Shownotes Transcript
The Wild, Wild West. Yes. Okay, let's go. Yeah, did you see the Terrence Howard thing where he talked about how the man's kind of center of structural integrity is his butthole? And he claims P. Diddy was trying to compromise him and make him fluid.
He's like, once you compromise your center of integrity, which is your butthole, you become fluid and nothing. You get all fucked up. Center of not physical integrity. Your manhood. Actual integrity. Yeah, he's a mathematician. So he was saying the geometry, the underpinning of your structural manhood is your butthole. Yeah.
Like, yeah. But it's also, it's mental too. The center of gravity, he thinks, is your butthole. Is your butthole. And once you... Which, by the way, I can't prove him wrong. There's something to it, man. It sounds like he's right again. Who? Terrence Howard, mathematician. Hustle and flow. Oh, boy. The hustle and flow guy that's now a super genius. Okay. He claims Diddy went for his b-hole. Under, like, the thing of, like, lessons. He was giving them, like, you know, acting lessons.
Said Diddy was just like looking at him wrong. He's like, this guy's trying to fuck my ass. Take away the geometry of my manhood. So what do you think about that? Nightmare story to have to listen to. You don't think he went for Terrence Howard's butthole? But it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like Terrence Howard thinks that he wanted to. He might have. If there's anybody out there that might have wanted to, I would say Diddy's a prime suspect.
I can't follow what's going on because it sounds like... There's a lot of people saying he tried to fuck him in the ass. Yeah. What do you think? Free Diddy? There's a lot of rumors going around that Diddy's trying to destroy men's structural integrity. I understand those rumors. It sounded like the way that the story was being told was that Terrence Howard... Assumed it. Right, assumed it. Yeah. Well, he had like an assistant. He was like, what's up with him? He's like, oh, Diddy's trying to fuck you.
So his assistant was the one who told him, like, yo, this is what this is all about. Was that guy Mr. Bentley or what was that guy's name? It just gets more complicated. Farnsworth Bentley? It's like, my boss is trying to fuck your ass. Get the fuck out of here. Run. Go now. That's a fair point, though. Maybe he wasn't trying to fuck his ass.
Do you think if someone gets their ass fucked, it does compromise their manhood to where it affects your posture and shit? Like you move differently after that. Do I think that? No. Really? Yeah, no. Do you have any proof? I have a counter argument. Yeah? Gay guys walk different. It's true. I think it actually helps your structural integrity. The posture goes way up. Yeah. Once you get fucked. It's true. Yeah.
True. You just start wearing that sweater vest differently. Yeah. It starts looking way different on you. We had a thing in grade school that like if like do you ever have it with like kids where it's like, you know, a lady's walking. Like if a lady walked a certain way, like she had sex before. Yeah. We would just do it with all the moms. Like all the moms would come to special lunch and be like, yo, she definitely had sex before. Yeah. If you walk with your feet a little bit more apart, that's all you could tell a girl had sex. Yeah.
Once again, these are tough to refute. Dude, I kind of hold to it. Yeah. If I see a woman go anywhere near shoulder-width apart, I'm going, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? Slut. Yeah. Slut. Your mom's here to help with Pete's lunch. Like, yo, your mom got fucked, dude. Speaking of sluts, how about the space sluts? Dude.
How did I not know about that? I don't know. I think I saw it this morning and it's been bothering me. Yeah, that's affected me a lot. Also, Bezos, for all of that work, he just looks like a trash man. He's like the body of like a. He's on like billions of dollars of TRT and gene therapy. Just to become a WAP. He's transferred. He's fully just a guy at Wawa. That's all he is.
That might have been the biggest attempt to get rid of your wife ever. Yeah. Just being like, I built this spaceship. I'm going to launch you up there. Yeah, man. With Gayle King. Yeah, and it's fucked up because he'd have another wife pretty fast. If he blew his wife up in outer space. Yeah, he'd have a wife before the rubble hit Earth. Yeah, sending your wife in outer space is crazy. But yeah, dude, I don't know. He needs to tighten up his program.
He was probably bummed out when he saw that thing landing. Yeah. Fuck, I was almost out of that one. It's also annoying because then that hits like girl consciousness. Like, man, when you get out of space, you'll never go to fucking... Jeff took his wife to outer space. She had a lunch with him. Yeah, I don't like this thing of sending ladies to space at all.
It's also not historic. It's not like a historical. It's not. You did say that. Yeah, they sent a fucking chimp. The Russians sent chimps to space. Sorry, ladies. You guys missed the fucking boat. Was that dog's name? It was like an owl. Fuck, I know that dog. It starts with an L. The Russian dog. What's that dog's name? The dog that went to space? Yeah. I don't know. Laker. Space bugger.
Space dog. The doll with the space on it. It's also sad that they went to space and just did like Instagram. Yeah. They're just in there going like... Katy Perry's standing in front of a camera instead of looking out at the universe. Yeah. She's like, it's not about me. And then she's up in space literally staring directly into a camera. I know. Especially once you say it's not about me, like for the fifth time, it's like, all right, it might actually be all about you. Dude, her singing up there. Yeah, she got up there and sang What a Wonderful World. Yeah, it's...
Good. That's what we need. Although, what kind of... Is that trending on Twitter right now? That song? Yeah. No, I'm saying just like going to space. The fact that they went to space is like... Yeah, I think it was pretty popular. It's pretty big. Yeah, and I think people are more just... They have our opinion about it. Yeah, that stunk. They're like, that stinks. That sucked that we did that. Yeah, and it also... Yeah, just to be like...
we're going to go to space just to like for a movement for women to take up more space it's like dude did you ever live with a woman they fuck they're doing all right yeah in terms of occupying instantly there's yeah they're taking up space already it's like living with a man because oh the office is my room now yeah well it's just not even a call it's not a real cause it's like this is for women to take up more space like what do you mean by that it'd be like i don't know man
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why you ask me what do you think about that do you think women you think they need to be more confined do you think they should you think they should be confined or occupy more space i don't like i don't know come on you can do it occupy more space yeah in what in what regard true tires june 5th true what tires june 5th oh yeah yeah women need to occupy more space of course tires watch tires they should be they should if they choose they want to of course
If they want to take up more space. You don't want to confine them? No. You don't ever want to confine your woman? No. What are your thoughts on foot training? What? Foot training. Foot training? Yeah. What's that? Binding their feet. I don't support forcible foot training. If somebody wants to foot train? Yeah. Sure. Their daughter? No. What if your two-year-old said, I want to foot train? Would you say yes?
No. Why? So you're against trains. What if your public school teacher came and told you your daughter wants to foot train? I would say let's just wrap the foot.
You know, like wearing a cape. Yeah. Did you see that soft white underbelly where the guy lost? Like he had a son and his wife was like, our son's a daughter. He's like, no, it's not. And then she just got, she divorced him. And then the school was like, yo, it's on. Schools are gone, bro. They need to chill, dude. They need to chill.
I don't understand like the hype up on it. If I'm a teacher and I'm like trying to like just get them to pay attention to geography, the last thing I need on my plate is like, what are we doing? Yeah, I got that. Yeah, but there could be a deeper like you're trying to get them to pay attention to geography and they are acting up every day and you go, okay. Yeah, and the girls are all being so good. I'm about to fuck your shit up. It's just a class. I think they're just being lazy because girls are easier in school.
Like if you're a boy, school sucks. If you're a girl, you're like, I actually like it. I have all my pencils organized. So if I was a teacher, I'd be like, we need more of these girls. That's very true. They tried Adderall for years. And they're like, you know what? Fuck it. Teachers are just on Adderall organizing the class. It'd be much more efficient if these were all women in here.
I don't see the point. I don't see what's wrong with that. And also, yeah, the sports. I was on PITM yesterday. We were talking about... What's that? Panties in the Mouth podcast. Okay. Premier American podcast. Sounds like it's right up your alley, doesn't it? Yes. You've been known to stuff some PITM. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, PITM, it's good. He actually does...
Penny's in the mouth on Patreon. What happened? I've just been saying it for years. That's a pretty cool thing to do. Stuff a girl's underpants into her mouth. If they're into it. If they're into it. Yeah. While you're poorly fucking her. What if you're just working at their house and you see them on the floor and you're just going... Which is my own. But that's kind of...
It's snack time. They're about to get washed. What does that matter? They're about to get washed. Say you're working at a house. You're a plumber. You go in to fix the laundry machine. You just see dirty underwear. Do you think a person has the right to stuff it? I could gobble these. You don't ask for a tip, though. No tip. You gobble the panties when no one was looking. No tip. Even if you don't even know the woman.
Even if I've never even seen her. Really? So you don't even know her age? They got to be pretty big. You got to be giant. I plead the fifth. Turn the mic off on that. We were talking about coaches starting at competitive in women's sports and just like...
Like how college coaches hear of like a player's good and they go and kind of scout the house. Yeah. Just like there's like a fucking fast gay kid in your neighborhood and you're like, I can get him on the girls. Oh, yeah. You get him on the girls varsity. Fast gay kid. You see him running like Forrest Gump in front of a truck. People are like, get out of here. You bring the briefcase to his family's house. You're like, let's just have dinner. This kid could dominate. Mm-hmm. But what are your thoughts on that kind of stuff? Uh-uh.
I didn't even understand what happened over there. It turns into like if she's there on a job site. So who's we're talking about how there's a thing going on right now where all of these girls are becoming boys and dominating men's sports, right? Causing a fucking uproar. And it's huge in the
Podcast sphere. Okay. This is what we talk about. Yeah, I thought it wasn't this like a year ago that no, it's still Girl, it was boys years of us talking boys becoming girls boys becoming girls Now there's a lot of girls becoming boys and just cleaning up fucking boys and men sports. No way That's Russian disinformation that is Russian that's actually Russian It's just a deep you know, it's a deep couch
If anybody's just listening to this, I tried to get up to get to that. How was the Masters? You laid on the ground. That's what I'd like to talk about. Yeah, how was the Masters? How was the Masters? Well, I, you know, really, so we should start by saying how much I appreciate what Shane did to get us to the Masters. True. Because, and I did say like a year and a half ago, I was like, if you could ever use your powers for me, I'd love to go to the Masters. And then he made that happen. That's awesome. And it's unbelievable. And what did I ask for in return? Six beers.
Oh, God, no. By the way, everyone at the Masters had heard that. Everywhere we went, dudes were like, how many beers has he had? To the point where I started defending him, where I was like, guys, just leave him alone. He's only ever won.
And then he would laugh at it because then, like, the moment guys would come up to him, I would just walk away. And then he would be like, look at him over there applying sunscreen, trying to act like he's living. No, not even. Not even a spray. Deodorant stick of sunscreen. It doesn't get all over your hands. It's fucking crazy. You're doing like the Ugg from Camp Onowana. What? Camp Onowana, we don't do it in our hearts.
What? Did you ever see Salute Your Shorts? What? Did you ever see Salute Your Shorts? The show. No. All right. Honestly, it sounds like Mad Libs. No, it's not. It was a show on Nickelodeon when we were younger. Oh, I didn't have cable until I was like 13. Damn. Yeah. What? Why did you have cable?
We got the cable and it was the X Games and that was incredibly exciting. You got to see the X Games right away? That was the first thing. You're like a Soviet. You got everything at once. You turned 13 and we're like, holy shit. But no, the Masters, I didn't. So I was trying to hold my tongue. Yeah. Because I knew it was big for Kirby's. Yeah, yeah. I just, I don't give a fuck about golf. Yeah. I really wanted to. You can't see anything.
Yeah, you couldn't see a fucking thing. Yeah, how does that work? Did you pick a spot? It doesn't. I don't know how anybody...
You just, like, the best you could do is park up at a hole, and then you get to watch that, if you could see. And then, you know, it's like a hit on the green. We were at 16. There were some awesome spots. Like, was that six? That was a par three? Yeah. That was great. But I couldn't see anything. Oh. So, like, if you could see all the... Oh, yeah. Well, he's also, he can't see. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we did get to 16. Took a fucking blind guy to the Masters. Yeah.
He couldn't see a single thing. I was like, it's beautiful out here. He was like, is it? The Ocon man last second got a ticket. What? Yeah, the Ocon man got in with us. Nice. Yeah, it was a miracle.
That's awesome. The people at CAA just were like, all right, here you go. You can have this. That's tight. So he, you know, but he was planning on not going. So he had already started drinking a little. Yeah. He was ready to lock down by himself at Hooters for the entire day, which I couldn't have been more jealous. That's kind of nice. I could not have been more jealous. It's also nice to be at the bar. My buddies are there. And also be like, I have to be here. Yeah. There's nowhere else. I just, they dropped me off. I got to stay here until the sun goes down.
from noon to fucking 8 p.m at a hooters and then you can't have cell phones which sounds great but you like it's almost like a movie where you know you're with somebody and then the bus passes and then that person's gone yeah we got lost a couple times did you really yeah yeah it's just a hundred thousand people moving around and everybody's dressed alike everybody's dressed like every single person is dressed like a golfer yeah yeah i figured that
Everyone was extremely nice. Yeah. Everyone was great. The staff, everybody that worked there was awesome. Other than the bathroom, you go in there. That was a very different experience. It's prison in there. It literally became prison. So the only black people I saw were people, the bathroom attendants. That second you go in the bathroom, it's like, one or two, one or two, one or two, get in here. Just hurry up. Go. Yeah.
yeah what and then they yelled they yelled at me because there's like a wall walls of urinals and i'm like walking down the you know the set and then one would open up and the guy would be like keep going all the way to the end and then i'd try and bank again keep going all the way to the end they just keep yelling at you until you and then they're yelling at the next person the stalls were like a cell block like it was crazy yeah what the many walk back outside and it's paradise
It's the most beautiful place you've ever seen. Hold on. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Yeah. Get the fuck down. Why do they need that level of organization there? They love it. It was very organized. That's kind of cool. Yeah.
damn it was intense the bathroom lines were quick though they were quick it's very efficient yeah it does feel like a trick a lot of people are kind of because they're like it's this unbelievable experience and the food's you know inexpensive could go fuck itself yeah it was like wait till you try the cheese sandwich it's only a dollar fifty turns out they got that price exactly right that thing was a dollar fucking fifty cheese sandwich
It sucks. It's a wonder branch. It's so fucking funny. I don't want to shit on the Masters because it was awesome. And everyone there was nice. It would have been amazing to watch on TV. I actually caught a bunch of it. I was in San Antonio in the green room. It was just on the TV. Rose was dominating. One guy got stuck in a bush. Did you see that? Where he got stuck in a fucking bush and had to sit down for a while. That was O'Connor. O'Connor laying down.
Yeah, we were at the 18th. So they went into extra, I guess, playoffs at the end because it was tied. So apparently they play the 18th again and then the 10th and then the 18th? Or just 18th, then 10, and then 18? I think it was just the 18th and then 10.
Yeah. Who won? Rory. Rory, man. Oh, wow. Okay. So we posted up at the 18th tee box just in case it went to an extra round and we could see them tee off. So we were at the end. A mile away, the guy won. And there was like five of them. Chris was laying on the grass farting. And we were like, get up, dude. He's just rolling around on the grass.
Yeah, it was a fucking disastrous trip. Johnson was like a bachelorette party because Chris got hammered. We would get lost and be like, where did you go? Where did you go? There was a lot of lost fights. When we went back to the plane, I cried on the plane. Some lost fights. He cried on the plane. No. I had a panic attack. Right before takeoff, yes.
I'm going to just get a hotel here and drive. I got to go. No. Sit down, Gerby baby. Yeah. But you were so helpful, John and Chris, and then the pilot. The pilot was very helpful. But during his panic attack, I was like, would it help if I blast Drake? And he's like, no. He's just completely honest. He's like, I fucking hate Drake, and you play it all the time, and you play it too loud. He did. He did. He plays it too loud. All his music's too loud. Have you ever been in a car?
It's nuts! That is not good for a panic attack. Drake, for a panic attack. That's why I said it, though. I was like, would it help you if I blast music? And you were the first, like... Because I had a racist theory, which was like... What? Well, I mean...
It was just like black people take a while to get a car. When you get in a car, you know, like getting out of a car. I'm sorry. It's just a thought. It's a thing that I thought. That's fine. Black people take a long time getting in and out of cars. Yeah. It's like a lot of like... I don't know. And then you did it. Yeah. I was like, what the fuck's going on? Just start the car. You're waiting for a parking spot at the mall. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? What? You're like waiting for a parking spot. You're saying... No, no, no. It's like with him...
This was back when you had your Corolla. And I didn't know how bad it was to critique you. You got in it. And then I got in and I buckled up. We were going to go get coffee. And then you take out your phone and you're doing this. You guys get the music going. Right. And I was like, what are you doing? And you're picking a song. Let's go. And so anyway, it just abused me in that. I said, here's a white guy that does it.
Oh, nice. Yeah. I do a lot of black stereotypes. Think of one. Think of one? Yeah. No. One of them fiddling around in their cars is so funny. They fiddle. You do critique my driving. You critique the parking? Yeah.
Can you imagine being in a car like he was? I talked shit the other day. I would love to see you drive. Well, you've seen me drive. It's probably chaos. No, but you nailed exactly the... Because when I drive, because, you know, with my vision, and I almost... You can't see. I can, but it's just like I like to be doubly sure. And you were like, you're looking way too far to... You know, like if I'm going to pull out, I really make sure there's no people.
I gave someone a scare one time, and then I... So... And what music do you listen to? The Engine. I just... Silence. Yeah. You don't listen to music in your car? Occasionally, I do. Like what? You know what. I honestly don't. Oh, it's like... Pirates of the Caribbean. Pirates of the Caribbean. Everybody's like... I got... You know, I get hit with like...
What did I get here? Four fucking real, dude. And he's been listening to the NBA theme song. The John Tesh, yes. Discover Weekly is phenomenal. You're Discover Weekly? What? You're Discover Weekly is back to the Caribbean and the NBA theme song. Yeah. And yeah, the John Tesh song is great. You know? Damn, that was probably right when you got cable too. They were using it back then. Yeah.
There is a YouTube channel that plays like soft jazz at all. Just like a piano. It's not bad. So it's just like chill. Yes. Nice. I guess coming from that, which is the whitest way on earth to drive, I probably seem black as hell in my car. Yes. You drive too white. Quiet is nuts. Quiet's nuts. I'm just kidding. What? Silence is crazy to me in a car for the most part. I don't think so. I mean, I get it. I get it.
but listening to Pirates of the Caribbean theme song and driving around laughing laughing I mean it's just that's not the only thing also like a Hans Zimmer mix but it's you were telling me Hans Zimmer isn't amazing I do think that's like maybe like while I'm watching a movie laughing
It is nice to be in a parking lot and have like a dramatic soundtrack swell. They're so... They take for fucking ever. I don't know about that. Oh, no. I'm gone. I'm somewhere else. Man, you must... Driving in Philly, you must have had a tough time. Yeah. Driving... Because the killer bees are out. I don't know what you're talking about. The bees. I don't know what that is. Shane! But listen...
I did have, you know... There were some teenagers on bicycles. And holy Toledo. Because you know what you're coming into that. You know what you're coming into that. Teens on bikes? Yes. Were they B's or W's? Yeah, I mean, you know what it is. So you're coming to the art museum. No, there's...
children children it doesn't matter so but you know but but it's what it is and they're on their bikes and then like right is the green light and i start going one like hardcore darts at the truck and then i like whoa and then yeah and then i was saying to my girl i'm like if
He collided with the car. I'm finished. I can't stop. It's going to be LA riots. It's going to be over. Or then I'm just going to drive and I'm going to hit and run. Then I was like, I would drive to a police station. Then I start going through all that. But yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, you have to turn yourself in. Damn. I was like, I'm never driving in this city again. I ruined that afternoon.
Yeah, you got to be careful. That's... Yeah, you can get really... If you hit one of those kids, you're in a lot of trouble. Yes. And... You're like a lot of businesses because you explode if you... And I have... I am very, like, blizz. Like, I get, you know, picked on. You get harassed. I remember when I got candy mugged at Halloween. Yes. Yeah. You got... Yeah. The ghetto boys. I got candy mugged. The ghetto boys got them. When I was...
I wasn't even close to Halloween. Did you hold out the bowl? Yeah. No, yeah, I learned in my lesson the hard way with that as well. You can't do that. You cannot hold out the bowl. What happened to you? I fucking just seized a lot of candy. Yeah. You got to. How did it go down? I just was like, here, grab a couple. I was like.
Oh, you pull it down and make boys, man. Yeah. And it was just W neighborhood. And that happened. Oh, OK. Still happen. OK. Especially if you do leave like take one. If you try to leave a dish outside that gets destroyed anywhere. How did you get mugged? I come out. I had a pot, you know. Yep. And yeah, I was like, here's some candy. We're dishing out. That's my candy. This was it was everything. It was like I spent the money on the candy. Yeah. You know, Amazon. And I'm excited. Yeah.
I wouldn't say I was excited. I felt an obligation to do it. Because I think it's an awesome holiday, and I'm new to the neighborhood. Holland's an awesome holiday. Yeah. And he had a backpack on. Tell me you were dressed as Jack Sparrow. I was not dressed up. Oh, I did wear like orange and black. You wore orange and black? Yeah, like, you know, that I had in my wardrobe already. For sure, yeah. What was it? I don't remember. Orange polo, black pants? Don't recall. Pumpkin suit? No.
What were you wearing? I don't recall. Did you dress your cat up? No. All right.
And he turned his backpack around. So it was like front ways and unzipped it and started putting, and he went, and then they all started doing it. And I was like, guys, guys. And then one kid, they took it all. And then one kid was like, I'm sorry, bro. And I was like, I'm sorry. And then that was it. I was out of candy. You never had to shut off all my lights. And then any other kids that came, I was like, well, are they going to be pissed? You know, it's,
That sucks. Yeah. Yeah, I had to run to write it. Five-nine. Two-twenty. Yeah, I got crushed one year. I held the bowl out and I was like, never again. You can't do it. Yeah, it's big handfuls. You have to grab, dump in the bag. And I said, I'm out of here. And then I moved to the suburbs. Anyway, just kidding. But I did, but...
Anyway, we got involved. Yeah, we talked about that. I got involved in a high-level crime. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. That was pretty wild. It was, yeah. Terrifying. True. Yeah. So the Masters were good. The Masters, it was good. I'm happy we went. It was awesome to go. And again, just like you taking me was so special. And it meant so much to me. It's because you're special. Well.
Not drinking six beers, that was a fucking crime. No, no. It's not a crime. It's not a crime. How many would you have just won, right? Well, I had vodka on the plane ride there because I was freaking out. And then I had, I mean, technically at the end of the day. At the end of the day, you turned it on during that panic attack. Yep. That was nice. Oh, you guys went there and back. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. So you hit your six. Yeah. Alcohol affects me different. And people that don't have that...
They can't get... I know it affects you different. Yeah. That's why I wanted it. No, no. What does it do? Is it like the hangover and all that stuff afterwards? Like there's a point, so like there's an hour where it feels nice and then it's just like inflammation so then I just start to feel like crap. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like the amount that I would have to drink to get through that is like... No, but then I'm going to feel so bad the next day that I can't even enjoy it while it's happening. And I'm just like...
yeah you have an unbelievable constitution the fact that the next day you were like in the mood that you were in is insane we're having fun you did have fun no i can be grumpy in the morning you weren't grumpy at all you woke up and you were like hey guys and then you took a shower then you were you which is nuts yeah thank you yeah i can't handle the hangovers man i fucking i hate them no the ocon man rallied yesterday i thought there was no shot he was gonna be all right it's funny you're like i don't want
He's got no problem crushing pills. I had one pill, one lorazepam, because, you know, for fear of flying. Oh, oops. Allegedly. You could do it. You're right. I remember the first time I heard you say allegedly. It killed me. I remember, like, you know how when somebody says something really funny, I knew where I was standing in helium. But anyway, just in case my doctor's watching. I don't combine them.
You can drink. I was going to tell you, just take pills. And if you can't drink, just take like two lorazepams and like a little bit of mushrooms and just go to the masters. Right. That'd be the move. Mushrooms would have rocked. The issue here was. It would have been really overwhelming though. Yeah. Shane was treating me to. I would have laid down. When I got lost the first time, I would have just. But the problem was I was trying to get their attention because I lost them. I thought they were in front of me when we were walking. It turns out they just stopped next to me.
And I kept walking because people kept talking to me. Yeah, yeah. And then I was trying to find them and I was just like standing on a hill just trying to gain attention so they could maybe see me so just everyone saw me. Yeah. And then all of them were like, yo, bro, fucking chug this beer. I was like, all right, give me the fucking beer. It was the Georgia Bulldogs football team. Was it really? Yeah, it was the Georgia players came up and they were the ones who got me to chug a beer because it was while I was lost and I was like –
I'll chug it with you, but now it's a real race against the clock for me to find these guys because I was on the cusp of being hammered. And then we were going search parties in different directions, and I was going where he ended up where he was. I was, for real, 30 yards away just standing. And then you took the hill. Yeah, then you took the hill. Yeah.
dang but we ran into jj watt who is just an awesome yeah he was a man yeah him and his boys yeah he had two high school friends i think they were that they were i could be 100 friends they were so nice how about that dude uh o'connor was battling with oh yeah it was just a guy behind us there was a roofer from florida that was just so obnoxious yeah what was he doing he's like yelling it was really funny
Was he yelling out? They were just being loud. If somebody's hitting, you've got to be really quiet. We were right next to the green, so dudes were putting. He was like, dude, where are all the squirrels? They fucking killed all the squirrels. O'Connor was hammering next to him like, shut the fuck up. Nobody fucking likes you, dude. It gives a fuck. The other guy would be like, fuck you. He's like, fuck you, pussy. Yeah.
He didn't like to chat. Somebody farted during a putt, which was a former NFL quarterback. I want to name him now. He farted at the Masters. Oh, my God. It was extremely funny. I mean, that was a fun time. Sitting at the 16th when we were all – It was kids in class. You had to be quiet, and everyone there was just like – That's so funny.
Yeah, that's hard. And we get to see Rose make a putt that brought him right back into the mix. And then Rory comes through. And that's the thing, though. It's like, oh, what's going to happen? But then... Yeah, you don't know. There's no phones, so you can't check. You've got to literally stand in front of an actual scoreboard they're putting up, which is kind of cool. It's kind of cool. I don't like the scoring system with golf. They've got to flip that. Like, negative seven wins. They should just give you, like, 40,000 points. Yeah.
That would make it more exciting. Yeah. It's fucking embarrassing. Awesome shot. $25,000. Yeah. Like a crazy tack. Should just be top goal. Exactly. That's a weird thing, too. They try and make courses longer because they're like, oh, everybody's scoring so low. But they're all playing the same course. Who cares? Yeah. Who cares if it's 30 under as opposed to 10 under? Yeah. I don't know.
Is it true that like even if someone plays there and gets like 20th place, they still get like 300, 400 thousand dollars? Yeah. That's kind of cool. 20th probably makes that really pretty easily. Yeah, that's pretty tight. Yeah. What's your what do you shoot right now? Well, my handicaps at 11 three, but it's probably going to go up because I'm making some swing changes and I'm not good. So how does that work? Is your handicap like affect the score if you play against somebody else?
Is that like, you know what I mean? Like if you go play. I don't know how that system works. It's like, it's kind of a weird system, but you just, it prompts me to enter it after I play a round. So I enter it. I thought that's exactly what it was designed for. Right. So if you're competing. Yeah. Right. Why do they call it a handicap though? That's what I don't understand. I don't know. Because it's a disability. True. You're handicapped by your score versus whoever you're playing.
But does that affect the score, I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, if you got, like, a four and I got a five and I had a higher handicap, we'd have, like, the same. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I guess it keeps it somewhat fair. Somewhat. Seems communist to me. Yeah, it's kind of crazy, actually. I like that. Can you get the tags if your handicap gets, like, high enough? What's that? Like, the parking tags. You can park. You can park closer at the golf course. Oh!
I got busted in a handicap spot where I get my wings. I never... I don't take up handicap spots where I go to Nando's to get... They have like... Great wings. Wood-grilled wings. They're so fucking good. We should order those. I should, actually. They're delicious. But they're...
The only parking spots out front of it and everywhere else is kind of busy is like two or three giant handicaps. It's like a lane of just handicapped spots. I always pop in there, grab my wings, and leave. How many spots? It's like three, but it's right in front of the place. There's never three of them at once. Dude, it's just all of it's handicapped. If you want to go to Nando's and pick up an order or you want to park out front, you have to be handicapped.
Or in front of that's valet for the hotel next to it. And I'll pull in the valet and they're like, you can't park it right now. So I'm like, fine. Back into a handicapped spot. I'm like, you made me do it. And then I went to get my wings. I'm like, they won't be there. Dude, a car pulls behind me. I'm like, no way he's handicapped. Saw the tags. I'm like, burning with shame. Just hopped in my car. That's worse than dumping. I limped out. Dumping in the handicap. Yeah. You come out and you're like, there's no chance there's a guy in a wheelchair. Have you ever encountered? I have.
It's devastating. I took a family dump, the family bathroom, and I've opened that after a dump, and there's been a family that needs to change diapers and shit. Yeah, those things get hit hard. Although they're kind of rolling those. Family bathroom is like... I think that's been the solution for the trans stuff. It's just like families or whoever, and then you can kind of... That's what I do. Yeah. Instead of limping out, I'll go...
excuse me i'm handicapped i'm a family i'm a fucking family that was the only thing they could do they could because it was such an insult you can't solve that problem because then if you have a just trans bathroom you can't do that
So it has to be family and friends. Just trans bathroom would be nice. Yeah, that'd be fun. Party. Fun. People would be getting in there. Anyone could go. Bro, think if you hit it, you had to hit it. There's the only toilet open. You got the walk of shame coming out. True, I'd put my family in the family room. Like, I'll be back. Just hit the trans bathroom.
But yeah, that's a thing at the airport I've seen. I've seen people go in and crush the family bathroom. Yeah. And you just see a family waiting outside. I've done it. And then I'm in there. You got to just be like, I'm taking my time on this. Yeah. It's a lone... It's a single bathroom. It's perfect. You can lose yourself in there. You can take some time. You can look at Instagram. You can fuck around. Yeah. That's a big... Yeah, I've taken a long time and then come out and seen...
Two fans. Like a line of family. You just got to come out and go. You got to come out of there and go. Where the hell did they go? Where the fuck's my family? Did they not see my child? Where's my family? This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought? Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic.
So they have a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two. What type of bugs are you going to put in there? Right now, we've only gotten some roly polies. So you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like... I'd like to see what roly polies are up to. Bro, I got... I catch like... Me and my daughters catch like four roly polies a day and put them in my garden. It's really nice. It's awesome. I have so many roly polies. So yeah, I got... The bug tank's nice, man. Because otherwise, you got to carry them in your... You ever try to carry a roly poly in your hand for like... They fucking... They're escape artists. Yeah.
So, yeah, I got some bug tanks. It's been, you know, 30 years. Yeah, yeah. Since I've tried. It's just as hard. They escape. So... I bought a bug light. You got a bug light? I got a bug zapper out there that's...
Kind of the opposite of what you're doing, but just as fun. You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden. God damn. You get some of these big bugs out here. My dad's big on bugs. When they die, they go. You hear them hit the fucking bug light and they go, Jesus. God damn. Another great investment.
Taking care of yourself. You're talking about these bugs. I didn't even think about that. Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive, though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it, though. And you do have options like BetterHelp, the help with the bed on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session while getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself and take care of myself. I like therapy because...
I've benefited from therapy. Yeah, I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do. Everyone could learn something from therapy.
Yeah, you can just learn how... Because it teaches you positive coping skills. Like how dumb your family is. And set boundaries. How you're doomed. Yeah, basically you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Hate to break it to you, your family are idiots and you're doomed. With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule. I love getting online sessions. Love that. With just a few clicks, you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason.
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Hey, everybody. Dude Dwipes Day Rip. But it's me, Lamar Lee. Please come to my shows on May 9th and May 10th at Coastal Creative in dang Tampa. And May 28th, we're doing a small-time comedy heist here in Austin, Texas at Roscoe's Comedy Club. Please come. It'll be nice. Tell them a joke. Give them a little taste. A small-time comedy heist? No, do one of your jokes. Like a bit? Do a joke so people know what they're going to get. Give them a little taste. I have to find one? Give me a little taste.
Do crowd work. Where are you from? Philadelphia. Philadelphia? That's nice. It's cool out there. I like Philly. What's your favorite cheesesteak? Chicken. Chicken. Get the fuck off the stage. You should come see me in Philly on May 6th. We should just put that out as a special. That was...
Yeah, I'm excited to fly with my family tomorrow. That's always an operation. And Gerby. And Gerbs, dude. I can't believe. Yes. They're going to have so much fun. Great. I can't wait. Absolutely sick. You're going to scare the fuck out of Matt's kids. Promise I won't. No, they're going to have them. First of all, no. Yeah. Yeah.
You know what you do. Oh, for freaking out? Yeah. I won't do that. All right, good. Definitely not in front of kids. They'll hold your hand. They'll hold your hand the whole time. Oh, that's great. I'm not saying it's bad. I do it all the time. I hold my hands. I get nervous, and we land them. I'm always like, hold your father's hand now. It makes me feel a lot better. That's adorable. Yeah. But yeah, they have no idea. They start bumping, and they're just like. But even if I was, it was so nice having you there. When you're going through something, and your friends are there and talking you through it,
it was i was trying my best to make things worse for you you weren't you're saying that you know you on the takeoff i didn't know how bad it was until we left on the way there it was pretty funny yeah the way there i had it we're really high up once i get up i'm all right yeah and the way that the pilot like explained it to me and i think like this this really made sense was he's like uh
You're not used to being in 3D like that. Do the South African. I really can't. You guys can. You can do it. He's like, hey, bro. Is there? Yeah. He's like, I can't do accents like you. Hey, bro. What did you get up there? Not used to being in 3D. So your ears are like, hey, this is totally destabilizing. Yeah. And you're trying to, you know, for me personally,
exert control over what feels like an out of control feeling yeah can't and then that starts to spin that derealization feeling and i'm like i feel like i'm losing my mind so that's what he's i just thought it was a nice thing for him to say which is like it feels weird and as it should because you're not used to it and your ears are telling you there's a problem but there's no problem i never thought about the ear hairs so your ear hairs just start getting like what the fuck's going on you start to spaz equilibrium yeah yeah because you're suddenly back and um
Yeah, but again, I really appreciated. The news has not been great. No, man. Another helicopter just exploded. Yeah, I watched that. I saw that one. Yeah. I don't think I'll be on a helicopter. Dude, yeah. Not a good time for helicopter charters. No. You know, I was interested to learn that you can land a helicopter with no power to the rotors.
uh but unfortunately it sounds like that one they actually like yeah the whole fucking thing fell yeah hold on so you're talking about if the fucking the engine dies they can turn the rotors such that it there's enough yeah yeah air being pushed through to like come down not super soft but you it's not a death sentence damn it was uh there's a youtube channel called smarter every day that did a whole thing this is like 10 years ago but yeah
That's pretty cool. It was cool. Still not getting in one of those things, man. They've caught too much negative press. Yeah. That last one was like, Jesus Christ, bro. Did they hit the water? Yeah. Poor souls. There goes my theater. Yeah, true. Whole fam. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Oh, I got it. I got it. David Jones locker. What are you doing? Shit.
Damn. Now, I'm not making fun of him because I fly a lot and I really don't want to die that way. But it was making me thinking about if that space shuttle with Katy Perry did explode and her hit song was, You're a firework. It would have been good. Yeah, man. I mean, that's criminal, dude. Sending all those babes into space is... Launching the babes. That's reckless. If they died, wouldn't it technically be like reckless endangerment?
I know, he'd probably get off. He'd be all right. Yeah, he'd get off. He'd be like, change the law. Yeah, true. For sure. See if they can survive up there. Then we'll go. Yeah, babes are in space now. That's not good. Especially just launch the space babes. Put the babes in space? Put the babes up there. Cool them off a little. True. Fuck it.
I mean, how long do you think it takes for them to land back on Earth and slowly like get like their ear hairs probably slowly get back to normal? And they're like, why are you doing it? Why are you doing it that way? Dude, think about having that over your baby. We don't go anywhere anymore. I took you to fucking space, bitch. Yeah. I didn't like the astronaut food. Astronaut food sucks. You're up there for 10 fucking minutes. What'd you eat?
I was hungry. What? I didn't feel good. Because you kept me up all night with your fucking snoring. You'd get like maybe a nice afternoon. I guarantee in the car ride home one of them was like, Gail was being a bitch. Gail was a fucking bitch the whole time we were in space. Yeah.
She thought it was all about her. Not that it's all about me. Not that it's all about me, but let's be honest. It was Katy Perry's trip. Do you think that would be cool if you're Jeff Bezos? You have a wife and you send her and Katy Perry and Gal into space. Do you think you actually felt anything or just like, all right. Yeah, it was probably just another day for that guy. He probably woke up like, oh, fuck, I got to launch those women into space.
I don't think so. I think he's excited. You think so? Yeah. You like Jeff Bezos? Sure. Bezos versus Musk? If you had to pick one, Bezos versus Musk? Oh, geez. I'd have to say Elon. You like Elon better than Bezos? I think, you know, I think right now we're in a rocky, you know. Yeah, yeah. Why do you like Elon better than Bezos? Well, Bezos, it seems, I like SpaceX better.
was before Blue Origin, right? Yeah. Yeah, he's copying his swag pretty badly on this. Yeah. Yeah. And that, the first time they landed that Falcon booster is, that's an unbelievable video to watch. It's so, because, you know, everybody would say you can't do it.
This is a joke. And then they did it and everybody starts chanting USA. It was like back in this. Yeah. Yeah. And you had to see this thing come down. And you've been jacking off to going to Mars for years. Okay. I remember that. I'd go hang out with you and Chris. All you guys talked about was fucking Mars. Well, yes. Shut up about Mars. No.
you need to worry about halloween you gotta focus on halloween before we can focus on mars mars bars yeah what'd you say mars bars oh man damn dude so what's the falcon was uh elon's yes yeah yeah you think he takes space more seriously because yeah bezos is just yeah yeah he's kind of just pulsing i'm sorry
no oh there's this youtube video i just found it again recently but i loved it because when they landed two of those there's like a guy filming it it's just the way he says it because you're watching him from afar and then as they they're re-entering the the light up to slow it down like the engines light up and so he's like two candlesticks coming down and then and then it's like you hear the sonic booms and he's like double sonic booms it's just a
Yeah, that's kind of sick. It's just a wild booms. Yeah, it's cool. The guy who got to say that probably felt so cool. He'd be like, double sonic booms. If I got to say that into a headset around people, I'd be like. That would be awesome. We're initiating double sonic booms. I was down there for some space launches. Did you really? Oh, yeah. I forgot you guys. Oh, you saw it? There's nothing. It's the coolest thing possible. It has to be. Yeah.
It's great. Although the last time I was there, it got rained out. I sat on the beach all day waiting for it. They were like, 2 p.m., 2 p.m. launch. I was like, I'm going to have a good buzz. 2 p.m. and then it got delayed eight hours. And I was like, that's fine. I'm in the zone. Fucking the sun's going down. I was like, oh, shit. Fuck that rocket fucking bullshit. And then a giant thunderstorm came. That's pretty. It was awesome. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Listen to fucking...
Not for whom the belt. Fuck it. Listen to a Metallica song. Do you want to talk about that? Yeah. It's kind of sick. Yeah, it was awesome. It was a great day. That is awesome. It sucks that Rocket didn't launch. Now my family that lives there sends me Rocket launches every day. Really? Yeah, they go, we got another video for you. I think there was a Rocket launch in San Antonio. Or like it was visible from San Antonio. Maybe it was from Houston. But yeah, the guy. Like Saturday. It was probably fucking Katy Perry. He probably saw Katy Perry. He saw Katy? Yeah.
I don't know where they launched that thing. I don't know. Probably somewhere else. Well, I don't know. Where the fuck can they do that? I'm sure they're all in LA. So maybe they just hit like fucking New Mexico or something. Roswell. Remember the guy who tried to prove the earth was flat and he made himself a rocket? No. He just fucking died. That'd be sick if he got vindicated. He's like, I'm falling off the edge. Clearly, I'm coming right off the edge. I didn't think that on the way down. Yeah. Seems pretty flat to me. I'm about to fucking hit it. It's flat as hell.
It was in Texas. What'd they launch? That was Katy Perry. He saw Perry. You saw Perry. I didn't see it. Oh, dang. Yeah, I was fucking slated away. I think, just to take the counter, they got guts to go up there. That's scary. For sure. Who? There's six ladies. There's ladies. I don't think so. No? Not at all. Would you go?
Yeah, easily. Not with six ladies. Why? I don't know, dude. You get up there. Space rules. True. Oops, sorry. I floated right into your butt again. Oh, I floated into all of your butts. God damn, there's not a lot of room up here. I keep floating right into all of you guys' boobs the whole time.
I'd be like a Japanese pervert on the subway. Being a pervert with zero gravity coming at someone like... Whoa, I'm not used to this. Oh, shit. Japanese bus porn. Yeah, there's a guy... What? What? You do know?
Do you watch Japanese bus porn? I mean, yes. Yeah, I do. I do. That's what they do. They kind of like, I mean, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's pretty, you know, it's not, but they, yeah, they just, they ride the bus and they're all close. They just start like, you know, bumping, bumping his whole bus. I'm a bit of a closeted frauder is myself, man.
I just, I mean, you know, when you're on like the thing at the airport, it gets packed. You're just like, Hey man, all I can do is hold on. Space rules.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, if you can do whatever you want in international waters and space, it's like... There's a mutiny on this ship and now I'm on charge. We're going to the moon. True. I'm taking the ship. We're flying somewhere else. Me and the space base. We're going to start a new colony. We're going to have to repopulate. True. How many times has Bezos been to space? I don't know. He's probably been at least like 20 times.
Also, what do you think it costs just to send those babes up in the air? I think they said it was a million dollars a minute. A million bucks every time? A minute. A million a minute is what someone was talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's just fucking around. Blue orgy, dude. Get out there. He's definitely got head in space, I would imagine. You have to. Yeah, he has.
He's definitely got a head in space. And you got to go, I'm the first guy to ever do it. It's like, brother, no, you're not. Who do you think did, Neil? Neil and Buzz? Probably the guy who brought that dog up. Damn, you think he really, he probably ejected in space.
That's tough. Get to do the full 3D rendering of how big is my... You can load max and be like... It's actually a pretty powerful shot. Please slurp that. Please float over to that and slurp that. Please slurp that out. You got to do it. Just for me, one time, baby. Slurp that. Slurp that down. It's going to be the best moment of my life. That'd be actually really cool. I mean, there's...
Guy and lady were stuck in the space station for like... Really? I wonder if they slurped. You'd have to. If you got stranded in space, it would just activate something. Your ear hairs would go nuts. You'd be like... It's way worse than a hotel. Yeah, you'd have to... If you were stuck in space... Somebody's slurping. Somebody's got to slurp.
You probably did. Never mind. I got a whiz, actually. Yeah, true. Let's take a break. Time out. Oh, good. Oh, dude, I have my restaurant review. Nice. We're good? Sick. Steak and beans is back. I was actually doing a little research for the giant steak and beans. Yeah, dude, I didn't know there was such a thing as a Mexican steakhouse. Dude. Yeah, Mexican steakhouse in San Antonio. Two asadores, huh?
Yeah. Oh. No. I mean, that was my... Yeah. That was my... Oh, we are. Yeah, we're chatting. This is just guys' chat. Dude, Mexicans... Have you ever been to a steakhouse? It is always just like... You know, it's like asparagus steak. Yeah. Dude, I've never even thought about it. It's like every steakhouse I've ever been to, I've been like, what if they had guacamole at the steakhouse? And it's...
Dude, it's called Two Asadores in San Antonio. And they just hand you... Order whatever you want. And they hand you a fucking cutting board. It's just like salt on it. They give you warm corn tortillas on the side. And you can get guacamole, whatever you want. And make yourself like 14 just steak tacos. It's... That's right up your alley. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was so good. Dude, I've never... It was unbelievable. So good. So, check that out, dude. It's a...
Is it in Austin? Where was it? It's in San Antonio. It's for real my favorite place, dude. I went there a few days in a row. San Antonio way. Yeah. San Antonio is a very rough and tumble town. I like San Antonio. Yeah, it's kind of cool. The river walks fucking very nice. I didn't see it. I was just up by the airport the entire time. But I did see two awesome- You get to go to the Alamo?
Nah, dude, I didn't do shit. You got to check the Alamo someday. I do got to check that out. It's pretty sick. I was going to threaten if the ticket sales didn't rise up. I was going to be like, guys, you're talking fucking Alamo's bad. You're going to have to come fucking get me. Talk the Alamo's bad. You're going to have to come and get me. It was fun. But yeah, dude, that shit fucking ruled. I also liked, like, I just kind of would pop back and forth, but I kind of was really enjoying the feeling of, like,
I was like, I might just live in San Antonio and just kind of like, not like leave my family, but like be present, but just live in an apartment in San Antonio. Yeah, like being an hour away was nice. I could pop up. Standing outside of school sometimes. When they go to recess, you stand by the fence. I kind of want to do that so bad. Just one day.
But, yeah, I got to, like, you know, kind of LARP being, like, a semi-distant father in San Antonio. And it was kind of cool. Because I was just a drive away. So, like, I'd pop back on Friday morning. See you guys.
yeah you know what i mean get a nice cowboy hat yeah that would help if you left your family but you dressed as a cowboy that would somehow ease the sting i feel like that would help yeah it would my dad's a cowboy my dad couldn't be here he's a cowboy my dad's at the mexican steakhouse he's at two asadoras also too i was like i was reading the website and i was like
Every website, you know, they have like our story. It's like, here's our story. And it was like, it's always like the kid who's like when I was four, my grandfather would have the cattle on the ranch of northern Mexico. And I was like all stoked on the way there. I was like, fucking bullshit. They tricked me again. It's going to be like, it's all just from Restaurant Depot. It's all a bunch of bullshit. Got there and they're like, no, our steaks are all from northern Mexico. I was like, oh, fucking yes. Because we're close enough. Close enough to Norteño's. Yeah. So yeah, I was eating that northern Mexican cattle. It was nice. Yeah.
It worked. As soon as he told me that, I was like, I knew this was fucking awesome. And the guy wears a cowboy hat. I was trying my best to figure that out. The what? Cows from the north. Vaca del Norte. True. You're a fucking Norteño. What's that? You're a fucking junkie. You're a gringo, boy. A gringo, yeah. You're a nasty little gringo. You can get pills for cheap in Mexico. You can move down here and start to hate the M's. No. No. You're going to have the M's on your ass. No, no. Let's... No. No.
What are they up to in their cars? Oh, you'll see. Oh, you'll see. The M's, they're tough drivers. They test my racism. Really? Yeah, I've maintained for a while that the A's get a bad rap, that it's actually the B's. Mm-hmm.
Turns out the M's are right there. I do like those little, like, do you ever see, like, the flags people dangle from their rearview mirrors? They're kind of nice if you want to, like, really hone in. Like, wait, who is this cutting me off? Like, okay. I got some... Venezuelan. Like, okay, let me break this out. They do fly the flag. Very pirates. True. Yeah.
You should get one of those for your rear view. Yeah. No. Why not? I'm not obstructing my view. It's dangerous. What would you have? Yeah, go with Jolly Roger on the back. What's a Jolly Roger? A pirate flag. No, no. No. You should get the actual Pirates of the Caribbean logo on there. You should get your car wrapped.
and strictly Pirates of the Caribbean if I paid for it will you do that no would you in terms if you were living a pirate's life I just like the song you don't like the pirate's life at all no no I'm not trying to be a pirate yeah
You're telling me if you wouldn't like. The song pumps me up. The song is awesome. I listen to the song. I fantasize about like saving people. It doesn't want to make you swashbuckle at all. No. What? When you listen to it. No. All right. No adventures on the high seas or anything. If I'm going to be totally honest about what I think about.
What do you think about? Being on the Japanese subway? Sometimes I'm like throwing a pitch. Oh, you daydream about throwing a pitch. I listen to the song and I daydream. It's not like saving people. It's like hero shit. It's stupid. You listen to Pirates of the Caribbean while you're driving and daydream about being a hero? Yes. I can't help it, Shane. It's my brain. True. Thank you. All right.
I think you've talked about this before. Why does that bother you? It doesn't bother me. I'm jealous. I just sit there and go, I'm a fucking piece of shit. I think those thoughts too. I just daydream about failures. Yeah, well, it's not that I don't have those. Those are the pirates of the Caribbean and thinking about failures.
It's so funny. I let everybody down. If I was in that mental state, I would never listen to it. I would never listen to it if I was in this. If you were feeling sad. Yeah. Would it bring you up a little though? No, no. If I'm like judgmental or anything about. No. Do you have like sad music you ever listen to when you're kind of sad? Oh, yeah. I'm trying to think. Like Radiohead or something like that? No, no, no, no.
uh i don't have anything it'd be more like if i if i need to have a cry i have like movies that i can watch i think we talked about this 50 50 50 50 got me what's 50 50 there's just this scene at the end of it where he's about to go into surgery and he's just like trying to ask the doctor questions about what the sir and then he just goes mom and he puts his hand out
And it just got me the first time. I've told this story. I was on a first date with a girl. We saw that movie. Really? I had my arm around her, and I was trying to hold in a cry so bad that I was like... My body was shaking. I was crying. I saw it, and I bought it, and I said, if I ever need to just get a cry, I'll watch that scene. It's been very effective. That's kind of nice. Can you cry while acting? That's the thing I always think about. I don't know.
Yeah, it's... I don't know. It's hard. Yeah, I imagine. That'd be like a real weird... Even if you did it right, it would feel kind of weird too where you'd be like, fuck, I'm crying in front of all these fucking people. I'm sure. I'd feel like pissed about that. Yeah. That's pretty funny. Being in like a very serious scene and being worried about like, everyone here is going to think I'm a fucking pussy. Cut. I'm not fucking crying. For real. I don't even care about the script. Yeah.
I can't wrap my head around that. That's such a wild thing to be able to do. I guess you could do it if you think of something sad enough, but being able to do that in front of all those people, I'm just fascinated by that. It's kind of nuts. Yeah, I don't think I could do it. You could definitely do it. You could definitely do it. You downplayed it. You're so good. Steve. All right. But we did really appreciate going to the Masters. I know you did. Yeah. And I appreciated the way you handled yourself on the flight. Oh, yeah.
No, you did great. I got to turn it around because I got to fly and I want to fly anyway. Yeah. We're going to be good. That's a cure for panic attacks. So if you just tell one person you're having a panic attack, it does lessen it. You try to keep it to yourself, you're fucked. Chris, Shane, everybody talking to me. Yep. Yeah, you can't keep it to yourself. The way they tried to get you to not be afraid of flying, I think probably did more damage.
By making you fly a Cessna with a guy? Oh, a Samp. Well, I did that on my own. I thought that would help. Because I was going to go to internship in Los Angeles when I was at Drexel. And I had had a problem flying. So I had to go. I got the internship.
I had a family friend that had a, uh, like a two seater plane. Yeah. And so I asked him, I was, would you mind taking me up to sort of try and break me out of this? So scary. It was terrible. Yeah. He pulled it out. He pulled it out with his hands. He was like a 55 year old guy. And he, the hanger, he just like puts a hook around the front wheel and his wheel on the thing out. And I'm like, ah, I, and I was telling them, it was like one of the most embarrassing things I've ever said. But, uh,
So he gets it out. He's going through his whole flight plan or whatever, checking it. And then you can only get in through one door. Sure. Hey, yo. What? With a guy, you can only get in through one door. You've set up a crazy window. So the 55-year-old pulled it out. Yeah. Sweet man. Sweet man. Taste or... No. He didn't...
And we just like literally like yanked it out of a shed and was like, let's hop in this thing and fly. Yeah. So we go through the whole thing of like he's explaining to me what he's doing. He's really patient. He's, you know, there's nobody around for you. Claire yells it out of the thing and we start the engine and it starts going. And, you know, my heart, you're wearing headphones. So that's helping. But I was like, is it going to be this loud? He's like, no, it's going to be louder. I'm like, OK. And then we got to the, you know, he's taxiing.
And we get to the end of the runway and he calls out his tail sign or whatever it is. I'm waiting for in my head. I'm going, I'm getting out of this fucking thing. And he says, you know, preparing to depart says this thing. And then I think, oh, somebody's going to come back, give him clearance. And then he'll I'll say, Don,
I'm not doing this. The moment he said it, he was just putting that out to like any other pilot. Yeah, I'm going. And he just goes. And so then we're like this. And then the moment we start taking off, I go, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. And he goes, shh.
He shushed me. And then there was like some ordinance where, because, you know, there's like, I'm really doing it, man. There's some ordinance because we were like flying right over a neighborhood. So you had to bank at a certain degree. So I was like, dude, that's a shit. And then I was like, good. And I had these two, oh man, I had these two water bottles and I was just, they were crushed.
And then I remember you squeezing water bottles. Yeah. But now I'm remembering another embarrassing thing I said on a flight once because this. So after that, then I went to Florida and I was coming back to my friend and we were sitting there and the pilot gets on and goes, just want to let everybody know we're going to hit some turbulence coming in. We're going to rock and roll.
And so then I look over. I'm obviously petrified. And then we start hitting some turbulence. And my friend just starts laughing hysterically. And I was like, you're going to laugh at your friend at a time like this? And that's really embarrassing. You lashed out against him the way you lashed out against Sweet Drake. It's not my, it's my opinion. I don't like it. It's a totally fair opinion. I play it a lot. And loud. I like my music loud, dude. Yeah, you do. So we're all yelling now.
Yeah. Do you guys like the loud music on the plane? Oh, that seemed like a bunch of no's. Yeah, it wasn't really committal. We like the music. I thought you guys were B guys. I was just trying to play loud music. They just said double take. What the fuck did you say? I just watched them go, huh? I thought you guys were B's. Yeah, I like the loud music on the plane. It actually calms me down. It gets me thinking about other shit. Yeah, I can see it kind of taking the edge off in a way. It's just blasting. It's just party time.
Just sucks if you crash. I guess you might as well be blasting music while you crash. Yeah. It's a difference. See that? I listen to him howling. Well, it's really hard.
It's really happening, Don. How was landing? How did Don treat you? Landing was cool. I mean, it just was. I mean, when you're watching from the cockpit. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, it was scary, but it was an interesting experience. Yeah, it's kind of nice. Yeah. Those little planes are terrifying. I would never do it again. Yeah. Yeah.
That's how I feel about skydiving. My wife's always like, we gotta go. I'm like, I'm never going skydiving. Of course not. Why would I do that? It's fun. Never in my life. No desire. Of course not. Just never. I don't mind heights that much. It seems like a lot of work. I want to jump out of the fucking plane. Obviously I get nervous jumping out of a plane. Why even risk it at all?
It's indescribable. It's fine. She's done it. Yeah. She loved it. I had a friend who used to skydive. He got licensed to do it by himself. And he would literally smoke a blunt and jump out of a plane. Oh, my goodness. And then he would complain. He's like, they're fucking saying I smell like weed. It's fucking bullshit. It's like, dude, it's a huge liability. Having to hide at their place, jumping out of a plane. They're fucking really on my ass about this.
And he would give the guy who packed his parachute, he would like pay him in weed. I'm like, not a good idea, dude. Oh my goodness. But he got licensed. He was doing it by himself like all the time. He like loved it. But I don't know if I'd, I'd, I'd want, I, that's the one thing I would say. I definitely want a guy strapped to my back. Yeah.
I want a dude on me. Yeah, I want a dude on me. I for real want a dude. I want a daddy in the sky. I want a daddy. You can do this yourself. I'm like, nah, man. Yeah. I want a daddy. Also, that way if things go wrong, we just fully smash. For sure. On impact. For sure. You get to experience the hardest fucking plowing. Oh my god. True. From the fucking stratosphere. Just your skull starts to cave in. You're like, hold on, just give me...
Fuck, I wish I knew I liked this while I was alive. Yeah, true. Imagine how much of a blast you could have if you figured out you love that. Getting smashed? Yeah. World would be your oyster. Yeah. Crazy. You know what I wonder about too? Actually, we'll save it for the Patreon. Yeah, let's switch over to the Patreon. Yes. God bless. Bye. What a cliffhanger.