I’m going on a road trip
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My life is opera. There is no reason in opera.

Maria, directed by Pablo LeRae, for your consideration. Now playing at Slack Theaters and on Netflix. Hi guys, welcome to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. This week, as you can see if you're watching the video...

the video podcast, we're back in the truck this week, which comes with a burden. Let me tell you about my grievances and then we'll properly jump into the week's episode, but I actually have to get this shit off my chest. I wanted a sunroof put into this truck because it just...

The light in here wasn't good and like that's important things to consider, okay? I want the light in my truck to be good, the fuck? So I went to almost every auto repair shop in Los Angeles and I was like, "Will you please cut a hole in my roof and install a sunroof?" And everyone said,

No, everyone said we don't want to operate. They said this is a vintage car I will not put my hands on it. You will regret it. It will decrease its value Also, it's vintage. I'm not fucking touching it You have to go somewhere special and I was like what the fuck like I'm not going to sue you if it's ugly or if I regret it or whatever I was like it was actually so annoying like I even said to one of the auto repair shops like if you want me to sign a piece of paper that says I will never come after you if this butchers my truck and

This is my request and at my discretion. Like, I swear to God, I will sign anything you want me to. And everyone still said, no, we won't operate. And I was like, what the actual fuck?

Anyway, eventually found a guy who was willing to put a sunroof in for me for about a bajillion gazillion pounds, but whatever it's fine because I've got it like that. I send my car to the repair shop, right? Or the body shop, whatever the fuck those things are called and he puts in the sunroof and then he's like "Oh, and I fixed your fuel gauge for you." Because like it didn't read my fuel gauge didn't read like I never knew if I had a full tank or not which was annoying but also like I'll just guesstimate it, you know? Fuck it.

I don't care. But he replaced, he fixed it and I was like, that's very nice. That's really helpful. That probably was like a good idea. So tell me why I get my car back two days ago and the fucking fuel tank is leaking. I noticed something dripping from my car. Actually, crazy story. My mum was visiting, right? And it came time for her to leave. We called her an Uber. The Uber driver arrives. He's helping my mum put her bags in his car and I...

I was like, wait, this is like a man who looks like he might know a thing or two about cars. So I pointed to the wet puddle underneath my truck and I said, Mr. Uber driver, what do you think that leak is coming from my car bonnet? And he looked at it and he walked up to my car. This man bent down, tapped his finger into the puddle of mystery fluid underneath my pickup truck and then put it in his fucking mouth and then said, yeah, that's a gas leak.

He was like, yeah, it's petrol. That's diesel on your floor. Can you believe that? He looked like the kind of guy who would lick diesel off the fucking gravel and then say, yeah, it's diesel. Like, he just looked like the kind of guy to have done that. You know, like when he did it, I was shocked, but not that shocked. Like, there was just something about him that told me like that was not the first time he had licked up diesel just to make sure it was. Like, smell it.

Oh look at it! Like diesel has a distinct smell buddy like if it's oil or gas there's like a difference in scent- eh diesel. Okay anyway very sweet of him really helpful. I could turn on my floodlights. I have this like swish new security system guys and it means I can I can control- wait actually this is a kind of a good idea. Did that make any difference?

I nearly just threw up from fear. I saw the reflection of my phone screen in the back window and I thought someone was back there. That really scared the living shit out of me. Anyway, so that happened and I'm pissed off because it wasn't leaking petrol before I sent it to the repair shop.

Okay, he who smelt it dealt it. Okay, he touched my fuel tank and now my fuel tank is leaking. Hmm, very suspicious, very suspicious because I know it's an old truck and so on and so forth. But like this old truck was not leaking petrol a week ago. No, it was not. And I've had it for two months now. So explain that.

So anyway, I'm annoyed. In other news, well, actually in the same news, today I got my driver's license. I went to the DMV. You guys want to know something crazy? Actually, I did go to the DMV today and I took a rental car because I needed a car to take my test in. And I don't have one that I can legally drive because this one doesn't have insurance. Because I need my fucking driver's license to fucking get insurance. It's a whole thing. So I had to get a rental and then drive to the DMV. And when I get there, they were like, you don't have like any of the correct papers to like test in this car. And I was like, what do you mean? Yeah.

What do you mean? And then the guy that I went with, who's like a DMV expediter, he was like, she can just drive my car. And he has a Bronco. So I took my driver's test in this guy's Bronco this morning. Very sweet of him. I asked him, I was like, have you ever let anyone else do their driver's test in your car before? He was like, no, this was...

the first actually and I was like that's very sweet of you probably because most people bring their own cars to the DMV you know seems obvious but I don't know thank god for him I actually love that guy he's so nice I was telling him about my plans the guys do you know that I have a secret massive plan to go on a road trip through the states I was thinking in January I might just set off I crunched some numbers and I think I could do it in nine days but that's driving a

pretty much in a straight line and driving for like four hours a day so I'd kind of miss. In fact, I'd probably miss like all of the cool stuff if I did that. Actually no, I think that was like mostly Route 66 which is meant to be really cool but then again like if you want to pull over and see any of the cool stuff like four hours a day goes out the fucking window. I don't know. I really want to go on a road trip and I'll tell you why. Previously in my life, now this is where we go into the soliloquy of deep thoughts. Genuinely though,

I usually have a routine of my life, okay? Ever since I was 18. When I turned 18, that was the summer that I finished high school. I went on this volunteer project to South Africa the summer that I finished secondary school. So actually I was 17 because I'm a July baby. So I finished school before my 18th birthday. I've always been the youngest in my year group.

But that summer, my mom got me a birthday present of this like tickets, this volunteer trip. So I went South Africa to this like monkey rehab place and worked on this like monkey farm for like three weeks. And it was my first experience away from home and it was really cool. And it was intense manual labor, like very intense, like up every morning at like 5 a.m. Cleaning, washing.

working with monkeys all day until like 6 p.m and they would turn on the wi-fi for like 20 minutes a day before dinner but that was it it was like the first time I fully detached from like my phone and there was a bunch of other kids around my age that were there it was like mostly like people my age and then like a couple people in their 20s and then like much much older people like in their like 50s and 60s and stuff I connected with people there like it was the first experience of my life where I was like fully involved in something physical

Because I'm really good at getting involved in things mentally. Like I go to school, I went to university, like I've had jobs. But like there's something very different about physically using your body. That trip was the first time that I realized my mental health gets so good when I do something physical. When I got back from that job, I went off to university and did that for a year. And then the summer after my first year of uni, I decided to apply for American Academy.

summer camp like camp counselors which is like if you don't know loads of people from like the UK and Australia like love these programs where you can go and be like a camp counselor at an American summer camp it's like a whole thing so I went to one of those I got picked by a camp and I went out there the summer after my first year of uni and I worked on the ranch at a summer camp and I was a camp counselor like in the bunks and ship I did both it was one of the best summers of my life and

I was never on my phone because we weren't allowed it with the kids for like safeguarding and shit so like I just kept it in a locker room and I would see it for like an hour a day and then sometimes I'd go on it in the evenings if I had like the night off of which we had like two nights off a week and again being so physically involved in life like using my body like I was working on a ranch so that's like very physical it put me in the best probably the best like mental health I've ever had in my life like not even kidding you I came home a different person not to be like I found myself at

Summer camp, but I found myself at summer camp bitch. I had really been stressed out the whole year at uni. I have snot. Excuse me, should I put on one of my lights? Look, I have these. Let me see if I can make this work. How the fuck does it turn on? Oh my fucking god.

Okay, well, do we like the new lighting method? I just put a little thing on the dash. I don't know. Let me know. Let me know if this whole episode is annoying and if I should stick to daylight. Because it's hard to tell what's annoying until I'm watching it on like...

actual YouTube and then I'm like, ugh, that kind of sucks. Whatever. Summer camp really made me realize like I need to be physically involved with things to reset my mental health. Like the first year of university was so fucking stressful for me. Like I genuinely nearly lost my mind. That was the year where I had that bad edible and I nearly went into, actually I say nearly, I fully lost my shit. Like I could, there were points of my first year of university where I genuinely didn't know what my name was. Like, and then that's not even a figure of speech. Like I would freak out and be like,

what is my name that was right around where my mental health was if you can get the get the gist but like then I went to summer camp and not to be dramatic but like a

a lot of things changed for me just because I was so physically invested in like labor, I guess, manual labor. And it's really good for me. So I kind of have always known this about myself of like, if shit hits the fan, all I have to do is go work on a farm because it sorts me right out. And then I went after my camp counselor summer, I went back to university and I never really got to do anything like that again. During COVID, I briefly had a job

Actually, not briefly. I had a job for eight months right at the start of COVID where I was working again on a farm, but like in the farm shop. And it was still good for me. Like it was like I was probably quite healthy during that time, but it wasn't quite the same. But since then, I have just been doing what I do now, which is social media. And it's not a very physical job. And I spend a lot of time alone. And I really like it. I really like a lot of parts of what I do.

But I guess I just had been busy and had been excited by everything that's going on and like just distracted, which is great. But I hadn't stopped to realize that like I haven't actually participated very actively in like the world for a long time. Like I've been in my head because of course I have been like I have to think about things to say and I have to I spend a lot of time just being quite self-indulgent because of this job, because I want to have thoughts that are worthwhile sharing. Otherwise, what's the point?

You know, so I spend a lot of time just focused like inward rather than outward. And then sometimes I try and focus my energy outward because I spend too much time fucking worrying about myself and my brain. And then I get wrapped up in the small mundane things. Like I make a new friend or I meet a guy and it's just like, this is not what you meet. This is not the physical interactions with the world that are gonna heal me. Actually they're the ones that are gonna destroy me. So once I realized I haven't done the thing that helps me most in like two years,

I decided it was time for a change. So then I birthed this little idea that I've had in my head of going on a road trip through the States. ♪

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I just moved to LA, right? And...

LA's great. It's obviously not very representative of like the rest of America and I have not seen much of America. I've seen New York, LA, I've seen some of Texas, I've seen a fair bit of Pennsylvania and I've seen Disney World in Florida but that's it. Like my like taste of the US is not that representative and I really want to see it. Like I can't believe I got a ticket to America. I want to see everything. Like it's so interesting here. I can't believe you guys have every climate. That's crazy. So I...

I think what I'm going to do is after I come, I'm going home for Christmas in like two weeks and I can't fucking wait. By the way, I'm so fucking excited to go to England with with peace and love to the US. I just miss home a lot and I can't wait to see my fucking friends. Like I've never wanted to see people more in my life. Like I always miss them. I always love them. I I'm going to kiss them on their mouths. I'm going to stick my tongue down their throats.

I was thinking I might just do a big road trip in January or February when I come back from London back to America. Why not pack a bag, put it in the back of my car and fuck off and just drive from LA to the other end of the country, not necessarily even ending in New York because New York is great, but like New York's a whole thing. Like what if I just drove like, well, what if I went to upstate New York and like ended the trip in like near Syracuse where my friend lives? Like what if that, like what if I saw the back roads of America? I really think

that it would help me get out of my head. I think that it would be cool to show people as well. And just like, it's fun. Like I fucking love watching people drive places. So what if I was the one driving places and we could just hang out and talk and like daily vlog a road trip across the States.

And I know what you're thinking. You're going to die. And I agree. That's what I said to my DMVX Kodita guy today. I was like, I'm going to do this road trip across America. And he was like, respectfully, babe, you're going to die. And I was like, oh, yeah, great point. Because he knows I have this truck, right? And he has a lot of cool cars, too. He was showing me. So we kind of were bonding over that.

So I was just talking to him about his bronco and how it can go off road and stuff. And I was like, yeah, like this is what I want to do. And he was like, I do this like off-roading shit with my boys, but we're all fully grown men. You are a little girl. And I was like, okay.

I want nothing more than to be able to drive and like stay in motels, but I'm starting to think that's not safe. Like that's really not safe. Like, I don't know why I would have thought that was safe. It's not. And I actually do need to be wise. So maybe I get like an RV and just like really a lot of pepper spray. I don't know. I don't know. I need to figure out the kinks. Maybe I will bring a friend. Maybe I will bring a dog. I don't know. Oh my God. What if I brought bug? She's not fucking defending me. The bitch isn't defending anything actually. The bitch is pissing on your leg. She's so excited to see you breaking into my camper van. Oh,

Anyway, we'll figure it out when we get to it. But I just think that maybe it would be fun to do like a road trip. I miss using my body and I miss being actively involved in the earth. And I just I don't know many things and I don't feel many things right now. I feel a little bit stunted emotionally, which is weird. Do you know how I feel right now?

I feel like I have to schedule in my hours of being sad. Something caught me off guard recently and it was the fact that it's December. What the fuck? It's December, which means for me, there's certain time markers in between things that happened to me this year that were really hard to deal with. When something first happens, it's fresh, right? Like it just happened to you and you're like, I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. And then a little bit of time passes and you realize like, well, I'm dealing with it. Okay. Like I haven't, you know,

keeled over and died, so that's good. And for me, a lot of things that happened this year, like, I just, at the time, rushed through them, and I felt them really intensely, and then I moved on to the next thing. But I don't know if I dealt with any of those things, and I think something scary is when something...

traumatizing or just hurtful or just unpleasant befalls you in a period of time to realize that like a six month period let's say or a 12 month period has passed in between you and that event can actually really suck like everyone else has moved on and I still feel like it's just happened and I'm like

Now because I didn't deal with it immediately like what am I gonna do like call my friend and like cry about the same thing? But it happened six months ago They don't want to hear it anymore and it's like I know my friends would pick up and talk to me if I called them I was like I'm so so sad about this thing But like I don't want to do that because it doesn't feel right anymore and it's like what do you mean? It's been half a year like I forgot to deal with it and now I

I don't know how because it's lingered and I'm an idiot for doing that. And I tend to do it a lot. I tend to postpone my feelings and just assume that a later version of myself is going to know what to do with them. Especially if something really hard happens, I'm like, she'll know what to do in three months. And then three months goes by in literally a split second. And I'm still like, I don't know what to do with that. Maybe in three months, she'll know. And now that's me. And I'm like, um, guys, I don't know what to tell you, but I don't know how to help you.

I'm actually stupider than you, so you should have just dealt with it when it happened babe. But yeah, that's something that's been catching me off guard lately. And I think the reason that I've been struggling to deal with certain things in my life and just certain emotions and situations that need time and love for me is because I've been busy and it seems like a burden. Like I'll be like, I have a hundred things to do today and they're all more important than fucking feeling my feelings.

So what I'll do is I'll just put it in my diary tonight. I'll think about it and maybe listen to some sad music and journal about the thing. And I'll deal with it tonight at 8 p.m. sharp. 8 p.m. sharp rolls around and I fucking forgot. And guess what? I'm asleep on the couch. And guess what? I'm watching that fucking new Noah Beck movie. Sorry, sue me. It's so fucking good. I've watched it three times, okay? It's so bad. Like, it's such a terrible... I love it.

It's my favorite movie of the year. So anyway, that's something I've been doing is postponing things and not dealing with them. And you really can't compartmentalize emotions like that. Like they're real. You can't just be like, I'll deal with it in an hour.

Are you crazy? I am, by the way. That was a rhetorical question, mostly. So in order to force my hand to feel the things that I've been needing to feel and just to kind of like let them flow through my body, as my mother would say, I need to go on a road trip. And even if I don't go across America and even if I don't, you know, like risk my life by like trying to stay in motels, I will do something. I think I'm going to have to do something, even if I just like drive up to like, is it Utah? Utah.

I don't know, I haven't heard the best things about Utah. I'm so sorry if you're from Utah. I haven't heard the most convincing stories, but I hear that there are mountains there. Maybe I should hike. I'm way more scared of hiking though. One thing I don't want to do is enter one of your guys' national parks. Because isn't that like the body dumping problem? I don't know, I just saw one article on it where it was like, X amount of bodies dumped in national parks in America per year. I don't want to be the next one, okay? And also bears. So I will stay out of the parks.

But you know what's weird is my mum, well it's not weird, it's just like I was telling the DMV guy about this one too. I love him. But I was telling him, I was like, yeah, I don't know, my mum when I was like 9 or 10, actually no, I was a bit older, I was like 11 or 12. My mother, single mother, by the way, she's 5 foot 1, okay, took me and my sister, two pre-teen girls, to America, put us in a fucking red convertible car, right?

and drove us from Los Angeles to Chicago and she or was it from Chicago to Los Angeles can't remember pretty much every night we just rocked up to like a what's it called like a western best western or a motel six and we would stay in these dingy little motels and we'd stay on these like side of the road hotels and nothing bad ever happened and it was three girls like sometimes I look back on that time and I'm like that maybe wasn't the best idea but like

We did it. We had fun, you know. I don't know because my mum is probably a little bit like more smart than I am when it comes to safety because, well, she was older than I was and she was a mother and I don't know, she's probably just way smarter than me in general. But like she did it.

Can I not do it? Like, would it not be so fun to do? I don't know. I wish there was a way to do it safely. Like, because I really get a kick out of motels. I think that they're fun. Like, I want to be able to just kind of like jump between them and like just pull up to one and not have to like book a hotel the night before. Like, I want to drive until I don't want to drive and then I want to find somewhere to sleep, sleep there and then fuck off the next morning. But I guess it's probably not the best idea. I don't know.

Maybe I will make a roadmap and plan it out and like maybe I could Airbnb. But that doesn't feel very safe either, not gonna lie. Airbnbs get the living shit out of me because you don't know who has a key and you know who has the code into the house and like no one's probably gonna hear you scream if you're in a house. Sorry, not to scare anyone but like they just heebie-jeebies. I get heebie-jeebies from Airbnbs more than I would get it from like a dodgy hotel. That's probably not true actually and it depends where you are. You know what? I think I'm talking myself out of the road trip.

as I film this podcast. It would be so fun though, I don't know. And I would have to get a car because I was thinking I would take this truck but I don't think that she would make it. She might make it. Maybe if I just do a, if I do like a halfway road trip. What if I went, I don't know the anatomy of the US. I don't know where, how far like Texas is. But like what if I drove to like, where is Maryland? Maryland? Maryland? I called it Maryland once and everyone laughed at me so I'm not saying that again.

Maryland. Where is that place? I get the feeling that it's somewhere in the middle, but I have no idea. I want to go there because Bratayley grew up there and I used to watch their vlogs. So I want to go see it because it looks so fun. I think my whole perception of America is based off of Maryland and Ohio or Utah because like that's where all the vloggers were from. So now I want to go there.

I also would like to go to Disney. I'm going to go to Disney in a couple weeks. My sister's visiting me from her travels. And we're going to go to Disney California Adventure, which is another place that I've wanted to go ever since Ron Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter went there. And they rode on the cars, if you remember. And I've literally been plotting on that location ever since. Although maybe... Fuck, maybe they were at the Florida one. I have no idea where they went, actually. I just know it was a Disney. But do you guys know why I love Disney? Sometimes...

This podcast makes me feel like I'm a toddler holding you guys hostage to conversation with me. I'm just telling you about my favorite things. You guys want to know what my favorite thing is at Disney? The fucking badge trading. And every time I tell someone about the badge trading, they don't know what I'm talking about. Let me tell you a thing or two about fucking badge trading at Disney, okay? If you go to Disney and you go to like a little, one of the little stores that they have scattered around,

you will see that there's a badge section. And what you do is you purchase a few badges and then you purchase yourself a lanyard, which usually would be lame, but not at Disney. You get the lanyard and you put your badges or your pins on the lanyard, right? So they're visible. And then you will find that other people walking around the park will spot your pins and be like, do you want to trade? I like your one and I have this one. And they come with different price points. Like

Pokemon trading okay but like really really really real like everyone's doing it's so fucking it's like Pokemon Go but in real life okay well Pokemon Go was in real life that was like the whole point but it's like if Pokemon Go had like a Pokemon Go land world oh you know someone should make

You know how Pokemon Go was a thing and like people would like run to a physical location because like there was a fucking animal there and people wanted to catch it? That was really fun but I feel like no one gives a fuck anymore although there are some people who still do it. My cousin still has Pokemon Go, still plays it every single day. But like what if there was like a Disneyland for Pokemon Go where you... You know what? I don't know how it would work. Would it just be people running around in the same direction all day? It'd be kind of fun, right? I don't know. 🎵

Who likes skipping breakfast? I know I don't, but I like to keep money in my pocket. Thanks to McDonald's, breakfast on a budget has never hit this good. I can grab two McD faves, like a sausage McGriddles, sausage burrito, hash browns, or the savory sausage McMuffin. I can even add a premium roast coffee for $1.69. Any size, any time of day. And order ahead in the app so it's ready when I get there. Bite into breakfast without breaking your bank at Mickey D's. Ba-da-ba-ba.

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Anyway, that was a bad idea. But look, Disney, you get the pins, you get the lanyards, okay? And then you walk around and you see people with other pins and badges and stuff and you trade with them and the staff members all wear the lanyards or almost always wear the lanyards, right? I discovered this badge trading thing when I was like 11 at Disney World Florida and I was like, this is fucking incredible. And I knew that I looked abnormally small. Like when I was 11, I could have easily been seven. Like that's not even a fucking exaggeration. Like I was a

baby and I was genuinely probably about fucking four and a half feet tall actually that would be an exaggeration because I'm five foot two now I okay I must have been even smaller I must have been like three fucking feet tall

at 11. Because mind you, I didn't hit puberty until I was 15. So I was really tiny. But actually, no, I hit puberty... We don't need to talk about that. I hit puberty when I was nine. Weird. But only halfway, I had pubes and nothing else. And I didn't get tits until I was 15 and even then barely. But I had full-on pubes as a kid. Not that anyone needed to know that. But like...

Hey, I don't know. I don't have an excuse why I divulged that information, sorry. But my point is I was short. I didn't ever really get a growth spurt, but when I did, I was like 14. I'm really like overcompensating this information. Anyway, I was small is my point, which meant the workers of Disneyland Florida, Disney World Florida,

had to trade badges with me if I asked because like it's like anti-Disney to not because I was a cute little child and I played that card I played it mercilessly and I stole all the fucking badges from all of the fucking staff members and they would see me coming and they would just literally wince because they knew what was about to fucking happen they saw me with my like actual like blinged out fucking lanyard okay it was like blinding

and I would walk up to them and I would say which one is your most expensive badge and they would have to show me like oh I have this one it's from like 1940 exclusive Walt Disney himself handcrafted I'd be like can I have it please I'll give you this Mickey Mouse and they would go yeah and then I would just watch them crumble I made a mean collection that summer I really did no one else gave a flying fuck my mom and my sister found it so annoying

I can't wait to go back and resume it because let me tell you when I realized that California has a fucking Disney world.

It was like if you could genuinely put a sparkle in my eye, it would have been there. I never got into Pokemon card trading. I liked football trading cards that you could get at co-op as a kid. If you're British, do you remember those? I don't know what they were called, but I had one of those fucking lame booklets with all the open plastic slots. That was really a weird trait that I had as a kid. And rocks. Collected rocks.

Like, cool ones too. That was almost all of my birthdays I would get rocks. Not gonna lie. I don't have any of them anymore. I'm so fucking pissed off. I collected rocks, miniature car figurines, football cards, and now Disney badges. And I'm never gonna stop.

stop. I'm going to catch them all. But Pokemon is so boring to me. I don't know why. I wish I got into that. I just physically couldn't. I physically couldn't. Oh, I have a Pokemon thing on my keychain actually. So I probably shouldn't say that I, I do like Pokemon. I just find it boring. I want things I can hold. Rocks and such. All right. No

No Pokemons. Can't fucking hold those. They're in my phone. No fun. Anyway, with the badges, right? I had a mean collection and then at some point my mother threw them away. Can you imagine that? I had them stashed in a box in my bedroom and she threw them away. The good news is that recently I was at the flea market in Los Angeles, the one at Fairfax High School, and I stumbled upon a stall that had a basket of inconspicuous looking pins. And so into the basket I went with my little fingers and

I fell upon a treasure chest, if you will, of Disney pins. And I didn't buy any of them because I was like, I'm not going to go to Disney right now. I need to stop spending my money. They were like 50p each, by the way, 50 cents each or something stupid like that. They were so fucking cheap. Mind you, one of these pins at Disneyland is like,

$10 and that was in 2011. So right now they're probably like a bajillion dollars each because inflation. So I should have bought them and I don't know if the stand is going to be there the next time I go because some people only go like once a month or like you have to catch them when you catch them, you know? So I'm a little bit nervous about that because I want the pins. I want to be able to trade. But then again, it feels a little bit like cheating because I'm like, there's no fun in cheating. If I collected the pins in real time and each one has a story behind it, that's fun to me.

I'm like, yeah, I got this one when I stole it off a child. And that's a fun story. But like, it's no fun to be like, yeah, I went to the flea market and I got all of these for 20 bucks. I don't know. Just say you have a small dick at that point. I know, like don't cheat. So I feel like maybe I just buy like three or four from the flea market if I can find it. Or maybe I go on like Depop or something and buy some and then that starts me off. And then I have some artillery to trade with when I go to Disney. It's going to be fun.

That's my point. Why am I talking about any of this? I don't know. My sister's coming and we're going to go to Disney. I think that was my point. Oh, I'm vlogging it. I'm just telling you guys all my plans. Who gives a fuck? We're going to vlog it and it's going to be fun. I don't know. I've always wanted to go because it's the one that, like I said, like Disney stars went to as a kid and I was so violently jealous of them. Not even jealous. I just want to... I was like...

Like, no, jealous is the right word. I don't know why I'm trying to defend myself. I was so jealous. I can't wait to go. We're going to hit both parks in one day, which is slightly concerning to me because I'm like, how realistic is that? Because there's Disneyland, Los Angeles, I guess, and then Disney California Adventure. I don't really understand the difference between the two. But what I got us was daily passes to each of them with fast track for the...

both of them. So I'm like, surely if we fast track the queues, we can fit both parks in in one day. We'll just sprint between attractions. And then if I'm not mistaken, I feel like when I've watched people's Disney vlogs in the past, there seems to be like night activities. Like I feel like the rides close and then there's some kind of like downtown Disney vibe. I don't know. Like it seems like people stay late at Disney, but we'll see. I'm excited. So

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and actually no four days and she left and I genuinely nearly cried like a baby like like blubbed it's so sad because like every time my mummy leaves or like visits me or anytime I leave my mummy like when I moved to LA and like spent the first few days by myself like the only thing that my brain ever repeats is like I want my mummy and it's so annoying like I can't make it stop it's just like mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy where is she I need my mummy I want my mummy

Like that's all. And it's always been the same since I first ever walked out into the world by myself. Like when I was 18 and moved to university and my mom was like, I want my mommy. And now I'm 24 and I moved into a house by myself and my brain's like, I want my mommy. And I'm like, yeah, I know me too. My mom is so fucking cute. I just, ugh. Ugh. Makes me sad.

And like I haven't made the bed that she slept in yet. My guest room is like untouched because I'm like I'm not gonna... I can't like clean her away out of the house. I'm gonna actually cry. Shut the fuck up everybody. It's not that emotional. God get a grip. But yeah. What am I talking about? I have no idea. I quite like doing these podcasts at night. What do you guys think? I think my teeth look yellow. That's what I think. I think that...

The light that I'm using is reflecting off of them and making them look bright yellow. But let me know if you guys prefer this light to the normal light in this car. Why do I feel like it's kind of fun and cozy to do them at night? I also parked in a garage today, which is pretty cool.

Pretty cool. I feel a lot safer. Oh, God. Actually, big news. You guys know how I've been struggling a lot with my acne recently. Like, it literally went crazy. Like, I have not had acne that inflamed and painful since I was, like, 16 years old and I was so upset. Like, I genuinely didn't post. I haven't posted on TikTok right now in seven days. I have not posted on Instagram. Like, I don't want anyone to see me and it...

Makes me feel bad because I'm like, I know it doesn't make me ugly. It just makes me feel like, I don't know, like I don't want anyone to say anything mean and that's really silly. But like, I just feel not my best. When I don't feel good, like I don't have anything really to say. Like my brain just kind of goes blank if I like feel really down and bad about myself.

Anyway, I've been feeling upset basically because my skin is so bad. So I finally went to a dermatologist, which I've never been to one before. This is my first dermatologist. And I was like, I have PCOS. And they recommended when I got diagnosed with PCOS, they recommended this thing that was going to like reduce my testosterone because that's why I have too much of because I'm a little bit manly. And then they were like kind of trying to put me off it in the UK when I got

my diagnosis, they were like, there is this medication we can put you on. It's going to reduce your testosterone, but like it might give you other problems and blah, blah. And I was just like, OK, I don't want to go on it then, like because it just felt too scary. And like I hadn't heard anyone else talk about it. And I was like, no way. And then that was two years ago. And like my symptoms just kept getting worse. And like my periods got worse. My acne has got to a point where it's like the worst it's been. And like I just feel so low about myself all the time. And also, I think the testosterone actually makes me a fucking raging bitch.

fyi like i'm no surprise that men are the way they are genuinely because if the reason that that my brain has been giving me the kind of hell it's been giving me lately because my testosterone rose because i came off my birth control someone needs to like sedate them because like i had a little bit too much testosterone for like six months and i genuinely

Nearly lost all of my personal relationships. Anyway, I visited the dermatologist and I was like, can you please help? Like my acne is killing me and I'm a bitch.

And they were like, yeah, we're going to put you on this medication. It's going to like basically reduce your androgens, which get converted into testosterone and other things, I think. So I started that and I'm on a really low dose. But I started that. I'm very against like, not against, I don't like taking medication if I don't have to. Like, I just don't, I don't know. I just would rather not put things into my body because I get stressed about it if I don't fully understand the processes. And like, I don't know. I think my mom kind of just like put in,

A level of like... You don't know what they're giving you. Into my brain. Which is completely valid. And true. Because we don't know what they're giving us. But like... Fuck it. I don't want acne. I'll take the risks. So I...

took this medication and I'm hoping it's just gonna make my acne go away and make me less of a raging cunt. I took my first dose last night so I don't know if it's meant to kick in yet. Probably give it a few weeks and then they gave me prescription fucking skincare and really gross. Gonna divulge some information right now that stays between you and me. Never in my life have I had acne on my back. Like it's been like I've had acne all over my face before. My face has been like there's not a single spot

of my face without acne on it, but like it never went on my back. Never had a single spot on my fucking back. And like, I just took that for granted of like, I never even considered the possibility of having back knee. And then randomly this year I developed back knee. And I think it's because I came off my birth control. If you're on,

Yasmin, which I don't know if it's the same name in the US, but I was on Yasmin if you're from the UK. That one is known to like mitigate the symptoms of PCOS because it actually can reduce testosterone, which is why I was on it. And so when I came off of it, that's why my acne got so bad and it spread to my back. And that was really the final straw for me. The first time I noticed that I had bacne was when I went to LACMA and I was wearing like a really open back dress and I got out the shower that morning and like

I just saw something in the mirror and I turned around and I looked at my back and it was just fucking covered in spots. And I was like, and then I was not a very nice person that day because I felt bad about myself.

Yes, I did. So I made sure everyone else felt the wrath of that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I was just genuinely on the verge of tears all day because I had to wear this fucking open back dress and I had bacne for the first time in my life and I was horrified about the entire thing. But it was okay. So they gave me prescription backwash, which is really sexy. Like the hottest thing I've ever had. And then prescription face. Like it's like a retinol, I think. Prescription stuff. I don't know. And then a

pill to reduce my testosterone. So I'll let you know what happens. I'm hoping my tits get bigger, but I don't think that's how life works. I'm hoping my tits grow, my butt gets fatter, my skin gets clearer, and what else does testosterone do? I'm hoping my dick gets smaller.

Because it's fucking huge right now. I'm going home in like two weeks, pretty much, back to the UK. And I am really excited because I'm gonna jumpstart my little Astra. It's probably gonna need more than a jumpstart. I don't actually know if it's gonna switch back on like ever. I think it will. I think she's got more life in her. But then I'm gonna have to drive her straight to a garage and get her MOT'd, which she'll probably fail. So then I'll have to get her fixed. I can't describe to you enough how much I miss driving that car. And...

If there is one thing that I need to give myself as a Christmas present this year, it is a joyride in my Astra. Oh my God, it would be so fucking fun. So that's my big plans. I'm going to podcast in her as well whilst I'm home for like old time's sake because I'm there for a couple of weeks and I just miss sitting in there and talking so fucking much.

Like this one's good too. Not gonna lie, this fucking car is so fun because I didn't, if you notice, like I've been in my bed the last couple of podcast episodes because this car was at the shop. She was getting her little sunroof put in so that the light would be better and now I'm filming in the dark anyway. So what the fuck was the point in that? Dunno. I just like to waste my money, you know, and everyone else's time because that's how I, that's what I think is funny.

But yeah, I'm not going to lie, though. This is the first time I've sat in here at night and like yapped and it feels very cozy. And I think I'm going to do this more often because this is actually really fucking fun. The thing about filming in here during the day, which I did for a couple of my podcast episodes, is this car doesn't have air conditioning and it's actually fucking boiling in Los Angeles, like inside of a car. It gets hot as fuck.

So I'm thinking maybe I just like stick to filming at night. What do you guys think? Please let me know. Do you prefer filming in the daytime in the car or filming like this in the evening, nighttime in the car? Let me know if this light bothers you or whatever the fuck. Okay, I'm gonna shut up. Sorry if this wasn't the most interesting podcast episode. Sometimes it's nice to just talk and do life updates and like what's been on my mind is the road trip and if it's safe for me to go and also just like if it's not safe for me to go and if it makes me nervous, then what can I do that is basically gonna have the same effect

of like I need to reconnect with nature. I need to touch grass for like more than a week. I just don't know where. Like I want, maybe I go work on the old farm that I used to work at in the UK. That actually might be a nice idea. Take a little break. I really kind of just want some normality. I think I need to like be myself again for,

LA's kind of scaring me. Anyway, I'm going to shut the fuck up and go. But if you have any ideas on how I can like touch grass without relatively at risk of murder, let me know. That's it from me this week. Thanks for coming and hanging out with me in my truck. Love you guys. I will see you next week. Same time, same place. Thank you for listening.

Hi guys, it's Madeline Argy and I'm so excited that Pretty Lonesome has officially joined the SiriusXM family. If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to the SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today!

My life is opera. There is no reason in opera.

Maria, directed by Pablo LeRae. For your consideration. Now playing at Slack Peterson on Netflix.

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