Begging for a pegging
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Hello, hello, dear Spanky Next listeners. I'm one of your hosts, Anna. Hey, and I'm Gregor. Spanky Next is the podcast where we talk about all things fetish and BDSM. And this week, we've got something special for you.

We've been recording these episodes for a couple of years now, if I'm not mistaken, Gregor, and there's so many new listeners that we get each month that we want to encourage you to go back and listen to the episodes that we think are really special, that are important at a certain time in the year. So we're going to be reposting old episodes for you to listen to alongside our newer episodes that come out twice a month.

Exactly. These episodes are hand-selected by the two of us and this week's episode is one that we think you should really listen to. So without further ado, let's get into the episode and please enjoy an older episode of Spank You Next. So welcome to the podcast. We're super happy to have you here.

You are a no-fill sex educator, a pro-dom, a wrestler, a squirter, you have many strings to your bow. So many things, yeah, wow. You are the most enviable CB I've seen in a long time. Oh, thank you, thank you. But yeah, to start off, just tell us a little bit about yourself and how you came to this line of work.

Yeah, it's funny. I was at what I called a dom ball last night and I was kind of recounting to everyone how all this came about. And it really like it was all happenstance. It all sort of happened at the same time. But so my background or at least how I identify now, because I feel like my career changes every couple of months, ended a pandemic and etc. But I'm a sex educator, a

I'm actually kind of like going away from being a mental health professional within the pandemic because of another career shift. But I am still an occasional pro dom, a fetish wrestler.

and the reigning world record holder of volume squirting oh my god we really said let's kind of during the podcast let's take a shot the size of the the liquid the amount of liquid she can squirt and i was like it's one liter yeah we said this oh my god we realize it's actually more than a pipe so like no no we'll have to switch to beer for that one

So tell us a little bit why you're moving away from the mental therapist side of things during the pandemic. Yeah, so I'm a mental health professional. I'm not a therapist or a licensed therapist. I was working as a medical technician at a psychiatry office. And just to give you a little bit of an idea,

Just where my career was shifting, both within sex education, putting more focus there, as well as during the pandemic. One is like, I didn't want, if I didn't have to, I didn't want to do in-person work. I got a lot of my friends hired in that position and a lot of my colleagues. And like, I also didn't want to take work

away from them who needed that more when I had other avenues to do so. So it just, it kind of happened naturally. And I also, I really liked the training involved with that and, you know, the different people I was able to learn from, but it feels appropriate to kind of close that chapter. I really enjoyed especially doing like OCD treatments and learning about these things that are actually like very similar to understanding BDSM, but also

But ultimately, I like creating things for groups. I like creating courses. I like creating spaces, performances, all these things. I don't like one-on-one or the type of therapy. I feel like so many people have this goal of being a therapist or being a coach. And I'm like, I don't really want to do that.

Tell us a little bit about this because you're an educator and you do wonderful courses. But at the same time, I think there's a really personal note to how you got into BDSM and how you discovered that side of yourself.

Yeah, so, I mean, I always thought that I was, like, a more sexual person or a kinky person. Like, the second time I ever had sex was a threesome with two men. And I was, like, 17. So, yeah. Wow. You really went for it, like, you know. Yeah, I mean, I guess I've always been a, like, yes and or what if kind of a person from a young age. But it wasn't until my mid-20s that all this came about. And, like, I just...

I figure that I was like probably a bratty sub and it took meeting someone who's very still very near and dear to my kinky heart on Tinder who was really into humiliation, really verbal humiliation, didn't like pain. And it was something I didn't really understand, but I liked this person. So I was inquisitive, like, well, tell me about it. Like, what's the scenario like? What do you get out of it? How do you feel this way? And

I said, well, let me give it a shot. Let me look up some things, talk to some people. And then it turns out that I'm good at it and I love it. And that was kind of that like sparked curiosity around the same time that I had known that I had squirted for the first time. And it was also the first time I had feelings for someone who immediately broke it off with me. And I was like mid-20s and basically like, okay, I had to wait this long to find someone who liked me, who I liked back, like forever.

I'm not waiting any longer to find that person before I do the sexual things I want to do. So that kind of like, you know,

clip my wings and let me, you know, run off to do whatever it was that I wanted. And it was all at the same time, like the pro-doming, wrestling, squirting, sex ed, it all kind of happened at once, because I had quit my job and was trying to find something I didn't hate. Yeah, life comes at you first, hey? This is something, I mean, you got into it so young. And we sometimes analyze sometimes we talk about it, especially because of our schooling system. There's so much shame involved when it comes to sex.

So do you have any advice for especially younger people or people who just get into it, how they can kind of, you know, tackle the shame?

Yeah, well, I guess one thing that I should know as well, and like this is definitely a privilege background, but I don't come from a shame background. I think a lot of people think that like the people that are really kinky and crazy, like come from the shame background, and then they have to unleash it. But I didn't have that. It just took time to find the right people and be curious and open. But for anyone who is trying to get away from the shame background, I, the advice that I give is first practice undoing shame onto others.

And notice where your biases come out. Notice where your judgments come and other people understand what is a projection. Because that's sex positivity. It's other people as well as yourself. It's making sure that you're not placing judgments onto how anyone else chooses to express themselves sexually kink wise, so long as it is safe, sane and consensual. So practice releasing shame onto others. And then eventually that will come on to yourself as well.

So I think that, but also no matter how young you get into it or not, you're never going to stop learning. You're never going to stop learning about yourself. You're going to shift and change and people will shift and change. Technology shifts and changes and we have to change around that. So you're never, yeah, you're never going to stop learning. Everyone will find some fetish or kink for them 20 years down the road that they had no idea of today.

Yeah, I think like six positivity has become this kind of buzzword. But then I think people use it in a way that they've become okay with what they have allowed themselves to be into. But there's still so much, oh, I wouldn't do that. That's disgusting what they're doing over there. So it's become an individualistic journey for people. But I like that you said it's really about shame onto others as much as shame onto yourself.

Because that's what prevents, that's what causes us shame. Because either we can have shame that's put onto us by society, put onto us by other people, or put onto us by ourself. And one of those can also fuel the other. But that's where it comes from. So it's like, imagine if we could all undo our shame onto others, would we even still have shame onto ourselves? So you currently have a course on the BDSM training school. Maybe just explain a little bit about pegging and how you've approached the subject in this course and in life in general.

Yeah, so pegging is an act where one person will penetrate another person anally with a strap-on. The person with a strap-on could have a penis or a vulva. The person being penetrated could have a penis or vulva. Generally speaking, usually when we think of pegging, the person being penetrated has a penis because they also have a prostate. And it feels good when prostates are stimulated, especially anally.

Amen. This is actually a really good point, because when you say kind of it's usually men who are being penetrated in pegging, isn't there also kind of a lot of shame, especially from heterosexual men when it comes to anal play?

Absolutely. And that's like entirely due to internalized homophobia, because that is how not all but a lot of gay men have sex. And I think there's this thought of straight men that like, oh, they have sex with each other there because it's the only hole available. It's like, no, it feels good. Yeah, it's a bit of a hetero male panic.

Yeah, I think there's that. And like, you know, it, there's also shame associated with poop. You know, there's, you know, there's reasons people are like poop shy or that we don't talk about it that much. So it's like a double, double edged sword, because there's like the internalized homophobia, but then there's also this poop shame.

Yeah, you say you identify pain and poop as the two main factors that might hold someone back from trying it. How do you work through with clients or people that come to you for advice how to get through these two barriers first?

Yeah, well, I mean, before you can get through them, like, physically and mentally, you have to understand, like, what are someone's fears or hesitancies going into pegging? Because if they're apprehensive, they're going to have a tight sphincter. And if you have a tight sphincter and you're not able to, like, relax and release that, then you're not going to have a fun pegging experience, essentially. So these aren't, they're not things that you can just, like, push through. So...

To understand what these are first, and this is also like the conversation of getting into pegging of, it's not just like, is this something you want to do or not do? There's also the like, why? What are your reasonings? Because it could be something that like has to do with the past trauma, in which case we should probably avoid this unless you want to work through it.

Or it could be something that has to do with I don't have any confidence in that area of my body because of the poop situation or like I think it's going to hurt. And like those are two things that we can work around because ideally pegging isn't painful and we can find ways to like mitigate around poop. Also, just if you're going to play in the butt, it's it's something that might happen. But there's ways that we can make it a more pleasurable, less messy experience, right?

So let's start with the poop one. So a lot of people, maybe they'll talk about like, oh, you need to eat a clean diet or you have to douche beforehand. And while you can do that, you don't have to. And I think it's a good idea to maybe do it the first time just to get that worry out of your mind. But as you engage in anal play more, you just have an understanding of like where your bowels are at or like when was the last time you pooped? Do you feel like you need to poop?

And when we're playing in the butt, it's a great idea to be using a lot of barriers, not just for STIs, but also for like fecal matter and like, you know, different types of bacteria that can live there. So we can use, you know, condoms on dildos or fingers. We can use gloves. There's plenty of different things that...

I mean, I just like using gloves in general just because, like, aesthetically it looks really nice. But it's also, like, showing this, like, care. Yeah. Especially, like, the black tattoo artist ones. I feel like that's all that kinksters use. So they're, like, that's just a discussion of, like, preparation. I think it, I think using gloves and, you know, puppy pads and different things makes the person who is being penetrated, like, feel better. Like, oh, it's not a big deal. Like, okay.

Let's say you're going to get pegged on someone's like white. I like actually did this the other week. I pegged someone on a white bedspread. And even though we had different things, I'm just in my head. I'm like, oh, this is like nerve wracking for me. I don't want to like, you know, it's your body. But like, I don't even I don't want to ruin your bed. And like.

Like, white anything is probably just a nightmare in general. Yeah, white with anything. Especially something that will stain and is dark. The bold move. The bold move. Maybe that's the turn on. Oh. Risky. Yeah. Yeah.

And with pain, this is something where, you know, let's don't get too ambitious with the width of the toy that you're going to use. Length is different than width. With, like, if you're a person who wants anal stretching, you will figure that out because something will be inside of you and you will feel this is not enough. Right.

So that like we don't want to go too big too early, but it's really more just about breathing, relaxation, and actually a massage. An anal massage is like wonderful for both parties. And then you're going to be able to awaken those nerve endings. You're going to feel relaxed. There's so many different things that we can do so that we mitigate pain. And some of that could be lube. Some of that could be massage. It could be vibration. There's plenty of things that can happen there. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I learned so much watching your course. And I think it's funny because when you think of pegging, it might seem quite forceful, a bit extreme at the beginning. But the way you explain it in the course, you start a lot of exploring the anus and playing around and, you know, kind of just doing what you think feels good and a lot of communication also. And I like how you really link this from, you know, just maybe a massage to full on pegging because a toy can seem quite extreme.

Yeah. And I mean, I think one of the things, too, that I'm realizing it's really like it's a it's also essential begging course because begging can be as dominant, submissive and kinky as you want it to be, or it can just be like a sex act. And I think a lot of the begging, especially that we see in porn is.

There is a lot of separation. There's like a lot. I mean, you can totally have intimacy in doggy style. But if you think about how far the bodies are apart, how far the faces are apart, how little eye contact that you can do in doggy style. I really wanted to bring back the sensuality. Like if you didn't want to, you know, peg someone and pull their hair and spank their bottom. Like if you wanted to like look in their eyes, whisper in their ear or like feel full body contact that we have with so many other kinds of sex acts.

Yeah, I was really getting that from your cause, the sensual side to it. And as you say, it's never really represented in this way. It is usually when you see it in porn, aggressive or all about domination and submission. But there was this real care and attention to detail and communication that was coming through that I don't think is actually represented in many other forms.

And I mean, honestly, it's I always say that like the secret, especially for people with penises, like unlocking the next level of their sexuality is in their butthole because it's just such a good communication zone. And it doesn't mean that you have to like do butt stuff forever. But I feel like everyone should just at least do it once because you really do learn a lot about perspectives, communication and just trusting your body as well.

Yeah. Well, what would you say to someone that's kind of wants to try it, but they feel maybe a little nervous to approach it with someone else or with a partner? Yeah. How do you speak with your partner about this? Yeah. In a way that you feel, yeah, you might feel a bit self-conscious, but you might have some advice for people thinking about trying it. I mean, one thing is being honest and saying that, you know, what your fears are, that you feel self-conscious. You're worried that they'll like, if you're worried, they'll look at you in a different way or like whatever those worries are. Like,

say those things because that person can know when you're coming from. A lot of time when our partners come to us with either something they want to try or something they've been thinking about, we think that like they're now propositioning us, we have to do this or insert consequence here. And that's usually not the case. So it's good to reassure that and then also to be able to like express this

desire without asking that person to fulfill it. Because if you've been thinking about this and you're like, how do I tell my person? You've had that time to sexualize it, to think about it, to fantasize about it, to have that conversation in your head. And your person might not have had that. So you need to be able to give them that time as well.

If you really want them to engage in this with you, then you might have to do a little bit of work, a little bit of education. But approaching it from like a curiosity standpoint of like, here's why I'm interested in this thing. Is this something that you've thought about? Or like take it from if you're nervous about that, even like, you know, send them a quick and dirty video to them. Like, hey, this thing popped up.

have you ever heard of this? Would you like to watch it with me? That doesn't mean that we have to do it, but let's see what our opinion is on it. And then because maybe they have those fears, maybe they have the poop and pain fears, maybe they have some internalized homophobia, and those are all things that you can work through. Yeah, this makes so much sense because in the end, I mean, it should be a conversation and not a demand. Yeah, exactly. And also, I mean, with any, not just pecking, but with any kink,

communicating why it is that you're interested and like what you want to get out of it and how you want to feel because as we kind of discussed there's so many different types of pegging you can be sensually pegged you can be submissively pegged dominantly like there's so many different ways so if we just lead with the action that's not necessarily going to give us all that information and like you know that's how I got into doming because I was like well

Why do you like being humiliated? Tell me about it. Let's talk about your world record for volume squirting as well, because we're super into this. Super interested. So you won in the category solo, if I understand. And your ejaculate was 1,250 milliliters over 25 seconds. Is that right?

Correct. That is correct. Amazing. How was that event? Where did that happen? How did you get to this point? This impressive feat?

Well, you know, it's funny as I was I've been thinking about it. I think initially how it came up was I had a dumb friend who could squirt in the way that I did, which was just very controlled via masturbation where you didn't need like a toy or a person. And I and I'm really campy and I love games. And I want to do something that was I don't know if you're familiar with the show Double Dare from the 90s. But I want to do something like that called Squirt Wars, where it was just like

kind of like competition that ended with both of us trying to fill up this bucket past like a red line that didn't end up happening but I think like still the competitive spirit is always in me and there was a researcher that would talk about how the most amount someone could squirt was 950 milliliters and I was always like I feel like I could probably squirt more than that like I've

been made aware by a lot of others that I have been with that have been with other people that like my volume is notable it's a lot more than other people do and I had right yeah and I had never measured it up until that point I didn't even measure it before I set the record because I was I was setting it I wanted my selfishly I wanted to break science I was like I wanted to hit a leader that was my goal but I knew no matter what I did it I mean it was still a record because I'm setting it

So, I mean, it definitely is one because I broke science. But I didn't need to measure it because, like, whatever happens, it's still going to be fun. It's still going to be a fun event. And I built the event around it because I needed a bunch of witnesses and journalists. There was, like, a film crew for this documentary. I sold tickets to this event called Kinky Carnival because Mama doesn't like to do things small. Yeah.

There were all these little carnival games like cock ring toss, like bobbing for dildos, human pinata. Are you going to do another one post-COVID? Oh, you know what we were planning to do? We were planning to do the next one last May, and then obviously that didn't happen. No, sadly. So in the squirting category, how many people were competing against you? Was it solo, you doing it, and measuring solo? So this whole solo category. Yeah.

Yeah, so it was solo, meaning it was only so like the stipulations are most amounts squirting using only the assistance of one's person. So I'm not using a toy. I'm not using a partner. It's just me and my hand. And there wasn't anyone else competing. I mean, I would have loved that because I mean, that was the initial idea was Squirt Wars. It's like, you know, I always welcome the competition. It would have been fun to have that as well, but we couldn't find anyone else.

Maybe you can just go out the most in the world and leave it at that. I've been talking to, I've been interviewing for this product that I'm working on creating a lot of

And like people have been squirting for 10, 20 years, which has been really like rewarding. But like there was one person who's been squirting for over 10 years who was just like, yeah, me and my like partners, we used to like compete and measure this stuff and like doing what you were doing kind of a thing. And it's like, oh, like see, anyone could have set this like back in the day or whenever. You just have to create enough of a spectacle around it.

Wow. I mean, I have some questions because I know a lot of women who said they never squirted and they can't imagine how to do it. And now you make it like seem like, oh, it's really easy. And I mean, you squirt over a liter, which is a lot. So is this something that every woman could do or is this something you kind of you just naturally do and it's part of your orgasm or is it part of the orgasm? It's

So many questions. So one of the things that in the interviews that someone had said, which I really liked, is that she was like, I think everyone can do it. It's just that a lot of people are just sitting there waiting for it to happen to them. And I think it's similar to a lot of people, like a lot of people with vulvas and orgasm as well. They're just sitting there waiting for it to happen for them instead of, you know, taking matter into their own hands, literally. And it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's

trying it and trying to figure it out. Like that's literally how I taught myself to do it. It was it wasn't since I started masturbating or having sex. It was in my mid 20s. And the

And there are countless amounts of people who start doing it in their like 50s and 60s. They're like, are you telling me my body could do this the whole time? And I didn't know. So for some people, it's going to be a knee jerk reaction. They're not going to have any control over it. Their body will be on autopilot. But for a lot of other people, like shockingly, they're going to actually have to have a part in what their body is doing and what's coming out of it. And it's more of a role than, you know, just relaxing. Yeah. What is the sensation?

The sensation, I mean, it's different for a lot of people. And I think it's also important where like when people like first start squirting, it's very exciting to them. There's a lot of novelty and it might feel more intense just because it's new. But after you've been doing this for a while, then it kind of starts to settle in of like what the sensation is. And...

It's different for all people. It is not the same as an orgasm. For me, so I'm the kind of person where like when my body experiences pleasure, I squirt. That is how my body expresses itself. So usually when I'm squirting, I'm not orgasming. But if I'm orgasming, I'm probably also squirting. Not always, but usually. Because usually when my body experiences pleasure, it squirts. But not always because they're bodies and sometimes they do things and sometimes they don't. And I think that's important for people to hear that like

It's my body. It is not based on someone's performance necessarily because sometimes my body just like isn't into it. I'm technically an athlete when it comes to squirting at the end of the day, but even athletes have off days as well. Yeah, we see that. But for me, it feels like a release. So it feels like when you have like a really big sneeze coming and then you finally get to sneeze or you have like a big itch on your back that you can't get and then you finally get it.

But at the same time, like, you know, sometimes we can have really like unsatisfying sneezes and sometimes we have like a sneeze that just hits a spot.

Wow. Very true. Have you ever squirted, Anna? No, actually not. I was thinking about this, I think maybe once, but I didn't really realize. So this is why I'm super interested because I've spoken so much with my girlfriends about squirting. I think there's so much misinformation about what it actually is. You know, people are like, oh, it's urine. No, it's discharge. It's an orgasm. So maybe you could help set the record straight on what actually is squirt or female ejaculation.

Yeah. So, I mean, like you were saying, a lot of times that people swear it for the first time, they will have no idea unless someone either alerts them to it or they have a lot of physical evidence. So there's a possibility just because I remember recounting to someone of like how wet it was when I orgasmed that like there's a possibility I could have sweared in my earlier 20s, but like I didn't know what it was. And yeah.

And the only time I realized it was someone who was just like, hey, you squirted. I had no clue. Absolutely no clue. Now I'll know because, like, the bed is destroyed. But, like, the first couple times, no idea. And the best way to do that is really just, like, smell it. If you're worried if it's pee or not, smell it. Because they'll smell differently. And it's actually a midwife who told me this where –

So I talk about how my squirt specifically, I feel like it smells like kind of like a weedy, like the leftover, like wheat kind of flavor in cereal milk.

and she was saying that she has clients where, you know, they're not sure if they peed or their water broke. And so she's like, smell it. If it smells like pee, you peed. If it smells like wheat, then your water broke. So it's not saying that like squirts the same as like, you know, amniotic fluid or whatnot, but like, you know, we still have the same components in our bodies. So there's a possibility that like something could be coming from somewhere else. But

Generally, it's like if it feels good, if something's coming out of your body, like who cares? Lots of things come out of our body. Some of them are gross. Some of them are cool. But like if you feel good and nothing hurts, like who cares? Totally. Yeah. I mean, you also have a course on your website about squirting. But if you could give some beginner's tips to anybody, what to start with.

I mean, the main thing is going to be arousal and engorgement because that's what causes the squirt fluid to build up. And there isn't a direct correlation to like hydration and then amount that you squirt. But if you were dehydrated, it might take longer to build up that fluid. But I've been dehydrated and like squirted out my life savings. So it's not there's no one to one correlation because I was like, I mean, I feel parched right now. So.

So building up like as aroused as you can be with engorgement, there's a bunch of erectile tissue kind of towards if you think of the vulva or the vagina as a clock, 12 o'clock and six o'clock. And both of these areas are important for engorgement and also just for pleasure. It's erectile tissue.

It's going to feel good when you're able to stimulate it in whatever way feels good to you. That could be manually, it could be with a toy, it could be with a penis, or it could be using your muscle groups. Like we can use our pelvic floor to engage with that. And if you hear, I call it the splish splash sound. So from like kind of hearing something kind of slosh around a little bit,

You can squirt. You just have to figure out how to get it out of your body. And again, it's not as simple necessarily as relaxing. So it's more maybe a thrusting. The opposite of relaxing.

I mean, so there's two camps. So either your body will go on autopilot and it will just do its thing to get it out, or you're going to have to like actively have a part in it, in which case you want to elongate your pelvic floor while you do something you really like that is pleasurable. That could be internal. It could be external. If you're doing something internal,

Unless you're using something small like a finger or a smaller toy, I recommend pulling that out from time to time and doing something external that you like. Just because sometimes that can get in the way of squirting or it can prevent your pelvic floor from elongating where it needs to. Yeah, I think there are so many myths around female squirting, particularly perpetuated by porn.

that every time you have sex a woman just squirts everywhere and do you kind of feel that squirting has been co-opted by the male gaze and it's time to kind of reclaim it as our owners vulva owners oh absolutely it's i was

Somewhere along the line, it's like squirting became entirely about cis men, but it has literally nothing to do with them. Like it couldn't have less to do with them. When I set the world record, I didn't penetrate myself. I didn't orgasm. Like I just rubbed my clit a little bit because that's what I like to do.

Exactly. It's just, it's always seen as something that is there in porn, particularly, to satisfy the man after they performed. It's like a pat on the back. Well done. You made me do this. Yeah, like a prize. You've achieved it. Yeah, I don't need you to do this. This is my thing. Yeah. And it's, I mean, like for me, it's more like, I'm like, it's my body. My body's the one that's doing it. I'm like, I can't tell you how many times people who I like sleep with will question my experience or I'll have to teach them or something like that.

where it's like, you know, my body's not up for debate necessarily. And it's also like, not everybody loves it. And not everyone who loves it is someone I want to be with as well, too. So it's,

It's something that I think porn has also influenced that it is a merit of someone's like achievement or like it is because the work that you did that I squirted instead of like, this is how my body experiences pleasure. And I feel like we don't see it on like the flip side. Like I don't go around bragging about how I can peg people or the blowjobs that I give or something like that. But we have these people who like their identity is that they can make people squirt. It

It's kind of sad. It is sad, but I also think there's like equal parts fetishization and equal parts disgust. Like there's not really even just like an acceptance in mainstream narratives. It's just, oh, this is really hot and I can do it. Or like, oh, that's gross. What I hear like time and time again from people who do squirt is that like the partners that they really appreciate and how you can like be there for your squirter or person or someone who might squirt is like,

everything to do with the mess. If you can either like help prepare for that, if you can help clean it up or just reassure that like either you love this, you're okay with it, you don't mind it, just something that, I mean, that's maybe all people need to relax. They don't have to actually physically relax their body, but

there's things that you can do to make it a more comfortable environment and whenever I talk to like these different people or partners we're like oh this person like sets up the mat and the towel here and then they just do away with it after it's like what a nice supportive partner that's great amazing we were talking about that earlier like it is messy business yeah we said kind of especially kind of when you squirt a lot like where you say kind of 900 milliliter one liter it's kind of it's a lot of liquid

Yeah. And usually I like stop myself, you know, it's because it's,

You have to still be in your head because you're like, oh, when's the last time I changed the sheets? Is this business habit I have running out? Do I need to change it out? Do I need to do this or that? And like this is true amongst a lot of people who squirt is that like sometimes we'll bargain. Be like, I don't want to – I'm not going to masturbate because I don't want to have to do this. Or like, okay, I'm going to stop my – I'm not going to squirt as much as I can because like that's just unnecessary. I'm going to stop myself because this is getting out of control. And it kind of sucks that we have to do that.

But this is so true. I have the same experience that when you have clean sheets, you're not really relaxed having sex. Yeah, you're just thinking about the laundry, which is these sexy things. Yeah, exactly. When your sheets are already, I don't know, one week old, two weeks old, then you just don't care. Just go at it. Or you're in a hotel room or something. That's the fun one. You're like, let's do this. Oh my god, yes. Exactly. Especially if it's a really corporate hotel. Like, fuck you. Yeah. I know.

And my partner has been like, he's just like, no, I feel so bad for like the housekeeping. And I'm like, come on. Like, where can we squirt? Where? And I take a really hands off approach to squirting. That's what feels right. Because it's going to be a different thing that makes every person squirt and everyone has their own journey. And like, I'm not the kind of person who's like, hey, come to my class and you'll be able to squirt afterwards because it's your body.

your body. And like, I also don't want to invalidate people's experiences. So it's like, it's on your time, you find what works for you. And for some people, it's the next day. For some people, a week, I've had people that come like three years after the fact, and maybe it's something that changed in their life that enabled them to like get in better touch with their body. Because that's, that's what I think. I think that everyone is capable of doing it.

if they have a coordinated pelvic floor and a good relationship with their vulva. And that's really the key piece. And for like, you know, general societies that have us so like removed from our genitals, especially as people with vulvas, like that's what the biggest thing is. Like we're not as connected with our bodies as we probably should be. Yeah. And I wonder about Kegel exercises, you know, we've been told to do them for years now. Should we be doing them as vulva owners? Does it help?

So that's like some more patriarchal BS too, because it's all about how like, you know, you have to be tight and if you're loose, it's bad. And like, it's all about the experience for the person with the penis. But we know that like, if somebody has sex with, penetrative sex with 20 people versus someone who accesses one person, but multiple times, like it's the same thing. It doesn't, none of those things matter when it comes to like,

pelvic floor exercises, it's like any muscle. Why are we just doing like one version of it? Like there's a whole movement and rotation and the pelvic floor does so many things. We should be focusing on all of the movements. So that includes elongation, contraction, and relaxation. And in fact,

most people aren't even doing kegels correctly. And a lot of people have a guarded pelvic floor. So that's like where it's too contracted so that it can't contract anymore because it's already in its contracted state. So this can still lead to dysfunction. And again,

most people have a healthy pelvic floor. If you don't, then like there is probably some sort of symptom of this. And that could be, you know, vaginal pain. It could be do like it could be frequent urination or maybe like your bowel movements are strenuous. It's like these things that I think a lot of people think are normal or that like, you know, if you like pee when you sneeze or something like that. But like, no, those things are things that should be worked on with a pelvic floor therapist. But most people don't have dysfunction. So it's just a matter of

having this relationship with your pelvic floor and understanding of it. And that's going to help you for all kinds of sex and orgasms and not just squirting. So we talked about the pegging, the squirting, pro-dom, and now let's quickly touch on the wrestling aspects because you are a wrestler. And how did you get into that? That was another. It all came at the same time. So it was, I was trying to make money because I didn't have a full-time job. And

And there was an ad on Craigslist, which is, I think it's like there's an equivalent of Gumtree in Australia. I don't know what the equivalent is in Germany. But there was an ad for it where someone was like, hey, I'm creating a scissor hold website, which is a type of choke where you use your legs or thighs around someone's neck. They're like, you don't have to show your face, wear yoga pants if you have strong quads. And I was like, I have strong quads. I need money. I never.

I ended up doing those pictures for the website, but I met up with this kid. We had lunch and he told me all about the wonderful world of fetish wrestling. And I think I just kept in contact with him and I was curious about it. And I think at one point I was in money trouble and he just encouraged me to like put my profile up on this wrestling website. And I started getting bombarded with emails and,

And so then I was like, okay, if I'm going to do this, like I am strong, but I am still, I'm a small person. I'm five foot three. And, you know, it's strength is just, it's different between, you know, men and women specifically. So it's like, okay, I need to learn jujitsu or MMA or something. I was at some party that had to do with sex. And I saw somebody who was doing jujitsu, like friendly with someone in the corner. And I was like, that want to learn that what you're doing right there.

through this person i met the person who i go teach my wrestling classes with who is my trainer who i like go to all my safety questions for and then i went into i got into the wrestling community which is like a bunch of really strong badass awesome women who know mma and

All of the clients love muscular women and it gave you an excuse to work out more and lift heavier weights. And it was, it honestly, it just fits so perfectly because I love trash talk. I'm so competitive. I have been into sports since I was like a teenager. My dad got me into football, like,

like watching it competitively though when I was about 17 I was like betting on it so like this is a dream come true for me and everyone from my childhood when I told them about the wrestling thing specifically they're like oh yeah I could see that for you

So you do the wrestling as part of your pro-doming sessions as well. So there's like the mix of the two, if people want that. Yeah. And I would say mainly, and this is honestly just because like I like it a lot and I have a lot of success in it and it's a good niche. But like most of my pro-domination is like I almost exclusively do wrestling sessions. Although...

I'll take on other sessions if it is something that is in my skill set and that I enjoy. Because what I realized is like a lot of things within BDSM for me are,

are very intimate. They're things that are for lovers and things that are for clients. And the things that are for clients are like, what's fun with a stranger? And that could be ball busting. It could be kidnapping and abduction. It could be a lot of verbal humiliation. And a lot of people that come for wrestling, they might have some of those side kinks that fit really well into that. But I think because within wrestling, there aren't as many like

pro doms that also do wrestling, I tend to get a lot of those clients who want a lot more of this like mental and verbal play, which is also my favorite too. So like it works out. And like, if you want to be a pro dom, like, you know, yes, get into it, learn a lot of the things, gain the skills. But like, eventually, you want to do the things that you enjoy most, and you will become better at those because you enjoy them more and people will enjoy doing them with you because you like that. So you'll find that a lot of pros have

have a niche and whether that's something that they stumbled upon or something that they always loved. You know, you'll find that there's certain people where like you go to them for this specifically.

Yeah, that was something I actually really wanted to ask you about pro-doming. I feel like the idea of the dominatrix has become so popular, especially in pop culture, that I can see that there's probably a lot of people thinking, oh, well, I can just do this and it's super easy. I just like, you know, maybe verbally abuse a man and get paid, but it's really not like that in reality. Do you have any advice for anyone thinking about getting into this industry? Firstly, and this is also like, I want to heed this for people who maybe are

pro doms who are going into like normal world stuff when you're a pro dom and someone approaches you as a client they're usually but not always it's easy in the fact that they are ready to give you their submission where they have it laid out of like here's how you can do this when you meet someone in the wild or in your normal life or in vanilla world or whatever it is

It's not always going to be that easy. And you have to, there's like a different level of like respect and time and things like that. So like, yeah, sometimes it's going to be, sometimes someone's going to walk into your email and they're going to be like, I want you to beat me with this stick or baton or whatever it may be.

But it is like with any job, there's a lot of work. There's new girl money. And that's where, you know, dom collectors will see that there's someone, there's a new face. They'll want to try out. They may never see you again. And there's this influx that makes you feel like, oh, this is easy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But, you know, there's issue with if you want to build up a steady client base, you know, we're getting kicked off of literally every social media platform and website and payment processor. So there's that issue. It's really based in a lot with safety is based in community as well, too. So it's I mean, it's a it's work. It's a full time job.

Because like our time is valuable and it is a grind and it is exhausting. Besides workers are just like really looked down upon by society and even sometimes by clients. They feel like because there is a transaction, then that means like,

I've paid for you. They owe the time. Yeah. You paid for the time, not for me. And there's also, I mean, there's survival sex work as well. And like, that's more where, you know, there's people there, they're doing that to survive. That also means that maybe they will take sessions that they don't want to do. They'll take sessions that are dangerous. I have the privilege and luxury to say, I'm only take wrestling and verbal humiliation sessions. But I also have these like,

different streams of income that enable me to do so. And like, so there's different things that you can do to even maintain that longevity. Oh, I guess I should actually plug too. If you are a nudie sex worker looking to do that, I have a series called seven days of domination that I have, that I co-run with two headmistresses and they,

We've now had four series. We've had our fifth one on the way, but essentially seven days, different Dom every day talking about a different topic. But you also get to see a different style, which I think is important. And if you're a sex worker or a budding sex worker, you get a 75 percent discount because, you know, we got to find a way to keep the knowledge spreading and we want to make that accessible. Yes. And this is all on your website, isn't it?

It is. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, if you have any more plugs like social media, is there anywhere on the website you're particularly keen for people to go right now? You're promoting something. Yeah. I mean, you can find my social media at Lola Jean dot com at the DOT spelled out. That's on Instagram and Twitter. That's also my website with the DOT not spelled out.

And yeah, you could really navigate to anything through there. There's always something new that's going on. But I'm recording so many classes of putting those up there. The next thing that is going to come about is we just finished filming the introduction to play fighting and wrestling as well as erotic choking. So both of those series should probably come out sometime this summer, which I'm excited about as well. Amazing. Thank you so much for your time. Yeah.

I feel enlightened. It's so cool talking to somebody who is really out there and thriving and also kind of helping a lot of people on the way. So, yeah. Thank you for teaching us so much. Absolutely. Thank you.

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