Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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Sixth grade. We move yet again to a new town. Another new school with more new kids who promise me new beatings. But this time, my parents, they take pity on me. Since I don't have any friends or prospects of friends, they say I can get a pet. And I want a parrot because I like pirates, but...
They don't have any parents at the Kmart. Instead, I get a pretty blue parakeet. So happy we take her home, but every time I put my hand in her cage, she bites me. Hard, angry, ouch, hey, hey, hey! I give her food, she bites me. Try to gently stroke her, she bites me. And I know, I know how hard it is to move to a new place and not know anyone. I know this. So...
I place my open palm in the cage outside the biting range. Get this garish, multicolored bed sheet, drape it around us. It's scary, scary. And don't you know, she pops over and sits on my hand. The devil you know. I'm so happy, I can barely breathe. We sit like that together for a while. Eventually, I stroke her feathers.
She lets me stroke her feathers. When I take the sheet away, she doesn't fly off. She stays perched on my hand and later on my shoulder. Everywhere I go, my little buddy, and magically, the kids on the street, they want to talk to me now. She's so cool. Can I pet her? But Birdie makes it plain. Just because I can touch her doesn't mean they can't.
Today on Snap Judgment, a love story like no other, we proudly present Birdzilla. My name is Glenn Washington. Ask first when you're listening to Snap Judgment. Okay, now, you're going to want to get cozy with someone for our next story. If you don't know who that person is yet,
Just wear your Snap Judgment gear next time you're out and about. The person will come running. And yes, sensitive listeners, please do be advised this episode discusses the subject of death. I know. I know. But this is romantical for real. Snap Judgment producer Nika Singh takes it from here. What does it feel like to hold a bald eagle?
I get asked that question a lot, what it's like to hold a bald eagle. And I usually say holding a bald eagle is like holding a toddler having a tantrum with a fistful of steak knives. Normally you were never this close to a wild animal like this, a top predator like this. And you'd never, you'd never hold onto it. You'd never grab a hold of it and hold it tight to your chest so close that you could feel its heartbeat through your, through your clothing.
You know, if you've seen the movie Jurassic Park, they say that dinosaurs didn't go extinct, they just became birds. And I would say that's 100% correct. It's exactly like the dinosaurs were in the movies. The scaliness of the legs and the sharpness of the talons, the way they articulate, the way they grip, the strength within them, the way the bird looks at me.
So they must have used eagles or other birds of prey as an analog for their dinosaurs, the way they move and the way they behave, because it's identical. And this is an animal you're trying to help, but you also realize that it's not asking for your help and it doesn't want it and it just wants to get away from you. So you've got to respect that, right? You've got to say, okay, yeah, we've got to fight.
But I got to win because otherwise I'm going to get hurt. You're going to get hurt. Somebody in the room is going to get hurt. So let's get it on. Myrna Messer was not one of those animal lovers who was destined to save wildlife, who'd applied to a million veterinarian schools. Back in the day, he was just a college student who studied a little bit of everything and who liked to play Nintendo. That's actually how we met Helene. She was the veterinarian that had just moved into the upstairs apartment.
I remember one day that I was lying on the floor playing a Nintendo video game and I hear somebody coming down the stairs.
And I look around and it's Helene and she goes, hey, what you doing? And I said, oh, I'm just playing a video game here. And she asked if I minded if she played. And I said, no, come on over. So I handed a controller to her and we just played Nintendo together for a while. So that was our first introduction to each other, playing Nintendo. And I later found out that Helene wasn't interested in video games at all, that she was actually interested in me. But I was so dense, I didn't even notice. I just thought she enjoyed playing games. So it was kind of funny.
At some point, they put the controllers down and started taking long drives around Newfoundland together. And one in particular stands out. You're driving across pretty much barren landscape and really rocky, cliffy coastline. And...
Looking out across the Atlantic Ocean and beautiful, sunny, blue sky day, experiencing being away from home with this woman that I really liked, listening to new music, enjoying this person's company. It was a magical time. It was fun. I felt very alive. Well, is there a song from that moment that really sticks out to you? I think it was...
I think it was a solo album from one of the Eagles guys. It was The Last Lonely Evening You'll Ever Spend, whatever that song was. That one Helene played a lot. It was a subtle hint from Helene that she wanted me to be with her, right? Yeah, you get the point. They moved in together. And then there was that one morning, the first time Helene asked Murdo if he'd come help her out at the clinic.
So I said, sure, no problem. I thought it'd be kind of cool to go in and see the backside of a veterinary clinic. You know, you don't often get to see the surgery suite and all the stuff that goes on. It was Canada Day, which is similar to July 4th for the United States.
And Helene had to go in for an animal that had been a small dog that had been bitten by a larger dog. And she said, you know, can you come in and be with me? Because, you know, sometimes it's helpful to have somebody else there in case the animal needs to be held or just another body around to grab something. ♪
You get to see all the behind the scenes medical equipment, the anesthetic machine, the x-ray machine, the ultrasound machine, the blood work labs, all that sort of stuff. So I was just really excited and fascinated by all of it. And it was kind of fun to help my girlfriend at the time who was doing this really cool work. To be a veterinarian to me was like being a surgeon or being an astronaut. It was a cool job, right? For this ordinary guy, right? ♪
Murdo watched transfixed as Helene carefully put the mask on the tiny dog, cleaned and flushed its wounds with syringes, and then began to stitch it back up. The way Helene worked, she was always very calm and she would speak in a soft voice. And she would ask me to hand over gauze. So I would take some gauze and pass it over or hand over a forcep. And I'd be like, well, what the heck's that? And she'd just point to it on the table and pass me that. Okay, here you go.
to watch a professional at work and see them methodically and slowly going through steps that are necessary to do what's got to be done while you're thinking, no, no, you've got to move faster, you've got to make this happen now, right, because this animal's hurting. But, you know, that's not the right response. The right response is to do exactly what she did. She was a little sweaty from having worked under the heat of the lamps in the OR for about an hour, so we were both looking a little bit bedraggled at the time, but
She looked pretty hot to me, having just, you know, watched her save a little animal's life. I think, you know, it elevated her as a girlfriend multiple steps in that moment. I bought a ring. I didn't have a lot of money. I still didn't have a good job, but it was all I could afford. So I guess my worry was that the ring wouldn't be good enough for her, or she wouldn't like it, or it would, you know...
be not what she had expected. So I had the ring, I had a suit I was going to wear picked out. And he made reservations at the Hungry Fisherman. Everything was set. And I said, hey, let's go for a nice romantic dinner on February 14th, right? It's Valentine's Day. I booked the Hungry Fisherman. Are you interested in going? And she said, oh, yes, yes, that sounds great. But unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. Snappers, it is not over.
The gods of love can't be cruel, but Cupid's arrow is strong. Stay tuned. Welcome back to Snap Judgment. Birdzilla. When Laspi left, Murdo had just scraped together all the money he could to buy the love of his life an engagement ring. Snap Judgment. I bought a ring. I didn't have a lot of money. It wasn't very pretty, to be honest with you, but it was all I could afford. He had a ring, he got a suit, and he made reservations at the Hungry Fisherman. Everything was set.
And I said to Helen, hey, let's go for a nice romantic dinner on February 14th, right? It's Valentine's Day. I booked the Hungry Fisherman. Are you interested in going? And she said, oh, yes, yeah, that sounds great. But unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. It was probably in the afternoon when she got the call, the day before Valentine's Day, the 13th. I could tell right away from her tone that it was probably something serious.
She said, hey, there's a oil spill in Placentia Bay and they're asking if I can come help coordinate some of the effort to look after the wildlife. I know we have something planned for tomorrow. Do you mind if I go?
So in my mind, I'm going, man, we've got plans for tomorrow night. This isn't going to work, right? But I kind of set that aside because I knew obviously what was much more important was her helping out with these animals. And I said, hell no, go, definitely go. And so she then continued our conversation and hung up. She was coming back the day after Valentine's Day and he was all set to try again. So he called up the hungry fisherman.
And it's one of those restaurants that's really cool. It's kind of like a cavern. It's got these old stone archways that are alcoves with candles lit in them. So it's a really well-moodlit, cool kind of space. So I was starting to feel a bit nervous as the time came up. So once the table was cleared from the main meal, I slipped my hand into my jacket pocket and
and pulled out the little box and kind of then got down on my knee beside her and looked up at her with the ring, opened it and said, Hey Helene, would you marry me? And she was, she was quite surprised. I think she was generally not expecting it at all. So that was kind of fun to see her reaction. And then she paused the moment and they said, yes, I'd love to. So it was just the two of them.
Kind of, actually. It was never just the two of them because they did have the one dog and the two birds who were their pets, but then they also got the seven baby starlings who needed constant feeding and then a few baby squirrels and also a hairy woodpecker. Or it could have been a blue jay or a robin. He wasn't totally sure. I remember one night, after a long, busy day, Lee and I were lying in bed and she would say, there are nine heartbeats in this house. And I'm like,
And so I mentally do the math in my head. Yep, you, me, the dogs. Oh, right, the starling, the blue jay, the groundhog, the squirrel. So it's like somebody who brings home one cat and then brings home another and then brings home another. So all of a sudden you have seven or eight cats in the house. And it's like, we're the cat people. So we became the wildlife people. So we wouldn't be eating supper until 10.30, 11 o'clock at night.
Going to sleep around midnight, getting up sometimes five in the morning because that's when the sun gets up and that's when the babies start screaming their heads off to be fed, baby birds especially. And after a while, you're starting to feel like a zombie. So I'd be up before her and then in bed before her and she would be up after me and in bed after me. So often, sometimes, you know, it was almost like ships passing in the night. It's like, oh, nice to see you. Okay, let's go.
It was a very busy time and very exhausting. I sometimes wonder how we managed to make it through that. It was a very busy time because so often when Helene would be treating a wild animal at the clinic and she knew it could be euthanized, she brought it home. If she thought they had a chance, she was going to give it to them. She always said that if the bird has a will to live, if it shows improvement each time you look at it, then we'll keep going.
She stood her ground every time and she was right. She was totally right and good for her. But a house wasn't going to do it. You could only store so many animals inside your basement. And so they decided to turn the bottom of their house into a staging area and started to build out the rest of their property. First, they built a songbird enclosure, eventually a nursery, and even a giant flyway for birds of prey. At the most, they had nine structures on a one-acre plot.
They called it the Cobaquid Wildlife Rehabilitation Center. It means the coming together of two rivers. It was kind of like jumping in feet first into the deep end when we first started because neither of us really had a lot of experience with large birds of prey. There was one time where we had it actually under anesthetic and somehow the oxygen got turned off on the anesthetic machine. So the bird started to wake up on the table and when I saw that I reached over to grab a hold of his legs and
And I got a hold of one of them, but missed the other one. And one talon punctured a blood vessel in my forearm and actually heard it go pop. And that was a surprise to me because I didn't think blood vessels would do that. And blood started coming out of it. And I like, okay, but I didn't let go of the bird. I grabbed the hold of the other leg until we were able to get it back under anesthetic and then look after myself and take care of the, the, the puncture wound.
So, yeah, an eagle is a dangerous thing to look after if you don't know what you're doing. It could latch onto your arm, for example, with its talons, and those talons would go right to your bone in your arm. You could bleed out pretty fast. So these animals are dangerous to handle, and you have to know what you're doing when you handle them. ♪
But it was working. They pinned a fractured leg on a great horned owl, splinted a broken wing on an eagle, and then one day a large plywood box arrived at their door. And in it was the biggest flying creature he'd ever seen.
And I, you know, I donned my safety gloves. We have these big leather gauntlets that go up to your shoulders. They're designed for handling birds of prey so their talons can't go through them. Face shield. And then I stepped into the little box. You know, normally when I hold a bald eagle,
I would hold it in front of me, legs down, and the head would come up to maybe the middle of my chest, and the tail feathers would maybe be down to my knees. This one, the tail feathers were down to my shins, and the head was almost just below my chin. It was a massive bird. It's the biggest bird I've ever handled. But he also noticed something else while holding her. I can kind of read the bird's body by holding it, and this one, I felt, had very little life in it at all.
It was so listless. It was like a limp rag doll. Just completely out of it. So, you know, I didn't think it had a chance. So picking her up and putting her on the exam table, I was on the fence about this bird's chances for survival. Helene, on the other hand, said that if it shows improvement each time we look at it, then we'll keep going. So we started treating it for lead poisoning right away.
Helene gave it medication that would bind to the lead, allowing the body to pass it out through the kidneys so that, in the end, the eagle would excrete it. But you can only really reverse lead poisoning to a certain degree. After a certain level, the damage to all the tissues, the brain and the organs is probably permanent, and it's not possible to bring it back from that. We've seen one in this condition before, and it's likely it was going to go the same way more.
When a hunter goes out and kills a deer with a lead bullet and goes and field dresses it, so they remove the parts of the body that they want and then leave the rest of the parts there for nature. It's kind of like closing the circle of life, and theoretically it's a good idea. But the problem is that lead is a really soft metal, and so microscopic bits of that metal are left inside of those animal remains, and when an eagle comes to scavenge on it,
they end up becoming poisoned by those little microscopic pieces of lead. And one time that stands out a lot to Murdo was during this particular hunting season when they got five bald eagles in one weekend. You know, after the first couple of eagles that came in that were poisoned and we were hopeful that we could save them, I remember just looking at the last one that we had and just looked at me and said,
It's, it's lead and I can't save it. And I have to euthanize it because it's going to die. And she kind of just threw her arms up and I held it and I could feel as his body went limp. And it goes from this, this tense, sometimes angry creature that you're trying to hold on to because you want to help it to a limp sack of
like potatoes. It goes to this dead weight in your arms and has zero life left in it and his eyes cloud over and it's just a sadness as this life ends. As Murdo stood there holding yet another badly poisoned eagle, he was pretty doubtful. They were both doubtful actually. But Helene was also quietly adamant that as long as it wasn't going to degrade the next day, they'd keep going.
On the third day, when Murdo was getting ready to move the eagle for her treatment, he thought that since she was so subdued, that perhaps this could be a teaching moment.
I thought, okay, here's an opportunity for one of the volunteers to learn how to pick up the bird from the box rather than just having it handed to them by me. It was like picking up a pigeon or easier than picking up a pigeon. So we thought, perfect, this would be a great bird to learn on. As soon as we approached the box...
The bird was nuts. It was a completely different bird. It went from the day before where it was weak and having its head hanging down like it had no energy whatsoever to like a Tasmanian devil wanting to get the hell out of there as fast as possible.
She was literally banging around in the box, jumping up, knocking her head off the lid, banging around the heat lamp. It was literally ringing around like it was a ruckus. And I thought, okay, this is going to be interesting when I grab this bird because A, it's so big. B, it is totally pissed off right now. It sure as hell didn't want to come. And once I got a hold of it, the difference in strength in that bird from the day before was incredible.
There was this fury that I had never experienced before in handling a bald eagle. It just was, I felt anger and rage in this animal. It was doing all it could to get away from me, and it wanted absolutely nothing whatsoever to be done to it or to be held. And it was all I could do with my own strength to hang on to her. And you can only do that for so long, and eventually you have to yield. And she was starting to wear me out.
I could feel the intensity of her breathing through my chest because her back was right up against my chest. I could feel her heartbeat through my chest. It was pounding. She was trying to escape and she was giving it everything she had. That's when we called her Birdzilla. It's like, okay, this is a big bird. It's insane. This is totally Birdzilla. Yeah.
And from that moment on, I was the only person who could really handle that bird. And it was always a fight. Every single time I took it out of an enclosure, it was a fight. Don't touch that dial, because Birdzilla has risen. And she is just getting started. Stay tuned. Welcome back to Snap Judgment, the Birdzilla special.
My name is Ben Washington and when last we left, Murdo had just had the fight of his life trying to hold on to a giant eagle. What to do next? Snap Judgment. That's when we called her Birdzilla. It's like, okay, this is a big bird. It's insane. This is totally Birdzilla. Um,
And from that moment on, I was the only person who could really handle that bird. And it was always a fight. Every single time I took it out of an enclosure, it was a fight. There's a lot more to an eagle flying than just being strong. And I knew that Birdzilla was strong. But...
I wasn't sure that maybe she had some other damage from the lead, maybe some issues with her vision, their ability to know their balance. Balance is extremely important. And one of the things that lead can do can really disrupt an eagle's ability to balance and ability to see. So what's,
It was also vitally important to make sure that she was able to fly and fly coordinated in the Big Geesley. So that's why we decided to take her down to the flyway and see what she could do. So he wrangled Birdzilla from her cage. And along with Helene and some volunteers, they entered the Big Geesley, a huge barn-shaped building constructed specifically for birds of prey.
The first impression of walking into the flyway is kind of like the impression you get when you walk into a cathedral. It forces you to look up right away. There's lots of light. Light spills in through all the vertical slats that encompass the walls. There's a stillness that envelops you. I often call it the Big G's League, the Eagle Cathedral, because it's got that feel to it. And it's huge.
You could easily fit a double-decker bus in there multiple times. It's a very large building. When we were thinking about the design for this place, we wanted to build it such that two eagles could fly side by side down the flyway. And an eagle, the largest wingspan of an eagle is roughly eight feet. So we calculated 16 feet would work pretty well. It's basically an oval-shaped racetrack for eagles.
Everybody stood with their backs to the outside wall on the bottom end of the building. And I slowly lowered Brunzilla to the ground and lifted the blanket off of her and stepped back. And immediately she took three steps forward.
and kind of looked around and then took off. Oh, I see. Which was great. She went past the other birds, came down the other side of the flyway, and immediately grabbed a hold of a small hatch we had put in one of the walls. Okay, I'm not so secure. How do I secure that door? Thinking that if we could never catch a bird in the Big G's lead, then we could open this hatch and the bird could find its own way out.
And she grabbed a hold of that and was shaking the crap out of it. And I was like, I can't remember how well I secured that. Did I actually make sure that that can't open? And for a few seconds, we were all like, oh my God, I hope she doesn't pop that open and get out because that would be awful. But she shook it for probably about five seconds and then let go of it and then dropped down onto the ground and kind of looked back at us like,
Okay. Yeah. All right, she probably let her be. In a few days, it was clear that Birdzilla was ready to go back home. So they set their sights on a Saturday. Let's get a hold of our legs. What? Get a hold of our legs. That's one of the talons clipping the glove. Watch your wings there. Watch your... Okay, honey. Yeah, she came in a little bit thin, but no, that's fine. Okay.
When they got up to catch her for her release, they saw clear skies, a great big sun, and they were greeted by a fresh blanket of snow from the night before. The world looked brand new. So as we got closer to the release location, which was a town called New Glasgow, just north of our center here in Nova Scotia,
Birdzilla, who was initially pretty quiet at the beginning of the journey, started to become more active in the cage. So Helene is driving. I'm in the front seat. And in the back of the car is the crate in which Birdzilla is in. And every once in a while, you'll hear this thump as she jumps. And you hear and feel the cage rattle in the back of the car. So...
As we get closer, this is happening more often. Helene and I have noticed when we were taking animals for release, as we got closer and closer to where they were to be released, if it was where they came from, they would become more and more agitated in the kennel as we got closer. And we make our way to the property where Birdzilla was found. And it basically is opposite...
the tree which is across the river where Birdzilla and her mate have been seen quite often in the past. So it was a great location for a release because it was wide open from the property out over the river
And there was quite a few people. People who found the bird have joined us there. And the wildlife officer who had caught it and brought it to us, plus the volunteers who had helped work with this bird. And so there was probably about 15 people. And normally our releases are fairly quiet affairs. Often it was just me and Helene. So it's a beautiful vista. It's a really nice spot. And as soon as we had put the kennel down,
Brazil was already rattling the door and jumping around. She sensed the change in movement and the sense and probably the change in the air is very similar to that opening scene to Jurassic Park where the animal is banging around, right? It's trying to get out. You can see the eyeball looking at you through the slats.
And we have everybody gathered behind the kennel, so the only thing Birdzilla can see is the open space in front of her. She doesn't see people because, of course, people are a threat. And she may fly away from her, which would be towards the property or towards trees or power lines, which we don't want that to happen.
I'm not usually behind the kennel. I'm usually off at a diagonal so I can see the front of the kennel and I can see the people who are behind it, the person about to open the doors to release her. And I can see Helene as well, quite clearly. As I'm waiting for the kennel door to be opened, I glance over and see Helene. And I see her tension in the way that she has her hands clasped in front of her chest. There's always that doubt, that little doubt in her mind that maybe something happened
is different when we release the bird because until it actually leaves the candle and takes flight, she's always nervous and prepared for what if because she's ultimately responsible for it. Scott, don't think we can grab him now. No. Oh, look at this.
She knows exactly where she is. She knew exactly where she was and exactly what she was doing. Yeah, Birdzilla was...
out like a rocket she barely had the door open when the bird was already stepping through the the doorway one foot on the ground wings beat down and leapt straight into the air and just took off like a rocket she just made a beeline for the tree across the river as fast as she could go it was a perfect release it was beautiful
And when the bird comes out and takes off and takes flight, I can just see this release and this relief on Helene's face. And she lets go of her hands and she does this little kind of jump and clap. Like, yes, it worked. The bird's free. It's flying. It's a really nice moment. And I can really see the happiness on her face and the joy. So the really cool thing that happened after that was...
We saw another eagle kind of flying along the river, high above, and slowly making its way over. And so some of us were thinking that it was her mate because Birdsill had been seen with another eagle before she got sick by the people who watched them.
I know, oh my god. There, I took you down perfectly. And we thought, yay, look, her mate's come back to join her. She feels home here. It's the first time we've seen a mate come back and see the eagle that we had just returned who had been sick and been gone for several weeks. And so we were pretty excited about that. But it swooped Birdzilla a couple times. And then Birdzilla took off and
went after that bird and was basically telling this other bird in no uncertain terms it wasn't her mate and this was something some other bird encroaching on her territory and it looked like they were going to get into a fight
And they started doing aggressive maneuvers towards each other. And oftentimes when eagles fight, they'll lock talons and they'll spiral down towards the ground. And sometimes they'll let go before they hit the ground, but other times they don't.
And often they can die from crashing into the ground or get injured from crashing into the ground. And we sure as hell didn't want to see that happen to Birdzilla. Like, oh, come on. No, not now, right? Don't. After all we've done for you, don't get hurt. Don't get hurt.
So it was a bit of a nail-biting moment seeing this happen. But the bird she went after just left the scene. She said, okay, I'm not having anything to do with this massive angry woman, angry female eagle. I'm taking off. I'm out of here. So she flew away and Birdzilla settled again on the tree. Yeah, and then shortly afterwards, another bird showed up, another eagle showed up.
and circled around for a little bit and then slowly landed on the branch that she was sitting on. And this one was clearly her, clearly her mate because the, a, the birdzilla let this bird land so close to it and it was smaller than birdzilla. So we assumed it was the male and just their behavior and the way they, they kind of stood next to each other quite comfortably on the same perch. Um,
It made for a good guess that they were mates. They kind of sort of would turn heads towards each other and you got a sense of somebody was saying, where the hell have you been? And somebody else was saying, who the hell was that? So you wondered if they were talking to each other in terms of husband and wife. Like, okay, what's been going on while I've been gone? And the other one saying, well, where the hell have you been gone?
It was fun to watch this little moment between two birds that were obviously well connected with each other. I don't think I've ever seen another reunion of that kind, either eagle or otherwise. I think that's the only one we've ever experienced in person. I don't think I've seen it before or since. They drove home together in a quiet joy. And Murdo didn't know it at the time, but it was the kind of moment they wouldn't get many more of.
In all of their long days and nights caring for the health of these birds and these animals, they didn't realize something was also wrong with Helene. So it was kind of a really bad day because, you know, I was at work and I got home and Helene was not where she normally was. She was upstairs in bed and that was unusual. And I asked, I could tell right away that something was wrong, but she didn't want to tell me because it was my birthday. Of course, right? She was always thinking of others, you know,
So the first of May in 2017, she was diagnosed. When Helene was diagnosed with it, it was probably still the first stage. But with ovarian cancer, it's really a crapshoot because it could develop really quickly or it could take its time as it spreads to other parts of the body.
But she was also a determined person, an optimistic person, so whatever treatment options were available, she was going to take them if she could. Helene had a rare form of ovarian cancer. She tried chemotherapy. She underwent an experimental trial, but nothing was really effective. It was basically slowing stuff down, but it wasn't killing any of the cancer cells. All the while, she was going through these treatments and losing her hair and all the
chemotherapy and cancer treatment, Helene continued to drive to distant locations and do lead presentations to talk to hunters and anglers about lead poisoning, continue to look after the animals at the center and to do the examinations and all the treatments required. And in July of 2018, she came to speak before the board of the Wildlife Center. She helped start. I think that was the first time I'd actually heard her
as if she wasn't going to get better. She knew she was dying. She knew it was, she knew it was her last meeting. And one of the things she asked of us, if at all possible, if we could keep the center going. Because she was really the driving force behind it. She was the, you know, she was the chief veterinarian. She had all this
experience and knowledge to put towards it. And that was her passion, her life. It was everything to her. So she asked if we could make it, if we could keep it going. That was a surprise because we never talked about it between ourselves. We were always positive with each other. And, you know, even though I'm sure both of us in our own minds were thinking,
This isn't going well. Neither of us was going to admit that to the other, right? Because you don't want to let your partner think that you don't think they're going to survive, right? You always want to be as positive thinking and as strong for them as they are trying to be for you. Did you ever feel upset that she was, you know, still focusing so much on animals? Yeah, I think it was a mixture of frustration for me to bring things to her in bed. One,
you know, I wish that she could just focus on herself and not be so worried all the time about the animals that were in her care. But that was her disposition. That was her nature. She was always, the animals was always her concern first, no matter what. But also too, you know, I could see that, you know, when she was in bed and at her sickest,
and feeling her lowest. When I brought an animal in for her to look at, it kind of gave her energy, it gave her purpose, and she would fight through the nausea and the drowsiness of the drugs to look at the animal and decide what needed to be done. And it was remarkable to me that
you know, someone facing such a life-threatening illness would continue to do that kind of work. And I think if we, you know, if we tried to make her stop or take it away from her, I don't think she would have let us. And I think it was probably what kept her going most of the time. So I'm wondering, did you get a chance? And if you did, how did you say goodbye?
What's the thing, right? I don't think we actually did say goodbye to each other. In some ways, looking back on it, it's like, well, why not? Why didn't we? Like, Helena was a journal writer, and she wrote lots of journals, and there was tons of them left around the house after she died. And I've looked through them, looking for some kind of message from her saying goodbye.
But we never discussed it. We never talked about it. We never ever once spoke in terms of that, no, she wasn't going to make it, that she wasn't going to beat the cancer. And I didn't want to be the one to let her down. I didn't want to be the guy who said, you know what, Helene, maybe we should start thinking about what might happen if you don't make it. I never wanted to do that.
I probably should have because, you know, afterwards there's a lot of unanswered questions. It's like, well, what's the password to the bank account? I don't know what it is. Or how do I do this? Where did you hide the passports? Right? A whole pile of stuff that you should probably prepare for if you think you're going to die. But we never did. But I wouldn't change anything that we...
any of the way it transpired. She was strong and resilient up to the end and determined up to the end. And, uh, yeah, I have a, a mixture of, of images of Helene when I think of her. Uh, yes, definitely, uh,
Looking after some eagle. One of our favorite mammals is porcupine, so I can picture her talking to the porcupine as she fed it milk through a syringe. The smile on her face when we released the bird. This is serious.
but also just her laugh. Can I go? Hello! Her sense of humor and the way she would always flip me the bird. Just jokingly. Wildlife was always Helene's passion. And I was, as I always have been, the guy behind her, helping her, making sure that she could do what she wanted to do. A very big thank you to Myrtle Messer for sharing his story of the snap
And I know all of us here are thinking fondly of the late Dr. Helene Vandonik. Wherever you are, thank you. If you'd like to see pictures and video of Myrtle, Helene, and Birdzilla, or are interested in the Caboquit Wildlife Center and would like to know more about the great work they're doing for wildlife, go to our website, snapjudgment.org. And snappers, if you see a wild animal...
Even if it's sick or hurt, please do not try and handle it. Call your local wildlife organization for help. The original score for this story was by Renzo Gorio. It was produced by Nika Singh. Oh yes, it happened again.
If there's someone special in your life who might like this story, romantic, give them a gift of Snap. Just make sure it's not the only gift you give them, player. Snap Judgment Podcast, hours upon hours of amazing stories. Take out your phone or their phone and subscribe. You'll get so much back in return, I guarantee it. If you want to hear the story behind this story, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, snapjudgment.org.
Snap is brought to you by the team that knows if you love someone or something, you have to set it free. Everyone follows his precept except for the Uber producer, Mr. Mark Ristage. He prefers to serenade his prospective targets. Nika Singh, Teo Ducat, Pat Massini-Miller, Anna Sussman, Brinzo Gorio, John Fasile, Shana Shealy, Marissa Dodge, Leon Morimoto, Flo Wiley, Nancy Lopez, and Regina Villarreal.
This is not the news. No way is this the news. In fact, as a little child, you could become enamored with Big Bird from Sesame Street and later with after-school Godzilla movies and not understand then that these two disparate forces would one day crash into each other and result in the Birdzilla Radio Hour. That could all go down. All of it. And you would still...
Not be as far away from the news as this is. But this is PRX. PRX.