Nobody's Snowballing in This Economy with Trixie and Katya
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Oh yes. Dai Chu in Melbourne. Dai Chu? Dai Chu in Melbourne. Historic.

Herstoric. Herstoric. Do you want to tell the kids? Hi there. Is that even pointed on me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on both of us. Do you see? Well, I got my tussy. I'm tussied out. I put my whole robe of tussy into this performance tonight. Girl, is it cold? Chesty. She's got a cough. I'm fatigued. I don't know what's going on. We have a croup going around. We've got the... Well, Tom nearly died. Tom nearly died. Then Eden got sick. Now I'm sick. Now you're sick. Yeah. Oh, man.

And I chose to get sick on the best day of the tour, which was 7 a.m., 6.30 wake-up call to a flight delayed and then to a show that night. Travel day, show day, not great.

KMS KMS bitch there's no way to complain about show business without sounding ungrateful but I could complain at a gig that pays $30 or $30 million I'll find something that is my X-Men power take any wonderful situation and turn it into a horror movie

There was a girl on American, did you watch American Horror Story Cult? No. Okay. Leslie Grossman? Yeah, yeah. The actress? Yeah. She plays a witch whose ability is, she like rolls her eyes back and then tells you whether or not there's gluten in something. And then her power evolves to being able to say exactly how many calories are in something.

Diet girl. Diet girl. That's so... That's so... That's so gay. I love it. That's so gay. In the series, she's like down about it because she has a shitty power. Yeah, she does have a shitty power. She has a shitty power. I can tell you if there was asbestos in this building...

That would be more useful. Well, did you know that buildings can have asbestos as long as it's sealed off? Okay. But if you want to update the building at all, by law, you have to remove it. Okay. I learned that because the motel had asbestos and we had to pay to have it all removed. And I was like, what do we care if they die? Yeah. They leave. It's a once in a lifetime experience that they'll have forever or, you know, the next six months. It could become more of an end of flight. Palliative care facility. Yes. The Trixie Motel palliative care facility. Phasing them out. Yeah.

Sunset awaits. Invitation to the sunset. That sounds like a cult. Yeah, that does sound like a cult. I've been watching a lot of documentaries. A lot of documentaries. Yes, you have. You've been watching Rachel. Wait, wait. I didn't even get to the whole historic moment thing. Okay, tell them. So we performed, I guess what you said, the most, well, the most pop, I don't know. What do you call it? The most obese drag performers to ever step on stage in the same outfit.

Period. That's what I heard. Fetty on the tilly. I am the biggest drag queen. You won an award, which was the biggest drag queen. The biggest drag queen to make it up, make it out on stage and on her own two feet with no supports and no runway reinforcement. The audience slow clapped. It was like Remember the Titans or something.

People were just slowly rising to their feet. And then, what was it? About 75 minutes of continuously thunderous ovation. Yeah, and what song was playing? It was just the elevator music. Was it Work That Pussy by Tiana Taylor? It was just a music version, a karaoke version. My heart will go on. It was Eye of the Tiger, but it was MIDI. Doot, doot, doot.

Oh my God. It was just piped in from the lobby. Somebody left a door open, but people were really, there were tears. Yeah. Yeah. On tour, do you gain or lose weight? I lose. Yeah. I lose weight. It really depends for me. I can be really good and come back snatched. Oh, I've never done that. Or I can undo progress and come back. Months and months of diligent progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm coming back, Miss Big. These whores are not going to be able to handle me.

Physically. They won't be able to wrap their arms around you. Well, I told you about my grand scheme. To gain three kilos. Oh, no. 30. Oh, you're trying to gain 30 kilos? Yeah, 65 pounds. Holy shit. Because then. Of muscle. I'll take anything. I'm not picky. But I'll go on drag race as the big girl.

If I go on Drag Race, I'm going to go on All Stars. Well, I mean, assuming they invite me. I'm sure they would. And then I'm going to go as a big girl, reinforce the runways and widen the doors and reinforce the runways. Big girls come and win. I'm going to snatch the crown. Ambitious. Focused. Diligent.

So you're not just going to go through a physical transformation, also a complete personality change. Yes. And I'm also, here's my thing. I'm going to bring Drag Race back to its roots, okay? Which was? Would you like to share with the class? Can't do spirit? Can't do spirit. I have a can't do spirit. I can't do spirit. I've never flown spirit, knock on wood. No, I will never. I did it once.

It is a chicken cart with wings, with bird wings, dead bird wings taped to it. And they throw it in the air. I put a video on Twitter saying, Spirit Alliance, you better get spiritual because that plane's going to fall out of the fucking sky. And then somebody commented, don't fly spirit unless you want to become one. Isn't that crazy? It's true, though. They're just rickety and rotten. Do we know that? Yes, I've been on spirit, bitch. It's rickety, rotten, and horrible. But wait, wait, wait. Back to me. See?

I'm going on drag race, 65 pounds heavier, big girl, plus size. I'm going to go and I'm going to be unapologetically fat. Okay. I have no excuses. No qualifications. No reservation. No. Apologetically fat. Will you enter the room and you just go, sorry. Well, you know, here's the thing about that. Like a lot of times there's always like, I think the viewer and the producers and people, the critics are always looking for like, well, yeah, you're fat, but you don't want to be fat. Do you?

Mama, not me. Oh, they want that? No, but you know what I mean? Like people are so fat. I'm not going to say fat phobic. I just like hate fat people that like, they're always looking for like a, you must hate yourself. You have to. Yeah. Like when people lose weight, it's, it's, it's, uh, it invites a congratulations that is sort of like, it's like, it's, there's the, the, the discourse around being fat in this country or anywhere is really, really fascinating. People are fat. Let people be fat. I mean, let them be fat and healthy.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think fat people, the gym, more fat people, the gym, be fat. Well, fat people are everywhere. So like, that's, you know, whatever, but it was, I thought it was, somebody said this and I, I thought it was very fascinating that like the discourse around being fat a lot of times, um, is that the, the truth of it is that people hate fat people and that's the truth. And it's like this whole, like the, the, the, the, um,

What grinds me up is the patronizing language around, like, we just want you to be healthy. We're looking out for your health. Girl, nobody's looking out for anybody's health. Certainly not in the United States. It depends. Have you ever been a doctor who's looking out for your health and not trying to get rich? It depends. Let's say you have some pre-existing conditions, and the doctor says the best thing you could do would take some weight off. It would take stress off your heart. It would take a stress off your bad knees. Like, whatever. Yeah.

Then you listen to the doctor. Yes, of course. But like, people, nobody's out there looking out for your health. They just, they want you to be thin and sexy. That's all it is. Nobody cares about, like, just let people be big or whatever. Who cares? I think it goes both ways. No, it does. It does. Because a lot of, like, later in life, incurable things come from decades of poor habits attached to being big. But see, when I miss big, when Miss Big goes through the runway like that,

All that conversation is going to melt away. They're going to be like, she's huge and sexy. I have a huge boner. Yeah, yeah. Look at it. Look, my boner's even bigger now because there's all that. And it better get bigger because she needs something big. You know? She needs Mr. Big. Yes. I think people might criticize me for fetishizing being fat, which of course is exactly what I'm doing. However, you know. This happens to me where my boyfriend's chubby and people will be like,

Oh. Chubby chaser. I'm like, this man that I fuck happens to be chubby. That is not a precursor saying that every man I fuck is chubby. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah.

Does that happen to straight people? I'm sure. Oh, yeah, yeah. Guys get criticized all the time for liking big girls. But if a girl dates a big... Wait. If a guy dates a big girl, people are probably like, oh, he likes big girls. Yes. But if a girl dates a big guy, no one cares. No one cares because that's the king of queens. It's the king of queens. That's the king of queens. What's his name? Joe Pesci? Joe Pesci. Was it Joe Pesci? No, it's Joe Pesci.

Kevin James. Kevin James. Big, big, great, big fatty. And Leah Remini. Gorgeous, lovely gal. You know, that whole yarn, that whole sitcom model. I would fuck Kevin James. You would? I would have when I was younger, yes. Okay. Yes. Paul Blart. Paul Blart.

Who is that? Paul Blart Mallcott. That last name is horrible. Paul Blart? You want him as Blart? It's big in Mr. Blart. One of the documentaries I recently watched that I turned... I think that's how they came up with it. I turned it off. It was a palliative care documentary about phasing out end of life care. And I couldn't watch it. Why'd you turn it off?

I could. Well, did I watch it? No, I watched the preview and I moved on. You did. I moved on to something more uplifting like the John Wayne Gacy tapes. Or the Rachel Dolezal documentary. The Rachel Divide. I watched the Rachel. I've been doing a lot of Netflixing. Yeah, yeah. Netflixing has a lot of nonfiction content. Yeah, no shit, Mary. That's what they're known for. Oh, no, that's not true. They're just known for having lots of trash. I watched Bad Vegan. Oh, is that the scam? What was all that? Give us a recap. Give us a recap.

By the way, we still haven't gotten to the thing we were trying to talk about at the beginning. Oh, tell them the historical moment. And we only found this out from Karen from Finance. She could be a liar. She could be a bald-faced liar. We did the biggest drag show in Australia.

Yeah, this venue is 5,600 seats, and they said it was the biggest, like, seated-in-one-event drag show here ever. Yeah. Maybe that's true. I don't know. I don't know, because Sydney Mardi Gras is enormous, and that's gay Mardi Gras. Do you know what I mean? But it's seated theater. Maybe since this is a seated theater show. Oh, maybe. Okay. You know, maybe that's what she meant. Well, we sold 11,000 tickets. That's fucking crazy. Between today and tomorrow, 11,000. That's wild. That's great. That's awesome. 11,000. I know, and I still can't get fucks.

11,000 people will come... Somebody on Grindr reached out to me and said, Katya had that break on stage. Did she get everything sorted? And I said, I don't know. She surely didn't. But you were in here at midnight, and I was like, I guess she didn't then. No, she surely did not. No, I was up coughing until 4 a.m. Anyways... I'm only fucking straight guys now. What? Because they don't know who I am, and they're not going to tell anybody that they slept with me. Oh, that's a good one. Gay guys used to tell me on the Grindr or whatever, they used to be like, oh...

Love your work, whatever. Now they hide it. They say nothing. And it's a very weird thing. Yeah. They go, what are you doing in town? What do you do for a living? And I go, you know. I went to your Instagram. You follow me. You know what I do. You have a crocheted Trixie blanket on your body right now. So now you're forcing me to do this improv. Yeah. We're doing Groundlings. We're doing like Second City. Second City.

What are you doing? Okay, give me a suggestion. Give me a suggestion. We're at a shopping mall. Okay, great. No, but here's the thing that I'm not super comfortable with. Oh, my vagina's been out. How long? Oh, no. Oh, gross. Maybe that's why I don't know. Oh, gross.

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The other day in Hobart, this guy wanted dick pics and I wouldn't send him one because I was not at the hotel at the moment. I don't have any dick pics on my phone. So I didn't send him and he said, and he got snippy with me like, well, are you talking to me on a phone? Does your phone have a camera? I was like, damn. I was like, okay, work. He works at the Apple store. I was like, mm.

And I was like, okay, I guess I'll take one when I get back to the hotel. I tried to take, I mean, I did take some. And then I had to hide them because I had given Eden my phone to take some pictures. And it comes right up. Girl, she gets what she gets. No, absolutely. She's using it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My 24-year-old female assistant does not need to see my penis. There's a, we have boundaries, Mary. Boundaries. I'm saying she's going through your phone for a work thing. If she sees a nude, it's not going to derail her life. It will derail my life.

I don't want... We have great, wonderful boundaries. And we have a wonderful relationship. I'm not doing that. She picks up your wet panties. I know. That's what I'm saying. She doesn't know you have sex? No, I know. But isn't that enough? You're not her daughter. Isn't that enough humiliation? Isn't that enough humiliation? Would it be like if your mom found your porn or something? Would it be shame? It's like she knows what it smells like. She doesn't need to know what it looks like. You know what I mean? Like gross, gross, gross. She has a cast iron stomach, but it's the indignity of it. Yeah. It's the indignity of it. Yeah. Anyways, so...

And I was just like, I don't want to send him my dick pic. He didn't know who I was. He didn't follow me on Instagram or anything like that. But I guess, is this stupid? Is it naive or selfish or egotistical for me to be self-conscious about the possibility of someone telling their friends, this is Katya from Drag Race's dick and showing photos at brunch? I mean, maybe that's not a thing. I don't think people care. I wouldn't do it.

I don't think people care. I would do it. It doesn't reflect badly on you, though, for having a sexual life. It reflects badly on them for sharing someone's nudes without their permission. I know that's true. That's the moral issue. That's the moral angle. I'm just talking about the actual angle.

Well, just know this. If they fuck you, they're absolutely telling people. So what is the difference? That's what I mean. Now I'm only fucking straight guys. They're not going to tell anybody. They're not going to talk about it. It's hearsay rather than photographic evidence that's not admissible in court. Are you taking it to court? Well, but I mean, if we're talking about real tangible things in the world, like they have, they distributed photographs of my genitalia or they just lied. You know what I mean? Like once the one thing is like, oh yeah, it's John. He's drunk. We don't believe him. No, they all lie.

No, I know. That's what I'm saying. But photos don't lie. They're lying. Gay guys on the internet are lying. When it comes to sex, they're lying. They're fabricating. They're creating fantasies. They're John Grisham. Ha ha ha!

It's the Pelican Brief. It's the firm. It's Tom Cruise and the firm. Men are liars. Men are liars. Gay men are liars. Okay, how about this? Stop lying about sex challenge. Let's stop lying about sex challenge. Stop lying about sex. Stop lying about sex. Stop lying about period. And stop lying about your period. Stop. Get your period. Get your period. And stop lying about it. Yeah, that's the thing is. Stop lying about sex. Stop lying. Stop lying about your penis. Stop lying about the sex. Stop lying about everything.

Do you know what I mean? Stop it. Yeah, stop...

Stop lying about your penis. They should put your fucking dick size on your fucking driver's license, bitch. It should be verified by the government. When I had to get a passport, I had to bring two forms of ID. When you take your dick picture, you should need two forms of ID. It should be taken at the DMV. You know what I think is hysterical? So I went on a date and I found out that the person lied about their age. Two inches. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

His two inch age. Height. That is stupid. I know. I'm obsessed. Obsessed. Because I was like, I'm an inch shorter than that. Are you liable to be taller? Yeah. I'm an inch shorter than that. And I'm taller than you. So Mary, what is the truth? Well, and ironically, you like short guys. I do. So he lied for no reason. Well, right. I mean, he's obviously not lying for me. He's lying for everybody else. Because everybody else. What's with that? They're so...

It's fruitless. It's fruitless to lie. It is. Because guess what? At some point, you are going to have to show up. I know. You're going to have to show up. You're going to have that tiny penis. You're going to be that little shorty. And no one cares. Or you're going to be chubby. Yeah. Well, people do care though. Take a picture of your real weight, your real body hair, your real everything. And that way when it happens, you can go in with confidence because they've seen fire and rain. You know what I mean? Yeah.

They've read. I don't know that this is true, though. I mean, it's like you're a person who's you're six foot with an above average wiener. Right. So, like, yeah, it's very easy for you to just flap your gums like that. It's not like everything else. Mommy's great. Literally nothing. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. A bald cross dresser? No, no, no, no, no. But OK, no, I'm looking at the pros of you and I'm saying, OK, tall, large penis, rich penis.

That's enough. You could just be, you could have gangrenous sores on half of your face and no leg and you would be, that's, that's the catch. So like I, I was just thinking today because I was so self-conscious about sometimes cause I, when I go to hook up with mostly bottoms, right? Like a hundred percent bottom, I am pretty much only top, but my dick isn't huge.

It's medium to above average. Well. But it's not huge. I'll tell you this. So. Not every bottom cares about a giant dick. I think a lot of them do. I don't think they really do. I hope they don't. I don't think they do. Because Mary is so like, it's very disheartening. Do you care about every bottom having a huge butt? That's different though. You think? Well, because it's the size of the butt itself, not the hole. What?

But I'm talking about the hole. When I go to a fucking hole and I don't even hit the sides, I feel like... It's bad when he asks, is it in? It's really bad when you ask, is it in? Damn, bitch. Is it in? You tell me. Sometimes... No, I don't think they care. Sometimes... Because you also don't want fear factor dick...

Every bottom experience doesn't have to be the bone collector. It doesn't have to be. The Goodyear blimp. Girl, it doesn't have to be survivor. It doesn't have to be lost. Okay. Lost? Yeah. Is that the show with the island? I think that's not what I meant. But I said lost. I've never seen it. The leftovers. I mean. Nine perfect strangers. You know what I mean though? You know what I mean? Like I'm like, oh my God. Especially also like.

Especially if a person is 100% bottom. And I mean, I'm getting long in the tooth here. At 40, let's face it, all of our friends in their early 30s, late 20s back in LA, fisting champions. Oh, are you kidding me? Blown out cow pussies. Blown the fuck out. The upside down. Trevors. Girl, Trevors. The upside down. It's the upside down. It is. It's the upside down. It truly is. And so I get self-conscious. I'm like, well, what do I bring to the table there? Thankfully, I'm not.

I do not have a small dick. And then that got me thinking about that. I was like, fuck. Even people with small dicks, there are people there who don't care. I don't care if someone has a small dick. Mary, I don't either. Because there's so much, I guess I'm answering my own question. There's so many other things to do. But when you're approaching, like, I think in the beginning of like,

If you're thinking about being in a relationship or thinking about you like somebody, all that stuff is in the front of your mind. Like, what would I bring to the table? And all those things get, like, magnified in the beginning. You know what I'm saying? Well, I think... Sexually, anyways. If you're thinking about sexual compatibility. Yeah, and I think people in general are sort of attracted to their opposite or their exact same, right? So, like, in gay world, it's always, like, the chubby, muscly, hairy guys who want chubby, muscly, hairy guys. Or...

The opposite. Chubby, muscly, hairy guys want tiny, scrawny, hairless young guys. At least in gay world, it always feels like it's the game of exact copies or exact opposites. Yeah, I don't know. And so like, what's your exact opposite? I don't do types though. I'm really not. I'm not anyone's type either. The problem is when you're bald and you're not necessarily ripped or necessarily young or not really anything, you're just existing. Yeah.

Like half the time I can't tell if I'm Curious George or the man in the yellow jacket. Girl, I can't even tell. I don't know. I really don't know. Indian drag? Girl, Miss Nelson is missing. Miss Nelson is missing, honey. Viola Swamp, bitch. Viola Swamp. Oh, shit. Well, the problem with the online thing too is. We got to go, mom. Are they waiting for us? Yeah, we got to go. Yeah, we can go. We'll be back. We're going to do meet and greet.

We're back from meet and greet. Yeah. A lot of hotties out there today. Hotties. A lot of hotties out there today. And I, you know what? It's a conundrum. You know what it is? It's a conundrum. It's water everywhere. Uh-huh. Lots of people who know what we do for a living and like us. Uh-huh. But that doesn't lead to people you want to fuck you wanting to fuck you. No. These are two different Venn diagrams. Well, I think it has, I think it comes down to those, that pig in a wig who makes me giggle.

Will not make my little weenie waddle wiggle. Yeah, exactly. She's not going to make my little dingy wig wiggle. Yeah. Because she makes me giggle. That thing. The best is when you hit on them and they're like, well, talk to me later. And you go, I'm not joking. Don't play games. I passive aggressively. My tone is hardened from years of rejection and ghosting where I'm like,

I'm not joking, bitch. No. Like, don't say shit. Don't you... Don't... We're not going to say who said it, but there's this famous drag queen who said to a driver in the mirror, don't look at me unless you're going to fuck me. Which, honestly... It's tea. It's tea. It's really tea. I wouldn't look that far, though. I would say...

Don't say you're going to fuck me unless you're prepared to follow through on the deal, mama. It's a red light special. Don't sign a check that your ass cannot cash. Your ass literally. If you're going to look in my direction, you better have dushed. You better have dushed, bitch. I don't even need that. I will fuck your shitty ass. I will fuck your shitty... In the shower. We can...

I'm not into scat. I'm not into scat. I'm not into scat. But things happen. Things happen. But you should be diligent and hygienic. But girl, I don't need you to be all that because we're going to go have a lovely time in the shower in the tub. Well, what happens if sodomy becomes illegal? Well, the government's going to come into my house, enter my boudoir, check under my negligee to count the loads in my ass. Ah!

And it's going to be zero. Zero, Mary. Nobody's sodomizing this pussy. But will straight people be arrested for sodomy too? Because straight people. Let's have that conversation. Are all doing anal. Straight people are all doing anal. I have a question to ask you. So Natasha Leggero's podcast, there was a little clip that came up and somebody called in. And so I have a question for you.

A guy called in about his girlfriend and said, I'm having a problem. My girlfriend and I are in love, but maybe many years. And then together many years, but she won't do my ultimate sexual fantasy, which is for me to come in her mouth. What do you make of that? She won't let him come in her mouth? Correct. And he describes this as his number one sexual fantasy. What do you make of that?

Well let me just say That everybody should do What they're comfortable with Right And that's it Yes So I was thinking However My first That's so fucking vanilla I know Well you don't want cum in your mouth I was gonna say I'll put cum on my fucking pad Thai bitch I'll put cum on my hair In my eyes Rub on my teeth I was gonna say Unless she The only thing I didn't think Was oh Maybe she's got some like Past something going on You know what I mean Maybe there's like a But I was like My thing She doesn't love you bitch

If she won't let you come in her mouth or he or she won't let you... If he don't love you. That was my read on it. What do you think about that? Well, I know there's a lot of people... If she doesn't want to do it, she doesn't want to do it. Period. And if that's your ultimate fantasy... That's what I'm saying. I feel bad for you. I feel bad too. Like if that's... Dream big, bitch. I dream bigger. I was like, do you know how many guys want to fuck you in the ass? Like that, I would say no. That's like you're going to go to a car dealership and you're going to steal the used Prius. You know what I mean? I don't know what I just said. I guess I mean like...

If you're going to do it, dream bigger. Yes, totally. Your dream car should not be a Camry. Exactly. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. If you're in a situation where that's your dream. Yeah. Your ultimate dream would be that she, he's not even asking for her to swallow. No. Or even say, I love that. Which by the way, if that comes in your mouth, just swallow it. Yeah. It's more undignified and weird to spit it out. To either run to the bathroom or like spit it on.

Yeah. What? My thing is like, I think if I'm— Eat that cum! Eat all that cum!

Eat the cum. I hate eat. It's not eating or drinking. But she ate. It's not eating or drinking though. It's not food. The way none of them ate. The way none of them ate. Girl, let them eat. Let the girls eat it. If the cum is in your mouth, it's more undignified or whatever to get up and spit. Don't let it in your mouth in the first place.

I think it's like, I think it's hot. So also here's the thing. Once, if that's your, your, your partner's ultimate fantasy, then they're done. Once the cum is in the mouth, cash is checked. The finish line is reached. Game over. He doesn't want to continue. Yeah. Cause he just orgasmed. It's over. You just turn around and then you know what I mean? Don't,

You don't have to do the porn thing where you spit the load back out. And like sometimes they spit it out and then like slip it back up again. It's a lot of like. It's a yo-yo. It's a lot of yo-yo. Yeah, because in porn you want to see the cum. Yes. To like, you know. But in real life. Mama, real life is not working like that. I don't really want to spit it out and like look at it and drop my name in the snow. Snowballing? We're not doing all that. Nobody's snowballing. Nobody's snowballing. The only thing that's snowballing. The only thing that's snowballing is the idea of snowballing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

because I remember I saw this porn with these two straight guys and they were snowballing and I was like if you're if you're I would say so many of these guys would have like fucked you in the butt and if you don't want to get fucked in the butt getting fucked in the butt is horrible

You know, it's different than a little cum in the mouth. Well, it's, it's, it's, it's not, it's, it's, it can be, I can be your angle or I can be your devil. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, this can be your like anal backdoor slut seven or Shawshank Redemption. Also, if you're like, if you want to do something that your girlfriend doesn't want to do, bitch, move the fuck on. Move on. Move on. Just fuck. Because honestly, finding somebody, finding somebody over it, it doesn't make you shallow to want to be with somebody you're sexually compatible with. Uh huh.

It's the only part that makes you- Oh, no, I was just saying deal with it the other way. Just don't do it.

Oh, you mean move on from the idea? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm saying that's sort of maybe a flag that this relationship is not going to be long-term sexually fulfilling, which could really be an issue. I would say that too. I know that's really simplistic and probably doesn't give the girl the benefit of the doubt. Well, it depends. It can go both ways. If she's not getting the sex she wants, she can also be like, well, that's really important to me. Because some people, sex maybe is not important to me. To me,

That my sex has always been good relationships. Yeah, probably cuz it's important to me Yeah, and I'm not I'm not even going on that third or fourth date unless it's good. You know what I mean? This isn't pities. This is it. How do you feel about this though? Because like so I if you went out if you went out on a Grindr date with someone and you guys had sex and you didn't come Would you think of that as a failure? No, no, not at all. Okay, we didn't come. Yeah, say you got fucked like twice and

And then neither of you came. You just, it just kind of like, I don't, I don't, I don't relate to not coming in that. Okay. So I don't know about that. Okay.

Would you consider that a failure? If it's like, let's say I was on a... Would that be Flaptina? There was a guy I dated. Would it be Flaptina? No. Okay. There was a guy I dated where the first date, making out, jerking off, he comes and then we were drinking. And if drinking is part of it, maybe you just like diffuse and go home, whatever. Somebody came. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't see a world where you like engage in anal intercourse and no one comes. I don't know where that...

By the time the anal is happening, I'm like ready. Like by the time we're doing that and everything that leads up to that, I'm probably pretty close to being done. You know what I mean? By the time we're having sex, sex, sex, I'm like, you got about 10 minutes. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're good. It's a wrap. You know what I mean? Yeah. I will say I've been with guys. We're like,

Their dream of topping is like marathon sacks. And even though I'm a bottom, bottom, bottom. Yeah. You have about T minus nine seconds. You know what I mean? I'm doing like the Apollo 13 countdown. Ten, nine, eight. Exactly. I'm like, I got stuff to do. I got emails. I got to get on Slack. I have a Zoom. Do you have something, a different experience? Do you think it's a failure if no one comes? So I don't consider...

Oh, a, I don't consider any sexual experience to be a failure. It was a trick question. Kind of, sort of like, I don't, I don't, I would never walk away from a sexual experience thinking like,

Bop or flop. Do you know what I mean? Like I would, I would say like bop or flop. Like if, do you know, like is bop good? Oh, I thought like you bop him cause you don't like it. No, no, no. You know, like I'm, as I'm leaving, I'm like bop or flop. Like, you know, I, I kind of resist that. Like, have you ever been in a hookup where this is the vibe isn't right. And you like make out and then stop and someone goes home. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Even then it's not a failure. It's information. You applied the breaks. Yeah. Information. Yeah.

Yeah, graceful navigation of a social interaction. I would say that's the hardest thing about sex in my 20s, early 20s, in college. Going along with it when you don't want to? Have you done that?

Marry all the time I describe it as being too white to say no Yes Where I'm just like Yes Well I'm already here Yeah I hate it I hate it I'm not hard I'm gonna let him fuck me I mean It's just when you're young You don't have the confidence To say like hey It's just not a good fit Yeah or Or just like Hey stop And then just kinda Hey I'm just gonna take a break And then you know Actually I'm just gonna go home Well that's when it's good To have something to pivot with You know what I mean I like to sort of go Hey I have to ask

Have you heard the good news? You know, like, and I'll sort of go into religious proselytizing. Yeah. Have you heard the good news? Have you heard the good news? Do you think Bush did 9-11? I couldn't help but wonder. Have you heard the good news? You pull out your unabridged Bible. I'm excited that we're here together because I brought this cassette tape of Ojibwe rain dances and I thought we could listen to it together.

Put it on. Put it on. I also brought some Cheeto Puffs. I've been meaning to read Moby Dick out loud nonstop from beginning to end. Okay, wait, wait. I've turned the corner on the word faggot. Me too. Where like, I like it. And I've always been like fine with gay people saying it at this point.

I get a thrill out of straight people who hate gay people saying it. Yeah. I'm like, say it. You hate me. Don't you? You know what I mean? It's like, it's like you're showing your ass by using, I'm like, use the word. Do it. Show me how fucking stupid you are. Show me how much you hate me. Show me how stupid you are. How stupid you are. Stupid. Literally stupid. Yeah. And, um, I was, I was, when I was on Z-Way, I was like, wait, she said something like, I was like, um, oh, she asked, it was like a baiting question. It was like,

When you say that, like, somebody was like, I think it was like Ashley Tisdale was like a clip of her. Someone was like, when you say the word queer, it's something, something, something that's like. Hilary Duff. Hilary Duff. When you say the word gay, do you know what you're saying? Yes. It was like, I want to bring the word faggot back. A hundred percent. Because honestly, not to be political. No.

But now we're in a world where people are viciously anti-gay, but it's all coded. Oh, yeah. If they just said, I'm running on the platform of I hate faggots. I know. It's like when something is called. None of this traditional family stuff. When something's against gay marriage and it's called focus on the family. Focus on the family. It's like, just say you hate faggots. Yes.

And I'm not even being funny. I know. I know you hate faggots. We want to burn faggots, um, like on a pyre. Cause I think what they're doing is they're getting away with doing some hateful shit by not having to own up to it. I'm like,

Wear that fucking badge. Yeah, if you mean it. Yeah, absolutely Well, it doesn't agree with the lifestyle and my belief. Yeah, just say just when you think of me fucking my boyfriend. Yeah, throw up Yeah, just say hey just fucking say I hate cornhole sucking faggots and I want them all to die because we have a lot in common Yeah, you're like when I think of you naked the man I want to throw up. I'm a bitch me too bitch me too

When I think of you cross-dressing, I want to retch. Yeah, bitch. Everyone. Grow up. Take a number. Girl, take a number. Get in line. People in the meet and greet with my shirts on won't fuck me.

Tell them what happened yesterday. I stood up three quarters of the way through a sold out show in Melbourne, Australia to address the 5,500 people in the audience. People who bought tickets starting from $50 all the way up to $300 or more. People who waited three years to honor these tickets and comments. I said, please, will one of you fuck me? And not one of them did. I wish... Oh my God, it's so funny. I've also turned a corner on the United States. Oh, okay.

I'm not like one of those 2016 I'm moving to Canada people. I might be a 2022 moving to Canada person though. Mary, at this point, I'm like, I don't know. 21% of the country is Christian. And the only people who can make effective change. Are you serious? Yeah. The only people who can affect change are people who are so rich they don't care to do anything. Yeah. What are we doing?

It's so hard to get like, when people are like, you need to stay mad and get involved. I'm like, we are Kate Bush running up that hill and that hill is only getting steeper. We ever, we aren't winning anything. No, we're moving back. We're literally moving backwards. Literally uncovering. Separation of church and state has never been there, but now it's just.

so belligerently not there. And no one cares. It has nothing to do with anything. It has nothing to do with the founding fathers. It has nothing to do with dusty-ass constitutional whatever. Nothing. These people are dumb. These people, these Marjorie Taylor Greene's and these Ted Cruz's and all these people, they're fucking sick fucks.

fucking psychophants and they don't they don't know they don't read the bible they don't read the constitution they know nothing about it coney barrett amy coney barrett oh the justice yeah like fucking she'll be there for the rest of our lives yeah voting against our rights forever yeah forever yeah forever ever ever ever ever that's the court is a flop court i know it feels like we don't talk about politics on this podcast because we're preaching to the choir right

Right. Yeah. Listen to this. If you're watching this, you're either conservative and jerking off. Yeah. Or you agree with us. Yeah. Yeah. Or you have more sophisticated points of view than we do. Right. Yeah. We're just stupid. But yeah, at a certain point, it's like I just want health care. But I just want to be like, I just want to go to the doctor. Like I was like when I have like a major health issue and it takes me like with fierce health insurance.

For it to go, I have to wait a month to get an appointment with a specialist and then come to Australia and I wait about six hours? We have healthcare. We have the money to see any doctors. You and I have the money to get any surgical procedure that exists. I could have my head replaced. Actually, not a bad idea. And every time, when we go to the same doctor, every time I go to our medical facility, I'm like,

What do people do? I don't know they don't they like I mean I 22 or whatever I went from College going to my college doctor to doing drag race and be able to afford a doctor There's only a few years there in the middle where I just if I was sick, I don't know I didn't go the doctor but had no health insurance nothing it's not just the hell injured it's it all comes down to like the Separation of church and state is so bogus because all the rich white people are Christian or pretend to be Christian Everything is about that. Mm-hmm

Everything is about the Bible and hating gay people. Yes. And I also, I cannot, at least in a way, I almost respect them for having a clear but crazy point of view rather than these do nothing Democrats. Nothing. Nothing. Word salad. You've got to hear that clip of Kamala talking about we will work together. I mean, she said it was like,

Like, what are you talking about? Shut up. Just word solid, word solid, word solid. Here's the thing. I see there's two sides of it, right? Because the moment some crisis happens, like Roe v. Wade being overturned, the moment it happens, within an hour as a major leader, you're supposed to have a statement. When in fact, it takes more than an hour to formulate a real plan. That is very generous of you, but they're also just flops.

Sleepy Joe? Flop Tina. Flop Tina. That's the problem. Flop Tina. And then when we have a candidate that I really liked, like Bernie. I know. I remember seeing the picture of Bernie like...

The black and white being arrested for like protesting and then I'm like work bitch and I'm like, but I know the world is horrible I know that if there's certain candidates were because they had their because they know exactly what we need to do They will never win. Mm-hmm because they're not rich enough because they don't appeal to the cause I mean the only way you can really win anything is if you get the mass amounts of crazy Christians to go vote for you Yeah

Republican party used to not even be Christian. Yeah. When Reagan happened, they suddenly went, well, if we get all these like fundamental Christian people to vote, we can get all these people who've never voted before to rush to the polls. Let's start including things Christians care about. It's so bogus. Imagine not to be like hypothetical because I hate in politics when it's always hypotheticals.

If these were Muslim religious ideals, any other type of religious ideal than Christian, people would be like, no, no, no, no. And also there's no, I mean, there's absolutely no, it's just, it's so hypocritical. It's so, it's so common for this gay marriage. They're fucking coming for a bitch.

And I'm not even somebody who's desperately wants to get married. No, but I just don't want to get killed for being gay. I mean, it's like, are we moving a little? I want to be choked for being by the right people at the right time. Yeah. By the right people, not people on the right. I get really scared when I'm like on an airplane Googling, what can I actually do?

I don't. What can I actually do? How can I actually help? I don't know. I mean, I don't think it's, it's, I don't think it's great to have like, to be, um, to be hopeless obviously as just in general. But, um, I was like, I was thinking today, I was like, uh, somebody was somebody, somebody posted a really funny thing about like this thing. I think it was Tik TOK. They're like, are you preparing for the apocalypse? She's like, honey, preparing.

We're in the middle of it. You know? And I was like, okay, yeah. I was like, oh, I bet this is just, you know, hindsight if we even have the grace of that later on. I think this is going to go straight into class warfare in the Civil War. I kind of do. I mean, what are all these people hoarding guns for? Because they're going to kill everybody. Well, that's the problem is conservatives are so... Why do they want their guns so bad? Because they hate half of the country. Well, and because they...

That's funny when people get really critical of drag queens for when they treat us like we are like ideals in any way Well, we have an ideology a uniform. I like or that you and I are Anything to aspire to or people you should listen to about your life, right? Half the country and half the country we would be murdered for walking down the street like this Yeah, and people people forget that yeah, you and I might be like mainstream now or whatever and

But like people still hate us just for doing this. Yeah. Yeah. You and all your gay friends. It really seems like everyone likes us. Oh, it's, it's nothing, nothing of the sort. Most people find what we do probably really gross and offensive. Like super disgusting and morally reprehensible and worthy of like, it must be a like stamped out. Yeah. Like a bug. Yes. Like eradicated.

Like a pesticide needs to be on it. Yes. Gross. Like a cockroach. But what I really don't get, and this is like, what I really don't get is whatever people do with religion, whatever religion, any of them, they don't, they do it and like,

I will vote for your right to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I want you to be able to do it. But then the flip side of the coin is... But then the flip side of the coin is... The flip side of the coin is the religious people don't want us to do whatever we want. They don't want us to not be religious even. And not only that, they want us to adhere to the rules of their fairy tale book, their mythology. That's what I'm saying. L. Ron Hubbard. Mary. Mary. The Garden of Good and Evil.

Snakes and apples. God's coming out of Zeus's thigh. Xenu. Xenu. This is all mythology. Not literal. It's all mythology for lessons. And I was like, so what? Oh my God. Mama, the Catholic church has so much explaining to do. There's so much wrong. And I just like, don't even know where to begin. I'm just like,

I don't either. But so now I'm literally thinking about it. Like, I'm just talking about quality of life. And I really don't like that kind of like, oh, now that I have the means to abscond, escape and be a refugee or not a refugee. What do you call that? An expat. Like now that because that's very bougie, of course. It's like people who are like, well, the rich can still get abortions however they need. They can take a private jet.

Somewhere to a country where they can get an abortion. Well, any, I mean, America, that is America, man. Like that is America. It is just money. Nothing else. There's nothing else besides money. Even that fucker, that piece of shit, Joel Osteen in Houston, the mega preacher. It's all, it's all of them. Are you kidding me? Oh, I mean, Jan Crouch used to fly her dogs private. Her dogs. It's, it's just, look at yourself. You and I flew coach the other day. Yeah. We're dogs. And we're dogs. Yeah.

We're Pomeranians. God. I don't mean to be so defeatist. I know. The problems... I was thinking while I was putting makeup on today, I was thinking, when I was younger, was it this bad? Like, I just remember watching the news and hearing about like jizz on a miniskirt. You know what I mean? That's all I heard about. But it's the stuff we don't see. It's the stuff that's always been there. But was I just too young to understand? Was I too young to understand? The problem is everybody's like, well, you need to vote. And it's like... Go vote for who for what? That's what I'm saying. It's like... The problem is...

The conservatives will get people to vote based on religious things and religious people get very fired up. Yes. And the problem is Democrats won't vote unless it's the perfect candidate for them. And the other problem is the left wants this and the right wants this. And all we do is watch things get overturned, changed back and forth. Prop eight. You know, we don't see a lot of compromising. We don't see a lot of.

I want this and you want this. What's the middle? It's just a lot of fight until you get this and then wait until that justice dies and somebody else comes in and then it can be flipped. It's just a lot of, I mean, this new Supreme Court, like we're going to deal with this forever. Anything conservative will get passed in our lifetime. America's really, that's what we're doing. The longer you look at it, the more you're like, disgusting. Yeah, it's a really bad shit. It started bad and it's going to end bad. It's a little like, I mean, it's not like renovating, but.

You pull up the carpet and you're like, hardwood. And then you're like, oh, there's termites. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? The bones of human slaves. Yes. It's worse and worse. It's like, oh, and there's an electrical issue. And there's asbestos. Yeah. And all of these together have made this house unlivable. And there's a poltergeist. It's not electricity. It's just evil gas. Yeah. And I don't know. I guess we're just, you know, we're just entertainers and our job is, we don't ever talk about politics and we shouldn't. We're not going to continue. Yeah, yeah. Because we're also stupid. We're stupid and we're just trying to make people laugh. We don't know.

But I mean the day we were in, we weren't even in America when Roe v. Wade was overturned and it's just like,

I was like, well, what can I do? We're over here. And I'm like, what could I do if I was there? Yeah. Fucking nothing. Go walk in the street. Not that, not that protesting is important. No, but I mean, what else can I do? It's certainly better than Planned Parenthood having the gall to like ask for donations. I was like, Mary, what you been doing? What you been doing about this? Like, what have you been, it's a ghoulish. What have you been doing to prevent this?

Well, that's the problem is, I mean, I was like, I don't think it was meant to last. The Roe v. Wade thing was not meant to last this long period. I mean, and then we'll be like, well, people should be able to judge, decide this on a state level. I'm like, you want people in the Bible belt to be able to tell these like, like,

It's just so, do you think people won't get abortions? No, no. See, it's, do you think people won't get pregnant? It's not, it's, it's, it's the thing about it is like, I have this guy was like, don't really try to shift the conversation. It's, it's not banning abortions. It's criminalizing them because abortions will continue. They will just be illegal and so dangerous. People will be arrested. There'll be, and then there are people are going to die. So that's all it is. You're just making something illegal. It will continue to happen. It will be unsafe. It will be,

and dangerous and deadly. In the courts when they talk about things, when people mention their faith, their beliefs, anything, it should be objection. That should not even be talked about. It should not even be talked about. No, it's immaterial. It makes no sense. My golden horse, my golden goose, my 17 wives in heaven. Girl, fuck off. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Are you talking about my three pussies? Well, now you got it.

Now I'm interested. The court will allow it. Like when I hear them talk about like their, their faith or anything, I'm like, mama, you need to stop. Bullshit too. Bullshit. It's all buzzwords. Why does the president have to be at least 35? And there's an unwritten rule that the president has to be pretty much a practicing or fake practicing Christian. Oh, a hundred percent. I mean, even I bet even for, even for atheists and non-practice, like I bet they would be like, something about that is not really like,

I don't want one second of the president's attention to go towards something that doesn't exist. I'm nervous. Thank you. Something that doesn't exist. Live in the reality. There is nothing up there besides atmosphere, you fucking whores. Get a grip. But even if there is, even if God turned out to be real tomorrow, I don't think that would change the way people... Sorry, the GoPro. I don't think that should change the way...

Mama, we heard you. I don't think it should change the way people make laws. No! No! Because we're making laws for us. Because all of these people live as if their religion is 100% real anyway. Yeah. Talk to any religious person. And they're like, oh, this is the one. Yeah. Oh, mama, that's cute, but this is gorgeous. Right. Right? So it's just so crazy to me that it continues to be... Adult, educated, traveled, cultured people still...

Fucking around. And not just fucking around with it. Trying to impose it on other people. That's the thing. Like it's anything to do with truth. Wake the fuck up, bitch. Wake the fuck up. Well, here's the thing. Be religious if you want. Whatever. I'm not being critical of people being religious. I am. I am. Because y'all are, I mean, listen. But good for them. Sure. Good for people who knit. Before you go to bed, if you want to kneel next to your bed and pray. Absolutely. If you want to go to church on Christmas, good for you. If you want to sing Yankee Doodle Dandy. That is nasty.

Yeah, if you want to put on little latex pussy pants. If you want to play Clue or whatever. But the urge of like sitting alone in a room, Christian, and you notice some people who aren't Christian and you're like –

they're not Christian. Oh my God. What are we going to do? I got to tell them the good news. Yeah. They're not praying before their meal. Like what is the urgency? Yeah. Worry about your, eat your food, eat your food, brush your hair, brush your fucking hair. It's just so crazy. It's so crazy. And honestly, I feel like as drag Queens, a lot of the times,

I feel that I'm, because I'm not very politically vocal, I actually feel like, well, I know how the world works. The last thing anybody right wing needs to see is a drag queen like me screaming about my beliefs.

Because I'm already their picture of like what the future liberals want. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's almost like at pride sometimes I'm like the person leading the parade should be a boring librarian who's gay. Because not all of us are vibrant, openly sexual. Yeah. With clits pierced and like, yeah. Most gay people are just watching Netflix. They're boring. Yeah. They're boring. Yeah. Yeah. And it's hard with the religious people because there's a lot of religious people who are

believe in abortion believe in like want gay people to have marriage they exist reasonable people but the loudest craziest among them get all the air time yeah yeah because they're unhinged the gaggy part is these super conservative religious politicians

They're not. They just want the votes of those who are. And guess what? They just want money. They're not. They just want money and power. They're not. No. Oh, girl, they're fucking trans hookers in the shadows. Yeah. They're fucking shooting Tina with whores. You know what I mean? They're shooting Tina with whores.

With hookers. And to clarify, they shot Tina with a gun. I mean, this is a CPAC convention. They are shooting meth with whores. If you went there in drag on a grinder at a conservative... Mama. If you want to get fucked, that's what you should do. 40 plus hours a week, honey. Over time. And 40 plus age. It's exhausting. Yeah, I don't mean to be defeatist, but I just really... I truly was on the plane. Now they're Googling. What can I actually do about this? What can I actually do?

Because I don't want to do nothing because it's stupid. And I think I spent too much of my early 20s not being more involved than I was. Well, I know it can happen actually is to do action in the neighborhood. Right. Because things like, I mean, literally in the block you live. Yes. Like in the block you live, like find out who is like, what's going on in the action. Because that's how anything substance, like anything that's going to catch is going to happen locally. Yeah.

I know what you're saying. Anything actually you can tell something's different. Yes. You can. This is. And then it's like because other communities can then apply that. You can go through all the grunt work and then the streamlined version can be available to other communities. Yes. Next door. Like, hey, actually, we did all that crap. We trial and error, trial and error. This is what worked for us. Boom. And then all of a sudden it's it's like county wide. Oh, and it's statewide.

So like, I think that makes more sense too, because also like little, like personal stuff is like, you know, those, those horrible adages like, Oh, change starts within or whatever. Like you, you'd be like, maybe it's on a poster, a treatment facility of some sort, you know?

But, you know, being nice is also something you can do. Well, now I'm going to stop you right there. Because that's not something I believe in. My religion is being mean. It's being a huge bitch. All right. Can we call it a day? We got to go get picked up for the show. I guess. I'm so tired. I know. I don't want to. This is hard. Touring is so hard. It's really. This has been.

So many tour dates this year, back to back with Queen of the Universe and Trixie Motel and everything. Let's put a name to the elephant inside the room, which is workaholism. It's taken me to a place of, what am I doing? What are you doing? What am I doing? Mama, look at me. I'm a lizard just baking in the sun. But would I say that you're doing well?

I'm not going to look at you and be like, well, there's what I should be doing. Totally. She's doing great. She's so happy. She's engaged. She loves her community. She has so many close friends. She makes, you know, she has a, she has an incredible five year plan. You don't have a five minute plan. Five minute, five minute. Yeah. All right. Well, let's do a show. Thank you. Marcel. I got them for me. So pretty.

Well, listen, I guess just I can't recommend anything other than just, you know, we'll heal the world. Yeah. Watching Trixie Motel and Discovery Plus. I will say renovation. I know we have to go change, but let's be honest. I'm on Discovery, TLC, like that world, HGTV. It's mostly probably conservative viewership. Sure.

And renovation is probably the last heterosexual frontier of television. Think about it. Renovation is usually about a man and a woman. Yep. Children. We're expanding our family. We're moving. The great American dream. It's about family, family, family, family, family. Home ownership. And so doing renovation and not having to be about kids, family, being straight. Just about being fabulous. It's just about being gorgeous. Being fabulous and making money. Yeah. Yeah.

And she should say it. And she should say it. Let's have that conversation. Let's have that conversation. It's funny to watch you in the trailer, the clips where you're like, you're just like dying over a hot pink bathtub. It's fantastic. I couldn't handle that bathtub. I know. I was like, is she upset? I almost cried. I was like, does she hate it? Does she love it? What's going on here? I almost cried. I almost cried. The pink bathtub. I thought I was going to cry. What?

She's not a good actor. I was like, that's real. No, but what I excel at is reacting how I really feel. Yeah, I know. People are like, are you really? I'm like, the people are singing. No choice. Yeah. No choice. I just feel what I feel. Listen. I didn't period this industry to stifle myself. Thank you. Deadass. I'm horny. And I'm allowed to be horny. You know? Deadass. Deadass.

No, literally. I have a dead ass. I have a dead ass. Oh, did the camera die? Oh, okay. Bye. Oh, bye.