Shownotes Transcript
Wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild,
Dude, by the way, remember last week when I was saying on White Lotus when the guy said swastika? Yeah. He did say swastika. Everyone thought, they're like, no, it's swatida. I believe you. It was swastika. Yeah, I believe you. I started downing myself. I'm like, did I just hear that? I mean, there is definitely a Nazi frenzy going on right now. I was like...
I started worrying. I go, what the hell? Am I just hearing stuff? And you're starting to hear it. I'm starting to hear the whisper. That's a dog whistle. That's exactly what a dog whistle is. Only you can hear it. Oh, I'm starting to hear the whisper from the nest. I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, it's coming. But yeah, no, he actually did. It was in the script because they actually interviewed him about that. Like, did you improv that? He goes, no, they put it in the script. Oh, damn. Instead of saying sawatida, which is like hello and...
Whatever. Were they Thailand? Yeah. Just random swastika? What? They were in Thailand? Yeah, he was... Yeah, whatever. But he did say swastika, so...
Yeah, man. Swastikas are... I could say it. I'm not... They are hot right now. I don't agree with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't agree with them. If I saw that at my neighbor's yard, I'd be fucking... They're on Teslas now. They're on Teslas. Are they on Teslas? We love Teslas. They're getting put on Teslas. You see Trump dog with that? What'd he say? He basically did... Him and Elon did like a car commercial for Teslas.
In front of the White House, he goes, we love Tesla. We love Tesla. Yes. They really did a Tesla car commercial? Yes. Dude, I heard this, and again, I haven't substantiated it. I saw it was just two guys.
in like fitness gear on instagram so this is my source so definitely hard allegedly that's where everyone gets their information now well do these guys seem so confident they're in like a very like so goddamn cool room and they were like well obviously tesla driving a tesla reduces your testosterone by 18 and the other guy goes i mean yeah that that's indisputable the emfs they're trying to say the emfs from electric vehicles lower your testosterone and i can't get it out of my head
I got picked up on an Uber the other day, and I was like, God. I'll tell you what. The guys selling testosterone are fucking making bank. Every single podcast is like, yeah, what did you have today? Peanut butter and jelly? Yeah, that lowers your testosterone. You go, all right. All right, thank you. I think thinking about your testosterone. I think podcasting lowers your testosterone. I'm tired of hearing guys talking about being men while talking into a fucking microphone. So many fucking tough guys doing podcasts these days.
It's literally the biggest girl thing you can do is sit there and gossip in front of a camera. Dude, if you know how to like, if you get a real man on a podcast, they're like, and then I taught, they like, they're 10 feet away. Not near the microphone. They go, what? Is this what you guys do? You just talk here. Yeah. If you get a microphone, it should be this far from your head. You should just stare nervously and go, I don't know. Is this good? What do you want me to say?
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Podcasting has destroyed... The EMF's coming from... I don't even know what they are, but those... The EMF's are coming from podcasts. It's coming from tough guy podcasts. Enough of it. I think we need them. You think we need tough guy podcasts? I think we need tough guy podcasts. Like, what's your favorite tough guy podcast? I think it makes America look good. We're around, we're talking tough. Who else is doing tough guy podcasts? Every fucking person on the internet. I mean, no other country. We have so many our tough guys need other shit to do. We're out of world tough guy work. Well, when Europe... That's the problem. When Europe gets tough guys...
You got to watch their tough guys. Their tough guys go pretty wild. Their tough guys rise up. Meteoric pace just to the top immediately. We need more Teslars over there in Europe. Teslars. Yeah, the right wing in Europe. I don't read enough about it, but I think they're fucking heating up. They're heating up. Boom, shakalaka. They're heating up. He's on fire. Yep, that's how it ends. Yeah. Our brothers in Europe, chill.
Let us handle this shit. Yeah. It doesn't look good when they do it, too. They've failed too many times at it. True. Tough guy podcasts have failed there time and time again. True that. You would like the book I'm listening to. What is it? I get like five minutes a night before I fall asleep. You're talking about the one you're falling asleep to? The Guns of August. It's very nice. I like that narrator, bro. You would love how it started. It's World War I, so it's just the funniest... Mystery. World War I is a total mystery. Literally, it's just...
It's one family, and they're all related. The Kaiser is related. That's the weirdest part. Yeah, they're all family, and they all have to hang out together. It's like succession, except it results in...
One of the biggest catastrophes in human history. Yeah, dude. Like, how did that happen, though? Like, how did those... They're, like, jealous of each other. The Kaiser has, like, a small hand, and he's like, don't fucking look at my hand. Fuck you. I think it was him or the Tsar. I forget. Yeah, the one guy was, like, fucked up. The one Kaiser... Well, that was... Was he dumped, too? Wilhelm's the one they kind of pinned the entire war on. Shit. Which that led to. Wait, World War I started just because of a couple dudes beefing? Yeah, pretty much. Damn. You can boil it down to that.
That stinks. Well, actually, it's a total mystery. I think the whole point of this book is the buildup to World War I. So if you look into it, there's explanations. Yeah, but they all say, oh, they were cousins and stuff. But has anyone looked into, was that just England trading somebody to France and being like, you marry our guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, World War I was basically the end of monarchies.
Yes, I do remember that. In Europe. So it was still that type of thing where it's like the Habsburg royal family. Yeah. There's like families that you do trade. Sorry, I'm going to throw up. I can't handle the Nick. Those are strong, bro. I know, they get you. Yeah, spicy. They dissolve fast. Yeah.
But like Marie Antoinette, she wasn't French. She was traded in a... Where was she from? England? I think Austria. Austria, that's where she was from. Damn, dude. That must be cool, though, to be like beefing with a whole other country and be like... Bro, just fuck my daughter. Send her a hot fucking daughter. Yeah, send her a fucking hot daughter over there. We'll chill. And if your daughter doesn't work to satisfy the nation, you're going to have to like... Millions of men have to die. But then the nations, the people don't know shit.
Yeah, it's not like they're interacting. It's not like there's internet. They're all just sitting there and then a royal family will beef and be like...
Send the bros. Yeah, send the bros. Send a million of the bros over there. You know they did a really bad thing and you're just like, what? What did they do? They didn't fuck our daughter? They said our daughter was ugly at a party? Go ahead, what did you say? I was going to say, does that mean like back then you, like now we're bummed when you have thought daughter. Does that mean back then they were kind of like, yes, she's a whore. That's a very American thing to not be. Thought daughter is big in the world.
Yeah. And you go, nice. I'm going to send her to a family. I'm going to get a couple of barrels of fucking. Yeah, man. So we're the ones who started caring about that daughter. Well, I think slut daughter has always been frowned upon. Okay. Dude, as a brother, your job was hot daughter. Okay. Hot daughter was perfect. It was like fucking having a Tesla, dude. It's like getting a Tesla. It's like a Tesla truck. Yeah.
That's like a side blitz rush. A hot daughter raises tea from what I've seen. Oh, yeah. Usually those guys get pretty jacked and angry. You have to. Yeah. You're going to get pissed. Or it lowers tea significantly and you're like, yeah, she's gorgeous.
There's two ways to go. You either get jacked and get a gun and go, I'll kill anyone that'll fuck her. Or you go, isn't she beautiful? She's dating the hottest guy. Yeah, I mean... She's dating the quarterback. Isn't that awesome? Yeah, that's more mid-daughter behavior. If you have a babe daughter, you got to go way higher. You got to get jacked. You got to get a divorce and get jacked. Yes. Right away. Divorce right away. You say, babe, I don't have a problem with you, but our daughter's just way too hot. Our daughter's too hot. We got to split up. I got to fucking focus on myself. I got to get tanned.
Now. I got to prepare myself to sexually assault a 21-year-old man if I have to. I have to do CrossFit every day.
Just a bulldog, a kid in his apartment, like post-college, off-campus. Yeah, did you watch White Lotus last night? No, no, no, don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. I didn't get to see it last night. That's a nice story of a guy getting bulldogged. Really? Dude, it's so funny. My brother, Tom, was telling me that he thinks, and I haven't seen it so I can't comment on it, but he was like... Tom got hit with the ultimate taboo last night. Did he get hit violently? There was a big taboo last night. Tom said it's the ultimate sex addict share.
He was like saying like coming to a meeting. Oh, that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait to see it. That's the guy getting bulldogged. Really? Sam Rockwell. Which one's Sam Rockwell? Oh, I know who you're talking about. No. Yeah, he makes an appearance. Don't know more spoilers. He makes an appearance just to talk about getting bulldogged. No. I spoiled it. No. He literally just cameos just to be like, I've been getting bulldogged. No. What the fuck is this? Bulldogged.
Yeah, man. Fuck, I forget how he words it, too. He does use a funny word like that. Really? It's not bulldog, but he's like getting piped down or something. Something crazy. Was this a forced bulldogging or like a consensual bulldogging? No, it's a consensual dog. Fuck it, I'll just tell you. Hey, there's no fucking sensual bulldogging. That's not a real thing. If it's consensual, it ain't bulldogging. True. It's not... I mean, you're consensual with the guy doing the bulldogging. You have given him permission, but...
You aren't consenting to what drove you to get bulldogged. Oh, it was a consensual dogging. It was a consensual dogging. But he was fighting demons. Oh. And he thought one way to get rid of it was to get bulldogged. If you want to feel better about yourself sexually, read like sex addict, like anonymous, kind of like them reporting on like them falling to real sex addiction. It's harrowing, dude.
It's crazy. Just like the shit they do to get it out. I mean, dude, it's like, yeah, like, imagine instead of the podcast, it was like, later, babe, and I was just raw-dogging prostitutes and, like, worried about HIV. Man, I really want to spoil this. I'm spoiling it. Don't spoil it! There was a soft white underbelly. I mean, you can if you want. It's just a story. It's not, like, integral to the plot in any way. Yeah, I don't care. He sits down and he's like,
They're like, where have you been? He's like, I found God. I'm sober now. He's like, I moved here to Thailand. He doesn't say why. Something happened, a crime. Then he moves to Thailand. He's like, you know me. I had a thing for Asian women. I was just buying women, fucking them all day, every day, thousands of women. Then finally I started to realize maybe I...
You know, they complete my other half. Maybe I should feel what it's like to be them. So I started, you know, dressing up a little. Dressing up a little. Dressing up. Trying on some costumes. Getting plugged. Then all of a sudden he's hiring guys to plug him. He's getting plugged while he hires an Asian prostitute to sit and watch. And he would fucking stare at her in the eyes. Was he trying to get his pipe game better?
Because he wanted to understand what it was like. Yeah, he wanted to feel what it was like. He said he was hiring guys that looked like him so he could dress like a woman and feel like what it's like to fuck him. Size-wise, too? Didn't talk size. Did not talk size. I mean, if he was going facial appearance, he was probably checking size. But I would imagine if you're willing to fuck a guy in the butt for money, you have a huge doll.
I have a small penis and I would never do something like that. That's true. That's why, you know, we have beautiful statues of us in antiquity. Of course. We were just in there like charting the stars. You're a freaky ass. What?
Yeah, we were charting the stars, dude. We were too busy. I was charting the stars last night. Were you really? I went out there. I was like, goddamn, moon's big. You can see a lot of planets, too. You can see a lot of planets out there. We have the app. I mean, obviously, dude, yeah. We have the app. Did you look at the stars last night, or were you just fucking freaking? No, I was inside all day, all night. Went out to walk the dog. That was it. Really? The stars were good last night. Was it a special star day?
It was a special star day. You get a ride? Yeah, you get a ride. That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. What the fuck are you talking about? Is it a special star day? Well, I don't know. There was a lunar eclipse a couple days ago. Yeah. So I didn't know if it was like a big lunar eclipse. I missed it. I was driving home from motherfucking Dallas. I didn't know there was a lunar eclipse. Yeah. It was at like 2.30, 2.34 to be exact. Thursday night. It was like a lunar eclipse and a blood moon, right? Like a red blood moon or something. Well, there was a blood sun due to the fires.
No, I didn't see Blood Red Sun. You didn't see that? There was a Blood Red Sun. Oh, nice. Because they had fires in like Douglasville or wherever, somewhere out there. Yeah, keep going on Douglasville. Fredericksburg. It was in the new $20 Billsville. And yeah, dude, it was crazy. It was a Blood Red Sun.
I know I heard about it. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to fly in. Oh, yeah. Through all the smoke. Yeah, yeah. It was fun. I'm sure the pilots were just going, piss. This episode is brought to you by Max. Welcome to your new American dream. Go inside the lives of the original influencers and now global sports and entertainment superstars, Jake and Logan Paul, as they launch their latest venture, a new family reality series, Paul American on Max. Oh, yeah.
See behind the curtain of fame and into the Paul's high-octane lives. High-octane lives. With an up-and-close and personal look at Logan and Jake, their partners, and their parents. I want to get a good look at their partners and parents. So do I. Yep. Dude, Jane, love them or hate them, you won't be able to look away. Stream Paul American March 27th exclusively on Max. Yeah. I got to fly on fucking Wednesday. Where are you headed?
Royal Oaks, Michigan. Nice. Yeah. Just added an early show, by the way, Thursday. Please fill it up. But yeah, that'll be sick. My whole family. Now that I know if you land on water, your plane explodes, man. Yeah, I couldn't believe you said that. I was so confident being like, if we're over the water, we'll just fucking glide down. You were like, nah. I was like, bro, our plane is going to, first of all, it's going to shatter. In my head, I was like, you're so fucking negative about everything. I looked at it, I was like, goddamn.
No, our plane's definitely going to explode. And even if it did land, it'll sink. It's like a car. They were like, if your plane doesn't break into pieces on water, that's like, that's literally the miracle of a husband. You're like a wheel grabs the water and the whole thing just like stops. Cannon. Yeah, that was...
That's surprising. I've been over bodies of water being like, we're safe. I mean, I'm sorry to take that away from you. I'm sorry. Yeah. But you really need a runway pretty much. You need a runway. Yeah. You know, maybe a flat plane. Yeah. If there's like a hill, you're fucked. Yeah, exactly. There's a speed bump. You're getting launched. Although the ramp, though, if you like landed and the ramp, the air would be sick. The air you would catch would be kind of worth it.
You would catch some nice air. You would get some crazy air. You would go. Just for one second. Take off my mask. You're going to see that fucking. Someone was saying if the masks are just to get you high off the oxygen. If that's the case, let's break something else out. Heroin. Yeah, anything. Drop down the heroin. Dude, nitrous at least. Like, come on now.
That's fucking bull, dude, to be like, oh, yeah, we're giving you a boardwalk oxygen bar. Yeah, that's actually a good point. There should be a second mask because sometimes they just drop the mask out of, like, depressurized. Oh, yeah, yeah. You need to...
But they should give you a little anesthesia. Exactly. You know what I mean? Just like here. Something. Count to ten. Yeah, I would anesthesia my family. I would definitely. Just in case one of the pilots passes. Yeah, it's very swastika of you. Swastika. Very gerbils of you. I'm going to anesthesia my kids and play this thing out. Dude, yays.
His shit now is... I mean, I can't even... He is dying on the craziest hill. Being a Nazi? Yeah. Yeah. Well, not if he's a Klansman, too, now. Oh, I saw that. Wait, is he? He wears Klan robes. Dude, the funniest thing was... He loves Diddy. Him saying, I'm a Klansman now. There were comments from black people that were like, all right, now I'm done. Like, where were you on the fucking Nazi shit? Yeah.
Finally, you've gone too far. I was dying because ever since you said that, he's gone several steps beyond. I keep seeing that comment now. I keep laughing being like, all right, that's enough. Now I'm done. You think he's doing a bit? I think he's just fucking around. Obviously, he's doing a bit. Yeah, I for a while didn't realize. I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, he is taking the most hateable things. He's now being like, the audition is my favorite.
Did you see the new audition for Vultures or whatever, where he wants to do like a live chorus? I guess not like his Sunday service. It could be a Sunday service. I don't know. But it's like he wants to do now a chorus of all black men, no white men. And you have to be at least the complexion of Diddy.
Dark enough. You have to be at least as dark as Diddy's. Diddy's is benchmark. No, that's his exact words. You've got to be at least the complexion of Diddy, and he must be willing to shave your head and his volunteer, and you have to wear swastika. But other than that. Other than that. He's going to get so many volunteers. Oh, for sure. Yeah. It's going to be in Compton, too. Oh, man. Or like this L.A. area.
So, yeah, be on the lookout for that. That's going to be a bunch of shaved hair. It's going to be the funniest thing that's ever happened. Oh, man. But, yeah, man, he's iced out now. He's got the swastika ice fucking flooded on both sides, too. If you can't flood the other side, your swastika is flooded on both sides. He's got an iced out swastika. There's no way this is going to be the coolest thing I've ever seen.
I mean, that would be an heirloom. Finding a jeweler to do that had to be impossible. You'd be surprised. Oh, true. True. A lot of them. Well, now that's a bit of a, yeah. Yeah. Never mind. I'll do what I say. Yeah, I mean, it'll be interesting, man. This is just a phase. He's going to be on to something else. Yeah.
I actually don't know if he got it. Oh, yep. There it is. Oh, man. Yep. Yeah, he was showing that thing off. Oh, shit. Damn. I mean, here's the thing. If you can't flood both sides, what are you even doing? Wait, so the other side is no diamonds? No, hell yeah. It's all flooded out, bro. He was saying if anyone else can't flood the other side of their swastika diamond pendant, he was calling them a loser. Like that? Yeah.
He said, what are you, a fucking loser? Damn, Kyle. Yeah, he's flexing, man. He's got a new song. His new songs are out. Read the lyrics. They're pretty, I mean, they're so funny. I haven't, yeah. Oh, his new raps are. They've been tough to find. Oh, they're on Twitter. He's doing like vocal runs of like the lyrics and it's like, again, he is a wordsmith.
But it's just about him being a Nazi. That's so funny. Oh, it's a Nazi album? Yeah, I mean, the cover of the album is a giant swastika as well. He's fond of them right now. Hitler's ghost is going to be sad when he finds out this is a bit...
Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Because right now he's probably got his hopes up. Oh, for sure. He's probably like, yes. The one guy that would see that necklace and be like, whoo. We did it. Holy shit, that's sick. I knew history would look kindly on my act. It was a joke. He's doing it, man. You know, that's the...
I mean, it is a good experiment. Like, what if we just let all the worst stuff out of the bag? And, you know, maybe it'll prove that most people actually are pretty level-headed and they'll just be like, oh, fuck, this is weird. But we feel confident this won't catch on. That's the thing. I think people worry this is going to catch on and people are going to be like, hold on a second, actually. Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, it's pretty wild stuff. Yeah, it kind of doesn't get black people to start going around wearing swastikas.
That would be devastating. I feel like every... I don't know. I feel like black men do have a hall pass right now to be like, dude, this is my favorite artist. I don't know. I was just trying it out too. Black men kind of have a Nazi hall pass for the next... I think 2025 is all about the black male Nazi hall pass. All right. I won't say no. It does look like a culture.
It's a very reasonable prediction. Yeah, we'd have to... Hold on a second. What was that? I almost bought one of the Kanye West Sean John shirts, though. Oh, okay. What was the Sean John shirt? He made Sean John shirts, like, for Diddy. Oh.
He's, Lemaire, as a hill dyer yourself, you gotta be just taking notes. Is that what you're taking notes on right now? Kanye's moves. Yeah. No, I haven't paid attention. I've been out of the loop. I didn't know about the full Nazi album. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're keeping it from them. I had no idea about the album. I had no idea. They might be hitting more of the white algos right now. A little harder right now. Yeah. Yeah.
My algo is crazy, dude. I'm the least xenophobic guy in the world. And I get nothing. I get nothing but just the craziest content. And, you know, I watch it. But it's like... Yeah, watch it. It works. It works. I've become hateful. It works really well. It literally is. It is all hate. It's for real. And it works. I mean, it just works. And it gets the most numbers. Every fight...
7 million views and then I watched a really like it was like a genuinely touching video of like it was like a bunch of like young black kids about to fight and this old man came up and gave him did you see that yeah gave him the speech like what are you doing blah blah I checked the view count it was like 200,000 then it was just a lady getting socked in the face 7 million I was like damn yeah damn no that stuff works it's like the lady who fucks a thousand guys in a day or whatever yeah that content works
It kills. It makes you angry. I saw a clip of her sitting on the ground. There were like guys in football pads behind her like a team. And she was like, I can't. Are you guys ready to turn my tight end into a wide receiver? Yeah. Yeah, we'll fucking do it. I was just looking at it going, fuck, fuck. Maybe they'll rise, the thousand men slut ladies.
Everyone's worried about Kanye and his Nazi army. What if those ladies arise? That's a problem. They're putting together an army. They are, dude. They could send those thousand men. One of them's pregnant. One of the sluts. One of the sluts. That was fake. It was fake? It was fake. Wasn't she raising awareness? That made no sense. She goes, using my platform to raise awareness for pregnant ladies. I'm a lady? Yeah, that's some bullshit. You shouldn't fake being pregnant. That's not right.
I agree. It's a classic movie. Why was she faking? What a fucking psycho lady move. To get clicks. She just posted a video of her with a fake... She fucked a thousand guys. Yeah, she had like a fake pregnant belly on and was like, I'm pregnant. And everyone was like, see, that's what you get, bitch. Fuck you, you dumb bitch. If you abort that trial, I'll fucking kill you, bitch. You don't think she just got rid of the baby? I'm sure... Well, she would have showed that fast either. I got trained. I'm a fucking dumbass. I should have known that.
You never know when they filmed the original one. True. Or maybe... And perhaps before that Thousand Man Gangbang, she was maybe up to some other lewd acts before that. No, her? She's pure as the driven snow. That's all we'll have now. That's the world, dude. In 2030, it'll just be Nazi men and Thousand Lady Slut gangbangs. We're in for a rough future. But Ken, they cannot coexist. You gotta pick a side. You're either skinhead black Nazi or...
British thousand slut lady. There's no, that's the next war. Those two cannot coexist. Ironic black Nazis versus. Ironic black Nazis versus literal hundred thousand gangbang ladies. That's a weird arms race because then someone's got to go. There's got to be like a speed of sound kind of thing. Like someone's going to hit the absolute limit. Or do you try to work it where like, like how, if a thousand in a day, I'm still kind of like, I don't think it's to completion.
Or is a gay guy going to step up and go, this is how guys do it? Yeah. Are we going to smash the record? I think they're doing that, and they're not doing it for the clicks. They're doing it for, hey. It's love of the game. That's love of the game.
Yeah, where are my motherfucking sweet boys at, man? Let's fucking fire this up. Sweet boys will get it going. We can't have them crushing the record. Although that could be one of those things. You ever see when guys go like, this is the women's powerlifting record and just crush it? Yeah. Women might. That might be their record, man. I don't know if a dude could break a thousand guys in the boat. That seems like it would actually kill you. In the butt's love.
Yeah. I think you would actually die. From what? A thousand guys. From a scourge from God? A thousand locusts? Get bulldogged a thousand times. Yeah, they will get struck by lightning. Just explode. Come everywhere. Yeah, man. There's definitely very confusing times right now.
true happy saint patrick's day yeah got my green shirt oh yeah yeah my whole family we got it we decked the deck the kids out today gave them the little like beads in their braids orange white and uh orange white and green it's pretty sick yeah we irish them out it's pretty sick i didn't realize that's why you're wearing that i thought i thought it was just a cool shirt saint patty this is a really fucking sick shirt thank you you gotta break out a celebratory claw
True. I got a white cloth for St. Paddy's Day. I got to stay off the booze. I went to a kegger yesterday. You did a kegger yesterday? Yeah, I saw the group text. You guys were in shambles yesterday. What happened? Well, I didn't do nothing but a good time. The time Meesey texted at like 4 p.m. I was like, I'm already fucked up. Oh, yeah, I did the roast battle last night. Just your first show.
Oh. Yeah. And I was drinking. Okay, yeah. Did you get roasted or did you judge the roast? No, I was judging. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty funny. I get anxiety thinking about those things. Yeah. Just being up on a roast battle, it would just get demolished and be like, no, seriously, you're being a fucking dick right now. I'll fucking fight you right now. This is bullshit.
Even judging to catch one, I'm like, fuck you. You know what, man? I never do this. I never do this. Fuck you, man. That actually hurt my feelings. I finally got to meet Alexis Foxx.
She was one of the judges. Who's that? That was the lady who gave me the flashlight. I finally got to meet her. Oh, a flashlight or her like specific? Like her specific flashlight. Did you go up to her and pussy felt great? No. Wait, what did you say? Did you go up to her and go pussy felt great? True.
Broke you off a little sample. She was nice. She was so nice. That's a smart gal. Take the stress off the real one. Be like, here, fucking pull it out. Give it to the thousand lemurs. No. What did you say?
I was just laughing about Lemire being one of those horses that they give fake pussies so they could... Stud them out. Yeah, yeah. Stud them out. For breeding purposes. Yeah. Stud them out. God, man. I know, that's like... That could be the only thing we have to fight against the Nazis and Sloths in the future. Clone army of Lemires. True. The clone army. The clone army of...
to disgust people. That nation would be captured by the sluts instantly. I love this. I love this side of LeMay. No, no way. Fuck the ladies pocket pussy and met her. Dude, it'd be Simpsvane. Simpsburg would be conquered immediately.
I'm no simp. You're a simp. The slut army would devastate you guys. The old lady's fake vagina and then met her and we're excited to meet her. If there's a clone army, I'm going to take out all the slut-liking parts. We're going to be like just pure. Oh, you're saying we're going to breed that part out of you? Yeah, you got to breed it out. How? That's your core. Did you ever see Inside Out? That's like the core marble, yeah. That's like the core memory. You're the loneliest guy alive. No way. You've got to be.
No, Nate's the horniest guy. He's the Paul King of it. He's royalty. No, he actually is right. You're the horniest guy. I was sitting here quiet like, yes, that's fair. Damn, the clone Nate would attack the clone the mares. They would try to save the sluts. You'd have to watch out though. I'd be talking to the Nazi bros. They're giving pussy out over there, man. Fucking chill out. Let them do their thing.
Yeah, true. Although the black skinhead Nazis would have some pussy going on. You know? They would be strictly snow blind. You guys, your queen would be, you guys would answer to your queen, a naked lady. Who's Kanye's naked wife? Oh, God, this is sorry. Putting fucking saran wrap and marched around Venice every 10 minutes. Fucking crazy. That's probably my favorite thing he's doing right now. Not probably, 100%. That's just one of his side, yeah, that's like, I mean, that's his wife. I think they broke up.
Don't believe the tabloids. I think that's a room. They tricked me a couple times. Did they actually break up? I'm not sure. I think it's a room. I think they're still together. I just remember seeing a clip of Bill Maher talking about it. They broke up and the crowd being like, woo! I know. That's the funniest thing. She's being mind controlled. Or she's a slut. Hey, that's a man's wife, man. A hot wife, I meant to say. Or she's a hot wife. That's even worse. Then he's a cuck.
I mean, but isn't that, that's hot wifing though, when you go around. I think that's actually part of hot wifing. You hot wife to get a bull. Yeah. To get a bulldozer. Get a okay rental bulldozer. Yeah, you're a fucking bulldozer troller. What have you found with your research? So it turns out they are having marriage troubles right now with Bianca and Kanye. No way. What the hell? He was spotted yesterday with a woman who looks exactly like her, but is not her. He might have the clone. He might have the clone on him. He does actually have the clone on him.
But she doesn't look exactly like this is just the tabloid. Is it just she has giant tits and giant ass? Yeah, she's just a pretty lady. Well, there's a lot of enhanced ladies, too. A lot of ladies are going to start. We're going to have like a lady singularity because they're starting to all look the same. Yeah. Yeah.
Huh? Bianca's not enhanced. No, that's what's nice about her. Those are giant nannies. She's nanny. She's not enhanced. No. She's pure nanny. She's blessed by the Lord. Who? Bianca Sensori. I don't know. What does she do? Is that the current lady? Yeah, that's his wife. Current wife. My bad. No, it's... In my mind, everyone knows her. I did know her. Didn't she just have a movie come out, too? I don't think so. They did a movie in Japan that was called Bianca.
About her? Yeah, I swear to God. She starred in a movie in Japan. I could see her being worshipped in Japan. For sure. For sure. Surrender at the women.
I mean, that's true. Yeah, she's got a movie starring in Japan. You're tapped in, bro. This is what you're doing in that office? I take a break. I just go on X. It's on X on my computer. I take a break from writing and I go on to X and I go, oh, shit. Holy fuck, it's happening. She's got a fucking movie on fucking in Japan.
Really? It's pretty nice. It's pretty cool. It's about the female body. That's surprising. I thought she was going to branch out and... Oh, nope. She stuck to the old bread and butter. We're coming up with a movie. It's about tits. Damn, what is the movie all about? I might fly to Japan. Yeah, I might go to the premiere. Wear the exact same outfit as her. Yeah.
I might dress up a little bit. Yeah, I might dress up. Fashion-focused movie censored around Kanye and Sensory's relationship exploring the female body. It's fashion-focused? Fashion-focused. Kanye produced it.
It could be the next summer block. This is the thing I was worried about. I believe it's an Italian movie. If he comes out with a... He's also banned from Italy, I think, from getting head on a boat. Oh, yeah. He's on the dongle and the gondola. He had plumbers crack. He was getting head. He had plumbers crack getting head on a boat in Italy. Apparently, Italy was like, you're not allowed to back in Italy. I can't believe Italy's against this. That's what I'm saying, dude. That's like nothing for Italy.
I would assume that's all Venice is. Like, that's what it's about. You have a kid with a stick pushing you around. You have your, like, half your ass out. On a murky fucking shitty river. Madone. Yeah, this is a... I worry he's going to come out with a absolute summer banger, though. And everyone's going to be like, God, it's so good. That would be nice. It would be sick. Yeah, that'd be fun. But that's going to... That could charge things up.
If people are saying, you know, people will like if the lyric, if the song is good, people are going to rap it. So there's like clubs full of people all summer be like, yeah, I'm a motherfucking Nazi. Yeah. Yeah. You know that that could be that could be problematic. That could be. And you're right. That is possible. Yeah. If I was like Jewish and if anyone can do it, I've got that turned up. I'm in there. Yeah, true.
That could be a problem. Yeah. But, yeah, I think we're safe from that. I don't think the Nazi stuff is going to catch on culturally. People really worry about that. It's like, nah. What do you mean? Hasn't it already caught on? No, I mean catch on, bro. No, you mean like in Germany? It's not like catching on like Germany, but it's building some steam, dude.
That's what I'm saying. It's maybe, but you're talking about a frack, like a small percentage of people that already, there are already people banging like that. They just started tweeting about it. But if it may, if a fucking hit undeniably hit catchy song hits the mainstream, then it's a problem.
That could make, but it's like, I don't know. Will people just fucking sing the song? Yeah. Because people listen to, I don't know, because it's like gang, you know, if you think about like gangster rap, does that have like a weird subconscious sway on like people's behaviors? I would say definitely. So maybe. Now I'm sounding like a white guy. No, I agree. I'm an old man. Violent music, it makes you do violent things. That's his whole point. He's like, if we can talk about killing each other in songs, why can't I talk about being a Nazi? Yeah.
I hear you. But either way, let's get out of this. Switching gears. By the way, you guys can't see my band. I don't want you guys to see this. It's fucking real badass. Matt tried to take his own life. For real. Matt got sad. For real, dude. Water. Dude, a five-gallon glass water jug got me.
I should have known. Wow, the fuck? It's a five gallon jug? Yeah. It's huge. I know. It's fucking massive. Where was that? Outside my driveway. It got delivered. And I was like, you know, like my little thing near my garage. But I... What are you doing with it? I store. I store water. I always keep... I try to keep like 30 gals on me at all times. Why? Dude, remember when Philly... Were you in Philly? I know you were in New York.
Philly had like chemicals spill into the river. Oh, yeah. And then I started getting them there. Then I kind of liked the five-gallon glass jugs. So I just kept getting them delivered to my new house. And they were outside. And there was just a fucking, there was a hole. I saw water. I'm like, what the fuck? And then I saw a hole in one of them. I don't know if they got like slammed down and popped. Maybe somebody, a lawnmower shot it. I don't know what happened. But there was a hole. I'm like, that's weird. So I went to pick it up. And it was already cracked. I couldn't see it. So when I picked it up, the weight of it just came down and fucking gashed me right before this.
I just dressed my wound and fucking, I apologize. This morning? Just now, like before I left. Yeah, it was late to the pot. It was bleeding. That's why I wrapped it so aggressively because it wouldn't stop bleeding. So I just wrapped it up and I was always like, you know, time do its thing. And also nicotine constricts the blood vessels. So I had to do that. Yeah, of course. I had to constrict my fucking blood vessels. I've been pretty disciplined on those things. They've been starting to fucking overcome. They've been starting to break down. Yep, that's how it goes. Because I'm no caffeine for lit.
And honestly, dude, I think nicotine greater than caffeine, I would say. Caffeine rules, but like nicotine. No, nicotine is really addictive. Caffeine, I can accidentally go a couple days without drinking coffee. See, I couldn't. Now I can. Now I go, well, there's something better. I'm a crackhead. If I go, oh, fuck, I only have one left. I have to leave right now to go buy more.
You know what? Flip every fucking pillow in this. I was wondering. I was like thinking I was pretty immune to it. I'm like, no, I just use it when I'm writing. It's a good, you know, cognitive enhancer. And then like I wouldn't have the weekends. I wouldn't be writing. So I've been taking them and I'll be like, I'm just really tired. I have no energy. I'm trying to be really irritable right now. I must have some sort of bug. I'm like, I was fucking nicotine. Yeah. God, for sure. But no, I'm I stay disciplined. I am. So I've been doing one a day.
one three or one six huh one three or one six three i'm a three milligram weirdo for sure the mints are strong though they they were stronger than the six milligrams in really yeah like as far as like because you're just yeah you're just pause just swollen true sure thank you spicy it is spicy you're swollen or spicy dude i had a man don't stop taking notes yeah true man what did what's uh take me back to the last time our stenographer
It says nicotine. Okay, sir. How'd you spell it? N-I-C-O-T-I-N-E. Very good. I was hoping there was a K in there.
Dude, I think I might have outed myself as an absolute psycho to my neighbor yesterday. Walked outside. I usually in the morning, nobody's out back and I let my dogs out. And we have a little Frisbee outside that I'll throw to Matilda every now and then in the morning. And if I'm in a rush, she doesn't get the Frisbee, but she'll hit it and be like, and I was like, dude, you're not getting the Frisbee. I was like, go pee. I was in a rush.
I was like, go pee. My neighbor's on the other side of the fence. I was like, Matilda, go pee or I'll fucking kill you. And then I just hear, oh. I was like, oh, hey. I was just joking around. Oh, hi. I don't really know what I said, so it might have been even worse. I just say the worst shit. Whenever she doesn't listen, I'll be like, for real, I'll cut your fucking head off. I'll just say, the start of the day and the end of the night, that's the last thing I do before I go to bed. I let them in. If they don't listen, I'm like, you motherfuckers, get in here. I swear to fucking God.
The lady heard me. I don't know what I said, but she heard me say it. She went, oh. Is she an older lady? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Oh. I was like, oh, hey, how you guys doing over there? And I was like, fuck, what did I just say? Did you try to clean it up? Like, I was just playing with him. I talked to him like that. Not even, I just let it run. Yeah, yeah. I just let it run.
But yeah, other than that, though, my backyard's been popping. Gardening might be my favorite thing ever. That's very nice. You got animals in there still? Nope. I put a cayenne. So I tried the red pepper flakes to keep out the mice, but they're flakes. You got to get pepper powder. My brother Kevin was telling me to get cayenne pepper powder, and I dumped like, I ordered like a pound of cayenne pepper powder and just dumped it where the, I fucked them up. Hold on one second. Yeah.
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This is what we're thinking for picks this week. I mean, Shane, I'm looking at the basketball board and selecting... I don't know, maybe Jason Tatum for more than 25 points? I like that. I was thinking more like Julius Randle for more than eight rebounds. Anthony Edwards, more than 25 points. I like that. Yeah, I like that a lot. I've never thought about Jalen Brown and doing fantasy sports action on more than four assists. Yeah, I have. It's fun. It's awesome. Matt, get in the game. Well, ready to make some picks of your own? Oh, yeah. Check out Prize Picks. Oh, yeah.
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It's crazy. Prize picks. Right now, 1,000 times. I mean, what are we doing, dude? Download the app today and use code Drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. Run your game. I mean, that's what it's all about. I love prize picks. And fuck March Madness. I'm focused on the NBA. True that. You know what I mean? Now that my sweet 76ers have tanked, I wouldn't mind placing some more or less...
Now your emotions are out of it. My emotions are gone and I can go 76ers playing less, less, less, less, less. Just on some of your favorite stat projections. Some of my favorite stat projections. It's more or less, more or less thousand times. Connor McDavid, more than more goals. There we go. A lot of people go, Whoa, that's crazy. Bang. Just like that. 1000 times more. You've won literally a billion dollars. Now you're a billionaire. Yeah.
A thousand millions is a billion. That's all I'm saying, man. A thousand millions is a building. That's all I'm saying, man. Is a building. Prize picks. Run your game. You're mad at Elon? Maybe a million dollars if you're a billionaire. Yeah. Picks. A million dollars on Conor McDavid. Don't picks. Just... Fuck! Whatever. And we're back. The kind of pepper in the garden. Oh, thank you. The, um...
Yeah, dude. So I've been at war with the mice. What works for birds, because birds were fucking me up too, you've got to get shit in your garden that moves. So I have one of those owls, those fake owls, and its head swivels. I have wind chimes, scares them. And I also have a little spinny thing. They detect motion. It freaks them out. But mice don't really give a fuck. So you've got to give them like... You've just got to sprinkle the spices around for them. They step in that cayenne powder. They have strong senses of smell, apparently. Oh, they don't like it. Dude, where they live, I just... A whole fucking...
Just a big bag of cayenne powder. Just fucking them up. Fucked them up. Yeah. Not killing them, just making them uncomfortable. Huh? Not killing them, just making them uncomfortable. Not just making them uncomfortable. They smell it. They're like, nah, I'm good on that. Yeah. Wait, are you done doing the... The bacon powder? Dude, apparently I made a mess of myself. I thought they'd rest. You were close. I was close, but I don't know. I haven't seen them after that, though, I will say. And then some time passed, and I saw one, and dude, I got...
Too many radishes to lose right now, dude. It turns out that's the only thing I can grow. I'm just a shitty radish farmer. You sound like you're playing Animal Crossing. I'm going to pick a little. Do you get to eat any of the radishes yet? Not yet. I got like, they'll be, I think in a month they'll be fully grown. I got a lot. I'll drop some off to you. Please. I got some radishes and I'm growing flowers right now too. That's very nice. What kind of flowers? I don't even know what they're called. They're just big. I just picked the craziest looking flowers. Yeah. I'm starting to see what it takes.
So they're thriving. My flowers are thriving. My leeks are thriving. What a perfect time to plant those too. Exactly. I got it right in time. And then I have, this will be, it's a year out, but I have blackberries, raspberries, just blackberries, raspberries, and like golden raspberries. I don't know. I've never heard of those. Damn, it takes a year to grow those? It's just a, it's called a cane. So it's just a raspberry stalk.
So it takes a year to bear fruit. I always wondered why people got so mad at an animal for eating in their garden. Bro. That would piss me the fuck off. I've been waiting a year for one fucking basket of raspberries. That's what I'm saying. Some piece of shit. Awesome. I have a couple carrots going. Your carrots are like, oh, fuck you. I'm going to eat a carrot from my garden. Come back one day. The greens are gone and they're all fucked up. And it's like, it's truly, it's kind of nice. I will say it does teach you patience.
Because like every day it's like another thing to check and go, oh, you see a little bit of progress. And then if I'm like rushing out the door, if I'm in like rush mode and I'm like, damn, I didn't water my garden yet. If I'm like if I'm rushing to where I don't water my garden, I know I have a fucked up mentality and I got to switch back. I got to go Zandini. Zandini because you got to go, dude, I got to stay kind of somehow connected to this. Zandini, are you staying Zandini?
I broke my Zen Fest a couple times this week, yeah. What happened? I've been Zendini. Just responded to people for once. True, true, true. Yeah, yeah. You're just defending yourself like a master. I've been pretty Zen. You're Zend out? You've been Zendini? That's GG. The kegger was Zen. Was it Zend out? Actually, no. I was kind of a piece of shit. It's pretty Zendini to admit that, though. Yeah. He's very quick to admit when he's being a piece of shit the next day. I mean, dude. Yeah, that's true, too.
Everyone's finding out that you were right all along. I'm Sean Stradamus. That is true. I might move from Zendini to Sean Stradamus. Yeah, that is true. Sean Stradamus? Yeah. Yeah, I'm back on my Zendini tip. I was off it for a while. Caffeine will put me off. I'm not Zendini. When I'm on daily caffeine. Do you get grumpy? Yeah, it's grumpy and it's like
I just have my fuse is so fucking short. Like usually I'll notice things and I'll be like, okay, well you shouldn't have done that. If I'm on the caffeine, I just fly. I think wife and kids will do that to you as well. I know, but I'm saying for sure they catch the wrath. You're saying Sandini or Spazio? Like, uh, I think they do both. Yeah. They'll Spazio. They will. But when you, when I crush the coffee and then like the morning's like euphoric, I have energy when it starts to dip and I'm just like,
Yeah, like have that shitty caffeine overdose feeling. It's just anything that happens. But guys fucking know that. I saw you hang up on somebody because the food was coming. Can I bring that up? That was my wife. Yes, absolutely. That was a great story. Yeah, you were, I don't know if you were, you were on the phone when food was coming, you were coffeed up. You started seeing the food. You were like, ah, ah,
I can't fucking do it. Like you just grabbed it. Dude, I was telling me all weekend. I'm like, my favorite thing is like I chill during the week and during the weekend. And then the Sunday I drink, I drink like as much coffee as my body can handle the point where I'm like, what? I get so jacked up on caffeine on Sunday. Like two, two.
Two cups for me. I'm flying. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was self-serve. So I'm like talking to 80 off. It's like my second cup of coffee. I'm like, and then Brittany called me. I'm like, I'm having a conversation with her and our food comes out. I don't even remember what I said to her. I was like,
I can't do this right now. And I just hung up on it. Because, like, the waitress or waiter was... Sure that was met well. Oh, dude. Sure that was handled real well. And I didn't realize I did it until I'm, like, eating. I'm, like, still, like... So anyway, Nate... And I stop and I was like, oh, shit. I think I just hung up on Brittany in, like, a total coffee spaz. I did. I apologize real quick. I was like, yo, I don't even know what happened. Hanging up on anyone...
and she was just asking me normal shit and i was like i can't talk right now i don't what the fuck this is my brother you always keep me on the phone and i just like just fucking dickheaded her on the phone yeah totally uncalled for and i did apologize like yeah and she and she had been like although was she driving she wasn't even slaving me she wasn't time slaving me she was just asking me like i was flying home that day it was like a very normal question rather than being like oh hey our food's coming out let me call you back i was just like
I don't know. I just purely short circuited. Two cups of Joe. Oh, yeah, dude. I get rock fucking. No, I'm not. Joe fast before then, though. Oh, yeah. I do. Joe fast first. That's what I do. Bro. Come Easter. I died when I did on the Joe. You are fucking like nine cold brews at that. Shane, one cold brew. I swear to God, I'm I one cold brew. I'm high. Like, it's a drug. Like, I'm talking to people and it's just like, bro.
They feel like they're very far away from me. It's weird. We got to get you some Adderall. I told you I can't have that. We got to get you one day. Just come on. It's for an experiment. Dude, I am a menace, bro. That's when I got kicked out of the Beastie Boys concert. It was Adderall. I jumped down. But you were also a young man. You're not going to act a fool like that now.
Dude, something happens to me on Adderall where I lock in on things and it's just like, yes. And I just... Here's my plan. We get you some Adderall. Yeah. We take you to Blazer Tag. Woo.
Let you scream and spaz in there. I mean, that would be awesome. Exactly. You'd be so locked in. That's my problem. That'd be awesome. I get crazy. You might jump there, though. You might try to get down a level. That's my problem. I got down a level at the concert, got kicked out. The one thing when I was like... That all causes you to catch air. It does. And you might catch air at the Blazer Tag. First fatality in the Blazer Tag.
Because when I have Adderall, especially it was always with drinking and like smoking weed, I would just get an idea and it's like, go. There's no like, well, it's like, yes, let's get this. So I remember I saw, I was in like Westchester and I just saw like a 32. You become bees. What? I become the bees. There was just these guys sitting down with like, you know, like girls on like the curb outside eating pizza, like a little college town in Westchester. And I just saw this big cup of soda from a block away and I was just like, I'm going to kick that thing.
And I was like, I'm definitely going to kick that cup of soda. And I came up to it. And sure enough, I booted it. And the dude was like, what the fuck, man? And I just like came up and was like, yo, my bad. Just kept walking. I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. That's your Mr. Hot. Huh? That's your Mr. Hot. Adderall is my Mr. Hot. Dr. Matthew and Mr. Bees. Drinking on Adderall made so much sense in college. Dr. Matthew and Mr. Bees. It made so much sense in college. Like, I'm tired, but I want to drink. They're like, bro, take an Adderall. And I was like, yo, good call.
And it would just be the worst situations ever. Yeah, it really isn't that good. I put down the Adderall. Yeah, the Adderall drinking combo? Yeah. It doesn't really help. No, it's not necessary. Once my critical thinking goes offline, I need to get out. I need to go to bed. I do not need to be turbocharged. It feels like a great idea to tailgate.
Yeah. Well, yeah, when you're a little tired, you're like, well, I deserve to have some fun. Yeah. But yeah, it ends up with pretty unsavory behavior on my behalf. You ever take at all? Yeah. Only when I'm drinking for the most part. Yeah. I kind of love it. Day drinking on Adderall while you're doing it is wonderful. Yeah. It's probably the best. Or I like night drinking when you're getting tired, but you don't want to end if you're in the middle of like a good night.
I love night drinking. We had some good nights here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are some great nights. Day drinking is, I think, day drinking I love, but... I love day drinking, but then it always ends bad.
Yeah. I've never really had too many day drinks that are others. I was like, nice. I've had a couple where I end up in bed by like 9.30. That's the best case scenario. But yeah, you're right. I did it in Boston and I just stayed up super late and woke up the next morning with the most vicious like weed slash alcohol hangover. It was not even weed. It was still high from edibles hung over in the morning. That combo stinks. Dude. Hungover and weed high. Man, you got to do something. Yeah. And you're like...
trying to just crush water to sober up and it's doing nothing. It's making you sick. Yeah, I was, I was for, I had like frill from that night, slowed down on drinking incredibly. I fear it now. It was such a wretched state that I was like, I frill thought I was like, I'm like, you know, when you're high and you're like, I'm stuck like this. I thought I was like, I was like, dude, I think I broke my brain.
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It was being high with all that alcohol hangover anxiety. Just flying home with my wife and just being like... Oh, man. It was a rough one. You had to fly home? Oh, yeah. I've been obviously hungover and a little high on quite a few, and that's the worst combination. Yeah. You're supposed to get home to your kids, and you're like, fuck. Fuck. I'll let you know. Your father made some poor decisions last night.
There was four margaritas in the afternoon that were totally unnecessary. No, I'd like to see that. I'd like to be around you with four mugs. Yeah, let's get crunk, dude. Oh, shit, yeah. I can't do it.
No, let's schedule a day. I got to stay sober this week. I got the UK this weekend. Once the sketch chills, we'll schedule just a crunk day. Yeah. Let's get totally crunk. I got my sketch today, this morning. I'm fucked. How's your sketch? I'm fucked forever. It doesn't fucking end. Any room for a daytime pool party? There's going to be a couple of daytime pool parties. My months fly. Yeah, my months fly. I'm fucked, dude. So yeah, we'll do a daytime pool party. That is, man, that's fun. Ideal. Can I bring the butter dog?
Yes, the butter dog had a nice day here. Yeah, yeah, he did. I got 9,000 pictures of my girlfriend and the butter dog. Butter dog? Yeah. How was your dog doing? The dog with the butter. He's the man. He's the man. He's perfect. Is he a swimmer at all? No.
He's never gotten in the water. That's good. Oh, it'd suck if he could swim better than you. I'm sure he can. Like, if he gave it a shot? I'm sure he can. That'd be crazy if he swam exactly like you. He absolutely does. It sucks. Guaranteed. That's how he swims. His ass. His giant ass. I've never seen anything like it. Head and feet totally underwater, just an ass floating. You're like an octopus. Everything's down. You just...
Nate LeMaire, will you guys shoot me straight on my idea of the black swim club? I see you guys are so resistant. I don't want to be the black guy that does it. You said you don't? Yeah. I figured that was the hang up. We were getting good. We were getting good. LeMaire's been killing it. I was teaching him how to swim all last year. My problem is like, dude, you guys are running a podcast. Nate Swimming is the funniest.
There's actually a swim instructor in Austin called the Swim Nazi. We can get a private lesson from the Swim Nazi. They call themselves the Swim Nazi? They're called the Swim Nazi, but she just rolls with it. So she's like, I'm the Swim Nazi, and she's an excellent swim instructor. She'll scream at you. She taught them, like, dude, my fucking five-year-old can swim, like, swim for real. From the Nazis. She got Nazi training. She got Swim Nazi training. I don't know.
I had LaMare out here all the time. LaMare's good. Like three days a week we were in there and I was trying to teach him how to swim. There's nothing you could do. You were training your Pokemon. I literally was. Bro, I was holding him. I was like, all right, this is going to be weird. I'm going to hold you. He's a fucking kick. LaMare's good in the pool, man. He's not at all. He's horrendous in the pool. Me and Matt were in Dania at the pool when I was letting it go. You were in the ocean.
You were in the ocean? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we were in the ocean. I didn't tell you about that. Yeah, you did. There's no way he could be past... Yeah, it was sandbar. It was shallow stuff. Yeah, he literally cannot swim. I've seen him in the pool. I've seen him... That's a three-foot pool. That's true. If he takes his feet off the ground, he cannot swim. Oh, no. Yeah, he fully can't swim. Oh, I've seen him go in and glide a little bit. He can do that for about a second, but he has... And even then, he forgets that he can just stand up. So there'll be like a moment of like...
You see him like panic underwater. He goes, just fucking stand up. True. You don't think the Black Swim Club will be empowering?
I don't know. People won't be laughing. They'll be like, this is good. People are not going to be laughing. We might film it and put it on the Patreon. But strictly to help other black listeners. Learn how to swim. Yeah, like just to conquer the stigma and the stereotype. It's instructional. Yeah. I'm down. I'm trying to move on to Butterfly. You need to learn how to just regular swim. I can do this pretty good.
We can get in the pool. The pool's heated right now. We can get in there. I can do this good. I can get up and down. I've seen you. I remember going, okay, Lamerit, he's in practice. Nate, you got to get Nate to just trademark that stroke. Nate's better than Lamerit swimming. I can swim a little bit. It's just my ass. Your ass rises. That's the funniest part. I think it's just my pot. Yeah, you go to the other end for sure. I've seen you in action. It's just the ass coming up. I don't know how. It's not even a bathing suit bubble. It's just your ass.
It is just your ass. Breaches the surface and it's... Now that you've developed a full unk body, your ass has flattened out a little. It still comes out, but I don't know what it is. It could be good for you. Sure, it's like the North and South Pole. As the belly grows, the ass shrinks. It does. It is lesser magnetics.
It's the EMFs. You're just being pulled forward. I have a drive in a hybrid. That might be actually. You've been driving a hybrid? Yeah, the EMF might be. Careful, dude. I saw these guys on Instagram saying you're probably only reducing 9% though from the hybrid. Yeah, probably. That's good. That's good. What's going on with you guys?
Nothing, dude. Just got to go to the UK this week. I know. And I'm bringing O'Connor and DeRosa. I'm bringing two of the hardiest alcoholics I know. Yeah, you're bringing some heavy artillery. Yeah, it's going to be really fucking fun. Oh my God. It's going to be the most fun. Those old pubs, I've never been to London, but the old pubs are very sick. It's the coolest thing ever. Yeah, I did like that in Australia, being in an ancient pub. It's like...
Dublin. I love Dublin. Manchester fucking rules. I bet. Yeah, once my family gets old, once the kids get older, I do want to go bring them all to Europe and go over there. That'd be sick. That'd be awesome. I've never been to Italy. I'd love to go to Italy. Yeah. I'd like to go to Rome. Yeah, you should. Fuck, I forgot I don't have any time. I know. I was looking for a beach trip.
Last night. I was like, when do you think we can do this? And they were like, never. And then I realized I'm kind of going week to week with my schedule. And they showed you a fucking stupid recording blackmail home video and they're like, never, motherfucker. Yeah, now you got a free schedule. You did Black Swim Club and put it on the internet. The schedule's wide open until 2028.
But you're empowering, dude. It is empowering. I understand. Oh, yeah. That's what you guys think with your stereotypes. Hit the water. Wait till you see these two swims. Dude, if Obama's chef had done the Black Swim Club, he'd still be here to this day. He'd be fucking alive.
They scheduled it with my agent manager. I was texting them and I was like, can I just get a breakdown of what the rest of the year is like? Because I literally check my own website to find out my dates. And they were like, yeah, sure. I was like, just kind of game plan this whole year. And they were like, haha, game plan this whole year. And I was like, yeah, your fucking job? Yeah, what the fuck? It's your job to do that? Yeah. And they were like, oh, okay, you're serious? And I was like, yeah. Fucking tell me where I'm going.
On like a calendar kind of thing? Just like an email breakdown of like month by month. Because there's holes in the schedule for touring, but it's to film shit. Yeah, yeah. So then I'm like, what's this break? Maybe I can go to Florida with my friends that week. No. They got you holding for something. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Go to fake rehab.
Fake? Fake rehab? I told you I've been dreaming. I've been dreaming about rehab for two years now. It's going to be sick. It's going to be sick. It's going to be so nice. Especially if you go to one of those super nice ones. Especially if I'm just going to chill. I'm not going to stop. For sure. I'm just going right back out. I'm going to get fucking wrecked as soon as I get out. They should have that where it's just like kind of a pit crew more so. That's the dream. I was like, I just want to go to a resort. It'd be nice if it was like a dry resort.
And maybe like a healthy thing. Use imaginary rehab. Fully just rehab. I just daydreamed to rehab. Yeah.
I mean, light beer rehab is the saddest. That's literally weed rehab. That's CBD rehab. Light beer rehab is CBD rehab. You get caught in your room with a party helmet and straws. Dude. Yeah, they lived off a cushion. That's my party helmet, no! Dude, it'd just be me. It'd be me and dads. It'd be me and a bunch of 60-year-old men, and then they're like,
oh fuck it's april baseball's on every dude in there going this is fucking light beer heaven he's doing the most inflexible yoga ever yeah no that's good though being a guy that can stretch is fucking gay if i saw my dad do a split i'd be like what the fuck check out this flexibility kids you go ew yeah i always watch baseball and drink a beer
weirdo anytime I've been told I've been inflexible I've been like yes like you're real tight there I'm like yeah yeah of course I am like no that's like really bad you gotta work on that I'm like yeah yeah it's so my yeah my hips are so bad I mean shoulder flexibility backs been nice that's nice shoulders shoulder flexibility straight as hell that is straight hips you're here and they're like you actually keep a lot of pinup emotions in your hips yes yeah dude let's keep them in there
The last thing I want to be is emotional. Especially from your hips. That would suck. If you unleash something from your hips, you're like, oh, no. That really did hurt my feelings. Oh, I remember that party. Yeah, girls got to stop stretching. How about that? Yeah. Oh, we fucking tighten their fucking hips and butts up. Too flexible. That's a problem. You need to keep some of that shit in their fucking glutes.
And they're IT bands. Yeah. It's time to store that back in there. Tighten them up. That'd be weird, though, having an inflexible lady. If a lady went to lift her leg and was like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. That would be fucking sad. That'd be disgusting. That'd be disgusting. Neither of us can flex. We're just trying. We're going to do standing sex. Hold on. Let me get on top. Why do I always got to be on the bottom? I might have to start dressing up to see how it feels.
Maybe I'm them. You know? True. Maybe they complete me and I am them, so I need to dress like them and get fucked by a guy that looks like me. Just to see how it feels. White Lotus needs to stop. White Lotus is the best show. It needs to stop. It's so good. It's doing too much. Do you think girls, girls probably don't like it if you're like wearing their clothes. Oh, yeah. If you start putting on their clothes, they'd love to have that on you.
But I don't think, would they like that? Would that excite them socially? I think they'd pretend to, but we'd mentally check that with you. Yeah, they would go, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, just go through your phone and look through all your friends and be like, all right, which one am I going to switch to? Although, didn't like a, I guess he was just doing it as like a party trick. That one boxer. Yeah. De La Hoya. De La Hoya did it. He tossed on the fishnets. I thought he, I thought he, I think that was the real deal. You think that was the real deal? I think it was the real deal. That seems, that could be like a liquor and cocaine thing.
I think it was a liquor and cocaine thing, but also... Didn't he have professional pitchers? No, it was definitely a hooker in a hotel room. Oh, okay, okay. He just won the pitchers. Fishnets, boxing. Yeah, it was tough. You've done fishnets. No, don't put that on me. Don't put that on me. AI, AI, AI people, Nate and Fishnets. Oh, my God.
French maid outfit wouldn't be bad either. I think he might have hit one of those as well. Did he? Yeah, I think Taylor Hoyle was hitting the... Is that LeBron one real? There's always LeBron in a French maid outfit. I think he did for like Halloween. He did for Halloween? I think he did it for Halloween. Let me see. Oh my God. What? For real?
LeBron James. Switching gears, have you seen that Michelle Obama has a new podcast? Does she? Yeah. Switching gears, it's with her brother. I thought it was Craig Robinson. Switching gears. What's their pod about? Dude, I don't know. The left is scrambling to dominate the podcast space, and they threw Michelle Obama and her brother at it. Huh?
It doesn't get as many views as you think. I think about Michelle Obama getting home. Because she knows that people say she's a man all the time. You think she ever gets really sad about it? Sorry about that. Yeah, dude. That'd be so hurtful. But his name is Craig Robinson. I know. That's what I'm saying. I thought it was her and the comedian. No, it's her and her brother. I thought you were saying he just looked like him. No, it's her and her brother, Craig Robinson. With Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. And it's her brother. It's her brother. I thought it was the guy who plays piano. Who looks identical. What the fuck? I know. I know. I know.
That could be the original Michelle. And that's big money. It feels bad trying to get the bag for them. I don't mean to start that rumor. Oh, trust me, brother. I'm sure it's already been... Yeah, that rumor's out there. The worst thing you could do. That was the worst possible move. I'm sure.
But yeah, it's probably very hurtful. Just thinking about her and just being like, oh, Barack, they're saying I'm a man again on the internet. Yeah, that'd be really sad. Although, dude, I mean, to be fair, that's probably... Even if you drone-striked all those people. That's what I'm saying. That's the least of it. I don't have much empathy, but... I was just thinking about that. That's kind of funny. Yeah, that does. Kansas is going on McCrone still? Bro, she's still ripping on the McCrones. I haven't been keeping up with the right wing. She seems confident. I watched her on Theo's podcast, and she is like...
I mean, prove me wrong, dude. Yeah. It's like I have all the paperwork filled for all like the... Basically being like I... She sent...
the macrones a yes or no i mean which i get she's like they didn't even fill it out it's like well i could see them being like yeah i'm not gonna fill out the am i a man questionnaire from the candace i would just pass forward from a kid he's sitting behind him in class just like this are you a guy check yes or no just like drawn up by it's like a legally binding like yes or no questionnaire like yo just answer these questions and we'll fucking drop it because they were i think they're trying to sue being like yo stop calling my fucking wife a man she's like but
but you in order for defamation i think in europe the defamation laws are a little different we're like yeah you have to be wrong and america's flip it's like vice versa it's like well prove me wrong then and i'll take the back that's right so she's getting hit with some french from a holocaust denying show i watched really yeah it was a it was made it was like a it's not like i found it it was like it was yeah it was i think it was on hbo or something yeah they were like this you know i mean this wasn't one of them i got you yeah
It wasn't the Kyrie Irving type. It was just like straight. It was legit. Yeah, it was that case, though. It was like, it's flip-flopped over there, where here it's like, prove me wrong. Yeah. There it's like, you have to prove you were right. So then they brought a fucking Holocaust denier and put him on trial, and he was like, boom. Oh, no. Here's all the facts. Oh, no. But he did get debunked. He got debunked. He got debunked. Yeah. Yeah.
You got bulldogged. You got bulldogged in a court of a European court of law. In a European court of law with... Yeah. Yeah, man. I can stop there. Let's go to the Patreon. Yo, guys, I fucking love you guys. Goodbye, we love you. Don't get my bandage in there. It's a fucking emergency.