Huge news from off-menu towers, James. We've just added extra dates for Off Menu Live, the tasting menus at the Royal Albert Hall. We will be there on Sunday the 15th of March, 2026 at 2pm. Sunday the 15th of March at 7.30pm. It's on Sunday the 15th of March. Two shows, 2026. Tickets from royalalberthall.com and ctickets.com.

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Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the bacon of conversation, the fried egg of humour, the black pudding of friendship, the baked beans of joking around with your mates, the mushrooms of the internet, hash browns of podcasting, just general podcasting. What else do I like?

I mean the tomato? No, I don't want that. No, good on you. I don't want beans to be honest, but I feel like you've got to pop them on. Fried bread, fried bread of Ed and James. Full English podcast, James.

hello that is a gamble my name is james acaster together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite the guests and ask them their favorite ever start a make or desert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is jeff goldblum yes jeff gold it's only bloody jeff goldblum mate what the fuck what a series man i mean you said full english this guy is not english yes he's a full man though an icon uh

hero of mine from, I mean, I think the first time I saw him was Jurassic Park. Yes. When I was a kid. It was one of the first scary films I saw at the cinema. My parents warned me before going. They said, this is scary. Adults are scared of this, you know, James, you're a little kid. My mum took me to see, to the cinema to see the re-release of Bambi and it had sold out so we had to go and see Jurassic Park instead. It's like for like. Yeah, like for like, baby. And then after that, I was just, I was consuming his films like nobody's business in that era. That,

That era of Goldblum, I was all in on. And then you go back, you're watching The Fly. Oh, yeah. I love him in the Wes Anderson films. There's so much stuff that Jeff Goldblum's done that I love. I kind of can't believe we've got him on. And you're very similar men, you and Jeff. Thank you. James. The highest compliment Ed's ever paid me. Because you're both very good at your chosen art form, for which people know you for. Thank you. And also, you release brilliant albums. Jeff Goldblum has an album coming out on the 25th of April.

on Decker Records. It's called Still Bloomin'. It's Jeff and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra. Yes, the album's called Still Bloomin'. It is a jazz album. Listened to a few tracks on the way over, James. So did I. It's good stuff, baby. Yeah, I loved it. Some really amazing guests on it as well. Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo, Scarlett Johansson, Maya Sykes. Pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Obviously, that's the two witches from Wicked on there. Yes. And the Scarlet Witch. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my God. Uh-oh. There's so many witches in this. There's something going on. If that was an artist like Kendrick Lamar, everyone would go, hold on a second, Kendrick's trying to tell us something, guys. It's actually not the Scarlet Witch. Huh? It's Black Widow. It's Black Widow. Fuck.

It's good we got this out of the way. Imagine if we were like YouTube conspiracy guys and we just like stumble, we absolutely just run into a brick wall straight away, realise it's still published the video. I'm so glad. Actually, I'm not glad. I wish you'd said that to Jeff Goldblum and I'd picked you up on that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

thoroughly deserved yeah yeah I love the fact that Jeff has other actors on here as well yeah I think that's fantastic and the fact that Scarlett Johansson is on the first single The Best Is Yet To Come as well yes that's very exciting for me she's released her own music her own albums that's out that's out now that single so you can go and listen to that

You should have more comedians singing on your albums. Get me in for the next Party Gator record. Absolutely. Featuring Ed Gamble. Yeah. And you play bassoon, so you can do a bit of both, maybe. A bit of bassoon. I can only do Three Blind Mice, though, so it would have to be a remix of Three Blind Mice. Count me in. Sign me up. Sold. Hi, guys. My name is Ed. I am here with my friend James.

Yeah. I'll be in touch. Party good or... We love Jeff Goldblum. If he does say the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the dream restaurant and we'll be with a heavy heart and we'll feel pretty stupid for doing it. I'll hate it. This week, the secret ingredient is... Ambrosia custard. Ambrosia, James, is the food of the gods in Greek mythology. That's what the Greeks used to eat. Ambrosia. The gods, anyway, in mythology. Yeah.

That's why Ambrosia Custard is called Ambrosia Custard, I'm assuming. Gotta be. Jeff Goldblum played Zeus.

in chaos on Netflix which very sadly only got one season and has been told it's not coming back and I held back watching that because I was like that's going to be a bummer and it was because the first season was brilliant and Jeff's brilliant in it they're idiots for cancelling yes they are they should still be going and we're celebrating it by making ambrosia custard the secret ingredient yes we are but I really don't want him to say it because I'm excited to meet him I really that's why we've chosen it as a we've chosen a dessert yes our other option was bloomer bread and that could have been a very short podcast if you chose it

Jeff Goldblum because it's still blooming Jeff Goldblum also we've heard Jeff might be running a little bit late we've obviously got a certain amount of time with Jeff we have a hard out he's got to go and do the one show yes so obviously I mean you're the one who's got the questions you sort of need to be across this yep

I'm aware I've got to move this along. Currently, we're looking at an hour exactly with him from the moment he walked in the door. So, you know, I'm going to be on my game. Yes, okay. You're about to see a man on his game. Well, this is the Off Menu Menu of Jeff Goldblum.

Welcome, Jeff, to the Dream Restaurant. You are so sweet. Thank you. Thank you very much. Welcome, Jeff Goldblum, to the Dream Restaurant. I've been expecting you for some time. Wow, what panache. You guys are great. I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you for having me. We're delighted to have you here. That was the genie entering the room. I can't remember. Remember I Dream of Genie? Remember that show? Yeah, yeah. Okay, who starred? Who was the genie? Ed Gamble.

It's close. Barbara Eden. Right? Right? Yes. Back in your bottle, he would say. He was an astronaut. He'd say, back in your bottle. And I believe that was played by the guy who finally was J.R.,

on that show anyway was it before or after Bewitched I Dream of Jeannie was it the same time I'm mixing it up with Bewitched I think I just sang the Bewitched song which was Elizabeth Montgomery and I Dream of Jeannie was something else was Barbara Eden but in any case

Similar vibes. Similar vibes, yeah. Yes, yes, well around the, yes, same time, similar time. Because the witch was the one where she wiggled her nose, right? And then made things happen. Exactly right. Yeah, I can't wiggle my nose like that, but I can wiggle one ear at a time. Watch this.

Well, you can. That is pretty incredible. I never thought I'd see this. The problem with the angle that I'm seeing you from, Geoff, is I can only see one ear. Oh, no, there you go. There you go. Is this the camera? That'll get you. That'll get you. That's all right. That's enough of that. Now, Geoff, before we get into talking about food, we want to talk about Still Bloomin'.

Your new album. You're so kind to bring that up. I'm very excited about it. Yeah, well, I have this band called Jeff Goldblum and the Mildred Schnitzer Orchestra. And on Decca and Verve, we have our fourth album, if you can believe it, coming out April 25th. It's called Still Blooming. There are a bunch of instrumentals that we offer on that and some things where we play and some people sing. Like, believe it or not, well, you've already possibly heard the single that we've released recently.

with Scarlett Johansson. Incredible. Singing, I love the way she sings that. We do a little kind of a bossa nova arrangement. And you may have heard, and it's true, the other couple people singing

Cynthia Erivo sings a beautiful song. Do you know this song? Would you know this song? We'll meet again. Don't know where. Very well. It was Vera Lynn around these parts who had a big hit during the war. And then what American director, movie director who moved here made a movie that ends here.

with that song. James loves a quiz. I love a quiz. I absolutely love this. We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when. I'm going to give you a clue. It's in black and white and Slim Pickens, who is in Blazing Saddles, is riding a nuclear bomb. Oh! Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove, yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's right. Amazing. There

There you go. So she sings that, and then Ariana Grande sings, I don't know why I love you like I do. I don't know why I just do. Sings it much better than I am, but there you go. There you go. It's coming out April 25th. Very excited about it. Now, obviously, Ariana and Cynthia were your co-stars in Wicked. Yes, sir. Were you recording on set for this? No, no, no, no, no. There was much to do on set with the great John M. Chu. We had our hands full. They were fantastic. Fantastic.

I met them on that. We got to, you know, I should have been intimidated, but they were so warm and cordial and welcoming that we would sing, what with my bushy-tailed interest in music, in between every take, all the American jazz songbooks, songs that I know, and show tunes, and we had grand time. So at some point, and afterwards, I said, hey, you know...

one thing or another, you know, and they said, yeah, we'd like to record with you. And they did. And we had the greatest time and we've been doing this publicity and they're just still just two of the people I admire most in the world. And as the band leader in the studio, are you stepping in and giving a lot of notes? Are you letting people do what they want? What's your vibe in the studio, Jeff? Oh, I'm a humble student. I like to play the piano. I play, it changes my...

I've played since I was a kid, and I play every day. I played this morning. I'm going to play on the BAFTAs that are coming up in a couple of days. I play during the in-memoriam section. I play a song at a piano on stage. You know what I play? Here is a quiz. It's from that movie Casablanca. Oh, yeah.

Play it again, Sam, says Bogart. Huh? Yeah, Bogart says play it again, Sam. Play it again, Sam. And then he plays Imagine by John Lennon. Is it by John Lennon? Is it Imagine by John Lennon? Imagine? You're way off. You're saying that for comic effect. No, no. Casablanca. You know Casablanca. It's from that. No, no. This was way before. Imagine there's no people. No, it's way before that. No, you really don't know that song? I really don't know. Does this ring a bell? No.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. You must remember this. A kiss is still a kiss. A sigh is just a sigh. Yeah. As time goes by, it's cold. So I'm playing that. In any case, yes, I like to play. But the real band leader is Alex Frank, who you met out there. He's here today. He's our bass player and creative leader. Yeah, that's what happens.

And he really, it's an exciting process. He gives notes to me and everybody, but I play with the other guys. They're fantastic. So I'm just thrilled to be part of that. Incredible. Are you a foodie, Jack? Yes, this is what we want to know. Well, in the sense that I think you mean these days somebody who is, you know, a real gourmand. Is that the word? Yeah. Whose life is dedicated to...

The finest can only eat the finest things and find dining they like. No, I would say no. But am I upset? Do I have a lifelong interest, fascination, wonderment relationship with food and an opinion about every ingredient under the sun? Yes. And ever evolving experimentation with my own, you know, it's fuel, as we know. And so I've experimented down through the years with dieting.

diets and regimes. I carried big bags during a few decades ago of carrots, and I had a machine when I travel, and I ate only carrots for a week, and I turned orange, and everything came out of me orange. Did it really turn you orange? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got that, yeah. But anyway, I've gone through many variations. So, you know, I'm still experimenting today with what will do me best, you know, for energy and this and that. And, but

But I have become very, I'm very, you should know, adventurous. I think I've eaten everything. I'll try anything. I have tried everything, I think. But these days, and I'm very easy to please. I like food. I'm grateful to have some nourishment. As we know, we're lucky. There are many people on the planet who, as we're talking about our preferences, have

who don't have the what with to hold life and limb together. So I've dedicated my life also to that.

The grand mission of making sure that all of our confreres, brothers and sisters, will eat sufficient every day. I think that's a great thing to do, and it's very possible. And to treat well all the other creatures, not only human beings on Earth, so that they have safety and liberty. In any case, having said that,

I've gotten to the point these days where I don't want to waste my appetite, which is always healthy. I can always eat, and I'm always interested in eating. But I don't want to waste just any meal on just filling my stomach up with fuel, although it's medicine, and I want to do that. But I want it to be special.

and entertaining without being unhealthy, and delightful, wonderful, an experience. I know exactly what you mean. You don't want to waste a meal at all. You want it to be nice, delicious, but also make you feel good afterwards. It's a difficult balance to strike. Yes, don't you find? But a worthwhile little mission...

endeavor. And I enjoy doing that with other people because, as you know, it's a social event. I have a couple little boys and a wonderful wife, and she cooks, and I love home cooking. We'll talk about all that. And I love the boys. They make me things. They're already very handy in the kitchen. One particularly is very helpful. He makes me every day a cup

A cup of coffee. We have this nice machine, and he knows how to, he's very capable. That's useful. Better than I can. You know, when he's not there, I kind of don't use it. I don't make myself the coffee. You know, I'm a little bit like that. How old is he? Nine. That's incredible. He's been doing that for a couple years. You've got a nine-year-old barista. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's fantastic. He's fantastic. And I'll tell you this, now that it's come to mind, River, that's Charlie. River, who's seven.

Another delightful boy. Amazing. We had a pretend kitchen. Not like we used to have when I was in the kitchen. What was that called? The, you know, easy bake oven. Yeah, yeah. No, he had some wooden blocks that came in the shape of a half a hard-boiled egg and fruit. And he liked having seen us in our kitchen having some fake...

pots and pans and coming over and serving. He's always been very giving and sharing. And he likes to make things for us. He still does. He's a painter. He likes to give me da-da. Here's this. But he used to go spend a long time. Here, here's some more food. Now, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. How about that? Those are some of my favorite eating experiences. It was not even real. I loved it. And it's good practice. You're an actor, but you're always learning. And you're there. You get to really perfect everything.

So next time you do an eating scene, everyone's going to be like, wow, you really ate all that food. Well, now you brought up another. That's a portal into another subject, which interests me greatly. The craft of acting and depicting real life. Yes, there have been. I'm sure you've talked to many people about it. Eating in movies, eating on stage. Oh, yeah, I could tell you a lot about that.

That's a fantastic interview technique, by the way, to go, I could tell you a lot about that. Really? Well, thank you. I love you. These guys look great. You know what these guys look like. Wow, what specimens. These tattoos are fantastic. Thank you very much, Jeff. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's got a lot of tattoos. Don't be...

Don't let him scare you. He's trying to scare you. They're fantastic. I like tattoos. And Acaster. Yeah. Acaster. I thought it was a caster when I read it, of course. But Acaster. It reminded me of that. Do you know that word animacaster? Do you know what an animacaster is? I don't know that word, actually. You really don't? No.

You know what it is? No. It's kind of like a doily, but for the purpose specifically, and your grandmother might have had it, you know, on the couch, which gets rubbed and might get threadbare. Yeah. You put this little kind of piece of material...

Kind of doily like, over it. That's an animacaster. Wow. I relate to that. You know, definitely. Often I can be like the buffer between like, you know, something that someone really values and an unwanted presence. And I might be the thing that goes in between that and stops it from getting scuffed, emotionally speaking.

He's very deep, isn't he? So much to unpack there. What a good brain you've got. Wow. Hey, have you ever eaten brains? Or all sorts of organ meats or exotic foods? He definitely has. I love all that. Really? Yeah. What's that called? Wait, wait, wait. What's it called? Oh.

Oh, Welsh rarebit? No, that's not rarebit. Brains are called... When you eat brains, that dish is called... Why is it called? You know, you know. You know what I'm thinking of. He'll find it. Do you mean like the general term for all of that stuff? No, no. Does your son have some wooden brains that he feeds you? Did your son have wooden brains in his...

No, no, no. He didn't have that. No, he just had the standard stuff. Although I'm thinking about that movie, I think the second Hannibal Lecter movie. Oh, yes. Doesn't he? Ray Liotta. That's right, Ray Liotta. And he starts without him knowing eating those...

Fresh brains right from his brain. That's gruesome. But, you know, I used to like organ meat of all kinds. I'll tell you about my current regime health-wise. But, you know, liver and all sorts of things we could talk about at length. But what's it called? You're not finding it. Okay. What's your name? The great Benito. Benito what? I'm very good at this. Give me the first initial of your last name. W.

Benito Woodhouse. Yes. Correct. Like P.G. Woodhouse. That is correct. I've read all of his books, by the way. Was I close? That is correct. Benito Woodhouse. That is his name now. It is now. Whatever you say his name is, is what it is, Jeff. And we will always say it. Yeah. All right. We genuinely will. Very good. We always start with still of sparkling water, Jeff. Do you have a preference? Very good question. Water, of course, is the...

stuff of life. We need to stay hydrated. Although I've read recently that you can overdo it. You know, you can get a little waterlogged. Somebody said this may not be true because, you know, opinions go, you know, are always changing our fluid. Somebody said, and, you know, people with access to, you know, a microphone for an opinion said, yeah, you can really overdo it. The minerals, if you drink too much,

You're peeing out all the minerals and don't drink. I used to hear this for, I was macrobiotic for a moment. Michio Kushi, yes. Rice and beans and umeboshi plum and all that. He said, don't drink. I think they said, don't drink during the meal. I've never adhered to that. Anyway, this started with water. I would say I like them both, but during a meal, I would say mostly water.

Both, but I'd say mostly flat, but it has to have ice in it. Yes. Even if it's cold, I like ice.

ice in it. Now, different kinds of water, I'm sure you've discussed and know much about more than I do. I'm not so discerning in my palate. Other people say, oh, this one's salty. Oh, this one's, I like this water better. It's all kind of the same to me. I've never tasted that much difference between a lot of waters, except if it's really, you know, I don't know what. But, you know, all those seem okay to me. Ice, I do like ice makes it festive. I

The sparkling is okay. It makes me gassy right away in the burping. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't know how far the people take to it so much, but I like to... I don't know what happens when you take that sparkling water. But also, don't give me sparkling, tepid, room-temperature water. I think that's...

Yeah. Not good. I don't like that. So give me sparkling. But as long as it's sparkling, I like a little flavor. Don't give me flat with flavor. Oh, this is a little strawberry. No, it's not. It just has a hint of that, and a hint is not good enough for me. And anyway, don't put citrus in it. I don't want lime or lemon necessarily. No.

I want, you know, these days, I'm not a big drinker, and we'll talk about that, but I like a mocktail. So a mocktail has something sometimes, yes, fizzy about it, doesn't it? And then all the other ingredients, and I'm open-minded.

As a matter of fact, I'd rather somebody else surprise me. Yes. I say, give me whatever you got. Not too sugary sweet, although I'm not supposed to be avoiding sugar that much. So I can have a little syrup. Although natural ingredients I do like.

in theory. So, you know, it can be festive and tasty and it can have a little, you know, mint sprig in it if it's well done. But no citrus in the water. Well, it can, yes, at that point, if it's a whole offering, sure. And it's best if I've never had it before. It's a surprise and I kind of always like it. Do you want to hear the one question that we prepared in advance? Sure. Um,

Do you want your water to be trembling every now and again? Ah, that's very funny. You're referring to Jurassic Park 1993. Because just like this is how they did it. They filmed this. You can't see what I'm doing. Maybe you can. Somebody was doing this. Ah, because there you go. And I go, oh, I'm getting a little... I'm getting a little...

you know, anxious here. There's, oh, come on, come on. It's got, you know, et cetera, et cetera. Sure. We all know about that. Hey, how about that scene in that movie where I go here, Laura Dern, look, this is a chaos theory. You don't know where the drop is. Yeah. Yeah. It goes down there. Exactly. It goes down the other way. You can't predict where it's going to dribble. That's the chaos theory, you know, et cetera, et cetera. It's very hypnotic the way you deliver that monologue.

I remember just getting really drawn in by it. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's very, the way you're describing it, because it's just like little, the way you're just moving your finger. I take that as a great compliment, but I credit it all with my scene partner, the great Laura Dern, and of course, Steven Spielberg, who knows how to tell a story. You can't be good in a movie unless you're in a good movie directed by a good director. That's my current thinking. Am I right in thinking that he directed...

Schindler's List the same year that he did Jurassic Park. As the story goes, he was editing Jurassic Park and already in pre-production for Schindler's List where he traveled quickly after. Both those movies I think came out like the same year. How about that? It's insane, isn't it? Genius. Yes, he's quite a genius. I've

I watched it the other day, Dress It Park. I just really felt like watching it again. It was about two weeks ago. On a Sunday, watched it again, loved it. Ed and I were talking earlier. It was one of the first films we were allowed to see in the cinema that was scary. Like, where our parents told, you know, we're little, and our parents were like, this is a scary film, you know.

And one of the best experiences I've ever had in a cinema. Really? A lot of people like that. I watch that. The algorithm knows that I like these letterbox little things where people give their four favorite things. You know, I'm delighted to see how often Jurassic Park comes up. Isn't that something? It's uncommon. It's not so special to be in a movie that over the course of a few decades later still exists.

you know, it's a perfect film remembered and people kind of get a kick out of it. Yeah. That's all Steven Spielberg and the confluence of the technology at the time, you know, the CGI newly sort of pioneered stuff that Stan Winston animatronically and then Dennis Mirren did CGI. Well, I was, I was saying to James, I was being taken to the cinema by my mom to see the re-release of Bambi, but it had sold out. So instead she went, Oh, this film Jurassic Park's on, we should go and see that. That was quite the shock.

I can imagine how old were you, may I ask? Well, what year did we decide it was? 92, 93. So I would have been seven or eight. That's the age of, that's right, River, just between our two boys now. Well, I'm constantly thinking, because I'm dying to show the movies. We try to keep them off of screens generally in order to be human and present and all that and let their brains develop.

So Emily, my wonderful wife and their wonderful mother, keeps movies as a treat for them if they've behaved well. But I'm dying to show them. And the question becomes, what do you show them? Yeah. What and what's too scary? You know, I hope nobody judges me harshly for having shown them The Elephant Man. I love David Lynch.

And the Elephant Man is disturbing and dark material. But I think the upshot thematically is that, you know, is healthy and wholesome. Yes. And I think they were okay with that. They, in fact, pride themselves too overconfidently with being able to take the scariest. They said, what's the scariest movie you've ever seen? They want to see that.

And they now know how to sneak on and see the trailers. Anyway, they want to see all that. I've shown them some James Bond movies, which I got a big kick. I hit the right moment when Sean Connery was first doing Dr. Known from Rush with 11 Goldfinger. I showed them those movies. They liked them a lot.

Both kids who are playing piano now, by the way, River plays the James Bond theme. I got a big kick out of that, but I haven't shown them the new Daniel Craig ones because they're a bit nerve-jangling and adult in all sorts of ways. So...

The question is, just like you say, yes. The fly? Is it the fly, the first one? Well, I haven't shown them the fly yet, no. And the elephant man, correct me if I'm wrong, that's the one where the guy gets in a machine and an elephant gets in as well. Me being here, you're mixing us up. No, John, I heard you play the elephant man. Yeah, I love that. Pop-Dubs or bread! Pop-Dubs or bread, Jeff Goldblum! Pop-Dubs or bread!

What did you say? Poppadoms or bread. I will translate. James said poppadoms or bread. Oh, that's your next choice. Of course. I knew you said that. Well, if you're really asking, although you're scared, did you see how easily I go? I like scary movies myself and I don't mind a jump scare, even though it makes me jump. I'm an easy jumper. Um,

Well, you're talking up my alley because let's talk about bread. We could talk about all manner of bread, all sorts of bread, my likes and dislikes. But Papadum, I know it from my Indian tradition.

uh, enthusiasms. Oh, I love Indian food. I love spicy food, vindaloo, this and that. I love, what is that? Cardamom is some of those curry flavors. Oh,

I love it. And when you get that, well, none, that's a more dangerous and sinfully delicious, you know, doughy thing that scares me a little bit. I love it. I love garlic. I'm a big garlic man, so I love garlic none. And when it's warm, I love all that stuff. But papadum, I love it.

Especially when it's well done. And I tell them, hey, these days, can you not fry it? Can you bake it? For some reason, I have the idea that that's a little better for me, and it still comes out okay. But I like crunchy things. I like snacks. I like a crunchy breadstick.

or a chip or a cracker. I'm very enthused about crackers. You like texture. You're a texture man. Well, yes, all sorts of textures, including the crunchy. And I hanker for a crunchy, crispy thing here and there. So I love Papa Dum. Yes, and it's got a little...

bite to it, doesn't it? It's got a little kick to it. There's a little spice on that too. Oh, man. So good. Hey, you just made me think Dosa, Dosa. Do you know the Indian? Yes, in New York, there's a place called the Hampton Chutney Company that I used to pass every day on my way because I was doing a play downtown. I used to pass and I used to get in the mat and

in between the matinee and the evening show, I'd go to this place. It's an Indian, you know, kind of pizza bread, kind of big thing upon which they put, you know, various things. And then, geez, that was good. Speaking of which, you've just made me think of chutney.

Yeah. Because with all this, you know, in that same chapter, we got to talk about chutney. Yeah. We're spending a lot of time right now. I'm switching. Forgive me for switching. My brain is, you've lit my brain on fire. We're spending a lot of time in Florence, Italy. Oh, yeah. Lovely. Yeah. Yeah.

And talk about food there. But one of the places, there's a restaurant called Camillo's, which we like very, very much. We recommended it to Wes Anderson, not to drop names. But he is a connoisseur of the great place and the great meal. Amazing. I've known, yes, he's provided many of those. We said, hey, he said, we're coming to Florence. What do you think? We said, try this. He loved it. Anyway, they've got, you know,

all the Italian things that all those Tuscan places do, but they also have curry, a couple of curry dishes. Oh, wow. Some shrimp and some chicken with rice and this curry that they make fantastically and this homemade chutney, which is great.

I feel like we should put that chutney somewhere on your dream menu then, Jeff. Yeah, of course. Well, now you've opened the portal. Yes, you should. But you've opened the portal also because I'm still thinking. I'm circling the runway on all these, as you can tell, because I've got a whole garden of thoughts about all this. And I thought you were the right people to... Absolutely. We'll join you in the garden. We'll have a walk.

around. Air them, yes, to walk around this garden, start to prune and start to landscape and figure out exactly how we're going to design this thing finally or ever changingly. Uh,

But condiments. Yes. If you're talking about chutney, we can talk about all manner of delicious because I like them sauces and additions and condiments and mustards and ketchups and tomato and tomato things and Pomodoro and everything in that vein.

What's in your fridge regularly? What are your regular condiments that you know are always going to be in there? Very interesting. Very interesting. When, you know, when Emily met me 13 years ago, I was a kind of a bachelor type. And she has added the woman's touch such that in my refrigerator, when she met me and she came over that first night, I opened, I said, what would you like? I opened it up. I had a, I think some Pellegrino in there and some cartons of Chinese takeout food. And that was about it. Now you should see it. It's a

A glorious, you know, display of items. So right now, because I contribute and what I've contributed, I'm kind of a, I might be the most condiment enthusiastic in our house. I like mustard. So does she.

She's French. Butter, she has a very particular taste and conviction about butter. But I like Coleman's English mustard. Yes. The hotter and the more disturbing, the better. I like that. Just a little goes a long way. But I like it. I can take it and I like it. Yes.

you know, there's Dijon mustard, which I think she likes, which goes nicely when you mix it up into a salad dressing with a nice real olive oil, you know, and this and that. And so, you know, mustard, but I like a yellow mustard that you get at the ballpark that,

you know, or in the delicatessen. A French's mustard, weirdly called a French's mustard. Yes, French's, that's right. I like the French's or their other, you know, in Whole Foods, the 365 yellow mustard that you get. They're all not dissimilar. I like all of that. Stone ground

Not my favorite thing, but I'm open. There's a hundred mustards, I'm sure. Honey mustard, not my favorite thing, you know. But so those are a couple of my things. Also in the refrigerator, well, is there ketchup? Well, here's what there is. Soy sauce or tamari or all the different variations of that. In the fridge. You're keeping your soy sauce in the fridge. Yeah, shouldn't I? You know, I'm always open to how I eat.

how I manage these things. Some things are, you put in the refrigerator, some things you don't. Some, you know, I bought the other day, I like fish. These days on my... You got to keep that in the fridge. Huh? Keep the fish in the fridge. Well, if it's opened, but my, somebody bought for me, my little, my helper, I said, get me some, I need on hand, if I really need an infusion of fish in the middle of the day.

On my own, quickly, I want to be able to go in and open a tin of sardines or of, you know, there's tuna. There's all kind of, you know, there's these, I like these restaurants. There's a place called Salty Girl in Los Angeles now and Connie and Ted's. They have, you know, tins, a list of a hundred tins.

I've had two of them, but I'd like to sample all of them. And they can be quite expensive, those tins as well, can't they? If they're from Spain, this can be a higher end item. Yes, yes. I don't know how much these sardines were, but the helper, believe it or not, this is what made me think of it, put them, having not been opened, in the refrigerator. Wow.

I went, wait a minute. I might have been wrong. I said, well, maybe too harshly. I said, wait a minute. I think these, before they're opened, need to go in the pantry. Not because that oil that they're packed in is going to be congealed when I open that thing. And I don't think that's right. I think you're right. See? Once it's opened, you put it in there. Anyway, how'd we get onto that? So I like fish of all... Oh, what's in my refrigerator? Okay.

Well, I'll tell you. So, soy sauce, yes, in the refrigerator. Yeah, you may be right. Well, no, I mean, sometimes it differs country to country, doesn't it? Because eggs, in America, you have to keep them in the fridge. In the UK, you can keep them outside the fridge. Is that true? That's true. Why? Just the cultural sensibility or... No, it's to do with how they're prepared and how they're...

It's science stuff. It's news to me. I've been looking it up, but it's... Really? Yeah. News to me. Interesting. Really interesting. I want to look more into that. These days, I'm having only egg whites. I did that years ago. Then somebody said, oh, no, no, you should eat the whole egg. That's always changing that opinion, you know. Nowadays, they said, oh, no, no, you should be careful. Just eat the egg whites, which is fine with me. I was never crazy about those yellows anyway. So there's egg whites. I have a carton of just the whites. I don't know how good that is, but I use them. I like them.

So there's soy sauce, but along with the soy sauce, if I have rice, I like soy sauce, but I like Tabasco sauce. And, you know, that opens the doorway to talking about every kind of pepper sauce. I was on that show, Hot Ones, you know, and you know that they've got a hundred, and there are people who devote their lives, whose hobby it is, oh, and they grow peppers and they make their own pepper sauce. Well, you know, I like all that, but I go with that. Tabasco sauce, I...

If it comes upon me, if I happen upon another one that somebody says, oh, you've got to have that one, that'll be fine. I like the green. I like the green Tabasco sauce, which is that southwestern green salsa kind of related. Underappreciated. Underappreciated the green. You've never appreciated the green? Underappreciated. Underappreciated. Not by you. Not by me. I like the smoked one as well. Have you had the smoky one? Oh, I know what you're talking about. The smoked red. Yep. And I like it.

I like anything smoked. I like smoked fish. Yesterday, we went to a restaurant here that was very, very good, and we got smoked fish.

A dish with smoked mackerel, I think, and smoked something else. Oh, that was good. That was good. You know, I like, what is it? Smoked salmon. Well, smoked salmon. And I went to, I love, I love, and gravlax or all the different variations of a smoked salmon. I went to Scandinavia, some Scandinavian country here and there, and for the first time they put out a spread of many different kinds of herring. Nice. Mm-hmm.

And I was thrilled. I was in ecstasy because I had discovered in my early adult life Japanese food, not in Pittsburgh where I grew up. I don't think they had it much. But, you know, it came into prominence in the 70s when I went on to stage in New York and there was a sushi restaurant so-called. What? What? What's that? We all went as a cast. I went, sure, raw fish. Yes, right.

I loved it. I loved it. It's been a regular part of my life ever since, and it's evolved into many different places and variations. We went the other day just with our friend in L.A. to a place that was a descendant of Nazawa. Some people will know that's the trust me guy who originally was very harsh with, hey, it's

If you want California roll here or soy sauce on that, I'm throwing you out. There are many descendants, which is, trust me, which I like, as you already know. I've told you I like to be surprised and leave it into somebody else's hands. Chef's choice, here you go, one after another. I loved it.

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Your dream starter, Jeff. I like you're keeping us on track. Let's steer us, get us to the destination. Get me to the church on time. Your dream starter, Jeff Goldblum. Dream starter. Well, you've gotten to know me a little bit. So...

I could only circle the runway. But if anticipated, because it always is a question of, well, what am I going to have for the starter? Because it's determined by what I'm going to have for the main. I don't want to repeat. I want there to be some variation. If I'm going to have a piece of fish for the main, I don't think I'll start with more fish. Right.

But so many of those things are good these days. Of course, you know my feeling about Japanese food. So all that stuff they do with sashimi, with yellowtail, fantastic. All those traditional seafood, you know, crustacean towers. I love crab and lobster and particularly, you know, shrimp cocktail if it's very good and the sauces that come with that, okay. But

But I'm an oyster fan. Yeah. I like oysters. If they're good. I had a bad oyster or my wife did. I won't even say where it was, but it was really bad. It was smelly bad. She put it in her mouth. She spit it out. And the proprietor said, oh, oh, sorry. We'll comp that. You'd think they would have said, oh, no.

Mrs. Goldblum, the whole meal, please, for the next year, you come back. They said, oh, yeah, that's a free one. You don't have to pay for that one. Something like that. We were like, oh, okay. We haven't been back there since, but, oh, it was really bad. Did she eat the rest of the oysters after there was that bad one? You know, I...

I may have been put off the rest of the oyster plate at that point, even myself, and this place, and let's get out of here. So it has to be just like sushi. I wouldn't get that just any place. No, no, no. I've already said I'm no fancy pants, but I do like a special. If it's raw fish, it's got to be right. I used to eat steak tartare. My son loves steak tartare, loves it, would get it every time. He likes to make a scene at McDonald's.

made at the table. He pitched in. He learned how the chef was very nice, et cetera, et cetera. But anyway, no, and the oysters have to be just so. I don't want any shell in my mouth, and I don't want it attached. I want it fresh, but I don't want it attached to the shell. You want someone to have shucked it properly for you. Exactly. So I want it to, and I like to put a lot of lemon on it, and then maybe...

maybe that's it. And then slurp it down. I like ones that are particularly briny and salty. I don't know anything about them. When they say, oh, you fill out this thing and tell me, I don't know. And even when they come and say, here are the ones in here that I don't remember. I agree with you so much, Jeff. I love it.

I leave it to them. I say, here's what I want. I want to be reminded of the ocean. I want to feel like I'm swimming in the ocean, salty. So I want it saltier, the briner, the better. Yeah. That's my wife says just anything but small. I don't care. It can be biggish, but I want it salty. I don't like it when they call them creamy. I don't know how you feel about that. I don't like that either. That puts me off. Creamy doesn't sound right.

to me. Or too big that you have to chew it. My son, River, likes them, but he bites it and had me in a few bites. I'm like, oh, I don't like that. But anyway. You want it straight down? Straight down, and then some, what's that called? Minyak sauce? With a little vinegar and onions. I like that. As you know, I like Tabasco sauce. I can't believe Tabasco didn't come up immediately, because we know you love Tabasco, so I thought that's going straight on the oyster. Sometimes. No, it depends. You know, we go in a place these days, they have a, you know, different people have different...

You know, things that they give you. One place has like a medicine dropper, like an eye dropper. Sorry if you're listening. They're far away. They won't listen. I don't like that. We've never complained. I never said I don't like it, but I don't like it. Too medical. It's too medical, too laboratory. I don't want to take that thing out. It doesn't work anyway. I want a little spoon and a, you know, blah, blah, blah.

But as you see, I have strong feelings about many, many things. So that's a possible starter. Besides that, you know, salads. Let's talk about salads. I've heard you talk about Caesar salads. Yeah. Well. As you know, I like garlic. I like anchovies. But listen to this. I'll bet you've never heard this, and I've never said this publicly. Okay. We got an exclusive. There we go. Okay. Anchovies. I love them. I love them on pizza. Yeah.

I love... When I was a kid, I remember opening that tin and, what's this? This is the saltiest fish. I love salty things. So I went, great, great. I ate the whole tin. And it was wrapped up with a little caper in the middle. By the way, I like a caper. But in moderation...

I'm not sure how I feel about those big capers. They call those capers, too, with a big stem. Caperberries. They say caperberries sometimes? Caperberries. Too big? I'm not sure how I feel. It's okay, but I'm not sure. Hey, speaking of which, do you know that fruit that is so omnipresent and everything? That stick, those little twigs with the...

It looks like Christmas holly, those little red berries. What are those called? And you can take them off like that or take it off like that. And they're kind of tart. What are those called?

You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about. I'm not sure what they're called, though. Yeah, neither do I. But they're okay. But, you know, not my favorite. Speaking of which, nuts. Nuts. Because yesterday we were on the plane. We got a ramekin, by the way. That's the correct term for that little thing. Yes, absolutely. And you know what I like these days? Well, I like a salty nut. Yes, me too. And I like a warm nut. And I

I like, I think, the best. I pick them out first. Something like a walnut or a pecan. I think that's great. And I like if it's salty or spicy or sugary. Yeah. You know, that's okay for me, too. Cashew probably is my next choice there. Almonds, it has to be really savory or sweet. Yeah. You know what I don't like? I don't like, here's why water is, when water is really good, to wet the whistle. I like that one.

Now, what I don't like is a peanut is fine because those are salty. I don't know about shelling things. As a matter of fact, I don't know about edamame. Yeah. Unless it's salty on the outside and you get some of that salty as you're just pulling it out. Suck the pods. Yeah. But peanuts, okay. Pistachios, I like if they're very salty. But I don't know if I... I don't want to do work. They do bags of the unshelled...

They do. They've shelled before you, right? And that's good, but then I can go to you quickly, you know. You put 20 in my mouth at the same time. It's probably good to have to work a little. But I don't like to work. My kids like a lobster with some tools, and they say, watch this, and they'll go to work. Or they take a—they eat meat. They're meat eaters.

And for good or ill, you know, I'm sorry if you don't like that. But they get a bone and they go to town on that bone or a chicken. And they, like, are far, like in 2001. But I think if you're going to be a meat eater, you've got to have the bones. You've got to have all of that. So I'm not a meat eater these days and I've never liked the bones.

I've always liked meatloaf or a meatball or bolognese sauce or ragu, something that's already done for me. I don't want to work and I don't want to come upon anything that's like gristle or tendon or anything. I don't like that. So I don't think I'm, I think I'm a natural non-meat eater. Now I'm eating, you know, fish and this and that. Anyway, I got started on that. Hey, you know what nut I don't like? Brazil nut, the large Brazil nut.

Boy, that's a boring nut. I'm sorry. Yeah. All you Brazil nut lovers, you can go to hell. Yeah, yeah. I like the macadamia nut. Yeah. Maybe a little fatty, but I like it, especially when it's sugared and something like that. Anyway, don't get me started.

Your dream main course, Jeff. Now you're good. Keep me on track. Okay. By the way, we were going to talk about just salads. I love a Caesar salad. That's how we got... Oh, I never told you about anchovies. I like the brown. I don't like the white. Okay. Yeah. I could talk for hours about that, but that's all you need to know for now.

Croutons are okay, but if I'm really going to go for bread, it's got to be a good crouton, and it's got to be a good Caesar salad. There's a lot of bad Caesar salads around. If they make it at the table, if it's very garlicky and very fishy, I like it.

If it's already mixed up. Sometimes I like a chopped salad. Sometimes those big leaves, you got to do some work. As you know, I'm lazy. So I'll chop it up. But I, you know, in a big leaf, what do you do? You'd start to eat it in a few different bites. Okay, it's okay. But anyway, I like something chopped. But

They're delicious things in all sorts of ways. And many different salads are great. But anyway, let's put that to bed for now. Main course, you say? The main course. The main course. You've got oysters for your starter. Delicious. Okay. Just so you know where you're at in the meal. We'll give you a whole seafood tower. How about that? Sure, sure. Don't start at the bottom.

Hey, with that sea, you know, the more obscure part, you know, element of that Sifu Tower here and there in France, I think, might be the periwinkle. Is it called periwinkle? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Is it that little? It's a tiny, long-sized snail. You pull it out like a big bogey. Yeah. That you have to get out of there with a straight pin. Yes. I don't like that. No.

Too much work, too little reward. By the way, escargot is okay, but I like the butter and the garlic. I'm not sure what kind of meat there is. Hey, I like clove.

Clams with a linguine. I like all kinds of noodles. Don't get me started on noodles. But clams. Oh, I like clams. A nice clam in, you know, well done. Mussels, I'm not so sure about. Too big. Yeah. Too much personality. Too much work as well. And a little bit of work. It can come apart, but it's a little too big, a little too pink. What do you mean by too much personality? Well, sometimes it's got a seam with some hair underneath.

I don't know. It seems like an entity of some kind. I don't know. I have to push you for your dream main course here, Jeff. Okay, here we go. Main course. Well, if I could have a plate of pasta, you know. Oh, my God. Yeah. My mom used to make only one bowl in a kind of a translucent green, dark green bowl. Spaghetti with meat sauce. Mm-hmm.

And then I came to realize it was bolognese or ragu or something. It was simple, but I loved that. And then we just had the regular Kraft Parmesan cheese that came out of the thing. You know, now I've come to know all the other ways that you can have the high-end Parmesan. I'm not eating cheese right now. I'm not eating dairy. So I missed that a little bit. But I'm easy to please. I like all the things I can eat. But I love it.

I love that. I love that. And that's nostalgia as well. And that, you know, having your mom's pasta in that bowl. Oh, it's fantastic. You can't beat that, can you? No, but it has been beaten many times by noodles through the years, through the decades. Oh, my God. I've had many, many noodles of all of which I've.

have driven me into a wild ecstasy. Uh, you know, I love it. And I like, as you know, fish, this is what I'm allowed to eat now. And I like it best. I think, although, you know, Bolognese is, that's all great, but, um, a fish, I like a seafood, a seafood, spicy seafood, linguine, you know, or even a, you know, a fake, um, zucchini pasta, you know, that's okay. If you're really V veganing it up, but, um,

noodles with that. So I love all that. Yes. So that, that, that might be it or risotto. I love a risotto with seafood in it. I like a bouillabaisse. I like a, you know, any of that, you know, any of that kind of stuff. You know, I like gumbo with, we had some sausage and I love a sausage. I love a breakfast, you know, all of that.

All that stuff. Yes, I love all of that. Wait, I was going to say something about the noodles. And of course, oh, I know what I was going to say. I like Thai food and I like, you know, Asian noodles. I like, you know, ramen and all that is fantastic. But you know what? I like now in my more particular years, I like hot food.

And if they're going to give me that pasta, I like it just those first few bites, not so it burns my mouth. I'll blow on something and I'll endure those first few bites, but they're my favorite. And then when it's really hot, I love it the best. But sometimes given their presentation, by the time you get halfway through, even if you're, you know, Johnny on the spot and you keep going, you keep working halfway through, it's

Not hot enough for me. I don't send it back and say, hey, reheat this. But I'm less interested. But we've got a genie here. This is the dream restaurant. So we can give you a pasta dish that is exactly the right temperature for you throughout the whole dish. Immortally, infinitely, it stays. It's like a miracle. Yeah. Miracle pasta. Delightful genie. Fantastic. So, you know, something like you, you get the area that I'm...

Very enthused about right now. Yeah, seafood pasta, but like, yeah, maybe another noodle. We can, you know, we can have a constantly changing bowl of pasta, Jeff. Now you're talking. I like that. Well, I like a buffet. I like a tapas. I like, you know, Japanese food because a little of this, a little of that. It keeps changing. You give me a big piece of fish and it gets boring. Yeah. Halfway through or a big piece of meat or something. We'll take you around the world in pasta. How about that? I love that idea. Okay, good.

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Dream side dish, Jeff. Well, as you know. Hey, you know what? I've been accused of making sounds while I eat, too, like Bill Murray's character in What About Bob. My kids go, Dada, Dada, shut up.

Because I, vocally, I enjoy my foods. You know, I really enjoy my foods. So side dishes. Ooh, so many things can be called side dishes. You know, you go into these Italian restaurants and I say, oh, yeah, give me a piece of fish. Hey, can I have just a half order of pasta on the side? So that, you know, we could say that. But let's say that's not a side dish. Let's say that the ones currently making the rounds, because these are always changing. Yeah.

And some restaurants are very unusual and exotic. And I like that best. If I've, hey, I've never had that as a side. How is that? And they say good. But I like, you know, vegetables of all kinds. If those are sides, you know, every manner of things, asparagus. If I get asparagus, I hope that the bottom half of it isn't too fibrous and inedible. So you have to cut off. It's okay. But I really would rather not cut off that first, you know.

the half and only eat the head of it. You know the way to do that if you're cooking it? Have you seen this? You get the asparagus and you bend it slightly and it will always snap at the point where it's the fresh bit on top and then the woody bit comes off. I like that. It will always snap in the right place. I want you on my speed dial. You're the holder of much information that I really need. So I like vegetables, but you know what? Al dente is, I'm not so enthused. I like, if it's too undercooked,

Brussels sprouts. I don't want a hard Brussels sprout, but I like a well-cooked vegetable. Not soggy, but I like a softer, all the way through softer Brussels sprout and carrot and

and asparagus and et cetera, et cetera. Peas I love. I think peas are wonderful if they're real and good. All of that is good, but I don't mind them juiced up a little with some spice and some, whether it's a Thai or whether it's some version of salty, spicy, tasty. I like garlic and cilantro and I like everything like that. Give me spice it up. You know, if I'm in the meditative mood of,

everything is wondrous. Even this water is, let me taste this next drink of water. Gosh, that's a wonder. It's a wonderful thing to be alive. If I'm in that proper state. The

Well, then sure, even a bite of apple, of boring apple, you know, or a bite of unadorned broccoli can be fantastic. Usually I'm a little more requiring of the entertainment and the stimulation. I'm not addicted to overstimulation. I hope. I'm trying to go in the other direction, but I do like...

spice and, you know, flavor and some entertainment. Okay, is that enough? You know, and there's just salad on the side. I've talked about the sides. Yes, yes. And potatoes. Potatoes can be on the side too. I like a baked potato with all the trimmings, but, you know, bacon. I used to get a baked

bacon, you know, bits on things, and cheese is great these days, and sour cream I love, and creme fraiche, and all those, a matter of that, and yogurt, all a matter of that stuff. But a baked potato is a fabulous thing. You know, fingerling potatoes, french fries, you know, I try to limit myself to the, you know, yams. I think the healthier thing is sweet potatoes, which can be fantastic. So there's all of that, of course.

I was going to say something else. Oh, yeah. You know, popcorn. Oh, I love I'm a popcorn freak, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention sandwiches. You know, we're not going to get to, you know, mains and stuff. It doesn't sound like we have room for sandwiches, but we could have. We could have a sandwich on the side. Surely we could talk for hours about our favorite sandwiches. And my phone knows my algorithms and it delivers me. Here are the 10 best sandwiches in L.A. this last year. Here are the. And I look at them.

Even though I can't have most of them, I go, oh my gosh, I just like to see that sandwich. Fantastic. I used to get a tuna fish sandwich every day. This sandwich is so great. Anyway, let's go on. Dream drink. Drink. So we've talked about water. We've talked about my mocktails. I'm not a...

boozer, so I don't get a big kick out of, you know, I know nothing about wines. White wine I don't particularly like. I remember getting drunk on that a long time ago. If somebody says, oh, there's a red wine that's quite fine with some woody, dry flavors, you know, a little sip of that with a nice meal seems kind of interesting. But

I know nothing about it. I don't appreciate it. That's my fault, I suppose. Likewise, beer, I'm sorry, but a lager, as you say. So I like water. Now, these days, I've talked about mocktails and things kind of fizzy and interesting, but I'll tell you what I really repeatedly get. A spicy...

It doesn't surprise you. Spicy Virgin Mary. It's the Bloody Mary without that awful alcohol taste. I don't like that. That ruins it. But, boy, you give me, and different places on earth, cultures do a different kind of thing. I had one the other day. They put, like, salty, like, margarita stuff around the rim. This kind of red, salty thing. Some have celery stalks and olives in it. I like all of that. And some, of course, there's fish in it because Worcestershire sauce has anchovies in it.

And it should be Tabasco-y and spicy. I like it spicy. And if it's chunky, I think that means there's horseradish in it. Oh, yeah. I'm into it. I love it. With a lot of ice in it. But pretty soon, just like the heat on some dishes, when that ice starts to melt and it gets a little watery, done.

Done, done, done. But again, look where you are. You're in the dream restaurant. That ice is never melting. Okay. It will never melt. Call me a fussy man. I guess I revealed myself to be an embarrassingly fussy man. And as we started this conversation, we're the lucky ones just having nourishment. Yes. Given nourishment. There we go. That's the joy of life. I'm after the joy of life. Very different seeing with Laura Dern if you had a Virgin Mary in that car instead of a glass of water. Yes. And you're dripping that down her wrist and there's like horseradish running down. Gruesome.

The gherkins plopping on our hands. That's chaos theory. That's chaos theory of a certain kind. Hey, have you ever had, you know, eating, of course, is social and it's very romantical and sensual. Have you ever had, you know, I currently think of no one but my wife, Emily, but have you ever, you know, been in some sort of tete-a-tete?

And said, hey, let's feed each other. I'll give you this bit of lobster drenched in butter. Or might I transfer this little mouthful of wine into your mouth?

Straight from one from the other. I'm telling too much. I've been with my wife for a long time, Jeff. So, you know, any other tete-a-tetes I had previously, I could not afford lobster. So it would have been yogurt. I can't even remember any tete-a-tetes besides my wife. But, oh, but you know, body shots. How about body shots for those drinkers among you? Hey, you know what that is. You know, you squeeze lemon on each other and then salt it up. And then I think take a shot of tequila and then lick it off. Slick it out the belly button.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, we shouldn't talk. Let's stop right there. We arrive at your dream dessert, Jeff. That's my favorite. You're my favorite two fellows on earth. I could talk to you forever. Okay, let's talk about dream desserts. Well.

I have a sweet tooth. I love sweets. I'm also a person of discipline. So sometimes if something arrives, however, if I've ordered it or somebody, or Emily, if I confess to her, if she doesn't mind it, I can take one bite of something and leave it at that. Or sometimes smell it. I go, oh, that's enough. Or see her eat it and go, oh, I'm getting a contact delight here. But everything is so, so...

You know, I like ice cream. Yeah. I like sorbet. I get sorbet because that's delightful too, but really delightful is, sinfully delightful is ice cream. And now we've been spending, as I say, a lot of time in Florence, Italy, so these gelato places, and we've located one that's particularly good. There are a lot of them. There's no bad gelato, really. I'm not a connoisseur, so I'm always easily pleased, as I say. But there is this place where I say,

surprise me. What's chef's choice? What have you made this week? Because they took us to the factory down the street factory. It's a little place where they're artisanally kind of mixing this stuff with only real ingredients, just fresh. And so, you know, they give me a nutty fruity thing called a Mona Lisa or some, whatever they've concocted. And I'm happy as a clam. I only, I only, not a tainted clam, but a sweet briny clam. I, you know, they get, I only get the children's, the smallest cup of,

I don't want that cone, although I like a cone, but I get a small cup. Gee, I used to like that ice cream track. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And I used to get an ice cream sandwich. That was fantastic. Hey, by the way, we're not going to get a chance to talk about cold cereal or oatmeal, but on another occasion, I want to discharge all my feelings. You will have to come back, Jeff. We'll have to discharge all my strong feelings about... But let's say dessert, ice cream, I love cake, cake.

I love pie. There's a place that only serves pie. And this is not Sweeney Todd where they have the dead people that they've murdered and all. That's a funny song. And a savory pie is okay. I'm not so crazy about a chicken pot pie. That seems like comfort food. But too much crust, too much dough. Sure. Not interesting to me. But a real pie with a real good crust.

And anything, peach, cherry, blueberry, apple, rhubarb, gooseberry, you know, oh man, pumpkin, custard, coconut custard. Oh, I'm driving myself crazy right now. This is fantastic, Jeff. I love menu poetry. I love the words that trigger the food idea that we call food. If you say the word pancakes, I'm in a puddle.

I'm in a puddle of joy. I love pancakes. Breakfast. On another occasion, we'll talk about all-manner breakfast. But there we go. So is that enough dessert? I mean, you know, there's fluttle, there's custard, there's creme caramel, there's everything. I love it all. I think what we've nailed down as dessert is going to be a buffet of every dessert that's ever been made. Please give me a buffet. I want a choice. I don't want to limit my choices. Bread pudding, by the way. Rice pudding, bread pudding. I'm going to let you go, Jay.

I'm going to read you your menu back now, see what you think about it. By the way, I want to say one thing. British people call all desserts puddings. Yes, we do. How dare you? What do you mean? What sort of madness is that? Because in America, we have a dessert called pudding. You know, chocolate pudding, vanilla pudding. Banana pudding. What do we eat? Banana pudding. What do you say when you say, what do you want for your pudding? Well, I want pudding. No, no, no. I know. But what do you want?

Pudding. You know. Costello routine. Exactly. Okay, go. You want still water with ice. You want like poppadoms with chutney. You want oysters with lemon and all the accoutrement. You want around the world in pasta. You want spiced up, well-cooked vegetables and a salad and some sandwiches. You would like a spicy Virgin Mary and you want all the desserts in a buffet. I do. And if I'm hungry an hour later, I'm going to get a bowl of cereal. Jeff.

You have been the best guest we've ever had. Thank you very much for coming on the podcast. Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. I'm so sorry. I apologise for everything. Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited. Thank you. I can't thank you enough. Wowee, James. Jeff Goldblum there. I'm buzzing. Yeah. I feel like every synapse in my brain is pinging off at once. Also, just to let you know, listener, James and I were in the studio. Yeah.

Just so you know, I know it sounds like we were dropped in afterwards. Yes. But he tried to edit us in there. That was an honour and a privilege to be in the room with Jeff Goldblum mentioning every food under the sun. I mean, who would have thought when we started this podcast? Because like, it's crazy, man. This podcast, we have people like Hugh Davison.

And then we end up with Jeff Goldblum. Huge, getting it in the neck again. Huh? Well, you know, it's just mad, isn't it? Just mad. You get people like Goldblum on and we're used to people like, I don't know, Hugh David. Ha ha!

Go and listen to Jeff's album, Jeff Goldblum and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra. The album is called Still Blooming and is out on the 25th of April on Decca Records. Jeff didn't say the secret ingredient, of course, which was ambrosia custard. Which is mad that he didn't say that because I think he said every other food. Yeah, he was.

he was very close to, he could have said anything. We basically had to pick his menu for him again, didn't we? We did have to do it. And when you say again, you're of course referring to Robert De Niro when we had to do that for him. Um, for the listener, we recorded those episodes pretty much a week apart. It was a crazy week for the off menu boys. Yes. And, uh,

and two very different episodes in terms of the amount of words said by the guests, but not in terms of the actual, you know, we had to choose the menus both times. We had to do that. Which I don't mind doing. It's quite nice sometimes. That's some people's dreams. We get to choose sometimes. Yeah, that's nice. A bit of variety for us. You must understand that some people's dream restaurant isn't going to be, I want all of these things. Some people's dream restaurant will be, you remove the choice. Yeah. And it seems to be that when you become...

you know, a global phenomenon. Yes. And all the choices are available to you. You want people to just decide for you. Yeah. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like when you get to that stage, you just want to say, listen, you just bring me the best thing. I don't want to make any choices anymore. Luckily, I will never get to that stage of being a global phenom. You think? Well, yeah, especially if one of the prerequisites is you don't pick anymore. Yeah.

you don't want to do that because I love picking you love picking so the only reason I will never be a Hollywood megastar with Oscars under my belt is because I like I like choosing what I want to eat

Yeah, it would never happen. Yeah, obviously, I've already won a BAFTA. Yeah, I've won a BAFTA for winning Taskmaster. Yeah, congratulations again on that. Thank you. It's very good. Yeah, yeah, I'm never going to become a global phenom. No. I want to choose. You like to choose. I like to choose my stuff. Yeah. So, you know, it's fair enough. But nice to chat to them, nice to chat to those guys. Nice to chat to those guys. Who's next on the hit list now we've had De Niro and Goldblum? Who should be our next one? Oh, man.

Adam Sandler. Sandler's a good shout. I'd love that. I don't know why that's made me laugh, suggesting Adam Sandler. Catherine O'Hara. Oh, man, come on. Obviously. Love it if O'Hara came on. Streep. We've had De Niro. We could get Streep. Streep would be great. Streep would be great. Streep's the new dream guest. Sorry, The Rock. Someone's going to have to send us in a Meryl Streep action figure. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again next time with another Global Trej. Probably. Probably. Probably.

But let's go. But tell me six right now of the most interesting people you'd have interesting. Either they were horrible or they were great. We have not had many horrible people on, I've got to say. We had Robert De Niro last week. You did not. We did. You did not. It's been a big couple of weeks for us, Jeff. Yeah. We had Robert De Niro last Friday and then you today. The joke I always make is whenever I say somebody else's name, I say, you know, you should never drop names. You know who told me that? Robert De Niro.

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