Ep 295: George Egg
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Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the baked potato of conversation, adding in the baked beans of humour and the pre-grated cheese of friendship. Scrumdiddly-umptious! Yum, yum, yum, yum. That's Ed Gamble, my name is James Acaster, together we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we invite the guests and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, but not in that order. This week...

Our guest is George Egg. George Egg, in many ways, is the perfect guest for this podcast, James. Yes, he's a comedian. He's a chef. When we started stand-up,

Ed and I, we mainly knew George as a comedian. He'd go around the clubs, tearing the roof off every single night. And then he started doing a food-themed show, which I think we'll talk about with George, and then that has evolved over the years. And now he's the snack hacker. He's the snack hacker. Very successful online videos where George hacks snacks. He takes things that you can buy just off the supermarket shelves or at a petrol station, that sort of stuff, and just...

upgrades it, turns it into a delicious gourmet snack. Pimps them up. Pimps them up. And finally, George has a book called The Snack Hacker, which is out on the 5th of June and available to pre-order now. And all of those fun...

Crazy recipes are in there. It says here, this thing's like deep fried pot noodle, microwave shakshuka and twiglet brownies, which initially when I read that, I thought, holy shit. But then you think about it and yeah. Delicious. That's working. I've made some of George's snack hacking recipes. They are very easy and straightforward, fun recipes.

as well to do and all taste amazing. Great. We're very much looking forward to speaking to lovely George Egg. Yes. He's a good egg. He's a good egg but listen even good eggs go bad sometimes. If George Egg says a secret ingredient an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable we are going to kick him out of the dream restaurant.

And this week, the secret ingredient is Snacker Jacks. Snacker Jacks, because it sounds a bit like Snack Hacker. Snacker Hack. Snacker Hack. Hacker Snack. Jacker Snack. Snack Hacker. Snacker Jacker Hacker Jacker.

Obviously, the way to go, you would have thought, would be to pick egg. Yes. But that's in everything, really, isn't it? It's such a common ingredient. Yeah. We'd be kicking George out so early, and that seems stupid, where we've got a comedian who has a cookbook on our comedy food podcast to just kick him out because he said egg.

We're just going to hope that he doesn't say Snackerjacks. But here's the thing. He might do. We're not playing it easy. No. Because George, as we've said, gets stuff that you can just get on the supermarket shelves, snacks that already exist, pimps them up, and he loves those. Yeah. He might have a Snackerjack snacker hack that he does. Snackerjacks would add texture to a lot of things. Oh, man. The thing is, George is going to be so sad if we kick him out. Yeah, he's such a nice man.

He's really looking forward to being on this podcast because he knows it's perfect for him. If we kick him out, it's going to genuinely hurt his feelings. It's not going to be like Jade Adams when she was really leaning into it. And that was on Zoom, so she was at home. Yeah, she didn't care. He doesn't live in London. If he lives in Brighton or Hove or something, he'll have driven here or got the train, which is a nightmare. That's the worst place in the country you can get the train to London from.

If he comes in and sits down, and then we... Famously Benito. That's true. Yeah, that's... Benito, I know you might think it's just an hour away, but Southern Rail is an absolute nightmare. They cancel all the time. They cancel all the time. People hate it. It's the go-to butt of any train joke. Yes. It's Southern Rail. There's got many an applause break on Mock the Week. May it rest in peace. Who would have thought Southern Rail would last longer than Mock the Week? Yeah, I mean, it had the last laugh, I guess. Yes.

But George Egg... Or the laugh replacement service. Oh, brilliant stuff. You say that and it seems we'd like to see your tether roof off. But George would be very, very sad. If we say, George, bad luck. You said, snacker jacks, you're kicked off. He'll go, no, really? He won't be like, ha, ha, ha. He'll go, really? Are you serious? Yes. Yes, bye-bye. Bye. Goodbye. I've just checked the trends. They're all cancelled. Good luck hacking that.

Good luck hacking the rail replacement service. Which is why we're telling you now his book is called The Snack Hacker. Yes, and you should all get it. It's available for pre-order. So, look, get it. There's the plug, because who knows how long George is going to last on this. Let's see. This is the off-menu menu of George Egg. Welcome, George, to the dream restaurant. Thanks for having me. Pfft.

Welcome, George Egg, to the Genie Restaurant with Vince Cuddy for some time. I think I've been wanting to come here for some time. And there you are. There's the Genie. There's the maitre d'. I think we're still sticking with maitre d', aren't we? I think so, yeah. I love that you're the maitre d'. Thank you. Here's a question off the bat. What sort of a genie, what sort of a waiter...

Yes. Are you? That's what I want to know because I… Yes. Well, this is your dream restaurant, so I am your dream waiter. But what are the different types of waiters that are in your mind? Well, I don't… I get stressed in restaurants, various reasons. I think a lot of it kind of harks back to being a student and not having much money and worrying about bills splitting anxiety. Yes, okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. So, you know, I'll go in and I'll go, I'm going to have… I won't have a starter, I'll have tap water or whatever.

whatever. And then everyone around me starts getting cocktails. Yeah. And then I'm thinking, well, what's going to happen at the end of the, of the, you know, of the night. And then a thing that compounds that is when you've got a waiter who's very sort of trigger happy with the topping up. So I've had that with water. Worse of it. I've had that with wine. Oh,

So there'll be like me and someone else and we've bought a bottle of wine between, I'm assuming we're going to split the wine. Yeah. And I'll be drinking mine a little bit slower than, than they will. And then the weight is kind of nipping in and so I despise that. Yeah. Yes. I will not be a top up Charlie.

Those people, I do find it very stressful, even if it's like with tap water and it's free, but they're just constantly, because I want to have a chat with the person I'm talking to. I don't want this person dipping in, suddenly they're on my shoulder, filling up my water and then they're gone again. And I don't know if I have a sip, they're going to be back in to get it to the level that it was at. Yeah, no, I hate that. I had that in a restaurant once, but yeah, I actually wrote to the restaurant afterwards. Yeah.

to let them know that this one waiter I said you know he's doing a great job but it's just it's too much we actually we were going to order dessert we ended up just kind of going should we go somewhere else yeah because he was topping up all the time he was just too too attentive

See, that's what, I mean, what a balance for that guy, right? Because he's also like, I've got to do my job here. Yeah. So, but I guess it's just, that is the fine balance of being good at that job is knowing when to stand back and when to... Yeah, I think that's, I've seen, what's his name? Fred, what's it? Fred. Fred Siriax. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about, about waiting, you know, and you've got a, you've got a ghost in and out and you don't even know they're there. That's...

Although I don't want to not know you're there. Well, because you're, well, you're a genie for a start. Well, I could make myself invisible and still keep you topped up. That's true. Oh, really? I mean, I should just like, you know, be able to cast some sort of spell on your drink that means that it does it by itself. And also the big thing

concern here is I'm not paying no one's paying so you don't need to worry about how much wine the other person's having by the way I understand that so much and it is pathetic isn't it going they're getting more wine than me yeah we want it to be fair yeah fair can you bring us two half bottles here's another thing what about this when a waiter comes up like because I'm undeniably into my food

I'm a food guy, and I will finish what's on my plate. And if I think I can get away with it, I'll be running my finger around the edge of the plate and getting every last morsel. When a waiter comes up and says, oh, you were hungry, or you ate that quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a big... The worst I've ever had...

And this wasn't, so it's a similar thing, but for different reasons, this was bad. I was at a place and the food was, it was bad food. And the waiter was like the nicest man. And also I think I owned the place. Yeah. Really lovely, friendly man. And I had something that was not good. And then he came back and he went, oh, you ate it all. That's cool. Never happened before. Yeah. So I was like, oh, that's cool. This guy ate all his food.

Ring the bell. Yeah. That let me know I was definitely in the wrong place. What sort of a place was that? Was it one of those places where they have all pictures on the walls? No, it was a place like nothing you've ever seen. It was a vegetarian place in Rome and it was across the street from our hotel and we just fancied not having meat that night. We googled it, best vegetarian. It's right over the road from...

really thought we'd landed on our feet and walked in and it was like someone had last minute had to put together something that looked like a restaurant out of the things that were left behind by the builders. Yeah.

and then pretend that this is, yep, this is always like this and please come on in. Because often the vegetarian option I find is a safe bet because more effort's been made. Mrs. Egg doesn't eat meat and if we go out for a meal, I will always feel obliged to get the meat dish because it feels like I'm out for a treat, it's got to get some meat and she'll get the vegetarian dish and I inevitably, you know, nine times out of ten have food envy.

That's what we were up for that night. We did not pan out very bad. And like more than one dish involved a liquid, which I'm pretty sure was mouthwash. Wow. That they just put into it. I was like, this is...

This is bad stuff. Vegetarian, though. Yeah, vegetarian. I find saffron sometimes has, if people use too much saffron, it's got a slightly medicinal sort of taste. I wonder if they'd gone a little heavy-handed on the old expensive saffron. They've gone bananas on the saffron. Have you ever hacked a snack with saffron? Well, I don't like saffron. For that very reason, I find it a bit too much.

So I've used something called paella powder in a snack hack, which I bought in Spain. And I think it's mostly yellow food colouring. And there is smoked paprika in there, and I think there is a very tiny bit of saffron in there. But you put it in with your paella and it looks the business. We should talk about

Snack Hacker. Yes. To properly introduce you to our members of the audience who might not have seen the Snack Hacker videos. There's probably billions of people who don't know about Snack Hacker. Oh, no, no, no. There's two people and we've got to explain it to them. Okay. But it couldn't be more up our listeners' street. How did it get started? What is it? So Snack Hacker is a...

series of videos that are ongoing that I've put on social media. I started doing during lockdown because, you know, theaters were closed. Couldn't go on stage because my, for the listeners who don't know my, my kind of onstage thing is I cook on stage.

But that's by the by. So Snack Hacker, I thought I've got to start making videos or start doing something. So with the help of my son, Jem, we started making these little videos, which I put on where over about sort of a minute and a half, two minutes, I will hack a snack. But there's more to than that. So they started out by kind of taking an existing food item like something from Gregg's or McDonald's or wherever else.

and then enhancing it in some ways. So the very first episode, I got a cheese and onion bake from Greg's, opened it up like a pocket, put in some pickled jalapenos, ate it,

it talked about it yeah that was it yeah really simple but I did seven episodes put them out and they just seemed to it was one of those things where you know got traction immediately a lot of people were excited by them a lot of the followers started going up and then we carried on making them and at the time of recording there's about 105 106 episodes and I started out with interfering with existing snacks and it's kind of

it's evolved. And because I just say that the snack hacker is a much better name than the snack interferer. Yeah, but it's funny as well. Slightly for not funny when you're in prison, isn't it? There is, there is one little section of outtakes I've got of when I was so much later on about episode 80, I did something else with a, this sounds really awful as well, but I, I used the Greg's cheese and onion pasty again, but to make a kind of like cauliflower cheese, taking cauliflower cheese.

which is so nice. So I'll just tell you what you do really quickly. So a lot of them do involve a bit of actual cooking because I'm in the cooking. So you get a slice of cauliflower, you cook it in brown butter, you toast some hazelnuts because hazelnuts and cauliflower and cheese are a really nice combination. Go down to Greg's, get a cheese and onion pasty, open it up, cauliflower in there, crushed hazelnuts, onions, the burger onions, you know, the kind of crispy ones that...

It's on every street food thing at the moment. Loads of those. Put the lid back on, eat that.

So, no, that's absolutely heavenly. But at the start, we thought it would be funny to have a little to-camera bit where I'm saying, you know, three years ago, I interfered with a cheese and onion pasty, and we must have done about 30 takes, and then we've stitched them all together. We might put out some time of me just corks in constantly and then trying to make it sound better, and it ended up sounding even worse. That does sound like the worst lockdown ever. You got bored and you started interfering with the cheese and onion pasty. While your son filmed it. LAUGHTER

I absolutely love the snack hacking videos. I've watched so many of them. I've tried to, well, I have made some of the stuff on the, you've texted me, you've told me that pizza. I think you've done. Yeah. Non-based pizza, which I did twice, but also is the non-based pizza.

Which obviously, for the listeners, if you need to explain it, is that the base is a naan. Yeah, it's pretty... A circular naan. I use a garlic one. Did you find a circular one? No. You see, because the saddle-shaped ones are kind of... Yeah, I know you were... They just seem wrong. I know that you were disappointed. We're sort of further away from pizza at that point, aren't we? Yeah, exactly. I sent you the photo of it and you were like, you guys should not find a circular one. And I was like, no, of course, George. What did I say?

And then I made the pizza sauce from another video of yours where I think another YouTuber. Yeah. So that's a guy called Adam Purnell who goes under the handle, the Shropshire lad or a Shropshire lad. But anyway, and he's a barbecue chef and he, yeah, he was a guest. That's another thing with the, with the series. I've had various guests, including you.

Yes. Not you yet. Not me. Not yet. We did talk about oysters and crisps, didn't we, at one point? And yeah, his idea, Adam's, was using the kind of Bloody Mary mix. Big Tom! Big Tom. That's the one he used. Big Tom with hot sauce. James just shouted, just for the listener, James shouted Big Tom up into the sky and it sounded like you were giving out a tribute to your friend Big Tom. Yeah.

up there with big worms saluting that was great I made the pizza sauce from the big tom and the hot sauce that I had I got loads of hot sauce in the fridge did you put the pepperoni on it as well no

No, I didn't use pepperoni. I used a different type of sausage. But that's the thing. And that is the ethos about the whole kind of idea around Snack Hacker is, you know, without wanting to get too ratatouille the film, but that anyone can cook and cooking can be as simple as putting one thing with one other thing, you know, and then going, oh, wow, that's a combination I wasn't expecting. And it's so much more satisfying, isn't it? I got into a horrible rhythm of takeaways recently just because...

You know, I'm not at home all of the time. And then you're like, I can't do a big shop. There's no point. And then you get into that rhythm of takeaways. And then as soon as you pull yourself out of that and go, I'm just going to cook something, even if it's something that you get from the takeaway. Yeah. You feel so much better about it. Well, one for that is my Peshawari toastie.

Go on. Which is just, it's super simple. So the kind of idea behind that is that people eat microwave curries and there's no shame in eating microwave curries. There's some great ones out there. There's some rubbish ones out there, but maybe they give you a nostalgic hit or whatever. Vesta curry is like, you know...

revolting but it reminds me of the past but anyway so for those occasions when you're when you've got a microwave curry and you kind of go I want to I want to feel like I've achieved something you make a peshwari toasty which is basically either in a breville kind of one or I've got these this collection of very nice analogue toasty makers that are kind of like clamshell thing with long arms and they go over the

directly over the ghatob. Anyway, you make a toasted sandwich with ground almonds, desiccated coconut, chopped up sultanas, a little bit of cardamom in there. And then you butter the outsides and toast it. And it's basically a peshwari namban in a white bread sandwich. And the edges, where the breville or whatever presses it, they go like a kind of Gary Bordy biscuit.

And it's just heavenly. And then, oh, I know, I forgot. You butter the outside and you put flaked almonds on the outside. So you get that kind of, you know, it's all the flavours of a pechewari naan and then a bit of coriander and more butter on the outside. And then you rip it up and scoop up the microwave curry with that. And you don't even have to take the microwave curry out of the packet.

because you've made the sandwich. Yeah, you've done the cooking. So you go, this is fine. You don't have to put it on a plate to make yourself feel better. No, exactly. If you were eating it with a spoon straight out of the packet, you'd feel terrible. But you make the sandwich and then suddenly you're cooking. Genius. And is that in the Snack Hacker book, the cookbook that you've released? It is in the Snack Hacker. It's got so much in it. I mean, when do you start thinking about that, about let's do a book?

I guess we started, I mean, I don't know, maybe about a year ago or so. I mean, right from the beginning. I mean, in fact, from before Snack Hacker, I've always thought I'd like to, I'd love to write a cookbook sometime. Anyway, and then once Snack Hacker got the traction it got, well, me and Jem, my son, we came up with a pitch sort of explaining what the idea of the book is, which is very much about the snacks, but also about kind of where your food comes from.

comes from, for me personally, there's quite a lot of memoir in it about, you know, my dad cooking when I was a little boy. And through writing the book, I've realised how, quite how much of the food I've done on the videos has come from my childhood and food memories. But it seems to me like a much more manageable and practical cookbook than most cookbooks.

Oh yeah. So many cookbooks. I like, I'll sit and read them like a novel, but I'll be like, I'm never fucking cooking anything out of that. I look at the ingredients of like one. I'm not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Often you're like, I fancy cooking something tonight. I'll grab it, grab whatever cookbook I've got. Yeah.

look at every single recipe. Well, all of these are not, I've got none of this in the house. I don't know where I buy half of it from. With your one, it's like, yeah, yeah, great. I'll cook all of this tonight. I think there's one recipe that all you need is some sauerkraut with caraway seeds in, which sounds a bit obscure, but it's one jar. You just need to go down to, you know, some international supermarket, buy a jar of that, then you can do the recipe. I ordered a Reuben recently from somewhere and it didn't have sauerkraut in it and I was very, um,

Is it even a Reuben without a Sal? That's what I thought. Yeah, what was in it? Two pretty thin slices of beef. Like, I was pretty annoyed. Now, you know, disclaimer, it was at a cinema. Yeah.

What? Like a posh cinema? Yeah. It's a posh cinema, but I still think if you're going to put Reuben on there, it should be a Reuben. Well, I think once you've seen the images of your kind of American... Massive Reubens. Deli Reubens, where it's three fingers thickness of pastrami or salt beef in there, and then you buy one from a supermarket and it's like... I think that cinema shouldn't be allowed to show when Harry met Sally ever again.

First of all, we always start with still or sparkling water. Well, as we were discussing earlier about the bill kind of anxiety, I would normally go for still water, tap water. Because I just think, well, you know, I don't want to... But because we're in this restaurant, I'm going to go for sparkling. And I'm going to go for a very particular sparkling, which is some water that me and Mrs. Egg had. We were on holiday in Gran Canaria.

And we're in the capital. And we just had this, it was just like the perfect glass of water. I'm quite jealous of this straight away because when we've done our menus in the past, which is twice now, the water course is the only one where I haven't felt like, I've always sat down and thought, where have I had the best water? And I can't think of anywhere. So we end up hacking that course and just saying, Ed said Guinness once for his water course. There's water in it. So like, but, but, um,

But like, I've always been like, I would like to have like a best glass of water I've ever had. And the fact that you've got that. Well, it was, it was just one of those kind of like perfect storm of temperature sparkle. So it was very, I think that different places they go from, you know, some it's more effervescent, whatever. This was very lightly sparkling, almost like half and half. Yeah. Yeah. A very gentle sparkle. And a thing that's so important for me, the thickness of the glass, that,

is a big issue with beer and everything you know what I mean like you want a thin really thin glass and it was it was an incredibly thin glass just perfect and we said to the waitress we said look this is the best glass of water we've ever had she must have thought you were insane I really do back into the kitchen just be like whatever you cook for these guys it's fine

They're going to love it. They just told me it's the best glass of water they've ever had. You really blow hot and cold with waiting staff, George. You're either telling them it's the best glass of water you've ever had or you're writing a letter to say they were too attentive. Ha!

So, yeah, so that's the water there. Although, I'll tell you what else. The first time you got one of those insulated metal flask bottles. Yeah. And then you put cold water in it, and then about three hours later, you still want some of that water. Yeah. That's something, isn't it? That feeling. Isn't it, though? It's like, oh, my God, you want to get everyone round. Science. Come and try the water. Science in action. I just thought of this. It does feel good. I was doing an impression of the person then, at the time. I wasn't telling you, I've just thought of something. Oh, I see. Yeah.

I realised the way you looked back at me, I was like, oh no, I've gone too fast from my impression into my next thought. Words are your tool, James. Words are my tool. Ironically, I couldn't think of what to say next after that. Words are my tool. LAUGHTER

My point is, when you do that thing with the bottle of water, with the metal bottle of water, you do feel very, very pleased with yourself that you thought of it. Yeah. When you drink it later on. Slightly beaten the system. And that feeling is almost better than the feeling of hydration. Yes. No, it is. It's all about beating the system, which is kind of goes back to the whole snack hacking thing. It's all about kind of going, I'm in control here. What else could you keep in that bottle? Yeah, because that wouldn't be snack hacking, putting water in that bottle. Scrambled egg in that bottle. It would be more like if you put chocolate custard in that. I'll tell you what, that's snack hacking. I like to get a thermos.

and I like to cook sausages and put them in a thermos and take them to the cinema and then halfway through the film unscrew and you know the cinema is people by people going someone's got hot sausages this has got to be a midweek daytime showing you are not going on a packed Saturday with a thermos full of sausages oh yeah it's kind of end of the run what kind of films are you watching where a hot sausage is appropriate

I mean, what film isn't appropriate for hot sauce? I mean, when is a hot sausage from a thermos not appropriate? Are you just picking them out with your fingers, the hot sausages? Well, we've had that before where we've used to narrow a neck on the thermos. And it's been... Yeah, yeah. And then you're drinking the sausage juice. Sucking the sausage out the top. Stick it out like a deodorant ball. LAUGHTER

like roll that in your armpit smell like sausages all day so yeah wide neck you've got to go you've got to go wide neck considerably wider than a sausage we've done it before we've put too many in and then it's then you can't yeah yeah well family you know yeah yeah well I love that's what I love about your family because like you all seem to be on the same page yeah well apart from Mrs Egg who wouldn't want the meat sausages

No, she's got corn sausages. Vegetarian option. Yeah. She'd kind of, she'd be like, no, you guys have the sausages. I'll go set up the other end of the cinema. So we're completely different, away from the family that smell like hot sausages. Pop-a-dums or bread? Pop-a-dums or bread, George Egg? Pop-a-dums or bread? Do you know, I knew it was coming. Announcement before you answer. An announcement. Yeah. How many episodes of this podcast have we done now, Benito? 260 something? That's the first time I've shouted pop-a-dums or bread and it's made me fart. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Maybe it's the thought of the sausages. As I shouted bread, I did a fart. And it was forced out by me shouting and doing them. The first time you said bread or the second time? Oh yeah, the first time. But you still went in just as hard the second time. Yes, because I was trying to. I was so worried that maybe people had heard the fart. I thought, just keep on going. Were you not worried that if you pushed even harder, you might squeeze a sausage out your thermos?

Maybe. Maybe. I was hoping the neck would be too small. And it wouldn't come out. So there you go. It's a first in the podcast. It is a first. All these times of shouting pop-up or bread, but that was the first time. It's a modest-sized room, this, as well. Yeah, let's hope it doesn't smell of pot sausages by the end. We'll see. Pop-ups or bread, George? Well, here's the thing. I think you know what I'm going to say. Well, I guess you're going to say bread.

Or you've got a hack where you've got both of them. No, I'm going to say bread because... Where was the... In fact, I think the last time... I saw you on your birthday making bread. Yeah. Shall I say where? Yeah. E5 Bakehouse. E5 Bakehouse having a... For your birthday. Someone got it for you for your birthday. My daughter...

who works at E5 at the time of recording. You never know what she might have done between now and then. Yeah, she's a baker. And I said I would love to, because I love baking bread anyway. Obviously I love baking bread, of course I do. And she said, I'll organise you to do a stage.

which is, you know, when you go and basically chef for free in a food establishment. So I went and got there early in the morning and we spent the day baking bread. And James came in and came backstage. I did. They let me in backstage. We were going to say happy birthday to George. I could see all that. You could meet all the bread. I met all the bread. We tried to get you to have a go with the bread, but you were bread shy. You were dough shy. I wouldn't do it. Why not, man?

I just... It is a very high-grade dough, isn't it? My history of baking is not good. Not good. I don't touch it. Do you know, it is quite intimidating, the dough. Yeah. In E5, because the quantities are insane. Because East London is like sort of cotton cake. Sort of attitude-y. Yeah. Yeah.

You were doing a good job, man. You were doing a good job. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I mean, before I started doing the cooking on stage shows, I had this real, because I was doing stand-up for years before that, kind of more conventional stand-up. I had this real thing where I thought, I'm going to stop doing stand-up altogether and I'm going to do something in the culinary world, like, you know, have a cafe or whatever, something like that.

And then I started doing the onstage cooking and realized, oh, actually I can do both. But I think I could work in a bakery. I'd be happy going in every day doing the same thing. It's meditative. You feel like you're creating something. Mm-hmm.

of value you know it's not intense it's just yeah it's fantastic or is there something about bread because that is such a staple food for so many people that making it feel sort of oh it's it's quite uh it's like integra yeah yeah is that the right word also it's only when i met your daughter that i realized your surname isn't actually egg yeah no because i i always assumed it was mega and then your daughter's called meg and i was like there's absolutely no way

That is mad that that is the first time you thought the egg might not be George's real name. I've met a guy called Paul Foot. There are real eggs out there. I've had people find me on social media and say, I found another egg. They say, I'm doing my family egg tree. And...

So what's the particular type of bread you want then for your, because I know you're George Egg, you're not going to just want bread in general. Well, here's the thing. So I want to give a shout out to, I suppose, Honourable Munchins, that's what we say. Yeah. To white sliced bread with margarine and cress.

And I tell you why that is. Because when I was in nursery school, we grew cress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, as we all do. Yeah. And I will never forget the sensation of having, and when we finished growing, it took a week or so, and then we cut it down and we had white bread and it would have been margarine, thickly spread, and then we cut the, put the cress in. And just the sensation of having that is just, you know, it's the ratatouille, you know,

That's very nice. A grazed knees moment. But that's not the bread I'm choosing. I'm choosing E5 bread because it's such incredibly good bread. And because I've been there and I've made it and my daughter makes it and you know it's great bread. I know it's great. I know it's great. I mean, they featured on my first dream menu we did here. I think my side dish was the roast carrots there. When I came and met you backstage, I also met the person who made the carrots. Wow.

big moment for you yes I talked to them and said thank you so much I said will we because you know for those people who don't know E5 the menu changes every day it's a different lunch every day so you know I very prophetically went will we be seeing those carrots again any time soon well you never know James's life is going to restaurants and asking people who work there when is a menu item coming back but that is that is the worst though isn't it it's that thing of when things

Here's something I want them to bring back. I don't like malt loaf, saurine malt loaf. There is a thing you can do. There's a recipe in the book where you microwave it and add butter and then it turns almost into like kind of

sort of sticky toffee pudding. It's amazing. But briefly, Serene did a, like a cereal bar called the Go Bar. Stopped doing it. It's gone. Can't get it anymore. But you loved it. It was just, it was so good. It was kind of malty Serene, but it was, it was like a flapjack and yeah, it was just, it was heavenly. But if you met the people from Serene, would you go, please bring back the Go Bar? Oh, I really would. Do you know what I've thought? I've actually thought about writing to them. Yeah.

How do you think the people at Serene would apologise to you? Well, I... Oh.

If they just went, we apologise. He'd be like, fucking hell, guys. He's right there. We are multi-sorry. Come on. I went to the French in Manchester recently, which I've shouted out on the podcast before. I love it. And their bread changes pretty regularly. They get it from Pullman Bakery in Manchester and they did a malt loaf sourdough hybrid sandwich.

And it was so good with beer butter. Oh, wow. Beer butter? Yeah. Wow. Or beef butter. Actually, as I said beer butter, I was like, that's not right.

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let's get into your menu proper, George, your dream starter. Well, am I allowed an amuse-bouche? Yeah. People have had amuse-bouche. Yeah, yeah, you're allowed one. And you tried to introduce it as a format point for a while. Yeah. I tried to, but it was me telling them what the amuse-bouche was because, you know, I thought it was an amuse-bouche. But also I called it amused-bouche because I didn't know at that point it was amused-bouche. I really did embarrass myself. Um,

But I mean, it is amused, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I'd think so. Yeah, but your bouche, it's an amused bouche before you've eaten it. But it's an amused bouche after. Oh, I see. Or you have an amused bouche. But please, of course you're allowed an amused bouche. We expect nothing less from the snack hacker than to hack the menu. Here's something I thought, one thing I contemplated was, because I'm always crippled by choice in restaurants. Yeah.

And I was contemplating saying, well, could you just order for me? Wow. Because I've started doing that. If I've gone somewhere with someone who I trust and just saying, you know. Wow.

it's out of my hands. And that's never gone wrong for you? No, it's always better. I couldn't imagine ever relinquishing that control. I can't imagine it. I'm often the person who has to order for everyone. But I'll tell you what happens, George, here's what happens. Yeah. So be at the table with, my wife will be there inevitably. She follows me around. Well, listen to the joy in the word inevitably. Yeah.

James might be there. Yeah. James's partner, you know, other friends, whatever. Big menu. There's like, you're ordering small plates or whatever. I like the sound of this. I like the sound of this. I'll be like, oh yeah. They go, you just order Ed, you just order. I go, fine, I'm going to order, but you've said I can order now. So I'll start ordering. Then they start throwing stuff in. They go, oh no, but directly to me, even though the person stood there. Yeah.

Yeah, I would probably be guilty of that. I like the idea of someone ordering for me, but I probably would say it's infuriating. It's too much fun to do it to him, though.

I would like you to order for me, though. Here? No, I mean in real life somewhere. Yeah, yeah. But make sure you throw stuff in. Or throwing stuff in that I've already ordered as well. That's fucking annoying. Yeah, sometimes you want two of them. Well, you want enough for everyone. You've got a big gang, you know. I haven't thought, I'm thinking now, I'm suddenly thinking about the secret ingredient. Oh, yeah. I'm worried about that. You don't need to worry about that.

Okay, good. You do? We have chosen one. You should worry. What it is, is it is what, I don't know if it's just to my family cause, a bit of each. That's what we would call when you're having a full English breakfast and you have on your fork a little bit of everything.

every element. Yeah. And when I was a little boy, my dad did most of the cooking at home and occasionally we would have a full English breakfast for dinner, which is just such a... That's joyous. It's just the best, isn't it? Messes with your head in the best way. Yeah. No, absolutely. I didn't even know this was a thing until the podcast, until we interviewed Jess Phillips and I couldn't get my head around it. Do you know what else I like? Non-breakfast items for breakfast. Curry for breakfast? Yeah. When I go overseas to a gig, I will, you know, I'll have the

Went to Hong Kong with some other acts. And they were having the sort of British... The Western breakfast. The Western breakfast, which was pre-milked cornflakes. Oh my God. Yeah. And they were going, oh, they're all soft. And it's like, well, don't get their idea of what, you know, get what people in Hong Kong eat, which is some unusual kind of rice porridge thing with fish flakes on, but it was great. Yeah, I told you when I was in Japan the last time,

on the breakfast buffet in the hotel we were in, there was the Japanese breakfast and the Western breakfast, and the Western breakfast was spaghetti carbonara. I like that. They've had bacon and egg. You picked it. Absolutely. Now I'm thinking. Let's get back to this amuse-bouche. Amuse-bouche is a bit of each, but it's a bit of each from when I was... So now my full English order would be very different to what it was. So when I was small in the...

70s or 80s, probably around about the early 80s this would be. A bit of each would be bacon with rind on it, which I'd have to cut the rind off because I didn't like that. A bit of sausage, flat mushroom, egg, of course. I wouldn't have the tomato. It was a bit of a fussy boy, so I didn't like the tomato on the plate. It was too wobbly in the skin and choke you and everything else. And then fried bread. Amazing. So that would be my bit of each then. Now...

you know, it would be very different. So I don't, I actually, I'm undecided whether it would be a bit of each from then or a bit of each now, which is going to include, you know, your black pudding and your hash browns. Well, we could get you a really long fork for this amuse-bouche. How long? Or two forks. Or two forks? I think amuse-bouche, we can set it up. It'd look really nice, actually. Like, because it wouldn't be like full length forks. So like, like half length forks, but they cross like that, like an X. And one's got,

bit of each past. Yeah. And one's got bit of each present. There's going to be some crossover. I suppose that's where they cross over. Yeah. Because that's where you've got... So we've got black pudding, we've got hash brown. Any other new elements that you want to put on there? Not beans. You don't want like just a little bean on each prong? Thank you, George. I don't like beans on a full English breakfast. Thank you. Unless I'm on a ferry. LAUGHTER

Imagine if I agreed with that. But it just feels right. I always say that. Correct. You know what I mean? Yeah. A ferry, like you're getting a ferry to France. Yeah. And there's something about, I don't know, certain environments on a ferry in a youth hostel dining room. What? You're not. Veins. You're old man. What are you doing in the youth hostel? When I was a child. Oh yeah, fair enough. Youth hostelling holidays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. I thought you were talking about now. Well,

Although you don't have to be a youth to stay in a youth hostel. You don't, you can stay in a youth hostel as a grown-up as well. Can you? Youth hosteling's going to come with this later on anyway. Yeah, I think beans in a supermarket, cafe, youth hostel, dining room and ferry. That's the only time it's allowed. That's the only time it's allowed. But not on this bit of each. No way. This bit of each sounds delicious. Are you, sauce, what are you doing? Uh,

I'm guessing you're going to have two splodges on the plate, one ketchup, one HP. Do you know what? At the moment, I'm really into my hot sauce. I'm kind of...

entertaining the room of my plate with a sort of spectrum of brown sauce ketchup various different hot sauces salad cream salad cream yeah I say hot I mean I'm a hot sauce guy it's going nowhere near a full English for me just a little bit it's got to be brown I'm scrambling now yeah it happens James has farted already this episode my butt's rumbling

I really like salad cream with a full English. Really? Well, it's, do you know what I call it? White ketchup.

But it is. It's like your rap name. We've still been it. Yeah, yeah. It's vinegary. It's sugary. Yeah. I mean, it's literally tomato ketchup without the tomatoes, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And I don't think tomato ketchup really tastes of tomatoes. No, it doesn't. It tastes of vinegar and sugar. Well, let us let you into a little secret before we get on to your starter, because you were worried about saying the secret ingredient. You've not said the secret ingredient. Did I get near it? Obviously, the first suggestion we had for secret ingredient was egg, because of your surname.

That would have been so unfair. It would have been harsh. We decided it would be unfair. But if we had done it, you'd be out on your amuse-bouche. What's your dream starter? When me and my brother were teenagers, we did this little, a few years when we did walking holidays.

And we would stay in youth hostels and we'd walk between them and, you know, hiking and we'd get exhausted. And on the way home, we would always, we'd get the train back to London and we would treat ourselves to a British Rail microwave burger. Oh God. And it was,

It was awful. Of course it was. So these days with the microwave burgers, when you get them, they suggest that you toast the bun separately, you microwave the burger itself, blah, blah, blah. And it's actually a more kind of realistic simulation of a half-decent burger. It can be. But in those days, when they first did them on the buffet car on the intercity train, it would be the whole thing in a polystyrene box, all microwaved. So the bottom bun would be...

like cardboard, and then you have this hot burger and the cheese is just completely fused and the ketchup's boiling. And then the top bun is steamed as well, so it's all wet, which is now a thing. Everyone's steaming their buns. But anyway, we'd have that with a can of...

bitter and we were only like 15 but you can just you know those were the days and and it was just sensational and it was just it was so welcome you made that sound disgusting you imagine if you're 15 and you've walked you know three days kind of three or four days 25 miles a day and you're completely knackered and you've got on the train you can't go home and you're hungry you want something to eat yeah get that and actually it

It just hit the spot. Yeah, but anything would. Yeah, but that did. Yeah, yeah. But that was what you did. You had the routine of it. Yeah, but it was that. Yeah, it was that. It was that was what it was, was the thing. Fair point. But here's the thing. So then, so that was like an amazing memory of having that. And I hadn't had one for decades. And then when I did my first Edinburgh performance,

I was coming back from doing my tech and I was all knackered and I'd driven there the same day and heading back to my digs and I went into a supermarket and I just thought, I'm going to get a rustless because I knew there was a microwave in the accommodation and we didn't have a microwave at home. So I thought, I'm just going to try one. I was exhausted.

and then got in, can of beer, didn't read the instructions, put the whole thing straight in the microwave. And it was again, that Ratatouille, Anton ego moment of taking a bite and going, I'm 15, I'm on the train again. Say one of them, please.

But it's got to be from circa 88, 89. Do you want the British Rail? It's got to be the British Rail, but it's got to be in the polystyrene box. I mean, maybe even I'm, you know, jiggling about because I'm on the intercity. Yeah. We can put you on a train carriage for it. Can of Stones Bitter. Stones Bitter. Yeah. Bottom bun, solid like cardboard. Chewy. Soggy top bun. Soggy top bun. Chewy top bun. I mean, like boiling ketchup. Boiling ketchup. Yeah.

like cheese welded. Do you let it cool down before you start eating it or do you just, do you and your brother just tuck into them straight away? We would tuck into them straight away. Yeah. You would inevitably have to be sipping the beer at the same time. Yeah. You would get, that would cool it down and then you'd swallow. Okay. So you do, you wouldn't have enough beer and you'd swallow too early. Yeah. And you'd have a kind of locket of boiling hot, the puck of,

burger behind the ribs next to the heart next to my heart the snack hacker by George Egg is available via Blink Publishing well do you know what do you know what here's the thing and I'm not going to do this with all of them but no here's the thing listen in the book I have recreated that

by making a burger that's it's like an inside out burger that's so that you flip the bun and you taste the outsides and it's squashed down and there's a beer and mushroom sauce that sounds nice that sounds lovely that sounds like you're picking the british rail burger not picking that delicious sounding burger that you that you make i'm picking the british rail burger for this yes for the memory because you want to be with your brother on the train which is nice what would you and your brother talk about on the train while eating these burgers glugging the bit

I don't know because we had quite strict rules. We said no Walkmans when we did the Walk of Nolos. We thought, you know, we want to all be chatting. I think we were kind of talked out by then. We would have talked the whole time. We would sing songs from the BBC radio Lord of the Rings when we were walking.

I absolutely love the idea of 15 year olds going, no Walkmans. It's, it's a time for conversation. Yeah. It's really sweet. It was wholesome. No. And then, but yes, so we did a lot of talking on the holidays. So my memory of the train was snoozing, eating British roll burger, drinking cans of stones. Yeah. And then going, how much more have we got? We've got another two hours. Yeah. Can't wait to get home to my Walkman. Yeah. Yeah.

Your dream main course, George Egg? So when the kids were small, we used to... My kids are all grown up. That's why my daughter works in a bakery. She's not a child. Child labourer. For the listener. But when they were small, we used to do a lot of camping holidays and we'd go to France. And we found this campsite really near to Dieppe, a place called... It's pronounced...

It's just spelled EU. And it's really difficult to find because as soon as you Google it, you just get stuff all about the EU. We've left that now, yeah.

which is a shame. But when, in fact, that's, that's, if you ask for directions, where do you want to go? Oh, we're fine. It said in the book, it said pronounced as a grunt. That's exactly what I said. Yeah. So it was, but anyway, yeah. So we found that we found this, um, this campsite, lovely municipal campsite where you didn't, it's quite basic and you didn't get, uh, you didn't get any other British people there, which is always a bonus. Yeah. You know, uh, you don't want someone going, come and have a bar, want to come and have barbecue with us. No,

All right. No, I've got a furnace full of sausages. They're still hot. Yeah. I don't need that. And I've had my beans on the ferry. And what we would have, and we still recreate at home, is it's a camping dinner of French sausages. So, you know, you get the long chipolatas in France, which I always am fascinated how they don't, because they're clearly proper intestines or whatever. They're not like, you know, whatever the...

And have you noticed so many supermarket sausages now, even nice places. It's all the kind of the fake collagen. They're awful. You can't squeeze the insides out. They break up the sausage skins. Oh, really? Yeah. If you haven't noticed that. But in France, you get the long ones. They stay straight. They don't curl. Don't know how they do that. Anyway, so barbecued long French chipolatas, lentils from a tin, tinned lentils and tinned French beans.

which have a taste that's so evocative of holidays and, you know, potatoes. The beans and the lentils cooked with cider. Oh, wow. And then you get to drink the cider, so I get an extra drink because there's the ciders left. So I can have that. That's not my drink. It's just there. We've already given you a tin of bitter on a train. I think you're fine. Oh, I didn't want the tin of bitter with my starter. Are you joking? Actually, no.

you need that to cool it down otherwise you're not going to be able to taste the rest of this dream meal because you lost all the skin from your tongue and your mouth you need the bitter isn't that the worst when you do have a bite of something hot and then you immediately know and you touch the roof of your mouth with your tongue it's always feeling baggy first bite oh great

Well, this is me for a while. Yeah, days, isn't it? Yeah. Not even the meal. Yeah, yeah. Awful. Brushing your teeth and catching it. So that's the main. We're camping in France and we've got, and it's the sausages with the tinned lentils with Dijon mustard in with the lentils and cider in with the lentils.

and tinned potatoes. You know what I love? How often sausages have popped up in the menu already. Yeah, you love sausages, man. Yeah, they have, haven't they? Who doesn't? Yeah, but sausages are great. Yeah, yeah, they are good. So it's the lentils, potatoes, tinned lentils, got me tinned lentils, tinned beans as well, tinned French beans, which just like, you know, they're like a paste, but there's the flavour, the tinned flavour that just works. And cooked in cider as well. Cooked in cider, so you put those in a pan and

And then put some cider and bubble that down. I'd fry some onions first. Fry some onions and garlic. And then I'd put the cider and let that bubble down. And then I'd put the tin, the lentils and the beans. And then let that cook. And then add a little bit of...

Dijon mustard at the end. It's that simple. Amazing. Loads of parsley. Do you ever give this dish a name? Because if you cooked it so regularly, people just come up with... I think we'd call that the holiday dinner. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. So you've got castellay vibes? Slightly, but it's more like brown lentils, small brown lentils, so it's not like the big... Yeah. And it's not tomatoey. It's so good. You could have called it din-er. Din-er.

Yeah, yeah. Just stop trying halfway through the word. But doesn't food, when you have food outside. Yeah. It makes everything feel a bit more special, doesn't it?

Especially if you've cooked it. It just tastes different. It definitely tastes different. When the kids were small, we had this book called Taste and Smells. It's a little rhyming couplet. It's just got this bit where it says, ham is ham here, jam is jam here. I love it. But it is so true, isn't it? I love that you were reading that to your kids. Yeah. And they were just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like, I love this. Poetry. Poetry.

Ham is Hammy, a jam is jammy. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. This is the fifth time you've read this book. Yeah, yeah, stop reading this book. Are there any other memories from those kind of holidays that you have that like,

Well, I mean, I love going to France. Yeah. My highlight of going to France, I do like going to like a proper French market. But my highlight, well, in fact, my highlight of going abroad anyway is going to a supermarket. Just love shopping in a foreign supermarket. And I think probably one of the biggest highlights is seeing what different flavour crisps they've got. Yeah. Always a big moment when you're in a country you've not been to before to see what wacky crisps are going on. Yeah. I got some given to us. Our neighbours went on a trip.

on holiday to France. Came back a couple of days ago. They gave me... I haven't tried them yet. Guess what flavour they are. Go on. Let's guess. You could even do it like 20 questions. James loves guessing games. Yeah, yeah. I love guessing games. We have a game that we play. Lasagna. Called... No. Toad in the Hole. I'll give you a clue. Yeah. France. France.

It's a French thing. Snails. No, but I'll try those. No. Confit duck. Do you want to narrow it down by saying is it sweet or savoury or do you want to just guess? I think we've already started to narrow it down. Crepes. Crepes Suzette. No. Wait, is it going to take too long? Shall I tell you? No. Pate a chocolat. No. That's a good guess. That'd be nice. Croissant. No. Pane de raisin. No. Is it savoury? Um...

do you know, I'm not really sure. Why did you offer that? Why did you offer, do you not want to narrow it down sweet and savoury and then you're not sure? Well, I'll tell you what, that really narrows it down. You fucking old man. That really narrows it down if, I'm 51, if, that narrows it down, doesn't it? If you don't know if it, if I don't know if it's sweet or savoury. Yes. That narrows it down more than me saying yes or no. Yes. Oh,

Come on, Ed. No, I'm enjoying watching you struggle. Shall I give you another clue? Bonbons. What? No, they're definitely sweet, aren't they? Shall I give you another clue? Yeah. A drink. It's a kind of not sweet. Cafe au lait. No. Very French. Much more French. A booze drink. Martini.

It's a French booze drink. Daiquiri. Spirit. Cognac. Like a pair of teeth. You'd have it with water. Oh, what's it called? The aniseed you want. Yeah. Pastis. Pastis. Pastis flavoured crisps. Wow. George, I don't think I've heard of that.

How was I going to get that? You know, you have Pernod and then you have some water and it goes, and it's like magic because it's clear and then you have water, which is also clear and then it's all cloudy. I don't know that. I love it. I love the sound of it. It's very aniseedy. Yeah. I don't know crisps. Well, I'm intrigued. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love aniseed in other things. I love aniseed flavour with pork.

You love, there's a lot of the snack hacker stuff you put licorice in. You made some licorice buns, was it? Like some. I made some licorice pancakes. So I did pancakes with blackcurrant jam and then I got like a pound of licorice bar and grated it like

like parmesan. Oh, wow. And it's like blackcurrant licorice sweets. Yeah, yeah. On a pancake and then you dust it with icing sugar and then grate more on top after it's all rolled up. Oh, beautiful. My favourite thing to do in foreign supermarkets is to try and find some products that are rude in English. Yeah, that's good. Like finding some cereal called cum and stuff. And do you photograph it or do you buy it? Photograph it normally. I very rarely want to eat a bowl of cum. What about if it's been pre-milked? Hack that snack, George. Yeah.

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Your dream side dish, George. I haven't chosen it yet. I've got two choices and I've got to decide now. Should I tell you what they're between or should I just decide? Tell us what they're between because we might have... No, I'm just going to tell you what I'm going for. No, tell us what's between. The one I've decided not to go for is too boring.

Well, it's just macaroni cheese, but I love it in so many permutations. Like, I love a lobster macaroni cheese. Well, listen. God. Do you want me to offer you this? People have hacked the menu before by having a pasta course before the main course. I think you could, especially in the snack hacker world, a lobster mac and cheese would be a pasta course. Thank you. I've still got to decide because it's between... Here's the choices for the mac and cheese. Well, first of all, how do you feel about mac and cheese as a...

as opposed to macaroni cheese because I was brought up calling it macaroni cheese and now mac and cheese has become the thing and it still irks me slightly and I think come on guys mac and cheese to me is the modern one where there's stuff added to it and it's got a crust on the top macaroni cheese to me is like a

a big glob of it all runny. A crispy top. Yeah, that to me is macaroni cheese. Also, I would say every time I have mac and cheese, I'm excited about it. I love the idea of it because I love cheese. I love mac. I've never really had a macaroni cheese that I've been like, that was as good as my image of macaroni cheese is in my head. I have. Tell me about it, brother. It was his fault. Hello. Well, not his fault. His suggestion.

So when I went to New York the first time, I knew that he likes food. He, the genie over there. Hello. And I texted him and I said, can you give me some food recommendations for New York? I mean, it's probably going to end up being Ed's fault this, because there's probably somewhere that Ed originally recommended to me. Well, first of all, it was the most comprehensive list I've ever had. Well done. Honestly, there must have been about...

30 suggestions. Yeah. It's fantastic. And one of them was smack. Yes. Oh, so actually this is Henry Whitacombe's fault. Oh, okay. Yeah. Henry Whitacombe recommended this to me and I passed it on to you. Well, what have you been there? Yeah. I went there with my mom and my girlfriend. It's just the best. Yeah. I love how scrubby it is. I just want to, James said that like it made him sound really cool. Yeah.

Yeah, I went there with my mum and my girlfriend. It's your mum doing pretty well with the ladies. It's two different people, by the way.

So that mac and cheese, the one I, so I've been there a few times to smack. And the best one I had was the, that had big hunks of like big fat bacon, you know, like real chunks, crispy. Oh my God. So that, but then also Kaiserspatzle, which I just love. And I had, I did a show in Germany, did the show. And then after the show, it was just lovely. It's so like that.

in Europe, which isn't here or, you know, other places where I've done a lot of comedy. At the end of the show, the audience all goes and they get these big long, like, you know, Oktoberfest tables and benches and these caterers come in and put all these big dishes on the table

on the stage and everyone eats and there was this cacio spazzola which is just I love it and I try and recreate it so it's basically mac and cheese but it's got macaroni cheese yeah it's got crispy top though yeah it's mac and cheese but it's not cacio spazzola and you've got this seam in the middle of slow cooked onions oh yeah like you know like kind of proper caramelised total caramelised like French onion soup onions wow

And then it's, and it's like noodles rather than, rather than. Is it still, are they tubes still or? No, they're like the way they make the Spatzler, which is their noodles. I believe it's like a batter and they, I think they pour it through a kind of sieve or a colander straight into the boiling water. And then it, so you get these kind of ragged sort of noodley things that are only about kind of six, seven inches long. And then that's all with the cheese sauce and then the onions. So is that what you want as your, as your side dish?

I can't decide. Can you choose for me out of those two? I have to choose, don't I? Oh, so you're deciding between these two for your pasta course? I'm going to go for the smack one because it was so good and I love the scrubbiness of the place and the look. And they've got sachets in there. You like sachets? Sachets are what? Sachets are hot sauce. But I love collecting sachets.

and keeping them about my person so I can hack a snack. You can hack a snack on the fly whenever nature calls. And they had in SMAC, they had these little sachets of Louisiana hot sauce and Guedon's mustard. Spicy mustard, it's called. Yeah, you got a whole like, well, you got a bag, a jiffy bag of those. You got a tub of those, a box of them. I've got untold.

I mean, like, yeah, it's just so much, too much for a jiffy bag. And such a variety. My other daughter, Zoe, went to Japan recently and came back with sachets of Kewpie. Oh, wow. How about that? Yeah. And also really weird. You're an easy dad to get presents for, aren't you?

Oh, honestly, I really am. Honestly, I was saying, find me sachet. She went to the food district in Tokyo and she got these, it's like, it's margarine and some kind of bean paste in one, well, it's like a double sachet. And then you snap the top and both, like arrow diet. Like what? Arrow diet, you know, the glue that's two parts that you squeeze together. And then you squeeze the two out. Yeah. How about that? I haven't tried them yet.

Love it. You can put them on your licorice crisps. They might work. Yeah, yeah.

I tell what I'm doing for my site. So when I did my first Edinburgh, I stayed with our mutual friend, John Robbins. Yes. Who also collects sachets of sauce. He does, doesn't he? And also, it rarely happens, you are now, I guess, on the podcast, and you cooked one of the dishes on John's dream menu. I did, didn't I? Yeah, that must have warmed your heart to hear that. It really did, actually. Must have felt good. Although you got it a little bit wrong. Go on. We forgot the muffin. I'm checking. We forgot the muffin. But it doesn't matter. Mm-hmm.

No, it doesn't matter. But it should be in a muffin, like a kind of McDonald's kind of thing. Anyway, and I was staying with another mutual friend, Mr. Matthew Crosby. Oh, yeah. And I cooked a meal for them one night, and I made this salad that I made every day, pretty much, that festival. So I was using various ingredients in my show, like anchovies, which once they were open, I didn't want to use in too many shows. So I was eating the ingredients afterwards as well. And I made this salad.

that I call my Edinburgh salad. This is from the first year I was there. And it was loads of stuff from Lidl, because that was just around the corner from where I was performing. And it was sort of bitter leaves, kind of, well, like just a bag of salad leaves, cherry tomatoes, anchovies, torn up mozzarella, black olives, avocado, torn up cured ham, red onion, red chilli, lemon or lime, mint, dill and basil. So I was using all of those in the show. And then just a little bit of...

Olive oil. Beautiful. It sounds like a very tasty salad. It's nice. It's busy and it's bright and it's colourful. And also it's that kind of thing of when you're at Edinburgh and you're eating unhealthily, hence the rustlers. Yeah. Something like that makes you, you know. But also crucially in Edinburgh I find, and actually I eat healthy in Edinburgh now, but if I'm on a run of eating unhealthy stuff, I can't go straight from that to pure salad. My body can't take it. Oh yeah. I go into shock. So I have to have...

cheese in it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, this salad, if you took away the leaves, it's still a meal. Yeah. It's substantial. Yeah. I remember discovering those salads probably as a teenager. I'd seen them on menus and be like, hold on a second. Yeah. It's like just a load of fried chicken in a salad. Shall I tell you what I've remembered that I want to have in my restaurant? Yeah. A cat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Yeah. Well, I find the whole restaurant environment quite, I don't know. Stuffy? Well, I hate going to restaurants by myself. Yeah. Which you do when you're on the road. Yeah. You find. I love it.

I love it. Do you? Yeah. See, I'm in and out too quick and I look at my phone the whole time. I can't relax in there. That's why I like it, I think. You should make a rule for yourself. In and out quickly. Yeah, in and out quickly. No phones, no Walkmans. Love looking at my phone. I like being in and out quick but I don't like looking at my phone but I still look at my phone and I know what you mean. But maybe you should just have the rule like you did with your brother. What, no phones, no restaurant? No phones, no Walkmans. So you can talk to yourself? Sing Lord of the Rings to yourself or whatever. Ha ha ha!

Whatever you need to do. I'm not going to sing in a restaurant. So you'd like a cat in the restaurant? Yeah, I think that would make it really homely. Yeah. You know when there's, you know, like a cat in a shop? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or a cat in a pub. Pub cats are great. Pub cats are great. My daughter, Meg, the baker, when she was at school, they had a school cat. Wow.

Wow. Oh, that's nice. And I think it was a stray that just wandered in and then everyone was like, yeah, that's fine. And it would wander in and out of classrooms. It was just, and even at, you know, change of lesson time when the corridors are just full of kids. Didn't Meg go to Hogwarts? It's like a Hogwarts thing. She went to Hogwarts, yeah. Meg Egg is the name of someone who would go to Hogwarts. Yeah, absolutely. Meg Egg from Hufflepuff?

Would she be Hufflepuff? Yeah, Meg Egg would. I don't know what that means. You know Meg Egg better than us. What does she value the most? You're better than a Hufflepuff. Well, they value loyalty above all else. Is it like... Bravery for Gryffindor. But is it like horoscopes where whatever one you choose, people are like, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's me. No, no, because this is like a made up world. So they can just have it be true. No.

Yeah, yeah, that's not, I mean, I don't know, maybe there is, I haven't actually read the Harry Potter books. I don't know if there's a chapter in it where some of them are going, you know that hat just says whatever when you put it on and you just believe it because it's just basically, it's just describing anyone. You're not in really in Slytherin house, you know, do you believe in that shit?

Your dream drink, George? So in Brighton, there used to be a restaurant called Silo that has since moved to London. Yes. And I haven't been to it since it moved to London. But when it was in Brighton, when it first opened, they had this drink. It was very hipster when it first opened. It was toe-curlingly hipster. You know, it was like all the drinks were in recycled jam jars, that kind of thing. It was a bit like...

But they had this drink called Elderflower Ebulus that was made, apparently, by a Brighton-based fermenting, they make a lot of kombucha, called the Old Tree Brewery. And they don't do it anymore. But it was kind of, I don't really know what it was. It was somewhere between homemade elderflower wine and beer. It was slightly kombuchery. It had a kick. It was probably about 5%, 6%.

Looked like pasties. Yeah. Cloudy, kind of greeny colour. Heavenly. And was that in a jam jar? It was served in a jam jar, a big one. And yeah, it was heavenly. And then they stopped doing it. And then you could buy it from the Old Tree Brewery. And now the Old Tree Brewery has stopped doing it. Disaster. But in lockdown... Do you want me to step in and ask them if they can put it back on the menu? Should we write to them? Yeah, but what did I do in lockdown? You wrote to them. You had to snack. You made yourself. I made it. You made it. I made some.

I made a barrel of it. Wow. Did it taste the same or better? It was close enough. It wasn't exactly the same. I didn't know how they did it. So I made, I basically followed a recipe for elderflower champagne is what it's called. And it's like the lazy way of doing it. So you just, you just mix sugar. You basically make elderflower cordial and add yeast and then let it ferment. So it's cloudy and it goes fizzy. And I did it in like a brewer's barrel.

So it's got a valve on it so it wouldn't explode. Yeah. And...

for the first third of the barrel it was quite sweet and then it carried on fermenting so by the end it was incredibly dry wow and it knocked your socks off yeah yeah socks gone and my son who oh my god how connected is this jem who's designed the book the snack hacker book uh it's all his illustrations in there he designed a label because we were idle it was lockdown so we had things like that he designed a label for the barrel for the little circle on it that said that

that said elderflower ebulus with our version oh that's great you say now I haven't thought about elderflower champagne for decades when you said it just now I didn't

Look, my mum listens to every episode, so mum, you're going to have to text me and tell me if this memory is true or if I've made it up in my head. But my mum used to make elderflower champagne at home. I remember once being at home and then just hearing this, like, a series of, like, really loud noises. And then in the garage, all the tops were popping off the elderflower champagne. The fizz had got too much inside the bottles. Was it just the tops or were there...

Oh, the actual stuff was coming out of it. Oh, no, no. The glass didn't break, but like... Just the tops all... Yeah. That's a memory I have that my mum will have to text me and let me know. I think it's likely because that is definitely a thing. So the recipe that I followed was from a book guy, a guy called John Wright, who's the sort of forager guy from River Cottage. And he writes so well, really recommend his books. And he talks about making it the kind of...

of Cavalier Way and his lovely story about a guy who had made a load of elderflower champagne bottles they were in his garage in his shed and all but two of them exploded and he was so scared to go in there he borrowed an air rifle off a friend to take the last two out isn't that great your dream dessert George and I'm hoping because

I quite fancy something sweet at the minute, and I'm hoping that it's something that is nearby that I can hack. I can do a snack hack. Can you see dessert from that? You're looking to the side. Well, there's shops out there. I'm looking out the window. We're in a good area for food, though. So I'm looking if there's a sweet snack hack that George has got. I mean, it is a snack hack, but it's a My Mum snack hack. It's not something you could do now. You could do it at home. What, because it's not PC? No.

Well, this is the 80s. Yeah. It's fine in the 80s. You can't do this now. So for the listeners. This was when Thatcher was in. Can you imagine? This is my mum's homemade...

Brown bread ice cream. Yes. Now you've done this on the channel. I've done it. Always looks delicious. It reminds me of something. Someone did a similar thing for me once. It is so good. Um, I'm very glad you've picked this cause you, you did it as an ice cream sandwich as well. At one point I did it as, uh, yeah, just to put a photo up. So in the, in the book,

yeah i keep saying in the book as if i'm saying it quietly as well well only because i feel like i want to be kind of going oh in the book this in the book that but you know what i mean yeah but i mean it's yeah it's in the book so my mum was not a very good cook at all my dad did all the cooking pretty much all most of the cooking but she did she did two desserts like dinner kind of dinner party go-to desserts and one of them was awful and it was this kind of

it's not really a trifle. So she'd get Maryland cookies, soak them in sherry, and then they were sandwiched between whipped cream, almost like a caterpillar cake, and then covered in loads more whipped cream and then covered in Cadbury's flake crumbled up. Okay. I'll say that now. I want to eat it. I'd eat it. I would absolutely eat that. I did eat it. I ate loads of it. Of course.

Of course I did. I was a little boy. But it was too heavy on the sherry. Yeah. You know, I like a bit of booze and a dessert, but when it's... But you're a little boy. When it overwhelms. To be fair. Yeah. As a little boy, you're not loving sherry. Even now, I like sherry. Yeah. But I find if you've got dessert that's too heavy on the alcohol, I find it... Yeah. My palate when it comes to desserts is quite infantile. I like, you know, I'm a milk chocolate guy and not a...

a dark chocolate. Fair enough. Maybe even white chocolate. Blonde chocolate, that's the new one, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so that was one of the desserts and the other one was brown bread ice cream. And then what I did is I thought it was quite nice would be to make the brown bread ice cream and then make ice cream sandwiches with the Maryland cookies. So that then I'm kind of doing a lot of bad dessert. But the brown bread ice cream that she used to make, it's such a simple recipe. It's basically just wholemeal bread, crumbs, hazelnuts and demerara sugar, which you toast till

till it's crunchy. And then you make a meringue of egg white and sugar and fold that into whipped cream and then fold everything together and freeze it. And because it's whipped, it's stable so it won't go crystalline, like, you know, so you don't have to churn it. And it tastes like, it reminds me of the Cornetto with the hazelnuts on, you know, the chocolate Cornetto. Reminds me of that. It reminds me of the inside of the IKEA diem cake.

That slightly bready, sugary. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. I tell you what else it tastes like. One of my favorite things, the Kinder Maxi King.

Talk me through the Kingdom Axie King. I think I know what you're talking about. The Kingdom Axie King is, hold on, is it on the, is it with the chocolate bars? No. I'm looking through the chocolate bars, it's not there. You can't remember. I'll tell you where it is. It's in the fridge. But it isn't an ice cream, it's one of those in between. Right. So it's like a sort of whipped, white, sort of sweet, vanilla-y mousse covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. And then it looks like a tiny surfboard.

It's that shape. And it's kept in the fridge and it's got a kind of core of caramel. I've got to get myself a Maxi King. Honestly. That's something we can get in the shop. Here's the thing. We're just going to get Maxi King. They're scarce. Okay, thanks. Great, thanks. They're scarce. They're not...

And here's where you can get them. Supermarket in France. Yeah, of course. Right, of course. Occasionally you get them in the UK, but they're not common. Well, congratulations to our French listeners who are going to be going out and getting a Maxi King right now. They're so good. I was going to bring Maxi Kings with me to give you all at the end, but I couldn't find them. And the shop that I was going to, that I knew sold them in Brighton and was too far away from the station, it would be too much of a detour. And there's something else I want to have with the dessert, if I may, as a drink with the dessert as part of it.

it yeah and it is the because it's just oh my god and it's another i don't know maybe it's you maybe it was you through you uh recommendation in new york from the milk is it just called milk yeah yeah mamma focchi milk was originally one but anyway it's their cereal milk latte i mean all that i've not had the latte the cereal milk milkshake is still one of the best things i've ever had have you made their cereal milk no very rarely do i make something

You make stuff loads. Yeah, but look, I should be doing more. No, come on. Don't beat yourself up. Their cereal milk is so...

easy to make here's a connection that I didn't know was going to happen you basically do what they did in Hong Kong you pre-milk the cereal that must be what they were doing so what you do is you toast fucking tourists who are going in and taking it off them before oh we're making cereal milk lardos out of those take them back fucking stupid English oh fucking hell they're eating them again and they're complaining about them

I went to and had the cereal milk latte and then the next day went into a thrift shop and there's a load of books and there right like at eye level was the Momofuku milk bar yes of course bought it a couple of dollars she worked there didn't she I didn't know that until I saw the Chef Samuel documentary so you would have the I'd have the cereal milk latte but the cereal milk by itself is heavenly you toast toast cornflakes then put milk in bit of brown sugar and then

the thing that makes it a little bit salt. And it's just... And then you just let that steep, do you? So you let that steep overnight. I think you toast, yeah, you toast the cornflakes a little bit to just get a bit more out of them. Then you pour milk and then leave it. And then you push it through a sieve the next day, put it back in the fridge. I'm going to do that. And it's just, it's the best drink. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, George, and see how you feel about it. You would like...

sparkling water from Gran Canaria in a thin rimmed glass. Popped on some bread, you would like the bread from E5 Bakehouse. Amuse-bouche, you would like a bit of each, past and present. Starter, you would like British Rail microwave burger circa 1889 with a can of Stone's Bitter with your brother. On a train. On a train. And Leo. Huh? Leo's there too. Your brother? No, that's my friend Leo. Henry's my brother. But Leo's there too. Leo came on the walking holidays as well. Henry.

Henry Egg. Pasta. Kaiserspitzel. Kaiserspatzle. Kaiserspatzle. Kaiserspatzle. But then... I don't know. But then did you decide on the... No, you decided on the smack in the end. Smack. So pasta course. The smack. The bacon smack. Yeah. Main course. Camping dinner. That's barbecued French sausage, tinned lentils, French beans, cooked in cider, with the potatoes, tinned potatoes, Dijon mustard. Dinner. Dinner. Side...

Edinburgh Salad. With John Robbins, I guess, and Matthew Crosby. No, Crosby was an afterthought. He's not there. He wasn't an afterthought. He was just further down the list. LAUGHTER

Drink elderflower Abulis. With your little label on it? No, you want it from the actual place. You want it from the original place. I don't mind if it's the one we made. That was quite nice, the one we made. No, I love it from the place. I'd like it. From Silo. From Silo. Silo in the past. And then dessert. Mum's brown bread ice cream and a cereal milk latte from Milk Bar. And we all have Maxi Kings. Yes. Yeah, and then you can dish out the Maxi Kings as well.

Very strong. I'll chuck them. Yeah, yeah. Just chuck them like partridge. Very, very strong. That sounds very, very tasty. Tasty, I'd say, George, that's a meal that I would enjoy more as it progresses. Yes, same. What about the bit of each, though? Surely you'd like that. Bit of each definitely is very appealing. I'm thinking that the British Rail Burger is the low point, but you don't have the memory. Yeah, exactly. That's very personal to you. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if we've got stuff we've eaten on a train that...

You must have something like rubbish that is awful. I used to have the bacon rolls on there all the time. They had the same problem, but I think they were in plastic by the time I was eating them and they're soggy all the way through, but it's not a good memory. Yeah.

Have you got a food item you can think of that is like, that's rubbish, but is a good, that's like, I know this is awful, but it reminds me of, you know. That's good. Actually, that's a good one for the listener. If you can tweet us, tweet the Off Menu account and say if you've ever had something that you know is awful, but the memory makes it good and the best one will get a signed chopping board from the Great Benito. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, George. Thank you for having me. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

There we are, James. The off-menu menu of George Egg. What a lovely man. What a lovely menu. What an exciting sounding book. Yes, The Snack Hacker by George Egg. Yes, get The Snack Hacker by George Egg. It's published on the 5th of June. So many cool recipes in there. Porridge pot pancakes. Mushy pea hummus, to name but two. Cheesy cup noodle with egg yolk. Mmm.

And the photos in this and the illustrations are gorgeous as well. Yes. His son did the illustrations. Yes. Shout out to Jim. Shout out to Jim. I don't know. I don't know what happened to my tongue there.

That's how the guy was eating some snack hacks. You say lovely menu. We gave him an easy ride on that train burger because it was a nice memory. But that is disgusting, man. It was absolutely disgusting. And then, you know... He didn't even hack it. Yeah, he didn't hack it. Disappointed, George. But...

But the rest of the menu sounded absolutely delicious. You should all follow George Egg on Instagram. At George Egg. We are very impressed that he got that handle. Yeah. I can't believe he got George Egg. There must be... There must be loads of people called George who love eggs. Yeah. And thought, right, that's me. I'm the egg guy. Yeah. I love eggs so much. My name's George. My name's George. I'm going to go for the handle George Egg because my surname's already been taken. What the... The Snack Hacker? The Snack Hacker! At the Snack Hacker, surely. Yeah.

But yeah, so at George Egg on Instagram and you'll get, I mean, also you've got to go on YouTube and watch all the Snack Hacker videos as well. I'm sure they're on Instagram too and all over the place, but that's where I watch them. Yes. I watch them all, like all in a row before I know it, the whole day is gone because I've been watching those as Snack Hacks and then I go and I hack a snack. George did not say Snacker Jack

even though he's the snacker hacker and we are very glad that we didn't choose egg which was our original yes because he would have been gone straight away we've gone immediately with an amuse bouche which would have been very sad that he's select that he put into the menu can i please put this in it yeah it might have been funny man pretty funny actually i do think we should have uh british rail burger as a future secret ingredient yeah yeah add it to the list benito it's on there

I mean, imagine it being picked again. Do you know what? That person would absolutely deserve it. Yeah, they would. We'll get his brother on. Yeah.

We'll get his brother on and kick him off. Also, like, yeah, if you ever see George Egg on a comedy bill, you've got to go and see his stand-up too. Yes, absolutely. There's so much. This guy's doing everything. Yes, he's got a lot of stuff out there. Make sure you go and check George Egg out and buy his book. But for now, it's goodbye from us. Goodbye from us. Bye-bye. That's Ed and James. Yes. Maybe from Benito as well. I don't know if he ever really... No, he's shaking his head. No, not goodbye from Benito. Benito is always in your heart.

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Hello there Off Menu listeners. It's me Amy Gledhill and you might remember me from my episode of Off Menu when I chose to have seaweed on mash and I'll be taking no further questions. And my name is Ian Smith and you may remember me from the one line of dialogue I had in a non-broadcast Channel 4 pilot. Maybe you were in the studio audience at the time. Who can forget? But that's not what we're here to talk about. No, nor the news. Our podcast is coming back

for series four. And don't worry, it's not a boring news podcast. No way. We're two northerners living in London and every week we catch up on the weirdest, most bizarre local news from up north. Things like... Woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. Pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorising Yorkshire village and attacking children. And we're joined by special correspondents every week like...

Like you one and only Ed Gamble, who you might have heard of. You'll remember him from this podcast, the one you're listening to now. Yeah. He hosts it. Yeah. He could co-host. He was on my episode of Off Menu. Was he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he was in the non-broadcast Channel 4 pilot I did as well. Oh, he will have been. He's a nice guy. That's Northern News, out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.