The Norwood Builder - Part Three
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This is Gregson, over. Gregson, we've got an armed suspect at Madam Two Swords. What? Repeat, an armed suspect at Madam Two Swords. Dispatch, I'm in the area, about a minute away. Could you repeat, over. Suspect with a firearm at Madam Two Swords on Marleybone Road. Repeat, we have a suspect with a firearm at Madam Two Swords on Marleybone Road. Units and special units on standby. Over. I think we may have located Mr McFarlane.

Don't you? We're just about to speak to Shireen, see if we can... Oh, OK, wow, we're going straight into the paparazzi. Move it! Get off me! Oh, God, you lot of the world! Shireen! I just met your husband! Get the fuck off me! Hey, hey, that got me! I'm a detective. He came to see me. I think he may be innocent.

Shireen! I think Hector may be innocent. What? Did you see him leave? No. You said goodbye inside? Yeah. Is Sherlock? Yes, Watson. Look at this, on the floor. Ah, yes. What do we have here? Is that from his bike? Was it tampered with? No, not at all. So the angle grinder, like the hammer... ...was left in a location that would require Hector to touch it to transfer his prints...

Hey, where are you going? We just got back. I'm going to 29 Marlebone Road. And so are you. That rat. Look, the siege. It's opposite Madam Two Swords. Sherlock, please. Just don't do anything stupid, all right? Why not? Well, A, Madam Two Swords is right there. Hector could be pointing that thing out the window for all we know. Doubtful. And B, there's police everywhere. Yes. And so there should be. This way.

John Watson, this is Gwen. Gwen, this is John. Oh, er, nice to meet you, Gwen. Nice to meet you, Mr Watson. It's... sorry, I never do this, you know, but it's actually Doctor. Er, Doctor Watson. Oh my goodness. I do apologise. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, not at all. I know how you feel, because it's not actually Gwen. Oh, is it not? No. It's Dame Gwendolyn Estrade, Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police Service.

Right. Yeah, that's me embarrassing myself there. More of that coming up in part three of the Norwood Builder. Lots going on in this episode. Get in the description for trigger warnings. Let's go. You idiot. Me? Why? You completely dropped me in it. Dropped you in what? The shit, mate. You dropped me in the shit. Why didn't you say, this is Dame Gwen Lestrade, the Met Commissioner? I thought that was obvious. Yeah, but not...

All right, fine. Yes, I should have noticed it was her. But the armed police were very, very distracting. Shh, she's coming. I'm not making any noise. You are. I said shush. Goodness sake. Right. Dame Gwendolyn. Are you bowing? Yeah, no, not bowing. Because it looked like you were bowing. No, just shoelace. It's undone. No, it isn't. Thanks, mate.

Hector, we're going to get this food delivery over to you, OK? You're going to let Miss Myers answer the door to the driver and he will... You'd better be bloody deliveroo. Absolutely be deliveroo. Don't need to worry about that. He is not an undercover agent. He's gone to... Where's the food from? It was Wagamama. What? Who said that? Sorry, I was just... I was listening to your colleague who did the order for the hostages. Thank you. No problem.

Hector, the driver's on his way from Wagamama with the food. But I can assure you, he is not one of us. All right? He's to live or die. Well, tell them to get a bloody move on. We can do that. We can do that. I know you're all very, very hungry. It's been a long day for all of us. Again, sorry to...

It's Just Eat. What? It's not Deliveroo. It's a Just Eat drive. I don't know if that's going to cause anything. It'll be fine. Yes, sure. Cool. Yeah, good work. Miss Myers says she ordered the chicken Don Bury bowl. Hector, could you repeat that? Miss Myers, the hostage that is coming back to you, she is saying she ordered the chicken Don Bury bowl.

Okay, that, um, is that incorrect? Because we can, we can amend that for you. No, she has just made the point that she is being exchanged for the food delivery. So, sorry, what is it you want? Ah, mine was chicken donquery. Yes, I relayed that information, Evelyn. What about it? Does it come with the cutlery? Yes, it comes with all the wooden cutlery and chopsticks and stuff. Yeah, but I'm not here for the actual, so it'll arrive...

Oh, of course. I'm basically just wondering if I could take mine to go? Right. Can she take hers to go? She means take away. She's American. Yep, that's... that's fine. He says that's fine, Evelyn. Thank you. She says thanks. You're both very welcome. Now get a bloody move on or somebody dies! Dean. Bobby. Do you fancy anything? Sorry, what?

Hungry now after hearing that. No, I do not fancy anything. Alright. I could order a cheeky cheeseburger. Don't know how long I'm going to be here for.

Oh, that's loud. That kitchen has received your order. OK, we have a driver inbound on Marleybone Road. Search him and get him to the door immediately. I want two teams flanking that fire exit she comes out of. Yes, Mark. Where are you going? To the window to get a view of this exchange. Ah, good point. OK, delivery guy is here. He's off the bike, currently getting frisked by police. Now they are looking in the bag.

He's made excellent time, to be honest. Well, actually, the road is closed to everyone but him, so... Yeah, that will do it. He's heading towards the fire exit. Yeah, so, listeners, as you have heard, the food delivery is going in for Hector and the hostages. It sounds like a bad man, doesn't it? That was Waxwork Museum by Hector and the hostages. Next on BBC Radio 6... Watson. Sorry, yeah. Food delivery is going in and the police...

are getting a hostage back, an American woman. Can you turn that off? Sorry, kitchen has accepted your order. Great. And, yeah, this is a big deal, this hostage coming out. Not just because it's a life save, but it means the door for further negotiations is at least open. OK, speaking of doors opening, fire exit door is now open. There's Evelyn Myers. She is taking...

The food inside. And in theory, she will reappear. God, this is nerve-wracking, this. Yes, there she is. OK, we have a hostage return. But the work doesn't stop. Give him some time, then we open up that dialogue again. Inch by inch, everybody. And what exactly are we going to do to get the other seven? Dessert? Sherlock! What flavour ice cream would they prefer? Sherlock, in here now!

Now listen. How did you get in here? Oh, I just... He's my colleague, so I kind of... Follow him around? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I do, really. He's just as valuable to this case as you are. Perhaps more so.

More so than me? Yes. How's that? Because I don't see the need for your administrative and managerial role in this particular scenario. The only thing I need to manage is the urge to administer my truncheon right up your arse. You don't have a truncheon. Steve! Yes, Mum? Get in here. Absolutely. Give me that. Ow! You've got me bothered. Ow! Oh, OK. You were saying? Well, I was about to say they're referred to as positive lock batons, not truncheons.

Truncheons. Just in the interest of facts. You're smirking again. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. Not. Are, for our non-British listeners, a truncheon is a hard stick that British police officers will use to... I meant to hit the microphone. No, no, I know. You moved, and I got your head, so, yeah.

Apologies. No, no problem at all. They didn't have frozen peas, so these are turkey dinosaurs. Oh, okay. Ah, there we go. Tyrannosaur head. That's not a concussion. He just feels the need to verbalise his thoughts. Yeah, I noticed. Gwen, I couldn't help overhear the interactions of your negotiator just now. You couldn't help, could you? Hector is requesting to speak to myself and the Doctor.

Your silence is very telling. It's telling you that we want information from you, not the other way round. Why did he ask for us? Because we foolishly allowed him a call to his wife. And she told him that we're re-examining the case? It's not your case to examine, nor re-examine, Dr Watson. She almost certainly did, Watson, and now Hector in there sees us as his only salvation. Wouldn't that be right, Dame Lestrade? Are we involved in this case or not?

There's ground rules. There always are with you. You are assisting a Met investigation. You assist when we ask for it. You don't leave this building unless I say so. And that microphone goes off.

I don't think that's wise. Well, I do. This documentation will be vital for this case. It has proven so on many occasions. It's a microphone for a podcast. The world doesn't revolve around podcasters. The Adventure of the Police Brutality. Not a bad title, eh, Watson? Well, I mean... Sherlock. The Case of the Demonic Dame. That's a bit better. Sherlock. The Mystery of the Manhandling Met Commission. Sherlock! Sherlock!

I want to know. Want to know what? You know what. Oh, there's no doubt I know something you don't. I would just like to narrow the parameters slightly. Why does he want to speak to you? Hmm?

Are you hiding something from me? Probably because he's innocent and you locked him up. Wrong. I wanted to lock him up. Okay, probably because he's innocent and you wanted to lock him up. How do you know he's innocent? Because he said he was. Jesus Christ. And then he punched me in the face. He's growing on me. And from that attack, I was able to observe a number of discrepancies in the case. Of course you were. God.

How's your flap? Fine. Is it tidy? Somewhat. Are you eating properly? Mm-hmm. When I can. Are you making friends? Nope. Is he making friends? Um, yeah. I mean, I'm his friend. Okay, good. And Mariana. Daylight? Exercise? Yes, yes. Drugs? Are you asking as an officer? Commissioner. And no, I'm not.

I'm asking as a friend. Not as habitual as it was, but not entirely infrequent. Yeah, I'd say he's cut down quite a lot. What do you need? Put us through to Hector McFarlane. Lewis, this is Sherlock and John. Yes, hi there. Sorry, Commissioner, it's just... They're here to speak to Hector. If you could put them through on the line. He cut it. He cut what? Hector, he...

He was speaking to his wife on the phone and she got very upset about the press harassing her and he's just... he lost it. Commissioner, he's completely... he's cut the line. We've lost contact. Shit!

Righto. Could I borrow this? That's a bulletproof vest. Yes. Why do you need a bulletproof vest? Because I'm going to see my client. Do I need to revisit the ground rules? Sherlock, we can't go in that building. We can. Unless there is some master strategy from the Met Police that we're impeding. Hm? Do the Serious Crime Command and VCTF have any proposed actions that would make more sense than, say, the appearance and cooperation of the two men that Hector Macfarlane has specifically requested to see?

That specific request that is indemnified for the lives of eight innocent hostages? The two men who last spoke to Hector Macfarlane about his circumstances? The two men that visited his wife? The two men that own the firearm in question? One man. One man owns that firearm. Yes, and that man knows for an absolute fact that it is defective. It...

What? The gun was out in the flat because I was repairing it. I didn't have the part. I have ordered it, but yes, the firearm is in fact a dud. Team 114, prepare to engage the suspect. Team 114? Armed police? Your suspect is effectively unarmed. The whole room and even Watson's microphone here just heard me inform you. Then they won't shoot. And you are certain of their steely resolve when Hector McFarlane points a gun at their unit...

Quite the risk. Commissioner, if I may? You may not, Lewis. We get these gents to go to Hector and give him this phone. Lewis? Private number. Could be the Home Office. The hostages are mostly American. I believe a Chinese national too. Could well be the Prime Minister himself trying to get through. Oh dear, oh dear. You really are the biggest twat. Okay, so here we go. Um...

Sherlock and I are currently walking towards the Madame Tussauds building. We are beyond the police cordon and nearly at the door. Behind us, many, many police, a fire engine, crowds of people, the world's press, their cameras trained on us, focused on these two heroes, two modest detectives striding

Without fear or trepidation, into the... Oh, for fuck's sake. I tripped, I tripped, I tripped, I tripped. God, there's like 20 cameras over there. Wonderful, that is wonderful, that. Up you get. Come on. Great. Message. 100%, that's my mum. Oh, John, you tripped on national TV, didn't you? Oh, no, wait. Food is out for delivery. Oh, bollocks, I forgot about that. Hey. What? You. Why are you...

Are you tense? Have you been working out? Sorry, what? Your stomach. Why are you wearing a bulletproof vest? Because I asked the police for one. But you said the gun was broken. You said it wasn't working. Truth or dare, Watson, I opted for the dare. Sorry, can we just... What the hell is going on? If I had told them the gun was live and functional, they wouldn't have let us go in. Oh, I'm going to kill you. No, you're not. But Hector might, so just stay behind me.

Oh, Hector! You are a big stupid twat and I hate you. Cameras, Watson. Cameras. Whatever. I hope the lip readers pick us up and I hope the whole world knows that you're the biggest bellend that... Hello. My name is Carl. I can't talk to you, okay? So I just have... Carl Pitt. You're one of the hostages. I'm Sherlock Holmes. This is Dr. John Watson. Yeah, you tripped. We saw it inside on the screen. Are you okay? Oh, sake. Yeah, thank you. We're here to see Hector. Hector?

He's expecting us. Sorry, can you just give us two seconds? Hector! No, wait, please, please! Welcome again to Madam Two Swords. Yep, we're back. Got the American president staring at me. The Beatles over there. Jesus, Camilla Parker Bowles just crept up on me. Um...

She's next to Meghan Markle, which is a little unlikely. I mean, they've got Churchill next to Mussolini over there. They've got more chance of that happening. Mr. Holmes! Hector. Oh, you've changed your mind then, have you? I have indeed, sir. It wouldn't have anything to do with me taking your gun, would it? Certainly not. Hector, I need to know everything.

Everything particularly regarding those final 12 hours before Jonas Oldacre's disappearance. Oh, that's exactly what it is. Nobody has been found. But they think they found a killer. Well, they are wrong. And I know that, Hector.

I know that now. Hector, if you could put the gun down, we could just talk. Oh, you'd have me give away my leverage, and then what? We'd get you out of here, back to Shireen. They'll lock me up. If we can prove your innocence, Hector, they will do nothing of the sort. The press...

But the people, they... They will have sympathy for the wrongfully accused man. The man that refused to take the judgment quietly. That took the law into his own hands. Because, Hector, they will see themselves in you. Everyone asks themselves how they would really face down persecution. Would they coil up and suffer the consequences or would they fight back?

You are the manifestation of that fantasy, Hector. Of that fight back. But you are only a hero if we face down this case together. You and us.

Jesus! Hector, are you okay? That was a sniper, a police... You bastards! You lying bastards! It wasn't us! Get away from the window, Hector! Hector, I promise you, that was the police! God, Hector! No! Stop! Truth or dare, Dr. Watson? If you don't want the truth... I do want it, Hector! Then you get the dare! John! Take cover! Sherlock, get down for God's sake, you idiot! He's on the move.

I can see him reloading, he must have taken my ammo! Oh, fucking fanta- Oh my god, he shot JFK! Oh god, look, his skull is completely blown apart. Watson, there's no time. This is a cultural landmark, mate, and he is destroying it. Oh, no, he got Reagan too. Shh! He's in here somewhere. Just, please, can you stay down, mate? There's too many waxworks. He's hiding amongst them, Watson. I think he might be over by Doctor Strange and Iron Man. What on earth are you talking about? Hector!

Just come around this side, past the beetles. Beetles? These guys. I feel like I can hear something. Come out. Come out, wherever you are. Oh, Jesus! Down! Are you okay? Yeah, just PTSD. A whole kind of panic attack brewing. Oh. And I landed on my finger. Wow. That looks broken. Yeah. And a lot of blood. It's a lot of blood. Did I cut it? Here. Here.

Is that a rodent bomb? Ignore that. Sherlock, you stole it off Graham, the pest control man. Wrap your middle finger in this. No, just let's get to safety first. Does it look alright apart from the blood? You just want to give me the middle finger, don't you? Yeah, a little bit. Watson, your PTSD. If this is too much for you. I mean, maybe I'm not well enough to face this kind of... Oh God, John Lennon's been hit.

God, this is devastating. Oh, no, wait, that's Ringo, I think. We're cornered if we don't get out of this waxwork labyrinth. Yeah, you're right. You're right. God, listeners, honestly, I hope I get this episode out. I cannot tell you how weird it is to have the most famous faces in the world. Well, in all history. Staring at you as you try to search for... Get down! Are you okay? I'm alright. I'm...

He missed. God, a bit of Trump's here just hit me in the face. Watson, we need to move along this back wall to the fire exit. You're right. Let's get out of here. Let the armed units move in. No. The fire exit will allow us to use the stairs and get the high ground. I don't want the high ground. Yes, you do. Up there, we can see. We will no longer be peering through this army of mimics. Oh!

You tricked me, you bastards! Oh, shitting hell, that was close. Come this way. No, wait. He's destroying all these incredible waxworks, Sherlock. Watson. Just wait here. Watson. Come on. And you. Another one. And you. Come on. What on earth are you doing? Salvaging culture, mate.

You seem very proud of yourself. Yeah, if the Natural History Museum was under attack, would you leave all the bones and fossils, mate? No, you wouldn't. Not quite sure these hold the same value. These are emblems, Sherlock. Emblems of the aspiration and dignity and beauty of the human spirit. OK, here, you take Stalin, I'll move Hitler and Mussolini. If you've got a free hand, can you take Kim Jong-il too? One of these is melting. No, that's just Andrew Lloyd Webber. Come on. Shh!

I hear footsteps. He's closing us down, Watson. Hold on. I've got an idea. This is ridiculous. I didn't say it was a good idea, did I? I just said it was an idea. This Nazi uniform is itchy. Firstly, I'm the Nazi. Okay, you're the Italian fascist. And secondly...

Oh, must remain perfectly still. Oh, moustache fell off again. There we go. He's coming! I know you're still here. I can smell you. Your betrayal. The stench of it. You gain the trust of my wife, my Shireen, just to get closer to me and have me put down like some demented exile bully! Or can I smell your dread? Your fear?

Come out, come out, wherever you are. The great detective. Frozen with fear. Quite literally petrified. Oh, bollocks.

Oh, my God.