Bathed in the Blood of Gratitude with Trixie and Katya
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Oh, hi. I just heard. I did. You're a baby. Oh, bones sticking out. Oh, I made a boobie. Listen, by the way, I was looking up our book on Amazon. Yeah. And the suggestion, the suggested items are...

were poopy books. What? The first one was a poopy book. Something about poopy. And then the next one was something I don't remember. It was not... Let's just say the algorithm or whatever you call it is rotted.

that somehow we are associated directly with pooping and peeing. Is it like a funny Barnes & Noble, are we like a funny impulse aisle, like gift book? Impulse, are we a children's book, like everyone poops? No, this was not that. It was like... Is this forensics, like scientists, like dissecting an owl pellet? It was like poopy, poopy pants, poopy, I don't know. I was hoping we'd be, you know, kind of like...

Sarah Sheldon with the bed wetter or like you know David Sedaris right right right no it was like shit ladies poop time or something

Welcome back to The Bald and the Beautiful. Welcome back to The Bald and the Beautiful. I was talking to Silky Nutmeg Ganache, and she had a book, and she's like, I'm working on two books now, and my dream is to be the first drag queen who's a New York Times bestseller. I said, good luck with that dream. Well, mama, we've got news for you, sweetie. I said, you could be the third hoe. Yeah. Who's the second? You. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ah!

- There's two of us. - Your number first. - I'm sorry, I'm two. - We are the first. Together we are number one. - She could be two. - The second one to chart, yeah. - And I hope she does. - Dr. Reverend. - Dr. Reverend. When I remember watching her meet the queens during that season,

No offense to the other girls, but she was the only one that gripped me. That bitch is lit. And Silky Nutmeg Ganache is a fantastic drag name. It's great. Ganache. And the Dr. Reverend Adjunct Professor Emeritus Silky Nutmeg Ganache. I love when Ru does that. I also love when Silky is in drag wearing her real glasses.

So she's like in good drag and then she's in like her boy glasses, like her little tortoiseshell like college learning glasses. That's fine. We're here on the Bald and the Beautiful. I mean, I wore my glasses today.

Can you see now? Yes. These are lightly prescripted and they have a very lightly prescripted and they have a tint. For you or for someone else? For somebody else. Yeah, not for me. I have perfect vision, but just a light. What would you call this? Who would play her? A framboise. Those are Ray-Bans. No, no, no. But it's like a lilac. It's a wave. Oh, the color. The color. That deep, rich color. Oh, it is kind of a blue. It's like a blue, blue-gray.

Wait, are you talking about the lenses? The tint of the lens. Oh, yeah, like a blackberry. A blackberry. Yeah. Yeah. Blackberry water. This is a fun conversation so far. I'm in a haze because I started rehearsals with Laganja for a secret project. Secret project. Shh. Details will be announced shortly.

- And I hired the world renowned celebrity choreographer, Laganja Strondra, and she said, "Well what do you want gal? "Do you want the good one to step gal, "or do you want me to put you through it gal?"

And I was like, I can handle something. I was like, I never really felt like... I was like, I never really felt challenged by the drag race one, two steps. I could do a little more than that. And you're also a very physical person who has actual dance training from college. And with the marathon, I was like, I'm probably in better shape than ever. I can do this. Endurance. No, mama. No, no, no, no. Miss Laganja came in here. I feel like I'm about to find out that I...

I did a hit and run with the Ganges daughter and got off scot-free. This is a long form revenge scheme. Yes. Yes. I did something to her. You're Nikki and no, she's Nikki and you're Beatrix kiddo. And she's great. Cause this is what I wanted. What I wanted was, I realized this is probably out of frame. I wanted like, yeah, but what you got, yeah, hit, hit, rolled, jet day. Yeah. Oh yeah. And like,

Like running. Traveling the floor. We got a big studio space because I told her I want us to be able to move a little bit. Yeah. We're running. Yeah. We're running in drag. Yeah. She's got you're like, yeah, it's single ladies, bitch. It's fucking single. I was just going to say she's got you Gwen Verdon on speed. Oh, my God. A similar thing happened to me. And I because I I had I was doing my ding dong video is a parody of a video whose choreography is. I mean, it's this water aerobics. Oh, yeah.

And then that's, that's literally it's TikTok dancing, but like low at like comically low energy, comically low energy. Like she had me do fucking Odette's and Odile's solos from Swan Lake. Like it was, and I was like, we really got to simplify it. She's like, we're going up, down levels. We're doing kicks. Like, I'm like, what?

It's just a lot. She's great. Halfway through rehearsal, I call managers, our managers, and I go, with absolute gravity, I say, the air conditioning in the studio that day.

Has to be cold. I'm not saying I don't want you to call the studio and make sure they have a thermostat No, I need you to get a generator the size of a Prius Park it outside and I want a tube the size of a New York New York sewer running into the space Yeah blasting to the point where you and everyone you know is in winter coats I want to be so cold in there that your family is at home like

Ooh, I'm cold today. I need you to kidnap a sizable Inuit population and have them set up an igloo for about three weeks before. Yeah, yeah. It's wild. Is this kind of boat? I said, I also, I want your lips blue. I said, I want my dancers blowing, blowing clouds. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Not those clouds. - I want my dancers, and I said, I want a Titanic, I'll never let go, Jack, frozen on a door. I said, I'm gonna take that COVID gun,

And I'm going to walk in there and blow the, I'm going to beep, beep the air. And if it isn't 60, we're not doing it. Yeah. No, if actually, if the, if the machine doesn't freeze up and just crack. Yes. I want, what was that movie? Like the day after tomorrow with the climate shift where everything's freezing in the air. I want that. I want to be like, walk, walk, walk. Ooh,

Or like Sub-Zero when he arrives. Yes. Yes, that's the vibe. I want shot with a ray gun like Arnold Schwarzenegger. With this come early this season. Like that is what I need, bitch. And then I said, I said also get as many cameras as we can afford because I can't do this more than 10 times. I think it's funny you say 10 because full out the whole routine, I'm going to say five.

Five. I mean, you sweat, I mean, way less than I do. But think of it. You're like we talked about. I've thought of it. Your geometry cannot be sullied by sweat. Like I can just kind of run and then pat. But, you know, a shape can't become a triangle can become a circle. The lines that separate realities cannot become compromised with my. Have you ever considered getting tattooed that day? Like a fake attempt or maybe a permanent tattoo of makeup?

I will say that I think we've talked about this. The TV show Botched has asked me three times to come on the show to get more work done, to get more work done, to look more like I do in drag. So they would pay for it. So they would pay for a ceramic kabuki mask to be fused onto your skin. Wait, I think that no way. I think they thought I had a bunch of work done because of my makeup. And so then they want to know if I want to get anything fixed. Yeah. It's just the nose.

I don't know what it is. But I have nothing. I literally don't. Besides the nose that I honestly never notice. What the fuck is... What could be wrong with this face? What could you be wrong with? Nothing. Nothing. And then also, you're going to love this. I told Ligon to the dancers for the video. I need giants because I'm sick of looking like goddamn... Yeah.

Frederica Bimmel. Frederica Bimmel. I'm sick of looking like... I always look like in videos that 100-foot woman or whatever, the 50-foot woman. And then the dancers are like little five-foot-six Broadway actors. And gay, so they're like in their lives. Gayer than me. Yes, gayer than you. And so I look like a graceless you-know-what. A BD. Yeah, a graceless BD. And so then...

So the dancers, she got her like six, five and six, six. Hulking, towering. Gorgeous, stunning. And by the way, bored at the level of this choreography. They're like, oh, this. Okay. Yeah. Mama, mama. Got it. What's next? See, that's why. That's why. You're like, I'm like, can we go back? Mary, Mary. When we, so when I worked with LaGanja, so I worked with her two days.

And Andrew was in the studio, he was constantly trying to interject like, "We really need to go, I mean think low energy, no energy, comical." And she just, I don't think she just knows what that is. - She doesn't do low energy. - Her version of low energy is just not jumping from a platform into a split, you know? We get on set, when all the drag comes on, World of Wonder, no AC, I was like, "Yeah,

No. You shot this at wow. You shot this at wow. You shot ding dong at wow. Yeah. On a green screen. Oh my God. And so I did, this is the, I defaulted to the actual boom boom choreography and then I think the only thing that I did from our session was this. What?

work yeah and it's no fault of her own she did a great job but and she got paid but it was bummer i've just never done anything where the song is this fast but but but but and there's a move on every hit yeah and i'm like that's usually choreography i know and i keep going like so is it does this lead into like a breathe section a breathe like a a breathing set yeah is there a section where we like do an easy move for a second the easiest move so far is this

And it still has to be percussive and in sync. But then it goes into like, Twyla, Twyla, Twyla, Twyla, Twyla. Anyway, so I've been victimized. Yeah. It's humbling. And also as it like, you're the humiliation of being a seasoned, successful, well-beloved, world-renowned performer. And then you get in the room with dancers and they make you feel like...

You're like an orphan from Middle Earth. I think that's probably how people see, like how people feel when I'm in an orgy and they see me suck cock. And they're like, I guess I've never really sucked cock because that Hoover over there. Yes. That Dementor giving Satan's kiss over there. You're not even touching the dick. You're just. I suck so hard the back of my head caves in. The back of my head caves in. Bone sucking in. Bone sucking in.

Anyway, we're not going to fault Laganja for being a good choreographer who pushes people to do well. And an excellent mover. Oh, by the way, Mary, by the way. So we're in the studio for three, four hours. We got AC. We're doing all the choreo. I'm sober, completely sober and actually in great shape. And at the end of the day, I am drenched. I've had to change my shirt once.

Let me tell you about that woman's body. Not one bead of sweat. Not one. Not one. Not one bead of sweat. I know. It's crazy. She's so, she's so crazy. She was in a like t-shirt dress with very little makeup on looking great. Oh, by the way, did I mention we're also dancing in masks because of it's a public studio space. So we're in masks. So I'm trying to throw a piece of fabric. That in itself is tough because then you're, it's just hot air in your face.

It's horrible. Yeah. And I have it today. Yeah. Tomorrow. And then I added a Tuesday rehearsal at 8 a.m. for brush ups because the gig is Wednesday. You love that torture. No, it's good. No, I don't. I just I said it's going to be worse if we go in and have to do repetition because we don't have it. Oh, no, no, no. You can't film. Yeah, you can't film it if you don't know it. And they're not going to miss steps. And I've already realized that they're not going to miss that. But, you know, you do the Britney cut.

Like Work Bitch, for example. She never completes even a half a phrase in any of these music videos, if you notice. Yeah. It's all just cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Well, Laganja goes, yesterday on Beyonce's birthday, Laganja goes, well, even the single latest video, there's a lens flare or whatever and you realize it's two cuts. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, she's not fucking an Avenger. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, what have you been up to? You did a gig Friday. I did a gig Friday. And actually I had rehearsed. I had planned on doing, um, uh, so Nick Lemmer, your friend, who is a dancer we talked about before we choreographed this thing. And I, I planned on doing the same parts with choreography at Evita. No. Tatiana. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We, so we're choreographing it for a reverie and it's going to be fierce. Um, with two guys, you know, people at the party.

You just want to dance. Yeah. First man up. It's a real tableau we're creating. But what you see isn't always my tooth. Yeah. So I'm so glad I didn't do that because, honey...

I don't want to complain. Is Nick Lemmer letting you have it? No, I'm not trying to complain about these amazing opportunities. I'm trying to connect to gratitude. I'm trying to connect to gratitude about the fact that I live literally the perfect life. You went to the desert, you ate a drug cactus, and you're here to connect to your gratitude. Mama, my gratitude overfloweth. The cup of abundance runneth over. I'm soaked and bathed in the blood of the Lord. Is Nick Lemmer choreographing it?

Yes. Is he letting you have it? As it were? No, we're working together. It's very much a collab. And he's great. And he has a back injury. So he's closer to my level. You know what I mean? But still not. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. But it's just he's, you know. These poor dancers, are they just in pain forever? Well, yeah. It's acrobats too. The saying goes, if an acrobat doesn't wake up in pain, it's because he didn't wake up at all.

We're going to take a break. Oh my God, that is chilling. It's true though. It's true. Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

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bone sticking out bone bone sticking out did you have fun at the gig on friday

Do you not want to talk about it? No, I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I want to talk about the range of emotions that were felt because it was a whirlwind. Yeah. Okay. And so me, Eden, who formerly of Trixie Cosmetics and now my assistant, Andrew, my studio mate, we had the funnest day in the studio creating the stupid, stupid magic trick number where I made a whole garment. We used the silicone vagina and then the silicone breasts.

And we... So the thing was to pull about, I don't know, 10 yards of red fabric out of my pussy, like Carolee Schneeman's Interior Scroll piece of performance art from the 70s. Sure. And we rehearsed it four times to get the timing right. It was fun. And then I had a great time doing that. However, Mary...

We've worked a lot of gigs. We've worked many gigs before and after Drag Race, the conditions of which run the full range of human experience from homeless decrepitude to the penthouse of all penthouses. Heaven to hell. Heaven to hell.

So we go there early on time, get swindled, bamboozled and ripped off by the parking attendant. And then Orville Peck brings us to the dressing room, which is a broom closet filled with three depressed dancers. And I'm like, and I'm like, I knew I knew I wasn't going to I wasn't expecting Shangri-La. I

It's a nightclub. It's a nightclub. But I was told Violet had demanded a dressing room. So I'm like, I'm thinking, well, if it's good enough for Violet, it's definitely gonna be good enough for me. Oh, if it's good enough for Violet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You and I can make it through. I was like, there's no way this cupboard was created for Violet. So I just go right back into the parking lot, strip off all my clothes except my rubber pussy. Yeah.

By the way, I showed up in a bathrobe. Bathrobe and slip-ons. You came in in full pageant evening gown. Because I don't, I will never put the getting ready environment in the hands of someone else. At least at home, I know the lighting, the air conditioning. That was my mistake. But so we had run through the number so many, like twice at home. And so I was already like over it. So I took off the rubber pieces and I was like, oh, but just put it on there. Mistake.

Huge mistake. And so, and then the promoter eventually comes out. I'm unraveling. Eden's like, I'm like, Eden, should we both kill ourselves? Should you just kill me? We're planning suicide. And so the promoter finally comes out. He's like, what are you doing out here? What are you doing out here? Gaslit. I was like, honey, you're the star. You're the star of the night. What are you doing in the parking lot? I was like, there's a whole private dressing room with AC and a large couch. I'm like,

Great. Great. I was in the Buffalo Wild Wings kitchen. He's like, should I take you there? I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so we went from homeless to the penthouse. And my head is spinning because I was like fully. Because by the way, that party is.

insane for there to even be that dressing room private with a mirror and a light and a couch. Yeah. That is presidential. Yes. Yes. We got the A-list shit. Yeah. We did. Yes. It was very grateful, but my head was spinning from the, I mean, I literally was just like, I just won the lottery and I'm trying to nouveau riche acclamation. And then, so, but then we go out to the, you do your number and I go out, never been there before, go out to the stage area.

You've never seen the stage. I've never seen it. Oh, so you didn't know. I didn't know, Ma. Well, the selling point of this party is that it is, if you're a drunk person and you want to go shoulder to shoulder, listen to music. Do you like big sweaty bodies? Yeah. I think I don't have agoraphobia or claustrophobia. No, I do.

No, I think I do. Angoraphobia. You're afraid of Angora. Yeah, Angoraphobia. And Klaus. It's Klaus-nomiophobia. No, but I mean, obviously, and having been in lockdown for a year and a half and pretty much isolated, it was an adjustment. So you forgot. I mean, it's basically, you know what it is? It's basically like when you and I do Halloween at the Royale or whatever in Boston. No, this is like Brazil, except there's not the eight ring of security guards escorting you. Yes, it was crazy. Also, they don't care. They're not trying to touch you. They're like, ugh.

Yeah. As you're making your way through the crowd. That's the thing about L.A. It's like you're in high whore drag and everyone's either like, oh, yeah, couldn't believe. Or they were like, it's some fags makeup artists like everyone's like annoyed that you're trying to get through. Mary, it was like and I'm wearing this giant tool thing and I'm just looking at the ground because there's lots of stuff to trip over. Anyways, maybe if I walk fast enough, people think I'm Ellen Barkin.

Ellen barking up the wrong tree. Yeah, maybe Ellen. Glenn Close. Or just Ellen. Yeah. So like going there, getting there. And I'm about to go on and I'm like, I was like, and then the heat hits me. I'm like, oh, God.

It was warm in there. It was a microwave. So I had brought my own two fans. I had purchased my own two fans and had them delivered to the venue and to be set up at each corner of this small stage, I figured. Wait, you had fans set up on stage? I sure fucking did, bitch. Yeah. Because never...

I don't know why. Because I was like, why in the drag queen industrial complex, this is an entertainment industry that has been forged years ago. And it's the thing. Why aren't they part and parcel of the stage show experience for drag queens? I saw Sonique getting her life with a fan recently. She had two of the same ones and then a large Beyonce fan. And she was just letting it, you know, she even took the fan in her hands and was just like.

If we tried that, the unit would get caught in the fan, snatch balled. No, but yes. But like, you know. Yes, I know. Yeah. That's how I also feel about air conditioning. Well, right. Because it's a twofer. Because when you go to Texas, let's say, I find that the gay clubs there are always much better air conditioned because it's so hot that it has to be. Yeah. It's like Florida. They don't fuck around. Versus like, um...

Nightingale. I've been to many in Evita. Nightingale, it's fucking hot. Yeah. It's hot. Because at night it cools down. If you're going to turn a look, I hope it's underwear. Oh my God, yeah. And I think of the girls in the wigs and possibly every time I see Gigi Gorgeous out at these places, no matter what the temperature, Mama, she is just like actually flawless. I don't know how.

When I talk to her, I'm like, I'll talk to you, but you can't look at me. It's really confusing. It's really confusing. When I saw her at Violet's show up in the sauna of a VIP lounge, I gave her a hug. She's like, oh, you're sweaty. And I was like, yes, I am. And you're literally a fucking cover model. It's like cover model. And you're a mannequin at the Deb. Yeah.

It's cold to the touch. Anyways, so the show itself was really fun. The show itself was really fun. And I was grateful for the three deep row of girls and lesbos and diehard fans who really got me. They really got my back. Yes, there was a sea of... Because getting through it was disinterested faggot, inconvenienced faggot. I'm not...

And you know the 21 year old blue haired pansexual Wiccans got there at 9pm Mama yes they were like I'm getting I'm gonna park my ass at the front of that stage And you know come yeah I appreciate that I really do I opened for you it was fun I mean I picked the Shirley Bassey number Which is walk around with a boa Love walking around Well it's 5x5 what are you gonna do I wanted to walk to the back of the room And I went to the front of the stage like I was gonna get down And nobody decided to move And I said okay

We will not be navigating the room? Mary, I had them measure the... I saw the videos because we're going to do choreography. Three of us there. No, that was not going to happen. So I had them measure and give me dimensions from that ledge and then the stage. Girl, there are people on the ledge. Yeah, it really is. It's like these two tables put together. I had a whole catwalk ledge thing planned. Just guys sitting on the ledge. I know. Sitting on the ledge during the number. I was like, is this like...

What is this? It's sitting on the ledge. Sitting on the ledge. Sitting on the ledge. Sit, sitting on the ledge. Ledge sticking out. Ledge sticking out. Guy hanging out. Guy hanging out. Yeah.

Well, nightclubs, it really is like we work in theaters now, but it reminded me of some of the I get hot in theaters, of course. No, but we're getting hot in nightclubs is a different thing. The theater is I love performing at a theater, Mary, because it's six, seven meet and greet eight o'clock, eight thirty show. You could be in bed with cucumbers on that on that face.

Yeah, you really can. Showered. Showered, cucumbered. And eating the rest of the cucumber. Watching your story. Yeah, two slices and then just nibbling and gnawing. Yeah, watching your stories. Yeah, at nightclubs. I mean, when I was like, oh shit, I don't go on until one. I was like, what time do I start getting ready?

10.30? I know. I got ready way too early because I just figured like 11? No, it's way too late to get ready. I did my makeup by 11 and we were just dicking around for like literally an hour and a half in the studio. I know. Yeah. Wait, wait. I want to tell you about this comedy show that I went to. Okay. I went to this comedy show. Okay.

Great. It was Hannah Einbender. She was one of the actresses in Hacks. And she did a night with a bunch of other comics. And this, I think her name is Nori. She's a trans comic who, she said this joke. I think I might have already told you, but she was like, you know, being in trans is like, well, it's like an MLM. If I get five of you to transition, I'll get an air fryer.

Who was it? Her name was Nori, I think. It was me. I went with Fina. I went with Fina and we were just, I mean, like clutching. That is so funny. She's like, you know, dating. I don't want to give away her whole set, obviously, but like dating, you know, it's tough. You know, when I when I meet someone and I really like them, you know, I just I guess I take it slow, but I just carefully, methodically try to get them to transition.

It's so fucking fucked up. That is so good. Yeah, it was great. Was it a lot of queer people in the show? Or was it just that vibe? It was a very diverse lineup. There was a couple of... Some were like skits, and I didn't really care for that. But Hannah fucking killed it. She is a very smart, very funny, very good performer. And she's young. Have you done stand-up? I've never done stand-up. Like, no.

Like that. No, I've done monologue-ish. No, never like that in a comedy show night. I mean, I did a comedy show, but...

Wouldn't have called it a comedy show. It's fun, but you just have to do it so much to get to really like elevate to the point of like whoa Oh, yeah, so yeah, I have a show Monday with um at Sukho You know at Sukho she has like a bowl cut with big earrings She doesn't Instagram like dancing with her grandma Fred Armisen, and I'm like the secret. Yes I'm like the secret special guest and I haven't done a show in like a month and I'm like oh

This is like nobody gets nobody gets amazing a stand up by doing like one show a month. No. I mean, there was. Yeah, there was. I remember Sarah Silverman like she with her. I saw her special, her latest special filmed at Largo. Me and David, you're right. And she had been in Boston. And I think Fina had saw her in Boston a year ago where she was workshopping the stuff. And there was a lot. It was a very different show that we both saw.

And the amount of experience doing working on the material, refining it in her style. You kind of don't know because it's so kind of chill and casual, but it is perfect. It's perfectly like it's perfectly rehearsed and precise. She doesn't say an extra word. Every word is perfect. Well, it's like those people who, you know, like when you read the comedian's bios, they all are like, well, I basically did this.

Three shows a night for free for 10 years. Yeah, lovely. Lovely model. There's a funny girl on Twitter who was like, you know, breaking into comedy. I don't know why I just mentioned that because I can't remember what the bit was. But yeah, it's like, why are we so obsessed with comedians? And it's comedians and cops. In general? Yeah. In entertainment? Yeah. Cops and comedians. Cop movies. Yeah.

Why are there so... Enough. Not to be gay, but like every time a cop movie comes out starring like...

This guy and this younger guy. I'm like haven't we seen this Mary? We've seen it all it. We've seen on television We see it on the rookie cop and like the veteran It's like a comedy and then they end up bonding and one saves, you know Like or seven with the veteran and almost about to retire but he's pulled back in the force and then the rookie who's won't follow the rules or the the crooked cop or the Many cop the cop who's like by the book and the cop who's like I fly by the rail my pants. Yeah, I

Haven't we seen it? Unless it's literally the heat.

Melissa McCarthy? Yes. And Sandra Bullock, which was lit. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then again, that's female cop. We don't see that very much. No, female cops are either... It's with comedians. Female comedians, invisible. Female cops, just tits. Oh, well, unless it's Reno Night One more. Yeah, that's true. Because those whores work it out. That's the only cop show. They're the stars of that show. That's the only cop show that's of any good. I mean, I love, of course, the men in that show, but the women...

Work the pussies out. They are... Oh, man. Maybe because these were gay. Like, I watch what we do in the shadows. No, no, no, no, no. They are so funny. They are so funny. So funny. Niecy Nash, Kerry Kenney, and fucking Wendy McLennan Covey. Niecy Nash. I mean...

The way she goes into every single scene. So fucking funny. These whores are painted too. Makeup. The character of having this spit curl to the skin with the perfect eyeshadow. A cop like that? So fucking good. Imagine being pulled over by her. I wish. I know. I wish. And that's her name, Wendy. Wendy McLennan Covey. That full hair and makeup with the tits out. Tits out. So good. Yeah.

It's great. And then like watching what we do in the shadows, I'm like, I love everybody on this cast, but Nadia gets me together. Yeah. With the bangs, the long wig. I love those bangs. Yes. And then Guillermo being like,

obviously possibly gay. Yeah. Desperately wanting to be a vampire. So fucking fun. Always shit on. Underappreciated. Always shit on. Doesn't he get like he accidentally kills that old vampire and gets like so funny. And then I mean spoiler alert we're on season three now and it's been revealed that he

through the series has accidentally killed so many vampires because he's the descendant of um oh like a vampire hunter van helsing yes yeah yeah yeah so he desperately wants to be a vampire but accidentally kills them constantly it's so funny it's really really good yeah is taika waititi in the night on the show he's done like small roles he's like the head of the vampire council so he's been like send them a video message so the swinton that whole vampire council thing was so

Fucking funny Evan Rachel Wood Yes And then what about True blood And then what about Blade on a laptop On a laptop On zoom

always cutting out couldn't hear yourself you guys aren't watching what we do in the shadows oh my god yeah and i mean they're all experienced comedians obviously harvey who plays guillermo lets those people have it he's so good he arguably has the non-vampire role you would think the least funny no he's still so fucking justine stealer it's fabulous oh yeah yeah um the costumes too i mean i love shows like that when they

get more money, more seasons because they do more shit. Yeah. I mean, that first episode with that Hollywood special effects ancient vampire in the first episode. Oh, incredible. I was like, this is a TV comedy. Yeah. And it's like full prosthetic. Yeah. It's crazy. Naked. Full prosthetic. Crazy. But then it's shot like The Office or Modern Family. It's so fucking funny. Yeah. It's really, really good. Oh, but that documentary, the original film that it's based on also got me together. Oh, it's fantastic. So good. It's fan-fucking-tastic. Yeah. I,

I watched something recently that was really entertaining, and I'm trying to remember what it was. Oh, God. That's tough. We're going to take a break. We're back. What was it? We're back, and I just want, you know, if you're watching this, hi, how are you? You know that I've got a little wiglet here on, and it's a wiglet. I don't, it's, you know, I can take it off. But I don't ever pretend that it's real hair. Now, Nicole Kidman, on the other hand...

would have you believe that her character in Nine Perfect Strangers is wearing, is not wearing, but has a long blonde natural hair that goes down her back. Where in reality, she's got a piece on that's about three and a half tracks of used Lord of the Rings discarded wig fiber. And at every opportunity, they get that bitch wet.

She's in the water. She's in a pool. She's in a lake. She's jumping in a waterfall. And she comes up with three strands of straggly little blondes. Nine Perfect Strangers. Nine Perfect Strangers, yeah. Regina...

Regina Hall. Yeah, Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon. Melissa McCarthy. Looking fabulous. Lipstick game is outrageous for Melissa McCarthy. Bobby Cannavale. Manny Jacinto. You see his lovely butt. The marketing is great. I've never seen it and I can tell you everyone who's in it. Mama. The marketing has been aggressive and-

Every street in Los Angeles. To the point where I actually approached our management. I was like, if you don't get me a recap show dressed as Nicole Kidman, as Masha from Tranquillum, it's over. But then I actually don't enjoy the show that much. It's not that great. It's not that great. It's no Mare of Easttown, let's just say that. Well, you often find yourself roped into these juggernaut Hollywood A-list shows. Maybe you set your sights too high because...

Or maybe they're just not that good. This one is not that good because White Lotus, this is coming off the heels of the White Lotus, which is another like luxe white satire that really, the writing was just, because Mike White, Chuck and Buck, Chuck and Buck, Suck and Fuck, you know that one? No. Oh. Mike White is an incredible writer. He wrote Enlightened. He's like incredible. Who would play her? Oh.

Ron Hill. Okay, work. In 30 years. Okay. So anyways, White Lotus was incredible. And then this happens and it's like... You don't live? She has, there's flashbacks where she's wearing, she gets shot in a parking lot in an atomic bland wig, my wig. And she's Russian. And she's like, one day I was high power CEO and then bam!

Was killed it's just it's just are these people dead in this show. No she came back to life She so she got shot in a parking lot, and then she got she died for a second, and then she's back now She's like the leader of this um wellness retreat that secretly micro doses. It's the patients with psilocybin Is that what the show is about yeah, so people all come to this retreat for different reasons Yeah, and it's a lot of shots of like waterfalls smoothies being mixed. It's a lot of filler. It's a lot. It's beautiful, but I

It's just not that great. Anyways, she wears these thin castaway Lord of the Rings wigs. And it's like, mama, get the wig game together. What is the wiggery up with? It's Big Little Lies. We sold that at Dorothy's for $35.99. Well, wig budget, I guess. No, I'm saying on productions like that, they're not prioritizing wig budgets. They're not.

Yes, they are. You think? I know. Mary, they'll go to Maurice Newhouse and they'll say, we need a hand knotted, full lace, human hair, balayage thing. And that's going to, they're going to pay it. Mary, they're paying her probably $20 million or $10 million. You think they can shell out $12,000 for a goddamn wig? They should. They should. I haven't really been watching anything. I completed the Real Housewives of New York tour.

So I'm done now. So the, and that's with Teresa Giudice, but the hungry hairline, that's New Jersey. Oh, New Jersey. Okay. And now I started Atlanta from Lisa Rinna, New York. That's Beverly Hills. So I finished Beverly Hills in New York. Okay. But now I'm starting Atlanta from the beginning. And it's always fun to start these real housewives in the beginning. Yes. Cause people have like blackberries and stuff. It's that long. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Flip phones. Blackberries. Nini is obviously I'm a one episode and I'm like, Oh, this is why Nini is going to be a big star. It's like, yeah.

Wow. Charisma. So, yes. Do you think, I know you're probably biased, but I think that sometimes Bravo is a jester to jail pipeline.

What the fuck does that mean? That they make jester flop clowns of women and then just send them to jail. Well, here's how I feel. Don't go on a TV show that's about flaunting wealth if your taxes aren't squeaky clean. And on the other side of that, sometimes I've been like, is this show good for women? Is this bad? But then I'm like, what other series have I seen

Horny, independent, wealthy, successful women on their own doing things without men. Sisters doing it for themselves. Yes. I think it probably passes the Bechdel test every episode maybe. Yeah, because it's women's relationships with each other and not necessarily with men. Yeah. So are there a lot of convos between women not about men? Yes. About things like...

Or things like lipstick. Being critical of each other's parenting styles. Okay. Or where someone gets their money. Yep. Great. Or just like it's a lot of like you're going to go to a group thing. You're going to break into groups and talk about the group thing. And then break into new groups and tell each other what you each said about the group thing. And then come back to another group thing and fight about what you heard about the group thing.

That's a lot of groups. It's a lot. But, you know, it's just like a it's something to put on like while I put makeup on. That's why it takes me so long to get through it because I'm not like bulldozing through it. And then I rewatch Don't Breathe because I know Don't Breathe 2 is coming out. So I rewatched the first one. I saw the trailer. Here I am afraid of blind people again because that show. Because you're going to get locked in a basement and then injected with semen.

Yeah. Sorry. That's like just that's very we ho. At least the guy. I forgot that he goes, I'm not a rapist, which I love that in his mentality. I'm not a rapist. I'm just going to tie you up. I'm just forcibly inseminated. Make you carry my baby. Yeah. Yeah. It was so scary. But also the whole movie. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I know he's a murderer. Whatever. You do not need to be breaking into people's houses and stealing their money either.

Oh, of course. I mean, they're breaking into a blind person's house, an old man to steal. Yeah. And then you're like, I can't believe he's retaliating. I'm the victim. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, he's psycho. Of course. But wrong house, mama. Wrong house. Yeah. Stay home. Get a job at the. Yeah. Go down to yogurt. Go get yogurt land. Taco Bell. Are you hiring? I'll be down to fill out application. I love Taco Bell.

I've never had Taco Bell. Can you believe it? I won't oversell it because it is the McDonald's of Mexican food. Okay.

But if you want not Mexican food, but the McDonald's version. Yeah. Is there anything with cheese not on it? Yeah. And you can change whatever you want. Really? You don't like cheese? No. You can change whatever you want. Okay. It's not like, oh. No, I know. No, of course. Chipotle is that for me. Like, oh. Yeah. In-N-Out for me is like that. Okay. It's probably that, but Mexican food. Okay. So like, what'd you get? What do you get to talk about? Who would play her? Yeah. Who would eat her? A bean burrito. Okay. A cheese quesadilla. Bean burrito. What's in that besides beans? Bean, cheese, cheese.

I think lettuce and like a little bit of red sauce and maybe teen little fine diced onions. So it's just really plain cheese. It's literally a quesadillas tortilla. The cheese melts in the middle. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. It's soft. Soft. Yes. Now again, Chipotle is like, oh, quality, fresh. Taco Bell is a little more like I

I need something that's going to slime its way down my body. Something sinister. Yeah. You know? Yeah. A ghost to push the more evil thing through. Yeah. As far as Digest-A-Track goes, this is a plan B pill.

do you know what i mean like i don't even think you could leak now with them with them now with women's reproductive rights i'm not even sure you can get taco bell in texas anymore that's the wrath it has on your mother fucking hell but um but it's good and then now chips and cheese of course they have things like you know the baja mountain dew um it's just it's just good once in a while like i can't even tell you if i'm like it's 7 p.m i worked out a lot today i want

Yeah, you do. Yeah, you get a hankering. Because, you know, dietary speaking, I'll run the full marathon and then go gain those calories back. Oh, yeah. You'll have a full. You'll go to Olive Garden and get the like. Unlimited soup. The 12 family buffet with mass gravy. I love Olive Garden.

I love it too. I also love the motherfucking Cheesecake Factory, bitch, which I just went to the other day. It works my pussy out. Dark is a nightclub in there. People make fun of that menu like it's too big. I'm like, no, it isn't. Every restaurant should have a menu this size. I don't think it was that big. And plus the Skinnylicious menu is so funny. It's also good. Yeah, I'm sure it's good. It was like we were Skinnylicious divas.

It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cheesecake, which by the way, if you don't have time, if you get too full, you can't eat it. But the cheesecake is, it's great. Yeah. It's really lovely. The veggie burger, they have so many good vegetarian options. Do we talk about, I know we talked about Candyman.

Did we talk about Nighthouse on the pod? Tell me about Nighthouse. Mary, I've got to tell you. So horror movies. We want to talk about Beautiful. Not bald, but Beautiful. Old? No, my age. Rebecca Hall, English actress, fine actress, talented actress, beautiful actress. Born two days after me, May 3rd, 1982.

She stars in this horror movie, a thriller. And, you know, so she her husband kills himself suddenly out of nowhere. And after having built them this lake house, that's gorgeous. And she's coping with grief. And then shit starts to go fucking crazy. You have got to see this movie. You know how the kids say, oh, she ate that. Yeah, mama. She ate it. That whole night house. She shit it out. Every scene is littered in her feces.

Feasties on the wall. Puke on the ceiling. Is it Ma level? No, this is a pure, like, exquisite, excellent done horror movie. Who would play her as far as like, not her, the movie. Who would play the movie as far as another horror movie that was that good or that vibe? I would say like, that's a great question. I'm not going to say Hereditary because it's not that intense. It is very intense. I really, I rewatched Hereditary and Midsommar. This? This.

I'm sorry. It is scary. It's funny too though. I laughed out loud when that headless body just floated. When she goes... It's funny. It's so funny. And I think those naked folks are funny too. Have you watched it again? Do you clock all the naked people outside the house? Yes, I do. In this, watching Midsommar again, bitch?

Um, she in the in the in the foliage, there is her dead. She hallucinates her dead sister with the gas mask. I mean, there's all this hidden shit, especially with the hallucinatory stuff in Midsommar. Midsommar is I love Midsommar. He is a genius.

He is a genius. And the fact that Toni Collette did not win an Oscar for Hereditary. Girl! And the fact that Rebecca Hall will not be even nominated for an Oscar for The Night House is criminal behavior that should be punishable by death. We've talked about this. They don't respect women, A. And B, horrors.

Horror. Horror. And especially not comedy or comedy horror. What about Elizabeth Moss in Invisible Man? Mary. Mary? She should have won an Oscar for that. Sarah Michelle Gellar, but for The Vampire Slayer. Well, that's a little stretch. Seven seasons. Yeah. No Emmy. Yeah. Oh, stupid little vampire flick. We can't do that. Crazy. Because it's horror with a sense of humor. But like, hereditary? Yeah.

And you know what the sad thing is? I remember leaving the theater and going, it was so good. And it's sad that she'll never get an award. That's exactly what I thought when Rebecca Hall. Because bitch, Toni Collette. She went and she gathered the girls. She gathered them. Every single person in the address book she had gathered and shit on all of them. I gathered the ponytail, the yaki. There was feces everywhere. Everywhere. Cleanup crews for months. Bone sticking out. Bone sticking out.

It was just so good. I love that movie. And oh my God, that young teenager who plays the brother. Alex. Alex. Yeah. He maybe doesn't change or he played a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. He was an old, by the way. Work. Yes. And also the young girl who came to see our show. A fan of the fan of the girls. Yes. Yeah. The girls.

I didn't see that coming at all in that movie. So then you're like, I'm in the movie theater like, oh. And then the close-up shot in the morning of the head being swarmed by bugs and flies. Also, the brother just slowing down the car and parking and not looking back. That's what I would do. And going to bed. And just going to bed. Love it. And finding Tony Collette in the morning. Ah! Love it. It's just. Love it. It's so fierce. Also, bitch, that dinner scene where she's screaming at him.

Because they hate each other now, basically. That scene is, that's where it's like, where's the Oscar? Where's the Oscar? Where's the Oscar? Where is the Oscar? But you know what though, people like Toni Collette don't do movies like that because they're not award chasing. They're storytelling. That's why it's so good. They're acting. They're acting. That's what these, not these Princess Diana biopics, not these like, not these like make me ugly and then I'll be a killer lesbo, you know, not, you know what I mean? Not Sleepaway Camp.

No, I'm talking Charlize in Monster. Oh. Yeah. Well, that was still. No, she's great, but it has the whiff of an Oscar. Does Toni Collette get an Oscar nomination for Sixth Sense? I didn't know she was in Sixth Sense. Oh, bitch. She's Haley Joel Osment's mom. Remember that scene where they're in the car and he's like, Grandma told me she still visits you sometimes. Oh, it's so. I have to rewatch that one. Bitch, you have to watch it. Toni Collette, red flip mom hair. Turtleneck.

Like a red turtleneck, pink metallic press on nails. The tackiest mom with like a, I don't want that on my kitchen table. Like a Coco Peru accent. I love that. You have to rewatch it. I mean, I know that movie is a thousand years old. It's okay because it's, I think it's the only one. Bruce Willis, no wiener though. No wiener? I know the Bruce Willis, but there's no wiener. But at least he's a secret daddy.

Secret table. I guess you get girl. Come on. That's the only twist that has not. I mean, everybody ended this week and I swear to God, Drag Race on Paramount Plus, which those episodes become available at what? Midnight or whatever. Yeah. People are fully on Twitter at 10 a.m. going, oh, thanks for spoiling it. Yeah. I don't feel that for you. Get your fucking raggedy ass on Twitter and go watch The Sixth Sense. People. Yes. Stay off the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, Toni Collette, she'll never win. Rebecca Hall will never win. There is this scene. There is this scene in the beginning. So we know something has happened. We know she's grieving. We don't exactly know why. And she's a teacher.

And so she goes back to school a little early because it's like she shouldn't really be back yet. And a parent comes in, a snooty parent comes in to talk to her. She's like, well, you know, I noticed my son got a C on his whatever. And she's like, oh, OK, who's your son? And the woman is being so annoying. And Rebecca Hall is like still not with it. And basically she says, OK.

Oh, yeah, because I wasn't in that day. He's like, well, I think that, you know, he should get credit for it. He's like, I'm sorry, my husband blew his brains out last Thursday. And it's like the way that like it is. It's funny. It's shocking. And it's like the best thing.

use of expository dialogue that moves the plot significantly along without saying like, well, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Well, it shocks the person in the scene and shocks you at the same time. This scene is so fucking good. Her acting range is so outrageous because she goes from mournful to bitchy. Rebecca Moore? Rebecca Hall. Rebecca Moore. She goes from mournful to bitchy to comical. It's like, ugh. Her mind. Her mind.

Well, that's the pod. Is that it? That's it. All right. Thank you so much for listening, subscribing, and we'll see you next time.