Will Arnett: All Sports and Swearing
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Hello, everybody. It is me, Rob Lowe. This is literally, I have one of my favorite people in the world, Will Arnett. He's coming at you. He and, who are those two other guys he does the podcast with? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. I kid, I kid. I love the three of them. I love Smartless. It's the gold standard. But I'm doing mine by myself. I'm just saying. I'm not saying that makes my show better. I think it makes the show harder. And then you can be the judge of

of whether content is more worthy when you have help, when you have a lot of help. I'll let you be the judge of that. But that said, I do love Smartless and I love these guys and I love Will and he's just one of the greatest hangs ever and this is going to be a good one. So let's get to it. This is your show, but let me ask you a question. How was your weekend? What did I do this weekend? Well, because we are currently going through this writer's strike. Sure. It feels like

It feels like Groundhog's Day mixed with summer vacation. And so I'm just like, I feel free to do all kinds of stuff that I usually never have the time to do. And I'm also kind of like bummed out, obviously. I want to go back to work. But I golfed, I'll have you know, yesterday. And I know that you love that. How did we do? Here's the thing. I cannot shoot. I cannot shoot a score other than...

An 87. I can't do it. Whether I should play badly or whether I play great. I added up. It's an 87. No matter what course I'm on. It's what is that about? That's your number.

Interesting. I don't know what that's about. I, um, I played with our mutual friend Dan yesterday. Oh, good. Yep. I like the Dandies gets mentions across multiple podcasts as he should, as he should. And, um, I played with him at his place out there where we played a little while ago. Yep. And, uh, I shot an 84 yesterday. Yeah. Very respectable. Not, not bad. Respectable. Left a few shots out there for sure. Uh,

I was draining, Drano with the putter, Dranomatic. I can't make a putt, Rob. I will show you. I'll show you how to do it. Your game is good. I saw you recently, when we played a few months ago, your game looks really, it's coming along. I know you said that you're spending a lot of time at the range. Yes. It's working, eh? Mm-hmm. Good.

And it's solid. And I don't remember your putting, but is it, is it better now? It was, I never put badly. I just put averagely, but I'm, I'm playing these new PXGs. I love my PXGs. Shout out to PXG, not a sponsor, but should be. Hello. Hint, hint. Right. I do have sponsors on this podcast. Do you?

I mean, you know, I'm, I'm in it to win it. We have, we have ads and we love our sponsors and why, I don't know, PXG needs to wake up, smell the coffee. They need to wake up. But my, I, Len, I'm going to say hi to my friends at Titleist who have been, and Titleist Foot Joy, who have been very helpful. Yeah. Dude, you're the sports, you figured your life out so big time. You just do basically, as far as I can tell, whatever you want to do at this point. How'd you get, how did you get to that point? Um,

Well, first of all, I'd be nowhere if it wasn't for dumb luck. Well, that's makes two of us. Right. I mean, uh, I, I, yeah, it's funny. I think because I enjoy not just playing sports and I enjoy consuming sports, watching sports a lot. And I talk about it a lot on, on the podcast. And then we started playing Jason and I started, uh, you know, we,

done a few of these pro-am events and stuff. So in the golf world, kind of started getting into that. And then Formula One, I started watching, so I got into that. Now I'm doing this thing with Danny Ricardo in Formula One. Amazing. Yeah, and I kind of, if I'm being honest, I'm glad you asked me, I see myself in the next few years as

spending more time in the sports space i think i'm not a i'm obviously i've never been a professional athlete and i think that the the clock has run out on that yeah probably but i like a lot of people i'm just a very attentive fan and i watch a lot of sports different sports and i like talking about them and um i think that there's room for that you know i have a tough time with sports talk radio and stuff a lot of the time oh give me your take on that give me

Will Arnett, you're on right now. Yeah. You're an improv motherfucker. Sure. I just hadn't necessarily swore. I don't know why I did that. Maybe because I felt that this particular thing is losing edge, but I don't know. I'm trying to repel women right now who are my number one demo, they tell me. And so I said, I know we'll talk sports and I'll start swearing. It'll be great. They're going to love it. So, okay, do your version of the worst thing

Sports radio? Sports radio. Give it to me. Well, it's always like, look, this is what the Patriots need to do. Tom Brady, blah, blah. And they start to... Are you crazy? Have you even watched a game? Have you watched a game? Or do you just scroll through it? The last 30 home games, they were averaging 14 points. Now, if you look at what they did with... And you're like, man...

you've just taken the fun and the romance that they suck. The romance. Can we do this together? I mean, I know that you, are you trying to break away from working with other people because you're, you're kind of, you kind of at this point are, I mean, I don't want to say you're beholden to Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, but you guys have a good thing going on. So you probably don't want to do it with me, but I think, I think our version right now of a sports show is,

would, would, would die because I think we could do like dynamic deal. We could be Clark Kent and Superman. So we could do the bad version for people who like that. Yeah. And then we could do the version we want to do, but we do it in the same show. So people understand that.

Because when you talk, I'm sorry, I need to stop you right there. When you talk about the Patriots offense and the 14 point conversion layer, that's the Bill Belichick era. That is not the era that we are dealing in now. Exactly. That's exactly what we want to get rid of. And what we want to see more of is, I remember saying to John McEnroe a few years ago,

I was like, why aren't you... We were talking about... We were at a hockey game in New York, but we were talking about basketball. I said, McEnroe, you should be covering basketball. Everything. He's the best. Everything. He's so good. And he says it the way that you want to say it, the way he talks about tennis. He breaks it down. He talks very real. And I kind of...

I feel like I'm always trying to capture his spirit when I talk to him. So I did this thing with Formula One last year, um, with, uh, with AMP and Amazon. And I went to a bunch of races. Then we covered the races after we were talking about with Mika Haken and, uh, Formula One two-time champ. Um,

Every time I'd say former champ, Mika would always go two-time champion. I was like, I know Mika. That's amazing. He's the best dude. The best dude. And we would talk about

that or we did this world cup show as well i was in qatar and i would say we would just talk about you know because i don't have i don't know anybody in this space i could talk about it in a way that was just very sort of real but also not shouty and you'd kind of go like hey you know it's kind of a dick move when uh verstappen cut him off on that corner right it's like well it's okay i go let's be honest it was a dick move

And, you know, in a way that you and I would talk if we, if Rob, if you and I were at watching a race on the couch. But what would we do if it was a sport we really, truly didn't know anything about? Like, what if I came in, because I'm new to the Formula One game. Sure. And I... So am I. So that was my whole angle. Well, if I say something...

Why do you change your tires so much? Would that, that would be too, too, too much of an idiot move. No, I like that. You see, I think that that's what we need more of because we have way too many experts. Everybody is, I mean, you've been on social media. You can make, you can say, you could tweet out good morning, everybody. And then immediately somebody go, well, it's night where I am. And you're like, okay, man.

I'm just fine. And that's the world we live in, right? It's just the, and believe me as somebody who I act like an expert a lot of the time too. And I love correcting people as well, but we live in this world where it's just so automatic. So I think it's okay and refreshing to come in and go, why do you change your tires? Like, why is he going into the pit now? And I would do that. I would, after the race, I would say,

you know, Mika, why did he, or when I was watching the world cup and, uh, and I had like, uh, Sam Mewis, who was a, you know, um, us soccer star. And I would ask her, I'd be like, why, how hard is it to make that play? Or is that tackle, you know, asking those questions that you think are dumb. That's what people want to talk about. Yeah. I'd be like, why does everybody pull an Achilles when they're looking 17 times a game and then get up and run like a gazelle?

Well, yeah, they get up and, and so you, what, that was what I would do. We'd be watching world cup and I'd go, you know, I, I, this has long been my beef. There are certainly some of the continental European leagues, uh, IE La Liga and league one in France, but really La Liga football soccer. I mean, it is a lot of these guys should be repped by CAA. Yeah. The acting, the acting is amazing. Incredible. When you see a guy, uh,

All of a sudden, he gets... It looks like he's sort of gotten tackled. He's on the far side of the pitch. And then he goes flying in the air and he grabs his face. So not only was his face not touched, but in the replay, they showed that

He wasn't, he wasn't touched at all, at all, at all. And he's writhing around on the ground and you're like, fuck me, man. But I, so I like, I like their commitment to the act. I like a, their commitment to the phony baloney act. But then when they don't get the call, they don't even try to like go into the next moment. They, they, they, they just, they just jump right up and run off. There's no, yeah, they drop it. Like it's a bit that didn't work and they're moving on like a comedian. They just, they just don't care.

It's pretty, you gotta, you gotta give them credit for the shamelessness of it. Right. Yeah. You're like, you, you want to be, are you not embarrassed? No, they're not like, ah, you didn't go. Okay. We go to the, you know, whatever.

Which is so funny because it's counterintuitive. You'd think that they'd want to act tough. Well, here's, as a Canadian, so I grew up watching hockey. Oh, boy. And the last thing you want to do is show any weakness. Oh, yes. I know friends, I know my buddy who played for many years and he got a major cut, but he really wanted to go back out and fight in the third period, even though he had just gotten stitches during the game. And he did, and he went out and fought again.

And I was like, dude, you're, why did, it was years ago, but he was, you know, obviously when he was way younger. And I was like, why did you do that? And he was like, I just, I had to, I was so mad. I wanted to fight that guy. Well, it makes sense to me. I get it. It doesn't make sense to me. First of all, never the face. Well, that goes without saying, I think at this point. You and I know, never the face. Never, never, ever. Ever. That's the thing is like, hey, I'm training in the boxing gym. You should come down and train. I'm like, okay.

What do you do? I'd have to wear one of those like balloon hats on my... You know when they wear those like sumo suits? Yes, but just on my head. I know.

Oh, well, I'd be a, I would be, um, you know, like, uh, Mr. Cub or one of those, one of those mascots where they just wear a head and the rest of their body's fine. And then you're like, now I'll spar. Let's go. Let's go. Bean head on. I don't like, I don't like getting hit. What is, I don't, nobody likes getting hit. I, no, no, no, no. Some people do. I guess they do. No, they, for sure. Haven't you met those guys? Like they're in bars. They want to fight. They're, they're,

I once had a football coach and goes, there's, there's, you know, people who want, who like being hit. And there are people who don't. My favorite is Chad Lowe. My, my young, younger brother, the sports addict, fanatic, loves football, toughest football, decided he was going to play football, went to one pop Warner practice, got hit the first time and quit.

because he's smart. He got hit once. He was like, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. Not for me. I like, I like me some Chad Lowe. I haven't seen him in a while. And so shout out to the Chad. He's a good boy. He's a very good boy. Um, yeah, I, that's how I feel about gambling too. I remember I used to play in this game forever with, uh, with Jason, Sean, uh, Richter, uh,

Kyle gas, sometimes Jack black. Great game. It was a great game. This is like 20 years ago at Kyle gas's house. And he had a poker table that dominated his living room. And, um, red flag, major red flag Lakers game going Tuesday nights, you know, I bet he had, he had a lot of girls that were of wonderful material. It, yeah, it wasn't a, um,

They weren't in the, in the old, in the old school parlance, there weren't a lot of chicks around. Um, so, but we used to play and I remember I played, we played in that game for over a year and then I had, I went away. I had done pretty well in that game over the few months and like one, whatever kind of break even once though came back, lost big, like, like within 10 minutes lost like $700 stood up and said, I'll see you guys later. And I never played again.

I was like losing $700. You know what? I'm so glad to hear you say that. I don't either. I could, I could walk through, I shot, um, a TV series once that took place in Las Vegas and I realized I could walk through a casino every day of my life.

With untold free time on my hands and never be tempted ever to sit down and gamble. Yeah. I hate losing money. It's so hard to make. Yeah. When you've had to earn your own money, you realize how, uh, you know, how much you don't want to lose. And I forgot about you did that. You were a doctor in Vegas, right? Was it Dr. Vegas? It's the greatest title ever. Cause it tells you exactly what the show's about. Should have been bad. Dr. Vegas.

It was Dr. Vegas. It was Dr. Vegas. And you know that I had a very tough choice choosing between that and Grey's Anatomy.

No way. Oh yeah. Did you really? Oh yeah. Wait, wait, Rob, I did not know this. Oh yeah. So you were, so it's pilot season, development season and ABC comes at you with that and NBC comes at you with Dr. Vegas. It was, well, listen, here's the rub. It's actually, it's CBS. Oh, CBS. Dr. Vegas went literally CBS,

Everything they touched ran for 15 years. Right. Everything. So that was the math you did. Well, and more so. And it was, um, Lawrence Bender who produced all of Quentin Tarantino's movies. Yep. His first thing in TV. And I was a big fan of this show called Nip Tuck that Ryan Murphy made. And my thing was, uh, it's going to be a network version of Nip Tuck. Right. And this sounds great. Um,

And, and what was, and when you read or talk to the people at Grey's Anatomy at ABC, you were like, guys, nice try. No, no, no. I go, this is a better script. It's a great script. Yeah. Um, and I had a meeting with everybody and they were very eager, but there was a sort of element where I didn't feel the love as much. I just, I didn't, I didn't feel the love. I had the offer. I had the offer to do it.

But in the room, everybody was kind of a little standoffish maybe. Do you feel like maybe it was like the network really wanted you, but you were being kind of pushed on them a little? If I had to do the math, that could have absolutely been. Everybody was perfectly nice. Don't get me wrong. Of course. No, no, no. But you know the vibe where it was like, yeah. And so I left that.

And then I got a phone call, never forget it, from the guy around CBS who's a titanic legend who you, frankly, didn't cross. And he was like, I hear you're considering this show at ABC. Let me explain something to you. We're CBS. We make hits. We make hits. Our shows run forever. ABC has not launched a new show in 15 years.

You want to do that? And I was like, you're right. That was the year. And by the way, that was all true. All those, those numbers are true. That was the year that not only did they launch finally two new shows, they launched Grey's Anatomy and, um, uh, the, the one about the lady, you know, the crazy ladies who all did crazy, desperate, desperate housewives. Yeah. That was the same. Wow. Yep.

Let me tell you, let me tell you how this works, you know, and look, and that's why I say like looking back on it. And, and by the way, had I not had, here's my theory. I don't think me on gray's anatomy has anywhere near the impact. The Dempsey had playing McDreamy. I don't, because people were like, Oh yeah, Rob Lowe. The he's, he's the, he's the swagger and doctor. Sure. But Dempsey was like, wow, who, what? Wow. Like new, fresh, been away for a while, was back. Yeah.

They wouldn't have called me McDreamy. They would just call me Rob Lowe. Listen, you've been McDreamy for a long time, so let's not kid ourselves. I'm going to say it for America because you can't say it, but we can as America and Canadians. But also, Patrick Dempsey, amazing. Amazing. Great. So good in that part. So good in general. Love the guy. You would have been amazing.

You would have been very good. Don't sell yourself short. You would have been fantastic. And that makes sense to me. God, I love, wait, let's go through just a few more Rob Lowe passes. That's by that's really honestly the only big one that, well, not only it's, it's so big, by the way, as my wife will remind me. Sure. Cheryl Lowe would like to have that Grey's Anatomy bag.

Yeah. That's a lot of, that's speaking of bag, that's a lot of Birkins at Hermes right there. I mean, let's be real. You'd be, your studio would be Birkin. It'd be like, you'd be in a big Birkin bag. I would live in a, in a Birkin like Lidsville. Instead of living in a hat, I'd be living in a purse. If you, if you had that Grey's Anatomy Dowski, you'd, you could buy Conan's company and then fire him.

Big red. I big, big red, big red. I time your time is over. And just, I would, if I had that dough, I'd buy Conan's company and I'd fire him day one.

Yeah. To his face. Defo to his face with cameras rolling. Yes. Don't you understand? I'm McDreamy. Who's McDreamy now? He's like, he's like, what are you? I don't know. Wait. So that was the big one, but there must've been other ones. Cause you have been, uh,

just at the center of it for so long. There must have been other scripts or things that came your way that you were like, well, that, well, the ones that I didn't get. And I mean, and this, by the way, it wasn't like I knew, I think I have a pretty good picker. I mean, cause I knew Grey's Anatomy was, was great. It was, it was great script. And by the way, Shonda Rhimes had only written a Britney Spears movie. That was it. Interesting.

So it was like, who knows? I don't know. Can she run a TV show? Right. I don't know. Turns out she can run 700 TV shows. Yeah. It turns out. Um, never know. Yeah. So, and the other thing is, had I done that, I would still be on it probably. And, and living in the Birkin, the living Birkin, but I, I wouldn't have done the things that I got like Parks and Rec. I wouldn't have been on Parks and Rec. Right.

Right. And I love, I love Parks and Rec. I love it. I love it. And I say this with all respect. I'd rather be on Parks and Rec than Grey's Anatomy. I would. I get that. I get that. First of all, we wouldn't know each other maybe. And we wouldn't be doing this. We wouldn't know each other. We might not be doing this because we met through Amy because of Parks and Rec. That's right. That's a great point. You were great on Parks and Rec, by the way. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, dude. You were really good. And as you might imagine, I'm a big fan of, I'm a big Parks and Rec fan.

It's such, it's, that shows amazing. So good. And Amy's incredible in it. Everybody's incredible in it. And Mike Schur, obviously we all love Mike Schur. Everybody's. And, and,

It's a great, we have a podcast, Parks and Recollection, where we sit and we talk about the show. We sure do. I launched it and then Alan Yang and I launched it. Great Alan Yang. The great Alan Yang. And we just turned the reins over to Jim O'Hare and Greg Levine. And they crush it. It's super funny. Parks and Recollection. Get it where you get your podcasts.

I'm going to go, yeah, wherever you get your podcasts and also mention, what's your golf clubs again? Oh, PXG. Mention them again. PXG. Wherever you get your podcasts, PXG. Send some clubs.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton Honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. I loved when you came on Parks Direct. It was so funny. There were different stages of Parks Direct, and everybody just had their own little... Everybody worked together well, and then everybody had their own distinctive voice, and that's what I loved about that show. And...

I think during COVID we ended up, the kids and I ended up rewatching, we rewatched The Office and Parks and Rec. Wow. I never really fully watched The American Office all the way through and I ended up blazing and I couldn't believe it. I was like, I've deprived myself. You know, Krasinski's one of my best and I deprived myself of that show. I'm like, that is amazing. And Parks and Rec and we watched it all during COVID. Um,

And then, uh, and Pratt. I mean, how great was Pratt? I mean, it's, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. That shows it's murderer's row. But think about it. You, Amy, Pratt,

Aubrey Plaza. So you got Aubrey, you got Rashida, you got Adam Scott. Aziz. You got fucking Offerman. By the way, this is all in no particular order. It's a freaking murderer's row. Aziz. I mean, just you keep going. It's amazing. It's a once in a lifetime thing. And I'm so glad that

They, uh, they invited me to come in and play. I mean, but you know, listen, I gotta give, I gotta just say arrested development. My good friend, I I've been going, I've always loved it. I've never been under any illusion that it was anything other than a fucking amazing show. But I, cause I, you know, I, I have a new show on Netflix. I'm just like, it's like a very pluggy episode of the podcast. Yeah. You guys are doing your show.

We're doing, um, we're doing a, so we're doing, so we're doing, um, we're it's, it's on Netflix now. It's called unstable. We are, um, hopefully imminently about to start season two. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. But you, but you also have your other show on Fox. Yes, I have that too. So you have two shows that you're not shooting right now. I have two shows. I'm not shooting.

wow. I have two shows that are not shooting. And, um, but listen, as I, as, as I was out promoting and introducing, um, unstable to the world, I kept saying, hopefully it's in the genre of arrested development. I mean, of all the comedies that are out there, and there are so many that I'm a fan. That's not, they're not so many. That's not true. They're not so many. I'm a fan of, there are very specific ones and it's,

I, and this is the new thing. This is why I'm bringing it up. I'm, I'm, I'm landing the plane on this very long rambling moment of the, of the podcast. I think arrested development actually probably gun to my head is the best of that group of shows. I love 30 rock office parks and rec. I think arrested is the best one. Wow. Um, um, uh, always sunny.

Yeah. All those are all my favorite shows. I think arrested is the best. And here's the other thing. I think your character might be my favorite of, of a bunch of great characters. Oh, wow. I'm a job guy. I'm a big job guy. Um, well, thank you for that. I can't really take credit for the show, but, but, but it's very kind of you to say, I, I was, I was really, uh,

fortunate to um to encounter mitch hurwitz the great mitch hurwitz who created rest development and and so um you know all credit to him as you might imagine his writing is just uh when he's at the top of his game there's nobody there's nobody funnier yeah and it's layered and it's um

it just pretty amazing so i i was really lucky i mean you know you know we were talking about you know reading scripts and stuff and stuff comes in and you read and you go like when you recognize you're like oh yeah this is great anatomy is really good when we were doing the rest of development especially that first year jason i would call each we get the new scripts on sunday nights if we were lucky uh maybe monday morning and we'd call each other and go oh my god did you read the new script for this week it's so good like we

It was one of the rare times that you could actually appreciate it in the moment, how good the material was. Isn't that great? Did you feel like...

Those are probably also in the days when they would have a runner send the script. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, ding dong, and it'd be a runner from the studio. Yes. Like, with an actual script in their hand. Physical, yeah. Somebody would come with an actual script, and they'd drop it off in a manila envelope. Yeah, right. And leave it at your front door. And, you know, the cast is, I lived in Venice. So did Cross. Jason was up in the hills.

Tony was wherever Jessica was, wherever Jeffrey was. So, you know, you have one or two people and they're driving all over LA at 5am with scripts. One of my favorite stories about, about physical delivery of stuff in showbiz was Jim Burrows told me this about Jim Burrows on the podcast. He's the, he's the best, the most famous comedy half hour director in the history of the world. The most I've been rewatching.

Old Cheers episodes in the last six months. Amazing show. You want to go and see, you talk about a high bar in terms of writing, acting, directing, and the combo. I made, you know, Abel, my son. I made Abel come down and watch this scene that I've described on many platforms and services. I've talked about this scene. One of my favorite comedy scenes of all time.

It's the last episode of season four of Cheers. And Diane is jealous that Sam's got that. He's dating the woman who's the politician. So Diane goes, I'm going to leave.

And she stands up in front of everybody. She goes by the door and she makes this big announcement. I'm leaving. You shall never see me again. The times have been good, but lo, it's time for me to leave. She makes this big, boring speech, like sort of farewell to the truth. And her final sort of salvo is, and you shall never see Diane Chambers again. And she walks out the door. Beat, beat. The door opens slightly and a hand comes in.

and starts reaching for this coat rack where there was a coat rack. Carla's on the other side of the coat rack and she can see, and she just ever so slightly pulls the coat rack back, back, back, and the hand keeps coming in further, further, further, further. Finally, Diane falls in and Carla says, "Hey, everybody, look, Diane's back." It's amazing. I said to Abel, I was like, "That is a culmination of really good writing, really good acting,

And just absolute platinum directing. Yep. Timing all those things. Yep. Yep. Absolutely. You feel so lucky when you watch that stuff and you go like, this is, you know. There's no, you feel elated. Like, and again, like when I watch episodes of, of Arrested, it's,

I'm, I'm a jaded man. I'm super jaded. I do not like a lot. I really, really don't particularly in comedy, but when I, but when I like it, I almost want to start weeping. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

That's I, I totally relate to that. And I'm, I'm the same way. I hate everything famously in my friend group. I think that everything sucks and, and I'm, I'm an equal opportunity. I mean, that goes for most of the stuff I've done too. I'm like, boy, that really sucks. But, but yeah. So when you watch a scene like that, like from cheers or you watch, you read something like Mitch Hurwitz had a lot of that, you know, Mitch is not a lot of people know Mitch Hurwitz who created rest development and, and show ran it.

Mitch worked on, he started at Whit Thomas and he started as a runner at Whit Thomas and ended up running. He wrote for Golden Girls and then they did Golden Palace. And he worked his way up just because he's a talented, funny motherfucker. He literally earned it just by being really good. Zero connections. Right. But he came, there was something to be said for, he came up writing on an incredible multicam sitcom. Yep. That was his, that's where he kind of learned a lot of,

And a lot of that is sort of based on theater, as you know, Jimmy Burroughs, big theater guy. So Mitch brought a lot of that to, to Arrested Development, I think. So it wasn't, you know, Arrested wasn't like a lot of, a lot of single camera shows ended up getting kind of flatter and flatter and flatter as they went. Yes.

Arrested wasn't like a flat show in that way. No, it wasn't. Which I really appreciate because that, again, like I like some of that flat stuff, but it's what I love about 30 Rock. 30 Rock is one breath away from being a living cartoon. Yeah, a sketch. Like basically a sketch, right? Yes, yes. You can't, I think that that's,

30 Rock arrested and Parks and Rec certainly had a lot of this too. And so did The Office. You can't be afraid to be a comedy. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. And I think that there's a lot of people who are too cool for school. Right. And they want to sort of

They want to sort of break comedy down and they're going to be, you know, and I'm like, you know what? Be funny first. I don't mean, I'm not suggesting that I am. I'm just saying that in general. Yes. You're preaching to the choir. Keep preach. Preach. Yeah. And just allow yourself. Don't, don't be too cool for school and don't be worried about how there's too much of that. Like everything got weighed for me, for my liking got way too dead and sort of deadpan and

And there's certainly a time and place for that, but you kind of mix it up, man. I'm with, I'm with you. And, and look, unstable is an unapologetic in your face comedy. And it's like, I never thought that that would be considered outside the norm or daring or unique, but it is, it is today.

I look at the, I look at the list of like shows that are nominated in comedy categories. Yeah. And look, I mean, no disrespect to anybody. No. I remember years ago. Well, this is a perfect Amy story. Amy and I, after the Emmys every year would sit in the makeup chair and look at each other and just go nurse Jackie. What are you going to do? Hilarious. The hilarious nurse Jackie. It's about, I love nurse Jackie. It's a great show. It's not a comedy show.

Right. Yeah. I, I believe me, I had my own, uh, who was yours. We had a bunch, we had a bunch of shows that were like, um, I think, I think, I think desperate housewives was a comedy. I guess they ended up saying it was a satire or something. And I think we arrested had the arrested development had the benefit of, we, we won our first year. We won best comedy our first year.

Uh, and then never again. Um, like we're done with that. We gave them what they needed. Yeah. We were so surprised. Yeah, we were. Sure. We were the little show that, that Fox hated. I think the Fox at that time is really bummed that we won. Yes. Cause they were like, fuck, now we gotta keep these guys on the air. And they gave us famously an ice cream, not truck cart.

to, to congratulate us. Listen, well, but for the fact that I have the topper of all toppers, that's a great story. West wing. Yeah. We win. We're going to win four consecutive best show Emmys. We're going to win at that time. The most Emmys any, any show has ever won the first year. We sweep every category. We're also in the top 10 ratings. Warner brothers makes the TV show.

They're about to famously merge in what they think is going to be one of the greatest corporate synergy moves of all time with AOL Time Warner. And everybody is just... You've got Westwick. They're just proud as peacocks, no pun intended. Sure. And they're like, hey, the brass has come into the set and they want to gift everybody.

And I remember talking to the late, great John Spencer. And this is the time when I think the Friends cast all got cars. I remember Melina Kanakarides on Providence got a Range Rover. I remember every department head on ER got a million dollar check. What? So if you ran wardrobe, million dollars. You ran, you were the head of the electricians, million dollars. You were the DP, million dollars.

This was the world we were living in. Now, granted, those are extraordinary moments in time. Still, that is what's going on. I'm not making it up. It all went on. John Spencer says, do you think we're getting cars? I'm like, oh, man, can you fucking imagine? So we stopped shooting. We all crowd into the Roosevelt room. It's hot as hell. I'll never forget it as long as I live.

We're always behind on that show, always behind. And we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting, we're waiting. And people with walkie talkies come in like secret service types. They're coming. The executives are on their way. They're coming. Hush falls over the room and in comes all these Wall Street people and AOL executives and Warner Brothers executives and Peter Roth, the titanic leader of Warner Brothers, Warner TV comes in and he says,

On behalf of AOL Time Warner, we would like to recognize the West Wing for its historic Emmy night. We feel it is emblematic of everything that the new AOL Time Warner will become. And as a token of our appreciation for what you have accomplished, we would like to present you with this. And then he motions. And a guy comes out with what looks like a room service cart with a blanket over it.

And Peter Roth grabs it and literally says, voila, it's a single serving espresso maker. No way. That is a on my children's life. Single serving. Not only, you have to go one at a time. It's a crew of 200 people.

That is fucking incredible. It broke 10 days later and the prop master went to replace it and found out it was rented. No way. Yes. It's all true. Jeffrey Tambor told me that is, first of all, that's outrageous, but also great. Jeffrey Tambor told me once that when they were doing Larry Sanders at the end of the series, they all decided they were going to pitch in and get Gary Shandling a great gift.

So they're just wondering what they're going to do. And they decide that they're going to buy him a car. They're all going to chip in the gas because he's done this thing. Right? They're going to buy him. They're all going to collectively. And it's going to cost them 10 grand each or whatever. It's going to be some epic just to thank Gary. And Jeffrey has been given the task, go tell Rip. So he goes up. Jeffrey tells me. The reason he told me this story was because I was shooting a show at Radford.

Uh, when I was doing up all night with Christina Applegate, when you guys were doing, uh, and my, I had the same dressing room as rip apparently when he was on. So that's why. And so this is rip torn. One of the great, one of the great, I worked with, I have ripped this. Yeah, please. Rip is amazing. Amazing. Yeah. I worked with them on 30 rock as well. Amazing.

So he goes, so Jeffrey goes up to his dressing room. Good. Jeffrey said, I recognize this is the dressing room rip out. And then he tells me the story. So he goes up and he knocks on the rip store and rip opens the door. Yeah. He goes, uh, Hey, uh, rip, we're, uh, we've all decided we're going to get together. We're going to pull together. We're going to get a great gift for Gary. He goes, uh, okay. He goes, yeah, we're going to, we're going to buy him a car. Rip looks at him and go, Oh, fuck yourself. And slams the door. That's rip.

Go fuck yourself. One of the great, by the way, you know where he stands. There's no doubt. There's no doubt. By the way, we knew where AOL Time Warner stood. We were worth about one espresso maker. When did you, and it should be noted, West Wing went on into syndication heaven. Yes. Somebody got rich. Somebody. The guy who brought in the espresso maker did.

Definitely. There's definitely somebody. Um, what did you work with rip? I worked, I worked with rip on after I, after Aaron Sorkin and I both left the West wing, uh, in season four. And I did a show called the lion's den. Really good cast. David Crum, David Krumholtz, um,

Elizabeth Mitchell, Kyle Chandler. Yeah. Um, and rip played my father. Rip played your father. Yes. Do you know? So here's just a quick one. So it, uh, the show premieres, this is very inside baseball, but you'll get it. We do an 8.6 in the demo, eight and eight, six, by the way, today, the biggest hit in the world does a point.

a 0.9. You're a massive hit. We did an 8.6 and they're like, oh, it's over. We're done. We're done. So they cancel us, but they make us shoot the order. They make us continue. We're canceled, but we have to continue shooting because that's what you do when you're canceled. You continue to make a TV show that

No one's going to ever see, but this is, I'm not making this up either. Yeah. We, we continue to shoot. So we, they've long since fired the, the original show runner because he was spending more time editing his daughter's, um, basketball games on his computer than, than writing the scripts. Um, not, and also not kidding. Um, and so the whole predicate of the show was, I'm a young up and coming, uh,

lawyer and a law firm that's rife with corruption that may have even killed its founding partner who was my mentor and i'm going to get to the bottom of it right sounds good enough to me sounds like a show to me yeah that's a show we decide since we're canceled to just burn the bridges down so we decide i'm going to be the guy who killed my mentor and

All of this is going to lead to me. We, we shoot scenes for me of taking anti-psychotic drugs and, and, and, and backfill them into episodes. Got it. And, and so the end of the series that has been like a, like a Tom Cruise and young hero series, it actually ended in the, in the, the finale, which I think they showed in Estonia. It's the only place that ever aired.

Um, Kyle Chandler who works at the law firm comes in and I'm eating a steak in the, in the corporate dining room and he confronts me with being the killer and I get up from eating the steak, stab him to death with the steak knife. He falls bloodily over the conference table. I walk over to the doors out onto the patio and leap to my death. No fucking way. Yep. That is epic. Yeah.

When we pitched the idea to the studio and the network, they hated the show so much. They're like, yeah, that's great. I don't think they actually even listened that they let us make this show. That is so... That they're like, yeah, all they could think was like, oh, good, your character's dead. Yeah, so now there's no chance that anybody will ever bring up, hey, can we try again? Yeah. So they're like, yeah, great idea. Have him kill himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a fucking crazy... I did this thing with...

David Cross called The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. Great title. Great title. Great title that you should also know will never work. I'm just saying. Of course. And I really...

I really admire Cross for sticking with it. Just being, going for the super long title and just being like, I'm not bucking changing. Yeah, exactly. For sure. Uh, and I love, I love me some David Cross so much. And so, so Cross, um, we do, we do the first, I guess it was the end of the second season and David has his character. He ends up in North Korea, uh,

True story. And hitting the button and blowing up the world. Okay? It's amazing. Complete. And you see scenes of just a... Nuclear annihilation. Nuclear annihilation. Armageddon. Just fucking end of the world. The face of the planet is just like this flaming thing. Somebody comes back. And we shoot the show over in England. We originally shot it with, I guess...

like Channel 4 or something like that. And then it was like independent, you know, IFC or whatever. They come back, IFC or somebody says, we really want to do a third season. David's like, I blew up the planet, man. I know, but is there any way? That's right. I know, but is there any way? It's such a great. We know. We know the planet's blown up. So is there any way? Is there any way? And he did. He found a way.

And we did more. Fuck, it was so funny. I remember him calling me to tell like, hey, man, how's your summer looking? And I was like, no way. I'm in Amagansett. What do you think I'm doing? I'm not going till next week, by the way. I'm not going till next week. I am leaving Saturday for the summer. I'm coming out.

Are you? Yeah. I'm coming out. I don't know when. Please end that. I'm coming out to the Long Island. Yes. Not just I'm coming out. Well, listen, not that there's anything wrong with that either, but I'm, but at this point I'm. This would be big news. Put it this way. Rob, this would be such big news on so many fronts. Right. Well, the gay community would be very happy. Yes. And. Do you think there'd be a lot of, I knew it all the time stuff? I would, I probably wouldn't say that out loud.

Oh, you're singing the world. Yeah. I think, no, I don't think there would be that, but it would be, it would be epic. And I'd be your, and I'd be excited. I'd be really excited for you. But I will only say that the reason that Seth MacFarlane and I are friends and that I do a lot of work with him is one of the great Stewie family guy bits where Stewie goes to Hollywood.

And he's getting his makeup done in one of those giant makeup chairs. And the scene opens and he's getting his makeup done with clearly a really flamboyant gay guy. And Stu goes, oh, please, just let me do one more. And the makeup guy goes, all right, you can do one more. And he goes, Rob Lowe. And he goes, and the makeup guy goes, straight. And Stu goes, no, you would never know to look at him.

Wow. It just made me laugh. It was, it's such a, it's such a great shot. Of course. It's so good. You, I'm, I'm glad you say that because I was thinking of, I was talking to some friends last night at dinner and I was saying how much I love a good burn, a funny burn. And, and I really, have you ever been roasted? You need to be, you, okay, listen,

Forget the PXG stuff, all the stuff we've done. We need, and I'm actually not, I'm not kidding about this. I'm going to, I'm not kidding. When we get off this, I'm making a call. You've probably had this offer and you said, no, I want to host your roast on comedy central.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. My roast is too easy. It's great. My roast is too easy because there's too many things you can... First of all, America wouldn't care, but B... Not true. It's true. And B, I could write my own roast. I mean, it would be so easy...

To hit me. But look, that makes no difference. The roasts work. I've seen roasts that are great when it's somebody who seems unroastable. And I've also seen ones where you're like, oh, they're just going to tee off on this person. They roasted me. It's one of my favorite things because I love a good burn. I had the time of my life. That's right. I forgot you got roasted. I loved it. When was that, Rob? They teed me.

When was that? I want to say it was about five years ago now. I think, I think. Oh, no, no, no. I can tell you exactly what it was. It was longer than that. It was the year that Trump was running for president because Ann Coulter was on my dais and was going on and on about how great Trump was. And at a certain point, the roast shifted to a roast of Ann Coulter. It was in 2016. Yeah.

Uh, got it. Uh, so, okay. I think, I think, I think they asked me to come and participate in that and I wasn't around. I've been asked to take part in two roasts, yours and Alec Baldwin's. Yeah. I mean, either I could attend. I love watching. First of all, I love watching the roasts. They're so funny.

And those comedians who, who are really good at roast. We were talking about this last night. Uh, I was talking about with the great Mary McCormick last night. Love her. Love her. There, there are certain people, certain comedians who are so good at that. It's such a specific talent and I love it. I love, I was telling this story of on our smart list, uh,

docu-series that's on Macs. Which is, by the way, great. I see, by the way, the SmartList docu-series is all over my TikTok Twitter feed. It's everywhere. It's got to be crushing. Is it? Because it feels like it to me. We don't really... That's what Amy just told me this weekend. Amy's like, oh my God, the SmartList thing is all over the place. Those clips are hilarious. They're hilarious. I could recite them to you. I've seen them so much. Well, it's weird. So...

But in the show, on one of the episodes, we're talking with Matt Damon. We're in Wisconsin. And Matt, we're talking about Brad Pitt. And I was thinking, God, I love me some Brad Pitt. And I do. I love Brad. He knows that. And I told this story about running into Brad at this concert. A friend of ours. And Brad was very...

um kind and generous with words he was like i loved your show flaked and he was saying oh my god thanks man and then i go outside in the hall and i and i fell i slid down the wall and put my hand in my head my head in my hands i was like oh my god as i slid down like like a like like one of those things like a like a girl when the beatles first came to america and they're screaming i was like oh my god there's a beat and bateman from across the thing looks at me and goes

Who do you think he thought you were? Oh my God. That's amazing. That's amazing. It was so good. And the timing of it was so good to get another example of like perfect timing and just old school. It was such a great burn.

Not only did I laugh my ass off because it was so good, but I was also simultaneously so jealous at how great the burn was. It's such a good burn. It's such, there's an art to it, though. There's an art to a burn. There's, first of all, there has to be, the thing that makes me laugh is the plausible element of truth. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yes. Yes.

Well, not only the plausible element of truth, but the corner, the little bit of truth that you suspect that the other person harbors within them that makes them feel insecure about it. That's right. And you hit on that. And you hit on that. It's the one plausible element of truth that is the most devastating. Like, what's the most devastating? I mean...

it's so i i asked amy to be also i asked you obviously i asked amy didn't and amy was like i can't be mean polar was like i'll do it i love you but i can't be mean i go well i don't know what you want to do then so we concocted this thing at the beginning of the roast she's amazing and by the way looks amazing she's in a little red devil suit have you seen her in the devil suit yet no you have to see this

I don't think I ended up watching. I got to watch it. She's in a devil suit and we do a little skip together at the beginning, but she would not go on the desk. She wouldn't do it. She's like, I can't. Amy said, I will not be mean on camera. There's nobody better roasting. No, my God. Than AP. No, when AP gets all Boston and shit. Oh, dude. Good luck. It's the best.

You do not want to be on the wrong side. Oh. No. No. AP, when she goes full on, like, you know, Boston and then hits you with the cackle at the end. We one time years ago were in New York and our dog was outside barking. We were late night. We were walking to a deli to like, you know, whatever, get some water and probably like buying a pack of smokes or something on 4th Avenue at like 10th Street.

And Suki hurled, I was barking like crazy. We come out and this woman goes, your dog's barking. He goes, fuck you. Just immediately. She was right. She's right. Like rip torn. And they like rip dirt. Go fuck yourself. And she was right. Cause the woman was like, like, yeah, the dog was barking. Yeah. It's a dog. And like, whatever. God. And I was like, lady,

don't fucking don't come to, uh, throw, you know, bring rocks to a gunfight. You know, I want to see that iteration of, of cause Leslie Knope is so beloved. Yeah. And so nice. Yeah. We've got to do that. I will say this though. I, I sort of say that jokingly, like Amy is, uh, she's not mean and she doesn't want it. She actually legit doesn't want to be mean. There is, she does have that sort of, she's a very sort of, um, not optimistic, uh,

But she does have that, but she doesn't like piling on. No, she's got, she's got her thing. I mean, when they famously reimagined her character and saved the show in season two, they just leaned into, to, as you do in comedy, you lean into what you bring to it. And, and she's, she's not an iteration of Michael Scott. She's, she's got that sort of can, she's very roll up your sleeves, uh,

Can do, which reads as optimism. And she loves being part of a team. Right. She loves being part of a team. And she doesn't really like hardcore ribbing. Actually, you know, one of the things, obviously, Jason and I and Sean, we love to rib each other mercilessly. Yeah, that's amazing. And Amy is the one who said to me years ago, that's your love language. Mm-hmm.

And she's right. And she used to always say like, Jason, I have always, now it's just, we just record it. Um, that's right. But she was always like into to us. She'd be like, guys, cool it. Just can't. You guys are being too hard on each other. Really? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a clip from the documentary where clearly it's whoever's producing documentary or filming. It says off camera, what are you guys doing?

And you say, this is just our love language. Because I think it makes, it may, I think it makes certain people maybe uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. We explained that. That's true. Yes, we did. And, and it was, it truly was Amy who kind of gave me that insight years ago that that's what we've, we've said before, like to a certain degree, if we're not busting on you or ripping you, then we just don't give a shit. Yes. Yes.

Like if I don't have anything invested with somebody, I'll just be like, not flat, but like, all right. Do you ever, do you ever bust Jason on his haircuts? All the time. Do you? Yeah. Like last night he showed up for dinner.

And I said, what is going on? Did you get a haircut or something? Knowing that he'd been talking all week, we played golf. Then he was like talking to me. He's like, I really need to get a haircut. And I was like, yeah, definitely keep us posted. Like why are you keep mentioning this while we're playing golf? We don't give a fuck if you get a haircut. Keep us posted. So then he shows up last night and he comes in and I go, did you get a haircut? Just knowing, just waiting for him to have a real answer. And he goes, no, actually I just shampooed it. And I go, I don't care. Yeah.

Why does it look poofy? And I'm like, man, I was just busting your, you know, poofy, but he does have great hair. You've got great hair too. Yeah. He's, um, you know, I, I, I eyeball him as comp, you know, as you know, when there's another gunslinger in the town. Yeah, sure. He's, he's one of the all time. Great salads. Oh, doesn't he have that salad up there? It's so good. And,

And he, he's aware, you know, I've talked about this a lot on my podcast, so forgive me, but he's, he hasn't, he claims to have not run a comb nor a brush through it since he was 11. Um, I have not run a comb or a brush through mine in decades. Is that true? Yeah. Decades.

You've got great. I wanted to ask you early on, what do you do? What do you do? How do you keep it so tight? We do. You're my, you're my gold standard. You're, you're my gunslinger. Cause Bateman, whatever. Uh, he just, he just looks like, like a guy with an eating disorder. What do you do?

Because what's your primary source of exercise? Actually, here's what I actually think my secret weapon is. And long before it became fashionable. Because what was fashionable for years was...

Dude, I'm good. Five hours of sleep, man. I'm good to go. I'm up and at them. I'm in the gym. You know, you give me my five hours, man. And I'm a world beater. And I was like always humiliated because I'm like, I'm like, I could do like 10 and be fun and be really happy. So I actually think a lot of it is sleep. And, um, and the world's caught up to me on that a little bit. Um, as you know, I don't drink that helps.

I work out like a fiend only because I love it. Do you really? Yeah. Like there's, you know, you must, but like when I, when I have, when I have days off, I'm just, when I go to bed at night, I think about two things. And this is this, I think about, I think about the money I would have made on Grey's Anatomy. I think about that. Three things, three things, the money I would have made on, on Grey's Anatomy. I think about my golf swing. Yeah.

And then I think about what workout I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm not kidding. Really? Yeah. That's what I think about. I'm like, maybe. Oh, and since we're talking about product placement, this is the theme of the episode, the catalyst vest. Do you know about this?

The catalyst vest. Not the thing with the, with the electronic. Yes. Yeah. It's a suit. It's like a wet, wet suit kind of space suit you put on and it, it shocks your muscle groups and it sounds like BS. You turn me onto this Bradley Cooper. Dude.

I was just going to say, I've only seen one. And it was at Bradley's house. Bradley turned me on to this thing. And I was like, do I even say, should I say that Bradley, because maybe he doesn't want me to know, but I'm glad you said it. So I saw it at Bradley's house like a year ago. Yep. And he swore. Did he swore? But he said, I had to stop wearing it because I was getting too jacked. Now I only wear it for when I ride a bike. Yeah. He wears it on the Peloton when he does Peloton. I... Okay, so...

I, it's a game changer, game changer, but, but I also still lift. I also do. I like, I play pickleball. I play golf. I play sir. Anything you do physically. If you say to me, Hey, tomorrow we're going to fill in the blank. I am there with bells on. I think you used to do a lot of paddling, right? Did you do a lot of kayaking back in the day? Stand up, stand up paddling. It's, it's actually, it's actually surfing. It's not like, Oh, I'm going to go through the canals. It's, it's standing up.

paddle in hand, surfing waves. Surfing waves. And then are you, now are you a first thing in the morning workout guy? Um, I hear I'm, I'm in, I am, um, first of all, and the other thing is, is it was since, you know, this is a, um, um, an ad campaign kind of day. I'm eating, I'm eating the Atkins way.

You are. And, and, and, and I, and I have, I'm looking at the spokesman now and have been for years, but I actually have been eating that way for years and years and years. Uh, because I woke up one, one day I came out of the water in a bathing suit and my good friend, the actor, Bill Paxton, God bless him, uh, pointed, literally pointed at my stomach and started laughing and said, Oh God damn brother. You got a gut.

And from that day, I realized I've got it. I can't eat like I'm 18. And so I started eating the Atkins way. So there's that. I was going to say,

He said, God, look, you got a gut. And then like, as you were on your way to buying a rope with which to hang yourself, somebody called, hang on a second, Rob, you can also just not eat carbs. You can just also not eat carbs. Oh, wait, I don't have to hang myself. So that's been, so you don't eat, you never, when was the last time you did? Oh, so you're asking, so I eat Atkins way. I also happen to intermittent fast.

Well, you do both. Yes. And then, so you asked me when I work out, I like to work out fasted. So I will wake up and go to the gym without having eaten. I've been looking into where I keep trying to look on the internet. Should I work out and then eat or should I eat and then work out? And guess what? They're divided on it. I know they are. Yeah. And they can't decide. So I, here's what, can I tell you something? You ever been to Africa?

I have not. You should, A, you should go. I know I should. I've been multiple times going again next year. I spent time with, and I'm drawing a blank on the name of the tribe. They're amazing people. And they live, for the most part, as they have for 70,000 years, whatever it is. And we trekked and hiked and they found, by the way, shredded.

We would wish to look at these guys ripped. They were walking and I don't speak the language. I don't really know what's going on. And they found a beehive and they go super psych dances. Amazing singing. They eat the honey, the beehive. They're thrilled. Walk another 20,

By the way, there was 25 of them. One will be up. Then they walk and walk and walk and walk and walk. Hours. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Turtle. Middle of the road. She goes, oh, they're celebrating the turtle. I'm like, honey, they're not. No, they're not. They're not going to celebrate that turtle. She goes, what do you mean? We're going to eat it. She goes, they are not. Throw the turtle on the fire alive. Burns to death. Eat the turtle meat.

That's it. That's, that's what they had to eat that day. And they didn't, they weren't like, oh, we're not walking. They were like, oh, you know, I need to eat before I walk. It's like human beings don't know when they're going to have their next meal. That's what's in our DNA. Right. What's in our DNA is we don't know what we're going to eat. We don't know. Yeah. That's, it's, it's a construct. It's totally a construct. Three a day, two meals, one meal every two hours.

I think it's construct. By the way, I'm not speaking on behalf of Atkins officially right now. No, I know. I'm just sorry. I'm trying to Instacart honey and turtle meat. Yeah, I'm just going to get that. What if you did that? What if you did that? You're like, you get super shredded. And then you're like, yeah, it's like Brad Pitt famously ate lettuce. What was it on Fight Club? Pitt ate lettuce and tuna. Really? Lettuce and tuna.

But I love the legendary things that actors eat. Like, what did Ed Norton eat when he played the neo-Nazi? Like, you know, when people just get so shredded and you're like, and it's always just, he did, it was licorice and Red Bull. Well, it all comes down to, it turns out they just weren't really eating. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. I give Bateman a lot of shit about it. Like, we'll play golf and he'll be like,

Uh, I'm just going to a cup of, uh, sliced apples. And I'm like, man, you're starving, dude. Starving. Yeah. You're not, you're just, you're in a bad mood because you, you have no, your blood sugar is through the floor. Do you think Bateman would be pudgy if he weren't? So do you do? Definitely. Definitely. I think that he's still pudgy considering how little he eats.

I'm just saying that's a hope that he, that makes it as a clip that he hears. You better hope he hears that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I, by the way, I think that we talk about food and we joke about it all the time and stuff, but I think that he has, everybody's got their own thing. And I watched him, we had dinner last night. He actually ate a lot. We both had burgers. We had our friend's house. We both had burgers. Yeah. He had a burger and with the bun. With the bun he did. Yeah. And I had a bun as well. I won't do, I try not to do that.

I know. That was my last question, and I know you got to wrap it up. When was the last time you had bread? Be honest. Oh, I will tell you that I tragically and sadly had donuts last night. Really? Yeah. I love donuts. Oh, they're so good. God, they're so good. I love sugar. Sugar is the next battle will be fought. It's going to be the Iwo Jima for me. Are you...

Are you not? Are you not zero sugar? You look like you are. I love sugar. I'm a sugar. I love sugar. Dude, you and I have given up a lot in our lives. It's like, I go like, how, how many more things do I have to, that I love? Am I going to have to give up in my life? And the answer is one about every decade and a half. Yeah. All right. This was so fun. Wait,

By the way, let's do our sports thing. I mean, I know you guys, I think you and I are meant to do something. I don't know what it is. Let's get in the sports world. Why aren't we broadcasters? I don't know. You know? We can do this. And then it's not 6 a.m. at Warner Brothers or Radford. It's 3 p.m. at Roland Garros. Dude, have you been there? I've never been to the French Open. Okay. It is.

The greatest sports experience I have ever had. Really? Ever. First of all, you pull up, you like park at the curb. It's the weirdest thing. It's like in the middle of a neighborhood. There's no like parking. This is my experience of it. Maybe I'm hallucinating. You pull up a beautiful, you know, like beautiful Parisian women all look exactly alike.

Sure. Do you know what I mean? They do. They, they do. They, I'm sorry, but they do. They look exactly like they're amazing. They look like cats. They have cat, they all have like the cat face and they're so beautiful and they, they roll up and, and you know, they're always, they're obsessed with the color purple polka dots and pearls. Sure. Like true, true Parisian girls are. And they, they pull up in their purple outfits and,

and they're pearls, and she's your greeter. It's not some schlamiel with like a laminate and, you know, 50 different folders and a headpiece and that shit. And they invite you. You're in the stadium in 32 seconds, and there's millions of

women that look just like this one and they usher your seat. Rolling dress is really small, really small. Really? Every seat is great. You can't believe how small it is. And you're right there. It's the most, you know what it is?

I don't know if it's the best sports thing, but it is by far the most civilized. Not even close. And it sounds like the most intimate. Yeah, for sure. It's the most intimate, for sure the most civilized. We are trying to promote the sexiest sporting event we can. And it is very, very relaxed and very gracious. It's a gracious sport. Tennis is a gracious sport, don't you think?

Very, very gracious and very sexy. Anyway, but this is what we need to do. We need to be talking about this and then making it happen. Let's get it. All right. I'm going to, I'm going to put it together and then I'm going to call you. All right. Call me. All right. I love you, bro. This is so fun. Do let me know when you're coming East and we'll do it. I will definitely. Okay. That was, I could, I could, I didn't get to any of my questions.

I have a whole thing here just because he's so, he's just the best. I mean, that's why he's one of the great podcast, you know, voices around. And I could have done another two hours, but thank you for your patience. Cause that was a long one, but it was a long one for a reason. Cause it was,

fucking awesome. I will see you next week. Hey, listen, it's time to get back on the boards and give us your five-star reviews. I love those. I really do. I like to read them. I like the comments and it's great to have your support and tell a friend and I'll see you next week on Literally.

You've been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe, produced by me, Nick Liao, with help from associate producer Sarah Begar, research by Alyssa Graw. The podcast is executive produced by Rob Lowe for Low Profile, Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and myself at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Stitcher. Booking by Deirdre Dodd, music by Devin Bryant. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time on Literally with Rob Lowe. This has been a Team Coco production.

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