#128 - Robert Oberst and JP McDade
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Welcome everybody to Stabby's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in and solve your problem. We're in the Mobile Command Center.

Stavi's World is mobile. We are in an undisclosed location. Off the grid. We're off the grid. You'll never find us. The address is... Yeah, come to whoever's in this Airbnb months after we've left. You know, this is from the vault, folks. This is the beginning of the tour. We're pumped to have on the couch Robert Obers is here. Oh, yeah.

I'll just try to add a new cheer. I appreciate it. It's a little more diffuse. The other one is like a stadium. This is like eight guys are happy Robert's here. I know, I know. I think that's more realistic. Yes, we have Robert here. Of course, Jimmy Mack, JP, McDade is here. He's opening on this leg of the tour for much of the beginning and the end. So we figured let's get him in here Ed McMahon style.

He's the sidekick whenever he's here. I'm blind drunk. Yeah, and he's so drunk. I told him, you can be on the tour, but you have to relapse. I said anything for Mr. H. I'm like, JP, you want this $85 a night, or do you not want this $85 a night? Bring me my medicine. Do you want to split bunk beds with Eldis every night for $85 or not?

This is a real show business opportunity for you. I'm Elvis' human nightlight. I stand next to his bed. And flashlight. From the inside. Hey, I wear many hats. The booze helps now. It loosens it right up.

Yeah, we're pumped to have Robert here, but thanks for coming, dude. Yeah, I'm excited to be here, man. Thanks for having me. Three strong guys. Three equally strong men on a podcast. A lot of sexual energy on the podcast right now. It is awesome because everyone on this tour, I'm, well, let's say 5'7".

You know what? I am actually 5'7". Here's something that annoys me. I actually am 5'7", because everybody who says they're 5'7 is 5'6". I like that you said it like a negotiation. We'll call it 5'7". Because I was about to be like, I'm 5'8", but that's me lying, right? Even though... You can give yourself a quarter. He's like 5'7". Even though with shoes on... Look, when I go to the doctor, they weigh me with shit with my pants on. Hmm.

Why don't I get to say 5'8 with shoes on? You get it on the other end. Anyway, the point is I'm 5'7. You know what? I don't even give a fuck. I have no shame about it. It just pisses me off because everyone who says they're 5'7 is 5'6. But on this tour, Eldis is 6'5. Big Dick Saxon, who you guys have met on the Patreon Busboys Volume 1. How tall are you, Sax?

6'5". JP is 6'7". And Robert is not only gigantic, 6'8"? 6'7 and a half. 6'7 and a half. Wow, what a gentleman. Hey, you know what? I'm 5'7 and a half. How about that?

People get really crazy about it. Like the way that line at 5'7", like guys really get edgy. Yeah, you don't want to be. You don't want to be. And some people, some might argue it's 5'8", and they're wrong. Thank you. It depends on the humidity. Yeah, it depends on how high my hair is. It's a range.

Honestly, if it makes you feel any better, you're all the same to me. Thank you, dude. I appreciate it. You could be 6'1". Yeah, that's true. And I love that. We're all basically first graders to Robert. Yeah, to Robert. 6'7 1⁄2", a hulking gentleman. Top 10, a former... You got top 8, right? I got top 10 twice. Top 10 twice. World's strongest man. Over the span of six or seven years, too. So, like...

I was in the top 10 for a while. Wow. You had staying power. It was one thing that I really fought for, too, because at the beginning of my career, I jumped off and did really, really good. And I was terrified of being a flash in the pan. Right, right, right. Destroyed myself to make sure that didn't happen. Oh, yeah? What's fucked up right now? Oh, everything. I think the most messed up stuff is probably my back and my ankle. My back...

I have to be really careful about my back. It's what made me stop. I was like, not to start this off on a super sour note, but my daughter... You were suicidal. You wanted to end it all. Yeah.

No, my daughter was in the crib. She's 16 months now. And so she was in the crib and I went in there to get her out and my back locked up and I fell on the floor. I was on the floor for like two hours. Holy shit. And I couldn't get up. She's like, I'll never respect you. All those muscles and you can't protect me. Yeah, that's what you worry about.

So I made sure I was like, I'm never going to do anything to put my back at risk. So I do all safety stuff now. That happened to me once because I pulled a doorknob too hard. That literally, I threw my back. I'd be like...

And then I had to just lay down for one day straight. It's horrible when your back goes out. It's tough. There's nothing you can do to get around it. No, no. It's not what you want. We need exoskeletons. Yeah. We need that shit, dude. We got to evolve into some armor. Yeah. Give us like the robot additives now, you know? Get on it. Let's go, Mecca. I want rocket thrusters. You want thrusters? That would be fucking sick. Trying to make sure I can dunk when I'm 40. I'm going to need to be rocket aided.

I just want a back brace. I want something to be... I want the back brace not only to help my back, but also when I fuck...

Just a thrust for me. That way I can... And then obviously I think it goes without saying, you know, a splint, some kind of mechanical splint around my cock to keep it hard. But it's still my cock. I don't want a mechanical cock. I want my cock to feel the pleasure, but I need around it... With like an add-on that pinches your leg so you last longer? Yeah. Like you feel like you're going to bust in it and you just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you can have metal around the shaft, but the head is my head.

So even if it's soft, the metal pushes my soft dick into a woman's pussy in and out. It sounds dangerous. Just first thoughts. Well, we'll figure it out. We'll get nanobots. Somebody's got to be on this. I guarantee somebody's on this. Yeah, it's crazy we haven't figured that part out yet. But yeah, dude, not only the World's Strongest Man, but Vagabond.

Very funny on The Righteous Gemstones. We became friends. I was promoting my special while you were on. I think we both kind of discovered each other's work at kind of the same time. Even though me and my brothers were, when we were growing up, we loved watching World Strong. Really? But, you know, we were younger. We weren't like keyed into it. It's just like a fun thing to watch. Yeah. So it's like...

I'm sure we watched you fucking pick up gigantic stones and throw them over your head. You know what I mean? But like, cause we, that was always a fun, a fun thing to watch and like pretend like, Oh yeah, one day we could do that. You know, it's like, that's, it's most like marketable feature is when people are like flipping channels or whatever, you don't,

It's incredible. You see a guy pulling a bus. Yeah. You stop for a second. You see a 400 pound guy with abs pulling a bus and you're like, what the fuck is going on? Like, it sounds like, like watching you guys compete feels like you're reading something from mythology where it's like, you know, the king brought the job, you know, the unstoppable giant to smash all the cannon nights or whatever the fuck. That's really where it started from too strong man. They say it originated in Scotland. Um,

Scotland was not allowed to have weapons or really train and stuff like that because England sucks. Fuck the Brits. All of them. That's a common through line in basically all of world history. It's like the English were being dicks. They're like, no, you can't have a gun.

We're going to go have sex with each other and polish our muskets. And then you guys, and then the Scottish had to get strong as hell. We're going to get out some big fucking poles. We're going to kill you with these rocks. That's what it was. It was rocks and stones. And then one part of the competition would be like you had to be able to run to a certain place with rocks and then run

back that's where it all came from yeah just pure ass brute strength it's so cool who's gonna protect the king without any weapons yeah yeah yeah yeah sick dude yeah that's it and it's such an interesting thing to get like because it you're right it's the most channel flipping you're never gonna switch but it's like it's crazy to think that that was just so your life like to most people it's like a cool thing you stumble on and you watch like

Four times a year. Stand-up comedy. Yeah, it's basically like... Yeah, most people don't give a fuck about stand-up. Most people go to, like, four stand-up shows in their whole life, and three of them are, like, you know, bachelor party, bachelorette party or something. Right, right. But, like, that's crazy. Like, what even is it like to be...

How do you... What are the prelims for getting into... What's the open mic version of doing World's Strongest Man? Is it just you go to a fucking parking lot and start lifting Corollas? Yeah. It's all over America, England, Canada. It's huge. They've got different styles depending on where you're at in the globe. The Middle East and stuff does a lot of rock lifting. But at the amateur level, that's what it is. You pay...

you sign up you you go and you'll see these guys I mean I saw a guy I've seen these guys really hurt themselves really badly really horrifically and they were just like they had a nine to five like they were here for fun and pain to compete and like for the rest of their lives they walk weird or

Their shoulders and their hips are now fused together. They no longer have a torso. I can't tell you how many guys I know who have their low back fused. It's very common. No, I don't need a spot for this Volkswagen. I'm good. My back doesn't bend. It's a lot of that, but

The guys who do it to be in shape and just have fun, it is really cool. The camaraderie in Strongman is unmatched. It's not like you're going to go to a CrossFit gym. If you're really in shape, really jacked, you can go to a CrossFit gym and fit in great. I'm being general. I'm sure there's somebody out there that's like, obviously that's not the case for them. In general, when you do an amateur Strongman show, there's just all these...

really big people that kind of lift seriously but it's mostly for fun and they're just cheering each other on having a blast yeah yeah it's just so funny to do that like for no money and to do it and like to pay to pay to potentially have no you know lose a couple vertebrae or whatever the fuck it's nuts dude it's crazy and there's a ton of people that do it too yeah damn

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I was a bouncer for a long time. Hell yeah. Where were you bouncing? I bounced in a few different places, but this place...

It was called The Catalyst. It's in Santa Cruz, and it's a small concert venue and a bar. So I did security for Willie Nelson and B.B. King. Shout out to Willie. A bunch of really cool people. Yeah, friend of the podcast, Willie Nelson. Shout out to him. I feel so bad. When I worked with Willie, I was playing football at the time, and he offered to smoke weed with me, and I turned him down. Oh, my God. My mom got mad at me. My mom was so mad at me. You're throwing your life away.

I honestly, from that moment, because he was the sweetest dude. He's a little older guy. Yeah. He came out, was really nice, met everybody, and saw what he had to do, where he was going to be. And I'm the biggest guy, so I'm the guy who's with the talent. And it's like, he was going back on the bus, and he's like, you want to have smoke? And I was like, oh. I was getting tested at the time. Oh, my God. It's one of my biggest regrets. You should be able to tell the guy testing, he was like, hey, man.

Here's a picture of me smoking weed with Willie Nelson. Can I get a mulligan on this one? Yeah, I wish I would have. Oh, my God, dude. I know, I know. Bummer. That was in Santa Cruz where you were playing. What was the school you were playing for? I was done. I was trying to play professional, so I was working with the San Jose Sabercats at the time.

And, uh, that's arena. Oh, hell yeah. Arena is another dude. You're the, you're like a, a like fun shit to catch on ESPN three all-star, you know what I mean? Like arena football is strong. You need to play in the world series of poker. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. But yeah, the thing about Arena too... Oh, dude, fuck. For the Sabercats, you should have smoked weed, man. No, of course. Well, this is the worst part. Arena, two years before I got to Arena...

The guys were making an average of like 300K a year. Wow. That was the average. And then when I got there, the ultimate reason I didn't stay or do anything with them was because guys were like working at McDonald's when they weren't at practice. That's nuts. And so it was just too much. My body was already like... My ankles really started to get messed up from football. Like it was just...

I just kept re-injuring the same thing. Your whole life you must have just been... Beat the shit. Gigantic and beating yourself up. You were playing football, I guess, your whole life. Well, so at first I was a big drama kid. Hell yeah, dude. I really loved... I wrote plays and I had like a... I love that, dude. I had a little video camera that you put the VHS in and record. And I made probably 10 spoofs trying to copy Scary Movie. Yeah.

That's so awesome. I love that stuff. I had ten siblings. Oh, my God. All the characters and everything. I made my sister chase me. We lived behind an apple orchard, and I made her chase me through the apple orchard. You literally just sound like a character in a fairy tale. Yeah. The giant that lived. The baby giant that tried to get his ten siblings to make plays with him behind the apple orchard. Put all ten siblings in a big basket and carry them to school every day.

That's fucking nuts. I was obsessed with that stuff at first. And I was really into drama. And then going into high school, I'd signed up and I'd been in several plays. Like I got the lead in a few, which is crazy. Of Mice and Men? Yeah.

No, I didn't pet the rabbits. I didn't pet the rabbits. I got to do Jack and the Beanstalk. And then I was one of the Three Kings. Sick. I wrote a rap for the Three Kings. That's awesome. And then I made them let me do it in the play. Hell yeah. I was like, I'm not doing it if I don't get to do my rap. That rocks. Negotiating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then...

High school came along and I was getting involved in everything and then one of the teachers just made fun of me about trying out for the lead in a play. And then it was like, I shattered confidence from it. Oh my God. It's crazy how much one comment from an asshole teacher. Just a guy who was just too stupid to get a real job. He probably wasn't a good teacher.

Right. Like, it's always the shittiest. And looking back, it's probably some 25-year-old dickhead. Yeah. Who was just a piece of shit and who was insecure and, honestly, on some level, jealous because you were fucking huge and, like, he wanted to play football and he got cut. Well, that's when I started football. I wasn't going to play. I was all drama. And then when that happened, I went out and did football and then, like, literally just...

blew up and started like being really good really fast yeah that's all I mean that's so funny dude I had I had the same experience but like with obviously different results like I was a total drama kid and like me and Eldis were in plays in elementary school together the what was the clown one ambiguously gay clowns yeah we

We put on a production of the Ambiguous Legate deal in fourth grade. But you wrote it into a beautiful feature-length drama that explores their relationship. That was a good cartoon, though. That was fucking funny shit. Yeah, it was Clowns, right? Did we do anything else, or were you gone by then? I think there was at least one or two other plays. I just don't remember why. Clowns was very memorable, though, for sure. And then in middle school, I think I auditioned

Or like they were doing Charlie Brown. And I think like, I think, you know, it was probably a shoe in. I mean, who's supposed to be playing Charlie Brown? But I had that moment. Nobody had to make me feel self-conscious. I should have. I had the confidence you should have had where I was like,

What am I doing for a job? I'm a fucking athlete. Like, I was just this size. Like, I've been 5'7 since I was in sixth grade. And I've been, you know, maybe I was 200 pounds. But I was like, well, I'm going to play fucking football and basketball. I'm going pro. And I quit drama in sixth grade because I was like, yeah, dude, I'm a fucking jock. I'm a cool jock now. But I remember, like, it is being a little ass kid and being like,

I want to be on stage. You know what I mean? It's so fun. I want to go back, though, because I want to get a little more about you as a little kid, because that's fascinating. Because you must have been also just big as hell from the jump, right? Not till... Like, I had a crazy growth spurt between freshman and sophomore year. I was... So, like...

Starting like maybe fourth, fifth grade, I got really chubby. Sure. But I was short. Okay. And then I worked at a Boy Scout camp in Catalina Island. Oh, nice. Catalina. Catalina Wine Mixer. Yeah. So I was there for six, seven weeks or something like that. And while I was gone working at a camp, I grew seven inches. In a fucking six-week span? I came home. My mom started bawling. She was like, my boy.

She was freaking out. My brother, Sean, who I hadn't seen him for a couple years, he walked up to me and introduced himself. My older brother.

- The camp got shut down. They were putting HGH in the burners. - Dude, that's fucking nuts. - So yeah, so like I had like just crazy deep red stretch marks all of a sudden and all this stuff. - Did that hurt? Were you going through like a werewolf transformation? - Exactly like that.

I remember, so I don't remember almost anything other than a sunburn I got. A real bad sunburn that I'll remember. And then I remember laying in the tents at night and just rubbing my legs. And I remember the guy next to us...

next to me had a playboy that was like under his pillow and I saw it so like I snagged that and at like 2 in the morning I'm like rubbing my legs and looking at this playboy to distract me Jesus dude that's nuts you go on like an inch a week that's fucking nuts it was super painful

But before that, you were just like a chubby kid who was like very into drama. Yeah. And how did we get 10 siblings? Is it like religious? No, not really. No, my mom had a rough childhood. And so like when she started having kids, she just like wanted all of them.

My mom was told she couldn't have any more kids, and then she got pregnant with me. Oh, wow. And then had me, and then adopted three more. Wow. My mom was just trying to take in everybody and take care of them, which is where all my confidence came from. I'd be the chubby kid. I'm Augustus Gloop.

Yeah. You know, like, she'd, like, pinch my cheeks and tell me I could do anything. And so, like, that's really where it came from. It was like, I just believed her. Damn. I'd do whatever, you know? And what, you might, I mean, did, everybody had to have bunk beds? There's no way everybody got, you must have slept in bunk beds. That's a good question. Yeah. So, so,

When I was getting into high school and we moved back to Watsonville, we lived in a three-bedroom house, and we only had electricity there for the first 30 days. Oh, my God. So this is the craziest thing. Looking back as an adult, like, my dad made good money. He worked for a great company in, like, Quinn Caterpillar, like Caterpillar, the tractors and stuff. My dad was, like, a really smart engineer, worked on all that kind of stuff, and, like, then started working on...

What's it called? When you lose power and the power... The generators. Generators and stuff for like hospitals or prisons and all that kind of stuff. So he was a smart guy, really needed, made good money, and we were broke. Like had none. Did he have a second family with eight kids? No. What happened is he had a wife that spent everything faster than he could make. And so like I remember like...

We had no power for three years until like... Well, on the weekends, my dad would drive home. You ever seen those white... Did they have you in a big wheel running to fucking power the house? Conan the Barbarian pushing you to the house. I'm running the dishwasher. Heave! Heave!

If you're on the road, you'll see like a Caterpillar truck drive by. It's a big white truck and you'll see it's got like a little crane on it. All of those trucks have little generators. So on the weekends, we would plug that into the house and we would have like maybe the TV or whatever. Like sometimes if we didn't run anything, the hot water heater would work, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like that forever. Damn, dude. It sounds so crazy now. But you don't know any better. No.

moment, man. We were making those movies and I was having fun and we were doing WrestleMania on the trampoline and like all that shit, like playing baseball with every apple in the orchard. I don't think I've ever had as much fun as I did when we were dirt poor. For sure. Yeah. Especially when you're a kid, you really have no frame of reference. And it's like, I don't know, what was the school like? Did they let you know you were poor at school? Yeah. Well, in high school, yes. Because in high school, I'm from Watsonville and if you know Santa Cruz,

Watsonville is like East side. Like, well, not, not New York East side. It's like LA East side. It's a, it's the lower end of the, the probably financial pool of the county. And I went to school in Aptos. Like I got in trouble in Watsonville and I had to go to Aptos high and Aptos is the wealthiest area in Santa Cruz. And so like,

I remember all these kids. I remember this girl. It's got it's it's families whose dad like it's the guy who invented that shitty like Sherpa hoodie. It's like the drug rug. That's that's the number one drug rug princess in Santa Cruz. That's the number one money maker is like Rasta hats and those fucking and black light posters. Yeah. Black light hemp posters. Yeah. It's a lot of.

Like if you're kind of like an old school liberal and you made a ton of money and you retire, that's one of the spots to go. Yeah. And it's a pretty hippie, dippy town from what I know. Yeah. I loved it. Like, yeah, it was so I first place. I love slugs. The right. Yeah. The UCSD slug. Yeah. Yeah. That's an awesome mascot. And like it was my first left. I went to Arkansas for school and it was like traveling back in time.

It was crazy to me that like like there was a club that we used to go to called Curtis and the guys on the team said that was the black club and so like literally like it was almost like it was like going into the 50s coming from California. I was not used to that. You're like this is ridiculous. I mean at least you can run the lights in the black club. At least you guys have a refrigerator that works. It's always the best when you're a big white dude and you're the only white dude there. Oh, it's awesome. Yeah.

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You went to play football in Arkansas? Yeah, I went to, I ended up, so before my senior year, this is a lot. No, I love it. I mean, if you want to. Yeah, I don't mind. I don't mind. Before senior year, my dad was schizophrenic and he had a lot of issues, a lot of different stuff. And him and my mom split. At least he didn't have too many responsibilities. Oh.

Fucking guy had 10 kids. Even if it was a sound mind, he would go fucking crazy. You're plugging in a fucking extension cord to make tea on the weekends. He had a lot going on. You know what's funny is you were smart enough to realize that it was off an extension cord. Yeah. So he had a break towards senior year and...

It all went haywire. So like I ended up being homeless for about three years and then bounced around and tried to figure stuff out. 18 to 21 kind of. Yep. And Dennis Rodman, same thing. Dennis Rodman. Yeah. He was, he was, he was like homeless in that.

And then he started playing Juco. And then he went from homeless to junior college. I think he also had a growth spurt. Yeah, he did. He was like 6'1 when he got to college or something. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A ton of similarities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dennis Rodman's a man, too. Yeah. So, yeah, bounce around. And I just made a bunch of mistakes. And then, like, I actually, I was done with football. I had quit. I had left. I won't even get into it. Choked a coach, maybe, or what? Yeah, something like that. Flip it. Flip it.

Anyways. Flip the team bus. We're moving forward. You really called me off guard there. Sorry, man. Just an educated hunch. So I got a job. I moved back to Santa Cruz and considered myself a Coke dealer for like two months. Oh, hell yeah, dude. And it was silly and stupid and that stuff like...

I don't know. I mean, I got to be honest for where you were at the time, being huge, being in Santa Claus. Like if there's a place to deal, like for your circumstances, that's not a horrible like looking at the math and being like. And it helps to be huge because it's like how much do I owe you for this eight ball? It's like $500. Yeah. And it's a hippie town. It's like it'd be different if you were like a Coke dealer in like a major city. Right.

Right, yeah. Totally different vibe. Honestly, I kind of... I mean, I'm glad you didn't keep doing it, but it wasn't the worst idea. Let's give you some credit. Some bad things came out of it. Yeah, I'm sure some bad stuff happened. I remember doing some stupid stuff, but... It's a natural byproduct of all that stuff that happens. It's bound to happen, I think. So I left and realized I needed to get out of Santa Cruz. So I moved...

My dad had just had another child with someone else. Oh, wow. And him and my mom were back together and raising him now. Yeah, that was his issue. I just go out, clear my head, have another kid. A lot, a lot. Like I said, I'm leaving a lot out too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I moved back in with them and just weaned myself like completely. I just, no rehab, no nothing. I just cut everything. I was on a lot of pills at the time too. Football really got me into pills. Yeah, yeah.

And I stacked backer board outside of Reno for about a year, which like in... Now we went from fairy tale to Johnny Cash song. I was stacking back boards in Reno for a year. That was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fresh off pain pills, stacking back boards in Reno, dude. It's truly a mythological life that you've led. That's crazy. I did that and I was...

I was like about just about a year deep, and I got a phone call from a buddy of mine who was going to school at Western Oregon University. And he was like, man, the coach here says you've got eligibility. Whoa, nice. And I was like, for real? And he's like, yeah, he's going to pay for your school. Get out here. Whoa. So I took my twin mattress from my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tied it to my roof. I broke it on the way up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I drove from Reno all the way up to five, all the way into Salem, Oregon, and got off there and headed east, west. And stayed, I finished school at Monmouth at Western Oregon. Oh, cool, nice. And I was just really appreciative they gave me an opportunity. And that's like where football ended for me. Right. And so this was a super long way to get back into. But it was huge. It was huge to like kind of get you.

Just a little stability, a little like... I had a place to live. I had food. Like, to me, that was everything. And then I could kind of... You're not living off of crazy momentum. Yes, sure. You know, when shit starts rolling and you don't take a moment to step back, like, you can really end up in some spots. For sure, for sure. No, it's crazy. I mean, I definitely...

that and your life feeling like your life is being dictated by forces outside of you is a really scary thing so that that sounds like you know it was even if even though you like

It made you get addicted to pills or whatever. In the beginning, it's like football, you know, sounded like a nice little salvation and just some regularity. And then from there, you were kind of, is that where the strongman stuff started? Yeah, so just the pills thing, really funny. When I first started coming off pills, I was in my college dorm.

This is in Arkansas? Where's this? I don't want to say. Okay, yeah, we don't have to say. We were in a college dorm. In a college dorm, yeah, yeah, yeah. College dorm somewhere in the continental United States. Maybe too specific. Okay, all right. Could have been Hawaii or Alaska. We'll give it all 50 states in hell. We'll throw in Puerto Rico maybe as well. It was one of the hemispheres. Yeah, it was, yeah.

So I was in a dorm, in a college dorm and I'm coming off. And I remember I was laying in my little bed looking at the roof and it was like moving and being weird and really having DTs like hard. And the running back was my roommate and he goes, man, are you jerking off over there? And then he opens the door to the dorm. He goes, he's in here jerking off. And I'm like, what?

Getting off pill having like fucking oxy withdrawals Jerking off

I mean, getting off pills with a roommate is a tough scene, dude. In a little dorm in those plastic mattresses. Making ramen noodles on a hot plate. Well, in Alaska, they got brick. Yeah, of course, where you were. There's a moose outside the window.

To answer the simple question you asked about an hour ago. No, no, no. This is perfect. I was bouncing at a club, The Catalyst. I was doing security for a lot of people. Cube, Snoop. It was sick. And you're in your mid-20s here? Yeah, low 20s. I'm not even 24 or something like that. Okay, yeah. And...

A buddy of mine was obsessed with Strongman, and he'd been trying to do it for like eight years. And he was always the guy that was like my backup or whatever on a football team. Sure, damn, that's tough. Especially because he wanted to be a pro Strongman. And I went pro in less than a year. And then you married the woman he was in love with. His dad calls you and tells you how much he respects you. Happy Father's Day to me. No, no, he's...

He's got a lot of really cool qualities. I don't want him to feel bad if he sees this. He's the man. And he helped me a lot. He taught me everything. And when I first got started, the first day, I did a log press, which is like, if you know what a log press is, we used to use trees, but now we use like a cylinder metal. Yes, I've seen those things. I had the record in that for a while. And so I did that on the first day and I pressed it. And

And I beat the amateur record by five pounds. And I put it down and I looked at my buddy and I was like, was that any good? Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, that's brutal for that guy. But he's doing well. He's doing great. Yeah, he's got a wife and he's doing great, man. He's living the normal life like I should have. Of course. Yeah, yeah. That's the other thing is like success in these fields is still not good. No. You don't live a good life. It's so much better just being upper middle class. And have a consistent paycheck. Yeah. Insurance. Totally. How much is that log way? $40.

It depends. It depends. So my record, I broke the record in Australia with Arnold Schwarzenegger. He was like right there watching me. I broke the record. It was badass. It was in kilos and I think it was like 477 in pounds, something like that. Jesus. Like 217 kilos or something like that. It might be off. Don't get mad at me, internet. It might be off by a few pounds.

Eldest, do a little fucking producing, man. Check out fucking... Really quick, too, since you brought him up. Everybody that comes on this show just goes on and on about how grotesque and crazy Eldest looks. I'm an avid listener. I listen while I train, while I'm doing stuff, so I don't watch. I listen. I've heard Eldest's voice a million times. I was expecting you to be so much more hideous. You just look like a normal dude, man. Like...

I think that's kind of certain someone's messaging. We've really painted a narrative here. If you look crazy, then what do I look like? I'm a much more exaggerated version of you. Yeah, you guys are members of the same tribe. But that's the thing. You're one of the literal world's strongest men, and he's just...

a guy and you guys look similar. That's the issue. I think you look good, brother. Way better than I was expecting. I think you look good. Way too many people tell me that. They're like, oh, Eldest? That doesn't be fat like Stobb. Okay, alright. That doesn't be fat and gross just like Stobb. That would be the negative thing to happen to you. Oh, man. Wait till they're on the bus for a long time. Yeah.

You know what, Eldest? That's fine. I carry this. I'm basically like...

I'm like Jesus in that I'm basically like Jesus in that, you know, I'm dying for every fat guy's sins, you know? Throw them all on me. I'll be fat as shit. I'll be short. I'll be bald. I will take these slings and arrows for the rest of you. That's how I look at it. Don't judge them. Yeah, yeah. Judge me or whatever. Judge me not. Yeah, yeah. For they know not what they do. They know not how fat they are or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, not at all. I just said by accident, I am like God. I meant Jesus. Somebody's going to clip that right there. Stove, you're going to be on one of those clips. You know, they make all those videos now about all the comedians.

comedians. It's like a dumb market now. It's very funny to be that obsessed with like, truly we're some of the dumbest people on earth. And there's people who, there's like a whole clips ecosystem. There's like an entertainment tonight about dumb comedians on podcasts. Which is pretty funny. By the way, I just want to say on the record, I'm not like God. I said I'm like fat Jesus. Let me make that clear. Y'all heard that. Fat Jesus, not fat God. Laughter

I have some humility. Oh, dude, that's funny. There's going to be a thumbnail of you tomorrow with lava all around it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I'm the fat Antichrist. That's true. That's a possibility. That's a whole new batch of hate for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing, you know, there's something very powerful in Lucifer. Triple XL Lucifer. Man, that's fun. Dude, it's, but yeah, it is fascinating because I also just feel like just bouncing, there must have been guys who just like, do you get that your whole life where people just like,

are so insecure that they like try you to just be like fuck this guy who the fuck do you think he is just you existing and they take it as a personal like slight that you're big yeah for sure especially so I got picked on a lot until I got good at football like until like junior year of high school I was like like

Man, I had some really rough bullies. And actually, like, the guy who fucked with me the most hung himself a couple times. Oh, nice, dude. Crazy. Crazy. But, like, he fucking tortured me. Holy shit. Like, he was a scary motherfucker. Really? And, like, he would torture me. And, unfortunately, I'm being...

became a junior and then I started acting like an asshole. Of course. And that's what happens. People who get abused, it's like a cycle. Yeah. But luckily I caught that. By senior year, I started getting attention from girls and I started realizing... Because I had all my sisters and all that stuff. I started realizing...

Me being silly and funny and nice is like that's that's my my best attribute right right right being a jerk like maybe the mean girls at school will laugh sure but like you're not gonna play do anything and even if you do that heads not gonna be good no from the from popular girls in high school that unless they were really popular I guess

I guess I'm trying to think about the girls I went to high school with. You know what? I take that back. There were some girls that I'm, you know, back in the day. Well, I don't know. Because then all you know is what your friends who got to get pussy said to you. As non-pussy getters in high school, all I have is these unreliable narrators. The guys who got the fuck. Everyone lied to. And there was always like that one girl who was known as a whore just because she kissed a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She like hooked up with one guy. It's like fucking slut. Life's ruined.

Yeah, some girl gave a guy head in middle school. You just only hear stories you think you're surrounded by the greatest sexual dynamos who ever walked the earth. You only hear their side of the story. I remember one kid said he fucked seven girls in high school, and I remember being like...

It's like the Jaws snap zoom where I'm like, I haven't even fucking grazed the titty. I'm down by seven? Yeah, I'm down seven-zero. I fumbled the kickoff and he returned it for a touchdown. Not the way to start. The opening kickoff. There's 11.59 left in the first quarter and I'm down seven. He fucked one girl seven times. You just counted it all toward his stats.

You know, whatever. I wonder what he's up to. He's a good guy. He's not the most believable. I think he joined the armed services, the armed forces. Thank you for your service. Which means, yeah. You got more fans than me. Good job, Eldest. Good job, man. Oh, folks. I've been away from my home for two months, over two months on the Dreamboat Tour, and I am happy to finally make this spring the season that I lock in with nutritious two-minute meals from Factor.

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50% off. Can you, can you imagine that? Plus free shipping. So let's not forget one last time. Stavi 50 off. And what does that get you? A 50% off your first box. Idiot. Duh. It's clear what it gets you. Stavi 50 off. Factormeals.com slash Stavi 50 off. Yeah. Were there any wild, like bouncing? Bouncing? Oh yeah, for sure. So, um,

Guys, at first, when I started bouncing, would try and check me. I think there's a look. Like, a guy's got a look. If he hasn't bounced for a while, maybe he's just too busy with his eyes or whatever. I don't know. But, like, at first... Oh, it's like a projecting thing. It's just like a vibes thing. Not even size. I think, because it stopped. Like, I mean...

It probably happened for like a month or two. But I was at like that. That's still insane because you were like this size. Like what size are we talking? I was probably bigger than I am now. Yeah, a little bit bigger. That's nuts that someone's like, yeah, that guy doesn't look confident bouncing. I'm going to try and swing at him. Well, I mean, like I've had guys, I had an off-duty cop have it happen. That makes a lot of sense. This one time.

We were, we would have shows. So like in the back, we had, we had a rap group. I can't remember. It was like a Mexican rap group. I can't remember. Oh yeah. And then in the front, we had a 15 and up dance party. Oh God. And one of the guys from the rap show got into the dance party. You can't be putting up and coming rappers near 15 and up. Hey.

Club nights. And so it ended up being the most epic brawl I've ever been a part of. Oh, man. Spilled out to the streets. Jesus. A bunch of guys from Seaside drove out for the brawl. So, like, there was... A fight going on so long that word gets out and people commute to it. From Santa Cruz to Seaside, that's a drive. Send word to the cavalry. Look to the east at dawn. That's the writing.

So if you know downtown Santa Cruz... Somebody's trying to stop us from fucking underage children. Get the baseball bats in a van full of our strongest friends. That's a red line.

So that downtown road, it's Main Street and then there's Pacific. And literally the whole block, the entire street was packed full of people brawling. And one of our big rules was like, don't go out. You're secure. You're safe here. You step past this door. We can't do anything for you. No insurance, no nothing. And cops are on you when you're a bouncer. We had to wear gloves after a while because they would check our knuckles. And I was like, yeah.

So I'm standing there in the doorway and I'm sitting there thinking like, this is gonna be fun to watch. Yeah, cops are like, who do you think you are? We're the only ones who get to beat the fuck out of whoever we want. That's our job. They were just jealous. Pretty much, yeah. So I'm standing in the doorway and I'm watching this and I'm like, wow, this is gonna be the craziest thing I've ever seen. And the guy who got me into Strongman, in the middle of it, I see him just come up like a movie out of people and he goes, ah! Ha ha ha ha!

And he's built like me. He's a big fucking dude. And I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, got to get in there. And we're in there. And I'm literally like...

after the other, after the other, after like, like people behind you, people all around you. Yeah, I mean, that's insane. A block long brawl is insane. All the members, all the members of IIICP had you surrounded in their fucking brawn face. Yeah, that one was the wildest, but like, uh,

Like Hank Williams Jr., we had a bunch of bike, I'm not going to say which biking group. All his rowdy friends, let's say, that were there for Monday night. We had a very physical altercation, a very, very physical altercation. And then the next night, I'm working the bar, there's no show, and I'm working by myself. And the catalyst, when you go in, there's two doors, and then if the venue's open, you go underneath. And it used to be an old bowling alley, and that's where the shows are. If there's no show, you go up the stairs, and there's a bar.

So I'm sitting at the top of those stairs. Everything else is locked. And I'm sitting there by myself the night after a pretty rough brawl. Yeah. And I hear...

- 200 motorcycles. - Oh shit. - Sitting there by my fucking self. - Oh my God. - My ass like fell out of the seat. I was like, I knew, like I get goosebumps talking about it right now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I knew in my head, this was the end. Like in my head I was like, don't you go out like a fucking pussy. Like don't, like this is the only thing you can control.

Go out like a man. Open your fucking eyes and go out like a man. I would have been like, how wide are those vents? Is there a ladder?

I would have tried to find a fat woman and put my clothes on her. There was like nobody in the bar. There was like nobody there. It was literally me, a bartender, and like one guy. So you hear 200 motorcycles pull up, and I'm like freaking out. I'm sitting at the top of the stairs, and they start filing in. All these vests, all these sleeveless shirts, all these bald dudes. And then...

In the middle of them, this little old dude just weasels his way between them and kind of pushes through. And he stands at the bottom of the stairs and he looks up at me and he goes like this. Wild. I walk down the stairs like literally like.

Yeah. And he was like, were you here last night? And I was like, yes, sir. He goes, were you a part of what happened? I don't remember exact words. Were you a part of the situation that happened? I was like, yes, sir. And he goes, Billy, Tom, call these guys out. Stand up here. And they all come up with their tail tucked between their legs and their heads down. He goes, you got something to say? They all apologized to me. Holy shit. Apologized to me. What the fuck? He pulls out a business card and he goes, anytime you have a problem, call me. Wow. Incredible. Bro, I'm telling you, like...

What? I floated back up the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. And you're right. That was the right thing because if you did show cowardice, they probably would have fucked you up. You're a stand-up guy, literally. It's always like the little old guy in the gang who's like the one you need to be the most afraid of. It's like he commands all these soldiers. I really, like, in that moment, I still thought, I was like, they're going to knife me at least. Someone's going to take something. Right, right, right.

There's going to be a ceremonial ear cutting or something. Get out of here. So this is interesting though because it's like

You know, you start doing strongman, but it's not like, it doesn't seem to me like the thing that immediately starts paying big bucks, does it? Like, you still have to bounce, probably, or what are you doing at the time? Or can you train? Like, what are even the economics of something like that? Most guys never make money in strongman. Right. And that's all they tell you when you start it. Everyone's like, you're never going to make it. You know?

I knew I could use it as a platform. Sure. I never thought that I was going to be the strongest. Maybe up until my rookie year at Worlds, I thought maybe I could win. But then after that, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do what it took to win, but I could totally use this as a platform. Right. I could totally use this to do what I want to do. Because just like, I mean...

Eastbound and down. He said it so fucking right. Like I wasn't trying to be the best at working out. I wanted to play real sports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to be the best at exercising. I really felt that way. So you were just like, fuck, man. I mean, I'll fucking lift this shit. That's the upside of like if you don't, if like say you try strong and you don't make it, at least you're still strong as fuck.

Yeah, that is true. As long as you don't fuck yourself up. If you try comedy and you flame out, then you're just not funny. Yeah, you're just a fucking loser. Just a dude. You hear that? Don't even do it, folks. Not once. You're gonna fail.

Yeah, that's... Yeah, that is... That's interesting to have that perspective of just being like, ah, fuck it. I guess I'll just do it. Yeah. And then you were fucking good as shit at it. Yeah. And then... Because, like, is there more to it than the... Because we were talking a little bit. It's like, I didn't realize, you know...

that you were going to like foreign countries and there's way more than just like, because in my head it's just the ESPN shit. Like, did you travel a bunch of cool places? Was there money in that? Or was it again just experiential? Or what was it exactly? There's a little bit of money. Were there some sultan? Like, did you have to fight his strongest guy? Uday Hussain's. He had a fucking mongoloid that you had to wrestle. Baby Ruth? Yeah.

Yeah. No, I think the most money I ever made from a competition was like two grand.

I think about two, maybe 2,800. What the fuck? To just fuck your body, to do insane things, the human body objectively should not be doing. So I think maybe when I got top 10 at Worlds twice, I think maybe one of those times I made three. Maybe. I might be off by like a grand. Now what are the world's strongest man groupies like?

They must be women that really, you know, they must run the gamut. You know what I mean? Like some sturdier gals, maybe, which is fine. Those are there for sure. Yeah, which is fine. I think that, I mean, that goes along with anybody when you're this size, right? Like you don't even have to lift weights. It's always like a big guy...

Always will. For sure. Security and all that kind of stuff. There's something kind of in women's brains. Much of it's like height really does make people's lives easier. Like certain guys...

Could never be 5'7", for example, I'm just saying. Certain guys wouldn't be able to live, you know, to survive. So I get it. It was more like you were just always strong as hell. And there's definitely a type of woman that's going to be attracted to that, whether you're a strong man or not. There's definitely strong man groupies, for sure, that are specific to strong men. That's so fascinating. Yeah. It's a good thing.

It's like, well, it's not dangerous enough being a woman. I remember getting a message from some girl a long time ago in Canada, and she was like,

saying she was scared of me but it's like a roller coaster like she still wants to ride it so like that's the kind of girl like a goth like had problems growing up type of a girl who goes to church and pays her taxes she wanted the literal werewolf from Twilight and was like I'm just gonna get as close as I can nothing wrong with a nice goth sounds like that Venn diagram is a little bit with comedians see

Whenever you do... Goth is pretty good, though. That's a nice one to have in the groupie canon. I just was wondering, like, does it attract a certain type of person? But that makes sense. You can be surprised, too. You never know. Like, there's just, like, a normal girl who had a big dad, you know? Right, right, right. Yeah, I get it. I don't think it's ever been just a, like...

attractive thing, though. I don't think I've ever gotten one of those. It's got to be some psychology trick. Right. Like in high school, it was, oh, this guy's going to be a college football player. And then the girls liked me. Oh, that's hilarious. And then after that, it was like, oh, he's going to do this or that or whatever, you know. It was always something else. Hey, come on. You're cute, man. Don't say that about yourself. I mean, we fucked. Yeah. I didn't think he liked it that much. Just moaning a bunch. That's fucking hilarious, dude. Yeah.

I'll give you another bouncing one. Please, please. I was at that same spot at the top of the stairs in the Catalyst. And at the bottom, one of the things I left out is there's a pizza counter. Nice. Sounds like a great spot. It was awesome. I loved working there. I wish I never got fired for selling tickets. You were selling comps? Yeah. Directly to your own pocket? Oh, yeah. I used to make 5Gs a weekend. All the time, man. Wow.

You can't do that for long. But I was a stupid kid. Whoa, this golden goose keeps laying eggs. It's a not sold out show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About front selling tickets. You know?

Yeah, it was silly. And one of my best friends who I played juco ball with was the head of security too. So he caught me twice and was like, bro, come on, come on. And then they caught me one time really bad. Like 30 people walked in with fake tickets. Oh, man. I was sitting up top. I was sitting up top of those stairs. That's fucking awesome, dude. I respect that.

Try to make money. Eldest is fucking... People are Venmoing Eldest for Patreon links. Right, yeah. Cash app me, I'll get you in through the loading dock at the shows. I was like, yeah, they're delivering pizzas. He's like, all right, you got the empty boxes? You'd make them bring a pizza and you'd eat it. It wouldn't give us any. Some of that background stuff for shows is some of the craziest, funnest, and most awkward stuff. Like...

You're talking about getting people through the back ramp and stuff. So I remember it was slightly stupid. I was doing security for it. And they're fun. So much fun. Really cool guys. And a couple of them were single at the time. I don't know if they're single now, and I'm not going to say names. Right, right. But they were like, we need some girls. So I walk over, and there's these four girls together. And then I approach them, and I was like, hey, you guys, I don't know if you want to meet the band. They're all super excited. And then the guy taps me on the shoulder, and he goes, we just want three.

Oh, no. So I had to look at these girls. All right, who can carry this stone the farthest? You know what sucked? You know what really sucked is I did it. I was like, okay, you three and the other girls, why not me? And I was like, I'm sorry. So I'm...

So I'm the ugliest and I was like, no, I think you're very beautiful He literally comes back and he goes why don't you come to? If you just invite them all they're not all gonna fuck maybe you got the fuck the whole night she kept saying Oh, you didn't even want me back here

She kept saying that. I felt so bad. I felt bad. There's a lot of shit like that. Also, yeah, it's so weird. It's like, you know, what's one extra? That's not a problem. It's a girl, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a band. You might get sucked off by two of them. Aim high. That's the problem with stoners, man. That's the problem with stoners. Who was a cocaine band? He was. He'd be like, give me 800 women. I'm going to fuck them all. He felt bad.

So he came over and he got the drumstick from the show and he goes, I filed it under D so you know where to put it. It's a drumstick. And he gave me the drumstick because he felt bad about it. Yeah.

They were cool. They were freaking awesome. So much fun. That whole venue. I was going to say, I was up at the top of those steps and I was looking down and we had a reggae band going. And in the front foyer by the pizza kitchen, there was these two just blasted drunk chicks that were like,

60 years old. And one of her titties keeps plopping out and she like drops her pizza on the floor a couple of times and picks it up. And it's like, it's just a mess. And there's these big, I,

I think they were Samoan. They could have been Tongan. I lived in Samoa for two years. Nice. So I feel like I'm allowed to make that mistake. I know it's very upsetting to not know if it's Tongan or Samoan. Most of the people listening definitely know what the fuck you're talking about. That's for sure. We got a lot of big Oos listeners. Nice. So I lived in American Samoa for a few years. I love it there. I'm pretty sure they were Samoan.

And there was like four giant older dudes in their forties, all wearing Hawaiian shirts, just looking really nice, like nice gentlemen, nice hair and everything. But they were sick. And, um, they start making fun of the girl or whatever. So I go down there and one of my buddies who was new fired off hot and said something. I don't remember what he said, but,

the oldest, the silver haired guy just opens his fucking big meat hook, slaps him across the face. And he goes down and he's snoring on the way to the ground. He's like, like on the way. That's awesome. For them, an open hand slap, dude, that's a meaty paw to do that to somebody. Put him down asleep.

before he hit the ground. A slap to the shadow realm. And that guy didn't even look like he's a fighter. He's just a dude. He didn't go there coming to fight. You know when a guy comes to a bar wanting to fight. He didn't want this. It just presented itself to him. And so that we ended up... That's a so much more dangerous guy. That the guy that just in an instant can snap into that. As opposed to a guy who's like... Not thinking about it at all. For sure. For sure.

And those guys too, the guys that have that energy where they're looking for it, everybody feels it. Yeah. You're on point with that. This guy, yeah, he called us off guard because he was smiling when he did it.

He caught us off guard. And we got, I think that was the only bouncing fight I feel like I lost. Yeah. Because it was like four on one until a couple more guys got there. Right. But like, I went home thinking like, I lost that fight. Four Tongans. Yeah. Four Tongans, that's a rugby team basically. You can't beat yourself up over that one. Yeah. I hung in there for a good couple swings.

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Why were you in American Samoa? How long did you live there? My old man got, I don't know exactly how, but he got a job. There's a trolley that goes on the native side. It goes from the bottom of the mountain to the top. So not the side, like there's one side of the island that's like hotels and nice and everything. We lived in a hut with the village. And so like he just basically for two years kept that trolley running so people could go to the other side of the mountain to work.

It was crazy. Like, I don't remember a ton of it. I was like, it was four, five, and six or something like that. And so, like, I remember, like, on Wednesday nights, the only time we ever had TV was Wednesday nights. The Army Channel played wrestling. Hell.

I remember being so bored that we would watch geckos crawl on the walls and stuff like that. But I don't remember a time. While your dad's working on the trolley. Yeah, the trolley. That's another very weird job. Crazy, right? I got a dollar on light green. The trolley administrator. Well,

Well, dude, you've lived a wild ass life. We haven't even really got you got to come back. Obviously, we'll get more into it. But sounds like you have a lot of wisdom to give our fucking listeners. Oh, hell yeah. Sounds like you're a fucking a man who's as wise as he is strong. Oh, my gosh. I hope not. Elders, what do we got here? Little buddy, play us a couple of calls.

Hi, Bobby, Aldous, and Distinja. I have two questions for you. The first one is, is it weird to attend a comedy show by yourself? I'm pretty introverted, and I've always had a smaller group of friends. And I'm usually okay with going to things by myself, but

I didn't really want to sit in a 2,000-seat something theater by myself, so I was too nervous to go to your where I buy tickets for the Dream Tour. So, yeah, it's weird to go to a comedy show by yourself. My second question is,

I think this question's been asked before, but only by male listeners. I'm a woman in a larger metropolitan area in her late 20s. So a lot of my girlfriends have fliances or husbands or boyfriends or whatever, and I'm single. So I'm at the age where everyone wants to do everything with their husband or their boyfriend or fiance. How do you deal with getting to your late 20s, early 30s, and

Nobody wants to spend time with just their friends. Like none of these girls want to spend time with the girls. They always want to drag their fiance or their boyfriend or their husband along. And I don't always want to hang out with them. Yeah. So how do I respectfully tell my friends that I don't want to hang out with your boyfriend and your fiance or your husband? Like, can we just have girls time? Or is this just part of getting older? So yeah, let me know. And hopefully I'll see you in your next tour. Bye.

Damn, I mean, that is tough. Tale as old as time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Classic stuff. And yeah, she's right. It is mostly guys. So it's refreshing to hear a woman be like, I don't want to fucking hang with you. Well, her first question is an easy answer, which is no, it's not awkward to go to a comedy show by yourself. Yeah, for real. I mean, I love going to movies by myself. I love popping into shows. That's the nice thing about doing something by yourself is like,

You decide if you're not feeling it. Obviously, some of these are like a comedy show. If you come to one of our shows, you're going to like it. You're going to have a good time. And especially a comedy show is particularly easy because it's like once it starts, it's just a fucking comedy show all the way through. There's no like interacting. There's no doing anything. Even in fact, it's like, you know, going with people. I mean, obviously it's fun because you can talk afterwards, but it's all it's not the

actual experience that's fun to do. It's not like going to fucking Benihana by yourself. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, it's totally fine. And I mean, I remember back in the day, every place, when we did come down tours, every fucking comedy club was like, we've never sold more single tickets in our lives. Every fucking place was like that. That's a badge of honor, though. Yeah, we were bringing the community together. Um...

It seems like all the focus is off you, too. Totally, totally. You can relax, and you don't have to be worried about your nervousness or anything. The lights go down, focus is up on stage. 100%. I guess, particularly if you're a nervous person, maybe you're worried about crowd work and getting put on. And if you go to a shitty comedian show, that can be an issue. But I think I would have a lot... I actually did talk to a guy who I was positive was there by himself yesterday.

the first San Francisco... The first show in San Francisco. And it was like... It didn't come up, but even if it did, I wouldn't have been fucking mean about it, whatever. But yeah, definitely go to the show. Don't let that... Don't let... I like having little experiences by myself. Whether that's like, you know, going to a fucking museum or just doing shit like that, it's nice. And again, being in control of it is pretty cool. Where there's not... You don't have to like get everybody's fucking... Everybody to weigh in. The second question is...

is a little bit of like it is a little of like yeah you just got to grow up a little bit but your friends also it the second one is a classic meet in the middle compromise situation where it's like look there's going to be some vegetables which is a group dinner some cabbage you have to eat to like before you can have the like wings of just getting fucked up and gossiping with the people you actually give a fuck about right like

But this is part of growing up. I remember being like 20 in your early to mid 20s and when somebody would have like would like spring their girlfriend on you, you'd be like, are you fucking kidding me, dude? You're a fucking piece of shit. You don't even fucking care, right? But it's like...

This isn't even like Star Wars. Are you fucking joking, dude? Beer pong is an even numbers game. And you're throwing off the math. Oh, you're going to play with her. You're going to play with her. Oh, yeah, because she's such a good shooter. She fucking sucks at beer pong, dude. I've been practicing all week. She keeps trying to bounce it. I'm going to swat that shit every time. So, yeah, you have to like...

But I think it's maybe a little... I think all this is a little connected where it's like... False barriers. Yeah. I think. I think there's a bit of a false psychological barrier to like getting your friends to hang out. Oh, they're not going to want to because they have their boyfriends or whatever. But like...

If my girlfriend wants to go hang out with her friends, there's no explanation needed. Yeah. Absolutely. It's great. Yeah. And so like, look, might some of your friends be in weird relationships? That's a separate issue. Yeah. But for the most part, it's like, you know, and we give the example, I hang out with elders all the time. Obviously too much, probably. But like, I'll hang out with elders, I'll hang out with his wife. And it's like, you know what I mean? Like, I'll hang out with you, I'll hang out with your girl. It's like, and it's also a thing of getting to know these people. I think...

There is something annoying about friends that just want to spring... They want to bring a significant other into the rotation immediately. All the time, too. They got to earn their way in. At this point, Ellis' wife is a good friend of mine. I would hang out with her alone. But that took... I mean, you guys have been together for years, right? That doesn't just happen overnight. And it's like the same thing with other people's... It's almost like you have to...

It's like you date the... You know what I mean? Like the person's friend where there's like levels of friend that a significant other becomes. They don't need to be in the group chat just yet. No, exactly. This is a real respectful bro's podcast. Asterisk real quick. Yeah. You could have so just made a bad joke about your buddy's wife and you just slid right past it. Nobody else did. Yeah. It was like...

Asterisk. Well, we respect... Imagine being the woman that's married to Eldest. Your life is already a nightmare. Well, I shouldn't have brought it up. You lived with Stav for a year and a half. We were roommates. Like, I was roommates with his wife. Yeah, she's been through enough. I want to say, too, about this, with this, like...

I think for her, she should feel like her friends, if they are her friends, your friends should put in the same effort to give you alone time that you should to learning to be friends with their new partner. Absolutely. And that's key. That's key is that it is like a give and take of like, you don't want to be like...

every time they ask to hang out and if their boyfriend is coming, are you like, no? Because if they invite you to four group hangs and you say no every time, then they might even start to think, does she just not even like me? You know what I mean? You have to exactly. It's a give and take. It's part of getting older. It's also hard, and I've definitely been here, when you're the fucking single one of the crew and it reinforces your insecurities of like,

And that might be happening to her on some level where it's like you're a little resentful. Everybody's happy but you. Everybody, oh, you're having such a good time with your fucking, but what about me? And it's like, I definitely went through that when I was younger. And then you mature and you realize like, no, it's actually good when your friends are with someone they love. You're happy for them. And like, hey, if they're a little annoying, you don't got to see them every time. You can skip half the group hangs, but you should still see them. You still make an effort. And your friends should be able to be like,

Oh, let's just have girls' nights. I had that in my 20s with my friends where I was like, oh, I thought it was going to be the four of us living in this apartment forever. It was like, you just get over it eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. All my friends with homes had that, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you want a lawn and property you own? Is that it? You want to start a family? We just bought a hookah, man. Yeah.

Come on, you're supposed to hang out. We don't split this four ways. I'm doing two hoses at once. Yeah, I guess we bought the four hose hookah for nothing. I could have gotten a single one. You're not respecting my life plan. I got enough peach shisha to last us six months. You fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, sorry. File this one under it's all part of growing up. I mean, it's not to dismiss the question or anything, but it's like, yeah, you're just going to adjust to a new social dynamic of other people being around. But those gatherings and get-togethers and shit, the dudes are going to break off and they're going to have their chat. The girls are going to break off and have girl time. The ones you don't want to hang out with?

they don't want to hang out with you. You both have to do a respectful dance for your friend's sake. Yes. And then eventually you might form some kind of grudging respect that true friendship does come out of. That's how this works. That's a great point. That's a great point. So yeah, good luck. Good luck. We're rooting for you. And come to a comedy show. And come to a comedy show. If we happen to come by, you know, tell us. We'll even put you on the list. All right.

What the hell's going on? Is it time to... Keep it twisted. Yes, it is. Wow. Keep it twisted with an ice cold twist of tea. I got half the mind to crack this bitch right now. Hey! Psych! That'd make you hard, wouldn't it, you little goblins? Well, that's not what it's time for, because we still have a show. We are in the green room here, and I will be cracking this...

Twisted T post show. But right now, yeah, somebody didn't plan things out well. And we're doing ads before the last weekend of the tour. JP, not again. Yeah, not again, dude. I do pull all the strings here at Stavi's World.

And this was one of my many faux pas. You got to get your act together, man. You got to get your act together, my babe. I am stepping down as the head of the Stavis World podcast. I'm resigning in disgrace. A lot of people don't know that JP is the president of CFO. Puppet master. Yeah. He's pulling all the strings. The twisted chief. Yeah.

Stavi Baby Enterprise is a subsidiary of McDade Corp. Stavi made me CEO, so when all the financial crimes are uncovered, I'm the one who takes the hit and goes to jail. I'm getting paid in stocks that are being run through three separate shell companies. Everything's in your mom's name. Yeah, yeah. You got a little office in Delaware, so you don't have to pay taxes. Yeah.

But that's not why we're here, folks. We're here to discuss ice-cold delicious Twisted Tea. Twisted. A beautiful beverage that gets my twisted prick hard. Anyway. Cantalini. Canto-cantalini. How do we not make that drop yet? Cantalini.

Now tell me, Eldis, do we have a fucking question to soothe the minds of the twisted listeners out there? We have a woman who's in quite the twisted pickle. Let's see what she's got to say. To me, twisted questions are just normal questions. Oh, that's how twisted you are? Shit, dude. Jesus Christ, McDade. McDade is a madman. I've said it before. I will say it again. And right now, you're probably all enjoying the McDade's Maniacs series. Of course you are. You found out about Stavi's world through McDade's Maniacs.

We're the only podcast with eight separate sub-podcasts concurrently running through its Patreon. This is like the laziest way to start a podcast network. I know. We just are fucking trial running. Slightly different as its own show. See?

Same everything. It's just got a different title and sometimes we smoke weed. Anyway, I can't wait until Twisty's paying for its own sub-Patreon podcast. We're lit. Hey.

Ears are open, Twisted Teeth. Glug, glug, glug. Ooh, I'm drinking the offer. Stavi's Twister Chasers. That's right. Getting in one of those souped-up trucks, driving through Tornado Alley, looking for Twisters drunk driving. Yeah, drunk driving. Looking for bitches drunk driving. And then we fuck them.

No, no. Bang bus meets storm chasers. Bang bus meets storm. Now, okay, I'm back in. The twisted, the twisted bus. It's a money faucet. Yeah, oh yeah. So anyway. Line up that question for us. But for the meantime, we'll just be answering questions. We won't be getting our dicks sucked in a yellow and blue conversion van. Well, I don't know, I guess. Are hurricanes happening? We haven't figured it out.

Tornadoes. Tornadoes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Tornadoes. Go ahead. Hey, Soppy, Eldish, and highly esteemed guests I'm sure I'm a fan of. Sorry to bug you guys, but...

This is going to be a settle the debate question, please. And if I'm so lucky to have this be the twisted question of the week, I'd love to keep it twisted with y'all. Oh, we're keeping it twisted. Here's my argument with my boyfriend right now. Pause this. So he works full time and then our agreement is I... It doesn't matter. Yeah, go ahead. So he works full time and then our agreement is I stay at home, take care of our pets, do my wifely duties.

Make sure our laundry is done, like food is, you know, there. Do my wifely duties. You know, I'm a good girlfriend. And then I also, like, come in with my own income. So she doesn't... I still pay, like, my half of rent. It's just...

And then I, like, buy and resell things. I buy and resell vinyl, music. Those are really big right now. Buy and resell clothes. But lately, he has been kind of fed up with having things in our house. Like, I have a dedicated closet to everything I have listed for sale. And he has been donating my things to Goodwill. It's that shitty boyfriend behavior because he's a good man. He's not English in his first language. So, like...

I don't know what his thing is. No, it's not his first language. An Englishman would never. Yeah. Wow, you respect the British now? No, but just...

Keep going. All this. There's a couple of red flags here. A couple of twisted ass little things going on. A couple of math things that are not adding up. We want to get. We're going to open up the twisted math. The equation looks twisted. Calculator. We're going to get the twisted abacus out. That thing at the pediatrician's office with the beads. Yeah, we're going to we're going to do some math with the twisted abacus.

I don't know what his thing is. And he doesn't hate me. He's a good man. He's a good boyfriend. He doesn't hate you. He doesn't hate me, but it feels like he donates my things to goodwill. I thought she said hit originally, but I don't know if she said hate just now, but it feels like he hits me. He donates my things to goodwill. If that makes sense.

And we got in an argument about it. Let's say she said hate. She must be saying hate. She's not saying it feels like he hits her because she donates her stuff. I think that's right. Good. I'm glad we really, I'm glad you did a thorough job vetting the question, Eldis. Anyway. Anyway.

And then a few months later, which was like about a month ago before we flew to Japan, he donated a bunch of my stuff again that I had listed for sale. And he... We're about to start a business together right now, like, where I go live on this app and sell things for us. This bitch is doing TikTok QVC. Why would I... I don't know. I told him, I was like, if you donated my things... She's on chat. Why would I want to invest more money into buying things with you if you've donated them already? Yeah.

And if you don't regret it and you stand by donating my things, does that make sense? Yes. I don't know. He's not a shitty boyfriend. Love y'all. I put him onto the pod. Actually. I took him. We went and saw you savvy front row in LA. Um, I took us out because I'm a good ass girlfriend. Okay. I don't know guys. We're trying and it's a big debate and it's not like breakup worthy, but it's beef worthy and I need it. Thank you so much. Love y'all. She's pissed. She's a super fan.

She's dating somebody. Here's my decode on the situation. Please, let's hear it. I have some thoughts, but please. Flying to Japan, English not his first language, he's Japanese. If the item doesn't spark joy, it's gone. You throw it out. Don't care if it's in your special closet, Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo. Damn. Got birds at the condo. Okay. You got to throw that shit out.

thing. You got to kneel at the dinner table and you got to throw out your extra shit. I read it differently. I read it as Latino weeb. Interesting. That's Latino who loves anime. Okay. You got the, you got a little bit of the, let's say, old world with not respecting your girlfriend. So, you know what I mean? He's clearing out the stuff from the closet because he's trying to make it a shrine to Goku. Yeah.

He's putting his anime stuff. He's got swords and shit that he's trying to put in the closet. Okay. That could add up, too. The one question that I had... No, we won't. Listen, for this twisted question, we will do no more race speculation. LAUGHTER

We're going to only keep it so twisted. He's clearly from Central Asia. He has a flat back of the head because of how he was laid in the crib, and he lacks empathy. We're like, if he's Latino, I'm suspicious. But if he's Japanese, I have a cultural reverence for him. He is doing the honor.

thing for his family. You gotta commit seppuku if you're running afoul of your husband. Yeah, maybe your shit wasn't selling on Depop and he was... It was either donated or fucking sliced his belly open for his ancestors. But now here's the thing, is that... So she said she contributes her income. Now this is the...

Out of everything that's been said here, the most insane thing was something that she glossed over was that at first she's describing the way that they go about things. And it's like, he works full time, she does housework, which I think is...

I think that's how shit should, like, that's totally okay if one person wants to do that shit. Stay-at-home boyfriend, stay-at-home girlfriend, who fucking cares? 100%. The world is working in a way now where inequality is so great that if you have one person in your family who has a good job, everyone else should just fucking tend to them. You hear that? My family? Yeah.

And siblings. You hear that? Everyone in my family. Just something to think about. Anyway, but... Every family has a landlord. Yeah, essentially. I literally am. It is the feudal model, except I don't get any fucking turnips out of this shit. I just get backtalk. I pay for their fucking houses and all I got is sass for it. You should at least get a coat of arms. Yeah, I deserve a coat of arms. Anyway...

But the craziest part that I think you're also getting at is that, okay, great. You split duties. He works full time, whatever. You pay half the fucking rent? Where's this income coming from? You pay half the fucking rent and you cook and clean and do all this shit? So that's number one. It's like, that seems kind of at odds. Unless he also, unless he chips, let's say she pays her half of the, but that's...

Does he still do half of the chores? Like, to me, this is a little bit of a fucked up situation. He must be paying for all the groceries. Right. You're right. Maybe utilities, whatever. Car bill. Car bill, whatever. Half is a lot, but I hear some clues like she's flipping shit. They live in L.A. Is her, you know, even if it's a lot of income, is it coming from like eBay or something? Is she like...

Yes. He's paying for that white infinity with the tinted windows. We're coming up against a twisted race speculation ceiling.

I'm honoring cultures. I'm honoring cultures. How much racial speculation can you do and still get the agreed amount of money? He could be Irish, JP. We need a little animation. Our heads are bumping up against the twisted racial ceiling. It's my invisible fence collar. I don't know. So...

Yes, Eldest, you're right. But, dude, if she pays for half, even if her job is, like, irregular... She's showing holes. Well, she might be, which is fine. She could be showing holes. That's also fine. She could be showing hole. That, to me, is actually more honorable than flipping leather jackets. Showing tits in hole is way harder. Well, actually, I don't know if it's harder, but...

You have to do a lot more. Jacket arbitrage is pretty despicable. Yeah, like people who go to thrift stores are like, ooh, this is worth $80. I don't want it, but I'm going to sell it. Like, I find it weird. It's like a thrift store should just be a beautiful thing where sometimes you get the

greatest shirt you'll ever wear and sometimes you get fucking fleas. Yes. Like you never know what you're going to get. I do think it's been ruined a little bit by seeing fucking people scanning shit and buying shit and flipping it. It's like you. I hate when things are overly curated. There's something to the mess of

of stumbling on a beat. Like when we hit that, when we hit those DVDs and fuck it, when I got the incredible hall in Birmingham, the Birmingham load, they call it to this day. I brought like a gladiator Blu-ray for a dollar. I could flip that. Huge win.

I don't want to flip it. Could you flip it? What is that really worth? Not to hate on Gladiator, but... Are you fucking kidding me? A Braveheart Blu-ray? Oh, Braveheart. It's reverse drug dealing. You take the $1 single DVDs, you package them together in a beautiful collection, and you sell that for a markup to cover your shipping costs. Yeah, I mean, look, whatever. I could have flipped it. Fuck you, Eldon. That's neither here nor there. The point is...

We respect women who show their tits more than women who sell jackets from thrift stores. And that actually is true, by the way. I agree. That sounds like we're joking. And we were, you know, oh, you know, whatever. Well, all work is work, whatever. Even fucking flipping jackets, I guess, if you work hard enough. Anyway, so I'm a little worried. I'm a little curious about the general dynamics because this what's happening here is this person, our friend who called in, has a grievance.

And feels like she's allowed to complain in an area where her boyfriend maybe hasn't even bothered to gaslight her yet. Well, it is because it was a settled debate question. Okay. So it implies that she's discussed this before. But what I'm saying is it feels like she might have lost other debates that she's actually mad about and letting it bubble out. Because if I was doing all the chores and paying half the rent...

I'd be pissed. And maybe I lost that negotiation and I'm taking it out on some other shit. But that's my general question from what we know is you seem happy, whatever. Is the setup fine? She says they're starting a business or whatever. That's a little weird.

Like, are you in a good relationship? Let's ask that question. Are you being taken advantage of a little bit? Is that possible? Now, maybe I'm being taken advantage of. Maybe there's just someone who maybe you're scattered. Maybe you're messy. Maybe this person is just like, I want this fucking closet. I asked you to either sell this or donate and you didn't do it. So I just took matters into my own hands.

some people can jive with that. That would drive me fucking crazy. If we had, if I was debating, if I had a, an argument with a significant other and they just got rid of something that we didn't have like a hard and fast agreed upon date where it had to go and they knew I wanted it, I would be like, are you fucking kidding? What the fuck are you doing?

You know what I mean? Let alone if I was to sell it. I'm talking about just if I was hoarding, I would be pissed. But if I was like, hey, I plan on selling this, that would piss me off. That would be deeply annoying, but also in that situation, I feel like if I had moved my stuff into this outbox of things that is going to be sold and I had maybe dragged my feet and then all of a sudden I wake up the next day and it's donated, I would feel like I fucked up a little bit too. It might temper that initial response of being pissed off.

But... And I agree with you. I would have fucked up. Here's what I would say. And this is clearly why we can never date, JP. You know? Because I do... You're literally the person... Waiting until the cameras are off to say something. You're literally the person who wants to do this and I would be the person who would be like, excuse me, sweetheart. Where's my fucking... Where are my 4XL tracksuits? Um...

I would feel like... It's like, I believe in your weight loss journey. You don't need them anymore. I would feel like I fucked up too, but that would be internal. Yes. You know what I mean? I'd feel like I should have sold those. But also, who the fuck are you... Yeah. ...to sell my shit? To take the value... To donate my shit? ...out of my pocket? And also, yeah, if that's your job, and if that's how she pays half the shit, and she's paying half the fuck... Now, again, let's go back to the top. If she didn't have to pay shit, and he donated her stuff...

Cost of doing business and being a stay-at-home. You know what I mean? If that's your livelihood of what you're chipping in plus you're doing choice, that would piss me off. If that closet of stuff was, in fact, part of her livelihood. No, I would also say this.

How much livelihood are we really talking about? And who paid for those flights to Japan? Because I flew to Japan. It ain't cheap, baby. So maybe we're just thinking about, but, you know, what's your quality of life? Like, is he taking, is he buying all this other cool shit? Are you going out all the time? Whatever. At the end of the day...

If this is not that substantial an amount of money theoretically, and it's mostly junk, you might have made 80 bucks or whatever the fuck, but this guy's bringing, he's fucking paying for everything. It's annoying and you should have a conversation about it. And that's the other thing I'm unclear of. How much discussion have they had? Because she's saying settle a debate.

But it doesn't even feel like she's had the initial conversation with him from what I'm hearing. Maybe I'm missing stuff. Did I miss something, Elders? No. Okay. So it feels like this is just something that's festering. She seems to have brought it up, right? Or did she not bring it up at all? I got the sense that she had brought it up. I think so, but she doesn't really go into many specifics here. So look, I say you can talk about it and you can also, it's okay for you to draw a boundary, by the way, and be like, hey, this is my fucking livelihood. And again, be realistic. Okay.

Do you make actual money off this? But even if you don't, right? This is just your relationship. Your partner, you should feel like they respect you. And if you're feeling disrespected by the fact that they just threw away your shit or donated... I mean, he says he donated. Go check the fucking dumpster behind your apartment complex. I got a hunch you might find those fringe jean jackets there. But anyway...

It's just disrespect. I'm speaking as someone who is hoarding in his family and who I think I have the tendency to collect shit, and I could see a significant other hating the fact that I just have this box that I don't get rid of. If they were to have a conversation with me and talk to me about it,

And they're like, I'm just gonna, if you don't do something in a week or whatever, I'm gonna donate this. That's different than if I wake up one day and it's just gone. That, and maybe that's control. Those are my own psychological things, whatever. But at the end of the day,

You have your, your partner cannot do shit that drives you fucking crazy. And you at least have to understand maybe he had the exact opposite issues, right? Where it's like he grew up in a really messy family and it drove him crazy. So he, he keeps it too neat. Either way, you got to come to a consensus. It can't just feel like there's steamrolling your thoughts and dreams for their bullshit.

I think they can come to common ground if they sit down together and enjoy a twisted tea with each other. I agree. Perhaps she could have, you know, the original, which is delicious. And maybe he has peach. Yeah. And vibe into sacrament. Mix them together in a little cup. I think that's a great way to look at it, Eldest. Yeah. Have you thought about cracking an ice cold twisted tea? And maybe here's the compromise. You keep your money, but you buy twisted tea for the whole family. Ooh, that's a great idea. You know, you're allowed to keep your little shop. Something he'll never throw out.

And maybe he has a couple twisted teas that are brewed with real iced tea and are 5% alcohol by volume. That sounds delicious. And it's delicious. It's the perfect drink whether you're outside at a barbecue or inside, you know, enjoying a film together. Whatever it is. The beverage that eases marital disputes. Twisted tea. The alcoholic beverage.

When you're having a heated argument with a loved one, drink it over. So the twisted tea, you fucking bitch.

Ah, great point, Eldon. So anyway, keep all that in mind. Yeah, give yourself the applause, man. I know you want to. Oh, I was gonna... Oh, you're gonna keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. How did you get just the last part of that fucking word? I thought I changed that setting on the fucking machine. But yeah, um...

Ultimately, where do we land on this? My thing, you reminded me that my very similar thing with this when I moved in with my girlfriend was I had all these bins of my stuff, random miscellany, and it was taking up a lot of room in our apartment. Room was at a premium, and she asked me, can you go through these bins and get rid of them? And I kind of dragged my feet doing that, and she very patiently said, can you do this again? And I ultimately did it. But if one day all my stuff from those bins had been gone,

I would have been pissed. You would have been pissed. But also, you would have had... If she did it multiple times, if she talked to you about it, and that's different than when it seems like this motherfucker just threw the shit away, right? It's dependent on how much you've talked about it and what you said about it. And look...

Maybe we're getting your side of the story and this motherfucker's asked you every day for fucking two years. Yeah. Right? But if this is just kind of quick, whatever. She said it was the closet? It's the fucking, it's my office. I'm on Zoom calls looking like an asshole with fucking headless Barbie dolls behind me. No. So yeah, look, at the end of the day, it comes down to what we always say is,

Let's have a fucking conversation about this. This clearly bothers our friend here. And you have to figure out why that bothers you so much. What is it? Is it the fact that he feels like he's not listening? Is it the fact that he doesn't think the way you earn your money, he sees it as a little hobby, he doesn't respect it? Is it the fact that you just don't like feeling controlled

Maybe the fact that he's paying for everything and he feels like he can just throw your shit away makes it feel a little too much like you're in the fucking 40s or whatever, right? Like you can't even sign up for a credit card or whatever, right? I don't know what it is. You have to search your feelings, but whatever it is, understand that. Bring that context into this discussion and then have that talk where it's like, hey...

I really don't appreciate you doing this. And if you're going to do this and maybe I can be too messy, whatever we have to institute some kind of like conversation, then a one week buffer rule. And then you're allowed to do it. And I won't get mad. You know what I mean? Whatever it is, but this, like most of our, our questions, the answers are one or two, have a conversation where you really speak your feelings and feel heard and respected and maybe grow closer or maybe

crack open a pair of ice cold twisted teas and don't forget to keep it twisted keep it twisted

Hey, Stobby baby. I need some advice. This is pretty serious stuff. I, uh, I've recently overcame a dry spell of like two years and dating this girl. I really like her. We like lots of the same stuff. She's funny, really get along, really healthy relationship. Uh, but, um, I got her into rock climbing a couple months ago and it's been a really fun thing that we can do together, but now she's too jacked. Like, um, you know,

I'm looking at her arms, and, like, these are some dude biceps. Oh, come on, dude. Doggy style? Like, I'm looking at a dude's back, bro. And, like, it makes your ass fat, but I'm, like, I'm not sure what to do about it. I hope she chokes you out. Because, like, yeah, I'm eating shit, but, like...

What's her number? Is that it? Yeah. What's she up to for real? Yeah, what's her Instagram? I got, yeah, I'll let her fucking, she takes a little chalk bag and fucking rubs her hands before she jacks me off. You did not call the right podcast for this question. No. You called the wrong show, bro. Oh.

Dude, I'm trying to carabine into that pussy. We're not going to sit here and be like, yeah, jacked people are disgusting. I thought he was going to say something along the lines of her grip is too much now. Right. You know, maybe some calluses. Maybe that doesn't.

And there's a communication thing. When that's going in your ass. But worrying that she's got definition in her back and biceps. You said her butt is getting bigger. Yeah, focus on the positives, man. Unless she's all trend out. Unless she's on gear, come on, dude. She threw a baseball at me 98 miles an hour the other day. Some of those girls are in really good shape, but it's not like they're going to go step on the Mr. Olympia stage. Totally. Miss Olympia.

And is that... Is that a Mrs. Olympia? By the way, Eldest, could you have gotten a smaller speaker? Just buy a bigger one, you piece of shit. That's the biggest... Oh, hold on. No, sorry. Go ahead. I think I figured out how to turn the volume up on that. No problem, man. It's not a critical portion of the show. It's set up different from the one at home, man.

But I think we did get it. Anyway, whatever. Is that the end of it? Are we allowed to just say we fucking hate the person called? So far we hate him. You lost me, bro. I'm sorry. We're going to let him finish. He's not going to say anything that's going to exonerate him, but let's at least let him finish. She's too jacked.

She's getting jacker than me. That's it right there. That's it right there. That's it right there. That's what I was going to fucking say. And he just said it himself. Come on, dude. I'm looking at the speaker like it's him. Stop what you're doing. You fucking small anchor speaker, Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. I mean, that's really what it comes down to, you know,

We're on the record here. I like, I think it's cool when a girl is jacked, when she's strong. Obviously, I'm interested in fucking all types of women, from the jacked to the pleasantly plump. I'm going to hook, I haven't told him yet, but I'm going to hook Stobby up. Oh, dude, that's actually so sick. That's my real well right there. Please don't.

Please don't joke about stuff like this. Definitely not. This has been a great day. I just can't get my hopes up like my dad saying, dude, I'm actually going to be at your fucking football game. Don't do this. Don't pretend there's jacked girls waiting.

if there aren't. So anyway, that's, he said everything he needed to say. She's getting jacked her than me. I don't have nothing nice to say about this guy right now. You're being a bitch, dude. You're being a, you're doing, you're engaging in top level little dickery right now.

You don't have to take this as like you suck forever, but take it as three guys telling you to suck it up. You got to check yourself, homie. You do. You need to check yourself. Are you actually... Because it doesn't even sound like... It literally sounds like sour grapes because he's upset. She's bigger than me now. And so it's kind of...

It's literally sad, actually. Like, I feel bad for this woman where it's like this guy that you're in a relationship with who ostensibly has some feelings of love towards you. Even if it's not, you know, they haven't said I love you yet. She probably didn't even want to rock climb. Yeah. She's probably doing it because of him. And she's like, hey, he was right. I love this. And maybe we're going to be together forever. And he's like, stop kidding me.

Getting strong. Stop being... And then it's like, because she's better at something than him, he's like, and you know what? She's ugly now. I mean, that's the most classic misogynist thing to do is be like, well, now she's not fuckable. It's definitely not that I feel emasculated. It's that she's gross. It's like she can't... You don't get ugly because you fucking do like three months of rock climbing. You don't get jacked enough. Like, look, am I here to say that, like, look, everybody likes different stuff.

Is there a moment where somebody you're with transforms their body to such an extent that you don't find them attractive anymore? Sure, that can happen. A little bit of rock climbing doesn't seem like you're on that threshold. This is so much more to me psychological about this guy. You got to grow up. You got to look deep in your heart and see, are you actually not attracted or are you just trying to fucking, you know,

You're creating this narrative about how she's bad now because you feel like a fucking little pussy. It's not like she's walking around the house ripping apples in half and fucking with parking. She's working out, and you're the one who encouraged it as well. You're spending time together doing a thing that you enjoy. I just appreciate that. That becomes a super consistent thing with relationships, whether it's money or health or whatever. People...

People get really weird about their partners doing better than them or whatever. Like, it's just, I think that in itself, like, no matter what, you should always want, maybe I don't want you to beat me everything, but if it's my partner and my kid. Of course, that's the idea. Yeah. That's the whole point is that you find somebody that you're just always, you know, happy for. And especially not, like, to see yourself in competition with a partner is so fucked up, you know? Like, that's so crazy. Yeah.

Maybe there's space for a little bit of competitive shit talking when you're together doing the thing. I play this card game with my girlfriend. She absolutely whoops my ass at it all the time. I'm like, you're fucking cheating. We played a fun game together. And then you threatened to drink unless she lets you win. You're like, I'm going to start again, you fucking whore. No, this makes me thirsty. I'm on the roof with a bottle of Jim Beam. I'm like...

Stop cheating. Your race is wild. Just enjoy it, man. Yeah, man. I feel bad. I feel bad. Like we've kind of ripped on this guy. No, no, that's what he needed. He needed it, though. He needed it. Don't take it as like this is the totality of who you are, but take it as like a moment to check yourself. Yeah, we're rooting for you to figure this out and actually think about this deeply, what's actually troubling you. And if you break up with a teller, I say, what's up? What up? What's up, little mama?

No.

Wants to go out and stay out over there, which is fine. No, it's not. But if you have any advice for like what the fuck do I do to deal with this, I would greatly appreciate you. Oh, my God. If you could address that and give me some fucking pointers because it's actually a – it's rough. It's really rough right now. Yeah. Thank you so much, and I love you. Good God almighty. I mean, by the time this comes out, hopefully you've healed. Yes.

What's Christmas? Merry Christmas. Hopefully she has a new roommate by then. I mean, look.

You are just in the... Like, this is somebody who... She's in the... A hurricane has hit her house. She's twirling around it in a fucking golf cart while she sees a cow go past her. And she's like, how do I deal with the tornado damage? It's like, you're still in the middle of the fucking tornado. This is like... I feel so bad for you. Number one is like...

You can't be there. And I know finances are difficult. I totally get that. Like, you need to crash with some friends. Like, at this point, like, a really good friend will understand that, like, you can't be in that place. Get out of there as soon as fucking possible. Break the lease if you have to, if you can figure it out. If you can't, you just have to spend as little time as possible. Look, all we have is, we don't know what's going on, but from what you've said, it's like...

This is incredibly weird and shitty behavior. You can't have this person in your life. You have to go no contact fully. This person has completely fucked you over. And to still live with them is just impossible for you. Did she say he cheated on him or he just started dating someone within six weeks of breaking up? Two weeks, right? Two weeks, yeah. Which kind of implies... Yes, if you've been together four years and... And he's dating someone and you live in the same... Still live with them. Like, does that bitch come over? That's crazy. That's crazy.

That's so inconsiderate on his part, right? Did she say that the guy was going to her place or something? Yeah, he's there a lot. So it doesn't sound like this girl's coming over. Either way, you've got to get it. This cannot be the situation. And in terms of how to deal with it, this is just... I really hate to... There's no...

you're just so fucked for a little bit. Like, emotionally, it's just going to be so hard. The thing that's craziest about it is, like, long-term, that kind of has to work towards forgiveness for your sake. Like, if you're going to, like, move on and, like, have a better life and, like, imagine a better life, you're going to have to get to that point. But right now, that's so far away. It's, like, sounds insane. Yeah, fuck, first of all. You kind of have to. Fuck JP and his fucking Catholic bullshit. The Pope teaches us that we must...

I think I'm the only one on this couch who's got a divorce under the belt. And I will say, hopefully, hopefully you come back around. Like in my case, we had a kid. Right. So I got super lucky that we came back around. You had something to bargain to hold over her head. You want to see your kid? Yeah. Because that's how the world works. Dads have all the power. Right, right, right, right. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, like you're saying, we talked about this earlier really briefly about the

having your life kind of run away with momentum. Yes. And she's in the thick of momentum right now. Like you're saying the tornado. These currents, yeah, whatever metaphor you want, waves, currents, fire, like you're in the middle of an emotional natural disaster has happened to you. And like you're going to be living in some fucking FEMA camps for a little bit. Like it's going to be brutal for a little bit. And that's knowing that and letting that also, by the way,

You have to be okay with that Because that You know I've done that over breakups Where I pretend I'm fine Where I'm like Oh whatever And I go out Try and you know Go on a date With somebody That you don't even It's not even You don't even like them You can't even process it Yeah Because you're like I don't even know What I'm thinking right now You just go home You're fucking devastated Like

Just know, just give yourself the permission to be completely fucked up by this. You will be incredibly sad. This is a betrayal, and it's somebody that's not... At the very least, this wasn't handled the correct way, right? Yeah, for sure. At the very least, what you want for somebody who you've been in a four-year relationship with, when they know it's over, to break it off in a considerate way,

be far away from you when they start dating somebody out. Like, the fact that this is in your, you know, the fact that you're even aware of this is fucked up. This should be something that you find out

You know, Facebook. Yeah. Find out eight months later and you have a devastating couple of days, but you're like, ultimately, what am I going to do? He was always going to date somebody else. Not the second you're trying to process the breakup. You also have to still see him when he comes home from work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing, too, I'd want to say is just like like we were saying about the momentum when you get a chance.

Lift your head up and breathe, you know, like Tupac, keep your head up. Just taking a moment to separate yourself from the chaos, even though you're still sitting in it, just a moment where you can kind of look at yourself from above, even if it's 20 seconds, that could change the outcome of your life. Just one silly decision here or there, you don't know. It's bullshit. You want to give yourself permission to feel bad and not be...

be, you know, mean to yourself, but at the same time, don't do something that'll fuck you up. Yeah. Right. You know, long-term. And, you know, hopefully you're mature enough and, like, you're... This isn't... If you've been in a four-year relationship, you're hopefully not, like, you know, young. I mean, unless you are young as hell, which I don't think so, because she was saying she thought it... The problem is not even the four years. It's, like, she thought this was it. Yeah. And for that person to pull the rug out from under you is just really, really tough. But you will get over this. Yeah.

It will take too long. Like, you won't feel good for at least a minimum a year, to be honest with you. And then it's like, and then you just have to rebuild. Like, fucked up things happen to people. This is a fucked up thing that happened to you. We're sorry. And you just have to sort of believe in yourself and not...

You know, feel this. Let it run through you, but also don't let it completely fuck your shit up. Stay on top of work. Stay on top of your health. Stay on top of your, even your social connections to your friends and, you know, not dating yet, but like you don't want to go into a cocoon because, you know, that happens too with breakups sometimes. Exactly, yeah. As long as she doesn't work out, we got a guy for her. Yeah.

Robert's totally right. If you have the moment to take a second, that's where mindfulness practices and shit really come in handy at times like this. He was Catholic before. Now he's Buddhist. You don't want to compound things with some other crazy shit that you invite into your life by how emotional you're feeling. I've made so many bad emotional decisions in my life. Worst one, go. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Anyways. Give me like number nine. I don't know. I mean, if you wanted an example. I don't, I don't. No, but like, you know, you get, I'm 40 now. So like, I look back and I'm like, fuck, like I, so many times I could have had be a reset moment. And instead I just let it keep slipping. Oh, for sure. I've definitely had those moments too. And it's different stuff for everybody. Addiction does it for people, you know, trauma, you know, other traumatic experience, death, you know, you know,

a loss of a loved one, breakups can happen. You know what I mean? Like all of these are the kinds of things that can completely derail things, but they can also be big reset moments. So let this be one of those for you. And ultimately, as this doesn't help to hear now, but that's not the motherfucker you wanted to marry. If this is the kind of person that treats you like this. He did you a favor. It was either now or it's like 10 years later when you have a kid and it's like even worse, right? Yeah.

So good luck. Sorry. Brutal stuff. We're not going to lie. We're your friends, so we're not going to lie to you. For real. But we are rooting for you. Big Eld. What's up, Stav? Long-time listener, first-time caller. What's up, Eldest? Esteemed guest. Without giving away too much, I have a job.

at a kind of well-known university and like a public-facing job at sporting events. And, you know, for the most part, people are really positive and really nice. But every once in a while, you accidentally run across some pretty mean comments. So I guess I was just wondering, like, how do you deal with –

any sort of negative feedback. All right. And how do you kind of just like move on through that because you're obviously way more well-known than I'll ever really be. So thanks again. Love the show. He's talking about people coming up to him in costume and not being cool. Being like...

Being like, Alabama's gay. Stop. Stop me. How do you deal with being the asshole? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do I deal with... They don't hate you. They hate the Gonzaga Bulldogs. Yeah, I mean, that's true. I mean, you know. You got to get that a lot, though. Like, what's up, big boy? Can I pick you up? Can I do this? Oh, yeah, definitely. And I think, like, a lot of it is...

I mean, the best thing to do is to just let them sit in their comment. For me, anyway. That's a good move. This is hard because these people... This is different a little bit, right? Because these people think they're being funny. They think I'm going to... They just think they say something and it's going to be funny.

They don't understand that it's rude. They don't know me. You've been hearing that over and over since you were a child. Even if they had a good one, you know, if it was a good one, sometimes I have like, not that it, not that I'm encouraging people to say anything, but like I'll talk to somebody and they say something good. And it's like, Oh, we haven't even brought this up. The guy at the fucking pho restaurant, I got fucking roasted to smithereens where we, me, we were fucking, we were, we were at, we were getting pho. It was a, wait, were you,

No, George. It was straight George. Yeah, yeah. Straight George. It was straight George, the nutrition expert. It was me, George, and Eldis, and we were sitting to get pho. This guy doesn't know who I am at all, right? We're ordering, and I had just gotten over food poisoning, so I'm like, we want to get soup, something kind of light. Yeah.

and I order a small bowl of pho and the guy goes, small? Doesn't know me at all. Literally catches me off guard in a way because I thought it's like, you know, you don't bring your gun. It's like, you know, yeah, you're a gunslinger but I left it with my horse. I'm at a safe, I'm at a saloon where my protection has been

You know what I mean? Like, he completely caught me off guard. I'm flat-footed. You're at the big and tall store. Exactly. It's like, it's crazy how I had nothing. I couldn't even, like, get him back. I was just, like, shocked. But you know what? I was laughing because he did get me. You know what I mean? But...

That's rare, though. For you guys watching. That's super rare. Every single one of you thinks you're going to be the one to do that, too. But that's also why it worked, because he had no idea who I was. It was just like so... It's also like such bad customer service. Yeah.

Because it's like, yeah, I'm a comedian, right? I found it funny. My friends found it funny because we bust on each other. Like, this is a story we'll tell forever. It actually he did in a weird way because of how we're set up, enrich our lives. But we were talking and it was like, imagine if we're like guys that work together and I'm a fat guy who's insecure about how much he eats. Oh, yeah. And the waiter's like, really? You fat fucking slug. You're going to eat a small soup.

That was a wild move, bro. But in terms of general negativity, like, yeah, I like to let people sit in it. Like, because they'll usually say something incredibly ignorant or they'll say something whatever. You ignore a lot of it, right? Like, again, I'm guessing you're a mascot. I would say just do a backflip away from them if I were you. Shoot them in the face with a T-shirt gun. Yeah.

If you're a mascot or a comedian or a public figure, you've got to have like a repertoire of responses in the back fucking pocket. Like I can't tell you how many times people ask me to arm wrestle or whatever. So like I have, I literally have like five things. I used to go, I've changed it. I used to be a little bit harsher. Now I make a joke. Now,

It's the same joke over and over and over. It's like literally I say that like 20 times a day. Right. That's got to be brutal. If you're a mascot and people keep coming over like trying to pull your tail or whatever, like you have something prepared. Yeah. You have to have something prepared. Like pepper spray or a knife or something. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Don't get caught lacking in a suit. Yeah.

But yeah, in general, man, it's like you kind of, you got to let as much as you can roll off your back. He calls back. He's like, I'm the quarterback of Texas football. It's Arch Manning. Or no, it's the other guy that got, who was it? Quinn Ewers. Quinn Ewers, yeah, yeah. Everybody's begging for Arch Manning. Arch signed to Texas, didn't he? Yeah, he's playing there. Monster. So,

so yeah, dude, I don't know. There's like that Will Chamberlain story. Have something in the back pocket where like someone said, Hey, I was the weather up there and he spit on their head and he said, it's raining. What a savage. I just saw him compete. Like he did like a track and field thing. Yeah. And dish.

destroyed it. It's so crazy watching a guy who's like all legs. Barely trained for it. Just the way he moved, man. Did the high jump like eight feet or something. And this is obviously an old video. He's dead, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he died like 15 years ago, but he had like a cap on and he did the high jump with no training and did like eight feet. Jumped into hay. Like they jump with their stomach towards the bar. He used to live with Arnold. And land on a little hay.

He lifted with Arnold. Arnold said he was one of the strongest athletes he's ever seen. I saw him. He did Conan. Like, he was in one of the Conans. Yeah, Conan the Barbarian. And there's a very famous photo with Arnold...

Andre the Giant who was my hero growing up and and it's not Kareem Abdul Jabbar it's Will Chamberlain. No it's definitely Will. He's in Conan I'm pretty sure. Will was the one that was in Bruce Lee's movie right? Yeah Kareem was in Bruce Lee. No Kareem was. Was in Bruce Lee. Will was in Conan. I'm pretty sure. Yeah because Arnold has a story about working with Will and like Will was gonna jump off a thing and then

And then he said to me, Arnold, here I am coming. And then he jumped off the cliff or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he said he was a fucking beast athlete. He'd work out with the Gold's Gym guys at age 50. Magic Johnson's in Gold's Gym Venice five times a week kicking ass. Damn, that's awesome. I still haven't had the balls to go up to him, but I want to. I see him. I geek out a little bit. He's one of my favorites. It's cool. Yeah, he is in insane shape.

for being old, having HIV, the whole thing. Yeah. He's got literally no HIV. It's untraceable at this point, which is fucking wild. That is cool. Salute to science for making HIV. Thank you.

Science and money, baby. Oh, did you know that, you must know, since Andre the Giant is your hero, because it just struck me like, you were a theater kid, and then you became a gigantic strongman. You know, Andre the Giant was like, when he was a kid, he would get driven to school by Samuel Beckett, the playwright. Like, they were friends. No, I didn't.

He was like 15. He was this gigantic kid and like they just struck up a friendship. They lived in like the same. Is that true? Yeah. I read that and I thought it was like one of those internet hoax articles. Well, I choose to believe. Yeah. No, it sounds right. He lived on like a farm or something. Yeah. I just didn't do the research. It just sounded so cool that I was like, that's fucking awesome. Yeah.

I freaking loved Andre. Princess Bride was one of my favorites. People throw around the word legend a lot, but that's a fucking legend in every aspect. The amount he could drink. I went and hung out. We're doing interview stuff. Go, go. I hung out with Roddy Piper two months before he passed. I was at a baseball game in Pennsylvania. He was so fucking cool. The coolest dude ever.

hung out with us for like hours like just super cool and the whole time he was just like don't ever be a wrestler man don't ever be a wrestler man like just begging me and then he kept telling me all these stories about andre and all this stuff he was telling me the story and i think i'd heard it on on a podcast somewhere someone else told it but they were on a flight and andre obviously didn't fit in bathrooms on a flight so they were flying and i think it was an overseas flight

And so what they had to do was they just took like a clear tarp and they put it all through the cockpit part where, you know, where they make the food and everything. They covered that in the tarp and Roddy had to hold Andre's hands while he leaned back over the tarp and just shit all around him.

He's in a deep squat. Then they wrap that up and then they put that there on the plane for the rest of the flight. Eldest is going to do that in the tour bus. Take notes, Eldest. That's Eldest's idea on the tour bus. Yeah, we've been talking a lot about the tour. That's been like the extent of my tour managing. Just really worried about where we can shit, when we'll shit. He's had so many shitting questions. Can I shit on the bus? The driver explicitly told him no shitting on the bus. That's the rule, you know. Yeah.

Trust me, that's the fucking rule. I had a call with him. He was like, you can't shit on the bus, you know. I was like, yeah, we've been talking about it. He could tell from your voice. He saw your photos. No shitting on the bus. That guy's suspect number one. We need like an emergency bin full of like those Glade scent bombs or something just in case of an emergency. All right. Well, yeah. Fuck that guy. Got another question, Elders?

It's getting late. We got to start. We got to get high and watch Friday. Yeah, we got urgent business. So we'll do maybe two more. Hey, Elders. Hey, Stav.

For some background, I'm a young woman. I'm in my early 20s and I really like having sex. Nice. But a problem I've kind of run into or that's manifested is that I feel like I don't always contribute enough into like the physical actions of it. Like it feels more like I'm getting fucked than like ideally we should be fucking each other. Interesting. And so I'm seeking advice on how to engage more and be exciting. Yeah.

Some other background, I'm a fat woman, so I feel like that sometimes limits the range of things. But also, I feel like that's not a great excuse because, like, in my experience, that doesn't affect fat men as much. So I don't know if it's a mental thing, but I don't think that's the biggest issue going on. Additionally, things are covered in the head department. Don't need advice there. One of the most redeeming factors of the overall experience, I guess.

That's huge. Otherwise, yeah, I could get some moves and some advice. What are guys like? Thanks. Have you ever told, like literally in real life, have you ever honestly told a girl anything but that she was amazing ahead? I don't think I've ever given a negative head review. No, there's nobody. But I also haven't been effusively...

Haven't infusively praised anyone who didn't deserve it. Infusively, okay. I'll say that was good. Right, that's all that it takes. But I'll really make it clear I mean it. Right, but the girl who sucks at it, she doesn't get to see all the other ones. She doesn't have to come here. She doesn't know. She just thinks she's good.

I believe our friend here. Big girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a stereotype I do find holds some truth. If I were to say anything negative about a girl who gave me head, I would feel like an Italian grandmother had served me a meal and I'd critique the pasta. I'm not going to try to... Hold on a second. There is horrific head out there. That does exist. If it's painful, yeah, you've got to say something. I'm trying to think. Now I'm trying to think.

One girl wouldn't give me head because I was uncircumcised and that was fucked up. Have you ever dated a Mormon girl? No. Well, used to be, which actually is awesome. You know, like an ex-Mormon. Yeah, yeah, super freaky. Let's just say, yeah, exactly. There was no problem with head at all. Or the back door because they're used to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what having sex is to them because, you know, God...

Mormon God is okay with you getting fucked in your ass. Tricking God. With a closed eye to the brown eye. He doesn't look. Yeah, yeah. That's like the blind spot with a security camera is a woman's asshole. Well, Joseph Smith said that. I was baptized Mormon when I was 11. What the fuck?

My parents were pretending because we were so poor. We had no food. And the Mormon church feeds their people very well. Oh, interesting. So we started going to church. And I did baptisms for the dead and everything. I don't think my parents really thought they were faking, just for their sake. Sure, sure, sure. I think they thought they were trying. But it was really just we were down and out needing help. Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea to just go to a different religion every six months, the ones that feed you. Yeah. Deseret Industries takes... I mean, like...

Like, we would have, like, they make the best beef stew I've ever had. But, like, pantries full of food, all your milk, all your cheese, all that shit. Wow, really? Yeah. And they also would help out with other things. They don't do it for everybody, but, like...

They definitely give food to all their members and all that stuff, too. Interesting. That is, you know, if all religions did that, shit would be a lot better off. It's a good way to scope it out, figure out where you want to be. Like, what's the spread like at the Baha'i Temple? Yeah. See what kind of snacks we have. The Catholics famously bad at snacks. Yeah. Yeah, you motherfuckers are buying gold crosses for the fucking priests. How about a fucking, how about some dinty more?

Anyway, back to our friend. What was her issue again? She feels like she's not doing enough to fuck. Now, I would say if you're going crazy with head, that's good. I mean, that's a great place to start. In terms of the actual coitus here, what do you really want to do? You just don't want to get, you don't want to be a passive participant?

I mean, then ride some dick, I think, is the number one maneuver. Do the kind of like and, you know, if you're a big if you're a bigger girl, I get that. You know, I'm doing body weight squats. My knees hurt. You might need to fucking bulletproof your knees. You know, you may do some some work like dick riding is actually the number one thing.

way a woman can apply herself. I think we can all agree. And a sign of a pillow princess is someone who won't ride dick for longer than a couple minutes. Don't be one of those people, right? I mean, whatever. You want to be that... Personally...

You know, most of it is fucking. I don't really give a fuck. Right, exactly. I'm fine looking at titties bobble while I fuck a girl and bust. That's cool with me. But, you know, if this is something she wants to work towards, maybe do the kind, you know, riding dick. Absolutely. Being an active participant in doggy style sex can be fun. If a girl pushes back on your dick a little bit. Sometimes, you know, I've been around people who do a little too much leg locking for my taste.

You know what I mean? Or they'll play with legs or whatever. Limits the mobility. Yeah. I've had girls when they finish, they lock like that. I like that. That's different. That's cool. If you're finished, but I feel like right before, it's the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something... I even like the... That makes me feel like, you know...

the final boss is getting desperate and throwing all its finishing moves at me to make me not make a girl cum. And I like persevering over it. The girls are trying to swarm away at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. But I just mean, you know, these are the common things. I think if everyone's having a good time, if you're sucking dick like an animal, if you maybe want to bounce on some dick a little more, I think those are my main, you know, those are my main. If you're covered in the head department, I think you're pretty good here. With all...

Oral and with just regular vaginal. This feels like a fucking...

What's that? Loveline. It's kind of like that. We consider ourselves one of the spiritual successors of the loveline. Vaginal felt loveline. So whether you're giving head or fucking. Either way, a little noise goes a long way. A little neck kiss here and there. A little neck kiss. I like ears, but like, you know, there's noises from both sides.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if she's, like, enjoying it or what she's thinking, if she's, like, feeling self-conscious during it. Like, you know, am I fucking good? Am I fucking bad? Right. I feel like the most awesome sex is just, like, when you achieve ego death and you're just, like...

You're just getting your fuck on. You're right. You're absolutely right. It's like, you know, just think about what you can do to get there without, like, just not even thinking about it, but just fucking. Getting in the zone. She's on the right route. It's cool, like...

A lot of girls, they think just showing up is the fucking thing, right? She's in the game. She's trying to figure out how can we make this fucking better. So that right there shows you're in the right fucking space. Every offseason, she comes back with a jump hook. I've been working on my free throws. She's been training with Hakeem Olajuwon at the low post. Now we're back to Wilt Chamberlain. It all comes back to great centers. But listen, the wise warrior wins the battle before it's even begun.

So just enjoy it first and then just go for it. The Jocko of cocksucker. All right, Eldridge, you got something fun for us to go out on here? Hey, Stav, not a question, but rather a comment on the continuing, unfolding nature of breast reductions and our opinions about them in society. Stav, I was totally on your side. I was like, why would anyone slap God in the face by reducing the size of their breasts? However...

What is this?

Do I come into your house and disrespect you? Do I come into your house and tell you your God's not real? Call who you prayed to a false prophet?

Don't fucking tell me how much titties I need. Nobody needs more than a handful. Don't tell me how many handfuls of tits I need, motherfucker. And by the way, I love titties of all shapes and sizes. I'm just saying, you know, look, I will say I'm less of a hard line person.

This is kind of like, you know, I'm evolving. You're not fully anti-choice on this matter. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's kind of like how... Your body stops choice. It's kind of like how even some conservative, you know, pro-lifers will be like, all right, incest and rape, we can talk about it, right? You show me a fucked up MRI, you're back.

You fucking, you're right. We can start talking, okay? But don't you fucking tell me how many types of tits, how big a titty I need or like. And like I said, I like a fat ass titty. I like a little ass titty. They just got to be nice titties. But, you know, let's not get science involved where we don't need it.

That's all I'm saying. Ron White with that joke, you know, the old lady's titty. She's like, do you want to see it? He's like, yeah. And she flopped it out. And she just rolled it back up. All titties are good titties, man. Don't blaspheme me right there. But I will say, you know,

I'd love to know a little more about this woman's situation. I'd love to get specifics. But, you know, don't try and come out here blanket. You see one pair of nice reduced titties and you're going to fucking tell me to change my whole worldview, you fucking piece of shit. And by the way, I've seen some nice reduced titties as well. I'm not a guy, you know, I'm not saying once you have a reduction, you're a pariah whose tits can't get sucked on anymore.

I'm just saying, before we do anything hasty, let's really think. Is this medically necessary? That's all. You got me pissed off now, Elvis. It's all worked up. I'm fucking worked up. I knew a girl who had to get the reduction in high school. No, I won't.

she was a little, little thing, and she had messed up knees. Knees? No, no, no. I'm starting. So she had surgery on both knees from something else. Oh, okay. And as she got older and bigger in the chest, her back started messing up and her knees with it. So she had...

you know, it's really fucked up. I just remember this. Oh, it was junior high and she had literally just had surgery and I didn't know. And I, I remember we were going to the bus and I went over and I was like, Hey, I did that. And I did the complete worst thing. A fat guy in love with a girl could do. And I ruined, like messed up her leg and like all the rest of my life. I was known as the fat guy. Oh no. Yeah. It was bad. But her, she, she, uh,

got the reduction and it was phenomenal. Nice. Phenomenal. Good for, well good for, look, we're not against open debate on this forum. Okay, so we'll hear your opposing takes. Like if a woman lives in a fifth floor walk-up, sure, let her get the reduction.

She's killing herself. But I want to see, you know, six months of you going to open houses and seeing apartments. Are you trying to naturally molester? Yeah, but again, before, yeah, we just need to, you need to see a doctor. This is my most conservative, this is how, this is my most conservative take. You need to go to fucking, you have a therapist.

You have to make sure you want to make your tits smaller. Yeah. Hands off my titties. God bless everyone. God bless all the titties out there. And thank you for listening, everybody. Rob, my man, thanks for coming. This was so great. You were so funny. And we will, JP, of course, thank you for being Ed McMahon.

Big strong guy advice just counts for more. Yeah, it does. It's just more helpful. Yeah, you're going to listen to a guy who could fucking crush your skull with his hand. But I wouldn't. But he wouldn't. But he could. Thanks, guys. We will talk to you next time. Bye-bye.