106: The importance of both living alone and living with roommates
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Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I am super excited for this episode I honestly don't really know how it came to me. Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly how this episode came to me I'm clearly in this transition of going from you know, this has been a pretty consistent conversation we've been having being super independent living on my own doing everything for myself and

Kind of stage of my life to now being in the complete opposite situation My boyfriend and I have been living together for two months ish now, maybe almost three No, I'd say two but even before that we're having like at least three four or five sleepovers a night So I've just been thinking a lot about how my life has changed and shifting from living alone and doing all the living alone things by myself to

sharing that space with somebody especially when I haven't had roommates in over two years. I've just been really comfortable in having my own space and doing things on my own so it's been a very big adjustment and then it got me to thinking oh my gosh like I want to do a podcast episode about the importance of spending time living alone but also the importance of spending time with roommates because I think that both have

so much value and both are so important at some point in our lives like we need to experience both and I think a lot of people are scared of living alone and just the same way that a lot of people are scared of like letting someone in and sharing a space with somebody obviously we're all different and we see that differently but I'm just going to kind of go through why I think each thing is important and necessary and like what I've learned through having female roommates and now living with my boyfriend I've done it kind of all and then what I've learned from living alone

Sorry, I don't know why I keep like losing my breath. I need to just breathe while I talk But yeah, if you don't know I just had my first roommate when I was in college I went to community college my first semester so I wasn't able to live in a dorm so I can't say I've ever lived in super close quarters with a roommate like that my best friend loved storm life I know a lot of people have terrible experiences with it. So interesting to me like what a concept to just take a

two 18 year olds and shove them in a tiny room together with one tiny sink one tiny bathroom no microwave no fridge first time having freedom and see what happens to them what a social experiment right does anybody else think that's crazy because i do anyways a lot of people love it a lot of people hate it i can't really speak on it i think it's valuable if it goes well for you that's awesome lisette made so many of her college friends from when she was in her dorm but i i

lived in an apartment my first year of college and well, my only year of being away at college. And I had my own room and my roommate had my own room. We both went to the community college together. We both worked together. We had the same friend group. So we were also like these new-ish friends. Like we were super, super, super close. And let me just explain the whole story. I grew up childhood best friends with my friend Jake. Our parents were best friends when we were in the womb. So we grew up together. So we're best friends. And

the roommate that I lived with in college was his girlfriend. So already, like, we're just super close naturally. We're besties because we're all besties. And Lissette was at FSU too. Like, we had the whole squad. And living together was so much fun. It was both of our first times being in a... No, that's a lie. She is a school year older than me. You guys don't even need this whole backstory, but I think it helps to give it to you. Just because I know so many people have similar situations. Um...

She was a year older than me, so her freshman year of college, she had an apartment with someone else that she wasn't that close with. But this was our first time living together, like with a friend and having this freedom and having our own apartment and like cooking together. And she didn't have a car, so we shared my car a lot of the time. We worked out together. We went out together. We were really never apart. And...

it was just such an interesting experience for us both like we loved each other so much but we were so bad at communicating things like we were always trying to be it's the strangest thing and it just makes so much sense and her and i now are super super super close well i guess not super close like we talk every single day but we have nothing but great memories and such a strong friendship

So telling these stories, like don't think we're, it was a terrible roommate experience and we hate each other. I don't know. I just feel like I need to emphasize that because people are always so quick to assume the worst. No, we're just typical roommates who fought like all the time, but also had so much fun all the time.

Point here is we both are so similar in the sense that we're just such strong people pleasers that we wanted to like be better than each other at being roommates. I'm like, no, I'll cook dinner tonight. I'll take the trash out. I'll make sure all the dishes are done. I'll be spotless. Like I was...

For some reason, my freshman year of college, I was so clean and so organized that I didn't even recognize myself. Like, there was not a day where I walked out of my bedroom, even if I had to be at work by 5.30 a.m., where my bed was not made and all the clothes weren't picked up off my floor. I don't know who I was because, girl, that is not me anymore. That was a rare face. Um...

I don't know how that even happened. Besides the point, what I really want to get into, I didn't even need to tell the whole college story experience roommate thing yet. I want to tell you the benefits of it. And as I go over the benefits, I'll tell you the stories that go with it. So good at structure. Clearly. I wrote this down. I did a little bit of an outline this time. So hopefully it goes well. The first beautiful thing about spending time and living with roommates is the friendships that you get to create. Like you meet so many people and

Whether you already know your roommate or you don't, it's very likely that you guys are going to become friends and you are probably, of course, depending on the situation, going to be super close for a very long time and you are going to share a lot of memories together, especially if this is a post-grad roommate or a first-time college roommate. These are people and these are times in your life that are so special.

what's the word? They just leave such an imprint on the rest of your life. Like everybody, no matter how old you are, will look back and be like, oh my God, I remember my first year of college or like I remember my first year right after I graduated college. They're just very memorable times in our life. And usually we remember the people at this time very well too. And if all goes well, these are friendships and relationships that are going to stick around in your life for a long time.

And that's why I think it's so cool to experience living with people because if you spend all your time living alone, you're never going to build those friendships. And sometimes these friendships are unexpected. Like I said, if you move in with a roommate who you don't know or you've never met before,

you could end up being best friends. Let's take Lisette for example. She lived in a dorm with a mutual friend. They had met a couple of times. They ended up working so well together as roommates that they lived together all four years and are still best friends. Did they fight? Probably. Like every time you have a roommate situation, when you're sharing a space with someone, argument is bound to happen.

but it's about how you communicate through those things and I just think it's so cool to tell the set and Olivia's story because like that doesn't happen for that many people to find a roommate that you work with that well that you live together for four years anyways just cool to notice how they were barely friends before they lived together and now they're best friends and I think it's so special and I think it's awesome the next bonus I have I'm not breathing again do you guys like hear in my voice that I'm not taking deep breaths what

The next thing that I think is super cool about having roommates is you learn how to share responsibilities. And this is an interesting concept. Let me tell you the two times. I've lived with roommates in college. I lived with roommates in Hawaii. And I don't know why I'm blanking. Like, I feel like I had roommates another time. Oh, and I guess now, living with Gabe, I have a roommate. I think that that's super different.

Yes and no. We'll get into it. But when I was living in Hawaii, I had two different roommates. So I've had one, I've lived with one girl and I've lived with two girls. Totally different experiences. I think that living with one person...

There's a lot more confrontation that just happens naturally. I think that when you're living with more than one girl, this is where things get like a little bit more messy and things people talk about each other behind their back and like if they have an issue, they don't talk about it directly and we'll get into this when I answer the questions that you guys asked but three is a crowd. Three is where things get a little bit harder but that's not even the point that I'm supposed to be talking about. We're talking about sharing responsibilities.

This is cool because you learn like the chores that you actually enjoy doing when you have these roommates and you learn what you absolutely hate doing and you learn how to just share responsibility. It's cool to the first time you don't live with your parents to have roommates. What was I saying with that? Sorry, I got so distracted.

Where was I going? Where was I going? Quick little intermission. And as usual, thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. This time of year is a really stressful time of year. And I know that that is true for a lot of people between the holidays and a lot of family and cold weather and darkness.

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Okay, I'm back on the train. When you first live with roommates, it's cool to see like who naturally does what and who like what chores get left like to be done the longest. Like me and my first roommate, what we never did, neither of us like to sweep the floors. Our floors would get disgusting and we would just let it get worse and worse and we wouldn't talk about it. It would just be like an unspoken, we're not going to deal with that right now.

It's cool. It's really cool to learn like how to share your responsibilities with someone else And then another thing I think is cool about roommates is it brings this level of like comfort and safety It's definitely scarier living alone when I lived with a roommate I just kind of knew that if anything happened to me like we were in it together We were gonna we're gonna fight someone off both of us It's a lot more I'm a lot more confident in the two of us than just me by myself. Um, I

So that's a cool thing. Like just the comfort of being with the girls and being with people that you love that could take down a break-in or a robber if needed. The next one that's super interesting, and I think that this goes differently for every roommate scenario. My roommate and I in college, the first thing that we tried to do was to share our groceries. And also same with when I was living in Hawaii with the girls. We would split our groceries and then we would all –

eat the groceries and this does not work well in most cases because in a lot of situations there's going to be one person that eats more or uses up all of this one person that doesn't touch the food and it usually leads into this weird conversation or argument of like i'm not eating that though like why should i be paying for it and eventually we kind of shifted to just

getting our own groceries and what's always worked for me and how I've always been I've never really been stingy with my food or with penny to penny things because I just have this

Belief that eventually all things balance themselves out obviously I'm not gonna just pay someone's rent that kind of thing But if I'm at the grocery store, and I'm gonna buy eggs I'm gonna buy enough eggs for me and my roommates and we can all use them and no you don't have to Venmo me 25 cents for the singular egg that you used you know that kind of thing but I

It teaches a really cool lesson about budgeting and working through those kind of conversations with someone, which are those hard adult conversations that no one wants to have. I remember when my roommate and I in college first talked about like, okay, maybe we should stop splitting the groceries because Lexi, you eat five times the amount that I do. And I was like, damn, you know, this is a good point that you make here.

And just we wanted to buy different things. And when we were first living together, I was like making these elaborate dinners every night. And I ended up being like, why are we doing this? Like, this is just so extra and unnecessary. I don't know. Point is, you learn a lot about budgeting. You learn a lot about that. Where was I going with that? I don't know.

You also learn how to share. Oh, this goes into the same thing. I wrote it down underneath it, but like sharing, like sharing food, sharing clothes. What are the boundaries going to be? It's really, I think, most important to live with roommates because you learn about what is important to you. What are your non-negotiables? Like,

What do you value and what do you need when you're living with someone? Do you need alone time? Do you hate doing the dishes and eventually need to live with someone or be with someone who enjoys doing the dishes? Do you...

Need to go completely splitsies on the money exact numbers on What it is that you're buying or using like what kind of person are you and I think you learn? Different things about yourself when you're living with roommates than you do when you're living alone but both are very important things to learn about yourself and

I also think, and this is like an interesting one and I wrote it down because it's so interesting to me. When I lived with roommates, that was the first time I learned, also let's backtrack, I had never really had a boyfriend. I didn't learn what my love languages were until I lived with girls. Like I didn't learn that I just wanted someone to encourage me until I had roommates that would be like, okay, go crush the day you got this. Like that is what made me feel loved. And I just thought it was so cool to learn about that.

Living with roommates. I don't know if anyone else has had that same experience But I learned my love languages when I had roommates and I thought it was super cool the next conversation that we're gonna have is the benefits or like why I think it's so valuable to live alone and

I think at this point you guys know how strongly I feel about gaining your independence and finding yourself as a person before you let anyone come in and mess with that. It's the same reason I say you have to know how to be alone with your thoughts and you have to be okay with who you are and do that instead of chasing like other people to fill a void within yourself.

A lot of people do that with roommates. A lot of people are afraid of living alone because they're afraid to truly get to know themselves, which is such a valid fear. But I'm telling you that once you cross the bridge and once you do get to know yourself, you'll realize it didn't have to be that scary and you're really not so bad. And maybe it's kind of fun to just be around yourself because I've been in both positions. I have isolated as a form of

hiding from people and I have hid from people as a form of wait, what is wrong with me? I can't speak. What I'm saying here is I have confided in people. I have gone to people to fill the voids that I was like leaving empty within myself instead of spending time with myself and filling those voids on my own, you know, the right way. So let's just get into the things I lived. I learned living alone.

I lived alone for about a year and a half. A year and a half. I mean, I spent a lot of time having sleepovers with Lisette. I've traveled a lot, but for the most part, I live alone. I didn't even have a dog until the beginning of this year. So, oh, I did have a cat, but I lived, sorry, I lived completely by myself for three months. I lived with my cat for another seven months, and now I've lived with my dog for like six months. Something like that. It literally doesn't matter at all. Sorry.

But living alone forces you to be alone with your thoughts. It forces you to spend time with yourself that you wouldn't normally spend time with. Like when you have roommates, if you're bored, you're just sitting in the living room, you're hanging out, you're watching things, you're talking to someone, you're usually distracting yourself from whatever it is that's truly on your mind and is really bothering you.

and when we do that you know we never heal our open traumas or open wounds and we never move past whatever thoughts are being really repetitive in our mind it's easy to distract yourself it's what all of us want to do we we run from the scary feelings and the scary thoughts and i think that living alone

Immediately forces you to handle them when you have to fall asleep by yourself when you have to wake up by yourself It is a test how much do you really love yourself and how much do you want to take care of yourself and when I first started living alone it was hard for me because I I didn't have any motivation to really wake up in the morning and I was sleeping in really bad and

i wouldn't wake up to my alarms i wasn't in a super depressed state either it was just super hard for me to wake up i don't know why it's something that i struggle with when i'm by myself like when i had a roommate it was easy one because i had a job and i had to be up by five in the morning half the time two because once other people were up in the house like you weren't gonna catch me sleeping in i was not gonna be the sleeper inner i just for some reason never liked that but back to the point

when I was living alone, I had to have the discipline and the self-respect to wake myself up and pull myself out of bed and handle the day like an adult. And it was not easy. But since I had to push through it and since I had to learn how to do it, I feel a lot more confident now. And I feel proud of myself and it's easier to take care of myself. You also spend a lot of time discovering yourself. Like you discover yourself.

What it is like who you are. I genuinely believe you find out who you are and you learn to enjoy your time with yourself when you have to be doing your laundry by yourself or washing the dishes by yourself or just hanging out working, whatever it may be, and you're alone, you start talking to yourself, you start singing to yourself having these funny thoughts and

I don't know why, I just think that that's one of the most beautiful things and I think that becoming your own friend is precious and when you can have fun and jam to music and dance with no one watching, it's a really empowering feeling and I think that everyone needs to experience it and even just talking about it, how much I loved living alone, makes me miss it a little bit, but

Where was I going with that? It just it teaches you what you like and what you don't like you learn the chores that you actually enjoy doing like which chores get your gets your Your little you know going when you're when you're doing your laundry at least for me when I'm doing my laundry I'll put music on and I'll just be jamming and folding my clothes and having a good time when I'm doing my dishes I'm angry doesn't matter what songs playing. I'm never in a good mood because I don't like doing the dishes and

You learn what you like and what you don't like. I also think it's more beautiful living alone because you have more time to take care of yourself. I personally am someone who never feels like there's enough time in the day. Even when I lived alone, I was like, push. I just felt like the days were ending so fast. I didn't have time to read and to wash my face and to do a face mask and to cook all these meals and to clean all these dishes. The time just disappeared. And it felt like a never-ending cycle.

that I would never find enough time. But I think that even then, living alone is when you have more time to do the things for yourself. You can value the little moments more. Now, I don't know, I don't value doing my chores as much as I did when I was living alone. It was an enjoying experience when I lived by myself, and now it's less. I can't explain it, it's very interesting.

You also like start to figure out what your habits are. You know, when you live with your boyfriend for the first time, you learn like, oh, sorry, guys, my train of thought is like on seven different tracks. Who let me have a podcast? I don't know.

When you live alone, you learn, you pick up on your habits. And again, I think the biggest thing that I'm trying to say here, because as I go through these points that I wrote, they all come back to the same thing. You discover yourself. You don't really know who you are until you spend some time living alone. And that's that on that.

I'm gonna go into the questions now, the things that you guys asked. I asked like what is, what do you want to know about living alone or living with roommates? Let's get into it. Quick little intermission you guys, I got the coolest freaking goodies from this place called Uncommon Goods and I'm so pumped I'm telling you about it because I actually found it before they reached out to do this ad. Uncommon Goods is like the ultimate place for stress-free holiday shopping. I mean they have the most

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talk to myself, I play music, I journal, I read a book. I think that that's a really important one. If you're feeling lonely, read a book. It takes you into a different universe and you're not necessarily running from your struggles. Being normal or being lonely is a very normal feeling, especially when you live alone. And I don't think it's something that

that you need to sit and sulk with. Like, I think that's something that you can just take a step away from and be like, hey, what can I do that's going to make me feel less lonely? Let's read a book. Let's go to a different world and

take it from there. Or a lot of times when I'm lonely, I find it fun to scroll on TikTok or to watch YouTube videos or TED Talks. I just like to distract myself and then eventually enough time passes and the loneliness wave passes and I'm back to feeling good again. But also I think it's good to go out and meet people and go outside and just it all comes back to distracting yourself. That's the real juice I'm trying to tell you. Someone asked, "Which do I prefer, living alone or living with roommates?" Again,

Both are super important. I'm so glad that I've done both. I definitely think I'm more of a loner. I've always been an introvert. I love my time alone, so I definitely would probably say living alone. But I think that also is important for me to mention. Another reason I love living alone is because I document so much of my life that when I'm sharing a space with somebody, it feels a lot more awkward to film my life. And when I'm alone, I don't feel much pressure about it at all.

But it's an adjustment to document your life when you live with someone. So I prefer living alone. It is kind of cool. This goes into the next question. Like, what's it been like living with your boyfriend for the first time? It's really fun. And I genuinely enjoy it. It's just a big, humongous adjustment. Like, Gabe, thankfully, is a roommate who is super helpful.

He helps me with the laundry. He puts away the dishes. If I'm cooking, he's cleaning. Like we just do a lot of these things that we haven't even had to communicate about or have a conversation about. They're just kind of these unspoken rules that we follow that we just like respect each other's space and time and, and,

He's just super awesome. And I am someone who needs my alone time and he knows that. So he like purposely will make sure he's gone at times in the day so that I can work because I'm mostly working from home. So I've just gotten really lucky. I know that everybody doesn't have the same experience, but Gabe is also super clean.

I gotta say, there's a few things that I'll just mention to you because I'm sure you'll all experience. He's a boy. He doesn't put the seat down. I have to remind him almost every day. He's gotten much better than he was, but he grew up in a family with just a brother. Like, he didn't have a sister to yell at him to put the seat down.

So that's what I do. He boy cleans. So if he does the dishes after I cook food, he'll wash them all, put them all in the dishwasher. He'll even empty the dishwasher when it's done, but he won't rinse out the sink. So I have to like go in a second time and rinse out the sink. He won't clean the counters. He'll take everything off of them, but he won't wipe them down. Like that's in my head what boys, that's how boys clean.

And it's so cute when he does the laundry. He folds it and he like just puts it all in one pile, you know, instead of separating it. And I just think he's the cutest person in the whole wide world. But it is funny. It's cool learning those things about each other. Like what chores can I tell that he enjoys doing? He loves to walk Leia. He does it all the time just because he enjoys it, you know?

And it is just a big adjustment. That's really all I have to say about it. But it's been so fun and it's been weird, you know? Now that we live together here, who knows what comes next? Like, this is a humongous step in the relationship that I don't even think either of us realized we were taking because just naturally we were spending so much time together and he worked so close to my house that we kind of just ended up living together. And now...

We'll see. We'll see. It's going to be he's going to be around for a while. That's for sure. I have another little intermission to tell you guys about Apostrophe. I freaking love Apostrophe. You've heard me talk about it before, but it is the absolute go to when it comes to skin care. We know that I have been having that skin struggle, especially if you followed along on TikTok. But what Apostrophe is, is it's an online platform that connects you with an expert dermatology team and gets you customized acne treatment for your unique skin.

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So again, to get started, just go to apostrophe.com slash moments and then click get started and use our code moments at signup and you'll get your first visit for only five bucks. Thank you apostrophe for sponsoring this episode. The next one is how do you have hard conversations with your roommates? Can't stress this enough. It is so important to have the hard conversations instead of beat around the bush and avoid having them. I am not someone who's confrontational. Okay. I

I never ever ever was good at having these conversations with my roommates either time that I lived with them or when I lived with girls now that I'm with Gabe I've kind of learned because I've had my experience with roommates I've learned that when you beat around the bush and you avoid having conversations that are about things that are important to you and your living space you

Things just get worse and they get messy. Whoa. Sorry, they're taking out the trash in my backyard, basically. There's a plaza next to my house, so whenever they take out the trash, it's very loud in here. Anyways, where was I going with that? It only gets worse and it gets super messy if you guys just keep building up these thoughts and these conversations and these problems that you're having. Really?

Especially if you're living in a house with a bunch of girls where you know there's a lot of shade and backtalk and like people talking behind your back that kind of stuff it sucks so just if you're feeling strongly about something bring it up like what I've learned to do with Gabe is like we'll both sit down like I'll make sure we're both in a good mood you know no one's already previously angry about something stressed about work whatever it may be when we're both in a good mood I'm just like hey

Kind of noticed let me try to give you an example like today I did it in a joking manner like Gabe and I were both in in the kitchen and we're both laughing having a good time I was like dude

I got out of bed first this morning and you didn't make the bed because we have like an unspoken rule or at least I thought we did that whoever gets up first doesn't have to make the bed so I made a joke and I was like I was so excited because I got out of bed first for the first time in a while and I was so excited to not have to make the bed and it was still unmade and then we just are able to laugh about it but that is something that's special and that doesn't happen in every roommate situation so

I think when you're in the opposite situation where you deal with someone who gets very angry if you try to bring things up, just do it gently and do it honestly. Like, honesty goes a long way and I think people appreciate honesty. If you're not super close with the person, I don't think joking about it is a good idea because I think that can come off as very passive aggressive. No one wants a passive aggressive roommate. We've all been there. We've all done that. We've all been the passive aggressive person.

We all have our moments, okay? But just don't avoid the conversations. Even though it's going to be hard to confront someone in a lot of situations, just feel out the mood, do it at the right time, and know that it's going to be the better thing to do in the long run. And it might suck in the moment, but it will lead into a healthier relationship. Like my first college roommate and I,

didn't confront each other about anything. Like there were certain things we would have to have conversations about, but for the most part, everything that bothered us, we would just kind of go around it and just find a different thing to talk about. Like we wouldn't sit down and have specific conversations about how do we be better as roommates. We just would like laugh things off and make jokes. And then we would get angry at each other when we were drunk and we wouldn't speak. That was never good. And then we drifted a lot from like after our first year living together

Just because I think we didn't have conversations as roommates that we should have obviously now we've gotten super close again And we just laugh about that because it was so long ago, but have the conversations, okay? You never want to ruin a friendship that could be so long-lasting and special because of who's not taking out the garbage You know what I'm saying. I know you get me how to meet people when you're living alone and

go to the grocery store, go to the bookstore, go study at Starbucks, go study at any coffee shop and introduce yourself to people or compliment people and just start these like normal small conversations. You never know what friends you can make just from that. I know it's hard. When I lived alone, I honestly, and I think I've talked about this many times before on the podcast too, my circle has stayed a small circle for a very long time. It's not often I'm adding people into my circle,

But the way that I do is just organically and naturally. And honestly, if you follow people on social media who are living in the same city as you, I know it's super awesome to just go meet up with people. Obviously, you can tell a lot about a person based on their social media. Don't fall for, you know, any catfishes or anything like that. But it's a small world. Most people know people. You probably have mutuals.

Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and just meet people. The worst case, it doesn't go great and then you're stuck with not being friends with that person and that's not the end of the world. That's why there's so many people out there to meet, you know? We all have our circle that's meant to find us and it always will. The next one is how to stay clean and organized. It's really hard to do. Depending on how big your space is, how much stuff you have, what it is you do for work or school,

how much time you have on your hands, what you prioritize. The only thing that really helps me remember to stay clean and organized is one, I just enjoy having a clean space. And two, I know that the less cluttered my space is, the less cluttered my mind will be. And that is a scientifically proven fact. So that's what I try to tell myself. And I also do try to just

Every morning and every night do a little opening shift or a closing shift. I make my bed every single morning, not first thing. Sometimes I'll go watch the sunrise or I'll go do my workout and then I'll come back and make my bed, but I will not let it hit like lunchtime with an unmade bed. And then at night, I always lock my doors. I always clean up the kitchen, wipe the counters down so I don't have to wake up to a messy kitchen. Sometimes I'll have to let a pan soak from dinner and I'll make sure I wash it in the morning. Don't let it sit there a whole nother day.

The day that the dishwasher is empty or it's full I run it I I unpack it as soon as it's done and then I start fresh like I just try to not let things get too bad before I do because the worst things get the messier things get the less you want to clean it if it's an easy thing It's not so bad. I also try to follow the two-minute rule which helps me stay clean and organized Which is that if it takes me less than two minutes? I'm gonna do it if

Washing my water bottle takes less than two minutes I'm gonna do it if throwing that box away or putting that bag on the shelf takes less than two minutes I'm gonna do it and I don't even know where I heard that it was in some random girl that I had never what I don't really watch YouTube but I guess I was watching a video a couple years ago and It just stuck. It's stuck for a very long time I hope if you guys know who that girl was let me know the next one is how to find a good roommate and

I think use your judgment and trust your gut and also know that you're probably not going to know what that person is like until you live with them. You learn a lot about a person when you live with them. You either learn to love them more or you realize it's not someone you're going to be super close with forever. This also goes back to, I think, the benefits of spending time with roommates and living with roommates for a while.

You kind of learn the people you want to surround yourself with and the people you don't like if you experience a bad roommate You know the traits to watch out for in the future even when you're just making friends and vice versa you learn exactly what you love in a person when you live with someone and

So just use your judgment and then know that you're not going to know until you try. But until you do, just see the kind of person they are. See who they hang out with, what they like to do for fun. Make sure you have a few things that are aligned, but also that you're not the exact same person. Because again, that's how me and my first roommate were, and we were perfect as besties, not so great as roommates. You don't want to live with a mirror. I don't think it's ever a great idea.

I'm living with best friends. This kind of goes into what we were just saying. I, I don't know, like some, it depends on the best friend. Okay. Me and Lisette could probably live together. We spent five weeks living together in the same bedroom and we were totally fine. Lisette and I can also scream at each other and there's no leftover resentment. We don't hold grudges towards each other. We are just honest, blatant, and like mean to each other sometimes, but in the most healthy way possible. Um,

Think if it's that kind of friendship maybe living with your best friend isn't the worst idea I think if it's a friendship where there's still some like underlying Issues or passive aggressiveness or you guys hold grudges towards each other which isn't always a bad thing like sometimes that just is part of friendships and being a human and being a girl especially but

Use your judgment. Okay, like, you know who you could probably live with and if you're already questioning if you could survive living with your best friend Maybe don't test it out, you know, the next one is finding alone time when you have roommates. This one's hard I Would just leave and go places and do things by myself just get in the car and leave but now like living with Gabe living with a boyfriend roommate is a little different because

I don't know why. It just seems a little bit different. He is really respectful of me needing my space and my time, which I mentioned already in this episode. So when I need to work on stuff and film stuff, he'll just go and do his own thing, go work out, go hang out at the gym because he works at the gym. And it's awesome. You just got to be respectful of each other and listen to each other's needs and...

Pay attention. Like, if you can tell your roommate just wants to be alone, leave them alone. I had a hard time doing that. Like, my roommate Sophie, when I was in college, she was someone who needed her alone time. And this is before I really...

cherished mine the way that I do now and she'd be like just chillin in her room like watching a show for a while I'd be like are you good? Do you wanna do something? Do you wanna go somewhere? Trying to cheer her up without realizing that like what she wanted to do to cheer up was to just chill the fuck out and be alone without me bothering her every 24/7

Every 24 seconds. What? Girl. Anyways, just pay attention, okay? Be aware of not just yourself. Be aware of your roommate and how they feel and that kind of thing. I think awareness is a huge thing to pay attention to when you're living with people and with yourself. Okay, the last one I have is boundaries, which is what we kind of talked about, like setting boundaries.

Have the conversations, have the scary conversations. One tip to take away from this, if you're living with girls, with guys, with anyone, talk about these things or they will just get worse over time. Like don't be afraid to speak up if something really bothers you and pay attention to how they take it. In a perfect scenario, the person that you're living with, your roommate is going to take it well, you're going to work on it and you're going to fix it.

Not so perfect scenario, they're going to argue it and at least you spoke your truth and you talked about what you wanted and hopefully they'll let it sink in and realize you're right or maybe you can have another discussion about it later. But just don't let things build up, okay? It is going to make you an angry person, it is going to make your roommate an angry person, have the conversations, okay?

I love you. That's all for this week's episode. Let me know what you want me to talk about more. I'm happy to do it. I love you guys with my whole heart and I'll talk to you soon. Also, we have some super fun guests coming on soon. The book that I've been reading about the guy who biked from Oregon to Patagonia.

I'm interviewing him. Such a dream come true. I feel so excited. And then I'm going to have my old yoga teacher on soon and I'm just feeling pumped, happy, and let's take over the world together. I love you with my whole heart. Let me know what you guys want me to talk about next. Bye.