Happy Pride! Make America Gape Again! with Trixie and Katya
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Hello, hello, hello. Yes, we're recording. Check, check, check, check. Can you put me up a little bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just your monitor? Or like just in general? My headphones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's that? Oh, that's a little too much. Too much. How about that? A little too much, actually. Okay, how about that? That's good. How about just like a little bit of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like when I'm in the music videos, when the people in the booth are like just pushing buttons up and down the whole time that they're singing a ballad. Well, they're they act like it's the sleigh button.

It's volume levels and like sound levels, but they act like, oh, this is getting juicy. Yeah. And also you wouldn't, I mean, I'm not a sound engineer, but correct me if I'm wrong. You wouldn't be like buttons wouldn't be present. Like you wouldn't be moving dials.

During the song No you really wouldn't Not during the song No Mid sing Yeah You would be listening back to it And you'd be tweaking it So that You would honestly be tweaking it So that you can get it somewhere Where the artist can say good Because then once the artist leaves That's when they go in And they do all that shit But they do this on a computer Right Yeah Those giant boards When you go into the real real studios Are I'm not saying they're overkill But It's all for show 90% of those do not get used

You know, it's like, and it's all, they're all like little props, like in the science fiction movies. Yeah. Like in the lab. Well, they're all individual channels. So let's say there's 20 people individually singing all at once. You would need all those channels, but most of the time you're just tracking one or two people at once. Yeah. Well, it's always the, the scene is always one person. It's like doing a ballad. Yeah. Just one person. And then the guy's like, and the mic is here and it's a woman in full hair and makeup. And she's like,

And then she remembers that she's in love and her singing gets even better. Yeah. Well, because if anybody and any sound engineer will tell you, it's not exactly the buttons that really give you the sound. It's the remembrance. It's like coming into your power. Music school? No, no, no. Speed dating. The thing that finally kind of got me over the hump of learning the classic violin is confidence. Yeah.

I know. Yeah. That instrument. I got to say this, but the, I had to believe in myself in order to play the violin. I just did an interview with guitar world.com. I think guitar or guitar world magazine. And they were asking about why I started the guitar. And I was like, honestly, I was poor and I probably started the same reason. Every poor person starts a guitar. Cause there's always one around and they're not that expensive. Yeah. They're really not that expensive. Like if you're, if you're in a single parent home or your family's on a fixed income, you're,

You're not in violin lessons. Oh, no. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not karate. You're not in karate. You're not doing gymnastics. You're not doing dance class. Nothing. It's so expensive. Yeah. So expensive. Well, when's the last time I saw a girl? We just shot two days of uh in a week. Yeah. That was a couple of- I love short and short and short and short. I love short. I love doing uh, but two in a week is-

It's pushing it because that one is, yeah, I mean, there's- It's tough. It's tough. I think we've both fallen asleep watching it during Netflix episodes.

But we can't do that in a world of wonder because there's nothing to bring us back. There's not a movie playing. There's not a movie playing. We can rely on the audience watching a Hollywood film. Yeah, for a $100 million budget movie. On the days where we're tired, I always worry if Jeff and Ron, they get the footage and they're like, are you kidding? Great. Are you kidding? Great. I can't even imagine the kind of internal discussions that are happening.

happening. I don't want to know though. I don't ever want to know. People have been watching season seven and people have been saying, oh, the editing this season is crazy. I said, we're getting more boring. They're having to do back handsprings. You know, when, when part of the body fails and other muscle groups are recruited to, when you go blind and you hear better. Yes, exactly. Um, we have got both eyes have gone blind. So the ears have really needed to perk up.

Isn't it incredible that when someone loses their sight or their hearing, their vision or like vice versa improves? Did you know that? I mean, I've heard that, but I don't know. When people lose their sight, I think their hearing sharpens. Their body's like, oh, now this is, she's the moment. I mean, that makes sense. Vision is very important. If I had really good hearing, I would inflate it to the point of like, we'd be in a silent room. I'd be like, y'all don't hear that? You don't have good hearing? Oh, y'all are missing out. Down the street. That low-pitched buzz. Down the street, someone's listening to Macy Gray. Yeah. Oop.

Oh, oh, I try to say goodbye.

So pride, what are you? Oh, yes. Happy. It's the first month. What's up? What's this outfit about? Well, I just thought like I would put on, I was supposed to go get a, Oh, you're I'll say it. I don't care. I was supposed to go get a hemorrhoid removed today and it shrunk. It shrunk so much that the doctor was like, why don't you go on your Australia tour and see if it continues to shrink? Because yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to fish around your butt with the hedge clippers today. Yeah. And if anybody's had a hemorrhoid removed, I've done it. It,

The healing process is annoying because that's an unsanitary area that stretches and moves when you do things. What's going on with your... That area like opens and closes. I know, I know. And, you know, plus I'm gaping. Yeah. And so, you know, I'm gaping. I'm gaping. Every night before I go to bed, I lube up and I put two fingers and I rip, I open. I gape. I gape. Make America gape again.

I'm gaping. We have some friends where I would say gaping and they'd be like, oh my God. I'd be like, Mary, you do it on camera. You do it on camera. Gaping doesn't even, we need a bigger word. We need a bigger boat to describe what is happening with some of the, the gaping is not. When it goes that far, I'm like, was Westboro church right? God does hate fags. Maybe they were onto something. Yeah. They were a little too vocal about it. Yeah. It's like, um, um,

It would be like another word. It would be like, I just feel like it's an event horizon or something. Yeah. You know, in the black hole sucks everything into it and everybody turns evil. It's the multiverse, multiverse of madness. That's my whole. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's me when they put a, they also, the doctor, he wanted to show me that the hemorrhoid was like, of course my luck, by the way, I finally get an appointment. It starts rapidly shrinking. Great. Yeah.

Yeah. So he takes pictures and then they show you on an iPad pictures of your butthole. And it's not even the first time I've been shown butthole pictures on an iPad. Were they going to excise it or were they going to burn it? They were going to cut, remove. They said, sometimes when you have a hemorrhoid, your body either like,

pumps blood into it makes it worse or your body like blocks it off yeah and he says yours is pretty much blocked off so it'll go away on its own or we can remove it later but with this week and everything i just was like i don't need to have this surgery right now no i mean that is very pride though

To be doing a lot. Very proud to do elective rectal surgery. Booked him busy in drag all day with like a bleeding asshole from a hemorrhoid surgery. Well, he said it's, he said, you know, it's not dangerous. It's, and it's since it's on the outside, like it's, it's not going to be dangerous or pain. I said, if it's not painful, it's just really cosmetic. Yeah.

He's like, do you, does it matter to you? Yeah. How many cover shoots do you have for Bud Holt magazine this week? As a woman, I'm like, it does matter to me. Yeah. When I wear, yeah, when you bend over and you have your little dental floss G string on and the club, it kind of gets a little, it gets a little dicey. Maybe I can get it like a,

It's pride month. I could spin this into a little, you could, you could, are you dipping into the cool, the cool, cool waters of corporate sponsorship during pride? I don't think so. Well, come on. I know. I, um, I don't think so. I don't think people want me to speak for their products. Um, I know you're not really a,

I'm not really a product creator. No. I don't think they watch your TikToks. The mere mention of that phrase makes me bristle. Well, basically, it's an all-encompassing umbrella word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because some people who make Instagram stories and call themselves a content creator. Absolutely. But then an independent filmmaker could call themselves a content creator.

It doesn't really mean anything. Anything from, yeah, literally anything from the bread face girl to like Barbara, the bread face girl, the girl who sits on or puts her face in bread. It's an oldie. That's an oldie. That's a deep cut. Yeah. She's like, is she on, is she keto? And she's like, at least I can smell it or something. I don't know. I don't know what her deal is, but she does all different types of bread.

And it, uh, you know, what's beyond cake farts. Uh, I think it's, yeah, it's, it's like, it's like the, the PG, um, uh, it's in the neighborhood, but it's in the PG section. DJ bread face, DJ bread face. Yeah. It's just sick. But surface face right into the bread is smushes it down. I think it's like, um,

You know what girl jokes on us? She's mashing bread in her face and we're cross-dressing in our 40s. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm so... She's really, she's got it right. Content creator. She ate. Yeah. She didn't eat. She smushed. Yeah, she didn't eat at all. She smushed. What do you like? You got pride gigs? Yes. Oh my God, so many. Are you really not doing any prides? No, I'm doing like a million. I think I'm late for one right now.

It's pride. If we're going to talk off the record. No, I don't think. This is the month to do gigs. Is it? Everything pays a little more. And granted, sometimes daytime and stuff. We don't have, but we have a tour. Yeah, but not for two weeks. And it's still pride in Australia when you get there. I think I have five pride gigs before we leave. Is pride only in June? No.

It moves. So like in Atlanta, it's really hot. It's in September. I think in Phoenix, it's also not in the summer. That's, wow. A rare moment of like humanity for gay people. I got to, the premiere is tonight. Yeah, I'm coming. And then the airport, the car for the airport comes at 3 a.m. to go to Pittsburgh to DJ tomorrow night. Where can I throw this? Makeup.

What is wrong with you? I'm going to stop asking. I'm just going to assume that you're insane and that you want it. You are Julianne Moore with the seam cutter. These are godless times. Yeah. I got that gig tomorrow. That would be me DJing tomorrow. I'm going to grab the mic and go, these are godless times.

So I got that tomorrow But that's actually really easy Not going to the airport 3am at So what you have to You pop a goofball around 11 And then make it to the airport around You leave for the airport at 2 The flight is at 3? No you get picked up at 3, the flight's at 6 Get to the east coast for a gig You lose all that time Who the fuck is serial calling The front door oh my god Hello

Brandon, there's going to be flowers coming to the door. Oh my God. Who is she? I don't know this person. I don't want to know this person. Brandon!

Fucking flowers By the thank you note From the butt doctor Thank you Shut up I wonder who sent them Um You love She loves flowers I love flowers So I got I got Pittsburgh Pride Friday You got flowers You got flowers For Algernon at 11.15 I got Pittsburgh Pride Friday

Pittsburgh pride Friday. And then Saturday I got a, during the day drive to Asbury park, New Jersey, do a band gig after the band gig at nine ish. Get in the car, drive 90 minutes in drag to the Borgata casino to DJ at midnight, to DJ at midnight. Ooh, double gig, double booked. Uh,

Well, that's going to suck. I know. No, no, no, no, no, not necessarily. Borgata is like fun and trashy. If you're cross-dressing and it's pride and you're not making as much money as you can. Yeah. What do you wait until July? Well, when it's hotter and you're less, you're less valuable. Yes. Or you're just, you don't want to make that much money or you don't care that there's that also that option. Something. I don't know about her. That's me.

Yeah, that it's you. So do they call you? Can I ask? Do they call you for gigs and you say no? Uh-huh. Who's they? Like when people ask you to do gigs, do you say no? A lot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you think I'm just, I'm not wanted at all? Can I ask another question? Because we are sort of like city mouse, country mouse. Like, do you have like a paywall where you're like, if it's not this much, don't even ask? I don't, I don't negotiate my own things, but I don't, I don't leave the house for. Oh, okay.

Those are gorgeous. Gorge. Wow. Those are very, very pretty. Let's see who it's from. I still think about the flowers you sent me from Cobra Lily. Oh, yeah. Trixie, congrats on your incredible feet and see you tonight. Sorry in advance that I'm going to look better than you at your own party. Whitney Cummings. Oh. Wow. Feet? F-E-A-T or F-E-E-T? I think she said good luck on your feet. F-E-A-T or F-E-E-T? Well, I think it's just F-A-T. Good luck. Good luck on your feet. That.

Good luck on your fat. Yeah. Good luck losing 12 pounds before the premiere party tonight, you fat cunt. I don't know what it is about the Instagram algorithm, but Whitney's standup specials pop up to me on this. Maybe she posted a lot, but they're always popping up. Yeah.

The Bald and the Beautiful is supported by FX's English Teacher. From Paul Sims, the executive producer that brought you What We Do in the Shadows, FX's English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school.

I cannot wait to see this amazing new show with the preternaturally hysterical Brian Jordan Alvarez. It's from the producer of one of the greatest TV shows of all time. And can I let you in on a little secret? A certain Miss Trixie Mattel makes a guest appearance on the show and whoa, it is a sight to behold. Take it from me, a connoisseur of quality television programming. You do not want to miss this show. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.

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Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. So wait a minute. Back to your gigs. Can I just like understand this quick? They ask you to do gigs. They ask you to. Hello? Yeah. They ask you to do gigs and you say no. Yeah. For your enjoyment and for your own happiness.

Yeah. I mean, I don't want to work that much. I mean, I don't really want to work at all. But then, you know, we have this show. I'm not making fun of you. No, I know you're not. I really think that this is... You think it's a mental illness? No, I think it's a really healthy thing. Because I feel like the way you think is...

Why would I do that? I have money. I have the money I need to live. Why would I go? Yeah. I mean, I never feel that way. No, I, yeah. I mean, I, I don't know. I crossed the threshold a long time ago now, but here's the thing I have to keep remembering. And this is so embarrassing. This is really embarrassing is that I am, I am so selfish and I'm so self-centered that I forget that my money earning potential goes beyond the care of just myself.

Do you know what I mean? Like, there are other people in the world that I could be taking care of. Like, my family. You know what I mean? Like, my fucking nephews. Well, I thought you meant people who make money off you. I thought, like, your responsibility to management and agency. Are you out of your mind? No, if anything, I'm going to tax them once I retire. I will say this. Give me my 10% back until I die. I will say this, not to...

make you feel any type of way taking one gig a year you didn't really care to do and then sending it to your parents and being like it's for retirement enjoy it yeah yeah yeah that is a game changer for them i'm sure yeah i mean they are extremely extremely poor and they're only 55 56 years old so they got a long way to go i got to meet your mom on tour yeah i'd never met trisha

Yeah. I met your whole fam on tour. Yeah. You met my, you bet cousins and everybody. Yeah. I didn't get to meet your brother. A lot of ladies. No. Seattle. I didn't even get to see him. He literally, he pulled at me and just like dipped by the time I was backstage and like not even like wiped off sweat. He was like, Oh yeah, we're back at the hotel. I was like,

Love it. Yes. Love it. Yeah, me too. Your mom was so nice. And I, only because I know her from drag race and I know you so well, it was, it was like, it felt very overdue to put it. I know. Yeah, I know. I was like, I guess I haven't met. Cause of drag race. I think I mentally thought maybe I'd met her. I figured you had to, but also my family, I don't really get involved. You guys really look alike. Yeah. I think people say that. And you look a lot like your sister. I don't see it.

I don't see it at all. She's great. She's the nicest person in the world. My sister and my mother, the two. You ever do that morbid thing of when you get a hostage situation or some horrible killer is threatening you and you're like, which one? I was like, oh, take me. No problem. It's kind of easy because I would just go first. I've thought about this a lot. The only person I think I would go for

What do you mean go for? Like you would go, you would give up your life. You die or they die. Oh yeah. Yeah. Little rich. Um, probably David. Okay. And my younger siblings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my older brother, that feels like, uh, maybe something in my genetics knows you don't die for the older sibling. You die for the younger siblings. My sisters, either of them gun to the head. No problem. No hesitation. You would put a gun to their head. No, we're going to shoot you or that. I'd be like, do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

My brother's my benefactor, my financial benefactor. Do you have a will? Yeah. Where did you write it? On the computer? I think my brother made it. Because he's a liar. Yeah, and he's the one that I, I mean, I love my mom. I love my sisters. I don't trust those bitches with money. No, no, no. I trust my brother with the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I told him like, I'll let you pretty much have everything, but you need to like slowly disperse to the rest of the family over time because if you give it to them all at once, they're going to get Corvettes and live in the street or something. Like they're not responsible. Right, right, right, right, right.

So that's cool. Is it, is it like, um, is it, I'll read it to you. I know. I think I have one too. I've wrote it on my notes app in the, on the bus. Cause I was like, Oh, there is a, you really think that bus is going to kill you? I don't think that I'm not dramatic. I'm not dramatic. I'm not dramatic. I'm not going to anthropomorphize the bus and turn it into a murderer. But I do feel that it's quite, it's more than, you know, there's a, there's a decent possibility that we will die on the bus. So, um,

Let's have that conversation. Let's celebrate that. Exactly, because I'm not complaining. It seems like you're writing the will in anticipation. So I did. I was on the bus and I couldn't go to sleep and I was like, oh, I should write a will just in case. So I did. I wrote it on my notes app and I told Eden, I was like, just so you know, if they can get it from the cloud. What do you want if you die? Or what do you want from me if I die? From you? Items. Any items I have. Anything. I'm assuming you don't want money.

No, I mean, I would. You want Matthew? I had to wait. I would throw that thing off of a cliff. I would go to Courtney's old apartment and throw it down the trash chute. I don't think. Would you fuck it? No. To clammy. I don't think I have anything of value to you, honestly. There's not much of value to me in like just period. You like the Peloton? I don't like stationary biking or biking really at all. All right. I'd take the AstroTurf.

Oh, you want the seamless, seamless paper, photo shoots, pictures. I take the entire office, the YouTube stuff. I take all the equipment cameras, take everything and sell it on eBay. Oh, okay. It's more of a, okay. No, no. Is there anything of yours I would want? I don't really don't think so. No, I do have something that's really, really valuable. Hold on. Let me think about what it is. It's, um,

I don't remember. But it's, yeah, I don't have anything. Nothing really good. You could have that giant drawing I did in college about women with the pussy out. I think that'd be really great. What are you doing with that? Well, I'm trying to, I was going to get it framed. Can I get it framed? No, I'm going to get it framed. And I'm going to put it in my new house. Oh, I was going to try to put it in my new house. What?

You know what I should do? No, you don't need to do. I should try one. Like a, just as good. Yeah. I would actually love to do that too. Cause it would, if I did it for somebody else, then I would be more focused and I would actually try hard and then I would do it better. I was just at, yeah, I took, okay.

Oh, okay. I'm happy to say it. What? I'm moving out of this condo. Okay. Because I'm moving into a house that I purchased. That's incredible. So this condo will probably go to heaven. I was going to rent it, but I think it's a lot to rent something. Don't be a landlord. Don't be a slumlord. Yeah. So I'm going to let it go. I hope the next person likes pink.

Well, if they don't, then guess what? That's why God invented a wall paint, you know? Yeah. So, um, it's not, Oh, it is very pink. Yeah. I am moving. I'm never going to say much about the place because I don't want people to know where I live. Oh shit. Oh shit. Because people have known where I lived before and I don't like it. Yeah. That's so crazy too. Like, I mean, I, I'm so naive with that stuff, but, um, people mean well, but like when I get, when it's my birthday and gifts from people I don't know show up to my home, it makes me feel unsafe. Yeah. Very unsafe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So, um, but we were at the house yesterday because other news, I'm gonna let David move in with me. Oh, six years in, I'm taking the plunge, taking the plunge. I think I put a lot of personal fear into moving in with someone with, with, um, in your exactly right to do that. Yeah. I'm scared of that. But eventually I was like, we've been together so long. What am I afraid of? And what's the worst case scenario?

What's the worst thing that can happen? And honestly, after doing the motel, I think that will be a lot harder than lifting living together. Yeah, absolutely. What? Oh, wow. I mean, you're not even home. Here's the thing. I love having a boyfriend. Yeah.

When you live together, you introduce new stress, getting sick of each other, being in each other's way, sharing responsibilities, sharing. You gamble with adding, you go into the next level. Yeah. Adding another role. And you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's what I always fear of because I had a boyfriend in college that I broke up with while we lived together and it was just horrible. Really? Horrible. Why did you break up?

At the time, I mean, I was 22, 23, so it was also 10 years ago, but we just kind of outgrew each other a little bit. Yeah. I mean, early 20s relationships, it's rare that people kind of grow in the exact same direction. Yeah. That's kind of like, did you have sex with him a lot? All the time. Yeah. Constantly. And then not? No, we did. We had sex all the time. Oh, and then even when you didn't really like each other. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of sex. But I guess I brought David to the house yesterday because I wanted him to see it. Did he gag? Yeah.

Oh, well, I gagged. I mean, it's gagging. Yeah. He gagged. I mean, he liked the pictures, but in person I could tell he was like, yeah, it's beautiful. That's awesome. Yeah. It's really, really beautiful. And I love this house. If I wasn't doing drag and outgrowing it so quickly, I love this place. Yeah. I filmed a tour of this condo like during COVID.

And then I started getting mail and stuff to my home address. So then I decided not to show people the anatomy of my home. Oh yeah. That's a smart one. Yeah. I know. I'm an idiot. When we got like, when Drag Race started, I went on like Instagram live and showed people like where I lived, where I was just like, I was doing whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I lived above a bar. So it was also like that added like public, you know what I mean? People felt like it was just like a,

a stop in a little museum tour or whatever. You could just go right in. Yeah. I love that. I don't, I just want to say this. If you love someone, if you love someone, don't go to their house, don't go to their house. Don't find out their phone number. Yeah. Don't send things to their personal email. Don't mail things to their house. Yeah.

I remember my old house. I walked outside one day and there was a girl in a Trixie shirt and like blue, blue hair. Yeah. You know the vibe. Just waiting. And she turned and ran. And I tweeted, there was a Trixie fan outside my house today. And people were like, she, people responded. She didn't know it was your house.

She obviously did. She obviously did. But she just stood there. This is my old address. She would just stand there. Just like. Just standing there. Just vibing. Yeah. Just standing there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in the new address I'm going to guard with my fucking life. I don't think I'm going to tell Banishment my address. No, no, no. It's a need to know basis. And when I invite people over for dinner, it's a kidnapping. It's a blindfolding. It's a, you get blindfolded and then chloroformed like Squid Game. Yes. And then you just get left on the, yeah, you'll wake up on the parquet floor and then you'll just, yeah.

Oh, I love in Squib Game when they get in the car and then... That is my... Now, airlines, take note. Because y'all think you're really doing something with these gourmet menus on your airline? Consider this. Thank you for riding dipshit airlines. Here's the secret. And then...

You pump in gas. Like Corbin Dallas, Fifth Element, when they're like, have a good flight, Corbin Dallas. Boom. Trank to the neck. Fifth Element had a lot of things going good for it. Let's take a break. Anyway. And we're back. I love the Fifth Element. Yeah. Costumes by Jean-Paul Gaultier. Snapped. Multipass. Multipass. Yeah. There's a lot of things in that movie that should come to fruition. There's a part where she is hungry and she puts an empty plate in the microwave and

And a full rotisserie chicken comes out. Yeah. I've been waiting for that food pill forever. You know what else? When she goes like this and that view thing and then her eye makeup is done. Gorgeous. Yeah. Like in Total Recall with the nails, you know, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. All those futuristic things are kind of like, so we have the iPads now. We have the flying cars. Where are the nails? We don't have flying cars. Well, I mean, some of these planes are really small.

It's like a flying car. I think I'm going to get like a Toyota Corolla or a Tercel and just put an iPad in the front and write in spray paint Tesla on it. So wait, wait, wait. I have to... I think it is... I think I'm facing this fork in the road, literally, where I have to buy a car. Interesting. Why? Because...

Because where I'm living is just not like, I'll just need a car. Just so where you're living is just far away from things you need to get to. Yeah. Like, it's just like, I'm not in a girl. Those Ubers rack up. Oh yeah. No, no. I know that. I mean, it's, it's not, it's not necessarily about like the, the financial expenditure or the expense. That's for, that's crazy. That's like crazy and shouldn't be that high. But,

I just don't really like cars. As we've famously talked, we both don't really like driving. Well, I think that you're... You seem like you'd be a pretty safe driver. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm stressed out. I'm safe. I'm attentive. I'm paying attention. I'm not drunk. And this is the thing. In LA, there's always going to be the chaotic way to get somewhere and the calm way. You can take the busy freeway or...

Take Fountain. Yeah, that's true. Honey, take Fountain. You have to take the side streets. Take the side streets. You have to take Olympic. You know, I'm just looking for an easy way to get downtown. I took Fountain to Olympic to La Cienega and then I just hopped on the 405. And then you go from Pico to Cienega and then you just take Fountain all the way home. And then when I'm in Little Armenia, I go to Big Armenia and then I ended up in Medium Armenia. But then I was like in Thai Town. I was like, Thai Town? Right?

LA does have Thai town, K town, and Chinatown, I believe. Thai town, Chinatown. How about the world in Los Angeles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, that's K town. There's little Armenia. Little Tokyo. Little Tokyo. West Hollywood, which is the country of gay. Which is also little Russia. Yeah.

Very little Russian. And this is the, just south of me. I don't know if you've ever seen. It's a lot of the very traditional Jewish families. Yeah. Well, there's Jewish pockets everywhere. But this is like the fancy clothes. And on the weekends they walk because they do the no electronics thing. Can I ask a close, I hope an open-minded question. Yeah. Very devout Jewish people who don't use electronics on the weekend. Can they not touch them? Can they use Siri? Like, that's a good question.

That's a good question. As an Orthodox Jew, and I am definitely going to answer that. I don't know. Can you program your TV to turn on when like, you know, Women Who Kill comes on? And then you're like, well, since it's on, I'm not breaking the law. Yeah. Well, I don't think it's a law, but yeah, I think I know people who have families in like these Orthodox religions, like, you know, whether it's Muslim or Jewish or whatever. And they, you know, those like custom, they always find some people always find a little loophole.

Or, I mean, it's like, you know, you know, God's not going to come down from heaven and like slice you in half if you use Siri on Saturday. Although maybe he will. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, isn't that crazy? I'm reading a book about Islam right now, like the history of Islam. And religion is so wild. It is. It is so wild. It is. And it's really hard to honestly gauge which ones are the wildest because some of them just seem more wild because they're newer. Yes. And some of them seem less crazy because we're exposed to it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Americanized religions don't seem as crazy.

Yeah. They are. We have it on our dollar bills and stuff. And then of course, like in America, like interesting that when white people do the religion, it's trendy. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, cool. It's right. And yeah, well, you know, churches and liquor stores. What about them? That's where that's like, you find them everywhere. If I went to a liquor store and they were doing like a sun salutation or something, I would scream like a morning prayer.

Or like, could you imagine a liquor store? They're doing a baptism. Yes, I can. Actually, I'm surprised they don't baptize the babies in like, um, Tito's, um, serve pink lemonade, serve vodka, serve that baby. It's your baby fucking fears. And then drown that bitch in pink vodka. No, it's the, what the God, I think it's their Greek Orthodox ones. They take the baby and they go, boom,

It's sickening. Boom. It is wild. They take that little baby and they fuck it up. They dunk the baby. I would do that energy, but it would be like a big martini glass. Like, um, like you put a little, um, you put a little Swarovski shoe on her, a little, um, a crystal thong. And I grab her by her lace front and I go, are you ready to get cunt? And then I just start dipping. Are you ready to serve cunt?

Yes, cunt. Come on, cunt. Who put my baby in the water? Who put my baby in the water? And then when I put the baby's mouth in the water, I'd make it kind of sexy and be like, ooh. And then when the baby came up, it'd be yes-ified. It'd be like, 13 years old or maybe 18 years old. Yeah, 18 years old and like, like freak him dancing with like a long, like a ponytail doing this. What a dick.

Isolating butt cheeks in a twerk. Yeah, that'd be great. So let's have, um, let's have that conversation. More sexy baptisms. Where are all the sexy baptisms? Why can't I make it so solemn? So grim. I mean, I, that footage, you got to go Google it. I'll find, um, maybe I'll try to find a link, but like, I love them. I've seen them. That is, I mean, sometimes they drop them too. Oh, they are, they are flinging that baby like a fucking doll. I mean, it's, it's, it's fine. They're rubber. Babies are rubber.

Yeah. Like nobody, nobody's died from baptism. I mean, it doesn't happen. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. But it's just later. It's the guilt of baptism. Thank you. It's very intense. It's a very intense thing. Although I do appreciate that because all those, especially Catholic stuff, my God, how, what a grim, boring affair. All these bring, you know, ceremonies are, were you baptized? Yeah. What was that like? Baptized? Well, I was,

An infant. So I'm not exactly clear on that. Will you address like an infant? You were 25, but you had a little baby bow in the hair. No, I had Alexis Stone come paint the baby face on my adult face and I just had a filter. First communion. First sacraments. You ever get the sacraments? Have you gotten to put the baby filter on a baby?

Yes, and it doesn't really do much. Actually, it doesn't really do much on a youthful face either. On Eden, it was hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really funny in her. She looks, yeah. It's good on you in drag. I'm obsessed with your face with the old thing in drag. It kind of is a serve. I mean, I have it framed in my apartment. It's such a serve. It kind of is a serve. Yeah. It's like a beautiful, imagine like a gorgeous, a beautiful like ceramic plate that's in like all these jewel tones and then you just drop it on the floor and it cracks. Yeah. And that's like, that's like that.

Do you know what I mean? Do you think you'll get pumped?

With what? If you continue to do Dragon in Your Life, do you think you'll get like cheek pump, lip pump? I already got lip pump and I'm getting more next week. Because when I see the men on TV now, like the late night hosts, I clock that voluma in the cheeks so fast. Just a little youthful. I swear to God, I just saw this thing this morning about how there was on D-List that said Kim Kardashian would eat shit if it would help her look younger. I was like, girl, honey, get in line. Same. But I don't, but I don't, I don't,

I don't want to do all that. Guess what becomes shit? Your food. But eating shit is not the worst thing. Just turn the beat around. If it was like Kim Kardashian would kill someone, I was like, okay, then no. But eating shit, girl, don't act like. Yeah. Mom, we all eat shit. The stuff, I don't know. I'm just... I don't know. Who knows? Who cares? First of all, there's no moral issue with it. No, no, no. For me... It's an aesthetic issue, obviously. If it turned a point where...

To be in drag, I really started to get old enough and male enough. I mean, as you get older as a man, your features don't convert as well to drag. Do you think you're going to have a problem converting that thing to drag? A little bit. As it ages? Yeah.

I mean, as long as this stays like- Where do you think it's going to go? It starts to hollow. Like pockets of your face start to lose volume and you start to see your male skull underneath. And then it's hard to be, you know what I'm talking about. Okay, now you're speaking my language. So, but you draw circles and squares. Yeah.

So what's the problem? I don't know. I feel the worst. Yeah. I mean, your canvas becomes a little bit more topographical than rather than flat. You just have to go against the reality more, I guess. Yeah. And it doesn't happen overnight. So there's nothing to worry about. It doesn't? No. People don't wake up old. No. Oh, God, though. I'll walk by the like wherever and I'll see my reflection in the mirror and I will like scream. Oh, it's me.

The scream, the artwork? Yeah, that's it. You should do a merch of that. You as the scream. That's the hole. The gaping hole. The gaping hole. I don't want to gape. I don't know. I mean, I love everyone. I'm happy for gay sex. I don't want to push the limits of my body in that way. Yeah. It is like a very... I don't want to shove something up my dick hole. I don't want to shove... This thing is very popular. I don't want to do that. Very popular.

Very popular. I don't even want two dicks anymore. So it's like 100%. But okay, I was going to say, help me understand this because I totally understand wanting something or liking something and then gradually and progressively pushing it to the limit, of course. That makes a lot of sense to me. How would you have any way to understand that? Well, I can theoretically. Oh, yeah. I can kind of, you know. But I don't, yeah, the...

You've never had that feeling, that desire to like put a fist up your butt or whatever, or like get more up there? The extremeness of it isn't sexier to me. And I think that's probably something that you have to enjoy. You have to like that you're doing something extreme. You know, that has to be kind of a rush. Yeah. That you're like, this is a little dangerous and weird. And because it's a little dangerous and weird, it turns me on. I think that's probably where it comes from. And I don't have that feeling. Mm hmm.

I'm a little more of a Harlequin romance novel. Oh, drapery, like drapes. More storyline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, maybe I'm standing on a balcony. My husband just died and then his brother. Yeah. Came in to get his stuff. And then, oh my God, from the trip, he's so sweaty and he takes his shirt off. And I'm having sex with my late husband's brother and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh,

Yeah. The sheets are in the drip or they're like billowing in the wind. And then I try to hang myself and he saves me and we have sex and I still have the noose around my neck. Stuff happens. If you were going to move,

What's the dream vibe of your new like your home like what's the decoration vibe? Well, we just saw the dream well exterior so I don't care about The so I'm just gonna assume I live till 70. Let's just say that okay. Yeah. Yeah I know I know just stretch the imagination stretch the limits of your imagination for a moment I'm gonna say that I live till 70 my I'm my flick first property that I buy assuming that I continue to make any money I don't care about the exterior

At all. So I don't care about the exterior at all. I just want the interior and the yard space. You don't care about the curb appeal. No, no. Why would I? I mean, the place that I'm moving to, especially, there's no... It's a nice place, but I don't... We're not going to sit on the sidewalk and be like, yes, there. That is my home. Right. You go inside it and then you're like, oh, yeah. You smoke outside, right? But that's the thing. So backyard...

That's the spot. Yeah. Lots of great little backyard areas. But I, we saw Andrew showed me this place in about probably like 10 minutes from here. Oh my God. And not like up in the hills. It's just up the hill. Very like from sunset or something. Yeah.

Holy shit. It's all like tucked away in these, it's all forest, you know, like it's tucked away in the trees. You see this like red barn looking place. I'm going to call it Victorian. That's not right. But like, it looks like a red Victorian, it's not Victorian, mansion. And it just looks so, it's like, oh, that's the one I want, you know, but it's too big. Yeah. Way too expensive, obviously. Yeah.

And honestly, you want the space for the things you do. And that's kind of it. Yeah. I just outgrew this place. And what I liked about it is if I only had one day at home, I could look in the whole place in a couple hours. That's so... That's like 1,300 square feet, one person. Yeah. That is my metric for space. Because when you get a lot of money, if you're lucky enough to...

earn a lot of money, then you can go for, I mean, in America, it seems to be you buy as much as you can. Do you know what I mean? Like you, you spend what you have. Like if you can afford a $5 million home, that's what you do. If you can get a $10 million home, that's what you do. Even if you're one person. Well, I'll tell you this. It is a hassle to purchase conservatively and then

You outgrow it. Yeah. I should have gone bigger than this, but I was scared because I never bought anything so expensive before. Yeah. I mean, well, that's fine then. But I, but now I've only lived here two years. I redecorated the whole thing and I'm leaving. Right. That's annoying. Yeah. Custom wallpapers, custom, like, you know, that's a bummer. Yeah. I thought about keeping this place just for drag. And then I was like, I have to come over here to get in drag every time. I'm going to be here five, six days a week. That sucks. Yeah. You would just. Right. Oh, right. Like just YouTube and drag here. That's annoying. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. I want to wake up, walk 10 feet and get in drag. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Oh yeah. After having, yeah. Same thing. Yeah. I just walked down a little, I just whittled down the studio. Yeah. I love that. It's amazing. Very lucky. Do you remember drag, like drag in the bedroom? Remember having drag in your home? I had a studio apartment.

It was everywhere. You're talking about Boston? Boston. That was a huge studio. It was a huge studio. Actually, that was bigger than the studio. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, it was huge. It was crazy. I love that place. But I remember settling for less. I was like, something's wrong with the bathroom. Something's wrong with anything. I would just accept it. Accept it. Because it's a renter. Yeah, I was just like, oh, I don't know. I don't want to be a burden on anybody. I'll just accept it. The perfect tenant. Yeah. You want to move in here? I'm like, okay.

You want to move in here? No lights. That's fine. Candles are good. Yeah. Well. The pink drink. What you got there? The pink drink. What's in that? What's in that? It's like strawberry, caffeine strawberry. Caffeine strawberry? A little milk. Caffeine strawberry. A little milk? I got to say something. What?

Trixie Motel starts today. Congratulations. Thank you. My new record comes out in about a month. We'll be on tour at the time. Oh, I just saw it somewhere. It's over there, yeah. It's so pretty. Thank you. So pretty. Oh, can I show it quick? Yes, it's so pretty. So pretty.

Really gorgeous. Oh my God. Albert Duhamel? Yeah, this is the front. So sick. And then this is a double album, so it's this and this. So good. And then when you open it, it's all together. Oh, a secret poster. Yeah, and it has a poster. So this comes out. And then most importantly, you and I are touring Australia and New Zealand, I believe. Yeah.

We have a few tickets left in some of those cities. It's like crazy. And then we're coming to, we've announced Europe and UK. There's only a few cities we aren't making it to that I wish, I wish we were doing Reykjavik. I wish we were doing, I wish we were going, um,

Well, I don't know if we're going to Asia. I wish I'm maybe we are. I hope at some point I really want to go to Hong Kong and we're doing America again. Yeah. Mary, I think radio city hall has 15 tickets left. Radio city music hall. Yeah. It's only, it's sold out essentially. It's 6,000 seats. I know. It's so crazy. Crazy. I know it's wild. It's wild. I hope those, I hope those bags in the back have good vision.

I know. Honestly, bring the binoculars. Bring the opera glasses. Bring the opera gloves. I know. We have jumbotrons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's jumbotrons and stuff. I don't know. It's just... If you want to see us in any of these cities, because there's a lot more American cities, get the tickets now, because I just looked at the report today, and they're going to be sold out again, all of them. Yeah. That's really cool. It's really crazy. Yeah. It's very cool. I mean, two years ago, COVID, we thought we'd maybe never perform. Yeah. Which had a fierceness to it. I was like...

I have been recently fantasizing about this. Those first few months of COVID besides the terror. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When everybody who I owed things to was saying, let's put on hold. We don't know when we'll start again. And my job was to sit in here and do nothing. That was sickening. Yeah.

You like that one? Simpler times. Yeah. Simpler times. It's a far cry from club, another club, another club, which is what I'm doing this weekend. Yeah. Well, good luck, girl. Happy pride to you. Happy pride. Are you going to celebrate pride in any way? I'm just going to do the same thing. Just kick rocks in my little patio. You want to wear like a rainbow flag? What do you think of the kids? You know, like high school age kids will wear rainbow capes as a flag. Rainbow flags as a cape. I think that's great. Good for them. Yeah. You go gay. Yeah. You go gay. Yeah.

And listen to Sylvester. Yeah. Well, I do. But I put my disco pants on in the morning, then wear my platform shoes and I sing. I'm coming out as I get out of the shower. And then I just, you know, it's and it's fisting poppers cagey screaming, crying, getting a driving badly to my next to the whatever club we're going to that night. And it's kind of just the same rinse and repeat. Just being gay. Happy pride. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Every year. That's right. Every year, D-Bub. G-K-E-T and just... You know what else about pride? If you're going to do drugs, do them as safely as possible and wear sunblock. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great question. The level of sunburns at pride every year. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the killer. The silent killer. Skin damage. Yeah. All you pale nasties out there, you know...

And with that, thanks again for listening to another riveting episode and we'll see you next time. Yes. Next time we'll be reporting from. Oh yeah. We got to have vanity on the pod. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. Let's will it. Have we had vanity on the pod? No. To Courtney. We got to have vanity. Vanity. We're coming for you.

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