Bonus Episode: THE U.S. CONSTITUTION. Let's read it together.
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Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile Unlimited Premium Wireless. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes if network's busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com. Oh, hey, it's the old lady at the craft store buying poster board. Allie Ward. And I wanted to bring to your attention this. This is a full reading.

of the US Constitution. We also have a whole episode, it's linked in the show notes, about constitutional law. It's called Nomology with the amazing and legendary law scholar, Dr. Fernita Tolson, who's the Dean and the Carl Mason Franklin Chair in Law at USC's Gould School of Law. It's a great episode. It was recorded in 2019 and it covers what's up with the amendments? What are the articles? What does it mean to be an American? What rights do we have?

How did we get them and how do we keep them? We also discuss what it was like having Barack Obama as her law professor, if she reads the Apple terms and conditions, the civil rights movement, impeachment, how to get familiar with the best SCOTUS gossip, and also Shonda Rhimes. By the end of the episode, you'll be able to wink at the Constitution and say...

I get you. And you might be engaging in more peaceful protests or applying to law school or hanging Professor Tolson's portrait on your wall. She's amazing. So that 2019 episode is linked in the show notes. It's called Nomology. Now this right here, this is re-served up for the crumbling foundations of 2025. This is the Constitution. So you know what the hell is in it and what your rights are.

So it's kind of like when two people are a horse costume, but this is only me in the ass and running around with no head.

Because the nomology guest, Professor Fernita Tolson, was in the first half. Now it's just me. I'm just bringing up the rear, literally reading you a very, very old document. So if this is your first ever episode of Ologies, start elsewhere. Just pick another one. Pick another episode. Or at least start with last week's part one. So you're just about to get, in this one, gently walloped with all of the words of the United States Constitution. And

And when I say you, I mean myself also, because guess what? I've never read the thing. I don't know what it says. Yet these words govern my civil liberties and...

The 2020 election is just sitting on the edge of our beds like a specter. But hey, 2025 Allie here to say, that went okay. And then 2024 happened. And now in LA, where I live, it's a militarized zone because of some pretty peaceful protests amid people being detained and abducted without due process.

As it stands, our government is trying to prohibit peaceful assembly. And this weekend, the president is having a military parade for his birthday party and said that protests will be met with, quote, heavy force. So if you know of any patriots or people who care about constitutional rights, let's crack into the backbone of American ethos. Because...

The best thing any of us can do is just know what the bejeebers is happening in the government. My hope is that maybe by reading this together, one oligite out there will run for an office.

I don't know, city council, mayor of a tiny seaside hamlet, president of earth, maybe student government. It doesn't matter to me, except that it does very deeply. So I'll be reading the Constitution with some inserts just to clarify what the hell it means. But before we get cracking on this, two things.

Thank you to all of your ears and your hearts for listening to the show, for buying Ologies-related products at ologiesmerch.com, and also for free for rating and subscribing, for telling a friend. Some of you leave me reviews, which you know I sneak peeks at every week, and I read one like a creep so that I can lovingly regurgitate it back to you. Such is this new 2025 review from Lalani, who wrote, I have never recommended anything.

books, movies, TV shows, anything, as much as I have recommended Ologies to others in my life. To know Ologies is to love it. Lalani,

You're a real one. Should we ever pass each other on the street? Let's make sure to high five. Okay. Nommology. The study of laws continues. So last week we heard from Professor Fernita Tolson of USC's Gould School of Law, a constitutional law scholar who makes me want to be smarter and be more well-informed and who inspired this epic reading of the U.S. Constitution. I'm a little bit nervous about

we're going to do this. So if you haven't heard part one yet, it's waiting for you. Go listen, then hop on back, finish this one up. Okay. To recap.

The U.S. Constitution was drafted in 1787. It was ratified in 1788. It went into effect 1789. And then the Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments were created in 1789 for a bunch of people who objected to federalism. They were ratified in 1791. And then there are 17 more amendments that were just created and passed over the years. So

buckle the hell up as I now deliver to you on a silver platter, albeit ever so slightly patinaed, but still cherished, all 7,591 words of the United States Constitution, including amendments for this part two of NOMOLOGY. Okay, let's get into this word. All right, breathe in.

America, I'm going to understand you so hard right now. Okay, so the preamble, aka why are we even writing this, goes...

We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Article 1, Section 1. All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives.

So they're saying, we're calling this business collectively Congress. Okay, section two. This is about the House of Representatives. Different states have different numbers of reps. So Wyoming, you have half a million residents. Rhode Island has double that. It is only 1,200 square miles. Now, Los Angeles County, where I live, is 1%.

4,000 square miles and has 10 million people, which is why you can order a pizza and it will come to you faster than an ambulance. And I'm speaking from experience. Anyway, state representation. Back to it. Okay.

The House of Representatives shall be composed of members chosen every second year by the people of the United States, and the electors in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the state legislature. No person shall be a representative who shall not have attained to the age of 25 years.

and been seven years a citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an inhabitant of that state in which he shall be chosen? Hmm. He. Fine.

Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several states which may be included within this union, according to their representative numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three-fifths of all other persons. More on that part later. Mm-hmm.

Now the actual enumeration shall be made within three years after the first meeting in the Congress of the United States and within every subsequent term of ten years, in such manner as they shall by law direct."

Now, the number of representatives shall not exceed one for every 30,000, but each state shall have at least one representative. And until such enumeration shall be made, the state of New Hampshire shall be entitled to choose three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia 10, North Carolina five, South Carolina five, and Georgia three.

When vacancies happen in the representation from any state, the executive authority thereof shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies. The House of Representatives shall choose their speaker and other officers and shall have the sole power of impeachment. Okay, so what does that mean? So to be a senator, you have to be 25.

There are two-year terms, and number of members of the House are issued according to population. Now, did you catch that racism regarding Indigenous and Black people? Yep. It's just a reminder that plenty of folks writing this owned people. More on that later. Okay. The leader of the House is the Speaker of the House, picked by the members. And right now, that's Nancy Pelosi.

Now, this person is second in line to the presidency. Should a pterodactyl screech as a blur through the sunset and eat both Don Trump and Michael Pence?

Who does this? Section three. But let's talk Senate people. Each state gets two senators. Wyoming gets two. Rhode Island gets two. L.A. County, they have to share two with the other 39 million Californians. Kind of like having one bathroom in a sorority house. Now, the best idea? Maybe not, but it's what we got. Okay, the Senate. Let's proceed. Also, whenever you hear the word he,

just replace it in your mind with he or she or even better, they, and just try to breathe through it. I'm going to read it verbatim as it was written so that we can use it as fuel to get fired up about continuing to change things. Okay, great.

So this is Article 1, Section 3 about the Senate. Now, the Senate of the United States shall be composed of two senators from each state chosen by the legislature thereof for six years, and each senator shall have one vote.

Now, this is going to change later. "Immediately after they shall be assembled in consequence of the first election, and they shall be divided as equally as may be into three classes. The seats of the senators of the first class shall be vacated at the expiration of the second year, of the second class at the expiration of the fourth year, and of the third class at the expiration of the sixth year, so that one third may be chosen every second year."

And if vacancies happen by resignation or otherwise during the recess of the legislature of any state, the executive thereof may make temporary appointments until the next meeting of the legislature, which shall then fill such vacancies. No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained the age of 30 years and been nine years, a citizen of the United States and who shall not when elected be

Okay.

The Senate shall have the sole power to try all impeachments. When sitting for that purpose, they shall be on the oath or affirmation. When the President of the United States is tried, the Chief Justice shall preside, and no person shall be convicted without the concurrence of two-thirds of the members present."

judgment in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from office and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor

trust or profit under the United States, but the party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to indictment, trial, judgment, and punishment according to law. So Article 1, Section 3 means, in summation, senators, you got to be at least 30. You serve for six years. Each state has two of them. And the vice president leads the Senate and doesn't vote unless there's a tie.

Also, this one will get a little tweaked in the amendments. Just hold your horses.

But also, that laid down some law for impeachment. Okay, section four, article one. The times, places, and manner of holding elections for senators and representatives shall be prescribed in each state by the legislature thereof. But the Congress may at any time by law make or alter such regulations, except as to the places of choosing senators.

The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meeting shall be on the first Monday in December, unless they shall by law appoint a different day. So the Congress is elected according to state rules and kind of like gutter cleaning and pap smears. They got to do it at least once a year, folks. They got to do it at least once a year.

It's just good practice. Article 1, Section 5. So each house shall be the judge of the elections, returns, and qualifications of its own members, and a majority of each shall constitute a quorum to do business, but a smaller number may adjourn from day to day and may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members in such manner and under such penalties as each house may provide. I'll explain this in a minute.

So each house may determine the rules of its proceedings, punish its members for disorderly behavior, and, with a concurrence of two-thirds, expel a member."

So each house shall keep a journal of its proceedings and from time to time publish the same, accepting such parts as may in their judgment require secrecy. And the yeas and nays of the members of either house on any question shall, at the desire of one-fifth of those present, be entered on the journal. Neither house, during the session of Congress, shall, without the consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other place than that place.

in which the two houses shall be sitting. So what does that one mean? This means Congress needs a minimum number of people showing up, and it can fine you for not showing up, kind of like a library book. And members can be given ye olde boot,

if they're jerks, if they're disorderly, and each house can keep a log of the dealings and the votes. And that house and Congress can't peace out and adjourn without the permission of the other one. Kind of like if you show up at a party with someone, you shouldn't Irish goodbye without at least telling them because it's just rude. Okay. Article 1, Section 6.

The senators and representatives shall receive a compensation for their services to be ascertained by law and paid out of the treasury of the United States. They shall in all cases, except treason, felony and breach of the peace, be privileged from arrest during their attendance at the session of their respected houses.

and in going to and returning from the same. And for any speech or debate in either house, they shall not be questioned in any other place. No senator or representative shall, during the time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil office under the authority of the United States."

So what does this one mean?

Members of Congress have to get paid, they can't be detained going to or from Congress, and they can't have multiple government gigs while holding office. Just like do the one, they're saying. That's enough.

Okay, let's move on. Article 1, Section 7. This is how bills become laws. He signed your bill, now you're a law. And it's kind of like reading the rules for a board game. It's annoying until you get how it works. So, the Constitution says, All bills for raising revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives, but the Senate may propose or concur with amendments as on other bills. Okay.

Every bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate shall, before it becomes a law, be presented to the President of the United States. If he approve, he shall sign it, but if not, he shall return it with his objections to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the objections at large on their journal and proceed to reconsider it.

Now after such reconsideration, two-thirds of that house shall agree to pass the bill. It shall be sent together with the objections to the other house, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two-thirds of that house, it shall become a law.

But in all such cases, the votes of both houses shall be determined by yeas and nays, and the names of the persons voting for and against the bill shall be entered on the journal of each house respectively. If any bill shall not be returned by the president within ten days, Sundays accepted, after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be law, in like manner as if he had signed it.

unless the Congress, by their adjournment, prevent its return, in which case it shall not be law. I'll explain that in a second. Now,

Now, every order, resolution, or vote to which the concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary, except on a question of adjournment, shall be presented to the President of the United States, and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him, or being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two-thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives alike.

according to the rules and limitations prescribed in the case of a bill. So what is that gobbledygook? So bills have to pass the House and the Senate, but all bills have to pass both houses of Congress in the exact same form, same words. Now, bills that pass both houses are sent to the president. The president can either sign the bill, making it a law, or nope it.

Yeah, nah. In which case, it gets kicked back to Congress. And if two-thirds of the folks in both houses yes it, it supersedes that presidential uh-uh. If the president ignores it and doesn't veto or sign it, it becomes a law after 10 days. But if the Congress adjourns and the president doesn't sign it, it's vetoed. Got it? Cool. Let's move on to Section 8, Article 1.

The Congress shall have the power to lay and collect taxes, duties, imposts, and excises, to pay the debts and provide for the common defense and general welfare of the United States. But all duties, imposts, and excises shall be uniform throughout the United States, to borrow money on the credit of the United States, to regulate commerce with foreign nations and among the several states and with the Indian tribes, and

to establish a uniform rule of naturalization and uniform laws on the subject of bankruptcies throughout the United States, to coin money, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign coin, and fix the standard of weights and measures, to provide for punishment of counterfeiting the securities and current coin of the United States, etc.

to establish post offices and post roads, to promote the progress of science and useful arts by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries,

to constitute tribunals inferior to the Supreme Court, to define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas and offenses against the law of nations, to declare war, grant letters of mark and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water, to raise and support organizations

armies, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for longer term than two years to provide and maintain a Navy to make rules for the government and regulation of the land and Naval forces to provide for calling forth the militia to execute the laws of the union, suppress insurrections and repel invasions to provide for organizing, arming and disciplining the militia and for governing such part of them as may be employed in the service of the United States and

Reserving to the states respectively the appointment of the officers and the authority of training the militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress.

to exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever over such district not exceeding 10 miles square, as may by session of particular states and the acceptance of Congress become the seat of the government of the United States, and to exercise like authority over all places purchased by the consent of the legislature of the state in which the same shall be forfeited.

So...

What does that mean? Congress can establish an army and navy. They can make some post offices. They can make some courts. They can declare wars and they can raise cash.

Fighting, laws, money, postcard stamps, all the essential ingredients for a nation. Now, Section 9 coming up puts limits on Congress. So Section 9, Article 1, the migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year 1880.

More on that in a second.

No bill of attainder or ex post facto law shall be passed. No capitation or other direct tax shall be laid unless in proportion to the census or enumeration heron before directed to be taken. No tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any state. No preference shall be given by any regulation of commerce or revenue to the ports of one state over those of another, nor shall vessels bound to or

or from one state be obliged to enter, clear, or pay duties in another.

No money shall be drawn from the treasury, but in consequence of appropriations made by law and a regular statement and account of the receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them shall, without the consent of Congress, accept of any present authority

emolument, office, or title of any kind whatsoever from any king, prince, or foreign state. Now this next part's in the news a lot. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States, and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them shall, without the consent of Congress, accept of any present, emolument, or

office or title of any kind whatsoever from any king, prince, or foreign state. Okay, so what does all that mean? So the writ of habeas corpus can't be suspended. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what that means. I don't even know what a writ of habeas corpus was. And truth be told, I had to look up how to pronounce that. But it sounds like a Norwegian metal band or a horror movie set in a medieval village.

I looked it up and one legal glossary says that it translates in Latin to you shall have the body in court. And it means that it's something used to bring a prisoner or other detainee like an institutionalized mental patient before the court to determine if the person's imprisonment or detention is lawful. So that can't be suspended.

Also, laws after the fact are also a no, as are state preferences, money lifted from the treasury without a law, because duh. And also, let's not give ourselves title like the Queen of Ohio or the Marquis de Bakersfield. Not in this dang country, you don't. Moving on, Article 1, Section 10, so no state shall enter into any treaty, alliance, or confederation.

Grant letters of mark and reprisal, coin money, emit bills of credit, make anything but gold and silver coin a tender in payment of debts, pass any bill of attainder, ex post facto law, or law impairing the obligation of contracts, or grant any title of nobility. No state shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any imposts or duties on imports or exports except what may be absolutely necessary for executing its inspection laws."

And the net produce of all duties and imposts laid by any state on imports or exports shall be for the use of the Treasury of the United States, and all such laws shall be subject to the revision and control of the Congress. No state shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any duty of tonnage, keep troops, or ships of war in time of peace."

So that means states can't make navies or declare war. They can't make their own money or otherwise just kind of wild out as outlined above. States can, however...

encourage residents to get thinly drawn outlines of their borders tattooed on personages of residents as a pledge of allegiance to their United States territory of birth. It's not a rule, but y'all know I love a tattoo image search. And I just Googled state tattoo and I will say California, home to what some might call justified narcissism. It's on the ocean, got the baby.

Seemed to be the most prominent in all of the state tattoo returns, with Texas edging in as maybe a close second. But I just want to give some major creative points to the folks who got the entire U.S. map tattooed on them with just empty state boundaries filled in as they're visited. That's legitimately, that's hella cute. It's hella cute. But the biggest kudos to the folks who got the entire U.S. map tattooed on them.

So New Jersey, you win. So did you like Article 1 of the Constitution? Great.

Let's do Article 2 next and establish the executive or presidential branch of the government. Again, every time you hear the word "he," just replace it in your mind with "they." Remember, things only change when we make some noise. So Article 2, Section 1: The executive power shall be vested in a president of the United States of America. He shall hold his office during the term of four years and together with the vice president chosen for the same term be elected as follows:

Each state shall appoint in such a manner as the legislature thereof may direct a number of electors equal to the whole number of senators and representatives to which the state may be entitled in the Congress. But no senator or representative or person holding an office of trust or profit under the United States shall be appointed an elector. Now, this all was changed later, but...

The electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for two persons of whom one shall least not be an inhabitant of the same state with themselves. And they shall make a list of all the persons voted for and of the number of votes for each, which list they shall sign and certify and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States directed to the president of the Senate. The president of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House representative, open all the certificates.

and the votes shall then be counted. The person having the greatest number of votes shall be the president, if such number be a majority, of the whole number of electors appointed."

And if there be more than one who have such a majority and have an equal number of votes, then the House of Representatives shall immediately choose by ballot one of them for president. And if no person have a majority, then from the five highest on the list, the said house shall in like manner choose the president. But in choosing the president, the votes shall be taken by states. The representative, the representation from each state having one vote,

A quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the Senate, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. In every case, after the choice of the president, the person having the greatest number of votes of the electors...

Now, this part is cute. Okay.

But if there should remain two or more who have equal votes, the Senate shall choose from them by ballot the vice president. The Congress may determine the time of choosing the electors and the day on which they shall give their votes, which day shall be the same throughout the United States. No person except a natural born citizen or a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of this constitution shall be eligible to the office of president."

Neither shall any person be eligible to that office."

who shall not have attained the age of 35 years and been 14 years of resident within the United States. It continues, and this little part's going to be changed later, but in case of the removal of the president from office or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office, the same shall devolve on the vice president, and the Congress may, by law, provide for the case of removal, death, resignation, or inability, both of the

president and the vice president, declaring what officer shall then act as president and such officer shall act accordingly until the disability be removed or a president shall be elected.

Again, spoiler alert, we'll address that in an amendment later. Now, the president shall at stated time receive for his services a compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the period for which he shall have been elected. And he shall not receive within that period any other emolument from the United States or any of them.

Before he enter on the execution of his office, he shall take the following oath or affirmation. Quote, I do solemnly swear or affirm that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and

and defend the Constitution of the United States. To recap, Article 2, Section 1, which was a whopper. There is a pres, there is a vice pres, and the Electoral College picked

picks them both. The number of electors in each state is the number of senators, which is two, plus the number of house reps, which depends on the population. Now, the founding fathers thought that this would protect us from a tyrant manipulating the minds of the people and also the

The slaveholding South used it as a way to attain electoral votes by counting each human they owned as three-fifths of a person, yet, of course, not allowing those people to vote. So more on all this when we get to the 12th Amendment. Also, back then, the vice president was runner-up of the race.

Kind of like Justin Guarini or Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert. Just runners up on a long running America's most trusted person on stage contest we call the United States.

But what can the president do? I'm glad you asked. That's why there's section two of article two. The president shall be commander in chief of the army and navy of the United States and of the militia of the several states. When called into the actual service of the United States, he may require the opinion in writing of the principal officer in each of the executive departments.

upon any subject relating to the duties of their respective offices, and he shall have power to grant reprieves and pardons for offenses against the United States, except in cases of impeachment. He shall have the power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make decisions

Thank you.

and all other officers of the United States whose appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by law. But the Congress may by law vest the appointment of such inferior officers as they think proper in the president alone, and in the courts of law, or in the heads of departments. Hence, the

The president shall have the power to fill up all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the Senate by granting commissions, which shall expire at the end of their next session. So what does all this mean? The president, commander in chief of the armed forces and of the militia of all the states,

President can pardon criminals, can pick judges and SCOTUS members, and also makes treaties another perk. There's a bowling alley in the White House. Did you know that? So, let's go.

If you like influencing millions of people's civil liberties for decades to come, and also bowling, maybe the office of the president is for you. You think you're going bowling now? Now, let's get to section three of article two, more about the president.

He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the State of the Union and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient. He may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both houses or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper."

So what does Section 3 mean? Duties of the leader of America include give a State of the Union address, why don't you? Hang out with some ambassadors. Give advice to Congress if they need it.

Make sure the laws are carried out. And generally, please don't be an evil turd. I added the last part. You did? Speaking of, this next article talks about a little thing called impeachment. Section 4 says, "...the President, Vice President, and all civil officers of the United States shall be removed from office on impeachment for and conviction of treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors."

Though we like to think of impeachment as 300 million people breaking up with you all at once, it's actually just the first half of the dumping process. Now, Andrew Johnson, the VP who slid into the presidential role when Lincoln was assassinated, was both...

super racist, and also impeached. But he stayed in office because of one vote in the Senate, and he escaped the consequences that two-thirds Senate majority would have brought on. Oh, Bill Clinton was also impeached for lying about being a predatory saxophone-wielding horn dog. But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. But he was acquitted and he remained in office. So just in case you think impeachment is the finish line, just know it's really like the starting blocks, but it's still exciting.

Hey, let's talk about the judicial branch. Okay, let's. Article 3, Section 1 of the Constitution says, "...the judicial power of the United States shall be vested in one Supreme Court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may, from time to time, ordain and establish."

The judges, both of the supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behavior and shall, at stated times, receive for their services a compensation, which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office. So,

SCOTUS for life and they can't get a pay cut while they still have the job. Now this next part is about the kinds of cases they'll hear. Section two of article three says the judicial power shall extend to all cases in law and equity.

Thank you.

between citizens of different states, between citizens of the same state, claiming lands under grants of different states, and between a state or the citizens thereof, and foreign states, citizens, or subjects. In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be a party, the Supreme Court shall have original jurisdiction."

In all other cases before mentioned, the Supreme Court shall have appellate jurisdiction, both as to law and fact, with such exceptions and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.

So what does this section 2 mean? The SCOTUS hears some federal cases and

and others by appeal, and in criminal court, we'll leave it up to a jury. Now, spoiler alert, this will be changed via Article 11 in 1795. More on that later. Hey, what's treason? Oh, it's this. Section 3 says, treason against the United States shall consist only in levying war against them or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and

That's treason. Yeah.

Article four is about the states and what happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas. If you're married there, it applies to the other states. And if you run away to one state after committing a crime, they shall drag ye arse back to the state in which thou hast crimed. So article four, section one says full faith and credit should be given to each state after

Full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other state, and the Congress may, by general laws, prescribe the manner in which such acts, records, and proceedings shall be proved.

and the effect thereof. Section 2 says, "...the citizens of each state shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of citizens in several states." So a person charged in any state with treason or felony or another crime who shall flee from justice and be found in another state shall, on demand of the executive authority of the state from which he fled, be delivered up to be removed to the state having jurisdiction of the crime.

No person held to service or labor in one state under the laws. If you run away to one state after committing the crime, they'll drag you back. Now this last part, no person held to service or labor in one state under the laws thereof escaping into another shall in consequence of any law or regulation therein be discharged from such service or labor, but shall be delivered up on claim of the party to whom such service or labor may be due. Now,

Now that last clause was about fugitive slaves, in case you forgot that this was written in a time when only white men made laws and owning people was okay by the law. This next section is about new states.

Section 3 says,

"...the Congress shall have the power to dispose of and make all needful rules and regulations respecting the territory or other property belonging to the United States, and nothing in this Constitution shall be so construed as to prejudice any claims of the United States or of any particular state."

Section 4 says,

So that section meant, reminder, everyone, we have a democracy here, no kings or queens. If anyone Fs with one state, the federal government will clap back in that state's honor. Okay, so how do we change this constitution? That is what Article 5 is.

Article 5 says,

shall call a convention for proposing amendments, which, in either case, shall be valid to all intents and purposes as part of this Constitution when ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the states."

or by conventions in three-fourths thereof, as one or the other mode of ratification may be proposed by the Congress, provided that no amendment which may be made prior to the year 1808 shall in any manner affect the first amendment.

and fourth clauses in the ninth section of the first article, and that no state without its consent shall be deprived of its equal suffrage in the Senate. So, that Article 6 out of 7 says that the Constitution is the laws by which we make the other laws, and that before taking office, you have to super promise via oath you're not going to dick over our country. Now, the last article says

in this main constitution that was put out in 1789, Article 7 says, all debts contracted and engagements entered into before the adoption of this constitution shall be as valid against the United States under this constitution as under the Confederation. This constitution and the laws of the United States, which shall be made in pursuance thereof, and all treaties made, or which shall be made under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme authority

law of the land and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby. Anything in the constitution or laws of any state shall

Right.

to any office or public trust under the United States. Now, the last article in this original Constitution is about ratifying it or making it into law, which is cute, like when a character breaks the fourth wall and winks at the camera. The ratification of the conventions of nine states shall be sufficient for the establishment of this Constitution between the states so ratifying the same.

Done in convention by the unanimous consent of the states present on the 17th day of September in the year of our Lord, 1787, and of the independence of the United States of America, the 12th in witness thereof, we have hereunto subscribed our names. Signed, G. Washington, President and Deputy from Virginia. President is spelled President.

They had some typos, even though they weren't typing. It's fine. And then a bunch of other dead guys signed it. So while this is the end of the original document, don't worry. We futz with it. We amended it 27 times so far. So before we get to constitutional glow-ups and makeovers, let's have a quick few words from

from sponsors of this show who make it possible to make another donation to our pneumologist Dean Frenita Tolson's cause of choice, the American Civil Liberties Union. And the ACLU is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country by the Constitution and the laws of the United States. So a donation was made to them, which was made possible by the following things that I like.

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Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes if network's busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com. Let's get down and dirty with the Bill of Rights, which was ratified December 1791. Just a little preamble business up top.

Congress of the United States begun and held at the city of New York on Wednesday, the 4th of March, 1789. The conventions of a number of states, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be passed.

should be added, and, as extending the ground of public confidence in the government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution. Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled two-thirds of both houses concurring that the following articles be proposed to the legislatures of the several states as amendments to the Constitution of the United States. All. All.

Any of which articles then ratified by three-fourths of the said legislatures to be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the said Constitution. Articles in addition to an amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America proposed by Congress and ratified by the legislatures of the several states pursuant to the fifth article of the original Constitution. Remember, that fifth article was like, how do we amend this thing? This is how we do it.

Okay. So let's dive in to the First Amendment. Amendment 1. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, or of the right of the people peacefully to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. So...

Amendment 1. Freedom of religion, speech, we can meet up all we want, we can call the government out on its own horseshit, and we can have a free press. Sounds good. We're starting out with the bank. Well, shoot. Spread the word.

Speaking of explosions, Amendment 2, a well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. That is the second amendment in its entirety. Now, apparently there is a debate about whether this was meant for individuals bearing arms or for states, but fast forward.

And here we are. Now, according to a recent Washington Post article, Americans made up 4% of the world's population, but owned about 46% of the entire global stock of 857 million civilian firearms. So that's nearly 400 million guns, which are more guns than there are people in this country.

A Time magazine article from January noted that American civilians own more guns than those held by civilians in the other top 25 countries combined. So if you ever think your life is boring, just remember, we're another era's Black Mirror episode. So that's cool. Okay.

Now, Amendment 3 reads, No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. So this means you don't have to let a soldier crash on your couch. But there are sites like UniformDating.com and MilitaryCupid if you want one. Sleeping in your bed. Huh.

Right.

and the persons or things to be seized. But Caleb Mason, a law professor at Southwestern University, stated in a 2012 Gawker article about Jay-Z's 99 Problems, quote, if this essay serves no other purpose, I hope it serves to debunk for any readers who persist in believing it, the myth that locking your trunk will keep the cops from searching it.

It's completely 100% wrong. There is no warrant requirement for car searches. The Supreme Court has declared unequivocally that because cars are inherently mobile, it is reasonable under the Fourth Amendment for the police to search the car, the whole car, and everything in the car, including containers, whenever they have probable cause to believe that the car contains evidence of a crime. So, flim-flam has been debunked.

So on to Amendment 5. What happens if you went to the Sean Carter School of Law and were smuggling illegal exotic lizards in the trunk and wound up arrested?

Well, Amendment 5. No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger, nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, nor shall be compelled in

in any criminal case, to be a witness against himself or be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law. Nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation. So, you have to be properly indicted. You can't be hauled back and tried for the same lizard crime twice. You don't have to

testify against yourself and spill all the beans about your lizard caper. And the law can't steal all your stuff. As you read the Constitution, you can certainly see that it was written by a people who had been boned by monarchies and had good intentions to protect folks from some power-hungry ogres. Now, Amendment 6, your lizard trial.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial by an impartial jury of the Senate and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the natural...

So what does Amendment 6 mean? Quick trial, fair jury, cross-examination, the right to a lawyer. That's what I gather. Now, Amendment 7. Is

So Amendment 7 is about federal jury trials. It's not really used anymore, from what I gather. And that 20 spot...

back then, was worth about $350. Speaking of dollars, Amendment 8, excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. This next amendment, 9, is about rights that aren't listed here but can still be violated. So, Amendment 9, the enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

And Amendment 10, the powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution nor prohibited by it to the states are reserved to the states respectively or to the people. Now, Amendment 10 has been debated a bit, and some folks think it's ridiculous.

redundant, but it means that the power not granted to the federal government belongs to the states or to the people. Now, from what I've read, this was to appease anti-federalists who worried that the federal government would be too up in the state's beeswax. So, NEMNAR is the Bill of Rights. Now, the next 17 amendments dribbled in over the course of like 200 years.

Let's very briefly get to know them, kind of like speed dating, except with your rights.

Now, Amendment 11, this was ratified 1795. The judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by citizens of another state or by citizens or subjects of any foreign state. So this is an adjustment to Article 3, Section 2. It's about how a citizen of one state can file a suit against another state.

Now, the next amendment is about the selection of vice president. Remember, vice president used to just be runner up. This is circa 1804. The electors shall meet in their respective states and vote by ballot for president and vice president, one of whom, at least, shall not be inhabitant of the same state whatsoever.

They shall name in their ballots the person voted for as president, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as vice president. And they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as president, and of all persons voted for as vice president, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify and transmit sealed to the seat of the government of the United States, directed to the president of the Senate."

The president of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted. The person having the greatest number of votes for president shall be president if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed. And if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers, not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as president, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately by ballot the president."

But in choosing the president, the votes shall be taken by states. The representation from each state having one vote, a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the states, and a majority of all the states shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a president whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them before the fourth day of March next following, then the vice president shall act as president.

as in case of the death or other constitutional disability of the president. The person having the greatest number of votes as vice president shall be the vice president. If such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list,

And if you're like, is that how it goes? Hold tight. That last part will get reworked by part of the 20th Amendment. But...

Let's move on to Amendment 13. This is a big one. Amendment 13, Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude except as a punishment for crime, whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States or any place subject to their jurisdiction. Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. So next time anyone mentions the 13th Amendment,

Just know it's a very important one. It should make your heart heavy, but also make you feel like kicking ass for a change. Now, this next one is also a biggie, and it forms the basis for landmark cases like Brown v. Board of Education, on cases about segregation, and on Roe v. Wade. It was drafted to address citizenship rights and equal protection of the laws in the Reconstruction era after the Civil War and abolition. So here is the 14th.

Ratified 1868. All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States, nor shall any state...

deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, nor denied any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Section 2. Representatives shall be apportioned among the several states according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each state, excluding Indians not taxed. But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice President of the United States, representatives in Congress, the executive and judicial officers of a state, or the members of the legislature thereof,

is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such state being 21 years of age. More on those voting details later.

And citizens of the United States are in any way abridged except for participation in rebellion or other crime. The basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens 21 years of age in such state.

Section 3. No person shall be a senator or representative in Congress or elector of president and vice president or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States or under any state who, having previously taken oath as a member of Congress or as an officer,

or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any state legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any state to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same."

Section 4. Section 5.

but neither the united states nor any state shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the united states or claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave but all such debts obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void

Section 5. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article. That was Amendment 14. It was a doozy. It's a big one. It's a good one to know. Reread it if you get the chance. Amendment 15. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.

Section 2, the Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. Moving on, Amendment 16, income tax is going to happen regardless of the population of your state. This was ratified in 1913. It reads...

Amendment 17. This was ratified 1913, and it tweaks Article 1, Section 3 of the Constitution. It's about senators. It says, "...the Senate of the United States shall be composed of two senators from each state, elected by the people thereof, for six years, and each senator shall have one vote. The electors in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the state legislatures."

This

This amendment shall not be so construed as to affect the election or term of any senator chosen before it becomes valid as part of the Constitution. So, from what I've read, that means that the people of the state choose the senators. Now this next one, this next one is about Hooch.

It's about Giggle Juice. It's about that devil's waterfall. Now, Amendment 18 was ratified in 1919. It reads, Section 1, after one year from the ratification of this article, the manufacture, sale, or transportation of intoxicating liquors within, the importation thereof into, or the exportation thereof from the United States and all territory subject to the jurisdiction thereof for beverage purposes is hereby prohibited."

Ah, yes, the prohibition. Section 2 reads, the Congress and the several states shall have concurrent power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. And section 3 reads, this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of the several states as provided in the Constitution within seven years from the date of submission hereof to the states by the Congress. So, spoiler alert, this will be repealed in a few more amendments.

Life is an experiment. We try things, we see how they go. Cut banks, text your ex, we're all going to die. So also, as long as you're feeling empowered, let's talk about finally recognizing women as having agency and functioning brains and being human people who could vote. Amendment 19, passed by Congress.

Ratified 1920 says, Yeah. 150 years after this thing was written, they were like, fine, ladies can be people. Now, if you need to pause this to break something, you just go for it.

I get it. Now, this next one is about swearing in presidents and also what to do if the president does get eaten by a pterodactyl. It was ratified in 1933, Amendment 20. Section 1. The terms of the president and the vice president shall end at noon on the 20th day of January, and the terms of senators and representatives at noon on the 3rd day of January...

Section 2. The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meetings shall begin at noon the third day of January, unless they shall by law appoint a new Congress.

a different day. Section three, if at the time fixed for the beginning of the term of the president, the president elect shall have died. The vice president elect shall become president. If a president shall not have been chosen before the time fixed for the beginning of his term, or if the president elect shall have failed to qualify, then the vice president elect shall act as president until a president shall have qualified.

And the Congress may by law provide for the case wherein neither a president-elect nor a vice president shall have qualified, declaring who shall then act as president or the manner in which one who is to act shall be selected and such person shall act accordingly until a president or a vice president shall have qualified."

Section 4.

and for the case of the death of any of the persons from whom the Senate may choose a vice president whenever the right of choice shall have devolved upon them. Section 5, Section 1 and 2 shall take effect on the 15th day of October following the ratification of this article. Section 6, this article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states within seven years from the date of its submission."

Okay. Is all this talk about deaths making you thirsty? Well, you're in luck because here comes the 21st Amendment. Ratified 1933, the 18th Article of Amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed. That prohibition thing? Forget about it. Screw it. We're fine. Let's drink again. Woo! Woo!

...

is hereby prohibited. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by conventions in the several states as provided in the Constitution within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the United States by the Congress. Okay, so after 14 years of illegality, go ahead and have a drink. It's

It's a Great Depression. Everything's depressing. You might as well be hungover, I suppose. Now, if you're pining for past presidents, this next amendment will kill your dreams by setting some term limits. So, Amendment 22, ratified 1951, Section 1, no person shall be elected to the office of the president more than twice, and no person who has held the office of the president or acted as president for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected president shall be elected to the office of president twice.

more than once. But this article shall not apply to any person holding the office of president when this article was proposed by Congress and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of the president or acting as president during the term within this article becomes operative from holding the office of president or acting as president during the remainder of such term.

Section 2. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states within seven years from the date of its submission to the states by the Congress. Okay, term limits. There you go. That was Amendment 22. Now Amendment 23 throws a bone, or three, to D.C.,

Amendment 23, ratified 1961. Section 1. The district constituting the seat of government of the United States shall appoint in such manner as Congress may direct...

Right.

and they shall meet in the district and perform such duties as provided by the 12th Article of Amendment. Section 2, Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

legislation. So Washington, D.C., they get three votes in the Electoral Congress. Amendment 24, also about voting, it's all about not charging a poll tax. This was ratified 1964. The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for president or vice president, for electors, for president or vice president, or for senator or representatives in Congress is

shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state by reason of failure to pay poll tax or other tax.

Section 2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. So, next time it's election day, if for no other reason, just go because it's a free activity. Also, when I vote in November elections, my neighbors sometimes have a bowl of leftover Halloween candy out. And fun trivia, Jordan Peele goes to my polling place, and that's exciting.

Amendment 25 is all about the line to the presidential throne. This is a long one. It was passed after JFK's assassination, but in the event of a pterodactyl, I guess it's good we have it ironed out. Okay, Amendment 25. Right?

Ratified 1967. Section 1. In case of the removal of the president from office or of his death or resignation, the vice president shall become president. Section 2. Whenever there is a vacancy in the office of the vice president, the president shall nominate a vice president who shall take office a

Section 3. Whenever the president transmits to the president pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that he is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office,

Section 4. Section 5.

the vice president shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as acting president. Thereafter, when the president transmits to the president pro tempore of the Senate and the speaker of the house of representatives, his written declaration that no inability exists,

he shall resume the powers and duties of his office, unless the vice president and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide transmit within four days to the president pro tempore of the Senate and the speaker of the house of representatives, their written declaration that the president is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon,

Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within 48 hours for that purpose, if not in session. If the Congress, within 21 days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or if Congress is not in session within 21 days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both houses that the President is unable to discharge powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as acting President. Otherwise,

There you go. That's who's driving the boat if something goes down. All right. Amendment 26 is among the most quickly passed. It was in response to the Vietnam War and being eligible for the draft of the

and being eligible for the draft, but not having a voice to vote. So, Amendment 26, second to last one. This was ratified in 1971. It says, Section 1, the right of citizens of the United States who are 18 years of age and older to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of age. Section 2, the Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. And lastly...

Amendment 27, proposed in 1789. It took over 200 freaking years to ratify. Amendment 27 ratified.

1992 reads, no law varying the compensation for the services of the senators and representatives shall take effect until an election of representatives shall have intervened. It's about salaries for representatives. We did it. We made it. We read the Goulthorne Constitution. Are you proud?

I'm proud of us. That, my friends, is the sound of applause. Next time someone brags about reading Infinite Jest, be like, you know what? I listened to Ologies, Nomology, Part 2.

We read the goddamn Constitution. So ask smart people stupid questions, fight for your rights, fight for the rights of others, and make some noise until things change. Now, as Frenita Tolson said, we're only doing as well as the least fortunate people in our society. And as Frederick Douglass said, power concedes nothing without a demand. So go out, maybe seek office. What if you did that? Just think about it.

So thank you so much for listening this far. I am so proud of you that you did. So Fernita Tolson is at ProfTolson at Blue Sky and LawDeanTolson on Instagram. We are at Ologies on Blue Sky and Instagram. I'm Allie Ward with one L on both. More info about all of this is up

at alibor.com slash ologies slash nomology. We also have that first nomology episode with Professor Tolson linked in the show notes. For people who have children and you're looking for shorter kid-friendly episodes of classic ologies episodes, they're called smologies, and they are available wherever you subscribe to podcasts. They're in their own feed. You can also find them at the link in the show notes.

Merch is available at ologiesmerch.com. Thank you, Aaron Talbert, for admitting the Ologies Podcast Facebook group. Aveline Malik makes our professional transcripts. Noelle Dilworth is our scheduling producer. Susan Hale, managing directs the whole show. Jake Chafee and Mercedes Maitland are our editors. And although when this was first aired, it was one SRM. So thank you, Stephen Ray Morris, for editing this one, slapping it all together overnight. Thank you, Jared Sleeper, for putting scrambled eggs into Brio shot dog buns.

It's really good. The theme song was written by Nick Thorburn. And if you stick around to the very end of the episode, you know I tell you a secret. Now, a week or two ago, I went to Hawaii on a squidding expedition with Sarah McAnulty. And either the way I was sitting on the plane and working on my laptop or squidding or something, I...

tweaked a muscle in my neck so badly that I had to go into urgent care because they thought maybe it was meningitis caused by rat lungworm, which is apparently pretty prevalent in slugs on the island. And I will tell you, I touched more than one slug. So

So I thought, I wonder if this is going to be fatal meningitis. Turns out it's not. It's a pulled muscle. They gave me some muscle relaxers, which didn't even work. Anyway, I'm recording this and it hurts so much. So I just want you to know, not only did I just read you 7,500 words of the constitution, I was in excruciating pain throughout. I hope that didn't come through. Okay.

This hurts so much. Okay. This sucks so bad. Okay. All right. I'm just kidding. That's it. That's my secret. My secret is apparently you can hurt yourself going squidding. There's a lot of looking down into the water and it is a neck strain, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. It was the best. I had a dream that I went squidding and that I saw many, many squids in the water. Anyway. Okay. That is it.

Also, 2025 Allie here, and I, well, I'm going to be completely honest, I had no recollection of that, but I guess good job me, we got through it. And yeah, since this episode first aired, we have had a pandemic and second term of President Trump. And as I record this, it is Thursday, June 12th, 2025.

Some media outlets are saying that LA is burning and that there are violent riots everywhere and that they justify $143 million of military presence. And as a Los Angeles resident who can see downtown from my porch, it's not true. Listen to our governor. It's not true. I made a post on Instagram yesterday and I'm just super burned out. I'm mad. I'm exhausted. I'm

I'm fuming. I'm disappointed. I'm scared. So I'm just going to read you that Instagram post because I'm not feeling terribly articulate. But these are my thoughts and some info from the ground here in Los Angeles.

As they say, 2025 has been a rough decade. Los Angeles, my home of 25 years now, has in just a few months seen wildfires raging, friends displaced, homes destroyed, rents gouged, its own people blamed for their oppression, and now ICE raids descending on school graduations, ripping families apart, racially profiling and abducting people without cause or due process. And from November 5th of last year, we knew shit was going to get much, much worse.

Even in my horror, I did not anticipate the cruelty and the idiocy would go this far this fast. And between the racism, the attack on LGBTQ plus rights and dignity, the misdirects away from their own corruption, the mismanagement of funds, the invasions of privacy, the pandering to billionaires.

the censoring of NEDI language on government science sites, the CDC epidemiology departments gutted. I don't even know what fucking direction to rage. So I guess we calmly, deliberately rage toward it all. Please use your voice. Please peacefully protest if you can. Please counter misinformation. Look for mutual aid groups locally to support. Take breaks and care for your mental health.

We put up a seaweed episode last night, all hands on deck, while keeping one ear and eye on our neighbors afraid to leave their homes. And our peaceful, mellow downtown full of singing, dancing demonstrators invaded by military forces who have been shooting at journalists, trampling protesters on horseback, firing rubber bullets point blank at unarmed Angelenos.

Protesters are coming in peace with voices raised, as they should, against an authoritarian administration which is violating their constitutional rights. They're being met with excessive force to cause panic. Don't believe reports of LA being on fire and chaotic. It's simply fucking not. Downtown has a few blocks of mostly mellow protests.

Five empty Waymos were vandalized. Some bad faith burglars broke into stores, which happens across America on any given night. Those make good headlines. Those pictures get clicks. They make America stay scared. But they're not the reality. The reality is that we should not fear each other. We should fear and protect against a regime that turns us on each other for their economic benefit. ♪

which is what is happening. So please run for office. Please attend some protests. Write your senators. Make some noise. Thank you for listening to the Constitution. You matter and it matters. Okay, bye-bye. Hackadermatology. Mamiology. Cryptozoology. Littol. Technology. Meteorology. Can you tell me about the Constitution? Hey, learn about the USA.

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