This is a HeadGum Podcast. Were there people doing that in, like, the 1700s? Like, it's just someone, like, scrawled an image of George Washington, like, with huge boobs, like, spanking King George III, and people are like, Verily, how come this never makes it to the printing press? LAUGHTER

I always say when people leave New York or move to New York, I'm always like, nobody should leave. Everyone should come here. But that's not because of New York supremacy. That's just I like all the people I like to be where I am. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's nothing like, oh, why would you leave New York? It's like there's a million reasons that make themselves evident every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leaving New York makes only sense. Yeah. But people should be wherever I'm at. Yes. Has always been my theory. Yeah. Like if I had to go to Philadelphia for six months or something, I'd be like, everyone should probably move to Philly. By the way, this includes vacation. Yes. If I'm in Paris for two weeks, it's like those two weeks you need to be in Paris. That's right. Everyone needs to be where I'm at. Get your Google calendars lined up. I don't know what's not clicking about that. Thank you. But I've been pretty clear. Yes.

I want all my people with me. That's right. And as soon as I can afford to just do that, I'll do that. I'm like, I've kind of started doing that. I mean, that's tour. Chance and Virginia are with me on every tour stop. And I'm like, please, I will pay. Come. Yeah. Please come. How big, and I'm sorry to just be silly before the show starts even, but how big is your ideal entourage? My ideal entourage? Yeah. I would say 50 to 75. 50 to 75.

So you're rolling MC Hammer deep. I'm saying 50 to 75. I'm saying old friends, new friends. A couple strangers that we pick up each night. Guys with nebulous jobs. You need that next single quick or else that's going to dwindle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need another hit podcast yesterday. This one's not going to cover the 75 flights. Has anyone I know been murdered recently? Yeah, can we do a true crime situation? Can we exploit the families of people who've had someone die?

Yeah, I'd like to get in on that big time. Yeah, that's where the money's at. Yeah, if you're exploiting people's deaths, you're making money. That's right. That's the facts. Normally when people die, I'm just like bummed out. Well, unless they're ugly. I've been saying this. When an ugly person dies, it's a little like, oh, it's okay. It's like, oh, God bless them. I've been saying a hot person dying is so sad because you just think like, whoa. It's so sad. You remember when Paul Walker died? They put the flags at half-mast.

- He was so gorgeous, no one knew what to do with themselves. - That's why it's good when you die old, not because you've lived a full life, but because you're less hot than you used to be. - You're unattractive. - Yeah, yeah. - You've been stripped of all desirability, so now we can float you off. - Yeah, get out of here. - Into the ether. - You're cooked, it's over. - Go on, 'cause then you're beautiful. - Right, right, right, right, right. It's like, you're beautiful in a way that like, nature is beautiful. - I was literally about to say, like a wise old tree.

Like a redwood. Yeah. You look in a canyon and you're like, God, a river did that for 100,000 years. Oh, I just love that that exists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if it doesn't soon, that's okay. We had it while we had it. I'm so glad I got to see it. Yeah. Oh, my God. To get to know it during my life.

Pretty incredible. Do you have any artists like that right now that you're like, I cannot believe I get to be alive at the same time as them? You know, there's so many. One of the things I've really been thinking about is how there's so much beautiful, incredible art being made right now and so much horrible art. Yeah. But truly, and I'm not like, I wouldn't consider myself a Beyonce stan, but I just can't imagine...

how we're gonna explain it to like our kids like people she's our Michael Jackson yes yeah she's so famous that you're gonna we're gonna have trouble telling people what we lived through right like her music is gonna be on the radio forever and it will sound like when we grew up and it was like the Beatles and you're just like oh this isn't even these aren't even songs this is just what life sounds like yeah because it's so ingrained do you know what I mean yeah yeah like that was just what that time

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like that was a day. - It felt right. It was like the soundtrack to Forrest Gump where you're like, I guess that was what the 60s sounded like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that? Free to Clear Water revival. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking of. Some folks are born! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, or the fucking, um, the songs when he's just running through the country. I'm like, that's what running through the country feels like. Yes, yeah, that's exactly right. They made that based on emotions. Right, that's not even a song. It's just like, like when a breeze goes through trees and it sounds like... Yeah. That's what running through a field sounds like. The craziest part, Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies. Mm-hmm.

And the craziest part of it to me, I mean, there's so much to choose from. Yeah. But when he's running and he starts giving people ideas. Yeah, that's so funny. Hey, man, do you have any ideas for a bumper sticker? And he's like, it happens. And the guy's like, shit? And he's like, sometimes. And it's like, shit happens, bumper sticker. I'm like, what? Did we need that? Did you know there was a Forrest Gump?

book that they almost made into a movie and apparently this might be apocryphal because the story is like too spectacular but they're meeting well they're meeting about like Zemeckis and um

I forget whoever else it was, but they met to talk about like, all right, it's a go. First one was such a big hit. We got to do the second one. And it was like September 10th, 2001. Stop it. And then the next day they're like, I mean, this shit doesn't matter, right? We can't be making that. Hey, y'all, never mind. Yeah, it's over. Hey, just forget it, I guess. Gump it down. Yeah. God, that's so funny. Forget I said anything.

- You know what, he wasn't in the towers actually. - They were like, should we write him in? It's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - No, no, no, no, no. - Just let it go. - He was, the only detail that I remember about the second one was that he was crouched in the back of the white Bronco during the OJ chase. - No, no! Stop!

That is unfortunately hilarious and needs to be made immediately. I think it would be really funny if they made it now with present day Tom Hanks. Yeah. And not de-aged with CGI or AI. No. Just makeup. Present day, whatever we can do with some blush. Full face, yeah. Full beat. That is so fucking funny. What was that de-aged? Was it him and Robin Wright? Yes. That were in a de-aged movie together? Yeah, called Here, I think. Yeah.

Also Zemeckis. Yeah. And it was just like one angle in a house and they were de-aged. You know what? I love it. I don't care. You're all in? I don't care. I fucking love it. If you're going to do something weird and get away with it, I think go nuts. I do think go nuts. The one angle of it all. Yeah. The de-aging, I'm like, okay. Oh, yeah. I'm so all in on the one angle. The de-aging, I'm like, come on.

I know. It used to be they would get different actors, or they'd just be like, fucking imagine. Yeah. Well, I think personally for me, any film that uses AI for any piece of the process should be disqualified from awards. I really hate that shit. And I know I'm such a... I'm like beyond reason being a hater with AI too. Oh, I'm past logic. You can't get me out of this. Yeah, same. They'll be like...

someone would be like, but it could be useful for medical technology. And I'm like, probably it'd just kill people. Yeah, fuck it. I'd rather die. I would rather die. I also don't like that they're like... AI air. They're like, oh, we're only...

I don't even spell air with an AI. I just call it oxygen plus. Yeah, it's R for me. Dude, I can't. They're also like, we're only going to use AI to fix up. You know, we're just going to fix up the accent work a little bit. I'm like, oh, you mean acting? That's what acting is. That's the whole thing. You're not doing the accent well. You didn't act well. Austin Butler hears that and just loads a gun. You'll pry my accent from my cold, dead hands. Oh.

Do you know what's so, I actually, speaking of accents and Austin Butler, that, um, in that biker movie he did. Yes. The woman, what was her name? I don't know. The actress, I forget her name, but she's so great. Um,

What is her god dang name? Jodi yeah? She did a ridiculous accent that movie and people came for her and we're like this is so over-the-top and then You they put out videos of the woman. She was playing. Oh, I did just like that's great It was like no she didn't do it over the top she did the truth and that woman is ridiculous We got a tone down that real lady She's just walking around all day meeting people yeah

Truly, they're like, no, the real lady's much more cartoonish. We actually had to do one of these with the accent.

So fucking funny. We took out the racial stuff. I don't know if that lady was racist. I have no idea. It's a safe enough bet. I just feel like any accent strong enough, there might be a slur. Yeah. Or a word that's a slur that you didn't know was a slur. If you have an accent, you're problematic. It's what Josh Gondelman thinks. And I think that's not just American. French accent, you're going to say some shit I don't want to hear. Yeah, Boston accent. Oh, I mean, that's my birthright. What?

- You're from Boston. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You grew up there. - I grew up in the suburbs, lived in the city for a while after college. - You went to Brandy's, Brandyce? - I went to Brandyce. - How do you say it, Brandyce? - Brandyce, yeah. - Brandyce, take out me getting it wrong.

Take out me getting it wrong. Is that in Boston? It's just, it's like eight miles west. So I'll say people, most, many people haven't heard of it. And I went to college just outside Boston and then I see their face and I go, not Harvard. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't give me that face. Reel it back. Yeah, would never be me. Is Brandeis like, what is it, gay or what is it going on out there? I guess it's kind of gay. It's very Jewish. Yeah, okay, rock on. Yeah, in a way that sometimes it's nice and sometimes I'm like, I don't know about that.

What do you mean? Just, it's, I learned a lot about all the different flavors of Judaism. Like, I went to school with a kid who was like Orthodox Jewish hippie, big, like,

He seemed like a hallucinogens guy, psychedelics guy. And on his birthday one year, he blindfolded himself for the whole week before and then had his friends lead him around so that on his 21st birthday or whatever birthday it was, he would see the world with fresh eyes in the new year. And so that's like a kind of Jew there is. - Pardon my ignorance.

I didn't know that Hasidic folks were allowed to be stoner hippies. Not Hasidic. Oh, orthodox. Like modern orthodox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is modern orthodox? So it's like you can like live in the world and it's less... Or you can take acid. Yeah. It's less like...

small, I'm trying not to say like offensive stereotypes about Hasidic people. Maybe I'll just do it in a Boston accent. The communities are less self-contained. And so it's like people who are very religious and observant but like are out in the world doing world stuff. Nice, oh yeah. Yeah, but it is like, I mean it's, not to get too deep into things, but it is like because there is every flavor of Jew, there's like,

lot of super cool progressive people that I met like of all kinds of religious Faiths and stripes and then there's like a lot of stuff. That's like I'm gonna go over to Israel right now to help Why are you wearing goggles?

And so it is like a real, it's interesting. I'm going to Israel right now to help. Do not say for what. It's so funny. Don't finish that. Hey, that's enough. That's enough. That is so funny. Yeah, I mean, I only ever knew, I didn't grow up around any Jewish people, and then I learned about Judaism in college. Yeah. And then only ever was around like very progressive like people

modern, like, liberal Jewish folks. That was very, like... Like, I took an intro to Judaism class in Chicago when I lived there and had, like, a woman rabbi and had, like, we talked about, like, trans people, you know? Yeah. It was, like, the third rung of learning about Judaism that I even learned about, like, Orthodoxy and Hasidic people. It's... I think that's such, like, a beautiful thing about Judaism is, like, the expansiveness of the faith to be able to be, like... Like, we had a...

a woman as a rabbi for a while when I was a kid and then a gay man who had converted from Southern baptism. So he, and he had like, he was Scottish by like of Scottish descent. So he had like a tartan plaid tallest that he wore. Yeah. And I was just like, this is sick. And so like how expansive it is in that,

way and like really kind of pushing in a social justice way and I think that's like a nice malleability to be able to go like I belong to this religion and I there are people that practice in a way that I don't agree with but I don't feel like I have to be like

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't know. I feel like whenever I'm being from Boston, being Catholic, and there are people who are Catholic who will be like, yeah, I mean, not like those guys, you know. Not involved. Those fucking guys. Yeah, dude. That's so funny. Do you think you'd ever move back to Boston? I don't think so. I don't think my wife would want to live there. She's a New Yorker. Yeah. She's from Jersey. She went to college in Philly, which Philly is just Boston. It's the same.

- They're both, not that one is better or worse than the other, but they're equivalent. - Yeah. - Except for my family's in one of them. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the same except that I have deep roots and loved ones in one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. - Interesting. - Yeah. - Why do you think she wouldn't wanna go to Boston? She's just so in on New York. - She likes New York, I think she'd do LA. - Yeah, whoa. Would you do LA? - I would. I love our life here though. I'm like not itching to move. - Yeah. - But I do, I enjoy visiting LA, I'm not a hater.

We're getting a new dog. We are getting a new dog. You have a New York dog coming. New York dog. New York dog. Hey, she's walking in. She's barking over here. She is in Massachusetts right now. She's from the, I don't know if I'm supposed to say, she's being fostered in New England, in Worcester, Mass. And so we're joking about her being like a little Massachusetts dog, like, off, off. She's voiced by Seth MacFarlane. What?

Just straight up Brian Griffin. Yeah, that'd be sick. Honestly, I would love that for y'all. That would be great. What's going on with you these days? What are you up to? Oh my gosh, that is a loaded question. No, come on. It's mostly the dog thing. I've been on the road a bunch. I've got a special coming out eventually, stand up. Yeah, I'm really excited. I shot it last summer at the Bell House, which is the best. I love that place so much. I love the Bell House. Although, can I say, and you don't have to co-sign this,

Live Nation, relax on the green room changes at the Bell House. Oh, it's very different. I don't like there's a big buffet in there now that takes up too much space. I don't like the metal detectors very much. I'm kind of pro bringing metals. Okay.

But the metal detectors, I don't, I like to, when I get into my seat at a show, I put an anchor down. I anchor myself right there. That's right. No, it slows down the process. Hey, would you mind moving so me and Mike? Nope. Sorry. No, my anchor's gonna be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the metal detectors are fine, but I don't like the green room changes. They took out a lot of the seating. They did. And I'm mad about it, Live Nation. Fix it. I like all the seats. One thing that changed there recently, and this, I feel a great,

like fondness for and attachment to is when we did this special, we shot a little intro through, there's a door that's like to the side of the stage and goes right backstage. And we were just shooting through the open door and the wall was just like a big beige wall. It didn't have to be anything else, but they were like, oh, it'll look nicer. The production folks were like, it'll look nicer if we take the little B and H that are bolted in the green room and put them on that wall. And then the bell house people were like,

ooh, we like that there. So it stayed from my taping. And I'm like, so every time I go now, even just to watch a show, I'm like, oh, that's nice. You enacted a change at the Bell House. Yeah, such like a special night for me. And then just seeing the letters there, I'm like, yeah, we did that. Yeah, that's me. That's me, my impression of my dog. Already really proud of it.

That's actually sick. That's your mark on the bell house. I feel really, I don't know. I feel like I've lived here a long time and I like those little things of like knowing which subway car to get in for my destination to be like, I'm going to get out and then climb up the stairs right there. I feel like Jason Statham. Yeah. I could avoid being assassinated or I could assassinate. You're just like Jason Statham. I'm a lot like Jason Statham. I've always said that about you. I'm bald. Uh,

That's it. I've killed a lot. I'm running around. That's so fun. So you recorded it last summer. Last summer. And when's it coming out? We're still waiting. I think I should know in the next couple weeks, but I'm very excited. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'll ask you questions off mic about what's going on because I'm curious. I want to know all the details. I'm really excited. That's exciting. But when it comes out, everyone has to go and stream it. Thank you. And watch Josh Connellman's stand-up hour. Yeah. Stand-up hour? Stand-up two hours? What did you do? I did four.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a four-part series. Remember what Dane Cook was doing in the late aughts where he would just talk until people fell asleep? Yeah, until people started walking home. He was like, all right, I guess that's it. Yeah, they're like, the subways are going to close, man. Yeah, we can't get back to Jersey. They're shutting off the path. Yeah. Yeah.

Which is both, it's like a, that is obviously what the name of the train is, the PATH train, but that also just sounds so, that's like something Gandalf would say. They're closing down the portal, yeah. Thou shalt not pass! Honestly, you should be in charge of the trains in New York, just so you can make announcements like that. I think that would be fun. Hey guys, this is Josh, thou shalt not pass. I love when people have fun with it. Oh yeah. Especially when you can hear them, when a subway announcement starts with like,

All right, everybody, listen, here's the deal. Yeah. Yeah. Like, or someone just goes, you've got to stop standing in the doorway when they're closing. Like, you're like their child. Yeah. Yeah. They just admonish. It's so, and it's like, you can't, obviously they can see cars that you can't see. So you're just like, where is that happening? She's really mad at that guy. Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. It does make me feel like very in community with the conductor. Oh, it's great. I'm like, yeah, we're just two people. You're at work on the train and I'm sitting over here. I love one of my favorite things in the world is encountering someone at their job where they're not putting up any pretense.

where they're just like being a person. And I, like, there's a guy that used to work at my Dunkin' in my neighborhood, and I would go, how's it going, man? When I would come in to pick up, even when I ordered from that, I'd be like, hey, what's up? He's always very friendly. And then he would go, dude, I wanna fucking die. And like, obviously I want the best for him. I don't want him to die. But like, I really appreciated that he wasn't like, I'm great.

Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All good here. Never better. And you're like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. No, I do kind of like that sometimes. I can't remember the exact one, but there was one time in Kansas City, I went into a quick trip, which is like my favorite gas station. And there was this old guy working the counter, and I said something like that. I was like, hey, man, how's it going tonight? And while he was checking me out, and he said something to the effect of like,

He says something like, I'm overworked, I'm underpaid, and I'm over the hill. How about you, brother? And I just, you know he said it a billion times, and it's like his go-to. But I liked that. I think stuff like that is cute. I love a little bit that's just out in the wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he does that, and people are charmed, and it's like a nice moment for him. That's his daily bit. Yeah. People should get to have bits. It's not just for us. No, it's for everybody. That's right. Bits are for everybody. Bits are for everybody. And that's why you're running. Yeah.

I'm democratizing bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing universal bit care. Everyone gets bits under Josh. Would you ever run for office? I don't think so. I think you'd be good at it. Thank you. I did. I'm like in the WGA elected leadership. But elections stress me out. Yeah. I don't like...

to prove that I'm, or attempt to be more popular than other people. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, to be like, please, I'm better than the other guy. - Yeah, like, this guy, vote for me, that guy stinks. - Yeah, he's gonna do a horrible job. - And like, I do a bad job when people are like, why should we vote for you? I'm like, I don't know, there are a lot of good people,

I'll try really hard. You're on the WGA. What is the East Council? Got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. So I do. I'm I'm the but I can't imagine doing being in an election where the body is larger than like people like a few thousand people who all do the same job.

- Yeah, who I know a lot of. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Really genuinely, intimately know many of them, yeah. - Running for mayor, mayor of New York seems like such a bad job too. - Yeah, oh yeah. - You have to be such a madman, you have to be Andrew Cuomo to wanna do it, or Eric Adams.

You have to just be like, I want to be the city's dad. I want to be reviled. Yeah. You know, people in my district hate me, some of them, but I would like America to hate me. I want to be hated by every talk show host in the country. I'd like to be like if the president had no power outside of 10 miles from my house. Yeah. Many questions.

Like, why? Yeah, why are you doing that? I have a question for you. Please. The WGA strikes. Yeah. How did we do? Did we win, technically? I think we did. Did we get good stuff? I think we did a good job. It was obviously a really hard time, but I thought the solidarity of the membership was really beautiful and inspiring. And I think there were a lot of things that came out of it that wouldn't have, like a lot of groundwork that was laid for future stuff, that wouldn't have happened without the strike. Right.

The offer, the contract that was on the table before the strike was pretty insulting. Yeah. And we won. I think we did. Yeah. That's what I've been saying. I can never really tell. I'll tell you what. I'm still not working. So this is huge. I'm like really sticking with it. Yeah. Not my choice at this point.

That's what I'm like. I'm wondering because I was so pro-strike. I was so pro. I was on tour during the picket line, so I didn't get to be physically there a lot. But when I was in town, I was on the picket lines. I supported. I donated money to the different things and really believed in it. I turned down a couple big gigs in support of trying to be a good union member. And I felt like I'm a pro-strike guy. Yeah. And then after it, no one's working. Yeah.

In either thing. And I'm like, oh, like, did they win and I just didn't know it? My impulse with that, my inclination is just like, they're doing the thing they were going to do anyway. And the strike was like a convenient thing to blame for. Like, for them to make money, they should have to make stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But they're like, we found a trick. If we just don't do anything, then we're not spending money. Yeah. Well, then what goes on TV? And they're like, the.

- Like The Office. - Ever heard of a show from 10 years ago? How about watching it once again? - Yeah, totally. And that's like, I don't know, it just feels, all that, when something, when the companies get that big, I'm just like, well there's no way because they're, they just need to intake too much money to exist.

Well, there's, yeah, there's the show from 10 years ago that we can rerun and then there's this new fun trick called We're Making It in London. Yeah. Or Ever Heard of Toronto? Yep. And so then you go there and they don't have to follow the rules and they make it somewhere else. Their crew is children. Yeah. Just like,

A child labor crew. Child coal miners. Camera op. They're like, I don't think that baby's old enough to see color yet. How is he operating the camera? Don't worry about it. Netflix loved him for it. Yeah. Netflix actually doesn't care. They don't see color. Actually, they're not allowed to say that anymore. They do see color, but they don't care if the audience is color. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I've been thinking about that a lot because no one is working. So I'm like, what's going on? Yeah. And I don't know the answer. It's...

I think the rest of the country is catching up and they're like, "I don't think anyone's gonna have a job in six weeks." - Yeah, I don't think anyone's working anywhere. And I'm like, not just in our industry, I'm like, "What is going on well with the world? "What's going on in the world?" - And I don't know why we keep going back to the price of eggs.

Like eggs are the barometer. We're like, God, have you seen eggs? They're like $17 a piece. Yeah. Well, it's similar. The eggs thing to me is so similar to the trans people in sports thing where it's like, it's just like, this is a fucking thing they latch onto. And for some reason, most of us are dumb enough to go. Yeah. Yeah. I ate.

that and then they're all pissed off and it's like no of course groceries need to be cheaper yeah making ends meet is difficult but I'm like how are we letting them convince us that it's about the nebulous price of eggs which they have no plan for and not like I don't know the price of rent which they're actively avoiding talking about because they're going to continue letting real estate criminals do crime against us exactly yeah I don't understand that that's it's brutal and yeah let trans people play sports and let let eggs be

Let eggs be. When I'm the mayor, bits are for everyone. Eggs can be. And trans people will be playing sports. They must play sports. Actually, they're not going to get an option. If you're trans, you have to enlist in sports. You have to play sports. You have to play a sport. And I'm going to pick. I'm picking who plays what.

- Dude, well you know what's funny, I get, do you know what an egg is in the trans community? - I don't know what an egg is. - An egg is something that I get called a lot. An egg is when, like trans people will call someone an egg when they suspect that you are trans but you don't know it yet. - Interesting. - Or like you're gonna hatch eventually. - Oh, so like an embryonic pre-hatch. - Yeah, they're like, you're an egg, like you're trans and we'll give you five years basically. - People say that to you often?

Yeah, I think it's because I hang out with almost exclusively trans people and talk about it so much that I think a lot of my trans friends are like, you gotta be. Right. And I'm like, well, no, you know, I don't think so, but I guess only time will tell. I'm open to anything happening generally. Sure. I feel pretty locked in on boy right now, but if I woke up tomorrow and it was giving girl, then I'd start giving girl. That's beautiful. Yeah, I don't care. Whatever.

Why the fuck not? Who knows what's happening in the future? Fuck, I don't know. There was almost a Forrest Gump 2 and then there wasn't. And then there wasn't. I could be planning to go trans and then 9-11 happens. All of a sudden, I'm kicked out of the Bronco. Nothing's happening. You're like, it would actually be disrespectful to America to destroy another tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't. The tower that is me being a boy.

- No, I don't understand people's obsession with certainty and saying what things are absolutely are and absolutely going to be. I'm like, I don't know, who knows? - I don't know anything. - Nothing. - That's a fact. - I barely know anything about the present moment. - No, same. - Let alone the next one. - Yeah, that one we haven't even been there yet. - Yeah, what? - That would be like me knowing a lot about Taiwan, a place I've never been. - You've never been to Taiwan, that's so true about you. - Thank you. - You sort of, I keep asking you to go with me and you'll never go. - I thought, honestly,

I wrote it off as part of your bigger thing of everyone should be where you are. You're right. So I did consider it a personal invitation. And I'm always in Taiwan, yeah. I'm always saying, Josh, come to Taiwan. And you're going, no, I don't want to. I've been declining all these requests to go to Brazil. Yeah.

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- Yeah dude, I would love to actually go, do you know what's big on my travel list? Hanoi. - Ooh. - Have you ever been? - No. - I just keep hearing amazing things about it. I would like to go. - I'm so poorly traveled. - Really? - Yeah. - Do you have any interest? - I do. - Why don't you go? - Great question. - Hi, I'm up to it. - Get out of here, get to JFK. - I'm taking my anchor and I'm leaving. No metal detector here. - Yeah, you can take your anchor on the plane, you just have to buy a seat.

- You know, I'm like, I'm very self-conscious about going places where English isn't, where I speak a little Spanish, like not enough, but enough to put my, yeah, poquito, just enough to put myself in a bad position. - Yeah, yeah, just enough to insult someone without trying. - Yeah, or to like get to the hospital and just be like, ugh. - Help, when you got a gunshot wound, yeah. - And just like so proud that I remember like,

Abrazo! Ayudame, ayudame! Yeah, exactly. And then it's like, como? Don't know anything. Yeah, you can't travel, you're right. Can't. And then, and

And I get self-conscious about like, so many of my friends have gone to Japan. But I don't know Japanese. And they're like, we didn't. And that was fine. And I was like, but it wouldn't be fine for me. I do think you'd be fine. But I worry about traveling in Asia in general. And it's why I haven't gotten around to it quite yet. Because I'm so big. And I've heard how small things are there. Just like tiny, tiny little restaurants and tiny little cars. And I'm worried that I'm going to, I don't know, be hunted for sport or something. Or forced to join the circus or something. I don't know.

I'm so tall and fat that I'm like, there's no way I get out of this unscathed. I don't think they're gonna just let me go into the ramen place that has two seats and I need three of those. The restaurant, the whole restaurant has two seats and I need three. I'm not getting a bowl of ramen. You know what I mean? So I'm like,

So I'm worried about that, but I want to go anyway. Yeah. It does seem exciting and different. Everyone I know comes back and is like, oh, it is a worthwhile place to travel because there is a culture that's so different from American culture that it's worth visiting and learning about and enjoying. Yeah. Well, some people don't want to travel at all. My dad is like that. Yeah. He's not a traveler. Some people are just like, I've got everything I need right here. Yeah.

And I don't desire to go anywhere. But you like to travel. I like to travel. But you know what's interesting? I have always been someone that if I had any free time and money, I was going. I was like, I'll go anywhere. I'll go – when I lived in Missouri and I was broke, I would go to New York anytime I got the chance. And when I got a little bit of money, I was like, I'll go to Europe anytime I get the chance. And just this year, I'm thinking about this summer, I need to go on like a month-long vacation because I've been burning the candle at somehow more than both ends.

And I'm like, I need a vacation pad. It just sounds like a menorah. By the way, I'm burning the menorah at eight inns.

Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah. It is the wrong time of year, but I like that you're getting into the spirit. Yeah. All year round, I'm an ally. You can't stop me from being an ally. But I need a vacation. And for the first time ever, I'm thinking about just staying in the States, which is a new thing. Where would you go in the States? Well, I've thought about just getting a house for a month in Wyoming or Montana. I went to a movie premiere in Savannah, Georgia recently and just loved it down there. And I was like, I could

spend a month down there just like writing and walking to restaurants and wearing shorts. That sounds beautiful. Yeah. And sweating and getting a tan. There is so much America. Yeah. And I have seen a lot of America, which is cool. I like, I've done a lot, not as many national parks as I would like. And I think I should do more of that. But like Grand Canyon, pretty spectacular. Yeah. We got so many different weird cities. Oh, and fun little ones too. Yeah. I'd like to do a big, and I don't know if you relate to this or not, but

you tour. And so I get really sad that I go to these cool cities for 16 hours. I show up, I go to the show, I do the show, I sleep as much as I can, I leave. Totally. And that is weird because then I'm like, yeah, technically I've been to Charlotte five times, but fuck if I know anything about it. They'll be like, what's your favorite thing to do in Charlotte? You're like, well, I know this one hotel and then it's like a nice walk to the venue. Yeah, I'll tell you, there's a Thai restaurant that delivers at 2 a.m. to my hotel I stay at. And it's fine?

- And it's okay. - But it's the best place I've been in Charlotte. - If you need to know the best venue chicken tenders, boy do I have some things to tell you. - Sometimes I'll go to a city, especially if it's just for one night, and the folks there will be like, if you need any restaurant recommendations,

I've printed out, like I made you a list, and I'm like, I can go, none of these places are within arm's reach right now, so I can't go to any of them. - Yeah, I will go to whatever is across the street. - But on the other hand, if I'm in a place for like three days, and I have two friends there, and they're like, oh, this is a great place to get brunch, here's a place to have a drink before the show, here's a place that's open late, I'm like, Dallas is the best city in America.

I can see my life here and I like the way it looks. - It's all unfolding in front of me. - I do this every city we go to on tour. I literally at one point say, I could see my life in Toronto and I like the way it looks. I love the way my life looks. If we get more than 16 hours, I see myself moving there. - It's like, God, I went to an art museum one out of one days I was here. I'd probably go to a museum every day. - Yeah, it's totally sick. - It doesn't scale. - No, I think that way too. And then I'm in New York meanwhile, I haven't been to a museum in months.

- Can't get me in the door of one. - No. - It's my day off, what am I gonna do? - If they're trying to bring you in. - Stop, stop. - I will not. - Get back. - The path is closed. - The path is closed, you cannot path. Yeah, I'd love to take a, also I'm kinda thinking maybe for my summer vacation, I'd like to take a road trip through the south.

I've been to a lot of places in the South, but I'd like to do a very specific road trip where it's like, I'm going to stay in. I'm going to go to New Orleans five days. I'm going to go to Birmingham for five days. I'm going to go like, I'm going to like be out there.

Yeah. Get a little house in each one. That's fun. That'd be fun. New Orleans is like one of the most fun places in America too. Yeah. I'd like to go spend some actual time. It's so fun. Yeah. Would be fun. What's your favorite place you've been to? What's your favorite place you've been to in the States that like surprised you? Oh, that's a great question. I love the Twin Cities. I love Minneapolis especially. We were just there two days ago. Isn't it great? Yeah. It's so nice. Yeah. Like it's fun. It's fun.

it is a real city. Like I think people kind of gloss over it because Chicago is wonderful too. And, and people are like, Oh, the Midwest, that's like Chicago, et cetera. But like, I, I love Minneapolis. I'm always, audiences are great there. I always have a great time doing shows. The people were so nice. Yeah. The, the comedy scene, cause I've been through enough times. I like know a bunch of comics. So it's like one of those places where from there for a few days, uh, there's enough friends to go like, Oh, let's get lunch and catch up. And we haven't seen each other in forever. And so I, yeah, that's one of the places I love visiting.

We had a bison burger in Minneapolis that was life changing. So back to you. Oh, wait. You know what else I love is I really like Iowa City. Oh, yeah. I love like a college town. College town. Big time. Fun. Yeah. What college town was I just? Oh, Fayetteville. Fayetteville. I just did a show at University of Arkansas. I love a college town, dude. Bloomington, Indiana. Yes. So fun. Like Jesse Eisenberg lives there. I know.

I know. You know that? I've met him there. Really? He was so nice. He's so big on the Bloomington play community. Oh, that's really cool. He's involved with a play workshop there or something, I think. That must be so nice and so intimidating for them. For him to be there. He's sitting in the audience and they're like, that guy was just nominated for a bunch of Oscars. Yeah. I think that guy's cool as fuck. He's really nice. I like the movie. Yeah. A Real Pain. A Real Pain. I did.

I saw it at my favorite indie theater in Kansas City. Oh, cool. I'm like so on the verge of sneezing. Armor Screenland. I'm okay, baby. Thank you. Armor Screenland in Kansas City is this really cute little art house theater in North Kansas City that has like kind of, I don't know how you say it. Like what are those old like Atari and stuff? What are those? Oh, the arcade games? The old arcade games, like a basement themed bar around them.

That's really fun. Isn't that fun? Yeah. Yeah, I like that a lot. I like a weird little art house theater a lot. Me too. It's pretty much my favorite thing. It's getting, like, I feel like such a cranky old man where I'm like, oh, everything is now like movie with...

like cocktails they bring to your seats and stuff, which I'm, I'm not against, especially it's like a fun date night for like a fun movie or whatever. Yeah. But I do miss like the charm of like a one of one independent theater. Yeah. I think my rule for those kinds of theaters you're talking about, like the, your, your Alamos and stuff would be, they can only play certain types of movies. Yes. I'm sorry, but it's distracting when someone two rows in front of you is getting Buffalo cauliflower bites during triangle of sadness. Yes.

That's right. It's like, hey, let's just stick to Marvel. I know the zone of interest has such intricate sound design, but all I can hear is your celery sticks. Yeah, only during a Superman movie should you be getting buffalo chicken tenders. Yes.

And then, yeah. But they've gone the other way where it's like a little towards the artsy and it's like, no, that's where you should go to see Fast and Furious. Yes. That's where you see the big dumb studio, a hundred million dollar movies. And then I want to be in a place like, you know, some tiny little, I want to be at fucking armor screen land when I see triangle of sadness. Yeah. Or zone of interest. Yeah, for sure. Cause that's like the, those are movies where you're like,

I couldn't even think about Buffalo cauliflower right now. - No, I couldn't think about being hungry. - Yeah. - I'm so into this art. - Yeah. - What was, did you have one growing up, like an art house that you went to? - We went to, I saw like, there are a few around Boston. We would go to this second run theater called Hollywood Hits, and that's where we would see like the slightly weird movies, because it would be like $4 and they didn't check IDs. - Hell yeah. - So we could go to like rated R movies, and we would see like,

I saw like, oh brother, where art thou there? Hell yeah. Super long run at the bigger, the AMCs and stuff. And it was like, it was cheap and it was fun. And the seats were horrible. And you would be like, there'd be like four people in there. It was great. That's the best. I really loved it. Yeah. And it was like right near the mall. So you go there, go to the mall, hang out real good teen spot. And it felt like I was getting, I was like, oh, this is like a little more cultural. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because you lived in the Burbs. I did live in the Burbs. Yeah, I lived in the country. Oh, sure. Like an hour and a half outside the city. Yeah. But I would drive into Kin City, same thing, and go to this place called the Tivoli. Yeah. It was like a two-room art house theater, and one of the rooms was massive, and it's where I would see all the weird stuff. We had a theater chain in my town that wasn't like a big one. It was like a regional one. It was called B&B Theaters. Yeah.

but they wouldn't play any of it. - It was the movie theater where you could sleep over and they'd just make you breakfast. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the breakfast was just a big bucket of popcorn. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The bed sheets are made out of like curtain, like red velvet curtain.

- It was awesome. - I like the Airbnb theater, which is just the screen in the back of those. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was not far off from being that zany, and they wouldn't play any of the cool movies. - Yeah, I liked it. It was nice to see, I would get so jealous as a child when they'd be like, opening in select theaters this Friday, and he'd be like, select the ones near me. - I'm a loser. - Why don't you select the Kendall Square Cinema in Cambridge, Massachusetts?

Dude, I mean, I really did feel like when I would go to the city, Kansas City, and get like Thai food. Getting Thai food was like, whoa. Like we are culture. I mean, even in the suburbs where I grew up, like my mom still doesn't trust sushi as a concept. She's like, I just don't know how people do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just can't be right. They're not cooking it. She's like, I just worry. But you've – like other –

- Nevermind. - Yeah. - And they, when they start, my parents started eating Thai food when like a place opened up, they're like, "Well, I'm trying, but like." - We'll see. - Well, we're using forks now. - Not xenophobic, but like strangely adamant, yeah.

No, it felt so, like, it's so funny now living in, you know, New York and stuff. But as a kid in rural Missouri, it was like getting, like, yeah, having an oyster was like, it felt like going to the moon. Totally. It was like, we just don't do that. And my parents are, they're very, like, inclusive and they are excited about that there are other kinds of people. But my mom is so worried about getting stuff wrong, which is, I guess I've expressed the same thing. But she was like, is it okay?

Like that kind of thing. - Yeah. - I was like, are they gonna be mad at me? - Well, no, that's a totally, it comes from a totally nice place. I definitely have relatives like that who, there's an uneasiness to being like, I don't wanna come embarrass myself in front of you. - Totally. - I don't dislike you. I want to be cool and try new things, but I'm like, it's embarrassing, I'm shy. - Which I think is, especially growing up pre-Google,

It was like a kind of thing where you like didn't always know the customs and you had to like know someone who knew how to how to be ushered in and like what was the way to do things. And like I almost I was out at like a fancy restaurant with some friends recently and two of us, they brought those little cube towels that like expand when they they're a little moist and.

Two of us almost ate those. Like, that's where I still am. Yeah. No, it's... You used to need, like, a weird cousin who listened to alternative music. Yeah. To teach you about, like, chopsticks. Yes. Like, you needed... That needed to... That used to be... Yes. But now there's so much... There's so much access, but nothing feels...

- It's funny, there's so much access to everything, but nothing feels accessible. - Nothing feels accessible, people get too comfortable. We're like, I don't think you were supposed to do the accent when you ordered. - That is so, yeah, it's like a white guy who is obsessed with a certain culture. - Yes, totally. - Usually Asia. - Right, and it's like, just because, like your ponytail is not a passport. - Hey, konichiwa should not be coming out of your mouth.

At this suburban Japanese restaurant. Yeah, right. With all in a whole Italian style. Your ponytail is not a passport. Let's take that to heart, boys. Boys, let's take that to heart. But when I'm the mayor, your ponytail will be a passport. Yeah, ponytails will be passports.

I don't, yeah, I think give everyone passports. I don't care anymore. I don't understand. Some of the fights we're having right now, I'm like, am I the only one who just doesn't give a fuck? Yeah. I don't care. Well, there's bad stuff that's going on that I was like, I didn't even know things could be bad like that. Yeah. It's like the opposite of when you try a new cuisine, you're like, I didn't know food could be good in this way. We're like the government now. I'm just like,

You can just tear out all the chairs at the Supreme Court and sell them on eBay. Whenever it's happening, this all stinks. Yeah, or the stuff we're supposed to be mad about that they're trying to get us pitched into a fever about. They're like, well, we can't have the federal government sending money for special needs kids to jump on trampolines at recess. I'm like, we can't? Why not? I'm supposed to care? I thought that sounds kind of cool to me. Yeah. It's just like, how much does a trampoline cost you?

yeah they're like oh it's 20 bucks i'm like that's crippling the debt i don't understand what's going on you already have my 20 bucks yeah you have what i wanted all this stuff like we can't do it it's like you already have my money and now you're just telling me cool stuff you're not doing with it anymore yeah they're so that's the other thing they're trying to get they're trying to get us being like they're being like yeah biden started sending like a billion extra dollars to food banks and we're cutting that waste i'm like no i like

Do that! Don't do the other stuff! Yeah, stop sending guns to people. What the fuck? Wait, do you want to- does everyone just get to send a list of priorities? I have some thoughts. I've got some.

I've got ideas. Yeah, that'd be sick, actually. We should start a government where once a week everyone gets in a room and just goes, okay, someone with a marker at a whiteboard goes, what do we want to do? And everyone yells things out. We go, okay, tally for free food. What else? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Who thinks we... Right. Guns. We should... Guns on the moon. You're like...

I don't know, man. They have a lot of votes for guns on the moon. I don't know. They really want guns on the moon this month. Let's give it one month. Yeah. Oh, it's ridiculous. We're sending foreign aid to stop people from having malaria. And it's like, I don't think people should have malaria. That sounds great to me. I think that also benefits us. That's the other thing is they keep the conservative argument right now is trying to pitch that like, why are we the world's peacekeepers? And it's like, well,

okay, maybe that's a perspective that you're allowed to have, but hey, if malaria gets really bad, guess who that's gonna come back to? - Right. - Fucking us, dawg. - Yeah. - That stuff can come over here too. - You're not gonna fucking keep malaria out at the border with more guards. - Yeah, it's like your tight borders thing is not gonna keep AIDS from spreading. - Right, you can sneeze across borders. - Yeah, and I will. - Which is not how you get AIDS, I understand that. - No, no. - I understand that's not how it's, I would sell the other-- - I'm giving people in Canada AIDS.

I'm sneezing at the border. We're sending our sickest Americans to the border to sneeze into Canada. Everyone get to Niagara Falls now. Oh, the tariffs aren't working?

We're giving you, we're just going to gum syphilis across the border. Everyone touch your eye and start rubbing it on door handles. Bring your toddlers. We're giving a whole nation pink eye. We're fucking these people up. We're going to war with Canada. These biological warfare. Yeah, we're going nuts. Everyone get out there and open mouth cough on their pastries.

Honestly, if that was all the funding our military got, I'd be like, all right. Yeah. If all we did was send people over to cough, yeah, I'd be like, that's got to be cheaper. Probably not the worst time we've done that in American history. Yeah. I think we have a history of that. Yeah. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off? You made an excuse like, ill, he'll on its own, or I'm too busy, or maybe, I don't

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What's one law you would pass if you were in charge of the whole world? Silly, not serious. Oh, one law. Yeah, silly. Actually, you know, women...

Get him out of here. No more women. Actually, there are so many podcasts where that is just what they say. Yeah. Gosh, what is the law? I think... Josh Gondelman's silly law. I know. Okay. I think we need a caveat to the First Amendment. Nice. Yeah. It's not feeling silly yet, but let's see. And then it's like...

Where you can... You should also... It's also freedom of like, hey man, shut the fuck up. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And we should be able to... We should be able to... I think that in every public space, you should be able to vote on kicking one person out. I love that. Like if someone on a plane is misbehaving, everyone on the plane should be able to click a button and go eject their seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Parachute. They're just done. Or like a restaurant. Be like, that table is being annoying and we all think it to an extent that they need to leave. Yeah. And maybe it's like...

just like a quiet thing where like everybody hits their button and once it reaches critical mass, then they're just kind of quietly escorted out. Yeah. It doesn't have to be like a, um, like an eye. No, it's not, it's not theatrical. It's not violent. I think they should get their bill paid for or whatever. They should get like a visa gift card. We say, Hey, everyone voted for you to leave the space. Yep. I do think though, in certain places you should, there should be an,

like not just yay or nay, but a vote of like, let him cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep him. Yeah. I like what they're doing. I want to see where this is going. Yeah, it's upvotes and downvotes. Yeah. You should be able to upvote the behavior. That's right. Sometimes a person's being crazy on the train and you can tell three people want him to leave, but everyone else is like,

I don't know. It's kind of breaking up the community. I'll hear him out. Yeah. You know what? Fuck yeah. They're cooking a little bit. Yeah. Especially like my, my wife is such a good eavesdropper. And so she'll like clue me in. Cause I'll be, I'll just like be thinking thoughts or like want to hear what she has to say or I want to say something to her. And she'll be like,

And then it'll just be like a guy being like, I don't know. It's just like, I think my ex is going to get mad if I have sex with this one I'm working with. But it's like, we broke up four hours ago. Dude, eavesdropping is my like Olympic sport. It's so good. I'm locked in on it. It's so good. I'm always listening. Have you had a good eavesdrop lately?

Have I told this one on the actual pod yet? I don't know. We'll find out. Trust the fans will let us know. Anytime I repeat something, I fucking hear about it. But I was on a rental car shuttle from LAX to the airport, from the rental car place to the airport. And this southern woman is sitting with her husband and they clearly don't like each other. And she's being like, babe, look at my phone. And he's being like, ooh, you know, ignoring her. And I have my headphones on so they think I'm not listening. And then at one point they're silent for a second and she goes, oh.

Oh my God. And he goes, and then he, even he was like, what? Like he knew it was something good. Yeah, yeah. And she looks at her phone and she turns to him and goes, could a child this beautiful be?

come from a woman so ugly. And I was like, whoa. I was like, I need a meeting with everybody. That's really good. I need a one-on-one with him, her, the ugly mom, the baby. I need to debrief with everyone. Yeah. I just was like, that's good shit. I love that. We got one, a sliver on our block the other day that was like so mysterious. And I wanted to stop the lady and ask follow-up questions because she was on the phone and she just went. And it was just so fucked up.

that he did that and then we walked past and I didn't hear anything else and I was like, that's just a mystery forever. - I would give anything to know. - Yeah. - We heard something recently, I feel like, that was like a business guy

Being like being like I don't care if I don't care if they want to be home with their kids for the holidays Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah He was like if they want to be home with their kids for the holidays They need to get the work done It was like you're like out of out of like a 90s movie about a guy who's about to meet a ghost of Christmas meaning Yeah, Bill Bill Pullman's gonna learn a lesson. Yeah Truly Bill permanent the movies called Bill Pullman. Well, Bill Pullman learns a lesson. Yeah

And he's played by Bill Paxton. And he's played by Bill Paxton and it doesn't matter. That's why people are so confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, it was, yeah, that was a nutso one. I love it. I wish, I also, when you had the headphones on, just, he was dropping, I was picturing, instead of connected to your phone, it's just connected to, like, one of those spy microphones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That little kids can buy. With the fucking, like, with the furry on it, yeah. Oh, yeah, the full furry, like, pop filter or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, like, inching the thing closer to them. Just, am I out of frame? Okay.

Trying to get more of it. Boom mic. Yeah. I'm boom micing. The worst kind of eavesdrop. I would love... I wish...

Broadcasting it through speakers for the rest of the show. Yeah. I wish you could do, I wish that could be a podcast where like when people are doing, you're like, hey, would you just tell me the whole story? Tell me exactly what's going on. Yeah. Actually, that's a great idea. You should start that show. I'm going to do it. You'd have a hit. I don't, I'm not assertive enough. Really? In public, yeah. You don't, I think you, but that's why I think it would work for you. Okay. You would sweetly be like, hey, I just, I overheard what you said. Ha ha ha.

I've got a podcast. I'd love to talk to you about what was going on if it's okay. And I think they'd be like, yes. Yes, sweet man in great shoes and a sweater. I'd like to talk to you. She'd be like, I mean, that baby was really ugly. Or the baby was beautiful. That lady was really ugly. We'd get to the bottom of it. Josh, I have a question for you. Please. What's so true to you? What is so true to me? Oh, um...

I alluded to it before, but I think that this is something really important is that I think we're in an era where there is so much wonderful, beautiful art and so much of the worst dog shit that's ever been produced by human or computer minds. Yeah. And it is so baffling to me how popular the second thing is. Yeah. Where it's like, was there stuff like that before?

There's stuff that's AI, right? Where it's just an old man at a birthday cake. The whole building behind him is on fire and it has a hundred candles and it's like, it's my 40th birthday. It's just all made by AI and people are like, why doesn't this ever go viral? And it just makes me...

Were there people doing that in the 1700s? It's just someone scrawled an image of George Washington with huge boobs spanking King George III and people are like, verily, how come this never makes it to the printing press? Uh.

- Wait, do you think people were just ravenous for dog shit back then too? - I don't know, I don't know. I mean, they were certainly stupid and were dumb. We're dumb now too, but we're dumb in a way that's more pathetic because we have all the answers. - That's right. - All the answers are available. - Yes. - But people are so stupid. - Yes. - Yeah, it's insane. - People are like, okay, A, B, or C, all of them are great options. And they're like, you're not gonna make me use the first three letters of the alphabet. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I do wonder if there was like, yeah, what the shit-stirring political scene was like back before all the technology. Yeah, or even just like entertainment. Do you think like when Shakespeare's plays, which are obviously very popular and not like highbrow art, do you think there was a guy with like way worse plays that was way more popular? Yeah, yeah.

Where it's just like Romeo and Juliet and they're like "Oh well, neither of them dies and he fingers her in the third scene" And you're like "What?" And then people are like "We love that" Yeah, that rules Yeah that's sick, they've made 20 of them We can't wait for the 21st Yeah there's 20 Romeo fingers Juliet

and we're gonna go to it. Yeah. And it's like, I just don't know. But I think there's so much, because people talk trash about comedy all the time. They're like, oh, comedy. Ever since George Carlin died, I've stopped listening to things, so I don't think anything's good. And it's like, there's so many wonderful, brilliant, diverse voices that are like,

doing amazing work. The kind of stuff that like people in the 1950s, like you watch like an old, I don't want to name names because they were doing the best they could back then before they invented good jokes. But people just would be like, uh,

my mother-in-law, she is a bad cook. And audiences were just like, can you believe this guy said that? Just like screaming and crying. And now there's so much good stuff and people are like, no, we just want to hear jokes that were written in 1992 that people stopped saying in the early 2000s and now have gone back to saying.

- Yeah, and it's those, yeah, the we love comedy crowd, that's one of the funny things about the right wing movement right now is they're all so like we gotta bring back being funny and I'm like you haven't done it once. - Yes!

JD Vance being like, I don't know. To me, being a guy is just about telling jokes with your buddies. I'm like, tell one joke, you stupid, pathetic loser. He's the guy that like, and I have a friend that does this, and he's going to know that I'm airing him out for this. But JD Vance's idea of the joke is like when he walks into a room or a bar and his three friends are already there being like, what's up, ladies? Yeah.

And he's got the one friend that's like, who the fuck are you talking to? Yeah. Yeah, true. That is identically their version of like, we're bringing back joking with the boys. Yeah, that's right. It's like, not a joke, not interesting. You're a fucking loser.

Yeah, I just don't get their obsession with comedy because they say they're obsessed with comedy, but I'm like, you're just actually obsessed with being mean. You're not telling anything funny. Yeah, it's got to be funny. And it's not. There's no formula to it. There's no craft. The jokes are never funny. Yeah, it's just I want to be able to say a mean thing, and then when people are like, that hurts my feelings, to be like, ha ha, that sucks.

That's what I wanted. That's comedy, baby. Or like Elon Musk, too. Same thing of him being like, oh, we love comedy. And then every single comedy thing he shares is like a meme being like, when it's illegal to own the libs, but you do it anyway. And then it's like him with muscles or something. And it's like, you like praise. That's not a joke. Right. His idea, like...

It's all the stuff that you're like, we're laughing at that. We're like, I truly, there is a chance, I would, I think this is gonna happen. This is my only political prediction. I think before this Trump presidency is over, which is like 12, 13 years from now. - 14, 15, 16 years from now, yeah.

Elon Musk is going to be at a rally and he's going to do the Ace Ventura talking with his butt thing. I think that is a lock. That's coming. If I could bet on that on FanDuel, I would sign up for an account. I would put my life savings on it. That's coming down the pike. Everyone get ready. Prepare to laugh until you cry. He'll be like... And it'll be like the first... He'll be...

it'll be the Mark Twain Awards and Donald Trump will be receiving it because he runs the Kennedy Center. And he'll bend over and he'll be like, President Trump, may I ask you a question? It'll cricket and he'll be like, must be a bunch of libs in here. Yeah. I just got really sad. I know. I'm sorry. No, no, it's not your fault, Josh. It's everything that's going on. The idea...

The idea of him running the Kennedy Center, which is happening. Yeah. It's so unbelievably funny and sad. Yeah. It's unbelievably funny that he was like, I'll run it. I'm the president of the Kennedy Center. Yeah, it's like, what? He literally did. He literally did bits are for everyone. Yeah, he said, hey, bits are for everyone. Have at it.

Yeah, but they're deporting people who are citizens. It's so bad! It's so bad! Which is really not good. It's so bad. Yeah. Oh, I hate it all. Yeah. What are we gonna do, do you think? Me and you. What are we gonna do? Yeah, what are we gonna do to stop stuff? Well, once we get back from Taiwan. We're gonna ride motorcycles into Taiwan until we figure something out. Just you and me shirtless motorcycles. Me on the back.

You have one of those like 1950s helmets. We're just over there. This is what it sounds like when you're on one of those motorcycles. Come on. That's not even a song. We get the idea. I go, oh my God, Josh, we got to go back and run. Yeah. We're driving this motorcycle back to DC. So we can get on the ballot. Now that's a movie I'd watch.

I also think things should be stupider for fun and not stupider for real. Yeah. Like the government is so stupid, but more movies should be about like two guys riding a motorcycle. From Taiwan to DC. To get on the ballot. Yeah, to get on the ballot. Unclear what get on the ballot even means to them. Wait, dude, the election's like next week. Should we go to DC and get on the ballot? Yeah. Yeah. We gotta get on that ballot. Yeah. It's a dumb and dumber road trip to get on the ballot. My favorite. I love how...

I love how like anytime you have a meeting, right? This maybe is too inside baseball, but any kind of entertainment meeting, the notes that they give you are so suffocating. They're like, we just don't see this going 13 seasons. Nothing goes 13 seasons. Yeah, that's why we're not making this. And then like in the 70s, 80s, 90s, the movie premises are like,

what if a dog was the prime minister of Canada? And they're like, how's 12 million? Can you do it for 12? Which in today's money is $113 million. That guy wrote the one script. He retired. He lives in the top of Mount Everest. In a mansion that costs $28 billion. He paid for it with residuals, by the way. We used to have something called residuals. His back end was so good, they're like, if anyone goes to see it, we'll give you 75% of the profits.

It grossed a billion dollars, 81 money. And he's chilling. He's chilling. God, I'm so jealous. Josh, I have a segment for you. Please. This is the true-false segment. I'm ready. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars. Okay. Okay? It's kind of huge. Okay, here we go. You ready? Ready?

True. True. True. False. True. False. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True. True.

False. False. The Fig Newton is named after Isaac Newton. False. False. Newton, Massachusetts. Hell yeah. Let's go. That's right. That's where that's from. A suction cup will not work in outer space. False. True. A pearl can be dissolved in vinegar. A pearl can be dissolved in vinegar? True. True. The average raindrop takes an hour to hit the ground. False. False. Two minutes. Harvard was the first university in North America. False. True. Stoneham High School does not have a hockey team.

False. False. Seinfeld first aired in 1989. True. True. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. True. True. Carrots are technically a fruit.

False. False. How do you do? Ten! Whoa! Let's go! This is huge. Josh. Wow, I feel amazing. Yeah, and you did amazing. Thank you. Ten's hard. I was worried. I blew a couple easy ones. You did. Well, there was a run there where I was worried about you. And then I really came back. You came back in historic fashion. This is huge. I got out of the balance. And that's the city of Boston, baby. Woo! That's Boston blood. We were down 3-0 to the Yankees in 2004. And then, lo and behold...

Kennedy. I love the guy that like, oh, Boston accent and it's just Kennedy. Ask not what Josh can do for his country, but what the country can do for Josh. Josh, anything you want to leave the people with? Where to follow you? What you're up to? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I'm at Josh Gondelman on social media. I'm Instagram and TikTok and Instagram.

Blue Sky now and I have a newsletter called That's Marvelous that I write every Monday and it's free and it's full of pep talks and jokes and it lets people know where to find me and I'll have the information for my new special there soon hopefully. Hell yeah. I would really like for people to watch it. We just love you Josh. Thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun. Thanks for being here. Of course. My pleasure. Josh Connellman. We did it. That was a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal. And we're now hosting a new improvised show called What If on the HeadGum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of TV, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the

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