FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND STAY SILENT IN 2025 - Powerful Motivational Speech | Tony Robbins
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Where's my focus going? I can always be upset about something.

Where do you tend to focus more? Your past, your present, and your future. We all spend all three, but where do you spend more of your time? Most of us who are achievers tend to focus on the future, but all the joy is in the present. The majority of people spend a lot of time in the past, and the problem is you can't change it. You're constantly focused on what's missing versus what you have. You're focused on what you can't control. And there's two worlds, right? The external world, the internal world. We can't control the external world. We can influence it.

The part we can control is what's going on inside of us. And that we can control what we focus on. We can control the meaning. We can decide the meaning. We're the meaning makers and we can decide what to do. And when we make those three decisions, we're in control of our life. And all the anxiety and bullshit tends to go away, especially if we're trying to do that to serve something more than ourselves. Because you can't serve something more than yourself and not benefit. When you want some self-esteem, do something worthwhile beyond just yourself.

We all know the two emotions that destroy your relationship, your business, your life, it's fear and anger. Those are two extremes. You can't be grateful and fearful simultaneously. You can't be angry and grateful simultaneously.

But you look at somebody like Steph Curry, and you see this guy, you know, shoot the ball from almost half court. He doesn't even look. He turns around and just waves because he knows it's in already. And there's swish, and the crowd goes crazy. And people look at that and go, he's unbelievable. He is. He's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. He's the greatest three-point shooter in history. There's no one like him. But what they don't pay attention to is that isn't like a little gift. He shoots 500 shots every single day, never less than that, seven days a week.

For more than 15 years, his 15-year professional career, he's been doing it since before he was in college. His dad really trained him. So think of that, 3,500 shots a week, 168,000 shots in a year, 2 million shots in his 15-year NBA career, so he can make 3,600 shots. Not even one-tenth of 1%. I tell people, you get rewarded in public for what you practice in private. I think everything happens for a reason. I think there's a higher purpose. I think it's my job to find it.

I think that life happens for us, not to us, but it's our job to figure it out. You know, you're going to battle with internal things within you and external things,

But if you keep going, you're going to eventually slay your dragons and you come out in the hero of your own life and you have something to share that isn't bullshit. It's not something you read somewhere. It's something you've lived. And everybody can feel you've lived it because it's a different level of ownership, you know? And then, by the way, as soon as you do that, it happens again. You're called on another journey. You have a new level of challenge that you need to go on. It just never ends. But it makes life really, really beautiful.

How can people who are always very hard on themselves learn to build up their self-esteem a little bit more? - I don't know if self-esteem is the answer. I don't think it's bad to be hard on yourself, as long as you also celebrate when the victories happen. But so many people will tell you, "I have poor self-esteem because when I was a kid, "people said this to me and that to me." It's convenient that we remember those things and not the positive things that also occur, obviously. I think it's more important is to realize that self-esteem is earned. It's only earned by you with yourself.

You're not gonna get self-esteem 'cause everybody praises you. Someone can tell you your whole life that you're brilliant, you're a genius, you're beautiful, you're handsome, and you not believe it. Someone can tell you, you know, you're a piece of crap and you're never gonna become anything, and there's a part of you that can say, "I'll show you," as many people have, and then they develop drive out of it, right? So it's really, self-esteem comes from doing incredibly difficult things where you know you pushed yourself. It's not virtue signaling. It's not telling people about it. It's what you know inside your soul is true.

And the more you do things that are incredibly difficult, especially things that are meaningful, meaning they're not just about yourself, the higher that esteem would be. I think the most important thing for self-esteem is to find something you care about more than yourself. If you find something you care about more than you, you won't be thinking about yourself all the time and all your self-esteem just goes out the window. The real question is, what do you want? If you want an extraordinary life, my definition of that is life on your terms.

Some people it's three beautiful children, a white picket fence. Some people it's building a multi-billion dollar business. Somebody else it's writing poetry. Instead of looking for somebody else, it's like, okay, what do you really want from your life? And aligning yourself with moving forward towards what you really want. If you can do that in a way that also you feel is serving others simultaneously, there's a sense of meaning in life that can't be replaced by self-esteem or praise or compliments or being nice to yourself.

And I don't think it's bad to be tough on yourself. I'm pretty tough on myself, I'll be honest with you. Being overly tough on yourself usually comes by making comparisons that don't make sense. You're comparing to somebody else's life that has a totally different path, a totally different experience. We all develop in different stages and different things. We all want different things. But eventually you wake up and say, it's good to be strong with yourself.

But beating yourself up just lowers your energy. And when your energy gets lower, you produce less. And you don't have the same level of joy. You don't have the impact that you want to have, nor do you have the excitement that you really want to have. So I look at it as something that it's worth earning your own self-esteem, but it's really not the secret. The secret is find something else you obsess about more than yourself, and you'll have a level of energy that will compel you over the long term.

When I began, I began with a fuel, which was like, I'm going to show them my, you know, my, it was anger that drove me, you know, I'm just going to show you type of thing, but that fuel doesn't last. And then the next fuel that people tend to use is I got to succeed, but there's a little fear underneath that that's driving them, which is like, what if I don't versus a knowing, you know, it's like, if you give your all every day, your gifts will make room for you.

And it's like having a knowingness that things are going to be fine. And then there's the next level, which is you start to know who you are and you're not trying to prove it to yourself or other people. And it's just, you just want to help. It's the difference between what I would call push motivation and pull, right? Push is I'm going to make this happen. And it takes tremendous willpower. And I know you have plenty of willpower. I do as well, but there's a limit to willpower, but there's no limit to pull, right?

Whole is when there's something magnificent that you want to serve, something that you've got an obsession for to create or to do or make happen. And that doesn't, you know, you don't lose that energy. You don't lose those components and you're able to laugh and enjoy along the way. I think it's important to realize wherever focus goes, energy flows. It's corny, but it's true, right? In fact, maybe an easier way of saying it is we don't experience life. None of us do. We experience the life we focus on.

So in any moment, what's wrong is always available. So is what's right. So it's not about being positive. It's about being intelligent. You know, you got to look at the impact of what you're believing. And you got to look at and say, you know, where's my focus going? I can always be upset about something. I can always find something to be joyous or at least grateful for, which leads to joy. And I think it's learning to discipline your disappointments, you know, not allow them to grow and to move on and to use whatever life has given you.

You can make some simple patterns and change your whole life of focus. The minute you focus on something, your brain has to decide what does it mean? And meaning is what creates emotion and emotion is where your life is, right? And so the quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. We all have a pattern of focusing on what we have and at times on what's missing. Which one do you think most people spend more time focusing on what they have or what's missing?

You can engineer your life to have more happiness. But I think the real challenge is thinking so hardly about being taken seriously just represents your fears, right? It's like, I think spiritual development, when people talk about spiritual, not religious development, spiritual development is the level of comfort you can have with just being your real self.

And I think that's not an easy task because we're all trying to be something, but we already are the something we're trying to be. That doesn't mean you can't be better, but it's like accepting and appreciating what you really are. And instead of projecting, you know, something else takes a lot of pain out of your body, takes a lot of wasted energy out. It gets a lot of fears to just disappear. And I don't have an easy path for that. I think it's the hero's journey.

I feel if I work my ass off, now I've done my part, okay, now come through me, let's do this, and it tends to flow. Life happens to me or I happen to life, but life happens for me. Yes, not to me. Yeah, is a wonderful reframe. Yeah, I really believe it.

But you gotta dig for it. It's not easy. - It's gotta be earned, right? Like wishing for confidence without competence is just delusion. You have no evidence to say that you can do this thing. - If you want freedom, if you value freedom, you can't possibly have it as long as you play the victim role. None of that makes you who you are. None of that controls where you are in your life.

It's like, have you ever had something happen in your life that was horrible? I mean, it was painful. You'd never want to go through it again in a million years. You wouldn't want anybody else to go through it that you care about. But after five or 10 years, you look back and you say, I never want to go through it again. But now I see the wisdom in it. I'm glad I did. It's like, it made me care so much more. It made me so much stronger. It made something in me more powerful.

I mean, I'm sure you can relate to that, can't you? Yeah, for sure. I mean, you don't really realize it's just life. And then you learn a little bit more about yourself and you start to realize, well, look at all of the ways that I've had to compensate for that. Look at all of the ways that it's held me back. Look at all of the beliefs that I have about myself. And God, if only that hadn't happened, then I would be here or I would be there.

And then you realize, well, the light side of all of that dark stuff is usually the stuff that I'm most proud of myself for. So the fact that you were maybe a little bit alone in childhood means that you're very self-sufficient when you're an adult. Or the fact that you didn't have anybody to support you means that you have no concern about working on your own and continuing to take a bet on yourself, so on and so forth. So you end up having this really strange loop where you go from unconscious self

incompetence in that you've somehow been through something that you really hate to this sort of awareness of how it's held you back to this awareness of how it's propelled you and then you have to get to this really difficult place which is okay so this is a thing that I kind of wish hadn't happened

And yet I'm grateful that it did. And it's like a psychological superposition that you need to hold in your head at the same time. You can't collapse it down into one. You need to hold both of these things. It's like, yeah, that shouldn't have happened. Like, I really wish that that... And had you have been able to see you, had you at 36 have been able to see you at 12, you'd have picked them up and given them a hug and said, I believe in you and you don't deserve this. But it needs to happen to you.

It was meant to be. Now, I don't believe like everything's meant to be. I think situations are meant to be and then it's our job to choose how we're going to use them or be used by them, right? I think that's the difference. But I think, you know, we get easy times and tough times. Why is that important? It is incredibly peaceful if you've done the job in the beginning because you know who you are. Now you have an amazing life.

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