#481 - The Weirdest Dream I've Ever Had
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Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Welcome back to the basement yard. Um, it is I, Frank Alvarez. Thanks for joining me on this adventure of laughs, love, and maybe a little bit of self-reflection. Can I guess your favorite color? Uh, no. Uh, red. Red is what I was gonna say. Yeah, bitch, well guess what? It's purple, I know, relax. Guess what, bitch? It's Frank Alvarez. Here I am joined today by Monochrome Mikey. Sorry, One Tone Terry.

Oh, you wrote down a bunch of jokes? Bland Brian. That's you today too, bitch. Or Carl the cream-looking cuck. That's you, bitch. You're cream head to toe. What the fuck is wrong? Stand up, show them the whole outfit. Show them the whole outfit. Show them. Okay. Show them. I will, but... No, no, no, no, no. Before... Okay. Yeah. Look at this. Nice sweater. The exact same... Look, and then show them the shoes. Show them the shoes. Look at you. You'd be invisible in a blizzard.

You fucking loser. Frank, you- Add some flair. Add some pop. Pizazz. Oh, how about my Buc-ee's football shirt? Hell yeah. How about my Buc-ee's football shirt? It's a jersey. Don't you dare disrespect jerseys, bitch. Ew, I said football shirt. You did say football shirt because- Frank, you're wearing one color too. I am not, bitch. I'm wearing several colors. Three.

Oh. Four. Five. This is the day you choose to say a joke about me. And I look good. Sorry. You do look good. I apologize. This is- You know what this is? Yeah. This is me defending the fact that you can just sit there and wear one color. You can walk straight out of the pink tile at fucking Lowe's. Look passable.

And what do you look like? I look great. I look like the everyman. I look like someone that people look at and they're like, that's a bro that I'd like to have a beer with. You know what you look like? You look like you came straight out of a fucking Eyes Wide Shut party where people are fucking each other with giant dildos on their noses.

I don't know. Have you seen the movie? Yeah. I don't think you have. A long time. A long time. I don't think so. A long, long time since I've seen that. Yeah. Well, you know, are you wearing a watch at least that adds a little color? It's not. I'm not. No. I said it's not. It's not. So you're just committing to cream today. The cream commitment from Joey. Yeah. He's committing to cream all over his body. And you're committing to red. Red.

And white. Red, black, and white. A classic combination. White, cream, and beige. You're going to tell me red and black isn't a great color combination. In eighth grade. I used to think it was the coolest thing. Like, oh, it's so cool. What was your, like, do you remember on AIM how you could make it so, like, anytime you typed, it was, like, the font color and then it was highlighted in a different color? Do you remember what yours was? Oh, my gosh. Do you remember what yours was? Green and black, I think. Oh.

Oh, okay. You're going to hate mine. It was like alien-ish. You're going to hate mine. I'm sure I will. It was lime green and red. Lime green and red? Why? Because you loved watermelon? Because I was different, brother. Oh, yeah. You were cool. Because I was being so different down to my font. Yeah. You know? Uh-huh. That's just the way it was. That's just the way it is. Goodling, goodling, goodling. Things will never be the same. Yeah.

That's a great song, man. I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself, is life worth living? Should I blast myself? Well, there we go. Demonetization instantly. Immediately. But you say blast yourself. I don't think that you get in trouble. Yeah, unaliving is good. Blasting is good. Blasting is even better, I would say. I have to say. Finger blasting, I think, might get you demonetized. Also a wild way to describe what you're doing. I just have to say, blast is having the comeback year that like crap had last year. Finger blast. Blast me in the face. You know what I'm saying?

You act like people are saying that in abundance. I have seen more blasting in the last year than I have in the previous 31 of my life. I don't think... Not like... I mean like on... I should probably... I mean in text or verbiage. Not like in actual action. I was just going to say something so weird. Go ahead. I don't know if I should say it now. Well, now you should. It's going to sound weird, but you know what I mean. Please don't throw me in a hole here. Listen, we're in this hole together if you're going down. I was going to say that...

I feel like the younger generation doesn't talk about... Figuring. Yeah. Listen, I have no choice. But you know how that was such a big deal for us when we were younger? I know. I... You know what? We're in this together. We go down with the ship together, baby. Hop on, baby. Here we go. The SS Titanic that Berg just hit and we're swimming right now. Yeah.

That was the thing back in the day. It was, yeah. I can't confirm nor deny. Actually, I'll go as far as I don't know how many people are talking about it now. Yeah, me neither. I don't have a ear to the ground. I'm just not tapped in. I'm not tapped into the finger-blasting community. I don't have the finger-blasting statistics in front of me. Where do you think that term came from? The blasting? Yeah. Do you think someone was doing it and they were just like...

No, I don't think that. Not everything is Star Wars, Frank. It's time to grow up. Take the jersey off. I can't believe it. You had the audacity to walk in here like the fucking poster boy for Williams and Sonoma, and you're going to make fun of me for my incredibly cool jersey? I like the jersey. What if we got a sponsorship by Buc-ee's?

What if we are the first podcast they sponsor? It wouldn't be us. First of all, get Greg on the motherfucking horn. Because that would be awesome. Greg, if you have ever done work here...

Now is the time. Now is the time. Get on the horn and make something happen. Show me your value. Family-owned business. Family-owned business. They might find... Maybe they like us. They might find us appealing when they find out that we went to four Buc-ee's in a matter of 24 hours. That's a disgusting amount. We spent collectively probably $2,000 at a Buc-ee's. Yeah, we paid for a car payment over there or someone. We paid for...

one of their very well-paid employees to have lunch or something like that. 100%. Because that's another thing. If you guys have been to a Buc-ee's, look at that sign that tells you what they get paid. Good for them. Yeah, they make bank. Good for them. And I'll tell you, as someone that worked in retail, they deserve every fucking penny of it because that is a hellhole of an industry. Yeah. It is. And especially around this time of the year.

Did you ever work in retail to the point where you had to fold clothes? Yeah. Really? I can't speak for what the breakdown and the fucking structural shit is now. Good, because if you were going to go through your resume, I was going to walk out of here. No, no, no, no, no. But the way that Target was organized when I was there is there was the store manager, and then there was the assistant managers, but the store manager was called the store team lead, and then the...

People that were in my position were the executive team leaders. So like, it was just kind of like, you know, and we were, we had our like work, you know, like center, like what we were doing. Mine was asset protection. Other was like guest experience, sales floor. But you still had to fold. But you kind of just had to do whatever the job required. So there were days where I spent 10 hours without exaggeration, just folding t-shirts.

And it was... Are you good at it? I'm a pretty good t-shirt folder. I don't mean to... Yo, I don't know how... Still to this day, I'm not good at folding long sleeve t-shirts. Long sleeves suck, but you have to fold the sleeves and then fold them up on themselves like a full Nelson.

Yeah, I just... I don't do that. Yeah. You want to know how I fold them? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So I take how you would fold a t-shirt, right? No, just go. Just go. It doesn't matter. Here. I just like... So this is the thing with the long sleeves. I just...

Fold the t-shirt in half. So now it's like... And you fold the sleeve like in itself. And then I just... That's fine. That's not bad. Oh, that's cool? I think so. I'm not... I mean, I am not the folding police. That's true. So... I mean, you're usually the police for everything around here. Who's yelling at me for everything. Someone needs to be. This is a lawless organization where people just run amok and make people get Brazilian waxes. Okay. Okay.

That was 10 years ago. Two, but who's counting? Someone is. My bonch is counting. I'll tell you that. I bet you wish it was more slick than it is now. I will bet you any amount of money that I'll never do that again in my entire life. I mean. But yeah, I think that's a fine way to do it. But like the way that I was taught was like you hold it up.

You fold the sides in. And then you like do a little flip on the bottom and then a flip over the top. Got it. And then, you know, of course, when I was there, our store then decided to get like the like tableware.

Oh, you're like, tut, tut, tut, tut. I wish, brother. That's cool. Because I might get one of those at home. Fuck it. I've gone down deep rabbit holes of watching Asian women fold clothes before. There's those TikToks where it's just like, grab this, grab this, grab this, fold it. And I'm just like, you're a wizard. I'm literally watching that and I'm like, yo, this is so crazy. That's the closest we'll get to Hogwarts is being able to fold shirts like that. But it's like, yeah, how...

And I can't understand it. It's like, you know, like contortionists and shit like that. It's like they're like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And I'm like, how the fuck did you do that? It doesn't make sense. And I'll be honest. I'm a little pissed off about it. But, you know, what are you going to do? Do you ever watch on Netflix? There's that woman who, like, comes into your house and, like, organizes the shit. I've never watched it. But if I hear one more thing about it, it was the Asian woman, right? Yeah. Yeah.

We're on to you, okay? Organization and folding. And math. And math. Yeah. Uh-oh. And tech innovation. Yeah. I'm just saying like... And squid. Everyone... There was like an eight... There was like an eight-month period where all I heard about was that shit. Yeah. And it was just like fucking enough. I like it. People were just like, walk into a closet, touch a shirt. If you don't feel anything, throw it out. And it was like...

Oh, it was like energy? Yeah, it was like... Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, yeah. That was a big one. No, no, no. That was a big one. I feel nothing when I hold every piece of clothing. Because it's clothing. It's clothing. Exactly. I'm not like...

Mom. But see, I am the opposite end where I'll see it and I'll be like, I wore this the first day of ninth grade. And I remember that was the day that Paulette said that she might have a crush on me. Yeah. And you know, you would be that woman's worst nightmare. I would. Yeah. I would be like, you know, like those. Could you? Frank, oh my God. Do you think if we sent someone into your house to throw out like 10% of your stuff that you would make it out alive?

I would be like, you ever see that little, like, that little, like, southern fat kid that was, like, pissed that the woman came in to get rid of all, like, the bacon in his house? Yeah, yeah. On that show where he's just like, all right, get this woman out of here. Yeah, yeah. I would be very upset. And it wouldn't make for a good video because... Oh, it would. I know it would.

It would. It would not. Oh, my God, dude. That would be so funny. But see, now... You're like in hoarders when they... Stop that. Stop that, bitch. No, you're not as bad as them, obviously. There was a woman, though, that I saw who was hoarding...

Yeah, yeah feces feces feces I think that's the multiple of feces one is a feces several as feces feces. He sigh Yeah, yeah, not to be confused with fetuses. There was none of those there No, no one's having sex with the woman who's hoarding shit in her house human shit. You would be surprised. I would be shocked But she had all this shit and then the guys like yo, we got it and she's like stop. Oh

Yeah, that's an obvious mental health issue. Mine is not tied to any confirmed cases of mental health, but I just, I feel like a deep sense of connection to things that I have because I have a very vivid memory. I'll be honest with you. Recently, I've gone through and gotten rid of a lot of stuff because... Not because of me. I have just... No. Thank God. Nothing I do is because of you. I'm just like...

Put myself in a position where I am, like, my... I forget some of the stuff. Where, like, I, like, recently remembered a story and it was like, I almost forgot that forever. We've been watching a lot of Inside Out and it's been fucking me up mentally. You haven't watched it? I'm not. You don't. I've seen that scene and I, like, I... The bing bong, right? Yeah. Yeah, don't... We're talking the character, not the...

obvious relation to a flaccid thing that we have spoken about before. Oh, pretty sure on our show, we've called it. I don't think anyone was making that connection. I'm pretty sure on our show, we've called a penis, a bing bong before. We've called it everything. Yeah. Well, uh, but I, I have gotten, I've been getting better at it. Okay. I also live with someone who's the polar opposite and who will just wants to throw everything out. Not everything, but like, she's pretty good at getting rid of things. Like, like getting rid of stuff. I,

Don't you like new stuff? I do like new stuff, but you know what's even better than new stuff? New stuff on top of you already having this also cool stuff, you know? Old stuff? Yeah. Well, you say old. I say storied.

That's the way that I approach it. That's a cute way of putting it. Well, seasoned. Right. You know, think of... Well, when you're talking about underwear and then you're saying seasoned, it's disgusting. Well, I think because I have a better connection to the earth and, you know, just a sense of spirituality than... Technically, because you're not littering, because you're not throwing out your old underwear. Well, I think like I... You have 25-year-old underwear. You know that? No. I have...

20 year old underwear okay it's not gotten to 25 yet shout out to whoever made that by the way holding up like holding up for 20 years no no no it is not it is tattered does it go on your body you wear it no no no no it is in storage

It's underwear and you don't wear it? Yeah, of course. Is it framed? It is in storage at the moment. It is tattered. It has gotten to a point where the elastic is like, if I pull it, it will turn into dust. Yeah. So, you know. That's insane, dude. Well, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Throw it out. Speaking of insane. Okay. I, God, thank God I remembered to show you this. There was a guy that tweeted at us.

I am firmly assuming gender here. But Luke Schultz, shout out to our friend on Twitter. X, I don't care. But he's like, all right, we talked about AI recently. And he's like, yo, I was fucking around with AI one day. And I asked them to make a script and audio for you guys for your show. And it didn't.

Oh, like an AI version of our show? An AI version of our show. It is like 90 seconds long, so it is not long at all. But it is, and I listened to it. Joey has not seen it yet. Please. I texted him saying, don't check your Twitter mentions. And he said, I don't anyways. So I need to play this for you. 90 seconds. It's us.

It is a fucking whirlwind. Does it sound like us? Honestly? Kind of. That's freaky. But, like, you can hear it and you hear, like, something is off. Okay. Like, the un- you know, it's just weird. So, this is not- this is, like, our actual intro. Welcome back to The Basement Yard, the podcast where we sit in a basement and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Today, I'm joined by my co-host, Frankie. What's up, Joe? What the hell are you doing? What do you mean? You look like you just escaped from a mental institution. And, hey-

So that's us. That's opening. Already accurate. Oh, very accurate. Because you were, what are you doing? Just fighting off the bat. You're immediately offending me. And it's like, it's scary. It sounds like us, right? I love that it's AI saying like, this is a show about us in a basement. I probably wrote that on like a bio somewhere. That was probably the very first episode where it was just like a show where we like, just like basement chats, which could be like very strange. But yeah. So you immediately start off making fun of me. Right.

Which is what you did today. Uh, yeah, we, well, we exchange blows. We exchange blows. We blow each other. We exchange blows. We're blowing each other. We're blowing each other. So one day you're blowing at me, I'm blowing you. It's a good old blow fest. Sometimes we blow at each other at the same time and he gets caught in the middle. And we get, there's, yeah, there's like that, like, like thing in the middle where like Voldemort and Harry Potter are squaring off. We're just exchanging blows and it's just like melting in between us. Comic book Frank taking it to the next level. Here we go. Not a comic book, bitch.

Hey man, that's not nice. You know what? Our father's dead. I mean, the immediate pivot. I think maybe AI. If I'm putting myself in the brain of this wildly...

Intellectual algorithm. Artificial intelligence. I think. I think. What are you thinking? Let's think right here. Think hard. I'm doing three fingers for thinking. Let's do a think. I'm doing three fingers for thinking. Okay. I think that it is connecting our ability to blow each other, go back and forth, with our lack of love from our fathers.

Maybe it's just drawing them. Maybe that we're so defensive and like to make fun of each other because we saw love as being made fun of from our fathers, which is not accurate if we're being honest. Our fathers love us. Our fathers love... We just like to make that joke. It took a while, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like maybe it's connecting those two things. And it's just saying like, you know...

Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. That was a wild segue. I will say that. Okay. Not that we're good at segues, but like that was pretty bad. We're not good at segues. AI is not, definitely not good. It's capturing how bad we are at segues. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah, all right. Here we go. I'm talking about the fact that we grew up with divorced parents who had strong opinions about everything. We grew up in Astoria and let's just say it wasn't the best experience. That first of all- It was the best experience. Yeah.

That was the greatest place on the planet. I love Astoria. AI, correct yourself. Yeah. I'm not going to say bitch because I don't want them to... We don't know yet. Yeah. We've seen iRobot. We've seen iRobot. And Terminator. Yeah. And maybe we just... Oh, wow. Didn't even think about Terminator. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you should probably... Well, that's like physical intelligence. That's like... It's not artificial. Well, it starts in one place and kind of moves to the other. You know, I mean, what's the difference? But...

We did grow up with parents that had very strong opinions on things. Sure. But that has just created us that have strong opinions on things. Which is not bad, right? What was the end part of that? And then it was just like- Oh, we grew up in Astoria. We grew up in Astoria, which was like- Not the best of- Not the best experience. I had a great time. The greatest time. Yeah, I had a good time. It's not a bad neighborhood. I mean, I don't know what it is now because I haven't lived there. I feel like it's way safer now than it was then it was safe then. I mean-

Astoria is... I actually don't know if any of that's true. Yeah, that's why you're sitting there making like, you know, fucking... I'm going off a field. You are. And honestly, I would much prefer a world that goes off field than actual crime statistics. Right. Well... Yeah, that's what you did, bitch. Okay. Greatest place on the planet to grow up. We had the greatest childhood. I will ride that until I am dead. Ride it. Which isn't... Okay. All right.

Hey bitch! Fuck! I did it! Bitch! Astoria is in New York City. Crap hole. Yeah, it is. And also, not a crap hole. Also, crap hole. Maybe AI didn't want to curse for us. Okay. Because normally, when you insult me, I don't say, that's not very nice. I say, go fuck yourself. Right, you say something of that effect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Crap hole. And now we live in the greatest city in the world, New York City. Same place. Yeah.

One of New York City's little smaller towns. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that Put it in front of the mic. Sorry I is good pretty well, dude

There's still one big fat problem. There's one big fat problem. 9-11. Also a big fat problem. Big fat problem is a... That's a goodie. That's a good one that I think we have coined. Big fat problem, 9-11. We have coined that. We coined. We have a coin. We have a coin now. We have a coin. We are the originators of big fat problem. Just like The Rock is the originator of SmackDown. What a... I don't know. Who else made words? I don't know. It hit us. Yeah. There's still one big problem. One big fat problem. And why did I go...

Uh, 9-11. I wasn't sure. This is awesome, dude. I will say, that is a big problem. I would say it's still a big problem. We are saying. Still to this day feeling the effects of it. That is true. Yeah. You know, so honestly, AI is kind of not missed yet. Never mind. No, no, no, go ahead. No, I wasn't going to say anything interesting. You weren't going to say anything interesting? No. I could have told you that. Yeah. I keep rewinding a little bit. It's okay.

The NYPD can handle it? You know, the famously thick-skinned police department in the city of New York. I'm just kidding, man. The NYPD can handle it? Why am I... The NYP diddly? Yeah, what did I say just now? Pee diddly...

That is so fucking funny because why, like, can they, can they hit like the end? Not only that, but where is AI going that that's what you come up with? Yeah. Like they can handle, they could take the joke. And I like that they have put me as the moral high ground of this show. Oh, that's what that means. Yeah. Like they can take a joke. I thought it was like the NYPD can handle 9-11. Oh,

I mean... They did. I mean, in addition to the FDNY, Port Authority, and other, you know, neighboring, you know, places and offices, but like... I didn't know it was the joke that it was referring to. It was saying like, I was like, oh, that's not nice. And you're like, they can handle it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be honest with you. It's mad funny. If anyone were to hear our 9-11 jokes, I don't think the NYPD, and it's not like we're making jokes about 9-11, but like, I don't think they would handle it. I'll do you one better. I know the FDNY won't because there is one that I have made 9-11 jokes to and he's not happy about it. He's not, yeah, no, no. I can imagine he's not pumped about it. Dude, he saw a clip where we made a 9-11 joke and he did not like it. Oh,

shit. What did he say? He was just like, it's not funny. It is not funny. We know it's not, but what we, for just, let's clear the air real quick. Yeah. Uh,

We're not making jokes about it happening. We're making it where people use it as like the soapbox to stand on. Like, oh yeah, you think there's a current war and these people and they're treated bad? What about 9-11? And it's just like, yes, that was bad. Like they use it as like a red herring to just like kind of draw attention away. I mean, I don't know. I also told my dad to like, I'm like, dad, come on. You've made worse jokes.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard some jokes. Yeah, come on. I've heard some jokes your dad has made. It's fine. Yeah, I remember I was one time in, like, your dad had drove me home, and it was on the car clock. It was 9-11. And I saw it, and I did the sign of the cross. Oh, my God. No, but that was something I legitimately did for years afterward. And your dad stopped the car and would not let me out to talk to me. Like, he talked to me for, like,

30 minutes. About 9-11? Just like, you know, like that. He loves that. He's so passionate. Your dad not only is so passionate, but he's just blown away by viewing small acts of compassion in other people. He's a very soft and compassionate guy. So when you do something like that, he's like, oh. Your dad is like the ultimate, like SNL years ago did a sketch, which I thought was so funny where it was like,

NYPD officers, like, giving a speech at, like, their daughter's birthday. And it was just like, you know, I'm rough and tough, but, like, don't get me. You know. He's that. And he is that to a T. He really is. The guy, for lack of better, maybe even literal ways, has sandpaper thick skin. Yeah. But the minute you crack something that makes him emotional. It's a wrap. He's a very emotional guy. And, like, it's just so...

So he calls me and tells me that. He's so like, he is so like on a human level, like amazing compassion. Yeah. Like, can you believe they held the door open for me? Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty standard thing to do. It's just nice. That's what he'll say. My dad, on the other hand, skin level understanding. Dad, they held the door open for you. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

You know? You know? Just like... Okay. You talk to him about like building a chair though. He'll light up like a Christmas tree. Oh my God. Yeah. And the moment you talk about like lathers and like, you know, fucking pipe fitters, the guy will cry you a river. What are those chairs called that are like... Adirondack? Yeah. Adirondack chairs. He called me... Oh, Adirondack. You want to put a fridge in it? He put a cooler and everything. A cooler and everything. Everything. I remember I was in college and he would call me three times a week.

to tell me about when he would build Adirondack chairs. He loves them. And what was the most annoying is that he would call them Adirondack. And I'm like, you know that that's wrong, Dad. Adirondack. The Adirondack chairs, what you gotta do is, I can make it for you. I was like, Dad,

Please stop. When Twitter was like a popular thing, my dad would be like, plot that. I'd be like, you know it's not called that. Like, you know it's not called that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Remind me, I got to tell you a funny joke about my dad in social media. Here we go. Adirondack chairs, by the way? Love them. Yeah, they're okay. I like them. Oh, come on, Joe. That's not funny. I'm just joking, man. The NYPD can handle it. Yeah, they got this. But seriously, I've got something to share with you guys.

I've invented an everything bagel hot sauce. That's great, Joe. What's next? Maybe you can pitch me some ideas for a new product we can invent and sell. How about a hat that doubles as a toaster? That's ridiculous. What about a pair of shoes that can clean the toilet? You're insane. Oh, so the AI is picking up on how you have bad ideas. Yeah. I have no defense there. Is there mics in here? I don't know.

Yes, there are. They're in front of our faces, Joey. I meant secret mics, secret little mics. They also just absolutely picked up on the fact that you're a shill for anything you make. What do you mean? You're a shill for anything you make. I don't know what a shill is. I know shillings. Well, when you shill for something, you're just like a... You will just put out for it, basically. Got it. So you're a shill for your hot sauce, which...

You posted on social media the new hot sauce. Didn't tell you fire. I know. I'm not saying the flavor, baby. Don't worry. I'm big secret guy over here. Don't worry about it. Okay. You know me. BSG. Big secret guy. BSG Frank. BSG Frank. As someone that has not only tried it, but bought several bottles of it. Very good. Yeah. Congratulations. You guys take a victory lap, bitch.

I can't. As soon as I started, I was like, I'm here and I gotta keep going and I hated it the whole time. So, yeah. So then it went into my, call me, call me crazy. Mm-hmm.

Shoes that can clean a toilet... That's a good idea. ...don't sound like a bad idea. That should exist. If it doesn't already. It's easier to get your foot in the toilet. But, like, you don't want to get your hand into a toilet, so you just shove your toes into it. You could just get, like, a thing. They make the... A scrubber's better. Yeah, but even those, those things are fucking just...

Caves of bacteria. Yeah, I don't, but I don't, like when people have like blue water, I hate that. Oh, why? Because it reminds me of like my aunt's house or something. Gotcha. Which, what happened there, Joey? Nothing, I just like. You think okay? Yeah, I just. You have anything to tell the room? No, it's just like, I don't know, it's just like whack. Like I'd rather have white water, like clear water. The bowl is white! You're in that outfit, Joey, you gotta be really careful. All right, let me finish this. There's no hood on this.

Yeah, I know. We cut it off. Let's get to- Let's finish this so we can get to the end. Frankie, I know but that's why you love me. Speaking of love, do you remember that time when you tried to gaslight me into believing that I said something very, very offensive about African Americans and the Jews? Oh, man. I'm gonna throw up. It is right, but I don't think I've ever gaslit you into saying something bad about- I mean, probably. Probably. I just said we cut off your hood, you white bastard. Yeah, exactly.

That's crazy. That's insane. That's wild. They have picked up on what I think makes certain things that people like seeing. What is with the inflections? There was one point where I went, I don't know. I think that's just a weird AI thing that they can't

There's just certain parts of human speech that you can't replicate. I guess. And the Jews? Yeah. What is that? And it's just like, hey, Joe, that's nice. It's working the kinks out. It's like the voice version of when A.I. has an extra finger. You ever see those pictures? Yeah.

Yeah. It's gross. Or those ones that I know you love where it's just like the animals and like the Chernobyl sewers and stuff like that. Ew, dude. I hate that shit. You want me to show you another one? No, I don't. I saw one the other day that might haunt you legitimately to the day you die. I will close my eyes and glue them shut. It was a giant spider with a dog's mouth. Fuck. Okay. I think I'm- Hey, Frank. Don't even attempt to show me that. Because I'm not going to look. That's it for today's episode of- Yeah. That's it. That's it. Oh, we ended it with that. Luke.

Good stuff. Gotta say. Good stuff. Crazy. I mean, listen, if more people do this... Please don't. Maybe don't. But like...

Maybe we'll look at them. Maybe they're good. Maybe they're funny. I mean, it would be interesting to see what AI comes up with, but that's terrifying. I mean, it's going to be hard. They just set a real clear benchmark. That was pretty good. So go ahead. We had 9-11 and gaslighting in it, I mean. And our dad's not loving us. And divorced parents. Those are the three pillars of... Now I just feel like a hack. You know, because buildings were famously made with three pillars. What's the fourth pillar of our episodes?

Gas... Me gaslighting you into trying to convince the world that you're... A horrible person. A horrible person. Uh... Fathers. Fathers not loving us. Divorce parents. 9-11. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess those four things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe there's a... There's a, like... Famously, buildings were built with four pillars. Okay. But what do I know? Anyway, we do have some ads for today. Uh, the...

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you're taking that self-love self-help journey why don't you do me a favor and go to patreon.com and take a journey with us a journey into more of us baby i don't mean to assimilate both things to being the same but you never know maybe you need some more time to smile happy all that stuff so go to patreon.com slash the basement yard where we continue to tell you guys and thank you guys for all the love and support uh you sign up today and uh that first here you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single friday so you can start

and end your week with The Basement Yarn. You guys have continued to support us and help us grow. And, you know, I know this is something Joe has spoken about on our Patreon episodes, but we're currently in transition into a new studio. And it's because of people like you that have helped and supported us. Also,

If you're looking for a last-minute gift for the basement yard fan in your life or someone that you want to get into the show or said, hey, I've been wanting to get into a show, Patreon is a great, great, great holiday gift idea. So check it out, patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Thank you guys so much. We appreciate you. We love you. And we're really excited for 2025. Speaking of the new studio, I have to thank you for the...

Carte blanche that you have given me to really just build out the studio to be you know, I'm gonna stop you there one I don't know what carte blanche means to know whatever you're saying. I haven't done. Yes, you have you said you are blanched You said what is that? Yeah, what language is that Latin? Come on, Joey? It's French. Look it up if you don't understand it. You don't know don't you look up carte blanche? You don't know Joey. I know what it means You don't know look up carte blanche Joey. No, I know Cate Blanchett. Oh

She is, so she is a descendant of Mr. Carte Blanche. You must think so low of me that I would believe that. No, I think high of you that you're going to check that. I'm not. And, you know, teach yourself. But I had a conversation with Greg and he told me that you said that I'm good to like build out a tea section in the new studio. That never happened. Yeah, it did. Tea section? Yeah, like a whole section of like, now you will be able to enjoy quality teas in the new studio. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you going to get a really cool teapot? I'm going to, again, carte blanche. So I'm going to get everything from the bottom up. I'm talking quality teas, good tea, you know, a nice little tea table, some cups. You can do whatever you want. I just don't know. You know, I think it's going to have a really tough time getting expense. No, no, no. I think that's going to be tough. Well, Greg gave me the number for the credit card. I'll read it here if you want. Yeah, go ahead. Read it. But like, I appreciate it.

I appreciate it. I appreciate you allowing us, as you have referred to us as your underlings, to really take... I never said that. Sorry. I mean, I can't say the exact word that you used. Oh, here we go. Okay. But take ownership in the space that we are using to create because we want to feel at home in this space. So you're going to bring a bunch of oolongs? Oh, no, no, no. I'm going to buy a bunch of oolongs on your dime. Right. On our dime because we are in this together. Right.

Can't reach there. Come on. But it doesn't feel like that with what you're saying. I think it does feel like that. There have been some great ideas for the studio that you have done nothing but shoot down. Bro, Greg has... And this is not a joke. Greg has had maybe the worst ideas he's ever come up with when it comes to the studio. I don't think that's true. And both of you have ran away with this idea where like...

Suddenly they forgot that we have a job and it's like we could do this this this I'm like there will be no room left if you want to make this a fucking Greg has pitched a basketball hoop eight different ways

And one of them legitimately, he was like, he's like, dude, you're probably going to say no. So like for whatever, but he's trying, he was hitting me with the Keith. He's like, you probably won't like this, but like here. Oh man, that's the Keith move of all. Yeah. He's like, no, you probably won't like it. You're probably gonna say no. I was like, I'm going to think he's the dumbest thing you've ever heard. I was like, Greg, I'm going to say no, but tell me. And he's like,

That room in the back there, like if we just put down like hardwood and a basketball hoop, I was like, I think it's a great idea. Good. You guys could fucking do it. So we're not putting, no, we're not doing that. It's a, it's a big room and they want to put a half court there. I think that hardwood. Joey, as someone like you who consistently reads books about different business and setups and stuff like that, I think you have to acknowledge that the approach to business is

SIS nowadays have been more playful and they engage in you know feng shui's that promote more of a placement for creativity So for instance when I worked as an electrician for a couple years I one of the one of the sites I was at was the LinkedIn headquarters, and this is serious in Manhattan I don't know if it still uses a LinkedIn headquarters, but they had a whole room and

Hold on, hold on. They have a whole room of like arcade games and like, you know, like just like fun, fun, creative spaces. Fun, fun. Yeah. Like fun startups that now they have like the ping pong table. There's a beer taps. We'll get drunk during the day. It's so cool. Yeah.

90% of startups fail. 90. 90%. Well, I don't even consider what we're doing a startup, Joey. 90 is low. I thought it'd be higher. I think we are a well-seasoned storied. We are seasoned. We are seasoned well. And I know the- Seasoned well. The step, you know, adding in people like myself, Ahmed, I have allowed the seasoning to be just more diverse. Seasoned. You guys are the seasoning. Because I think you would admit that you and Greg are more of a salt and pepper.

And the addition of myself, Ahmed, we add a little more. Speak of the devil, he just walked by the window. POCs. Yes, we add pox. That's what you've referred to as a pox on the industry. What does that mean?

You've never heard that saying? No. A pox on the industry is just like the death of the industry or something like that. Is it really? Yeah, you've never heard of that? Wait, is that like short for like pop pox? People of color, they just call it POCs. Oh. They call pox is like small pox, large pox. Oh. Or whatever's in between, monkey pox. I don't think that large pox is a thing. Dog pox. Dog pox also isn't a thing. Dolphin pox. Dolphin pox? No, I made that up. Oh, I was going to ask, how many poxes are there? Chicken. I know pockies, those are good.

I love Pockys. I love Pockys. Underrated. You remember who used to have those, right? Also Asian. We're back. And you remember who used to have those all the time. Tiffany Nguyen. That's our girl. I haven't spoken to her in 21 years, but what's up, Tiffany? We've talked about Tiffany mad times on the show. We have talked about Tiffany...

When? We're here, we're here. Like a lot. Yeah. And we just want her to know, we haven't spoken to her in 21 years. But she's made an impact. She is a member of the Basement Yard lore at this point in time. She is, yeah. And she had all the pencils. We hope she's well. She did not share them. First of all, I hope she's alive. Could you imagine if she's like, if she has left us? That would be heartbreaking. Left us.

If she left us? We wish you well. Do you think anyone from our fifth grade graduation class? I can name one person with a certainty that has. Has passed away? Yes. Well, yeah, our friend in fourth grade. No, fifth grade. Who? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's sad. Yeah. Yeah, that's really sad. I don't think anyone else, though. I hope everyone's thriving. Thriving. Doing well. Getting by. I wonder if they even realize, like...

Or if they hate it. Or yeah, they're just like, please shut the fuck up about us. Shut these two fucking idiots up. I will say this. We are due for a return to our elementary school. Walk the halls. Nobody knows us there anymore, Frank. That's not true. Probably true, actually. My mom's not there. Actually, there's like three women in the office that probably know us. Really? Probably. Who's still there? First and last, baby. First and last. I mean, I don't know first and last. Miss RG is there. Ah, yeah. Yeah.

I think Miss Watkins is still there. Hey! I loved her. I'm not her. I loved her. Yeah, she's awesome. I think Miss Y is there. Smart not saying her name. Smart not saying her name. Dormus is there. There's the one that we said don't, the name of the one that we said don't say. She came to our Ready City show, said hi to her. She did, yep. She told me I look like a porn star. Strange thing to hear from your fourth grade teacher. She's like, you look like a porn star. I was like, that's exactly what I was going for.

I was not going to say that. I didn't know what else to say in that moment. Listen, just to kind of revert back, Greg is not listening to this, but he will probably get a clip of this or tagged in something. Yeah. Greg, I support you. I understand that you have a thriving business acumen that is trying to push the status quo forward and with synergy and understanding. It's not how you use synergy. Understanding that a happy atmosphere creates a thriving atmosphere. Yeah.

Greg is just trying to do best by us. Greg also was like, we should get a sauna. And I was like- What a great idea. There isn't a shower. And also, I'm not getting a sauna. I mean, maybe a couple of pipes. You want me to put a couple of wipes? Pipes. Pipes. Oh, pipes. You could do an electric sauna. No, I'm not allowed legally to not put a shower in there. Electric sauna. Oh.

Frank, I'm not worried about that. You can, sauna would run on infrared regardless. No, you could do a steam one or you could do an electric one. That would be a steam room. No, there are steam powered, hot water powered saunas and there's electric ones. Whatever. The point is you'd be sweating. I love that. And then no shower. That's my point. I mean, sometimes Joe in business, you need to get a little dirty.

You don't have to use a sauna to go record a podcast. How many of our ideas do you think would have just gotten better if they were discussed in a sauna? Zero. You sure about that? Yes. A lot of the things that I think about in my life happen when I'm in a steam room or a sauna. Okay. It's a breeding ground for ingenuity.

Synergy? We're not getting a sauna. Okay. That's not happening. Okay. There was the basketball hoop. There was air hockey table. That's a good one too. I do like air hockey, but no one's going to use it. I said we should get those like,

that it's like half a pool table and then it's a ping pong table and then it's a shuffleboard table. Like it's just a bunch of tables. But like when is anyone going to do this? You never know, Joey. You do know though. You never know. I feel like everyone who owns a pool table or any of those types of tables, they used it for like the first month that they had it and they never touched it again. Speak for yourself, bitch. No, I'm speaking from experience. When did you own a pool table? I had a pool.

Not a pool table, Joey. I mean, it's still... As someone that lived in a building that had a pool table readily accessible, I had the time of my life. I used it all the time. Several times a week. Where did you wear it? My first year college residence hall. And my second year. And then my fifth year. Frank, you were 18 years old. And 19. And you had to congregate somewhere. And 21, Joey. Yeah. And I would play pool a lot. Did you have one of those gloves? I didn't have one of those gloves. I was going to say...

May have prevented you from intermingling with the women, Frank. You guys see my glove? I did well for myself, bitch. Oh, man. Anyway, I want to talk about a dream that I had. Dream Joe is back. Yeah, Dream Joe is back. This one wasn't a cool one. We should have a cool, like...

Like song way of like doing this. Like a segment? Like introducing a segment. Dream Joe's back. Dream Joe's back, but it should be the song Dreamweaver. I don't know that song. What's that song? Dreamweaver.

It was from like the 60s where all the songs were about like screwing underage people and like they were, dude. Were they? Go listen to... Dancing Queen was 17. That was in the 70s. Go listen to like Chuck Berry and it's just like, I love you. You're so beautiful, my sweet 16 year old. Yeah, dude. It is weird. Ew, Chuck. It is...

fucking Chuck. It is. There is a lot of like, it's like, she's the girl of my dreams and I want to sing to her and take her out for a milkshake and a cream. And she's 14 years old. And it's just like, Hey, Bobby, Darren, cut it the fuck out.

You know, an egg cream is disgusting. I've never had one of you. My mom likes them, and I wanted to slap it out of her hand. Good thing you went without that hand and not slap your mother. I would never slap my mother. Are you kidding me? Well, good, good. I'd put a stick in my eye before I would do that. But I had a dream. Dream, dream, dream, dream. We're past the intro. All right, okay. But it was a crazy dream. Sweet dreams are made of this. Who am I to disagree?

But I had a dream that I was at a restaurant and there was this weird waiter there. And I'm not going to lie. Who was the waiter? I don't know. That's not true. Do you think I'm lying? No, but your brain is incapable of making new faces. So like whoever the waiter is, is someone whose face you've seen. Are you guys ready? This is what it's like being with friends with Frankie. You heard that one day. Didn't look it up. No, I haven't looked it up. I have looked it up.

Is it true? I've also heard that, but I don't know. Who are you attacking then? To be true, you're sitting over there like you're Bobby Dreams. No, I have looked into it more to the point I have confidence that it is true. Whatever. Trust the guy in a Buc-ee's jersey. You can't. Come on.

Yeah, but you can't, like, I've heard it too. You can't create a face in a dream. It has to be a face you've seen before. But it could have been a face that you've seen in passing. That's what I've heard. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying, like, it's someone in your life that, like, you remember. But I literally, you asked me who it is. I'm like, I don't know. You said, that's not true. I was like, I don't know. Okay. But it was this very blonde guy. Like, he had, like, platinum blonde hair, right? Okay. And he was weird looking. So you're having dreams about Aryans. Continue. So he, I'm, I'm.

at a dinner i guess but there's a bunch of people there there's like maybe five people but i don't remember who was there and the waiter comes over and he like hands me my food and then he gets down and kisses me on my hip oh oh like it was but my hip was like exposed what low-rise jeans what the hell i don't know what i was wearing but my hip was exposed and this guy smooched it he was like and i flipped i was like i was like what the

I will say this. Hold on. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he gets up and he's like, and he's just looking at me like this. Like, I like it. I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here. And then he turned kind of sinister. Holy shit. And then he looks at me and he goes, you look terrified. And I got out of my chair and I got in his face and I was like, where? Get the fuck out of here. Oh, I thought.

You meant like where are you gonna kiss me next? What's next? I'm gonna go as far as to say this kissing on the hip Kiss my hip way more sexual than any other kissing mouth penis Frank. Come on neck. Oh, yeah neck neck is the nape Oh, yeah. Yeah. What the hell is that nape of the neck? Isn't it just the neck? Yeah, you know

But chest. Chest is... Chest. I've already named five. Okay. But like hip is crazy, Joey. Hip is wild. What do you wear? Are you wearing like a crop top and low rise jeans and this guy was just able to just go...

I don't know, but he kissed it and I was just like, what the fuck are you doing? What did you order? I don't remember any other details. You don't remember any other details? I remember the table was like... What do you order could have invited... Frank, if it was aphrodisiacs and I ordered only oysters... Maybe it was... Was it like one of those themed restaurants where it's like, ha ha, the waiters are mean to you. It's just called like, instead of like Dick's Last Resort, it's called like, we kiss your bare hip. Yeah. Wow. So that was the payoff for the joke, was that? Okay, good. Yeah.

But yeah, I had a dream and I woke up and I was just like, did I just get...

S-A-I-D? I mean, in a way, yeah, you did. I was very pissed off. I mean, yeah, I can understand that. And I didn't like that he was like, you look terrified. I was like, I will fucking kill you. As someone who was on the receiving end of a... I told you, the guy in my legs and stuff like that. Oh, I was there for that. Yes, you were. Yeah. And you remember how mad I was? Yeah. It's an invasion of privacy, you know? So... He's in your private. He was literally invading my private. Yeah. Yeah.

On top of the pants. Let's be very... That's crazy. Did you hit him? Or did you then wake up? No, he walked away. I woke up shortly after that, yeah. Or maybe I didn't, but that's all I remember. Damn. Yeah, it was weird. It was a very weird dream, dude. That's insane. It was such a strange feeling. You know the dream people are back, and they're just like, this means that you feel a total lack of control in your...

I don't know. Yeah. And I was like watching Seinfeld before I went to sleep. So I don't. Was it Jerry Seinfeld that kissed your. What's the deal with this cute looking hip? Low rise jeans at a dinner. Come on. Come on. What's that? I don't even know. We have more ads. Uh, we also have kickoff folks. Uh, kickoff is great. Uh,

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Our favorite. Like, our favorite. Becca and I just sit there and just watch, and it's incredible. I love it so much. Your background on your phone does that, too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. You're all about that interchanging photos. Let me tell you right now. And we have kids and see our kids all the time every day. So imagine, like, the loved one in your life doesn't get to see you or your friend. It's a great gift. Now they get to see them age. Don't do that. Sorry. Don't. Why? Like, I. Give me a break. I got kissed on my hip last night. I can't.

By a man. I stared at a picture of Ruby the other day and like my eyes welled and I was just like, I need to get this off of my phone right now. I want to see what's the picture right now. Is that your favorite? It's not the same picture. Is Ruby your favorite child? I don't have a favorite child, Joey. I tried to. No, I see what you're doing there, bitch. I tried to get you. You know why you're doing that. You know the only people that ask that is because they know they weren't their parents' favorite child.

Well, that makes two of us. I was, you know, what was funny is like someone was like, like recently, like you were middle child, like you have middle child syndrome. What is the syndrome? It's like a thing where, you know, I don't want to, it's, it's just one of those things where like people just make up things that are wrong about someone and she's like middle child syndrome. But like, Oh dude, that sounds exactly what something you would do.

Middle child syndrome is a hypothetical condition that suggests middle children develop different personality traits in their siblings based on the idea that parents treat middle children differently. That said a whole lot of nothing. What are those characteristics? A high sense of independence.

You know, you could say what you want about me, but I think I have that. Feelings of alienation, competitive, risk-taking. Definitely not me. Yeah, but he's not a risk-taker. I'm not a risk-taker. Strong social skills, strong sharing behaviors, peacemakers, low self-esteem, flexible friendship skills. You are very flexible. You could get your leg all the way up. I don't think he meant like physically flexible. Friendship skills, peacemakers. I'm a... I think...

Were you about to say you're a violent guy? I was, but I'm not. Frank, you're definitely not. I'm not. I'm a big teddy bear. Yeah. But I think some of those I have, you know. Yeah. And you're the baby of your family. What does that mean? I'm desperate for attention or something? No, I think you were probably... There's all these dynamic things. It's like, you know, like the oldest gets treated this way. The baby gets like to do whatever they want. Characteristics of the last born child. Well, there goes the backspace.

Of the youngest child. Independent, creative, social, attention-seeking, fun-loving, easygoing. I think it's pretty on brand. Charming, confident, manipulative. What does it say? Please. Did you hear how I tried to say manipulative? Manipulative.

persistent problem solvers okay this is just insane it just sounds great mine is just like you're an idiot you're stupid you're weak and yours are like smart kind really easy going really super easy well the reason that i technically fall into the middle child syndrome is because my younger brothers are twins so it's like they're treated as one right you know but there definitely was in our house the dynamic of like my my parents were stricter with my sister

Really? Oh, yeah. They loosened up on, you know, me in terms of their rules. And then with my brothers, it was just like, who gives a fuck? They were so tired at that point. I mean, this is probably very obvious, but I have no idea how, like... We all know that my parents love Tom. Yeah. Yeah, like, the first child, they love Tom. He's the golden child. So, like...

We know that. But I think for the rest of us, they weren't really super strict about most things. How were they with Shannon? Because she's the only girl. So I imagine your dad just being like, you're not dating until you're 98. No, my dad actually was not like that at all. Really? Okay. You know what? You're right. Because I remember your sister's boyfriends would be over. They'd come over frequently. Yeah. But my dad loved making fun of them, though.

Like, he would give them a hard time. Guess what? He gave everyone a hard time, Joey. It's not like they were special. Everyone got made fun of by your father. We would have dinner with my family, and then, like, her boyfriend would be there, and he'd be like, all right, yeah, you're going to do the dishes tonight, all right? Handle that. Yeah. Like, we would have to help, but he'd be like, do the dishes. Your dad's favorite thing, I remember when we'd come over for dinners, is yelling at me every time I'd forget to not eat before Grace. Well, I would eat before Grace, and he'd be like, and

And I'd be like, do you remember grace? Yes, because Keith would rush through it. I've heard this a million times. It would always be whatever. I guess it's the way that the cards fell. Keith was always the one to do it. My dad would sit at the end of the table. He's never done it, but he would nominate everyone else. Do it. Do it. Do grace. And it was always Keith. And he'd go, bless the Lord for these. I guess I'm about to see if it's about to get going. So, okay, come on. Can we eat?

Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts. I'm about to receive in the bounty of Christ, O Lord, amen. Well, you're janky with it, but you're there. I mean, for someone that has never, you know. That's so funny that you remember that. Yeah. Always keep. Always, always, always. Yeah, keep. All right. All right. Eat. And then I can fucking just like swallow the rigatoni I have already chewed up in my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was within fork range, so if I forgot. Dude, I remember when we started to wean that out, it felt so weird to be like, we could just eat. I still have that in me. Really? Like, when I'm at other people's houses... You wait? I don't... Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know the right time to eat. Becca's family is big into... Prayer? Not prayer, but saying grace. And it's always like...

Yeah, oh, actual like southern style grace is like you gotta give a speech. So Becca's dad will like, you know, he'll just like, he'll see that people are like getting, and there's kids involved. So he just does like a blanket grace over the house. He'll just be like, thank you for this food.

We appreciate the blessings in our life. You know, like one that I could get behind more. While people are still gone? Like right before. Like he tends to wait, but like he does like a blanket grace. Just like, thank you. We appreciate it. Good.

Good. Get home safe. Yeah, basically. Tip your waitress. I don't know. He doesn't do that. But, you know, it's fine. You know, but like the ones where you guys were doing full on prayers. Well, we just do that one. We would never do like, well, you know, it's been a good year. I would love to go to like a like a legit southern dinner where they're just like, Lord, baby, Jesus.

You have given us this bounty. Two mice fell in a bucket of cream. One of the mice drowned. No, no, no. Two mice fell in a bucket of milk. One mouse drowned. The other became butter. No, it's cream. And he churned that cream into butter and he walked out. And he walked out.

I wonder how long they get. There's someone watching this that is from the South and they're just like, so long. If I'm ever in the South and I have to give a grace, I'm doing the two mice and the bugger cream. I would love to... You know how... Remember in the first Borat movie, he goes to an etiquette... Not an etiquette school, but it's like a Southern gentleman thing where he goes to a dinner party

Yeah. I would love to see that and us there, but also we would be taking the piss out of it a little, so maybe they'd get upset. I mean, I'd be all right. I'd be upset. I wouldn't be okay for a couple reasons. I just remembered I also had a dream last night that I shaved my face, and dude, I looked very bad. Yeah, don't do it, dude. I had like a goggle. A lot of your charm is your facial hair because we know how shitty your bare naked face is.

It's true. Mine too. I'm not, I'm not free of, I didn't want to say it. I'll say it. I'm a naked face. Ugly idiot. Wow. Are you crying? No, but that's so weird. I just remember that too. I was like, what the fuck? Why would I do that? You about, I would say like a year and change ago, you committed to this whole like prominent mustache, scruffy, unkempt facial hair thing.

It's worked wonders for you, Joey, I have to say. You're doing well for yourself. You should be proud. I'm so proud of myself, dude, for being unkept. I just think that you know what works for you. But I do miss, you know, double-breasted shirt, bare-faced Joe who took pictures. Mm-hmm.

Those. Frank, you took the same ones. No, no, no, no, no. Frankie. No, I did not. Frankie. No, I did not. Frankie. No, I did not. Show me one, bitch. Yeah. That's bad. It's not tank top, you know, fucking snapback. Oh, you know, the tank top says something like, you know, it's a fucking Tasmanian devil and it says like devilish and you're like,

That was you. Frank, you probably still have this in your 32-year-old drawer. You probably still have that t-shirt in there. No, I don't. Yes, you do. I have put all of my graphic... It's like all the monsters in Space Jam. I put all my graphic tees... And it says, Slam Magazine. That's his shirt. I put all my graphic tees into storage. So... What about your gas station football jerseys? Where are those? Oh, yeah.

Oh, God. You're lucky it's Bucky's. One day, one day. One. We're gonna physically assault each other on this show. Yeah. You know, just to see what happens. Maybe we should. Maybe we should do a boxing match. Maybe get us on the next card, Netflix. We'll take a couple million dollars. Oh, yeah. I'll take a dive if you need me to. For...

Let me explain something very quickly. People were so up in arms about this Tyson versus Paul fight. Yeah. For the money he got, you could say whatever you wanted to about me on the internet. I am taking... You want me to take a dive? I'm diving. I'm going head first into the canvas. I'll break my neck into the canvas. I don't know about that. Yeah, I won't do that either. I will... If they're like, hey, you need to make him look good and you need to let this go the distance, put on a show and he wins, I will say...

No fucking problem. Yeah. No problem. Yeah. Netflix. Come on, babe. Let us, let us. Yeah. I think if you took all the people that listen to our show, the opportunity to pledge like a dollar or two. To do what? To like, we would be able to raise enough money to get you and I to box. We don't have to raise money for us to box. Oh, you're being a capitalistic pig. Damn right, bitch. Learn from the best. Yeah, exactly. You added that little thing.

Mirror, meet Frank, meet reflection. I don't know what I'm saying yet. But I tried to say... Mirror, meet Frank, meet reflection. Who are you? You project onto me, but it's really you talking to yourself because you think I'm you who's me. Listen, baby, birds of a feather.

We flock together. Flock. Make sure that the internet picks that L up. Really? Flock, not fuck each other. We're not fucking, all right? Birds of a feather. What's that song? Birds of a feather. I don't know the words. I don't know. It's a Billie Eilish song, I think. It is a Billie Eilish song. Is it Billie Eilish? Yeah, it is. Oh. Yeah, it is Billie Eilish. You can't set me up like that. Shout out to Billie Eilish. Yeah, friend of the show. Friend of the show. Come talk with us, dude.

Billy Goats Gruff. That's been cool as hell. Billy Goats Gruff? Why did I say that? I don't know, but you might have just... Forget what he said. Josh, you know what to do with what he said. Yeah. Billy Goats Gruff. I think that would be a fun episode. I think so, too. So, no pressure. We'll sing. We'll sing songs. We'll sing. And we'll talk to her about, like, singing. Because I'm sure that's what she wants to come on the show and talk about. Everyone talks to her about singing. We'll talk to her about singing.

Billy, we won't talk to you about singing at all. We'll talk to her about bugs. She likes bugs? The office. I don't know. She wears a lot of like... She loves the office. I love the office. I don't know where you are. Sometimes she wears outfits and I'm like, this person looks like they're into bugs. Yeah. We'll talk about bandanas. She wears bandanas sometimes. How much can you say about bandanas? You give me the right amount of time, bitch. I'll fill time with bandana talk, okay? I guess. You just gotta be careful. About bandana... Oh, yeah. You gotta be real careful. Okay.

Be careful which one you wear. And talk about. Yeah, that too. You know. Anyway. Jeez. Right off target. Off track. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. I'll talk. I'll talk. What am I talking about? Are we done? Yeah, we're done. We're done. I'm done with this. I'm done with this. I'm losing my mind, I think. FAlbert is 8085 on Twitter? Say it with confidence, with conviction. FAlbert is 8085 on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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