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cover of episode The Father Wound - How To Become The Man You're Meant To Be

The Father Wound - How To Become The Man You're Meant To Be

2025/6/12
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ManTalks Podcast

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Connor Beaton
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Connor Beaton: 在过去十年中,我与许多男性共事,发现他们都带着来自父亲的深刻创伤。这种创伤可能源于父亲的缺席、虐待,或仅仅是父亲的无能。它本质上是没有从父亲那里得到你需要的爱和关怀的痛苦。父亲的缺席、愤怒、懦弱或暴虐都可能造成创伤。这种创伤是你作为一个男人,因为没有从父亲那里得到你所需要的而承受的痛苦。它也可能源于缺乏男性气质的传递和榜样。父亲的角色不是做你的好朋友,而是提供你真正需要的,帮助你发展,而不是追求完美。许多男孩会将父亲视为上帝的形象,但当父亲未能满足他们的期望时,就会产生创伤。 情绪虐待是造成父亲创伤的一个重要原因。情感上无法接近的父亲会导致孩子感到被忽视,情感被否定或羞辱会导致孩子不信任自己的情感。专制和控制型的父亲会导致孩子内心产生严厉的批评者,认为只有通过表现才能获得爱。忽视或抛弃也会造成父亲创伤,导致孩子质疑自己是否被需要。暴力和虐待会对孩子的心理造成损害,导致孩子质疑自己是否有问题,并产生羞耻感和愤怒。缺乏启蒙会导致孩子感到困惑,没有学会如何成为一个真正的男人。 父亲创伤的症状包括缺乏方向感或内在权威、缺乏冲动控制、害怕表达自己或试图控制他人、对自己苛刻和虐待、反抗权威或结构、对自己的男子气概缺乏安全感、难以建立亲密关系、愤怒或抑郁,以及沉溺行为。要疗愈父亲创伤,首先要承认创伤的存在,并了解其影响。然后,让你自己感受到父亲对你生活的影响,并在一个受欢迎的环境中表达这些情绪。下一步是将个人父亲与原型父亲区分开来,开始自己做自己的父亲,教自己你需要的父亲教你的东西,给你自己你需要的父亲给你的东西。最后,重塑你内在的权威感和结构感,成为一个知道如何处理强烈情绪的人,并结束这种代际创伤。

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Talking points: fatherhood, psychology, mindset

A while back, I put up an episode on the mother wound, aka healing your mommy issues. But there's always more to the story. There's also the "father wound", and it can have massive impact on everything from self-worth to relationships to skill at work. Listen in for a serious look at what it is, what creates it, and what to work on.

(00:00:00) - Intro and defining the “father wound”

(00:04:47) - The kinds of fathers/childhoods that create this

(00:13:53) - Symptoms of father wounding, and why they’re important to know

(00:23:52) - Common “archetypes” of fathers that create a father wound

(00:26:40) - So what do you do? 

(00:32:09) - On fathering yourself


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