Ep 563 - No Nut Clarity (feat. Chris O'Connor & Dave Temple)
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The Wild Wild West. Hey, welcome to Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Here today with comedian Dave Temple and Chris O'Connor. Nice. Thanks for coming, guys. This is the first time in this setup. Never been in my... I've done stuff in my, like, office office.

I don't think it was well received, but yeah, this is my first time revealing my office apartment. Apartment office. My little bop house. My little content house. It's what I really do. I come here and I just masturbate for gay men. Right. My OnlyFans is popping. It's huge. I just show my butthole.

You know, dudes who get into that are fascinating. Like guy sex workers. Because I don't know how you get into faking sex as a man.

Like, I get it for ladies. I don't think you do. I think you just fucking come and you're like, oh, yeah, I meant that. It's all about just getting paid. I actually I saw one of those things where, you know, they take like a super high res picture of like your eye and make it like art. Yeah. Yeah. I want to do that with my butt.

That's kind of cool. So people will come stand in front of it and be like, oh. Yeah, it's so close up and so detailed. Yeah. They kind of don't know what it is. Is that a Nautilus shell? In a way, yes. Just a bunch of capillaries and veins. Like, is this the Grand Canyon? It's a giant hemorrhoid. It's the Colorado River, right? Just get that put in like MoMA. Yeah. You could get that picture taken and just see what you're working with.

Yeah. If you got a super close zoom on the new iPhone, you could probably get a good portrait mode. Portrait mode would be nice. Have any of you guys actually seen your butthole? No. Like, I've never taken the time to actually bend over in front of a mirror and split your cheeks. I'm pretty sure I have. Straight into the mirror, you're saying? Yeah, because I always wonder. I used to do a joke about this, about, like, how did they come up with the concept of anal bleaching? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, who saw their asshole to be dissatisfied with that? Yeah.

Probably a girl. Yeah, that's kind of nuts. It was a girl for sure. Absolutely. She just saw she had a disgusting, like, hairy asshole. And was like, I gotta... Why not get it waxed? Why would you bleach? Do you bleach the hairs or the hole itself? No, because your butthole gets stained with poo, I think. Yeah, over time. I think it gets like... Mine's gotta be an absolute abyss. Just in...

Rings of Saturn. It darkens up. I haven't checked mine. I don't know if it has. What happens to me is I'll like bend down. I'll just like as soon as I'm done, I just get naked. Like in my bedroom, I'm naked. And then I'll like go to plug up my phone charger and bend over in front of my wife. And I'll just be like, I'll feel like the air enter my asshole. And I'll be like, fuck, she's looking right at my butthole. I thought you meant she runs up and blows in it. There's no wind in the room. That'd be nice. Yeah.

it's her gaze a little hand fan just yeah that'd be nice yeah i don't i don't know i think i did look at my asshole once because like i got a hairy asshole like late in the game yeah yeah you know how like i don't know like in college i didn't have like chest hair yeah and now i do yeah you know i don't know yeah so and i i think there was at one point my i was like you know wipe my ass and it was like real hairy and i was like well that's weird

And I want to get a look at what it looked like. Yeah, you probably could sneak there. I didn't know if it was patchy or whether it was a nice, just clean. It's like it had a good grain to it. It's even better than your beard. You know what I mean? It's just like, wow. Yeah, you want to know if you had to treat it. Right, right, right. So wait, you're saying fecal matter really smooths?

It does. Is your asshole actually stained from poop? I don't think it's stained from poop. I don't think it's stained from poop. I think the skin just stretches and stuff like that and kind of like, you know, that's what makes it dark. True. I think it's brown. It's not brown. Your asshole's like, I think it's the color of like vagina lips.

You know what I mean? There's like color concentration in those things. I think, but you can't like bleach your vagina, can you? Yeah. Yeah, those people will put bleach anywhere. You can do vaginoplasties. That's a new thing women are doing to like reduce their, to get like a certain look on their lips. My labia. No meat curtains. You're talking about the tuck them back in. Exactly. Yeah, rejuvenation. Vaginal rejuvenation surgery. I'm against it, bro. Are you? Yes. You gotta leave those things. You like a good ham and cheese sandwich, huh? Yeah.

It's also crazy. Nobody cares. It's like nobody gives a fuck. I don't know. There was a girl I dated once that had like a flap.

You know what I mean? Like one side had a flap and it made it like it made entry more difficult. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. It's like that thing that hangs off the side of a turkey's beak. I don't think I'd mind that if I got to like LARP and be like, God damn, give me a second, babe. I can't get it in. Holy shit. No, I think on her part, it was more like, ow. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Things in the worst. That's the worst. Yeah. Once a woman feels comfortable enough to complain during sex. Yeah. It's a sexual version of biting your lip. Yeah. Ow. Catching one of those during sex is not pleasant. Ow.

All right. I'm done. I can't continue now. Yeah. Yeah. Just furious. Like, really? You had to say it like that? Ow! All right. Sorry. Done this before a hundred times. Never had a problem. Never. What's the fucking problem now? Ow! Dude, yeah. That was it. I don't know. I'll get a picture of my... I'll get a picture of my butthole tonight. I'll...

I'm telling you, I think we should get it, though, with the retina, you know, like the height. Yes. What lens is the best for that? Yeah, you want to be able to blow it up and put it on a billboard. You know what I mean? You want that level of resolution. That would be dope to just have it hanging, like, over your couch. And just don't say anything to anyone at all as far as what it is. Because it could look just like a star explode. If you made it like a negative image. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah, it could look like that.

And then just have a very clear shot of your penis next to it. Just slowly, just slowly zoom out little by little throughout your house. And we finally like, Oh, and this is my bedroom. Like, Oh, this has been your fucking asshole the entire time. Yeah. No, you'd have to, you'd have to do a little Photoshop, have it like, like bursting out of like a sand or something. So it's like dune. Yeah. True.

Dude, I was just in Mexico all weekend. Might be my favorite country right now. Yeah? Mexico's sick, dude. Really? I'm like seriously considering. I kept telling my wife the whole time. I was like, I'm going to chug a gallon of water and just fully trans.

Just have like a Mexican belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to just like, I just want to completely switch over. To the Mexican belly? Yeah, just like whatever's in their water, I want that. I'm going to go through, I'm going to go through shitting. I'm going to shit for like a month. And just, I want to like keep drinking the water here, get it imported and just have a Mexican belly. Dude, I get a Mexican belly every once in a while. Dude, why? Dude, why?

Yeah. If I go on like a straight beer bender, you know what I mean? Like no hard alcohol. Three, four days in, I get a Mexican belly. Do you really? Yeah. Get Montezuma's revenge.

and it's kind of probably it's i might be my favorite place i've been like traveled outside the u.s. in a while it was fucking awesome where in mexico yeah we'll see where you're riviera maya so i was in the yucatan peninsula yeah and i didn't know that i was just like because i've been reading about the mayans just getting absolutely butt fucked by the spaniards just devastated they like devastated themselves beforehand i didn't know that yeah but i was reading about that so i like knew all the towns they were like campeche all these towns and i'm like i

I know where that is. It's the Yucatan Peninsula. Like, dude, you're in the Yucatan Peninsula. I was like, oh, all right, my bad. Oh, yeah. But, dude, it was so sick. It was in the jungle. Like, at nighttime, like, little... They weren't monkeys. They're called, like, capers or... Capuchins? Something. I don't know what the fuck they were, but they looked like raccoons mixed with monkeys, and they would just come out at nighttime and scurry. It was fucking sick, man. That's awesome. I hired a bunch of guys in the Yucatan to try to build a...

website for the Chinese. Are you a Spaniard?

Christopher Cortez. I'm not kidding. Hold on. I swear to God. You hired a bunch of people from the Yucatan to build a Chinese website? Yeah. It's like a crazy triangulation. Yeah. It was like, I don't know. It was early on in stand-up, and I was like, you just do any job you could possibly find. And I was coaching youth lacrosse, and one of the dads put me in touch with this doctor who was Chinese. Yeah.

And he was like, I need a website made. And I was like, I can do that. Yeah, no doubt. I had no idea how to do that. So I found these dudes in the Yucatan that would build websites for like super cheap. And I hired them and they just built like...

kind of the shittiest... Wait, were they like standing outside of a Home Depot with a laptop? See? Website? See? No problema. In front of a Best Buy now. Chinese doctor website? See? Yeah.

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When I'm in a hotel, it's like I'm always just cursing myself. I don't have the wipes on me because in a hotel, my, when I travel, my ass, I can talk about this for an hour. Dude. My ass just goes haywire when I travel. Well, this is the first time I ever had like chronic itchy asshole. No, really? I've never had an itchy asshole in a while. This was like, yeah, just had to start plaguing me. You know what I mean?

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which i'm gonna call it the it wasn't a parade the protest i was laughing about that the other day it's just the fire parade no way there was fucking mexican dudes at that at that parade protest they're never anywhere like fun they're always like at work yeah which is that's where they've been getting most of them is like at work and then like pulling up one of my graduation was cold-blooded but also genius yeah

They were getting them at high school graduations in LA. What? Literally, they would just wait for a Spanish name to be... You'd shake all your teacher's hand and just be an ICE agent like, hey, congratulations. Basically, it was just like, apparently ICE pulled up to the graduation and they're just making note of who's clapping at Spanish names.

And then like people kind of became aware of it. And then they, you just saw a mass exodus. People just started running off to fucking graduation. People are like really upset. Yeah. I wonder how much of that, because I've actually, Arden, it wasn't our neighbors in Philly that, well, there was our neighbors, but they're, they're like friends or cousins are ice agents. And I've talked to them and they're like, dude, it's nowhere. We're not doing any of this stuff. They're saying we're doing it. Oh, really? They've claimed that like it's all bullshit. Internet skits. That's it. Yeah. It's key appeal sketch. Yeah.

I could be wrong. I don't know. It's just Drewski. They could be biased. I don't know. It would be funny to just buy an Ice Agent costume. Oh, yeah. Because we don't know what an Ice Agent looks like. We all just heard these terms five years ago. I think they're dressed like Striker from Mortal Kombat. Yeah.

That's the exact. That's it. If that protest, if they did get immigrants there, that would be genius. But guys, we're going to go surround ICE agents. They just drop a giant fucking net. I got you. I got you. Fucking like find a Nemo. It is just a little Mexican kid. Swim down. I do. Swim down a bottle.

I love Mexican immigrants. I think they're fucking sick. I like them. Everyone I've ever met has been awesome. I've never met a murderer or rapist. No, no. But I'm sure... It's all barbacks. Yeah. It's all dudes just working hard as hell. Yeah, man. So, although, yeah. So, I've never met a murderous... They're usually very uptight about the law. I remember I was driving this Mexican guy when I was working. I just started smoking a joint in my car and he looked at me like...

the fuck are you doing i was like man relax he's like no dude i'm we get pulled over i'm fucked and i was like oh yeah my bad yeah they're scared then he tried to rape me i said hey buddy that's it we don't like that kind of stuff in this country that's enough of that man he didn't know that was against the law this is what we do i wonder where they hide all of the hot mexican women

I know they have to exist because like Selena was hot. Yes. But like, where do you get more Selena's? You know what I mean? Like I saw some babes down in the Yucatan. Yeah. Being honest. Yeah. I think the hot ones, they don't come here. We get the workhorses. Right. Right. We get there and they're on an American diet and they just, you know what I mean? That's the other thing. I like, I was just in a San Antonio, everyone down there is fucking fat as shit. Right. And it's just like, uh, like it,

It's not from Mexican food, though. Like, oh, you guys came over here and started eating our shit to excess. You know what I mean? You're not cooking. Because I don't think... Like, I get it. Rice and beans is kind of starchy, but not like that. Yeah, it's not going to balloon you like that. Yeah, it's... I think their bodies can't handle it, too. I think that's like an actual thing. Like, they didn't involve with our shitty food. They were like over there. Yeah. And then we just showed up.

And their bodies like don't... They're like... They're used to like storing fat for like a really long time. They're used to like starving. Yeah. Yeah. They're more keto. They're intermittent fasting for like months at a time. I swear to God. I don't know when I saw like a PBS documentary that was just like... The Mexican? For real. For real. And it was just showing like...

It was just, you know, where they like cut people's heads off and they just show their fat bodies. It was just showing like Mexicans and stuff walking around. And they're just there. Like the fat is in all weird places. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there are. I swear to God. This is true. I swear to God. It's PBS. They hit a point. If they have enough American food, they become like Russian nesting dolls. Yeah.

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I didn't see a lot of that, man. It was kind of like slender Mexican babes. Tight, tight ponytails. Oh, yeah. I'm not lusting after them. I was just saying. It was, yeah, you didn't see the linemen women. You know what I mean? Like the offensive line ladies. Yeah, the tortoise. You didn't see tortoise. I didn't see any tortoise. But there are. It is interesting because I feel like

I'm confused. Are there indigenous Mexicans or indigenous Mexicans, the Indians who are down there? That's what I was kind of. Yeah. So, huh? The Mayans were like Indians. Yeah, they're Indians. Yeah. Yeah. There was like Mexicans. So I'm like confused. I'm trying to I'm going to get a.

clear they're all indians are they all spaniards yeah then there's some mexicans that are so mexican they look asian do you ever get a load of those guys so i lived in bushwick for years and it's mostly mexicans but they all look so asian and they got the same kind of haircut that bowl cut you know what i mean where you're like yeah because the asians just walked up over that athlete's cut the asians walked up over that

The land bridge. Did they really? Yeah. In New Mexico? Yeah. And that's then they became Indians. Oh, the Bering Strait. It's your, your eyes shifting around. I'm looking for some level of confirmation here. I'm like, you with me? Knock if you're with me. I'm thinking you're looking for us to like add or tag onto this. And I'm like, fuck, I don't know what these serious are. I mean, what is an Indian really?

Just a guy that walked from China. Yeah, once you're looking for food long enough, I think you just become an Indian. You know what I mean? If you walk like 20 miles for a meal, I think they'd be like, all right, man. I mean, think about how badass... Some feathers in your head, you're like, who the fuck are these people? Think about how badass they must... They out-walked the Chinese. Really? Yeah. Yeah, because everyone was going...

I guess east at their time. To escape what? The cold or something? No, they're just like, fucking let's check shit out. That is tight. If like a continent kind of emerges in the ocean, I'd be like, let's go check this out. Yeah. Yeah. They just came, they just come and go. Like the water levels rise. Like apparently there was a time you used to be able to like walk to Australia from like

uh china it was like a set of polynesian islands oh yeah they've all just kind of been submerged right you know it's kind of nuts i was reading the other day about the uh indo-european language like how like i didn't realize the english language is linked to like arabic

All those like Indian dialects. It's all the same root language. Yeah. So like they said that every other person alive today speaks some form of Indo-European languages. It's like English, French, Italian, all those ones. Iranian. They're all based on the same root language. Sanskrit as well, which is a dead language now. Yeah. I mean, I've always said English is the best language. It is. And if your word is good enough, it'll become English. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll just take it. It's a, it's a much language. Yeah. Well, dude, language. They said every like 800 years, languages are complete. Like old English is totally unrecognizable. Now that was the English language. It changes all the time. Yeah. It evolved. Yeah. It's the only one that really does that. We should just all knock it off and just go English.

everywhere i'm not not like i'm not saying in a way like where i'm angry about it or whatever i don't care no no but it is the most convenient language because we're not saying we won't use those words just show us the good ones we'll use them yeah yeah you know what i mean i could go spanish during like lovemaking maybe you save them yeah i'm learning spanish now i'm like two years into duolingo but it sucks because they're like

They're teaching me such an old Spaniard version of Spanish. Like my wife is Puerto Rican, so she speaks Caribbean slang. And she's like, you're talking like the way someone would talk in the Bible.

Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. It's kind of sick though. Yeah. Like you're speaking Spanish, but it's like, no one talks like that. That's Spain. I was talking to, we went out and did like snorkeling. I talked to the tour guide and he was saying that like people from Spain come there. They're like their version of British people basically. Like the way they talk is just kind of like, just sounds like snobby, I guess. Yeah. I got put onto that. My first, one of my earlier times coming to Texas, I was in Houston and I met this Mexican girl who was just talking about how like,

they think Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, their Spanish is trash. They're like, what the fuck? But they say people in Spanish think Mexicans are trash, like the way they talk. Yeah.

Yeah, they hold it down. I think having like a long colonial empire for a while, you start to kind of look down on everybody. It's kind of sucking. Well, here's the other crazy thing. It sucks to spend two years learning a language and realize you've been learning like the snootiest version. Yeah, yeah. This was like when I was in college learning. Spend two years working on becoming a condescending prick. You didn't even know it. Yeah.

Just sound like an asshole. Yeah, you turned me into an asshole. I paid thousands of dollars. Now I sound like an absolute jerk off. I could lean into that, though, dude. Just fuck him up with some vosotros. You guys don't know about that? Is that like formal?

Yeah, it's formal. That's like the formal saying, we, like vosotros, but it's only used in Spain, I believe. Okay. I don't even think they use it anymore. Really? Yeah, I think it's just an old, it's like an old computer language. Yeah. It's the basis of shit, but no one uses it. It's like they're indubitably, basically. Indubitably. Indubitably. I used to tell my teacher, my Spanish teacher in high school, she's like, you got to hit the accent. And I'd be like, no, if I'm going to use this language...

I'm going to try to get babes and I want my accent because I never use an accent. Right. I can have a foreign accent. Why would I? That's also insane. Right. Like, at some point it becomes almost like a total impression. I know. Could you imagine like a Mexican person just like doing a white accent to like nail English? And you'd be like, dude. Yeah, relax, man. Yeah.

I don't know. If you match an outfit to it, if you start dressing like the Count of Monte Cristo or something, it would be nice. Mexican bars. Yeah, they're like...

Darn skippy. You'd be like, all right, that's... Turn it fucking down, brother. Turn it the fuck down. Isn't that happening to Chinese, too? Aren't they getting rid of all the characters? Which you mean? Like the fucking windings? Because they're just unworkable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no one has time to draw a tiny waterfall. And it's like... Yeah. You can't... Exactly. How do I say this? You have to draw, like, the sun and the stone. You also can't put a tiny waterfall, like, on a keyboard.

Yeah. You know? I know. When I see Chinese people texting on the train in New York, I'm just like, what the hell? I know, dude. It's like, how do you... Especially from... You don't even know where to begin. I understand they don't read like we do left or right, but you're like, wait a minute. Is this The Matrix? What do they read? Bottom to the top? I think they read up and down and then also left to right. Yeah. I think it's right to left. They're just playing Sudoku all day long. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm all for, you know, just like we'll pick a language and just all rock with it. We kind of have a little bit English. Dude, literally. Well, that doesn't count because like Arabic and all that stuff, whatever. But yeah, I'd say English. Just, you know, it's the best. It's the best. I would say it's the best because it can become anything. Yeah. Yeah.

And we don't have weird sounds that require like your throat and tongue and nose to get involved. True, true. It's a lazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lazy language. Dude, I have a, I was, I got a haircut the other day and I was, it was at like a place my wife goes to. So it was like, just, it was a very gay place, very gay establishment. Yeah. It was a salon. Yeah. It was literally a hair salon. Yeah.

And she's like, yeah, it's a gay as barbershop. It's got to be a word for this. It was it was literally a hair salon. I'm such a man. I don't even know what this is. Fucking gay. I'll tell you that. Well, I was in there. Dudes are the best. I got it. He gave me a strictly gave me a strict lectures. I do put product here. I was like, not really. And he was like, dude, gay to straight.

It's time. It's time you put something. I was like, yeah, it's a good sell. But I was watching... Ladies turn it on so hard when they see gay guys. They all act like... Like, hi. It's weird. They do this whole...

They kind of really sell this whole voice. And I came up with the theory. I really think like they are connected on like a soul level. I think like if you live a lifetime as a woman, once you like nail it karmically, I think you come back as a gay man. As a gay man. Yeah. Yeah. I think women after like six lifetimes come back as a gay man. Yeah. That's like their reward. And they get to fuck dudes. Yes. Yeah. With a penis. That's the... Yeah. That's the reward. And it's still like, you know, like...

Get all decked out with the clothes and all that stuff. I don't know. Women, though, they're like that, dude. They're so disingenuous. They'll take on anyone that they're talking to. They do the same thing with, like, babies. You know what I mean? Like, women, they'll put on a totally different facade and voice and bend down and talk to a child completely different. It's like, hey, bitch, I just saw you talk like an adult. Yeah.

right there and now you're gonna come down and put on kid voice for me like you're here women are psycho what even are you they are shapeshifters for sure absolutely they are I've been working with this concept now that like it's crawling on the ceiling I've been working with this concept now that like a blowjob is such a disingenuous act

How so? No. Because they're done with so much enthusiasm up front. Yeah, for sure. But the enthusiasm only gets less and less and less as time goes on. So clearly, like, you were never really into this. That's fair. And it's like, you can imagine, the more you've been with a woman, she loves you more. Yeah. So you should be doing that more or at least with more enthusiasm because the love has gone up. Yeah.

but it doesn't. So somehow it's like, oh, this is not an act of love. This is more an act of manipulation.

I believe you. They are at root kind of those like Egyptian guys outside of like a mall kiosk. They'll like polish your one nail really well. Then it's just, it's a scam. It's a totally a scam. It's a fucking scam. Polishing my nail. When they do that, they'll get one and they'll smooth it up and you're like, that's nice. Like, all right, give me $500. I hate those things too because they don't come off for like a month. Every day you look at this one shiny nail and you're like, what does that say about me? What is that? I don't know.

I got to imagine on some level for them the thrill is gone. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I don't understand. But what I'm saying is if they needed something, they could turn it on the same way they turn on baby talk or the same way they turn on gay talk. True. For sure. Yeah. I even – Well, that requires some strategy on our part.

Yeah, true. Complaining incessantly. You got to create things that they need that only a blowjob will give them access to. This is turning into a red pill podcast real fast. I want to start doing that. Just listening to red pill reels in bed next to my wife because I caught one the other day. It's like, if your wife, as soon as a girl you're with stops giving you head, she doesn't love you anymore and you're now a beta. And I was just like, dude, I'm sending this to her right now. Fuck that. It's so funny.

She has lost all attraction for you. And she's thinking about another more successful man. She wants to suck their penis. Those guys are just nonstop, man. Right, right. It's such a wild, like the men's rights movement. It's like exhausting. Yeah. Dude, I get it. Yeah, we die in war for sure. Right. It's like, geez, take a fucking breath, man. I just also like the fact that they are hiring streetwalkers.

Yes. They literally just find prostitutes on the street like, yo, how much for your time for the next two hours? Yeah. Do you want to come in and debate? It's insane. Just 12 women and just being, you guys are whores. And they're like, yeah, you're paying me. I can't. Right. And they're just sitting there filing their nails like, yeah, okay, I'm a whore. And then one is actually trying to argue, but wait. And it's like, no, just sit and get your money, love. Those are the...

wildest spot. I do feel like that would be a cool experience to just talk to 12 escorts at one time. I would simp out, so I couldn't... I would simp. You guys' lives are actually really hard. That's a good point, actually. No one respects you. Yeah. Sex work is weird. It's weird how sex work became like a...

A lot of like very educated kind of white ladies got into this whole thing. They're like, I'm a sex worker. And they, you know, like with the only, they'll like show their tits on only fans. Like we're united. It's like, dude, you're not a sex worker, man. Yeah. Sex work. When the sex workers are like women who have no choice. Yeah. Being like, I'll do this for a month. It's like, dude, knock it off. They just want to justify making the money. Yeah. True. You know, it's an, it's an internal conflict that's being externalized. Yeah. Well, a lot of women have gone the other way with a soft girl lifestyle. Well,

Are you familiar with soft girl versus soft girl? Soft girl. So there was girl boss girl. We, we, we grew up in an era of girl boss sex in the city. It was all about bossing up. A lot of them are now going soft girl lifestyle. And I looked into it. It's actually, it was started by Nigerian women who do to like just rampant inflation. We're like, we got to learn how to like get along without stuff. And it's all about just like focusing on pampering yourself and,

letting go of like your drive for success and just going full self-care. So it's a whole, it's a whole, it's like a whole trend on TikTok. Yeah. We just wear like past that. You just get super girly. Yep. And you're like, no, I'm totally okay with the man. I'm starting to get that way now. That's what this long hair is about. I've never had long hair in my life. Like, yeah, dude, I'm like taking care of myself. Like I used to have a, I used to have like a low Caesar because I had like alopecia spots from just being a grizzled man out here that no one cares about. Yeah.

Now I'm like, I have a loofah, you know what I mean? And I like moisturize and I'm like, wow. Like who knew you could just be a softie and still be fine. Well, it's like tied into like politics apparently. Like the self-care was big because they're like taking a nap. The girls are just taking naps again. Yeah. And it's like a whole thing on TikTok. Like it's actually a political act to rejuvenate myself. So I continue to fight. It's like, dude, go take a nap. Turning a nap into a cause. Yeah, for real. That's insane. I was reading an article about Sabrina Carpenter.

because there it was actually pretty it was a decent article it was written I think by like a gender studies major so it was like all this like other it got like super complicated unnecessarily but they're saying she is like a

They were saying white women have appropriated the soft girl lifestyle, which was like Nigerian, black American women more so. And white girls are just starting to do it more. It's like, I'm going to the spa. I'm a soft girl. But they were saying she is... Appropriating the soft girl lifestyle. The soft girl lifestyle, which is like just... Stolen? Yeah. Yeah, they're saying they're like warping it. It was all about like political naps. Yeah.

and like eggs costing 50 million jubilos or whatever the fuck whatever money i don't know i don't know what the money is whatever silly currency yeah that is a sick move for things like just rampant inflation and be like dude i'm gonna do a trick or tiktok trend i don't need i'm done trying to get stuff it's so funny just that's how you deal with inflation is take a nap

Yeah. Yeah. Take a political nap. Rejuvenate yourself. Do your nails and just kind of like think about plot your next move, how to battle. Yeah. Taking pictures of your asshole. Guys, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You might not realize it, but guys face tons of pressure. Talk about any stigmas. Men face tons of stigmas. We can't express our emotions, dude. And it's just not fair. We need a therapist to teach us how to do that.

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But they're saying Sabrina Carpenter, not, well, I guess her, because she's like, her whole thing is she's like a small petite, you know what I'm talking about? I know her, yeah. I'm just learning about this person, but she's a very small petite lady and they're saying, and it's actually kind of overt, her cover to her, I think her new album is the same as the book cover of Lolita, which is about that man who is obsessed sexually with a 12-year-old girl.

Okay. And her album cover does kind of copy that. And this lady who's like, I think like a feminist lady who's, she's like, she's selling pedophilia and everyone's eating it up. Wow. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. It's fair. It's a fair analysis. Then she did like a big thing about the soft girl lifestyle and how it was stolen. I was like, I don't know. Sabrina Carpenter did or the other lady? Yeah. She's saying she's like a warped version. They did that with me too. Me too was black ladies.

Black ladies started me too. Yeah. It was like factory workers. That makes sense too, yeah. Because there would be the person that would actually speak up. Yeah. Especially the era that we came out of. If someone was sexually assaulted, it's going to be a black woman to be like, uh-uh, uh-uh, no, that nigga raped me, okay? No, girl, you need to stand up for yourself. Like, uh-uh.

For real, it was in factories. Women were getting their asses grabbed and stuff in factories. Finally, they were like, fuck this. And then Gwyneth Paltrow was like, yeah, I'm uncomfortable on movie sets. And it became this whole thing. Well, I mean, a lot of them. Aubrey Weinstein was. Did you ever see, remember that movie, Too Wong Fu? Mm-mm. Oh, Too Wong Fu was like Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo and the other...

Yeah. Isn't it like Thelma and Louise but they're trans? What? It's fucking Wesley Snipes. What's the white guy from Roadhouse? Patrick Swayze? Patrick Swayze. All wore the dress? They were all drag queens or trans people but like they're like driving a Cadillac across country stopping through small town America and changing things just making things fabulous but also teaching people

middle America white women how to stand up to their husbands. Because it's cartoonish evil. The man is beating the woman around the house because he put pepper in the sauce. You know what I mean? And they're like, uh-uh, girl. You got to stand up for yourself. At one point, Patrick Swayze goes in and kicks the guy's ass in a dress. You know what I mean? It's weird. It was like a Miss Doubtfire kind of situation. Yeah, yeah. He enters a swim meet and just crushes everybody. Yeah.

Them in drag beating up husbands? Yeah, yeah. It's kind of sick, actually. Yeah. I didn't know that existed. That'd be such a boomerang. You didn't know that existed? No. Yeah, it's called Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. It's a very long title, like Don't Be a Menace.

And it was Snipes too. Yeah, Wesley Snipes, man. Like, yeah. And he's like... Who looked the most like a woman? John Leguizamo. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. He's all like Puerto Rican down, you know what I mean? Oh, papi. You're like, okay. You're like BBL. Like, I still can't unsee John Leguizamo.

So feminine that way. Yeah, yeah. He did a lot of drag stuff back in the early 90s. Really? Yeah, he was okay in the dress and makeup. Yeah. Because he's a theater man. And he's not even Puerto Rican. That's fake. He's Italian, actually. Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, yeah. He's Italian? Yeah. Yeah, my wife is. I'm surprised he wasn't in that movie. Be like, no, this is how you hit your wife. You fucking faint laughing. That's crazy, man. Yeah, that's a fucking insane movie. How'd you find that out?

The internet. Is he like all Italian or is it like a... No, he's not Puerto Rican. I think he did something like anti-Trump or something and everybody dug in. They always know though. My wife is Puerto Rican. She knows who's what. Like they keep track.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's Filipino. That doesn't count. He's Cuban, okay? I'm like, holy shit. Yeah, they're very racist. I do like intergroup beef. Like, it just makes me laugh when it's like Mexicans are like, fuck Puerto Ricans. Like, damn, you guys are beefing? I didn't know that.

yeah yeah makes you feel you're like all right well yeah like maybe white guys aren't the worst that's what i'm about to say do white guys do that do white guys have any inter-white guy beef i mean fading it was like my dad like held it down like fuck italians like yeah he was kind i mean it wouldn't be like over oh yeah irish and italians used to hate each other we just live in different it was like i mean not me but my dad grew up yeah it was southwest philly they moved to havertown but they in southwest philly it was like he's like you wouldn't even go to italian neighborhoods it was just kind of like

Fuck that. Yeah, I guess we were kind of squashing the beef. Catholic school, I feel like. You go to Catholic school and they're like, all right, sorry. But I think it was also because most Irish dudes

And back in the day, all went into law enforcement. Yeah, a lot did. And a lot of Italian guys were up to no good. Yeah, true. So I think that's kind of where that beef is going to start. True. I can see that. There was a lot of Irish guys up to no good as well, but I think they were just quiet and not as flashy. Yeah. Italian guys were way too flashy. They were. They fucking blew it. Yeah. Although I felt bad for the Philly mob.

You know, when they all got like last article I saw about the Philly mob was like they caught them. They had like counterfeit like cigarette machines and like jukeboxes. Yeah, really slumming it. I was like, oh, man, just let them have it. Just dinosaurs. Yeah, they got busted for being fake arcades. Yeah. They said tokens. Chuck E. Cheese tokens.

Yeah, they're like lost in time. The last standing organized group was like the Mummers, right? Also dressed like girls. Yeah, right. Yeah, I remember in the early 2000s, a lot of the bookies got busted. It was like Nikki the Hat was a big one, and they all just got crushed. It was a sick name. But they all just got crushed. A lot of them lived out in like...

the Ridley Park area like the suburbs surrounding Philly they had like Italian club there was like a club when I worked for this guy we used to go to this like one Italian club and they were all they all claimed to be kind of like mobbed up but they're all geezers yeah they owned like floor shops and stuff they were kind of sick they all started doing that kind of that Sopranos thing where like guys that were not in the mob were like I'm in the mob

Yeah Although that's the Italian curse It's like your nephew's Like my uncle's Every fucking Italian Thinks their uncle's in the mob I hated meeting those guys So I hated Meanwhile he's just Yeah he's got one Jukebox Yeah Yeah he's in the mob dude My uncle's got the touch of tunes The touch of tunes Yeah

Their touch tunes crush them all. My dad and his brother. So did, like, all the gambling websites. Just put them out. There's nothing. I guess they can still, like, sneak, like, import women, maybe. Yeah. Shipping cargoes, you know, shipping containers. True. I think the Ruskies got that under control. Yeah. Yeah. I guess, like, funeral homes is still kind of the play. Yeah. Yeah.

There's got to be some way to do something with funeral homes. I know that's got to struggle also because from what I'm understanding, my family owns a funeral home in Atlantic City. Nice. And they're struggling now because... Business is booming. Yes. It used to be. Oh, my God. It used to be. Geniuses. But they're saying younger people don't value...

Or they're coming in like, all right, my grandmother died. What is the cheapest way we can get this done? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's expensive, man. Yeah, you go in there. A lot of my dad and his brothers were family owned trash company, which was like a red flag for like people say organized crime. They weren't at all. But they dealt with like trash company was largely controlled by the mob.

And they would get like their dumpsters stolen all the time by mob guys. Yeah. They'd have to go up and be like, give me my fucking dumpster back. But I understand that now, man. Especially after living in a city like New York where it's just like, hey, man.

If we don't pick up the trash, things are going to get bad. Oh, yeah. So, you know, it's a good business to be in. Yeah, and that's sanitation. These were like dumpsters are more like private because like the city sanitation is kind of just like that's just kind of like city workers. But then if like dumpsters like driving, dropping dumpsters off at like hospitals and shit and picking them back up and you just have a yard where you just dump all your trash and separate it. Yeah. That was you could get rid of anything or any, you know, you could. That's why the trash was like super. Yeah.

And the cement, that's why all the Italians did cement, because you could just fucking pour cement over people and toss them in. It's true. Dude, my dad would get, they would get dumpsters from the hospital, and like when people would come in with injuries, they would just throw their weapons away. Yeah. So they would get like guns and shit in the trash. They were like, fuck yeah. It's kind of sick. Holy shit. I know. And then they got weird because instead of selling them,

In these younger generations, they're like, oh, I'll just sell these to my black friends. You know what I mean? So now you got black kids walking around with guns with bodies on them. Yeah, dude. The switches thing is terrifying. Yeah. Putting the turn in them automatic. Yeah, man. What is that? Yeah, you can put a switch on a gun. There's a switch extended clips where now instead of 16 shots, you have like 32 and you just squeeze the button and it just...

Turns automatic. And it's just children running around with extendos and no aim. They don't go to the range ever. Because their motto is just like, I'm just squeezing at the whole area and we'll see what happens. Yeah.

Yeah, that's crazy how that got caught up in the YouTube algorithm too. It's like financially... If you have a cool drill rap thing and you can prove that you've murdered lots of people, it does well on YouTube. People are like, fuck it. Oh yeah. The young rappers, I don't even know any of their music. I only hear about them shooting people or going to jail because...

this person has confirmed they've murdered someone and I'm like who the fuck are they they do minute long every song's one minute long yeah it's just them being like yeah I definitely killed that guy and you're like alright that's fucking crazy damn yeah it's fucked up

I've gone down those rabbit holes so many times where I like I'll get like invested in those guys and they die. Like you'll find out they died. You're like, we're talking about that last night, too, that that has become the genius of the music business pushing hip hop. It's like, let's just find a young crash out with no family that hopefully they'll get big enough where we could just collect their royalties forever.

you know what I mean like they'll just die they don't have children no one cares and it's like yeah yeah it's a pretty sinister model yeah you hire a new artist to kill off the old artist you need it for the correct for your next album yeah

Don't worry. He's only going to shoot you a little bit. You won't die. Also, I mean, even if it's not intentional, it's like, you know, you're running a music label and yeah, once it happens once you're like that worked out pretty well for us. I could see it being like that guy's a surefire bet. That guy's a good pick.

Oh, you want to sell heroin? We'll give you a little bit of money. How about you get in there and get active? Dude, I could definitely see that happening. Right, right. Going in for a meeting. Do you have anyone you could kill? Right, yeah. Do you have any active beefs with anyone? Well, there's like subreddits where people go on and give the scoop. Like, this person is against this person. It's all... Because there's so much upside. If you pop off on the algorithm, you can make hundreds of thousands of dollars.

That is also scary to me where, like you said, these reaction videos where those videos also have like a quarter million views just reacting to what someone did on their live. Yeah. You know, people just sit there and watch people go live and screen record and be like, all right, cool. I got content now. Yeah. Yeah.

I do like the streams, like the young black streamers where it's just dudes standing in a room with a fucking scroll of just people commenting. Yeah. That shit's fucking sick. Yeah. And they're just sitting there like eating a sandwich. Yeah, it's insane. It's fucking great. Like, who's the one guy? Kai Sanat? Kai Sanat, yeah. He's huge. He's like a... His platform is massive. To the point where Kamala Harris was like begging to get on the show during her run for election and he wouldn't let her run. I know, I know.

It is crazy. There are podcasters who seem genuinely more powerful than the presidential candidates. They're like, nah, I'm good on her. Who else we got? Your booking service? He went live to say that. He's like, yo, Secret Service keeps calling my phone trying to get me to have Kamala on. I don't want to be political, but I knew that he was going to be in those crosshairs when he did that.

stunt in Union Square. What'd he do? He said he was gonna give out like a few PlayStation 5s and like 250,000 kids showed up to Union Square and it was like a massive...

riot they destroyed the place and it was like there was no brand that didn't see that that was like yeah that kid on that's kind of chum in the waters putting out a bunch of ps5s yeah right fuck that's a recipe for disaster 250 000 people and they just tore the place apart like he had to be he his team had to get him out of there in an suv and it was like

uh helicopter footage of like people are hanging on the suv as it's speeding away like you know they're like hanging on for dear life it's like the iraqi extraction yeah yeah yeah and i'll never forget the day that that happened we were in the city i was actually in washington square park recording content uh man on the street content for my podcast and there's just like a helicopter just kind of like hovering

And I remember my wife, she was like, those are police helicopters. Like something, something crazy is happening right now. You know what I mean? And then we got home and saw the news and it was like, oh yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's, that is wild, man. That's a, that is so funny for just podcasts. There's dudes in a room. Like it'd be nice if Kamala went on and did the Kodak black where she just like tossed a pill up in the air, caught it.

caught perks out of it that he was that's my favorite appearance on any kind of show yeah we just threw a perk in the air caught in his mouth and he goes little glitch for the twitch and just like lay there and was like fucking all that dude those dudes I love that they they're just like by themselves going live all the time yeah

To the point, I'm not even sure they're real people anymore. There's no way Soulja Boy is a human being. Dude, I got an opportunity to hang out with Kai Sanat once. They just filmed his girlfriend beating him up. And then they stopped and he was like, nice. Yeah, it's insane. It was just like a made up...

Yeah, it's like the littlest things go. He's going viral right now as we speak because he was at the BET Awards. Saw that. And he was just in the parking lot. And fucking Wale is walking in the parking lot and he sees him. And he doesn't know who he is, but he was nice. He was like, oh, hey, how you doing? And then he gets in the thing and the chat is just going crazy like, oh, Wale, Wale. And he's like, Wale? What the fuck is Wale? And then the guy filming is like, Wale, that's the guy you just seen. He's like, oh, what'd he do?

And fucking then like Everyone's like yo you don't know Wale And Wale he's kind of petty for this Because he does this a lot He's like online and he's always reading comments Of what people are saying about him So then he goes and approaches Kai Sanat Like in the award show to be like yo That interaction got me looking crazy on alarm Right now man but we'll talk later And Kai is like sitting there talking to Snoop Dogg Like what? What are you talking about? It's also now you look crazy It's also insane to be like

Like, if he knew you, that's just how it works. Like, if somebody doesn't know you, it's not that person's fault. Right. And you just got to let it go. Right. Especially if you were... He probably did know him, though. He's just fucking with Wale. I'm on Wale. I wouldn't recognize... If I saw him, I... It's unbelievable the disrespect. You'd be surprised what 21 and 22-year-olds...

No, dude. Don't know. No, Kai knows. No, man. You think he knows him? He's the most plugged in guy. He almost had Kamala Harris on his back. No, because here's the thing. It's been going on for the rest of the night of other older black celebrities that he didn't know. Yeah. It's got to be a test now. No, he's doing a bit, dude. He's fucking with these guys. I mean, you have the inside track. Unbelievable. You have the inside track. I'm sick and tired of it.

What are you sick and tired of? You show up to the BET Awards, you don't know anyone there? Bullshit. He knew Snoop and Kevin Hart. Who else do you need to know? Everybody else. When's the last time Wale put out a song? I don't know a single song. I know songs from like 12 years ago. Okay, but here's the other thing, right? Now, you know Wale, right? And you know, remember when he was doing his stuff with Seinfeld?

He had an album about nothing, the mixtape about nothing. I thought he was making stuff with Seinfeld. He did. He would do skits with Seinfeld in between the songs. But the way the project worked...

He reached out, like he would do these mixtapes about nothing where he would play excerpts from the show to lead in the songs that he wrote. This is why Kai Sinat doesn't know who he is. Exactly. But then he like actually reached out to Seinfeld to see if he could get Seinfeld to do these things. And when literally when Seinfeld got the notice, same thing.

What the hell is Wally? And like Seinfeld's wife happened to know. She was in the room like, oh, Wale. I love Wale. He's great. He actually uses clips from your show to do the thing. And if that didn't happen, Jerry would have said no. Jerry only said yes because his wife was like, oh, is it good? She's like, yeah, you should do it. But Jerry didn't know who the fuck he was. Damn. But Jerry's wife knows who he is? Isn't it surprising since she's 19? Yeah.

It's interesting. He didn't marry his young girlfriend, though, I don't think. Who? Seinfeld. Seinfeld came under fire. No, yeah. No, they were just dating. Shoshanna? Is that her name? I like Macron's setup. What?

Where he is married to a woman like 20 years older than him or something. Do you see she like choked him out? Yeah, I saw it. I think they were fucking around. Yeah. You catch me getting my hands or hands to the throat all the time. He was live streaming the whole thing. Yeah. The comments are going nuts. I saw it. Well, there's like a for real. Did you ever hear about this? How they say the president of France's wife is a man? Yeah. There's like a serious thing into that. But apparently she met him.

allegedly when he was like a school boy she was like his teacher and like they got married and now he's the president of france very frank she really she's very scouted yeah yeah for real high for talent he's like addressed it i thought hadn't didn't he like talk about how it was like he's running super french he's like our love was like no no but there's like candace owens like for real there's like court she's mad about it

She did like a full documentary. She thinks she's like convinced that the dude's wife is a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when full in, like requested one of those things where it's like, they like gave her a deposition, like, yo, you got to stop saying that because like, I think the press in Europe works where like, if you say something about someone, you have to prove it's true. But in the United States, you can allege anything kind of you want and it's on them to prove it's not true. Yeah. So she sent a thing being, or they sent a thing being like,

Stop. And she was like, prove I'm wrong and I'll stop. And they're like, yeah, we're done. Yeah. Damn. Huh? 15 they started dating? They met in 1990 when Brigitte was teaching the drama club and McCrone was 15 years old. Now they're married.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean they didn't start dating when they met. Like that was their first interaction. And that's fucked up that they're trying to show it that way. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you can meet somebody. I think they are on record saying we had a romance when I was 15. Like, I think so. Maybe shortly after. Well, you know what? Yeah, I guess it is possible. It's also France. I'm talking about it as if my, okay, so like my mother-in-law, she had my wife when she was 15. Okay. And here's the crazy thing. I'm closer in age to my mother-in-law than I am to my wife.

Yeah, so it was like a weird dynamic of how we all hang out. Like I'm nine years older than my wife, but seven years younger than my mother. Whoa. Now, can I ask you, is your wife like healthy as a horse? I feel like you're healthier when you're born...

poor like that yes but like yes but there's like a lot of psychological stuff that happened where like uh i can't tell whether this is like from being poor or just being latina yeah yeah yeah i feel like that is like the ideal why is candace so mad does she feel like she's being tricked

She's just a journalist. Candace, like, I feel like Candace, she knows the game. She's just trolling all day long. I'm always, like, I don't watch all of her shit, but when I do, I'm always looking for her to go. You know what I mean? Like, all right, I got you.

Yeah, well, there's a guy, you remember the guy Timothy Leary from Harvard who like did a bunch of acid and like got kicked out in like the 60s or whatever. He like came to the conclusion like, dude, we should be having kids at like 16. The grandparent, your parents should be raising your kids. And when you're your grandparents age, your kids should have kids when they're 16. He's like, it just makes the healthiest humans.

16, 17. Yeah, it's probably true. Maybe he said 18. I don't mean to put smart on his name, but... He said 14, 15, 12, or something like that. Yeah, because there's a thing, man. It's like autism's on the rise. We're not producing the healthiest kids. Right, because you think we're making old babies. Old babies. Yeah. Soft cum.

Old baby. Soft shell crabs. Soft shell crabs. So it might be something. Maybe you just got to have 16-year-olds and just freeze their eggs and jizz. Yeah. And just keep it. True. Like a necklace.

break it when you're ready that's not bad you know it's got I think I don't think kids have sex anymore even no I've heard it's like all this dropping off it's not as like it was they're all just jacking off and on the computer yeah

They're working. Yeah. They're working on the computer. They're jacking off on the computer. God bless them, man. It's tough. Okay, okay. A quick break from the show for a special segment called More or Less Finals Edition, and it's brought to you by PrizePix. The finals are on, and we're not just talking about basketball here. We're talking hockey, too. Twice the chance for players to show what they've got and twice the chance for you to get in on the fun. Further prompts to riff. NBA Finals Basketball Thoughts.

Hot takes about who's going to win. Is Shai just a foul merchant? I'm wondering that. He is a foul merchant, but he's going to get buckets. I would take more every time on Shai. More. More. Yeah, more every time on Shai. More on Shai? Yeah, every time. More on Shai LaBeouf. You just heard that.

Good call. Stanley Cup Finals. Thoughts? Hot takes about who's going to win? Is it the Oilers' year? Oilers are going to make a comeback, I believe it. So you think Canada is going to take it finally? Last time they won, believe it or not, was 1993. I know, it was a long time ago. Canadians, 93. I want Edmonton to come back and win it. I think Dreisaitl and McDavid are going to turn it on.

I want Canada to lose. Canada, less. Florida's in the catbird seat. I think they're up 2-1. Really? Yeah. All right. We'll see about that. When were you way too confident about making a pick that fell apart? Oilers to win the cup. Okay, which team in the NBA Finals do you care more or could care less about?

Pacers care more. Thunder care less. But they're both good. You want the Pacers to win? I think I want Pacers to win a little more. They're the underdog. Always going for the underdog. Yeah, I kind of want the Pacers to win as well. I want them to win too because I was just in that city and my God, they need it. That city stinks. It might be the worst city. God, they need a win. And SGA is on Oklahoma City, right? He's Canadian. Yeah, he's Canadian. He's rooting against Canada. Well, that's on the Canadian as well.

They got a Canadian on their team? Yeah, he's like one of the best players in the league. Is he really? Yeah. Les. I'm mad Canada won't let us buy their country. I know. I'm pissed off about that. Just give it up already. Yeah. Come on. Join the fucking fold, man. It would be kind of sick. Owning Canada would be awesome. Can't we buy it from the British? Wouldn't it? It would also, if they were just one state and it's 51, like this settles that like election thing, right? Because it's like now it's an odd number of states. Yeah.

Wait, why does it matter how many states? I don't understand. Because then it's not like an even divide of like 25 went this way, 25 went that way. It has to go one way because it's an odd number of states. I see what you're saying. So every state just gets one vote. Canada would be hard damn too. Yeah, probably. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. The truckers would get fired up. Yeah, Calgary is like – they're like Texas and Calgary. Yeah. Well, we'll have to see what happens. Guys, any particular players, teams, or matchups that you've enjoyed? Has anything surprised you? Do you have any predictions for the rest of the playoffs? I think we got into it. I think we – the Pacers. Yeah, I think the – I mean, I don't actually – I think my prediction is the Thunder's going to win every single –

the next game you think i don't want to see that yeah didn't the thunder just lose recently yeah they lost recently by like one and like a crazy loss and then they blew them out the next game by like 20 damn damn so let's get into it how do our hot takes fit into the prize picks lineups did i mention how easy this app is to use guys please begin with your picks i think we made them uh we're gonna go you think the thunder's gonna win i think thunder's gonna win

More on certain players. More on Shea. More on Halliburton. There we go. More on us. I would go less on Jalen. All right. And less on Chet. Oh, eight rebounds? More on Chet. What do they got hockey-wise over there? I don't see it. Okay. I'm going to go more on Matthias Janmark. There you go. Yeah.

Let's let's lock those two picks in guys. So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours to with price picks win real money with your best takes whether it's points rebounds assist, take your pick of more or less on their stat projection for your shot to win up to 2000 times your cash today.

PrizePix is available in more than 30 states, including California, Texas, and Georgia. You can submit your picks in 60 seconds or less. It's so easy. We just did it. Download the app today and use code Drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.

Yeah I don't know man I wish I got into sex early I wish I would have waited Wow early retirement Really? I lost my virginity at 14 You were in the drama club? Huh? You were in the drama club? In the drama club What do you think waiting would have done?

I think even to this day, sex is still such a big, big priority. Like it's like, it's too much of a focal point. And I see other people who don't have it as bad as me and how much more stuff they get done. Yeah. It's just like, yeah. And I'm so busy just trying to chase. Like I was talking about that last night. I was laughing about how the other night I'm hanging at the, uh, at the Creek and,

And there was like one girl there. Yeah. One girl. And I stayed fully occupied and talked to this girl. The minute she left, I was like, all right, well, see you guys later. You know what I mean? I love the mayor, all those guys. I'm like, well, I guess there's no reason to hang out with you guys. Boy, I got real sleepy all of a sudden. Yeah, yeah. It's still pointless now. Yeah, I know. There really is no point. If you're like not...

trying to have sex, there's really no point of going out. I try to tell my wife this. I'm like, why are we going out? Right. But it's also bad with me on even interacting with women in general. Like if there's no potential of having sex, you'd be like, okay,

What is the point of this conversation again? I'm not trying to be rude, but like... I can't even understand you anymore. Where are we going? Are we going to be friends? I don't get it. Yeah, I don't think you can do that. I genuinely think being like... It's one thing to be friendly with a woman, but to be like, let's chill. I still to my... It's like, how? Why would you do that? Even because of the age proximity with my mother-in-law, I don't talk to her on the phone.

I go through her husband for everything. Just because in my mind, there's still that chance. Yeah, for sure. And it's probably all in my head. It's not real, but that's what it's like. It's definitely all in your head. That's insane. I can't afford her. Are you crazy? Like, no. I can't.

I suffer from the same thing. I can't call my mother-in-law something might happen. FaceTime her with your shirt off. You're like, you gotta stop doing this. I suffer from the same exact thing of like that small voice being like, is she trying to

fuck me i think every time i'll get like an uber eat slivery i'm like was she trying to fuck me oh yeah yeah i used to go through that as a kid like well as a young adult going to see the doctor

And like the nurse will say some shit like, okay, take your pants off and hop up on the table. And you're like, it's so funny. Right. Yeah. You're trying to get it in real quick before the doctor comes. Like, what are we doing here? It is so funny. Even when you're like 11 and you just think the nurse is going to walk in and be like, we've never seen it. Yeah. Never in our lives. You are a specimen.

I need you. Dude, when I was younger, I assumed, I just assumed wrongly I had a huge dick. I didn't know. Yeah. And then, you know, obviously I eventually learned, came to grips with reality. I did not. But I just assumed I was just crushing it. Yeah. And then I became an adult and I was like, oh, all right. Yeah, definitely not. Definitely not. Standard issue for sure.

I still catch it every once in a while and I go, that's looking good today. Yeah. The Austin heat is definitely on my side. But I've turned that leaf where I now I'm like, you know, hopefully it stays because I suffer from the same thing where it was just like, especially in a relationship. I'm like, I'm counting the days. I'm like, we're going to have six and fucking four days. And I started just being really unpleasant.

That's what I'm saying, right? I've turned a leaf now where I'm like... And it's kind of a total reverse psychology. I think it's just a deeper ploy. But I've been hitting my wife with like, no, man, I'm trying to retain. I'm trying to retain. Like maybe once a week max. I even told her. I was like, I'll just flip the script on you. But I have... We were laughing about this. But I have done a thing where I'm just like, you let me know. I'm just going to keep this shit to myself. And just... I don't look at porn anymore. People are sick of hearing me talk about this. But it's like, I just...

I'm just not even... It gets to the point. After a nine-day hold-in, I'll start just getting Terminator vision. I think my wife starts to pick up on it. Like, all right, dude, I'll fucking crank you off. Just to fuck it. And that's a good point. She's paying attention to you, which she should. That's the thing that pisses me off sometimes when I see that in marriages where it's like a woman is hyper-focused on the kids. She's hyper-focused even on the animals and their need. And it's like, hey, you're not noticing...

The guy walking around with a fucking chip on his shoulder. I'm breathing like Darth Vader. My wife, she, thank God. She, and I hope she can keep this up, but like she's even gotten good at giving me sex before attending events that she knows I don't want to be at. That's nice. You know what I mean? So it's like, oh, your grandmother's 69th birthday party.

all right, I'm going to go. But like, you know, don't worry, we'll have sex before you go. And now I'm just here at the party, relaxed. It's good to see you all. Yeah.

I have the opposite effect on me. If you fucked me before the party, I'd be like, I'm not going to the party. There's no way I'm going to the party. You need the carrot. You need the carrot. Right. I can't go to the party. Yeah. Yeah, that's actually... But you got to do it before because women, they always somehow get tired or get headaches. That's the interesting thing. I see now why women get so many headaches. Does your wife forget to eat a lot? Yes. Every fucking day. It's the dumbest thing in the world where you're like, I forgot to eat.

to eat today it's infuriating yeah it's absolutely fucking infuriating and I'm like alright and it's classic like well we have this in the fridge I don't want that it's like then you're not fucking hungry yes you're not hungry eat a eat a fucking yes yeah we have a bowl of fruit right there yeah I'm not hungry for that lick the bag yeah yeah

Yeah, that it has been freeing, though, just being like, like, I'll catch myself in that same feedback loop where I'm like, I should be having and I'm just like, no, man, just let it go. And it's like been very freeing. It's such a funny strategy to hold income until there's like a real threat of violence. Yeah.

I'm going to hold this in until I become so dangerous. She has to jack me off. Dude, after a while... She just wakes up and finds him sitting on the foot of the bed. Fucking 5.30 in the morning and he's staring at the wall. Yeah, dude. You start talking and three-word answers match. Like, yes, that'll be fine. It's like when pigs become feral and turn into a fucking...

Now, if I wake up at like five 30, I just, I'm like, fuck it. I'm up. My day started before I would kind of linger around in bed and be like, let's see if she's awake. And now I just pop right up. And that's another one. They're like, lay back down. You're like, no,

For what? Yeah. Oh, yeah. If we're not doing anything, I'm going to work my left arm. That is fascinating, that lay around in bed, letting the morning go because you're hoping that she'll wake up at some point and just be in the mood. That's my prime time. Yeah, it's the morning. She's a morning gal. So it's like nighttime, she's shattered. She's like going to bed. Yeah.

Yeah. Morning is like, you know, when I can really get her going. Right, right. But now I just get up and I go. Before the devil knows you're dead. Yeah. Situation. I get up and go, you awake? She's like, no. I go, well, bye. Morning though is also dangerous because it's easy to stop dating.

If you're getting it in the morning, because you don't have to get dressed up for that. You don't have to, you know what I mean? And even now... I didn't brush your teeth. Yeah. It's just like... And then you're not going to get dressed afterwards. I've already achieved everything in life that I wanted today at 6.30 in the morning. Yeah, I'm done. There's no reason to do anything else. I don't even need to go to work. I already got late. Yeah, I'm done. That will... I feel like that will set... For me, it would...

I'm bad. I'm trying to get better with this with like married dates. Like we haven't been on a date in a while. It's like we're done dating. We were done with that. Yeah. And I'm like, I just me being autistic. I'm like, I need to get to my office and write. Yeah. And we need to go out. The minute you try to reintroduce it, you don't even like you don't even like it anymore.

Because it's like as older, especially as a married couple trying to date, it's like then we have to deal with shit like parking. It's just like so many reasons to not do it once you stop doing it. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, there's not there's only only reservations 8 p.m. I'm like, I'm done. I can't do that. Let's do a 530 dinner.

Come back, let the babysitter off. It's also, yeah, I don't know, going out to dinner. I don't like being in a room with other people out to dinner. Like a restaurant? Yeah. You know what I mean? On Valentine's Day. Yeah, dude. That's like the worst. I've gone out on Valentine's Day with her like a few years ago, and it's just like couples that have just met, like pulling the chair out for each other. I'm like, all right, man, fucking relax. Take it easy. Take it easy, dude. Take it easy. All right. You're not better than me.

Yeah. It's the word you're sitting at the bar because you didn't make a reservation in time. Yeah. Everyone else is at an actual table. Yeah. I fucked up this year. I totally put it off the last minute and try to do a last minute thing. I'm like, there's like a food hall we can go to. Just the UT cafeteria. I'm trying to get better with the dates. I got to get better. I don't think Terry Blacks will be packed. I don't know.

There's many options. It's pretty cool. It's a mall food court. You can go shopping afterwards. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm trying to get much better with that. Well, it's also the dates feel, I don't know, dates feel unnatural. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It always feels weird because I've talked to you all day. Well, yeah, that's the other thing. I think dates, you're being fake on a date. And now if you're married, you're real. So it's like I'm not turning on the fake thing. Yeah. Like what are we going to do, you know? Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I come from a big family. Yeah, you're just us talking about our kids. Right, right. And both being like, fuck, I'm so tired. Yeah. And we have like two drinks and eat dinner and we're like, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Yeah. But.

I'm taking her out for her birthday this weekend. Nice little trip. Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. What are you, anything? We're going to Napa. We're taking her to Napa. Really? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's fun. It'll be cool. Let's go get fucked up. Yeah. Get hammered. Fight. Yeah.

It's in the cards. It's in the fucking cards. It's just two beers is all it takes to just rip the veneer off. Yeah, we're fighting. We'll be in the back of one of those little party vans and just be like, why did I do this? Why the fuck did you say that shit's in that fucking place? Yeah, it'll be... Yeah, shit starts coming up from...

years or weeks ago. Or it goes the other way. Or it's just like totally lovey-dovey. It can go either way. When the alcohol kicks in, that's when, if you're like nine, ten days deep, it comes out. You're like, don't even fucking touch me anymore. I saw this thing online. The guy said, if you're not giving me blowjobs, you think I'm a beta and you hate me secretly. I don't know.

And you've secretly been, what's it called, lily pad hopping. You're just fucking lily pad hopping to get to a high target alpha male. It is funny. It is funny in their minds that it's like a girl does want to suck a dick. That's what they're saying. At all times. Yeah, obviously. So if they're not sucking your dick, they're thinking about another dick to suck. Is there logic? Yeah.

I, yeah, I mean, or what I think that could be like, there's no way they could just be living their lives. There's no way they can just be content and be like, thank God I don't have to suck a guy's dick anymore. Right, right, right. I'm on the account. I'm on the mortgage. I don't have to suck a guy's dick anymore. This is heaven. Yeah, I'm like for real trying to work my way into like kind of asexuality.

I heard you talking about this. I saw a clip of you talking about asexuals. What did you say? Into what? Asexuals. Just being non... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it'll never happen because it's like I will still...

I'm still a red-blooded guy. Like, it builds up quick in me. That's why I wonder what it was to be, like, to be, like, one of those eunuchs back in the day. So sick. Like, where, like, you know, like, a king would just, like, castrate a dude and it'd be like, all right, now you stay and hang out with my wife and keep her company while I'm on the road conquering shit. See, that would suck. It's the choice. Being able to, like, the...

The total denial of sexual desire does seem like it's like the ultimate power. You're just so clear. That's why they were like the advisors. Like they were like the most trusted advisor. You'd be like, bro, hit me with like a clear. It's so funny. You're like, dude, you're just trying to fuck the princess in Siberia. And you're like, you're right. You're right. I don't have to go invade that place. You're right. I live in a state of total post-nut clarity. It's literally no nut clarity.

Complete just like, you know what? Is that really necessary? Like, yeah, I'm just spinning out, dude. I'm going to go. It's like every time they're probably like, you're sorry. I think you should just go rub one out. I think you'll feel good. So funny. A guy being like, guys are nuts. It's like, well, maybe we should hire a woman advisor. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just get a guy. Cut his dick off. That's what we need. Yeah.

Like, maybe we shall consult with the Duchess. It's like, dude, relax. Relax. We'll figure this out. That, and I think they were, that was like an esteemed position. So if you were like, if you just got conquered, you know, and they like cut your dick off, dudes would be like, lucky. You were just headed to be like a galley slave. You're like, dude, for real, cut my dick off. Just the bottom of a boat for your whole life. Just, yeah. Just rowing. That's the way to come in and show your loyalty. Sir, I'm here to serve you forever.

I wonder if you get phantom boners. Phantom limb syndrome. Or like they at least dream that they still have a dick. I feel like at that point your nipples would just get really hard. Your nipples would just stick out. But I don't think you would even really... You wouldn't have a lot of testosterone, I don't think, at that point. I don't know, but you still got to be... I don't know, right? You still got to be able to feel it.

In a dream situation, you could have like a man having a wet dream with no... Have you ever seen your dick in a dream? No. I don't think I ever have. It's crazy. Which is weird, too, because remember as a kid, you would have those... Other people have seen my dick in a dream. Yeah, I have this one where my whole elementary school points and laughs. Yeah, I've never seen my dick in a dream. They say you don't see cell phones in dreams, typically. It's very rare to see a cell phone in a dream.

Yeah, yeah. But I've just started dreaming again. I think it's because I've reduced my weed intake. Man, I've been having nightmares, like full on nightmares. Comes back hard. Yeah, man. But yeah, I had that. I went through a run of that. I went on like a three day bender watching baseball games. And then I came back and I like like six, six nights in a row had every bullshit night

you could have. Teeth falling out, falling off a cliff. Naked. Stuck in a wedge, naked. Stuck in a wedge sucks. I've done that. Yeah. I've done stuck in a wedge where it's almost like a lucid dream and it like fucking... I'm like trapped under a staircase being like, dude, get me the fuck out of here. Yeah, it sucks. Covered in bees. It was covered in bees. Yeah.

He was waking up and watching the Phillies again the next day. Dude, it was so sad. What's a three-day baseball bender like? That sounds kind of nice. It was fucking awesome. My lady accidentally bought tickets to the entire college baseball regional final. Oh, this was live. Yeah, yeah. And I lived right next to the baseball stadium, so we would just wake up, walk over to the baseball stadium, start drinking, watching Houston Christian versus...

University of Texas, San Antonio. It was great. I thought you were in front of the tube. What? I thought you were in front of the tube. I thought you were going full pop-up mode. I'm like, that's powerful. No, no, no. We were going to the game, just getting hammered. That's fun. Yeah, it was great. I like that. But then, you know, the dreams afterwards. Normally, I'll get crazy dreams, but this was just like straight out of the textbook.

Yeah. Bullshit. Teeth falling out is bullshit. I get teeth falling out, jumping and floating. That's a cool one I get every now and again where I can jump and like hover in the air. Yeah. Or just somehow like jump and then like fly like I'm like a plastic bag. I get those a lot where I can jump and it's kind of like, and it's, I'm like showing everyone like, dudes, I can, I knew I could do this. That's crazy. And I fly around. I feel like flying is the hardest thing to do in a dream. I fly. I do. I get like, not like pure flight, but I can jump and I can learn, I can like float my body. Yeah.

over buildings and come back down. It's like really realistic. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm coming down hard. I'm able to like, it's pretty cool. It does feel like a measure of your confidence. Maybe. You know what I mean? Like somewhere in your brain, you're still going, there's no way I could actually fly, but I'll sail along like a bag. It's like I am doing it. Just my brain telling me I'm just drifting pointlessly through life. Yeah. I've done, I've had those because I can never, I've never flown in a dream ever, but I've tried.

I didn't say I jumped super high, but then I just come back down. Then I wake up and I'm like, it was a fucking dream and I couldn't fly. Yeah. The fuck, dude. So disappointed. Time for the clean Raiders to play. We had a motherfucking hour. All right, let's stop and slide in the page you're on. All right, we're.