80: Count Orlok Teaches Thermodynamics
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Welcome back to the Broski Report. I am your host, Brittany Broski. I am your host, Count Orlok.

You will address me by the honor of my family name. If you guys have seen Nosferatu, you know that's really good. If you guys have seen Nosferatu the way that I saw Nosferatu, you would say it's pretty good. Welcome back! Today we are talking about the TikTok ban. Three nights!

On the third night, Donald Trump will bring back TikTok. The ban will be buried in an aid bill. Extension of 60 days and 60 nights. It's good. Oh, y'all.

If there was any doubt or question that we were living in a fucking hellscape, let me go ahead and just confirm it for you. LA is on fire. Texas is frozen. New York's under 45 inches of snow. Trump's going to be president again. And they banned TikTok. They brought it back. Okay. And I cut my own bangs. Whatever. It's just getting, it's not even like, I don't have jokes. You know what I mean?

I used to make such intense fun of the millennials who used to do that. Everything is fine. That dog. This is fine. Everything's okay. And now I'm like approaching my 30s and I'm like doggo. Yes. Pupper. Yes. Okay. Wednesday be like.

Yes, mustache moment. Where did this mustache tattoo come from? Like, I'm, you know what I mean? I'm like, I get, I get why they act like that. I get why y'all do that. Because it's a lot. Oh my God, I saw this video the other day talking about how we're like the last competent generation who like cares about history and like, I don't know, the rise of fascism in the United States of America. Yeah.

For a country that will fall on its sword at the fucking mention of freedom, of the concept of freedom, right? We fight wars for freedom.

The best of us have died in the name of freedom. My own dad was in the military fighting for our freedom. Like, in a world where we've been bred to, it's almost this fetishized concept we jerk off to, freedom, freedom, freedom. And while I am very, very lucky and grateful to have been born in the United States and live in the United States, okay? Do not take this as me being anti-American or

I like my country. That's why I have such intense problems with it. That's why there is so much to change about it. A country founded on equality. What a fucking joke. What a laughable joke. That's why it's like, you know, this, and there's people in my family who do it to me. Like, well, if you don't like it, then leave. I don't want to. You know what I mean? Like that was never, that was never on the table.

I want to fix it. And I want to fix it for not only me and my immediate circle, but every fucking person in the United States who feels like the government does not give a fuck if they live or die. Which, if you're not a straight white man, they don't give a fuck if you live or die. It's just like getting to a point where it's always felt dystopian.

Always. And y'all have heard me rant. Now I'm mad. Y'all have heard me rant for literally months on this podcast at this point of like reading Orwellian literature, reading Ray Bradbury, reading all of these, the greats that were so cognizant and observant in their time of the way that things were trending. These people lived through World War II. They saw the rise of fascism and what it looks like and how scary the future looks. Book burning, book banning.

Things are outlawed, stripped of your rights. Women are not, it's just like, we've seen this before. And this is not to fear monger, but it's to say the cycle can only repeat itself if you let it. I have never felt represented by my representatives ever since I've been a voting age, damn near 10 years, 10 years at this point, since I turned 18. I have never felt represented in whatever state I've lived in, whatever fucking city, county, never. It's just, it's to a point where

It's hard to have hope, but we do. But I do. I do have hope. And you know what part of that hope is? Is that my hope is the pendulum will swing so far back to the left after this Trump bullshit's over. After he can no longer run, after we're done with this whole era, I'm sick of it. I want it behind us. My hope is that the pendulum will swing from alt-right

All the way back to, let's get some freedoms going. Let's get some actual freedoms going. If you look up what freedom actually means. It's infuriating. And it's embarrassing. Every time I leave this country and I go somewhere else, I'm embarrassed to be American. And I don't want to feel that way. It's just a lot, y'all. And the TikTok ban is just, you know, it's icing on the cake. I don't believe for a fucking second.

that the real reason for all this is national security. While there may be some legitimacy to some of those claims, for a country that jerks off at the idea of freedom to strip something like this away from 170 million Americans, are you out of your mind? And then to bring it back the next day with a Trump propaganda and the fucking pop-up? It's just a lot. It's a lot all the time. There is never rest. There's never recuse. Isn't that a word?

to excuse oneself. Excuse oneself from a case because of a potential conflict or of interest or lack of impartiality. Impartiality. Recuse. Recused. Recusing. Challenge as unqualified to perform legal duties because of a potential conflict. Yeah, sure. It applies. It applies in a metaphorical sense. I need to be honest with you guys, okay?

Came in hot off the press with that count or luck impression. I had a Red Bull about 45 minutes ago and I had an edible about 35 minutes ago. And now with my body, okay, edibles take about, give or take 55 to 75 minutes to kick in. I'm a ticking time bomb right now. I am a ticking living time bomb when it comes to, you know, hybrid sour chewable gummy. So just prepare for that. You've been warned. You've been briefed.

And let's kind of launch into what we need to talk about. And actually, let me say something really quick, too. I live in Los Angeles. There was a reason there was not an episode last week. It was on fire. Okay, the whole city is on fire. Still is. They're still fighting the Palisades fire. This is a direct, you know, consequence of climate change. And that goes without saying. And it needs to be acknowledged.

And it's going to keep happening. It's going to keep getting worse until it's your city that's, you know, on fire or underwater. And it's horrifying to watch. But let me tell you something that is a very bright light through all of this. This city, I moved to Los Angeles five years ago, and it took me a minute to acclimate to the lifestyle here, to the type of people here. But I did, and I have, and I am.

I have wonderful, some of my best friends are out here. This is my home. I feel so at home here. I love California. And there's something to be said about being a transplant to a state that you didn't grow up in, you know, you really had no ties to, to feel such a part of the community that when something like this happens, to watch everyone band together, you know, LA gets a lot of shit. And LA is culpable for a lot of shit. But

At the core of it, you have to believe that people are good and they care about each other. And these fires have proven that 100%. It's going to make me cry, actually. The way people came together, donating clothes, pet supplies, baby food, diapers to these people who have lost everything they've ever had.

Those firefighters are the bravest among us, the bravest, most selfless, honorable people among us. I mean, just modern superheroes. It is insane. Some of these videos, some of this footage, these drops from helicopters with the water and the red fire retardant, it's just all of these things are just...

It's unimaginable in the best way. It's unimaginable that that many people would band together and help each other. You don't see that. When the government will not help you, your neighbor will. And it was like, you know, I'm so used to being in this state of the way that this state treats homeless people, the way that they treat people under the poverty line. It's just, it was such a breath of fresh air.

And I, me and all my friends, you know, donated to a lot of the relief funds, the mutual aid, the young women's shelters. I mean, all these different people. This, the thing about natural disaster is it does not discriminate. And they were saying that, you know, there could be arsonists involved in this, which let me just say, hell is hot. Hell is hot to exacerbate a problem like this or to start. It is unthinkable that type of fucking evil exists.

Anyway, I evacuated because my area was in the middle of three of the huge fires because they just started popping up just every day. Every few hours it felt like. The winds were getting up to 30, 40 miles an hour in my neighborhood. You never think that's going to happen to you. You never think it's going to happen to your house. You're never going to have to pack a go bag and potable water, potable water.

and non-perishable foods, you never think that's going to be you until it is. We got up to an evacuation warning where I am, and I took that as, fuck, I am out of here. I'm not going to be one of those rednecks that stays and is like, this storm will pass. It's a fire. Fires on the top of mountains with winds at 50 to 70 miles an hour blowing burning embers and

It catches one palm tree and it'll burn down your neighborhood. It's just unthinkable. I evacuated and it's amazing how little, I mean, I sound like a broken clock at this point because I've been talking about it so much, but it is amazing how little matters when something like that happens. You know what I grabbed when I was packing up quickly? I packed up in 30 minutes and I was out of here. Underwear, my hard drives, some photos,

And my laptop, like nothing, Matt, my Kindle, you know what I mean? Like it was all my, my tech and my memories. And that was honestly it. This camera equipment, I don't give a fuck. The Royal court studio. I don't care. Like, it's just like, I want to make sure everyone I love is out of here. And I want to, it, nothing matters as much as your life and like the memories you've made. And I, it's something like that. It's unfortunate that a situation like that will remind you.

You know, and it's very humbling and it's very human and it is so panicky. It was so scary. And I can't imagine, I have a few friends who lost their homes. It is so scary. And multiple things can be true at once of like, you can lose everything.

And be just grateful that you and everyone you love got out. You can rebuild, you know. It'll take time and it'll be hard and it'll be devastating. But you will be okay again, especially with the outpouring of support from a community like this. I mean, you will be fine. You will be cared for and taken care of. Oh, but my God, it was just unimaginable. And it's still going on.

And I'm back. And then it's another thing of like the air quality here. Who's to say there's fucking asbestos and microplastics in the air. What are you going to do? Life goes on. It's just been heavy, heavy hit after heavy hit after heavy hit. And it's, it's so just wanted to take a second and say, if any of y'all have donated to any of those aid funds, I would keep it local. I would not go for one of those big nasty nonprofits, which are really for profits and,

I would have faith in your fellow man before that. So it's just been a lot. Okay, let's move on to something a bit more positive, okay? This episode is sponsored by Stitch Fix. The new year is busy enough. Why add the stress of shopping? Ease into new year's styles with the help of a personal stylist.

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And I know I talk some shit on New Year's resolutions, okay? Which I am against because the winter is a time for rest, okay? Not change, not radical change in the middle of when you're supposed to be dormant. But there is something to be discussed around luck and setting off the year with good intentions, with good omens, with good luck,

And I've always, I think I've talked about this before. I was raised very religious, but at the same time, superstition runs pretty deep in my family. I was taught about a lot of different superstitions, you know, about knocking on wood and don't put a cowboy hat on a bed. Don't put any hat on a bed. It's bad luck. Don't walk under ladders. You know, don't do this. Don't do that. It's things that I keep with me. And maybe it's undiagnosed OCD. Sure. Who's to say? Not me.

But part of that is, you know, it's this delicate balance. If I try to put out very positive energy into the world and you will get positive energy back. And it's that simple. If you are a negative succubus of a person and you're like, why do bad things always happen to me? Girl, look in the fucking mirror. Figure it out. Okay. It's about what you put out. And it's not always the easiest to put out good energy, but it pays. It, it,

more than doubles. Okay, if you invest a good amount of energy, if you invest one eight ounce cup of good energy, I would say that return is going to be about a triple. Okay, you're going to get about 24 ounces back of good energy back to you. Okay, and I would say that is sort of in the form of opportunity, money, friendships, beautiful days. Okay, things like that. I think I truly do think that it is a cyclical loop.

And my edible just came up behind me and started massaging my shoulders. Okay, so just know that. Know that that's happening right now. The edible just walked in the room. Hey, girl, how you doing? Oh, started massaging my shoulders. Okay, he's about to get a sexual misconduct charge in the workplace. Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Speaking of massage, I got a massage the other day. What are they called? A Swedish, Swedish balayage massage or whatever the fuck.

where they rub your feet and give you a balayage? No, what the fuck is it called? Swedish bali massage. Balinese. Balinese. Okay, my Swedish spaghetti balinese balayage massage. Okay, don't ask what goes into that. A Swedish massage. This is from Gemini, Google's AI overview.

Swedish and Balinese massages are both types of massage that can help with relaxation and muscle tension, but they use different techniques. Swedish massage is more methodical, while Balinese massage is more holistic and uses a wider range of techniques. Swedish uses long gliding strokes. What the fuck? Kneading, tapping, friction, and vibration. Focuses on improving circulation and muscle relaxation. Let me tell you something.

I went to this place, had great reviews. I'd gotten my legs waxed there once before, but it was kind of expensive. So now I go somewhere else. This spa, I walk in and first of all, it's hot as fuck in there. I'm mad. I'm pissed off. But I was like, whatever. Hopefully they got a fan in the room. I go in the room. There is a fan. It's not on. I'm too embarrassed to ask her to turn it on. She goes, get naked. I said, okay, I got naked. Get in the bed.

And then she goes, tell me if the pressure about the pressure. Okay. If it's too deep, like whatever. And I'm like, no, because I've got this knot in my neck. I've got this knot on both sides of my neck that feels like a fucking golf ball. It's awful. And it's, I've had it for probably eight years and sometimes it pinches, it pinches my nerves and I grab it. Okay.

I was like, I'm finally gonna go get this shit rubbed out. I need to rub down. I need to balayage, balanage, rub down. So I went in there and I didn't tell her anything. She was like, you got any medical problems? I was like, no. And I should have told her I was sciatica because she was grinding her elbow into my sciatic nerve. And I said, it hurt. But I was like, you know what? It's good. Let it happen.

Because all of my muscles need, especially because I've been doing Bar Method, which is essentially, it incorporates a lot of ballet, which is so hard on the muscles. Ballet is hard as fuck. Obviously, I talked about that two weeks ago. I love ballet. Still very into it. I can tell you. I can tell you and walk you through Nutcracker. Okay. I'm still going to see Swan Lake in February in New York. Very excited about that.

But yeah, bar method is like really, the next day you're sore on muscles you didn't know you had. Like the muscle right under your butt cheek to the back of your thigh, that muscle, whatever the fuck that is, it hurts. It's sore. Your inner thigh, your like gooch muscles, sore. Anyway, this massage, she was grinding that hoe. She was grinding into my little golf balls. And so it's sore today, but it's not pinching.

Hopefully it fixed it. But yeah, I didn't know. I don't know the difference between Swedish and Bolognese. Bolognese. Okay, even after... A lot of this time, this AI stuff doesn't... It even says it. Generative AI is experimental. You can't really trust it. You still should be clicking on links, okay? Oh, and this is what I was going to say about back to the resolutions. Because we'll get into... Can I talk? Two trains of thought going at once, okay? I'm going to start with option A.

New Year's resolutions, I have some new personal convictions that I would like to detail. And then option B, which we'll go down later, is I want to detail some superstitions and why they came to be. So we're going to do some research on that today, okay? Because there are some superstitions that I believe to my core almost as pillars of my being.

and they don't make any sense when you really think about them. So I want to Google it, do some research, figure out where they come from, why it started, if there's any validity to it, and if I can let it. Okay, so let's start with A. Here are my new personal convictions. Be a student of what you admire. Love that. There are so many artistic disciplines and things I want to do in life. And part of the reason that

The TikTok ban was so confusing for so many different reasons and upsetting and frustrating. But I saw a silver lining, which is I'm free. I'm free. Like walking out of the cave. You know what I mean? It was like, here is genuinely five to six hours of my day just opened up. That's what it felt like. And now TikTok's back and I'm like, yay! Shit. Ah, shit.

So I think that it's going to be about balance for me in the new year, which it usually is about balance, but I have yet to strike that balance. So we're going to talk about the superstitions later. Here's my second personal conviction. Revel in the analog. Now this relates back to what I just said. Revel in the analog.

Everything I do is assisted by technology in some way. The lights in my house are hooked up to Google. The music I listen to is hooked up to Google. My TVs have fucking voice recognition AI on them. My Google searches have AI. My emails are being summarized by AI. Everything has technology as it, and I'm not complaining, okay? I'm not complaining because it makes my life easier.

But at the same time, you don't want to become dependent upon it. And there is beauty in the analog and having an analog watch and writing notes by hand and typing in someone's phone number to call them, to memorize your friend's phone numbers. I mean, writing a journal entry with a pen and paper, which I don't do. Sometimes, I mean, usually I type my journals. It's like there are so many things that I want to

have a return to the physicality and materialism of certain aspects of life. I'm going to give away my Keurig. I think I'm done with it. I just, it's nasty. Keurig is gross. I've never made a cup of Keurig coffee and been like, delicious. It's just like, well, I guess I got to drink this. Glad that the Keurig itself is like $100 and that the K-Cups themselves are like $700. Do you know how much money I've spent on Keurig K-Cups?

In my life? How much plastic waste I've made? Stupid, stupid. It is, it's time to revel in the analog. So that's what I'm, that is something that I am going to really enfocarme. I'm going to enfocarme, focus myself on it, okay? And my third one, action absorbs anxiety. Let me say that to you one more time, church. Absorbs anxiety.

Anytime I'm anxious, anytime I'm panicky, anytime that it feels too much, which that feeling happens a lot, almost every day. Doing something, doing a physical task takes your mind off of it. You have something to do. Okay, if you have something to do, you can't think about that. And for a lot of people, me included, TikTok is that. It's something to do. It's not productive and it's not necessarily good for the brain.

So with that being said, I think that action absorbing anxiety, there are things that I want to try that when I'm feeling anxious, I should probably sit down and attempt that because that takes a lot of brain power to sit down and figure out how to make something out of clay or how to crochet or how to do any of these things. Cross stitching. I don't fucking care. Anything to take me out of that space. Action absorbs anxiety. That's going to be in my head. Okay?

It's a quick fix. It is a quick fix remedy. And it works every time. Now, let me tell you something about Bad Bunny's album. To completely pivot, okay? Because I said, Bad Bunny's album. He, a long time ago for me, reached a level of artistry that true artists can only hope to achieve. Bad Bunny has continuously put Puerto Rico on his fucking back.

Bad Bunny has changed societal expectations. He's normalized things. We always talk about normalize this, normalize that. Bad Bunny being himself is normal because he believes to his core that it is normal. Therefore, it is. Like, he's not trying to convince you of anything. He's not trying to convince you that men can... It's none of that. He's going to do him and it's fucking cool. You know what I mean?

There is release in just being yourself. I have so much to talk about. I have so much to say. I have so many opinions. I saw something else the other day that really struck a chord with me of people don't have personal style because they don't have an identity. You don't have an identity based not on trends. You don't have hobbies. You don't have things that make you you. Everything about you is an imitation of someone else.

You know, do you? Freak your own shit. Here are my, welcome back to, welcome back to my life advice section. Action absorbs anxiety. Revel in the analog. Be yourself unabashedly. And if you don't know who you are, sit with that. Figure it out. Sit in the discomfort of not knowing yourself and come back when you have an idea.

You know what I mean? We perform ourselves every day. We perform the ritual of ourselves and we have lost ourselves somewhere in that process. It's sickening to think about. And that's why these companies profit off of young people not having any personal convictions or an identity or something to base their worldview on. They're young, impressionable, and seeking dopamine hits.

It's just nasty. Anyway, figure out who you are. That's my mission for you guys in the 2025 year. In the year of our Lord, 2025, it's a hard task and it's harder to start from zero. There's a lot of cases where you can go back to who you were as a child and what you loved and

what you did and what brought you joy and what you watched. And in my case, and in a lot of my friends' cases, very minimal has changed. Very, very little has changed. You know, I am 14-year-old me. I am eight-year-old me. And that is very comforting. And sure, there's parts of that that, you know, you don't want to keep around. And that's called self-improvement. It's called working on yourself. And that's okay. Anyway, back to Bad Bunny. Bad Bunny.

Debi tomar más fotos de cuando te tuve. Anyway, I think that Bad Bunny, like I was saying, is a true artista. He is the definition of artista. And to live, he's a shining example to me of someone who lives out loud.

He's himself. He sings about what he wants to sing about. He's going to do what he wants to do. He had this great interview where he was saying, someone asked him, do you ever think about how your music does so well in these primarily English-speaking countries? Do you ever worry that your fans can't understand or are you going to do an album in English? And he goes, my music isn't for them. If they like it, great. But I don't make music for English speakers. And I said, period. Yeah.

Absolutely. You know, you don't mold yourself to fit into a square hole. Square hole. Square.

You don't mold yourself to fit someone else's mold or idea of what you should be doing or what you are doing or, you know, make it more marketable. He doesn't care. And guess what? His music still does well, as it should, because it's fucking good. And emotion transcends language. You don't have to speak Spanish to feel the heart of what Bad Bunny's saying and the significance of his music. And if you gave a shit to do any research into it, there is so much. I mean, just there's so much to say.

The album focuses on, well, debito armas fotos is I should have taken more pictures. And there was a trend on TikTok, which I'm sure y'all have seen, of people posting about like their relatives or their grandparents or their parents or their friends who have passed. Or like even their siblings who are still alive, but just, you know, maybe they've drifted. It's any relationship that you wish you had taken more care of.

to record the memories a bit better. And it's so painfully human. We focus on the wrong things, you know? We record every concert we go to. We video every concert and firework show and this, that, and the other. And then we don't take pictures with our friends. You know, we don't take pictures with our grandparents and our aunts and uncles. And it's just...

Such an, I think, timely reminder that the digital age just bleeds us dry. It bleeds us dry. It unites us. It tears us apart. It bleeds us dry. It pours back into our cup. It is everything, everywhere, all at once, all the time. So Bad Bunny's album, fantastic. My favorite song, Café Con Rhum.

Fantastic. So good.

The album is a perfect balance of like the fun songs with the horrifyingly sad songs with the culturally conscious songs. A lot of the themes in this album are colonization, gentrification, these things that heavily impact Puerto Rico and how the people of Puerto Rico have endured so much. And they will continue to endure because they're a strong, proud people. And he celebrates it at every chance he gets. And it's beautiful.

I mean, even on however many albums ago that was, his song El Apagón, that means blackout, which is about the power grid blackouts in Puerto Rico that they're used to because the United States doesn't give a fuck about Puerto Rico because it's racist. The United States government is a racist institution. Okay, anyway, let's go ahead and move on. Okay, here are some of my superstitions. I always knock on wood, so let's go ahead and Google that.

Let's go to history.com. Okay. One common explanation traces the phenomenon of saying knock on wood or knocking on wood to ancient pagan cultures such as the Celts, who believed that spirits and gods resided in trees. Knocking on tree trunks may have served to rouse the spirits and call on their protection, but it could have also been a way of showing gratitude for a stroke of good luck.

Yet another theory is that people knocked on wood to chase away evil spirits or prevent them from listening in when they boasted about their luck, thereby preventing a reversal of fortune. Damn, sounds like some shit I'd do. Christians, meanwhile, have often linked the practice to the wood of the cross from Christ's crucifixion. What? Other researchers consider knocking on wood a more recent phenomenon. In his book, The Lore of the Playground, British folklorist, what a cool job,

Holy shit, is that a real job? Folklorist? A folklorist is a scholar who studies and documents traditional ways of life, including stories, music, and cultural practices. Folklorists analyze how these practices influence people's identities and worldviews. Holy shit!

Other researchers consider knocking on wood a more recent phenomenon. Okay. British folklorist Steve Roud traces the practice to a 19th century children's game called Tiggy Touchwood, a type of tag in which players were immune from being caught whenever they touched a piece of wood, such as a door or a tree.

Given that the game was concerned with protection and was well known to adults as well as children, it's almost certainly the origin of our modern superstitious practice of saying touch wood. Well, it's not touch wood. Is that a British thing? Y'all say touch wood? Me when I want to touch a penis, touch wood! The claim that the latter goes back to when we believed in tree spirits is complete nonsense. Well, I think that's a bit unfair, Mr. Folklorist. Aren't you supposed to be the, you're supposed to be the impartial third party.

Complete nonsense is crazy harsh. While the origins of knock on wood may never be known for certain, the superstition remains popular around the globe and has even given rise to several local variations. Turkish people often pull on one earlobe and knock on wood twice to ward off a jinx. Italians, meanwhile, say the phrase touch iron when trying to avoid tempting fate. Now that is tea. Okay, history.com, so we think it's Celtish.

which is Irish? Or is that Scottish? Okay, I wasn't 100% wrong, but I was not 100% right. The Celtic peoples were a collection of Indo-European peoples in Europe and Anatolia. Where the hell is Anatolia? Oh, Asia Minor. Majority of the land area of Turkey. Okay, T. Major Celtic groups included the Gauls...

the Celtiberians and Galicy of Iberia, the Britons, Picts and Gales of Britain and Ireland, the Boy and the Galatians. The interrelationships of ethnicity, language, and culture in the Celtic world are unclear and debated. For example, over the ways in which the Iron Age people of Britain and Ireland should be called Celts.

In current scholarship, Celt primarily refers to speakers of Celtic languages rather than to a single ethnic group. T. But you hear about like the Celtic knot. And I've always, these are always associated with Ireland and maybe Scotland. Celtic knots are intricate designs made of interlacing lines that symbolize eternity and the interconnectedness of life. Dude, I have to go back to school because shit like this

This makes me think of the Ouroboros, which is Greek, which is the snake eating itself, which is another metaphor or image representing the cyclical nature of life and the interconnectedness of all things. And how something cannot end without a beginning. Something cannot begin without the end of something else. And entropy in the fucking matter of the second law by muse, uh, uh, uh.

I just forgot what I was going to say halfway through. Hold on. Actually, we're going to take a little field trip to Spotify. Second Law by Muse. I'll be giving no fucks. We came in this money for fun. What is the song I'm thinking of? The Second Law, Unsustainable. Yeah, dude. Unsustainable. This album changed me. We don't talk. Hold on. Because y'all need to shut the fuck up.

The album, The Second Law by Muse, which is based on the second law of physics, which is, I believe, hold on, let's do a little less. I believe the second law of physics is that matter cannot be created nor destroyed. Everything we have is fixed. Now let's see if I was right. No, that's second law of physics.

Newton's second law of motion. No, that's the fucking velocity equation. The acceleration of an object is directly related to the net force and inversely related to its mass. Yeah, girl, that's force equals mass times acceleration. Second law of thermodynamics. Yeah. Entropy. No. First, second, and third laws of thermodynamics. What are we talking about?

The edible just came and patted me on the back and said, it's time to wrap it up. It's time to go. Now, I understand that, but it is time to go. Okay, well, the car is waiting outside and the Uber will cancel in 10 minutes if you're not in the vehicle with your laptop in the back. So I don't know what you want to tell the boss, but you're supposed to be in that fucking car. And if you're not in that car, my ass is on the line. So pack up your shit and let's go. But can I like, I have some stuff in the front. I don't care. You should have time managed a bit better.

Okay, now this is your final warning. Now you have nine minutes. Hurry. Okay, well, I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick. Okay, if you miss that outside, it's out of my hands. It's out of my hands. And if you need any help with the view, because I put up with your shit for now. Okay, can we not do this right now? I'm recording. Okay. Guys, I gotta go in like 10 minutes. Sorry. Just got yelled at by my boss. Well, not my boss. She's my boss, but like, you know, you don't want it to get up to the big guy. Because he's got a scary, like, Transylvanian accent.

And he's got pink and white French tip nails that are in a coffin shape. And he's really, really scary. So, okay. The first law of thermodynamics. Back to the first law of thermodynamics. I never thought for a fucking second when I was like, I want to do a podcast called The Broski Report that I would be looking up the fucking laws of thermodynamics. That's the stupidest bullshit I've ever, I'm mad.

makes me even more mad sometimes people comment i learned more from this podcast than i ever did in school that's scary that's scary did i ever think i'd be in charge of teaching the youth of america thermodynamics no but it's a burden i i don't take lightly okay we're gonna learn this shit and you guys are gonna be quizzed in the end and i gotta go soon she's gonna yell at me again okay

Me meeting with my personalities to discuss a rebrand into a physics teacher. This episode is sponsored by Shopify. It's 2025, y'all, and a new year means new opportunities and goals.

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Shopify.com slash broski. My physics teacher in high school fucking sucked. He was mean to me. Well, not mean to me. He was just, he was apathetic. He was not a good teacher in the sense that like he yelled at us a lot over shit that didn't, we did not need to be yelled at about.

And when it came to other students like your English lit teacher or, you know, your language teachers, your history teachers, they really usually care about how you're absorbing the material if you really care, if you give a fuck. My APUSH teacher in high school loved U.S. history. My God, it was all he thought about. U.S. history.

eat, breathe shit, and slept U.S. history. That's what I'm talking about, okay? And when I become a nutty old professor, like Willem Dafoe and Nosferatu, because guess what? I will, without a doubt, have thin, wispy white hair and a tuft of eyebrow hairs that are all white. And I'm going to be in my study like, yeah, I said that right. Well, who goes there? What did he do?

My good boy, please come in. That's going to be me. And I already know that because that's kind of me right now. Sometimes, you know, you slip into different characters. Maybe that's just me. Okay, I don't know if you guys are doing back pocket characters in your homes. I'm always sort of practicing back pocket improv characters. Okay, and one of mine is going to be a sort of Einstein type.

Nutty old batty old professor. Okay, here we go about thermodynamics. Because I don't want to learn about this, but I think it's important that we all restudy it. I'm not doing this because I want to. I'm doing this because you guys need it. Because I get a lot of comments. Brittany, what are the three laws of thermodynamics? What are the second law of physics? Okay, and my answer is, well, those are different. Okay, because if you're talking about Newton's second law of motion, that's going to be force equals mass times acceleration. Okay, fuma.

But if you, okay, okay, now I understand you're talking about the second law of thermodynamics, which is basically if something's hot, it's going to transfer it to something cold. Okay, that's the second law of thermodynamics. And all you physicists, weirdo dorks out there, let me know if I got that wrong. And what is the, what is, I may have answered my own question.

The third law of thermodynamics, I'm going to put $50 on the fact that the third law of thermodynamics is that matter cannot be destroyed or created. Let's see. The first law of thermodynamics, energy can't be created or destroyed, but it can change form. This law is also known as the law of conservation of energy. You can't win them all. I'm down 50 bucks.

Now my boss is going to fire me and I'm out of 50 bucks. So how's your Tuesday going? The third law of thermodynamics is a perfect crystal at absolute zero has zero entropy. What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? Entropy approaches zero as temperature approaches absolute zero. Entropy is like atoms bumping around into each other, right? Let me get this. Let me get this straight.

That's that Muse song.

A logarithmic measure of the rate of transfer of information in a particular message or language. Now, that doesn't make any damn sense to me. I guess I get it a little bit. Like chaos. Entropy is a measure of the disorder of a system or energy unavailable to do work.

Examples of entropy in everyday life include a drop of food coloring spreading out in a glass of water, a hot cup of coffee cooling down in a room, which means the heat goes everywhere into the air, a punctured tire releasing air, a burning piece of wood turning to ash and smoke, a messy room gradually becoming more disorganized, or a deck of cards naturally shuffling into a random order.

The lower the entropy, the more ordered and less random it is. So that's why, and it has something to do with heat as well, right? Second law of thermodynamics, entropy increases over time in a closed system. This means that heat doesn't spontaneously move from a colder to a hotter region.

I feel like I need to talk to a damn physicist because this is starting to make sense. It's probably why in like a Yeti or any sort of insulated cup that's supposed to keep heat in, the entropy is less, right? The entropy increases over time in a closed system. So it increases. What the fuck? I don't give a shit.

Holy shit, I don't care. Oh my God, I don't give a shit. I don't care. Who cares about this shit? I care. I cared all along. That's why I Googled it. That's why I read out the answer. That's why I included it in this episode. It's because I care deeply. And it infuriates me that I don't understand it. Okay, you want a rare moment of vulnerability on this podcast? I Googled it because I didn't know.

How about that? The second and third law are both about fucking entropy. Who gives a shit? Entropy approaches zero as temperature approaches absolute zero, which is zero Kelvin or negative 273 degrees Celsius. This law sets a limit on how cold something can get. That's crazy. How cold... Wait, the center of the earth is hot. How cold is space?

The average temperature of space is about 2.7 Kelvin. Damn. So it's close to absolute zero. Where is absolute zero? Is anything absolute zero? What about dry ice? No, nothing can be at absolute zero because it's a theoretical temperature that's impossible to reach. That's stupid as fuck. Absolute zero is the temperature at which... Why does it have to be a finite scale?

Why does temperature have to be this is the absolute coldest? Is there an absolute heat? Is there an absolute heat? Yes! According to current physics theories, the absolute hot is referred to as the Planck temperature. P-L-A-N-C-K. Which is considered the theoretical maximum temperature possible. Estimated to be around 1.417 to the 32nd degree Kelvin.

At this temperature, our current understanding of physics is believed to break down due to extreme quantum gravitational effects. It's such a number that it's difficult to comprehend, essentially representing a temperature where the laws of physics as we know them might not apply. I just gotta chill. Ew. It's theorized that the universe may have been at this temperature for a brief moment right after the Big Bang.

Scientists cannot currently describe what matter would behave like at such an extreme temperature. Why give it a scale? I really don't understand that. Why does... I understand it, I guess, in terms of what could thrive in a temperature like that, but what fun are we having trying to sort of pontificate on that, folks? I'm not understanding. Let's go back to the three laws of thermodynamics, because I guess... Actually, let's go back to Celtic knots. Shit! Damn!

How off track can you get? God! That actually, if someone is a psychiatrist or a psychologist or like if you want to study me like a monkey in a zoo, please do. 'Cause I think something might be really, really knocked loose. But I don't want to fix it. I just want to know it. Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. What if something's really for real wrong with me? Should I take some medicine? No! No. You know, like no.

Because I don't want to shut her up in here. That's a scary thought to me. If I don't have me, who the fuck do I have? If I don't have me, who's got me? You know? Let's go back to Celtic knots. There's a Trinity knot. Okay, you guys might have seen this one before. It's the three. It looks like Zelda. Okay, and maybe I made that up. Zelda logo. Shit. Zelda symbol? Oh, well, yeah, I'm not too far. Triforce? I'm not too far off.

What is a Triforce? You know what? How did I know that? And why am I right? That's crazy. I think about this a lot. I don't ever remember, other than like three times in my life, very specific songs, I don't ever remember going and memorizing lyrics to a song. Like, I just pick it up. It's something that I just, I think a lot of comics mimic. That's how they get their start. That's how they are able to deliver a joke well, is...

You mimic people. You mimic accents and voices and songs and impressions. You know, if you're a comic that does impressions, you get what I'm saying.

I think that subconsciously I do that and it lends itself to comedy sometimes. It also lends itself to singing. It lends itself to being musical. But this shit kills me. When I'm like, how did my brain... I've never played Zelda. I have no familiarity with Zelda. And my brain pulled that out of the ether to be like, that looks like the Zelda symbol. What the fuck? Who cares? I don't care about Zelda. What have I been talking about?

And I'm still thinking about that conversation I had with my boss. She's mad at me. Shit. Okay, let's talk about my songs of the week. Because I've got a new sort of thing going on. I don't know. I'm on a new wave. I'm freaking my shit kind of different this time. Can I say something and you guys not have any hard opinions on this? Can I say something and have you guys not give your opinion? Because this is about me.

It's about me and my opinion. I don't need anybody to comment on it. Imagine me right now. I'm limiting comments on this post. I'm limiting comments on my next statement. Thank you very much. Here we go. Youngblood has a song with Lil Yachty. Lil Boat, if you will. That is called When We Die. Tell me, can we still get high? Okay. The title is stupid. The song?

is a transformative mental experience. Spiritual. I was hovering above my vehicle as I was driving down the highway. This song is so good, I'm scared. I'm scared and it's such a like stupid concept and I can imagine like them being in the studio being like, "Shall we brah sava, when we die? Can we still get high? Come and do drugs with me." A real lyric, what Yachty says.

I don't give a fuck. This song is incredible. Go give it a listen now. It's been on a cyclical repeat process. I love that song. I knew that Yachty did a sort of Tame Impala type vibe a few years ago or a few albums ago. And I heard one song from it and I was like, oh, this is good. And I never listened to the full thing.

I went back and revisited it. What is it called? What's the name of the album? It's called Let's Start Here, and it came out in 2023. And the song that I love, I love this song. It's called The Ride. Three minutes long. It's amazing. I listened to The Ride. And what's the other one I like? The Alchemist.

And when we die, every single day for the past like week and a half, I'm addicted to it. I don't know what it is. It's so, because I love Tame Impala. Like every single year they're in my top artists because it, uh, the end, what is that album called? Tame Impala has an album. What the fuck was I talking about?

Their album Slow Rush, The Slow Rush, is like one of my most listened to ever because I used to fall asleep to it on planes because it's very like, it's like one long song, it feels like. And I just love him. I love Kevin. He's such a genius visionary. And I'm...

I know that him and Yachty have done some collabs before and they're always good and the visuals are always amazing. And so I was like, okay, let me lock in, let me lock in. So good. Love that album, Yachty. Lil Yachty, I'm sending this to you. That was a big hand heart. What the fuck else? Never in my... Yeah, and I don't know. Youngblood is so genuine and himself. You can't help but like him.

You know what I mean? He is so intentional and loving with his fans and the community he's built. He put on a music festival. I love him. I love him and I find him very entertaining. And his music is... I've been banging it. I've been bumping that. Bumping that. I've also been listening to a lot of ballet music because duh. A lot of Tchaikovsky music.

A lot of... Tchaikovsky! What's his first name? Dimitri Theodore? Should we... Should we make some more bets? I'm already down 50 fucking dollars. This is Tchaikovsky. Okay, that wasn't anywhere close. Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. How do you say his name? Piotr...

Piotr Ilić Czajkowski. Piotr Ilić? Okay, we're gonna watch a YouTube video. Peter Ilić Czajkowski. Peter Ilić. That's crazy. Oh, I forgot when we were talking about thermodynamics. That's about to piss me off. I'll fall in! Absolute hot. The plank temperature. Okay, guys, I think that'll do it for me. To be completely honest and serious with you, I think I've just about talked enough. Thank you for joining me today.

If you are desperately needing a Broski Report hoodie in your life, go to broski.shop. If you need a muumuu to sleep in, do housework in, sweat your balls off in, go to broski.shop. We've got muumuu's on there too. If your feet are cold in the winter,

around your house. Go to broski.shop. We've got slippers there for you, okay? Really go enjoy those, y'all. You know I love you. You know that I'm real sorry about missing last week, but I had to evacuate for the fire. So I'm back. And I wouldn't say better than ever, but I would say holding on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Little Jonas Brothers for you.

Let me do that again. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Cut that. I'm mad. I just made myself mad. Cut that. I just pissed myself off. What the fuck? Okay, guys. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. I don't know why. I don't know why you watch. I don't know what possibly could interest you.

Unless it's thermodynamics, then guess what? You're in luck. All right, y'all. I'll see you next week. Kisses. Kisses to me. Kisses to my... Bye.