could be wrong. But I think in the 80s, it wasn't toast that was being delivered. You know, it was not. I saw the deliveries and that was not on the list. Yeah.

Three, four days later, it might have been. No, they weren't interested in eating. That's for sure. Well, I am a prude now, but I partaked as well for a few years there until I just couldn't take it anymore. But we all did it in the 80s.

Cocaine was everywhere. It was everywhere and easy to get. It was easy to get. And it was literally it was before the the bill had become due. And we just didn't know. In fact, not only that, but in fact,

There was an it's almost hard to imagine now, but rewinding all of those years and taking away all the knowledge that we now have. I think this is 40 years ago, people. This is 40 years ago. People were saying it was good for you. Helped you think. And the other thing was, it was what, quote unquote, successful people did in our industry.

Mm-hmm. All the people you admired. I mean, you're Eddie Van Halen. What do you think Keith Richards was doing? Right. If I'm a young actor, I don't want to name a name, but multiple names, I know what those actors were doing. Mm-hmm. And you're like, oh, well, if it's good enough for so-and-so, it's good enough for me. Right. Right? Yeah. But I got tired after a while of hating the bird stripping. Oh. Because I got to a point where when I would hear bird stripping, I would just get so...

tense. And it took me years before I enjoyed a sunrise and enjoyed the birds chirping. Now it's like, it's why I look forward to it. But why is it that's so funny? Because you have to be

One of us who did it to know how horrifying that visceral feeling the birds chirping. Yeah. Horrifying. Yeah. It's like, man, I was going to stop three bumps ago and I didn't. And here I am. And the birds are chirping. God damn it. Why did I do this? Yeah, man. Those were the days. God, that sounds fun. Not not not. Yeah.

But, you know, it's like we're we're you know, we're we're lucky that we got off the ride, you know, because a lot a lot of people follow it all the way down. And I and I never know what's what I that's not true. I do know. I think it's better to like crash and burn than to have it never than to be incrementally boiled alive by it.

Like a frog, you know, the sort of the frog that you keep turning the temperature up in the water, it will let itself get boiled alive because it doesn't, you know, and that's what I think what happens to a lot of people who can quote unquote recreationally dabble and do their thing. And they never really have the Piper never gets gets paid. And so they keep doing it. And then they're, you know, they're 60, 60 plus 70 and wondering why their lives are horrible.

Well, I think we all have a toolbox that we go to when we need to suppress any kind of emotion that we don't want to feel, any kind of pain that we don't want to feel. And I know that Ed's toolbox was full of drugs and alcohol. My toolbox was full of food, which I thought was love, and I misused it and thought it was the enemy for a long time. And with Ed, it was drugs and alcohol, and it took a very, very long time for him to just not use it

to deal with his pain. Near the end of his life, his pain was incredibly raw and he was very vulnerable about it. And I'm grateful that he was able to make amends with so many people that he loved and knew that he didn't treat as well as he would have liked to because his heart, oh my God, that man's heart was just so kind and so sweet and he just wanted to do good. And then that

demon would come in that, you know, that wouldn't let him just be Ed. He, um, it was, it was hard to watch. And I have sitting back now and I have, um,

to be able to look and see what I could have done differently. So many things I could have done. But I was too immature and I was too into my own world to know how to help. I was a kid. We were 20 when I got married. That's insane. Insane. It's insane. My kids are older than that. Really? Yeah. I mean, Wolfie's 30. He's going to be 31 in a couple months. Jesus, I can't believe that. I can't believe Wolfie's 30. I feel like I'm just reading the People Magazine announcement of his birth. Ha ha ha.

Do you know what I mean? Yes. I feel like, yeah, I still feel like he's a little, you know, baby boy, but he's definitely not. Definitely not.

Definitely not. He is his own man. He's got his own career. I'm so happy for him. He's got a Grammy nomination. I mean, I'm just like, I wish Ed was here so he could just be enjoying it too. And Wolfie started out as a drummer, but he's playing everything now, right? Am I right about that? You're absolutely right. Yeah. He started playing drums when he was very young, like eight, nine, 10. And then he's always been fascinated by music and musical instruments. And

That the house was, you know, there was guitars everywhere leaning against walls, leaning against sofas and chairs, and there was a piano in the library. And Wolfie was always fascinated by it and always just clinking on the guitars, even as a very young baby before he could walk.

And he became the bass player of Van Halen when he was 16. That's just insane. And he's just got a lot of years under his belt of really perfecting his art. And he's still constantly doing it. He's very much like his dad, where his fingers are always moving. He's always got a melody in his head. And he's always drumming on something. So we went from drum to bass.

No, I'm sorry, drum to guitar because he wanted to play 316 at his sixth grade graduation. And then his dad asked him to learn how to play the bass. He's like, okay, he did that. And then he started learning how to play the piano.

When he wanted to put some piano things on his album, some bits of piano. So he wrote everything. He played everything. He sang everything. It's all him. I'm so proud of him. You can't fight the genetics at a certain point. You know what I mean? It's like... It's true. I wanted to. I didn't want him to be a musician. I didn't want him to be in the business. The business is so hard on people. But, you know, when you have that gift, what are you going to do? With my youngest son, you know, who like...

And he went to Stanford because he was in he was working as a young intern in high school at the Eli Broad Stem Cell Laboratory, goes to Stanford, gets gets straight A's and comes out and says, I want to be an actor. I had the same reaction. I wanted to murder myself and him.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I mean, art is so important in someone's life. Creating is so important. It's what keeps our brain alive, creating. And what are you going to do? You know, you got to let them. You got to let them. Because listen, I the problem with you and I in that in that equation we're discussing is we have the knowledge.

And I didn't have any of that knowledge when I started out, or maybe I wouldn't have been an actor. Nobody told me that 98% of the Screen Actors Guild can't support themselves as actors. I didn't know. I didn't know any better. But Rob, you had a gift. You had to express that gift.

You didn't have a choice. I know that I'm always saying, you know, we all have choices. We always have choices. But when you have a gift, the gift that you have for dramatic and comedic acting, I mean, dude, not a lot of people can do what you do. So when you have that gift, there's really not much you can do about it except explore it. And it is true because and then when you're when you do get to explore it, you would you would the dirty little secret that I don't want anybody to know about is you do it for free.

Yeah. You really would. But we still have to pay our bills, so it's nice to get paid for it as well. Yes. But you know what I mean? Yes. I've done a lot for free because it's just so much fun. And that's, I think, the difference between... Also, I'm not saying that people don't do that today and there aren't plenty of people who are getting into it for that reason. I'm sure there are, and I know there are. But there are also people who get into it because it will make them popular or they are interested in...

You know, the monomedia cover in a magazine or whatever it is. And that never occurred to me starting out. I don't know if I was stupid or what, but I just literally wanted. I like the process. I liked playing the parts and reading the scripts and breaking them down. And that's why you're successful beyond the talent, because that's what you enjoy. You enjoy the work. You enjoy the creation. And Ed was the exact same way. He said, I don't want to be a rock star. I just like making music.

I can't not make music. This is fascinating. He was more of an engineer, the way he would tinker in his back room and just put things together and change the guitar. He had something in his head he needed to hear on that guitar, and he tinkered with it and engineered it until he could find it.

That's the same thing. You are an artist, so you needed to tinker with it. The magazine covers all that glory, whatever. That's like secondary and actually a pain to put up with. It's the art. It's the creation that is the fun part. It's amazing about Eddie is, among the other things, is like...

He is among the few people where if you hear his work, you go, oh, that's Eddie Van Halen. So obvious. He has such a particular sound to his guitar. One of my favorite things about doing the podcast is when I have music people on because I'm a music nerd and I just nerd the fuck out when I have Lindsay Buckingham on. Oh, Lindsay Buckingham. Tell me. Right? Oh.

Talk about a guitar sound. I mean, right. Oh yes. And that, and, and, and totally underappreciated. Like if you were to say guitar people, I don't even think Lindsay is on many people's list unless they really, really know. No, no. It'd be Eric Clapton and Eddie and Steve Fry and whatever. And it's just songs. These songwriters are what do it for me. And Lindsay was a songwriter and the tone of his guitar was absolutely spectacular. Insane. Yeah. Insane.

insane like i know when it um but like being able to talk to folks about like that kind of stuff is is just it just and and he you know he like but but eddie there's no one did do you remember when he recorded um the the solo for michael for michael jackson i do i remember like well i remember i was actually on bad or which song is i forget

Was it? It was bad, right? Oh, my God. Oh, it's beat it. Beat it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So our phone rings up at the studio and Ed picks it up and some guy goes, hey, it's Quincy and I want to talk to Eddie Van Halen. And Ed's like, fuck you. And he closes it because he doesn't believe him. That's amazing. And Quincy calls back and he finally convinces Ed that it's Quincy. And he says, I want you to play this solo over one of Michael's new songs.

He goes, OK, I guess I'll come down. It was a studio not far from our house. And he went down, I guess, a couple of days later. I don't know. Ed never got paid for it. Talk about doing it for the art. Here's the perfect example. I never in a million years thought there could be an example as amazing as what you just talked about. Well, he never called lawyers, never called a manager. He just went down and did it.

You know, he didn't know contract negotiations before he went down. He said, sure, I'll come down. That was it. Michael sent us a laser disc player for as a thank you. Like when they first came out. I don't know what I ever did with it. But, you know, those movie players, they're big like LPs. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's kind of cool. It's the biggest album of all time. The biggest hit on the biggest album of all time. And the centerpiece...

of the song that's the biggest hit and it got a Laserdisc

Right. And I remember because they had just released, they were going to be releasing 1984 and Jump was a huge hit on that from, that was their number one hit. But the album was their, I think one of their only albums to never go to number one because Thriller was number one for so long. And I remember Al being so angry at Ed, they never should have done it. You kept them at number one and we didn't get a chance to go. I mean, he didn't say it that way, but he was-

Yeah, but Ed's like, so what? It's good. You know, he didn't care. He just wanted to play. What's your favorite Van Halen video? You know what? I'm going to have to say Jump because I love that impish grin that Ed gives to the camera. It's just so damn cute. And Panama's kind of fun too. Well, Panama's my favorite.

One of my favorite songs. Yeah. Finish What You Started is a good video as well. The black and white one. That's with Sammy. Another great song. But I hop for Teacher. Come on. Oh, my God. That's so good. Yeah. They really that was all Dave and Dave's imagination. He really had a lot of a lot to do with those videos. He was so brilliant at that. Like, Dave, why do you hate me?

I'll talk you up, dude. I'm still like, I think you're an amazing, you know, artist, but. I can tell you why. I think I, I think of a philosophy. I think I, I might've cracked the code. You ready for it? Yeah. Here's what I think it is. When you met, both of you had among the most amazing hair in show business. I mean, I'm just saying, could that be it? That must be it. I can't think of any other reason because I'm a very nice person. If you get to know me. I know. Jesus. Jesus.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. Tell me about the new book coming out. I'm super psyched to read it. It's called Enough Already because I have been through the mill and I'm talking about that. My own brain has put myself through the mill. Yeah.

It's basically about the last two years, but I go back into my history, my parents, my childhood about why I've developed this. I finally realized that from a very young age, I learned that

That I was unlovable when I gained weight because I watched my father not love my mother when she would gain weight. I had a elementary school teacher point at my belly and say, you're going to want to keep an eye on that. I was 11 or 12 years old. I wasn't even aware of my, but this is before I even got in the acting business, wasn't aware of my body. So that started me on this path of, I have to be careful. And

I already was in that mode of I need to be careful. I need to make sure everybody likes me because I was the one in the house to keep everybody calm. Because when I was born, my mom was still grieving and my dad was still grieving the death of their son that died when my mom was pregnant with me. So I was born into a house of grief.

And I needed to keep everybody happy. So I was like the perfect child, quote unquote. And so I always wanted to be the part. Well, if I'm supposed to lose weight, I'm supposed to be perfect. So no matter what my weight was, it was never good enough. No matter how low the number was on the scale, it was never good enough when it was high. Well, that's it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm hiding under the cover. I will be an urban hermit because I am not worthy of people seeing me right now. So my most of my life and then I spent seven years as the spokesperson for Jenny Craig,

getting into a bikini feeling like, oh, wow, for that split second, it felt great to be in the bikini, but I never ever was comfortable or happy because I knew in the back of my brain, this is not going to last because you need to take care of your mental health and your emotional health and your health and you're not doing it. And so that's what I'm doing now. I'm such a slow learner, but I love learning. I love being taught. And now what I'm hoping is

what will happen is that I, as I get my mental health together and my emotional health to get health together, and I, um, still continue to eat more fruits and vegetables, um, drink less alcohol, eat less sugar, because I know I don't feel as good after that. Basically putting into my body what I think will make me feel better. Um, maybe as I deal with the rest of the stuff, my body will follow, um,

But right now, I must love myself and be kind to myself in who I am today, what I look like today, as hard as it may be for me because I believe the lie that I'm not worthy of love when I'm fat. But I have to believe that I am worthy of love no matter what I look like. And I think that a lot of women across the country, around the world, believe that they're not worthy of love when they gain weight. And it's fucked up. It's wrong.

And I'm the one to be able to shout it from the rooftops from now on. It's wrong. I love that. And it's particularly hard, you know, I mean, obviously for, for people who jobs being on camera and stuff like that, people are on, on people all the time about their weight and about what they look like. I mean, from such a young age, back when I was in the first year of one at a time, I look back at some of the shows now or stills I'll see online or whatever. I'm like,

Why did I think I was fat? What the fuck? Are you kidding me? I was made to believe I was fat. I was fine. I was a 15 year old girl coming into puberty, coming into being a woman. Of course, my tips are going to come out a little bit. Of course, my boobies are going to start to come out, but that's not fat.

What the fuck? Excuse me. I'm getting, I'm still, I'm more pissed off now than I was as a child. Well, because you couldn't be pissed off then. Yeah. So you're able to do it now. I had to believe them. Yeah, sure. And I believe the lie that they were telling me. Well, it's so funny when you get into recovery, like before I got into recovery, the hardest thing for me to play in a role was anger. It was, it was, it was, it was the thing I couldn't access. I could, but,

But it was super hard. You didn't want to? I didn't have it in me. I fought. Oh. And then I got sober. And then I started to do the work. It's hard. And the fucking rage and anger that comes up, you know, that you've been drinking away. Is that from the fear or the grief that you were feeling? Because you know anger, as you know, because you obviously have done the work. It's fear. It was fear. Do you know what you were afraid of? I mean,

It's kind of, you know, look, it's kind of all at least the people, folks in recovery like us, it's our life's work to try to figure out what that is. And it's... Does it matter? You know what, I'll tell you what... I'm wondering because I'm in... Okay. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. It's interesting. But at the end of the day, if you've figured out that it was fear, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter where it came from. Mine was of not being heard.

And I just want people that are listening to this right now to go, OK, they may be saying, wait a minute, you're Rob Lowe. You're seen and you're heard all the time. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what it is. It's about in your life as a human being who you are not being seen and heard. Oh, my God. Yes. And that's so painful. And it's way before I was ever in acting. Sure. This is, you know, all that stuff, like the messages that you're unlovable if you gain weight that's baked into you when you're.

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That's a great way to put it baked into you. Yeah. And trying to get that out is really, really challenging. It's like concrete in there sitting in you, that belief that is wrong, that's a lie. I mean, you're blessed that you... But that makes perfect sense to me that you're angry now. And shame is such a fucked up feeling. Yes! Ugh, I hate shame. I hate it. Yeah. There was a great... I went to...

I went to rehab in 90. It's where I got sober and I loved it. I loved being there. I loved it because I was like, okay, I'm really going to learn about myself. That was great. But they did a great phrase where they would, you would identify who had shamed you and then you would give them back their shame. How do you give someone back their shame? So like, for example, let's just say your mother did things that were shaming. You would

you would say, I forgive you and I give you back your shame that you gave me. Oh, wow. And I found that so

powerful. That is. And so I'm thinking, and I'm going through it right now because like who should, like if you, I'm thinking I want to give my dad back this shame that he made me feel multiple times about my weight. And all I keep thinking is like, but I don't want you to feel bad. I'm sorry, dad. So I gotta get, I gotta get past that shit. That's the people pleasing stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And he's long gone. He's been dead since 2016. So, um, and I know he was proud of me, but I also know that he,

Oh, he had a tough life too. So he didn't know any better. They don't know it. Look, and look, I love my kids. I feel like they're doing well and stuff, but I'm sure we all fuck our kids up unwittingly. I don't care how good a parent you are. Without a doubt. Ed and I went to therapy for Wolfie just seven, eight years ago because he was going through a tough time and we wanted him to be able to say something in a safe space. So the three of us.

The three of us went to therapy for about six months and it was, I hope, helpful for what he says it was. I am. I have advertisers on the show who, you know, online therapy and things like that. And I'm such a and I'm glad that they support the show and that are their sponsors of the show. And I, I, I, I just recommend therapy to anybody. It's to me, it's like.

You go to the gym, you have a fucking trainer for your body. Why wouldn't you have a trainer for your mental health? Absolutely. But I do also suggest that if you're not comfortable with your therapist after a few sessions, please find another one because there are really great ones out there and there's probably not so, you know, it doesn't mean they're not great. It just means you're not connecting. It's so interesting you would say that. So how long...

Let's say you're uncomfortable therapy. You've never been to therapy. Well, it's uncomfortable anyway. So it's uncomfortable anyway. I was going to say, and it's just you just know when you'll know, because I've I had a therapist once that I gave. I mean, I gave I think a solid year and I was like and then I was like, you know what?

This is not for me. And then maybe you're lucky and you meet somebody in the first time. You're like, oh, yes. Yeah. This is great. But I think, you know, initially it's normal for I think most people to feel like, I don't know about this. Right. And that's why I don't want people to give up on it if they're having a bad experience. Because when you find somebody that clicks with you, oh, it's just, it's so wonderful. You learn so much about yourself, things you need to learn. And, and,

that you can do, actual tasks that you can give yourself to get to another spot so you can get out of the spot you're in that you don't want to be in. Yeah, 100%. Well, I can't wait to read your book. I mean, you're such a great advocate and, you know, you're America's sweetheart, people. And I mean, they're the best. I mean, really, truly, I mean, who doesn't love Valerie Bertinelli? David Lee Roth. Other than David Lee Roth. Yeah.

It's the greatest thing to come out of this podcast is that America loves you. There's only one person that doesn't, and his name is David Lee Roth. That's my favorite thing. I love you, Dave. Oh, wow. She is America's sweetheart. She just is. I mean, so I feel warm and fuzzy inside having had that talk. And I am going to get after David Lee Roth. That's my mission. I'm...

Going to track him down. I'll get him on the podcast. I'm going to get David Lee Roth. Making a note to the producers right now to get David Lee Roth. And we are going to get to the bottom of why he is the only human being. How many people are in the world? I'm going to say there's 7 billion people in the world. There's one person. Doesn't love Valerie Bertinelli. We know who it is. We're going to solve it. Anyway, and now let's have a little gander at the lowdown line. Hello, you've reached literally in our lowdown line.

where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-4551. So have at it. Here's the beep.

Hi, Mr. Rob Lowe. My name is Christy. And first, I'd like to thank you for giving me the podcast. I really enjoy listening to you and I enjoy your guests. And it's such a fun podcast, so thank you. I have a Santa Barbara question for you. I'm actually hoping you can help me. I know that you live in Santa Barbara and my son will be getting married there in March.

They're just going to the courthouse, and with COVID, they can only have eight guests. My job is to find a restaurant that we can all go to after the ceremony, and I don't know of any really good restaurants in Santa Barbara. So while I know this is probably a really big long shot, I'm coming to you for suggestions.

I also think it would be really fun to say that Rob Lowe recommended our restaurant. I hope you're able to help. I'd really appreciate it. But if you can't, that's okay. I completely understand. Thanks so much. Have a great day. Bye-bye. Nothing makes me happier than to be a concierge.

I love doing it. So before you go to the wedding, sort of down and dirty, greatest Mexican food you'll ever go to is La Super Rica on Milpas. You have to wait in line. It's super not fancy and it's genius. But celebration dinner, you will go to Lucky's in Montecito. Lucky's in Montecito, it's steaks and pastas and salads and

Super simple food and super great. And it's kind of the place. Anyway, congratulations to you and good luck on the marriage. Thanks. More good stuff to come next week on Literally.

You've been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe, produced and engineered by me, Rob Schulte. Our coordinating producer is Lisa Berm. The podcast is executive produced by Rob Lowe for Low Profile. Jeff Ross, Adam Sachs, and Joanna Solitaroff at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson at Stitcher. Our researcher is Alyssa Grawl. Our talent bookers are Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

And music is by Devin Bryant. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week on Literally with Rob Lowe. This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount. Terms and conditions apply. Come on, jump. I don't know if I'll make it. Hurry, the floor is lava. I can't.

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