How To Be Tidy 🏡 #349
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This is Rock and Roll English. Real people, real English. Here's your host, Martin Johnson. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Rock and Roll English, episode number 349, baby. Oh yeah. In today's episode, I speak to Mental Marky Mark. Yes, he is back. And we talk about how to be tidy. We talk about things in...

your day-to-day life, in our day-to-day lives, which I hope you can relate to. And of course, lots of nonsense, which is what Rock and Roll English is, isn't it? So that's it. Do I have anything to tell you? Normally, I use this time to tell you things I can't really remember, to be honest. So we're just going to jump straight to the episode. Oh, sorry, I have remembered something. Something we talk about in this episode is a

potty. Okay, now you need to know what that is. A potty is the kind of small plastic toilet that children use when they are generally learning how to use a toilet. Okay, you know what that thing is, right? A very small thing. If

If you don't have a downstairs toilet, like we don't in my house, they are very useful for children. OK, so the children don't have to walk up the stairs. They can just use that one downstairs. OK, so we talk about that potty. And we also quickly talk about something called general studies, which is a lesson that Mental Marky Mark and I had to study when we were in school. As you can probably imagine by the title of that subject, it was a bit of a waste of time.

Okay, so those two things are potty and general studies. Okay, so that's it. Here is the conversation I will talk to you at the end. Happy listening. Mental Marky Mark, how are you today? I'm all right. How are you, mate? It's been a long time. Long time no speak. I almost detected an Australian accent there, Mental Marky Mark. You always have been good at accents, haven't you? Well, I don't do them very often anymore.

You're making out as if like you were a professional comedian back in the day. I felt like I was. Yeah, I don't do that much anymore. I've kind of retired from the accent game. It's sort of not appropriate in the workplace anymore to do different accents. You might offend someone.

Definitely more appropriate in the school playground, which is where you used to do them. A lot. A lot. And they used to go down very well. They were very much appreciated in the school playground. I think last year I went to a...

murder mystery party and I dressed as an Irish nun and I bet you love that I'm a method actor so I kept the Irish accent on for the whole day and night so I do occasionally do the odd accent yeah they do come out every now and again fantastic okay so it's been a while mental Marky Mark but how do we usually start the show reviews let's check out the reviews hopefully a positive one

They're all positive. The thing is, do we have a review? I think, yeah, I think so. Okay. Yes. So we do actually. And it's an iTunes review and it's from Anis from Saudi Arabia. And it says, I started listening to English podcasts five years ago, but I actually found the podcast I was always looking for in 2023, which is your podcast, Martin. Rock and roll English. There are no words to describe this podcast. Yes.

It can enhance your listening skills, make you laugh and learn new vocabulary. Thanks, Martin, for this piece of art.

How about that, Mental Marky Mark? Piece of art. It is art. It is art. It's a great podcast. It's a great review for a great podcast. Absolutely. It is art when you talk about poos and just lots of other completely random things. But I totally agree. So thank you very much for that review. So on to today's pod, Mental Marky Mark. So I was sitting here...

about 15 minutes before we met thinking what the hell are we going to talk about and I looked around for some inspiration then I looked at my desk full of shit and then I thought right okay let's have a quiz are you a clean and tidy person okay put it into chat GPT and chat GPT has given me some questions to ask and we're just going to go through them okay yeah great so

OK, so we're actually going to start with your desk. So I'm going to read the question that ChatGPT wrote, which is, is your desk clear of clutter? So meaning lots of things, basically. And then it says no rogue pens, random papers or a mug that you've been meaning to wash for weeks.

But the word rogue there I thought was absolutely brilliant. No rogue pens. I even looked for a definition just to be sure. And it says a rogue person is a dishonest person. So have you got any dishonest pens on your desk? So my desk, yeah, desk at work is pretty... I am a clean and tidy person. My family are not. And this is a problem.

And I do have some rogue random bits on desk right now. Yeah. Or loads of rogue pens. I mean, a rogue pen, I don't think is the end of the world. I, on the other hand, if I look at my desk, I have a cup again, which I've been meaning to clean for weeks. Exactly as chat GPT says, I have various bottles of water. I have a bowl with some biscuit crumbs in it.

And of course, lots of tissues. Yeah, tissues. Because you've been wanking so much. Sorry. No, that is not the case. As Mental Marky Mark knows, I have a thing with tissues.

Like you can hear I'm a bit, got a bit of a runny nose, let's say. And I am not capable of using tissues and then putting them in the bin. It seems to be a complicated thing for me. They just seem to end up everywhere. Does this frustrate Mrs. Rock and Roll? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It would frustrate me. Yeah. Well, another reason I thought I would do this was because I think maybe even the last time I spoke to you, Mental Marky Mark, was in September where we shared a room together.

on our trip to Valencia. Yeah, that's great. And my side of the room was just clothes all over the place and your side of the room was so organised. I was like, oh my God, this guy is definitely in the army. Yeah.

That was an excellent weekend. It was just a great weekend. It was a great weekend and also a lesson for me of how to be tidy. Some people, it doesn't come naturally to some. I don't know. No, definitely doesn't come naturally. I admire people who aren't tidy because it doesn't bother them. Whereas it bothers me if it is untidy. Yeah, and Mrs. R&R, she is a tidy person. So as you can imagine...

I'm on the team of the kids of like, yeah, let's just fucking ruin the house. Let's trash the house. I'm on that team. So the next question actually is your bed. So do you make your bed every morning before leaving the house? Yes. Yeah, I do. And a few years ago we had some friends, their house was, I can't remember.

that was being it roof broken or something they were having some work done so they came and moved in with us for think a month or two and it was it was great blimey it was it was great it was all right it was fine we're young there were no kids it was okay right different different different vibes yeah but um yeah sorry but we were astonished that they didn't make their bed

I don't think I could leave my house without making the bed. So yeah. Animals. Yeah, animals. I must admit, I...

So, yeah, I do make it, but the standard of which I make the bed in comparison to Mrs. R&R making the bed is... Mine is just like pull the covers up and as long as you can't see the mattress, the bed has been made. Whilst Mrs. R&R is kind of like almost... It's almost... It looks like she's ironed the bed. I mean, she hasn't, but it looks like it's just perfection. You have a wonderful wife and...

I love her. Like, I would marry her already. I don't know, if she likes clean and tidy, she makes the bed, we'd get along just fine. This is it. Yeah. And Mrs Mental Marky Mark, she's like me. She is just like you.

Right, okay. She won't have that. She won't like that. She'll say, no, I am tidy. But it's... Yeah. Making the bed thing, for a long time, for example, when I was living on my own, I actually, I didn't bother. But then I think I read in a book somewhere, it's a good way of starting the day. Yeah. It makes you feel good. So then I would just move for just literally just pulling the covers up. I thought, I can do that. I remember a general studies lesson with Mrs. Braddock.

And the question of the lesson was,

the unmade bed and how that defines our society of the modern era because people don't have time anymore to make their bed and stuff this is the type of sort of philosophical philosophy we used to study at school we actually didn't do philosophy did we no there was no philosophy in Chelmsford in the 90s there's no Latin there was no philosophy no classics no that it was just play football every week play football scrape through

But OK, on to the next one. So cup count. Are there fewer than three mugs or glasses lurking in random spots around your home? So lurking, almost just hanging around, hiding. Guaranteed that there are at least three mugs and then children's cups.

Adult, half glasses of water that I try and bring downstairs and then spill downstairs. Cold tea, half a cup of cold tea, yeah. Oh, yeah. The kids' cups especially drive me fucking crazy. When I do the washing up at night, I spend about an hour just fucking washing kids' cups. And they're plastic as well, so they don't, like, dry and they're half dry. Yeah.

Absolute nightmare. But speaking of cups around the house, I remember one friend in particular going to his house and he used to like a night out, let's say, and then used to go into his room and there were literally like 20 glasses of water because he'd come in from a night out, put some water in the glass and then his mum was going crazy saying,

Where are all the glasses then? No glasses to drink from downstairs because he's got like 20 upstairs. That same friend actually, his wife recently turned 40 and I went out for a few beers thinking I was going to drink non-alcoholic beers but then you get in the pub and you're like, oh, go on then. I said to one of our friends, I said I'd have a non-alcoholic beer and he went, oh, don't be a dickhead. Yeah.

And then so obviously I'm 40 years old now, but I still felt the peer pressure. Okay, I'll have a beer. I'll have a normal beer. And then ended up having a few too many. I wasn't really drunk, but had a few too many. But the thing, I was going to do this on the family podcast, but as we're here now, something I got home at about just before midnight and everyone was obviously upstairs sleeping. I was thinking if I go upstairs now,

people might start waking up absolutely dying for the toilet thinking, what am I going to do? Looked around for solutions and found the potty downstairs. So potty, which children use to go to the toilet. Is that appropriate? Then 40 years old, found myself using a child's potty to go to the toilet.

Oh, boy. This is it. I can't handle the booze anymore. But surely all the other people at the 40th feel the same the next day or just don't like the boozing. Yeah, I'm sure. In fact, as soon as I got in there to music, I was like, my God, I haven't been in a place with music this loud in a long... And then people were trying to talk to me. I was like, honestly, I can't hear anything you're saying. But I left just as it was...

starting to get rowdy and people were starting to like dance and I was like I'm not I'm not getting involved in this so then went home not sure if everyone then went home and used a potty to go to the toilet the worry was obviously potties are made for children and

And the amount of... Did it over... Surely it did. No, it didn't. Just made it. So did you... Sorry, did you sit on the potty? No. Or did you aim and splash everywhere out? No, I kind of picked it up and went there. The worry was then having to walk up to the...

to then throw it out without spilling it. I think the logical thing would have just been to use the toilet. I mean, you probably made just as much noise pouring a bucket of piss into the toilet as pissing into the toilet. Probably, in hindsight, probably would have been a good thing, but not what I went for. But yeah, now changing the subject. The next one is the kitchen sink question.

Oh, on that, I remember when I was at university, by the way, just to make myself sound good here, we all had a sink in our rooms. Oh, yeah. That's like our house because it's old. Oh, right. Okay. And all of the boys that were on the same corridor as me after a night out used to piss in the sink. I never did that. I never did that. You never did that. That is strong. That is strong. Okay. I think I did it once, but only once because that was like a really bad day. Hot and cold flushing urinal is what we used to call them.

So just to kind of redeem myself a little bit, I thought that was disgusting because I used to brush my teeth there. Same reason why I didn't do that the other day. Could have used the kitchen sink instead of the potty. Yeah, you made a wise choice. Rather potty than the kitchen sink.

Absolutely. Especially as because, well, I can't remember, but I could almost guarantee there were some dirty plates in there. So the question from chat GPT is, is your sink usually dish free or does it resemble a Jenga tower of dirty plates? Jenga being the game, if anyone is familiar with that. So what about your sink, Mental Marky Mark? It's usually...

All right. So during the day, after breakfast, yes, there's a pile because we haven't got time to get out the door. But in the evenings, it is always empty at night. Same. That's one of my responsibilities. And I've mentioned a few times, once everyone's in bed and I'm taking care of the plates, cleaning up,

I almost, it's like meditation for me. Like the feeling of satisfaction because of like, because normally we have dinner, go upstairs, put the kids to bed. And when I come back down, it's like a bomb has hit the kitchen. Yeah.

And then the feeling of satisfaction of once that kitchen is clean, it's like I think, my God, I've accomplished so much in my life. It's pretty much the only reward I have left in my life is the surfaces I'm wiped down.

The washing up is done. I do that well as well. I do washing up well. Same. Misses mental marking mark. You know when you're trying to put stuff away and there's still a bit of, I don't know, Weetabix on the side of a bowl or there's still... She hasn't cleaned up. It's that sort of... Yeah, no, that... Again...

with Mrs. R&R I think she's trained me quite well because that's what I used to do and then she would often look at the plates and just give me that look of like disapproval sort of like look at the plate and look at me and I say what is it no nothing nothing but the message was clear yeah yeah and so now so now oh my god I think I think if there was a competition I think I could beat you for the best washer upper in the world

We used to care about who was better at football. I mean, that was always you. Most things was you. But now it's washing up. Washing up. That's the competition these days. I might send you a photo, actually. I'll send you a before and after photo. I'm going to run the Hoover round after this, so I might see who's the better Hoover. Yeah, Hoover's not my forte. Definitely not. Because you have to move stuff. So...

It's that which annoys me of like, you've got to move the children's table. So I just go round the children's table. Rightly so. But then obviously the children's table under that is probably where there's the most amount. Yeah, rubbish. Ah, the food on the floor. Oh my. Yeah. So yeah, hoovering, no time for it. I must say actually, if I had to choose between...

hoover or the old school dustpan and brush i think i would go for a dustpan and brush i like it it's more satisfying yeah the kitchen gets a good dustpan and brushing um yeah there's always so much like detritus on the floor yeah exactly and sometimes when it's right right in the corner maybe the hoover's not getting it get the hoover hose yeah oh hoover hose good idea good one good good job

riveting stuff what have we got you got a shark or a who have we got a dice and what have we got we actually Henry this is how pathetic my life is my dad was asking what do you want for Christmas and he actually got us a hoover great great present

Don't need an Xbox. What are they called? Is it not portable? Wireless. That's it. Wireless. Wireless Hoover. So there you go. I find that parents now sort of get you presents where they're hinting at something. Like they've been around your house and they're like...

you need new clothes or they get our children new clothes because we're not buying them enough clothes or the right warm clothes. And they're just massive sort of passive aggressive hints at how we're managing our life. Get this Uber and fucking clean the house. Well, that's something actually that I thought is like,

Because when my dad comes around, don't bother cleaning the house. But for example, if you came around with your family, I guarantee it would be like we have to have to make the house really clean and make it seem as if we always live in a really nice house. But I think that if we don't do that.

Because then if I go to your house and your house is ridiculously clean and we think they live like this all the time. We're failing. Yeah, it makes you feel shit. So if everyone just has their house as a shithole, then we feel good. I don't want... I think we've moved on to that now. I've moved on. I'm like, yeah. Fuck it. And it's great when people come in and they're like, oh...

Yeah, this is great to see because, yeah, we're always scrambling around trying to make it tidy. But this is life. This is real life. I'm like, yeah, it's fine. I think you're forward thinking there, Mental Marky Mark. I like it. What about the bins? Who's in charge of taking care of the bins in your house, Mental Marky Mark?

I it's actually Mrs. Mental marking up. I do it. We take it in turns. We haven't allocated responsibility because sometimes I'll be here. Sometimes I'll be commuting. So it's kind of for us. It's like when the bins full, obviously, if you notice it full, empty it, take the bins up, actually put them out for the for the bin men. I say bin men the other day for the first time in my life. I saw a bin woman.

long blonde hair on the outdo in the bins that's 2025 mental mark you're so sexist to say it was that's what i was thinking what's the term for refuse person uh yeah i mean it's always been bin man for us though hasn't it you've got the bin man yeah

I always think, I always remember when I was a kid, I don't know what this person's job actually was, but someone used to come round to our house. I remember like opening the door and my mum would say, who is it? And I would literally shout upstairs, it's the insurance man. It would just be kind of like the field they're working in plus man. Like you've got the milk man. The windows man. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

OK, so we are going to stop the conversation there and let's have a look. Obviously, sorry, the conversation will continue in the Rock and Roll English family membership area. OK, so let's have a look at some of the vocabulary. So I said to Mental Marky Mark at the beginning, you're making out that you were a professional comedian. So this you're making out, you're making it seem as if.

You are a professional comedian. And the next one. So your accents used to go down really well is what I said to mental Marky Mark. So go down really well. If something goes down well, it is accepted, let's say.

And mental Marky Mark said he occasionally does the odd accent. So the odd accent meaning not so often, sometimes. OK, the odd time, one of the pieces of vocabulary in my vocabulary course that is made for lazy people that don't want to study. And then we spoke about

if your desk is clear of clutter so clutter means lots of things basically if you have lots of things on your desk your desk is full of clutter and we mentioned any rogue pens okay so things that shouldn't be there let's say a rogue pen not a common thing to

Not a common adjective to describe a pen, a rogue pen, but very funny. And I then said I have a cup on my desk, which I have been meaning to clean or to take away for weeks. So which I have been meaning to something that I was supposed to do, something that I have wanted to do for weeks. Again, another piece of vocabulary from my vocabulary course. And

Mentor Marky Mark said when he had no kids and people stayed at his house, it was a different ballgame. So a different thing totally. And he said we were astonished that they didn't make their bed. So when you are astonished, you are very surprised. But notice how it's generally...

negative thing if you are astonished and then when mental Marky Mark spoke about his wife and said that she is untidy he said she won't have that so she will not accept that

I am not having that. I won't accept that. Again, another piece of vocabulary from my vocabulary course. And mental Marky Mark also said when we were in school, we just used to play football and scrape through. So when you scrape through, it means you just about do enough to pass, let's say, to scrape through. We also spoke about some cups lurking around your house. So again, shouldn't be there, but they are. They're lurking around.

And I mentioned when I went to the pub, I didn't want to drink alcohol. But then I said, oh, go on then. A lovely way to say, OK, I will do that. Go on then. And I said I had a few too many. A lovely way to say I had a few too many drinks. But I left just as it was getting rowdy. So just as people were getting rowdy.

a bit over excited. I then spoke about the story with the potty and said just to kind of redeem myself when I was at university, I didn't piss in my sink in my room. I just brushed my teeth there, except one time when I was really, really drunk.

But one time in one year is not so bad. So to redeem yourself when you do something bad, but then you do something good again or say something good to make it seem as if you are a good person, because I am a good person. And then we were talking about Hoovers and we said it was riveting conversations are really exciting. I think I had that last week or last episode with Champagne Charle.

And then we spoke about leaving your house dirty so that everyone knows that we don't live in a perfect place, a perfect house. And I said to Mental Marky Mark, you are forward thinking there. So one step ahead of the game. So that's it for this week. I will see you all very soon. But in the meantime, just keep on

baby thanks so much for listening to rock and roll english for more great content and to stay up to date visit rockandrollenglish.com and facebook.com slash rock and roll english we'll catch you next time