Life Update: The Chillest Horse, The Wildest Wedding & Why I’m Disappearing Soon
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This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast, and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to a solo episode.

We have a lot to catch up on. Today's a big episode. We have a lot happening with IVF. I want to be so honest. I just got to the studio and I'm on all new medication leading up to the transfer. And they warned me I might feel dizzy. And I'm definitely feeling that way right now. I started progesterone shots, which are kind of known as being like the worst part of IVF. They go in your butt. They can be really painful, honestly.

hasn't been that bad so far. Greg is doing a great job. And then I'm taking endometrien and all this stuff, a lot of suppositories. I'm so sorry if you don't want to hear about this, but basically shoving pills up my vagina all day and taking pills orally, injections. Honestly,

This feels like more medicine intense than the IVF like stim shots. Like I feel like I'm having to stay on top of so many different meds and legit as I pulled in the office today, I'm so dizzy. So I apologize if I sound low energy or my eyes are like not focused. I am not doing great right now, but I was like, you know what? I want to get on the mic and tell them what's going on because that is the point of the show. And I also wanted to say that

I feel so much more comfortable sharing here on the podcast and with the power girls. I feel like Instagram and TikTok feel really vulnerable and you never really know what algorithm you're going to land on. And just like the way that people, I don't know, like I, you know, I posted, I went to a wedding in Mexico, which we need to talk about. I posted a photo and everyone's commenting like,

calling it now she's pregnant and it's getting like 100 plus likes and it's just like dude people are so rude I get why people are guessing that of course I've been talking about it a lot and that is completely um

reasonable, but just the way they go about it. People are so insensitive sometimes, but anyways, my transfer is coming up. And I just want to be clear. I think I've said this. I haven't shared the exact date of the transfer because just to be honest with you guys, I don't know if it's going to work. And it takes two weeks to even find out if it did work.

And those two weeks are going to be really hard and really anxiety provoking. I'm going to try my best to not

test at home. I know a lot of girls do that, but you can have false negatives. You can have false positives. Like I just don't want to do that to my mental state. Let's see if I actually stick with that. But I have to wait a while to find out if it even worked. And then even after that, you're not really out of the woods until a few days later because you have to keep going back for more testing. So I don't want to share that the day because I don't want people...

reaching out constantly to see if it works. I don't want to add that pressure on myself and I don't want to jinx it. I don't know. I'm just having a lot of feelings around it. So honestly, like I was...

feeling really good before about 15 minutes ago. I was pretty nervous about going to Mexico. It was one of my best friend's weddings and I knew I really wanted to be there for her. We've become super close the past like six months and I had just heard about this wedding so much from her and it was such an honor to be invited and I was definitely nervous about traveling outside the country with my meds and just like I didn't want to get sick and all these things but

It was such a beautiful, magical experience. I think it was the perfect thing for me to do, to be surrounded by people

I love good vibes, sunshine, beach. I stayed 100% sober the whole weekend, which it was the craziest wedding, guys. Like, I can't even put into words. I wasn't allowed to share about it on Instagram because it's going to be shared in like a major publication. So we have to wait. But oh my gosh, I got to celebrate with, you know, my best friends and see someone I care about so much get married. Actually, she's been on the show, Paige Mycoskie, founder of Aviator Nation. And

her wife, Jess. And it was so unbelievably special. And I'm so grateful that I went and like pushed through that and made it work. And I actually felt amazing the whole weekend. And I had, it was actually a fantastic test to see like, oh, I can be sober and have so much fun. I was dancing my face off, vibing with Greg, like just having such a good time. And I didn't even need alcohol. I

So I was really proud of myself for that and really grateful I did that because I think I would have a lot of regret if I had drank, to be honest. Like if anything doesn't go to plan with the transfer, I'm sure I would blame myself, you know? So that's kind of my mindset with it. And this is a really crazy time. Like this is such a big upcoming thing and I just keep thinking about it and dreaming about it and

It's a lot of feelings. So please keep me in your prayers if you can and send the good vibes. I really appreciate it. And I appreciate you guys sticking with me through the past few months. It's been a little tough for me to show up here the same way that I used to. And I love this show so much. And I'm so proud of everything I've done and the conversations we've had and the community we have and everything.

It's just incredible. And I think, as I spoke about in a recent episode, just like taking a step back and allowing myself some breathing room has been necessary, but also really hard for me. Like, I really don't like living in the gray area. I like being the absolute best or not doing it at all, basically. Not in a competitive way, but just like for myself. And I think that comes from

my fitness journey and learning to live at my full potential at all times. And this has been a very interesting shift. Like,

my fitness journey was so transformative and so meaningful in a different way. It was like all about discipline, motivation, pushing myself to be the best, keeping my own promises and, you know, really taking control of my life. And in this season, I've had to completely let go control and stop caring what my body looks like and really love myself through every stage and stop being

stop valuing myself at, you know, my accomplishments. So I also just want to say, regardless of the transfer results, like I probably will not share them for a while. I actually plan on fully deleting social media for as long as I can post transfer. I think the state of mind that you're in is really, really important. And I want to protect my energy and feel like

the best that I can. And that's just like a huge piece of this. And I think if I'm on social media, that just will not happen. So I'm really treating this as like a sacred time in my life. I'm also not recording the next couple weeks. So if you hear some like mashups and things like that, that is why. And then we'll be picking back up with guests pretty soon. And we have some amazing guests lined up. So

definitely stay tuned for that. And I appreciate you guys sticking around. It really means the absolute world. So that is a majority of my updates. I want to tell you all about the wedding I went to. I don't know if I'm like allowed to because of the publication situation, but guys, it was like a full blown three day extravaganza. I mean, Paige is the most creative person

person I know and she planned the entire wedding sketched everything out the cake I can't even the cake was insane you guys like definitely check out my Instagram in a in a few days when I'm allowed to post about it because it was freaking nuts it was a full they had a music festival until five in the morning like I stayed up till 2 30 I was really proud of myself but I will get into that definitely at a later time because it was just I can't even put it into words

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Let's do a Q&A. How to stay consistent when you constantly fall off the wagon. Biggest struggle for me. This is, yeah, like that used to be me before 2017. I mean, I wasn't even really on a wagon to begin with. I just kind of would have spurts of, oh, I'm going to go to the gym now. Oh, I will try and eat healthy now. And it was never really a full commitment. I think that's the difference. It's like you really have to want to change your life and change everything.

the person that you are, not change who you are, but like hone in on that best version of you. And I think once you hone in on that, there's really no option. I think deciding like, hey, I am the type of person who shows up no matter what, that is what you need to kind of channel. And if you keep falling off the bandwagon, I would, maybe this is harsh advice, but like

You're not keeping your own promises and you're not showing up for yourself. And it's like a realization you need to have. Your life will change the second that you start showing up consistently. And it's not about motivation. It's like, hey, I do this regardless. I remember on my fitness journey, it was like a crazy snow day. No one could even drive. And I like...

took myself to the gym and like tried to get in and it was closed. And I did an at-home workout instead. And I remember being like really pissed because I was like, I need to do this. I think that's the difference. You got to really want it. Recently started IVF stims with PCOS. I'm scared my quality will be bad. Any suggestions?

There's a book called It All Starts With The Egg, I think it's called, on Amazon. There are so many things you can do for egg quality, red light therapy, diet, supplementation. I wouldn't be scared. I have PCOS too, and I have a good amount of embryos and things worked out for me. The thing you have to be careful with with PCOS is you do get kind of overstimulated. It's called OHSS, like ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.

That's what happened to me post egg retrieval. And I would just be conscious of that. But everything's going to be fine. I have faith for you and everything.

You're good. About to start IVF, any natural supplements you took. Definitely get yourself the prenatal or there's even an egg IVF freeze pack from Parallel. I got that. I take some Chinese medicine herbs. Drink your pomegranate juice. Drink your beet juice. Eat your Brazil nuts. Eat your pineapple. Get enough protein in. Yeah, you're on so many meds. The natural supplements. Like I definitely actually cut down a lot.

on everything I was taking. So just really focus on the good things and like zinc, vitamin D. Do you own the Palomino horse you've been riding recently? So the tea with that, I have been extra cautious right now during this home stretch to the transfer. I don't want anything bad to happen. And it's not that my horse Red is a bad horse or misbehaved by any means. I don't know. Like he spooks sometimes. Like it's,

He's not a beginner horse necessarily. He's an amazing horse and so sweet and kind-mannered. Golden Boy, the Palomino I've been riding, is old, slow, and literally doesn't even care about anything. A bomb could go off and he'd be fine. So that just makes me feel more secure. And I have the girl that runs the barn, Kaylin, riding Red. So we ride together and I get to see Red and hang out with him, but...

I am just being really careful right now. How do you approach seed oils? Completely avoid or in moderation. Honestly, moderation. I absolutely do not choose to eat seed oils and I avoid them when I can. But like, you know, you got to live your life. And if something has a seed oil in it and I ate it,

I think we'll be okay. I think living a life where you're terrified of eating anything is almost worse. You know, it's more stressful on the body. About to start IVF. What have you done to relax? I struggle with over planning and researching. Totally.

I have been there. I used to be obsessed with going on TikTok and looking up IVF and like researching. It has taken a minute, but I've really gotten to a place now where I feel pretty relaxed. I really have allowed myself to slow down. I think like I was addicted to rushing and being...

productive and I've had to really let that go and embrace this like slow mindful lifestyle where you're like putting the phone down you're not over obsessing and I'm like making my sourdough bread I'm going outside I'm hanging out with the dogs and the chickens and like you just got to do it I mean this is a season of life where you need to be selfish and prioritize yourself and

Unfortunately, with IVF, there's ups and downs and you can't really control how, like me, for example, I'm here for a work day and I don't feel good. And that's just going to happen. You're pumping yourself with hormones and things that your body's like, what the heck's going on? You're building a baby. Like essentially that's what you're doing and you need to give yourself grace. Will you ride pregnant?

Oh, that's such an interesting, great question. And it's something I am like so back and forth on because horses bring me so much joy. And it makes me really sad to think I can't ride. I think I will inevitably be really careful because of everything I've been through. And, you know, with horses, you never know.

Again, like I have this golden boy horse who is super duper safe, rides with kids, old people, like he doesn't put a foot out of place. But I think I want to get through the first trimester before I consider that and probably just walk or trail ride or just keep it super chill. Like I do not want to risk anything. So we will see. Did you try IUI first or was IVF your only option? I did three rounds of IUI. The success rate is really low. Um,

And it's a lot like they give you medication and you have to time everything perfectly and you can't really travel and you never know the day that they're going to have you take the trigger shot. And it's a whole thing. I think it's worth trying. It's like the more casual version before IVF. But honestly, like, I mean, I could say I wish I did IVF sooner, but I think everything happens for a reason, you know? How to balance wellness goals with extremely demanding work. How do y'all do it? Yeah, I mean...

right now I'm in a different season, but before when we were like calendar was literally back to back to back, I would wake up super early. I'd wake up at like 5.30, 6 in the morning, get my workout in. I was just so regimented, I would say, and like kept a routine I could really keep up with. I think that's the biggest thing. It's so important to like, if you want something, you've got to prioritize it and you've got to wake up extra early, do what you need to do.

pack your meals, meal prep on the weekend. I know it's a lot and it can be hard, but I think prioritizing wellness will just like benefit every other part of your life. How do you find reliable business mentors and supporters? I feel like Greg and I have done a really good job of this for the most part. I feel, so for example, like the president of Bloom is Greg's high school best friend, Leo, and one of my best friends, and he ordained our wedding. And I think we like to keep

We like to keep our circle like tight and small and really like, I mean, Greg's mom was our accountant for so many years and she's still my accountant for POW. The people we trust, I think it's like really important to us and we've learned that over the years. We've definitely made some mistakes here and there, but I think you can really tell when someone's writing for you and has a, like really shares your vision. And I think it's important to work with people who also like respect your feelings and they're

There's so many things. Like, I think it's just easy to tell when someone really has your best interest at heart. So yeah, but it's taken time. Like hiring can be really, really tough. Do you plan to announce pregnancy right away or wait to your second trimester? I think, I mean, listen guys, like in my personal life, I'm horrible at keeping secrets. Like everything just falls out of my mouth. Like I'm not, I'm not good at that, but I think I will wait in terms of sharing on the internet because it's just scary.

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Can you talk about your experience with veneers? Process, cost, worth it? So for those of you who don't know, I do have veneers. Full top row. I had really small teeth that had gaps.

And in the UK, braces and things and dental work is not like super popular. Maybe it is now, but like the stereotype is true. We have pretty awful teeth. It was a huge insecurity of mine. I used to smile mouth closed like this always. And I would never show my teeth.

And I never really got braces. I tried Invisalign, like, but it just, like, I didn't get my teeth fixed. And then when my job became primarily on camera, I was like, wow, I'm so deeply insecure of my smile and talking. And I told myself, like, actually it was during COVID, I am getting this done no matter what, because I need to boost my confidence. And it was so expensive. I mean, I don't even want to say the number. It was probably the most expensive thing I've ever bought.

other than my house. But it was a lot of money. But it made the biggest difference. And it was a process. Like I was in there probably four days in a row. They shaved down your teeth. They put the temporary ones in. But I'm so happy with them. I went to like Benstonhurst Dental in Brooklyn, I want to say, with Dr. Daniel Rubin. And I think they look super natural. I love them. And people usually don't even realize I have veneers. So...

Yeah, made a huge difference on my face. What does the transfer look like exactly? So I don't know every detail, but I do know. So I go into the surgery center, but they don't put me under, they give me a Valium. And then I sit in a chair and Greg is next to me and we watch on a screen as they impregnate me, which I think is just insane. Like we watch them take the embryo and put it in my uterine lining. Like apparently it's very emotional. I'm sure it will be.

And then they give you a picture of the embryo. I don't even know what to expect, but I'm so excited and so ready and excited to just keep up my routine this week and prepare and do all the warm drinks and all the things I'm supposed to be doing. PCOS and metformin, have you tried? No, and honestly...

My take on that, and I know people love metformin, I think it's a really outdated medicine and it doesn't have the best side effects and I don't think it's great for you. I think there's like much better methods and I've actually done a lot of episodes on this topic. Like if you scroll back with Dr. Mark Hyman and Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, how do you pass the time while in trying to conceive error? Why does it feel like time stands still?

I know. I think that's the biggest thing I struggled with. I stayed busy in like the most calm way possible. Like lots of walks, sourdough, horses, just like things that make you so happy being with friends and loved ones. I know it can be so hard though to be patient. Just know that the end goal is so worth it, you know? And it feels like a long time, but in reality, compared to how long we've been trying to have a baby, it's like a small snapshot.

I love how we are getting so much from you on the pod. What made you decide to focus more on that? Having guests is, like, I take it really seriously. And when I have a guest on, I do a ton of research. I want to be super prepped and do a great interview. I love interviewing.

But I feel like right now it's so difficult for me to honestly put my energy anywhere else except into my fertility journey. So I just had to take a pause on guests and I'm excited to bring them back at some point. But like one thing I hate is canceling on people. And right now with how up and down this journey is, I don't even want to get locked into that. Have you changed your workouts at all while doing IVF? 100%.

They are definitely less intense. Like I'm walking. I try to get 10,000 steps a day, but I'm not like jumping around. I'm not doing berries. I'm not going crazy, especially these next few days. I'm just like slow working out, if that makes sense. Where is your leopard dress from? That's from Retrofit. I loved it, especially right now while I'm like puffy and bloated and not feeling 100%. It was like great. Let's listen to some voice messages. Hi,

Hi Mari, my name is Tiffany. I live in Colorado. I have a question about IVF and your journey. I have been diagnosed with stage four endometriosis for a few years now, so I know it's going to be a little bit difficult. So they're predicting two to three rounds of IVF to get enough eggs for us to fertilize. So I'm curious if there's been downsides and how you would advise to getting through those tough little moments where

Emotions are higher than you expect or what you...

would suggest for staying calm and managing stress during this incredibly stressful time. Thank you. Thanks, Tiffany. Yeah, totally feel you. There's not much that can like prepare you for how you're going to feel. The way I would describe it is it's very up and down because one day you have good news the next day and you're excited. You're excited to get started. But then when it takes a long time or maybe you don't get such good news or you have a

something happens it can it can feel really lonely I think the biggest thing is like it's one of the hardest things you'll ever go through and not many people understand what it's like and I think finding people even if you're not super close with them to connect with and ask questions is really really helpful I think again like developing some like calming hobbies to do at home cooking cooking

painting like whatever you're into the thing that I'm really happy that I did is I got in the headspace of like this is going to be a weird time and things are going to look different for me and I'm not going to be able to show up in the in the best version of myself at work I think that was a huge thing for me because I'm so career oriented and just getting in that mindset of like almost like

It sounds weird, but almost like you're already pregnant and you're like treating life differently. I think that will help you like really handle what's to come. Hi, Mari. My name is Zeldana. Excuse my voice. I have a cold. I have two questions for you. The first one is, what is the most annoying, repetitive thing that you hear from people when they find out that you're going through infertility and IVF?

And then the second part is what's the best or positive or most impactful thing that you've heard from people or a person?

While going through this journey. I'm really curious as somebody that's gone through it myself. Some people just chiming in on something they absolutely have no clue about. But then there were some really great things that I heard from people. So I'm curious to hear how it's been for you. Thank you so much. I love you. Bye. Oh, love you too. That's so sweet. Great question. There's definitely a lot of that. And it's interesting how...

little people know about the process. It's definitely like long and confusing and it's hard to explain to people. I actually made a TikTok about this. Interestingly, with the transfer, for example, I know everyone has the best intentions and they're just trying to make me feel good. But when people are like, you can't even think that it might not happen. You have to just

You have to act like it's definitely going to happen and manifest it. And there's no other way that it will. There's no way it won't happen. Like you need to be positive. And I'm like, yeah. But also like you haven't been through...

what I've been through and I have to be so cautious with my feelings. Like what I like to say is like cautiously optimistic. Like, of course I do have confidence and I do feel like it will happen and I feel good about it, but I'm not gonna say like, it's definitely gonna work and I'm 100% gonna be pregnant. Like if I let myself get there, I'll be crushed if it doesn't work. Like I need to have some realistic thinking behind it. So I think that's tough when people are like,

trying to tell me to think a certain way when it's like well you you haven't been through a fertility journey you don't know like I've been crushed so many times like I've I'm

I'm traumatized. Like, of course I need to be cautious. So I think that's a little tough. I think some of the best things or connections I've had through this journey is like meeting people. Even at the wedding I was at the past weekend, the bride's sister had been through it and she just was like really kind and kept coming up to me and giving me words of advice and just validating my feelings and just making me feel so seen. I think that's

connecting with women who have been through it has been the strongest tool for me at this point. So I think leaning into that has been so, so deeply helpful. But people are going to say crazy insensitive things to you. I think that happens during pregnancy. I think it happens during IVF. Like I think that's just kind of part of it. So I completely understand. Guys, thank you so, so much for all the questions. Again, I apologize for my lower energy today. We're getting through

the home stretch of IVF here. I really appreciate all the love and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

Thank you for joining us on the Pursuit of Wellness podcast. To support this show, please rate and review and share with your loved ones. If you want to be reminded of new episodes, click the subscribe button on your preferred podcast or video player. You can sign up for my newsletter to receive my favorites at marilowelland.com. It will be linked in the show notes. This podcast is a Pursuit Network production brought to you by Michaela Phillips,

Joel Contartese, Davielle Waldner, Jen Lauren, and Mackenzie Mizell. You can also watch the full video of each episode on our YouTube channel at Pursuit of Wellness Podcast. Love you, Power Girls and Power Boys. I will see you next time. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider-patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.