S9 E10: WCN Presents: [Danielle] SWW S9 Updates // Part 1
45:59 Share

Wunder plus subscribers can listen to something was wrong early and add free right now. Join wonder plus in the wander APP or on apple podcast audibles. Best of twenty twenty four picks are here.

Discover the year's top audio books and original als in all your favourite genres from memories in saifi I to mysteries and thillard audibles created list in every category is the best way to hear twenty twenty four best in audio entertainment like a stunning new forecast production of George or wells ninety eighty four heart felt memories like supreme court justice Jackson. Lovely one or the year's best fiction like the woman by Christian hanna. Audible there's more to imagine when you listen, go to audible dark com slash S W W and discover all the year's best waiting for you.

Mark something uncommon this holiday with just the right gift from uncommon goods. The busy holiday season has already started. I can't believe IT, whenever i'm looking for a one of a kind gift, I always had uncommon goods.

What I love about in goods is they scour the globe and create the most beautiful, original, hand made, absolutely remarkable things. They have something unique for all the hobbies in your life, like a pick ball paddle, snack tray, choose your own dog salt pepper shakers or a hand painted Floral flat candle. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out this holiday season.

And with every purchase, you make IT uncommon goods, they back a dollar to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than three million dollars today to get fifteen percent of your next gift. Go to uncommon goods. Dot com flash S W W, that's uncommon.

Gds, what's dark? Com flash S W W for fifteen percent off, don't miss out on this limited time offer uncommon in goods or all out of the ordinary something was wrong is intended for mature audiences as a discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as emotional and sexual violence content warnings for each episode and confidential and free resources for survivors can be found in the episode notes. Some survivor names have been changed for anonymity purposes.

Sudanese are given to minors in these stories for their privacy and protection. Testimony shared by guests on the show is their own and does not necessarily reflect the views of myself. Broken cycle media or wondering the or any linked to materials should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional expertise or treatment. All persons are considered innocent unless proven guilty in a court of law. Thank you so much for listening.

Welcome to what came next presents something was wrong updates.

I do. I do.

me. You do do.

My name is amy b. chesler. Welcome to what came next presents on the something was wrong feed.

I am so excited to be here, and I know that is a bit of a weird statement to make when we talk about story this chAllenging and or traumatic, but i'm excited because I have the honor of having with Tiffany is the host of something was wrong, as well as dan yell from seasonal on this episode. Both of them not only are beautiful, powerhouse souls, but there are also friends, mind. We've developed this beautiful friendship.

So IT was natural for this to be our first episode update on what came next about a something was wrong. Another reason why we decided to do this as the first update episode, season nine, was pivotal for the show. Something was wrong.

I was pivotal for you tifany. Hearing your voice speaking on the experience is important. Episode one and two came out August twelve, twenty twenty one.

So we're only talking less than two years ago. IT finished september thirty of twenty twenty one. Daniel season, season nine center around her narrative, navigating a very difficult relationship to a man named r.

SHE, eventually went on to coping with this. There were struggles in the courtroom, out of the courtroom with other women he was defrauding. We have a lot of updates. So much has happened, and we've had the privilege of learning about IT. As it's gone.

you have IT. I'm super excited to be doing this with you. So much has gone on since the podcast aid.

Other things have gone on. Wild podcasts was being produced that we couldn't actually say. So we want to set the recovery strate in a few things.

I am just so excited about this. Like you said, it's obviously tough to talk about, but I also know how much the three of us have discussed doing this finally and giving dn all the space to clarify. And a lot of things share these ridiculous wild occurrences that have continued to happen with this monster of a human being.

The listeners asked for constantly. They're like, we're gonna a Danielle kandy update stat IT was a very pivotal season for the show. The first day I saw the annual submission. I think we drag about this on the season, but I was just keep fake british accent over and over and over to myself because I was the first time I i'd ever heard of, I think, denial and I spoke within a day or two I was like, holly shit, what is a story I knew in my heart of part of part how I felt with every season and i've done.

I have that feeling where I was like, this is, this is the next story I was just like, I fucked and promise you, we're onna tell this story because I felt so strongly about IT. IT was one of those instinctual things as a creator. I was like, this is really important and these victims deserve justice.

Putting this out there is going to help keep people safe because I know there's more victims out there. So i'm thankful that we're finally able to do IT. We get to start bringing these kinds of episodes to the listeners.

And if you guys are into these types of episodes, go subscribe to what came next. Because going forward, they may not be on this feed. They may be exclusively on the what came next feed. So if you are into update episodes, and I know ninety nine percent of you voted yes on update episodes, on my instagram stories, paul go subscribed to what came next. You not only get to hear update pisos like this, but you'll also get to hear amy's other incredible episodes with people in docu theory shows who are sharing through their own lens what came next for them after sharing their stories with the world.

I reached out to you, Tiffany, because I been a listener for a bit. I knew my story would be in good hands with the o. There's been others who have wanted to share my story, and i've said no because I knew that they wouldn't take the same care.

At the end of the day, I know that something was wrong is about you being a documentarian and not an entertainer. So I knew you. We're going to be really careful and not try to make IT entertain ment value, but share the story the way that I should be, quite honestly.

This is my story. This is Candy story. This isn't Darcy story. This isn't all of our these victim stories.

I think one of the things that really annoyed was comment comments, yoga tiffani about Darcy, the negativity that yoga a in terms of the accusations that Darcy was a victim and you didn't interview her, that this was unfair to Darcy. I wanted address that because people don't realize six months within me finding everything out. This was live and unfolding as we were speaking.

I wanted say on record that tifany did ask kenyan I if you should reach out to Darcy. And we both emphatically told you now. And part of that was that, again, this is barely six months after there were things still happening. Ultimately, what we knew at that time was that Darcy was taking any little bit of information you could figure out from kenji or me, and he was feeding IT back to our I wanted to get the message out, but I also had to keep me and my daughter safe. And kenge SHE was still actively speaking with him, probably dating him.

So I just want to say thank you so much, Daniel, for saying that i'm literally sitting here tearing up when the survivors have had my back in these kinds of situations. IT really means a lot that you would put that out there. My ethics and how I treat people is the most important thing to me in this work.

So when that was criticized, that fault like a different level of paint for me. The thing is, this involves kang's children, whom kenji does anything and everything for. Daniel, I think you agree to do the by his children, and has fought so hard to keep them safe. This person, while they were a victim, they can also be a cheer and a liar and put their kids through absolute hell and not protect them from someone that they know bites over and over and over again. When you turn that corner, you're now part of the problem.

I agree, I think she's both a victim and an abuse er but despite the fact that he was a victim, SHE was actively feeding him information, actively working with my goal as as andy the safety of our we could not have any information being released prior to the podcast coming out. I was hoping he would never find out to be quite honest but somehow that didn't happen. IT was interesting.

I think they were like point sometimes where we really got that point across at the end of the day. This is about outing the behaviors of individuals in the hopes that more and more women will start to see these patterns as they're happening, not later, when they're looking for ways to heal. Mean, that would be the ideal situation for me.

Women who are listening to your podcast will now be out in the dating world fully informed, and maybe they can spot IT. Before I started happening, Michael was to take the shame out of IT. I was highly educated, successful, and I wasn't supposed happened to me here.

Can you tell? His perspective, however, was really interesting to see how the stories overlapped and unfolded together, even though I knew a lot, I didn't know everything. So he was really interesting to here, can just take on everything I knew when I put into message Tiffany, for this season. I actually talk to Candy about the whole podcast.

I said, if he wants to do my season, I know she's gonna want to talk to you, would you talk to her? And he's like, a yeah but get when night you and I thought that was a huge part of the story, but also IT was a great way to show that maintain be victims tae, I think that was his gold too. Just help identify those red flags and also the an advocate, a victim is a victim doesn't matter if you are Young or old or male or female, hetero or buy or whatever you identify as you're still a victim and nothing else matters. The key, I think, to airing out the dirty laundry is to help people identify the behaviors.

While we're on the topic of kandi, kenji is very intelligent. He's so respectful, he's so gentle, he's so sweet. He's one of my favorite people i've ever got me opportunity to work with. And what I loved about him is that he showed up with, like a seventy five .

page document to discuss.

still, to this day, never seen a more detailed timing of events, because he had already been catalog ging everything because of all the concerns with neglect of children being exposed to this abusive monster. When you listen to the season, he's very factual.

And like he said, there was so much that I didn't know until we went through the whole timeline and we spent fifteen hours together going through everything and towards the end I like, hey, do you ever consider the euro victim in this? And he's like, never really thought about IT. He wasn't actively coming to the show till try and harm her in any way.

I feel like he was honestly very respectful in all of my exchanges and also genuinely gave his best effort to help save Daniel's life. And that has continued to pay itself forward. Those male allies are so, so, so important. I felt like this is so important to include him too, because this is what we need from you, man, when we're in the, we need you as allies to IT can just be women looking out for other women?

When I came out, there were a lot of good reactions and the things that really made my heart for where the messages just about people having been in similar situations and feeling like they're not alone, that was really the goal of me doing that. Then I tell tif honey, all the time, every new season I hear, I feel like there's a piece of my story.

And every single one of those stories, there's something that we've through all of our stories, there's something that finds us all. So obviously, those messages really made me feel good about sharing my story. I had to hide on social media, and that was really to just protect me from. I think the internet roles is what we're going to call them.

That's the other thing that people don't understand. It's not like we can just sit through when we look through the reviews or comments. We can't just be like open abuse ers to the side.

We don't know who's talking to us and they're using all the screen names and step. We're potentially leaving a window open to allow our abuse er to continue to communicate with us. And you know, i'm not interested in that and neither were you.

I just vote. Really protective of U. N. kenji. There was so much going on, and I didn't have full control of everything that was going on. IT was chaos.

To your point, he actually did pretend to be a woman who wanted to get R. D. I got on a confidential message through the website.

When I was still, there was a woman who said that he thought he had seen him in the city, and he wanted to help me to get to the bottom of this. He would meet up with me there. And I figured out after a couple of messages that was actually arty.

So we don't know who's on the other end of these Green names. Of course, there's random, her full stuff play. I can stand the sound of Daniel's voice, which, to be fair, I can stand the sound of my own voice either. I don't think anybody love to hear their recorded voice.

What we're here, people who who took the time out of their precious day to leave comments about Daniel voice because he has a regional accent, which i'm from california, even notice the Daniel had a regional accent because people from california sounds like that, especially south in california. But you guys you can just literally press one x and speed up somebody's delivery. If you don't like their voice, you can problem solve.

You could turn IT off. You could do anything except point out something that ruined, hurtful. I welcome you to just be a kind of human being. It's also like able is because how people talk the tone of their voice in eeta IT depends on a lot of different factors. So maybe consider that before you leave a hurtful comments about people's appearance or their voice, or things they can control about themselves.

That reminds me of one of the troll internet questions. There was one moment that was actually a redeem internet moment, and somebody had said something like, how can he say he is about us if SHE let this happen? I was like, okay, that's exactly why I didn't the podcast.

Thanks for completely missing the point. But somebody else on the internet jump ed in and said, well, I think it's very much in line with the fact that you can see yourself one way, but then do something different that does not fall in line with out you see yourself SHE. I think I given an example about a therapies, but choosing the wrong man, obviously he knows Better, and yet he still does this. And this original person actually came back and said, hi, I never thought of IT that way. Not like, oh my gosh, this never happens on the internet.

Wow, that's like a unicorn internet moment.

which we love to see. Even so, bad asses get victimized. You are still bad as a, and being a victim isn't not bad. Actually.

we are not responsible for the things that are done to us without our permission period.

So obviously, the goal here is to provide updates. A lot has happened since we recorded the podcast. And I think the big thing that we wanted to really identify is there was a lot of drama that was happening that we couldn't actually talk about on the podcast. They didn't feel like I was worth the risk in their eyes. tipsy.

You and I feel strongly that people should know I really wanted to set the record strait IT winds up coming out in subsequent updates the day that I met Darcy when he was sitting there in my parents backend with kenji from my perspective and listening to the swan who's like we've been for eight months, we've been living together. I'm processing all of this. They're also telling me about the private investigators report about the other woman he married and got pregnant.

So now this is the second person he has had a child with during the time that I IT was with him. I do want to take a minute here and really heavily stress that there is absolutely zero shame about any of what SHE was dealing with from the pregNancy. Nobody should be shaming her about this.

One of the things that we wanted to add in after this pot kettle had been released, it's on the the internet that there's a baby registry for her and kenji and actually was not kenyans. Baby IT was artis. Baby IT had auto populated somehow.

But I think he actually wanted people to believe IT was kang's. I think probably deep down somewhere, I know that there were multiple occasions that he had tried to see if he could repair things with kenji. The other thing I want to talk about is the fact that just before I went to do my restraining order, SHE had asked Candy if I would talk to her that he was done with him.

He wanted to pursue her restraining order. And of course, I agree. And we talk for like two hours. SHE definitely told me a lot about was going on.

I told her some of the suspicions I had, such as wondering if my engagement ring was really a wedding ring. SHE had said SHE suspected the same thing and that SHE had got on him drunk so he could ask him and he had admitted to IT. I don't know if that's true.

To be quite honest, it's hard to decide what is fact infection out of her health. The only thing I actually do believe that, shaver says, is the assaults. Way to talk for two hours at the end.

IT was really weird. I thought. T A spiny sense thing where he is, like ari says this in this about you.

Is that true? Because if IT is that's really cool. Like, no judged.

Like, how would you believe anything that comes out of his mouth? I think that he was really acceptable to his lies. And that was just one indication. That's why immediately was on, like why say that? And then only to find out, literally a day too later, that he had run and basically shared our entire conversation with R I might make a comment to Candy.

I think I had said to kenji one time, why does he think that art is suddenly gonna be father of the year with her? I said he can even be bothered to send his daughter a birthday card or something. He didn't care.

He did not try to see her. So can you? I were talking about this, and I think he got upset with dari one day. Like, why do you think that R T is gonna care? He won't even in a birthday card, because we had just talked about that.

Then I would get an email in my inbox from R, D, talking all kinds of crap, being like, I didn't give a birthday present because I knew you just throw them away. Some random excuse. I got to the point where I actually send a kenji, and you can not say anything to Darcy at all.

I know that seems so innocent I would never have been. H, what are you feeling to dari from that conversation with an example of how a seemingly inactive could then get him riled up and he would run until R. T, literally everything.

And then I would get all these crazy emails moving along. SHE did wind up having a baby in twenty one with him when the podcast came out. I think actually the hardest staying was that one.

We know that dari immediately told R. T. About the podcast until we know that he went on facebook, join a group and outed herself and her real name.

IT was a facebook group that's not officially associated with something was wrong. So I actually sent in one of my friends to see what he was saying. So SHE joined this group and realized that Darcy was saying all kinds of stuff.

SHE was making stuff up. Darcis actually going back and forth with my friend, and she's getting worked up. And the next thing I know, he says thing else, this, this and this and that was the same bullsh lie that he would try to say that already said about me immediately.

My friends texting me like, girl, this is what you seat on like, oh my god so my friend jumps. That's really what I was most upset about, the fact that he was actively trying to make me out to be something. I wasn't even the one arguing with her. And suddenly he was gna throw out some wise, ari said, let's talk a little more about what came next. There's a little bit of an overlap, some of this leading up to the actual updates, but IT wasn't even covered on the podcast.

You guys are not even ready. No one is prepared.

I mean.

no one.

My personal favourite part of the holidays is finding special guest for all my loved ones. And I love when i'm able to give someone something that they wouldn't necessarily get for themselves a little bit of luxury that they don't know they're yet missing for quality gifts at an affordable Price, my go to is queens lets you treat your loved ones and yourself to everyday luxury at an affordable Price, something everyone needs in their closet, in my opinion, is queen.

Iconic mongolian cashmere sweaters, which start at fifty dollars, or for ultimate year round gifts, check out their fourteen cargo jury and european land in sheet sets. Queen is on the nice list. They only work with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices, and they use premium fabrics and finishes for a luxury field in every peace.

Nobody wants to add me to their Christmas list. Feel free to send me the White safie triads study earrings gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury Price tag. Go to queen storm slash S W W for three hundred six five day returns, plus free shipping on your order.

That's Q U I N C E dot com slash s ww to get free shipping and three hundred sixty five day returns. Queen start com slash s ww. The holiday is just really mean survival mode.

Luckily you've got a secret holiday helper, dor dash, get gifts, groceries, dinner delivered right when you need IT. And they've got big holiday deals from best buy, auto beauty, aldi, wing stop and more. Door dash makes IT so easy, you may even feel guilty, but hey, no one needs to know door dash, your door to Moore. Use code S W W joy twenty four for fifty percent of your first order of fifteen dollars, plus max ten dollars off offer s december twenty six, two thousand twenty four one promote per order not valid for orders containing alcohol. Terms apply.

When we started recording, he had filed for full custody, physical and legal custody of our daughter. Of course, he claimed I was crazy, claimed I was just trying to get back at him for cheating on me was so funny, because, honestly, the cheating was the least of my concern.

IT was pointing here because I did not file for custody, and the reason I held often doing that was because the custody hearing would be in front of the exact same judge that denied my restraining. I did not want to a risk for giving him any type of custody. I live in a very liberal state, and that has many benefits.

They can often do co custody, co parenting stuff, even when they shouldn't. And because my retraining order was denied and I had no physical abuse, I was concerned that they would not believe that I had the right to full custody. I believe that they would try to give him some visitation.

And I was not gonna have that. Obviously, I had a lot of safety concerns. I think the court systems, they act after the fact they're not very proactive.

I felt like they would probably be like a so had do the same vision. There is no evidence of physical abuse. He's only like vi threatened to a doctor is not a big deal.

But her safety was a real, real concern for me the fact that nobody could track him down and the fact that he had lied about a documentation if he got her hands on her, I was one hundred percent. I'd never see her again. That's why I held off and filing for custody, saying, with custody is you actually have to officially serve somebody.

He was an officially serving me, yet he had had done that. I forget how he kept doing, kept sending paperwork, but IT isn't an official serving. At one point.

He actually showed up to my parents house. They saw him waiting in a car on the street. And when he figured that out that they had seen them, he raced ed over pull of the driver behind them.

They were driving back from somewhere when they saw him, he, like, raced up behind them. My dad gets out most that moment, her elderly mom trying to get out and get into the house quickly, not knowing what in the hell is about to happen. And my dad just stands there.

He gets out and walks up. My parents, I will, throws this paperwork. My dad, which my dad just lets fall to the ground. I think my dad was definitely trying to rattled him.

He gets back in his car and speed off the proceeds to file a restraining order against my father, saying he has video proof that my dad threatened to beat him up. Then mother's day of twenty twenty one, I came home and I found the paperwork show in my door again. He still not officially serve me, was not going to these court hearings.

But if you don't serve somebody, they just keep getting continued. At this point, I was really annoyed because I was asking my lawyer how many times as a case kit continued for the judge just dismisses that he wasn't getting dismissed. He would just show up and was like, note, haven't severe yet, so they d set another date.

So I come home. There's paperwork in the door. This one really rattled me because this is the first time I had been at my apartment.

I had just started dating this guy who'd previously been a social worker, and he got a little real with me and help me realized that I really needed to just face R. T. So I went to my lawyer and I told garlic, i'm done hiding from the judge.

I really need to risk this for my daughter. There's nothing I can do. I just have to go through IT. There is another courthouse in L A. County where you can file custody cases.

So we had decided that our strategy was to file there because if I could officially serve him, maybe the case would be heard in that course instead of where I am. So we did all of that. We were going through the paperwork for that.

So we were waiting on saying about this firing. Then in september of twenty twenty one, I was actually in palm springs for a girl's retreat with some friend. It's a saturday forwards me a recording.

Please note that the following content includes R, S, voice and may be disturbing to the listener.

At the end day, like I said, even if we end up going fucking in spending fifty, sixty coast at the other day and fucking core, trust me, you're still gone end of having to decide we get you going out with. I'm going to make IT so fuck and miserable of a situation that you're just going to take you before custody.

I am morning you I have nothing but dedicated fuck in time and making your life, his life and any of life a fucking miserable piece ship. And believe me, i'm going to a make sure that I have stopped there on an implicate buckin. Everybody, you are two fucking kid.

Working parents is working parents. You're fucking friends. I don't give a fuck anymore. I have no fuck in boundary.

Trust me, the way that i'm going to do IT guess what? There is nothing legally you mother fuck you can do about IT. What is going to end of happening is you're going to problem getting a fucking invite with the fuck. You're going to think you're fuck fucking.

And I can see you, trust me, all i've been doing thinking about the best way to get back and human and future, the best legal fucking inventive way of getting back at you that, like I said, our game is like fucking in chess, to calculate your fucking in moves and you make them when you fucked in me to, and I think now it's time, what fuck in, literally fucking and destroy you fuckers when IT comes to being a fucking inventory, fuck in mother fucker. And the worst, one of all the words persons ever fucker around with number one is someone that there's study excited. The fucker and aries were not stupid.

We plan IT and we plan is so fucking me out we a anything because guess what, at the end of the day, your x is going to be growing in like a little fucking bit crying like a little fucking at all. See you to you taking you, your kids away and believe me, i'm going to make sure that those two fucked and end of so fucking in economically thought over like I said, you don't know what i'm working on and you don't know we're going on the background but I tell you this it's gonna fect everybody it's not going affect me as long going to be sitting their fucking laughing and believe me, there's nothing none of him more the fox can do calling the cost unless all the cost will push in selves long. Would you like legal? I think do think I take a good, but the fucking everything i've been calculate, i've calculating IT literally with all my friends that are fuck in attorneys, literally even doing everything.

So legally can secure that the end day get one and a human first can fucking food there is no legal replication for, and that end a day get all you might forget to get up. And I said, help with the instances. What about the day work? You know, my dress are no longer fucking for your heart.

It's going to be a fucking reality. And IT starts off with fucking you all. I see a fucking court for me.

You're going to be begging, begging even the media, show media, and exactly what I tell you. Immediate on the media. Go fuck yourself.

IT is going off on all kinds of threats, threats me. threatning. Kenji IT was a little jarry to hear that, to hear these direct threats.

I was pretty shaken up about IT. I played IT for some of the girls that were there. And we were all very concerned. I think I immediately sent IT to tifany y as well. He was also concerned .

IT made me literally physically ill. I can even imagine how IT must have been for you'll have to digest that when you have already bent through so much with that person. You can hear in that recording, the way he talks is so fucked up, and must have been so scary to hear .

if felly listening to pure evil. So here in the next morning, i'm just packing up, had a plant leave for another hour, so called the check in in my daughter with my my step mom answers a color on video calls so could see her face. And I could also hear in her voice immediately.

When he said hello, I could hear that something was very, very wrong. She's like, I just called nine one one. My sister was coming to take over to watch my daughter because they thought my dad was having a heart attack.

I obviously immediately take off within the next five minutes and driving back, and I call up this guy that I had been dating often on. He's the guy that can help me get going on the custody stuff. I actually called things off a few weeks prior to that, but we are still friends, and I really needed a distraction to and a half hour right back.

We're talking and is called me down that time actually didn't even officially know if my dad had had a heart attack. We just knew head all the symptoms s and was being rushed to the hospital. I start to talk to him about other things, and I start telling him about the first meal my k, i've already got in all these women's opinions.

What is your upper ion as a male? But you think I should do with this? He told me, well, I really think that you need to stop everything that you're doing.

The podcast, the book, eeta. I'd told him about my desire, write the book. I went first, the podcasts is out already.

So that's really a mood point now, I said, but secondly, what is wrong with wanting to help other women, even if I rest angering him at that point, he says to me, well, is that helping other women? Or are you just trying to get attention? You know, that expression, seeing red, that was really where was out in that moment.

But I manage to stay calm. And I was like, anybody who would ever think that I would ever do something like this for attention clearly doesn't know me at all. Like, i've never ever tried to contact him.

I've never responded to one of his emails. I've never responded to one of his threats. I was like, if I really wanted to do this for attention, I ve been talking about IT all over social media, responding and staring up the drama.

And not once have I ever done that. I basically hung up on him that point in blocked to, I want to talk about this a little bit just because I think this is also part of the healing process. What happens next is not just what happened with R.

T. Or darsy. What happens next is also just how you, we want with your life, too.

Something was wrong is brought to you by progressive insurance, fiscally responsible, financial genius, monetary magicians. These are things people say about the drivers who switched their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Because progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home and more, plus you can count on their great customer service to help when you need IT.

So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive dot calm to see if you could save on coinsurance progressive casualty insurance company and evi ates. Potential savings will vary not available in all states or situations.

Ran rules here from mid mobile with the Price of just about everything going up during inflation. We thought we bring our Prices down. So to help us, we've brought in a reverse auction ee, which is apparently .

a thing.

5445 in mobile .

com slash switch forty five dollars， up from payment equivalent fifty dollars month, new customers on three one place only taxes, extras ed lower before to give A B C. So this was the tail end of me dating for like a year and a half of just trying to find love again. I was faced with the fact that this person might not be abusive per say.

But this is all the red flags that we talk about looking for. The reason why I D called things off three weeks earlier is because I knew that I wanted to fine my person. I had hired a dating coach compared to that, and he was starting to help me see all these little manipulations.

Red legs don't have to be abuse. Red fogs can be these manipulations, little shit that adds up in the end to a real shady dating experience. I think as somebody who likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, I think that's common theme with victims, right? Like we tend to see the good and others.

We like to give people the benefit of the dow. I think IT takes us a little longer to see the flags. So I hired a dating coach. He was like, girl, this is a red flag. That's why I was started to make cuts, was like, now i'm that I do believe that god has a way of helping new manifest legs.

And so this conversation, I think, was a manifestation of him being like, no, this door needs to be slam shut immediately in order to make a room for something new. I do have a belief that sometimes when one dark closes, it's to make room for something Better. I was serious about healing, doing the work and moving forward.

I did not want to wind up in another shitty relationship being honest in my evaluation of things. And I was the worst of them, but he was not the only bad one. He was the most abusive and the most agreed ously apparent person.

But I don't think I really had many healthy relationships prior to him either. And so I was really determined to put in the work that I took to get the relationship that I wanted. At one point, I took two months off of dating just to date myself.

Every friday, I took myself on a date, whether was ordering my favorite restaurant, watching a movie or singing, Carry okee by myself, or just taking a long hot bath and reading. And then I was, journal is really great journal that I used to actually help you like really focus on what you're looking for in somebody, not just physical attributes, how you want to feel when you're with that. Her said, what are your deal brokers? And what do you want to say yes to? And what do you bring to the table as well? And so I worked on all of those things.

By the time I got my dating coach, I was Crystal clear. I knew what I want IT, and I knew what I brought to the table. I was also clear that I was ready to do the work.

Part of the reason why I ended sings with the sky was because kick up telling me you're not ready. It's too soon. I know you think you're over IT, but you're not.

I would be like, I understand where are coming from. If I had been in love with somebody and I was just divorcing after eight years, you might actually be right. But I was in a loveless relationship and abusive one where I was looking for a way out for years.

So by the time I got out, I was ready to move forward. And I had actually already started doing some of the internal self love work. I knew instinctively that the next step of healing the trauma was to actually do IT in our relationship.

Anything that was gonna bubble up was gonna happen. While in a relationship, like you can't hear relationship stuff by yourself, you have to heal IT through going through another relationship. I ready hired the stating coach, and he gave me all this advice.

We read my profile and stuff, and i've been chatting with this guy. He seemed really smart and down to her. We'd been talking about a couple weeks, and then over that weekend we were supposed to meet up.

But obviously that got pushed a little bit. We did wind up having our first state. Soon after that, he was really, really incredible.

I felt from the beginning that we were just in sink on the start. There was no guessing, you know, that this back to somebody who wants something serious. I've been always afraid to tell people I wanted something serious.

And i'd just been lanky. I like just see where IT goes. That's kind of the line you have to do to not quoted, quote, scare somebody off, right? It's like i'm going on there for a relationship, but I can't tell people I want a relationship because every time I tell people I want a relationship, they think I want jump in. Do IT today?

Honestly, I tell people the first date i'm like, look, i'm looking for something serious if you're not goodyer. My thing is, is in relationships, there's compatibility with personalities and then there's compatibility with timing and where you're at in life. And both need to be on part to have a healthy relationship. So I literally go tell me about your favorite things.

and then also tell me what you want. Also, can I get a copy of your background check? I'd also like to have three personal references. If you could also provide their contact information, your DNA well as proof of income address and social security number. That would be fantastic.

I remember having conversations with dnl and sh'd like, what do you think about that? Obviously, we got so close through recording the season together, and I love Danielle and am invested in her as a person. And he would be like, well, he said this like fucking not return to center.

But then when he met her now boyfriend, IT was completely different. It's so fantastic to get to see these women that I work with, good to find their partner and get the respect and love and care that they always have deserved. There is nothing cooler to me than getting updates from survivors.

I think I was still trying to figure out how to talk about my abuse. But to your point, when I met my now boyfriend, we were just instant from the beginning. I think on date three, he asked me, what are you looking for and I was like, uh, i'm just gonna IT.

I was like, I wants me. You will help me raise my daughter like, I just throw everything out there. I was just holding my breath for that response. And IT was like, cool. That's what I want to.

That was the universe rewarding you for your honesty, authenticity? I fucking love that.

I feel like there's times where it's hard for me. I often think about why was IT hard for me to advocate for myself and what I wanted.

I had a really brilliant therapy too, said, everything is a bitch. Al, if you are not used to doing that and employing, it's going to feel very uncomfortable.

This is why predators pray on Young women because they have the leased experience, and that's why Young women high school through college age are abused at the highest rate. And that's why sexual assault happened to women the highest at that time in their lives.

Because predators know that women, they don't have enough life experience, society treats women like such shit and then wonders why we don't have a self, a steam to stand up for ourselves and allow people to treat us like shit when we're literally conditioned from birth to accept less. We straight up didn't have bank accounts and able to get credit cards until the seventies. There is a reason why covers ve.

Control is a thing in our society. IT influences every facet of our society in our relationships. Some of this is very much societal.

Yeah, again, part of the healing is processing why certain things happened. So getting back to the update, just to like tie things up in terms of what was going on in twenty twenty one, the next thing in the custody process happens at the end of twenty twenty one. We did go to court.

I had actually successful ly served him because this judge allowed me to. I had to hire a private data to track him down to serve him. We could not locate an address for him or the woman he was seeing.

The only reason we even knew about her name was because Candy had run the play is so we tried tracking both of these people down and could not find a single address. Ultimately, I was allowed to serve by publication. You actually put a publication in the newspaper.

But just for safety sake, my lawyer had sent him the paperwork via email. He did show up to this court day, but he claims that he's not using the other email anymore. And so he didn't know about IT until literally the night before.

I think at the court, he said he didn't know about IT, to which I like. How is he on this call? Because it's remote now he gets on the the zoom you replace to show your face when you do remote, but he would never show his face.

And again, he just keep jumping in trying to say i'm not giving my private information because she's released my name and address out there, which is so not true. I was very careful not to release any private information. Everything is only court records.

Essentially we're in a custody case. You have to do mediation first. So she's asking if we've done mediation to which he claims no and he just says what we're gonna to continue this, you need to do the mediation because I wasn't served on his case.

We find out literally a couple weeks later, the judge from my training order, he tells her about the other case. And so SHE combines the cases and makes hers the lead case. So despite all of the efforts to get IT out of that court room, IT winds up with her again.

We did try to get IT moved. The judge who decides whether not it's allowed to be moved is the same judge. Ultimately, we had to go in front of this judge again, and I did get in front of her in the fall.

I asked for a full mental evaluation, and SHE agreed. I asked for the full mental evaluation. Both parties.

So there's a mini version where is a one day like a third party will interview both parents. You can't just ask for one. They'll interview both parents and the child and then give a little stimulation.

The full blown version of IT, they will go to the houses. They will evaluate the environment on psychologist comes to court, actually reports on what he thinks. So this is a lot more expensive.

I knew this going in. I don't think he knew that, but he asked for IT. And so he agreed to a full blown evaluation because both parties wanted IT.

He requested that I be the one responsible for paying for IT. And he said, no, you're going to split IT. We left to go take care of that.

Within days, my lawyer had reached out to the person that does these evaluations. And I think IT was something like seven thousand total, so would have been thirty five hundred eight. Once he finds out it's thirty five hundred and he loses his shit and refuse to do anything, now is the end of twenty twenty one.

And we have to wait to go back to court on this. So there's no resolution. So now we go into twenty twenty two. I feel like in terms of everything that happened, like the most crazy y stuff that developed since the podcast happened last year, starting in twenty twenty two.

the truth is truly stranger than fiction. This story was R T so wild. And then IT just gets even more, what the fuck like?

What are the odds that next time on what came next presents something was wrong. Updates something .

was wrong is a broken cycle media production created and hosted by me, Tiffany y. rees. If you'd like to support the show further, you can share episodes with your loved ones, leave a positive review, or follow something was wrong on instagram. At something was wrong podcast, our theme sung was composed by glad check out their album wonder under thank you so much.

I do. I do.

If you like something was wrong.

you can listen early and ad free right now by joining wondering plus, in the wander APP or on apple podcast, prime members can listen. Add free on amazon music before you go tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondering dot com slash survey.

Did you know that after world war two, the U. S. Government quietly brought former nazi scientists to amErica in a covered Operation to advanced military technology? Or that in the thousand nine hundred fifties, the U.

S. Army conducted a secret experiment by releasing back ia over san Francisco to test how a biological attack might spread without a lot the public. These might sound like conspiracy theories, but they're not there. Well documented government Operations that have been hidden away in classified files for decades. I'm local mona, a marine core reconfirm, and i've always had a thing for digging into the unknown.

It's what LED me to start my new podcast reduction, declassified mysteries in its, I explore hidden troops and reveals some eye ending events like covert experiments and secret Operations that those in power try to keep buried. Follow, adapted he classified mysteries with me. Look, lama on the wunder APP. Or whereever you get your podcast to listen, add free, join wander plus in the wondering APP.