Shownotes Transcript
Hello, friends. Jason here. We are so excited that SmartList has officially joined the SiriusXM family. We can't wait to announce new surprise guests who we know that you'll love. And if you want to be the first to hear new episodes ad-free and a whole week early, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts Plus on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today.
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So, listen, this is, I know, Sean's favorite part of the show, the cold open. Super fun, yeah. Chat and chew. Chat and chew. Well, but no, no, no. That is his really favorite part of the show is what follows here. After the fun music, he gets to do his
is coffee chat. But right now, he sort of welcomes the listener in. Right, yeah. How you doing? How's everybody going? He gets a sense of everything, asks everybody how they're doing. And then like a little funny quip, like what's the bit going to be? You know what I mean? Yeah, or I could do a dad joke, you know, or whatever. You could do a dad joke. I could do something like, I could do something like I asked him. Or, no, you could do that. Yeah. Or you could just say to our audience, you could just say, hi. Hi. Welcome to Smartless. Welcome to Smartless. Smart.
I have to say something. Okay, this year...
You guys, both of two of my best friends in the whole world, you, both of you, are doing some of the best work I've ever seen you do. I'm hanging out with Will on the set of his movie, and I've seen some footage. And, Will, the work is truly, truly incredible. This is what I'm hearing, Will. Truly incredible. Mind-blowing. I've never seen it. People are going to be blown away. Not surprised. And, Jay, when I sat down and watched Black Rabbit, I've already spoken about it.
This year is so exciting. I'm so excited for people to see both of you in these two incredible pieces, and I know you cringe when I say this, pieces of art, because I do believe that they're two pieces of art. Well, thank you coming from the reigning Tony Award winning artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's not why I said it. No, but you set the tone for us. You kind of led out and, you know, what a buff.
I'm really spicy from the Tabasco, Tia. And now... That was unexpected. Nobody talk. Watch him go back. That's as he's getting yanked out. Nobody... Let me finish.
I have a good, wait, I have a good- When do we start recording this episode, you guys? I got a hard out. I know. Wait, listen, wait. Sean, your guest is going crazy right now. Do you want me, I know I'm going to get there, but do you want me to ask you guys a thoughtful question that we can riff on, or I can have a joke, or we can just get to the guest? Choice of patter today, huh? Yeah. What do you want? What's happening? You've had some time? We haven't done one of these in a couple of weeks. I guess you've got some material. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'd love a dad joke.
I like a dad joke. Okay, well, this is the, I have, okay, I can do a dad joke. I can also do a, this is a great joke I just heard yesterday. Fuck, you have genres of jokes too? You have subsections too? All right, so this guy, this patient is in your, that patient is in a urologist office and the doctor says, well, the result is that you got to stop masturbating and the patient says, why? And the doctor says, because I'm
because i'm talking to you i love it oh really i thought that was funny i love it i love it oh wait and then i got wait do i have one like that but i don't have it you know what hopefully it's all how about this why yeah go ahead why did the mexican why did the mexican take anti-anxiety medication careful for hispanic attacks
Oh, that's all right. That's okay. I feel like that's okay. I feel like that's okay. All right, great. Yeah. Okay, let's get to the guest. But also, for the record, no reaction. Zero reaction. Story of my life. Ready? Here we go. I'm your America Gaffon now. Guys, my guest today, who's far funnier than I am, grew up in the Kansas City area, and he's a diehard Kansas... Jason Sudeikis.
Diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan. He's the co-owner of a candy store in Rhinebeck, New York. Paul Rudd. And he once said his secret for staying youthful and fit is eight hours of sleep. You've got to bury the tell stuff. People often still mistake him for Ben Affleck. He met his wife when looking for a publicist after filming Clueless. It's the hilarious, delightful, and widely talented Paul Rudd. What? What?
Paul! Wait, did you guys already? A slight reveal. Oh, he's doing his mouth. He's just doing a slight reveal. This is long overdue. Wait, how did you know he was from Kansas City? Let me tell you something. Guys. Because there's only a few. There's Claire McCaskill. There's Rob Riggle. There's Jason Sudeikis. Claire McCaskill? I didn't know that. How do you know that? Paul, do you get mistaken for Claire McCaskill a lot? I get a lot of her emails. Okay. And it...
Usually when they talk about the three from KC. The big three. It's Sudeikis, me, and McCaskill. How has it taken this long for Sean? I feel like this is Sean's fault. Couldn't make your deal any earlier than now. And now finally you've given us a manageable price. Aline Kashishian was rough.
Yeah. In the negotiator. She banged us up on this. Are you with Aline too, Paul? Yeah. Yeah. There's a package right there. That's your manager? That's great. Always. She's great. Back when she was my agent, when she was an assistant. That's how far back we go. No way. Oh, wow. How about that? Wait a second. So she was working the phones for the real agent, and that real agent kind of siphoned you off on the junior slash receptionist. Yeah, ICM. It was right around, since kind of clueless. Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. And wait, I want to go back because I didn't know you own a candy store. Can you talk to me about the candy store, please? Sure. Like, where is it? Oh, you want an address on it? Well, it's called Samuel's Sweet Shop and it's in Rhinebeck, New York. Wow. And it was started by a guy named Ira. Sure. And he was just this sweet guy and...
No pun. He passed away, sadly, when he was very young. And we didn't want the candy store to kind of go away because it's not a big place, not a big town, and all the high school kids would work there and everyone needs a candy store. And so Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Hilary Burton, who are neighbors of mine... Yeah, let's... Mm-hmm. Yeah. I know me some Jeffrey Dean. You do? I like that guy. I like all his performances. Sorry. Sorry.
Anyway, we went in and another guy named Andy Ostroy, we went in and bought the candy store. And now we run it. Now, Rhinebeck is, you can't walk there from the city, right? That's a trip. You can. It'll take you a while. Yeah. Yeah. You'd need a lot of candy to fuel it. Yeah. It's like a two-hour drive?
It's about a two-hour drive. Yeah, about an hour, depending on if you're leaving from the Upper West Side, it's about an hour and 45. Well, I'll get a head start. Jenny Slate also owns a small store like upstate New York. Massachusetts. Yeah.
Oh, never mind. Moving on. A general storage. She has a general storage. Are we going to start going down, Sean? You want to start listing people who also own businesses? Just come on down to 85 and let us know. Paul's got a candy store in Rhinebeck, okay? Started by Ira. And that's it. Wait, so go back. So you met Aline that way, and then you met your wife because you were looking for a publicist. Is that right? Yes. Well, I was the director of Clueless.
You were the director? Oh. Amy Heckerling. So Amy Heckerling said, after we filmed Clueless, I knew nothing about anything. I still don't that much, really. Were you clueless? I was clueless. Well done, you. Welcome to Smartless. Guys, we're cooking with gas. Emphasis on smart. By the way, I love Julie, your wife, Julie. She's awesome. Oh, thank you. And she loves me. Julie, that's what it is.
Thank you. She loves you guys. And she said to say hi, and she also said say nice things about her. So I love my wife. Oh, wow. And she's an avid listener. And then we just hear the page flip. And then you... And now it's enough of her. And so, yeah. So what were you talking about? I was talking about meeting Julie. You were looking for a publicist.
Looking for a publicist on Clueless, Amy Heckerling. Paul, you're upstate. So you meet your wife, Julie. You meet her through She's Your Publicist. We've been through that. I mean, let's just get down to the... Here are the brass tacks. Nobody really cares. You are a guy who has been... They do. I do. You've been working at the highest level for over 30 years. And I mean that in a way. You have been consistently doing stuff. Comedy, drama, all this. Like, right? No missteps. Always at the top.
No missteps. Yeah, not one. I think there are a few. No, not even Halloween 6. Not even that. I saw that. You were fucking great in that. That was 75 years ago. That was so good. That was the first thing I ever did. The first movie. No, was it really? Thank you. Yeah. Now, had you seen the first five parts where you lost in the storyline? I've seen all of them.
I saw all of them. You saw them all. Yeah, I loved them. I saw the first and loved it. There was five more. Is that right? No, he was in six. Even more than that, yeah. The first is a classic. When you get to six, plot holes. What are you talking about? I loved it. There's some shark jumping? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you end up getting killed in that one? Spoiler? No, I survived. Do you get a good shot in on him?
I remember, yeah, we have a, we get into it. We had some scrapes. Now, because you've done so many movies, do you really truly remember? Sorry, Jason's asking. Wait, I want to wrap. What was the weapon that you guys were tossing with? You and Mike Myers. I think I hit him with a pipe.
Okay. I think I maybe hit him with a pipe. That's a good choice. So you stun him for a second, but then he continues after you. He never runs. It didn't kill him. No, that's what's horrifying about Mike Myers is that he never runs. He just walks because he's going to get you. He just walks. He's going to take his time. Did you ever do a tie-in around Halloween at the candy store with like photos of yourself from the movie? That's a good idea. That'd be good. This is a great idea. Thank you, Will. That's a great idea. I don't know. I haven't done it.
I haven't really done that yet, but maybe this year. Write this stuff down. So you end up surviving six, but was not in seven.
Did you know? They didn't ask me about Seven. They did like a cast change like Fargo or... I think they kind of went... I want to say in Seven, it might have been Josh Hartnett. They did a White Lotus swap. That might have been H2O. Oh, H2O. I remember that one. I think it came back strong in Seven. If I had been a reviewer of Seven and that you weren't in it, my headline for my review would have been all trick and no treat.
Oh, geez. You know? Oh, man. Yeah. You know, Paul, you're in a pretty special episode of Smarter So Far. We're only 31 minutes in. That's really sweet. And we're not even the first question yet. 29 of which my microphone went down. I know. I did want to know also how fun it is just to listen to you guys. We're only halfway through. To listen to you guys before I come on.
And to hear the jokes, which I really, really liked. Did you like my urologist joke? I did like the urologist joke. You're the one. Yeah. I'm a fan of the dad jokes. I heard one not that long ago that I really liked, which was, where did McKid Mellons go for the summer? Where? Where? To John Cougar's melon camp. Nice. That's a good one. I've remembered my urologist joke.
Guy goes in for a prostate exam. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. No, Jesus. Oh, come on. Watch this, Paul. Watch this. It's not going to happen. We don't have any kids listening to this. I like a good prostate exam joke. No, Paul, watch how you bludgeon and joke. Keep going, Jason. Watch this. Go. Jason, try it. I will stumble right before I cross. No, try it. Right before I chest the tape, I will fall. Here we go. So, Guy walks in. Urologist, hey, he's got to get his prostate exam. And so, he's got to lean over the table. He's got to get the old...
And so the doctor says, okie doke, here we go. This time, Jimmy, no hard on. And the guy turns around and says, my name's Bill. He goes, yeah, no, I'm Jimmy. Yeah.
That's not even. I've heard Jason try to tell that joke. By the way, it's a great joke. One time he's like, and the guy Paul says, and then Paul says, Jimmy, and he goes, Bill, I'm not Paul, I'm Jim. And I'm like, what are you? And I looked at him like, what are you doing? Listen, I don't write. I speak. Wait, we're going to get to your life. Okay, here's Sean. Sean, I'm going to grab the reins here. So Paul. What are you talking about?
I've been trying. No, because you're all gussied up on Pop-Tarts. Paul, so I was saying that you've been at the top of the level. So you start out of the gate. Sure, you do Halloween 6. It's amazing. But then you just do so many movies. So how was it that you came? First of all, what was your first professional job? Not necessarily movie, but how did you know? It seems like you've been doing it at the highest level from moment one.
But what was moment one for you? Like, how did you leave Kansas City? What was that thing? Oh, yeah, I didn't have any of those questions prepared. Go ahead. Well, fuck, we're 25 minutes in, man. What fault is that?
Well, Paul's microphone. It is, totally. It's this weak connection that I have. Thank you for saying that, Will. Thank you, Colin. I don't think it's totally true. I've made many missteps, and I've been very fortunate in many instances. But when I was a kid, I just loved comedians. I loved watching...
and all of that stuff and listening to Steve Martin albums. And I think that, you know, when I was kind of in school, we had speech class, we had a radio and TV class. I loved watching the David Letterman show and I used to start making little videos like he used to do. And I used to perform in speech competitions. And when I was...
I want to say about 16 years old, my neighbor in Kansas City said, what do you think you want to study? What do you think you want to pursue? And I said, I don't know. I like the arts and I like drawing and all of that. And he said, what about an actor? It seems like that's something that you would maybe like to do. And I think it was some kind of lightning bolt moment where I thought, yeah, maybe that is what I'd like to do because I certainly always liked
funny stuff and movies and everything else. And it feels like from that moment on, I decided, oh, this is exactly what I'm gonna try and pursue. And I went to school for it and I studied it. And what was this humorous interpretation thing? Because we had something similar in high school, but it was called forensics. I don't know why it was called forensics. Yeah, forensics, exactly. It was called forensics in Kansas City too. And sometimes I would tell people I study forensics and they think it's like what Quincy did. Yeah, right. Yeah.
Quincy. Yeah, Quincy. For all the young listeners, Quincy. Do we know why it's called forensics, Sean? I don't. I don't. In high school, people would be standing against a wall and talking to it. And I didn't know what they were doing, but they were rehearsing, but really close to a wall and talking to a wall. I thought that was the weirdest thing. But now I get it. They were just rehearsing their monologue or their forensics or whatever it was.
You sure you weren't institutionalized? You weren't in an institution at that point? It looks like an institution. You may have still been at the hospital, Sean. It wasn't even comedic forensics? Well, there were different categories. There was dramatic interpretation, humorous interpretation, prose and poetry, improvised duet acting. And we will be right back.
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And now, back to the show. So, Paul, I heard you were a DJ for a while, right?
Well, I mean, barely. I thought it was a year's long thing. I really did DJ. But when you say to people that, oh, I used to DJ, that sounds like it was kind of a cool thing. But the way I DJed was not cool in any way. It was like weddings and bar mitzvahs and stuff? Yeah, bar mitzvahs. And by the way, eventually it was that. The first time I DJed was, I was in high school. It's just an ice cream truck. And I went...
Nobody. They're like, we don't even have equipment in this thing. I was trying to get a job as a waiter. I was in high school. And I went to different restaurants and I had really long hair. And I didn't want to cut my hair because...
I was a cheese ball and I'm like, I got to keep this. You're crushing it. And so I was getting rejected at every waiting application fill out. Like there's no way I couldn't get a job. And I went to this bar called Stew to Bakers, which was like a fifties bar in Kansas City. Had to be 23 to get in.
They didn't want any of the younger crowd. Wow. Sure. Yeah. They didn't even want new drinkers. You had to have at least two years under your belt. They want some certified 23-year-olds who like, who's going to go to a 50s bar anyway? Right. You had to be born in the 50s to get here. To even want to go to this place. That's funny. And so I...
Went to try and get a job and they said, we're not hiring. And I saw that they had a DJ booth. And I said, do you need a DJ? Because I also DJ, which is not true. I didn't.
But they said, actually we do. But here's the thing, at Studebaker's, every hour on the hour, we do these things called show times where all the waiters hop on the bar and they do like, you know, born to hand jive or some dumb dance thing. Cool.
- Sean, we don't need to, the next sentence out of your mouth doesn't need to be, you mean like this? - Yeah. Or are they still in business? Or what are their hours? - Address, please. Any of those sentences are a no. - So you lied, so you lied, but you knew you had a stack of wax in the car. - So I lied and they said, well, here's the thing, you gotta audition because we do these show times. So I had to audition with a lip sync of a 50s song.
Which one? I know you still know. So I chose Volare. Volare. Yeah. And which was, I just thought it'd be funny because it's in, you know, Italian. And, but I put on a tuxedo and a pompadour to cover my long hair. Oh my God. Like an Elvis wig, right? And so anyway, I got the job. Yeah. And then they saw that I had really long hair and they said, you got to cut your hair. We're a 50s bar, not a 60s bar. And I said, well, I won't do it.
So they made me wear the Elvis wig every time I worked. Oh, right. You wore the pompadour every time? Yeah, and it was also a really bad pompadour. So it was a really cheap wig. And so it started to lose its pompadour shape. And it just turned into like a big, weird, black tuft of something. And when I was working, people didn't realize...
that I had long hair and had to cover it up. So they just thought I was some young kid with this weird wig. I don't know what they thought. But anyway, that started my DJing career. Well, you know what? It reminds me, you make me think, you know, you hear about, you know, famously Michael Jordan when he had his Hall of Fame speech. And then he, you know, he's being celebrated for being the greatest basketball player. And then he, he, he,
he really harped on like his high school coach who cut him from the basketball team and all the people who didn't like, right? Like that he still hung on to that. And I think we should get stickers made up and go around to these Kansas City establishments that rejected you and stick it on the front window. This place rejected Paul Rudd, right? Really let that stink linger on them. You know what I mean? Your hiring practices are ridiculous. Yeah, you know what I mean? Are you kidding?
Rudiculous. Yeah, that's great. Speaking of, your original last name was Rudnitsky? Rudnitsky? What is it? Rudnitsky. Down like way back, not while I was born or my grandparents, way back, great-great-grandparents. Yeah. Wow. Polish?
Like Russian, Belarus, that Eastern European. Yeah. Have you done the thing where you do the whole look back and like, do you know your people? What they did, where they were, the wars they fought in? And I found...
found that it was mainly kind of like in an area of Belarus. Yeah. Something cool. A town called Holmec. Oh. Anybody who's listening from Holmec. Call it your boy. You know? But now, wait, so Paul, let me tell you if I got this right. You were born in Jersey, moved to Kansas City, had a bar mitzvah in Canada. Your parents were from England. Yeah.
Yeah. So you were all over the place. Now I'm interested. Yeah. I mean, why so many different places? Well, being... You know, everyone in my family was kind of British, both my parents. Everyone was kind of around London. My grandparents were in London. But they...
We moved to the States and then, or my parents did anyway. Most of the family went to Canada. And so I had grandparents and aunts and uncle in Toronto and in the GTA.
No, he really knows it. I know. Is that right, eh? And the way he said Toronto, too. This is real. Yeah. I'd walk to the byway, get my Empire Strikes Back cards in French. Yes. The byway. Are you still a Maple Leafs fan? Past the Mr. Submarine. This is all for you, Will. This is such good stuff. Pizza, pizza, 967. It's Mr. Sub, though, isn't it? Mr. Sub. It's now Mr. Sub. Did you live in Canada? No.
No, but I'd been going there my whole life. Yeah, yeah. Wow. And so most of my relatives were in Canada. So when I had to get a bar mitzvah, my parents said, well, just do it in Canada because that's where most of the family is. Where was it in Canada? In Toronto? In Toronto, yeah. No way. Paul, come home.
Come on. Wait, and so your mom... By the way, great, yeah. I will. So your parents are in England. Your dad was a tour guide or something and was the vice president of TWA and your mom... Oh, no, he wasn't the vice president. That would have been nice. No, he did work for TWA. TWA was the airline...
TWA, their hub was in Kansas City, which is why we wound up in Kansas City. Oh, I see. Got it, got it, got it. When my dad left London when he was a kid, he was a
He's about nine years old. And then they moved to New Jersey, his family. And they were in Patterson, New Jersey. But he eventually started working with TWA before I was born. And he kept getting job transfers. So we moved around a lot when I was a kid. I was born in New Jersey and then I lived in New Jersey. And then I moved to Kansas for about a year. And then I moved to California for a few years. And then I moved back to Kansas. So we moved around quite a bit.
What about all the moving around and stuff? Was there like that? It's giving me anxiety. All the schools. And then LA. All the kids. Oh, look at the new kid. Did you grow up in one spot? Yes. I mean, Jason, you were always LA, right? Since I was seven, I've been in Los Angeles. Yeah. Where were you before that? I was in Salt Lake City from four to seven. I was in Boston from two to four. And I was in New York from zero to two. Just outside in Rye. Right.
Oh, beautiful. But what about you adapting into all those different environments? Did you have a sibling to sort of protect you or did you do the protecting?
I have a younger sister. She's two and a half years younger than me. And I think, yeah, we always were just kind of the new kids in school. We got very used to it. We didn't really know any different. But like, did that shape your, at an age where you're kind of learning your personality and kind of what your strong suit is and what isn't, you know, are you funny? Are you blah, blah, blah. Like, did you find that you were perhaps made you
earlier because you had to be accepted by these new groups all the time? Uh-huh, yeah. Possibly. Yeah, I sometimes think that a good way to kind of ingratiate yourself or just not get your ass kicked is to just be kind of...
pleasant and if you can make somebody laugh, then you can be accepted a little bit easier. I certainly was drawn and always have been drawn to people who are funny. I mean, my dad was hilarious. And I think that
When I'd be probably in some new school or something, I'd go home and I'd listen to those Steve Martin records. Yeah, that album, Get Small. Did you ever listen to that? Yeah. What about British humor? Because my mom's British as well, and she really shaped my taste in dry, kind of no-winking humor. Did your dad do that for you? Well, I think that some of the earliest humor
I can really remember laughing at was they used to show Monty Python's Flying Circus on PBS. Yeah, I loved it. And my parents loved it and we'd watch it and I thought it was...
I never really understood or thought in terms of like British comedy or a British sensibility, but I did always respond to that. And then when Fawlty Towers was on, it was just one of my favorite shows of all time. Oh, you guys like that? Monty Python's a great example because- Oh, holy shit. There's no way. You guys like Fawlty Towers? Sean, you really like that? Fucking let the world know, man. Yeah.
Yeah, you guys discovered this. But like Monty Python, there's the broad half of the troop and then there's the dry half of the troop. Like there's Michael Palin being crazy and goofy and then you cut to John Cleese and he's just blinking at him like you fool. Which were you drawn to? Was it the John Cleese side since you went to Fawlty Towers? Well, Cleese's side is hilarious. I think that...
I think I just, there was like an absurdity to it. And there was also something, it might've been the first time, maybe why I was drawn to Steve Martin as well, but it was like, oh my God, there are grownups that are being completely silly. I remember that twit of the year competition as a kid and crying. I couldn't believe how funny it was to see these grownups acting this way. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I mean, there was still so much,
Same with Steve Martin, where it was this kind of ridiculous, I'm getting happy feet kind of thing. Right, yeah. I want to know about glazing hams, because that was one of your odd jobs out of school. What do you mean glazing hams? What does that even mean? It means glazing hams. Yeah. What do you mean? Did you work at Honey Baked Ham? No, that was our competitor. Sorry. No, no. What do you mean glazing them, though? It's still touchy. Yeah.
Yeah, the hot spot. Look, just please don't bring that up to anyone at Holiday Ham Company because they had a real issue with Honey Bae. Wait, but how do you glaze a ham? Like, what do you do? It's a whole process, Sean. Let's keep it clean here. Sounds like a YouTube how-to video. How do you glaze a ham? Is it like in a factory? No, no. It was in like a mini mall.
Oh, I see, like personalized ham. It was a standalone store. Oh, got it. Honey Baked, I believe, is a chain, isn't it? Okay, got it. I just wanted to know. I mean, by the way, I don't mean to besmirch Honey Baked. No, for sure. No, no, no, no, nobody took it that way. No, no, no, no. Oh, thanks. I think they're a public company by now. There's one thing I don't want to do. It's piss off the people at Honey Baked Ham. No. Old HBH. Paul, you don't have a target on your back now. Don't worry. The gang over at Honey Glazed, okay? Oh.
- I love- - Yeah, go ahead. - Oh, no, no. What do you love? - No, you go, you go. What were you gonna say? - Guys, don't fight. - All right. - I was gonna- - You go. - Oh, Jesus. No, you go. - This is a great bit. - Please. - It is a great bit. - It almost seems- - It's the new Laurel and Hardy. - I wanna know where you worked. I wanna know where you worked. - Oh. I worked at Holiday Ham Company. - No, you were gonna say something else about working.
So I worked at this place. Yeah. And it was a whole, when I say it was a whole process, I would get there very early in the morning and I would unload a truck filled with ham. Naked ham. These aren't glazed yet, right? These are unglazed. Oh, you're talking unglazed hams. Yeah. By the way, this isn't like pigs hanging in a truck. These were ham hocks. Are they hocks? Yes.
They can be. Sure. And they were cryovac'd, vacuum sealed. Oh, wow. And what I would have to do is unload a truck at like five in the morning, and then I would have to cut open. Release them from their sheaths? Yes, exactly. Cut open the plastic. And then I would have to put them, these entire ham hocks,
So far, I haven't heard one thing that we're going to keep in the episode, but go ahead. Yeah, no, this is absolutely, it's boring myself as I even listen to myself describe it. So there you are. You're unloading. You got a truck full of unblazed hands. So I got a truck. So I got to put it on a thing. I slice it. I dice out a whole thing. I got to cut it in half with a saw. I put it on a spit.
and then I take a propane torch and a sugar sifter, and I have to wear protective gear on my wrists. Same approach to acting. Same approach to your acting. That's exactly right. That is how I approach all of my roles. Were you longer in this job than you were at the Bevix place, the 50s joint? Oh, at the... Studebakers. Yeah, at Studebakers.
I went from Studebakers to Holiday Ham Company. So, you know. Did you cut your hair before you were handling those hams? Sorry, can I ask, did you have the long hair when you were handling the hams or did you have a hair in it? Yeah, they didn't care. They didn't care. But you had to put that shit in a net though, didn't you? By the way, I think I had it in a net. Yeah. Net the ham. Yeah. It was in a net. I was in the back. So if I was up front dealing with customers-
Sure. There's no way. You snap that off. Yeah. There's no way they'd allow it. Comb it out. Yeah. Now, I can only imagine though, you know, at least one or two of those long hairs were getting glazed into the ham.
I just thought it would be a good Italian place called I Can Only Imagine. It's just cannoli. Okay. So it's terrible. It's terrible stuff. It's Saturday. It's Saturday, and it's free, and it's free. So go ahead, Sean. Sean, get to your laundry list of questions and forget trying to have a conversation with Paul Rudd. Let me help you out, Sean. Go down and fucking check off your fucking— Have you done any theater? We've got Paul fucking Rudd here. He's one of the most handsome— By the way, Paul, and I've seen it in stuff before. No.
You always look so fucking good. It's so handsome. You're so handsome. You're so good. We're around the same age. What are you doing? Just honestly, just an email with a couple tips. He sleeps in an olive oil bed. Eight hours a day. You say the most important thing is eight hours a day. That's what you say. It isn't what I say. I think I said something about sleep once where it was like, oh yeah, you try and get enough sleep. I sleep a lot. I don't look anything like you. You know what the secret is? What? Yeah.
Love. Yeah, Julie. Oh my God. That's our time. That's our time. Who knew? Love and laughter. You saved it. Julie will have you back now. Who knew? This is, ugh. We'll be right back.
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No, seriously, Paul, anything weird ever happen on stage? Real quick before we're out of time? No, no, no. Well, yeah. You did a lot of theater. I don't know if you listen to the podcast, but I love good theater stories where something went wrong. Oh, of course. Yeah? I do. Do you have anything ready? Or you can sub it out for a Star Wars story if you ever auditioned for it. No, I have lots of other questions. Of great theater stories? Yeah, yeah. Something bad happened in the theater or something.
Oh, something really bad. Yeah, no, no. I've had... I actually... Well, I've done a show where somebody died in the audience. On stage? Oh, in the audience? There was a death. There was a death in the audience. There was somebody went to the...
to the bathroom in like the fourth row. That was an interesting thing to get a whiff of that during the scene. No way. Somebody lost control of their bowels. So not only did you kill, but you acted the shit out of that part. Nice. Bravo! Thanks, guys. Well, it wasn't me that did it. Oh.
No, that would be, actually, that would be, that would be horrible. Wait, what was the show and somebody really died? Somebody died last night of Ballyhoo was the show. These were two separate occasions. Okay. Unless I'm conflating them and they shit themselves and they die. Because that often happens. By the way, it's often, I think it even happens in the other order where it's like you die and then you wind up just shitting yourself. That's a thing that happens. So wait, so the person died. I've had somebody, by the way, I've also done a show where somebody
In the middle of a scene, I heard a bunch of commotion in the audience and then didn't realize it didn't subside. So it's like, what is happening? Only later came to realize that somebody in the front row of the balcony leaned over and puked on all of the people below. Oh my God. No way. Swear to God. Yeah. It was a great scene.
It was a show called Grace. And there was a scene, and I was doing it with Michael Shannon. No way. And Michael Shannon had this long monologue. We're doing the scene. It's just the two of us. We hear this noise. We're both aware that, like, there's a commotion. But usually it dies down, and it's getting louder and louder. And Michael is...
pissed off and starts screaming his lines toward the direction of the noise. To make a point. Which, of course, when Michael Shannon is yelling at you, like it's the most terrifying thing ever. It's the thing that did make everybody kind of quiet down.
And then after this scene, I have to rush over to the wings to do a costume change. And I asked the stage manager, I said, what the hell's happened? What happened out there? And he's the one that said, somebody threw up. Somebody was drunk and threw up over the balcony and it puked onto about 10 different people. I'm covered in barf. LAUGHTER
This show's not for you, huh? Fucking bad today. That's amazing.
Yeah. So, yeah. Wow. Fucking wait, Sean, this is like your fucking dream come true. I know, finally. A million great theater stories. I know. Talk about the person who died. Learn that after the fact, like, oh my God, they had to close down and then eventually they had to bring somebody, like a stretcher to get somebody out of there. It's like, oh wow, wow.
Wow. It's weird. I mean, you know, you hear of people dying on stage. Yeah. But you don't hear as much about people dying near the stage. Yeah, yeah. So you stopped the show. Yeah, you stopped and they, right? We did not stop. You didn't keep going. You kept going? Dude, are you kidding? Are you kidding? He fucking, he killed. By the way, died. The guy. We slayed him. Yeah, died nearing the end of the show. Yeah. And I'm not so sure.
Anyone realized? Oh, right. Until it was over. Until people were shuffling out of the theater and one guy stayed. Sounds like a nice, peaceful passing. It was definitely a courteous way to go for us, for the actors. That's great. Now, Sean, I know you have plenty. I think I've told every single good one on here. Is there one you haven't told yet?
I mean, I'd have to think about it. Me and Raina are at the dinner theater. Yeah, right.
By the way, I had one. Now they're all kind of coming. They're flooding back. I did a scene. I was lying on top of a bed. I was doing a scene. I was lying on top of a bed and I'm with this woman. Rachel Weisz was in the show and I was wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt. And all of a sudden, this had never happened before. I heard the audience laughing. And I'm like, what is going on? I realized...
It's because I was lying on the bed. I had my leg up and kind of like, and I realized my balls were hanging out. No. Wow.
Which is worse than actually like even your penis. It's like when it's just your balls. Or just one ball. By the way, it might have been just one ball. But it was loose-fitting boxers. You know what's crazy about that? Yeah. You know what's crazy about that? Your balls were showing in that show and the show was the shape of things.
Yeah. That's exactly right. Nice. That's exactly right. That was the show. The Shape of Things. That's nice. They were pendulous. I have one that's not as racist. The Shape of Things. It should have been, and the poster should have been your balls hanging out of shorts. I think we've all seen the shape of those things. Of things.
With the great Fred Weller, with our mutual friend Fred Weller, whom we adore. Great Fred, yes. Great Fred Weller. You guys go back. Do you... We go back, wait. You know, what's another one in my mind is that we were doing West Side Story. This isn't as funny, but we were doing West Side Story and, you know, the Jets and the Sharks, and we didn't negotiate the rumble. They say, you know, knives, guns, pipes, fists, whatever. And this one guy, Darren... Yeah, well, you just blew the joke. But, uh...
But, no, it's like that. So Darren, my friend Darren, who's the most gayest man on the face of the planet and wears it with a badge of honor. He's very, very, very funny. But he was a jet and he's trying to act tough. And, you know, during performance 250, they go, guns, knives, you know, pipes, fists. And he just jumps out and he goes, purses. LAUGHTER
Same joke. Same joke as dance. No, I guess. I guess. That's funny. You had to be there. You had to be there. All right, so listen. When you're scrolling through, because you've been in... I'm going to go through before you leave. I just want... I mean, my God. I had all these things about... You're in an hour 10. Let this guy get back into his weekend. I know. Sorry. Wild oats and clueless. No, but his credits... Your credits are fucking sick. A wet hot American summer. And friends. Your run on friends was an anchorman. By the way...
And then 40-year-old virgin and knocked up and working with Judd Apatow and role models and Ant-Man that you wrote. I didn't know you wrote Ant-Man. That's crazy. No shit. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, one of them. One of the Wrights. One of the Wrights. It was originally written by Edgar Wright, who I just worked with, who's the best. The best. I love him. We love Edgar. He's a friend of the show. He's a friend of the show. He should come on, Willie. Adore him. Yeah. Yeah.
So wait, what do you- I might need to be a two-parter. Yeah, I know. There's so many things. I know, shit. But wait- You get into the fucking credits are crazy. I know. But anyway, so friendship though- You don't have to get into my credits, honestly. No, it's incredible. But the people, they want to know Paul.
I know. You know? They want to know about the moments and the movies with the thing. I can't believe they didn't even ask him about it. The Apatow years. I know. I mean, you and Judd collaborated on so many of those movies that were huge seminal comedies. Yeah. That really kind of changed. Yeah.
You think about it, at that time, when you guys did 40-Year-Old Virgin, that really changed the trajectory of comedy films. Like, it kind of went into a... Well, Judd did it a few times. He's a great Judd Apatow. He launched all kinds of folks. Yeah. He's great. The first time I ever met Judd,
was it was it really is a weird thing i don't know if you guys feel this way about those steve martin records i know we've talked about them a lot but it seems as if a lot of people in our generation those albums had a big effect on them yeah sure yeah and uh as did steve martin in general and um one time i was at a dinner and i was talking about fake names and how it's so uh
difficult to come up with a perfect, funny, fake name. And I said, "A great example is Gurren Blandston," which was from an early Steve Martin routine. And someone at the dinner said,
"Gern Blanston, oh, that explains Judd Apatow's email address." Oh, wow. And I think at this time there was only AOL. I'm like, "Oh, that's hilarious." Yeah, he's like, "Gern Blanston." I don't think he has this anymore in case anybody wants to email him. But anyway, I went home and emailed Judd. I'd never met him. No way. And I said, "Hey, man, nice reference on your email address.
that's amazing. And he emailed me back. And that's how you guys started. And that's how we met. And then, and then, that's amazing. He emailed me back and said, oh, I'm glad you've emailed me. It's nice to connect with you. Now I know who to hit up if I ever need tickets to a new Neil of Butte play. Because I've just done a bunch of Neil of Butte plays. Anyway, we, anyway, we kept emailing each other for about a year. We became kind of pen pals.
Never met each other. And it wasn't until Anchorman that I actually met him in person. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Wow. And when I went into audition, he was there. And it was a little bit like, you know, meeting your pen pal. It's like, oh, my God. Wow. I can't believe. There you are. I can touch you. The person who's been catfishing. I didn't want to touch him. But it's being real. Now, your character in Anchorman looks very similar to the character in Friendship. Was that on purpose? Yes.
Um, no, it wasn't on purpose. Although in Friendship, in the script, the character that I was playing was originally called Brian, which was the name of my character in Anchorman. And I thought, maybe we should change that name just because I also have another mustache. The mustache was just something that seemed like, um...
Oh, this is the kind of thing that this guy would probably take pride in. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's a weatherman. He's a weatherman. So it's really funny. You're so good in it. And the movie is so great. Well, I got to say, you know, Tim, it's really Tim. And it's Tim is so funny. And I don't know if you've ever watched I Think You Should Leave, which I think you probably have. He's a brilliant, brilliant. He's incredible. I mean, he really has his own take on all of this stuff. And that was just so...
such a blast to kind of get to work with him and see what he was doing. Have you ever seen his show, what is it, Detroit? Is it just called Detroiters? Yeah. What's his name? Tim what? Detroiters is incredible. It's incredible.
You would love him, Jason. I remember I met him when he was a writer on SNL. And, you know, everyone, even at that time in SNL, said, oh, well, I mean, this guy, Tim Robinson, is the funniest. Yeah. And he directed and wrote and is an actor in this film, Friendship? He is starring in it. He didn't write it. It might be the only thing I think he's ever done that he didn't write. However, the guy who...
directed it, is a guy named Andrew D. Young. Yeah, he's great. He also wrote it, and he's friends with Tim and completely captures Tim's voice. I mean, when I read it, I would have sworn that Tim wrote it. Was there a lot of improv on the movie? I mean, there was some, but, you know, it's like, it's funny when we kind of
Tim's, we were talking about it and Tim said, let's take out all of the jokes. He wanted no jokes. And so it was very, it wasn't really like this perceived as this silly comedy. I mean, I know that Andy, the director said that he envisioned the,
the master, you know, the Paul Thomas Anderson movie. It seems like we could do like a weird comedy version, but very strange of that. And so it wasn't really, there was certainly some improvisation, but neither one of us was trying to really hit anything too funny. And I apologize, can we see this now?
It's coming out. Can't see it now. I think it's coming out in, I don't know, April or May. Where the fuck did Sean see it? I got a little screen. He gets a link. So depending on when this airs, perhaps, yeah. So April, May, it's a spring release on this, huh? Yeah, yeah. Spring release. Like all the beautiful things that come out in spring. Well, we're really excited about it. We're really excited about you, Paul. We love you. You're a tremendous talent. I'm so happy. I'm really excited and bullish about your career. I think you're going to do great.
Thank you. I'm so happy to be doing this. And like, it's such a... You guys are so awesome. The show is so funny. I'm so happy to be on this. I know. It's a crime. We broke a lean down and we got you here. Yeah. No, no. Look, you guys have...
You got a lot of people to talk to. I'm honored to be one of them. Wow. We're very, very happy that you came. Yeah, honored that you came. Thank you for spending some Saturday nights. I sure wish my connection was better. No, no, no. Don't think twice about that. Don't worry about getting at Honeyhams or your Wi-Fi connection. None of it. Don't think. I'm not going to. Yeah. We didn't talk about the Royals. We didn't talk about the Chiefs.
We didn't talk about the Dodgers. Nobody wants to talk about that. You really want to lose the audience? Shut up, baby. You don't even know who Tim Robinson is. You get two U's, you get two episodes. I'll tell you who would turn the volume up. Jason Sudeikis and Claire McCaskill. That's who. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're working.
What's Bobby Witt going to do this year? And the great Dan Dees, also of Kansas City fame. The great Dan Dees, friend of the show. The great Dan Dees. Good friend of ours. Double D. Paul Rudd. Pauly.
Good to see you, my friends. All the love to you and Julie and the kids. You're world class. Tip top. Thank you. Tip top, Paul. You guys are the best. And I can't wait to see you in person. It can't come here soon enough. We'll be at the candy shop soon. Yeah, we're going to do a smartless outing. Let's do a live show from the candy shop. Oh, there we go. Look, anytime you want. Claude Hopper's for all of you. Free. That's a good fake name. I know something. Claude Hopper. We're sweet on you, Paul.
Oh, there it is. All right. Beautiful button. What a button. A candy button. I'm on my way to, I can only believe it. Pauly, have a great day. We love you. Goodbye. Thank you. Love you guys. Thanks so much. Yes. Thanks, dude. Take care. Bye. Bye, pal. Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. What can you say?
I mean, we've said this before about people, but that is an overdue of overdues. Yeah, I know. It's almost embarrassing how overdue we are. I feel bad I didn't get into his stuff, you know, like all the... You didn't get into anything, Sean. This is one of the least prepared episodes I've ever seen you host.
And I can't believe a former member, Jason, a former host of the year nominee. Remember? Oh, for sure. Well, you know, but if he gets into the sugar like any fucking little three-year-old, you can't count on him. Guys, I've failed you again. I bet they are regretting that nomination a couple years ago and that gang when they... Well, aren't you on that board too? Yeah. The iHeartRadio? No. These days, I'm only bored when you're hosting. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
But I do think if we ever soften on the repeat guest policy, you guys are enforcing like fucking... Live show. He'd be a live show. Oh, that would be a good live show. That would be a good live show. We could just go through all its credits and talk about funny stories. Yeah, we'll go funny stories. I love that. I do like that man a lot. But Willie, remember when he was talking about walking in Canada and he was walking on the... What was it? Here comes a bye. Here comes a bye. He was walking on the... He went to the... Bye way!
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