Charlie and Natalie Are in The Queue
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This is a HeadGum Podcast. She goes, all the cars you're spoken for, people are coming for them. I go, hey, listen, it's just me and you. Those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me? And then when they get here, you can just upset them, and I'll have made it to the airport already, and I bet neither of us will even get in trouble. And keep in mind, we had been having so much fun. She goes, yeah, I'm not doing that. LAUGHTER

Wait, is there any by the way is do we need to know anything you guys are supposed to prepare so if you guys listen to the show be honest

You've never once listened to the show. But I've watched clips. You've never once listened to the show. No, but I don't really listen to talk podcasts because I'm afraid I'm going to steal the demeanor of the people. I don't listen to podcasts either, but it's like, Charlie, we're close. You know why I did? Why? Because the clips were so funny. You mean that? I mean it. That I needed more. But I love... Remember I brought the custards? My gay guy community doesn't support me. But I love comedy podcasts. Like, he doesn't listen. Do you know what it is, though? I will say, gay guys refuse to support me. I am completely fucked.

Lesbians will. Lesbians will. What am I... Charlie, I want you to speak on this, actually. Not for you. I know that we're getting... I have an opportunity to get closer all the time, but what do you think it is about me that makes gay guys run away? Wait, but have you... Let's just make sure we're doing this all the way. Have you listened... To our podcast? ...to ours by any chance? Well, I think...

- It's good. - It's definitely an interesting question. - It's the way you worded it threw me off a little bit. What do you mean? - It's just confusing, I get that. - I think it's more like, you know, we're all professional, we're in the back of the club, you know, someone's up on stage, we're chatting. You know, we don't need to be watching all the time, which we respect. - Were you asking if I've listened to a full episode of your podcast? Was that the question? - I guess I was trying to ask the same question. - Oh, back to me about yours. - Yes, yes. - I have not.

So maybe, but think about how you love us and you still. Oh, I love you both, but I don't listen to podcasts. So that's what Charlie, so imagine now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So just for me, like for you, like exactly. This was good. Yeah. This was really good. This was very healing. You really saved me. So I really. By the way, I look like a fucking simp, but I'm down for that. Like I really stand in my design.

Can I take it again? Yeah. But I do want to get back to my thing with you guys. Oh, yeah. No, that's a separate thing that needs to be gotten into. I want to ask both of you questions about me on this episode. Yes! Charlie, have you listened to my show? Yeah.

Really? I love it. What's your favorite episode? I love the one you did with Brittany Broski. Save that. Really save that. That's beautiful. I love yours and Brittany's because I love your chemistry together. Yeah. And I thought it was funny and I laughed and I thought at times it was really poignant. Yeah. And interesting. Yeah. And it made me feel warm. Landon. Yeah. Landon.

Yeah, you're killing us. And I commented on the YouTube video. I just said loved it on the YouTube video. Just because I didn't want to take up too much space. So I just said loved it on the YouTube video. And you can check. You want to leave room for other commenters. I didn't want to take up too much space. I had a paragraph. Listen, this is what happened. Paragraphs and paragraphs. Thought about, you know, you said this, you said this, you said this. Deleted all that. Just said loved it.

- I think you did worse on this shoot. - I thought it was great and then it did not end. It got more, it got more like you did because you started saying things that were factually, provably false. - I'm listening to it now on my phone and I can show you right now, it's the last thing up on my phone. - And I texted you, I texted you this and I called you. - I called you during it and 'cause I was listening to it live from the door.

I have to tell you guys when we get off mic and the listeners hate when I do this, remind me to tell you a story about someone who did something so psychotic to me at a party recently. But I can't say what it is because it's so specific. They would know it was about them. This is called the podcaster's treat. And that's when we get to know a secret off mic story. And then sometimes the listeners will be in the comments like, don't bring shit up if you're not going to. Fuck you. I'll do what I want. It's my show. I'll do what I want. I really admire your relationship with your fans. Yeah.

You're super stern with them. It's like they need to know. It's loving. It's firm. It's like a type of motherhood that's like, I'm not your friend. I'm your podcaster. I'm your podcaster. Like it's a different, I have a life outside of you. This is not a democracy. Hi, I'm in charge here. Hi, it's a cheer-tatership. It's not a cheerocracy. It's a cheer-tatership. That's right. What is that? Are you from Bring It On? Do you know what I'm referencing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. That's why I asked. I'm flopping with you guys today.

Don't even say that. Wait, I did want to ask you a serious question. So far. So far. We could change it. We could change it in a moment. We could do really well from here on out. My tummy really hurts. No. I had a poke bowl from Bondi. I knew it. Bondi, Bondi. How do you guys say it? Sushi? Over there. I would never say that. Not that one, but yes. You have said it to me before. I would never say that stuff. So you ordered it in front of me, I think. Bondi. Bondi. Really good poke bowl, but my tummy is hurting right now. That sucks ass. You know what can help? What? It's cocoa.

Oh, you're having it. Yeah, I'm having a Coke. I'm hoping it'll settle. You're doing medicine. Oh my God, I had a whole bout of nausea this morning. What happened? I don't know. It just came. I mean, can you even believe that? I do. But how did it go away? Exactly. And it just did. You have tummy issues sometimes. I know that about you. But who among us, do you know what I mean, doesn't? My friend Caleb has a tummy ache right now. I do at the moment. But I wanted to ask you guys, I brought you here to ask you, what is it that gay guys...

Here's what I'll tell you I've noticed. If I see any lesbian on Instagram, like if someone tags a lesbian friend in an Instagram story and I click on their page, there's a 95% chance they follow me. - They're following you. - When the same thing happens but it's gay guys, gay guys don't follow me. - You're blocked. - They don't support me. Basically, what do you think I'm giving that's not welcoming to gay men?

I think there is a competitiveness among gay men. Do you think so? For a sense of limited resources, a sense of, especially when there is like a kind of outspokenness or confidence that people are like, okay, what, you think you're better than me? Wow. And do you? I don't know. I don't, but I wonder if that's why I don't like certain gay guys. Because they think you're... No, me to them. I wonder if I'm being... I wonder if I'm being...

What's the word I'm looking for? Scarce. Scarce. Scarcity mindset. Well, you know what? I think sometimes how I respond to that, because I do sense that too in me sometimes where people are like a little cold or kind of tough. And I just meet it with kindness. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so true about you. You're laughing because you mean it. You're laughing because you mean it. I mean it with kindness completely. And people will be like, oh, how do you know about this party? You know, I just say...

I'm so happy to see you, I love those pants on you. And say that kind of stuff. - That is how you get gay guys to warm up to you. - Actually you do have to kill them with kindness. You say, ugh, you look so cute today. Say that kind of stuff. And people just melt like that. - It works for you, Charlie, because you are so charming and likable, and I mean that. But there are gay guys who try to do this stuff. I'm thinking of at least three prominent gay men that I don't like. - And let's just name them really quick.

That have different social situations tried to like charm me into liking them and I'm like this only makes me more convinced that you're the sociopath I thought you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's so calculated. Right, being like oh my God, lovey. I'm like we have barely spoken and when we have I've been cold to you. This is actually very, I think this is very astute and we're getting to something really good here. Get into it. And I am gonna moderate in some way.

No, you're a panelist. You're not a moderator. You're a panelist. Turning again to Caleb. Well, I'm just saying I feel like I study gay guys and you guys are them. So I'm like, I can come in, but I can only say so much. It's researcher subjects. Exactly. Yes, thank you. I've anthropologically put myself...

Among them. Can I just commend you real quick? You clearly almost stumbled on anthropologically, but the way you persevered and like pushed through, knowing that you were up until 5 a.m., I don't know if we got that on recording, but like that was bravery. To be honest, like I fought for every syllable that came out of my mouth. Yeah. And honey, they fought back. They fought back.

They were swinging. If you're listening, I would just hit the reverse 30 seconds and go hear it again. Run it back. I think I didn't know when the word was going to end. So every sound I was doing the voice of it being the last sound. The cumulative sound. And, and.

But I don't want to distract from what you were trying to say. Oh, yeah. Well, basically, I think there is a sweet spot. First of all, I do think gay guys can be cagey with each other as a default. You know, everybody's wounded. Yeah. Let me say that to camera. Everybody's wounded. Everybody's wounded. Everybody's wounded. And second of all, I feel like it's like a sweet spot of like warm, but not... Not over warm. But respectfully, like...

Like sometimes people just act like they know you and it's like it's okay to be like I don't know who you are I'm giving you warmth, but we don't know each other. It's warmth not over familiarity. Yeah, don't be overly familiar with you You know, what is a problem? I think is that you're kind of known because you've a podcast so I think it really confuses people They think they know me. They think they know you When did you get into podcasting? I mean fair enough

- No, but it's yeah, they know my podcast, not my story. They know my swag. - I honestly have a really hard time being around people who I know from their work and I don't know them. - Yes. - Like I literally-- - Because you actually don't know, it's so hard to calibrate, you're like, do I go really familiar? No, do I like pretend I don't know who you are at all? No, there's something in the middle, but it's easy to misfire for me. - Yeah, it's impossible. - I'm like, I love your recipes, but whatever, like I don't care, and I'm like, sorry.

And then you're like stressed out. I get really freaked out. I feel like in that situation, I'll just be like, obviously I know a bunch about you from the internet, but it's nice to meet you. And then I behave sort of normally. Is that crazy to say? No, I do that too. I default to like, I know, oh, I know you. I know who you are. I know of you. I love you. I'm a fan. You do just have to name it. You have to be like, well, obviously I know you're from the internet, but.

I love your hair. Shit. Wait, can I ask you guys something? What's your guys' romantic life updates? Holy shit. I haven't seen either of you in a minute.

- You're kind of 30 flirty and thriving. - That is actually what I'm having. I'm 30 flirty and thriving. I'm going on dates, seeing if anything sticks, trying to love myself. - Nice. - And it's trying. - Nice, Charlie, nice, nice, nice. - Nice, nice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm figuring it out. I don't think I have a clean narrative yet on what exactly is going on in my life right now. It's odd to be single. I've been single for an extended period for the first time since I was 23, honestly.

And I'm legit like, where is my little friend? I was just feeling an energy from you that maybe you were kind of seeing somebody right now. Oh, maybe that is an energy in the future and I am soon to be seeing somebody. A premonition. I'm walking into it. Holy shit. I just feel like that. My situation is, look, I'm a guy who has a lot of fun. So true. I have a lot of fun out there. Sound like the guys from Summer House. Yeah.

I'm like looking for a good time. I'm like, yes. No, I didn't. Look, look, look, look. I mean, it's like everyone's here to have fun. I thought I want to have fun. We have amazing connection. I really value you. You and I are bachelors. We're bachelors. We're bachelors. Let's just name it. We're bachelors. We are bachelors. And it's cool because it's like I now live alone. So I'm like, I have a bachelor pad.

And I really feel that. Like I get home and I'm like, so this is my bachelor pad. I don't have a kid. I don't have a wife. Not yet. Not yet. Fingers crossed. You know what I mean? I did move to New York to find love. Yes! But I wonder if I'm capable of it. I just cried out. Yeah, you actually... Oh, me? Yes! I'm happy. Well, it made me happy because, first of all, I love love. Yeah. I love New York. Yes. So that's combo. Yeah.

And second of all, third, I think, actually, I like that it's like if you're just saying that, first of all, people are so afraid to say that. Second of all, it's like then you're in a movie. Yeah. And that I like. Yeah. I will say I did move here with the intent of finding love. And I did. I am facing that.

The problem is, it's still me. I'm so good at dating and romance. I'm really fun to date. I'm really good at picking dates. I'm really good at sending flowers. I call a lot. I'm an incredible person to date. I can't lie to you. I don't doubt that for one second. You're so creative. You're so nice. You're very smart. I just could see that being really good. Honestly, I feel like you're like... And by the way, I'm saying a bunch of stuff about you. I'm not positive about it, but let me know if I'm wrong. It's fun. It's fun.

Well, I just feel like you're very independent. Like, you really have a fun life. You enjoy your life, right? And so you're going to get your bachelor style, enjoying your life, throwing it down. Can I say something after you're done? Uh-huh. Great.

So the cue has been set. If anyone else wants to get in line, you can. I'm going to put me up after that. Okay, and then I want to get after Caleb. So it's going to go me, Charlie, Caleb, Adam. And let's just go round Robin like that. And I almost said Jacob, and I don't know who that was going to be among you two. Probably me. Probably both of us. Okay, no worries. Probably Caleb because of the B at the end. The B is what I was going with. That's cool. I never thought about that with Jacob and Caleb. I mean, how about the whole A-love? How about that? Oh, no, it's a cup. It was close, though. I liked what you were trying for. How about A-love, A-cup? You were reaching for something beautiful. A-love.

We shot for the moon and we landed amongst the stars. With Caleb and Jacob, really. I'm going... So what I would say is, it's not that I'm messing up. I feel a bit messed up.

Why is it? Sorry, I was just laughing because I was like, I was going to ask you, like, have you ever met anyone named Jacob? No, I would love to. I'm like, I think I could find, I haven't either, but I bet you we could find someone for you. I've dreamed of it. That's not true. We have one. We do have one. Don't even say it. We should introduce you to our friend Jacob. Single? Yeah. Gay? Yes. Attractive? Yes. Fun? Yeah. Gorgeous. Nice. Yeah. Warm? Amazing. Successful? So warm. Love in his life? No. Yes. Or what do you mean? Not romantic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's in a cave of emotion. Okay, yeah, connect us. He won. In eighth grade, he placed in...

in the statewide pummel horse competition. So he has really big arms. It really took me a second to understand that we weren't talking about a present day eighth grader just now. No, we are. I was like, hold on. We love him though. He's adorable. Wait, are you guys tapped into the Bradley Cooper age gap relationship? Uh,

Gigi? With Gigi Hadid. I never thought of them as age gap. She is 30 and I believe he's 63.

He's quite a bit older than her. I actually have a little lot of things to say to them. All right. I want to say something about me messing up my words today. Okay. So, yes, they are getting the best of me. And I'm swinging my fists and they are swinging back. But that's opening me up to finding out new interesting things about the words. Yeah. So I'm grateful. Yeah. Like, I love a cub. Remember that? Yeah. So that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't of, like, had all that trouble. Yeah. So I can't...

Yes. Sometimes when you stay up really late, it actually opens up a new way of thinking. Genuinely. Staying up really late and getting really caffeinated can really generate creativity. I will say there have been... That's not my thing from the queue, by the way.

- No, that's not your thing. - Me neither, me neither. - We're still working back to the queue. - I will say that the number of times, it's funny how many times in my life I have accidentally stayed up until 6:00 a.m. and then been like, you know what, I'm just gonna start the next day and stay awake. - Really? - And then at like 7:00 or 8:00 a.m. been like, I've gotten a million things done, I've cleaned the house, I've gone to the grocery store, I've taken a walk, and I'm like, I'm gonna start doing this every day.

I'm getting up at 6am every day. Tonight when I go to bed it'll reset me forever. Right, the reset fallacy. And then at 10am I fall asleep for five hours. I wake up so depressed I want to kill myself. The midday nap you're like, I don't exist anymore. That's one of the worst wakeups. Waking up from a five hour daytime nap, it's already dark out and there's no text on your phone. I don't

even know how to find that put me in a cage that comment put me in a cage I agree that's not happening to any of us right now let's remember specifically no text on the phone I know specifically no missed texts no missed calls no no notifications that's just like take your meds or like a notification from my door dash that's like we will deliver food like it's like oh my god a reminder about like that

Existence of Uber. Somebody, I don't remember who did it, but somebody online once said the funniest thing. They were like, how come every time you get a notification from your bank, you have to click in 17 times to open it, and then when you do, it's just a letter that says, we are your bank. Yes.

- Pay where you're paying. - So true, they're like face ID'd, they take a blood sample to make sure it's you. - There's an inbox in the Chase app, you're like when has it ever been there? - You're like I'm not messaging within the app. I don't know when that would come up. - Yeah. - But I think in the queue we were with you, not alone. - Yeah, I don't got it y'all. - Nothing? - I can do mine. - Okay. - Yeah, we'll move on to Charlie. - This is going back to talking about-- - He was too ready I feel like. - Yeah, sorry I had it. I did a little mind palace so I remembered what my queue item was.

Do you remember the other thing in the Mind Palace? You started it the other day. I'm there. It's me. I'm like in a wig, I feel like. I don't remember. We're all there. Whatever. Everybody's there in the Mind Palace. This is, okay, I was talking about. You're making me do something disgusting. Just so I can remember that we need to get our nails done. Yeah, exactly correct. This was talking about, oh, being bachelors. And this is what I was going to say. Something that has helped me.

like make sense of being single is I reframed instead of being like having a gay standard of like having sex where it's like you know how gay guys like sometimes have sex like twice a day yeah and so if you're like not doing that you're like what am I even doing like I'm basically I've started reframing sex like a straight guy yeah and that straight guys are like they talk about like they're like I got laid yeah and I'm like that's cool yeah I got laid last night yeah and it doesn't like happen that often it was like so when it does you're like I got lucky

Yeah. And that has really helped me and feels good. And also it's like this, like it's more comfortable, like wanting as a straight guy. Yeah. You're allowed to be like, oh man, like I'm so, it's like actually Bruce Springsteen kind of helped me get into it. Like he's really just like, I'm so horny. Fuck.

And I'm like, that's kind of how I feel. It's cool. I didn't know that about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been really helpful for me in accessing a part of my, honestly, masculinity. It's cool. Do you guys treat sex like a twice a day medication? Yes. Exactly. Like it's like a thing you just have to do. It's like a probiotic. Yeah, it's like necessary. It's boring. It's systematic. It's just like pre-gut fauna. Like I just need to do it. And it's like, are you hooking up? Are you seeing anyone? It's like, no. I mean, I had sex this morning. I'm seeing someone tonight, but I'm not.

Yeah, it's like you just message someone and you're like, what do you like? Okay, come over. And then you do that. It's barely even an act. You do the chore. Yeah, exactly. And then it's like- You just sweep, have sex, do the dishes. Yeah, it's like wiping down the counter. It's like I just fucked someone. And then they leave. Yeah, but straight guys will really be like, oh man, there's this fine girl I really want to bang. Yeah, exactly. Which is weird. I'm like, let me bring that energy into my life a little bit more. Well, it's cool because you're acting like it's

It's like, so girls don't want to have sex, allegedly, and guys do, allegedly. And by the way, it's true. That's what you're alleging, and it's true. Those are your words. You were right when you said them.

So you're like, you're scoring. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But you're scoring on like the whole thing is the goal. Yeah, exactly. Like it couldn't be easier. It couldn't be easier, so it's like making myself feel really good. Right. Because it's like whenever I like... By the way, it's still so hard. Yeah, whatever. In my opinion. Yeah, exactly. When a straight guy convinces a woman to have sex with him, it's like from 300 yards away, he shot a can off a rock with a BB gun. With a BB gun, exactly. When a gay guy has sex, it's like you were five feet away from a barn and you kicked a soccer ball and hit the barn. You know, it's like...

- It is such a different game. - Literally, exactly. - And by the way, like bumpers all the way there. - So now imagine if you were playing soccer against Barn, but you treated it like BB gun from 300 yards away. - You're like, boom, another one. - Got it. - You're like, I think I have a protector above. I'm with divine province. - You're like, I could get a point off Serena. You're like feeling so good. - Bruce Springsteen guided my dick. - You like kick the ball, it doesn't even go, but then someone just comes in and is like,

I'm like, another one. Bruce Springsteen guides me into a man. Yeah, it's really beautiful. No, but I think that's awesome because that's like, it is, it's great. Thank you. It's great to have sex. It's great to feel that way. Thank you. I really want to commend you for it. And that was my cue item and now I relinquish my space. Back to me. Yeah, up to you. What do you guys think is the most important thing going on right now and it can't be serious? Oh,

Oh, well, I don't know, but can I say something else? Of course. Because it is important about Gigi and Bradley. Can I stop you real quick? You guys can say anything in here. This is your time and space. Thank you. This is your episode. This is about you. I'm happy. I don't want to get you confused just because I started out asking you questions about me. That's just how I am. This is about you guys. This is our big day to shine. I'm happy to answer more questions about you. I'll ask more later. Oh, yeah. I do want to do that, actually. Yeah, I'll ask more later. Sounds fun.

I do wonder what you guys think of me. Miranda, Carrie... Let me say, let me say. Dude, okay, hold on, Charlie, because I'm gonna fucking cry. Be careful. Okay. Because as the listeners know... Oh my God, it's fraught. Okay, okay. Ooh, okay. I just, I'm...

I put this to my followers once on Instagram and I really could cry because a lot of people said I was Charlotte. And like, I'm not a virgin. I'm not a tight like that. That is completely wrong. I'm not preppy in that way. It's like no chance, you know? I'm like, no way. Yeah, I don't like it. No, I mean, I have two options for you and I hope it's okay. It's okay. Here's my first. Yeah. Miranda. Okay. And second is Carrie.

Oh, really? I was going to say Samantha first. Thank you. Because it's like, you always have a joke. You're going out. But I think your life is a little more serious than hers. Serious? She gets cancer. Yes. And honestly, it's a great plot line. And I'm sorry for her. So you liked it? But sometimes in the show, it's like she's a little bit sidelined where it's like they're going through such real shit until the very end. And she's like...

Dating a guy who's making her have sex in a dump truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, you take your life pretty seriously. You're like, that's not nice. She's like, I love a big cock as much as the next gal. But yeah, it's like, Samantha. I know a dump truck, but this is ridiculous. Right, exactly. That's not how I see you. I see you as being a little bit more serious about your life. Thank you. Oh my God. Is there an iPhone charger in here? Oh my God. Hello.

Can I plug my phone in? That was crazy. I just remembered I'm going to have to leave here. My phone is on 6%. Isn't it good that I thought of that?

No, that's not right. I feel like it can't work and now we don't have one no dangling Isn't it right there? Yeah, doesn't that feel like it? All right, that's my bad I have one in my bag. No, it's not worth it. I'm gonna handle it. What are you talking about? You're gonna be screwed. You think this one will work? Oh

Oh, do you need the keyboard? Not right now. Okay, beautiful. I have to unplug. And leave this all in. Because I want people to know that I'm real. This is how you're treated. Also, people are like, oh, that's your job? Your job is podcasting? It's not that easy. No, I have a lot of stuff that goes on. That's not what I feel like we're shown. I feel like that was more of like a, you're top of the call sheet moment. Oh. You were like, I need a charger. And we were all like, there will be one. Yeah.

Like that was crazy. You're right. You're right. I just thought I would have done the same for either of you. I know. You know. Well, if I had to leave a place and not have my phone. You what, baby? What? What? Itching my thumb like this. Yeah. That's cute. That's really adorable. And this whole podcast is filmed. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We put out the full video, guys. I like that. It's amazing. So what I want to say about Gigi and Bradley is something I've said before, which is like

When people are like, he's gay, it's a beard. Yeah. Can you say that? Yeah. That's why I got really silent on the issue because I don't know what to say besides that. Well,

Well, my thing to say to that is like, no, it's not. Because when you see the two of them together, they have no chemistry. And if you ever put a gay guy in front of a girl that pretty, they would have chemistry. It would be electric. It would be on. It would be fucking lit. Any gay guy in front of a girl that beautiful, that soft, that smelling good, that... I'm like getting horny. You're like, truly, that fucking pretty, that gorgeous. You're like flexing for some reason. Yeah.

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Just saying like that's catnip and it would be like hand on the lower back. You know, it would be like when gay guys just hold a girl so close and it's like so sexual. Yeah. So that's why I think he's straight. That's a really good idea. I've actually had some women in my life tell me to cool it.

Because I flirt so much that they've been like, hey, it's like, it's like really actually. Because it's not a joke for them? Well, yeah. Because women are bi. It's like a thing that we do that. It's a thing we've had to honestly navigate. Yeah. Because we, on tour, we share beds. I would say navigate is. Is like a smart. Yeah. No, it's not. Remember my Bruce Springsteen thing? Yeah. I'm like a straight guy. You're like really close. No, I know you are. But it hasn't so much been navigating as much as like every once in a while. I'm like, Charlie's bi. He will have, he would have sex with me if we weren't working together. I don't know.

other I've placed both of you on different watch lists I've got you on by watch and I have for a while and I've got you do you already have a they in the mix is it just she her at the moment yeah I've placed you on they watch you're on by watch and you're on they watch you're on by watch you're on they watch and that's where you'll remain until something happens oh my god it's not very

I'm so dead. You know, I do get they then sometimes at shows and I'm like, okay. And I got served the other day for the first time. Congrats. I was like, what? In this society, that can be really helpful. And he was like, oh my God, I'm sorry. When I turned around. And it was like, I mean, like a lot of friends that happens to you all the time and they're just kind of like, whatever. But since it was new, I just kind of like really looked at him and I was like,

Me? He was like, yeah. He was like, my bad. You're like, okay. It was awesome. But sometimes, yeah, specifically with homes, sometimes I'll touch their lower back or something and they'll get goosebumps and we'll have to have a talk. And that's really actually sad and scary to me because I'm like, for me, it would never be like that. I'm so exclusively, strictly gay. But they just can go that way. No, they can. They have that versatility. It's too awesome. So you're never even...

No, not in a long time. I just, it's not for me. But not even like for thinking about it? No, it's over for me. I thought about it for a long time really intensely. You were doing that though? In high school, yeah.

You were putting in the work. You were like, I would love for this to work out. Oh, I did. Yeah, I did all this stuff. And I didn't enjoy it. It just wasn't for me. I'm so gay. I love men. And I just want to be with men. I'm saying, like, I just love sex with men. You guys love guys. I do, actually. What's your fave part? Curve of the balls. No. Thank you for positing that. But that was a good place to start. Let me guess. My fave part of guys...

Oh, God. Their eyes are their mind, probably. Stop. Okay, making me look like a pervert. Probably just their brain, the way they think. For me, probably their eyes are their balls, probably. Specifically the curve, I think. The curve of their eyes are the curve of their balls. Or the hang of the balls. I like small orbs. I always have. Yeah. Mmm.

It took me a really long time to learn what was going on inside the ball sack. Like I was like, so I know there's two, but I'm only seeing one thing. So you didn't notice that they were hanging on either side of a, like a frenule. Is that a frenule? What is that thing?

That's called the little ripple down the middle. Is that a frenulum, Chance? Would you Google ball sack terminology? No, a frenulum? Can I say what it is? Can I be the one to say it? Sorry, just because I read Cosmolike every day for 20 years as a child. Of course. So all I read as a kid, I didn't read Catcher in the Rye, none of that garbage. It was just like what to do to the frenulum. Yeah. Which is, by the way, rawr!

Yeah, thank you. Where's my camera, by the way? None of these are recording at me. Any of them will work. That's annoying. But this one's probably best for you. Robit. Robit. So I believe the frenulum is the part at the tip where it's like it has that

and then on the other side, that's the frenulum, right? I think that, just before Chance says it, I want to say, and I'm willing to be wrong, I think that you're wrong, and I think the frenulum is the little suture that kind of goes through the center, the ripple of skin that goes through the center of the ball sack and kind of creates the two sides of the ball sack. Am I right, Chance? I'm annoyed. I feel like that's right. Well, the answer is, so if you think of a male penis...

As a nose. Don't mind if I do. The head is a nose. The frenulum is like the nostrils. It's like that piece of skin that's like directly beneath the head. Oh. That's what Natalie said. Is that what you were saying? Yes. What is the seam on the ball sack called? The perineum? All I'm seeing is scrotum. I don't know if there's a... No. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm bored. Either find it or don't. You're wrong. There doesn't seem to be a word for that seam. There definitely is. Oh, the Caleb. There's no chance there's no... Wouldn't that be amazing? Yeah.

Well, the medical community had no choice. Because I'm the first one to bring it up. Maybe the Huron. Wait, do you think we could do something about that? Of course. The Huron. Call the medical community. It's Huron, but don't worry. I loved your take on it. Just knowing how things are going today. But remember, I knew the frenulum. Yeah. You know you did so good. And I want to say. By the way, not that I would really know how to. I'm sure you guys could work it in a way I couldn't. Pardon?

You heard me? What'd you say? You said that we could work the frenzy on it the way you couldn't? I'm sure you guys know how to work it. Yeah, I'm saying like even though I knew it, I don't want you guys to get intimidated. No, I would never be intimidated. I'm intimidated by you in many arenas, but yeah, not when it comes to like cockplay and stuff.

I'm intimidated by you intellectually, spiritually, emotionally. But when it comes to servicing cock, et cetera, I don't have so much fear. I love Natalie. I feel like her stand-up is like, I love her stand-up. I feel like maybe she did better on me in that show. But then when we were doing cock play, I felt like I was kind of better. So it kind of evens out. It just evened out. The industry has room for all of us. That was rude of me to even say as a joke. There's room for all of us. That you did better on a show that you did. Yes.

- Would never happen. - Well people refuse to put us on a show together, that's number one. - I know, it's never happened. - So we don't even know who would rank where. - We should do our own. - You guys won't invite me. The only time you guys invited me to do your show was once in the back of a bar in like 2019.

Oh yeah, and you came. And I came and I think I murdered and then you guys never had me back. Well, you said some pretty offensive stuff. Why do you always do that? We would like to have you back. I actually think we've had you. That's so sad. We actually have asked you. And you've been busy doing your other projects. Movies. Yeah, you're booked and busy. TV shows. Books. You know, books. Touring. Oh no.

Musicals, opera. You guys know I'm shy. Writing, projects, engagements. I like to see you like that. Me shy? You know, a lot of the auditions I get are for characters that are like so... I feel like every audition I get is for a character who's like...

Hey guy. Like it's very like, you know what I mean? It's very like, they want me to play like, like I'm just like really looking for friends right now. And like it's stuff we deal with not. Like very like sweet, like almost dumb. Sakharin, you know what I mean? That's so funny. That's not your vibe. Do you like playing that? Oh, I love playing that. Yeah. It's not, I don't think it's really my vibe, but I think it's fun. You can finally relax and play. Play. That's why it's called playing. You get to be silly.

Most people refer to acting as play. Yeah. It's play. Wait, you were going to say something before. Oh, what's the most important thing going on right now? What are you saying is the most important thing going on right now? And it can't be serious. So don't say like, you know, like immigration law or something. It's like, no, it can't be that kind of stuff. Not our place to weigh in. Okay. What? Can you go first? You don't have anything.

This being the thing that stumps you guys is crazy. It's like, my honest answer is like random stuff going on with me. Yeah. I'm like, if it's not serious, it's like, okay, I want to buy a tree for inside my apartment. What kind? A big tree. I want a citrus bearing tree and I want it for inside my apartment. Now, I have not been invited to your place systematically and I think it speaks to all three of our friendship. Oh my God.

- That'll be fun though, now that you said you wanna come over. - Yeah, do you wanna come over sometime? - I do, but how's the tree gonna work in there? - I have kind of tall ceilings. Not to brag, it just happens. Seriously, it just happened like that. My apartment is rent stabilized. - An old hospital. - In the old hospital. I live in an old hospital, it's haunted. I overlook the old morgue, legitimately. Did you know that? Which is now a diner.

That's beautiful. That's that diner? That's the diner. Is it Kellogg's? No, that'd be cool. I love Kellogg's. Me too. I actually shouldn't dox myself. They made it too slick, though. I already did. I know. Kellogg's, now there's someone with an iPad at the front. It's like, whoa. Things are completely different there. Once an iPad enters the picture, a restaurant can be so ruined.

And luckily Kellogg's is still in the play. Like it's not ruined, but it's like when a girl with an iPad popped up at the front, I did say, well, things felt different then. Yeah. We, we, it's a harbinger of something. Yeah. Thank you. A girl with an iPad fundamentally changes every space. You can't have a girl with an iPad somewhere and not change the vibe of the space. So I would love to see what it's like to have an iPad someday.

I'd love to see what it would be like to hold one and use one. I'm just curious what that would do to me. I want to wield power with one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, look, I mean, because it's cool to have a clipboard, right? But that, there's not so many opportunities. It's also dorky a little bit. Do you have an iPad? No, a clipboard. Yes. I want to have an iPad that has the hand sleeve on the back so you can hold it like this. I want to stand in front of a crowd of expectant others. Do you want to say no to us with an iPad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys come up. This is like a fancy restaurant that you're really hoping to get a table at. Yeah. Okay.

Oh my gosh. Thank you. Oh my god. Hi. Oh, it works too. Hi. One second. Sorry. Oh god, I'm changing things on the actual screen. Okay. Oh, that's fine. Hey, what can I help you with? We were hoping for a table for two. Hoping. As in you don't have a reservation. We don't have a reservation. No. It's my birthday. It's her birthday. It's your birthday. People usually make reservations for their birthday. I'm an Aries though.

It's just two of you? Yeah, we love this place. Yeah, a lot of people do. You said you don't mind the bar. Sorry. Hold on, I'm going to drop back in. You said you don't mind the bar. Um...

I could get you guys in at like, it's 7.15 now. 10.45, I could do two seats in the kitchen. If you want to give me a phone number. In a pot of boiling water. Yeah, it's like the best I can do. Let's do it, yeah. Yeah, I think we'll do that. That sounds fine. And just let us know if something opens up sooner than that. Yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be the 10.45 seat in the kitchen. Yeah, that's fine. And it is one seat. That's good. Can we get a drink at the bar in the meantime? No, ma'am.

What's your name? Natalie. Natalie. N-A-T-A-L-I-E. Thank you so much. Oh, you can just do Rotter. R-O-T-T-E-R. Yeah, that's it. Okay, and phone number?

That was fun. That was fun. That like meant a lot to me. And I also am glad that we worked something out. Yeah. Like I'm glad that it wasn't just like no find somewhere else. It's like okay we'll make that work. And it opened up a different thing which I don't feel like I've really gotten to share about myself yet. Which is like that when I'm logistically giving a last name and I only use Rotter. Yeah. Yeah I didn't know that honestly. That was beautiful. Because it's like it's like

Who cares but then you're like is this gonna be a thing later? Yeah, they gonna not be you know what I mean? Yeah, so I like they see your ID. They're like we just get doesn't matter I just don't know so anyways, yeah, that was cool. So would you want your hands to be iPads? I feel like is your thing kind of wait Can I tell you something one time? I was at a rental car place basically the back window had blown out of my rental car on the highway and I had to get a new one and

Oh my God. It was crazy, but it was in like the middle of this like tiny little town in North Carolina, the closest town to me that had an Avis and my friend had dropped me off over there and I had such a good rapport going with the counter lady. We were like really vibing and I was like, I was like, God, I'm so sorry to bother you. And she was like, Oh honey, it's no bother. All she's like smiling at me. We're having fun. I was like, I was like, look, I've got to get to the airport. I have a flight in Charlotte in like three hours and I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't miss this flight. And I totally could have missed the flight, but, um, we were, we were, I didn't know where I was going home, you know?

We were really vibing. And then she was like, she was like, honey, I'm so sorry, but every single car today is spoken for and people are coming to get them later. And we were having such a vibe that I tried like a charm move. I put on, I did like a charm offensive. You went, and I was like, I put my arm around her and I gave her a little kiss on the cheek. No, I was like, um, I love this texture. I'm like, I'm like, I love this song. Do you want to dance? Uh,

No, I go, I go, I go, she goes, all the cars are spoken for. People are coming for him. I go, Hey, listen, it's just me and you. Those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me? And then when they get here, you can just upset them and I'll have made it to the airport already. And I bet neither of us will even get in trouble. And keep in mind, we had been having so much fun. She goes, she goes, yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah.

And I went, no worries. For sure. No worries at all. You thought you were the cutest patootie on planet Earth. I just thought like my dimples and my, I just thought like, oh, we're gonna, like she would consider it. I said no worries at all. She realized in that moment, oh, you don't give a fuck about me. Yeah. Like, she,

She was like, oh yeah. I'm just a pawn in your fucking game. This is all fun and games. Like, you don't give a fuck about what happens to me. Another notch in your bedpost, yeah. Like, you're some nice guy, your window blew out. Yeah. The person who's coming could be the meanest fucking lady I've ever met in my life, and you would be willing to put me in that position. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

I'm proud of her honestly I am too she said it's all fun and games until Avis corporate comes down on me and you won't be here you'll be off to the next town this is my fucking job yeah by the way the thing she ended up doing for me she was like the best I can do honey is an hour and 15 minutes from here there is another Avis that has a 15 passenger van laughing

So if you can get over there, keep in mind, we're two hours from the airport. So she wanted me to find a ride an hour and 15 minutes, pick up a 15-passenger van to go the last 45. And I said, I think I'll have my friend just take me to the airport. You should drive a 15-passenger van, though. I mean, it does sound fun as fuck. I almost did it for the bit. But then I was like, I did ask her actually, I was like, if I go to that location, will the van definitely be handed over to me? And she goes, we can't guarantee. No, it's not a guarantee. And I said, I can't go for the chance.

The opportunity to get a van? I'm willing to risk it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I'm willing to sign me up. Let's do it. That's awesome. Just for the opportunity to maybe get a van. No doubt. I have such a contentious on and off. Me and Avis employees, it can go either way. We were just trying to chat up a car rental employee the other day.

Remember? Yes. That guy? Oh, yeah. It was cute. We actually never, we, like, didn't even talk about it. We never talked about it. But he was cute. But we were both, I don't know why, but, yeah, we were both, like, trying to score, basically, with it. We were literally both trying to, like, get laid by this, like, car rental guy. Because he was, we were, like, nice day. He was, like, yeah, it is a nice day. We were, like, ha!

That's so true. And then there was like those things that take the cars up and down. And I was like, do you ever ride on that? He was like, no, no, but my friend did. Or what did he say? Yeah, he was like, no, but I've operated it while my friend rode on it. We were like, you should do it sometime. He was like, maybe I will. We were like...

That is also, by the way, such a straight guy response. No, no, but my body actually did. Yeah, you're useless. Yeah, I did it for my friend. It's like, you're not him. Dude, I want to fuck you. No, I know. I'm like, don't be so beta. Like, you're the operator? Like, get in the thing. Get in the thing and ride the car machine up and down. Also, I'm like, where's he? That sounds like a fun-loving guy. You know what I mean? Well, then connect me with this dude. Where's the friend? But that was not our energy. We were like...

Yeah, no, wait, like that didn't even approach our energy. We were so happy. And then we both got in the car and we're like, all right, let's go. We didn't even talk about it like once. We were like, we were on a little drive. It was nice. I feel like I started chatting him up and you were like, got it. We're chatting him up. And then you took it. It was cool to watch you do it, actually. I'm like, so are you interested in like gay guys or like lesbians or like bisexual women? You want to watch us or what do you want? What do you want?

- Anything can be worked out, I just need you to say. - What do you like? - We don't play those kind of games. Tell us what you want from us, sexually, and then we'll just do that. - Do you know how sometimes there's randomly like a German or like Swiss word for some crazy thing? Like, you'll read on the internet, it'll be like, you know the Germans have a word for when the wind hits you just right at the burger stand or whatever, and it's like a darf in flub, or whatever.

They should have one of those words for the specific joy and horniness that is watching your friend kill a social interaction. Yeah, totally. You mean like watching your friend nail a social interaction? They should have like one of those words that's like, they're diffed and flooped, you know? And you're like, that's the joy and horniness of watching your friend murder with an employee. Be actually smooth. Yeah. And there should also be a word for watching your friend blow it with a stranger, you know? Like to be like, oh, haha, like how's your day? And it's like silence.

You're like, bro, she hates you. Dude, that sucks. You bombed. Saying something, they don't respond. You say it again. Then they kind of like, cause you're like, maybe they didn't hear me. And then it becomes clear that they didn't respond. Cause they don't give a fuck. Wait, guys, I just had a memory. Yeah. Can I share it to you? Okay. Hold on. That's fine. You can share it. Is that okay? If I share it to you, my memory decided that's fine. I don't want to say what city. Cause I don't know if either of them are listeners. I was in a city recently where,

I had messaged a guy on Tinder in the afternoon. Okay. I checked Tinder when I got in and I had messaged this guy. This is a while ago. And I messaged this guy. We had forwarded a little bit and he said, Oh, I'm going out with friends tonight. I said, Oh me too. I think we're going to this area. Maybe I'll see you out. He goes, yeah, maybe I go cool. Then I'm out that night and I'm at chance. Do you remember this?

We'll find out. I'm out at the bar where we were going with a bunch of our friends. It happened to be that... Anyway, I don't want to give details because... Anyway. So I don't want to give identifying information. But you'll know soon, I think. We had that really great burger with that really off-putting person afterwards. You know what I'm talking about? So I'm... Like, that's not going to get me.

I'm not gonna give it away, guys. - No, well that person can know, 'cause they actually need to figure some things out. But they were like a sex worker, and they were like, I feel like people are weird to me sometimes 'cause I'm a sex worker. I'm like, we love sex workers, you're annoying. You know what I mean? - Right, that's tough, that's really tough. - I was at the bar, and I met a guy at the bar, and I started flirting with him, and then we made out a little bit, and then he was like, yeah, I have an early morning tomorrow, I gotta go home. I was like, okay, I mean, fun that we made out, but I was flopping in terms of getting laid.

Okay, flop. And so I was like, okay, flop city, go home. You know? He's like, I'm gonna go home. And then... I kind of have to go. Flop. Flop. Flop. Flop. Go home, flop. Leave. Flop. Okay, you flopped. I'm putting you in the flop bin. Get it out of here. I kind of have to go home. Go. Oh, go. You're flopped. Don't want to hear it. Go back to your flop pad. Get the fuck out of here. La la la la la. La la la la la. Flop. Work's about to start. Yeah. Sun's coming up. Get out of here before you flop. Get your rest on. Yeah.

So, but then like an hour later, so I go back and hang out with my friends. Hour later, I'm like about to go back to the hotel for the night. I'm kind of horny. So I messaged guy number one from Tinder and I'm like, hey, where'd you guys end up tonight? And he's like, hey, we actually ended up at the bar that you were at. And I did watch you make out with another guy. So I was like, I was like, hey, just so you know, that was so not personal. Yeah.

trying to make a joke of it. And he was like, he was like, he was like, LOL. Yeah, we kind of like know each other. So maybe it would just be a little weird now. I was like, rock on. Wait, him and the guy know each other? Shut up.

small city small city small gay scene and I was like rock on I hope you have an amazing night king my main message to you is peace hey it's this all day long from me to you peace love unity respect peace love unity respect PL you are poor that is like okay so so you're so you don't want to hook up with me after the guy the random guy made out with me at the bar like

- Why don't you walk over and punch him? - Right, bring back your name. - Yeah, bring back men. - But also imagine his life, it's like awesome gay guy comes to town and then he finds you on Tinder and he's like, ah. And then he's flirting with you and then he looks up at the bar.

Party on you. Party on you. Party. He won't even bite for me. It's like men used to be men. I bet you the two of them have a really fraught history. I bet you it's like there has been a long-term unrequited one-way...

intense crush friendship or they have only obliquely talked about or guy number one has lost out on past romantic partners to guy number two yes which is what I fear the most they always go to guy number two they always want Bob

They always want the mayor of fucking Flop City that I made out with briefly. No, it sucks. And you're like, by the way, I wouldn't have done the make out if I had known it was totally disqualifying for the other guy and that he was going to flop. That's why people have to tell you if they're going to have sex with you right away when you meet them. Yes. I totally agree. Yes. Disclose. Just disclose.

Put it on the table. It's a no. You're like, great. Now I can make an informed decision for me. How easy actually would life be if we all behaved that way? I know. It's too bad. It's too bad. And by the way, you also, when you're talking to someone, so please, please, let me have this. Definitely. When...

When you're talking to someone, they should tell you who you can't make out with. Yes. You know what I mean? They should say, hey, if you see a guy 6'3", dark hair tonight at the bar, don't make out with him if you want any chance with me. Yes, exactly. 6'3", dark hair. 6'3", dark hair. Wow. That was just an estimate. He was tall, though. It was nice. I mean, making out at the bar is rarely ever a flop for me.

No, that's so, I'm honestly thinking that's so cool that you did that. It's hardly ever that I even want more than that. Honestly, I'm like, making out at the bar is so much hotter than hooking up. Hooking up is like base and I hate that I have to do it. Actually, like making out at the bar, you're like, I'm full of vital energy and spirit. Joy de vie. Yeah, I'm like part of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice.

It's like life forces like coursing through me right now. I'm part of a deep history and community. Because also it is a little, it's like, you're like, oh yeah, people make out at a bar. When you see people make out at a bar, it's like, you notice. Yeah. Like it actually is. You're like, I'm being watched right now. Actually, there were people making out after our show in Boston the other night. Really? Yeah. Oh yes. That's true. I walked out into the lobby. It was like, I was like one of my cousins. Yeah. And they were, I mean, seemingly. By the way, every time I've ever seen people make out in public, I've wished that it was happening to me as well.

Of course. Every time I've been like, I wish I was doing that. Making that in public is the most chic thing. It is. It's so chic. I need to get there. Sometimes when I see it, I'm like... It's just... You know what's cool about it is like when you're doing it, you're like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like you're like, maybe this is weird. Yeah. I feel like... But you're like, cool. Like, I don't give a fuck if this is being weird if everybody's looking at me. I think it's awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. I think it's so awesome. I think...

Kissing is such a black box. Like, unless you're actively doing it, for me, unless I'm actively kissing, I can't remember what it's like. Yeah. So every time I do it, it's like, what? Which is like, cool. It's like a surprise. And you're like, how would I do that? Like, it's like, I know our mouths are open and they're touching and our tongues are involved, but it's not only tongue. And like, but it's like,

what? It's not like teeth, but like, where did the teeth go? Like, I don't get it, but I can do it perfectly, but I don't know, but it's complete like back of the spine. Um, knowledge. Yes. Cool. Yeah. I think about kissing, um,

pretty much all the time it is a special thing to me that we do it's so cute and it's no reason right it's very sweet it's no reason I read that once what well they're just like why do we do this again and the scientists are like we don't know we don't know why we do it we like it we just like it because it couldn't be cuter because it's like we're sweet but it also feels so good we're like sweet little creatures do you ever give yourself a kiss on the shoulder no I do that sometimes but I will I'm gonna do it now

I went with the arm. Oh my god. That was really sweet. That was so sweet. I loved it. You can do that whenever you're going out or coming in or whatever. You can do that whenever. Yeah. Wait, do you know what? When you guys are talking, I'm like, I'm watching a tennis match. Boom, boom, boom. Well, our tête-à-tête is like no other. It's so electric. It's a shame that you and I will never be.

- Don't do that! - Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? It's a shame. - I need to call homes. You're playing the fuck out of me. - Do you wanna hear something that I think is so sweet? - Yes. - I was in Kansas City recently and I was on a walk with my old gay guy friend and he's like 60 something.

Right, you have amazing intergenerational friendships. I have been so blessed. And we walk past a restaurant that's not a restaurant anymore. And he goes, okay, back when this was such and such restaurant, when I was 20, I got hired there by an older gay guy who ran it. It was a really busy restaurant. It was like lining out the door every weekend.

He was like, "I got hired there as a prep cook." And I said, "Oh, were you like, "had you worked as a prep cook before?" And he goes, "Honey, no, the guy wanted to get in my pants." And he goes, "So basically, my job--" - I love getting in my pants. - Isn't that so-- - It's like archaic in a way. - Yeah. - Let's bring that back too with getting laid. - And he kinda said it in a dirty way. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was like he said he wanted to fuck me. He was like, "You wanted to get in my pants," and it felt dirty to him. - It's so much dirtier 'cause it's like you're gonna shove the dick in your pants? - Get in his pants?

you're like wow that's really where all the stuff is that is where all the things happen totally like this role of an image yeah he's like climbing in right yeah because it's an image yes fucking you're like that's so abstract fucking is an image as well fucking can't be an image come on tell me you see nothing I wouldn't even it's not conjuring up anything for me right now the fucking can evoke an image sometimes but anyway after the conversation I was like you have to send me a picture of you from this time period I need to know what he was what this guy was seeing yeah and he did and he was cute

He emailed it to me because he doesn't have a cell phone. And I emailed him back and I said, I would absolutely hire you as a prep cook in my kitchen. And it was cute. That's so cute. Isn't that sweet? I love that. I thought that was so sweet. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like to be like when

when you're like oh like this person like looked hot in these different ages and then it's like some of us are gonna be so hot when we're older it's like we don't even know where we're at right now yeah on our hot journey yeah because some people right they really do actually like peak at like 60 can

Can happen just like relative where it's just like, holy shit. Think about Bradley Cooper. Think about Bradley Cooper and his girlfriend. Yeah. Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens. I was distinctly unsexy when I was like 20. I was not sexy at all. Oh my God. It's only getting, I'm like, my thing is probably in the 40 area. I'm like working my way towards it. I mean, I pray to motherfucking God that mine hasn't happened yet. You're both going to be hot in 40s. You're both going to be hot in 40s. I can feel it. I hope mine's like,

You're thinking 50-60? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get that. Throwing it to the back of the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Way later. That's beautiful. I want to say something. Go ahead. We have a podcast. So I'm promoting it on your podcast. What are you doing? We're promoting our podcast on your podcast. I don't think you can do that without like a legal agreement or something before. Well, let's get the teams together. Usually those kind of things happen at the end of the episode. Do you want to do it right now, Charlie? No. No, it's okay. Go ahead. I mean, your plaque is like behind...

Your little thing is like... Oh my god, true. That's you guys. My brother's girlfriend made that. What's beautiful? Isn't that so sweet? It's really beautiful and it sits there. During all the episodes we do in New York, you guys sit right there. Oh my god. So cute. We've always had a presence on this podcast. Your guys' energy is inherently and inextricably a part of everything that I do.

Charlie and Natalie are right there with me. Lying ass bitch. We get that all the time. People often are like, Caleb, is he like ripping your stuff? No, I'm trying to, I'm protecting myself. I'm building up a wall. From Natalie. He's flirting with you. He's flirting. That was really hurtful. No.

Would you guys want to play a game? Yes. Oh. What's that? I was wondering what this was. Guess what? Well, if you'd ever watch the show, hun, we have a segment called True or False. I know. Oh. The segment. The Britney Broski episode. I'm going to read it.

I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. We'll go each on this one. 50 each. I'm going to start with Charlie and then we're just going to go back and forth. You have to answer as quick as you can. Just true or false. Bamboo can grow up to 35 inches in one day.

True. That is true. It's invasive. Don't plant it in your yard. I knew that. It was in my friend Lauren's backyard when I was growing up. That should have been mine, like Slugdog Millionaire style. The Pope is required to be an organ donor. No. False. They cannot be an organ donor. New Pope, American. Yes. After water, coffee is the most consumed drink in the world. True. False. No, it's tea. I knew it. Come blow.

The verified oldest man to ever live. Can I take it again? Yes, of course. The verified oldest man to ever live was 116 years old. No. True. Yale's mascot is Handsome Ron. No, false. False. It's... Handsome Dan. Nice! I wish... Okay, so that one wouldn't have fun to have switched. Yeah, that one would have been better, yeah. Anteaters have no teeth. Mm-hmm. That's true. Glenn Quagmire from Family Guy is an airplane pilot. True. True. Jennifer Aniston is 5'11".

No, she's shorter. False. She's 5'5". The liver is the largest organ in the human body. False. False. It's your skin. A group of frogs is called a ribbing. No, ribbing is something you can do to someone. False. It's an army. Chorus Leachman graduated from Columbia University. Oh, that's cute. True. False. Northwestern. Mine. Starfish don't have brains. They don't have brains. They don't. It's true. Carrots were the first food to be grown in space.

They don't do that. That's not your question. You can't answer that one, Natalie. That's a distinctly Charlie question, please, if you don't mind. False. False. It was potatoes. Yes. Natalie? I was right for the wrong reason. Exactly correct. But it's a big time. What? I'm having fun. I can't have a little fun. The largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan. Yeah. That is true. The first iPhone to include Siri was the iPhone 4S.

True. That is true. Twelve. Twelve. What were you going for? What? Ten or more. You had to get ten or more. And this is the other thing. For every additional point you get above ten, Caleb throws in an extra $200. Do you know what you just did? What? Is exactly my little cousin. We were in the park. Charlie is like your little cousin, by the way. A little bit sometimes. Yes.

Oh, we were in the park last weekend and I told him if he could catch a football that I threw that I would give him $100 and then I was throwing it so far and I kept raising the price. We got to like $3,000. Oh,

And then towards the end, he ran the ball back to me and he was like, okay, well, there's new rules. This time it's if I catch it, I get a hug. But if I get the ball from where it is and bring it back to you, I get $3,000. And I said, absolutely not. And then, yeah, we were arguing over the rules and it really cracked me up. It's funny. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not budging on this. He's like, we negotiated. He's like, I'm in a huge opportunity moment right now. And I'm not going

this. Yeah, you should have seen the way he's, I forget sometimes that he's so on the spectrum that he can't let shit go like that. So he was, he's 10 and he was running after the ball in a way that was like, brother, you have to see the pattern here. You're never going to catch this. I'm throwing it so far beyond you. But he did. He just kept being like another one. And I was like, dude, it's like getting sad. Yeah.

I was like buddy it's been like three hours first of all I woke up the next day my whole right side of my body hurt of course because I was chucking that fucking thing rotator cuff injury perhaps you must have been throwing it really far it was tough seriously be careful about the rotator cuff stuff don't fucking play don't mess around I did get a cute picture of us playing catch though that's so cute don't worry I'll show it to you later that's very cute and you will probably sell that picture for $3,000 I will and you'll get not a penny

I want to say something about this game. Excuse me? I'm on such a high from winning $50. You guys did really good. I feel like I'm a Billy on the Street. We're donating it. You are Billy on the Street. I feel like I'm a Billy on the Street recipient. You are Billy on the Street. I wish. He's so funny. Okay, this is what I want to say about this game.

I feel like I don't know that many facts necessarily, but I've learned to understand the nature of a fun fact or just a fact. And that is what allows me to win. Do you know what I mean? Like the largest bowling alley is in Japan. I'm like, okay.

okay, so obviously I don't know diddly squig about that. But I'm like, that is, it's just too random. There's nothing tricky about it. Why would it not be Japan? I was just like, yeah. So that's my story. Everyone fucking hates it. Thank you for dissecting that a little bit because you really did both, you both,

Both of you exhibited such a competence in that segment. Can we go through it and we can talk through our reasoning for each of them? Or does that fucking suck as an idea? No, I don't think I want that. I think that's really boring for the listeners. But I think we should do it anyway, even though it's boring for the listeners. That's celebrity status. Well, let's do this. How about a Patreon exclusive? People pay...

$50 yeah listen to us going through our reasoning. Yeah for the devoted fans guys subscribe to the patreon I will be going through a Charlie and Natalie to go one by one their reasoning of why they answered how they did on the true or false. Each one we're like I don't know just a guess. Yeah, yeah. That one. Oh the last two were true so. We just guessed that one too. Yeah, right. Yeah, you said carrots in a way that I thought was kind of funny so that I said false. Nice. I do always wonder if my reads are giving any hat tips.

Like when I'm reading it, I'm like, oh, did I read that in a way that made it seem one way or the other? No. You know? You're very, yes. I try to be measured. Yes, you're very measured. You're like this. You're like. And when you say no, you guys got it wrong. It's so mean. But when you say yes, it's not that nice. You know what I mean? You are against us in the game. It's us versus you. Of course I want you guys to lose. You're like this. You're like this. Like a carrot is the first thing they planted in space.

I was actually, it's a testament of how much I like you both that I actually wasn't being very tricky this time. Sometimes people will answer and I'll go, are you sure?

And that really throws people. That would have really been hard for me. I know you would have struggled with that. I would not have struggled. And I would have never put you through that. Well, you would have been fine, but that's because you and I have a special connection. Stop. Sorry. I'm not allowed to play on my own show. And we, and I wouldn't have been fine because I'm very vulnerable. Are you? Yeah. To what? To like mind tricks and things or like really? Very, very, very gullible. Do you guys find yourself susceptible to cult type of things?

Oh, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be that hard. The reason we're taking time is because we care about you and we care about the question. No, I'm not. You don't think? Listen, I'm very open. I'm seeking. I'm wanting a lot of advice and lifestyles, but I am really thinking about who is acting weird.

at all times that's right natalie is and i'm bringing it to everyone else so i feel like that would stop me up in a cult way like someone's being weird you're not gonna let it yeah you're like when we walked in here to the office today i was like emma can i talk to you for a second and then i was like why are they watching soccer like what's going on very affronting there's so many people here what's going on emma's like i'm not even recording with you today like i can't she was like i have a meeting like

And I was like, I just feel like the vibe is so weird. Did everyone just eat lunch? It smells like food. She was like, yes. Who all was watching soccer? That was really intense. The head guy, Jake. It was like Jake mostly, right? Head, gum. He's the head guy. He's the head guy. It was really, is it an important game or something? Chance, will you open that door for me briefly? You know what? Bring him in. I just want to speak with him really quick. We did this to him on our podcast recently. Let's just ask. Jake, why are you guys watching soccer? Is there something important going on?

What is it? The semifinal of the Europa League. Chance, shut the door. Shut the door. Shut the door. It was very upsetting. He's like European identified. He's like it's the semifinal of the Europa League. This is a thing that happens with soccer people. What about them? They become European identified. No, but you should speak on that because you're on to something. Like they literally do. They're like, they are like, I, Bristol is important to me. Yes. Yes.

Matters yes, that's just something that I really care about there like that's kind of fucked up Chester is always something. That's that's really spoken to me as an identity. Yes, right American guys who get into soccer they start smoking cigarettes in a very gay way they start walking with a swing in their hips They transition to European in a very serious way. They're right there. It's nice. They do they get health care again immediately It's one of the big draws of being an American soccer viewer. Yeah, suck a dick. Oh

It's like one of the, and they kind of, it's like, yeah, they start drinking beers in a really weird early hour. Right, right. American soccer fans are terrifying. No, that's so true. Like you can have a beer at 11 a.m. if you're watching soccer. It's like, no, you can't. No, it's like fully the morning. Have some coffee and like eggs and stuff. Well, did you guys ever do kegs and eggs in college?

Yes. I hated that idea. It pissed me off even in college. You know what? For all of college, people would be like, we are going to get up at 7 a.m. and start drinking. And I was like, no fucking chance. No shot. Because I want to sleep the fuck in. Yeah. Not me. It took me so long to ever be like, if I'm not going to fail a class, I'm not waking up early ever. And then I would wake up and be like, where is everyone? Before the big game. I was like, you guys, you're already drunk?

That could not have been me. First of all, that's what the nighttime is for. I was setting the alarm, 630. What? Beep, beep, beep. That's a Coors Light. Rise and grind. You were doing that or you were not doing that? Of course. The truth is you have to do what everyone is doing. Exactly. I didn't miss anything. You actually have to just follow the herd. But you didn't.

No, no. And I learned my lesson. See, now they're like clapping really loud. And also this is a workplace, so it annoys me. And if you're going to have gay podcasts, then it's like be a little more like acceptable. It's also like it's not just any gay podcast. It's a very gay podcast. And also to like be a recording space and be like clapping out loud. Like the listeners might not know this, but they're clapping and screaming like banshees out there. They can't hear it because it is successfully soundproofed. We're doing business in here. We're doing business in here. I heard it. No, I heard it too. It was completely disconcerting.

And it disturbed my guests. And it's like, these are my guests. And by the way, he had his feet up on the table out there. I'm very sensitive. And I'm totally scared. I'm back in my shell. You should be. I don't feel comfortable speaking. Do you know Jake came into this office recently? And I told him what? I said he had his feet up on the table out there when he was watching, which is rude. And I know I have my feet up right now. But that's a different thing. But that's my performance for recording. I'm being the role of the kind of like character. And by the way, you're a guest. Yeah.

And by the way, I'm on They Watch. He's not. I need to be comfortable. You are on They Watch in a very serious way. Can I just say one thing? I wish you would. About the They Watch, which is so funny. Totally. And by the way, all I mean by that. No, I know it.

I know it completely. That's not what I'm going to say. It's just like if the pants get any baggier, if the haircut gets any shorter. Well, this is what I want to say. Okay. When my older sister had a child, oh, I just remembered I'm not supposed to talk about her. Wait, I'm not supposed to say her name. Okay. So we're good. She wants privacy. Oh, boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Having trouble with that. Okay. When she had a baby during COVID, it was like, are they going to let people see the baby? Not. It was like still early days. Not that early. Whatever. You're in. Okay.

They made a like a numeric system where you had to equal like five or more points to be able to see the kid. And it was like a negative test. Hold on. Sorry. I'm just getting upset. Five points right away. Yeah. Masking plus outdoors. Masking is like two points. Outdoors is one point. You know what I mean? You put it together. That's the they watch. There should be a numeric system because to seem to other people that you should be they them. It's like.

And I'm talking about like the public or whatever, because you will just get they, them, depending. And you're like, so what is the point system that I put together today that tip the balance over? You're like, I'm wearing basketball shorts and a beret. And I have like a visible tattoo. And I'm holding a coffee. Exactly. I just want to say,

The specific they watch that you're on, it's less about... It's not like... It is a point system for sure. I totally love that system. And I love the way that that's how they did their baby. You hate it. It's more an energy. I think you're so smart and advanced that I find you... But I would never... I'm not worried about you becoming they them. I'm thinking she they the whole way. She they, of course, obviously. Oh, yeah. I'm thinking she way the entire way. 100%. Yeah. I mean, I'm with you, but...

And if you popped out with he him, I would be obviously so supportive, but terribly shocked. Of course. Well, by the way, if I was going to do that, I would call you. I would 100% give you a heads up. You would not find out about that from online. 100%. Or you wouldn't get the clue from my clothes first. I was he they for a second. Were you? In college, yeah. Did you know that?

Doesn't surprise me, but what I find even... I was in Google Forms. I was like, let's just test it out on this Google Form. Yeah. And it was honestly more of like a political stance. Yeah. Genuinely. And more of like a cultural signification than it was. Although obviously it also was like an expression of something true to me as well. Yeah. Saying that to camera. You can be the judge. Truly, you... That's me like eating pussy. Yeah. It was political, but it was true to me. Like it's more of a cultural, political signifier.

For me. In college, it was. I did it on a Google Forms. I feel humiliated by how locked in I am on he, him. It's humiliating in this day and age. I'm like, I does feel at least they. Don't you feel that I should? But I don't feel that way. No, and to be honest, as much fun as we're having, I'm pretty she, her. In the sense that it just is not...

like my gender is more like something, but it's like, it just, it's right now. I like, don't like, it's not where I'm like, I need movement there. The pronounosity is not like the one way to have gender variance. Honestly. Yeah. Like, like that, it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's like an amazing tool.

But it's not the only tool you have to express or think about your gender. It's so fun, though. It's so fun. What, pronouns? Yeah. It's so cute and gender. And everyone is just humping. And they're changing the way they look. And then they're humping other people. And they're changing, they're humping, they're changing, they're humping, they're changing, they're humping. I think it's sweet. It is sweet. And sometimes when people say things about boys, I'm like, I do just relate. I am competitive. I do love violence. No, it's like I love...

Legit. I do love violence. I'm sorry. Don't fucking take my train. That's my train. When a movie's about war, I'm simply watching. Oh, I love it. One of my favorite movies is Inglourious Bastards.

Are you for real? I didn't know that about you. It's just like, that's the kind of stuff that's like, that's a boy. And I feel very girl because like, I've never seen any of those. And mine are all like Miss Congeniality, Lele Blonde. But I also love those That's the Gay. You're gay. That's the gay guy. You're a gay guy. I'm like, there has to be some kind of social niche for a person like you. Are you gay guy or are you a guy who's gay? No, I'm gay guy. He's a gay guy. I'm a guy who's gay. Whoa. I think. Don't you feel? You tricked me. Football.

It's football. My arm hurts. I can't do that. What's funny is with my family, which is mostly on my dad's side, it's mostly boys and they'll play football. I'm like, no, but then they'll play Frisbee. And I'm like, yeah, you know what I mean? That completely tracks as a ideology. No. Okay. So no, stop. No, stop it. Stop it. I feel like you're Jewish.

Testing it out, trying. No, never eight years. No. No. Different. Okay. That's mom. Stop. That's fine. I was going to say, I feel like you're very like gregarious.

That can be guy. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. Guy first is like, I'm loving, by the way, the dichotomy of Jewish gregarious. I'm loving that. The Jewish was like, that's why they can play Frisbee and not football. But they play football. I just don't do it. Do you know what I mean? Your family? My dad said, yeah, they'll play football together. And that's when I'm like, it's actually just too straight for me to get in. And that's why you're a guy who's gay. And I'm like a gay guy. Yeah. I go on bike rides with them. Yeah. And I like to be athletic.

Which is can be a gay guy totally gay guy, but sometimes but with like the football of it all I'm like this is just a sticking point for me. I just can't do it. Yeah, it's just too much I'm like, I'm just too flouncy. Yeah for me to really feel comfortable in it. You're a gay guy. I'm just I'm like I literally throw up a ball. I'm like Fuck oh shit. Fuck I threw it too short. Yeah, exactly. Do you think you're gay girl or girl who's gay?

I think I'm a girl who's gay. Nice. Or what? I don't remember. Don't worry about it. But I am Natalie. You're so Natalie that it's crazy. Again, none of the camera's pointing at me. Wait, did you guys prepare a So True For You? I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. Sorry.

Charlie's so true is I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. It's like a lock in that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're gonna hold on that. Yeah, we're just like, we're printing that out. Why? Because I get really like overwhelmed and already being in a grocery store or something, it's like, it's distracting and there's so much great like ambient and instrumental music but I'm in stores. Sometimes I'm going through a hard time occasionally and the stores are playing music. It's like, oh,

I miss you so bad, whatever. That's very distracting. Or the story is playing, they're playing loud, loud music with lyrics. And I'm trying to read the back of the bottle to understand what's going on with the bottle. What's in the bottle? Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't know. You name it, sister. What? You name it, sister. Who knows? Anything could be good. Any bottle. I'm with you on this, I guess. Thank you. Thank you. It cost me nothing. Totally sucks. No, it's good. What you did was a good So True. It's your trepidation that's making it sort of slide off. Right, because actually what I had to do is be like, direct to camera like, I mean that. Yeah. Oh, I do have a So True, actually, this episode. Okay, great. I'm going to do another one. Yours was really good. Thank you. Kava.

The fact that I cannot order a Kava wrap ahead of time unless I am a loyalty member is fucking insane. Let me order a wrap. I mean, that is crazy. Well, that's just like, why are they trying to limit their sales? I'm trying to buy food from you. Right, right, right. I'm waiting in a 30-person line in midtown Manhattan. It's an artificial scarcity thing for them. Yeah. They're like, we're going to be a little more in demand. We're going to reject you arbitrarily. No. No. It's like, you are not that in demand, and you don't need to be like...

reserve. Let me order a wrap. Let me order a wrap ahead of time so I can walk in and grab it. It would also do you a favor. You're overplaying, Kava. You're overplaying your hand. You're playing cards you don't have. I'm pissed. You're not Berghain. Wait, I saw a really funny Trump clip today. What was it? Sorry, I know I hate to say it. It's okay. He was talking about Pete Buttigieg and he goes, this guy, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He rides his bicycle to work with

his husband on the back, which is a beautiful and loving relationship. He literally said that. And I was like, he's a genius. I'm sorry. He's one of the funniest people alive. I don't know what we're going to do about it. You know what? I want to show you that I know your work. I love what you said about him being like, he'd be such a good Joan Rivers. Thank you. That's so true. I don't know what he always wanted anyways. I know that stuff Caleb said. I like that. Okay, I have one. Say it. I'm going to do another.

Okay. Because I'm watching Summer House right now, which is a show about straight people. Yes. I'm learning something from them. Oh my God. That straight girls, they go into dating like war and the people they're dating are not their friends and they have their army of their little friends behind them and they are ready for things to go south. And when they do, yeah,

It's the anger of a thousand failed hookups comes out on the guy. I like that. And I think gay people could learn from that. You know what I mean? Instead of like a kind of kumbaya, like, hey. When you're dating. It's helpful to have a little bit of a fucking energy. I like the properness of it. That they're like, take me out on a date.

And then the guy doesn't do it and it's like, you're not getting my flower. Like, I like that. - Yeah, that's cool. - I will say, I just said on maybe today's episode, which will mean nothing in the context of when this comes out, but I just said on a recent episode of this show that I think people who tell themselves that they're watching reality TV anthropologically are fooling themselves.

You are the only person who I think, I genuinely think you are one of the only people who is actually watching reality TV and learning anything from it. I think you might be the only person applying lenses to reality TV viewership. Everyone else is kind of like a fool who's kidding themselves. You're like one of the only ones. - That's all she's doing. You are watching it for fun, edification. - Yes. - Of course I enjoy it.

But it enriches my life more than any relationship I've ever had. I've watched Real Housewives with Natalie and it's like she is pausing every four minutes to be like. So the thing with her is that she does that. She has this lack of self-awareness that makes it so that when she's in conflict, she doesn't understand her tone. She pauses. She's like, women make ourselves smaller.

It's like, yeah, okay, I am actually with you. I'm learning, I'm learning. Well, it's just fun on Housewives because there's no men on the show, actually. The men are just little puppets that they put their hands up. So it's fun. It's like a world without men. Okay, not you guys, obviously. No, no, no, I'd be in there. Here's my other one. You don't need to do another one. What? You don't need to do another one. But I want to. Okay, you're welcome to. This is my other one, which is...

You know, I miss when in texting and in chatting and online chatting, there was a clearer, more defined state of when you were available and when you were in. And I want to be able to bring back G2G and BRB because I find it really frustrating and difficult that you can be chatting with someone just like kind of dynamically and fluidly and then all of a sudden they drop off because they're understandably not able to be on their phones all the time. But the way the language works is it's kind of assumed that you are just a little bit available. And I think there should be clearer ways

Available and away message. Yeah. Actually, we should have like an away message and available for like chatting. Yeah. On texting because I find it so sometimes I'll throw in a BRB and people act like I'm crazy. It's well, when you do say not you, but like when one if you like I've tried to do a thing where you're like, OK, like you're talking to someone and then you're like, OK, I got to go. They're like, fuck you. Yeah. You're so desperate. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like comes off as a like.

sorry, I know you kind of want to keep chatting. I know anytime someone says that to me, they'll be like, oh, I have to go. I'm like, I have to go too. I'm also having to go. You think I don't have to go? I'm literally in, I'm about to start a Pilates class right now. What are you even talking about? I'm going as well. Everyone's going. Everybody's going. That's the trend these days. Yeah, everyone's going to go. But it is still what I want. And you can choose one of my so trues and you can vote on it. Text either one or two to 877-Caleb.

Guys, we have to finish the episode because we still have to do the bonus content. What? So we've got bonus content to do. Holy shit. So if anyone wants even more of this, what have we been recording for an hour and 20 minutes? Yeah.

Yeah. So if you guys want even more, you can head over to the Patreon. Is there anything I want to plug? You're obviously your podcast. Yeah. Let's plug Charlie and Natalie's podcast, Exploration Live on the HeadGum Network, where it's basically just like this. Yeah. Except... Less Caleb. A little bit less Caleb. A little. All the time. There's sometimes when I come. That's true. Sometimes. You should come back. Well, you have invited me and I've come when I've been invited. Yeah.

I keep being like, why have you not come to my house? Yeah, I'm not invited to either of your homes, but I've been invited on the podcast and I have come. That's true. And I did your live show six years ago. And that was beautiful to me. Ending like in a super tense place, but I kind of like it. No, it's not tense to me at all. These are just the facts. I feel a deep love towards both of you, even if whether or not it's reciprocal is obviously the jury's out. But like...

I have a deep love for both of you and that'll never change. We love Caleb. We love Caleb's fans and audience. And in the comments, feel free to say, hey y'all, if you made it this far. Yeah, say hey y'all. Do the hey y'all challenge below. Are you going to talk about Sorry Baby? Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, basically, I have a...

small part in a movie that's coming out in the end of June. I think that's okay to say, right? It's called Sorry Baby. It's written, directed, starring my very close friend, Ava Victor. It's really good. It honestly has so much buzz. So it's honestly like, yeah, it's really cool. The movie is amazing. I saw it. So you guys should go check it out. I think it's like,

New York and LA and then onwards from there. So coastal, you all got to show up. The coasts have to show up for once. Please. I know you're probably busy with your gallery openings and whatnot, but try to make some time. Charlie and Natalie, we love you. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much. That was a hate gun podcast.

Hi there. My name is Alison Williams. If you know who I am at all, it would probably be thanks to my job as an actress on shows like Girls and in movies like Megan. Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope. Hey, babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life-sustaining and shame-extinguishing friendship.

We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, I asked, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus and she said maybe. At least she didn't say no. Maybe is meaner. She wasn't sure. Maybe is like discerning.

When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowdsource, and it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm, well, you know, whatever I am. I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together. And still, the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women, and just, you know, adults.

The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids, or it's like, what's going on with my body? I feel like I have a family of squirrels living in my lower abdomen. I feel affirmed. I feel normalized. I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy.

And I had to talk it out with you guys with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling. Totally. Lifelong friendship has been our lifeline. We sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through. So subscribe to Landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out now on HeadGum. Love you.