Caleb Williams, Hard Knocks Episode 3, Mt Rushmore Of Things That Are Hard To Explain
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On today's part of my take, we have a very special guest. QB1 of the Chicago Bears, Caleb Williams. We're up at Hallis Hall. Hard Knocks. Yeah, we're going to talk some Hard Knocks. We made our Hard Knocks debut. It was very, very cool. Tell everyone about the experience. We have the Mount Rushmore of things that are hard to explain.

We also have Hot Seat, Cool Throne, and Guys on Chicks. Great show for everyone. We're at camp. We're up in the north woods of Wisconsin. The MMA event of the year, Battle of the Giants, is coming up fast. Lineal heavyweight world champion Francis Ngannou makes his return to the cage versus Hanan Ferreira. Women's MMA GOAT Chris Cyborg takes on 2023 PFL champ Larissa Pacheco.

Johnny Eblen goes toe-to-toe with Fabian Edwards with the Bellator middleweight title on the line. Battle of the Giants and Ganu vs. Fajera goes down Saturday, October 19th at 4 p.m. Eastern Time on ESPN Plus Pay-Per-View. Okay, let's go. Boy! Now we're living.

It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.

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And boys, that's the best episode of Hard Knocks I've ever seen. Hard Knocks. We made it. That was really fucking cool. It was. It was pretty awesome. Almost didn't happen for me. I forgot to sign the release until like three hours before the actual airing of the episode. Of course. I'm bad with paperwork. That's the theme on this podcast. But yeah, it was cool. It was kind of surreal. Myself, Big Cat, Max,

and memes were all on Hard Knocks. - Yep. Pretty much the whole squad was on Hard Knocks. - Yeah, had a blast doing it. And I think that they took a fair representation of what the interview is encapsulated into Hard Knocks. - Yeah, so it was very cool. We had our interview planned with Caleb Williams last Tuesday, and we went up to Hallis Hall and we're like, maybe there's a chance we get seen in the background at Hard Knocks.

turns out the majority of the Hard Knocks film crew is fans of ours and we're fans of them and like they were the coolest dudes ever they're like hey do you mind if we like punch into your sound and then so they listen to the whole interview is that right well they listen to that part of the

All right, go ahead, Hank. I know you didn't get it. No, that was good. What did I say? What did I say wrong? That was good. They patched it. I love hearing you talk shop. Yeah, talking shop. Hank, I'm sorry you didn't get on hard nights. What they didn't do, which I was disappointed about. You rang a bell. You were in Missoula's fucking thing. And Hank thought that there was a possibility this could happen. Before the interview, we were waiting in this room for Caleb to shower or get ready after practice. We were waiting in another room.

Yeah. We weren't waiting in the room where Caleb was showering. We're waiting in a different room. While Caleb was showering. Yes. Caleb was showering in a bathroom. Yes. And we were in the interview room. Yes. That did not have running water. Correct. And so we're waiting there and we got into a big, just, I want to say debate, but it was really just, um, Hank versus the world, you know, like just a regular day, you know, you know,

You know, like in the Roman Empire when they would like tie up a bear to a stake and then have a bunch of wolves just stand around it and try to kill it. That's what we're doing to Hank for about 20 minutes. And Hank thought that they might use some of this just Hank baiting. That was when we knew the guys liked us and knew us because they were chuckling in the background. And I was like, you see, we just never turn off the podcast. We're just doing it right now. Well, Hank was in the mood too. Yeah.

so he wasn't in a mood but uh it was a great mood it was really cool yeah i said a mood i didn't say what kind of mood so they patched into our sound yeah no they punched in they punched into our sound so we were like this is awesome maybe they'll use a clip cool and then like maybe a day later i got a text from someone at hard knocks and they're like hey can we get all your footage i was like yeah no problem and at that point i was like

I boys, I think we're going to be in hard knocks. Yeah. And then they, they sent us the, uh, edit, uh, what is Sunday? And we watched it and we're like, well, this is the coolest thing ever. So yeah, the show that we've been watching for 20 years, uh,

We all made it. Yeah, and Caleb was a cool guy, confident guy. I liked talking to him. I think the way that he came across or the way that he's coming across on Hard Knocks is also what we saw in person. Yeah. Seemed like a good dude. He would have pressed the button. He would have killed somebody. He was pressing the button. He was going like this. He was smashing that kill Bears fan button on his leg. And I would imagine just from the replies that I got on Twitter tonight, there are probably thousands of Bears fans. Everyone was saying smash it. That would willingly die for 10 Bears Super Bowl.

If you got the credit for it, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Get the statue. It was... Besides us, we're not such narcissists that that was the only Hard Knocks recap. I mean, I obviously... No, I think we're good. I loved the episode just because it was...

The hype is at an all-time high. I understand that. It was the Bengals' second defense. I understand that. But I'm going to ride the hype wave. The way they edited it, the way they ended it, what are you doing? We got a text while you were talking, Big Cat. It was from Max. Max is now butting into the show via text. He says, Hank, take your hand out of your pocket. It looks like you're jerking off.

It did. I looked over. It did look like on camera. It doesn't look good. It did. I did that off air because I thought I would do it. I didn't want to blow up a spot on the show. We couldn't tell Max because you touch your balls all the time. That's true. That's true. Welcome to any new listeners. Pardon my teeth. We get that. Actually, Hank does this every episode. He jerks off at some point. You got to figure out when.

It's usually during the Lighthouse segment. Yeah. So, yeah, no, it was an awesome episode. I mean, they were... I feel like they finally, like, started...

hammering in on different players that was really cool, like Tori Taylor. Yeah. He looks like Chef Donnie. He's a weapon. He doesn't like the nickname, the Crocodile Hunter, which that was the classic media thing. Yeah. Oh, there's an Australian guy. Let's ask him if his nickname is the only Australian person that we know. And he was like, no, I don't know. Call me literally anything but that. Yeah. I actually thought he looked like Brogan Roback.

And I thought that his nickname should be Bogan Roback. Ooh, I like that. He looks like Chef Donnie, too. Yeah, he does. And then we had Tyson Pagent was...

great his dad is a world-class arm wrestler well not world like he is universe class yes the best in the history of left-handed arm wrestling yeah he's he's the best uh austin booker the ferret king uh no the different guy oh no who was so who was the ferret king is it velas or velas jones i don't think velas jones is the ferret i thought he was the ferret king yeah oh he might have been i think he's a ferret king which is it's a red flag for me that he's a ferret guy

Yeah. And he may have murdered his ferret. Oh, yeah. It was Vila Jones. What was Austin Booker? He had a nickname too. Austin Booker. I don't know. He was just doing nicknames for everyone. Is his nickname Austin Reed? Austin Reed. Yeah, that's probably it. They're very similar. They just switch names. Yeah. The Austin Reed had a nice moment singing to everyone. Yeah. That was a lot of fun. Keisha Cole. Yeah. And then we also had a pretty cool.

where we learned about the Judon trade, which we actually are going to talk about in Hot Seat Cool Throne. I think we pretty much covered it. I had some nice spin zones, but it was good. I'll say this. I wish I had seen the episode before we talked about Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hank, did you watch that part? Ryan Pulse has guardrails, and he doesn't want to go too far into the guardrails. I saw Ibrafluz talking to the guy on the sidelines. He was like, you think it's going to happen? They're like, yeah.

Yeah, it's like if you're driving your car and you're like, you think we're going to crash? Oh, no, the guardrail's there. I love it because Big Cat was prepping for Hank to come at him and the line of defense he had set up was just guardrails. Guardrails. Just hammer the guardrails. He said that guardrails. Should we drive straight? And they say yes. No, no, no, no, no, no. If you're going to crash, you're going to crash, which would have been trading for Matthew Judon. We would have totaled our car. Instead, the guardrail saved us. Like, Hank, if there was a guardrail. The guardrails being in the guardrails are just Matthew Judon saying no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It was the guard. Hank doesn't understand. If there was a guardrail around that telephone pole in the parking lot, my car would be fine. Yeah. I don't think you understand what a guardrail is. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore things that are hard to explain. It's a guardrail. And yeah. So like, I just saw the clip where they're like, yeah, we really were going for him. We're going to get him. And they're like, yep. But that right after that moment, which you probably didn't see and watch the episode, he hit into the guardrail.

Got it. Yeah. Yeah, there was a full room in there. I wasn't really going to squeeze in. He had a binder ready. Poles had a binder. He was just reading off fake stats. That was set. He was like, yeah, he's 50th in wins. You have to understand, he was just...

Does he have that stats for every NFL player? Like, could you tell me like via like a punter, how many wins added you get with a punter? That, that scene was, uh, I think Kevin Warren put it in the hard knocks contract that he has to be in at least three scenes an episode. Oh, well let's not downplay the scene where he was talking about the different chairs that you

You can get the sweeps. That was riveting television. They're designing suites for their stadium that doesn't exist. And Kevin Warren's making, he's making executive choices about whether or not you want a high top chair with a back. If you want people like sitting up, if you want people standing, if you want an Adirondack chair, like that's what you pay a guy like he's president of the team, right? These are the decisions that a president has to make. Listen, I'll squash my beef with Kevin Warren for canceling the Big Ten football season contract.

when COVID happened, if he gets the Bears a new stadium. But that was, I assume Ryan Poles, when he has to do these scenes, where he's just like, I can just say any stat.

Yeah. It will be good. Yeah, 50th in added wins for a defensive end. Montez was 19th last season. Oh, I see right here he's 32. Looks like we hit a guardrail. That's one of the guardrails we talked about earlier. Oh, he's from Louisiana? He probably wants to go to Atlanta. Listen, listen, don't spoil the hot, sea-cooled drone spin zones that I had. I cooked up some good ones. I have a question for you. After the game, they gave Caleb Williams the ball from his first touchdown pass.

Or was it from his run, his touchdown run? Is that the first time that you think football has been put into an alligator purse? That wasn't his purse. I think that was his carry-all. His purse was next to that. Oh, the carry-all. Yeah, yeah. Is that the first time? Please, PFT. Is that the first time that a football has been put into an alligator carry-all? No, definitely not. Dude's been rocking an alligator forever. Are you serious? I don't know. We're asking a question. Yeah, that's a common...

The purse next to the carry-all, if you put it in there, maybe you'd have an argument. The carry-all is guys walk in. Think about the tunnel walk. Like ESPN Countdown. They all have the carry-alls. It's all Gator? Yeah, a lot of them. I got to get into some Gator. Yeah. I mean, we're going to get into it, Caleb. I'm probably going to buy whatever that European handbag he has is. The Gator one. No, I'm going to get the carry-all. That's the carry-all.

I thought it was a matching set. I'm also going to get the handbag. No, I don't think they're matching sets. Good episode, though. Yeah, I liked it. I liked it a lot. It's so funny that Matthew Judon Trade was like a five-minute segment after we taped. The Wi-Fi is not great here, so we're trying to get the upload as fast as possible so people can listen. And so we taped a lot of the show earlier today, and we had an extended episode.

spin zone for me about where places are in america yeah um only other thing i had before we get to hot sea cool throne is uh are you guys sitting down uh yeah jaylo and ben affleck have broken up it's worse i never could have seen this coming do you think it's dead you think maybe the band's getting back together i don't know a rod's

If I know A-Rod, he's not going to call first. This has A-Rod soft fingerprints all over it. Listen, if we see J-Lo at some minute, she is a Timberwolves fan. Yeah. Die hard. So, wouldn't shock me. But yeah, isn't it? I mean, you guys thought they were going to be together forever. I did, but you know what? This is a good opportunity for us. I honestly didn't even realize I got married again.

I thought they were getting a date. They're like divorced? Yeah, they had gotten divorced. I thought they just started dating again. It's a good opportunity for us because we can't date Taylor Swift. She's off the market. But Hank, maybe you could slide into J-Lo's deals. I've been to multiple of her houses before. Multiple of her houses? How about that? You've been in her back doors? We have been to multiple of her houses. That's weird. And she smelled nice in all of them.

Yeah. And she hate, she only, I don't even think they let me walk inside the one in the Hamptons. They were just like, showed me. Oh, we never went inside. Show me around. And then the backyard, the LA one, she's got a great backyard. The LA, the LA one. She, uh, I've never seen someone more angry to see two guys in someone's house. Like that weren't,

Outside of someone robbing. Actually, I think she would have been less angry if it was robbers. Because she'd have been like, I'll just call the police. She saw us and her face immediately dropped. And she's like, these fucking guys are in my house. The blog boys are here again? Yeah. That was bad. Hank, between you and J-Lo, you'd have a perfectly normal size ass. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, Hank, you should. Just slide. Just reach out. Hank, send her a DM. Okay. Send her a DM right now. I want to see it.

It's like, heard you got divorced. Hey, remember me? Yeah. I heard you got divorced. I was the guy that was in your backyard. Oh, wait. No, no, no. Just write, so divorce, question mark. No, no. Hank, do so, dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Divorce, question mark. Look, here's a picture from her former backyard. Oh, yeah. That is cool. Let me see a picture.

Really nice backyard. Yeah, it's really nice. What did you send her? I said so dot dot dot. Divorce question mark? No, you follow up with a divorce. Yeah, I'll wait till tomorrow and send her the exclamation point on that. Be like, you must have missed this. I heard you like guys from Boston. Well, no, that's a bad time for that.

And she's also, yeah, she's going back to A-Rod. That's true. Yeah. So we're good. But yeah, shocking news in the love world, which we cover extensively. It's tough on this show. Also, there was a fire at the Cowboys hotel today. Oh, yeah. So everyone's safe. Who started it? If I had to guess, I would probably say Jerry. This might be a Vesuvio's thing.

He needs money. He's got to pay Dak and CD. He might trade CD. Yeah, you're right. I'm surprised there's still a camp. I feel like camp ended. Camp broke for a lot of people, yeah. Yeah, because they just announced a lot of these preseason games, no one started. Honestly, if we're being real, if Michael Irvin was around. Yeah.

That was his fire. That's my guess. That was his fire for sure. Okay. We got a great rest of the show. So we'll kick it to ourselves with Hatsi Coulterone, Mount Rushmore of things that are hard to explain and Caleb Williams. Great football teams are built by having the right capability in the right positions. It's the same with great trucks like Chevy Silverado. You start off under the hood with four powerful engine choices that deliver massive towing capacity and

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Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Coors Light, the best beer out there. Oh, nothing better than a Coors Light in the fall. Tailgate at the big game. It's the best beer in the world. All right, hot seat, cool throne. Hank. My hot seat is the Chicago Bears. Why? We talked about the Matthew Judon trade. Basically...

It worked out for the Patriots, the Bears, and the Falcons had very similar offers. So the Patriots gave Matthew Judon the option of which team he wanted to go to, and he chose the Falcons. I mean, he's from Louisiana, I think, so not too far from Atlanta. Yeah, they love the Falcons in Louisiana. Yeah, they love them. I'm honestly happy that we didn't trade –

Yeah. I think Ryan Poles has got it set up perfectly. They wanted to. Well, they offered. Yeah. He made the offer. It sounds like Ryan Poles was doing that intentionally. It sounds like the Bears drove up the price for the Falcons. Yeah, exactly. No, it's the same price. No, no, no. They had two offers. Drove it up. No, they drove it up. They drove it up. Because the Falcons had to match. So the guy that you said was definitely going to be still on the Patriots, you're now saying is a loss for the Bears. Yeah.

I think if it gets presented in the way it got presented, where it's like a player had the choice. I saw this tweet. It was like a week old. I got tagged in it. It was a couple days ago. Yeah, it was a week old. Let me see. Albert Breer's tweet was really the mean one, and I didn't even think it was fair. But wait, Hank, I thought you were saying that it's okay to lose Matthew Judon because he's getting older. Two days ago, Albert Breer said. Shouldn't I be happy that he's not on the Bears? He doesn't really fit with Ibraflux's scheme either.

Albert Breer said New England, believing the Bears and Falcons were in similar category and with third-round offers from both, gave linebacker Judon his choice of being dealt to Atlanta or Chicago. And then Breer said Judon obviously picked Atlanta. Obviously. Well, obviously because that's where he ended up. And he's got more chance to play. He might not even be a starter on our defense. He's from Louisiana. It's so deep. I think the obviously part came from the fact that he is indeed a Falcon, so obviously he did pick the Falcons. Ah.

Also not fitting into Matt Iberflues' scheme. That's a very good thing, historically.

Matt Ebert was a good defensive coordinator. I mean, just as a head coach. Yeah, but he's a good defense. He turned that defense around when our defensive coordinator left for various reasons. Was it various reasons? Various reasons. Yeah, Matthew Judon, he's from Louisiana, close to Atlanta, and he went to high school in Michigan. Probably hates the Bears because he liked the Lions. That makes sense.

Yeah, actually, if you do Detroit and Baton Rouge, Atlanta's probably right in the middle. Also, net positive for the Bears because he wears the long-sleeve sweatshirt. Yep. That's not a tough Chicago bear weather guy. Listen, we're not in full win-now mode. We're in win-now. But you wanted to be one of them.

I never find me a tweet where I said I wanted to know the Bears. I'm saying you like, I think Ryan Paul's just, he's just, you know, he's, he's wheeling and dealing. He's out in the business. You got to at least call. I would say the wind now when they offer is open. Yeah. Bears. Yeah. When now when window might be open, I think it's open. We got some regular season games. You got a nice little draft coming. Yeah.

uh then my cool throne's back just trying to yuck my yum no i just you know it was a it was a topic of conversation on this show this is hank is it was an interesting follow-up that's a relevant follow-up hank is in the depths because he actually i saw him off camera the other day admit that the patriots are gonna be terrible this year he's trying to drag us down that's just i mean if we're doing admit admitations off camera that's a slippery slope but oh what i meant no i'm not i'm not gonna stoop to that level

What do I admit? What's going on, Hank? What's on your mind? I'm not going to suit that level. My cool throne is backyard. You're obviously thinking about something. Where do I begin? I mean, I got a laundry list of things. There's a code. There's a code. I mean, saying that you think the Patriots are bad, that's a bad, that's a code that I broke? I didn't say it. I think they're bad. I just think they're not going to win a lot of games. Yeah. Statistically. Yeah. My cool throne is backyard baseball. Okay. Oh, yeah. It's back. It's back.

Yeah. They released a video. Someone found their, they started an Instagram a couple of weeks ago and someone uncovered the Instagram, which is one of the crazier, like that's just a weird internet thing where like someone's like, I found this backyard baseball Instagram account. It has 200 followers, but it follows like a, like how do you find that? That seems like it was planted. Maybe. Cause then it came back this week. Didn't we talk to them? Yeah, we did. What? I was not supposed to. No, I don't know. I don't know.

I'm pretty sure they came into the office because we were talking about maybe making a level that's our office. I got a text about that from somebody and I passed it along. Yeah. I don't know if it followed up on it. Is this a bad admit offline? No, this is your thing now. Well, I'm asking a question. We did. Yeah, that happened. It didn't happen publicly, but it definitely happened. I'm going to have to be careful what I say in the group chats from now on. Strike that admit from the... I mean... It would have been sick. It would have been sick. I'm not...

I'm pumped it's back. It still might happen. Who knows? This actually makes it probably a better chance. Let's get it done. I have an on-camera admission, Hank. Okay. I've never played backyard baseball. I also have never. It seems like it's fun. What? Because we're a little older. This stinks for you guys. I know. I want to play. I'm not knocking it. I would love to play it. Pablo Sanchez. When did it come out? Kenny Tomaguchi. I don't think so. At least like 99. I don't know.

Because like the players were definitely your era of players. Pablo. Yeah. 1997. Yeah. I'm sorry. I missed it. How old are you? Here's the thing. My family, we were always like two generations behind the most current game system. So it would take me a good like eight years to catch up to whatever was popular. Sunny day. Chuck downfield. Yeah.

I really wanted Matthew Judon on the team. Dante Robinson. Kenny Kawaguchi. That's what it was. Vicky Kawaguchi was trash. I got my feefies hurt the other day because there was one of those. Yeah, there was a Twitter poll out there that said, which quarterback would you rather have retweet for Jaden Daniels

heart for drake may oh and of course drake may want that's dirty that's what i don't like i don't like that that's election interference when you do that you could dirty trick you could put up a poll that said which cast member part of my take is taller uh retweet for big cat heart for pft and i would win that maybe not maybe maybe we should do a social experiment on that one because i feel like those polls those polls are skewed

They're skewed, and I don't like them. They are skewed. They are skewed. Yeah, I'm excited for backyard baseball. Backyard football, also elite. It was a computer game? So maybe I did play it a little bit. No, no, you're not allowed to talk about that. You would know Pete Weber and Pablo Sanchez if you got to control their power and speed. I'm not saying I ever played it to, like, I never played it, but I've.

Like I have played one time maybe. Kenny Kawaguchi. Because I forgot it was computer. So it was not on a gaming system. It was a computer game. MS-DOS? Yes. Yes. CD-ROM? I'm starting to come back to me, but I did not play it. I'm not saying I played it. I'm saying I was aware of it more than I realized. That would be a good Mount Rushmore too is Mount Rushmore of computer games. Yeah. Snood. Not video games. Snood 1-1. I love Snood. Doom. Power Pete. Boomer Doom? I think Backyard Baseball would be 1-1. Boomer Doom? Doom and Quake. Yeah.

Choco Chunk? I used to play like MVP baseball on computer. That was my... No, it was N64. Ken Griffey baseball was my jam. The free pinball on... Yeah, I hate pinball. Free pinball is great. I've never been a pinball fan. Not on the computer. No, in general, I hate pinball. But the space pinball on the computer was elite. Hank puts like...

18 hours of pinball in a week in our office. When Hank complains about coming to work, when he takes a vacation, he's actually mostly taking a vacation for the pinball. Yeah. It's basically, it just trades off he and Spider. And whoever has the record, you just can just take the other person and scratch off their entire week knowing that that's all they're going to try to do. There's times where Hank's like, all right, I'm heading home. See you guys later. And then like,

Three hours later, you walk over into the kitchen. It's like, what, dude? You're still here? It's the ultimate because it's free. It's the ultimate one more game. Yeah. Pinball used to be a badass thing to do back in the day. In the 60s, 70s. Dads would be like, don't date that boy. He plays pinball. Pinball is a fun game. It's addicting. Probably why. It's like addictive personality syndrome. Good hot seat, cool throne. Thanks. Yeah, you and Spider. Two real rebels of The Office.

My hot seat is that guy, Sinner, the tennis player. Oh, steroids? Steroids. Oh, no. So Sinner just won at Indian Wells, I think last week. He beat Tiafoe. And a report just came out today. He tested positive not once, but twice for a banned substance.

The tennis community, this was like months ago, they found out about it. They gave him a slap on the wrist and they accepted his explanation of how he got the steroids in his system. And the explanation is his trainer was performing like, I don't know, you get calluses on your feet during a tournament or something. And his trainer said that he had a scalpel to cut off part of the calluses, accidentally sliced his thumb.

And then used like one of those new skin type sprays on his cut to heal it up. And then later on in the day, gave Sinner a full body massage. And that's how the chemical got onto Sinner's body. Okay. So two things. One, his name is Sinner. Yeah. Okay. I hate to sin. Yeah, yeah. Love the Sinner. Two...

I think I defend him because if you come up with such a bullshit excuse the first time and they buy it, why wouldn't you keep doing it being like, they'll just come up with this. They'll, they'll accept any. Well, it was the same excuse. He tested positive twice for it, but he said that again, that's how he got it. Yeah. Again, I think I would, I think I have his back because like that's on the tennis.

Community? What's the federation? So I actually saw this. They have a ridiculous name. I'm trying to look it up right now. It's called like the Federation for Fairness in Tennis. But do you see what I'm saying? Like if you use such a ridiculous excuse the first time and they buy it, what is the disincentive to not keep using that excuse? There's none. Right. So I would just keep doing it. Like...

It makes no sense. RFK is going to keep collecting bear cubs in his car because he didn't get in trouble the first time. That's just a fact. Right. He got away with it. He's going to be a serial massager. Right. So, yeah, he said that it came from a spray used on his trainer's hand. And then his trainer put the chemical on his body via a full body massage. And then he tested positive. And then he tested positive. Got it. Yeah. Again.

This is... The other tennis players are pissed. This is essentially like, no, honey, the glitter on me is not from the strip club. I actually went to a sprinkles party. Yeah.

I was going home and there was a huge stop in traffic and there was a three-year-old's birthday party happening and I got sprinkle bombs. I actually stopped by Michael's craft store to pick up some things for the house because I know you like decorating. Right, and if she buys that, then you're going to keep doing that. Yeah, so center said, I will now put this challenging and deeply unfortunate period behind me. I will continue to do everything I can to ensure that I comply with the ITIA's anti-doping program. It's called the International Tennis Integrity Agency.

If an agency is named like that explicitly cornily, there's no better mark that that agency is completely full of shit. Yes, agreed. If you have to add more, the word salad agencies are always the most full of shit agencies in the world. Yeah. Okay, good, hot seat. It's the same drug that Fernando Tatis got suspended for.

Did he also get a massage? I'm sure he did. Yeah. I'm sure he's always hurt. So probably. So my cool throne is going to be Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins on the playlist. He got the ox cord the other day. It was his birthday. So they let him choose the workout playlist at practice. I'm just going to run through it because when I saw that it was a Kirk Cousins playlist, I thought that there would be a lot of nickelback.

I thought there'd be some Creed, some Coldplay, maybe some DC Talk or Jars of Clay if you want to dip into the spiritual side. But his playlist is The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. Move Along by the All-American Rejects. There's Green Day, Stacy's Mom, Fountains of Wayne. Maybe got a little New York Jets quarterback in him. Former Jet, current Bronco. All the Small Things by Blink-182. The Anthem by Good Charlotte, Mr. Brightside.

It sounds like an awesome playlist. The Best of You by the Foo Fighters. Another good Charlotte song. Lifestyles of Rich and Famous. Dirty Little Secrets. Sugar, We're Going Down. Somebody Told Me by the Killers. Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low. This guy has good taste in music now. Or maybe, maybe we're just washed. Yes, we are. Yeah. Why not both? True. Can I...

I was going to say, why not both? Because you and I are... Good point. Yeah. Listen, this... You don't have to see it. 31 is not washed. It's not washed. This is... 31 is a spring chicken. This is a great playlist. Yeah, it is. Like, Kirk Cousins surprised me. I saw it and I wanted to roast it. I was like...

All these songs rock. This is good. It's actually 90% of a pop punk playlist. Yes. These are actually, this is our set list. Oh, Kirk Cousins singing a pop punk song on stage would be awesome. You might just have to start doing shows in Atlanta. Yeah. If you do it, like if you build it, they will come. Yeah. Just a residency in Atlanta. Kirk, listen, anytime you want, you can get on stage, sing a song with us. You don't have to sing the F word parts. Yeah. We'll bleep those out. We will. Okay. My hot seat.

uh, is us. This is a theme. Now we're just talking about Washington. Actually, Hank, you might be in this max. You might be in this too. I was thinking, so we have a great life. We have a great job. Everything is awesome, but there are definitely certain times when you're like, man, I miss that. And every year, no matter what, it's these last two weeks of August when I see, uh,

kids going back to college. I'm like, fuck, that was, that's it. So I want to just give a PSA to anyone listening to this right now who went back to college or maybe starting college and

It is the fastest four years of your life, so just embrace it and close your eyes and live in the moment. But I don't know. There's something about these – like college football starting next week, those first few games on campus when it's hot and everyone's partying. September is such a joke in college. You don't go to any of your classes. You don't have to worry about anything. Midterms feel like so long away. Yeah, Wisconsin did welcome week where it was just an entire week where everyone went back just to rage. I –

I, uh, yeah, I miss it. So it is a very, very good week. And it's funny because when you're, when you're in college, you take summers off and then you go home, you party with all your friends from your hometown. And then when you go back to school, you don't have that downside of, um, God damn it. I have to go back to school. You have, Oh yeah. I get to go hang out with all my friends from college and it's a great week. And, uh, yeah, I do. I do miss that too. It is because I

there's a lot of things about college I do not miss and like, you know, living in, in squalor. I kind of miss that every now and then I, I, I talked to you guys. I told you guys, my wife was out of town last week. I kind of went back to that. I was like, I don't think this is for me anymore, but yeah, there's every now and then I'm just like, man, I miss that welcome week. You know what I'm talking about, Hank?

I kind of miss the idea of just having an apartment where I would not care if everything in there got lost in fire. I've lived in squalor for sure. Just not at college. Breaking shit. Yeah. Putting holes in the wall. That's artwork now. I threw a backwards glass. I lived in the same apartment for two years in Madison.

didn't somehow didn't really break a lot of stuff like you know wear and tear last day before we moved out i threw a behind the back pass beer can right through the window that rocks it's awesome i mean it's too late no money and it was like 300 bucks to fix yeah it's too late this fucking sucks yeah forget about that glass pane it was i think i was living with the beef at one point and we had so much trash in the kitchen

And our landlord came over. He was like, you guys got to get rid of all this trash. And I was like, okay, be careful what you wish for. And so I took it out on the porch and we had... It was like one of those second story apartments. So you had like a little deck area that was maybe the size of...

I don't know, just like a large closet. And then you had a deck above you and a deck below you. I took all that trash out there. We gathered it. And then we had a controlled burn. We just lit it on fire. And then the landlord came by later and he was like, you can't be lighting fires. I said, okay, dad, you told me to take the trash out. Not our fault. Not our fault. Okay. My cool throne is... So yeah, just embrace college. If you're going to college, you're going back to college, you're starting college.

Fucking embrace it because the beginning, the first few weeks when it's just beautiful weather and you don't have to go to class is just there's something special. All right. My cool throne. I have two. One is for Aaron Rodgers because when we had Aaron Rodgers on, he

for Chill Week, he told us, make football hard again. That was one of the things he wanted. And he said that the camp, the Jets camp this year, is much harder and maybe the hardest in the last seven or eight years of his career. And he said that Robert Salah is like really cracking the whip and the boys are hitting hard and it's tough and it's making football hard. So good job, Aaron Rodgers, you made football hard again. Good job, Aaron Rodgers. And it sounds like everybody on the Jets is there.

Yeah. Right? Ahsan Reddick? Update? Memes? Memes, is Ahsan Reddick not hard? Memes, the season's about to start. He'll come. He's got to be hard before he comes. He's going to come. No, he's going to come. He'll get hard. He'll come. You sure he's going to come? Positive. He's going to come. Okay. Well, so he has not come yet, right? And he owes what? Like $3 million? That's an expensive come.

What will you do if he doesn't come? We just wait for him. But Matthew Judon is helping him come. Why? He said today that he wants to show off for the Falcons so he could earn his contract. So how does that have anything to do with Hasan Reddick? Oh, Hasan Reddick just needs to show up and he'll get that contract. So you think Hasan Reddick saw Matthew Judon said that and said, you know what? He's right. Well, it doesn't help his case. What?

Hassan Reddick because he hasn't showed up. Well, Hassan Reddick is watching another man come for the Falcons and he's not coming yet. Also, Hassan Reddick is three years younger than Matthew John. Matthew John knows that this is his last chance at a contract. Could be Hassan's too. Okay. I guess, yeah. Yeah. Right? Sure. 29 could be his last big one. Kyle Shanahan taught us we might die tomorrow. Yeah. Memes, I don't think you're going to get him to come. I think we will. I really don't think you're going to get him to come. I don't even think he's hard.

He hasn't been at camp. He can't get, yeah. You have to be at camp to get hard. Right. So he's not, he's, he's soft as could be right now. And you're telling me he's going to come.

I think he's going to come. No, you got, you got to walk before you nut. Oh, all right. My other, uh, cool throne is Tua. Tua is on my cool throne. Yeah. Because, uh, he went on levitard show and basically, uh, said that Brian Flores was doing mental torture on him. And, uh, he said, if you woke up every morning and I told you that you suck at what you did, uh,

that you don't belong, that you don't belong doing what you do. You shouldn't be here. That this guy should be here that you haven't earned this right. And then you have somebody else come in and tell you, dude, you're the best fit for this.

He said, how would it make you feel listening to one or the other? Talking about Brian Flores basically shitting on Tua every single day. And so normally I saw that clip. I was like, yeah, that sucks. But who knows? Like Tua might be exaggerating. Brian Flores actually came out and said, like, I've evolved. And yeah, I kind of fucked that up. Yeah. Also, I think Tua said he was a terrible person. Yeah. You don't really hear quarterbacks say it that much. It sounds like Tua is to Brian Flores as Big Cat is to the chat.

What do you mean? Like the chat is your Brian. Oh, yes. Yeah. Every time I log on for the streams for the Doug streams, they're like, you're terrible at what you do. You shouldn't be here. Someone else should be here. You suck. I hate you. Sliders, cheat code, glitch play. You just need more positive energy. Learn more plays. Learn more plays. Oh, yeah. Four play playbook. You're never going to win the big one. You're a piece of shit. No composure. No composure. You're fat. We hate you.

We hope you die. This does give more pre-recorded. Pre-recorded. This does give more credence to our theory, though, that former New England Patriots coaches, they go places. They become head coaches. And then they absolutely tank those teams so that the Patriots would have an easier walk through their division. It sounds like if you were to tell me that Brian Flores was sent on a mission to

to the Miami Dolphins to destroy the team and destroy their new quarterback. It sounds like that's exactly what he was doing. Flores admitted it was true, so two is not wrong. Yeah. His last two seasons with the Dolphins, they won 19 games. Mike McDaniel's first two seasons with the Dolphins, they've won 20. Okay. So...

It's not like he was the worst coach in the world. He was getting semi-results. They missed the playoffs with 10 wins. Let's look back at Brian Flores' tenure as Miami Dolphin. He destroyed the confidence of their young quarterback. He sued the team, and he narked on the team. But he won some games.

It's also just as simple as everyone would leave Belichick's coaching tree and try to be Bill Belichick. And turns out when you tell someone you suck, you don't know what you're doing, you're a piece of shit. It's something that you can listen to when the person has six rings. And when they don't,

they're just an asshole or it's easier for you to accept that criticism correct if you're already good yeah or if you're tom brady and you have a guy that's telling you like always on your case i'm sure that sucks a lot yeah but it's probably easier to digest that than it would be if you're a first year quarterback and your coach is just destroying your confidence before you have an opportunity to get in yeah it's it's carrot in the stick if you know there's a carrot at the end and someone says oh they're hitting you with the stick it's like

Well, I'm going to get the carrot. Actually, that doesn't work. We have to change. You never get the carrot. We got to change that entire analogy too because who gives a fuck about a carrot? If I'm getting hit by a stick, I'd rather have the carrot. If you were to say like Cool Ranch Doritos or a stick. Did a rabbit write that? Yeah. That makes no sense. It should be Coors Light and a stick. Yeah. Mountain Dew and a stick. Yeah. That's what I said. That would get me off. That would get me to get off my ass. Mountain Dew. Shout out Mountain Dew. The best. Okay, Huey. You're up.

My hot seat. I got a question for you, Huey. Yeah. When you do who's back, someone mentioned this. Do you say Hugh is back? No, I think people want me to start saying Hugh's back. Okay, nice. Yeah, I got a couple of DMs from that. They're like, you should do Hugh's back. Oh, I thought you might have even said it. It was kind of like the dress, you know, is it whatever green or gold? Yeah, I remember that. Whatever it was, black or gold. Yeah.

Mahatik Godster Childress. Oh, yeah. So he's a former Lion, first-round pick. He, at one in the morning, took a flight, took apparently, in his apology, took a couple of sleeping medications that he is not familiar with. Okay. And he peed on a woman.

On a plane. On a plane. Yes. On a plane. Godster. Godster Children. Children. Yeah, he's a big guy. I think he's churless. Churless. Yeah. He's like 6'5", 6'6". He was a tackle. I mean, big, big son of a bitch peeing on you. Peeing on you. On a flight. On a 1 a.m. flight. Yeah. It was a... Yeah. I mean, those... If you do take sleeping pills, you can have crazy things. Yeah. Crazy things can happen to you on a flight. Yes. Absolutely. Crazy. Same things. Hank?

Would you like to see a picture of God, sir, see if it's your speed?

No. Okay. Just seeing. I'm not into that stuff. I do love every time. You're into planes. When somebody goes viral for anything that happens on a plane, just the first response is, Hank, are you going to date them? You just started dating God's three children. Okay. My cool throne, a man by the name of, oh boy. Why do you pick the hardest names? Also, isn't it chairless? I don't think there's a D in the last name.

We're just going with Childress. Okay. Godster Childress. Ducras Duplass. Are you talking about DDP? This guy that tore the France? Yeah. The UFC guy. No. DSP? DDP. Yeah. I just think of DDP. Dricus Duplass. Just go with DDP. Duplass. This is great because we can't get sued for this even if we get the story wrong. Yeah. We don't have any idea who you're talking about.

He beat Israel Adesanya. Oh, nailed that. Round four of a UFC fight. Round five, sorry. Round five, championship fight. But in round four, it was a rough, rough round for Dekras. And he was not looking good. He looked like he was clearly going to lose that fight. And then fifth round comes in. Izzy didn't have it. Is your...

Is your cool throne the UFC fights from Saturday? My cool throne is D'Cris Duplass. Yeah, coming back out of nowhere. Waking up from the dead. This is like a Magic Johnson tweet. Yeah. Just four days later. D'Cris, way to go, dude. So was it a good fight? It was. It was great. Yeah, it was a great fight. It was awesome. It was just, you know, we didn't see it coming. And now he's got the world in front of him. Yeah, good for him. Champion. Yeah.

Cool throw. DDP. Where did you find that story? Was that just... No, I was watching it on Saturday and then I just kind of... Forgot about it. Yeah, I kind of was like, let's bring it up. I wasn't watching that. I kind of wish we would have saved this for Friday's show. Would have been nicer if we got even more time in between. Yeah.

I just started doing UFC recaps on Friday. Yeah, just a week later. Wait, did you say that you weren't really watching the fight? You were watching mostly for Joe Rogan? Well, Joe Rogan had a commentator. Oh, you watched the fight commentator. Yeah. Companion, yeah. I knew it was happening. Yeah. Yeah, he didn't buy the pay-per-view. He watched Joe Rogan and Brendan Schaub watch it and commentate on it. I like that. That's a hell of a way to watch. His second screen is just his first screen. So they must have said his name a lot. Yeah.

yeah oh yeah you know they would say like they would say his last name a lot okay where's he from south africa yeah it was a battle africa i'm from south africa um all right good hot sequel thrown everyone let's do the mount rushmore of things that are hard to explain okay mount rushmore time it's brought to you by our friends at mountain dew you see us we're a camp

This is going to be the funnest week. We're basically kids again. Mountain Dew, they were a wonderful sponsor of Grit Week as well. You know what we all need to do? We need to get off our ass. With bold flavors, refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're an actual mountain. Hank just dropped a couple of the Mountain Dews. A mountain where the weather is always perfect, your friends are ready to hang, and a day of epic proportions awaits.

We're going to play... I think we're going to swim. We're going to be doing some softball. We're going to do some rock climbing. It's all Mountain Dew. So, I've been drinking this Mountain Dew. It is...

Mountain Dew is one of those sodas where it's like every time I have them, I'm like, I need to drink more Mountain Dew. I got the Code Red right here. No soda changed the game harder than Code Red. With Code Red Drop, it was the beginning of the era. They changed the game multiple times. Oh, the Baja Blast. They changed the game, then they changed the game again. Yeah, Hank actually taste tested the Baja Blast. Hank invented Baja Blast. And they were a powerhouse before they even changed the game. Yeah, right. They were a powerhouse, then they changed the game. Then everyone's like, oh, this is a new game. They're like, whoops, we just changed on you again.

Code red. Yeah. So thank you, Mountain Dew. Okay. Mount Rushmore of things that are hard to explain. Right now, we are with five Mount Rushmores left. Max has already clinched whatever. Congrats, Max. Good job, Max. Thanks, guys. I have 54, so I'm still in danger. PFT has 47. Hank has 44. What? I am. Anybody's game. Technically. That's cute when you throw that in there. That's nice. Hank, if you rattle off the next five going number one-

When I pick up a point, I'm screwed. I mean, Hank should have gotten number one last time. I know, the voting. How do you feel about that? You blame the voters. No, I don't. Stop the steal? Yeah. On your Mount Rushmore picks? Yeah, Hank looked at it. He was the first vote, and it had 100% for him. And then all of a sudden, in the middle of the night, they changed all the votes. It's crazy. So, are you feeling... I feel good. I enjoy... I mean, I feel like this is a perfect Mount Rushmore for you because...

A lot of things are hard to explain for you. Well, there's a lot of material for Hank to work with. Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm blessed to have the opportunity, and I'm looking forward to the end of the season. Okay. You sound like a Belichick. You sound like you're about to retire.

No, it's a hard game. Sometimes you finish a season, you want to get ready in the offseason and go for next year, and I might have to do some thinking after this. You've got to circle the wagons right now. This is the time where you've got to circle the wagons, gear up for the playoff push. Hank's thinking is going to be, wow, I don't have to do this anymore. And then next year he's going to be like, wait, this is back? Yeah. That's going to be the extended thinking. I think we should do teams. I think doing split up like –

I don't know. It's kind of weird how this was set up. Next year, Mount Rushmore, we're just going to have to do like, we'll have me, Max, and PFT. We'll have all three of my kids. We'll just use their picks versus Hank and just see how he does. I should get the first four picks and then you guys go. That's actually not. Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

Well, I mean, the truth is, Hank, you could very easily beat me. It's not like I've been great this month. No, you got it. You're so much better than me. No, I'm three points ahead of you. How does the point system work now?

3-2-1. 4-3-2-1. Okay. So there's a good chance, Hank, that you could even surpass me this game. That's literally impossible. No. You could tie. Yeah. Yeah, you could tie in this game. If you get four points and I get zero points. No, one point. You get one. You get one for just showing up. This is like the SAT. Hank said 4-3-2-1-0. Yeah, but count that.

Okay, here's my fifth place. Get zero. My first. My first. Yeah, it's get zero. How a snake draft. Okay, what's the order? It's going to be. It's going to be out of order. It's going to be Max. Me. Big cat. Hank. Okay. Because Hank went first last night. We got to be. We got to be. He took boobs. Yeah. Feeling boobs.

We got to be smart here because we're zigzagging across the room. We're going to mess up a thousand percent. Yes. Yes. All right. So, Max, you're up first. I am first. Max is like, do you feel...

You feel good about making it not competitive? It's not fun. I mean, it is competitive. You didn't let me pick anything last summer. Yeah, actually, that's a great point. I didn't even realize that you had the best Mount Rushmore picker on your team last year and you still lost. Hank was gone for one week. I think I got first every time. Yeah. Since you've already clinched, you can open up the book here. How do you go about making your relatable selections?

I don't know. Meatballs. If you have a chance to take meatballs, take meatballs. Yeah, just every other food draft is a food draft. Like the big boys are going to eat. Yeah. Okay. Max, you're still blaming food drafts. Yeah. We haven't done a food draft in so long. You took feeling boobs, number one. You said it like that. It's a bad thing to do. Okay. Things that are difficult to explain.

First pick, the female anatomy. Oh, good pick. Including boobs. Yeah. Good pick, Max. Sure, sure. Female anatomy.

That's a good pick. Would you have done that one, one? No. We're at camp, so you just heard over the loudspeaker. We'll probably cut that, but we have announcements. We actually woke up this morning. Corey was over the loudspeaker waking us up being like, food is ready. He said breakfast has been canceled due to lack of hustle. Okay, PFT. That would have been a good quote, movie quote. All right. Shoot. My first overall...

This is hard. No, my first overall, Hank. He said his first overall. Hank, shut the fuck up. This is hard because I've got a lot of different ones on here. I have no idea. I'd hope you'd have a lot of different ones. I have no idea how to rank them, though. That's my problem. Go goofy style. Okay, I'll go goofy style. You're clenched. Okay, first overall for me, I'm going to go with How Money Works. Ooh, good one. How Money Works slash finance. Yeah, okay.

No idea. Where does money come from? And why is it valuable? I think it's because you say it's valuable, then I also agree that it's valuable, so it's valuable. How money works. Yep. Big Cat. My pick. The universe. So you're taking everything. I guess the technical pick could be... I'm having a hard time explaining just what my pick is because it's so confusing. The Big Bang? Are you talking about the start? No, the...

God? How big the universe is is so hard to explain. I watched a video the other day where they zoomed out

That will fuck you up for a while. Are you talking about watching the Grateful Dead at the Sphere? No, kind of similar. But it was, yeah, it was like it showed it was someone sitting on a beach in California and then zoomed out. So that actually does sound like the Sphere. Zoomed out and then just kept on zooming out. And it's like, here's our Milky Way or here's our universe. Here's a Milky Way. Then there's millions. I feel like they just make that shit up, though. I don't know, dude. Yeah. A new universe drops like every other week. But how?

And who's deciding that? But when you think about it, does it not hurt your brain? I had outer space, so it's kind of similar. Yeah, it's like how? I guess the technical pickering. The infinite freaks me out. Yeah. Thinking about something as infinite makes... The infinite space of the universe. Well, here's the thing is the universe is not infinite. There's like an end to the universe. And it's getting bigger. Yeah, but it's behind us there. Light years and things being behind us. Yeah, right? See, I think this is a good pick because we don't know.

The universe is finite, but it's getting bigger. Yeah. It's like me during football season? Yes. And there might also be multiple other universes. Got it. And in other universes... But we're winners. Milky Way is a galaxy, and then that's in a what? Milky Way is a candy bar. In what? What is Milky Way in? My pantry. Milky Way is a galaxy that's...

in the universe but i think the milky way galaxy is part of a cluster of galaxies yeah in the and then there's another like then that's all a cluster and there's another cluster and there's like this is just one of those things that if you don't think that there's other life somewhere you're crazy you're crazy okay did you have that on there nope oh so you got it down pat yeah i mean who knows if it even exists this might not exist simulation um

I will go with sight to a blind person. Okay. Have you been doing that recently?

Have you ever tried to do that? No. Have you? I've been with blind people and tried to explain. I've had moments where I've said things out loud and they've been like, oh, you don't have no idea what I'm talking about. That's kind of mean. Yeah. Well, you know, I know. It's like you were like... What were you explaining? You're like, oh, look at that. Look at those boobs. No, like we had a kid in our old office in Boston that was like, he could kind of see, but not really. And then I was explaining... Blindmicproject.net? Yeah, and I was telling him a story. Shout out. You have no idea what I'm saying because...

You can't really see. You're like, Mike, I totally dunked. Missed it. And then I will go with the taste of water. Okay. All right. Good pick. Yeah. What does water taste like?

You tell me. Explain it to me. It tastes like life. It tastes clean. What's clean? I don't know what the taste of water is. Well, different water. Honestly, the freakiest thing I ever saw a human do was Jeff D. Lowe taking five different types of water from five different bottled water companies. And then we wrote the names of them on the bottom of the cups. And he went blindly and took five for five.

just on taste alone and then he did it again that's insane yeah he's a freak yeah he is a freak uh okay my pick is it yeah i don't know it's a good bit i don't i i can never explain or i mean i don't know how it works uh big airplanes how they fly i don't get it i'll never get it frost is all people say the pilots don't even know dude i saw uh

There was a picture where like it was all the fuel that's in a 747. It's all in the wings and it's like so much fuel. I don't get how they get that in the air. Yeah. It takes like, I don't know, 45 minutes, an hour sometimes just to put all that fuel into the plane. Fucking crazy. Same thing with like aircraft carriers, how they float. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a pick you could take. I could take that. I did read a thread about that the other day and everyone was just like water displacement. Yeah. Okay. What does that mean? If the space of the ship moves out water that is heavier than that space the ship is. I don't know. Don't understand. Never will understand that. Just say magic. Yeah. Planes fly. Yeah. Magically. Is it my turn? Hank?

Yes, it is. Okay. My second pick, I'm going to take The Rules of Craps. Okay. I've had The Rules of Craps explained to me probably 10 or 11 times in my life. I've forgotten them 10 or 11 times in my life. I've played craps. I think that's just because you were drunk. Yes. Yes. I was definitely drunk. But...

That's not the point, Hank. The point is it's hard to explain. It is. And it's harder to understand. Yes. Well, yeah. It's always in the setting of being drunk. It's that hard to explain. They wouldn't put it in every casino in the world. Fair counterpoint. Fair counterpoint. That's a good point. A lot of people eat craps. Yeah. A lot of people do, but they're all drunk and they all just had the rules explained to them that night. And the next day, you ever go to a craps table in the morning? There's nobody there because nobody knows how to play in the morning.

True. True. Okay. Max, he's probably going to have some awesome pick right now. I'm going to go with the NFL cat. Yep. That's a good one. Good pick. I think Max's key is that he also picks things that are less words. Yeah. So the graphic always is bigger. Yeah. Meatballs, boobs. It's simple. System plays. I have a simple mind, simple brain, simple graphic. Okay. Simple mind, simple brain, simple graphic.

Going off of that, one word. We've talked about it on this show. Are you going one word? Yep. Calculus. Oh, okay. I had that on my list. Hand up. I actually don't know what calculus is. Nope. No idea. I just know it's the math that comes with the most expensive books. We've said it before. I've never even met calculus. No. No one's even shown me calculus.

A calculus. Goodwill hunting. That's as close as I can get to calculus. Calculator is about as close as I've gotten to calculus. Yes. You could show me a math formula. I wouldn't be able to tell you if it's calculus or just 2 plus 2. A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Y equals MX plus B. Yeah, I'm just saying letters. Those are equations. Yeah, they are. Okay. Okay.

I feel like calculus is one of those things that smart people made up. They just invented a puzzle for themselves to teach other smart people so they could all feel smart. Yeah. Oh, it's PFT. Sorry. Oh, it's not Hank's turn? It's PFT's turn. No, yeah. Okay, we got lost. I was wrong. We got lost in the snake. I was wrong. I'm going to go with... Good pick. This is very difficult for me. What a catch is. Yep. In football. Yep. Okay. No one knows. We still don't know.

That is true. They change it all the time. That's a good pick. That's a good pick. I had a football one. I had two football ones. I want to do one of them. Yeah, you know what? I'll do one of them. It's hard to explain why Matt LaFleur kicked a field goal down eight. It is. It's really hard to explain that. No, it's easy to explain. It's really fucking hard to explain that. It's very easy to explain. He just got dumb for a second. He had a brain fart. What?

It sucks that I hate – I like Matt LaFleur as a guy because obviously I hate the team he coaches for, but we really have kind of tortured him. Yeah, well, it's out of love because he's not going to make that mistake again. If he makes that mistake again, then I don't – I would actually respect it. Yeah, if he was just like – if he was just like, you know what? I want to give the PMT guys a little more fodder. Yeah. Okay, Hank, you have two picks. I do have two picks.

I have three choices. You have three choices in two picks. You want to sound them out? You want us... Do you want to... We'll do a group help. You want to say all three and we'll pick your best two? I got my fourth. We can't do that. He's still competing with me. How do you do your fourth? It's not over. This is the coddling of Hank that I talk about. Yeah. Hank gets... No, this is coddling. Yeah, we're coddling, Hank. I didn't ask you to do this. Big Cat just said it. I was coddling you. Yeah, he was coddling you. And then he also will be like... Honestly, disrespectful. Oh, well, I could still lose.

You do do that. I could. Mathematically, yes. Mathematically, I could. Do you say you've clinched if you haven't mathematically clinched? But if you're competing, then why are you also coddling? But if you do want to sign it out, I'm down. Because you're so bad at this, and it ruins... But I can still beat you. That's where it's like, which one is it? If I'm so bad at this, why are you worried? All right, fine. Fuck off, Hank. You suck at this, and you're a little bitch all the time. It's not Rushmore season. All right, I'm going to go with your dreams. Bad pick.

No, I think you're mistaking that with like the lamest. Yeah. Yeah. That was a bad pick. That was legit a bad pick. Your dreams are very easy to explain. You're either my teeth fell out or I almost had sex. Yeah. There's no one wants to hear you explain your dreams. Yeah.

That's it. Because if I'm about to have sex in my dream, I'm definitely telling myself like, wait, this is definitely a dream. And then I'm going to go. Are you going to back your pickup? No, because you guys are going to say that no matter what. No, no. We're being honest. Your dreams are no one wants to hear you explain your dreams.

Explaining your dreams would make perfect sense. Why is one of the best movies of all time, you know, Christopher Nolan, Inception, and it's basically the whole concept is how like, you know, everyone has these crazy detailed dreams and then you wake up the next day and it's like, you kind of remember some details but you can't and then you wake up and you say, I had the plot of Inception would have been

- That's exactly. - Or Interstellar. - Yes. - I have my pictures. You're just gonna tear it down. I don't give a sh, I don't care. - Well, I'm not coddling you. - I'm gonna go with VAR. - I'm competing against you. - VAR. - Explaining your dreams is easy. - VAR. - VAR. - Also easy to explain. - Also easy. It's basically just like challenging in football. - The camera. - All right. - Next pick. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right. - All right

Yeah, it's a game on a table. There's rules. I don't play craps, but it's like if it's hard to explain to me your dreams. Okay, so sometimes my teeth fall out in my dreams and that's when you turn your brain off. Okay, that's when the video does the robot thing and gets it right. What's the robot thing? How's the robot thing work?

Hawkeye technology. What is like the rule though? There's cameras. What are they determining? 1984. There's cameras everywhere. Got it. And they pick everything up. Good. Thanks. That was really helpful. I get it now. You know exactly what VAR is. What is it? When a camera that tells you if it's a goal or not. How does it determine it? Because it's a camera. Is a camera like AI? Like it's sentient? It's a camera that can see on the field and know when the ball crossed the line.

Interesting. Yeah, I'm confused, though, but I guess it's really easy. Well, you must be pretty dumb. Yeah, I definitely am. Piece of shit. That was nice. I liked it. I liked that. I enjoyed that. I like how Big Hat and I just kind of tapped out and let you guys go at it. Hank and I are locked in a battle for last place. The gloves are off. What are you typing? Who are you typing to? What are you typing to?

He's Googling craps. You're looking up craps rules because you don't know. No, I'm looking up – Big Cat asked to talk about VAR. Oh, I mean VAR is just – It's easy. It's very easy. What are you looking up, Hank? Nothing. Honorable mentions. No, we still got picks left. I guess, Big Cat and I, you just don't want us to pick? Oh, I forgot. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, my last pick is –

I got to get a good one. I screw up my last picks every time. Oh, uh,

Internet jokes slash memes to non-internet people. Yeah, like when we were talking about AJ and Big Justice the other day. Yes, yes. And we realized very quickly this is a conversation that needs to stay between a man and a screen. And the internet, yeah. Because if you just go out of... There's a lot of people listening to this right now who don't have Twitter, Instagram. They're not just scrolling all day like we are. And then when you have a conversation with them, it's... I had one where...

I had to explain to people Big Mike. Yeah. So if you know who Big Mike is, you know who Big Mike is. And people are like, what are you talking about? I was like, yeah, no, it's a big thing. Big Mike. Okay. Mine's actually kind of similar to that. Wait. What? You're not up, man. Oh, damn.

we get hank hank is tapped out by the way anyone who's listening to part of my take for the first time this is when hank taps out i'm thinking about getting real political with my last pick here thanks hank real political i liked your dream pick i just had to shoot on it i think dreams are very easy to he's not giving me eye contact uh okay so for my last one i'm gonna take wind good pick yeah that's a good pick break it down hank

The earth. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about when we're spinning really fast. Yeah. So, so when's only, it always comes in one direction. Yeah. Fuck. When was a bad pick actually? No, I don't, I think, I think when it's not going to look good. When doesn't pop when, when probably doesn't, it doesn't pop. Max probably has something that's going to pop. Yeah. It's going to pop big time. I do have one that could pop, but I'm going to, I'm going to go more niche because it's because you're just running up the score on us. Uh, yeah. Yeah.

So I'm just going to go with our job to someone who doesn't know Barstool. Good one. I had good one. I mean, that's not going to look good on a graphic because it's literally only hard for us to explain. And it's also people voting know what Barstool is. Correct. Yeah. But you can just say, I just say like if someone, if I don't want to have the conversation, I just say I do like, or not anymore, but I'd say, I still say it to get out of the conversation, like just, you know, video production, video and all that.

audio yeah you guys but that we we say when they go yeah like there's a little you know like we just do try to explain what we're doing like right now this week

To someone who, like, doesn't understand. But why would you be explaining that? Like, why would they be like, what did you do this week? People ask what you do, and then I'm like, a podcast, and they say, like, oh, as, like, a hobby? Yeah. And I'm like, no, I actually make money. They're like, how? Hank is just trying to, for other people's picks to be bad. Yeah, there's nothing more. No, I mean, that's a bad pick on the ground. Video production is. It's pretty easy to be like, oh, yeah, just do, like, video and audio production. I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, like, you know, the pizza guy? Like, yeah.

There's nothing more embarrassing than pizza guy. I just basically say, you know, Ms. Peaches, I work for her daddy. Yeah. I'm Ms. Peaches assistant. Yeah. Like, oh yeah, that makes sense. Writing down podcaster on occupation on like a custom form coming into the United States is tough. A custom form. How about like a fucking elementary school form for your kid? That's the worst. I'm just like smut blogger slash podcast. Yeah. You're like, I'm a podcaster. They're like free lunch then. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

What honorable mentions? Hank. A color. Is that what you were going to decide between? Yeah. Actually, that would have been an awesome pick. Then dreams. Yeah. I'm not going to let you switch. That might even be better than wind. Okay. I know. I was going to say the afterlife. That was going to be my one that would pop. That would pop. Yeah, death. Death to a child. How babies get made to a child.

I had, this one was a niche one, but trying to explain to someone that you can't dunk from the free throw line while shooting a free throw. Impossible. It's really hard to do. I had that you can't tackle the quarterback playing tackle football. Yep. Rules of baseball. Yeah. I had batting average. Yep. New kickoff rules.

Batting average is easy. Batting average is so easy. Batting average is easy. Explain it to me. If you bat 10 times and you get three hits. You understand fractions? In seven outs, you're batting 300. Isn't there more to it than that? No. You're thinking of like war. War would be good. I'm going to pitch 10 balls to you, and if you get three hits, your batting average would be 300. I'm thinking of slugging. You'd have to get on base. Slugging is still pretty easy. It's more like war. Hits.

Well, yeah, you'd have to get a hit to get on base. Slugging is three hits per at bat. Well, I'm glad I didn't take batting every day. Yeah, that would have been a horrible, horrible thing. That would have been one of the worst things. When Hank says, do not understand fractions, that's how you know that you fucked up. Here's one that I was trying to, I was thinking about, and I was, I think there's something there, but it'd be hard to, but it's hard to explain to people that you're not triggered online.

Because the minute you say you're not triggered online, you're triggered online. I'm not owned. Yeah, right. So by definition, it's hard to explain it. Because people are like, yeah, you are. You're responding to me right now. I had taxes. Explaining emotions via text. Yeah. Emojis. That's what they're. No, but like if someone would be like, oh, like you're mad. And it's like, I just sent like I sent a text message with no. There's no emotions to the sentence. Trying to. Deciding that. Well, that's specifically you.

What do you mean? You give off multiple people have told you that you give off asshole vibes over text. I just give short answers. Yeah, you do. I think that's you. Someone asks a question like, yes. And they'll be like, why were you mad? You say yes, period.

No, I don't. Yeah, you do. You think I'm adding extra grammar? No. That's true. That's a good point. I did have the plot to Interstellar. No, people just decide. But Hank just said. Yeah, you're a big okay, yes guy. Okay is one that's like. A big time okay guy. Hey, we're going to do this. Okay. But you could be like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Or like. That sounds good. If you say a sentence. No, this is getting into Hank can't exist. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not.

No, if I said to you like, hey, let's – or if you said to me like, hey, the plan today is we're going to do this, this, and this. I just write back, okay. That does feel a different vibe. It does. 100% it does. That sounds good versus okay is different. Yeah. That sounds great. Yeah, it sounds great. We're right. Okay is – We could pull every single person at this company and everyone would be like, yeah, I don't know if Hank likes me over text. Replying just okay definitely gives a vibe of like –

Okay, fine. You know what, Hank? Okay, fine. Yes. No. Do you hear how I said it? Yes. But like that's, you're deciding that. Watch. All right. Tell me the plan today. You're going to do the Yak that we're going to draft teams for Camp Barstool. Then we're going to do the first field day stream activity for Mountain Dew. Okay. Yeah. If you said it like that. That's how you say it. Or say it again. Say it again.

We're going to do the yak. We're going to draft teams. We're going to do the... That sounds great! Yeah. That would be that gear sarcastic. Fuck off. Hank, you seem like the kind of guy that would put the dot dot, like two periods after okay. Okay, dot dot. You're basically rolling your eyes at me. Texting is a means to an end. Alright, other honorable mentions. I had a lot of honorable mentions. I probably should have taken. I had...

Trying to explain that you went to the strip club, but you didn't get a lap dance or go to the back room. You just went there with the guys. Why? Other people did. Why you liked an Instagram post? Well, that one's pretty easy. It was LeBron. Big tits. Yeah. Artificial intelligence. Yep. Black holes. That you're not paranoid. They're just out to get you. Very hard thing to explain. Really, really hard thing to explain to people. Love. Yeah. The number zero.

Yep. What about that the CIA is behind a lot of shit? Yeah, you just said it though. Yeah, but what I just said, I said a lot of shit. It's more than that. I actually think the CIA is behind so much shit that they're behind the idea that the CIA is behind everything. So now you think the CIA is super powerful. Right. That the Bears have never had a 4,000-yard passer in over 100 years of playing. You know Jason Campbell almost had that? Yeah. Cutler was close and he got hurt.

I almost said Ben Mintz. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Magnets. Yep. How do they work? Yeah. Rico Bosco would be another one. I had both of them on my list. Yeah, hard to explain. Those are the two Barstool employees I had on my list. How Pete Carroll didn't run with Marshawn on the one-yard line. Tough to explain. That's very hard to explain. Very hard to explain. Good pick there. The new kickoff rules. Yep. You said that like four times. You have. Am I wrong? Do you want to explain them?

No, I'm saying you clearly don't understand that. What if after you clinch Big Cat, we just let them go Mono-E-Mono? Yes, yes. I think that would be... If I clinch, they will go Mono-E-Mono. We'll just do our honorable mentions after. Yeah. We'll do a poster. Hell in the cell. We'll put them in an actual cell. In a gulag. Put them in the gulag. It's like a post-credit scene for every part of my take in the fall. They should have to pick eight. Yes. Oh, that would be fun, though.

But I don't know if Hank can stretch. You can't stretch. Hank is like a shitty middle reliever. He can maybe give you one and two-thirds innings. If you make him stretch out to five innings. No way. Although, Culler was good. Hey, buddy, I can still beat you. Yeah, you can. Culler, you should have picked Culler. Culler was a great pick. Culler was a great pick. Culler could have been 1-1. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. I always. This is. My honorable mentions are usually better than my picks. Yeah. Yeah.

The way she goes. Okay. Any others? Any other honorable mentions? Time zones. Time zones. China only having one time zone is crazy. That is wild. It blows my mind every time I see it. Yep. They have one time zone, Max. Why doesn't the world just have one time zone? Can you answer me that? They only have one time zone. Because then people would be like sleeping at.

Yeah, but it's just like season. So you could say like noon here in the United States is midnight in Hong Kong. That sounds like that sucks. They just know that noon is nighttime. That sounds terrible. It's just one clock for everybody. Max? I'm looking at like a globe of time zones right now. Yeah, China has one time zone because 97% of China all lives like on the east side.

Got it. But there's people who live all the way out there. Yeah, they get screwed. Tibet. They're just absolutely screwed by the time zones. Free Tibet. Russia has 11. How does Russia have 11 and China has one? Well, China has more, but they just said we only have one. Okay. They only acknowledge one. They only acknowledge one. It's like if you built an entire country out of Arizona. Yeah. I thought this was one of those like Atlanta is closer to, you know. The other weird one that I saw the other day is Spain is the same country.

Spain is the same time zone I think is like Germany or something. There's something weird with that where they're like flopped.

There's just weird time zones. I think Spain in World War II, the Spanish government wanted to align closer to Germany. They took their time zone. Yeah. So Spain is like, you know, you know where Spain is on a map. It's right underneath France. Yeah. And they have different time zones. That's a try hard move on Spain's part. Yeah. It's a cuck move. Yeah. It's like, hey guys, look at us. You're taking another man's time zone. Exactly. Yeah. That's ridiculous.

Okay. Good job, guys. Good Mount Rushmore. Yeah. Good vibes all around. It's one of those things I love whenever we have a big interview because we're about to get to Caleb Williams and maybe some new fans and they listen to that. Yep. And they're like... I had a friend text me. He was listening to the Mount Rushmore of cheese and with his wife in the car. Wait, Mount Rushmore of yellow. Or something yellow. Yellow. Yellow.

He's making us listen to part of my take where they're arguing over yellow foods and whether certain foods are yellow or gold. Pure gold is a rich orange-yellow color. It's been going on for 15 minutes. The freshest pasta is always yellow. It's still going.

That's a great one. That is good. I just got a text from a random number. Hello, are you Lisa? I think I have to be Lisa. No, this is a scam. Every one of those is a scam. Yeah, it's Lisa. I like how you know it's a scam and you're still... I'm going to scam them right back. It's Lisa.

All right, PFT. Let's do that, and then we'll get to Caleb Williams. Before we get to Caleb Williams, brought to you by our great friends over at Mountain Dew. We're here at Camp Barstool. You know what we all need to get more of? Off our ass. With bold flavors and a refreshing citrus kick, Mountain Dew will get you off your ass, have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. I've got my Code Red right here. I love Code Red. Code Red's delicious. Baja Blast is great. Zero Sugar's great. Original's great.

Live wire, also good. They're all good. Mountain Dew is incredible. Mountain Dew makes you feel like you're on a mountain where the weather is always perfect. Your friends are always ready to hang and a day of epic proportions awaits. Mountain Dew is the best when we're outside. We're going to be tossing a frisbee round. We're going to be playing some games, maybe some lake games, water sports, video games even, kickball, frisbee golf, wiffle ball, pickleball, whatever.

You name it. Mountain Dew makes everything better. The mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice-cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the Dew. And now, here is Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams. Ooh.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very special guest. It is QB1 of the Chicago Bears, Caleb Williams, Heisman Trophy winner. First of all, Caleb, thank you for joining us. I was very close to saying savior of the franchise, but I'm not going to put that on you. How's camp going? Let's start with that. Camp is good. The defense has been challenging me throughout the year.

OTAs, all of that. So it's been great. You know, offense, we've been starting to pick it up, and it's been fun. Okay. How's it been having the Hard Knocks cameras around? Yeah, you don't really notice them. They do a pretty good job. Other than the times when, you know, you're having talks and you're like, oh, I got a boom mic above my head. But other than that, yeah.

you know, it's, they've been great. Did you watch week one of Hard Knocks? I watched the beginning. I haven't gotten back to it. I watched the, heard that the Bulls, the Bulls introduction was, was, was happening. So I wouldn't watch that part. And then,

One of the nights I had to go to sleep. There were some good slow-mo shots of the spirals. Yeah. That's what we tune in for. We tune in for the sprinklers going on. We tune in for the spirals. They might have gotten mad at me. Or not mad at me. They made fun of me because I got triggered because I thought they weren't showing enough touchdown passes. Okay. So I was defending you. I was like, let's get some more highlights going. Yeah, hopefully this...

I think the next episode comes out in a few days. Yeah. Hopefully in the next episode we got a few more spirals and touchdowns in there. Yeah. So, I mean, you're obviously a very confident guy. Has the transition, obviously we haven't started the regular season, but the transition to the NFL been what you kind of expected? Yeah, I mean, I knew it was going to be challenging. I knew it was a...

Offensive-wise, I knew it was a new language for me, a new way of doing things. And so just understanding my situation, understanding that the guys are going to push me, coaches, the players,

And then they're also gonna be gracious with me, learn that throughout this process. And so now just picking up the speed, getting better with things, processing things a lot faster, checks, alerts, all of that. So it's been great, it's been fun, it's been challenging. But the transition-wise, I've had to move.

a couple times, whether it was transfer from Oklahoma to USC or all of that stuff. And so, yeah, it's been a normal transition. I feel like people kind of memory hold the whole Oklahoma part of your career because, you know, you were obviously –

the number one pick for two years, which that's tough because people are going to poke holes in everything. Uh, but you went to Oklahoma, you weren't the starter and then you won the starting job halfway through the year and everything I've read, it was like the minute you showed up, there was a story about how, uh, at 6am they wouldn't let freshmen lift, but you basically forced your way in there. Yeah. Is that just been your mindset from, from the beginning? Like even if they don't let me come in here, I'm going to go compete. Yeah. Uh,

I would say my mindset has always been, you know, compete. Ever since I started, you know, ever since I really switched to the position of quarterback around 10 years old, I understood that I may have started later than most QBs at that time.

because a lot of QBs in my class have been QBs for their whole life. And so I switched to that, and I just was competing versus people. I mean, somebody that I was competing versus and training, just working out, working hard, and not actually like QB training. It was like Blake Horn, and he's unbelievable. Like his work ethic and all of that is unbelievable. So, you know, just getting in there, competing versus people that are older than me, bigger, faster, stronger. And then, you know, when I get to those positions that I've been in with –

Oklahoma and high school, all those other positions that I've been in, just go out there, compete, work my tail off, and get after it. Yeah, I mean, I want to bring up because winning the job as a freshman with a starter in place –

That's dog mentality. But then you go to USC and everyone's like, oh, LA, soft. There's a whole perception there. But I just want to remind people. I'm an East Coast kid. Yeah, and you won that starting job as a freshman. Yeah, so the story about you deciding I'm going to be a quarterback now. You're playing defense, right? Yes, I was playing running back and linebacker. A little bit of safety.

And then we lost the game, lost the FBU game, which is, I think, do you all know what FBU is? No. So it's basically like an all-star team from each region. Okay. And state and things like that. So for us, they had a couple different because DMV, we kind of,

bunch of everybody together. So, um, so it was, it was, uh, um, FBU Maryland national team team. And we went down, we were whooping up on a bunch of teams. We lost to actually Harrison Bailey. I think he just left UNLV. He's a quarterback there. Um,

But we lost to him and I didn't like the way we were playing. We were playing kind of daddy ball with the coach and the QB on our team. And I switched and my kind of thing was spread the ball around to everybody, go win games and be a big reason why. So you're 10 years old and you decide I'm going to be a quarterback now. Yeah. And was that a complete lifestyle change for you?

Um, it was more of, I was probably, cause I went, I went more into like, all right, like I'd already decided what I'm going to do. And then I, um, you know, my dad and godfather and all those people, um, kind of put together a plan and,

from training to eating to, you know, when I wake up and things like that. That's incredible. So you're 10 years old and you're like, this is my plan to be in the NFL. Cause I did the, I had a plan to be in the NBA when I was 10 years old. Didn't really work out. Like, do you ever think back? Like we set ourselves to do something at 10 years old and now we're here. That's nuts. Yeah, it's nuts. I do think about it. Um, and I don't, I don't know if I'm going to classify it as nuts in a way. Like it's, it's,

I don't really know the exact word, but I expected myself to be here, but it is crazy. I wake up every day and I'm like...

It's got to feel like a superpower that you were able – because we were joking about it. There was a draft story when the draft happened. There was a story about some kid wrote down when he was like eight, I'm going to be in the NFL draft. And we were joking like every eight-year-old writes that. I had the same thing. Yeah, I started that every day. But there's only a few guys that get drafted. So to see that and have that plan, at what point in that plan, like what age were you like, okay, this plan is actually – like this is happening. It's probably –

It was probably after I started training and getting after it, probably two years after I started training is when I was like, okay, this actually, you know, is going to happen, can happen. You know, that's when...

I started getting to, what was I, I was probably seventh grade, and then I hit eighth grade. So around ninth grade is when I was like, this can really happen, because I started getting out there playing with guys that were older than me. All the training was kind of, you know, working and things like that. So kept all that going, and then starting to get some offers, played well first year of high school, and then the offers and everything started climbing. Confidence kept rising and growing because of the

the work that I kept putting in and was putting in before, before high school and things like that. Yeah. I would, I want to, I read a story about when you were 16, you broke your offensive coordinator's wedding ring. I would imagine that was also a moment that you were like, Oh shit, I got a cannon. Yeah. So he, um, he, he, his wife always told him, don't, don't, you know, catch the balls with the wedding ring on wedding band. And, uh, he was, he didn't, didn't listen. Uh,

And then one day his hand started bleeding. He looks at it and he was trying to figure out what happened. And then I realized that it was it was cracked a little bit and it's pinching his skin. So I love that. Homewrecker. Yes. Homewrecker. Yes. I read that you had you ate the same meal every day for like four years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's eggs, eggs with ham in it.

And then I'd have an Ensure and my vitamins. And how old were you when you started doing this? 10. So that's when everything started. So not Buffalo Wings and ice cream. Not Buffalo Wings and ice cream. What about candy? You're a candy guy? I love candy, actually. Everyone has to have a vice, right? Yeah, that's my vice. Not big into all the other stuff or do any of that stuff. And so candy was my...

Kenny was my getaway. That and video games. I like that. Yeah, I'm a big food guy myself. And if I had seen Coach Riley's brisket before I went to Oklahoma, I would never have gone. That thing is so fucking dry. It was actually pretty good, though.

It was, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. No, no, no, no, no. We, we give them, we give, we give coach Riley some shit. Yeah. But, but it was actually pretty good picture, but that wasn't one we ate. We ate one that he, another one that he cooked and it was, it was, it looked good. He violated rule number one of the internet, which is don't post a picture. Yeah. Never put your meat online ever.

People are going to roast it. Don't put your meat on that. It's going to be a problem. Number one rule, don't put your meat on that. So your transfer from Oklahoma to USC, I have a very specific question that is going to

make me feel like a fool. Uh, I went to Wisconsin. Uh, there was the Wisconsin story of rumors and stuff. Was there any truth to it ever? So my best friend and his dad, so what Dean Ingram was at Wisconsin and, and his dad was a coach. Um, and so we reached out to them. We were trying to just, you know, get the vibe and, and, and, and see what was going on, how it was up there or whatever, or over there. Um, and all of that. Um,

And, you know, somehow it caught wind that I was, you know, in contact with them, which I'm consistently in contact with those two because I've grown up with them. But somehow it caught wind and it blew up on Instagram. But it wasn't like – it wasn't too huge. So it was never really close. It was never too – yeah, it wasn't. It wasn't too crazy. Was there any, like, Badger fans, like, DMing you stuff? Yeah, there were a lot of Badger fans. Any, like, 37-year-olds DMing a 20-year-old being like, hey, we could sell a lot of T-shirts? Probably.

Probably. Yeah, I did that. It was pretty embarrassing for me, especially because in my heart of hearts, I was like, he's never going to go to Wisconsin. But I still shot off a couple of DMs being like, dude, we could sell some t-shirts. Yeah. Yeah. No, it, uh, I fell a little short on the NIL. Yeah, it fell a little short.

I don't think it was going to happen in the end, but much respect to the Badger fans for shooting. Okay, okay. Yeah, you tried. Yeah, I tried. I tried my best, and I did feel – I just want to say – It's always the best thing to do. For the record, I felt weird DMing you out of the blue being like, hey, man, you should come to Wisconsin. We could sell like over 100 t-shirts. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a low point, but I was trying anything. That's all right. But now you're here. So now I'm here. Yeah. So I'm excited. The, um, do you, I've seen your quotes, but you, you're basically like, listen, the history, the past is the past. I'm here to be myself. Um,

Has anyone explained to you the history of Chicago Bears quarterbacks? I just know that there's never been 4,000 and a 30-plus touchdown pass or things like that. It's an insult meme that goes around. Yeah, I see it all the time. I always see the edits of, like, all 31. Yeah. And then there's Chicago. Yeah, so...

I think you got to change that. Yeah, we got to do it. We'll try and change that. We got the guys to do it. I saw when you had the quote, like, my job is to rewrite history. And people are like, oh, he's so cocky. I was like, no, it actually shouldn't be that hard. That is my job. They brought me here for reasons. Yeah. Because if they...

had people like aaron rogers or anything like that i mean yeah it wouldn't be the it wouldn't be well not him he's well yeah sorry he's with the jets now so it doesn't really yeah we don't care anymore yeah you're a big uh you had people you know like that and and a history in a lineage yeah of of qbs that were ripping it up in this later stage of of of the nfl where you know they were thrown at 30 times a game then you know that would be the case but it hasn't been the case and

They obviously bring people in like Keenan and DJ and myself and all the offensive linemen, D-line people to change history. Do you ever – what's the line between cocky and confidence? Because I feel like you get accused of being cocky when it's – everything I've read, all the stories, it's like, no, he's just supremely confident in himself, which why wouldn't you want a guy who's confident in himself? Yeah, I think the difference is knowing yourself. I also think the difference is –

It's the people around you, you know, and how hard you work. I think those are the three biggest things. And I think the biggest part is the people around you. And the second one is probably how hard you work.

And I say that one first because the people around you, you got to have the right people around you to tell you when it's time to, all right, like, you know, you're pushing a little bit, you're doing this and that. Like, you know, you have people around you as no people, as they say, and not yes men and yes women. So having people around me like that and then getting after it. Always, you know, hard work always builds confidence and hard work always pays off. It always helps.

you know, at the end of it gives you a, yeah, a check mark. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm glad that you're post draft because leading up to the draft, it felt like that, that took a long time to get there. There were all, you know, a lot of bullshit out there. There was a lot, there was a lot of, a lot of bullshit. The anonymous scouts. You had one scout or I think it was a GM compared to you to Prince, but like, that's,

Prince is the greatest. When we saw it, I was just, I don't get that one just because I, yeah, he picked the worst. Like it was like, wait, he's going to be the Prince of quarterbacks. Sign me up. Yeah. I mean, I actually saw that. Yeah. I actually think I saw you say it popped up on my explore page or something. Um,

Yeah, I didn't. I mean, it was a lot of bullshit. Yeah, I've been defending you even before. It's the nicest thing that you can say about somebody. I didn't mind being compared to Prince because he's... It's a great compliment. You're going to change your name to just the Lombardi Trophy at some point? If someone said we were the Prince of Podcasters, I'd be like, awesome. Yeah, the revolution. That's incredible. So was there ever a moment, though, where the stories were getting... I mean, at one point, it was like, Cale Williams wants to own the Bears. Yeah, I mean, and I trolled a little bit. Yeah.

I mean, I was bored. I had so much free time. I was just chilling in my room or working out. And so it was just like, I'm going to step in every once in a while and just kind of say a few things. I like that. You should mix it up. You had one of our coworkers, you made them change their profile picture. Oh, his name's Jack? Yeah, Jack. You just replied to him. You're like, your profile picture's crazy. And then he changed it. I didn't do that. It was a kill shot. Well, he always...

- I've actually, since high school, he's responded to a couple of my stuff. So I was joking with him. - Yeah, he's a big football fan. - The pink cell phone at, you were watching Juju play. - I actually did not. I think my cell phone's over there. - Is it still pink? - No, I actually broke my pink cell phone on accident. - So what are we doing?

- So I have to get a new one actually. Right now it's black. I'm trying to get a new pink one. The phone was pink though. Everything else was not pink. - Wait, the case was pink or the phone was pink? - The phone is pink. - Oh, that's actually cool. - That's actually cool. - It's a pink iPhone. - Hey listen, are you getting another one? - I'm trying to. - All right, then I will too. - I had a red one for a while, it went hard.

Yeah, they got cool colors. Yeah. They got yellow and blue and all this other stuff. Don't apologize. No, I didn't apologize. You're holding the pink phone, and then Jack McGuire, Jack Max CFP says, pink phone is crazy, not going to lie. Yeah, and I said your profile. Your profile pic, yeah. Is crazy, not going to lie. They changed it. And they changed it. Yeah, I did see that. I saw that. Thank you for your service. Yes. Yeah, the stories before the draft, it was just like every week it was like –

It was something new. How can we poke holes in Caleb Williams? It's seemingly what was put out there. There were rumors like you didn't want to go to Chicago at some point. But was there a team going into that last season that if they had the number one pick overall, you decided that you didn't want to be in that situation? I don't know. I think within the NFL, I think they've done a good job, you know, of whether it's the owners and the coaches and the things like that.

I wasn't against going home, as people said also throughout the process. It was just going to be –

Well, it'd be like Katie. You know, Katie didn't really want to go home and it wasn't because necessarily the team or anything like that. It was more of the like everybody in my family is there. And, you know, you buy a lot of tickets to a game family or it's the family that's not family that I've known for so long or been around or haven't known or the new family that everybody talks about. So it was more or less having to deal with all of that and make it a huge distraction for me and, you know, take away from the thing that.

I enjoy doing. I love doing every single day. I would have been happy with that. I'm a Commander's fan. I'm from Northern Virginia myself. They've been doing a great job. Yeah, they've been doing a great job recently. I think it worked out well. I think you've got a great home here. I think Jaden's going to be a great quarterback too. So I told Big Cat, it's cool with me if you guys win six Super Bowls. I'll take three. I'm not going to be greedy. He's very nice. I hope it works out for both of us and we all get to look back on

Three. Yeah. Yeah, things turned out well for you. So now that you're playing football, you mentioned all the guys that you have to throw the ball to. Yeah. There's just one ball.

It's just one ball. It's just one ball. Always is. So you've got three excellent receivers. Yep. Well, and Cole Komet. And Cole Komet. And DeAndre Swift. Yep. How are you going to spread? And Gerald Everett. How are you going to keep them all happy? Yep. Gerald Everett's a beast. You're going to keep them all happy with just one ball? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't say it's easy. It's obviously, you know, it's going to be the fun part about it. Within the coaches and us scheming it up, yeah.

And with us also understanding early in the games and things like that, get your guys a ball, keep them engaged. And then when it's time to go win games, all these guys also understand when it's time to go win games.

It's time to go win games, you know? So that means I ought to have time and things like that. It's, you know, who gets the ball, go make plays, let's go win this game. But early in the game, it's important to, one, scheme up, and then, two, figure out what the defense is doing, what they're going to be doing for the game, and then, three, you know, what points can you get your guys the ball and easy touches. Yeah, just blame coach. Just be like, sorry, DJ, coach told me. Well, I'd assume all those guys, too, none of them have ever been like, I'm not open right now.

They all were open. No, they're always like they're open, which is, I mean, you want guys that's like, throw me the ball, I'm open. But we also have to have an understanding of like, you know, I have reads, I have progressions, I have, you know, I saw this, I didn't like how you ran this.

We didn't agree on the same page. I was hesitant on your route, so I moved on, things like that. But also constant and open communication with the guys is also important so that we can always be on the same page and keep growing. So you haven't signed up for this, but I've signed myself up for it. I'm a Caleb Williams protector online. I appreciate that. And I'm just wondering if there's anything that I need to, like any standard lines, like

People do the fingernails. Like, who cares? Like, you can't... Yeah, I'm going to do it this year. Yeah. Oh, you are? Yeah, I just haven't done it for... I try to do it for games. All of, like, you know, regular season, things like that, playoffs. Also, because I've been doing it for so long now, I'm trying to, like...

Make sure I can do it for games because I run out of ideas. So what should I say to people just being like, mind your own business? I mean – Should I do it for games? I mean, I think Prince paid his nails, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's facts. Okay. Are you going to put the F word on there? I will not be doing that. Roger Goodell would have – he would have some things to say. Yeah, he'd have some things to say. I'm trying to keep, you know, good spirited –

things on my nose but it fires you up right it does fire me all right so that's the answer i'm gonna say it fires you up i can use other stuff that'll fire me up okay all right i can yeah there's other things that what about words maybe some acronyms maybe smd gb yeah i like that i don't know what that means i just i mean i don't know those letters yeah yeah what about uh the people always like oh well he cried after a loss like dude guys can't cry and also yeah i mean here like i want my i mean if i want to if i

When we win the Super Bowl, you know, at some point, I'm hoping that we have multiple people out there crying tears of joy. So when I lose, I know how important it is that these games that we win and lose. So trying to win every game is what we go out there to do. That's why we're here now. That's why we have practice throughout the week.

So, you know, teardrop, you know, it's also, you know, there's a time and a place for it. But, you know, if a tear drops, I mean, it's how much I care for winning and losing. Right, it means that you care. I would much rather someone have that emotion than no emotion. Or laughing. Yeah, or just being like, I don't care, I'm just getting paid. With the Super Bowl thing, this is very important. Are you planning on wearing a visor? This is very important. Are you going to be wearing a visor?

If you take anything away from this interview, this is the most important part. Yeah, I don't switch. I wouldn't need to switch unless it was like rainy. Okay. All right. Good. Good. It'll be indoors. No quarterback with advisors ever won a Super Bowl. That's sick. I don't know if you knew that. Also long hair. I don't know how long you're going to get your hair. Yeah, it's going to be long. How long? It'd be pretty long. However long it's going to grow. Let's cut it right where the Super Bowl winning is. That's the length. That's why I've never won a Super Bowl.

These are the analytics that we go through. What about the people with short hair, though? They've won a lot of Super Bowls. Yeah. Think about Tom Brady. But what about the ones that lost?

They have long hair or something. I think Tom Brady lost his one Super Bowl when he had one of his Super Bowls when he had long hair. When he had long hair. Same with Big Ben. Yeah, Big Ben. Big Ben had a visor, too, in the Super Bowl that he lost. Yeah. These are really important things. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. You think you know football. We know football. I won't think twice about it, though. Yeah? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just going to go out there and...

Run the score up. Okay. I respect that. I like that. What about the Notre Dame game? People love talking about the Notre Dame game. People love talking about it. It's crazy. One game? My one tough game in three years. It's all right. I mean, it happens. I'll have a tough game in three years.

hopefully my long career in the NFL. Um, and, and it's going to happen. It's how you come back and the, you know, the confidence and hard work that you put in, uh, to come back and, and, and recoup and go out there and go win the next game. I like that. I've, I have my marching orders. I'm defending you online. And now what about like people who get maybe a little too excited? Should we, should we just like try to take it one game at a time? You can take it, you can take it one game at a time. You can, you can have at it, you do your thing. Um,

whatever floats your boat. - Just be you. - Yeah, just be you. - Yeah, just be you. Because yeah, there was someone said, I saw this one guy say, "You know what? I'm done being mature. I tried for an hour and it sucks. Caleb Williams is a guy I need to get out of my own head. He's gonna be so fucking good. I'm gonna be so fucking happy and life is gonna be amazing. Suck my dick from the back, haters." - Oh, wow.

I might have said that after an hour of your preseason game. All right. I won't retweet it. I won't like it or anything. No, you can like it now. That's what's great about Twitter. There's no likes. Yeah, hidden likes. How crazy are you going with the likes these days? Not crazy. No, not crazy. I'm still fearful that they're going to change it back at some point. Yeah, I am too. So I don't really go in and like and stuff. He's going to flip it on and we're all just going to be like standing there with our clothes off like,

What the hell just happened? I got some stuff I got to clean up. Got to go back into the history here. I read that you drink four ginger beers a day. I back down from that diet-wise and things like that. It's a lot of sugar in them. That's a lot of ginger beer. Yeah. I'm actually trying to create my own ginger beer with not as much sugar because I love it so much and I wanted to drink it. It's so good.

And it's always – and I actually learned – I'm going to start drinking it. Damn it. I'm going to have to just do everything. It's pretty good. Have you tried it? No. I've had ginger beer before. It's fantastic. You've got to try –

You got to try the right now. I'll get to y'all on what, you know, it's going to be. I like that. You got to try Fever Tree. That's the best one right now. And then when yours comes out, that will be the best one. Yeah, we're going to blow that up. My grandfather used to drink old time ginger beer when I was growing up. And so I would have some. I don't know what that is. It was powerful. It had that spice to it. And I feel like kids don't drink ginger beer anymore.

Yeah. It's so good for you. Also, it's good for your stomach and all like, it's a bunch, it has a bunch of, a bunch of awesome benefits from it, but it is, you know, a little bit of sugar. So I'm back down from it. I'm back down from it. We'll bring it back. You're doing a work with the foundation that you just started, right? Caleb cares. Caleb cares. Where's Caleb cares? Yeah. So Caleb cares is like a, it's an anti-bullying, um, and mental health, you know, nonprofit that we're, we try and try and do our best with anything that we can do. Uh,

And a lot of times it's with boys and girls clubs that we try and help out with and reach out and show up in person. We've done it in LA, D.C., now here in Chicago, trying to grow it. I want it to be a huge thing globally and be able to use my platform and anything that I can do to help in those ways. And it's just trying to provide a good community.

a good person to be able to, you know, help and reach out if, you know, people need to reach out to Caleb, Caleb cares and, you know, get help or whatever the case may be, or, or just talk to somebody and things like that. You know, we, we, we're trying our best to do that. We'd love to help in any way you ever need it. Awesome. Yeah.

Remember that show? I forget what channel it was on where there would be a bully and then they would invite the bully out to do something. There'd be an MMA fighter that was waiting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we don't do it like that. We don't beat up bullies? Yeah, we don't beat up bullies. But we, I mean, for people that, you know,

grades or they get in trouble or whatever the case may be. Um, just trying to, to, to shed, you know, some good light on, on what, you know, things should be and how they should be. Um, and we've had so far pretty awesome success, um, through that, through the process that we've been through and, you know, showing up, being in person, um, going to the boys and girls clubs, um, you know, providing gifts and presents for, for certain things. Um,

We call it the Caleb Cares Hero Award for people that change their attitude, their mindset, all of that. The teachers or the helpers or TAs are showing or they tell us about their progress and things like that. Then they get an award and they get some gifts or they get some beats or whatever it's been in the past. That's awesome. You don't beat up bullies. We can't beat up bullies. But if you ever get to a point where you need us to ratio a bully, we could do that online.

Or we could drop a quick ratio on somebody. If we need to make a bully changes profile pic. Yeah, right. Sounds good. We get them. Yeah, that's another one. I wanted to bring up one story that I loved and says what you are as a teammate. And the media goes with all these different stories. Like I said, I think two years being the number one pick, everyone's going to poke holes. But when you won the Heisman, you brought your entire offensive line.

And you demanded that they would come. Was there any pushback when you're like, I'm not going if I don't bring my guys? Well, there was pushback. I said, I want to invite them. And then there was pushback. And then I said, I'm not going unless – That's awesome. And then it ended up happening. Yeah. And then we ended up having a great – it was like – I'll never forget that night because we all went and sat around. We ended up getting a suite after you win. You get a suite after you win the Heisman. And so we ended up going up to the suite and we just –

I mean, we had chicken fingers, pizza. I mean, the big man had beers and drinks and stuff like that. And we were just, I mean, we were having a blast just sitting around a round table and just music, laughing, joking, thinking about, you know, all the good times and having stories and stuff like that and just...

Enjoying each other. I love that because, you know, there's – I mean, that's just – especially in a moment because I was reading the story that like all your offensive linemen being like, we don't know when we're going to be all together again. Yeah, all together again. And we're just going to enjoy this moment together hanging out, getting room service. Yeah.

Like, that's old school fun. Yeah, yeah. Like, so, yeah, I love that story. That's a great teammate. So, I just wanted to highlight that story. Yeah, appreciate it. How do you fly back with a Heisman Trophy? Did you just bring it on the – did you have a private plane? No, so USC provided the private plane for that. And then, you know, we hopped on the private and –

It was sitting pretty in the private plane. I love it. So I know that you've received, I read that you've received a lot of media training. So you're ready to deal with the media that tries to get you to say stuff. Yeah. I don't know if they prepared you for this question. All right. If there was a button, if you had a button, and if you pushed it, one Bears fan would die. But you would win 10 Super Bowls. Do you press the button? You can kill me.

What if it was me? You don't know which Bears fan is going to die. One. Just one. Ten Super Bowls? Ten Super Bowls. I feel like most Bears fans would be like, I'll throw my name in that. I'd press the button for you. You mean they sacrifice? Yeah. Wow. That's love. It is love. So do you press the button?

I'll take it. I'm saying I'll take it, Caleb. I'm reading your body language. You're pressing the button many times. Yeah, you're getting 30 Super Bowls. Yeah. Smashing it. I like that. I would press the button. 10 Super Bowls. That's a lot of Super Bowls. Yeah, that's...

That's great. Yeah. All right. I know we've got to wrap up, and we appreciate your time. I have one last question, a Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase, Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, Roback.com. So I'm a big college football fan as well, and I had one very stupid question. Utah, can you tell the difference –

when it goes from day to night there. Because I have a theory that if Utah – like you tell me Utah's playing a game, you just tell me what time they're playing. Because if it's nighttime, I'm going to bet on Utah. If it's daytime, take the other team. And you had that one game where it was – Well, we started. Started in day. Started in day, ended in night. And you guys were awesome in the first half. We had two of them. Yeah. And it was just like – Yeah, two. So can you feel the difference in that crowd? It's only – and there's always smoke in the crowd. That crowd was actually –

an awesome crowd love the love the stadium love all of that love the crowd uh but man i don't even they're tough football team i mean i don't know how we didn't win any of them it was it got dark yeah i mean that's literally all it was it was 12 pack 12 after after after dark yeah after dark

yeah it was it was tough yeah is it weird now that you're in big 10 country and your usc is going to come play yeah it's weird it's gonna be cool though yeah it's gonna be cool hopefully i can hopefully i can try and get to you know that that first game if not you know they'll be around yeah around here hopefully yeah well caleb thank you so much awesome appreciate you um

I wanted to say I love you, but that would be weird because we just met. No, it's all good. All right, I love you. Much love. I love you. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, no, seriously, thanks so much, and we're excited for this season. Yeah, same here. And let us know if we can ever ratio someone for Caleb Cluris. Yeah. We'll do it. We'll do it. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Much love, and the Bears. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Oh, yeah.

Caleb Williams is brought to you by Mountain Dew. We got our Mountain Dew fridge right here. Stocked. We got plenty stocked. We got all the flavors out on the table. Hank, what flavor are you drinking there? I'm drinking the OG. Just regular. Regular Mountain Dew. OG Mountain Dew. Big Cat's got an OG Mountain Dew. I love the OG Mountain Dew. Actually, can you throw me another one? Do the Dew. Hank, you want to pass Big Cat an OG?

Go for it, buddy. I love these cans. Cans are great. Just the color of them pops. The Code Red is aggressive. There's like a dragon, iguana type guy on here. Code Red's the best. I love it. You guys love Mountain Dew. There's nothing else to say. You guys know Mountain Dew's great. We know Mountain Dew's great.

And there's nothing like that refreshing citrus kick. Mountain Dew will get you off your ass and have you feeling like you're on an actual mountain. A mountain where the weather's always perfect and your friends are ready to hang. And a day of epic proportions awaits. We're here at Camp Barstool. We're going to be drinking Mountain Dew all week long. Engaging in some outdoor activities, some recreation, hitting up the lake, sharing a cabin with the boys, playing some wiffle ball.

playing some ultimate frisbee we're going to be playing some kickball and we're going to be drinking a ton of Mountain Dew the mountain's calling you should answer grab your friends grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do okay let's finish up the show we got guys on chicks hey boys long time AWO here congrats to pug on 98 that was electric see how easy that was max

Anyway. That was electric. PFT? What? See how easy that was? Yeah. I'm beyond impressed with Pug. Shout out to one guy who said that he had been picking 98 for an entire year because of Conor Bedard when the Blackhawks got Conor Bedard and he's like, all it took was Pug to pick it once and we're back. Like, this is fucking... The guy's just... He's magic. Pug is magic.

Anyway, any advice on asking a guy out? There's this guy in my apartment complex that I'm borderline obsessed with, and I'm curious whether he's interested. We've hung out a few times, walking our dogs, and getting drinks with mutual friends, but never one-on-one. Should I just assume that if he was interested, he would just ask me out and accept that it's never going to happen? No. No, that's not how it works. No, we're stupid. Right now, the guy is probably...

leaving a voicemail for another podcast asking whether or not he should ask you out. Yeah. So on life advice right now, here's the thing. Um, just ask him out. I don't know a single guy that's intimidated or has like a turnoff to a woman asking them out. If he's interested in you and you ask him out, then it's actually the best thing that could ever happen to him. What's going through his brain right now is, uh, there's a cute, uh,

neighbor of mine who I walk dogs with and we've had some beers and I really want to ask her out but I'm super afraid that if I ask her out she says no it's going to be awkward every time I see her yeah that's that's exactly what's going through his brain every day when he wakes up so if you just ask him out you're good yep and then when you guys break up one of you will have to move because that will be the awkward time yeah but

you'll, you know, have some fun in between. Are you guys dogs become friends? Oh yeah. Then you got to explain. Don't get a third dog. No. Then you'd have to figure out who gets the third dog when you break up. Yeah. And it will be a messy breakup. It also matters if you live on the same floor, I think. Yeah. Oh, even messier. Yeah.

Hey, PMT boys. I went to a college party last weekend of school in May. The last weekend of school in May. Me and this guy had a lot of fun dancing and hanging out there. He brought us... He bought us an Uber back to his place, but he threw up in the Uber into the trash sack. I wanted to go back to his apartment, but he said he's too fucked up and unable to perform. Do you think he was lying to me or is that true? No, that's definitely true. That's definitely... Also...

Credit to this woman. She shared an Uber back with the guy. He puked in the Uber. Yeah. And then she was like, you want to go fool around? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. That's a real one right there. Yeah. I mean, he was just so bombed that, wow. And then she's like, do you think he was faking it? Yeah. Yeah. The puke. Yeah.

Imagine if the guy could puke on command just to get out a hookup, bad hookups. Yeah. I'll take the $500 cleaning charge. Actually, you know what? Now that you're saying it. Yeah. He was faking it. He faked the whole thing. You got to think about something else. Okay. Sub dad cat, JNCO man and bell ringer. My husband is not a football guy and loves museums and art fairs with a particular interest in modern art. He'll watch football with me and scroll his phone.

Getting a call, sorry. Doesn't particularly enjoy it. And when we get together with friends to watch a game at a house or bar, it's pretty awkward because he doesn't understand the lingo or rules. Is there any hope he will come around? No. Sounds like you just have an art guy. Yeah, this is... This is like...

Remember when we went to dinner, PFT? We might have told this story. We went to dinner with a friend and he invited the guy who wrote the music to Succession. Yeah. And there was a moment during dinner where I actually, I felt like an idiot, but I was like, hey man, can I ask you a question? It's kind of a weird question. He's like, yeah. I was like, what do you do on Sundays? And he was like, what do you mean?

And then he explained, like, yeah, I just go to the park or in, like, he lives a regular day. And it just was... It's so foreign to me. Like, what do you... Imagine having your full weekend clear every single weekend. He's productive. Right. He actually... He does things to improve himself. Yeah. But even summer, I mean, there's still some sports. But yeah. Yeah, I guess it's summer. Yeah, yeah. But imagine having that all year round. You're sick. It's a very bizarre feeling. Like, you...

You'd get all the stuff done around your house. Yeah. Go do things. Well, listen, admiring art isn't that different from watching football. Yeah.

Yeah. Hear me out. You, you spend all day, you pay like $15, you go to a big building and then you look at a screen on the wall and then that screen makes you feel emotions. Not only that, that's exactly what I do every single Sunday. Add, add to that. A lot of times when you go to the museum, you, you get the headset and someone's explaining the art to you. Yeah, exactly. So it's a complimentary piece. You've got like a play by play guy for the art. Right. And it makes you feel angry.

Sometimes. Other times it makes you feel happy. Other times it makes you feel like you want to get into a fight with another guy that's in the art museum. Yeah. And then you go to the gift shop, which is similar to when we order like $500 worth of wings and pizza. Yeah. Or you buy like, yeah, you're getting like your fifth, like on-field replica jersey for your favorite team. Yeah. That's what you're getting when you get the Rembrandt calendar. Right. It's actually the same thing as being a sports fan. Yeah. Okay, Hank, last one.

Hey, PMT boys, my boyfriend is a longer time listener and I've gradually become a reluctant fan of your show. Whoa, whoa. There's a lot of qualifiers in that sentence right there. Chill out. When my boyfriend gets drunk, he will often eat whatever is available. Most recently, he pulled out five tortillas and made a bunch of quesadillas, but he also included mayo and peanut butter along with the cheese. I find this disgusting, but wanted to get your thoughts. What has been your trainest drunk food creation? I mean, that's...

Not that... Mayo and peanut butter together is gross. Yeah, but... I'll stand on that. I would agree, but... With cheese. Putting yourself into a drunk person's mindset where you just take anything that you see and put it together. Like, I've heard worse. Yeah, and he probably likes mayo and peanut butter. Like, he was just like, oh, let's just play the hits. How many times have you... I was very... I never did, like, the...

A ton of crazy ones. It's just usually just a frozen pizza. How many frozen pizzas have you guys burned to almost burning your house down? I can think of three times. I was going to say seven. I can think of a few. Yeah. I once. I once. I sleep drunk with a pizza in there and it's just a brick when you wake up. I used to keep my like buns and like bread in my stove in my old apartment because I didn't have like a lot of space. Yeah. And I accidentally. I thought I took them all out. I left one in there and then I like lit an entire. With the plastic? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, no, no. That's bad. That's a bad place to keep plastic. Yeah, that's bad. That's so great.

That's a great Hank story. I wish I had heard that before. What I used to do was I used to just go into my closet and add chips. Like I would always get like the flaming hot chips or the Takis. And I would add those to just anything. If I had like leftover fried rice from a restaurant, guess what makes it better? Put some flaming hot Doritos in there. Yeah. I would leave the stove on once a week in college. Like it became a thing that like my roommates had to be there when I was using the stove because they knew I was going to leave it.

on yeah every time yeah i just i wasn't even drunk either that was just like i would cook something and then leave the stove on yeah after yeah well you were just yours i was just dumb well all right hold on to back you up it was obviously if it was a college apartment it was the coils

No, it was one of the electric ones, but it wouldn't be red. Yeah, that's not your fault. That's not your fault. The coils are like, you leave those on. You can see the fire. I couldn't see the fire. Yeah, yeah. If it's an open flame one, like if it's a burner, then you're an idiot. Anything else, I have your back. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Good show, boys. Hard knocks. That was fun. Yeah. Holy shit. Thank you also.

any of the AWLs that didn't spoil it after I accidentally said it on Donnie's live stream at like 11 a.m. today. So, good job. It's been cool seeing part of my take make it to the big screen again. Yeah, this podcast might actually work out. As a TV show? No, as just a podcast.

All right, let's kick it back to ourselves for lottery balls. Okay, let's wrap up the show. We're back in studio for numbers. Pug, can he do it? Three in a row. First ever three-peat. Pug, you got to go first. I think I'm going to go 97, Pug. Wow, you crazy bastard. You are a fucking psycho. Maybe work my way down. Wait, Hank's mic's not on. Hank's mic's not on. This is good. Yeah, best part of the show. You're good.

What were you going to say, Hank? My first line was... It was a killer line? Yeah. All right, just pretend. Just pretend. Hey, Pug, you go first. I think I'm going to go with 97. Oh, you're sick. Do you think that just going down in order is going to work? That was a good line, Hank. Yeah, the first one was... Wait, was that because that was your strategy at one point? But Pug won't miss numbers.

True. He's just going to get them all. Pug's just better. Yeah. Pug's a better human being and dog than all of us. Yeah. I'll go with 20. I'll go back to 8. Pug might be a better picker of numbers than human. I don't know. He's a better dog than picker of numbers. I mean, he's the lead at picking numbers. He's a very great human. We love him, but he's not. Is he elite? I think he's probably the best on this show. Yeah, by far.

Thanks, guys. That means a lot. Pug. See, what a good guy. All right. What's your number, Hank? 70. 70. 70. Did you just try to pick all the 70s? 70s. Max, have you ever gotten the lottery ball? I've gotten the number 56. 21. You've never gotten the lottery ball. Eight. This is 97. I quit. Two. Two. Two is the number. Love you guys. I don't know what I'm to say. I'm saying it anyway.

I'll be coming for you anyway. I'll be shining on you anyway. I'll be shining on you anyway.

Take on me. Take on me.