Shownotes Transcript
The Wild Wild West.
I know, man. Surprised everything syncs up properly with his little slap. We'll see, though. We'll see. Usually you're about, LaMare's about 50% on his producing skills. Yeah, there could be a major technical flaw. There's a solid chance that this does not have a video. So we'll see.
We shall see. It is a woman's world, man. I mean, bro, we're lucky to be living in it. We're lucky to be living in it. I can't wait until she comes here. I'm going to the tour. Katy Perry's, that was a good, I was expecting that to be terrible. The music video was great. Do yourself a favor and watch Katy Perry's Woman's World music video. I thought the one part was really powerful. There was one part that was extremely powerful, and me and the crew ran it back and started chanting, women, women, women.
It is a woman's world. It was very powerful, just that shot in general. She's trying to tap into the drags. Yeah, you're talking about just by smashing it. No, not that. Just making that song. Yeah, that's a good market. She also was a host on RuPaul's Drag Race. I've seen it. Trust me, daddy. I know all about the drags. Every once in a while when it's a woman's TV choice, I have to watch fucking RuPaul's Drag Race.
You should remake Grease. That'd be a good movie. Remake Grease, but it's really all just drag queens and doing drag racing. But instead of the cars, they're just like walking towards each other and being like... One of the drag queens on the last season was a bit of a greaser. Really? You're not far off, man. You've got a keen eye for the drag.
And La Mer would obviously be the most powerful drag here. I would be number two. It is about size and girth. I'd be a mean fucking queen, dude. Yeah, you think La Mer would take the throne as the number one queen? If you watch the show, you'll see who they like. They like a portly fellow that does that. I'd be a giant, though. Because they wear, like, giant. Yeah. I'd be 6'7". Oh, God. Yeah.
How big of a bitch do you think you could be? I could be a... You know I could be a bitch. You've seen me be a little nasty bitch. You've been around people when I was being a little nasty bitch to them. You go, God damn, that guy's being a nasty...
I could probably be one of the nastier bitches. That's so funny. I know deep down I'd be a nasty queen, dude. I got to get my flexibility up, though. True.
That must be sick, though. Just being a girl and being mad and just being like... I have no repercussions. I'm just going to say the most off-the-wall shit right now. Oh, yeah. It's got to feel so good. And I'm... He'll forgive me in a day. All I have to do is say sorry once. I know. In fact, I don't even have to say sorry. I have to just be kind of nice the next day. I know. I know.
I have to vaguely acknowledge that. And the guy that I'm dating or married to will just go, eh. Yeah. Fuck it. That's fine. Yeah, I don't give a shit. I know you're fucking dumb. No, that wasn't directed at anyone. That was a joke. It is funny, though, just to be brewing, wake up, and be like, ugh.
Dude, ever since I got my gun, I've just been so sassy. Really? Ever since the gun's been in the house, I've just been going, who wants it? Yeah, what's up? What's going on? Any bump in the night last night. Yeah. Clip was loaded. Yeah, you like literally wake up feeling sorry for whoever it is. I might be scared. I'd be insane. I'd be insane what would happen to them. I'd feel sorry for you right now. All right.
Yeah, I'm going to try that. I'm going to do one day where I just wake up and just beat her to the punch. No, the cops will get called. I'm not going to hit her. No, I know, but if you said... Not even say. If you talk the way they talk to us, the police would be there. I'd be... True, I'll be way more subtle, though. It'll be like, what's the matter? And I'll be like, no, man.
I'll be like that all day. Just wake up and it's like my arms hot. Like what? My arms. I didn't get good sleep. Something's going on. My right hand's really warm right now. No, get off of it. Leave it alone. I don't want you to touch it. I want you to look at my arm. You see how long I can make it. You would cry. You would start laughing.
Whoa, if you did it to me? No, I wouldn't do it to you. Yeah. I have a different target. I have a different target in mind. You would target a strike. You might hit some civilians, though. I think the kids might be some collateral damage on that one.
You do a targeted strike in response to pure terrorism. I'm getting a coffee and I'm like, there's too much syrup in here. I got this coffee today and I was laughing. I want to start going to coffee, like the same coffee shop every day, getting the same thing. And as I sip it, walking out the door, I'm going to go, ah, it tastes like shit. And just walk in. Just every day. Yeah, that's good. Ah, it tastes like shit. I'm sick of eating this shit. Come on, let's go.
Just go, Jesus Christ, just throw it out and walk out. Just do it every day. Oh, man. I just hope Katy Perry recovers. Me too.
I'm starting to join KP's side now. Good. You're a powerful ally. The space landing, not great. Not good optics. But that's a learning moment. Then she linked up with, what was it? Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke. Questionable past. That's where I draw the line. No, Katie. No hanging out with Dr. Luke. I don't hang out with Dr. Luke. It's sick to team up with Dr. Luke and then make a powerful woman song.
She's Catholic. That's where I draw the line. Yeah, I don't know. It's one of those things where it's like, yeah, a bunch of ladies went into space and acted like idiots. Yeah. So what did you think was going to happen? Are we all... Yeah, they were just... They're fucking ladies. They might as well have rode one of those like... Six wives got launched into space. How did you think that was? They should have launched them on one of those like bicycles where you all face each other and blast music. That's all that was. They could have hit them with, yeah, Peloton glass. Yeah.
The bar crawl bike. Oh, that one? The bachelorette party where they're all like... Oh, yeah, for sure. They can't handle those. Who thought they were going to handle a fucking Blue Horizon or whatever?
I just hope they raise enough awareness for Bezos' mission to launch trash into space. Yeah, he started by launching a bunch of plug-in trash. Have any of those bicycle things been hit by a truck yet? Had to have been, bro. Had to have been. I've been on one before, and it's like, after riding one, I'm like, these things got to get clipped, man. Because you're just in the street. There's just a guy like...
Looks over his shoulder and just hits the street. This guy hitting an on-ramp and you're out there going, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Into the wrong side of the highway. You're like, dude, come on, dude, come on. Yeah, I'd like to know what one of those guys is. Take me home tonight. You're just riding into fucking southbound traffic. That's a good one.
That would be funny. It's a suicide mission. Yeah. Suicide bike ride. Ladies hop on. Especially you just drive in and just like, and then so I fucking daughter. He's like, I can't man. You don't pedal. Mo pack. You don't put right into the river. You don't even pedal. You don't pedal at all. You just sit there. Pedaling does nothing on those things. Dude, that's how ladies used to kill themselves back in the day. You just hop in the river.
you're just ready for the river and you would just be like it and jump in yeah that's usually how they got rid of their kids too oh jesus we're taking you straight to the lake why don't you sit in the back of the car i'm gonna put it in neutral right down the boat ramp i'm tired of crying i want to go out with my friends yeah i want to hang out i want to go i want to be a flapper
Did you ever like it? Really going at the women? No, the flapper. That was in 1920. No, I know what a flapper is. I'm just saying. The beginning of this has all been like, fucking women are fucking annoying. I like it. We're on Katy Perry's side. What are you talking about? We're having fun. We support them. We do, dude. We're lucky to be living in a house where- One of those fucking bike things get clipped yet? I'm going to try to make sure. No, it doesn't get clipped. It just fell. It just fell over? Yeah, just they were going too fast. They were flying? Yeah.
Well, I appreciate that. And it tipped over? Dang. Damn, they probably got pretty hurt. Oh, yeah. I saw the Skybar. You ever see those things? They put like a bar on a crane. What? Yeah, really just high in the air. No. I saw one of the cables snapped on one of those and it like... Oh, it turned into the fucking funhouse, dude. Turned into a real funhouse. Damn, Lee. That seemed like the scariest thing I've ever seen. I think it was in Puerto Rico. I could be wrong. I don't know.
Okay, maybe what's the difference? Your father died in a Puerto Rican sky bar. Damn, I didn't know they do that. They just lift you up in a... Dude, when you're up that high too, the wind catches you and you're swaying. That seems like shit. It's a terrible idea. I'd want nothing to do. You're going to piss the entire time. True. Up there drinking. Oh, I didn't even think about that. Where do you... I guess they have like a little commode. What do you even do?
Piss. Hey, now actually you could sell me on going up behind, having Puerto Rican ladies pee on me and fucking... You gotta start selling tickets to the underneath. A little side hustle. Just drowning in white claw piss. Now we're talking.
That thing's no holds barred, dude. True. I got to head to San Juan. I got a business trip. That's the woman's world I dream of. Just get a poncho like you're the Lady of the Mist. I would be voguing up there, dude, if I was at the fucking Puerto Rican Sky P-Bar. Yeah, will you look up this Puerto Rican Sky P-Bar? We got to fact check this. Sorry, we have an all-black crew today. They're both...
They're both preoccupied with the NBA playoffs. Checking stats. Dude, the NBA playoffs need to chill on the commercials. What are they doing? Bro, they are targeting the African-American community with intensity. Wait, how so? Every single commercial is catered to black people. Gotcha, gotcha. But it's like almost like... It's not race war stuff. No, it's not race war stuff, but it's a little like...
Wingstop's taking up a bunch of... Really? Yeah. There's a lot of Wingstop. It's every chicken place. You're watching. You're going, dude. The NBA is like... Spread it out, dude. Shame on them. Put one on the PGA Tour. Toss it to Pep Boys. Just fucking throw it off a little. Toss it to Pep Boys. Yeah, shame on them. Yeah, it's fucking literally a Sprite. Yeah. Yeah.
Somebody was saying the other day, it's crazy that the Wingstop commercial isn't racist because it's just a black guy. Wingstop commercial is the most racist commercial I've ever seen. It's a cool black guy. You describe it. He gets...
I can't even describe the Wingstop commercial without sounding racist. It's a trap. He's trying to pull out a Jenga piece and then they put a piece of chicken in his face and he's like, whoa, and his eyes knock over the Jenga. Oh, that's the other one. That's the no flex. Yeah, that's a good one though. I'm talking, there's a new Wingstop commercial where it's a base. I think it's supposed to be an NBA player.
And he's doing the whole fashion fucking walkthrough that they do. And then he hops in a limo and just crushes chicken. And every white guy on earth goes, I knew that's what they're doing. I knew that's what was going on in those cool limos.
It's so fucking funny. In case you still want to know, it was Puerto Rico. It was one of the bars. They said a thing snapped and all of the bartenders just started screaming all at once. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. It's like they're not like pilots. They're not going to be like, oh, okay. Yeah. We've got a cable. Yeah. They started screaming and praying. Oh, yeah. They're Puerto Rican sky bartenders, dude. Yeah.
surprised they weren't screaming and praying from the start that's a major i caramba dude if one cable snaps in my puerto rican sky bar i'm fucking that's when my accent comes out honestly holy fucking shit no god damn i didn't know they did that that's awesome
Because you could spin that thing around, too. You can do whatever you want. You got to get a hold of that. Terror. Terror. Terror. Terror of timbre. Mucho miedo. I believe it's important to take care of mental health issues because... Oh, yeah. Man, you know, you can't... You got to get your mental health in line. Otherwise, you can really...
Take you off, man. Next thing you know, you're wearing a fucking cool necklace you think everyone's going to like, and then everyone's fucking mad at you. It's true. Turns out you should have just went to a therapist instead of... I should have went to a therapist and said, would it be cool if I got a dragon medallion? Yeah. And they would go, absolutely not. Absolutely not. They would say, are you the man? You go, I don't think. Actually, we have a camp I think your dad's been trying to sign you up for and straighten you out. I'm going to pray.
Yeah, I mean, we used to think that dragon medallions were cool. And then we went to therapy. The therapist actually, he beat me.
That's why we don't go to that therapist anymore. That's why we use better help, guys. How we look at and treat mental health issues has come a long way, but there's room for improvement. In a recent survey, 26% claimed they've avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. For Mental Health Awareness Month, let's break that stigma and encourage people to get help when they need it. May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
dang that's pretty cool that's nice yeah we can do it in may and then you know i wasn't even aware yeah i didn't know that that's that's a huge problem so yeah it just helped me just feel more comfortable i've really fat thighs and i've been uncomfortable about now you have very nice thighs man i mean they used to be fat i've turned them purely god what i do to those fucking thighs we should go to a couple's care uh therapy and just talk about what you would do to my thighs
And they've actually, we have done that. We've benefited greatly from couples therapy. Shane's made me feel like my thighs are beautiful. Well, they are. Things he's done to them. I've wrapped them around my fucking ears. Guys, if you're ready to start therapy, but not entirely sure where to begin, check out BetterHelp. It's affordable and convenient since everything is fully online. And they currently serve over 5 million people worldwide. So you know you're not alone when it comes to seeking help. That's good. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com slash BetterHelp.
mssp to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com mssp that's a good ad read it's a great ad read they're gonna love that yeah the commercials it's the only time you see like purely white commercials is fox yeah and the heart of white commercials is my pillow gold coins uh what else they do like fucking help the jews commercials yeah
I like the right-wing take on coffee. There's always right-wing coffees. That makes me laugh. Oh, yeah, true. Because you never see a right-wing coffee shop. I just got these coffees. Dude, it's... Man, it's pretty wild in there. The right-wing coffee is...
It's a good move. Yeah. Because it's only the gayest coffee. I know. Every coffee shop is like, you know, like above and beyond. It's one thing to be like, hey, come on in and have some coffee. It's like by entering this, you were sworn. You are now. You are an ally. Yeah. They hand you just like an Antifa black face mask. That'd be nice to have a coffee shop where it's just like, you know, no balls and girls sports. I saw a sign that had that the other day.
There was a guy running for like local office. I don't forget where I was, but it was like, keep the balls out of girls sports once and for all. Hire me to city council. I was like, fuck.
Let me tell you, if he gets elected and it's like, all right, dude, let's go. Get rid of the balls. She's like, I'm hitting the locker room right now. Turns out there was one in a neighboring district. Yeah. So that problem was already solved here. Time for me to focus on infrastructure. I wasn't ready for that. I was more of the balls guy. So I'm a little in over my head on this one.
I ran on children's genitals. I ran on a campaign of entirely children's genitals. Turns out it wasn't as prevalent as I thought. Pretty much everyone in this district agrees. You got to set up a false flag. Yeah. You have your 13 year old son. You're like, look, it's for the good of the community. It's for the fucking dynasty. It's for the family. The city council dynasty. We could be the next Bush's. Yeah, that's a that's a while. I mean, he probably got elected. Where the fuck was I? I don't remember.
Oh, you know what? I think it was in... No, it was in Alabama when we were down there. We were driving. That's a fucking layup. Yeah, bro. He's dead. Holy shit. 360 Tomahawk. Dude, I was in San Francisco this weekend.
And it was that we drove through like the Mission District. I think that's like they're like Kensington. Dude, it's fucking wild. I can't. But it's not as like big and thick as Kensington, but it's it's insane. I drove. Sure. Pause my bad. I drove through and do they have like sick. It's crazy. I've been like dense with people.
It's not as big and thick as Vaney as Kensington. It's not as Vaney and throbbing as Kensington. It's not oozing pre-cum. But they have a different drug guy. You know, Kensington has the bend-over guys. In San Francisco, there's these guys, and they just walk around. It's crazy. It's a new guy. Oh, there's stock walkers. Yeah, stock walkers. Stock walkers. They're just like this. They're like this, and they just kind of like...
I've never seen those guys. It is nice. It is nice. It's like a zombie video game where you're like, why are there different zombies in every level? But it actually is like that. I don't know what that drug is. That's not like the final stop is fucking L.A., San Diego with the screaming runners. Yes. Austin's got the screaming runners, screaming runners. It's terrifying. I don't know if that's like the meth fighting the heroin and they just get like stuck.
Could be. Because it was wild. And they weren't like, if they were older guys, I'm like, oh, it's just like scoliosis untreated. They were like on the younger side, like in their 30s. Just hunched and then twisted, too. Nice. I want to get a Pokedex. Low pad level. They're ready to fucking... They're ready to strike. Low man wins. I want to get a Pokedex where I can just identify them. Yeah. A twisty bendy. We...
Mild aggressiveness. If America declines enough and we bring back basically the Coliseum, we need to toss these boys in. True. I got a feeling the heroin boys in Northeast are going to be tough. I think the screaming runners here are all talk. I think the heroin boys are going to be tough. Yeah. Then for like the card, like the round girls, we can just get like street prostitutes. Yeah. Toothless street prostitutes. How tough do you think the Midwest zombies are going to be?
Midwest zombies are... They're not even zombies. They're like white meth. Yeah. I don't know. They'd be technicians for sure. Yeah. They'd be working on the crafts. Because we would have to get into pod racing.
We would have to let these boys operate some motor vehicles. We need the weight class. We need like the 95 pounds to like 97. All 95 pounds. 110, 115 is heavyweights. Heavyweights 110.
And you got to watch the Women's League because you would have a lot. Women's League would be nice. Yeah, but you'd have to be careful with the... You'd have a lot of Juana men fucking sneaking in there. There would be a lot of Juana men. Keep the balls out of homeless cockfighting. Keep the cocks out of homeless cockfighting.
Who's your pick to win? The Screaming Runners on paper. They could be a paper tie-in. They'd be more of like Xbox. They'd be off the ropes. They'd be more off the ropes. I saw him in an airport. You almost got me. No, you didn't. I did. I saw Pop, dude. I for real saw Xbox. I'm starting to come back around on that, too. I think you might have saw Pop. I did, dude. I swear I saw Pop. Dude.
You need to start screaming Xbox in so many people. Any white dude with long hair, you got to go, oh, Xbox. He was wearing a bandana and cool glasses and a tank top. It was definitely Xbox. Every single white dude with long hair would dress like Xbox. I swear, dude, I think I was on my way to Puerto Rico when I saw Xbox. You just had to do a skyboard for sure.
So I should see a fucking black guy with dreads and tattoos and be like, John Moran. It's like, dude, they all, there's every dude with dreads that skinny looks like that. We'll never know. I'll have to call my friend because he was there. Can you remember when we saw Pac? That used to be our dreads.
Yeah, curly hair like that. Wet curly hair. Yeah, true. That was much more prevalent. It was. It really was. It was like every other guy. Yeah, just part right down the middle. It was pretty sick. It was fucking tight. Whites had swag back then, dude. Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. Come on, man. Whites had crazy swag in the 90s. Grunge? We were going nuts. That might have been y'all's worst look era. Yeah.
Period. What? The long hair. Like crazy little barbed wire tattoo. That shit's sick. That was Nancy's house. Reflective glasses. Yeah. Y'all are off the rails. Don't fuck with that guy. To be fair, we were in like a weird incubating stage because that's kind of when white people started trying to dress like black people. So we were in like a weird, we were still transiting. We weren't sure what to be. Yeah, we were still, yeah, we were still transitioning.
You guys kept switching it up so fast on us. Give us time, man. Then you guys copied us. Kanye brought out the polo and that fucked us. That reset us. But we untucked them. It made it a little more free. You guys always kept the polo tucked. It's a whole different thing.
Don't get me started on a race war dude right now as soon as I got my gun dude Did you did you have you been on X in a while Yeah, mine is for real. I mean Nate were just having this argument. Not an argument. Just a nice discussion. I
Dude, mine is full on. The algorithm's fired up. Yeah, mine's full on race war, like race baiting. And not even like, you know, like it's like go back to Africa level. Like, it's insane, man. The lady who gave the finger and said the N word has raised like 600,000 bucks. And then there's like, but she's against the guy who murdered a guy. Yeah.
Allegedly murdered a... No, he did. He definitely did. He stabbed a kid in the heart in front of everyone, and the kid died in his brother's arms. Yeah. And people are more offended that the lady who said a word has a GoFundMe. But she has more. That's the problem. Oh, she made more? The lady who said a word? Yeah. Or the guy who stabbed a... Well, the kid who stabbed a kid in the heart. Yeah, he didn't make enough. That's a problem. He didn't make enough money? No, he only made like $400,000. No, I think they made more than that. Did he? Because he got escalated in like a house.
Yeah, he did. Allegedly. No, I saw that report as well. But who knows about these reports, dude? I'm getting hit with. I'm for them having like somewhat of an equitable share of their funds. I think they should get married. One crime is more severe than the other. Saying a word or stabbing someone in the heart. Yeah, I mean, I could see you thinking that. That's where I get it. That's my little hang up on this. Is one person talked.
Yeah. And the other person stabbed someone in the heart. The craziest part, I don't know how people even researched it, the guy videoing the lady is apparently a pedophile. Of course. He's a fucking pedophile. I don't know if this is true. Why do pedophiles keep filming people? They keep getting involved with things. They're like, he's a pedophile. I don't know how they even... You can't even see the guy's face. And like, he's a pedophile. And then the... They might be tossing these pedophile charges out willy-nilly, because you can literally...
lay on the ground at a protest and shoot a guy and chances are he's gonna be a pedophile chances are everyone's gonna go no i watched a clip of uh i think i think it was on the sean ryan podcast he had a guy on who like does busts pedophiles and he's like dude it is so much more prevalent than you think child porn specifically he goes dude but you should i don't know we'll get age restricted but you know
Yeah, whatever. But the, yeah, he goes, dude, the amount of like the sheer volume we're tracking of people accessing it is super high. And according to him, he was like, and it's all, it's high in like 20 year olds. So he's like, you get a lot of, you get a lot of younger dudes hitting the fucking CP. God. Yeah, man. Fucked up. Now, how do you even find that stuff? How do you find it?
Dude, I've been blocked. That's a funny bit. Yeah, I know. Just being like...
Where do you even find something like that? I think it's like a reverse runner situation. How kids ask guys like us to buy them alcohol. You got to go to a school and be like, just hang outside and be like, yo, can you just point me in a direction? Yo, can you? They go into school and you got to wait outside school for them to come out. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Somebody comes out and goes, get the fuck out of here. Oh, shit. We got to go. Go, go, go. Oh, fuck.
Fuck, my dad's gonna beat the fuck out of me for this. My dad's gonna be so pissed I'm trying to score child born at a school. Fuck. Here's the car ride home. I didn't do it, I said. No music on in the car ride home.
That is fucking bullshit. It's not true It was my friends I was just there I was just skateboarding there. Are you one of the fucking next up? Like at 35 getting rounded up for some CP and having a crash land back in the parents nest man, I
What a fucking nightmare, man. What a nightmare. You got to move in and kill your dad. First step is like, I got to kill my dad. I got to go back to get a win in the... Get one in the win column and then let's build from there. Step one, I got to kill my dad. Before that first breakfast together...
He's reading a newspaper. He's reading a newspaper. Putting the paper down, looking at you, going... Jesus Christ. Your mom trying to smooth it over a little bit. It's fine. All the kids are doing it. I just read a report that said it's a lot more prevalent than you think. Thanks, Mom. It is. Well, that would be rough stuff. It's a tough bit. Yeah.
I mean, it is funny to think about your dad just going, what the hell are you thinking? I don't know. I learned it from you. I only looked at one. One. All right. Four. All right. I looked at four. I looked at four job boards. He just gives you the belt. You got to get the belt. No, dad. No, dad.
Yeah. Can I take your car? Can I borrow your car? A couple of the guys want to meet you. You're not going anywhere. I fucking hate this place. I make one mistake and my whole summer's ruined. Your wife and kids are living with you. Oh, man. There are some true ride or die bitches, though. Yeah. The ladies that stick around with a fucking convicted. It's crazy.
I knew a guy. Mrs. Sandusky, I think, held it down. Did she really? Yeah. Dang, bro. I think she held it down big time. Did she really? Yeah. Yeah. She was like, oh, come on. According to the Netflix film and the sons, Mrs. Menendez held it down. Dang. I mean, if Mrs. She literally ride or die. She died. She did. She fucking was there till the end eating ice cream, watching TV, getting fucking popped in the face.
I mean, Mr. Sandusky probably went to a priest and was like, I don't know what to do. And he was like, you're fine. It's small potatoes. You guys are going to be fine. This is nothing. He's probably just going to switch schools and just do it again. It's fucking sick. Hopefully the new pope cracks down. Hopefully we need the black pope. We need Africa core pope. Do we not get a pope? I thought we got one. Oh, we got one? I think. Do we get a pope? I feel like I want to. I feel fatherless right now. I thought we would have heard about that.
Smoke didn't change? We would have heard about that. They're still in there chiefing. The Cardinals are chiefing. Chiefing frankincense. Hot mox and fucking Sistine, dude. AP News says 13 minutes ago, the conclave to elect a new pope has officially begun. Yo. Let's go. That's sick. What is like a cardinal hold it down in the meantime?
There's got to be some dude that's going, I guess, no, yeah. I guess there's a guy, the head guy that runs the conclave. Yeah. Yeah. Dang, that's got to be so tight, dude. Just like finally we get to burn all this incense and do all this shit. True, and they're mostly geezers. They're like, this is probably my last one. Yeah. This shit rocks. Fuck. It looks scary. It's like all the cardinals descending upon the Vatican. It looks scary. You should be scared. You should fear God, homie. Yeah, dude. I fear God, homie.
Yeah, that'd be tight just to listen to those conversations. You guys need to become Catholic. Look who it is. Oh, baby Billy. Little baby Billy. Not going to answer that. Yeah, who's in the running for the... Yeah, what do we got? The Holy See. The Holy See.
I look it up. I didn't know they told you that. It's like, this is a young Catholic prospect from Minnesota. No, they did. I swear there's an African priest. Dang, do you think they have an error rating for how many times they touch kids? He's got like a .23. .23 errors on field. They've got to fire up somebody. Let's go. This is a pivotal moment for the Catholic Church. They need to fire up. They need to break the mold. They'd be sick if Obama was just the Pope.
He'd get out there. He's like, come on, brothers. Come to church. Come on, brothers. That's a crazy Obama impression. That's what he did last time. That was the most recent one. He goes, come on, brother. Yo, here he is. What is it? I was there on the track.
Damn, the black cardinal's name is Peter Turkson. Peter Turkson? He's got the easiest name out of everybody to try to... I was trying to tell him to. They're all Italian. Yeah. Matteo Zuppi. Did you ever get, like, when, like, the African missionary priest would come to your church on, like, a random Sunday? Yeah. I used to love when those guys came. We had a guy fucking stay as our priest for, like, way too long. Did you really? Mechanics were... People were getting a little tired of it. You know, I can't even understand the fucking homily. Yeah.
I don't know one thing this guy's saying. Yeah, he was a good brother. What are you, just like lifting one of the altar boys up in front of everyone and then exhuming them? This is a new king. No, Africa Corps Pope would be sick, dude. That would be so tight. I don't want peace. I want problems. All the time.
Yeah. You hit the fucking Nigerian who wants to be a millionaire. It's okay to be gay now. No. Yeah, we need that. We need to switch it up. If we get another like, yeah, like an aged Italian guy, it's time to switch it up a little bit. I agree. What you got? Yeah.
Filipino Pope? I don't mind that. There's a Filipino guy in the room. I like the Philippines. A couple Filipino guys, it looks like. What? A guy from Jerusalem.
Is he back? Is he back? Should he be? He says he's a Cardinal. And I can't even begin. His last name is Pizza Baller. Oh, yeah. That's the one people are hyped on. Pizza Baller? Pier Batista Pizza Baller. What's Pizza Baller up to? Pizza Baller. It says he's a Cardinal. He's 60. So he's kind of young. Oh, damn. He's from Jerusalem. What? He's the Bishop of Jerusalem.
Whoa. He enjoyed a simple country life. Uh-oh. I don't know about that, but I think it's simple. This is crazy. Look at the advertisement for this. Is this a young lady? This is the lady on all fours. It says gynecologist baffled. Simple stretch relieves bladder leakage. How the fuck are they targeting me with that? USA Today, dude. Just a lady leaking out in the fucking downward dog. Fuck.
Yeah, that's true. That's the thing. I mean, it's a ball has got a good he studied at a Hebrew University and was able to absorb non-Christian points of view and learn the Hebrew language. He earned a reputation as a trusted emissary among the Christian Muslim and Jewish communities in the Holy Land. But could be the bro to unite the bros. Yeah, pizza ball. It could be nice.
You could definitely form a... Whoa, dude. What you got? In the wake of October 7th, the attacks by Hamas, Pizzabala called for prayer and even offered himself as a hostage. Oh, that was the guy. In exchange for the release of children. Shit. I know that guy. Pizzabala's the man. Pizzabala's kind of a beast for that. Yeah, he is. They didn't take Pizzabala? Hamas is fucking dumb as shit. They should have took him up on that and cut his head off right away. Dude, it was...
If Hamas was really about that life. Nah, if he cut off a cardinal's head, they would have gotten crushed. That'd be crusades. Assemble the army! It is funny him standing there and they're like, no, no, no, no, dude, we're going to keep these kids. Yeah, be like, no, dude, we do not want the fucking smoke. Damn, he went white boy crazy on the Muslims. He went white boy crazy. Fucking take me! Kill me! Take me! Fucking take me right now!
No, he just carried a, he just drudged a crucifix down to the Gaza. Take me! Fucking pussies! Ooh, pizza ball love. I remember hearing about that and being like, what a beast. I want to learn about the African fellow. Yeah, I would like to learn more about that. And I'm not talking about the Algerian, dude. That's bullshit. Who's the Algerian guy? Oh, that guy who's flexing. Jean-Marc Aveline. Yeah, who's trying to say he's the pope, he's the real pope. It's like, no, dude, you're the real Jews. Chill. You can't have everything.
I'm the Jews and the Pope. It's like, all right. Hold on. There's a guy named Joe Tobin from New Jersey. Joe Tobin. Yo, Joe Tobin all the way from fucking Newark. He's just a deacon that threw his hat in the ring. We've never had an American bull. We haven't actually. Could you be my American bull? Damn, Italy really is like the New York City of the fucking, if you want to really make it in the Pope business, you got to go to Italy. American Pope would be dope.
I think it'd be sick. Yeah, it'd be the young Pope. Yeah. They're not going to do Joe Tobin. Joe Tobin from Tom's River, New Jersey. Damn, Peter Turkson, native of Ghana. Let's see, let's see. Who else we got? Ghana could be nice. I want him credentials on issues of poverty, climate change. Climate change Pope.
Beat it. But the church has been hard on them. They've been going hard for climate change. Oh, but Turks and Leans Conservative on matters such as homosexuality and contraception. Dang, do they vote? Motherfucker, do I have a fucking meeting right now? Oh, no. That'd be nice if they vote. Like, what do we think about gay stuff? And there's some guys like, eh, whatever. Whatever.
That's a big part of it. Yeah, true. Yeah. You got to stand up and go, fellas. It is funny to just have a room full of fuck with that. Also, a ton of those dudes in there are gay. Yeah. Just like, bro, I've never even heard of that. What the fuck is that shit? Fuck? Ew. What? Now, how would somebody go about finding out about something?
How do you even do that? I'm curious. Guys, please come. I think next weekend, May 16th and the 17th, I'll be in. I'll be at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, California, then the Neptune Theater at Seattle, Washington, and then the Hollywood Improv at Hollywood, California in June 25th. But next weekend is a big one. Please come to that. Yeah. May 31st, Des Moines, Iowa. Come on. What are you waiting for?
Hey everybody, it's me, Lamerigan. What you guys? You're full of shit, dude. That's crazy. This is a squat.
Hey, would you come to my show in Florida at Coastal Creative on May 9th? Let me test the fucking position. On May 9th. Hey, you saw it as a rock, bro. May 9th and on Friday, Saturday, May 10th where I'm cool headlining with John Rudnitsky or whatever. Don't say it or whatever like you're fucking better. I'm not better, but I didn't like that it happened. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames.
I love thoughtful gifts like that.
You know? Yeah, man. I think my mom, I actually, I'm like, damn, I got to send something back from Mother's Day. True. What the fuck is it? This Sunday. Oh. Yeah. I might send a priest to her house. Mom's getting nothing before Christmas. No, I'm going to get an oriframe. I'm going to send a priest to bless the house. That's a good move. That'd be cool. Well, it's not as good as an oriframe, Matt. No. Well, he could have, they can take pictures. Of the priest. Of the priest just like sternly staring at the family. Oriframes has lots of cool features. Yeah.
It's easy to see why it was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. There's unlimited storage so you can add as many photos, videos, and funny memes as you can find. Wouldn't it be nice to send your father and mother a meme? That'd be nice. You could trick them.
and setting everything up is ridiculously simple. You can literally just plug it in and share away. Plus, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off, plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver matte frame. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
Now let's get back to the show. What do you say? Let's do it. Yeah, that's a... I saw a cool priest in San Francisco. I went down to Haight-Ashbury, whatever it's called, like the big hippie area. And there was a cool priest and Doc Martens walking around. Like there was like the, like laying on the ground hippies on like the corner. And he was like chopping it up with them. They were fighting. They literally, we were there for maybe an hour just walking around. And like within that hour, they all spazzed and freaked out at each other. Yeah.
He's not fucking cool, man. You're fucking gay, man. They started freaking out on each other. I was like, dang it. This is what hippies always do. They always spaz on each other. They were like jamming on acoustic guitars. It was sick. I've been big into hippies lately. Really? I've been watching a lot of Vietnam. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm reading a Vietnam book, watching Vietnam documentaries. That's tight. You know what pisses me off about Vietnam documentaries? What? They always cover...
Ken Burns did it, and now this Netflix one does it, where they interview North Vietnamese, like civilians, and they always cover American atrocities.
I've never seen one where they focus on what the fucking Viet Cong were doing to people. Yeah, what did they do? What, they tortured shit? Fucking horrific shit. Yeah, they kidnapped and murdered, like, everyone. Dang. Priests, they were butt-fucking priests. Oh, yeah, it was. That's, uh, I think Thich Nhat Hanh were that guy who wrote all those books. He, like, escaped from there. He said it was, like, pretty bad. Yeah. Dang. Yeah, it was bad. I mean, the only thing they ever really cover is, like, John McCain and...
This one pilot, I think his name was Alvarez. He got shot down like day one and stayed in prison the entire fucking war. Damn. Yeah, it's a tough time. Yeah, I do. From what I've heard, they didn't treat the prisoners well. Day one. Yeah. How long is this war going to be? It should be a couple of days.
It's a decade, isn't it? It's going to be a decade. He made it out of there? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, he's a freak bull. Yeah, 10 years. He's a freak bull. 10 years. Not even like a shitty hostel either. You're in Vietnamese prison. I could be wrong. He might be the one. One of the bros was getting interviewed because they...
They always do. The Vietnamese, the North Vietnamese would film the prisoners to be like, tell them we're treating you good. That's so funny. And the one guy did fucking Morse code with his eyes to be like, they're torturing us. It's pretty sad. Oh, dang. Yeah. And then he even noticed he was doing it. No. Shit. What a genius too. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.
I'd be like, fuck, I fucked up. It'd be funny if you just did, like, I'm doing nothing but a lot of gay stuff here. And then you're like, ah, I fucked up again. I got that thing way wrong. He's doing a lot of gay stuff? Yeah, that would suck. Especially if you're there for 10 years, like...
I mean, you know, unless you're doing like a legendary SR, you're going to one point break and you're like cranking them out in like an underground Vietnamese bunker. Yeah, you're cranking them out. Cranking them out would be crazy. Getting caught too. Don't come in here. Are you guys going to rip my fucking fingernails off again? I'm trying to jack off. I told you everything. I was here day one. I don't know what's happening. I got no more information.
I have no idea what year it is. I got nothing to tell you. Dang, dude. He just probably moved back to like some Midwest town and just settled back down and chilled. Yeah, probably kept that one to himself for a while. Yeah, true. Were you in Vietnam? No. Yeah, or he'd just be like, not really, sort of. Kind of, yeah. Dang. That fucking stinks. It is sick. Surviving a plane crash is like...
I always hope. I'm like, there's got to be a way. Yeah, you got shot down. I think he ejected over water, landed in water. A bunch of guys on a fishing boat came out with guns. Damn, fuck. That stinks. That fucking stinks. It would be cool, though, once another guy shows up. You're like, thank God.
Yeah. You mean another guy that got captured? Yeah, he was the first guy. He was probably by himself for a minute. Just sitting there like, this is so boring. Yeah, another guy shows up. You're like, yo! Yo, it's not that bad. Hey, my name's Joe Manitoba from New Jersey. Hey, I'm Joe Tobin. Joe Tobin. From Newark. Joe Tobin from Newark. That's crazy. Joe Tobin, the Pope.
Newark is crazy. Yeah, it's tough when you were in New York I like I had like almost ran out of gas. Where were you with me that one time in the car? I think it might have been Gardini We got stuck in Newark and I almost ran out of gas and we I was like I was like there's gotta be a gas station my GPS took me to a fake one and I ended up a like deep in a refinery that like I couldn't get out it was I was terrible But you can't find people in those places. It was just industrial Terrible, I was so scared
You were spooked. Yeah, because I was like, if I get... Refineries are scary. Yeah, and I was like, I'm going to have to, like, walk. I'm going to have to, like, get buzzed into, like, a barbed wire fence and explain to, like, all the dudes at the refinery I ran out of gas like a housewife. Just be like, guys... You know what happens next, dude. You get in the oil rig. You get in deep drilled. They would give me something big and thick, dude. Deep horizon.
Yeah, that's uh, but yeah the Vietnam thing. I don't know America loves hating itself. Yeah, every one of these doc I mean don't get me wrong. We should definitely be like what the fuck was Vietnam We should have never been there that sucked. Yeah for sure, but you know, let's not act like we were just over there Fucking up the nicest guys on earth. Yeah, they're pretty bad. Yeah when you put the magnifying glass on anyone you're like, oh Jesus Christ Yeah, turns out these guys are up to bad stuff, too And you never know here's the thing you never know. It's like say America didn't totally rise to power or
If you give, if I like think of any other country right now, they rose to the level of American power. Like how bad is it? The Soviets won the cold war. Yeah, dude. Soviets. China. China fucking rose to absolute power. You think for a second. Love it. He wants it. He begs for it. Do you know any of those like intellectual, like socialist type guys?
No. They love China. They're like, China's going to beat our ass, dude. China's so fucking sick. They're just like subbed out. They subbed out. They sub out so hard for China. That's so weird. Me and Nate were talking about it because we were arguing about the... Not arguing again. Having a nice racial discussion about the algorithm. But it's like, dude, if something happens, like India-Pakistan, let's say somehow that pops off and the world goes to war. Yeah. Americans...
You know how we've spent the last...
Definitely lasts like 15 years really trying to suppress the racism and hatred in this country. Obviously fueling it, but... Yeah, true. Like making a real concerted effort for it. Dude, the second we flip that switch to World War III, it's going to be like, let it fly, dude. Let the hatred... Oh, yeah. Now we have a combined... We have a fucking enemy. Yeah. Go nuts, dude. Dr. Seuss is going to be drawing up some racial cartoons for us. Like, dude, America can flip that switch and...
I don't think people know how fucking rotten America can be. Yeah, because then the floodgates will break and they'll just be like racist caricatures of black people for no reason. Hey, what the hell? Hey, hold on a second. I just got them ready in case. We're going to shut the fuck up. It's World War III, dude. We don't have time for this fucking bullshit.
Yeah, that's going to be... If we get like a... Because the last time we got like a national hate vibe going was 9-11. 9-11. Yeah, it was on. And that was not even on. Yeah. Think if it was really on. Like, think if there was an actual enemy. Oh, yeah. An exit real threat. Yeah, but aren't... Wait, who's part of the bricks? Who's part of the bricks thing? Because is India part of the bricks? No, they're with us. Who's the I? Name...
Maybe they are bricks, but they're our bros. Yeah, I thought India was our bros. We're with India. Okay, because I know the bricks... It's Brazil, Russia. Are you sure it's not Iran? It's Iran, you're right. Oh, it is in India. India is our... The fuck is X? Indonesia. Dude, I think China stands with India right now. Do they? Yeah.
We would too. Yeah. I think India's our bros. Yeah. Pakistan's going full fucking Muslim crazy on them. They're going Muslim crazy on them. I mean, how does Pakistan even figure they can attack India? That's not even close. India's going to destroy them. You've got to give Muslim countries credit. They punch above their weight class. They really do. Every day they go, what the fuck is you? What are you looking at, motherfucker? Yeah.
Palestine went dumb on them, dude. Palestine. They really are crazy. I was like, what the fuck are you going to do, dude? Yeah, dude, they for real went nuts on the Fortnite attack. They hit the Fortnite. They said, what are you going to do about it?
Yeah, and Israel's like, we're going to redo the maps here. We're redoing the game maps. We just deleted the game. Fortnite's done. Yeah, Pakistan. Who is gassing Pakistan? I was like, no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you fucking got it. That's because they said, I will dive on Pakistan. True. Pakistan's day one. You taught that.
And they got nukes. They both have nukes. So both of them are going, dude, we can do it right now. I don't know why. I feel like Pakistan gets their nukes from where the coyote gets them from. For sure. It's Acme. They have Acme. They have Acme nukes. They have the North Korean rockets. That was the best. Kim Jong-un would go up there and be like, everyone check this shit out. It just explodes.
The North Korean World Fair has got to be awesome They just show like food they're like yo we got some fucking foods coming 2040 the land of the future Would you ever hear the dudes who escape and go to South Korea or just like like literally Blade Runner They're just living it's like the village. Yeah, you go there's trucks living in the future. Just be like what the fuck I
Yeah, I just read a nice book this weekend on the plane. I found it in a bookstore. It was just like a lady who, I guess like in the 70s, something fucked up happened in South Korea where a guy just declared himself lifelong president.
Where was it? Korea. I think it was... Or maybe it was like right before the war that divided South and North Korea. Was that in the 70s, I think? No, that was 50s. The Korean War. Yeah. So the Korean War split it in half. And I think in like the next 20 years, there's a little bit of obviously some tumult. Yeah. And this guy was just like, I'm the president forever. And it just set off this horrible wave of violence and poverty. Yeah.
Then the lady got adopted to an American family and just like got out of there and like they the Korean government allowed Parents to just be like, you know if your kids like too much just we're shipping a bunch of kids to America and
So I think that was like a huge wave of, uh, yeah, they were just like, and you would just, they would declare you as an orphan. Your parents would be like good Korean adopted kids. They rock. Yep. And no, there was nothing like you, your paperwork, you would hit America and like you would have blank birth certificate that you had. No, you couldn't find your parents ever. And this lady just wrote like a, it was like a book of like, kind of like poetry and essays just about like getting beached in America.
It wasn't even really about that. She was just writing about the Big Bang. It was pretty sick, actually. She was just writing about the Big Bang. She was writing about the Big Bang. Was that her fucking dad's name? Big Bang, that's Little Bang. Dude, dumb racist jokes. It's a good dad racist joke. Big Bang, it's so funny.
We're firing today, dude. This feels like a Patreon. The temperature is cooking all this. Yeah, I'm heating up a little. Big Bang was too good to pull back on us.
Pull up. Pull up. Terrain. Terrain. Straight for the mountains. Hot diggity darn. No, guys are a lot more fun, dude. Dude, you know, I actually, I, dude, I did the mothership last night. Had a good time, but afterwards I got off and just smoked like a giant joint in the green room and then went home like, I'll pass out. Fucking no dice at all. I'm wide awake. Yeah.
I was just laying there. I had, dude, I don't know. I had this idea where like, I want to come up with a company or some sort of technology that like you, you can send your dad a painting and the painting already, it comes around. We'll get this. So it's comes like wrapped in cellophane. Cause what happens is it has some sort of like technology when like, when like, like the moisture in the air hits it, it slowly transforms the photo. So your dad hangs it on the wall.
He's so pumped on it. It'll be like a general standing in a battle scene. And then the general, day after day, slowly transforms into a giant, throbbing, veiny dick that's just laying waste. Or instead of a battle scene, it turns into guys having sex and your dad just walks into his house one day and is like, what the fuck? The technology's got to exist. That reminds me, I haven't sent a picture of a hot guy's ass to my dad in a while.
If you just Google guy's naked ass, send it right to your dad. He's going to love it. And you can put the invisible ink on it now. Oh, exactly. Yeah, they get very confused. And it's just slowly, day by day. They don't even notice until one day. They're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Or you can get like a, almost like, you know how when you're looking at porn, there's like those Simpson family guy. You could do one of those with Nancy Pelosi fucking Donald Trump in the ass. Wow.
Oh, dude. That would be... It'd explode. That'd be India versus Pakistan, dude. That'd be Pakistan. They would spaz. They would spaz. I will dive on Pakistan.
Especially if your dad's like a mechanic. He's got like hanging up on his wall and he's like, you know, the calipers and the guy's like, what the fuck is that? God damn it. Some fucking punk must have done that. God damn it. Fucking asshole punk. That's a great idea. Wouldn't that be fun? I mean, that's Aura Frames. Aura, you could. Yeah. You could stack the deck in Aura Frames.
Toss one in. Yeah, you could. That would be digitally would be the easiest, like day by day, like pixel by pixel. It transforms that way. You're like, no, it's just like a cool photo, electronic photo. It was great.
Or it's just that would be nice if you could do this easily where it's like a nice picture of you and your dad. Then you do an AI slow-mo transfer where it's just you guys making out. Dude, my dad would like... He might fall. My dad might fall over. Yeah, that'd be bad. If he was just one of those like gifts. Tony Soprano looking at the Uncle Ben's. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a great idea. That was keeping me up last night. I'm like, that would be so funny. And then I came up with an idea for immigration we could do where you could sponsor. So because it was like adults, it's hard for adults yet in this country. But I was thinking about that lady getting adopted and like, that's the move. Like babies have the ultimate rights.
Like babies, boom, instant citizenship. If you can adopt. So what I want to do is set up an adoption program where you adopt like a child from like El Salvador. But then the deal is the child's whole family comes like whole extended, like mom, dad,
aunts, all the kids come. So as part of the deal is you can adopt the kid, but you can sponsor a whole El Salvadorian family, but you have to have the means, but then it becomes like a vassal thing where they become your vassals. Cool. Hold on here. The whole idea out.
So they come, you set them up. They have citizenship. They have total citizenship. It's more of a indentured servitude. They have citizenship. They can rock. They can do their thing. They're free citizens. But you have to be the producer on this podcast. They have to sell merch after shows. But no, you get to tax them.
So you grant citizenship, you pay what it is, you grant... You're now... You have like... Imagine that, dude. You have like a casita and you have your vassals. They're free to work, do their thing. They can build their own empire. And what the ultimate showdown is, the adopted kid...
As soon as he turns 18 if he outperforms your own bio kid the whole Empire goes to the El Salvadorian Kingdom and your kid has to fight back then he becomes that vassal for the El Salvadorian family if he out produces their offspring He goes back and forth. It's like a kind of like a kingdom kind of tight. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. There's a lot of holes I couldn't sleep last night
I know it sounds rough. Slavery for a generation and then you switch? Not slavery. Dude, they're free market players. They're just getting taxed. They're your subjects. They're getting taxed. They're your subjects. But they are free market players. It's feudalism. It's feudalism. Yeah. Like modern feudalism, but with the opportunity. They would light a fire under your kid's ass. You'd be like, bro. I don't know. I feel like every kid would get crushed. Every feudal kid would be like, yeah.
Yeah, tell them to sell the marriage. Yeah, but they couldn't if they did that. Dad, Papa, they're not selling the marriage. They gave me nothing to talk about on my podcast, Papa. I don't know. It was just an idea. We don't have to do it. No, we don't. We shouldn't. But it's not a bad plan. It's fair to be like, bro, I'm going to foot the bill. You guys are total citizens, but I'm going to tax you.
You have to pay tax on tax, my tax, for one generation. I'm going to tax you. It's like a pyramid scheme with immigration. Yeah. Wouldn't be bad. That's how the pyramids were built. True. Yeah, true. Literally, you're reverting back to ancient ideas. I own this family.
Yeah, you wouldn't own them. You'd be sponsoring them and taxing them. You'd sponsor them. Fair tax. Which is, I'm sure, what the guy said back then. No, hold on. It's not. You're making it sound worse than it is. True. I built them a house. They live in a house I built. You'd be excited for the wedding. You'd be like, oh, wedding, huh? Let me go by and see what's going on here. As Lord of the... Technically. It's optimum noxious. How was optimum noxious last night? Sick. Sick.
It was a good one. Do you went and did it? Yeah. Yeah, it was a good one. They didn't have some motherfucking shit. The crowd was, they were happy. They were excited to be there. It was a good one. Yeah. Yeah, I was happy with that. Yeah, no Gardini. We were missing Gardini. Oh, yeah. We had Andy be fat Gardini. We just brought him up as Gardini. We were like, Gardini, he's sad right now. He had a rough whole month.
Put on some pounds. We want to bring him. He was probably back there being like, what the fuck? We didn't tell him back there. Fuck you too. You fucking walked off. Yeah, we didn't tell him before we did it. We were just like, just stay here. We'll bring you up as like a special guest. I told him. Oh, you told him? I told him yesterday. Oh, okay. That you're going to bring him his fat gardenie? Yeah. How did he do his fat gardenie? He did great. Did he do a gardenie imitation or? It's a gardenie imprint. Yeah.
is also what I probably should have said. He just said, I'm Gardini. He was like, I'm Sean Gardini. And it worked. Oh, so no. Short answer.
Yeah, I short-circuited. I had a line last night. I forget what it was, but I just botched it, retried it, re-botched it, and then finally just waved the white flag and was like, guys, we're skipping that one. Completely. Joke's done. Yeah, joke's over. I would have been good, but I ruined it. But yeah, I had an ambitious night stand-up-wise. I got done, and I just smoked a giant joint, and I was like, ooh, I said I would do Optima Noctis, and I just ran over there. I was just like, yeah, what's up, guys? Yeah.
Yeah, it's always fun. Yeah, it was. I did that for a few years in New York. Yeah. Oh, shit. I have four more spots. Oh, shit. I'm fucking hammered. Oh, crap. I didn't think about this. Yeah, it was fun. I tried some new stuff. Dude, Albany was nuts. What was up with Albany? I did Albany and Buffalo this weekend. The crowds were... Oh, yeah. They were...
Fucking crazy people. Yeah, Buffalo. Buffalo's always great. I've never done Albany. They were... I did the Albany Funny Bone, but... Okay. This was... They were going crazy. Yeah, Buffalo's wild. I don't know much about Albany. At the end of my show, when I was like, thank you guys very much, I saw a guy running...
down an aisle like to the crowd like yeah that's sick they were going crazy yeah dude that's that's Bill's Mafia I found out they lost the River Rats their AHL team no I was like you guys need to bring back the River Rats and the whole place was like
The fact that you know about Buffalo minor league hockey is truly impressive. Well, then I hit them with, I was like, I was a Hershey Bears fan. They all started billing the Hershey Bears. I was like, bro, 12 Calder Cups going for our 13th.
You guys don't even have a team right now. We're literally in the playoffs right now. I'm trying to fucking help you guys. Trying to be nice to you guys, but don't compare the Riverettes to the Hershey Bears ever. You're talking fucking Yankees Expos, dude. You don't even have a team. The Bears. I think I've seen the Bears. Hershey Bears is nice, bro. I think I've seen the Hershey Bears play before. Yeah, give it to the Phantoms.
Yeah, no, you know what I own the phantoms. I could see him crushing the phantoms the fights in minor league hockey are awesome Yeah, they fight non-stop. Well the Bears phantoms is going on right now Really? I gotta check that saying I don't know those phantoms were just completely crushed by the Bears I mean that is like our Canada. Oh, actually it was one nothing when I made that claim. It's now two one phantoms Yeah, let's go. I've been following the fans for us. We've made a lot of changes in the phantoms program. I
They still haven't changed the logo. They like that logo. What do the Phantoms have? Just like a weird... It looks like the Phoenix Suns kind of color scheme. From what I remember. It's like two different flyers, symbols combined. Yeah, it's like the Pizzagate logo. Facing each other. It's the Pizzagate. It is. Pizzagate's not over. Man, the Bears need to get a cup. What's the cup called? The Alder Cup? The Calder. The Calder Cup. Dang, the Bears have how many Calder Cups? 13? 13?
Damn, who has the most Calder Cups? AI overview. The Hershey Bears. Yo! 13 Calder Cups. Holy shit. Dang. It's a storied program. Hershey P.E. Come on, man. That's awesome. I didn't know that. I think the Phantoms were late to the party, too. Yeah, the Phantoms were late. They split off. The Hershey Bears have been playing since fucking the 20s. That's crazy. What's going on over there?
also a racist meme let me hear about it yeah true come on guys also minor league nobody hits their wife more than minor league sports players in like back in the day that's a fair assessment i feel like they led i feel like they really yeah that was that was it's like a minor league baseball yeah you're physically you're like on the cusp of the major leagues you're fucking you know a well-tuned athlete oh you sent it to me
Fellas, you guys are putting me in the jackpot. Let me glance at it. It's just... It's a play on...
protesting the vietnam war and yeah it's people saying no pakistani ever called my grandparents pretending to be microsoft do you think the uh where are you in a video of the the the crash what i didn't know you should have told me you sent that the pedal pump crash oh it's a good pedal pump crash uh
Oh, no. Oh! Sucks to be on the left side. Right in front of the Einstein Brothers bagels. Oh, no. It went on the one side, too. Oh, we got a DUI. Oh, no. Damn. Yeah, I'm telling you, man. I was on one once, and I'm like, these things got to get fucked up every now and again. Because it's not... There's not like a...
He's just a guy like ripping and running. It's like, you know the dudes who do have bicycles with like a cart on the back It's like those guys getting their CDL and they're right. I'm gonna fucking yeah, I'm just gonna step up drive a bigger craft Some of those dudes on the fucking those like little pedal bikes. Yeah drive like fucking maniacs a couple times My brother between cars and shit dude slow down. I'm cool. I don't need to be at this place that fast. I
Actually, you drive me home. Yeah, I could have got on an Uber if I was trying. Yeah. This is a fun trip. Yeah, bro. Chill. Chill the fuck. I was one with my kids and I was like, bro, I was like, no, no extra points for me from the speed. Like, slow it down.
I appreciate, you know, you working on this this hard, but, like, fucking relax. Because they'll, like, tailgate, cut in, and you're like, yo, dude. Yeah. Don't need this. And, like, they'll drive. Like, people will be there, and they'll speed at them. Like, they better move. Yeah, terrible. All right. Well, we're in an hour. Let's switch over to the Patreon. Let's do it. Bye. Oh, I got to pee.