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Marcel: 我发现当生活压力大时,工作压力似乎变得不那么重要。当生活一团糟时,我根本不在乎工作,但当工作出现问题时,我可能会忽略家庭。过去几年我身兼多职,管理不同的项目,这本身就是一种压力。我意识到,我有时会不自觉地内化工作中的压力,即使在工作环境相对安全的情况下,也会给自己施加压力,害怕失去工作机会。这种压力并非源于工作本身,而是源于对失去工作后可能产生的后果的担忧。我曾经在饼干厂工作,目睹了大量食物被浪费,这让我深刻体会到自己只是资本主义机器中的一个齿轮。在那种环境下,你必须时刻表现得很忙碌,而你的价值似乎仅仅取决于你的生产力。我认为,为了让资本主义更好地运作,我们需要充分休息和健康的人,但现实是,我们似乎只允许在为他人提高生产力的前提下,才能保持健康和满足。 Nora: 我也认同工作压力和生活压力相互影响的观点。我曾经在广告公司工作,那里的工作生活建立在持续的压力和焦虑之上。你随时可能失去客户,失去工作,而且工作与生活之间没有明确的界限。即使在我丈夫接受脑部手术、被诊断出脑癌的艰难时刻,我仍然被要求带着笔记本电脑去医院工作,甚至在得知丈夫病情后,第二天仍然去参加新的业务提案。我当时完全麻木了,没有意识到自己可以拒绝。我也曾对别人施加过同样的压力,我并不为此感到自豪,而且我仍然在努力消除这些心态。我意识到,完美主义并非追求卓越,而是容易发现错误。我从事的都是无关紧要的工作,但仍然承受着巨大的压力。我希望通过分享这些故事,让大家意识到工作压力是普遍存在的,每个人都在努力寻找工作与生活的平衡。

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Nora and Marcel discuss their current job stress levels, finding that their life stress often overshadows work stress. They share anecdotes about dealing with their children's grief over the loss of pets, highlighting the impact of life events on their perspectives of work stress.
  • Job stress is lower when life stress is higher
  • The death of a pet can be a significant event for children
  • Life events can impact one's perspective on work

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At Fordham University's Master of Social Work program, our full-time, part-time, online, and hybrid study plans help you transition into a profession with a purpose. Don't settle for a career without meaning. Choose social work. Learn more at fordham.edu slash ttfa.

Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Things for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings and co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am.

But then I heard something today and I thought, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong? I've been wrong before. What is that treat you're eating? It is, it's not, it's going to be a treat. Organic Aunt Molly's ground cherry seeds. Ooh. Organic seeds. Okay. For ground cherries. I have a new sugar-free, gluten-free, dye-free candy that I like that I'm going to send to you and the kids because...

Or just you, because, you know, we got to watch how much sugar we're eating. Yes. Okay. So to kick this off, Marcel, to kick this off, to kick off this collection, this anthology of episodes that we have about job stress, I should first ask, what are your job stress levels right now?

Um, I feel like job stress is actually lower because my life stress is higher. So like when I have stress in one area of life, it's almost like I'm like, oh, well, that's not anything, you know? Yeah, same. Like I had to find empathy for my daughter's fish dying like a week ago because I was like,

This doesn't matter. It's just a fish. I can buy another one. You know what I mean? I was just kind of like solving the problem. And I didn't realize. You got to let kids grieve. You got to let kids grieve. It's very inefficient. Yeah. And it's real, though. When I lost my first animal, I was sad. Yeah. And that's like they have very few, you know.

You know, kids at the age that your kids are, they are kind of goldfish. So of their conscious memory...

That fish was a big part of it. And so it is such a – and it's their first real big experience with loss. And as soon as we debated on the podcast Smash Boom Best, a children's podcast, children's debate podcast where two adults debate something that a child chooses and then a child judges it. Marcel and I have each been on this show many times. We've faced off twice. I've lost twice to Marcel. Yeah. I've lost three times overall. Mm-hmm.

So I'm spoiling the episode for you. It's hamsters versus goldfish. And after this heated debate where I was, the floor was, bring them up. Okay? Bring them out and bring them up because I got destroyed. Hamsters lost to goldfish. Spoiler. It's still a great episode. And then one of our hamsters died and your goldfish died. And that's... Right. Right.

That's pretty crazy that that happened so quickly together. That is insane. Insane. And we both had forgotten to tell each other, Rick, wait, you too? Oh man, I have to go pick up the hamster's ashes. I still haven't done it. I dropped him off on Thursday. We left town. But you see what I mean? You got to pick up hamster's ashes. And so job stress comparatively is like, ah, who cares? Who cares?

Honestly, who cares? When life is falling apart, I could not care less about work. And then when work is falling apart, I'm kind of like a little bit of an absentee mother, wife, et cetera, et cetera, which is not my best quality. But what has been your most stressful job? Well, I don't want to go back to the biscuit factory. Yeah.

I don't want to dark times, dark times. And it was because of me. You know, the funny part about like jobs and life is like the most stressful job situation, because this episode is about job stress and loss is the loss of my sort of full time gig that I had that had like everything wrapped into it last year just because it was, um,

Which is not this job. It was nice. FYI. Yeah, which is not this job. Yes, I'm here. No, it's always been. And here it's like, I mean, with here, I think basically everyone's under stress when it's stressful. And when it's not, then it's just like, okay, we manage it. And it's a different kind of stress. But like, as far as the team, we don't get into a lot of that. I feel like we, at least me, I don't. But, you know, yeah.

And so that's the good thing is like and because I've had to have like multiple hats on for like the last few years, I think that's a part of stress is just like managing different projects and managing different things. And most of it is pretty manageable. I had...

I think sometimes it's like when people have expectations that are unrealistic and they have no insight into what the reality of what you do is, you know? It's like if someone's like,

Oh yeah. Just, just redo that whole, like, like just tear apart the whole room and rebuild the entire bathroom or whatever, you know? Um, and that's not how building bathrooms works. And, um, and I've been that person to you and I have gotten an education from you. Um, and I've also been on your side of it with different things where people are like, yeah, you don't mind. Do you just, you could just

Start over. Do it all over again. What do you think? Right. And you're like, you can have that, but then we won't be able to meet like the deadline. Like, so you can either have the job that you want or you can hit the deadline, but you can't have both in these cases. And...

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, you worked in the biscuit factory. And for people who didn't see us live, that is not a joke. Like you literally worked at the biscuit factory. And the first time that you told me that story, I was crying laughing, even though you were dead serious. And you, stone cold, were sitting in a studio and you go, a human person is not meant to see that many biscuits in a day. It was, man. I mean, just like,

The sheer amount of, you know how you always talk about like the garbage dumps and like the, or the plastic containers and things like that. Yeah, yeah. I'll walk into a- Try seeing a million biscuits, a million muffins, a million-

Cinnabons or whatever, you can send them into rolls all in a day and just seeing like thousands and thousands of pounds of food get thrown away. Like because it just, there's too much or deformities or, you know, a bad batch with a little bit too much baking soda or something like that. It just, it messes with you. And I think a big part of the stress too is like,

You know, when you when you're I think there's certain positions you can be into where you're like super aware, like hyper aware of being a cog in the wheel of capitalism, just like a straight, complete, like a cog, like a person who's only there to promote more productivity. And like I remember that.

sitting on like this sort of like a curb, like a concrete curb in the factory one time because you would wait in waves for like more biscuits to come or whatever you were working on. And you would have to stand up. And sometimes people would tell you, don't sit down while you're waiting, right? There's literally nothing to do. You're not allowed to go to another line and help out on pizza dough or whatever it is. But they would say, don't sit down.

And so sometimes people would just like trade like, hey, I want to go to the bathroom and you'd trade off and say, hey, I'll go for 15 minutes. Then you can go for 15 minutes just so you can sit down for a little while instead of looking like you're not doing anything. And I think one of the biggest like job stresses that I've had has been that too, where it's like, you know, you're in environments where,

You have to appear busy. And there's a lot of things that go into that, too, with race and different things like that, because, you know, during slavery, it's like the unproductive slave. And if you're a black man or you're perceived in a certain way in certain environments, then people will be like, well, why are you just standing around? You know, like and and it's almost like you your only value is how productive you can be, which is.

I understand we're working in the context of business, but it's also like we are human and to some degree we need breaks. Like even for capitalism to work, you need well-rested people and you need healthy people. But I feel like here...

Maybe it's just the states. Maybe this is like, I'm sure there's global aspects of it, but it just feels like we're only allowed to be as healthy and content as we are productive for someone else. Yeah. Damn. And you can't be any healthier or happier than that, right? You can't be any...

healthier. Like they want you to have to go get checked out because you got, you know, anxiety and this thing and that thing. Yeah. But actually you can't go get checked out because you can't take the time. And also they keep you under 40 hours that they don't have to give you benefits. Yeah.

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And the struggle for – it's about labor organizing unions and the history of labor in the United States. And the writer is this guy named Hamilton Nolan. You will love this book. I'm going to send you a copy of it. He used to write for Gawker, which was one of the first –

smaller media organizations. I believe one of the first ones to unionize back in like the aughts and was owned by a mega millionaire and then was bankrupted by Peter Thiel, a billionaire who bankrolled the... Billionaire eats the millionaire. Millionaire eats the... And down and down and down. And Peter Thiel had bankrolled the...

Hulk Hogan lawsuit against Gawker, and that is what folded Gawker. And this is all coming back to that live show that we did in 2022 because we talked about the biscuits and we talked about Hulk Hogan. And we touched on capitalism and we touched on job stress because I was in the middle of a mental breakdown. But

We are – this is all connected because I was reading, listening to this book, and he tells the story of the labor movement through personal stories. So people who had attempted to unionize and it didn't work or people who are currently in unions and in South Carolina –

Wish I could remember which city. A port city where most of our imports come into or a large number of our imports come into. The strongest union there and one of the only unions there because South Carolina is one of the least friendly union cities. It was a slavery city as well. Charleston. Charleston. It's Charleston and the dock workers, the longshoremen, who are mostly black, mostly

And, you know, keep this tight control. Your labor is the hammer. Your labor is your power. They keep control of these docs. They have people who have, you know, been working there since, you know, right out of high school or in their 80s who still work. And why do they work? Because they make six figures. And what is their job, Marcel? Water.

They bring out, they keep everybody hydrated. They have water suppliers that are actual people. So they push against any kind of industrialization that would take somebody's job. And they are small but mighty and powerful.

I think that if more people read this book or more people understood, it is, it has a lot of work. It is a lot of work to organize, but that's where you make any kind of gains. And they did talk about food production. They talked about, you know, we're not naming names, but in this book, they are naming names. They're talking about Nabisco. And, and,

you know, without, you know, just the basics of worker rights, you have a, that squeezes out slash completely eliminates like a middle class. And then we're all more exhausted and we're more stressed out and you have to work more to get less and on and on we go. And

So yeah, work, labor, everybody has to work. Everybody has to work. I mean, most people have to work. There's maybe like, I don't know anyone who doesn't have to. Yes, I do. I know like three people who don't have to work, but guess what? They still work. And you know the work that they do? They do like volunteer work and they like throw themselves completely into work that is for like the greater good. And that's very inspiring to me because I really do think

where we venerate billionaires, right? There are people who are like, Elon Musk is a genius. And I just think, I think for a lot of reasons, he's a loser. But I think specifically, I cannot imagine having that much money and not waking up every day excited to fill buckets with physical money

Those big, big Home Depot buckets and just hand them out. I'd be walking into a bank and saying, who's underwater on their mortgage right now? Right. Not anymore. I'd be just paying off mortgages willy-nilly. I don't know. I can't imagine having all that money and just wanting to –

squeeze more. I mean, you can find things to get, man. I mean, at any income level, you can find some bullshit to buy, basically. You know what I mean? You can find something to buy, but at the end of the day, it's like, yeah, because we're not built the same. There's no way I would be able to look at all the people on the street, the kids. You can just tell when a kid just doesn't have, you know, the setup is messed up, you know? You know, as a parent of a child, like a parent

a parent dies, what happens if that person loses their job because now they're a single parent trying to figure out what's going on with this kid, trying to figure out daycare, they don't have a place to stay, or they do, but then the child suffers in various ways because of the absence of a parent or like a parent having to work all the time or whatever it is. It's like,

You could build like, again, I always harp on food because it's so easy. It's so easy to grow food. You literally take a little thing that looks like a rock. You put it in the dirt outside and you piss on it and something comes up. So don't do that. Don't piss. Everyone just know that Nora hates the word piss. I hate it. I hate it. It's so aggressive. Oh, God. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. But jobs shouldn't be stressful. They should be. You should have like you remember when people used to use the word vocation? Yes. Yeah. And and I want like that's what it's like. We want a vocation like we want something that like makes me feel like, hey, like there's times where we're like doing stuff. We're on tour. We're doing like a live show or we're.

you know, um, even now just recording and like, I haven't even looked at the prep document, which I probably have it up, but it's just like, but I'm enjoying, and it feels like, Hey, it's almost like you're flying. You're just kind of enjoying, that's what it should be about. And it's like, you should, and, and you provide a service in some kind of way. Yeah. But instead these dudes just want to sit here and make a bunch of money, judge everybody, uh,

fight each other and to some degree I guess I'm holding my popcorn to see how the show goes but oh I'm holding like my stomach because I feel every time I look at the news I'm gonna shit my pants so

Like that's how I feel. The most stressed that I've ever been about work was when my work could not have been less consequential. So I told this story on TikTok and it really struck a nerve, which you never know what stuff will hit there and what won't, but this did. And to...

To tell the simplest version of this story, I was working in advertising at an agency. Agency life is sort of built on...

stress and anxiety. You're always, you know, you could lose a client at any time and you could use, and then you would lose your job, right? If there's not enough client money coming in, then there's not enough, you know, work for people to do and you have to bill every hour and you have to, you know, really be proving your value and blah, blah, blah. And there's no boundaries. And this is, you know, 15 years ago. So perhaps things have changed, but I just highly doubt it because

I was at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. My soon-to-be husband was getting a brain surgery. They had found a brain tumor like this big in the right side of his head.

This was a shock. We did not know that it was brain cancer yet. I was still living in the magical thinking universe where until they tell you that it's brain cancer, it is simply a brain tumor. Once they tell you it's brain cancer, then it's brain cancer. But they're removing this tumor. The surgery is going to be hours and hours long and long.

I, of course, was checking my email, Marcel. I was checking my email. I was a good little worker still on my little, you know, my iPhone 2 or whatever it was. And I got an email from a VP at our company, and I believe she called me too. But the point is the end results of these conversations were that she was

I had a work laptop brought to the hospital for me so I could work on a new business pitch because she said something like, cause you know, you're not doing the brain surgery. You're just going to be sitting around. And I was like, yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. I won't be present with like my frightened soon to be mother-in-law and friends and myself and my own feelings. Um,

while the person I love the most in this world is having their skull sawed open. I will sit there and tap, tap, tap away at a PowerPoint. And I did it. I did it. I didn't even push back slightly. I did it.

And when Aaron was finally diagnosed, when they told us, they sent the brain tumor away, they gave us the pathology. It was definitely brain cancer. I tell everybody, right? And same VP calls, can you still make the new business pitch tomorrow morning? And I went.

I went, I went, I went. And I was like out of my body, out of my mind, but I went. It like did not even occur to me that I could say no. And honestly, I don't think I could have. I don't think I could have. I think I would have been, you know, probably pushed out like pretty quick. Yeah.

Out of that job pretty quick. And they would have found some way or another, they always did, with various people who were going through whatever or not performing. There's a lot of ways to do that. And I really did not think that was bad until maybe like four years ago. I didn't think that was... I mean, when I started this show...

I was secretly pregnant. I did not tell anybody when I started terrible. Thanks for asking, which is not this show, but you know, everybody knows like the first origination of this show, I was secret pregnant and I did not tell people that I was pregnant because I knew that unknown, unknown talent, me unproven show, uh,

pregnancy is a liability. Yeah. You know, I can't tell them. I can't tell them. And I took Q to work like two days after he was born. Like I took him into, I took a two day old, like, you know, you, you have two children, you know, exactly what a woman's body is like after they have a baby. That is insane. Yeah.

Yeah. Random, you know, like should have been in bed, should have been in bed. But I was like, don't worry. It won't affect me at all. I will have this baby and we will make a podcast. And who boy, who boy. Yeah. But you know, when you, when you talk about that, it really makes me think like how your ad agency work, like how,

there's a culture of, there is a culture of pressure, right? And then how it's impacted me is I've been in the situation where the culture of pressure is still strong versus like in a lean team where we're all kind of like cool or just like, I've had a couple of teams like that who are like, Hey, listen, I'll cover you. You're good. Um, even in a major, um,

business or a major organization. But for the most part, it's like we all know that we have that insidious mindset in us because then it almost is like it becomes where you self-discipline, like you self-orient that way. And so there are times where it's like you were in the hospital and someone sent you a laptop. I brought my laptop to the hospital.

You see what I'm saying? Like I brought mine. I was taking call. I remember my cousin had an aneurysm. She was about to check out. She was in a coma. And I'm taking a call because I didn't want to lose this contract. And I'm taking a call.

Think and I'm trying to explain it to them too just so that they know hey, why is the you know phone quality? Why does it sound like you're in a car? It's because I am in a car right now because I'm sitting in the parking lot when I'm done with you I'm gonna go in there sit with my cousin for a few hours and I'm gonna go home take care of my kids cooked in it like and

it's difficult because I have lived through similar stuff where it's like they have that pressure culture. And then I've been in a place where it's like technically safer, but I don't allow myself that at all. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's not that these people are doing something to me. It's that I'm self-imposing now because I'm like, no, there's no way I'm going to put myself in a position to lose my... Because it's like,

The stress is not about the job. It's not about the career. I have not been in a position for...

10 year whatever I haven't been in a position where if I'm not making the money I don't I'm not gonna have a place to stay that's like not hyperbolic right like like I may have a family member I can you know whatever I I'm good with my family so I could get somewhere but I mean like I'm the only income now and I have children like I have my sick mother here stuff like that so yeah

For me, it's a thing where it's like the job stress is not so much the job. It's like the thought of what is this going to mean if I lose this opportunity?

Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Things for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings and co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am.

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The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank, and a pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated. Card may be used everywhere MasterCard is accepted. Venmo purchase restrictions apply. What I found out was like, even when my situation was less dire, I still was doing the same, like imposing this feeling on myself constantly. And it's like, and it's difficult to get rid of.

Yeah. It's really hard to deprogram from. And I've definitely like gotten that same, like I've taken that internalized version of pressure and perfectionism too, because that's what like agency, like you can't make a mistake, you know, like you, you can't make a mistake. I've, I've seen people have panic attacks because a press release that nobody will read. Nobody wants the press release. It's going in the, it's going to people's straight to the garbage has like a typo in it. Right. And, and I've,

exacted that same amount of pressure on people. Absolutely, I have. I have perpetuated that and I'm not proud of that. And I'm also still deprogramming all of this sort of mentality. Somebody said something really powerful to me, which is that perfectionism is not about being

It is about finding fault easily. And I was like, oh, that is it, isn't it? Isn't it? It's like it's – and if you're in a culture where mistakes are like not okay. And these are not – by the way, I've never worked in an industry or at a job that was a matter of life and death. Not once. No, I've always worked in deeply –

Inessential jobs. No one would miss it if it went away, that kind of job. So we pulled together this anthology of stories of job stress, stories of job loss, stories of work and what it means to people because...

It connects. It connects to everybody. Everybody knows what it is like to work, to be worried about work, to have that work-life boundary fully crossed, work-life balance is a myth. All that you can do is kind of juggle sort of.

And that's what this whole collection of stories is about. Yeah. So check these out. Yeah. Job stress and loss. One of my favorite picks is the Sarah Hagee episode. Same. I was going to say that. So I was going to say that. Jinx. Jinx. Jinx. Jinkies. Jinx. Jinx. One, two, three, four. And now my kids are like, blackout jinx. All around jinx. I'm like, okay. Right. Okay. I can't keep. I can't keep. Double jinx. Triple jinx. Blackout jinx. All around jinx. Don't try to knock.

no, I don't do no, no. There ain't no blackout jinx. I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean they're getting somebody else? Yeah. Maybe there's a secondary jinx. Maybe if you're feeling really. Maybe. There's not a quadruple jinx. That's not a thing. You can't say that. That's not possible. What else are they going to say? Oh, TTF anthologies are where we take.

our favorite episodes around a common theme. We pull them together and we publish them. We pull them out of the archives. We dust them off and we give them to you here on

In the TTFA Anthologies feed, we are still making episodes. We have dropped the terrible. We are now thanks for asking, which is at the same feed that you got TTFA in. If you still are itching for the full archives of TTFA, those are over on my sub stack, which is noraborealis.substack.com. This is also where you can get all the full ad-free versions of the new episodes that we're making. But

Thanks for Asking is now a call-in show. So you can call, you can text. My number is 612-568-4441. And I am loving just chatting with people. And when Marcel's personal life is less stressful, you're going to hear a lot more of me chatting with my buddy Marcel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. I thought I was going to say something else. I don't need to say anything. And that's it. And that's it. But I have to say – I got these ground cherry seeds. I can't believe you're eating seeds. I find that – And I'm happy. That's fine. And that's fine. You're eating seeds. I'm not eating them. It's planting them. Oh, thank God. I was like, what? Okay. Ground cherry seeds. I thought you were going to like – Okay. That's fine. You should plant those. Yes. Organic seeds to plant in the garden. Yeah.

That's great. We actually also have an episode over on Thanks for Asking that we are working on right now. I took calls today, Marcel, from various people. I'm actually going to make a call right after this where I'm asking people what they do all day, like what they do for work. I talked to the most fascinating people today, including a regenerative agricultural data analysis manager. Her job title had seven words.

Those were definitely a few of them. Yeah. And somebody who's a paralegal for the appeals process for the indigent in one of the Carolinas, North or South, I can't recall. I always get them mixed up. I talked to somebody who is affected by all the Doge layoffs.

too. So there's a lot of interesting jobs out there and I just love to talk to people about whatever they want to talk about. So another plug for calling in about whatever you want to talk about, especially your job. If you listen to this and you want to talk more about your work, text me and I'll call you back. Also, I just want to say that nobody has made my work

like just tangibly better, more fun and more interesting than Marcel Malakibu. So I'm very grateful to be able to work with you. So thank you. And I just trust you so much. And I just really, every time I talk to you, I feel better and I feel smarter because you're so smart. Yeah.

You don't want to say that. I need like, I need, what do you call that? I need like a disclaimer on my shirt at all times. But you're also very, you're also very wise. Like you really do have, like you have this innate wisdom where I'm like, I, if I, if I gut check something with you and like you are completely on another page, I'm like, I really do have to rethink this. I really do. And I don't, I really don't take that kind of advice from anyone else.

you know, like the way that I do from you. So, so thank you really. You've gotten me out of some pickles of, you know, and I've put you in some, so thank you.

Oh, man. I like pickles. I know. I'm a fermented foods guy. I'm a pickled. It's all about that gut health. We all got to get some more vinegar. If you can't get into the pickles, make some pickles yourself, which I did last summer. We'll talk about gardening another time. All right. Bye, Marcel. And thanks for listening, everybody. Bye.

Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Things for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings and co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am.