David Wells, Chill Week From Tahoe + Mt Rushmore Of Worse Situations To Dump
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- On today's part of my take, we're in Lake Tahoe for Chill Week. We have an awesome interview with David Wells coming. We interviewed him this morning. It was great. We're gonna talk about Chill Week. We've got Hot Seat, Cool Throne. We're gonna do the Mount Rushmore of worst places to have to shit or situations to shit. - Or situations you find yourself in that you have to take a poop. - Like Gwyneth Paltrow's house.

If yeah, diarrhea, diarrhea. Yes, that is true. Uh, and then we're going to do part in your take. Great show is chill week. We're also going to explain chill weeks. I did a bad job of that. Didn't never, we never really told anyone what we were actually doing. I was actually remarkably chill of you. That was chilling. And it was unchill of, of a listener who complained. Well, it wasn't a complaint. It was shout out FSU Brando. He was like, Hey, what actually is chill week? And I was like, good point. Never fucking said it. It's a fair point. But also if, if you're chill, then you know. Yeah, that's true. Uh,

The MMA event of the year, Battle of the Giants, is coming up fast. Lineal heavyweight world champion Francis Ngannou makes his return to the cage versus Hanan Ferreira. Women's MMA GOAT Chris Cyborg takes on 2023 PFL champ Larissa Pacheco.

Johnny Eblen goes toe-to-toe with Fabian Edwards with the Bellator middleweight title on the line. Battle of the Giants and Ganu vs. Fajera goes down Saturday, October 19th at 4 p.m. Eastern Time on ESPN Plus Pay-Per-View. Okay, let's go. Boy, boy, boy, there is violence and not a lot of work to be done.

Electric Avenue. And then we hire. We're going to rock.

It's a part of my take presented by Marshall Sports. Welcome to a part of my take presented by DraftKings. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. Use code TAKE. That's code TAKE for new customers to get $150 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just $5 only on DraftKings. Today is Wednesday, July 10th, and welcome to Chill Week. I notice, what's up with your guys' hats?

Is that not chill? I want to turn it around if you want to be chill. Colin Coward would hate this week. I don't know. Come on. We can't have three back. Come on. Go do it. Yeah. What if I just. That's chill. Yeah. Look at Hank cracking open a Coors Light. All right. So we're in Tahoe. We did a terrible job of explaining chill week. There's probably some AWLs are like, does this mean Grit Week's gone? No. Grit Week is still coming. First week of August. This is chill week.

An idea that we've been tossing around for a few years in that we see this golf tournament that happens in Tahoe every single year. It seems awesome, American Century Championship. And we're like, we should go out there and chill and interview some people.

And finally this year, we got our ducks in a row and we're like, hey, let's go do it. So we're out here. Shout out to people from American Century Championship. They were accommodating. They have been accommodating. They're letting us do interviews at the clubhouse this week. And we're in Tahoe. And videos. And videos. We're in Tahoe. We're chilling. We went wakeboarding. Video will come out. We went frisbee golfing. Video will come out. Really good at both. Yeah. And we're just...

We're just having a chill week. It is very chill. I like it out here. It's a very chill town. Lake Tahoe is great. Uh,

amazing hank's approval yeah in love with it it's one of the premier destination spots for vacations as told by hank lockwood um it's a good place to get a bunch of interviews too because there's a bunch of really big name players out here and the good thing is i think i think people are more ready to talk to you when they get off the golf course yeah they're like ready to go oh i mean david wells was incredible today he had stories for days but yeah it's uh

I mean, yeah, we're working a lot during show week, but we love our job. Like I had, I had a moment coming back from Frisbee golf today. It was like today rocked. We just hung out with the boys all day. This is our, went on a boat, did an interview, played some Frisbee golf. Vibes were high. This is our phase. Me. Yeah, that's right. We're getting ready for camp. We're just chilling out. Yeah. Hank did say that like two hours into today. He was like,

Yeah, I think I like Lake Tahoe. It's like, oh, no shit, dude. Yeah, it's really good. It's where everyone goes on vacations. It's a beautiful, beautiful place. It's really good. I get it. Is there like a bigger discrepancy in terms of swank level for an airport that you have to fly into? Like a city that you have to fly into to get to the destination that you end up at? Because you have to fly into Reno to get here. Yeah. And I wouldn't say that Reno... Like, Reno is a fun town, but it's also like...

If you're laying low, if you're ducking some charges, Reno's a pretty good spot to go. Reno 911. Yes, but you have to fly in there to get to Lake Tahoe, so you get a taste of grit when you land, and then the destination's really chill. Yeah. Probably the biggest discrepancy in terms of cities with that. And we're just chilling. I mean, we have a couple more days here, but if it's anything like today...

Sign me up for more. I think that actually the boys behind the camera have a much chiller week than we do because they're in Margaritaville. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's the chillest place on Earth. I'm a little upset I'm not in Margaritaville this week. They are also... They just shoot video while we were wakeboarding and playing. Yeah, and they also were going to finish this podcast and they're going to work all night. And then we have an interview at 8 a.m. But yeah, that's...

They're chilling. But Margaritaville. If I could trade places with them, I would. You know what? If I knew how to edit, I would edit for you guys today. That's how chill I am. That is. Hey, so we should talk about whatever's going on in the sports world. You know what's not chill?

Mike Gundy. Mike Gundy had Mike Gundy. He double dipped into it today. Yeah. So, so the story is, uh, Ollie Gordon, the incredible running back for Oklahoma state, uh, got a DUI. Uh, what is like a month ago or so? Mike Gundy was big or sorry. I was about to say, Oh yeah, it was big 12. Still. I got confused. Big 12 media day. Mike Gundy, uh, said, I looked it up on my phone talking about Ollie Gordon's DUI. I looked it up on my phone. Uh,

What would be the legal limit? Two or three beers or four. I'm not justifying what Ollie did. I'm telling you what decision I made. Well, I thought I've probably done that a thousand times in my life. Yeah.

He said that he has been over the legal limit of driving over a thousand times in his life. You know how old he is? This made me feel old because when I think of Mike Gundy, I still remember the, I'm a man, I'm 40. Mike Gundy's 56 now. Yeah. So I did the math, so that's 35 years, right? That means that- Wow, wait, 35 years? Since you're 21. Okay, well-

38 years. He's, he's claimed to have over a thousand DUIs. Right. So he probably wasn't following the law. It should be like 32 times a year is what we're looking at. Mike Gundy driving drunk 32 times a year. Wouldn't, I mean, it wouldn't shock me. I was trying to figure out what exactly his point was. And it like, he could have just said, Hey, and, and you know, DUIs are not a laughing matter. It's like, Hey, he made a mistake. Uh,

He knows he fucked up. We're going to figure out a way to learn from this. Instead, he was just like, yeah, dude, he had four beers. I do that all the time. Yeah, Mike Gundy was like, I think that the police need to quit being pussies. Like, come on. It was a .10. So, yeah, he said he broke it down by weight to see how many beers that he had. And then my favorite part of this was he said, if there's any punishment, I'm probably going to just give him the ball 50 times in the first game. Yeah, right. That'll show him. I'm going to give him extra carries.

Yeah, I don't, I mean, Mike Gundy, I guess, I guess he's keeping the Big 12. Like I wouldn't have known Big 12 Media Day was happening today if it weren't for Mike Gundy. So credit to you for the Big 12 being relevant today. I don't think for the right reasons. The commissioner also said he's not going to rest until the Big 12 is the best conference in the country. Oh, good luck. So he's just never going to sleep? He's never going to sleep. Well, they've had some good, they've had some good runs, but they losing Oklahoma and Texas does not help. Yeah, best in the country.

Yeah. I think the new Big 12 is going to be very, very fun. It's going to be fun for sure. Yeah. And I'm also very excited because no one ever talks about, you know, all the college realignment is always football centric, which I get because that's the main motivator. But like Arizona and Kansas playing Big 12 basketball is going to rule. That is going to be good to watch. Those kind of things that you think about.

And like the, like BYU and UCF. I'm getting a nice rivalry going. I need some, I need some reminders of who's joining the ACC this year. Stanford and Cal. That's right. Yeah. SMU. And I think I got all of them.

I think I got all of them. Yeah, that's going to rock. It is crazy looking at all, like when they updated all the, or not rankings, but like if you go on ESPN.com and you look for your conference, like I did that for the Big Ten and just seeing 18 teams, I was like, holy fucking shit. Yeah, it's going to be wild. Stanford and Duke, that's going to be good rivalry. Yeah. All right, so this is, so let's see. The ACC, how many teams? 17 total teams, so I must have missed some.

I've got to find a list of all these. We should just do this as a quick recap. 17 teams. That's insane. Yeah, I think Stanford, Cal, SMU. And then Big 12 is, if we went down the list real quick, I know UCF, BYU, Arizona, Arizona State? I forget who else joined the Big 12. Utah? Utah?

Yeah, I think so. There's a lot of teams. So yeah, Mike Gundy. Way to go, dude. Yeah, DUI. No big deal. Thousand times. Thousand times in his life. All right, what else we got? I have an update for us. Okay. So remember Kevin Durant, there was some speculation on what was going on with him. He's unhappy. Don't act like you're not interested in Charlotte the Stingray. That bitch is alive. Kevin Durant is unhappy and requests a trade.

But he did? Well, I think he will. Oh, he will? I think Kevin Durant is unhappy. We've been talking to some league sources. Yeah, the league sources are saying Kevin Durant has confirmed he is unhappy in his current situation and would like to play somewhere else. Please credit part of my take. Part of my take, according to the sources we talked to. I also love the picture day. One, Mark Few is a coach on Team USA. Didn't realize that. So he's going to get a gold medal before...

He gets to a final four and two Kevin Durant standing in the back row. The height truthers are back. I don't even think it's a height truthing anymore. It's just Kevin Durant has always been seven feet. He just doesn't want to say it. Yeah. Yeah. And then, um, there was a picture of, of the French team too. And Rudy was in the background with, uh, with Wimby and he got on his tiptoes. So we didn't look that much shorter than when be smart move by him. Yeah, that is very smart move. Um,

Oh, Cooper flag. I think Cooper flag. Oh yeah. In a soccer. You have a Cooper flag. He might be a problem. We, we were the first to say it. It's going to years ago. It's going to piss me off so much watching him dominated Duke. Yeah, but they're, they're not going to still will like flame out. He was like tanking this year is going to be off the charts off the chart. Yeah. As it should be. Yeah. It's,

It's going to rule, and the Pistons are going to get the fifth pick. Yep. That's just going to happen. But, yeah, Cooper Flagg, he was showing out against Team USA. That's got to be, like, the coolest moment ever, to be playing against all those guys and actually, you know, be like, I belong on this court. You're hitting stepbacks over some of the best defensive players in the league. Yeah. I think he's good. Yeah. I'm going to say it right now. He's good. Yeah. Yeah, Spain-France played soccer. You see that goal? Golazo. 16-year-old. Yamal. Yeah. Yeah.

And I was talking soccer. That's it. Oh, Messi scored. Yeah, Canada lost. Yeah, Spain beat Canada. Spain beat Canada. Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me in soccer. Yep. I actually would have liked to watch the Euros, but we were busy. But yeah, it looked cool. Yeah, it was actually Spain-France. France got a goal, which was nice.

So they advanced all the way. I think this is the quarterfinals. This is semifinals. Semifinals today. So they advanced all the way to the semis. They scored one goal, and I believe it was in the run of play today. All their other goals were either own goals or PKs. Yeah, they had zero open goal goals for the entire tournament until today. We got to get their coach.

Yeah, they just grit and grind. Yeah, just grit. They're like Iowa football of football. Yeah, just never even try to score. Just get to PKs or get tripped in the box. Yep. And I was talking to Sakurai. Anything else going on in the sports world that we need to be aware of before we get to everything else we got? I think that's pretty much it.

Let's just look. I think that's sports for the day. Oh, I have a headline I could read for us. You guys want me to read a headline real quick? Yeah, I have one for my hot seat cool throne, but I don't know if I want to burn it. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. Oh, sports. Okay. Here's let's read a headline. Man uses funnel to pour margarita down woman's butt restaurant outraged. Why are they outraged? I think some people were outraged. The restaurant Rodeo Mexican restaurant had to issue a letter to

That's bad news when you have to issue a letter as a restaurant. I don't even know they... When have you ever seen a restaurant be like, here's a letter that we're informing everyone of? Were people complaining to the restaurant because somebody butt-funneled a margarita? Yes. That's not on the restaurant. Well, there was video of it.

I guess, I don't know, maybe the vibes, but as show week, you could butt funnel anywhere. You could charge double. Yeah. The Rodeo Mexican restaurant said, Dear valued customers, we recently became aware of an inappropriate incident that took place in our restaurant. We want to make it clear that such behavior is completely unacceptable and does not reflect our values or mission to provide a family-friendly service.

you're a restaurant family friendly dining experience we are taking this matter very seriously and are conducting a thorough investigation in collaboration with the authorities any employees found to be involved will face appropriate action we're committed to maintain the highest standards and ensuring a safe and enjoyable environment for all our guests thank you for understanding and continued support sincerely rodeo mexican restaurant that's

You're a restaurant. Yeah, and also that's putting an unreasonable expectation on your server. Once the drink is served, do you then have to sit at the table to make sure they don't butt funnel it? Yeah, I don't know. I did say Rodeo. It's Rodeo probably. I was just thinking of Rodeo Drive. Rodeo would be classier. Rodeo, they should rebrand as Rodeo. Yeah, if it's Rodeo, then you go in there expecting to see some buttholes. As I was reading it, I was like, this is definitely Rodeo. Why am I saying it like this? Yeah, people were complaining about...

This woman said, I've enjoyed dining in your restaurant for many years, celebrated many birthdays there, enjoyed your margaritas. Uh-oh. The one that went up the butt. I am far from a prude. That's a classic prude thing to say. Yeah, no one has ever said that that wasn't a prude. But I have never been more disgusted in my life by the video of those people acting like animals in your restaurant. I...

I strongly disagree with that. Also, let me see. Like, could a dog butt funnel? I've watched a lot of Nat Geo. I've never seen an animal butt funnel margarita. Could a gorilla butt funnel? Could a fucking tiger butt funnel? They don't have the thumbs. No. Or the, I mean, they don't have funnels. Yes, I've seen the video and I know the name of the server in said video. I've also watched the quality of food and service decline over the years. That feels fake. Yeah.

That feels like you're piling on. Sounds like she was waiting for an excuse. Yeah. With this incident being the final straw, I'll be taking my business elsewhere. The final straw actually went into that lady's butthole. Yeah. That was it. That was literally. That's the final straw. Yeah. And then one person or Kate, our coworker, good friend Kate, left a review saying,

This place rules. And I hope they don't let any drama bring them down. And I vow to get there someday to enjoy many margs with my mouth. I also liked that the restaurant was like, we will be conducting a very thorough investigation. Just like watching the security camera on replay. Our standards. Yeah. Or we expect higher standards than butt funnels. There's going to be like, you know how in a menu it has that asterisk and it says, uh,

warning consuming undercooked poultry or raw seafood yeah to salmonella yeah just on the drink menu have an asterisk be like not to be inserted rectally and then you're covered what else can you do just an x over any any funnels going into butts or you could just become the butt funnel friendly restaurant yeah that would probably do well we turned a blind eye to the brown eye our guy dana beers is has admitted to boofing oh really yeah oh yeah right up the pooper yeah he boofed

He did it. I think that's a bridge too far. All right, I'm looking right now. Yeah, there's not many other headlines or anything going on. Tyler Glasnow got hurt. That's not even news. He gets hurt every year. I think Brandon Ayuk wants to leave the 49ers. Oh, what would give you that idea? The fact that he keeps talking about wanting to leave the 49ers. That probably would be spot on. Yeah, he posted a screenshot of him watching Commander's film, which concerns me a little bit because it's like, how did he get that film? Probably from Jane Daniels.

Or just he had a drone that flew over practice. But it seems like he wants to leave. I would accept Brandon Ayuk on the Commanders. Yeah. I think he's a good player. Did you see RG3? He was like, hey, this is a safe space, all Commanders fans. Do you want to bring back the old logo?

really well they brought back the yellow pants yeah yellow pants is a big deal got it big deal for for people in dc we don't have a lot to really celebrate pants in the last 14 years that's huge that's a that's banner worthy no i saw the yellow pants and i was like okay that's there we had two seasons where we were pretty good yeah that's huge you gotta have you can pee in yellow pants no one will ever know that's a fact um okay let's do should we do hot seat cool throne yeah

All right, let's do Hot Seat, Cool Throne. It is brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. We are sponsored by Coors Light all the time, but especially Chill Week. Chill Week is presented by Coors Light before all the hustle of football season continues.

We're heading out west. We're here right now for our first ever chill week. With the help of Coors Light, we'll be hosting interviews with fellow golf lovers in town, enjoying the summer fun that Tahoe has to offer, and most of all, choosing chill with Coors Light all week long. We were choosing chill earlier today. We're going to be grilling and chilling later with some Coors Light. So when the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Light is cold-loggered, cold-filtered, and cold-packaged for a smoother finish.

Tune in for our adventures at Chill Week. And don't forget to choose chill and reach for a Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. The best beer out there. It is Coors Light. It is the chillest beer. It's the coldest beer.

There's no better beer than when you're coming off, what, 18 holes of Frisbee golf or getting off a boat. It's the best. You just have a nice cold Coors Light. Getting off the golf course, Coors Light. That's where it is. So thank you to Coors Light. All right, Hank, Hot Seat Couture. We also, Hot Seat is anyone that hasn't seen the new shirts, wearing it. Mountains are blue. They got the mountains on them wearing that shirt on the boat.

On the lake with the mountains in the background. So sick. Just felt right. Yes. Some of our best shirts we've ever made. Make sure I didn't get my computer in that shot. My other hot seat is Joe Biden. Oh, why? He seemed fine. Trump made a million dollar wager.

in an 18-hole golf match, and he's going to give him 20 strokes. Whoa. Trump already won that exchange. Right, that's what I'm saying. Like, if Joe Biden doesn't accept hot seat, he does accept he's going to get smoked. Like, no, but 20 strokes. If you accept the 20 strokes, like, I don't care who it is. If anybody offered me 20 strokes and then I lost, like, even if I beat him by the technicality of only losing by 18 strokes, I'm still the loser. No, you got to beat him straight up with the 20 strokes and be like...

throw those 20 strokes in the trash. Yeah. So by, by even offering this to Biden, Trump already won the way that Biden could win back is if he says, I'll do it, but it's gotta be Frisbee golf. That

That'd be pretty chill. Two guys just banging chains together? I think they would die if they had to play Horsby Golf. Definitely. You know what we should do? We should actually demand that they both do it, that they both have to carry their bags, but it's four rounds. It's like a full four-round tournament, and then hope that they just both die on the course. That would be over under one and a half broken hips. Yeah. I'd hammer the over. No medics. Yeah. Just the two of them out of the course. Yep.

And then they both die. And then we're good. Don't give them the rules. Yeah. Then we don't have a fucking. Let them bang some chains. Back to the drawing board. Then we're good. Yeah, that's tough. The 20 strokes. Because you can't.

Yeah, if you play that and you lose by 10, then Trump's just going to be like, I won. Yeah, that was the best part of the debate, though, where they were just talking about their golf game. It was the most relatable. Either of them, Ben. They asked him a question about, like, child care. What are you going to do about child care costs? And then it just evolved into, well, I'm a six handicap. I'm an eight handicap. I beat your ass on the golf course. I beat your ass. All right, all right, Jack. Play tomorrow. All right, good hot seat. Speaking of golf, my cool throne is King and Bradley. Yes. Ryder Cup snub.

The Netflix, I only watched it recently, but the Netflix full swing documentary showing the details of how hard he got snubbed in the boys club, Zach Johnson, speed.

Spieth and Justin Thomas was crazy. I felt super bad for Keegan. And then today he got named captain. He said he had no idea that that was even a possibility until he got the call being like, hey, you're going to be captain of the Ryder Cup, which is crazy. But awesome for Keegan. Yeah, it does feel like a make good, but it's – I mean, he's a great dude, and he's going to be a good captain. I just want him to be as petty as possible and, like, maybe even call Zach Johnson and be like, hey, you've made the Ryder Cup –

We need you on the team. And then him be like, really? That's awesome. Like psych. He said Zach Johnson was the one that told him.

Oh, that kind of. Yeah. Yeah, he needs to like invite Zach Johnson and then take away his invite. You should say, Zach, I'd like you to be on the Ryder Cup team as a caddy. Yeah. Actually, you'd probably suck at that too. Yeah. He also said. You want to valet our cars? I think he can say that he was going to take any golfer. Like, it doesn't matter if you're on the PGA Tour, Live Tour, doors open for everyone. Hank. Yeah, Hank could even do it. Hank is eligible for the Ryder Cup. Yeah. Okay. Phil Mickelson.

Bryson. Phil Mickelson. Brooks. Let off with Phil with that list, huh? That would be... Phil on the Ryder Cup would be the funniest. Yes. Greg Norman. Yeah, get all the guys, all the great Americans back. Ian Poulter. Yeah. Okay, good cool throne. Thanks. PFT. Good job. My hot seat is us. It's chill week, dude. Yeah, we're chill. We're fucking chill. You know what? That was a chill cool throne. Yeah. My hot seat is us. Give me a little...

Oh, we got competition boys. Oh, yeah. Bad job. We didn't talk about this when we got back from our our little vacay. But there's a new podcast in town. Yeah. And it sounds fucking amazing. J.O.C. was one who alerted us. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. He says a text like, watch out, guys. You know what?

I'll say the podcast first, but J.O.C.'s banned from it. Yeah, J.O.C. And also shout out Jerry O'Connell because he literally, I think he just polices the internet for us. Yeah. Because he texted me and PFT being like, watch out. Watch out, guys. Watch your six. You're in trouble. So Adam Schefter tweeted this out on July 3rd. California Governor Gavin Newsom, Super Bowl champion Marshawn Lynch, and agent Doug Hendrickson are joining forces for a new weekly podcast called Politickin'.

That will be available on iHeart Podcast. Newsom and Hendrickson have been friends since the 90s. Hendrickson has represented Lynch since 2007. They have been working on this podcast for the past six months. We're fucked. All right, so I don't think we're fucked for the reason you're saying. I think this is like the big short, No Big Deal. I read the book before the movie came out. The book was better. When they go down to Florida and they see a stripper who has seven houses...

Marshawn Lynch, Gavin Newsom, and Doug whatever. Doug Hendrickson? Having a podcast together is the very sign that the podcast bubble is about to burst. But you forget that Newsom and Hendrickson have been friends since the 90s. Oh, shit. And Hendrickson has represented Lynch since 2007. You also forget that they've been working on this podcast for the past six months.

You know, a podcast is going to be that group text. It's going to be a fucking banger of a podcast when you spend six months working on it. I challenged them. We're about to do the Mount Rushmore of, uh, worst situations to shit. I challenged them to do a better Mount Rushmore of worst situations to shit. Yeah, you can't do it. Uh, the French laundry.

That'd be a bad place. That would be a bad place. Take a shit. That would be a bad place. Yeah, this is okay. I think it's hot seat podcasting in general. So whenever you hear somebody planning out a podcast, a good rule of thumb would be that it's like a sandwich. So if you've been working on a sandwich for six months, it's probably going to suck ass because you've just been sitting out for a while. They've just been like going back. Here's what we're doing. We did all their best stuff already. Yeah. Here's what working on a podcast for six months sounds like.

Six months ago, you say, hey, we should start a podcast. Yeah. And then like a week later, we should really do that podcast. And then the next week I've been thinking about, we should definitely do that podcast. Yeah. And then you finally sit down. I'm sure it'll last past election season too. This isn't just like a short term thing. Politicking is not just for election season, Hank. Politicking is life. Yeah.

Every day you politic. I actually day I'm politics. Just a Marshawn Lynch podcast would be infinitely better than this. Yes. The yeah, I think this podcast we worked on for all of one dinner. Yeah, there was a dinner to one dinner before the first test episode. No, we yeah, we did a test episode remotely. I think one time. No, we did one in your house in Austin. Yeah.

That was the first episode. That was the first episode. Yeah, and all we did was a dinner before. No, but I think there was a test episode that was like... I don't think so. Yeah, that was like two weeks before that. I remember I was in a hotel room in Houston. It was like maybe a 15-minute test. Oh, okay. So there it is. Yeah. We did an hour and 15 minutes. But we did... Actually, me and Big Cat did text back and forth for like a couple years being like, at some point we should work together. Yeah. So really part of my take started in like 2014. We were working on it for two years. Yeah.

But we're fucked. Jerry O'Connell, you're banned from going on Politiken. Yeah, he would never. He would never. My cool throne is Dak's ankle. You see, Dak Prescott was wearing a walking boot on a boat when he was on vacation. Uh-oh. And they asked Dak about it, and he said it's absolutely nothing.

So he said he hurt his ankle. He hurt his ankle like, what, two years ago, three years ago? And he's saying that he's just wearing the walking boot as a precaution on a boat. I don't know much about walking boots besides Big Ben, but I don't think that you just wear one because you're going on a boat. That seems like maybe the worst place to wear one, actually. Okay, since we are a big Dak Prescott podcast, we had him ranked in our top 18 of quarterbacks a month ago.

Spin zone Maybe Dak Prescott is wearing the walking boot Because In the past he has gone on vacations And got his ass beat So if he puts on the walking boot It's kind of a like hey I'm not here to fight guy Yeah you're not going to hit a guy who's handicapped Right in a walking boot So yeah it's precautionary Don't want to get my ass beat Like I did on spring break at South Padre Island That's not a bad spin zone for it I just feel like if you're wearing it You're not even allowed to wear shoes on a boat

But I guess if it's medical shoes, you can do that. You can wear shoes on a boat. Yeah. Who says you're not allowed to wear shoes? I mean, the boat owner might. I'm thinking back. Yeah, I've only like rented or been on friends' boats. Yeah. No, you can wear shoes on a boat. If it's your boat, you can wear shoes on it. A walking boot seems like it'd really get in the way of things, though. I actually take my shoes off. You do take shoes off?

I mean, I don't think people mostly don't, but you can. It depends on the boat. It's not legal. I think if it's like... If you own the boat outright. I'd fucking stomp my shoes everywhere. A pontoon boat, shoes. Oh, yeah. For sure. Living room on water. Yeah. But if it's like a smaller boat, I don't know. I'm not a boat person. We got to get a boat guy, Hank. You got to get out on the boat. Yeah. Okay, my... That's fine. Absolutely nothing, you said. My hot seat is actually Hank.

Because we went this morning to get breakfast and I did my customary. We went and got bagels. Great bagels. I'll go back tomorrow and get it for everyone.

I got my customary backup bagel. So I ordered my regular bagel and a backup bagel. Regular bagel was a bacon, egg, and cheese. Let's just put that on the record. Right. And what? Yeah. Great, great order. And my backup bagel was an everything bagel with cream cheese. And Hank scoffed at me. So I then tweeted it and everyone backed me up. I was like universal praise because here's a hard and fast rule. One and a half bagels is usually the perfect amount. I usually eat all two bagels.

But one and a half is the perfect amount. One bagel is never fully satisfied. A backup bagel is the most important. What about a bacon, egg, and cheese? Great. You need to finish it off with something. I finished it off with the backup bagel. You invented dessert. You invented breakfast dessert. So is the backup bagel always like a sweeter one? It doesn't always have to be. If I think it's going to be an awesome bacon egg, like there's a place I get a bacon, egg, and cheese from in Chicago that...

it does it one does not fill me up one and a half usually does but would you ever get like the cream cheese one as your first primary angles and then have the bacon egg and cheese after that yeah you

I usually like to lead with the bacon, egg, and cheese. Yeah, but I'll do like, I'll sometimes do, if I'm not in the mood for bacon, egg, and cheese, I'll just do two. I'll do a bagel with cream cheese and a backup bagel with cream cheese. That's smart. Yeah. It's Max had my back. Max actually was like, can I get a whack of one of these? I was like, buddy.

I got a backup bagel just for this spot. Do you get backup bagels, Max? Does anyone here get backup bagels? Max does. He said he does. I've never done it, but I think a good rule of thumb is just like when you're on vacation or when you're on a trip somewhere, you never know when you're going to eat next. Yeah. You're being a hater, Hank. In his chill week. You put me on the hot seat. Is that on? It depends where the bagel, like New York City bagels. No, like New York City bagels are massive. What about New York City bagels with bacon, egg, and cheese?

But if you're in other parts of the country where the bagels are a lot smaller, then yes, I agree. I get backup bagels everywhere. New York, I do not. New York bagels are very big and fit. I actually went one further. I went trust tree with Max because I was like, I had just given this guy half of my backup bagel. And I was like, sometimes I'll do backup sandwiches.

And he was like, that's a little crazy, but yeah, we agreed. You do like us. If you want to get to. Yeah, you go. You go. Like, if you don't want to get if you want to try two different things, I'll get like a buffalo chicken sandwich and a cheese steak. And then you get the small Jimmy John's. I always get a backup sandwich, but you got to get the small ones because you can put that in the fridge. I just I don't understand what the issue is of getting too much breakfast. Yeah, it's about I don't have an issue at all. What happens if your fucking starter gets hurt? You got a backup.

You just don't plan. It's different positions. No, they're both breakfast. It's what's so infuriating about Hank. Those are different quarterback types. One's maybe more classic, like 6'5", rocket arm, bacon, egg, and cheese. The other might be a little elusive, probably can't throw it downfield.

Bagel with cream cheese. I think a better analogy would be like a running back duo because you can't start. You can't have two quarterbacks. Thunder and lightning. You got thunder and lightning. Yeah. I got a little Darren Sproles to finish off my. You got the Michael Turner. Brandon Jacobs. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not. You're never going to catch me complaining about getting breakfast. There's nothing I love more. It's what's so infuriating about breakfast with Hank is if there's too much breakfast, he'll complain. Yeah. If there's not enough breakfast, he'll complain. What are you talking about?

Backup bagel is something everyone should embrace in life. That is objectively insane. You never complain about having not enough breakfast. Only when we just drive for 12 hours straight and don't get breakfast. There's just no way when you eat one bagel, you're like, I'm full and satisfied. I couldn't use another half a bagel right now. Also, Hank, fact check real quick. I give you all the Pinocchios.

We just left a fucking hotel room in the morning. We didn't drive for 12 hours straight. We slept in a hotel. We got out of the hotel. We went to the bus. We went and got breakfast. And then Hank was like, why didn't we get enough? No, this is on Grit Week. Yes, that's true. Yeah, yeah. We had slept overnight in a hotel. Then we get up in the morning. We go to the bus. And then you complained about not enough breakfast. Yeah. We actually had a very funny moment when we checked in last night at like midnight, like

I love we should do an interview series with guys who work overnight shifts at hotels because they're always a little different in like a good way. But this guy was a little different in a good way. And we were like debating. We're like, hey, do you guys have breakfast here? They're like, no, no.

And at first we're like, everyone's responsible for their own breakfast. And we're like, we agree. And then we told the guy behind the desk, we're like, hey, you're a witness. You hear this? He's saying that he's responsible for his own breakfast. The guy was like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. And then we're like, do you have breakfast here? He's like, no. He's like, all right, change that. You're not a witness for that anymore. We're going to get breakfast together. Yeah, that guy had a look. We came in and we started talking. And he was like, I usually don't deal with people who are talking. Yeah.

I will get breakfast for us tomorrow. Okay? Because we have an 8 a.m. interview, and you're going to be a baby about it. That's a fact. He's going to be a baby about it. And I'll get you a backup bagel, too. Thank you. Yeah, no problem. All right. My cool throne is the Twitter account, The Hater Central, NBA Hater. I don't know if this one made me laugh. So if you guys aren't familiar with NBA Hater, it's...

He's very clear on what he is. He's an NBA hater. Some of his tweets, this is just from the last two days. He said, Rob Palenka this offseason, zero new signings, 143 mewing sessions. I think that's when you get jerked off on a table. With a cat? Yeah, I don't know. Mewing is when you put your tongue on top of the roof of your mouth. What's mewing? Gleeking. That's mewing? I think mewing is... What's when you get milked in a table? I need to mew more.

Oh, okay. I think Mewing's complaining. 74 rejections. Held hostage by Rich Paul and LeBron. Zero working phones. Reportedly interested in signing point guard, shooting guard Savannah James. So these are the type of... When...

Dalton connect Dalton connecting Bronny James debut 10 points four for 19 field goals one for six three-pointers the ass connection is what he's calling them like he's he's in Franz Wagner Wagner who we love signed a 234 24 million dollar contract extension yeah which is nuts and he said never forget his Illuminati aster class so this is the this is the type of tweets you're getting from him he so

You see this guy, he goes after everyone, and he does this all the time, and you're like, this guy, I don't know what his deal is. He had a tweet yesterday, he said...

Started this account in the 10th grade. Not thinking much of it. Now I'm going to college in a month with 105K followers. The support has been unreal. Thanks to every single person who's ever interacted with any of the tweets. I hope I can give you a laugh whenever you need one. So the NBA hater central was like 15 years old when he started this account. What were the replies to that from the long-term followers? People were like, yeah, bro. Great job, bro. Keep killing it. Love supporting you.

It's been amazing to join you on this ride. He called the Warriors have added depth this offseason. Buddy Heald and Kyle Anderson, 32 huge teeth, one receding hairline, building the no aura Avengers. I got to see what this guy looks like. I got to see a face revealed in this account. He's probably an idiot.

Oh, man. But shout out to him. I mean, that's dedication. Started starting the Hater Central early. Yeah, I started following that other account that we talked about, Hater Report. Yeah. Now I got to start following Hater Central. He's got a soccer one, too. Does he really? Yeah. He's got like a whole network. Yeah, he's building out an empire. It's a nation of haters. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of respectable. And he's only 18 years old. He's starting college. Hopefully, we'll see. Once he gets to college, you know, he might be partying, meeting girls. The hate might...

yeah it might get soft it might get soft he said Mbappe washed at 26 love that yeah love that I also want to know if this guy's taking like intern applications to open up other branches of hating yeah getting the heat going okay that was good hot seat cool throne let's do Mount Rushmore then we'll get to David Wells you ready boys let's do it Mount Rushmore of worst situations to have to shit yep

Who is up first? So that would be Henry. Henry. Then Max. Then me. Then Big Cat. Yes. So it's Mount Rushmore of situations that are worse when you have to shit, right? Mount Rushmore of situations that are bad to shit in. Yeah. 1-1. Okay. 1-1 during foreplay. Oh. Oh, foreplay. Whoa. Big foreplay guy. It's getting started. During sex wouldn't be worse?

No, because you're not even going to get to sex. Like, you start making out with a girl, things are advancing. But if you're, like, mid-thrust and you're like, I got to shit, that seems, like, really bad. But if you don't... Maybe you're mid... Maybe, you know, you entered the goal zone, but, like, this, you don't even get there. You're going to have to go, you know, take a shit, and that's just going to ruin the vibe. Foreplay is, like, making out...

Everything, yeah. Leading up to sex. Okay. Getting a butt funnel at a Mexican restaurant? Yep. Okay. That would actually be a very bad place to have to shit. Yeah, absolutely. All right, I didn't have it on my list. Foreplay. Foreplay? What kind of foreplay are you into? Just regular stuff. Are you talking about the pod? I have a story, but I don't know if I want to say it. Maybe we'll cut it. But this happened... Not foreplay. Oh. But I was like...

or second date with a girl, we were walking back to her place and my stomach dropped. Oh. And I was praying that she had like a lobby with a bathroom in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did not. Had to walk up like four flights of stairs. And shit? And shit. And then you got to do the fast one? Or you just flush instantly? It was like a full, it was like, it was a disaster. Barbara's small. She could probably hear it. I had to be in there for like 10 minutes. Dude. No, it was, it was. Exactly.

really washing your hands and then you'll just spray anything you can find Lysol fucking bleach like I'll spray any I'll spray cologne hairspray anything just get the air going Hank doesn't have a match so he just takes out a joint and lights it in there disaster but yeah did you did you still close

Let's talk about that. Oh, damn. Done him by a shit. So this seemed very personal. Okay. Max, you're up. I'm going to say on a plane. Yeah. Great pick. Great pick. On a plane sucks. I don't even think I would physically be able to do that. I don't think I would fit in a bathroom. Maybe just start doing the single bagels and that would change.

I didn't even... That was so unchill of you. That was so unchill of you, bro. That was so unchill. You know what? Not getting you breakfast tomorrow. Officially. Okay, fine. All right. Everyone else, bagels. Max, you said that you don't think that you could fit in an airplane bathroom. You don't pee on an airplane? No, but sitting is a different situation. It is. Max is right. I'm going to back him up here. It's a tight squeeze. And also, I was... Bathroom on the plane. If you have to shit...

You can go to a bathroom. You don't want to shit on a plane. But you don't want to be the guy who shits on a plane. Are you going to see these people again in your life? Well, sometimes it might be a reporter. Yeah, sometimes it might be a reporter. Yeah, that's true. Because reporters everywhere. All right, PFT. Okay, I'm going to go with my first one.

During sex. Oh. During sex. During sex. As you're having sex. In the middle of sex, when you're doing the act and you have to shit, what do you do? Yeah. You have to stop, then you go to the bathroom. Maybe she's into it. And then you have to shit, and then you're like, well, now we have to start foreplay again. Yep. And then if you had to shit during foreplay, that would make it definitely worse. But I think having to shit during sex is bad. Yeah. Yeah.

Daring sex would suck. Okay, good pick. Thank you. All right, I'll go with... Hank's mad. We're out of order. He's mad about the backup bagel. Yeah. Mad about the wakeboarding. That's been just insane all day. It can't even exist. Put me on the hot seat. Okay, I'll go with... I'm going to fire back. Don't put me on the hot seat. My one one...

significant other's parents house yeah is the worst because even if you even if it's a house where you can maybe find the bathroom that no one goes to they're still always in the back of your mind like i max you max and i maybe i think you guys would relate but max and i especially

A road toilet, you just don't know. It's like playing on a 12-foot hoop. You don't know the dimensions of it. You don't know what the flushing is going to be like. You don't know if it's a bad flush, easy flush, anything. A road toilet is the scariest thing in the world. The toilet paper may be extra thick.

All that stuff. You don't know if the bathroom is going to have the fan as one of the switches. So many variables. You're just hitting every switch, hoping one of them turns. And then when you walk back in, then your significant other is like, where were you? Right. And then everyone else hears your ass. Oh, shit. And then you're like, I had to take a phone call in the bathroom. Or you run the risk of like...

like mother-in-law or sister, cousin, someone standing outside and being like, oh. Like when you open the door after a big shit at someone else's house and there's someone waiting. Right there, yeah. And you're like, God damn it. Is there anything worse than being in that situation, you're taking a shit, and then someone tries to open the door and you hear the click and you have to say,

Someone's in here. Yeah. Someone's in here. Hey, you know that voice. Yeah. You try to do a different voice. So they might think it's a different family member. Yup. The worst. Uh, and then, uh, my other big one is, uh, right after you get out of the shower, that's the worst because you don't go back in the shower usually. And, uh,

You can do a good job, but it's just a different vibe for your whole day. Yep. There's a vibe of shitting right before the shower, and there's a vibe of shitting right after the shower. Your day is basically ruined by that moment. Yep. And it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's like, that was just the biggest mistake. Okay, Max. No. I think it's B. PFT. Sorry. Wrapping back around.

After sex. I'm going to go... No, after sex is great shit. During anal. Check your phone. You can take it, Hank. If I were you, I'd take it. When you're getting anal? We'll see what PFT's going to... I'm going to go with just at a bar. At a bar. When you're out for the night. You're out with the lads. It's...

It depends on the bathroom bar situation. Like if they... I have taken many a shit at a bar if they have the private stalls. Yeah, it's... Dye bar is the worst when you walk in and you're like, all right, there's... The worst is like a bar that has the... Like the barriers are so small that like if you stand up, you can see everyone and everyone can look over and...

And that's the worst. If there's like one urinal and one stall and there's so much turnover of people using that urinal, but you're just using that stall to shit is, is terrible. I've told this story before, but one of the funniest things ever was the bar Duffy's in Chicago. And they had for a while there, I don't know if they fixed it, but it was like, it was like seven urinals. And then,

of toilet but no barrier yeah there was one time i was there watching college football and a dude it was full and a dude just sat down and started taking a shit and everyone cheered it was like fuck yes dude i thought you said that was like a fantasy football pun or no that would be a great that would be a great punishment like you have to go to a bar yeah and shit yeah

Yeah. There was a bar in Austin called Nasty's I used to go to where the entire bathroom was just one toilet in the middle of the room. Like a sit-down toilet. And nobody ever took a shit there ever. One time I walked in, there was just a guy standing there. He was like ready to go, like pants down. Gotta go. Gotta turn around. Yeah. Yeah, shitting in a bar because then you also get that embarrassment factor of walking back and people are like, dude, were you just shitting? You just gotta rub your nose. Yeah, and in that moment, you have to act like you never shit. No, dude. Yeah.

I would never shit. All right, Max. I guess I have a theme going here, but I'm just going to go with on a boat. That's a good pick. That's a great one. I did plane first and boat next, but it's like... Boat's made way better than a plane because there's no...

on there. Well, Aquedump, but. Yeah, that was the reason I didn't do it because there are probably people who like to Aquedump. Yes. There are. I don't mind it. There are bathrooms on planes. That's what I'm saying. And on boats too. Not always. No, but

those boat bathrooms are bad. I'm agreeing with Max. Even if there's a bathroom... I don't like shitting in small spaces. Even if there's a bathroom on a boat, it's one of the ones that you have to press the pedal on. Yes. And it's like that stink just is going to stay for a while. Okay. I'm going to go...

At a sporting event. At a sold-out sporting event. Yep, I had it. At a stadium, definitely. A bar. And again, much smaller, much less people. Probably a line, but still not bad. But a sporting event when you, like... I'm thinking of all my situations when it's like diarrhea. Like, you can't wait. Like, your stomach drops and you have to go. And no matter what, you have to wait for probably 20 or 30 people. And then you have to just, you know...

on the load with everyone inside. And when you get into that bathroom to take the shit, the toilet is always a war zone. Yeah, you go through all of them and you're just like, fuck, this is going to be... You just know any high traffic situation, you're like, this sucks. And bonus for that pick, the toilet paper is always the worst. It's the worst. It's single ply. It's there at all. Yeah, and it's just terrible. Yeah. And then I will go in another situation that there is no bathroom if you're on the subway. Okay.

Because then I shit my pants on the subway. Usually, yeah. Because even if you're on the subway, again, your stomach drops. You're like, fuck, I got to go to the bathroom. There's not a quick bathroom off a subway. You have to get up and then hope you can find somewhere. But most places with subways are places like no public bathrooms. You can't just run in. So, yeah, nothing worse. And then if you have to fart it out, you're just crammed around people. It's the worst. Yep. Agreed. Okay. I'm going to go with.

A music festival port-a-potty. Oh, good one. It's been used all day. It's so fucking hot. Yep. I...

shitting in any porta potty is the worst you walk out of there like you literally just came out of a sauna and it's just disgusting and it's also like sitting on piss it's when the porta potty when he when you look in and it's been rising oh yeah there's a lot in there oh you always have worst you always have to peek too right yeah in a porta potty you have to just take a look yeah like what's the situation like down there yeah the bomb go off in here good pick good pick max

All right. For my next one, I'm just going to go in. I just keep picking like small toilets. Yeah. Yeah. But they're also hot, though. I might make you eat a backup bagel tomorrow. I might sit here and be like, we're not starting the day until you eat two bagels. Which one of his picks do you dispute? Not disputing, just critiquing.

I think they're all valid picks. If you're on a plane... You're just mad because PFT got sex and you got foreplay. Yeah. Foreplay is way worse. When I'm going down on a chick. Okay. Or in reverse. All right. Blumpkin. You're up, PFT. That's gross, Hank. You're gross.

I'm just going to go with on a road trip. Yeah. In a car on a road trip. Because then you got to make everybody pull over for you. Yep. You got to find a bathroom. Sometimes you have to go into the gas station, ask them for the key that's attached to like a hockey stick, then go around the corner, open up the bathroom door. You go in, there's needles everywhere in the bathroom. Also looks like a bomb went off. It smells like shit. It's just a bad, bad scene if you have to shit on the road. Yep. Yep. Okay. I got two to finish off my picks. Yeah.

This one's happened to me a few times. I'm going to go with right before you have to puke because that's the worst. When you're taking a shit and you're like, you're fucked up and you're taking a shit and you're like, this will solve it. And you're like, nope, I got to puke. And then you got to puke where you're just shitting. When I was a kid and I had a stomach bug, I did both. Yeah, it's the world. I was puking and as I was puking, shit came out of my ass. Having to do... Like on the wall of the bathroom. Yeah.

I probably shouldn't have shared that, but it has happened. But has it happened to you guys before where you're so fucked up and you're like, a shit will solve this? And you're like, nope, it's a puke. It's like, but I already shit, so now I have to turn around. It's the grossest thing ever. You got two moves at that point. You can either shit, like try to spew it between your legs, or if you're lucky, there's a bathtub next to you. You just lean over there. Oh, the worst. And then my last one is, I can't say to it. Actually, Hank can say to it.

Prison has to suck to shit. That's a good fourth pick. I mean, like, there's a shitter in your room with a roommate. Hank, you've shit in prison before. I did shit in prison. In front of people? No, I was in my own stall. We were in the waiting cell. This was 3 o'clock in the afternoon. They said, we're not getting out until 7. And I was like, I'm not holding this for whatever, 20 hours. And I just started shitting. And everyone's like, are you fucking pooping right now? I was like...

I had no choice. I had no option. But every story you hear and every picture you see, it's usually like two people or three people or four people living in a room and there's just a toilet in the middle. Yeah. You have to have like a schedule. And it's just got to suck. At least you know when someone's going to use it. Yeah. And it's just got to suck no matter what. Yeah, that'd be bad. It's got to suck for everyone. I would just stop shitting. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, PFT, your last pick. All right. My last pick. I was thinking about going super specific with this one.

But I'm just going to say in a foreign country. If you're out in a foreign country, you don't... What about bidets? So here's the thing, though. Never used one. I don't like bidets. Never used one. Here's the thing. Bidets, you have to walk around with a wet ass afterwards. Agreed. I'm not a bidet guy. I think it's a little sus that you just get water sprayed up your butt. I'm a real man. I like to stick my own fingers up my ass. So I don't... Bidets combined with toilet paper, not a bad scene.

Just bidet. I would never trust that. First of all, yeah, you can't trust it. Second of all, you just have wet ass. It just runs down your leg. Dumb question.

Where does that water come from? Is that recycled? Is that poop water? Yeah. No, I think there's... You spray poop water back up. Depends on what kind of bidet we're talking about. There's some bidets where you have two stations. Okay. So you go from the poop station to the bidet station. Some of them have just like a faucet in the wall that you spray. Yeah. But the sneaky... One of the weirdest things about shitting in a foreign country, especially if you're on an island somewhere or you're in like Central or South America, the plumbing system isn't equipped to handle toilet paper. So a lot of places, they have toilet paper...

But you have to wipe, and then there's a trash can right next to the toilet that you have to throw your used toilet paper onto, on top of other people's shitty toilet paper. And then also, if you're out and you don't know the language, then you have to ask people where the bathroom is, and then they're like, oh, this guy wants to shit, this American big shitter. Yeah. Damn. Okay, Max.

Mine are all transportation. I've realized I thought others were going to. Port-a-potty is not. Port-a-potty is not. This next one is in traffic and standstill traffic. Yeah. That's like a panic move when you really have to shit and you're like, okay, I'm almost home. And then you're in traffic and you can't get out of it. You start sweating. So it's traffic. Yeah. I could PF to you, but I'm not going to because I have integrity of the game. What does that mean? Make a really excellent pick? What is that?

I was going to say while you're puking because that's basically the foreplay of sex. Okay, do whatever you want, dude. You've been so unchill. I don't care. How is that a PFT? Well, you just took my picking slightly, slightly altered it. No, I had during sex as my one-one. I had while you're puking on my list. That's why, like... Do whatever you want, bro. I'll go with during your own wedding vows. Okay. That was a great pick. Yeah, that's a good pick. That's a funnier pick. During your own wedding vows.

That's a funnier pick. That's a great pick, Hank. Can't say I know from experience, but that would be a nightmare. Yeah. That would suck big time. All right. What do we leave off? I had kids' school, elementary school. I have not had to do this, but going to my son's school and you see the toilets, they're

Two feet off the ground. Yeah. Or like a foot off the ground. Would never want to do that. What about like during an assembly that you're in at school? Yeah. Or like during a meeting? Yeah. There's a bunch of people around. Yeah.

You can't leave for 20 minutes. Everyone knows. Business people who have six-hour full-day meetings and you just have to excuse yourself and be like, I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom. And then you're not back too quickly. Everyone's like, oh my God, he just shit himself. When you're wearing a suit, having to maybe a tuxedo at a wedding, you got the suspenders and everything, and you're just basically, you're like, I'm going to shit somewhere on this suit. You got to basically take off all your clothes.

Yeah, that'd be bad. Also, if you're at a job with a boss that is like a serious job, not like a fuck around job, but a job that you care about, that's your career. And then you go in at the same time as your boss. Yes. He goes to the urinal. Yes. You go to the stall. Wow.

Then he knows And then he sticks around a little bit too long And you have to start shitting I think it might be worse if you both go to the stall Because then you have to sit there and be like You know, I know Because he's not only having to smell your shit But he also is like This guy knows how I sound Yeah, I did that one time with my boss back in Austin We'd go in the bathroom at the same time Sit down, he goes to the stall, I go to the stall

And then he just screams Fire in the hole Broke the ice And just let it rip Yeah Just absolutely let it rip And then I was like Okay this guy's cool He shits loud Alright I had I had two others that I was surprised That weren't picked One is When you're in a pool

Because not only like the fact that you have to shit while you're in a pool, but there's nothing worse when you're like in a pool or at the beach and you have to go to the bathroom and you're, you're not, you're going to be wet. So you're slipping on the floor. Your ass cheeks are wet. It's just a mess. The beach is a good one. Yeah. Beach is a big one. Beach is aqua dump. Yeah. Aqua dump. Aqua dump. And then what do you say? Go ahead. No, go ahead.

I was going to say, in high school, after you've already wasted a bathroom break to just walk around. Oh, yeah. And then you come back and you're like, I have to go to the bathroom. No, I used to just be like, every period I would go maybe once or twice. Just so I could sit on the toilet. You have to go in every single class because, you know. There were times I went twice. And then the teacher would get mad, but I was like, fuck it. What do you say at that point? You're just like, no, the first one I was faking it. Right, yeah. You're like, no, like.

I had to shit. Yeah. What about during the second quarter of a college football game and you're the coach? Ooh, yeah. Side lines and you're old. And then you have to stop the game to sprint across the field into the locker room. Yeah, you're flushed out. Yeah. Yeah. And then the other one I had that I was surprised. It's kind of similar to the significant other's parents' house, but significant other in a hotel room. Because that...

You could be with your significant other forever. When you get into some hotel rooms and you're like, this hotel room is 300 square feet.

like you're you we're men the way we shit changes the whole vibe of an entire hotel room or a weekend so like you have to go to the lobby or something but if you have to go in the hotel room max you're looking at me like you don't yeah no i let it rip you do yeah dude when it's such a small confined space i'm like this shit's gonna linger for days that's how i felt yeah the sound yeah exactly back to your story

All right. Any others? Oh, gas station with only one bathroom. You know which ones I'm talking about where it's one single bathroom and it's like this bathroom has been through hell.

Like absolute hell. That's like if you're on a road trip, that goes hand in hand with what you just said. Like you really have to go and it's the only gas station around. And you're like, do you have a bathroom? They're like, yeah, but it's in the back for employees. Yeah. And it's like, okay, I can use it. And there's, oh. Yeah. To get there, you have to walk through like their inventory of food that they have. That's exactly what I was picturing. The other one is the key bathrooms at a gas station that you have to go outside for. Those are always the worst. Yeah.

are probably getting their dick sucked in there. Oh, yeah. During the NBA finals against the Lakers. Yeah, that'd be bad. That would be bad. That'd be very bad. Meme's raising his hand. During a marathon. Oh. I actually think that's kind of an okay time. Yeah, that plays. It might be the only time you can shit your pants and no one's going to really judge you. Who's the guy that... R.J. Davis or something? No.

Davis Clark. Davis Clark. The influencer. Yeah. That was a great video. I also feel like runners, they welcome you into an elite fraternity if you do that. Yeah. They're like, respect. Yeah, you left it all out there. Okay, let's get to our interview. We've got an awesome interview with David Wells, and we'll finish up with a part of your take. PFT, you got an ad before we start the interview? I do. David Wells is brought to you by Coors Light. Coors Light is the absolute best. We cracked open some Coors Lights.

on the Frisbee golf course today.

The victor got the spoils. The mountains were blue. Before all the hustle of football season, part of my take is headed west. It's our first ever chill week. With the help of Coors Light, we're hosting interviews with fellow golf lovers in town, enjoying the summer fun that Tahoe has to offer. Most of all, choosing chill with Coors Light all week long. When you embrace a chill mindset, it's a good time to choose chill. Crack open a Coors Light. Coors Light is mountain cold refreshment, crisp and refreshing as the Colorado Rockies.

Tune in for our adventures at Chill Week. Don't forget to choose chill. Reach for Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. And now, here's David Wells. Ooh.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is our first interview of Chill Week, sponsored by Coors Light and Chevy Silverado. It is the legend, 21 years pitching in MLB.

David, Boomer Wells, should we go by Boomer or how do you want to start that? I'm cool with any one of them. All right, I love that. Let's start though. We're here at the tournament that's going to be taking place this weekend in Tahoe. First of all, how's the golf game? Do you think we have a chance of winning? I have zero chance of winning in this. You can't say zero. I'm going to tell you zero. What if half of the field gets hit by a bus?

There's another half. And there's another half are some good players, but no. I've come this year with zero expectations. You know, I had a shoulder replacement in December, so I'm just getting that back. So I've probably had about nine rounds, ten rounds since then. So it's like...

It's not pretty. But I am, because I'm coordinated and I do play a lot of golf, it's just trying to find your rhythm in that. It's not there, but I just try to stay away from the double bogeys. What's your handicap?

Well, normally when I'm playing a lot, it's probably, you know, anywhere from a six to a nine. Okay, nice. You like that number, six to nine? That's like Joe Biden, right? Yeah. That's what he said. Yeah. It makes you a pink belt in tung fu, so you're good. I love it, though, that you're like from a six to a nine. That's a really good golfer. Yeah. And you're being very humble, being like, I'm not going to compete in this thing. And it's a good song. Yeah. You probably don't know who sang it.

If six was a nine. If six was a nine. Rush? No. Damn. You got to go way back, brother. Three Dog Night. The Mamas and the Papas? No. What is it? Robert Johnson. Nope. Jimi Hendrix. Oh, shit. I should have known that one. You're a big music guy. Huge music guy. So I heard a story that...

Obviously, your favorite day was when you would start, but mostly because you got to control the clubhouse music. Yes. So what was the usual pick, and was there anyone in particular who was like, what the hell, Boomer? We don't want to listen to this. Well, a lot of guys didn't want to listen to it, especially Joe Torre, but I didn't give two shits about that. Can we cuss? Yeah, fuck. Say fuck. Motherfucker. Fucking A. Yeah. You can't say fart. I know you got in trouble with that one time. How about that? You did. You did.

Yeah, that was all right. But anyways, I would, I mean, I got fired up. So my go-to was Metallica. Nice. 100%. And then I'd throw a little Disturbed in there. Okay. A little Slipknot in there and just get it going. And then, you know, I'd wind down a little bit, play a little bit of Van Halen. Love Van Halen. Yeah. You know, do that. Some cheap tricks, some of the old school stuff. And then...

finish it up with uh with uh wolf and man yeah and then that was one of my come out songs but played a lot of pod as well so wait those are my boys San Diego boys down there what would Tori say he would try to turn it down I go back and turn it back up yeah what did he want and I just told him if you want to win leave the music alone yeah because this is how I get ready you know for my starts yeah go out in the go out in the dugout do something but you know for the next 45 50 minutes

I respect that, though. Like, on days that you're working, you know what gets you dialed in. Right. And it's some fucking Metallica. But he made it all about himself, so... To me, it was like, you know, what do you do, but...

To me, that just worked for me and how I got prepared and ready. If music wasn't around, I don't think I'd have been worth shit. I always gravitate and go to music at any time, high or low. Just go to music and you just find the songs that work for you to get you out of your funk. So what are your top three Metallica albums?

You know, probably Ride the Lightning. I like, you know, obviously the Black Album. Yeah. Which was great. And probably Masters. Okay. Yeah. Those three are pretty badass. Yeah. Yeah. Those really do like the old school Metallica. You can't, you don't have a pulse if you listen to that and you can't get up for it. And I used to run with Lars back in the day. So it was quite interesting. Quite a lot of fun. You know, James Hatfield didn't really...

gravitate towards me a little as much but you know he was he was nice he wasn't a dick you know a lot of people can be but he was he was really cool and I got to go behind the scenes and you know hang out in sessions with him and do all that so it was pretty cool and but yeah Lars that was my man I named my son after him so yeah that's awesome yeah that's really cool so uh and he's a drummer so it's

So hopefully he'll follow in his footsteps. Yeah. So when you sat down, you took your knee brace off. Is your knee okay, by the way? Yeah, I just, I had to put that on. I'm getting this done in December. December 2nd, I get a knee replacement. So I got to wear a Kotex from time to time, you know. I was admiring the tattoo that the knee brace was covering. Yeah. You got a skull, but the skull also is a baseball. And who's on that? That's David Cohn, Don Larson, and me. Yep. Yep.

Wait, you have your own signature tattoo anyway? Whitey Ford and Babe Ruth. And then the knee, the nose is the tunnel going from the clubhouse to the... That's awesome. That's an awesome tattoo. And then, you know, all the teeth and all that stuff. But yeah, it's just, you know, I like skulls. Yeah, so you mentioned, you know, some of the guys there, David Cohn. And got to talk about the perfect game. How hungover were you for the perfect game?

I was, well, after, well, as the game went on, I got better. But the start, I got to the park that morning and Coney's locker was next to mine. And, you know, they were getting ready to go out on the field. And he just looked at me and he goes, wow. I go, what? I'm looking around. What? And he goes, you stink, dude. He goes, what?

Hide goes if he goes if Joe Torre smells you you're done. Yeah, I was a brewery How many a lot of vodka came out of that body that day? Yeah, sometimes we were hungover you just you don't you don't like it drowns out some of the Anxiety some of the some of negative self-talk you just go out there and you fucking do it Yeah, and a lot of guys have done it. But to me I just wasn't expected. I was stupid to do it but I

You know, I did it. And, you know, Jimmy Fallon and Seth, all the guys, the whole cast, we were just raging until about 530 in the morning. And then I got home probably about 545, 6, just facial on the bed. And my son wakes me up two hours later. Dad, I'm hungry. I'm like, go get grandpa to make you something. Give me a couple more hours of sleep. And he's like persistent, no.

So I got up, started drinking coffee, and then that shit happened. Yeah. It was incredible. After that goes down, did you ever think, because if it were me, and I just pitched a perfect game after I was maybe half drunk, maybe still hungover, I would get in my own head and say, I have to do this every single game from now on. You think I didn't? Yeah. Not to that extent, but I usually went out the night before I pitched, low key, just

you know, have a couple of pops and not get too annihilated and just, but, you know, because for me the next day, it just, I was relaxed. Yeah. Cause you know, a lot of guys get butterflies and, and I still got butterflies before every game, but you know, once you couple pitches into it, you're, you're good to go. And, you know, and then you just, you just go get into your rhythm, but you know, not all, not all the time it works. And,

and all that. So it's like, you know, what do you do? You're going to have good games. You're going to have bad games. Yeah. I don't care the guy. I don't care the guys who don't drink. You know, they have bad days too. Yeah. I was looking for my water, but I'll take a Coors Light. There we go. Ice cold Coors Light. We'll all crack open a Coors Light. It ain't that ice cold. Yeah. All right. So the perfect game. Two other things I had about that was... Cheers, gentlemen. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. This is going exactly how I expected when David Wells, the legend, was on. Yes.

I heard you say that the bullpen, which you took very seriously throughout your career, and your warm-ups before the game were horrendous for that. So what are you thinking in your head when you're throwing warm-ups before your perfect game? Are you like, this is going to be such a shitty day? Well, if my bullpens were good, I was scared.

If they were shitty, I was okay with it because you can't go any – you can't get any worse. Right. So you don't know what to expect. But because for me, then I would just try to psych myself out. I would throw, like, some pitches, like, really bad towards the end of my warm-up and start dropping the F-bombs and getting pissed off. And, you know, Milt Stoudemire is looking at me going –

what's wrong with you? You all right? No, man, you see those pitches right there? But I'm not going to tell him. Right. You know, it's just my own thing. It's just, I get in my own head. Right. And that's, and that's what I did because my bullpens were just so good. Right. And perfect. You know, to me, it was like, it's scary because you could go in there and just,

and get caught up in it and not really know, you know, you see the guy in front of you, you got a face and you groove him one. It goes a long way. Yeah. So you just, you just gotta, that just worked for me. That was my mindset. Yeah. So, and then during the perfect game, at what point were you like, this is happening? Like this is fifth inning. Yeah. Yeah. You were like, Oh shit. Like this could happen. Well, I walked into the clubhouse. I always walked up and got water. Um, I just, I was very superstitious. So I, I,

With one out, I'd run up, get a water, and then come back down. I went into the lounge, and I heard Michael Kay and John Sterling. David Wells got a perfect game. I'm like, la, la, la, la, la. I fucking ran out, and I'm like...

Got to the bench, and then I spit on the first step, second step, third step. Got to spit on those. Every time? There's times I had cotton mouth. I couldn't get shit out of it. Feathers were coming out. It was like I ate a chicken, a whole chicken. But, yeah, to me it was just a very superstitious thing for me to do, and I just did that. So I just tried to stay. Because I remember going and sitting next to Tino, and he got up and walked away.

Yeah, I was going to say, did everyone leave you alone? Yeah, it was very eerie. Very, very eerie. But I knew what they were doing because they don't want to be the ones to jinx you and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, so I remember it was the eighth inning, going out for the eighth inning, and David Cohn comes up to me and he goes, hey, break out that knuckleball. I go, what? What?

He goes, throw the knuckleball. I go, I don't throw a knuckleball. He goes, yeah, you do. I play catch with you every day. Throw that knuckleball. I go, are you out of your fucking mind, dude? I'm not throwing no knuckleball. I knew what he was doing. Not right away, but then when I was walking out to the mound, I'm like, hmm, he's just trying to get my mind off of what's going on. Very genius move on his part. Yeah, so that is genius. And he obviously then threw a perfect game. The next year. Yeah, the next year. And did you have anything like that for him?

No, I got traded. Oh, yeah, that's right. I got traded the first day of spring training. You bounced around to so many teams. Was there ever a moment in your career where you were like, man, I kind of wish I could just stay at one of these places? I think I was meant to be on a bunch of teams. You know what? I just had a hard time with authority. Yeah. You know, I spoke my mind, I think, too much, but...

You know, that's just the way I was. It worked for me. But, you know, I want to win. I want to make the guys around me better. You know, I want my teammates to do what they're supposed to do. You know, I didn't set a very good example by going out. Right. But I got my – if I didn't come and do my job to the park every day or every five days and do my job well, then, yeah, then I would expect them to come and get in my face and,

you know, have an intervention with me or something. But, uh, but it was just, it was like, you know, I, I just wanted to win and, and I just did not like authority because I'm a grown ass man. So I got to tell me, I got two questions about the authority thing. Uh, one, how much of that is, uh, because of your upbringing with your mom, who was by everything I've read, an absolute badass. She was in the hell's angel. She was, she was a, uh,

She was, you know, a woman, I guess. She was her boyfriend. So she was an old lady, as they would say. Yeah. But how was that? Like your mom, like that's kind of the coolest thing ever to be like, yeah, my mom was a hell's angel. You know, to me as a kid, you don't really realize because you're around these guys and

Every day, you know, especially on the weekends, you know when the parties at your house right and in our apartment But the apartment complex that we lived in there was two on the on the on the same block But we were the bigger one the other one was a little smaller and they had a big courtyard in the middle and it was just It was on and it was cool because you'd have you know 150 200 motorcycles around your whole block and

People were scared of you. Yeah, I was going to say, no one messed with you, I'm sure. I was a shit-talking punk little kid. You mess with me, my mom's boyfriend's going to beat your ass. You know, do all that stuff. So I got away with a lot of shit. But no, my mom was, that was just her lifestyle and

you know, worked for her. And, but she always told me, she goes, don't take any shit from anybody. Speak your mind and persevere. Yeah. And that's, and I remember that as a little kid and, and I took that in to my life and it worked. Yeah. So the second question about authority is, uh, I heard a story that you tried to, or maybe didn't try, but you told George Steinbrenner that you're going to beat his ass. Oh yeah. So can you tell us that story? Because that's, I would imagine a lot of guys on the Yankees didn't do that.

because he was the boss? - Yeah, well, it was interleague game. We were playing the Expos and Pedro and I were going toe to toe. And I think it was the third or fourth inning, Darren Fletcher hit a home run. But the year before, '96 when I was with Baltimore,

And Jeffrey Merrick kid leaned over and did that because Tony Tarasco was under camping underneath and he just reached out. And Richie Garcia called it a home run, which was bullshit. And so I brought that up because same thing happened to me. Kid or not a kid, some guy leaned over and Tony was right and Paul O'Neill was right underneath it.

And Paul was pissed. He's screaming. And they called it a home run. So I think I went eight innings. And then when I went in, George Steinbrenner was sitting right next to my locker. But there was a picnic table in front of my locker. And with Nick Piore, who was our clubhouse manager,

And he they were talking. I come in. I said, hey, George, I said, I said, you got to do something with that fence. I said it worked for you last year. It didn't work today. You know, we're losing. I think that time, I think three to one. And and he and he's like, he just looks at me, goes, you ain't the pitcher I signed. I go, excuse me.

He goes, you have to pitch us. I go, well, if you don't fucking like me, why don't you trade me? He goes, I tried. Nobody wants you. That pissed me off. So I was just like, I was like, oh boy, here we go. So he just kind of looked at me. I said, if you don't like me, get fucking rid of me. I said, if you don't want me, I don't care. I said, this is my dream to play for you. But now if you're going to be a dickhead and then fuck off, I don't want to be no part of it. Yeah. You know? And I said, as a matter of fact, I'm going to go get ice.

on my shoulder and my back and my knee. And I said, when I come back, I said, if you're here, I said, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. And he gets up and he gets right in my face. And he's like, I'm not afraid of you. I go, we'll find out in a few minutes. I went in there and I put ice, elbow, shoulder, back, knee. And I come out and he's sitting right there. And I go, son of a bitch. I go, you still here, you motherfucker. I started ripping shit off of me.

He got up, out the door he went. I chased him. And Strawberry was hiding behind a pillar. Wow, this guy's fucking out of his mind. He's like crazy. Oh, man. He went out, and then I felt really bad about it. But it is what it is. I was hot, and you say stuff when you're pissed off. So two days later during the game, I'm walking up into the clubhouse, and the phone rings right outside of Torrey's office.

And I pick it up and I go, Yankee Stadium, second base. Can I help you? He goes, who is this? And I knew right who it was. I go, you called me. Who's this? He goes, this is George Steinbrenner. God damn it. I said, hey, George, it's Boomer. I go, hey, I just want to apologize for the other day. I should have not done that. That was not cool. So I really, really feel bad. I go, I apologize because you wait right there. And he came down from his office and

He came down and we went in Joe's office and we hash it out. He gives me a big old hug, kiss on the cheek. He goes, you're my guy. Oh, I like that. But I think that's, you had to do that. Yeah. Right. You had to challenge him. Yeah. Because if he had you, you're done. Well, everybody that he deals with in his day-to-day life just rolls over for him. Yeah. So if you are a guy that stands up, he'll probably respect that. So I told everybody, fucking talk shit to him.

Get in his face. Do that. Challenge him. Do all that, but not everybody's me. Did anyone else do that? I don't know. I don't think so. I don't know. But, you know, at least you give him a little bit of advice. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to get rolled over. It's like, you know, the same crap happened to me in Toronto. You know, the front office always, always messed with me. And I think that's why...

I became a really bad boy of baseball because of the fact that they treated me like shit. And it was like they were always worried about my – if I was – I was 195 and they wanted me to be 185.

I'm like, I'm already skinny. I'm six, four. I'm skinny as hell. Yeah. I go, no. And then I have two Oh five. They want me to be 200. So they'd find me a hundred dollars a day and I didn't have a hundred dollars to pay. Yeah. I was low man on the totem pole and that on that payroll. So it just, it really sucks. So Pat Gillick and Gord Ash were always messing with me and,

Finally, one day, I just said, fuck you guys. I said, I want to be a starter or a reliever. I'm not doing both. I said, I'll be happy to do one or the other. Because when Dave Steeb went down, I spot started. I won 15 games. And then he comes back. I go right to the bullpen. So I was just like, whatever. So, yeah, so I just went out, and then they released me. And that probably, like that –

Toronto, the start of your career, probably set the tone a little bit for why you got traded. For the rest of my career. Yeah, for the rest of your career, but it also is why you were able to survive being like, hey, I know I can do this. Yeah. Like, fuck off. Yeah, that's why everybody wanted me in the playoffs. Yeah. Yeah. I was a big game pitcher, so you give me the ball, I'm not afraid. What is it about a big game pitcher? Because there's something special about it, like in all sports. Yeah, I know, but like...

Watching, like, you know, there's been a ton of guys throughout history, but, like, even I'm thinking, like, more recently, like a John Lesser or a Madison Bumgarner where it's like it doesn't matter what their season looked like. If they have to win a game, they're going to win a game. Andy Pettit's probably the best big game player.

a pitcher I've ever seen, you know, in my career. He just, that guy, just, he knew how to win. Curt Schilling's another guy. He stepped up to the plate in big games, and that's where you want to be. You want to be on the biggest stage and take authority and walk off that in the ninth inning with a, you know, badass with your chest out and just, here you go, everybody. Yeah. That's what I just did to your team. Yeah. That's what you want. That's the mentality that you want. You know, a lot of guys are going,

Third or fourth inning, looking in the dugout going, come get me. You know, that's just not how it is. There's guys that just step up and there's guys that don't. So you're talking about the butterflies earlier. Like, would you, you would still get those butterflies before a big game? You would just lean into them? Yeah. How do you make those butterflies your friend? You just go out there and make your pitches. I knew I could throw, I could hit a gnat's ass at 60 feet, six inches, nine out of ten times. I had good control.

I had control with every pitch, so I threw strikes. So you just try to make your pitches. Know what guys can beat you and pitch to your strengths. I didn't look at the scouting reports. I would do it from time to time just to appease somebody, but I already knew what I was doing. I pitched to my strengths, not what

some scouting report tells me to do. You know, if it's somebody I don't know that just got called up, then I'll go look at it just to see what their scouting report is. But to me, it was still, I just pitched to my strengths. What about your catchers? When your catchers are calling a game, are you a guy that would shake off a lot of signs if they knew what you wanted to throw? Nope. I made sure they knew what I threw in every count in the pitch.

you know, every pitch in the count, excuse me. And so to me, they had to think with me because I hated to shake off. Now, if I had a scuffed ball,

Then they put number two down. I'm like, no, no, no, no. We're going number one because I can make that ball move that much inside and out. So I'd rather do that and not speed up their bat when they're looking for something off speed. Yeah. But yeah, because if you get a scuffed ball, I remember early in my career, I get scuffed balls. I throw them back. Yeah. What a dumbass I was. I don't know. I was just green behind the ears. Yeah. Then I got a little older and, you know, talked to the veteran guys and

And they tell you, and then you start working with them. It's like, oh, my God. Now they throw every ball out. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. If it hits the dirt, it's out. So you're pitching in, you know, the 90s, early 2000s, height of the steroid era. Did you know at the time you're like, these guys are juicing? We knew what guys were doing them. Right. And what guys weren't. Right. And, you know, it's just –

I look back now, I go, fuck, I wish I would have done them. Yeah. To be honest with you. That's an honest answer. I wish I would have because I don't think I would have. I think I would have gained velocity. You know, I think in that aspect. So with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would have made me a lot better.

I think injuries, these little aches and pains you get, the dead arm period and stuff like that that you get. So it's like that might have been a big difference for me. But no, I never did them. But to me, it sucks that the guys that...

Did them that didn't need to do them. Yeah. And, you know, I guess so. I guess I would say allegedly they did. But, you know, we all know what guys did them. And so to me. But, you know, that's just a thing. So, you know, I look at it in my situation differently.

I pitched in a steroid era and I could have probably had, you know, 15, 20 more wins because of it. So that puts me at, you know, at two. Well, no, I had 239, so 260, 270. Yeah. But if the

The Blue Jays would have left me a starter my whole career. That's why I wish I always played for the Braves. Because they always brought their guys up and they just let them go. And that's how they learned. And that's why they were very good staff all those years. So if you take 10 wins...

If you just take 10 wins a year for those six years they stuck me in the bullpen, you know, that's 60 wins. Yeah. That's 300. Now you're getting 300, yeah. I'm in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, that's true. So was there ever a moment or maybe a home run or a moment in the game where you're like, fuck, this is crazy what these guys are doing? I mean, when a guy that normally doesn't hit a home run off you and he's going 20 rows deep oppo, that pisses you off. Yeah. Because you know they're doing it. And, you know, it's just you see their bodies change and it's just like –

okay, here we go. You just got to make your pitches. But even that pitch that you normally get them out on, they're so strong now. I know. It's just like, great. But it is what it is. Do I think those guys should be in the Hall of Fame? No. Because I didn't do them. They don't belong in it. And there's guys that think that they should. And I call bullshit on that because it shouldn't be that situation. And here's a case with Andy Pettit.

And when him and Roger would, I guess Roger gave it to him or whatever it was, whoever their trainer was at the time. And Andy was hurt. So I think he did. I don't know if I don't know what it was that he did. I think it was the cream, maybe. But whatever he did, he was doing it to to to get to come back faster.

you know whatever it was and I think if it was under a doctor's supervision from guys that got injured and if it's a healing process and it gets them over that and they get some back on the field that I would be fine with that I think that would be that would be okay but it would have to be obviously would have to go as a league rule and then doc the doctors the team doctors and it's documented then sure why wouldn't you do that and then let them in the hall because Andy Pettit

He's a Hall of Famer in my eyes, but that one little mishap might screw him for the rest of his life. So you're a baseball historian. You collect a bunch of stuff. The game that you wore, Babe Ruth's hat was pretty awesome. Don't you think it's crazy, though, that Barry Bonds is not in the Hall of Fame? He's one of, if not the best baseball player of all time. And you can go through the history of baseball. There's all these guys that

pre-1950s didn't play against black players. They didn't play the best competition. You don't think that's crazy? They should be in the Hall of Fame. You've got to tell the history of the game, good or bad. Sure, but the thing is, if they did steroids and they're linked to them, so it's like...

You know, I don't know. And I like both. They're both great guys. Yeah. They're both great guys. But, you know, to me, when you're linked to it and everybody knows, then it's like, you know, it's, you know, I don't know about the committee, what the committee's thinking, but it's the writers. And eventually they're probably going to get in. Because the writers will get younger and they'll realize. Well, yeah, but they're.

There are a lot of stupid-ass writers out there that don't need to be writing, and they should not have a vote. Yeah, the voting process for baseball is crazy, isn't it? Didn't Derek Jeter not get 100%? And that's the thing, because there's one guy, I forgot his name, and this is the BS part of it all, is that...

everything's secretive to them. And they keep going to Derek, and Derek has to answer all these questions. And Derek's like, why don't you go to the guy who didn't vote for me? But they're saying, well, we don't know who it is. Well, they hide behind their pencil. They hide it. And that's BS. They're a bunch of, I mean...

We call them pussies. Yeah. All day long. All day long. And maybe a few others because they're such afraid of their own shadow, but they could sit there and write BS about you your whole career and they not like you, so they're not going to vote for you. But that one guy, from what I hear, doesn't like to vote for guys their first ballot. First year, yeah. It's ridiculous. Exactly. It's like gatekeeping some idea of baseball perfection and then –

That doesn't exist. Yeah, Rivera was another one where it was like... He got it. He didn't get 100%, though. He didn't get 100? Right. I don't think he... Did he get 100? I think he did. Was he the only one who got 100? I think he was the only one that got it, yeah. So maybe they did it right for him. But yeah. He might have been the only one. But that's the one where it's like... Derek Jeter, same way. He's a stud. A lot of these guys, I mean, that has been... Had to wait and wait, or wait a year, and then they get in the next year...

Put him in. I think the same thing happened to Roberto Alomar. Rivera got 100? All right. Yeah. So, like, Roberto Alomar, I think he had to wait a year, and then he got in. He was a stud. Right. One of the best players I've ever seen. Best infielder I've ever seen. Ken Griffey Jr. is probably the best outfielder I've ever seen. Yeah. But there's a couple guys behind him that were just as good. Yeah. But, yeah, you see guys like that, but, you know, they didn't get caught.

Do anything. You know, to me, it's like, how do you not put Bernie Williams in the Hall of Fame? Yeah. How do you not put Kenny Lofton in the Hall of Fame? You know, they had great numbers. They have Hall of Fame numbers. That's why you got a douchebag, uh, uh,

What's the commissioner? Yeah, commissioner. Yeah. Rob Manfred. I think he hates baseball. So he's just screwing it up while his tenure is still going. Yeah. And he's going to see how much he can fuck it up. They should have booted him years ago. What don't you like about today's game?

- Everything. - Okay, I like that. - I knew that whenever I asked, there was gonna be a list. - I don't watch it. I don't watch baseball anymore. - Seriously? - I haven't watched it in five years. - Have you seen the bigger bases though? - The only time I've watched baseball is with my buddy Chuck down in San Diego, 'cause he's a big Padre fan and I've gone to maybe two games in five years. So I can't, I lied. I've watched two games in five years. - Do you have the card that gets you into every game? - Yes.

That is one of the coolest things. So can you explain it? That when you retire... 10 years. If you play 10 years in the big leagues, you get a gold card that you can walk up to any stadium at any time and you get walked right in. You get two of the best tickets available. That's awesome. That's very cool. Yeah, but...

You just don't. Can I have it? You don't use yours. Can we have it? Give it to us. You got to find my kids. My kids want it. Do they use it? They've used it before, yeah. You get like snacks and drinks with that or just tickets? No, just tickets. That's so cool to just be able to walk up and want to go to a game. Okay. Well, you know how much tickets are nowadays. So they're ahead of the game. What would you do to fix baseball? I would get rid of the clock.

Okay. I get every analytic guy out of there. Fire all the nerds. All the nerds. Drop them off in the middle of the lake and let them swim in. Okay. Kill all the nerds. All right. You know, because here's the thing. They're the guys that are making all the calls and everything and giving it to the, you know, to the GMs or whatever, and then they're going off of that. It's like all that shit has been there since day one of baseball.

It just took a couple cronies to go back there, crunch numbers, Billy being one of them, you know, with the money ball. But there's some validity to a lot of it, but a computer doesn't tell you. It doesn't have a heartbeat, so it doesn't do that. If you throw over first base the third time, he gets to go to second. Okay, what part of that don't I get? Guy on second in extra innings.

because they want to speed the game up. You don't want to go to the fucking game for 980s? Get the hell out. Who cares? That's up to you. Don't try to speed the game up. The integrity of the game is what it was. Would you ever try to throw, like, pick-off pitches to first base just to piss off the fans when they started to boo you? You know what? Sparky Anderson was the man doing that.

he would have you throw over six times in a row. Fans are booing like crazy, especially in the visiting one. And he would do it, but there's a reason for that because they want to see, they want to try to see the play off their hand if he's going to turn around and bunt, try to get the guy over. So there's reasons for all that stuff. But now these kids nowadays, they don't have to think for themselves because they've got these analytic guys who,

that are doing all the thinking for them. And it's like, learn how to play ball. Grow a sack. Let's go. I like that. I like that. Bring back small ball. Steal some bases. 100%. You don't see it anymore. You can see it in today's game. I know they've made a lot of rule changes, some good, some bad. But the batting averages are down so insanely where no one's hitting over 300. Yeah.

And it's like the action of the game, that's what people want to see. And I know that I actually agree with banning the shift because I did think the shift, that just became ridiculous. When a guy would hit a C. You know what? That guy needs to make an adjustment. Okay. All right. Make the adjustment. I had no problem with that. It used to piss me off because then they would hit it the other way. Hit it down the line, yeah. Did I like it? No, but I don't think they should have took it out. I mean, the hitters are good enough.

You've got to give them credit because they know how to hit bad pitches. You don't need an analytics guy to tell you this is that. They just learn it. Robin Young, guys like that, Paul Molitor, George Brett, all these guys that were pure hitters, Hall of Fame hitters, they figured it out. Dave Winfield, all these guys. You go down the line from the 70s, 80s, and 90s,

2000 and before the analytics, these guys learn how to hit. They pay attention. All you got to do is pay attention. I watched the hitters. They watch us. Tony Gwynn. Tony Gwynn. Yeah. You know, they pity Wade Boggs, Don Mattingly. Did you ever go out with Wade Boggs? Oh, yeah. Who would end the night? He would. I would end the night. You'd out-drink Wade?

Not in beers. Yeah? So the story goes when he drank 70 beers on a cross-country trip one time? I've seen it. Do you believe that? I've seen it. Yeah? Yeah, I've seen it. And not get up to pee once. That's even more impressive. Jesus. That's more impressive. Six beers in the clubhouse after the game, right? And then he'd have another six-pack on the bus to the airport. A lot of guys would do that, but he was the king. Yeah. But you know what? It worked for him. He's there the next day, early, first guy there. Yeah.

hitting getting his work in eating his chicken whatever it may be and wade was awesome yeah it seems like a very cool hang you mentioned roger clemens earlier and then that that reminded me um you you obviously have had run-ins with every manager that you've that you've been involved with roger clemens managed you for it he did we were in maine a couple about a month ago three weeks ago at a tournament we were we were golfing it was uh ben higgins

Roger and I, and we were playing and Roger brought that up. I go, because when I looked up, I'm like, what the hell are you doing out here? But

Torrey gave him manager of the day because he was, you know, I don't know if it was towards the end of, it was, I guess, a veteran status. It was, you know, it was a great gesture on Joe's part to do that. But it was, I didn't expect it. And he comes out and I'm like, because normally I don't want to come out of a game. Right. But it was pretty cool. Roger, let me tell you, Roger's one of the funniest dudes you'll ever meet. His isms are...

Excuse me, his isms. And he's got a lot of one-liners. He'd keep you on your toes. Yeah. We had battles and all that over the years. We talked a lot of crap to one another, you know, over the years. But I'll tell you, he's just...

He's down to earth. He's a good guy. I would think that if he was trying to take you out of a game, though, you'd be like, get the fuck back in the dugout, Roger. Trust me. I think I said that. But he's a bigger boy than me, so I'm not going to give him too much shit. Talking about old school baseball, when you're, if a teammate of yours got hit, were you kind of excited? Like, I'm going to, I'm going to,

You don't want to hit anybody. You don't want to hit. You just protect your teammates. Right. You protect them. And you just, so my rule of thumb was hit the first guy. Yeah. Big, small, it doesn't matter. You hit the first guy and just try to, you know, squash it. And I remember in Toronto, Doug Litton hit like three or four guys. And I'm like, well, my rule of thumb and first guy up,

Albert Bell. Oh, no. I go, oh, shit. Son of a bitch. So I said, you know what? Piss on it. And first pitch, smoked him. He just dropped the bat and stared at me. I'm like, oh, boy. That's scary. I go, it's on. It's coming. He walked all the way to first base and stared at me the whole time.

And so obviously, thank God I was a lefty. Yeah. Because I got him right here on my side and I'm like doing, I think like two pitches later, double play. Yeah. So it was, he wasn't a very fast runner, but then he's walked, he's got to come by the mound. I'm just kind of, I stepped away from the mound just to see what he was going to do. And I watched him walk all the way into the dugout.

And he went over to Doug Linton and grabbed him by his throat and just started shaking. I was like, that's a man that knows baseball. Because he knows that guy got him hurt. Yeah, I remember that clip. I didn't remember the reason why he grabbed his teammate by the throat. Because they were talking about that. He's a smart player. He just had bad...

You know, temper. Well, no, I just add antics from like, he'll run like 20 yards past, you know, ground ball. He'll run 20 yards past first base and then off with the helmet, leave it there and make the first. I know. Yeah. That kind of egg like Halloween. Yeah. Well, he got, he got mad. No, he got mad. This is in Baltimore. There's a lot of punks out there. He got mad because, um,

No, it wasn't. It wasn't. He got mad because some kids egged his house. Yeah. And then I think he chased him like on a bike. Which is scary as fuck. And threw him and kicked his ass. Oh, I've done that. Have you? I've done that. Kids egging and toilet paper in your house. Oh, hell yeah. What do you say to them when you catch them? We had a catch because my wife bought me a pitcher and a catcher, big bronze in the front yard. She bought that for me years ago and the Halloween kids took it and they took it like three blocks away and put them in somebody else's yard. I found out who are the kids was.

He scared the daylights out of them. You chased him down? I chased him down, but I didn't get him. They peeled off and I chased the wrong kids because I didn't know because they had golf carts and they had our thing. But I did get some of the kids that were there and they were scared shitless, but they're little kids. But you grab them and you're just like, you know, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to beat your ass. And

and all that but then we found out who it was and went over there and you just have a talking say you know what i see on my property again i'm gonna shoot you yeah yeah uh getting chased down by david wells not something i want to i would shoot a little kid okay but like five years old yeah he's 18 or over you're gonna get your ass i love that nowadays you shoot him because our whole world's going to shit but but back in the day he just beat the shit out of him

I got my ass kicked plenty of times, so back at you. One time Albert Bell got hit by a pitch, and then he told the umpire it didn't hit him because he wanted to stay in the box and try to hit home run. One of the all-time moments. Smart guy. A lot of guys did that. I didn't get hit me. Was there any hitter that you, I don't want to say you were afraid of because you obviously, I don't think you're the kind of guy that was afraid of anyone, but was there a hitter that you respected or had your number?

Mo Vaughn. Yeah. Mo Vaughn. Great swing. Son of a bitch. I couldn't get him out. So I finally told him, I said, Mo, I love you, buddy, but you know, if there's anybody on, I'm just going to hit you. He goes, why? He's like, cause I can't get you out. I

I said, and you're a liability on first base. You can't run for shit. So, you know, advantage me. But, yeah, I think he had like eight or nine home runs off me career. I'm like, I just tipped my cap. And when he would turn on a pitch. I tried to take him out and get him drunk. He could drink. He didn't care. He was in that lineup the next day. Who was the most underrated player you played with or against that you're like, he deserves more credit? Oh, my God. Jeez. Yeah.

I mean, Paul O'Neill, you know, he – He had a temper too. I think he was – I used to love sitting at the end of the bench and he'd just beat the shit out of that water bottle. That water jug. I'd just sit there and get a laugh out of it. But he – I mean, he made a good name for himself, but I think he's got good numbers. Yeah. And all that stuff. But, yeah, he was – he's a stud. But, I mean, there's so many guys that just –

You played with so many guys. Yeah, I did. 21 years and 19. There's a lot of guys. Yeah. You know, that played a lot. You know, a lot of guys. There was just a lot of gamers. I mean,

To me, it's just hard to pick them all out. Yeah, what was your favorite city you played for, not counting the Yankees? Because I know, obviously, you loved Babe Ruth. Well, San Diego, because I'm from San Diego. I got to play there. But believe it or not, because of the greatest manager of all time, Sparky Anderson, I love Detroit. But to me, it was just playing for that guy and just getting the knowledge that he gives you.

You know, he helped me tremendously through my career. Yeah. So, yeah, what was different about him than every other manager that you had? He cared for you. He cared about you. He wanted you to succeed. But he's just so wise in his wisdom, and he would just tell you. We'd sit. Come here. Sit next to me. And he'd just say, watch these hitters and all that. And he'd just explain stuff to you. But he would do it with everybody on the team. You know, Joe Torre –

It was that circle of trust. And we were way the hell up here. We weren't even close. He didn't treat everybody the same. Yeah. You know, Cito Gaston, you know, I hated him as a manager. I love him as a person, but we never saw eye to eye. We got it. We went, got into it. But, you know, I didn't, I don't, I didn't think he treated everybody fair.

You know, there's a few managers that didn't. Jim Fregosi was a great manager. He was a player's manager. But, you know, Bruce Bochy was great.

A lot of good managers, but there's just some that just didn't really... I don't think I could have played for Tony La Russa because he was kind of the same way. Could have partied with him. What's that? Could have partied with him. Yeah, I probably wouldn't have, though. But I respected him as a manager. A lot of guys liked him, but I wasn't a big fan just watching him and hearing all the horror stories about it. So...

But, you know, he's a legend. Yeah. He did a lot of good things for the game of baseball. What about umpires? Did you get along with some of them? Some. Very few. Yeah. But some. But I hated the rest of them. Who was your most hated? Al Clark. Okay. Douchebag of all time. He was terrible. Yeah.

Kenny Kaiser, he was a tough son of a bitch. I got in a few altercations with him. Did you ever try to make nice with him? Just like smooth things over, see if that worked for you? You tried to. Tim McClellan, the guy who called my perfect game. He was terrible. Terrible on par. Terrible. But that day he was good? Yeah, he had no choice. I was good too. What about Joe West? Did you ever get in with him? Cowboy Joe, he was... I just...

He's one that kind of intimidated me because he was a big boy. Yeah, because you just do that, and he just was like, you know. I run into Joe from time to time, and, you know, I just keep your mouth shut because you're not going to last long with Joe West. You know, and he was a big boy. That's the one man that you're afraid of is Joe West. He flipped the script on you. A little bit, a little bit, but, you know, I respected him, but he just –

For me, I threw strikes. With these umpires, they change their strike zone late in the game, and that was a strike early in the game, and then it's not. That's where I had the problem. What do you think about robot umps? No, I think because if you look back and you look at replay, they get it right a high percentage of the time. They do get it right, but they do get it wrong a lot, and that's what I think replay comes in. They do that, but to me it's

You know, as much as I hate umpires, I would say yeah, but I think it just takes the integrity away from the game. The human element. Yeah. Yes. What's the meanest thing you said to an ump that got you kicked out? Or a story about getting kicked out of a game? Call him a piece of shit or something like that. That's it? Yeah. Not me. I really didn't. I got kicked out of not a whole lot of games, but a few just –

you know, just for just calling them out, showing them up. And that's one thing that they didn't like. Yeah. Yeah. What about when you were batting, when you went up to bat? I hated to bat. Did you do your, what, 123 career or something around there? Maybe lower, who knows? Would you, like, make an effort going to the box or just be like, I'm going to stand here? I was saying, you know, like, if they called me on some crappy pitches –

Then I'd say, well, I hope I get those. Yeah. Well, that's the wrong thing to say because then I got – it happened to me in Miami. Sheffield hit a grand slam off me. But before that happened, it was a – no, it was my first at-bat, and I had pitches I threw for strikes, and that was right. And then Sheffield hits a grand slam, and then I come up, and I'm like –

And then he calls a pitch like that far out. And I go, wow. I go, I guess I threw that same pitch to Sheffield and then should have been strike three. Instead, I got a grand slam and I got thrown out of the game, got thrown out, but we got rained out. So that game didn't count. Oh, there you go. Sheffield's granny didn't. And I tell him that all the time. That's perfect. That's one grand slam. You'll never get back. That's perfect. Uh, all right. So we, this has been awesome. We've got a couple of last questions. Uh, by the way, we are at the American century championship. Like I said, uh,

Awesome. This is the 35th annual championship of celebrity golf, and they've raised $8 million for charity. It's an awesome event. A ton of people here. Who do you think, knowing all the golf games, who is the best golfer you've played with here that has a chance to actually win? I mean, you look at Marty Fish. He's on fire right now. He won in Maine. I love Mark Mulder. He's a stud. He's won it here a few times.

He's fun to watch. Is Smolty playing? Smolty is. I talked to Smolty yesterday, and I go, how are you playing? He goes, I'm playing really well. But, you know, I just put, you know, because there are low odds. Try to find someone who's got better odds, and you throw a couple hundred bucks. Yeah. You know, you got some good beer money. But, yeah, those guys right there are awesome.

You know, you want to see win. But I like watching the underdogs guys that just come from behind and, you know, get lucky. Marty is just so good. He's just so, and he hits it so far and he's, he's spot on. He's just very seldom does he make a mistake out there. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. The other question I had was the trainers you mentioned your weight. Would you ever pay off the trainers to make them change your weight? Damn straight I did. What would you, what would you give them?

I take care of them. Yeah. And just be like, hey, make sure you change that number a little bit. Yeah. Or I would doctor. So the old school scales that you do the bottom and then you do the top. Well, back here they had a underneath. They had a thing. So I would. So before I go weigh ins, I would go in there when they were looking. I would hit that son of a bitch and I would put it to like two pounds to the T to where I get on there and they see it.

And they go, okay, you're under. And then I was doing that. I would just had hit it back. I love that. Oh yeah. That's smart. Did you ever take like the, the diet aspect seriously? Cause I know there was an article that you weren't thrilled about in sports illustrated at one point that just, I never did the story. So, yeah. So that Jeff guy, whoever they want to did the rocker. Yeah. He followed me around for two weeks. Don't get the hell away from me. He's a douche bag. So I just, so no, but that, that was a story that was blemished.

or whatever, but I was a big dude. The reason why I didn't care about my weight or anything is when we had the strike in 94. It really pissed me off because we had a few of them. That's another 10, 15 wins maybe. Yeah, and so I went through, what, three, four strikes? And to me it was just...

The owners didn't care, so I didn't care. So piss on them. And I actually, it benefited me because I got better. Yeah. I got better. And they're like, you don't look good on the, I don't give a shit what I look like. What is the result? What looks, is what you want to look at. Not what I look like. I don't have to look good in the lobby. Fat guys win too, you know? That's a good point. I always tell them, I'm fat, you're ugly, and I can diet. So have a nice day. Yeah.

You know, you don't run the ball to play. So, but I was for a big guy, I still filled my position. Yeah. Yeah. So to me, that was something that I didn't care, but then, you know, but as you get older and I see the reasoning, as you get older, your body breaks down and, you know, like I said, I need a knee surgery. Just had my shoulder down, but that's,

I would see my knees and my back from my weight, but not my shoulder. Yeah. I mean, you still played 21 years. Yeah, but I threw a lot of pitches. Yeah. I think the longevity, I think, speaks for itself. You just had the shoulder done. Do you think you could still dial it up now, though? Like how fast could you pitch? No. I mean, I couldn't break a window from two feet the last 12 years. I couldn't throw a ball from here to the back of the room, and now I can throw a ball to the back of the room. But I'm just not 100% still. I'm like 60%, 65%.

You know, I can get out there and golf and swing it and it's fine. But, you know, throwing to me to throw there. So like on 17 this week, I could go out there and I could throw a ball back for the last, you know, five, six years. I just walked down there and I'm getting booed because I can't throw the ball back to him. Yeah. So now I can throw a football back to him. I can throw a baseball, whatever.

You know, and it's, to me, I'm back. Good, good. Big time back. And being able to throw it 30, 40 feet, I'm back. You're talking yourself down. Let's pencil David Wilson as a dark horse this week. No. Yes. Don't do it. Please don't do that. Save your money. No. No. Save your money. Come on. Why not you? Dude, there's a bunch of hookers walking down the street. They're pretty hot. Save your money. Go get a hooker.

If you win, I will get a hooker. How about that? Well, I hope I don't win so you don't get one. I'm not going to say what I'm going to do with a hooker. You can't get it on your own, boy. There's something wrong with you. No, I'll just talk to her. She'll be my therapist for an hour. Yeah, I bet. I bet you you don't last an hour.

You'll be a three-pump chump. They got skills. I can last so long in bed, you don't understand. Why do you think they're there for me? Because they got mad skills. They're professionals. Foreshinals. All right, so I have one last question. It's a Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Awesome golf gear. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers. Roback.com. Promo code TAKE. 20% off your first purchase. Go right now.

All right, so my last question. That was good. Thank you. Appreciate that. You're a collector of some really cool memorabilia in baseball history. What's your most prized possession, or what's the one thing that you're like, this is the thing I just love looking at? Well, I have a ball here, and it's Babe Ruth. I got Hank Aaron.

I got Barry Bonds to sign it. I'm going to get Albert Pujols when he's there. Wow. 700 home run club. I wish A-Rod would have got it because then that would have been five guys. Yeah. But four, I thought he was going to get it. It's a bummer he didn't. But to have four 700 home run guys on a ball, it's the only one. That's incredible. It's the only one in existence that I know of. Yeah, and they're not going to make one of those. Nope. And I have another baseball player.

That's got Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth on it. Wow. And those signatures are awesome on it. Yeah. Because when Hank Aaron says, are you sure you want me to say, he's like, damn straight, I want you. That's incredible. Because it's just cool. I have a bunch of Babe Ruth baseballs, just solo ones. And then Hank Aaron balls, I have solo. How pissed was Joe Torre when he wore the Babe Ruth hat?

Which is cool. You wore the same hat that Babe Ruth wore in Yankee Stadium to pitch the first inning. So mad. He fined me $2,500. Why? I told him a tool and all that. Because he's a tool. No, no. I'm saying why was he mad? It makes no sense. That's what I said. I said, don't be so shallow, Joe. I said, if anybody would have respected it, it should have been you. Right. Because you're such a big baseball and a New York fan, Yankee fan. And he did that. He just hated me. Yeah. So that's the reason why. Yeah.

That seems like something he should have loved That's the most respectful thing you could do with that hat As long as you win If David Cohen wore it he would have been fine How'd you do in that inning? I got out of it As soon as I took it off I didn't get out of the third inning Yeah so you should have kept it on It jinxed me Well Boomer this has been awesome man We loved having you on You are a legend And appreciate it And go win this tournament this weekend

I'm just going to go have fun. No expectations. What's your goal for shooting this weekend? For three...

Try to 15 points. Okay. Yeah, 15 points. Okay. I'll be happy with 15 points. What does that mean? In the good. Okay. Not behind. Not where Charles Barkley and Cable Guy and those guys are at. Yeah. You know, I want to be in the positive, not the negative. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. We can make that happen. You can win it. I can. I played really well last year. You need to believe in yourself. Would you trust me? I believe in myself. Yeah. But I don't have as many rounds.

As these other guys do. Maybe we get some... So now I got full rotation. What if we got some... And I don't know what to do with it. My body's all jacked up. We don't have to include this in the podcast, but what if we got you some steroids? Yeah. You said you always wish that you'd done them. Well, I can take whatever the hell I want now. What if we got some old Hells Angels guys who just roll up when your competition is teeing off? So I just go and just...

Scared the shit out of everybody. Yeah, just a little rev the engine right before. Well, I don't think they would scare anybody now. They're all old guys. It's true. These guys are in their, like, 70s, 80s now. They're on mopeds. I'd have to get the younger generation. Yeah. They got the rascal scooters that they're driving around. Yeah. Really in the chopper bunch. Yeah. If you can read this, the bitch fell off on the back. No. You know, there's guys out here that are just so good. Yeah. I saw Adam...

I keep saying Thiessen. Adam Thielen. Adam Thielen. And he's a sleeper to win this. He wants to win, too, yeah. And on the 10th hole today, he hit a little iron, and he hit it about 300 down the middle. I'm like, oh, boy. And that well exceeds my driver. My driver's like 250, 260. Yeah. So, yeah. You can do it. Well, boomer. I appreciate the confidence. Yeah. Thank you so much, man. We appreciate it.

David Wells is brought to you by Chevy. As everyone knows, this is a Chevy truck podcast. The greatest trucks ever built and our good friends at Chevrolet have been a big part of the part of my take story from the Silverado helping us dig the biggest hole ever dug in Ohio during Grit Week to Silverado partnering with us to give college fullbacks all the

All the rightful recognition they deserve with the Low Man Award. They also powered our nonstop cross-country trip to the Super Bowl in L.A. behind the wheel of a Chevy Silverado. Silverado has been a part of it all. We were driving around in a Chevy today, did a sick, sick wakeboarding video that's going to come out soon using a Chevy Silverado.

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Okay, let's finish off with part of your take. Who's reading them? I am. All right. You're going to nail this. Hey, Dad Cat, balding PFT, summertime Hank, loser Max, and jet man memes. I'm not balding. I'm bald. Would you rather... Don't say... You can't... That's my culture. Yeah, there's a lot of bald people that would be very upset about that. I'm not bald yet.

Would you rather have to get a tattoo of your rival team every time they win a championship, but know your team would win one championship at some point in your lifetime, or have hope every year until getting bounced in the first round of the playoffs and have a too early championship tattoo not pan out? I would say getting the tattoo for your rival, because who's the commander's biggest rival? The Cowboys? Yeah. So I'm fine with that. Well, could you do it? If you could do it anywhere, like you just had a Packers tattoo on the bottom of my foot.

I think you'd probably... And you get one guaranteed Super Bowl? I mean, any of these are like, hey, one guaranteed Super Bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. What would you say, Hank? Not at this point. You have too many. You get backup championships. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you won backup championships. I mean, if it would be New York, it's like they can't even make the playoffs. They have 12 teams in the fucking state. Yeah.

Fuck three-down football, but the NFL should introduce CFL pre-snap motion rules to allow receivers to take running starts. Not only would it open up the game, but it would inevitably take us one step closer to having a football savant come in with rugby-like plays that would change the game forever. Okay, I like that. Imagine a QB in shotgun with two backs plus tight ends and RBs on either side of him, able to run in either direction and go lateral. Madness. Wait. I can't imagine what he just said. I don't know.

Also, I think in the CFL you only can have one guy, right? You can have one guy and I think he gets like five yards. You can't imagine it? You just can't imagine it? No. Have you ever watched a CFL game? I'm trying. Hank, you're thinking of everybody. It's just watching a snap and then everyone's moving.

Yeah, I guess. I think that's what they kind of do. That's what they do. That's what Tyreek Hill does every fucking play. There's a guy in motion. But no, in CFL, you can literally run and run towards the line of scrimmage. That's what Tyreek Hill does every time. No, he runs sideways. You're allowed to run sideways. And then you bend it at the last second. Right. Got it.

Do you get it? No, I'll have to watch. I'm a visual learner. I'm a visual learner. I like it in theory, but it's like so hard for defenses already. It's just adding another thing that would suck for them. Yeah, you'd have to give them something. Like if one defender got a knife. Yeah. Yeah.

Then Wonder Thunder got to be offsides once every four downs. Yeah. Yeah. That would be awesome. Remember when you do that, like in Madden, you just stand next to the kicker to the holder. Yeah. And even though you'd get called offsides, I actually can block the shit out of it. It actually might be a good idea. If you're allowed to have every receiver in motion, then you have a snap count and you have to snap it on zero. Yeah. So the linemen know exactly when the ball is going to be snapped. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Everyone envisions themselves as a pro athlete at some point or time. So if you could choose any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Also go Giants. Our time is coming. I think I would want to be Jesse Owens and just win gold medals right in Hitler's face. I don't know. And then you come back to the U.S. No, you don't let me finish. You're not really a hero? You didn't let me finish. Oh. Of all the people. Of all the people. I would kill Hitler while I was there. Kill Hitler.

I would like to be part of the 1980 Olympic team because then you're a legend forever. Yeah. Those guys are all. Yeah. No one knows Jesse Owens. Good point. That's pretty damn good. No, but like they didn't also have to face like insane amounts of racism and probably live tough. You know, that's a he's a hero, but that's like that's a tough, tough life. But I think we're just talking about the sporting event, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. Any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Yeah. Super Bowl maybe. I'm trying to think. What would be... I'd joke harder, walk off home run. That's pretty good. Win the World Series. But would you do the same? That would be pretty sick. Would you do the same like skip dance that he did afterwards? No, definitely not. That was kind of weird. Yeah. I would... Yeah, maybe walk off home run to win the World Series. That'd be sick. That would be fucking awesome. Actually, I don't want to...

I don't want to make this guy. Well, the, the Joe Carter home run was against Phillies. So I don't want to make Max happy, but Chris Jenkins hitting a three to win March Madness is pretty sick. That's pretty sick. Like any buzzer beater, any finale, like final, like second to win a championship is insane. Yep. Linsanity. All right. We'll end with this. Was that, was that a dig?

No, that'd be cool. At New York Sports Culture? That was a great moment. It was basically a banner. Yeah. Like, yeah, he captured the hearts of the world. Yeah. That'd be fun. Yeah. Last one. Is the celebratory teammate ass slap disappearing from sports? No. We might have to ask some of the guys this week. I don't think so. We need to know from the players that are on the field. We'll ask Blake and Josh. What sport do you think has the highest amount of ass slaps? I think it's baseball. Baseball for sure. Ha ha ha!

Baseball for sure. Football probably second. But yeah, football is definitely up there. Yeah, football. But baseball, that's how they shake hands. WNBA. Do they ass slap? I don't know. Why not? What do they tit slap? Chest bump. Yeah. Chest bump. Has there ever been a WNBA player who got hurt from that? They probably don't do it. Yeah, they do the side hip thing. Side one, yeah. It'd be like if we did dick bumps.

Actually, chest bumps might be gone. No one does a straight up chest to chest chest bump. That's not cool anymore. I think baseball's got the most celebrations for everything. Those guys chest bump, ass slap, handshake. That's just their day to day lives. That's true. Okay. Great show, boys. Let's kick it back to ourselves in studio for numbers. Okay. Let's wrap up the show. Numbers. Eight. 20. 20.

19. 19. Does it make you mad that I take 20, Max? You went 19, Nick? I'm at a position where I'm fucked either way because if 56 or 20 show up, it's bad. Yeah, you really shouldn't have done that. It doesn't matter. Have you ever gotten it, Max? Three. No. Shane? I've also accepted I'm just never going to get it, so that's whatever. Oh, shit. Now that makes me think he's going to get it. Shane, what are you wearing? Charger's crew neck. Oh! Have you made a decision? I have made a decision. And?

I just want to clarify. Is it just the Chargers team store or it can be just like... We can find other stuff. I'm in. Okay, let's go. So we'll sit down, you and I. We could maybe do a PMTV. Okay. And we'll just go on a fucking shopping spree. Yeah. And then everything you buy, you have to wear at least one of those pieces of clothing on any first date. And do I have to post these pictures anywhere? I would like them for my personal files. Just text it to you? Yeah, you can. Then we'll post it. Word of advice, you got to get something with Taz on it.

Yeah. Taz as a charger would be awesome. Taz or Tweety Bird. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you're helping me out, so. Okay. Am I? Yeah. You just said we're going to sit down and do it. You're going to help me pick stuff out. Yeah, I know, but you still have to go on every first date wearing a charger or something. Wait, do you think that... It's not like I haven't done that before.

Do you think that Big Cat's going to be like your stylist here? The way he said that, he's like, you're going to help me out. We're going to sit down and we're going to. We're literally just going to be like, I want this shirt. Okay, cool. Yeah. Big Cat wears some nice stuff sometimes. I'm always up for some. What about. What about. Black shirts. What about. All right. Hank.

Oh, Hank. He wears a flannel. Literally, you just have been wearing Barstool store stuff every day. Druth. The Druth. Chargers. Hank just wears championship merchandise every day. Barstool store stuff is great, though. Yeah, Barstool store stuff is the best. We're winning a championship. New Coors Light Mountains are blue merch. Love it. Yes. Shane.

I have just found an incredible Chargers fedora that you can wear to one of these dates. No. What do you mean no? I mean, you said I get to choose. I'm not going fedora on it. Why would you go fedora? Class it up. What if you go to like a jazz club? It wouldn't happen. What about Chargers pants? Yeah. What about a Boltman costume?

The full bolt man. I mean, we're just moving the goalposts here. Well, you had to expect that to happen. You agreed to the deal. Now you're in my hands, buddy. You said wear one Chargers thing. Now it's a full bolt man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're going to get crazy. What would be the biggest red flag for Shane to show up like a jersey that a guy shows up for a first date for on the Chargers? I would think maybe Sean Merriman. I don't know if that's a – I mean, maybe. Maybe.

Maybe a little. If you're wearing a lights out jersey to a first date. What about Junior Seau and you only talk about Junior Seau's suicide the whole time? That shirt I wore out the other night was a Junior Seau shirt. It had his number on the back. Oh, wow. Oh, that's not as cool of a shirt I thought then. I mean, that's disrespectful. It was a cool shirt. Was it? Yeah, it was a cool shirt. And also Hank said the other day that I was a double XL. I just want to clarify. Triple. In case the Chargers do send something, I'm just an XL. Triple. It was mean.

Double XL. Okay. Number same again real quick. 19. 3. 8. 56. 21. 72. Love you guys. I'm all set in. We're little. We're learning. Life is okay. Same.

Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then, there are moments that remind us to be more human.

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