Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot, Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.
Hello, my beautiful people. I am coming to you live from my kitchen right now, and I'm also recording on the Voice Memos app in my phone. So if the sound is different, let me know. And if it's better, let me know. You guys know in the beginning of this podcast, I had so many struggles with mics and just being able to get the audio right. So still working on that. You know, it's been a year and we haven't figured it out. Speaking of though, I just want to quickly say thank you to you guys for
A year ago today, my Snapchat memories popped up and I was watching them. And well, today they popped up with my year ago memories. You guys know what I'm saying. And it was the day that I was like posting on my private story about how I was starting a podcast and I was so excited for it and how I've been talking about it and manifesting it for so long. And it was finally happening. And it's just so rewarding and it's so full circle and it's so cool to
to see where we've gotten to now. Like it's been a year of this podcast and you guys have been my best friends along the way and you've listened and you've supported me and not only have we done the podcast but the Instagram has grown to be something so awesome too and we have the collections and and the merch and just everything and I'm still working on the guided journal but that's coming to fruition soon too and it's just been such a beautiful journey and it's been teaching me
Not teaching me necessarily, reminding me that the best things in life are going to take time and to just be patient and to allow things to happen on the schedule that they're going to happen. And I just think that that's a valuable thing that we all can apply to our lives a little bit more. But all of that, with everything that I just said, I just hope that in some way, shape or form, my words will have helped you through something that you're going through, something that you've been feeling wrong.
Just helped you get through life because I don't think that you guys understand how much you have helped me get through my own life like you are and I've told you this before but the people who get me through my hardest days and the ones who believe in me and support me when it feels like the world is out to get me you guys still always just motivate me and inspire me and I'm just grateful. I woke up this morning and
feeling super grateful. And this wasn't the podcast I was planning on recording at all. I was going to record an episode with Lissette today on college and just give some advice and like talk about our different experiences. And if you listen to last week's episode, you know that that's what this week's episode was going to be about. But I ended up, I'll explain in a second. We're not doing that episode now, but that episode is coming next week because we're still going to record it tomorrow. And I
I don't know. I woke up this morning feeling grateful. I woke up to seeing that on my Snapchat memories and I was like, dude, I just want to talk about things. I want to talk about gratitude and being thankful. And then, you know, as I was writing that all out and like starting to make an outline and stuff and sitting down making my to-do list in the morning in my kitchen, I get a text from my therapist, right? My queen. Absolutely love my therapist. I haven't seen her in like a month or longer just because I've been traveling and then, you know, scheduling just hasn't worked. So,
I get a text from her and she's like, oh, I know that I never confirmed the location with you. I figured we just, you know, it was at the same spot we usually do. I'll be there in like five minutes. And I was like, holy shitake. Like I forgot that I had therapy. And you know, the funniest part about all of this is that I've done that to my therapist so many times. And she always tells me, he's like, you need to write everything down. I tell her it's something I'm working on and I just can't seem to fix it because I have the brain of a squirrel. And I forgot to write it down because I'm
When I had been texting her about it, I was in Universal and I was in line for a ride and she was like, can you do Thursday? I'm like, oh my God, yes, I can. I'm actually going to be home. I'm so excited to meet with you. And then obviously I didn't write it down because I was in line for a roller coaster. This is all, I'm giving you too much of the backstory, but then we decided to just do a phone call instead.
So I told her I would call her in like 10 minutes. I was just going to finish up what I was doing. And it all worked out really well because I did happen to just be home and I was going to be home all day. So I could do a phone call, which was a blessing. Thank God I wasn't out doing something else because I literally was so excited for therapy. And I hopped on the call with her and I was just talking to her about all these things. I was talking to her about my gratitude and everything, but
Last week I texted her. We hadn't done a session or anything, but I'm pretty close with her. We're on like a texting level. I've been going to her for like a year now. She's my best friend. I learned so much from her, seriously. But I was going through, you guys know the rut I was going through. We don't need to get back into it because we finally made it out of that. But I texted her while I was going through that and I shared with her that piece that I wrote, the one that I talked about on last week's episode and...
Then this week I got on the call with her and she's like, do you want to talk about that at all? Like where is your head out with that? So we skimmed over it a little bit. But I was like for the most part, I feel like I've healed from that a lot. And I'm actually really grateful that I went through that rut. And I feel so much better. And I feel like I learned a lot through that. And I'm glad it happened. And she's like, that is the most beautiful thing. And she's the best. She really is. But moral of the story, it made me want to –
And instead of talking about, you know, college or talking about just gratitude, I just wanted to talk about things that I've learned in therapy because therapy is such a powerful thing. And like before I get into everything, you know, I've talked about with her and everything I did talk about with her and everything she's taught me.
I just want to tell you that you don't have to be sad to go to therapy. You don't have to be depressed. It's not this sign of weakness if you want to go talk to someone. And you guys know I do ads for BetterHelp all the time on this podcast, and they come from the most genuine spot in my heart. And this isn't even an ad for BetterHelp or anything, but this is me just sharing with you
The power of therapy. When I first went to therapy, it's not because I was like depressed or I was really sad. I went to therapy because my ADHD was really bad and I was just very overwhelmed with life and I didn't know how to organize anything. And you know, medication is always my last resort. You guys know this about me. So...
My mom found this therapist who is like, she does freelance therapy. That's a, I don't know if that's the word I'm looking for, but basically she can come to you for therapy or you can meet at parks or you can meet at coffee shops. So it's not an office. And I loved that idea. And I've always just been, I grew up against therapy. I grew up telling myself that if I needed to go to therapy, you know, that's not good. That means I'm sad. And that means I'm not making the most out of life. And
I was just like delusionally positive all the time and I still am delusionally positive. Don't get me wrong. But I learned over time that therapy is a beautiful thing because it teaches you so much about yourself and it teaches you about why you feel certain things and why you react to certain things certain ways and why other people affect you the way that they do and overall just everything
I'll say that therapy has taught me how to be a better person. I learn so much about myself when I go to therapy and not necessarily just good things. You know, my therapist is my biggest hype lady. She will always believe in me and support me. And she is just my hype woman. But that being said, she also gives me some, you know, life constructive criticism and tells me the pills that are hard to swallow. And she says, you need to swallow this. But this is something that you should work on or you could do better or you
just inspires me to be a better person and I think that that's why everyone needs therapy because we all like to believe that we are a perfect human and that we're good to everyone and that we treat everybody right and yeah for the most part we are like don't get me wrong I'm not telling you you're a bad person you're a great beautiful amazing human being and so am I but there's always room for growth there's always ways to become better and to do better and that's why I love therapy it's for me I
Also, a side note, I know that this one doesn't like relate or resonate with everybody, but I think that since I left college when I... Sorry, I'm glitching a little bit. I left college and when I left college, I still always loved psychology and I love learning about the brain and I love learning about the sociology of people and, you know, why we do certain things, all that stuff. That's my shit. Hence why I have a podcast talking so much about mental health. But...
When I go to therapy, she teaches me all these things and she touches on different aspects of the brain and, you know, dopamine and endorphins and serotonin, all stuff like that that's scientific and fascinating for me. So when I go to therapy, I feel like I'm in class, but a class that I really enjoy. So that's another reason I appreciate it. And if you're into any of that stuff, you might appreciate it too. I've also, another side note, been listening to the Huberman Lab podcast and it is so good. It's so fascinating.
All the episodes are like two hours long, but the guy who I guess leads the podcast, he's a, I want to say he's a Stanford professor or something dope like that, but he's so intelligent and he goes into so much detail on specific topics and scientifically goes into detail on them, like tells you how your brain is literally wired and why things happen and how to fix different things. Anyways, I don't need to get all into it.
But I'm sure I'll be sharing some of the facts that I learned from him over the next year that I'm doing this podcast or forever in a more dumbed down version because that's the way that I process things. But if you like really smart and scientific stuff when it comes to the brain and psychology, definitely check out that podcast because it was awesome. And I'm so glad that I listen to it now as often as I can and when I can focus on it. Point here being...
I want you to go to therapy. I want you to look into it. If it's not something that you can afford right now, it's not something that you can do. I completely understand that. There's so many different options and if it's not necessarily not being able to afford it, but it's more so not wanting to spend the money on it, I will always tell you to invest in things like this. Invest in things that are going to better you as a human and just invest in yourself.
Anyways, let's move on. What I talked to her about today was obviously the poem that I wrote last week and I told her I learned a lot from it and I grew from it and I've kind of come to this understanding that things are going to be the way that they are and there's no benefit really in sitting there and comparing myself to what other people are doing or comparing myself to just different versions of myself or rushing myself to do all these things by a certain point in my life or just
everything that I talked about last week. I just kind of have come to peace with all of that and I was explaining all of that to her and she was like telling me because I was explaining that I still have a hard time with balance and I was like balance seems impossible for me because when I balance one thing something else feels off balance and she's like well it's not that balance is impossible it's that life is always changing and it's always evolving and she suggested to me something that I'm about to suggest to you that I should start a
every week, you know, when I remember when I have the chance or if I have the chance to go in my journal and do just like an evaluation of how I balanced my life that week and write down what I did that felt like it worked and what I did that felt like it didn't work. And we were talking about how, you know, there's so much beauty in having so much going on in my life. Like I do feel as though I'm constantly busy and I
I always have opportunities and this is the biggest blessing in the world. I have friends that I could always be hanging out with. I have opportunities to go out whenever I really would want to and I have opportunities to chase dreams in my career and things like that. What she was explaining to me is that if I do this evaluation of balance thing every week, I'll see what actually means the most to me and what is going to give me the most long-term benefit and not short-term benefit because
A lot of times we're configured. Not a lot of times. We're always, she was explaining this to me too, configured to be in the here and the now. So we're going to choose the option that benefits us short term instead of long term in a lot of cases. She's like, so before you do that, evaluate it. You know, what is better for me in the long run of my life versus what is...
going to end up draining me in the long term of my life and that's where I find it easier to evaluate do I want to go out this weekend do I need to go out three times this week I know that it's this person's birthday and this person's you know big event and this one all my friends are going out but
Which of those is going to mean the most to me and doing all of those is that going to drain me the answer is probably yes so evaluate those things before I do them and then take it from there and she's like after doing this you know weekly journal entry for a month or two months you'll be able to see what really does work for you and make the adjustment and she's like and then again.
Your life is going to continue to change. So these balances are going to change and they're going to stay off schedule a little bit, but it's cool to be aware and to understand. You get what I'm saying? I hope so.
She was mostly basically just telling me not to lose sight. And another thing that she says all the time, and it has stuck with me, it has been a pinned note on my phone since the day that she told it to me, which was the first day that I ever met with her, which was 2021. I want to say like October or September. I'm not exactly sure the day I started with her.
Anyways, she always tells me every session that we have, 90% of life is how you make meaning of it. And 10% of it is what actually happens. And I hold on to this like more than anything I've ever held on to. And I don't know why, but it's just so powerful and it's so beautiful because it's
It really is just that. How are you making meaning of your life? When shit happens to you, how do you make meaning of it? And when good things happen to you, how do you make meaning of it? And what do you do with it? And are you taking the time to reflect and appreciate and show your gratitude and...
Just that. There's no need for me to even go deeper into it because it's pretty, it's right there. It's right in front of you. 90% of life is how you make meaning of your life. And I just love that. And I'm sure in one of these almost 50 episodes or so, I've talked about that before. So yeah, talk to her about that a little bit because...
That all came up because I was talking about balance, you know, with traveling and being home and also going out and just all the things that I've been feeling and I've been going through. And another side note, I guess just a life update. I went out this weekend to a like a college frat party date function thing and it was so much fun. It's another thing that's really cool that I just want to throw out there. I and I'll touch on this a lot more in the college episode. I used to have a really hard time going back to the college scene because when I first left it,
I didn't know I was going to be leaving it for good. I left FSU because COVID happened and I had to move home. But it kind of felt like God answering my question whether or not I should move home and do school online there or if I should stay in Tallahassee and do college there.
And FSU is a huge party school. So I was going out every single night, every single, literally no exaggeration when I say every single night we were drinking so much. And it crushed me. It absolutely wrecked me. And I had a really hard time while I was there. And obviously we all have different college experiences, but that's what mine was. So when God sent us home for COVID, I was like, okay, this is, this is my sign.
That being said, ever since then, for a really long time, I had a really hard time going to visit Lissette at college or my other friends at college or even going out in general with people my age or surrounding myself with people my age in that kind of setting. And lately, I've come to so much peace with it. And since I've been away from it so long, I've really been able to grow from it and understand that
It's not going to wreck me or tear me apart if I go back to it once in a while because everything in life is beautiful in moderation. Everything is okay in moderation. And it was just a cool realization. And I wanted to share that with you because if in some way, shape or form, you can take things that have hurt you in your past and understand that they're not going to be, they're not, what's the word? What's the phrase I'm looking for here?
Once you've healed and once you've given yourself the time to heal, you can go back to it again in moderation and it's not going to tear you apart again. And you can take that and apply it to any situation in your life. You know, obviously mine might not specifically resonate with you. If it does, it's me and you in this together. But if it doesn't,
Take it and apply it where you can because it's a cool thing to understand and to be able to get to that point and I'm just pretty grateful that that finally happened for me and I wish that it will happen for you too. So I talked to her about that a lot and she was like, that's fucking amazing. Oh my gosh, my language. I'm sorry. She's like, that's amazing. I'm proud of you and it was awesome. It was awesome to hear her say she was proud of me. Anyways...
Another thing we talked about was how I constantly use the word stress. And I'm sure you guys have picked up on this. So many people in my life have picked up on this. I just am constantly stressed and I don't even like saying it right now. I'll explain why. She wants me to work on taking that out of my vocabulary because stress has a negative connotation in my mind. And I use the word like every single day. So obviously if I'm constantly saying that and I have this
negative idea of what stress means to me it's not going to help me it's not going to evolve me it's not going to make me feel better so she's like obviously you can't just delete it from your vocabulary immediately but you can slowly start to get rid of that and escape it and switch out the word for something else and she kind of gave me this phrase I wrote it down and my handwriting was really bad but she wrote down or sorry I'm
She told me to just start saying, I might have a lot on my plate, but I have the systems to get past it. I can't even read my handwriting. I don't know what I wrote. Moral of the story here is that she told me to shift it and to shift the mindset and to shift what I'm telling myself. And that's another huge thing she's taught me over the years.
to redirect and reframe all of the negative thoughts that come to your mind. And I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who listens to this. And also, I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who listens to this. And also, I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who listens to this. And also, I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who listens to this. And also, I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who listens to this. And also, I'm going to get more into this because towards the end of our call, I had her go back and reteach me something that she taught me in one of our first sessions because it was so valuable to me. And I want to share it with you because I know that it will literally be so valuable to anyone who
throwing this in there. I want to have her on the podcast one day. So if you're listening to this and you think that that would be a super dope, amazing idea, please DM me and confirm that with me because I think it would be really cool to have her on and just talk about all sorts of things. And you guys could ask questions, whatever it may be. It's just an idea. So DM me if you like that idea. And if you want to get to know my therapist and what she has to say and how she's taught me everything that it is that she's taught me.
Quick little intermission. You guys know how much I love Thrive Cosmetics. I really don't even need to explain it to you because those of you who know me know me, know I've been using their liquid lash extensions mascara for the past three years of my life, and I use it religiously. Even if I'm getting my makeup done, I bring it with me. Not only are their products high performance, but they also give back to the community. And...
They're good for you. They're the best things in the whole entire world. And lately I've been using their Empower Matte Precision Lipstick Crayon. I didn't know what to expect when I tried this, but it is like long lasting and it stays on forever. And there's no dry flaky feeling. I also love to use their Brilliant Eye Brightener. It's like a combo of a highlight and an eyeshadow and it works perfectly on my inner corner. Sometimes I put a little dollop on my nose.
But everything that Thrive has to offer is an absolute 10 out of 10. And I don't say this lightly. I say it from the bottom of my heart. I love everything about this brand. And honestly, being able to tell you about them is such an honor for me.
So refresh your everyday look with Thrive Cosmetics, beauty that gives back. Right now, you can get an exclusive 10% off your first order at thrivecosmetics.com slash moments. That's Thrive Cosmetics, C-A-U-S-E-M-E-T-I-C-S.com slash moments for 10% off your first order. You're going to absolutely love it. I pinky promise you. Have a beautiful day. Back to the pod. This episode of the Moments Podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Quick
Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode.
I absolutely love BetterHelp. I love therapy. I have talked about it over and over and over again. And that is for a reason. It is the greatest thing ever. Having an outlet and a person to talk to about what you're going through and getting unbiased opinions and advice is so, so beneficial.
So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just have to fill out a brief questionnaire and you'll get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash moments today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash moments. And another thing that she's taught me while we're at it is the word mistalki.
I can be very hard on myself, right? And I will admit to my wrongs to an extent. Like if I do something stupid or impulsive that just didn't really need to happen or I didn't need to do, I'll be like, dude, that was such a mistake. Like why did I do that? And I'll be really hard on myself about it. She's like,
You're still young. You're literally 21 years old and you're going to make mistakes because mistakes are how you learn. And she says that if you make a mistake once and you learn from it, it's a mastaki. So it's just a fun little shift on the word. And she's like, if you learn from it, it's not a mistake. It's not a problem. You learned, you grew and it's evolving you and it's making you a better person and it's okay. Obviously not it's okay to like go commit crimes and stuff, but I'm talking more about
you know, smaller little issues and mistakes, mistakis, my bad, that we make. You got to forgive yourself. You got to learn from it. You got to take it and you got to grow. And another thing, I'm kind of just reading you like going through my notes from therapy as I record this. So that's why things are kind of all over the place. But the next thing we talked about was how exactly a year ago I had been saying this affirmation, right? And it's, I don't chase, I attract. What is meant for me will always find me.
And I can tell you right now, from the bottom of my heart, that that is the most valuable affirmation manifesting right
Whatever you want to call it that I've ever said to myself because when I did that and when I was consistent with that so many of my dreams came true and it's not like I was sitting there and just saying it. I was putting in the work. Don't get me wrong. I was doing everything in my power to make my dreams my reality and to make things happen and this podcast being one of those things but I was saying that to myself every single day and I really do think that it had a lot of power and I recommend that everyone says that.
At least five times a day, take a video of yourself doing it. Set a reminder on your phone to do it because I am bringing it back into my life and I think that you should bring it into your life too. So I'm going to tell it to you again. I don't chase. I attract. What is meant for me will always find me. And it's powerful. So take it and use it if you want it. If not, I'm not going to tell you you should, but well, yeah, I am. I am going to tell you you should. Definitely do it. Please just trust me on that one. You can apply it to anything.
everything in your life and it doesn't just have to be these big dreams and goals that you have it can be certain emotions it can be certain feelings it can be certain groups of friends you can attract them to you and I'm not saying that these words have magic powers that are just going to bring amazing things into your life but I am saying that when you pour your energy into focusing on things like this and into focusing on attracting good things towards you
I do think that it gives you some kind of superpower and it just be a magnet for what you want and watch things come to you and watch things come to fruition. And moving on. Another thing we talked about about is how pain is growth because it teaches you awareness and it teaches you lessons. And I repeat this to you guys every single week. And I have gotten so much crap before throughout my whole entire life, like even in high school.
I've always kind of been the same person, the same extremely optimistic, everything happens for a reason girl. People have ripped me apart for it. They just like troll on me for no reason. And people are like, you're just too, you know, what do they say? Like, I forget what people used to say in high school was so bad. People were just mean. They're like, you're just lucky. Like, you're just lucky. You don't, whatever. I've always said that everything happens for a reason. I don't know exactly where I was going with this whatsoever.
But I really am, I guess kind of going back to literally what I just said. You be the energy that you want to attract. As simple as that. And understand that when you're going through something, be willing to learn from it. Sorry if you guys hear beans in the back. He's scratching his neck right now and his collar is making noise. So it's distracting me too.
But be the energy you want to attract and learn from your mistakes and understand that your pain is growth. Your pain is awareness. Your pain is evolving you into the person that you're wanting to be. And it will make you feel happier and it will make you feel fulfilled. And I was asking her a couple questions earlier.
about what to do when I am in such a funk and when I am in that negative state because obviously it's easy for me to tell you now when you're hurting eventually it's going to pass and everything's going to be okay and you're going to learn from it but when I actually am in that state of hurting it's so much harder for me to believe those things and she was just telling me it's going to be hard and it's not always going to be avoidable but you just have to stay aware and keep reminding yourself of these things and she taught me
Well, actually, she didn't teach me this. She reminded me of this. I've told you guys about Ujjayi breathing, and I'm going to tell you about it again right now because it is very powerful. And if you can do this next time you find yourself in that rut, in that funk, and say you don't have time to whip out your journal and write a journal entry, or you don't have time to go for a hot girl walk, or you don't have time to do whatever it is that normally helps you find some peace, I want you to take 30 seconds or one minute to focus on this breathing exercise because it quite literally...
calms down your body scientifically and everything. And I don't need to get into it, but calms your nervous system and it brings you into the moment and it starts circulating your energy throughout your body. Oh, before I teach it to you quickly, going back to what people said in high school about me, they would just like make fun of me for talking about energy or for talking about manifesting and, um,
Honestly, I'm really proud of myself because I feel like I've gotten to a point in my life where I don't care anymore that people said that because I have proven to myself and I have not that it matters to prove it to the world, mostly just to myself. I've proven to myself that it did work and it does work and your mindset really is powerful and it is everything and it can get you to where you want to be.
Back to Ujjayi breathing. Sorry, I still sometimes get a little bit petty about high school stuff just because, I don't know, things affected me way more and I let them weigh on me so much more. And it's cool to not have them weigh on me as much as they used to. Ujjayi breathing. I first learned about this when I first started yoga. And when I got my yoga teacher certification, Ujjayi breathing can also be known as victory breath or the breath that sounds like the ocean. It's got quite a few different names, but Ujjayi is what it's called in Sanskrit, which is
Anyways, the way that you're going to do it, it's going to be a breathing exercise where you're going to inhale from your nose. And when you exhale, you're going to keep your lips together, but you're going to constrict the back of your throat. So you're going to pretend as if you were fogging up a mirror, but instead of your mouth being open, your lips are closed. So it should sound a little something like this.
It's got a pretty powerful noise to it. And I don't know how the mic works and everything. And I hope you could hear that the way that it's supposed to sound. But I want you to try this. And I want you to at least take 10 of these breaths the next time that you feel you need to. And it doesn't have to be when you get to that lowest point, right? When you feel yourself start getting off balance. I literally did this today because let me just fill you in for a second.
After, you know, my slight stress moment of, oh crap, I'm supposed to be 30 minutes away from my house at therapy right now and I'm not, so I have to do this on a call. And then, you know, just having to set back everything else I was supposed to do an hour. I was a little bit overwhelmed, but then I got on the therapy call. Everything was awesome. It gave me just this spark of inspiration to talk to you guys about all of this and just the spark of life, or what am I saying? Life inspiration. Anyways,
After that happened, I sat down to record. My freaking camera was dead and not only was my camera dead, but I didn't have any batteries for my recorder and I couldn't get out because it was thundering and lightning and just super stormy. I wasn't going to go drive and get batteries. So I was like, well, crap, I can't record right now. And this is when I really want to record. And then I had to call the bank and that bank call turned into a whole ordeal. So now it's like six hours after I first wanted to record this podcast. And right before I recorded this,
after I got off those calls with the bank, a lot of that negative energy had built up inside of me again. So I was like, you know what? Let me backtrack to everything I just talked about and everything I just relearned from my therapist and do some Ujjayi breathing and take some deep breaths. And when I tell you it really did reset me, I mean it. I mean, I think that
You guys have known me for about a year now. If you listen to this podcast, like in depth known me, you guys can kind of tell when I'm at peace and kind of when I'm really not at peace and when I'm hurting and when I'm happy. And I just feel at peace right now. So I hope I can, I hope my energy is portraying that because I want it to.
But that was because I did this Ujjayi breathing practice today. I could have kept that negative energy installed in me. Installed, is that the word? You know what I'm saying. I could have kept it floating around inside of me. I could have not recorded this episode because I lost the spark. I could have skipped my workout to record this episode. Like a lot of different routes I could have gone.
But I re-centered myself. I re-evaluated what is going to make me feel good today? What do I want to do today? And I wanted to talk to you guys. So we're here and I'm talking to you guys and I want you to try that breathing practice and just see how it affects you. If it doesn't work for you, that's okay. Different things are going to work for different people. That's why we are all different.
different people on different schedules and different paths with different DNA and yada yada yada don't need to get so into it but you get the point try it always try something before what's the phrase don't knock it before you try it and honestly while I'm at it just talking about things I learned in therapy this isn't something that I learned from my therapist queen BFF this is something that I learned from my best friend's uncle who I see once a year and
We were sitting outside at her graduation party and he mentioned something about how people always say they don't like oysters and they've never tried oysters. And somehow that conversation just turned into this whole thing in my mind where I'm like, I am not ever going to say I don't like something until I've tried it ever again. And I have literally used it like once a week. Like I've with foods too. I've tried foods that never in my life that I think I would ever try. I tried oysters. That's where it kind of all started. And yeah,
It's just cool. So hold on to that too. You can't say that you don't like oysters until you've tried oysters and apply that to every single thing that you do in life and don't knock it until you try it. And moving on, try the breath. Let me know what you think and...
I'm staring at my list right now. And then obviously we talked about some personal things that I'm not going to get too into right now. Because I've honestly probably talked about them before. But she reminded me to remind myself when I'm going through it that this too shall pass. And it's a very cliche, basic quote that we all know. We've all heard. We've all seen it. We all tell it to ourselves. But you have to start believing it. Like literally did a whole episode on faking it till you make it. And do that. Tell yourself these quotes regularly.
Tell yourself these affirmations and it will all work itself out. And she also taught me something very valuable. And she says to make, I've definitely told this to you guys before. Everything she's told me, I've told you before. I'm just kind of putting it all into one episode right now since everything is just so spaced out and spread out. Throughout all these weeks of podcasts, she teaches me to make every part of my life a different chapter of my life. And I use this in my journal.
I've told this to all of my friends and I've made them all start doing it too. When I write in my journal, I label everything as a chapter. This chapter is awareness or this chapter is pain or this chapter is moving on, things like that. I title things in that way. It's been really powerful and really beneficial for my mental health. It's also helped me be able to close chapters and to know when it's time to bring things to an end.
And to just let them be part of the story and part of the book. And I don't know, I just keep, as I'm recording this, I keep thinking of other things that I want to tell you. And this was something pretty valuable. I touched on this in an episode with Meredith. You know, I was talking to this boy, right? And I wrote about it in my journal. I forget what I titled the chapter, but towards the end of the chapter, I had all these realizations. And I was like, you know, this is the chapter that I'm so glad is in my book because
But it's meant to end because the next chapter might be better. And it's just a cool way to recognize that some things in life and some people in life are just meant to be memories. And that's okay. And that's a beautiful thing. And the stories are always going to be there. And there's always going to be something special about that person or situation or place.
But it's okay to let it go because there's so much life ahead of us and there's so many more people to meet and things to do and experiences to have that it's okay when a chapter closes. And she also reminded me that some chapters are long, some are short, some are literally going to feel like they're a year long and some are going to be one day long. And then some chapters are going to cross over and you get the idea. Add chapters into your journal and you
Just see how that makes you feel too. It's another thing that you can try if you want to try it. And oh, this is actually the next thing I wrote down. She was explaining to me that the only thing that's forever in life is life itself. You know, everything is going to pass and things are going to change and different people are going to show up in your life. And if you're watching this on YouTube, Beans is literally in the camera right now and it's the cutest thing ever. Oh my goodness, Beans, you're in the way. Sorry. Sorry for my cat voice. Let's get back to the podcast.
This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot, Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.
Make this new school year an opportunity for your kids to learn important life skills with Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families where kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely while parents keep an eye on kids' money habits. Greenlight also helps families get into their fall routine with a chores feature that lets parents assign chores and pay kids allowance when they check them off. Get your first month free at greenlight.com slash spotify. greenlight.com slash spotify.
Where was I? I was also explaining to her that I notice in myself this happens when I'm on my period. And she's like, okay, you need to... Because I also don't track my period. I was explaining to her that I don't know when my period is going to come, but I... What am I saying? Sorry, I'm trying to multitask and it's not going so well for me. I...
Don't know when i'm gonna get my period but I can kind of tell when it's coming because of the way I get mentally like when i'm about to get my period I go down in the dumps hence why you guys probably See some sad tiktoks of me or some sad instagram stories once a month and she's like just start tracking it and Clear out not clear out your schedule necessarily, but focus on making your schedule something that is going to Work for you when you're at that phase of your life. Like if if you are
you know, emotional. If you're an emotional person who needs alone time when they're going through it, try to make sure there's time in your schedule at that time of month to be alone. Or if it's vice versa, if you need to be with people when you're sad or emotional, be with people and track your period so that you know when, okay, I think you guys are picking up what I'm putting down. Clearly, I didn't really figure out how I was going to talk about that. What I really want this whole episode to be is talking to you guys about
ants and I'm going to briefly explain them to you because this podcast is already pretty long but an ant is an automatic negative thought and this is the first thing that my therapist ever taught me because obviously you know first time we met up I told her my my little life story spiel and I explained my life to her and then she wanted to teach me these so an ant is an automatic negative thought and
The metaphor, or I don't know if the metaphor is the word I'm looking for or the word she used. I also probably butcher all of the things that she's explained to me or taught me. Not butcher them, but just explain them in a way that makes sense for me. So I really hope that they make sense for you too. But the metaphor that she gave me is that an ant, when you have ants, it's like stepping in an ant pile.
And when you step in an ant pile, you don't just sit there and let all the ants bite you. You get out of the ant pile and you apply your medicine to each of the bites, whatever the case may be. That being said...
There are seven main ones that she always talks about. And I am going to share those seven with you because as humans, we all have these ants. We all have these automatic negative thoughts. And if you can be aware of them and if you can understand what they are, you can help avoid them a little bit. And if you don't know what they are, you can't... If you can't recognize them, you can't change them. The first one is negative attitude. And what this basically means is that you...
You basically see the worst case scenario out of everything and you think things are going to be bad before they've even happened. And I've done this plenty of times in my life and I want to just give you a couple examples of each of them. And they're all kind of intertwined with one another. But for me, when I notice myself using Ant 1 is when I think of something that I'm scared of. You know, I think of hosting an event or public speaking or having a guest on the podcast or
I immediately run away from the idea of that because I'm envisioning the worst case scenario and I am thinking it's going to fail before I've even tried it, which goes back to literally what I was just talking about. I can't say I don't like it if I haven't tried it and I can't tell myself I'm going to fail if I haven't tried it either. So that's ant one. And I do this with all sorts of things. And then ant two, hold on, I have little sticky notes, so just give me one second.
This one I do very badly. The second one is disqualifying the positive. So taking any situation and focusing on the negative more than you're focusing on the positive. And I do this to myself where I just simply do not give myself any credit. You know, I could do something that someone else can look at and be like, wow, that is perfect. I love it. And all I'll focus on was what I did wrong about it or how I didn't do enough good or it's just...
I'm just hard on myself. And this is where I find myself using the Ant 2 a lot because I just focus on the negative things that I do instead of the positive impact that I've made or the positive things that I've been able to do or just the things that I've accomplished in general. I don't really give myself credit for those things unless, I don't know, it's rare that I do. But it's something that I'm working on and something that we can all work on. And we deserve to give ourselves credit. We deserve to be proud of ourselves for every single thing that we've ever done or accomplished or accomplished.
No matter how small or how big. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself credit. And be aware if you are doing this ant too. And start to redirect it and start to change it. And this can happen with people too. If you're in a bad friendship or not a bad friendship. If you have a negative situation with someone. Instead of just focusing on what's so negative. Think about maybe like what wasn't. What am I saying here? Think about...
The positive instead of the negative. We're going to move on. I don't really know how to explain that one too well. When I have my queen come on the podcast, she will explain these in a way more powerful and just a really, really much better way than I know how to. Okay, next one is drama. We as girls do this one a lot.
We make a huge problem out of something small and I do this with so many different things in my life, you know, not completing my to-do list. I'll be like, it's the end of the world. No, Lexi, just do it tomorrow, okay? Sitting there and thinking about how it's the end of the world isn't going to make it better. No. Same thing with situations and just everything in general.
That's ant three. Don't make the problem bigger than it has to be. See it for what it is. And if you are making it bigger than it has to be, redirect, reshift, do all of those things. Just be aware. And ant four, this is my number one ant, okay? Extreme thinking. Seeing things as black or white, all or nothing, everyone or nobody, always or never. Those are the words she used to describe what this ant is. And I am a huge ant.
huge user of this ant and I don't necessarily know why sorry if you guys hear the chair in the background I'm moving around but I will always tell myself you know it's all or nothing I can't do a journal entry if I can't pour my whole heart into it or if I can't do it for an hour or I can't do a journal entry if I'm focused on something else because it's not going to be good
It's not all or nothing. Make the gray space. Find the gray space and the black and white because it doesn't have to be black or white. It can be in the middle. And I get so passionate about this one because it's one that I'm so aware of, but it's so hard for me to work on. But that is the first step, just knowing that it's something that I can work on. And if I do have the awareness of it, when it happens, when I do find myself extreme thinking, I'm going to be able to work on it.
I can shift it a little bit or at least do my best to shift it. So that's ant four. Ant five is negative labels. I do this one too. You know, I, she taught me all these obviously a year ago and I had to reteach them to me today. And I really only remembered a couple of them, but she was explaining to me this one, number five. And I was like, yeah, I don't do that one. Then I was sitting there and thinking about it. Yes, I do. I am, I do this crap all day long.
And when I explain it to you, you go, you guys will be like, yeah, you do that. You like, you do do that. You just did that. Anyways, this one is negative labels. So you take a situation or you take a person or you take a place and if you had a negative experience with it, you immediately place a negative label on it. So say for example, I had a friend who wasn't a good friend to me and every time I
I would talk to her or something would happen. I would automatically just have this negative label on this negative thought. And I would not even make room for the positive that could actually happen or the positive that this person was actually saying. I'm just immediately going to the negative. And same thing. This is what I do, what I did for a long time with college. Like I would be like, no, like I'll never go back. Like that was horrible. It was negative. I was depressed. It's not for me.
But the reality of it is there was no need for me to put that label on it so harshly. You know, I just needed to step away from it. I just needed to distance myself. I just needed a break. And this one is so valuable for me to understand and have awareness of because it has helped me in a lot of my friendships. Like some friendships are just better from a distance and healthier from a distance and some...
Situations are better when they're spaced out or experiences. They don't have to be, you know, every week. They can be once a month and that's okay. And maybe evaluate like that before immediately just saying, no, that's going to be horrible. You get what I'm saying? You're picking up what I'm putting down? The last one, or not the last one. There's two more. Ant six is perfectionist thinking. So this one is kind of just like the stuck mindset where, what did I write down here?
You tell yourself that there's no way out, you know, that I'm just like that. You make it kind of your personality. And when I say that, that could look different for everyone. But the one example for me is that I always say that I'm just irresponsible and I can't fix it. It's just how I am. I'm always late. I'm always irresponsible. And, you know, I'm impulsive and I say these things about me.
without, you know, recognizing that my words have power. Like what I say to myself has power. And if I'm constantly telling people and myself that I'm irresponsible, what do I expect? Of course, I'm going to be irresponsible. And I don't know if this is a perfect example of antics or perfectionist thinking, but this is kind of just the way that I see it. Again, when I have my queen come on, she'll explain it better. But I'm
I make it like my personality trait that that's how I am instead of being like it's something that I'm working on or instead of teaching myself that I don't have to be like that. You know, I just tell myself that I'm stuck there and I'm stuck that way and that's just who I am. So that's definitely an ant. I don't know how that applies in other people's lives and in what ways it comes through or it shows. But for me, that's what it is. And I'm sure I can't be the only one.
Because again, you're never alone. So if you relate, that's answer six and we're working on it. We're definitely working on it. And answer seven, I forgot about this one completely, is just blaming. You know, blaming yourself, blaming someone else, blaming the world for the way that you feel or why things happen instead of just, I don't know, letting them happen. Like,
Just letting go of the blame and letting go of the idea that you have to put someone or something at fault for everything that happens because life is just going to happen and you can't avoid life happening. So why blame someone, you know? Just make meaning of it. Like I said earlier, 90% of life is how you make meaning of it. The other 10% is what actually happens. And it's freaking awesome. It's cool. So don't blame people. Don't blame things. Don't blame yourself.
And if you do find yourself doing it, be aware of it. Shift it. Those are the ants. And she says that four and six are the hardest to break. And I have definitely found that to be true in myself and in my life because those are two that I definitely do a lot. But we're working on it. You know, we are living a life where my intention right now, the chapter that I'm in is just
continuing to focus on growth and continuing to focus on releasing negative energy and in healthy ways and Just focusing on focusing on the good. I think that that's the chapter that i'm in right now because it's easy to get caught up It's really easy to get caught up in in life and in what's going on around us, but we have the power To shift our mindset and to shift the way that we think and it takes time, but it's possible so
When you are going through things and you do feel negative and you're having a hard time mentally, don't lock yourself into these ideas or these negative energy mindsets. Allow yourself to move around. Allow yourself to have room. You know, allow yourself to ride the wave and to feel the cycle and to go through different things and to learn from different things.
And I'm getting a little distracted now. My cat's about to jump into the trash can. And I didn't even realize this podcast episode has been 45 minutes. That's freaking awesome. Let's go. Dang, that was fun. And I just want to share those with you guys. I wanted to share with you some of the things that I learned in therapy. And there are so many more. But that's literally just what I talked about today. So if that wasn't your sign to go to therapy because it's powerful and it's beneficial, I don't know what is.
I'm happy to keep teaching you and sharing with you everything that I learned, but it is also very valuable when it's your own personal session where you personally talk about what you're going through and then everything, you know what I'm saying. I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead. I am really starting to just lose my train of thought in every way, shape or form, but I'm proud we made it this far without getting lost in anyways. I love you guys. I'm grateful for you guys. I did some really exciting stuff for Moment Series 2 today.
today and I can't wait you know you have the designer I have the mood board I have the list of everything that's happening and everything that's coming and I can't wait to share it with you guys thank you so much for being a part of this journey and I again am just reflecting a lot lately on how lucky I am to have all of you and how grateful I am that you're willing to listen to me ramble and talk and just thank you you're a blessing you'll never I can't even put it into words how lucky I am to have you
So I'll talk to you next Monday. And I'll most likely, 99% sure, I'll be recording an episode on college with Lissette. So I love you. Have the most beautiful, beautiful, beautiful week ever. Make this week your bitch. Damn. Unnecessary. Love you. Bye.