Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
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Wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild,

God damn it. How you guys doing? How was Mother's Day? Did you guys call your mothers? I did call them. I didn't get nothing. I feel pretty bad about it, though. How'd you get my mom? Oh, no, I split a present with my brother. That's just how I move. I just gave her a nice call. How you doing? That's all they want. What else are you going to get her? Start to send her some Amazon flowers, but I don't know.

Amazon flowers? I was going to get there today, and it was like, well, at that point, she don't even care no more. Yeah. My mom doesn't like flowers. I think my mom, my dad used to be a flower dude, and then he stopped, and so I think it brings it back to, like, somebody's still getting me flowers. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I mean, most, they love flowers. My pops used to try to be a romantic, rent-a-limo, go-do. He used to be, like, that kind of guy. He went all out for it.

Couldn't afford it, though. It was probably a real bad move. No, the limo's a nice move. Flowers, really, anymore, are just for them to display on social media just to crush other women. Yeah, or when you're working in the office. Like, that's what I used to do. I used to send them my girl drones, and that was all it was for. Oh, so all the coworkers see it? Yeah. Oh, that's a crazy Mac. And every lady in the place is jealous. Yeah, that's a nice. Oh, they're really beautiful. Yeah.

you get that bitch get off my fucking flowers lady fuck you happy mother's day i went to church it was fucking lit church with the church on mother's day yeah dude it was the we never went to this place before the preacher it was like you know those texas churches it's not like a catholic mass it's just like this the standard format of the bro i think they we missed the intro jam yeah and then the guy yeah we missed that and then the black church

No, no, no. It was like white black church. Okay. Like righteous gemstone style? It's similar, yeah. It wasn't as overblown and theatrical, but it was like we just walked in on the, I guess the pastor just cooking, dude. It was like a 40-minute speech. And he was like, he's literally a bro. And he was just talking about men and women. And he was like,

Just, he was like, I'm painting in broad strokes, but he, it was, it was nothing like sweet and kind of, it was just like, listen, dude, like kind of giving women the business on my side. He went sweetly and then kind of encouragingly. And it was, I was just sitting there just fucking like, go brother, go. What was his, what was his like angle? He was saying we need to work together. He's like, we're being divided.

And women are getting crushed thinking like, you know, he's like basically being like, dude, you don't you don't if you want to have a job, have a job. Who cares? But he's like the force, the societal forces trying to tell you if you don't have a job, you're less than. Yeah. He goes, it's coming straight from the pits of hell. Nice. Preach, brother. He was ripping. He was basically saying dudes need to be made to feel like.

They can like, do I have what it takes? And women are thinking, do I, am I enough? And he was like, how you can answer those questions. And also nicely being like, and look, women like kind of shut the fuck up. I'm bothering you guys. I like this guy up. Tell him he's a beast.

Pick up the fucking paper towel off the ground, say a prayer, throw it in the fucking trash, and don't bother the guy about it. I might have to go catch that good word. That's the good word. It was the good word. Dude, he was going back to the Bible being like, yeah, sorry, dude. You know, you guys went back to the garden. He was like,

Look, this is just a story, all right? You guys fucked it up. That's why childbirth hurts. Sorry, happy mothers. Dude, he was nice. And he was very tactful about it. It was nice. What made y'all make the move, like the church mother's day move? Brittany loves church. So I just try to plan the ideal day. Dude, a pastor. I've never been to a church where the preacher, the pastor, the priest could get pussy.

It helps them. It helps them. Because when the guy, when they don't get any snizz, like they talk about relationships and it's like, look, that's universal. A lot of those churches get, someone gets caught up. There's one at every church. I'm convinced there's, I think there's apparently there's like way more pedophiles than people think.

We talked about it last week. I watched a clip and this guy was like, bro, it's everywhere. Everyone's going for this stuff. I almost brought this up when we were doing the page last week because we were talking about X videos and how fucked up some of them videos look. You can always see the counter. It'll be one where it's like, that looks crazy, but it'll be like 30 million views and it's just like, that's crazy. You know what I mean? If that makes sense. We're talking about them porns that the girl on X video looks too young and you try to fire

of fire at all you see like how many people have viewed it and you can see right under the video how many people viewed it and the numbers are always nuts it's always like a billion views i know it's but on what kind of pornography do you mean like oh illegal kinds of pornography yeah we were saying that oh you weren't there like yeah there's there's i noticed i had been off the hub for a long time just because like you know due to legislation in the state i couldn't go on pornhub proper

And I like was in San Francisco and I was like, oh, let me check out what they're up to. And it was just like this lady who looked like she was a teenager. And there was just like a huge feed of just her stuff. And it was just kind of like, what the fuck? Stop with this. Yeah. Like, dude, young looking. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah, I see it. They're fired up. But it does help when the pastor is getting snizzed. Yeah. I mean, I got us off track like that.

That's straight from the pits of hell. Yeah. And the pastor is getting snitched. Dude, they were... And it's like nice because it's coming from... It's such a good central authority to come from like... It's not you being like, shut the fuck up. It's the guy being like... God said that. God said it. He's giving us the word of God and God's telling you to stop being so mean to me. Yeah, hype this guy up. And it was the same thing. He was like, dude, if you want your babes to stop hassling you, you gotta... He had these two little piggy banks. He's like, you gotta fill our piggy bank, man.

You give it like a month where you're just chilling with her nonstop. Almost to the point where she's like, all right, enough of you. Because then you can go party with the fucking bros. I mean, I'm obviously summarizing, but that's what I got from it. He was jacked too.

Just a jacked, bro. Jacked, pussy-getting pastor. He's the man. Wedding man? Married in there? He's married, for sure. Yeah, he's married. Okay, okay. No, no, yeah, that would have been crazy. If he was single, being like, these bitches on the app. No, family man, through and through. Hanging out outside and giving his Instagram to the girls leaving. Yeah, I also, speaking of which, bro, I fucking showed up here and realized I had my wife's keys for the car in my pocket. Just like, yeah.

Damn. You should start holding it down like that, though. Like you can't go nowhere? You're staying home. I should. I should, man. Take your cell phone. No cell phone. Paycheck straight to fucking me. It's actually the opposite. She handles everything. I have no idea what's going on financially. That's how I would be, too. It's like a samurai. That's what the samurais did. They gave all the responsibility. Any earthly responsibility. It's like I don't even want to know, man. You're just concerned with war and...

Just Strat. I see. And haikus. I just want to sit in grassy knolls and concoct haikus. This episode is brought to you by Paramount+. I've got a wild story for you, Matt. There's this guy, Nathan.

And the girl of his dreams is taken hostage. Whoa. He fights to get her back, but here's the crazy thing. He can't feel pain. Dude, isn't this the plot of Novocaine? Yeah, it's the plot of Novocaine. The best new action movie, seriously. Rated R, like all the good stuff. Stream Novocaine now at ParamountPlus.com.

This episode is brought to you by Diet Coke. You know that moment when you just need to hit pause and refresh? An ice-cold Diet Coke isn't just a break. It's your chance to catch your breath and savor a moment that's all about you. Always refreshing, still the same great taste. Diet Coke. Make time for you time. But, yeah, that was sick, man. That was tight. We did that. Had a little BBQ at my house. Yum. It was yummy. Boy, the meats.

pause seafood seafood oh seafood bar get my black queen of seafood i got a white boy on my roster he feeding me pasta and lobster i saw my mommy on set what i saw my mommy on set that was nice what'd you guys do we went to an italian restaurant and uh got really drunk nice philadelphia yeah that's awesome yeah

That's awesome. What do y'all think about this? Happy Mother's Day to just a dog. My girl, we have a dog. She says she's a dog's mom. That's her white girl stuff. She kind of was shooting for it. I felt it towards the end of the day. She was shooting for her Happy Mother's Day front man. I'm not going to lie. I did give it to her. It's a funny joke.

To be fair, I feel like any of those Hallmark-type days, if you play it right, you can get some motherfucking ass. True. You know what I mean? So you should have played up the dog bomb and be like, bro, this is crazy. I didn't even think about it. I showed up late. I got home late. I went to the Stars game yesterday. Dallas Stars. Got in that ass. And showed up at 10. Just no energy. I was cooked. I just was sitting there. I couldn't have gave her none on Mother's Day if she wanted it.

You were all hockeyed out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was screaming. I was having a good time. I didn't know nothing that was going on. You came back and broke her off with a hockey dick. That's rough. Just a lipstick. Just grabbing her shoulders. Just fucking fighting her. Yeah, it was sick. I showed my wife the Kanye video, by the way. Which one? His newest, latest song. Dude.

Maybe we shouldn't say the title. It's Double H. You can't even name the title of a song. That's how banned it is. Yeah, I read about that, how it's just scrubbed immediately. Yeah, I mean, the most shocking part of it to me, other than obviously the lyrical content, is the...

full of black dudes dressed like wolves? Yeah, yeah. Is that like, how much did he pay them for that? Because I'd imagine that would go against your LinkedIn credit. Like a life-changing moment for you. You're done getting work as a video boy now, I think. I guess. I don't know. I don't know what you call them either. I don't know what you call them either.

Video, male video, Nazi vixen. Yeah, yeah. Nazi vixen. Although, what I wonder now is like, you know, not for myself personally, but I wonder if that opened up like a world of guys who like, if you're into like cucks and bull situation, being like, dude, that would be...

If I was into bulls, that would be a charged situation. Just as a black Nazi dressed like a wolf. He's got way more man than me. He's the little business. It's like furry stuff. Maybe, maybe he's getting pivoting to furry. Well, did you see the thing where he was on the sneaker live stream? And like, I don't know if it was staged or what, but he was just talking about like not cucking in general.

I didn't see this. They were talking about he was talking about like, yeah, like people might think it's cucking, but he was like basically talking about like loaning your babe out. Oh, he was actually called a stag vixen. There's a there's a it's a different that my brother Tom just texted me.

He was like, are you down with stag vixens? And he broke it all down. And it's not so much like a cuck, but it's more of a proactive role where you bring your babe. I mean, this is straight from the pits of hell as well. But you bring your babe to a function, and you have a hoe bag. So you have a bag of toys you're just carrying. Probably something, if you're balling, probably like a Gucci down, just like a Gucci bag full of just toys. And you go to a function, you find your man in wolf clothing.

And then you're like, you organize it more and you're like, here's the hoe bag. Do you get a bag? Does he give you one of his bags? Is it a trade?

I don't know if it's a trade. Is there tariffs on the babes? Yeah, I don't know if we can still trade babes right now. I don't really understand them that much. But, you know, I think it's just more of a... I think it is more into the cuckold territory, but that's more of a... Just like an empowered cuckold. That's not good Mother's Day talk. It's not at all. I wonder if you got Kim anything, though. If what? Mother's Day? Yeah, I wonder what Kanye got Kim Kardashian for Mother's Day. I hope not a dick.

Yeah, but you know, she's still a mommy after it all. She's still a mommy after all. She deserves a card. She deserves a card or maybe a bouquet or I don't know, maybe a diamond-encrusted swastika or something. Just a new necklace. Yeah, a new dice necklace. But yeah, it was fun watching. Like, hey, what do you think about this? And putting it on for her and her slowly just being like, what the fuck?

Oh, she had no contact when you played it? She did not know. She was not following the black Nazi news. I've been trying to really unplug because it's been too racially charged lately. It is, man. Everything. They're just trying to get me so bad. I'm not going to let them get me. They want the race war so bad. They can't make me hate my brothers and sisters. That's what I'm saying, dude. It's the last thing I'm going to do. I know. I don't even think... I mean, maybe they're getting people. I read a study one time that said like...

There was just a book I was reading, but they said 70%. It was based on a study they did a long time ago, just like trying to discern kind of levels of awareness and like how people view the world. Like if like whatever, but they said, uh,

70% of people were framed the world ethnocentrically where they're just like, if you, and if you kind of checked out, if you go to any country, it's like Italy has the best food, the best people. Oh, I see. So, yeah. Okay. I'm not, I was so like, yeah. How does it, how did they, like your ethnicity is like the central defining characteristic of your entire reality. And people who aren't part of your ethnicity are like, just, just not part of your squad. You feel better than them.

Like black people do it. I'm not going to throw that. You ask them. It's like, yeah, like we're clearly the best. Everyone's evil. You know, if you ask some white people on Twitter, they'll be like, yeah, yeah. I see. Now I think we're the best. And, you know, if you go to the country by country, it's like, no, our country is the best. I see. It's crazy. 70% of people view the world, you know, kind of like that. It's crazy how many countries will act that way, but they're so clearly wrong.

Just word of fetch. Oh, dude. It's like, bro, you're a piece of shit hole. We're from Latvia. We have the fetch. It's like, dude, I hate to break it to you. Come on, man. I hate to break it to you. Not even in the fucking running. I don't even think people would miss y'all. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

People might not even know. Yeah, I mean, they're pretty new. They should do Yelp for countries. Just the whole country's on Yelp. And you're like, yeah, I went to Lafayette. One star. One fucking star. I got a Groupon. Dude, I was reading about the countries that have the most journalists in prison. I was reading about the new Pope. He was like, I guess his first American Pope came out. Dude, American as hell, bro. He was like, we got to protect freedom of speech.

We got to release the journalists who are prisoners. And the top offending countries, I think, are China. Israel's in the mix. Really? Israel has a lot of journalists. Well, here's the thing. I would have never guessed. Well, and then they clarified in the article because I was like, holy fuck. And then they were like, because it's like China. I'm going to see what the top five countries are. It's definitely China and Russia's top five. I thought they wouldn't be on the list. That was about to be my guess. I thought they were just bodying them.

Nah, they hold those guys in jail. They hold them in jail. Because I think they try to flip them. You know what would be really cool? They're in jail to write cool stuff about us and how we're fucking awesome.

But, yeah, they were saying it's a... Yeah, there it is. Myanmar, Israel. Belarus. That's a fucking wild one. Myanmar is a shit. Belarus, Turkey, and Egypt, bro. People are going to say the pyramid tours are bullshit. Spud better watch out. Yeah, true. Yeah, and then I think Israel's just... Israel wasn't on that list for a while, and then through the war, now they're like number three. They got a lot of journos. Really? Yeah, dude.

That's not a good look. No, it's a terrible look. Yeah, it's not a good look. I mean, if you're locking journalists up, you probably are up to something bad. Yeah, you don't want it to get out. Yeah. There's not a world in which I have to arrest somebody. People can say whatever they want. As soon as I'm like, yeah, put that guy in a room for a while. I don't know. You say that, but LaMare said, I kissed my dad on the lips a couple weeks ago, and I would put him in jail for that. I think it depends on whether...

True. You could put LeMaire in a room for a while. Yeah, I'd lock you up for something like that. I mean, that's kind of the thing. You're running a country and they're saying something to that degree. Now, you didn't lock him up because you know it's not true. True. If it were true... Yeah, that's actually a good point. You'd have to toss LeMaire in a motherfucking room. But I did see my daddy this weekend. You saw him? How was the urge to kiss? The urge to kiss was strong. We did not kiss.

Hell yeah. Unfortunately. Well, maybe.

I saw all this stuff going on with Barstool. It sounded like y'all knew who was going to go. Can we talk about that? Are you doing a speaking of which? Speaking of. Yeah, speaking of. Yeah, dude. So what I gather, there was just a guy. I think he was like a Middle Eastern bro, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, that's right. And he was at the Barstool bar. And when you get bottle service, you're allowed to write like a message in case, I guess, it's somebody's birthday. Or, you know, if you're burning with a message to send to the world otherwise. And he wrote, I think, Fuck the Jews.

On his, and the bottle girls brought it out. Yeah. And he, which, they were just following orders. They were just following orders.

To be fair to them, they got fired. The girls got fired. Oh, man. Yeah, Portnoy fired the two women. And then he offered to re-educate the young man, the Middle Eastern man who was bawling out. He said he was going to send him to Auschwitz. Well, he said he wanted to give him a tour of Auschwitz. But he also said he was going to get him a trip to Germany because he was under the impression that Auschwitz is in Germany, which is false. It's in Poland.

See, I didn't know that either. I had no idea. I could have gone on the wrong flight as well. I went to my barstool-sponsored Auschwitz tour. I could have booked the wrong flight as well. That was fun to be in Philly for that. I couldn't stop talking about it. I just kept being like, let's go get bottle service. Be like, but we're not thirsty. We just want the sign.

You might have to go to Auschwitz, dude. Yeah. You're about to do next. I'd go. I'd go check it out. Check it out. Listen, learn. I don't know that I would, if I'm being honest. If I'm in Europe and I'm like, there's so much stuff to do. I'd go bum myself out. It's like, I'm in Europe. Yeah, I can go to like the Mediterranean. It's like, you know, let's go to a fucking former site, a military camp. Let's go. Go somewhere. Kill Jewish people. I'm like, no, I'm straight, dude. Yeah. I'm going to eat this motherfucking grub. Yeah. So then you got to go to, you said it was in Poland? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I know offense to Poland. I think Poland might rise to world power one day, but I don't know that I'd go to Poland. If I'm in Europe, you only have so much time. Yeah. You know, they're all just trying to screw in light bulbs. I'll just try to get out of cars and get out of cars and screw it. It was so funny to me when I found out how dumb white people think Polish people are. I didn't know that for my whole life. Never. And although I heard they have the hogs.

I heard Polish people have the kerf, bro. That's why they don't care to melt shit. They're like, fuck it. Why would you? Yeah. Dude, that shoved out. That was from a book I read. They talked about the guy would always call it the big Polish hog. Yeah. Pretty sick. I know, for real. But yeah, that whole situation was funny because then they...

The guy tried to get in on the racially charged GoFundMe train. Yeah. And I think everyone had just gave their last dollar to that white lady. And the black lady stabbed the guy. Yeah, so they had already cleaned up. So this guy was like, it's time to cash in.

And then he was like, yeah, fuck that, dude. And then he was like, give me some money. And I think he raised like 20 Gs, which... Damn. Everybody's raising 20 Gs. No, dude, the other people raised like 400. Everybody's just doing GoFundMes for when they get in trouble on the internet. Yeah, it's a new thing. Because you can like...

you know if you say like you get bottle service you know you say whatever fuck did you whatever you want to say you get on the thing you get your you do your fuck the jews bottle service yeah which by the way there's probably probably so many people hearing about that who started sending fucked up messages yeah just for like it sounds funny but just for fun probably yeah well you said he sent that to portnoy no no portnoy just got word of it yeah it's his bar it's

It was his barstool bar on Sansa. He was at the barstool bar and the guy went and pressed

He was like, look, I have no problem, but they are doing a genocide. He went into his big thing and then Portnoy rescinded his offer to send him to Auschwitz. He's like, you can't go to Auschwitz anymore now. You've been a bad boy. No more Auschwitz for you. No Auschwitz tour for you. You've got to do that on your own dime now that you made $27,000. Del Calo, he was like, he could have just wrote Israel. It would have been so much better. Why don't people do that? I don't know.

I don't know. He's passionate, I guess. Or he meant what he said. Yeah, I know. They looked into this guy and apparently, again, just according to the news, allegedly, he has some content up where he's pretty clear being like, yeah, I'm not a fan.

Not a fan of. Yeah, he does not like them. But then he was going on like White Supremacist podcast or whatever. This is because Sass and everybody was there too. So they knew about it more than I did. And I guess he was like going on like Racist Dudes podcast. And they'd be like, oh, that was really good about the Jews. But then it'd be like, but we still don't like you though. Oh, because he's Middle Eastern. Yeah.

we don't like you either but we like you a little bit more than just yeah yeah the yeah the hardcore white christians in the middle eastern that's been the defining thing between them being like good call guys but fuck you guys too it's just it's just such a impoverished worldview it's like dude you can't fully bro down you're that filled with hate it's like your bro down is always going to be kind of handicapped yeah that must have been a crazy vibe

Fuck the Jews, Barstool Bar? Fuck the Jews. I don't know, Tiesto is playing really loud. There's like sparklers going off. Yeah, well, again, maybe. It doesn't seem like a place where you'd want to make a statement like that. They were probably just being nasty. Do you think he had a Nazi babe with him? He was like, you won't do it. I'll suck your dick right now. I don't think that Nazi babes exist. There is that one that said the N-word.

It says the N-word all the time. You ever seen that lady? Who, the lady at the park? No, no, no. Do you guys not know what I'm talking about? It's hard to explain. Meesee, do you know who I'm talking about? Ah, shoot. Nah, Meesee's not on that OnlyFans. It's not OnlyFans, but I think she did like Piers Morgan or something. And he was like, do you use the N-word? And she was like, yes, very frequently. Piers Morgan's really scraping, dude, the dregs of the internet. He's really trying to get that show popping. Yeah. He had Ye on, Ye walked off.

Did he? Because he was like, you have 33 million whatever followers. And he's like, I have 0.9. 33.9. Just walked off like, no, you're fucking faxed. I've never gone over that. What he said. What did they say he said? Don't take inches off my dick. Don't take inches off my dick. Oh, hell yeah. Because when you first hear it, it's like, all right, it's a couple of points of your followers. Then you hear a word, don't take inches off my dick. And you're like, all right.

yeah you made a hunt i get it now yeah that's pretty funny yeah he's really pierce morgan's like really going after pretty much anyone who's like you know he'll he'll cast a wide net on the internet and be like what are you doing and they're like fuck you dude shut the fuck up yeah yeah but i'm gonna start doing that rage bait blow my numbers up yeah you could it's there bro it's there we can all do it yeah what would you do if you rage baited

I don't know. LeMaire's been doing it lately with the hot dog in the mouth guard and the hot dog water. That's kind of rage, man. Nah, that's just good old fun right there. You could go hardcore against black women. That's a sick thing black people do. Yeah, I make big white dollars. I would make some big white dollars if I started doing that. Good.

White bucks, it would be nice to fall in just a million white bucks. Just one hot weekend, dude. Just start a go-farm and be rich. But then that's got to be the thing for the rest of the... You could maybe try to come back. I could flip it. I could flip it and be like...

I'd have to replace my woman though. That would be, and I don't want to do that. That's the only way I can think I can flip it. If you went at Black Queens, you think you'd have to replace? I'd have to get a Black Queen and be like, share the wealth. Or you could just get like, you could get some makeup. You're saying there's no coming back. The only way to come back is to be like, alright, start all over. Get a Dashiki, get a Black Queen. Yeah, you could Umar. Or I could get Dolezal and fuck everybody's head up. It's been a quiet goal of mine. That would be nice, yeah. Fall in love with Rachel Dolezal. Yeah, Nate loves Rachel Dolezal.

You could maybe try to do it. Maybe try to do one of those. Which one call it? Threesome podcast. Oh, like what's his name? Twenty two. Twenty two. I don't know. What's the fucking chat doing? Bring these motherfucking bros in here before we go to the chat. You want to do the read? Oh, yeah. Let's keep this electrifying energy going. I'm sorry. Freaking Christ. Yeah, let's get it. It'll be quick. Rip the bandaid off. Let's get this out of the way. Guys, forgive us. Actually, I shouldn't even qualify like that. But yeah, you know what I mean?

All right, before we get back to this awesome show, here's a real quick special segment called More or Less Playoff Edition, and it's brought to you by PrizePix. It's the playoff in every game's insane.

And we're basically watching a bunch of basketball players crumble under pressure. Jeez. Really though. It's a little judgmental. Are they, they've been crumbling, huh? It's all the top teams. Yeah, I thought the Celtics were supposed to be good and they're stinking. They're getting crushed by the, who are they? The Knicks. Yeah, the Knicks. I mean, that one was supposed to be a good series, I think, but then I didn't know I saw them getting crushed like they're getting crushed by the Knicks. Their game was brutal. Well,

Well, guys, get this. So we figured let's take a look at who's actually showing up, who's choking, and which stat lines are actually looking good. Let's get into it. I mean, I don't know, man. I have them up right here. What are you thinking? Jason Tatum for more than 25 points? I hate to say it, but I do think Jason Tatum is going to get more than 25. Yeah, but it is at 27 and a half now.

For real? More or less than 27.5. Do I have old copy? I think you have it. Well, I have the updated pics on my phone. Good call. Or Anthony Edwards for more than 2.5 three-pointers made. I would say yes to that. That doesn't seem like a lot. That's all you do is shoot three-pointers out. More for the Ant-Man. You say it's 2.5? I'm saying more for that. But here's the kicker, Julius Randle for more than eight rebounds. That's what I watch.

I keep tracking the rebound, the assist, the blocks. I'm giving a no on that. I don't think, I think there's no way. Less. Less. Less. My bad, less. Eight boards? Huh? Eight boards? I think less than eight boards. You think so? I think so. You don't think he's putting that ass on the other players? Yeah, I don't think he's got the hustle in him today. All right. They're up in the series. I don't think he's got the hustle in him. Maybe, what if that's a take that just, that's your go-fund me. Everyone's like, fuck you. Fuck you.

Is there any particular players, teams, or matchups that you've enjoyed? Has anything surprised you, Nate? Let me ask you, do you have any predictions for the rest of the playoffs? Let's get into that. Now I'm kind of thinking, I think who's going to win the finals is going to be a Western Conference team. Honestly, I don't want to say it, but I think my guess is the Nuggets. If I'm calling everything now, I kind of quietly think the Nugs are going to surprise everybody. The Denver Frosty Nugs are going to win. Yeah, I think the Denver Frosty Nugs. Damn, that worked out perfect for them, actually.

I didn't think about that. Frosty Nugs for Denver Nuggets. You think they'll win? Yeah, I think they'll win. I think the Pacers are surprising everybody. That's what I'm talking about. I'm thinking the Pacers. Yeah, I think they're going to make it to the Eastern Conference Finals. I think they'll get shut down in the Eastern Conference Finals. I think the Pacers need to recruit Kaitlyn Clark to be their extra. Somebody will run through her. She'll turn to dust. Bro.

You don't think she'd be able to hold her own? Not for a second. She would put up 50.

Yeah, dude, what are you talking about? She's going to have to use a regular-sized ball. I'm pretty sure the WNBA ball is smaller. It is. That's fair. It's going to change everything. Well, everybody's entitled to their own opinion. Yeah, and if you want to spew hatred on here, that's fine, dude. We're trying to talk basketball. I'm not anti-Kaitlyn. I just know a bunch of dudes is going to dominate her. I do. We should let it happen once, man. See what happens. Let's just pull a bandit. Let's see what's up, dude. Just put her in and watch them both get dominated. True.

Then they can join forces, reunite. Or just five WNBA players versus the Wolfmen in the new summer blockbuster song. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if we should do that. Guys. I don't know either, but those were the picks. That's our take, guys. So now's your chance to win real money with your best takes.

Whether it's points, rebounds, assists, take your pick of more or less on their stat projection for your shot to win up to 2,000 times your cash today. PrizePix is available in more than 30 states, including California, Texas, and Georgia. You can submit your picks in 60 seconds or less. It's so easy. I'm doing it right now. No, I'm not. Or am I? Oh.

Download the app today and use code drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks run your game guys. Oh, this weekend I'll be at the Crest theater, Sacramento, California. Please come to that. That's on Friday. And then on Saturday I'll be in Seattle, Washington, Neptune theater. Come to that. I think they're, they're close to sold out. So please come.

And also 6-25, that's June, I'll be at the Improv in Hollywood, California. And then I'm going to be filming a special for like four days after that in the, where the hell is it? Ontario, California Improv. So that'll be...

of Friday and Saturday or Thursday, Friday, Saturday, please come to that. And Josh, you have something coming out as well, right? Yeah. Check out 15 for 15. It's 15 of some of my favorite jokes I've had the last 15 years doing. Stand up, putting that out on May 15th.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And just please come to Optum Noctis. We're going to have me, you know, me, Lemaire, Gardini. It's always fun. We always have, I mean, Max dropped in the bus lately. That shit's been sick. Thank you to everybody who's come. Just please come again. Thank you. June 6th, Optum Noctis. Hit him with a thank you, come again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Back to the show.

Now we're back to the show. What an organic, well-placed, bad read. Guys, let's bring it to the chat. Bring a caller in. No, no, no, Sean. That was good instincts, man. That's exactly what I said. I said, dude, when we start tanking in conversation, bring the bros in. And it was just like, we have the bros here. We got to tap them in. I figured I'd go as long as we could on some current events and bullshit. You know what I'll say right now, though? Dude, I've been making my own cold brew coffee. It is so much easier than you think.

you just do you grind that too well i've not used an espresso i hit the pods using espresso dude if you just get coffee i didn't know it was this easy you just get coffee beans grind them on course you don't want to get too fine because you gotta filter them out it's like half the battle i just grind coffee put it in a big container of water overnight come back i have a huge thing of iced coffee concentrate yeah i've been making it it's so fucking good this is shit this is my remainder dude it sounds tasty it's so good and it's so easy to do

I've been fucking flying off this shit. Yeah. Just crushing iced coffee, cold brew. And it's, I don't know. I love it. It's easy to make. You literally steep it in just a container for like 24, 12 to 24 hours. Come back the next morning, filter it out. I pour it through like a mesh filter and then I do a coffee like paper filter. Is that about 200 milligrams after the whole sit? It's after the, dude, you have a thing of concentrate this big. It's, it makes like 15 cups of coffee. That's.

It's so easy. It's unbelievably easy. I thought I needed an apparatus. It's just mixing them together and screening out the beans. Done. My guts can't handle cold brew. It dominates me. I take a little bit of cold brew, I'm shit. But it's kind of a nice move if I'm like, I've

I'm not shitting get some cold brew fix all my problems I swear to god I'm still not addicted to nicotine at all but I will say these shits I like rely on it if I feel like I have to dump I turbo I fucking pop one in and turbo charge yeah that happens to me too

I still don't feel like it's that addictive, though. I for real don't feel like it's that addictive. You think it's going no cig, just going to the pouches? It could be the pouches. It probably is, because smoking, I don't know. They say people who smoke have an oral fixation. It's like a deeper thing. Hey, you. Not me. Hey, you. Let me bust one of these bros up, man. Who are you thinking about? Oh, he's smoking right now. What's up, Ivan? We need an orally fixated man to come up on the screen right now.

Look at bro in a blanket. What's popping on the chat right now, LeMaire? Nothing crazy. Yo. Yo, Ivan, you're smoking inside? What you doing, man? You smoking in your house? Yeah, I'm from Europe. It's normal here. What? Cool. Just flexing, smoking cigs in the house? Where in Europe do you live? Austria. Austria, bro. You know it? I've heard of it. You guys are near Poland and Germany? Yeah.

yeah we kind of had that history thing going yeah good painting over there yeah yeah what we got a great so we were talking europe and i you know i hopefully we didn't you know offend you we're talking about like european countries like who gives a what's your top country you're like who gives it because austria is kind of rules so like what's your i'm not just saying that because you're there it's like you know i know all about it it's kind of sick what's one of your countries there that you're like this country sucks dude i mean britain first of all let's go

Why Britain? It's just pure fucking chaos. I mean, I haven't been to America, so I don't know what's up. It's the best. It's sick. It's awesome. Yeah, it's pretty nice. I just can't take it. I can't take the... I don't want to get... I just don't want to get political. Dude, you're smoking a cigarette in your house. You have to get political. You look like you're cooking right now, dude. What's up with Europe? What's up with Britain, man? What's the problem with that?

They're just weird with their authoritarianism. What are they doing to you guys? Or just in their own country, you're saying? That's just my opinion on Britain. So is Austria more free? Can you guys go to jail for group texts and shit over there? Or what's up? No, I mean, they're trying to get those Trojans, like state Trojans on their phones.

which is like a yearly debate like every year they try to like get that stuff in what's the trojans on the phone and they like people literally listening spyware type thing yeah yeah just basically like state spyware that's crazy hey how about we do this to your phones and we're like no

How are they trying to sell it to you guys? Is it like the threat of terrorism or like what are they using to even justify that? I think it's kind of like how you guys do it with the bills. They just sneak it in. Yeah. Somebody just catches it and they're like, hold up. So it just doesn't go through. Dang. That's fucked up. Does Britain have that already? Do people go to prison for praying on the street? In Britain? Yeah.

yeah what kind of prayers are you doing some allies if they're on the street yeah it's probably no no no no i mean christians oh oh can't ptl on the street it's up damn man that sucks that's insane yeah it's it's crazy in europe actually they're it's getting real like weird politically like on the from the top down

the EU is getting way more involved and everybody has to have like a stance even though Austria is like neutral like Switzerland it's getting really weird that sucks what a bummer bro yeah I'm sorry to hear that well yeah I mean I guess what are you gonna do alright well happy Mother's Day that's sick seems necessary fucking Blade Runner yeah alright take it easy thank you bro take it easy bro

Nice to talk to you. Damn. Yeah. Chilling is fucking... Yeah, Europe does suck now, man. I don't know what the hell. Europe's on some absolute fucking bullshit. I've never been to Europe. I've never been there. Well, I've been to Ireland once, but they're on some mega fucking bullshit. It always looks sick to me. I don't pay attention to politics, so I don't know what's... It's probably sick. Yeah, it's probably a sick place to be. To visit, to not live. Yeah. I don't know, man. People who live there think it's sick and America stinks. A lot of them for the most part, but...

We don't have that shit, dude. That's just not, we don't have Trojans on our phones. I think we probably definitely do. We've had them for a decade. Isn't that what Snow guy like ran for? He was like, they snowed it. Yeah. Wasn't it like looking at all your shit, looking at all your stuff. And then we fucking, yeah, actually. All right. We locked that guy up in jail. We got one. Everyone's got to have one guy, one fucking guy in jail. Snow's not in jail. He's out now. Yeah. He's out. But he was for like a day. How long was he in jail for? Like a decade?

No, he didn't go to jail. He just went to Russia. Yeah, he went to Russia. I mean, bro. I wonder if he got any hoes. He probably got some motherfucking hoes. Bro, holding up Christ. Probably got a nice hose.

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HectorMeals.com slash Listen50. Code Listen50. T's and C's apply. Yeah, bring another bro in here. Get another bro in here. Fucking offshore talk. No fucking shot. What? Why not, dude? No chance. What? What? You saw you repping the Lord. Had to say what? Always. Gotta praise the Lord. Hell yeah. Praise the Lord all the time. And then a rosary in the car. Nice. Nice. Well, Lamer, let's look for people who want to chat.

I'm ready to chat. I'm ready to chat. Oh, you're saying no fucking way. I thought you were saying like, I was just like excited. Oh, hell yeah. Okay. My bad. My bad. I'm a little touchy. My bad. You're good. You don't want to fucking talk to me. Don't worry about it. How you doing, man? Where are you living at? I'm from California. It's gay out here. So true.

Well, at least you're not in Austria. I got fucked up by a fucking mosquito. Damn, this shit's fucking me up because it's mirrored. I got fucked up by a mosquito. Damn, dude. That's a big-ass skeeter, buddy. What the fuck? Yeah, I got fucking raped, bro. Shit sucks. What's your beef with Cali right now? Gun laws. Our fucking government sucks. Can't do shit. Government seems to suck all over the world. What the hell? Yeah, there seems to be some political unrest worldwide. Yeah, there's some political unrest.

Dang, are you SoCal or NorCal? I'm Central. Central Cal. CentCal. No one really knows about us. Yeah, what is CentCal? What's even there? It's like, I would say like Santa Maria. Have you ever heard of them? No. Is it like Silicon Valley Central kind of? No, that's North. That's North. SoCal, Central California is just...

The central part is the whole. It's just San Luis Obispo. It's just like... How far are you from one of the big cities? Huh? How far are you from one of the big cities in central? Because aren't the two north and south? I'm perfectly in between L.A. and S.F. Okay. How long is that drive? Like two, three hours. Oh, all right. Or it depends on traffic. That's not bad. Is that what they call the Inland Empire? No, Inland Empire is just east of L.A. Okay. Okay.

That's like where the crackheads the meth all that shit is sick the vatos sick the the Lad the lads we got a lot of lads in the central Nice, but we love the lads all my friends are lads. Oh my homies Lance I'm lonely honking the fucking shit. So what do you do? What do you do?

He's been muted. He muted himself. I think he is. Oh, you muted yourself, bro. You muted yourself. Well, thank you, brother. I don't know how to fix it. The mayor doesn't know how to fix it. Sorry, brother. Have fun out there. Is anyone burning with a message for the world? Yeah, let's see what the people are saying. Why don't we see what the people are saying? Yeah, get someone with their motherfucking hand raised, bro. He's been waiting. This guy's been waiting for a while. Oh, shit. What up, brother? Yo.

What is up? Bro, is that red lights on your ceiling? Yeah, it's my living room, yeah. How'd you get it set up like that? Me and my fucking fiance. I knew that was girl stuff. My girl just fucking made us do that, like asked me, because I got us a new TV to put the light behind it, like that ambient. Yeah, girls love lights behind the TV. Who told them about that? That's kind of sick, I like that.

Yeah, it took like way longer than you think. It took like an hour and a half. Is that an LED strip or are you guys like uplighting that whole situation? No, dude, we're poor. It's an LED strip for sure. That's fucking nice, man. It's cool. Yeah, I guess. Thank you though. So what are you doing, bro? What's your deal? Dude, I'm fucking, I'm being a bum today. I called out of work and I'm fucking just sitting at home doing nothing. Good for you, man. You just took today. You said, look, I've had enough of this shit. I'm taking the day off.

Yeah, my job's kind of bullshit. I sit around and do nothing. So I was like, you don't really need me there. Nothing's going to change if I don't come in. So they don't care. They're like, whatever. Take your day off. That's so sick. What do you do in your free time when you get freed from, you know? Fuck, dude. Me and my fiance are nerds. So like we just sit at home and fucking watch TV and play video games, to be honest, and like smoke weed. That's about it. What's your game in the world? It's kind of awesome.

He's gaming on Baldur's Gate 3 right now. I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Come 2. That game's pretty good. Yeah, that's what I'm playing right now. Kingdom Come is the shit. I could talk about that the whole time. I won't do it, fellas. I won't nerd out, but yes, absolutely. That's like a World War 2 game? No, like medieval. What? It sounds super hyper-realistic. You have to forge your own weapons and hammer out a sword. It's

It seems like it would be dumb as hell, but it's fire. Damn, no, that dude, I'm... You had to learn how to read. It was... You can bed wenches. It's pretty nice. If I were to, like, be able to choose a form of, like, autism or, like, something that, like, put me in a different realm, I'd go...

Purely medieval. We'll just wear a suit of armor. Just get in that whole thing, dude. Just renaissance fair. Just strict hierarchies. James from Love on the Spectrum. Yeah, basically. It's his scam. I fucking... You can be a jester, bro, or something cool.

Yeah, I love medieval times. Dams, are you a lone knight wandering the... You're a blacksmith's son that's like working his way from the bottom to the top. Cool, Pirates of the Caribbean action. Something like that. You start as like a peasant. In the first one, you're a peasant and then you work your way up to like being like you got...

You're working with royalty. You're still not royalty or not a noble. I know what you mean. Yeah, but they fuck with you. And then the second one starts off, a bunch of chaos ensues. They steal all your shit. So that's how they get you to start from ground one. Like you and your whole crew get – I mean, I don't want to – your crew gets butt-fucked at the beginning of the game. Really? Yeah.

You only survive because you were being horny with your bro. Like you and one of your bros sneak away to go look at ladies take baths. Whole squad gets murdered while they're doing that. What? It's exactly that. That's how the game opens. Yeah, that's some type shit I would do. Where do these women take the baths? Just like, like bath. Oh. Yeah, you were camping on the side of the road. Shit. I'd be Scuba Steve. Snorkel.

You had the snow go. Snow go. I'm into that. That would be, man, that'd be awesome. Yeah, that game's sick. Both of those games are sick. I'm saving my gaming. I think when I retire, I think I'll get way into gaming, bro. That'd be so nice. What if your kids get in the game? You think that could get you in? Oh, big time. Yeah. I'd be gaming hard. You're approaching Mario Kart age and stuff like that. Mario Party. That'd be so fun. That'd be nice. We have a dance game.

Oh, hell yeah. It was like an old Xbox Kinect where like it. Yeah. Yeah. Sick.

And the best party family game used to be a rock band. Hit a full rock band or guitar. That was the one I fucked with was Guitar Hero World Tour. Actually, that's a good call. I could get into some Mario Kart. Five is old enough for Mario Kart. Yeah, for sure. But I can't not smash him. I'm going to smash him. One day they'll figure it out. That's what happens. The kids get nice quick. Yeah, that's true. They still got a lot of neuroplasticity going on.

Yeah. That would suck. If she beats me, I'll throw it out. Fuck this. No more video. You're a fucking cheater. I'm leaving. Dude, catching your dad controller smash would be fucked up. That'd be so bad to see. Nah, I'd be pretty happy, I think. Honestly, if I saw my dad controller smash, I would be like, I am his son. True, yeah. Yeah.

My friend used to, the PlayStation, pull back when everything had the cord to the thing. Yeah. If his little brother would beat him, he would pull the cord out of the PlayStation and whip him with the cord. Just whop his ass. He'd just start whipping him. Toto's a pure spaz. That's a bad losing attitude. Bad losing attitude. Who's a better gamer in your guys' relationship if you and your wife go toe-to-toe? Oh, dude, me. Absolutely.

Come on. What do you think you're looking at? Come on. True. Imagine the shame, though. Losing? Yeah. Losing to a girl in Vigis.

Yeah. Do you ever? Most of the games me and my lady play are cooperative, and she's never carrying the most weight. So we're cool. I see. Cool on that now. She plays with you? Yeah, she plays like the Baldur's Gate. We play Baldur's Gate when he was saying his lady plays. That shit was sick. Playing Borderlands 3, the old John right now. Does it get like, when you're playing video games, and forgive me for asking if this is kind of personal, is it like a horny making thing, or is that just like the porn stuff?

It can be a little bit of both. Hold on, here we go. Aldrin T3 is fucking horny as hell. Is it smart? You can literally fuck the other people in your group. You can't, but you can't. You guys are swinging on our people. My girl did the respectful thing. She only made her character fuck the ladies. She didn't do no. I was like, that's a nice... No, but it's not Baldur's Gate pipe. Would you get mad if she did, though? God, I swear.

I always forget that girls are allowed to play video games. I know. I think like, I don't know. I don't know what you mean. When I hear they're gaming, I'm always like, interesting. Yeah, I'm like, what? Was your girl in the game before you or did you get her into it? Turned around? Like slightly. Her dad would play like Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies. What is this? So not really, but definitely now that we're together a lot more. That's what happened. I think I put the bug in it.

Nice call. She might have been bug chasing. Well, dude, thank you, man. I'm glad you got the day off to game and just kind of where's your bae in your base at work? Yeah, babe went to work today. That's awesome. How does she take it when you're like, I'm calling out today?

I'm pretty good. I think I only call out like three or four times a year. So when I said it, she's like, really? She looks at me like puzzled. So yeah. She doesn't care. She'd be like, my dick hurts. That's awesome, man. Thanks. I fucking, I love it, dude. I think your place looks sick as hell. Yeah. Nice. Nice setups. Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys letting me on, dude. This is badass talking to you. Can I ask you a question? Appreciate you. Of course, Matt. You can always ask me a question. How soon after your, your babe left for work, did you?

Fap it up. I don't know, maybe like an hour and a half? That's good. I would have been three minutes tired. As soon as I hear the deadbolt click, I'm running to the front window like a dog, watching the car go away.

And it's a full volume Fab Sesh. No headphones, just straight blast. Straight blast. Into the motherfucker. I'm getting the acoustics going. You're a man of honor. Clearly you've been playing your fucking game. Yeah, absolutely. Well, dude, thank you, man. Nice to talk to you. You always, guys. Thank you. See you later. Here we go. Here we go. Pick it up steam on the stream. Pick it up. Pick it up. The bros always bring some good shit.

Nothing against the Austrian, but damn, that was a fucking mood shift. That did kind of crush the night. Just following a shitty fucking first 20 minutes with a shitty ad into... I mean, ad from the user experience perspective. Obviously, I fucking love it. I love our partners. You want to talk to a lady? There's a lady. Okay, Lemaire, you fucking horndog. Fine, Lemaire. Let's see what she's up to.

It's gonna be that guy's girlfriend. True. I'm at work. I know my boyfriend's beaten up. Oh, shit. She's in a hotel room just catching Baldur's Gate pipes. Just praying, bro. So you can fuck in this game? Yeah. They got whole fucksies. You can fuck in my call game. Hello. Oh, yo.

What's up? Be cool guys, act natural. Hey, what's going on? What's happening? Nothing, just chilling. You always in the Zoom chat? Gotta work out in this morning. Yeah, I've been trying to be. You guys are friggin' awesome. Thank you. Where are you off to? Um, I am doing route for my lab. I make dentures. What? What? No shit. Dentures. You dropping off biohazards and stuff? No, dentures. Just like molds and things like that. I thought you said lab. What are you taking? So what are you doing exactly?

Dropping teeth off the bees? It's ruining old men's day. Somebody called in with a tooth that fell out of their upper denture. Oh, you're going to go trick smoke. So I had to pick it up. Well, I already did. Now I'm dropping it off. You just have a tooth?

Yeah, here, hold on. Give an old man's fake tooth. I got an old man's whole upper denture. Damn. Pop it in. No.

Damn. Yeah. My grandpa used to have those and he would pop them out and scare us when we were little. Oh, it's terrible. My dad has them now. They fell out his mouth or my nephew's head when my nephew was like five. He started, he just went nuts.

We get a lot of them where the dogs get a hold of them. Really? Yeah, they love the smell of Nasty Mountain. Yeah, true. It's got food residue. Dogs are freaky, dude. Dogs are freaky. They lick your ass and eat your fucking dentures. Hey, well, dude, good luck on your quest. That's actually kind of sick. So you just roll up, and then the guy, what is that like rolling up on the house? It's just a guy like, and you're like, give me your teeth. No, I don't go to a house.

We go to the dentist's office. Oh, really? I thought he just pulls up to the Walmart parking lot and he's like, all right, here's my fucking... So they go to the dentist, you go to the dentist. And what are you going to do? How do you do that? If they're falling out, what's the move? Do you refit them or what do you do? No, we make a matrix out of putty and we just kind of put it back in place and it's just acrylic. But how are you going to keep it from falling out of this guy's fucking mouth again?

We put a hole into the back of the tooth and the acrylic flows into it so it holds it pretty good. Oh, just his tooth fell out. Right, right, right. His tooth fell out. That makes sense. That's double devastating. Even your fake teeth can't stay on your teeth. God, fuck you. How much does a set of fake teeth cost? What do they go for? I heard they're kind of expensive. Oh, they're expensive as hell. Really? Probably like a range between like $1,500. Okay, for the whole set. Yeah.

How many teeth are in the human head? Can you answer me that? Oh, dude. You're going to really make me do that? 32? How many teeth are there? No, there's more than that.

I don't know. My mom is so mad that I don't know this. It's all good. Me and my mom run the business together. Do you really? God, that's such a sick fucking business. She's the expert. Is she an orthodontist or purely like a teeth salesman, sales lady? She's just been in the venture business for about like 28 years. That's sick. So just learned...

Yeah, she never went to school for any of it. She just learned it. Now she's trying to teach me, and I'm a pothead that doesn't know how to learn. Well, dude, thank you for calling in. That's very sick. Hopefully that guy gets his fucking teeth back. Yeah. Smile. Does he have a backup set, or is he just at home just fucking like... Just calming it.

Well, this only took like about an hour, so he's probably just chilling somewhere waiting to eat. He's probably just sucking somebody up. Did you ever like, oh, so you only get to see the old people. You're just straight, you're B2B sales right through the dentist. Yeah, we're not allowed to work with the public because it's technically illegal. So we have to go through like a referral with the dentist. That's some dentistry bullshit, bro. That's damn hot. Those guys are the greediest. Dude, the dentist, I really don't like dentists. They're basically car mechanics to me.

Yeah, those guys, man, they really do. And then with the fucking orthodontists, they're thick as thieves. Yeah. Go to the dentist. He's like, you need braces. He told my dad my dad needed braces. My dad freaked out. You call me a nerd? I'm 55 years old. What the fuck do I want braces for? You think I give a shit what my teeth look like? I think it was his dad. My dad thought that was gay. Yeah. He's like, you call me gay? Yeah.

That is a wild thing to say to a 55-year-old man. That is crazy. I got six kids. Thank you, man. Good luck in the teeth sales. I like that, man. Yeah, that was a nice talk with you. Thank you.

So long. Thank you guys for picking me. Yo, you roll. You too. Have a nice day. Peace. Get one of these motherfucking bros. Now we're ripping. Why do we even try to, why you did the same thing last time? We tried to do a podcast. It's impossible. I'm staring at the bros. I'm like, they're not laughing. Fuck. Yeah. See the bros. Your straight face. Your best effort is gone. I was watching somebody much. Um,

There's a guy playing Oblivion. Do you want to talk to the guy who's having fertility issues? Yes, please. Who's the guy in the mayor pose? Let me pee real quick. Now we can say whatever the hell we want. What's up? What up? Hold it for a second. Wait, hold what?

Hold what? That's why you got to hold it, brother. Oh, hold the question? Yeah. Oh, I got to hold the question. I got to wait, you mean. Yeah, that's just me. We can chop it up for a little. Where are you from, man? I'm noticing an accent.

Yeah, man, this is Europe. Like, Ivan, I mean, I love you, bro, but the whole sort of getting it down, dark room, smoking indoors isn't the vibe in Europe. We got sun, we got bare feet on the fucking... This is fine. Girl's about to come home. She's going to cook dinner. Life is great in Europe, boys. Where in Europe are you? Netherlands, man. Rotterdam. The other big city in, like, near Amsterdam. Yeah, that sounds awesome.

Yeah, I wanted to chop it up. What's the lady going to make for dinner? What you got in there going to work on? Could be anything, honestly. I don't get involved in that. You just trust what comes to the table. Exactly, yeah. Probably some weird fish. Some weird fish? What happened? That was a stray from Ramirez.

What did Lemaire say? He insulted his culture. He insulted his culture. Yeah, Matt. What did he do? He asked me what I was going to have for dinner, and he said I was going to have some weird fish. He's from Rotterdam. Where is he from? Rotterdam. Rotterdam in the Netherlands, bro. It's some good European sunny vibes up in here. Yeah. Lemaire's bringing his fucking hatred. Exactly. Trying to get the GoFundMe money. I get it. Yeah.

Can I ask you a question? I wanted to ask a question. So today, my girlfriend and I, we've been trying to get kids. It hasn't been the easiest. So we've been doing IVF. I don't know if any of you are familiar. A little bit. Yeah. So the thing now is that this is Europe. So socialized health care. So you just get a doctor assigned to you, basically, and you go through the whole thing.

But I got to be honest, my girl's aging a bit. So we got to go private now. Got to pay a lot of money for it to get it done. Bro, what is it like to be a dad? And what is like, how do I deal with the fear of maybe not becoming a dad, but still like marrying the girl, like the love of my life? Like, how do you how do you balance those things? It's a serious question, but I just wanted to ask it. You're asking if it's worth the money to have a kid.

No, no, no, no, no. It's worth the money. Bro, is it? Is it worth the money? Yeah, I'd say. But then you gotta... She isn't home yet. Yeah, keep an eye on that door. Yeah, I mean... I'm looking by. Do you mind me asking how much do they want?

It's not that much, actually. We're thinking of going to Spain. It's like probably it's like probably like seven, eight K ish. But that's like one treatment and you can have up to three treatments. So easy. Like Andrew Schultz talked about it in his in his special. He was like it was it was 30 K for him, which is probably what it'll cost in the end. So, yeah, in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I could see that. So what is what's the question is?

Well, the process is like what they do is they basically – it kind of sucks in a way. They pump your babe full of hormones so they get like uber pregnant or they get like uber ready for pregnancy. Tight. And then they – I might do step one. Yeah.

Bro. So they basically, and then they go in with like, I mean, I don't want to get too descriptive because there's, there might be some kids in there. I don't know. But like the, but what they do is they basically, they then suck out the eggs and then they, then I have to like go into a room and,

I mean, you don't want to look at porn, but you sort of do because you got to wag one out and then basically you, they put one and two together and then you get a kid out of it. Okay. Yeah. And then they put that back basically. That's, that's the whole thing. So they, so they make a bunch of embryos, bunch of kids, and then they put them back one, one by one. Usually. How long have you guys been trying for?

Bro, we've had four miscarriages, man. Oh, right, right, right. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, actually, we had our last one Saturday. Oh, shit. So that's the reason we're now, like, I've been phoning clinics all day. But, like, since they're based abroad, like, for me, they're abroad. So it's like phoning a bunch of Spanish ladies. Not all of them can talk English. So it's been...

It's been difficult. We don't get taught. Yeah, exactly. I thought so. We don't get taught Spanish in school, so it's terrible. It's very funny that he's had a horrible thing happen to him four days ago and he's still in so much better spirits than the other Europeans. That's what I mean. Look, true. This is what...

This is what makes me happy, bro. Look at this. How the fuck can I not be happy, bro? How the fuck can I not be happy? So to answer your question, your original question, yeah, man, if you guys are trying already, and I'm guessing Payee wants a kid, obviously, you kind of have to go through it. You know what I mean? I would say. Because if you just never... You've got to spend all the money, right? Yeah, you've got to, man. I would do it because it's like it'll be sick. Once you have a kid, it'll be awesome, and you can't like...

If you try and then just say like, ah, you know, fuck it. Let's just not do this. It's going to be, she'll probably be very sad.

That too. But like, is fatherhood worth it? Is my last question about this. Is it worth it? Or is it overhyped? No, I mean, that'd be sad if I was like, yeah, it's fucking overhyped. It sucks. It's sick. It could be. I think it all depends on the person. There's definitely dads that are like, this is way overhyped. I'm going to leave this kid. Yeah, no, that's...

My childhood sucked, so I want to have a good childhood for this kid. So I'll make sure of that. But the whole process, the pain, the hormones, everything, I was wondering if it was overhyped. You could be honest and say, well, this kind of sucks. I mean, it's frustrating. It's very difficult. It's like an all-encompassing time suck, but I think it's awesome.

I just to give you like last night I was sitting there. I was putting my kids to bed like, you know, three and five and we do a thing every night. We lay on the floor. It's called camp. We camp first before they get into bed because I got to like if I put them right into bed, they're like, I don't want to go to sleep. So let's camp. We lay on the floor. I make up stories. I had a and even now to with making up stories, you can use chat GBT, which again, some people are like, don't use that.

That's a cop out, bro. You gotta use your fantasy. I do. I tell them stories from the dome all the time. It was actually yesterday during the day my five-year-old was like, Dad, what did Goblin Fart smell like?

I was like, I don't know, probably pretty bad. And she's always like, ask your phone, like ask your phone. What color does it make if you mix fucking green and purple? And all these questions I asked Google, like what color does that make? And then yesterday I was like, I wasn't getting a question. I asked Chap GBT, like what does it smell like? How bad are goblin farts? And it was like gay.

gave me a very in-depth answer and was like would you like a story about a goblin farting and it gave me the sickest story about like a goblin army there's humans on the edge being like my wood what is this smell it was just fun what did they smell like what did they smell like it was like a highly sulfurous smell mixed with like the flesh of nude it was it was pretty in depth but then so either way so like that was just a sidebar but then so we're laying there we're doing camping at nighttime i'm there with my kids and like

I'm like putting them both to bed. We're laying there. I was just telling them stories off the cuff. I had to do a story about fairies for Maya. Then I do a story about mermaids for Chloe. And they need to be put in the story. If you tell them a story and they're like, yeah, but where are we in this? It's like, all right, fucking you guys are there too. You're fucking there.

And then so like my oldest falls asleep. I finished the mermaid story and I like just kind of like Pat. I was like, all right, you got to get into bed. I put the three-year-old into bed and she just reached back and just kissed my arm. And I was just like, oh, I just melted. I will say a little kid like right before they go to bed, just like giving you a little sweet peck on the arm after you hit the mermaid tail.

It was so sweet. I'm still spinning off. It's like the best, honestly, probably the best feeling in the world, but bro. And that, and that's the thing I'm looking for. Like, uh, like shout out the mayor, but she's probably going to make some weird fish. Uh, but I, I think I like truth be told, like, I don't, I, I like, she would be the greatest mom ever. Like, so the, the, all everything, everything is perfect, but it's just the, the process of getting a kid. Like,

If it would be as simple as it normally is, it would be great anyway. Yeah, that's such a minor... That story that you told me, that's the thing that's worth a million. That's worth more than 30 grand. That's worth a million if you can pay it. If you can swing it, do it. You know what I mean? I understand if you're like, bro, I literally can't swing that. Totally fair. But if you can swing it, yeah. Because otherwise, the cool thing about once you have kids, you're like, holy fuck, like...

You have so much free time before you have kids, but you can't appreciate it. You're just like sitting around like, oh, I'm kind of bored. What should I do today? That's how at least that's how I was. And then you have kids and you have like fucking no free time anymore. So when you get those little slivers of free time, it's like it's truly amazing. And it's something to like...

I don't know. It's like something to really pour your time and energy into, which otherwise would just get sucked into like funding fucking hatred GoFundMes. So I would say it's one of the best things in the world. It gives your life a lot of meaning if you do it properly or you can get into like negative parenting mode, which is like this sucks. You can do that whole trip, but it fucking rules. I think it's awesome. It's very hard. Josh, what do you think? Josh has fucking three kids.

It's great, but it is a little bit like torture. It is torture. Yeah, it's tedious. But it's loving torture, right, Josh? It's loving torture. No, it's torture. Yeah, just regular. What's it called where they just drop the one? The drip, yes. The Chinese drip thing. Chinese water torture. Chinese water torture. Death by a thousand paper cuts is what you mean. It is torturous in the aspect of you're in bed.

It's 8.15. Usually fall asleep by 8.15, 8.30. One of them's got a nap that was a little long. So now you're like, this motherfucker might stay up till 9 o'clock. And you're like, every day, they go to bed and it is a sweet feeling. You're like...

fucking finally they're sleeping and you have this little bit of free time but when they eat into that free time by not going to bed every minute of that is genuinely tortured just being like come on but i i just lay on the floor i lay on the floor in the room and i just slowly i'm like come on you got to go to bed and then like i just use that as time to kind of like meditate i just kind of lay there quietly and just chill and then because otherwise every time they're like can i have some water you're like

Bro, I got, I, I, I've two cats. I have two cats. I sort of know what that feeling is like, but the only problem is they don't talk back and they scratch really hard. I hope kids don't do that, but we'll find out. I hope we'll find out. I don't want to take any more of your time. Cause there's probably other bros that want to. That's a great, that's a great question. I would say definitely do it. And like, yeah, I don't, and the whole process of it, it's like, you just got to get them in there. It doesn't matter how you do it. Get them in there. Exactly. And just fuck. Exactly. Some, some laboratory shit. And we'll, uh,

we'll get it done. Shove the money over to the Spanish people to give you next year. That's what I hope. Spanish scientists. Send it to those Spanish brujas.

Honestly, I was about to shout out the fertility clinic because some of the doctors they have are way too fine and I haven't told my bisexual girlfriend yet because her head shots are way too great, but whatever. I'll leave it at that. Yeah, instead of the porn, just get one of these doctors in here to fucking JOI me.

I'm not doing that. That's too much. That might be too much. You can hold them at dong point and be like, no jizz. You guys want to be both. I need the science to work effectively.

I do need the science to work effectively. I don't know if I'm going to do it that way, though. Well, best of luck, friend. Yeah, best of luck, dude. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Have a good one. Bye-bye. You too, man. Bye-bye. Hello, everybody. This is the end of the regular episode. Join us on Patreon if you want to hear the rest of the Zoom Jam. Have a great rest of your week. Goodbye.