The visions were triggered by entering the room, showing each character a traumatic or fear-inducing scenario from their past or future.
The plaques indicated the crimes or sins of the prisoners, serving as a form of identification and judgment.
Natty used a key she found under the judge's bench to unlock the golden bars, which then transformed into gold pieces.
The pit filled with flame because Gunther removed the chalice that was blocking the ignition source, causing the fire to activate.
The iron cryptics was a three-letter word puzzle that, when solved, unlocked a compartment containing something of value or importance.
Doug suggested the word 'ICE,' which fit the clue from the scroll about a crystal that would fill one's ears, and successfully unlocked the cryptics.
This episode is brought to you by United Airlines. When you want to make the most of your vacation, book with United. They're an airline that cares about your travels as much as you do. United is transforming the flying experience with Bluetooth connectivity, screens, power at every seat, and bigger overhead bins to help fit everyone's bag. And with their app, you can skip the bag check line, get live updates, and more. Change the way you fly. Book your next trip today at United.com.
The family that vacations together stays together. At least that was the plan. Except now the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms. Wait, what? That's right, ma'am. You have rooms 201 and 709. No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids. Eh, the doors have double locks. They'll be fine. When you want your connecting rooms confirmed before you arrive, it matters where you stay. Welcome to Hilton. I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed.
Hilton. For the stay.
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B-A-3. Oh, hi, it's me, GumGum, from Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Sorry, I was playing some video games. Hey, did you know that our Patreon followers have access to gameplay videos? That's right, me and the other Info Knights are playing Baldur's Gate 3. So come on over to StinkyDragonPod.com to become a Patreon member and watch me, Kyborg, Bart, and Mud go on more video game adventures. That's StinkyDragonPod.com. Sign up today. Please, please.
♪ ♪
Compliments to all you canopic golems. Unwrap yourselves into the stinky dragon and lap up our latest libation, Soccer Mummy. It's a mixture of orange spliced tea, melon-sized heads, deflect powerade, entrails sauce packets, and rice crystal treats. One sip of this sacrilegious sauce and your mouth will be ajar for centuries. Previously, our adventurers found themselves in a fiery Fort Endridge fighting day mongrels to the death.
But after vanquishing these varmints, they discovered the Colonel was a counterfeit called the Magistrate who escaped underground. They doused the fort's flames and cut loose the captive Colonel Boye. Now they're on a mission for the Magistrate. Nab some nectar and nestle in for a noxious narrative. ♪
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm your dungeon master for this putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. I do it. I dare you. Question for the party. Little roleplay and warm up question. Does your character have a phobia? And this question was submitted by Spork. Before we get into this, I have to point out.
Mike is doing the intros this season and he did the intro just now and flubbed a little bit here and there. And I could see a tiny little smirk on Gus's face is like, now you know what I have to deal with. The reason I was smirking is when I got the module, I was reading over it and I rehearsed the intro a few times and I was like, canopic, canopic. I was like, oh wait, I don't have to read this. Yeah.
It'll obviously be beautiful and wonderful and the final product, but I was just wanting to see. I was like Gus being like, you see my pain. Who's going first? I guess I'll start. Oh,
Wait, who's... Never mind. You hoots me tall. We are so good to see you. Hopefully you will not be using this information to find out some sort of secret weakness of mine. No, no, no, no. Of course not. You wouldn't do that, would you, arrow fighter shooter man? This is where you have our trust. We're in a circle of trust here. No judgment. We will definitely not put you in a room full of spiders or anything like that. Okay, interviewer. I trust you inherently. The viewer
As I said, my name is Tolv. And, you know, I used to be a sailor. And, you know, you encounter a lot of things out on the open seas and the water. And I find that I fear, my phobia is called submechanophobia. Okay? So that's like, you know, the fear of like machines and things under the water. Okay. Do you say that like eight times fast? Yeah. Submechanophobia.
Uh, yeah, just like, you know, I don't want to see any like boats or anything down on the ocean floor. That'd be scary. You know?
Anybody else? Sunken or functioning? That's a good question. Both. You know, it's just real scary. I don't want to see those things under the water. The water? Because they shouldn't be there. They should not be there. They need to be above the water. What about like submarines and stuff that are like meant to be underwater? Oh, still scary. Too scary. Oh, no.
Toad doesn't like it. Okay, dog, you go. I have to say, though, really quick, Blaine, you have a missed opportunity that we can't fix anymore. Why? Because you've started a really great tradition of assigning a specific kind of salutation to your characters, and Kyborg never had one. You had, you had, hey there, Chip Chaney there, Chip Haney here, and you got, yoo-hoo,
And Kyborg didn't have one. I'm so sad. I always thought it was just sup. I'm Kyborg. Yeah. You would say your name like, Hey, I'm Kyborg. Sup, I'm Kyborg. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's what it is. Okay. I think he's got no time for the introductions. No time for the formalities. It's all Kyborg. Yeah, that's right. Okay. I did have a followup question. Yarr. Uh, Blaine, I'm not sure if, uh, Toll gave us his class and race. I don't remember. Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, Mr. Interviewer. Uh,
I am a male orc barbarian in a level three. Thank you, Tolf. Welcome. All right, what's up, podcast listeners? It's me. What is that? It's me on the ones and twos here on the radio show this morning. What is that? Beep, beep, beep.
Oh, man. Bringing the energy here on this early morning recording. I love it. Thank you for tuning in. And hello to all of potentially some new stinkers that we have listening as well. What? Potentially some critters in the chat. What? What's up, critters? Welcome. Critters. I'm Barbara Dunkelman. Hello. Nice to meet you. And I play Doug Boone, who is the bugbear artificer, also level three. And Doug.
You know, Doug is very well-read and knows a lot of fears are pretty, you know, they're not real. And so he's able to kind of decipher between like what he really should be afraid of and what he really shouldn't based on reality. But Doug does have one specific fear and that is that he's claustrophobic. Oh.
Oh dear. Because Doug is a pretty big guy. He's a little bit kind of weary of small tight spaces because there's a possibility he won't come out the other end. And that kind of scales Doug a great deal. I see you've been diagrammed with the submarines, you know, me and Doug. No, thank you. Doug probably wouldn't see himself in a submarine anytime soon. Yeah.
Oh, now I want us to do a submarine adventure. No, no. We said we wouldn't use these for any nefarious purposes. You know, it doesn't mean it can't have already been written into the future, you know? Yeah.
Yeah, it's true. I was tempted to say Doug had a fear of like, you know, money and nice cars and... Oh no. Dice, health potions. Yeah. Terrified. And that's Doug. I'm Chris Damaris.
- Hello. - Nice to meet you. - Oh yeah. - Are you? Well, are you? - And I play Gunther. He's a croak folk, a frog in other words. - You got one in your throat? - Yeah, there it is. - Yeah. - Yes, yes. - Oh, he's getting ready for the voice. - Fear, it is Bert. - Bert? - Bert. - Like Bert and Ernie Bert? - Bird. - Bird. - B-I-R-D. - Bird. - Bird. - Bird. - Obviously. Because as you can see,
You can be just, you can just be there anywhere and then all of a sudden gone. With Bird. Gone with Bird. Now, I have a question for Gonfo. Have you been attacked or picked up by a bird in your lifetime? No. I would like to introduce you to my friend Mateed. Because, you know, sometimes
Sometimes a way to combat these fears is exposure therapy. And so, you know, maybe we just find a nice bird who's willing to, you know, give you a little experience, see if you're still afraid of it after. The birds I like is ones that do not fly. So like dodos, ostriches. Chickens. Chickens are good. Got that on the shirt. Chickens are good. Chickens are good.
I'm a fighter. Okay, there you go. I was pretty sure. And also level three, I believe. Level three. Fighter, three. Am I the only one in this area that the bird in Bug's life might have been one of the most frightening creatures
creature events in a movie ever. 100%. You remember that bird and like the sound design they did to make it sound like a giant, you know, raptor. It's kind of like the songbird from Bioshock Infinite a little bit. Yeah. But like they made like a literally like just a little sparrow, you know, tiny bird into just the most frightening thing ever that was going to eat somebody that sounds like Tov.
Yeah, exactly. And they did the whole thing in Bugs Life where they like pretend they made a fake bird to try to scare the grasshopper. Spoiler! I forgot. Spoiler! How dare you spoil a Bugs Life? What is that, like a 25-year-old, 20-year-old movie at this point? It's probably at least 20 years. It's around that old. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah, 26 years old. Hello, everybody. Hello, John. I am John Reisinger and I am playing Natty Wonder. Natty Wonder.
Almost said Mateed because you guys just said Mateed a second ago and that was stuck in my head. Natty Wonder, a drow warlock level three, just like everybody else.
And yes, I do have a fear. It's a very serious fear. It actually is a very serious fear. It's a specific part of atychophobia. Oh, I don't know what that is. Atychophobia is a fear of failure. And I'm not scared of failing everything. But you know what I am? I am scared.
scared of. I'm scared of failing my son because he needs me to teach him all the things he needs to learn in order to reach his fullest potential. And if I failed him, I don't know what I would do myself. Oh, Natty, you know, that's a really legit feel. And I don't think you as a mom could ever fail your son. Well, thank you. Thank you, Doug. I appreciate that. You know, my mom didn't fail me. Laughter Laughter
It's okay, Doug. We're here for you. Gunther goes and gives Natty a pebble. Oh, a pebble. Now, what's this? To be not sad. Oh, okay.
Well, I will take this in the heart that I think it's being given to me and not see it as just a normal rock. This is special. This is special. I will always, I will never lose this. Okay. Natty turns around, just tosses it. No, no, no, no. Natty, I think you need to put that pebble on the fridge. No, Natty puts it where she will never lose it and she stuffs it in her wig. Mmm.
Definitely had a different perspective of where you were going to put it. So I imagine it's like a very smooth pebble, like a very worn and very smooth and rounded pebble is what I'm thinking. Okay. I'm going to put that in my inventory. Okay. And...
It's auburn colors. It's just a cool color. It's a cool looking pebble. Does Gunther collect pebbles? Not for me. Wait, is this like when penguins give pebbles? Did you think that we're an item now? Is that what this is? A flightless bird. I do not.
That's what he's not afraid of. No. Okay. I'll just check in. I want to make sure I understand your culture entirely. Yeah. It's different, different cultures. You got to make sure you understand. I get that. Just plain whispering a flightless. So funny to me. I'm so proud of that little, that little flash fact. Do you not have gifts? Huh? Me? You talking to me?
Yes. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. Gifts are a thing of my family. I've never received a gift before. Oh, it's getting real sad. Gunther digs through his pack, goes over and hands another pebble. We haven't even made it to the introductions and we're already like...
Hold on. We got another 30 minutes of Gunther giving pebbles to everybody. Pebbles all around. This is kind of like a dark bluish one. Is this for me or are you also giving this to Natty? If you could please hold this for Natty. It is for you. You now have a gift.
Really? For me? Doug puts it in a very special pocket of his pouch and a single little tear sheds from his eye. Oh, that's sweet. Thank you, Gunther. Tolv, you don't get anything. Yeah. I know. That's why I think Gunther was looking at Tolv being like, uh, and he's like digging, looking for, uh. Here's a stick of gum. Uh.
I'm waiting. It's okay. It's okay. We can continue on with the adventure. Sorry. You all walk out with at least Diggy and walk over to the hole that Natty lasted into the ground. What order do you all want to hop down there in? I'll take lead.
Oh, he's going to say, I'm the barbarian. I can do that if you want. But yeah, go ahead. It seems like Gigi's probably going to get their scent or something. All right, who's after daddy? I'll go next. Gunther? All right. I'll be last. I'll go third. I just don't want anybody, like, if I get stuck, I don't want anyone getting stuck behind me. Oh, because of your size? Yeah. I gotcha.
You all hop down and it's, you know, Gunther, it's just like you saw before where it's like kind of a small chasm here that then widens out into what appears to be a large room at the other end. As you get closer, stifling steam wafts from a vent in the floor of this cavernous chamber. But what stands out the most to you is the sound of water dripping down the metal bars of six iron cells. ♪
As you all are taking in the room and wondering what it's all about and what's going on here, each of you has a vision. It's almost like you're seeing something that's not really there. Doug, you see in your vision that you have no mouth.
and you're only able to make mumbling sounds. You're holding a rusty hammer and pliers. A machine trembles before you, whistling in pain louder and louder until it finally explodes. You see your brother plow into the ground like a ragdoll, his clothes stained scarlet. He chokes on his own blood and says, You did this, Doug. Ha ha ha.
Ooh.
Gunther, in your vision, well your vision's not actually a vision. You're blind, you can't see anything. You feel the grip of your father's sword slip out from your amphibious fingers. It clatters to the ground and you hear it shatter into countless pieces. In the distance you hear your parents, Gottfried and Greta, screaming in pain. Gunther! The sword, Gunther! Only the sword can save us! No! No!
Maddy, you feel a chain throttling around your neck and searing flames close in on every side. Tears and runny makeup stream down your face. You look and holding the chain is your son, Mr. Gigglesworth. He's fully grown and his cold piercing gaze smolders with resentment. It's too late, mother. You didn't prepare me enough. You took my ending away from me and now I shall take yours. He pulls the chain and stomps on it with a crack.
Me next! Me next! Why do you want one of these? Tolv, you see a submarine. No, no, I'm kidding. Tolv,
Your hands and feet are bound by an infinite coil of rope. Your feet wobble on the edge of a quivering plank, with a tempestuous sea of breakers awaiting your plunge. You feel the spikes of a mace prod the small of your back. Wielding the shark-toothed weapon is a figure wearing a minotaur-horned helmet with a faceplate covering his eyes. It's your captain, Jarl Ironclad. Oh, Jarl Ironclad.
You've served your purpose, Tov. But your time was up long ago. You don't belong in this world. You'll never be like... You only know three things. Blood, rage, and the sea. So that's where I'm sending you. His mace bludges you into the briny depths with a splash. Ironclad! Are you...
"Ironclad!" The visions fade and you look around and before you is the same room you saw before. It's a circular room about 30 feet in diameter with 20 feet high ceilings. And stifling steam wafts from a vent in the center of the floor. A stone pedestal stands aloft the far southern end of the room with a few steps leading up to the bench overlooking the room. And six cells made of iron drip with condensation.
Ironclad. You see that there are two exits. Well, besides the one you came in.
There's two additional exits, one to the east and one to the west, and both are similar looking large archways. Is this the map we should be drawing? Sorry. Yes, this absolutely is. Thank you for asking. So we come in from the north? Yeah, you came in from the north, and then before you are the... This is everything I described with the two exits, one to the east and one to the west. Oh, man. I hate when we come in from the north. It makes everything upside down. I know. Why does he do this? Just flip your paper. I mean, you just draw...
Just draw north of here. It's on my hand. I'm drawing on my hand, Gus. Oh, no, Chris. You're going to run out of real estate real quick there, pal. I couldn't find paper. He said the exits were east and west? Correct. And they're both similar looking large archways. The one to the east seems to descend a little bit. The one to the west is on the same level. It does not descend. Okay. And the cells are, are they like along the walls or are they? It's almost circular around the room.
Okay. Is there anybody in the cells? Are they empty? Let's do this the D&D way. Natty, why don't you make me an investigation check? Sure, hon.
And you said this room is kind of circular. Yes, it is a circular room. It's an eight plus two, 10. Wait, no, that's an investigation. I did insight. Minus one, seven. Sorry. There is, you know, like I said, there is a steam vent in the center of the room, which is kind of making it a little difficult to see. It's obscuring your vision a bit. You think that you do see some bodies in some of these cells. Okay. But it's hard to make out exactly which ones. The steam is in and out.
Okay. Can Tolv go up to one of the people and see if they can get them out of the cell? Uh, yeah. My name's Tolv. I'm here to rescue you. Shh. Uh, why don't you make me a perception check, Tolv? Okie dokie. That is a...
Eleven. Okay, you walk up and you greet the occupant of the cell and you see that it's just filled with two skeletons. Oh, skeletons. Guys, I think we were too late. Probably like a year or two too late. We should move like worms.
Be very quiet. Is that like a dance move? What do we do? Yeah, that was like a breakdancing thing. Yeah. Cool. With no speaking loud. No speaking loud. Like worms. Okay, I found skellingtons. Very worm-like. Could I imbue an item with magical tinkering?
Ooh. You artificer stuff. Yeah. What does that mean? What does that do? Can I take the blue pebble that Gunther gave me and infuse this item? She's going to make it explode. Infuse the item with the ability to have a five foot radius light. Oh. Yeah, absolutely. This little rock of mine, I'm going to let it shine.
Hey, Gunto, thank you so much for this pebble. I hope you don't mind that I'm going to use it to help us see in here, okay? And Doug slowly starts tinkering with this item and imbues it with the light. What kind of light? Like, how do you envision that being? Like, what's the color of the light? What does that do exactly? I imagine it being like a whitish yellow, kind of like a...
Like a typical light bulb you would see in modern day. Like 4700K? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so like a move at Thompson using the blue light? Maybe a floor, not quite fluorescent. Yeah, people that use those in their homes are psychopaths.
And it's like glowing out from the stone in a five foot radius. Oh, I did not know it was a magic bubble. Oh my goodness. You know, Guntur all gives you magic. Oh. Pudug. Pudug. You've only had the one. So yes, that is true.
Everyone's enjoying their cool pebbles from Gunther. Well, Tov, this pebble is designed to help all of us as a team. Yeah, sure. Must be nice. Gigi walks up to Tov. Oh, hello, little one. It's your uncle Tov. And he puts his arms up like, you know, like...
Oh, Matty, can I pick up your child, Gigi? It seems that he wants to do something with you. Okay, last time this happened, he attacked me, but here we go. Only once, same on you. Gigi, like, reaches out, like, do you pick up your Gigi? Yeah. Uh,
I absolutely love that I've already taught you to be trepidatious of this beautiful child. And he kind of pulls one of your hands in front of him and puts it, and then he opens up his mouth and he just goes... Whoa! And a glob of phlegm drops into your hand and he closes your hand on it
So that you hold it and he pushes it back towards your hand, towards your chest. And he like nods his head. Gunther sees this and nods and smiles. I also nod and smile. Thank you, Gigi. And then he does the thing that cats do when they want to be let down and just starts wriggling and like scratching at you and that kind of thing. Gunther goes up and is like, cherish it. And he's like, cherish it.
Pats the hand. I also love that John managed to have another cat-like creature with him. This one, he planned. He's like, I'm going to have a pet no matter what. Your son. It's my son. It's not a pet. So, like, do I get, like, you know, advantage on attack rolls or something now, Gus? Yes.
We'll deal with that when it comes up. Okay. And Natty pulls Gigi over and goes, that was so nice. That was so nice of you. That's good. It's good to teach a child to share. Yeah. Could, while this is happening, Doug go over and investigate the other cells? Yeah. There's eight around the room. And I'm going to assume you start with the one closest when you walked in, like to the northeast, and you work your way around in a clockwise motion. Does that make sense? Are there like two kind of like...
before the west door and two after the west door, like basically like equidistant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you imagine them like a circle, there's like two kind of by the west door, two kind of by the east door, two kind of by the north, exactly, Barbara, two by the north door and then two by the south. Barbara showed me her drawing. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. And can Gunther follow? You're going to follow Doug? Yeah. Okay, yeah. You work your way over to the next one.
And inside you see, again, two skeletons. Are they wearing anything or holding anything? Make me an investigation check. Can I do that as well since I'm there? Yeah, sure. A 12. That's 20 for a 19. For a 19. So you two look at this and you notice that there's actually a little plaque attached to this cell. Oh. And the plaque says, Wearing Improper Signatures of Nobility.
And maybe that's why they were locked up. Yeah, and the two skeletons are adorned with rings across their entire body instead of clothes. One wears a ring made of pearl and the other is adorned with rings made of ebony. So they're wearing improper items of nobility? Wearing improper signatures of nobility. These cells, are they like jail cells like up and down? Like how wide are they? And is there a door? Yeah, there is a door on this. As far as the description of the cells, they're kind of like
self-contained. They're attached to the ground and with the bars coming up and then going over the top. Can Tolv see if there's any other plaques in the room? Yeah, does each cell have a plaque? You gotta find the cavities. You can make an investigation check if you wish, Tolv. I do wish. Here we go. Ah, ten.
Yeah, you actually do notice, you missed it earlier, but the cell you were looking at as well also had a little plaque now that it's been pointed out to you. And you look around and you see that from where you are standing, again, it's difficult to see because of the steam rising from the vent in the middle, it looks like most of these cells do have little plaques on them. Okay, can I read the nearest one? Yeah, and actually the one you were looking at, that first one, now that you know, you look and there is a plaque on it. It says perjury. And now that you see that, you see that the two skeletons in there, their skulls are sealed.
There's like something covering up their mouths. And are these humans or do they look like Undarians or humanoid or whatever? Oh, like the skeletons. Yeah, I would say they're like, it's difficult to say, but it's like bipedal humanoid in general. Bisexual humanoids. I mean, can I tell us what?
side they're on. Are they part of the mortality? Is it mortality? Make a wisdom check for me. And just while he's doing that, out of curiosity, when we walked in from the north, is that going to the right was the perjury one? We're going clockwise. Clockwise, yeah. Oh, so it would be to the left.
of when we walked in. So to the east. Correct, correct. Oh, yes. Sorry, yeah. Sorry. I'm looking at it from the other perspective. At one o'clock and two o'clock, those are the two cells we've looked at. Perjury and the wearing and proper single person mobility. I got a 10 on my wisdom. You remember that it was mentioned earlier
that Fort Endridge was built over an old battleground with some old ruins. So you think that this may predate some of that and this may be attached to whatever was here in the past. Mm-hmm.
Can Gunther fit through the cell bars? What size is Gunther? Gunther is small, right? Yeah, he's small. You said he was like two feet? Yeah, he's like two. What did I say he was? Like two something feet? You said something around two feet. Two foot seven, I think. I think it was 210 if I remember right. Okay, yeah, that sounds right. Oh, that's right, because I made a joke that he says he's three feet. That's right.
We just had the watch party the other day on our Discord. And I remember it stood out. That's the only reason I remember it. Same. Same. Which, by the way, you could join our Discord by being a Patreon member and we could do watch parties when we have new episodes. Come join us. It's fun. Patreon.com slash StinkyDragon or StinkyDragonPod.com. I...
I like when Gus pulls out the Micro Machines ad voice when he wants to do a plug for us. If the shutdown of Rooster Teeth has taught me anything, it's that we should always be pushing stinkydragonpod.com. What? Yeah. We should be reminding people this is our livelihood and this is how we pay for bread and health insurance. I mean, more than anything, I feel like it's because it's the domain. We can point it to whatever we want. Yeah. It just now goes to Gus's Amazon wish list. Yeah. Which has...
You asked if you could fit through and you gave it a try and you could almost fit through, but it's a little too tight. Almost as if they intended to make sure that no small humanoid could get through. Gunther, you're not going to prison. Whatever you did, we'll find a way out. I know a lawyer.
Could Doug keep checking on the different cells? And I don't know if Maddie wants to do that as well. Yeah, I see that Gunther is going for that one cell and I try for the door at the very least to see if the cell's open. Yeah, and this is the same one. The rings one. Gotcha. Signatures of nobility. You know, guys, I'm just going to say it now. I see you trying to get into the cell.
I don't know if I would put those wings on, just based on the fact that these guys are dead and trapped and wearing those things. Especially since Gunther doesn't like birds. Wings. Wings. Okay. I got it, Blaine. I got it. It took me a while.
Doug just keeps walking. So you give the door a tug and it's kind of stuck, maybe just because it's been there for so long, but you find it's actually unlocked and you're able to open it. Okay, I open it. Gunther doesn't notice that he's still trying to fit through the door. He's doing that thing where it's like your arm is through but your head isn't fitting. Or like just his eyeball is bulging through.
Giggie walks into the cell on the other side of the bars that Gunther is trying to squish through and is just looking at him confused.
Can I go in and can I, man, Gus is going to make fun of me, but I'm going to complain right now that I have low investigation again. That's what I problem I had with my teeth was I had a negative modifier investigation. So every time I wanted to investigate something, it was like I was handicapped, but I'm going to investigate these rings. I want to see what's, if there's anything to be discerned from them. Are they, do they have symbols on them or are they glowing or would they look good in my outfit? Yeah. Make that investigation check.
Let's find out. Okay. Let's find out together. Nine. It seems like they're to use D&D parlance. It seems like they are mundane items and it's more like ringed clothes, if that makes sense. Oh, like chain mail? Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I would say in that style. Sure. Oh, so it's not just like finger rings. Correct.
Oh. So the perjury guys had their mouths sealed, which I think you were saying. Correct. And so that has to do with perjury. You're telling the lie. Is there a way that by looking at this, I would assume that these adornments are a punishment? Like, were they heavy? They are heavy making. Let's call it a wisdom check. He-he-he, Jiminy. You guys need some help on some history? That's a three.
Hey, Doug, get your big brain over here. We need some help. Doug comes over. All right, what do you need to know? Are these heavy?
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Could Doug kind of like touch it and like lift it with his hands? What were you trying to get me to discern with a wisdom check? Make a wisdom check, Doug. Okay, there you go. Oh my God. 23. Yeah.
You pick it up and they don't feel particularly heavy. I know Doug's a big boy, but even if Doug was a regular boy, you don't think that these would be very heavy. It's not like these were put on necessarily as some kind of punishment. It's more like adornment of some kind. Okay. The plaque said that they were wearing improper signatures of nobility, so maybe they weren't supposed to be wearing these winged clothing. Wing was an odd...
One wing to woo them all. So like, maybe I'm going to try to connect this. Like maybe it's, this was like to mock their prime. Anyways, we should check out the other cells, right? And I wanted to be, I wanted to ask like, are there eight cells or eight, uh,
because there's two around each door and there's four doors, right? There's eight cells total, right? Eight cells total. There's three doors. So when you came in from the north, one to the west, one to the east, and there's a large bench overlooking the room at the southern end of the room. Oh, a bench like a jury or a judge's sort of thing? Like this is like a... Yeah, and there's steps leading up to it. You could...
Maybe. You could see that. Bench like a jury judge or bench like we're hanging out in the park? Gotcha. Like a jury judge. Gotcha. Like a magistrate might stand at. Oh. Why are you so smug by like, do you think that thinking of magistrate was like a really like big, it's a $2 word? Hold on.
It is. The magistrate, when he left, he says justice has been served. Okay. Which makes me believe that he might be the one who was serving justice over these guys. So that's why you were saying magistrate, Chris.
Christopher. Yeah. So a lot of courtroom things. So then are there eight plaques for each cell or is it four plaques for every two cells? You tried to look earlier and it was hard to see because of the steam. You couldn't see quite across to the other side of the room, but from what you could tell, it seemed like most of the cells had plaques, but you could tell some of them did not. And I don't want to rush through, but I do want to just like, if we all kind of divided in concrete and look to see like what all the different plaques say.
I think the boy with the glowing stone should go check out all the plaques. Like worm! Yeah, does the glowing stone help us with our... I think the guy with the glowing stone should worm his way over at all the plaques. I like that Chris essentially just said, STOLE! LAUGHTER
Does my glowing stone help in investigation at all? Like, does it give us any type of advantage or like maybe makes our rolls lower that we needed? Not necessarily. It might eventually, but not at this juncture. The thing that's that is impeding you the most is the steam. So like a light source doesn't necessarily help when it's misty or steamy like that.
Tolf has a big old cape on his back, you know? It's made of the finest furs that he found while on his ship sailing. Can I just put it over the grate to cover up to stop the flow of fog so we can kind of clean up the air? Oh, that's not a bad idea. Sure, as you, you know, turn around to begin making your way over to the vent, why doesn't everyone make me a dexterity saving throw? Cool, I was waiting for this to happen. Oh, nat 20. Nice.
And that is for a, it was a save? Yeah. 22. 17. 13. 18. But I have advantage only while I can see them. So I don't know if I can see them or not. That's fine anyway. You're 18. You're good. Okay. Yeah. As you turn around, the ground starts shaking beneath all of you. And you feel like, yeah, there's an earthquake, like a small earthquake that shakes the ground for about 10 seconds and then it stops.
Do we see the sky tumbling down, tumbling down? You do not, because you're underground. I learned that song from the Muppets. I didn't know who that was. There seems to be a theme of earthquake-type tremors in a lot of what we're doing in D&D campaigns. I hope what happened at the end of our last campaign doesn't happen too soon.
No spoilers, no spoilers. So, yeah, so that happened. You all are able to keep your footing. No one falls down or anything. Toad, do you still want to go cover up that steamy vent? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, let's expedite this investigation. Sure, you walk over and the vent is just like releasing this dullish gray-brown colored gas. And it kind of smells slightly of like licorice. Been there. Okay.
You ain't never going to get that smell out of that cape now. That's okay. You get closer, put your cape over it. Why don't you make me a constitution saving throw? Uh-oh.
13. Okay. The gas or whatever, the steam, whatever it is, this brownish gas gets in your lungs and makes you start coughing quite a bit. Uh-oh. Yeah, you're able to cough it all out and expel it. So it doesn't really do anything to you. I smelled the fart smoke. You cover it up with your cape. No problem. So,
So I close the vent. So then does that, with the cape covering this steam, does it maybe dissipate a little bit so we can see what's going on? I hope it does. Yeah, the gas starts dissipating a bit and you're able to see a little more clearly. All right, Doug, do your job. All right, here we go. And Doug quickly goes to look at all the plaques on the different cells. And now that the steam is gone, Doug also puts on his glasses. Yeah.
Yeah, you make your way around. So how do you want to do this? Do you just want me to like... Let's do the clock. Yeah. What do you mean? Because you said it was... We were looking clockwise and we done... Like you told us one o'clock and two o'clock. Tell us four o'clock and five o'clock. I just mean like, do you want to know what the cells say or like, or everything or... All the cells and like what's in them too. Yeah. Plaque and punishment. And I would say Doug also has a notebook so he could write these down. It's just a copy of the book, the notebook. Okay.
Then he writes his notes over. That Ryan Gosling. If you're a bud, I'm a bud. That's good. That's good, Barb. The next one also to the east says, Bearing Improper Armaments. Bearing Improper Armaments. That's similar. And inside you see a fancifully clad skeleton dressed in a cowl made of some kind of animal hide. And inside is also a sheep carcass. Ooh.
Is the sheep carcass like de-furred? What's the word? Like what has the fur removed from it? De-skinned. It's very desiccated and old, but you do not believe so. Okay. So it's not like this person is wearing the skin from the sheep. No, it does not appear so. I wonder what armaments that sheep was wearing. I got him in trouble. Then you move down to the next one to the south, and this one's actually empty and has no plaque. Okay.
Okay. That's for us. Guys, don't go in there. Yeah. That's the most dangerous of cells. Then you move to the next one, which is like in the seven o'clock position. Yeah. That one is also empty and has no plaque. Cool. Just like a Southwest Airlines flight. The next one has a plaque that says piracy. Oh. And there's a skeleton holding a handkerchief. Weird. Weird.
They tried to download too many songs from their favorite album. Then the next one says sedition and there's a skeleton with a piece of parchment in its hand. All right. These are getting weirder. Could I manage to like reach in and grab the piece of parchment to see what it says? Sure. Yeah. You grab in and you're able to barely reach it and you pull the parchment out and it has an unfinished speech about a rebellion. Oh.
In there. I leave it in there. Last one. Yeah, and you go to the final one, which would be like at the 11 o'clock position, kind of by that north door. Where we came in, yeah. And it says bankruptcy. And it looks like the skeleton in here has pockets filled with something. Sunshine? Hard to see. I open the door of that one because you're being mysterious. It's probably just gold or coins or something. Probably scorpions. Ha ha ha!
Why scorpions? I don't know. That's so specific. You go to open the door and this one is locked. Anybody got any tools? I have a hammer. I could like fish the skeleton over to the bars and we can check its pockets. I mean, I have some types of tools and stuff like that, but I don't know if we should be opening this. Doug can fix it. I can figure it out. I messed up your catchphrase. That's right.
Very similar. Similar spirit. Could Gigi fit through the bars? Oh, Gigi is smaller than Gunther? Yeah. Then I'll say yes. Okay, but I'm going to have to roll to see if Gigi does what I say. I love that. That's funny. All right, sweetie. I need you to go in there in that little sail and you get that skeleton. And I want you to see what's in his pockets, okay? Bring it to mommy, okay? Ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, I was about to ask, is that what Gigi sounds like? Like what Barbara did? Like what is it? It's like Donnie from the Wild Thornberries. It's very Donnie from the Wild Thornberries. All right. I rolled a 14. That's a yes. Yay. All right. Gigi goes in and gets Mommy what Mommy wants. And this was what was in the pockets of that one. Yeah. Gigi goes in and sticks...
his hands into the pockets and pulls out fists full of paper and brings them back to you. I assume like very proudly holding them up. Yeah. I pull out in my pack a little biscuit and I give Giggy a biscuit and I take the papers. Are they like little papers or something? Are they crumpled up? What are they? Yeah, they're small crumpled up. There's about six small crumpled up pieces of paper. I unfurl them and put them on the ground. You unfurl them, put them on the ground in front of you and you see that they are all IOUs to various lenders. Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Awkward. Can Tolv go over to the pirates you want and take the handkerchief? Sure, yeah. I get it, because you're a pirate. You're going to try to open the door. You're going to try to reach in. How are you going to do that? Is the door open? I'll try to open the door. The door is unlocked. Yeah, you open it up and go inside, and you grab the handkerchief from the skeleton's hand, and on it seems to be sewn a vague map. It seems to be from one point to another. Does it look like our surroundings? Make a wisdom check. Okay.
And that was the piracy one, right? Correct. Does it have a dotted line with an X at the end? 15? It does not seem to be the area you're in. Okay, I'm going to pocket that handkerchief. I mostly did it out of solidarity because, you know, Toll's a former pirate. Yeah, but also...
I mean, this sounds like it could lead us to some gold at some point, maybe. Maybe. Is there any other context clues on the map that could kind of like tell us any landmarks or anything that's recognizable? So it's not the area you're in. You know, it might take...
some studying. The problem is that it's not a very like zoomed out map. It's very small and regional. So you have to figure out like what specific area that is. I'm sure if you studied it for a while and, you know, cross reference with some other maps, you could probably figure it out. But off the top of your head, you don't know. Like maybe next time you have a long rest, you could spend some time like trying to study it. Cool. I'll do that. Could Gunther realize that he can't fit through the bars and then walk around and grab the ring? He's been trying this whole time.
The ringed armaments. Or was that what they were called? Clothing. Yeah, the ringed clothing. Yeah. One or both? I guess both. Okay. Yeah. One's made of pearl and the other's made of ebony. Doug doesn't like this. Like colored pearl and ebony? Like materials. No, material. Oh. What are you going to do with them, Chris? Oh, I mean, like get them. Like take them. Just going into his inventory. I figured. Just making him say it.
All right. So what disadvantage is Chris going to have from now on now that he has these worst... Cursed items. Items. I mean, Tolst, too. He took that treasure map. And you, too, Natty, with the little... I don't got nothing. I guess you just looked at it and put it back. Yeah. Mama didn't raise no dummy. Yeah. I can tell. That is very small. So not that we're ever, like, super strict about it, but...
Typically in D&D, your carrying capacity is 15 times your strength score. So for Gunther, that would be nine times 15, which is 135 pounds. And you're already carrying 117. So just be mindful. We're not going to go crazy with hoarding this campaign. Because you small. I'm going to have to get rid of some stuff. You small. How much are these armaments or these clothing, the ringed ones, like weight wise? Say they're like three pounds each. Six pounds total. There you go. Could Natty go to the bench?
Sir, can I approach the bench? You ask that and you see a business card float by in front of your face. Sawyer. He briefly sees Sawyer the lawyer and it disappears. And a little scream goes with it. Kidding, kidding, kidding, kidding. You do not hear a reply.
Okay. I'd like to go to the bench. And is there like a seat or something? Or is it a standing thing like a pulpit? Yeah. You begin walking up. Like I said, there are steps leading up to the bench. You step on the first one and you hear a click. Okay. And you see that that step is attached to a long piece of string that goes over to a pipe near the vent or near the steam vent that Toad had covered up.
And it moves the pipe over the steam vent. As in to... To release stuff? Like...
Vented? I don't know. Oh, okay. My cape! No! I step on the next step. Yeah, nothing seems to happen. What happens if I take my foot off the first step? Uh, nothing. The pipe still stays where it is in this new position. Okay, I do the little thing they do in musical theater movies where I do like a little like a step up, two step down, three step up, one step down, that kind of thing. Yeah, as you step on the first step, it toggles that pipe off and then on. Okay, okay.
Can Tolv take his cape off and see if now the smoke flow does anything with that new pipe? Yeah, like is there an airflow? As you take it off, why don't you make me another constitution saving throw? Oh, darn it. That's a 13. Okay, yeah. Again, that stuff gets in your lungs, but you're able to cough it out just fine. Yeah, when you do that, when you take your cape off and that little pipe is there over the vent, it begins making a whistle sound.
The vent is? That little pipe. Because the gases that are going into it are being focused and now it's making like a little bit of a whistle. So it is flowing into the pipe. Correct. Not all of it, but some of it. Can Tov put his hand over like you do with the vacuum where it goes like... It's not quite that strong. Okay. I go all the way to the top then. Natty goes all the way to the top and goes to the...
to the actual bench itself. As you approach the bench, two daemongrel curs come running into the room. What's a cur? A cur, like a, almost like a feral dog, a mean dog. No such thing as mean dogs. Gus, we're fighting dogs again. That's what Gus likes to make us do. They come running into the room, snarling. These are like smaller versions of the daemongrels you fought earlier. So they're small. Yeah, they're looking at you four. Do you have any rations or anything? You tell us. Look at your inventory. Yeah. And Mike is clarifying. Cur.
Kerr is actually an aggressive dog or one that is in poor condition, especially a mongrel. Okay. I have a mess kit, so I'm assuming there's some food in there. Can I hold out some food and wave in front of the, like, doggie? Why don't you make me an animal handling check, Gunther? Okay. Nat 20. 21. Nat 20. Can Tolv offer Gigi's spitball as well? They don't seem interested in that. Me neither.
- That just means that you still have it. - I've been holding onto it this whole time. - Gunther, you hold out some rations and some food and they seem very intent on that. They seem to begin ignoring the four of you and instead focus on eating the food. - Put it in one of the empty cells and then close the door. - Oh, there you go. - That was my plan. - But like, I hold the food like- - Dr. Grant? - The flare from Jurassic Park. - Yeah. - You know, like,
You're waving it back and forth, trying to get their attention. Toss it into an empty cell with the door open. Which one? South one. Are you asking which ones are empty or which? Cell five and seven are both empty. There's two empties. Yeah. I will do cell five because that is closest to me. Five o'clock. Five o'clock. You mean or the fifth cell? Okay. Which would be the fourth cell? Southeast. Yeah. Lucky for you, this was a cell that had not been opened, but luckily you tried the door and it is unlocked. And
And you're able to open it and get their attention and toss it in there. And the demongrel curs follow the food in, greedily eating it. And then shut it. Okay. And then you shut the door. They don't seem to notice you shut the door. They're too focused on the food. It seems like they are placated for now. Lock it. Lock it. Lock it. Can I lock it or shut it?
Even if you shut it, I don't know if these dogs could necessarily, like, throw in a handle or, like, whatever. I don't think it's a handle. I think it's a cell door that just pushes open. All right, then I take a piece of rope and tie it and do a knot. Sure. I know Gus. I know Gus. You do know me. Just for fun, make me a sleight of hand check. This ain't my first rodeo with Sorolla. Oh, man. I rolled a one. That's good. Okay. It is tight. Very tight. Yeah, you make a great nod on it, Gunther. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Dang it. Polve wants to go to the plaque and hammer in for the crime of being cute puppies. Is there like a latch that Doug could maybe take his crowbar and like bend the latch so it is like harder to push open kind of thing? Sure. Just make me let's just call it a strength check with advantage for that one.
Okay, 16. Yeah, you're able to bend the bars a little bit to where they kind of overlap so that if you try to open the door, like the metal hits the metal and it's not going to really open. Cool, there we go. Don't tell Sarah McLachlan. He hates that.
The family that vacations together stays together. At least that was the plan. Except now the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms. Wait, what? That's right, ma'am. You have rooms 201 and 709. No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids. Eh, the doors have double locks. They'll be fine. When you want your connecting rooms confirmed before you arrive, it matters where you stay. Welcome to Hilton. I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed.
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Next weekend, ramen. Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDSE. Subject to credit approval. Okay, might I now get to the bench? Yeah, you approach the bench and it just seems like a, almost like a judge's bench. I'll rise for the honorable Natty Vonder. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
You may be seated. Is there anything on it or is there like a little drawer or like anything underneath it? Make an investigation check for me. I knew you were going to say that. That's an 11. Yeah, you begin searching it. There's no drawers per se, but there's nothing on top of it. But you do look underneath it, like you said.
and on the floor under it you find a small key. Oh! Is there anything special about it or just a normal looking key? It's a mundane key. Seems old. Okay. Nothing extraordinary about it. Well, I pocket that. I found a key! Just letting you guys know. Worm! Worm! I found a key! You never find a key in a place like this without being somewhat important.
Wise proverbs there, Doug. There were some locked cages, but I feel like we were able to solve some of those issues. But that key might go to one of those cages. It's possible that it's just, yeah, for the ones that were locked, like the bankruptcy one. Yeah. Did the dogs come from both entrances or just one? And Gus, who let the dogs out?
I would like for, John, you give yourself an inspiration, John. That is a great question. I was wondering if anyone would ask that. Can I? Hey, wait. Question. I already have inspiration. Can I gift inspiration and then take the one you just gave? Sure. Why not? Okay. GG. GG. I give it to Tolv, I guess. These daemonical curse seem to come from the east. The one that descended. Correct. Okay. Okay.
Maybe we should try the West just in case there's more Demongrels to the East.
I would agree with that. Are you not looking for them? I'm not looking for more dogs that can kill me. Okay. Are you? Yes. You got a weird cake there, dude. I have a question about what we know about the Demongrels. Have you ever encountered them where they're like, I don't know, nice in any way? Are they just evil, vicious? Like, I'm just worried about locking these doggies up and then like leaving them to...
starve. You've never had a positive experience with them and you've never heard of anyone having a positive experience with them. They are evil creatures. They have demon in their name. They're on their home turf. Someone might come along and let them out. You never know. Have food. Could Gunther take up his
his bow and arrow and shoot them, take them out of their misery. Oh, good lord. We're mice and men-ing this. They got food in there. It don't last for a little while. Can I oppose this attack? I don't like this. Otherwise, they're going to starve. No, they have food in there and someone's probably going to be along. Natty actually watches as Gunther pulls his bow out and actually kind of nods in approval. She would. Dog, are we going to stand for this? This or let them out? We can't let them out because they're going to attack us.
So let me build the world here. Let me expound and give you more information that may affect your decision. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm not saying do it. I just want to make sure you fully understand what's going on. So the Demongrels, their eyes glow like scarlet.
and their skin ranges from coal black to blood red color, and it radiates with, like, a smoldering fire, and flames lick at the edges of their mouth. You wouldn't consider these mortal. They're like fiends. I don't know if you need to worry about them. Okay, actually, I have a way to solve this. Let's say Gunther right now is deciding, right? He's deciding whether or not to shoot the boat. Natty casts Eldritch Blast on them. Oh!
Yeah. How do you do that? It's like a ranged... It's a ranged attack. Up to 120 feet. Yeah, make your attack roll. I don't want to burn everything in this room. I need to come back for... It's not a fire-based magic. It's like a... Let me see. I can actually tell you. It is a... Like a ranged spell attack. Force damage. That is correct. It is force damage. This is a war crime. 24. Yeah, that hits. Why don't you roll some damage for me?
13. The Eltrish energy leaps forward from your hand, striking the Demongrel Curr.
and it falls to the ground, unmoving. Okay, I do the other one. Make the attack roll. That one is a dirty 20. Oh, yeah, that hits. Roll your damage. That's another 13. Yeah, this one also falls to the ground, unmoving. Gunther spins around and goes, Listen, y'all, death isn't always a bad thing. I disagree. I think you judge them too soon, you know? Maybe they might be bad and we think they're evil, but that doesn't mean that they have the potential to be good.
Does Tolv have a soft spot for all animals? Is that his thing? It sounds to me like Tolv has a soft spot for redemption based on what he's saying. It sounds like it, who knows? Ha ha ha!
You know, I would agree with you, Tov. I think redemption is really important. And, you know, sometimes you can't be judged for things that happen that maybe sometimes are, like, out of your control. You'd be surprised what kind of redemption you can find after death. Okay, guys. Well, I'm just saying I don't want to get on the same page, okay? And I just want to call out, I'm not complaining.
cool with killing things that we've imprisoned that haven't attacked us. I understand we're in the middle of a war, okay? Haven't attacked us yet. Well, you know, they were in the cage. They were just eating their biscuits, not minding their own business. I'm just saying, it's like, be cool, no killing without cause.
I've said my piece. I'm sorry. You guys are still my best friends. It was just, that was really weird. Wait, what did you call us? What? I know, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. What, friends? Yeah, there you go. Yeah, best friends. Blaine had to look on his face like he said something inappropriate. I just, I just, I just never had friends before.
Well, this is some character development in both directions, you know? Some good, some bad. We're learning. Yahoo! Episode 4.
Anyways, shall we mosey on over to the west door? Let's go to the west door. Act like this didn't happen. I'm very bothered. While the three of them are moving towards the west door, can Natty really quickly go to the cell where the Demongrels are? And Natty's going to say something a little like a whisper to the Demongrels and then join the party to the west. Absolutely. Okay. Are we allowed to know what you say or is that a secret? It's a secret. Is that what you tell them? I'm just kidding. It's
It's sacred. Just tell us what the whisper sounds like. What?
- I don't think Natty was talking to you, Tol, don't worry. - Okay. - You all walk over to the western archway leaving the room. And as you approach it, you can start to smell like fresh earth and iron. And as you walk into this room, you see it's also a circular room. It's about 25 feet in diameter with 20 foot tall ceilings.
You look around and you see a handful of unfinished iron bars and cages laying around the room, along with an anvil and an unlit furnace and some smith's tools. This is all like center of the room? Just all scattered around. Besides the one you're walking in, there's an additional exit to the south that seems to be blocked by golden vertical bars. And additionally, there's a chasm, like a fracture in the ground, that's about five foot wide through the center of the room.
And laying about the chasm, you see A-Team. Whoa. Chasm, horizontal or vertical to the orientation of the room? Vertical, like north to south. Okay. And A-Team is there. Three of them seem to be like...
And are they on the other side of the chasm from us or on our side? Or are they down? They're on the same side as you. Yeah, they're not down. They're on the same side as you. Oh. Three of them seems to be jittering uncontrollably with private Candranos taking care of the other three. Is all the blacksmiths...
"Yoo-hoo-ay team! What's got you guys all jittery? What's going on?" Private Tandranos turns around with like, startled. Didn't hear you coming. Uh, sees you and then kind of lets out a sigh, releases. "Oh, it's just B-team." "You mean B-team to the rescue? More like..." Some of our guys inhaled that gas in the other room. Seems to be affecting them negatively.
Oh, um, are they okay? Do they need medical attention? Yeah, that's why I'm attending to the medically. Gotcha! Sounds like you've got everything under control. We followed the magistrate in here, and he triggered a blast. There's an exit to the north of this room that's now blocked by rubble.
It caused an earthquake, which opened up this chasm. Oh, was that like, you know, a few minutes ago, perhaps? A little while ago, yeah. That must have been the earthquake we felt as well. I thought that was my stomach. Did he perhaps... Oh, he went through the north. And that crumbled down? Yeah. There's like rubble and rocks and dirt kind of all on the northern wall. So you let him get away. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Cantranos looks at you and says, Yeah, maybe if we had taken a nap, we would have the energy to take him down. Yeah, I know that I've got plenty of energy to spare. You're three now napping. Yeah, those guys are on the job. They're taking a nap. They are incapacitated. They took injuries in combat. I mean, maybe if you hadn't rushed ahead. While all of this...
and masculinity in the most toxic way is going on. Natty goes down to the south because the gold bars are kind of noticeable and wants to like see what's going on down there. Yeah, you walk to the south and you take a look at them and it's just golden vertical bars that seem to block the passage going to the next room. Is there a keyhole?
There is. Natty slyly puts the key in the key while they're all like seeing who's bigger. I'm not bigger. Yeah, you put the key in the keyhole and it turns with a click and the gold bars disappear and instead turn into 15 gold pieces that fall to the ground at your feet.
Hey, Dave. Guys, I'm trying to think Natty's actually magic. As you do so, Tolv, make me a perception check. Okay.
Okey dokey. That's a 12. As you and Private Kandrinos are talking to each other, you look past her shoulder and see a jittery Private Lastic begin to slip and tumble over into the chasm. Oh, can I reach and try to grab him before he falls in? Yeah, could any of us react in time? Tolv is probably the only one close enough, so I'll say Tolv, make me a dexterity check. Okay. Oh, here we go. That's a 19. Yes.
Ooh, it's like a action hero kind of moment. Private Lastic rolls over and starts falling into the chasm. And I picture Toad dives out like on the ground, like belly first, sliding across the ground with his hand outstretched and grabs onto Private Lastic's arm. And you grab him and he's dangling over the side of the chasm. Can Gunther run and help pull up? Sure.
Normally, I'd make you guys make a strength check, but... Just a little frog on his leg. I just got my leg while I'm pulling him up. I'll say with the two of you, you're able to do it just fine. Yeah, you pull Private Lassic up from falling into the chasm. Classic, classic. There it is. He was about to take the longest nap.
How wide did you say the chasm was? The chasm from where you are is only about five feet across. And the exits to the north, but that's covered by rubble from this like chasm and the earthquake and stuff. Correct. And there's another exit to the south that was blocked by gold bars, but that has now disappeared because Natty turned them into gold. Man, Natty has magic maybe. Wow. Tolv, make me a perception check. Okay. Ooh, that's a four. Should I use my inspo die? What do you guys think? Do it. Info.
Info's good. Ooh, better. A nine. She's more than doubled. How about that? I hate when that happens. It's real positivity there. You know, you and Gunt, they're able to pull Private Lastic up. No problem. Okay. I toss him over with the rest of the group and then I just kind of... Into the chasm.
I block off the chasm. Like I kind of make myself a human shield or orc shield. Could I go over to the three privates that are kind of freaking out and try to help like calm them down? I don't know if that's like a medicine check or like a... You read my mind. Why don't you make me a medicine check, Doug? Oh.
-10. I have a plus five and I rolled a five. -It seems like based on your knowledge that this is something that will not kill them and it's not permanent. This is like a temporary effect that over time will dissipate from their bodies. -Like maybe they're frightened? -It's not that it's frightened, they have some kind of toxin affecting their nervous system from a medical perspective and they just need time for it to cleanse and clear out of their body. -Doug gives them all just a giant hug.
He tries to wrap his big, big bugbear arms around him. A Doug hug. It's okay, guys. I get anxious in Nova sometimes, too. It's okay. Geeky sees what Doug is doing and tries to do the same thing of a Madison check.
To that or to you? To the soldiers. Oh, classic Gigi. Go on. He almost fell. He needs a hug. I don't think Gigi knows if a hug is necessary, but Gigi tries to help them through their problems. That's a good Gigi. Can I roll for medicine check with Gigi? Sure. Yeah, I wasn't sure if you wanted to do that or not, but yeah, go for it. That's a four. Oh, okay.
Does Giggy have any modifiers? Spits on him again. Yeah, Giggy does his best, but he doesn't know it, but it really doesn't help much. Giggy just starts trying to, instead of patting them to feel better, just starts smacking them, not knowing how hard you're supposed to do in order to give aid to somebody. Gentle Giggy. Gunther nods, and could he go look at the blacksmith stuff? Yeah.
You go take a look at it and it seems like it's very mundane Smith tools. Are there any materials around that are interesting or unique? That are under seven pounds? Well, like the gold bars that turn to gold, you know, things like that, that might be like a unique that I might not have seen before. No, everything in here is pretty mundane aside from those golden bars. You know, there are some
some unfinished iron bars that are still in a very rough state. I'll say there's some iron ore as well. This may be being processed for this. Um, the
The anvil, a dark furnace that's unlit, and these tools. Maybe at one point this was an active smith, but it doesn't seem like it has been used in a while. Yeah. Can I look in the furnace to see if there's anything? You look in furnace? Oh! I give myself an inspiration die. No! Yeah, I'm going to use it, and you're going to hate it. Yeah, you take a look, and what specifically are you looking through? The ashes or...
Just in general? Yeah, like, you know, looking through the ashes, seeing if there's any things that got smelted or left behind. Gunther's a little detective. The one who smelted, dealt it, perhaps? I saw someone say Gunther was like a frog with a Batman voice, so it makes sense that he's a detective. Well, Gunther was the one that also discovered the caves and looked into it and stuff. I like this tracker part of Gunther. Why don't you make me an investigation check, Gunther?
Nothing seems to stand out. It's all just dust and ash. The exit that Natty just opened, does it lead to a hallway or another room? It leads directly to another circular room. I think Natty would wander into that room. Okay.
Natty disappears into the next room. Uh, Tolv is gonna follow once he knows that A-Team is secured. Okay. Yeah, I'll follow too. Hey, Medic, make sure that your guys don't, like, fall into that giant chasm. Keep up the great work. Ha ha!
Don't worry. Once we take care of the magistrate, we'll explore the chasm and we'll take care of that as well. Okay. Looks like you got things under control. Yeah, we have no reason not to trust you on those words. We do, though. They do not seem like capable. On those words. I know that. We don't have to say that to them, okay? Doug, are you still in the same room with A-Team or are you going to follow the rest of your party? I'll follow them, but I'll give them one tight squeeze and be like, it's going to be okay, all right?
You've gotten through everything hard so far, Dustin Life. You'll get through this too. You walk into the next room and once again, it's another circular room about, let's say, 35 feet in diameter with 30 foot high ceilings. Okay.
And there are 12 pits encircling the room that all have cages on them. And the only exit seems to be the one that you just came through. And that's to the north of us? To the north side of the room, yes. Yeah. 12 pits. Yeah. And is it like around the circumference? Like a big old clock. Correct. Very similar to how the cage layout in the first room, but now it's in a cage as their pits. I need a better pen.
Chris, how's that map on your hand looking? Take a picture of that. We should post that on social. You just have, you don't even have details. You drew them tiny. What's the point? I didn't know how big of this place was going to be. And I also made the mistake of setting up the map thinking we'd go north. You also made the mistake of drawing it on your hand.
I can't draw. I'm right-handed. I can't. Do you think this map looks bad with me drawing with my right hand? Draw it on your forehead, then. You've got the camera.
All right. 12 pits that have 12 cells in them? Yeah. By the way, no one tell him he could have opened up like a notes app or something on his phone. Or anything. Paper. Microsoft Paint. I could not find paper. Okay. I'm sorry. Your question was about the pits. What was it? I was too busy dunking on Chris. Yeah. Just that like, so these are like holes in the ground and in the holes in the ground are cells. Well, it's not that there's cells in them. It's that there's almost like a...
- A cage cover on top of it to prevent anyone from climbing out. - Okay, like a grate. - Right, exactly. There you go. - Okay. Is the room well lit or dark? - It seems to be lit. - That's lit for him. Dab. - I high five Tolv and then check the... Is there anything in the center of the room or are these things the only thing that's noticeable about the room? - This is all that seems to be in the room, these pits. - What about the ceiling? - Make an investigation check.
I go, Doug, what if we look at the ceiling together? Doug comes over to where Natty is to look up. Okay, thank you. Do you say, what's up, Doug? What's up, Doug? No, I say, I can figure it out. Both of you make investigation checks to see if you notice anything on the ceiling.
I roll an eight like I figured I would. I also rolled an eight. No, Doug, you're supposed to be the better of us. Dolly, I came down to your level, Natty. I kind of squatted and looked up. I don't know why I did that. It's okay. I give Doug my inspiration dice.
No, you're not. I give Doug my inspiration. I want to know. I'm worried that these rooms keep getting bigger and taller, and I want to make sure that the ceiling is not going to have like 15 demongrels hanging from roots. I can look up. Tov can look up. I've got decent investigation. Okay, go for it. Go for it. 18. There you go. You don't have decent investigation. You have a negative one. Oh, you know, they don't know. The people don't know. You liar. You liar. You fat liar. Fake it till you make it. Okay.
Oh man. Oh, that's so funny. I have decent investigation. I passed, didn't I? Hey, why don't you go shoot some war prisoners? How about that?
All three of you look up and there doesn't seem to be anything remarkable about the ceiling. It's just like roughly hewn out of rock. While they look up, could I look down for any things on the ground? Like things you'd step on? What do you call those? Pedestals? Like pressure plates? Pressure plates. Yeah, you step on pedestals. So essentially you're looking for traps. Yeah. Checking for traps. Indeed. Make an investigation check. Yeah. Ha!
16. He's an investigation. No, you don't detect any pressure plates or anything out of the ordinary other than, of course, the pits that are in the ground. Can I check one of the pits? I'm so curious what's in these pits. Hold your breath. Oh, okay. Did you fart? Which one do you want to look at? If you think of it in quadrants, there's three in the northeast quadrant, three in the southeast, three in the southwest, and three in the northwest. Yeah, it's like a big old clock, I'm assuming. Yeah, roughly, but there's no, like...
There's no 12, 3, 6, and 9. Like, it's not at the actual, like, lined up, like, a clock exactly. Oh, okay. Well, then I guess I'll just start at the ones nearest to the door. So I'm going to consider that, like, 1 through 3 o'clock-ish. Sure. And you're going to do the same, like, clockwise just like before in the previous one? Sure. I think that was Doug, but yeah, I'm going to follow suit and just go, I think we go clockwise. Yeah, you take a look into that pit and the inside is just charred and blackened.
All you see in there is like ashes and bone fragments. And it's not reachable, is it? If I like put my hand in or anything like that? If you had to guess, you would say the pit's roughly like a five foot cube. Five by five by five. Okay. And this is ashes and bone fragments in each of the three in that upper quadrant. Oh, you're doing all three. I was just doing the first one. Yeah, let me... I'm going to make a roll. You don't worry about it. Shut up. Okay. All right. You shut up. I'm not going to do anything.
Oh my god, he rolled a nat 20! Yeah, all three of these seem to be very similar. They're just all charred and blackened with ash and bone in them. Okay. Guys, I'm noticing a theme here with fire, brimstone, ashes, bone fragments.
This place could use some sprucing up, some throw pillows or something. I don't know. Does there seem to be any, like, contraptions that might be spewing fire into this room? Like, any pipes or anything like that on the ceiling or... Why don't you make me an investigation check, Doug?
Okay, investigating one more time for 23. That's a pretty good investigation. Pretty good. Gus is making more and more rolls, and it's making me more and more nervous. I had to get something done. I'm trying to get ahead of you guys. I'm taking care of something in the future that I think you all are going to get to, so I'm just getting it knocked out now so I don't have to worry about it then. He's just looking at a map of, like, 15 enemies hiding in wait.
So I assume, Doug, you take a look at this first three, this first quadrant that Toluf was looking in as well. Yes. Yeah, you take a look and based on Doug's, I don't know what you would say, mechanical knowledge, like the way Doug's brain works, you can tell that these are fire pits and there must be some kind of ignition source at the bottom that makes it fill with fire. I also like how you're like, he could figure out based on the way Doug's brain works. And I think the actual quote is Doug's brain works.
Yes. That is accurate. You can figure it out. I can figure it out. Does that seem to be the case on pretty much every single pit in here? You begin, you know, walking around through all of the different pits and you notice when you get to the second quadrant in the southeast corner that the fifth pit you take a look at
is actually not as charred and blackened. You can see that in one corner of the pit, there is like some goods, some items like piled up. It must be blocking the ignition source. - Ooh. - Oh. - And also in this pit, you see a deceased prisoner. - Do they look burnt or just dead like? - Not burnt. It just looks like maybe they've just passed away through some other way.
Guys, there's a dead fella in here and based on my calculations, I think what happened was he got probably thrown in and had stuff on him and he maybe shoved it into the places where the fire comes out or whatever and kind of saved himself. No, he did not. Yeah. Well, tried to save himself. So is he like a skeleton or is it like a new, like, you know, recent prisoner? It's very old. It seems like this body has been here for a very long time.
He probably maybe couldn't get back out of the pit so maybe died of starvation and other causes. Bummer. This broom had gold bars blocking it. That's so weird. Is the grate, can it be lifted, opened? You give it a tug and they appear to be stuck but then after a second it pops open. Wow, great deadlift, Natty. Good form. I did it with my back.
Never waste your back. Even I know that. The trick is to twist your body 90 degrees and pull as hard as you can. And hold your breath, okay? Oh, God. Natty turns to Gunther and goes, Gunther, you want to use your little hoppity hops to check this out?
Okay. Gunther, we just watched Natty kill two innocent kings. I just want you to be careful, okay? So it's only like five feet down? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I can hop down there and look. Without disturbing the stuff piled up. Like the plugged pipe? Understood. Why don't you make me an investigation check? That's a
That's a five. Pretty good investigation. Like you said, you're avoiding the stuff that's in the corner. It's like a pile of shiny metal of some kind. And the deceased body in here seems to be some kind of maybe human. And there's a plaque around his neck. What does the plaque say? The plaque says, Caldeman, the avaricious. Caldeman? C-A-L-D-E-M-A-N. The avaricious? Avaricious.
Like a very... Yeah. No. These are all words I don't know. Wait, spelled like Everest or Avarice? Like Avarice. Avaricious. Okay. I thought you said Everest. No, no, no. Avarice. Like Mount. Avaricious. Avaricious. It's like hoarding. Selfish. Greedy. Greedy. That's the word. Greedy. Ah, okay. And then there's all the gold piled up. Chris's D&D characters. Avaricious.
Barney Farny? Called a man. Called a man. And then there's all that gold and stuff piled up there, eh? I just said it was shiny metal. Shiny metal? Can I look at the shiny metal without touching? Yeah, it looks to be some kind of like shiny cup. A shiny cup. Can I get out of the pit?
Yeah, absolutely. Can I get out of the pit? Do you bring the cup or leave it? No, I'm leaving the cup. Get out of the pit. And then I want to use my tongue and grab the cup. That's better. And then jump back. That's better. Yeah, the range on that's more than five feet, right, for your tongue? Mm-hmm. What is it? Let me check. He just goes, uh-huh. I want to say it's like 15 feet, but 10 feet. Okay, yeah. Did you learn nothing from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? No.
Let the cup go. Yeah, you get back out and use your tongue on this cup and you bring it back up and everyone can see it's a silver chalice that's encrusted with rubies. Does Doug recognize this at all? Make a wisdom check, Doug. 18. Wow. It does not look like it's anything remarkable. It doesn't strike you as something historic or noteworthy. It's just a very fancy, finely made chalice. Okay. And with rubies like around it.
Correct. That should be some price. It might be cursed. Probably. Well, maybe there's some magical ability. So we should probably consolidate all the cursed stuff with you, Gunther. Okay. Are you going to hold on to it, Gunther? Should we keep it? I mean, it might come in handy. You do you, my little frog. I don't know. It depends if you want to end up like the guy who had it, so... Oh, Calderman? That guy's great. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. All right. I think Gunther's a little like wary. What do you call it when you're like religious? What is it? Superstitious. He's a little superstitious. So can he take his rope, tie it to the end of the cup and then have it dragged around behind him?
I'm going to call you out on this. Why is he superstitious about the little cup, but not the ebony and pearl clothing that he pulled from the other dead people? Also, that's not a very warm thing to do. That makes noise. Right. It's quiet. Well, to me, wearing the wrong clothes, I don't know, that seems like a societal thing versus this seems like greed is bad.
I don't know. In his mind, it makes a difference. So he doesn't necessarily want the cup. From my perspective, the Jedi are evil. Yeah, from my perspective, the cup is bad.
Let can we should we see if any of the others pits were not charred? We got like seven other pits to check Yeah, sure just for clarification. Are you tying the cup and pulling it behind you Gunther? Yeah, unless they gang doesn't want me to yeah you do you do you Just so you know if you're gonna write this down in your inventory. It's a silver chalice with rubies It's worth about 20 gold if you want to write that down just so I don't forget in the future also write down disadvantage on stealth roles
All right, you all turn around to begin working your way around the rest of the pits. And as you do so, you hear like a very brief hiss and then a roar. And the pit that Guthrie was just in fills with flame. Wow. Dude, you almost died. Are you cool? That's scary. So was that chalice maybe protecting...
Well, it was blocking the thing. Yeah, it was like constipating the flame system. Yeah, it seemed like it was blocking some sort of gas or some sort of vent system. Yeah. So it seems like this challenge might be good luck for shoving into places that we need to shove it into. Yeah. You continue your search and most of the other pits seem just charred and filled with ash and, you know, remnants of bone. However, in one other pit on the northwest quadrant...
The 10th pit you search, you do find again another body of a deceased prisoner and with some items in the corner seemingly plugging up something. All right, Gunda, you know the drill. I pull out the grate. Yeah, you pull it up and again, it resists, but then after a couple of moments, it snaps and then you're able to open it up. All right. Gunther hops down, takes a look. Make an investigation check. Five again. The world's greatest detective.
He's trying. Give him a break. That's a compliment. World's greatest. I'll see. I'll fix that. Look at him. He's like the world's greatest detective. It's because his eyes are kind of poking out the side. He's looking straight ahead, but his pupils are pointing the opposite directions. He has to really turn his head really fast to see what's in front of him. Maybe it's fortunate that it's you who came down here, Gunther, because you can tell that this prisoner was a croak folk of some kind.
Whoa! And also has a plaque hanging around her neck. In the corner, you see a metallic object kind of shoved in, almost similar to the way the chalice was in the other pit. And what did the plaque say? The plaque says, Pan de Friar IV, the Vainglorious.
Is that a name I recognize? Make a wisdom check. 14. You don't recognize it per se, but it's an old name amongst the croak folk. And the body, what's the level of decomposition and what's the attire that it might have? It's pretty decomposed. Seems like this body has been here a long time, which would make sense with the older name.
And the clothing seems to be very mundane, like you'd expect from a prisoner, like shoddy, poorly made clothes. It's been here so long, it's really starting to fall apart. You know, in fact, as you're looking at the clothing, you can see that the remains of a tattoo seem to be peeking out from under the clothing, under one of the sleeves on this body's arm near her shoulder. And what's the tattoo? She's pretty cool. You have to get a little closer and you can see that it's a tattoo of a fiery flower.
You know, and now that you're looking at that arm, you know, you see the tattoo on her shoulder. You know, you look down to examine the rest of her arm and you realize that she has a scroll in her hand. Can I inspect that or pick it up and look? Yeah, you pick it up and you can see that there's words on it. You read it and it says, Were this crystal found on crowns, its flowing tears would fill one's ears. Were this crystal found on crowns? Yeah, its flowing tears would fill one's ears. Creepy. What are you going to do, Gunther?
Well, one, I'll pull out a book and this time I whisper something. Ooh. What does that sound like? I'm so glad I asked.
And then can I look at the pile of stuff? Yeah, it's just one object. It's like almost like a cylindrical metal object. Seems to be made out of some kind of brass, maybe like a dull, shiny piece of metal. Not like a crystal. Not a crystal. But it's hard to see because it is since it is plugging up a hole of some kind. It's also partially obstructed still. Some sort of brass pipe. I said cylindrical, but it's not hollow. It's solid. Like you can see on the end. It's not like a pipe where you can see through it. Okay.
Okay, can I hop out and then try the tongue grab again? Sure. Yeah, you hop out and use your tongue grab on it and pull it out. And now that you pull it out, you can see that what you were seeing before was some kind of tarnish. And now that you have it in your hands, you see that it's actually made of iron. And it's an iron cryptics, which is a type of puzzle. I read Da Vinci's code. It's got three dials on it.
What are the different, like, are there characters? Is it words on the different? It's letters. Letters. What are the letters? It's like every letter in the alphabet on all three dials. So a three-letter word would unlock it. Oh, yeah. Like, you have to figure out the word to unlock it. Yeah. It's like a lock for your bike. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. But it's usually got something inside of it when you unlock it. And then it tells you that Jesus actually had kids and the secret's hidden in the bottom of the Louvre. And you're Tom Hanks. I think I know the answer to this, but I don't think it's something that's a word that Gunther would know. What's your thought process? Like, how did you get here? Three-letter word that
would melt or that would create water that's a crystal. Has Gunther shared the information from the scroll and all this stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey, Gunther, something I have a lot of experience with, but maybe you do not because you're from an arid desert. There's this stuff called ice, spelled I-C-E-E. You try that. Ice. Yeah. You know what water is?
Yes. So imagine like it's like really cold and then that water, okay, it hardens and then it turns into a crystal called ice. With magic? Well, you know, with weather and climate change, you know. But like the good kind of climate change maybe? I don't know. Something we're probably not experiencing. I don't know.
Gunther nods, but doesn't get it, but... Just trust me. It hands you the thing. Okay, okay, thank you. And then I scroll in ice. Yeah, you rotate the device around so that the lock reads ICE. Show me ice! With a click, the cryptics open. ♪♪
Okay, I'm gonna give it back to Gunther. There you go! Is that the fastest we've ever solved a puzzle in the entire history of Tales of Sneaky Dragon? I thought we'd be here a while. My guess was gonna be wax. Oh, that's good, too. It's ears. Yeah, yeah, it'd fill one's ears. Wax crystals. There's this thing as wax crystals.
So it opens up and then, uh, what's inside? If you want to find out what's inside, you need to listen to the next episode of Chasing the Stinky Dragon. You're punishing us for solving puzzles, good! We're doing what you asked! I'm punishing you for taking over an hour in the first room. Uh,
If you want to find out what's in the cryptics, tune in to the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Next week, we'll have an episode of Second Wind talking about this. Maybe we'll delve in a little more into what was going on in here. And next campaign episode, we'll pick it up.
up and how can people watch second wind Gus what a great question you can watch second wind if you are a member of our patreon go to stinky dragon pod.com or if you're a member over at beacon at beacon.tv don't forget to head over to store.stinkydragonpod.com to fully outfit yourself in a world of stink with all of our stinky apparel and other stinky goodies available again that's store.stinkydragonpod.com and I have it on good record that every purchase directly supports tales from stinky dragon podcast
pass it on new episodes of tales from the stinky dragon premiere every other wednesday for every streaming podcast and on the stinky dragon youtube channel want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad free become a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or become a member of beacon at beacon.tv both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series second wind and member only discord for their respective platform become a patron hey you get your name shouted out
Just like Wayne Junk, ABC Compton, Alicia Johnston, Alyexin Gold, and Arkuvan Silverling. These patrons directly support the show. They get ad-free episodes, access to our Patreon-only Discord server, and bonus content like second wind behind the screen, and so much more. Again, that's tkdragonpod.com. Can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show. I want to give a thanks to some friends of ours who did voices for characters in this episode, like Doug's brother, voiced by Andrew Rosas,
I know those people.
This week's Arrow question was submitted by Spork. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Gunther goes and gives... Daddy? I almost said, I was like, Mateed? Gunther goes and gives Mateed... Nope. Nope. God damn it. I just love that this is Chris trying to actually succeed in like a sentimental real moment and he is failing in the way that Chris Damaris can fail in these moments. Take three.