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Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Slick back Frank sitting over there. Slick boy. Slick back. Slick back baby bitch. Slick back baby boy. Baby back. Slick. Slick it back you baby bastard bitch. Slick.
Mad excited. Slick back boy. Slick back boy. Slick back boy. And sleek and slick back. And sleek and slick. And snake. You're a snake. A snake. A snake. A snake.
It does look like you got your head at like, you're on a hog and just blowing. Hairstyled by wind? I would love that. I don't think that's ever happened to me. You said that like it was a commercial, like get your hair styled by wind. Would you get on a motorcycle? I've been on one and I'm against motorcycles. Yeah. Were you on the back? Yeah, it was my, I've told you this. I've been on twice. I've been on two motorcycles. Hugging a man? Yeah. Which at the time for me was awful. You were catching a dove back there. I was...
Because you got to... That's a bumpier road that you're on. It was also one that, like, you hold on to, like, you're about to, like...
Squat and like take a piss or something like that wait what it was like the ones there are certain ones where you could Like hold on like this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but uh were you doing that or were you like I think one of them was a hug one of them was this one as a hold on in the back because one of them was my uncle and Which one was he you were hugging your own? I was hugging my uncle okay, the other one was my ex-girlfriend's father and
And that one you were like... Yeah, and you remember who it is. You remember the ex-girlfriend. I actually know. You know. And Dino was his name. Oh, I could not hug him because he would have hit me. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it was like, have you been on a motorcycle? No. I'm one of those people like... Scared. It's one of the few things that my dad taught me that I think has value. And I... It's a crazy sentence, but okay. No, there's a couple...
A few other things. There's eight. But he's like known several people that have gotten, and we've known people that have gotten into motorcycle accidents. And he like, it was the first time I heard it. I think it's a very well-known popular saying now, but it's just like, Frank, with motorcycles, it's not if you get accident, it's when.
Yeah. You know, so my dad, like from an early age, he told like legit said to me, he's like, I will support you anything you want to do.
I think he was really testing the boundaries there. Yeah. But he's like, except for motorcycle. Okay. Not doing that. But if you were to ride a motorcycle, would you get one of these? Or would you get one of these? I would get one of these. I'd get a bike. I'd get a chopper. I'd get a bike. But are you like these? That's a chopper. You're talking like old Harley. Yeah. You know where. Yeah. No, I can't do that because bro, I feel like I have less control of anything at this height.
And my shoulders would fucking give out. It does feel not ergonomic. Like, it just makes less sense. If I'm trying to control this thing, God forbid something's happening and I need to control it. I feel like I have way better control here than I do here. Like, whoa, whoa. You're like...
Like, let's be honest. Yeah. It would kind of give people the ick. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you... It's so dumb. Why do they do that? And they, like, sit back and far back. So they're like this. They're like fucking... How could that possibly be comfortable? I don't know. I get the other ones because you're like... I also, like... There's something about large... Like, not large, but, like, loud motor vehicles that...
I want to fucking lose my mind. Like, when someone drives by and they have, like, a souped-up fucking Nissan Altima and the fucking, you know, like, the exhaust, like, pops. You ever heard that where it's like, ka-ka-ka-ka? I'm just like, dude, you suck more than any other person I've ever met. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I hate it. So same thing with motorcycles. When motorcycles are just, like, the louder, the better. You know, what do they say? Like, the...
louder the purr the bigger the lion or some shit like that does i don't know any biker so i wouldn't know if that's right or wrong no the louder the purr the bigger the lion yeah something like that i mean it's not wrong technically right yeah but i i can't i can't yeah no i've never gone on a motorcycle i would like to wear a helmet though i did have when i was a kid like a blacked out helmet like you just shut it real quick oh when when we were kids my bike helmet was a motocross helmet
Like bicycle? Yeah. Why do I not remember that? I don't remember. You were riding a bicycle around in a motorcycle helmet. And the helmet was like a helmet that had like the mouthpiece and you could only see the eyes, which is smart, dude. And you were taking it three blocks to the park. Well, no, I used to ride it to see my girlfriend, Tyena.
Tyena? Yeah, I did. Who the fuck is Tyena? I don't know Tyena. Why are you upset? Oh my god. Bro, I've known you my entire life. I've never heard of you having a girlfriend named Tyena. When I was in sixth grade, there was a Puerto Rican girl in one of the classes named Tyena and I used to ride my bike to Astoria Park and we would like look at each other from a distance because her parents were super strict. Did she know you guys were dating? Don't do that, Ant. It's a fair question at this point. Don't do that. Yes, I wasn't just staring at this woman from a distance. You just said you were. Well, hold on.
That's the thing. It was a consensual stare from a distance. Right. Did she have, like, a pair of binoculars? Like, oh. Oh, I don't think it was that far. She was looking out like Elizabeth Swann. Like, where's the... Like, it'd be like, I'd tell kids in, like, other classes, like, yo, let's meet at the park. And it's like, you remember, like, dating in, like, sixth and seventh grade is, like, when you saw your girlfriend, it was like, you were on that side of the park, they were on that side of the park, and then you'd, like, see each other and just be like, what's up, girl? Hello. Hello.
Yeah. That'd be fine. She gets a water port on her. I say that 24-7. Hello? So you have no desire to get on a motorcycle? No, nothing? Damn the motorcycle. Tyena. Oh, okay. Sixth grade? Yeah. Where were you? Baccalaureate? 141. Oh, 141.
Yeah, no, I just, I was, I wasn't tapped into it. I, I like, I had my first like real girlfriend going in the summer, going into sixth grade. That was your first girlfriend? No, no, no. She wasn't. It was a girl named. Who was your first girlfriend? Uh, we've talked about this briefly, but it was a girl that I went to summer camp with. Randy. No. Shit. There was another girl named Nicole. Oh, okay. And, uh, maybe it was the year before, but her name was Nicole. She lived in Ireland. That's fire. And like, she was a real person. Like I knew her. Yeah, I know. Yeah.
She just went to another school in another country. His first girlfriend lived in Ireland. His second one he used to look at from across the park. No, so like sixth grade I was just like, oh, girls think I'm cute. So I was just like – I was like dating – I was trying to date like a bunch of people as much as I could. Yeah. It's beautiful. Who was your first like you're my girlfriend, I'm your – I think I know the answer. Does Jamie count?
Well, did you guys call each other boyfie girl? No. No? We like had a, it was like we had a telepathic connection. You just knew that you liked each other. We crushed on each other. Yeah, dude. But like we never said, I've never in my life told Jamie that like I had a crush on you. You've said it more on this show. That's how she knows. Well, she knew because everyone would tell her. But like growing up, there was this girl from kindergarten to fifth grade. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it a lot. I've talked about it
Through like elementary school And like I've never said it to her But like you knew Other people knew Everyone knew I was putting it out You weren't not telling Like it was the classic thing of like telling your friends And just be like just don't tell them So my first girlfriend Did I tell this story on the show?
We've told years worth of stories. Chances are yes. Chances are also possibly no. My first girlfriend actually was that girl, Samantha, in sixth grade. Yeah, I remember that. But did I tell you about my friend Sean, how he made it happen? I believe you have, but remind the people that are watching for the first time. He literally just walked up.
Because, again, you don't tell the girl that you like that you like them. You tell everyone around her that you like them. Well, it's just 2003, 2004. Yeah. How dare you tell a girl that you like them? Insane. You tell the people around them, and then you let it get to her, and then you see what the reaction is. Exactly. You let it, and then it eventually gets it. It's like water leaking in a wall. Yeah.
You don't need to pour the water on that spot in order to see the leak. The leak will find its way to the leak eventually. Yeah. The water will find its way to the leak eventually, and then eventually you'll find out. This is like what police departments do when they're trying to find a rat. Like they put something out there. And then it's like, oh, okay, now we got to fight. Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese.
Peanut butter, cheese. Peanut butter and cheese. Peanut butter. Yeah. That works really well. Oh, yeah. Very well. But my friend Sean knew that I liked this girl, and then he had heard from her concierge that she liked me too. So he walked – at one point, it was like the end of a school date. He's like, all right, you like him. He likes you. You're dating. And then we were dating. And that was it. Yeah. That was nice. That's how it was back in the day. I was not as –
I wasn't as lucky as one of those situations. I had to be like, so I had to, it's like, so like, do you think like there was even, you know, like if you like, if you don't want to, like, it would be cool. Like, you know, like, do you just like, you probably hate me. Yeah. I know you probably don't feel the same about me because like everyone knows, but like, I have a question and like, would you even like want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? I feel like you would, you'd be like, I know that you think I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah. I'm like loser. Oh yeah. Yeah.
I still do that with Becca now. What do you mean? Now I'll just be like lying in bed and sometimes I'll just be like, it's crazy you don't even love me. And she's like, where the fuck did this come from? It's like you feel differently about me. Yeah. Well, it happens. I have something for you and I don't want you. Is it a motorcycle? Can you imagine a fucking bike? I would get like a Fast and Furious bike than I would get a chopper.
Well, it would sit right there. If I had a chopper, I would need to wear bandanas. Yes. And you would need to have a very long mustache. Which I don't, and I can't. But you can get one. You could do it, too. Look at you. I know, but then my shit starts turning weird colors. Also, if I ride a motorcycle, do I need to wear boots, or can I just do, like, sneakers? You need to wear boots. The hell no, then. Something needs to be leather on your body. Mm-hmm.
That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Whether it be a jacket. Gloves too, dude. It gets cold. Your hands get cold in the wind. Oh, hold on. Now I'm in. I'm back in. I love gloves. Cut-off gloves? Yo. No, you don't need cut-off gloves for riding motorcycles. Can I say something? No. Uber drivers. You don't need cut-off gloves. What do you think you're doing? I got into a couple of Ubers in the last two weeks and there's been multiple drivers with cut-off gloves. I'm like...
Unless you're like bullying someone in the 90s. What are we wearing? I don't understand that. I think that's like an old timey like cab driver thing. Yeah, like they would have like that cab driver hat and they'd have to have the... Where are you going? You know? What do you need? Grip? What is this? Well, you do need grip to drive. Hands. I also think you're not allowed... Some states might be like this and I could have heard this wrong. I don't know if you're allowed to drive with gloves on.
Why not? Because I think it could affect your grip. I could be wrong. And I'm honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably am wrong. I know that you can't drive shirtless. Why not? I don't know. That's bullshit. Maybe it's distracting.
That could be a good one. Yeah. That could be a good one. Do you remember like the whole... You can't have women with their boobies out on the highway. People would be flipping over their cars. They would. They absolutely would. But I... So just to... So we don't bury the lead here. Yeah. I got you something. Okay. And by I got you something, Ant got it, but I'm taking credit for it. Right. Okay? Okay. And hear me out before you jump down my throat. Before you're all in my throat, just fucking hear me out. Okay. Okay.
No, I'm not doing that. Come on. Doritos vodka. Is it vodka? Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't specifically say. It says. It doesn't even say what it is? It says Doritos X Empirical batch one. So this is like a collector's item right now. So you already got me into it.
It should be collecting dust. Yeah, it doesn't say vodka. He's right. It just says base spirit. I'll like take a little tiny zip. And it says Doritos, nacho cheese, chips, extract, and then yellow dye number five. Hold on. Set it on the table. Why is there that much missing? Yeah. How much have you drank of that? Those are the picky boys. A lot of it. Yeah. Is it like for punishments? Yeah, for punishments. Yeah. It's that bad? It's not good. It's not good at all. I mean, I...
I hear me out. I, you know, I don't like vodka. I do like Doritos though. Favorite Dorito right now. Three, two, one. Cool ranch. Ooh. Okay. All right. Or sweet chili. I was going to go with spicy ranch, spicy, spicy nacho. Bro, for those of you guys that don't know, the king of Doritos is Keith.
Yeah. He has tried, and like not even like... Bro, I'll pull up on Keith sometimes, and he has a bag of Doritos, and it's a color that I don't even know is a color. Like a pink bag of Doritos, and we're like, what is this? It's like a shade of green I've never seen before. It's like the cherry blossom flavor. It's exclusive to D.C. only, and it's like, Keith, how? I walked there and got them. Yeah, Keith has like always been the Doritos king. So I wonder what Keith has to say about this. Has Keith tried this yet, Ant? No, I don't think so. Okay, well, we're going to... How are we going to go to try? Oh.
Oh no. These are big. We're not, we're not because you know, I'm not, first of all, I'm not even, I'm not, I'm not drinking right now. So we're going to do a little, a little, like a, like a mouse sip, but we have to smell it. We got to do a little bit more than a mouse sip.
What's a mouse sip? A rat sip? Okay. A cat sip. Oh, yeah, I'm fine with that. Have you ever drank water or anything like a cat? Frank. So many times, dude. Of course I've drank like that. So many times. All right. I try to drink like a dog sometimes. You ever watch a dog drink in slow motion? I love how they cup their tongue back. Yeah, and it's kind of dumb. Does it smell good? No, it doesn't smell that bad at all. All right, so pour some. I've smelled way worse than this, alcohol-wise. Mm-hmm.
I've smelled things worse than this. That's a lot. I mean, I'm just going to take a sip. Okay. Here you go, baby. Thank you, mama. Wait. Oh. Let me... I'm going to give myself significantly less. Still somehow the same amount. What the hell does this smell like? It doesn't smell that awful. So just so everyone is clear.
Ant is on the other side of the camera covering his mouth. Whinsing, yeah. Because I think he knows what might happen. I mean, you guys might like it. This is the worst thing I've ever heard. Oh, you guys might. They won't. Okay. Well, hold on. Okay. Hold on. Don't be so sure. You never know. This is so weird. When I'm far away, it doesn't smell bad. When I get close, I'm like, that's alcohol. But far away, I'm like, what is that? I can't really smell it. It smells kind of like... Okay. I've never had a... I don't think you could say it like that. Can I say that?
I think, I don't know what the hell that is. I guess I am getting a little Doritos in there. I'm not getting any Doritos. All right, well. You should probably pour a little more then. No, no, no, no, bitch. Nice try, bitch. Do you have any, what's the cool thing? Do we have a cool thing? Parriba, pavajo, parcentro, parentro. Well, yeah, that one, but like, do you have like a different one where it's like. Oh, where the one where it's just like, we like fucking, there's wooden ships, there's steel ships, but the best kind of ship is French ship.
There was one I saw on Love is Blind. It was like, I'm not below you, I'm not above you, but I'm right here with you. That's kind of cute. But, like, I hate the ones where, like, it's just like, to fucking women's titties and, like, underneath is where their vaginas are. Like...
What's the one where it's like, fuck them and win their dad or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was someone, that was a fraternity that I, not my fraternity, but a fraternity I knew someone was in. For those forgotten. For those that forgotten, dig them up and fuck them rotten. It's like, why are we drinking and promoting necrophilia? Yeah, it's kind of insane. All right, we'll just say cheers. I would say one at a time, probably take it for just reaction-wise. Just reaction-wise? Okay, I'll go first.
Because you might not take it after. No, we're fine. Okay. Here we go. We're just going to do it. We're just going to do it. Do it. Yeah. We're going to on five. Five. Four. Three. Two. Do one. Oh, he doesn't like it. I don't think he likes it. Why are you? What is it? It's. Hold on. You look like you're about to do a pushup.
How is it? Oh, God. Hold on. It's got a bad aftertaste. It doesn't taste bad. It's just... Bad. It's unlike anything I've ever tasted, so my brain is immediately like, this is fucking poison. It is. But the vodka part makes it poison. Yeah, the old Polish poison. Or Russian? I don't know. Oh, wait a sec. Hold on.
Is she coming up? She had a sec. She's coming up from the basement? She had a sec. She was down there playing video games and she might come up for a couple chicken tendies. It's time for dinner. Come upstairs. God. You should just finish that right there. You think I should, right? It lingers and gets worse. I'll say that. Don't peer pressure me. It's not the worst thing I've ever tasted, but it's far from the middle-est part I've ever tasted. Middle-est. Okay, let me give it a go.
Oh my god, that's disgusting, Frank. It's bad. That's not good. I see why the- Oh my god, that's nasty. I'm sorry. I'm not fucking with you here. It's okay. I'm not. I'll lock in for the people. Yo, that's disgusting, man. I'm seeing stars. To me, it tastes like someone- Like when you threw up Doritos. Yep, that's exactly what it tastes like. Can I just drink, Joel? Can I drink? Can I drink some- Can I- Can I- Am I hammered?
Did I just drink throw up? That's the closest thing to drinking. My mouth feels like I did throw up. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's a big thing. My throat feels thrown up in. Or I threw out. I threw out my throw up. Threw out your throw up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it feels like. Regurgitation. Yeah. That's what you're looking for. That's the medical. Indigestion. Nope. One of those causes the other. Yeah. I'll let you figure out which. And just for shits and gigs, shout out to them. But-
What was your reaction to fucking doing that? I know that you threw up. Oh, yeah, gag. Gag real hard. Do you gag or do you throw up? I gag. Oh, I'm sorry. How many gags equals a throw up for you? Yeah, do you often throw up? Do you gag throw up or is it gag, gag, gag, gag, gag? I'm good. Probably the fourth one, it'll start to be like, oh, no, I can't have one more gag. So a fifth gag is when you... It might be, yeah. ...you girl. One...
I can see four gags is a lot because you have prolonged gags too. Yes. I've stopped eating Doritos when I'm drinking because I've thrown them up once and it was the worst tasting thing ever. Oh, no. And then that brings it right back, so I don't. That's how I feel about cheese doodles. I love cheese doodles, but as a four-year-old, I threw them up and I just can't look at them the same. Really? Yeah. Puffed or crunchy? I like both. If you ask me what I am going to bring to the cookout, it's going to be puffed.
Yeah, Puff does better. But like Cheez Doodle brand. Yeah. I'm not like...
Like other brands What about balls? You like balls? No the Utz balls suck dude You don't like cheese balls? No I love cheese balls We keep talking about balls My aunt's gonna start to gag I love cheese balls I They're just like okay Because I've never 90% of those that I've had have been stale Yeah So it's such a small window A fresh pack of balls? A fresh pack of cheese balls is out of control Oh my god I love a fresh pack of balls But also like Good old fresh crunchy You know what I love doing with cheese doodles? You're gonna love this Cause you're a freak with food
I love putting it on my tongue and then like I'm in like a video game level. You know those levels that's like you need to run through the things but it's like it's going to smush them or like go like that that way. Okay. I just shove my tongue as far to the roof of my mouth and I crush that cheese doodle like it's my little bitch.
No? It's so hard to follow what you said. Why? But you're talking about a crunchy one? Yeah. No, I'm talking about a puff one. Oh, you go... I like send it to its doom. I like just shove it on my tongue. And its doom is the top of your mouth. And the doom is the getting crunch in the top of my mouth. Right. And you remember those video game levels as kids?
Where it was just like you need to run through a maze. You get like smashed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Crash Bandicoot had a ton of those. Sure. Super Mario, Donkey Kong. I don't remember many in Super Mario. Donkey Kong either. The rocks that come down. Thwomp. Thwomp. Very good. That was not bad, right? First time I've ever even tried that. Give me one. One what? A thwomp. Do it. Do it. I don't know what it sounds like. Oh. So you're just talking about something that you don't know about? I know it. I don't know the sound.
I did it once. I don't want to fuck up. It was actually not that bad. Stay on top, baby. Yeah. Anyway, Pope died.
Pope's dead dude speak of il papa with a little more respect Joey ding dong the Pope is dead don't do that don't your eyes get out of Don't do that. I don't know that's a song celebrating the death of the wicked witch That is a lot of people hope was a good Pope apparently He was a good guy this dude was cool with like he's like yo gay people. I'm cool with them, dude Yeah, he was like sick not that that speaks to me specifically, but I like that he is like a
A loving pope. A loving pope. Not like gatekeeping Catholicism or God. I don't want a pope that's like, yo, just straights. That's, bro. Get the fuck out of here. Not fun. Yeah, make this shit gay-er than it is. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude. Yeah, get a little fucking gay. I think, you know, speak more respectfully of El Papa. Oh, no, I was just making a little song. I hear you. Is your mom okay?
My mom. Your mom is alright? She's not that Catholic. My grandma would be distraught right now. What did your grandma do when PJP went down? That's a good question. When did he go?
2008 or something like that. Oh, so that was like four years before she went. She probably didn't even know that was going on, honestly. Really? She was that far gone? I mean, her eyes started going near the end. So I don't know if you could even watch the TV. What is the end, though? Is that the last year? Three? Four? Five? Well, that's the thing. I don't know. I mean, PJP, he was, like a lot of people believe he was the icon. And then after him, there was the... Benedict? Benedict.
I remember him because of the eggs. At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Yeah, or I always think of Benedict Arnold, and I'm like, is this guy a traitor or is he a good pope? I don't know. Didn't we have a bad pope, though? There was a pope who was investigated.
It was Benny? I think it's Benny. Benny? I think Benny was in a little bit of hot water. Listen, man. I also think that there might have been some loose ties to Nazis. What? Yeah. That I was not expecting at all. I think there might have been. I don't want to speak ill of the fallen popes. I mean, nothing's going to happen to you.
That's crazy. Just sitting there and just putting a fucking flag in the ground on where he feels about the afterlife. I don't know. That's not what I'm saying. I'm in the middle. I'm agnostic. I'm not sure. First of all, the Pope isn't God. He's like his boy, dude. That's his consigliere. That's the hand to the God.
No, the Holy Spirit. What is the Holy Spirit? Do we have a... You tell me. Judges. You've been confirmed, correct, confirmation. I did get confirmed. I got confirmed. And to me, the Holy Spirit is just like a, you know... I think it's more of like a feeling.
Spirit. Yeah. Like a, it's, you know. Yeah. Listen, I got no problem with, I don't know. I was raised Catholic. Yes, you were. Quite. And I'm not saying anything bad about the Pope. All I am saying is that he has passed away. Did your mom sing the hymns? Frank, I don't know the last time you went to church, but some of the hymns are bangers. Really? Oh my God. I just wish I, Do you know the hymns? Not really. And he will raise you up again.
Eagles wings. Eagles wings. Something of the breath of dawn. To rise like the smokey wind. The palm of his hand. Shit is a banger, dude. Shit is a banger. I was focusing way more on my snaps than what you were saying. It sounded pretty good, though. Yeah, no. They got some shit over there. They know how to...
They got melodies. I will say, putting eagle's wings in there was smart because if they were just like, he'll lift you up on, like, pigeon's wings, I'd be like, you lost me. Pigeon's is crazy. You lost me, but, like, going with eagles? But, like, you go to a Greek church, maybe they say, like, Pegasus' wings or something? Well, that's mythology. Yeah, but, like... The Greek churches, like, are not being like, oh, hail...
Zeus for when he struck down, you know, Kronos. You guys read like books about Medusa and shit? We guys don't do anything. I haven't been to church in God knows how long. I remember, bro, Greek Orthodox from what I remember of it was just, it was shiny as hell. Shiny? Shiny, dude. What's shiny? Everything. Everything was shiny. Bro, gold everywhere, bro. Fire.
And it was a lot... It was, like, shiny and then white because there was just, like, marble everywhere. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Bro, the Greeks know how to church. Yo, churches are beautiful. Bro, mad nice. When we were in Dublin, I walked into a church over there. Just to see... Anytime I'm, like, somewhere and I see a cool church, I'm more inclined to be like, let me go in. But, like...
When I see one here, I'm just like, all right, it's a church. Nah, bro. Do you ever walk into St. Patrick's Cathedral? Yeah, that shit is nuts. Bro, the church knows how to build a building. They know what they're doing. If nothing else, they know how to build. They got architects. Listen, they know what they're doing. Yeah. Did you go by Notre Dame? Notre Dame? Of course. Was that cool? It was cool. Damn. It was very cool. It was open. I walked through it. They have a bunch of shit in the back. They have a bunch of dead bodies.
people in there too i think so tombs or something catacombs oh good word i don't know what makes it a catacomb is that just like it's underground i don't know don't care i will say this i do think it's crazy that people like you can like bet on like the new pope the new pope like is the new pope gonna be a person of color is the new they got a black pope up there are they gonna
We could be, we could have a black Pope. I didn't even know that that was like a thing that like, I fit you figure those, you know, an old traditional thing like that is a little, yeah, they don't strike me as a very welcoming group. Black Pope. Have you ever had a black Pope?
I don't know. Ant's going to have to do some digging on the Pope. He's like, no way. No. I don't know if we've ever had a black Pope, but. Was your mom and grandma, when he came here, were they like, we need to go see him? The Pope? The Pope? No, I mean. Not even PJP? I didn't even know the Pope even came to New York. What was he doing here? Bro, the Popemobile is like a, it's a famous vehicle. I know that. I thought he just drove around the Vatican. I didn't know that he would come to New York. Where's he going? Carbone? Like, what's he doing here?
Well, he goes to churches and stuff. He'll go. He'll be like, yo, I'm doing a tour. I'm doing a one hour set at St. Patrick's. Come see me. You know, might be some special guests. Yeah. I might pull out most. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's maybe what they should do with the next Pope. Like they should promote it as like a comedy tour. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, and they'll call it things like the Pope.
Maybe I'm blessed on tour 2025. You know? I like that. And it's just like 80 cities worldwide, you know, tickets available, you know, just three prayers. Now that I think... In order to get in, you gotta... Yeah. Show us your Hail Mary at the door and you get a VIP entrance or something. There's no...
Like when you're going through security, it's pearly gates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get through. The security isn't like patting anyone down. They're just going like, all right. Great. They're only selling holy water. Yeah. We're still going. We can keep going, honestly. We're selling hosts. We can keep going. Greg will be up there. He'll be the producer, and he'll like throw the Eucharist out at the end of the show. Yeah.
You ever had one of those? Yeah, did you see? I saw someone. You stole one when you came to church with me? Hell yeah. I saw someone recently like made one that was like, they made it in like mac and cheese and they were just like the crunchy Eucharist or something like that. That's bananas. That's even maybe a little more blasphemous than I'm comfortable with. Really? I don't know. I'm not doing it. I'm just saying someone else did, Joey. Someone else did do it, which is the issue. So do you think if your grandmother were alive today, which just to cover the basics for those of you guys that have missed it, she isn't.
Do you think she'd be like... What would her reaction be? Alright, you be your grandma. I'll be my grandma? I don't remember your mother's maiden name. And don't say it on the show, just in case people start looking stuff up. But like, Grandma Joey...
Yeah. You're her. Okay? Yeah. Hey, Grandma. Did you call her Grandma? Did you call her Meemaw? Grandma. Did you call her Bim Bom? Grandma. Bim Bom? People get crazy. Yeah, no, we called her Grandma. All right, so I'm you. Go ahead. You're Grandma Joey. Go. I'm just going to be like, hey, Grandma, how you doing? Good. How's everything going? Good. I just walked 10 miles to the supermarket. Okay. It's only down the block, Grandma. I got lost. Okay. Okay.
Hey, Grandma, I have some bad news for you. Now, I need you to act here, Joey. Okay. We don't know who's watching. Spielberg might be watching. Pull it together. He is. Pull it together. Okay, I'm my grandma. Seriously. I'll be you. I'm going to act straight, too. Like, straight. You know what I mean. Yeah, dude. All right? Put on your best straight performance. I'm going to be my best, like, Joey. Okay, I'll be my grandma. All right? How old am I, Grandma? What year was she born?
Use that for context. What did she live through? Did she see World War II? She's seen everything. Did she see Korea? She... I don't know, honestly. Not the place. She was born in, like, 29, I want to say. Oh, that's crazy. My grandmother was 26. It does nothing. There's no relation there. Okay. All right. So 1929. No, I'm saying, like, what age am I? Am I, like, near the end, Grandma? I'm near the end, Grandma. If she was born in 29, that means she was, what, 63 when you were born or something like that? Frank, whatever. Yeah. So... I'll be my grandma. Ready? Go. Okay. Grandma, uh...
I have some bad news for you. My mom's gonna be really mad at me. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. My mom's gonna kill me. She's gonna be so pissed off. Oh my fucking god. It wasn't even like that. Like, I'm... My bad, bro. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.
Oh my God. Oh God almighty. That was good. No, no, no. Okay. I'll be serious. Be serious. Do it again. Do it again. You got to reign me back in now. I know. I know. Straighten me out. Come on. Okay. What are we doing this for? What am I doing? No, but like, what am I? Spielberg. No, no. What is the situation? Why am I reacting? I'm telling you that the Pope died. Oh, she, I actually have no idea. Joey. Oh, all right. Grandma. Yeah. I don't know how to say this. The Pope is gone. Where'd he go?
Hopefully to heaven. He's died. He's died? He's died. He's done died. Well, you know how they say, like, that could be the proper way, because you know how they say, like, he is risen? That doesn't make sense to me, but it makes sense to them. So, like, he is died. Oh, you said he is died. Well, he's is an abbreviation of he is. True. I'm so sorry. I hate to break the news to you. But here's the thing. I don't think my grandma really cared about the Pope like that. She's like, what does she love more than? God? Hey, Grandma. God died. Ha ha!
Oh shit. Oh shit. Listen, we have sponsors. Sorry, grandma. Oh man, I'm in big trouble. Big, big, big, big, big fat trouble about that. You won't see it. She won't see it. She won't see it. We hope.
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And we'll see you there, folks. So you're going to tell me your grandmother didn't, like she had no reaction? No, I don't think so. Well, we're past that at this point. I need to talk about this. A local pizzeria, where was this? Doesn't matter. Who cares? Make up a town. Bim Bam. So a local pizzeria in Bim Bam, there was someone who came in and they ordered a Miller Lite. And then the people at the...
Okay. Great beer, by the way. I stand by it. You love Miller Lite? Love Miller Lite. So this woman ordered a Miller Lite, and then it came to the table, and it was a Bud Light. So, right. Careful, careful. Where was this? Because the city might actually mean something now. Yeah, I don't know. Huntsville, Alabama. That's actually a progressive part of Alabama. Oh, well, I love the people of Huntsville.
I don't know. I think. I don't know. I think it's like up and coming. But so there was like this story where they brought over a Miller Lite and then it, or they ordered a Miller Lite, they got a Bud Light and they didn't want to really bring it up but then a firm was like, oh, you should say like, you know, whatever. So they were just kind of like, oh, you know, this is the wrong beer. I actually ordered a Miller Lite. So it was like that. Then when they got their bill, there was the pizza that they ordered, the beer, and then a $5 bitching fee.
Oh, shit. Which is like when I first heard the story, I'm like, yo, I'm on board with putting bitching fee on people's like orders. That's not it. I mean, got to be careful. That is the I mean, if you're giving that to a woman, there's there's something there that is not really cool. Giving what? A bitching fee to a woman. It's kind of it could be unless they're bitching derogatory. I mean, you could just be. How about asshole? I feel like asshole is pretty gender neutral.
I mean, a dude can be a bitching fiend. I agree. Anyone who's being an asshole in a restaurant, especially if you're being an asshole to the waiter and you're disturbing other people's, you should get a fiend. I just want to make this very clear. I am fully in agreement. Yeah. That's not a bitching fiend. I mean, yeah. No. What this person clearly did, it sounds like they were just like, listen, I'm sorry. Which, honestly, as the person working there, she'd just be like, you know what? My bad.
Like this is on me. Yeah. And then give, or, or be like, yeah, okay. And then bring them another one that's on them, you know, on you on the house or something. But like, I think if you make a mistake and someone brings up a mistake, I don't think that's bitching.
Yeah, I don't think it's bitching either, but I think that there are instances that do call for bitching that 110% require, like, and a bigger fee than five bucks. Yeah. I think if you're disturbing people... I'll be honest. Disturbing the peace? DTP? What are you pointing at me? You don't remember disturbing the peace? Yeah, yeah. Ludicrous, like, group? Yeah. I think...
If something is bad enough, I will take a $5 charge in order to raise hell. I think a bitching fee should be like... No, it's tiered. 100% tiered. It needs to be like minimum though. Minimum 10% of the bill. Because if you go... Bro, if you do a $10 and I'm buying $400 worth of food at a restaurant, whatever. But if I see that my bitching fee cost me 10% of the bill...
And that bitching fee should go to the individual that got fucking in bitched at. Yeah. I really can't see unless the waiter was being, was like name calling and being like disrespectful in that way. I can't think of a reason why someone would stand up in a restaurant and be like, and like throw their,
napkin down and be like, this is unacceptable. Like, I can't think of a reason why that would happen. I used to love this establishment. I come here all the time and spend money. I don't give a fuck. Bro, I saw one of those the other day in real life. Real life white privilege from a Karen. I can't. And I had to like, I had to like remove myself. We went to go take the kids to take pictures with the Easter Bunny.
And this woman, we were in the line for like the timed fucking slots, you know, like the appointments. And the other woman was in a line that it's just like, you run the risk. Like, we'll get to you, but like, these are our priorities. And she's like, I've been coming here since he was a baby. I, this is not how things are done around here. And it's just like, in what world do you think that is going? If anything, personally, I am going to go out of my way to make it harder on you.
I just don't like that. I come here all the time and spend money. I pay your salaries. Frank. Yeah. Don't even get me fucking pissed off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I pay your salary. Excuse me? Yeah. I can understand it on like a government level when it's like, you know, like elected officials. Any sort of bitching though. I like... You don't like bitching. I don't. You would rather like if someone, if you saw like spit in your food, you'd just be like, I'm going to eat this. I know, I know, I know. That's a little crazy, but like...
It would be very difficult for me. I don't think I have it in me to, like, stand up in a public place and, like, you know, whatever. If something's happening to me, I can see that happening if someone's being disrespectful. Like, if we were out and the waiter was being a dick to you or being a dick to another table or something, then I would be more inclined to be like, what the fuck? But if someone's doing it to me, I'm just going to either remove myself and say, fuck off, or, like, I'm not going to stand up and make a scene, though. Bro, also—
You need to acknowledge if you're one of those people that bitches at people like service people and you're with a larger party,
They're fucking collateral, dude. You're now ruining... You're potentially putting everyone at that table at risk. So, yeah. If I'm with you, hypothetically, you wouldn't do this, but hypothetically, if a situation like that happened, where it's like me and you were out and you started bitching, I'd be like, yo, you're fucking... Now there's going to be spit in my food because you're a bitcher by association. Now, exactly. Now we are bitching. Yeah. Now it's not... They're bitching over there. They won't say like...
The guy at table six, they'll say table six is bitching. And I can't have that because then, then we're all done. We're all, we're all getting spit in our food, you know, or, or we're all, you know, paying for it, bro. And that's another thing. Uh,
If we're going out to an establishment, I know you don't do this now, neither do I, but like people will split the bill. If there's a bitching fee. If there's a bitching fee, I'm like, yo, you're paying. You got to pay the fee. I'm not paying your fucking $5. You're the one who bitched. You bitch, bitch. Yeah. And I don't like that. Me neither. I don't like that at all. I'm not splitting a bitching fee. What do you think is like the worst tier bitching?
Because there's a level of like, this person just won't pay this. I'm even okay in certain places in intimate restaurants, you being like, fellas, you being a little loud. Chill out. Oh, just with like laughter? Not laughter. Like, just...
Like you're very loud, bro. Like there's other people. I mean, I think, yeah, I could see that because if you're not that matching the vibe of where you are. By the way, this is coming from a person who grew up in a family that is loud, very loud. And I hated being at a restaurant with like my, my family and then our like uncles and aunts and stuff. And I'm like, I feel so bad for everyone in here.
Well, then you need to read the, if you're, if you have a loud family and you're going out to dinner, you need to be a good tipper. You can't do like, oh, I'm just going to like tip normal. If like, whatever you're doing is putting the people on that staff in some form of pressure. You have to acknowledge that you need to be a better tipper. Yeah. I mean, my family wasn't like, they're not assholes. They're just loud people. Yeah. Just in pro very nice to the staff, like tippers, like whatever, but like,
Not... Just not quiet. Bro, my mom. I love this woman to death. Going out in public with her to, like, a restaurant or a store or anything where there could be a minor inconvenience on her, it's bad. Bro, for my... Becca threw me a surprise party. Like, not a surprise party. It was like a surprise dinner for my 25th birthday with my family. And my mom... We ordered a bunch of small plates. We were at Elm City Social in New Haven. Okay. We ordered a bunch of small plates, but, like...
You know, the idea is like when you order small plates for everyone to share, like unless no one else is getting a main, then bring it out all at the same time. But if people are also getting mains, bring those out first.
Yo, you would have thought that someone like smacked me in front of my mom the way she was. She was furious, bro. And no, I need them to. And I'm like, mom, you have to. You have to stop. You know what I don't like too? When like there's something wrong with the food or whatever and the waiter's right here and you're telling me what's wrong with the food and they're standing right there. Tell them. Not tell them. Wait till they leave and then say it to me. I don't want to be here.
You talking to me? And then you're like, no, this is like, ew, what is that? That looks, the guy's right here. Wait till he leaves. Yeah. He doesn't say it. I am in full support of a bitching fee. I think it shouldn't be a dollar amount.
Unless it's like, you know, ordering one beer. That makes sense. That's fucked up. That makes sense. That's not a bitching feeling. No, she didn't deserve that. No. And if there's something wrong with your food or you get the wrong beer or whatever the case is and you're like, hey, I'm sorry, I actually ordered this thing. No, bitch. Yeah. Your mistake. Oopsie. But also you need to acknowledge, like, is it worth it for you? You know what I mean? Like, I will say this. You eat the food.
And then you bitch. Oh, no. Now you're getting a bitching fee on top of that. You don't get to eat the food and bitch and then bitch. You're getting a double bitch fee, baby. You'll be two bitches at the same time. Right. I'm just, I think in that situation, clearly wasn't pitching. Personally, I will just drink the Bud Light, you know. Sounds like this person had an issue with Bud Light. And let's say it right now. Bud Light, Miller Lite?
Same thing. Pretty similar. Come on. I don't have the taste buds to go like, yeah, that's the original light beer. You know, every light beer is slightly rest, slightly less or more tasting like rust. It's a good way to think of it. You know, maybe we should like rusty water. We should do like a taste test of something to see like, cause I don't think I can taste the difference between Coke and Pepsi or
I could definitely taste it. I mean, I'm just giving an example. I think I can, but I'm saying... Yeah, like, this is Aquafina. This is... Not a chance in fuck. You know, I don't... Fiji. Yeah, no. You know, smart water. I don't think I could. No way. Beers? Maybe. So, are you on board with what I'm saying? Here's what I propose to all restaurants, bars, whatever, people that serve food, basically. Or drinks. Or drinks.
If there is a bitching fee, it needs to be clearly tiered. It needs to be tier one, tier two, tier three. And you get a warning. And you get, oh, of course, everyone gets one warning. One warning, one mallet. Just want to let you know you are approaching tier one, DEF CON one bitching fee. You could potentially be incurring a fee. Yeah. And then it needs to be a percentage of the bill. I agree. I would need some sort of description as to why.
Okay. I mean, the warning. Like, I warned you, and now you've entered the bitch zone. Now you're in... Right. Like, now there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry, but the charges will be charged. Now you're in bitch zone level one. Right. Keep it up. And there's a bitch zone level two. And then you're in double bitch territory. Yeah. And so help me if we get... You don't want the three-headed bitch. If you get the Medusa bitch, then we're in trouble. Serbris. What? Serbris.
Cerberus had three dogs. Who's that? Originally, it's a Greek dog. Originally, I was going to go Hydra, but Hydra famously, you know the saying. Go ahead. Cut one, two grow back. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Wait, who's Cerberus? What did you say? Cerberus. Cerberus. The three-headed dog in Greek mythology. Also, Fluffy from Sorcerer's Stone. Fluffy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Hagrid, by the way. By the way, they're coming out with a show.
Day one. Who's the Hagrid? I forgot. It was good. Nick Frost from Shard of the Dead. Oh, that's a good one. That's a great one, dude.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Good. Good one. Yeah. I, I, people have been upset because black snake basically. Yeah. Because here, here come, here come the racists. They came. Some of JK Rowling's most diehard fans. Um, they're not racist. They're transphobic. Yeah. But there's some other stuff in there too. You know, the Venn diagram of hate. Kinda. Yeah. I think, uh, you're either on the theme or you're off the theme. Yeah. Uh, but,
But yeah, I forget. I don't want to butcher the actor's name that's playing Snape because it would be insensitive to them. But like, I'm excited to see what they could do. Bro, I'm fucking hype for a Harry Potter show, dude. Dude. I love Harry Potter. And you know, why? Let's think of it like this. All right. I'm going to, here's my, hey, do you have that soapbox that you were standing on before? Do you mind if I have it? I think it's over by you. All right, cool.
If we want to go acting-wise, who's going to act? I don't want to spoil anything about Snape for those of you guys that haven't seen or read the books. But this actor is going to bring some real-world gravitas. This is someone that has had to probably endure some real-world bullying and racism in their life. So bringing that to the role, this Snape might fucking—no disrespect to Alan Rickman—might be pretty good. Arrest his soul. Arrest his soul. Do an Alan Rickman right now.
Come on. Not even a single line? Potter. Potter. I know that you were asking me to do it because you wanted to do it, so I was just trying to get there for you. Fame isn't everything, Potter. You know what's crazy? Through all those movies, not one of the students ever was like,
Come on. Just fucking say the sentence. I'm watching the movie and I'm like, talk faster, Snape. Like, just get to the thing. Yo, Snape would not have lasted in like a Bronx high school because he'd be like, all right, everyone, shut up. And someone would stand up and suck my dick. Yeah, exactly.
Eat my dick. Eat a frank, Snape. Someone would stand up and toss a textbook at Snape. Yeah, 100%. Frame isn't. All right. Yeah. Talk faster. Oh, and chances are Malfoy would have been just absolutely had the shit kicked out of him. I don't mean to do this whole Harry Potter thing again, but like someone explain to me this shit, right? You go to school and I know you guys don't have the answers, but you go to a school, you open the textbook and like learning a spell.
How fucking hard can it be? It's a word and this. Why are we making it seem like this is hard? Well, I think that there's probably instructions and like there's probably more magical like the essence. Like you need to feel it. Like the way you stand and like your foot is off. And like as much as like a swish and flick. I mean, look at what Seamus did. He blew up his face. That's what I mean. How is that?
How is that happening? How bad do you have to be to blow up your fucking wand? I think the same way that you have to like know like general mathematic arithmetic. Like you can't just look at something and go, I know it all now. You need to be able to apply it. That's one word. You also need to remember hundreds of spells. Where they should be like, yo, can you get that for me? And you're just like, uh.
I don't remember. You know what I mean? Like you need to be able to recall that information quickly. Memorization. How hard is that? For a lot of people, it's very difficult. Have you ever tried to hit a target with a rented paintball gun compared to like a professional one? That's a great point. Ant's on point duty today. Let me tell you. So the wands are like the strong, like the, that's pretty much how the spells go out. But they all have, but they,
all have good wands. Not really. No, they all have... Ron Weasley probably has some dog shit wands. Well, when they, like, share wands and shit, you know, when, like, fucking Ron is, like, using so-and-so's wand and shit like that, but, like, they all have their own wands. I'm pretty sure it's, like, a class system. Like, the richer kids have good wands, like, obviously the professors, but I think some kids have bad wands. Well, some of them might have hand-me-down wands, but I think that, like, it's, like, part of the curriculum that, like...
You need to get these books. You need to get these wands. So like, here's like a voucher for Ollivanders. We're like, buy the wand, bring us, give them the voucher, bring us the stamp and we'll give you 95% of the money required. But didn't that dude say like the wand chooses you? So if you're just like a bitch, then like you're going to get in there and get some whack wands. Cause it's like, that's the one that's calling for you. That's true. That's true. That's a good point. You'll never be a good wizard.
I really want to go to Harry Potter World. I know we talk a lot about Harry Potter on this show for some reason. I love that shit. And I also wish it was real. I would love a wand and I would love to just like... Well, the convenience of life would just be out of control. Yeah. Although not being able to use magic until you were 17 or 18. I'd be totally cool with not having a wand. Can't do any of that. But riding around on a broomstick would be something I would do. That's magic. You can't do it unless you're 17 or 18.
Frank, I'm 33. I'm saying like leading up to that point, you know? Oh yeah, whatever. But I would like to be on a broomstick or even better on a big dragon thing. A hippogriff. Let me tell you. Bad thing. Let me tell you. Get me a hippogriff. Me and Buckbeak, like fucking this, son. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Close as hell. Like fucking this, son. We do have more sponsors for today before we get back into the Harry Potter. Uh,
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Dog sucking season. Deceiving. We are. We're getting close. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Stop. Prank Frank got me. Prank. You got pranked. You've been pranked. Keep your toes, bitch. Yeah. He was loading that up for about four minutes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All for that. Did you say to him? That's exactly what he loves that. You might like that part more than the prank. Probably. Honestly. Watch this. Watch this. I even try to whisper to him. Watch this. Watch this. Watch this.
This season, I think last year we coined it. We agreed that this season, dog sucking season, the topic, excuse me, the theme is going to be this year the dog sucks you. So...
Stay on the lookout. We will have some more information coming. Will we? I don't even... We will. Don't worry about it. This year, the dog sucks you. This is season four of dog sucking season. Uh-huh. You know, we've gone through some incredible iterations. You know, we are innovators of...
Hot dog content on the internet. And I think we need to continue to maintain this. The suckage of the dogs. Not only the suckage of the dogs, but everything around the power behind the suckage of the dogs. Because I think people know and respect us now as quality suckers of dogs. Yeah.
That's the thing. If we don't get a fucking hot dog sponsorship. Yo, it is crazy. I just want to drive the truck. It doesn't even need to be that. It just needs to be like, bro, and all respect to him because I love the show and I love him. The guy that played Kevin in The Office, Brian Baumgardner, forgive me if I'm butchering his name. He got a deal with Bush's Baked Beans for chili, dude.
That makes sense. He's the biggest mover of chili in the modern century. He is the chili guy. Are we not the biggest movers of hot dogs in modern century? Are we? I don't know if we are, but I'd like to be. And I'm not even saying in consumption wise, because I understand Joey Chestnut. He has his records. He's got some stuff. He's got, you know. Didn't they just kick him out?
I think there's some stuff there. Yeah. Oh, well, because I think like something happened. Well, he like took a deal. Well, Netflix was just like, yo, come, come suck the dogs with us. Yeah. And Nathan's like, bro, if you're going to suck with them, you can't suck with us. Yeah. I'm just saying, I do think that we are, we're up there. We're up there. We're up there. Who else is peddling hot dogs like us?
I would love to see, and this is a serious thing. Since we've started discussing dog sucking season, I would love to see the hot dog sales numbers in the United States. Do me a favor, Ant. Do me a favor. Try to find that. I just think that there is, just look up dog sucking. No, don't do that. No.
Look up hot dog sales in the U.S. by year. I'm pretty sure you can cross-reference dog sucking season and hot dog sales in this Google Trends thing. Never mind. Give me a second. Just do what you got to do. Dog sucking season, we know when we started talking about it. I just think it's time. Listen, I stand up for us, Joey. I'm very passionate about this. I can see it in your face. I think that we as people have done nothing but try to give back to the hot dog community, and it has given us success.
So much. Despite all of the bad press that has gotten this year, human DNA in the hot dogs, not going to slow it down. Not going to slow it down. Not going to slow me down. It takes 25 minutes off your life. If I live in a world where hot dogs kill you, I'm ready to die tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? And they don't. They might. We don't know. You don't know until you're gone. That's the thing. Really?
I don't know. I don't even know that either. I'm just saying, how could we... Has there ever been an autopsy where they open you up and then they're like, hot dog. Hot dog. You know? Oh, God, hot dog. I mean, maybe if it was like choking or something. Ah. But like... Choked on a hot dog. Bro, there's this fucking guy that has a ponytail.
That has... He's had a Big Mac every day for the last, like, 40 years or something like that. And he's got a ponytail? He's got a ponytail. And he's been eating cheeseburgers every day? Every day. What's this guy smell like? Probably what you would expect a guy that eats every day a Big Mac. Beef and piss. Yeah. And probably stale hair. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. I actually do know. I'm just saying. What he's done for the Big Mac, I think...
You can make the argument we have done that for hot dogs. With a little help. From you guys. We're begging now at this point. It's insane. The people that watch the show and have supported us consistently go out and buy hot dogs and send us pictures of hot dogs and tag us in hot dog related content. It's actually, you know...
that like during the summer, a lot of my DMs are pictures of hot dogs. I love it. I don't get those, but people tag me. I see the tags on Twitter or something. Oh, yeah, that too. I really don't see like Instagram or TikTok, but like I just like what we have done for the culture of hot dogs. We're shaping a generation.
Your eyes look so sad. To continue an American staple, let's be honest, Joey. America is not in the best situation right now. A lot of turmoil. A lot of arguing. Turbulence. Are there tariffs on hot dogs? We don't know that. No, those are American-made. I don't know that either. I don't know. But how can we as a country unite more and stronger if it is not through a hot dog? I am... I think there's...
A lot of different ways, but I'm with you. I think I just stumbled upon a new theme for this year of Dog Sucking Season. The first one being the dog sucks you? Yeah. And now the new one is? Now the new one, I'm going to leave it to you and the people to see what they feel is more marketable. Okay. We'll speak with our marketing people. Dog Sucking Season, Season 4, Find Love in a Bun.
Why I'm confused with... But like, reconnect with people over a hot dog. Bro, if you're telling me that fucking dick pills are having commercials where they're just like love, happiness, joy... Are they? I'm just saying. You just made that up. Why can't we do a super emotional commercial about fucking hot dogs, dude? Probably because there's like press about there being people in them. We're not sitting there and peddling that they're healthy.
By any stretch. And I'm not even saying just the unhealthy hot dogs. Bro, get a vegan hot dog in there. Yeah. Get a, get a, get a, get a, like an uncured turkey hot dog. Chicken hot dog. I was just going to say, does chicken hot dog count? Yeah, why not? Anything that's that shape in a bun. Joey, we are, we are inclusive minded men. We want the world to be happy and everyone to feel included. That includes chicken hot dogs.
I agree. What can we make like a dessert dog? Like what can it be? Hell yeah, we can. Like a brownie and then you put scoops of ice cream on it. It might. Okay. Honestly, that sounds incredible, but I'm even going to go brownie might be a little too decadent. Yeah. You could just do a cookie. That's a phenomenal idea. And you could do ice cream like or like or shut up. You could do a cookie and you could do frozen yogurt on top as the ketchup. Yeah.
And then you can do shaved chocolate. Oh. In a bun? Hear me out. Now I might, I think I found another tagline for this year of dog sucking season. You're all about the taglines. Dessert dogs. Bark for them. That may be tougher to get through HR. Dessert dogs. Bark for them. Yes. Okay. I mean. I will say that apparently, I don't know how to get this stat, social conversations about hot dogs have increased over 10% the past couple years.
What about sales? What about sales? Fuck the sales, dude. 10%? No, we don't want to know. No, because if they can show that correlation between these social conversations has led to lower sales, they might be less inclined to want to deal with us. It's true. And just Google hot dog sales by year in the U.S. I don't know that that's an easy thing to find. I'm sure you could find it. I'll help you. So the past four years, it was projected that the hot dog market, 20 billion dollars.
Beautiful. Now they're projecting that in the next few years, it'll double to $40 billion. So it is going up. Ooh! Hold on. All jokes aside, what the fuck? I don't know. I don't know why.
Why the hell would it double? Bro, anywhere you go, any event, any show, any stadium. But it's been that way. It's been that way. Yeah, but now people are making longer dogs. They're not switching the amount of dogs they're selling. They're sizing up the dogs. That's true. Is a foot long one dog? That's a good question. That's a good question. Oh, I know. That's just like, it's not two dogs. It's by weight. It's by weight. It's by weight probably. It's by dollar amount. That's probably why it's going to double. Oh, that's true too. The tariffs, bro. I don't know if that's true, but like the prices of things go up. Fuck. Fuck.
$40 billion is insane, dude. Hot dog sales by year, gotcha. Hot dog sales by year, US. We don't need to know the world, but honestly, we do have a worldwide reach. I mean, I don't think they eat a lot of hot dogs in Europe. Maybe they should. I do have to sign into a lot of these things. It's fine. I mean, if you find it, great. I'm just making a pitch, and I hope that you can respect me as your co-host. Most importantly, your lifelong best friend. What are you asking me to do?
Cosign with me. Dig our feet in the sand and say, we're not moving, world. Yeah. Hot dogs. You're preaching to the choir, like, literally. I know. Yeah. And I just want to make sure that we're in this together. Yeah. A strong, united hot dog front. Yeah. And we hold hands. But our arms are hot dogs. That's a great poster. Dessert dogs. Bark for them. Bark for them. I mean, where can you go from there? That was beautiful. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Don't start making up more taglines. I think that we should go out on top. You sure? Because I feel like you're getting a little further from the point. The point is... Here comes the tagline. I know you. Once you looked off into the distance to the left, I was like, he's making more taglines. Is that what you're doing? I'll quit while we're ahead. I will... I can't give them this for free. We are also respected businessmen, you and I. Oh, okay. And we need to be business savvy, synergistic...
and understanding market fluctuations. Okay. Beautiful. Frank, where can they find you? Wherever you can find a hot dog, folks. Because I am in essence in every hot dog that you have, as is Joe. Every bite you take of that savory, delicious beef, pork, turkey, chicken, vegan goodness, you're taking a bite out of Joe and I. Every bite out of a dog is a bite out of the basement yard. Thank you, folks. Joe. Technically, that could be true because they did confirm that there's human DNA in hot dogs.
That's besides the point. The business is booming, apparently. $40 billion. What a treat. Anyway, guys, you can go follow the show at TheBasementYard. Go follow me at JoeSanagato. And that is all. See you guys next time.