83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Good morning and welcome back, Broski Nation. It is 7.45 a.m. Hallelujah. There is what I would describe as a squadron of chickadees outside my window this morning. So if y'all hear some...

Some faint, whimsical chirps from the birds. Hope you don't mind. Oh, you mind the whimsical musings of the birds outside my window this morning? Fuck you. Fuck off. Do you want to know my stem of the week? Because it is Valentine's week and the crowd makes no reaction. It's Valentine's week. That fucking video. Oh.

With her friends in the hotel room, she goes, it's St. Patrick's Day. And her friends say, we really don't give a fuck. It's not even a major holiday. Acted like it's Christmas or something. Fuck you and St. Patrick's Day. And her face, she said, what the fuck? It's St. Patrick's Day. Fuck you and Valentine's Day, bitch.

It's Valentine's Day. No one really gives a fuck. We don't really give a fuck. I feel. I think, oh God, let me rant for a second. Oh God. Here, oh God. I know I come on this podcast and I just, I just hate men. Okay. No.

Yeah, pretty much all men, okay? I think that Valentine's Day, speaking from a personal experience, speaking from a personal experience-

historically has been just so upsetting, right? My first ever boyfriend that I had, I had to beg him, beg him to get me flowers. And he came to pick me up. He was going to take me to a nice dinner. I got all dolled up. I spent probably three hours in that glam chair, the glam chair being my college dorm. I spent so long getting dressed.

I'm doing my makeup and I got him something. And I was like, all I ask of you is just get me fucking flowers. This motherfucker, this motherfucker thought it would be funny. I'm getting mad all over again. This motherfucker thought it would be funny to get me one plush flower. And so I hop in his truck because y'all forget I'm from Texas. I hop in his truck.

truck derogatory because some some pickup trucks Trump's Tom president Tom if you can hear us I get in his pickup truck and in the passenger seat is a plush flower and he goes so I never have to buy you ones ever again okay okay okay you have valentine's day bitch

Men are so... You're... Hey, babe, you're missing the point. You're missing the point. Also, it's not like... You know what I mean? Like, I'm so sick of just accepting... Or a lot of the older women in my family being like, that's just men. They just don't get it. They don't get it. No, they get it. They just don't want to fucking do it. No, they understand very clearly. They just don't want to do it because they don't give...

fuck about you. They don't give a fuck. Plush flower. It was one of those plush flowers that's like wire inside, bendable, so I never have to buy you flowers ever again. Ah, okay. Ah, yes, thank you. Motherfucker. I do have just qualms with Valentine's Day in general because why were we giving Valentines to each other as children? Okay, I don't understand the significance of what a Valentine is or as we used to say in third and fourth grade, Valentine.

Happy Valentine's Day. It's not even a major holiday. Fuck you and Valentine's Day. Anyway, shit, girl. You want to know something else about Valentine's Day? You get all dolled up to go to dinner, to go to an expensive dinner with your mid-ass boyfriend, to sit in the and eat gut-bubbling pasta and milk sauce, fettuccine alfredo,

Okay, with some burnt chicken. And then you go home and have the most vanilla sex of your life. And then you go to bed unsatisfied because he had busted and then gone to sleep. That is Valentine's Day for the majority of American women. Okay, now some of you are being spoiled. Some of you actually have men that care about you. I don't want to hear about that. I really don't give a fuck. We really don't give a fuck. Act like it's a major holiday. Fuck you and Valentine's Day. Okay.

Yeah, I don't want to hear about that. I think the majority of women, at least for me, you know, there's not a worse feeling than laying next to someone or sitting next to someone or having someone hold your hand and you just know in the back of your head that like they don't see me. Do you know what I mean? Like this little summer fling that I had, I don't know why I keep talking, I'm feeling really vulnerable with you guys as of late. This little summer fling I had,

I don't know. Like, I'd be with him and I'd be like, I have no doubt that he enjoys my company because I'm fun to be around and I light up a room. I know this about myself. So that's not, you know, I'm not bewildered by the fact that a man wanted to be around me. Of course you fucking do. But it's to steal my personality, right?

Because men like that who want to be entertainers, they want to be charming and likable so fucking bad, they think that latching onto a bad bitch with a stellar personality who is intensely successful, they think that just by being around me, it's going to rub off on them. Guess what, babe? It's not. Because you are deeply insecure, okay? You don't know who the fuck you are. And you're getting a little too old for that to be cute. You know what I mean? So over the summer,

I'd be laying next to him, and I remember thinking, he doesn't, like, understand. Like, he's not in tune with my emotions in the way that he thinks he is. And I don't know if he ever was, because he was such a fucking weirdo liar manipulator. I don't know. And there's not a worse feeling than, like, laying in bed next to someone and feeling alone.

I have never felt more alone. I would rather be by myself than sleeping in my bed next to a man who makes me feel alone. And that's what it was. So, thought Valentine's Day, it's not even a major holiday, but I do want to read sort of the history of it. So, and we're going to go to history.com.

Red Bull, if you want to send me more Red Bull that is not watermelon Red Bull, I've been powering through these suckers for the last, what feels like 16 years. Go ahead and send me whatever Red Bull you want because look, okay, I can't do much more of this.

This feels like holographic meatloaf again. I've had a watermelon Red Bull every time I've held the Broski Report for the last six months. Red Bull, if you wouldn't mind sending me some more fuel. Shout out to Red Bull, though. Okay. Remember when I figured out the Red Bull logo was actually a bull? That was a big day for me. That was a big day in Broski Nation history. Okay. Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated every February 14th.

Across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine.

But who the fuck is this mysterious saint? And where did these traditions come from? Find out about the meaning and history of Valentine's Day from the ancient Roman ritual of Lupercalia that welcomed spring to the card-giving customs of Victorian England. Why does every fucking thing go back to Victorian England? Oh my God, do you want to know something I learned recently? Okay, just pause for a second. This is not interesting, actually.

This is not like a fact that should be shared amongst friends, but like, I, I guess I care. So I'm going to, this is my podcast. I'm going to fucking talk about it.

I'm still reading Sherlock Holmes. Okay, we get it. I was confused around the succession of the British monarchy, right? Because around the time of, well, honestly, sort of the height of late stage British imperialism, so 1860s to like 1900s,

I mean, I know that it continues into the... I know, okay? And I know that in a certain sense, it's still happening. I know that. I'm talking about a specific time period, okay? 1860s, like 1900. Queen Victoria's reign. Now, you always hear about Victorian, Victorian, or sometimes you hear about Edwardian or Georgian. And I'm always like, who the fuck...

Because, you know, there's always like George V, and then now it was Elizabeth II. But then we're up to Edward VII. It's like, who the fuck? And so I finally, I was actually sitting on my couch, and I was having a conversation with Google. Because I was like, I don't want to Google this. And my phone was in the other room, and so I was talking to Google, my little speaker, and I was getting the information, okay? I was studying. I was doing some research.

And I figured out that Queen Victoria's reign is the longest in British monarchial history, with Elizabeth II coming just shy, okay? That bitch reigned, may she rest in peace, I guess. Actually, not really, because she was horrible. She reigned for damn near 60 years? Let me fact check myself. How long did Queen...

Victoria Rule. That bitch reigned for 63 years, seven months, and two days. 1837? Damn! Damn! She was born in 1819. She became queen at age 18 after the death of her uncle, William IV. Okay, anyway. Yeah, 63 years and some change. The longest reign in British history.

Oh, just kidding. Queen Elizabeth II surpassed her in 2015. My fault. My fault. Because, oh, that is actually true because Queen Elizabeth was, what is that called? Coronated? Coronated definition. To put a crown on someone's head in an official ceremony. I am a genius. And you know what? That comes from the stem corona, which means crown in Spanish, which is in Latin because it's a romance language. So coronated. Corona. Okay. Okay.

Okay, anyway, Victorian England. You always hear about that. It's because that was for over 50 years that Victorian England was a thing. Queen Victoria died in 1901.

and her son Edward took over for nine years. Edward was a playboy king. He didn't give a fuck about England or the English people. He didn't give a fuck. He reigned for nine years, died. Shortly after that, George took over. I believe King George VI. Let me see if I'm wrong. Boom. Boom.

I'm a genius. King George VI. And when King George... So King George ruled during World War I and World War II. And so when you hear them talk about God save the king, that's King George VI. And he wasn't the ugliest monarch that the UK and Northern Ireland has ever had. Okay? He wasn't fugly. I'll say that. He was...

Queen Elizabeth II's father. Okay, so we have Victoria and Albert. If you ever hear about the Victoria and Albert Theater, very famous venue in London, that's actually going to be Victoria and Albert because that was the king and queen. Okay, Queen Victoria, then we have King Edward, then we have King George, then we have Queen Elizabeth, then we have King Charles. Okay, so that's the sort of succession of the British monarchy for the last, God, what is that? 200 years?

And I was reading during, I was reading Sherlock Holmes into the 1900s. He refers to the king. And I was like, what fucking king?

And then they would also refer to Victoria. And so that's what kind of led me to Google it. Y'all really don't care. And I also stumbled my way through that. And for that, I apologize. So if you were ever wondering when you hear about Victorian England, oh, Victorian, Victorian, it's because it lasted for, you know, just shy of 70 years. So that's a long time to rule. And it's also a long time to commit atrocities, right?

under your name in service of the British Empire. Okay, pardon me. There were two Georges. Holy shit. There were two Georges. King George V ruled the UK from 1910 to 1936. So I wasn't wrong. There was a King George. And then right after that, King George VI from 1936 to 1952. And then 1952 was Queen Elizabeth II. This is tea, though, because...

God, I mean, obviously imperialism is the bane of, I would say, most atrocities globally and internationally can be traced to imperialism. I think that is a fair statement. Like most of the evil...

between peoples historically has come from imperialism or empire and trying to own slash destroy other countries and other cultures and other peoples to subjugate them. That has been the bane. The bane of the human existence is the desire for power and the acquisition, the struggle for acquisition of power

I think most things can be traced back to that. I need to take a sociology course, right? I feel like I would eat that shit up. I took a sociology and psychology course at a community college when I was in college just to like get my credit. And so I did it locally and I was tapped the fuck in. No one else in that class gave a fuck. But it was like me and the professor locked in because he would teach other. I'd be like, well, obviously I have a question.

Hey, obviously that doesn't make sense. What are you fucking talking about? And I would sit there and like reason with him and not argue, but like discuss. And at one point he literally goes, I don't know. I said, well, how can that be true? He said, I don't know. I didn't know you weren't doing questions right now. I'm so sorry about that. This poor guy, a community college professor, he goes, can I just get through the fucking lesson? I don't know. My fault. Continue.

Anyway, most struggles between humans, homo sapiens, if you will, has been for power. And even when you reduce it down to like economics or religion or goods and services, whatever, it comes down to power. Who holds the power? And I remember in AP Environmental Science, my senior year of high school was when I learned about the tragedy of the commons.

That in nature, all things are balanced. There is a natural homeostasis balance to the animal kingdom, to the food chain, that when there is shared resources amongst a community, everyone only takes what they need.

And Native American culture is this way. A lot of pagan cultures were this way, where you only take what you need out of preservation for your community because it's a very community-focused and community-based environment. Well, introducing ideas like this, where I will own the land, the resources, the people, the rights, the this, the that, the other—

That introduces this new mindset of me, myself, and I, selfish. And so when I learned about the tragedy of the commons, I was like, that's so fucking true. That is so true, dude. And we see it, right? At the beginning of COVID, when everyone bought up all the toilet paper and they were selling it for $50. What are we talking about? It's no respect for your fellow man. And then it spirals into the British Empire. So-

I'm going back to Valentine's Day. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Tinder. It's February and love is in the air all month long. Don't wait around for it to fall in your lap when you've got Tinder's first impression feature. You can now send a message before you even match. Whether it's calling out their taste in music, hyping up their adventure pic, or dropping a funny line they won't forget. It's low pressure and an easy way to put yourself out there.

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So this Valentine's Day developed during the Victorian era. Did not know that. The history of Valentine's Day and the story of its patron saint, St. Valentine, is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome.

What? Oh, my God.

When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still, others insist that it was St. Valentine of Turney, a bishop who was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome. And fuck Claudius II!

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Did y'all see my TikTok? I did a little book haul. Oh my God, I got this book called God's Bankers inside the finances of the Vatican and the Catholic Church. My God! Oh my God! Hey, I'll let y'all know about that as soon as I start it. Damn! I was walking through, there's this crazy bookstore by my house, and I was like, let me pop in here. All used books. Shout out. Love that. I also love that because...

You go through and you find bookmarks and photos and tickets and underlined sections and annotations. And it's just a magical experience. I can't really put into words other than like what that experience instills in me other than

It makes me zoom out. You know, we are so navel-gazing and we're so focused on ourselves a lot of the time. And it goes back to what I was just talking about of we are not a community-based people anymore. It's me, myself, and I, and that is so isolating and lonely. I don't know any of my neighbors. I don't know any of my neighbors. And that makes me sad. But why? Like, why is that the case? You know, why do I feel like

I'm always on edge or I should be, you know, head on a swivel and whatever. Well, I live in Los Angeles. That's probably why. Objectively dangerous place. But at the same time, my neighbors aren't dangerous people unless they have freezers full of human body parts. But how am I supposed to know that? You know what I mean? And so, yeah, I think that I love used bookstores for that reason because you can go in and the way that someone annotates a book or uses a book or,

The state that it's found in, you know, was this ever even read? You can tell. So I think that all of that is part of the experience of going to a bookstore. I was getting some of these books for $5. Hell fucking yeah. Because you go to Barnes & Noble or Books A Million or any of these stores and you get books for $30. $30 for one book.

That's a lot of fucking money. And I understand if it's a new release, if it's your favorite authors, you know, the third installment of the trilogy of the House of Blood and I get it. But $30? I was at this bookstore, I was boom, boom, boom. I walked out with eight books. I spent 50 bucks total. That's what I'm fucking talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, so.

Really cute. But in this God's Bankers books, there's no annotations. And I was like, okay, okay. But in my copy, I got a copy of Clockwork Orange, a Clockwork Orange. It's annotated down. And I was like, yes, very excited about that. Also, some of y'all have told me that Clockwork Orange has its own language that I need to, it's like simlish that I need to kind of lock into. And so I found on google.com,

I found a glossary of all the sort of translated words and terms from A Clockwork Orange. And, you know, I love reading old books like this, and it sucks doing it outside the confines of an academic environment because I'm kind of left to my own devices, which is both good and bad, right? Because I can take my own takeaways or my own interpretations of what I find the text to mean, how it impacts me as an individual, and

But at the same time, I wish that there was this added level of like, I have to write an essay about it or I have to connect dot A to dot D, you know, like using my brain in that sort of way and having it be graded. I do miss that aspect of it where that's a missing chunk. When I read a book as important as writing,

A Clockwork Orange or East of Eden or Animal Farm or Brave New World, Heart of Darkness, any of these books. It's like I wish that there was like all things in life. I wish there was an instructor I could ask questions to and I wish there was someone to grade my work. Maybe I want to go back to school. Maybe that's what I just kind of admitted to myself there. That's cool.

But you know what I mean? Where, sure, you can sit with a book and read it. You can read A Clockwork Orange on the train, but that doesn't mean you are getting from it what you should or what was intended or, you know, you might be missing the most important part. I think for me, I'd like to think that I have the wherewithal to read a book like that and be like, this is the meaning, you know? But even in Animal Farm,

If I didn't have the background of this was loosely based on the Russian Revolution, then, you know, I would have been like, damn, that's a crazy book about fascism.

Crazy book. Like, I still would have gotten it, but the specific sort of, you know, this was Trotsky, this was whoever, that stuff is important to me for a contextual, complete, 100% understanding of the book that I'm reading. And I feel like I don't. I know there's actually probably study guides. And I used to use CliffsNotes. Wait, you want to know something really cute? I have my mom's CliffsNotes pamphlets online.

from the 80s and the 90s when she was in high school and college that are printed versions of what... I mean, I used to use Cliff's Notes in high school, the website, where it would take Taming of the Shrew or the hard-ass Shakespeare to read, and it would break it down into synopsis by chapter, characters, important characters, their lore, what page X was on, important quotations...

All that stuff. To the point, almost, they make it too easy where you don't even have to read the fucking play. You don't have to read the book. That's not the goal for me. I would like some supplemental reading material that is peer-reviewed and approved to use as a study guide. So I think I might do that for Clockwork Orange. If y'all, that's such a specific request. If you guys have a study guide for Clockwork Orange, send it to me.

Okay, or put it in the comments under this YouTube video. Let me know. Okay, anyway, Valentine's Day.

Oh, I was talking about God's Bankers. Yeah, I'm very excited to read that book. God's Bankers provides an exhaustive history of financial machinations at the center of the church in Rome. From the final decades of the 19th century down to Pope Francis's sincere but as yet inconclusive efforts to reform the church's labyrinthine bureaucracy. From there, Posner weaves an extraordinarily intricate tale of intrigue, corruption, and organized criminality.

The cumulative effect of Posner's detective work is an acute sensation of disgust, along with a mix of admiration for and skepticism about Pope Francis's efforts to reform the Vatican Bank and its curial enablers. Crazy. Okay. Valentine's Day. Fuck!

Okay, so our St. Valentines were beheaded by Claudius II, okay. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first Valentine greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl, possibly his jailer's daughter, who visited him during his confinement.

Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed, From Your Valentine, an expression that is still in use today. Oh my God, that's so sad.

Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and most importantly, romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to his reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Some claim that the Christian church may have decided to place—it's always fucking religion—

It is always religion. Others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine's Feast Day in the middle of February in an effort to Christianize the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Am I saying that right? Lupercalia. Celebrated at the Ides of February or February 15th, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. They were cared for by Shakira, she-wolf, and by lupa, a wolverine, a werewolf. The priests would sacrifice a goat for fertility and a dog for purification. No.

They would then strip the goat's hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood, and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Okay. Okay. What? Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year.

Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. What the fuck? Is romance in marriage?

A new concept? I understand that marriage for the longest time was a almost political or financial union between families, right? Like the bride's father would pay the groom a dowry and the wife would now take the groom's name and become a part of, you know what I mean? Like it was a flow of...

power, an exchange of money for a union. When was romance introduced? Humans are very romantic beings. So why, when did people start marrying for love? What the fuck? This is crazy. Sometimes you look up the history of shit like this and you're like, I didn't want to know that. I'd be fine if it was just like Snoopy, Candy Graham, whatever.

If it was just like Snoopy and Woodstock holding a valentine like, love you, that's a lot more palatable than slapping women with goat hides. What are we talking about? Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity but was outlawed as it was deemed unchristian at the end of the 5th century when Pope Galatius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day.

Damn, we've had Valentine's Day since 400 BC, 400 AD. And did I think that AD meant after death? Yeah. And BC means before Christ. Okay. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love.

During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance.

The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to record St. Valentine's Day as a day of romantic celebration in his 1375 poem, Parliament of Fowls, writing, For this was sent on St. Valentine's Day, when every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.

1375. That is nutso to me. Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written valentines didn't begin to appear until after 1400. Well, that makes sense because the populace was illiterate. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. Now, let me tell you something about the Tower of London. One of the most haunted fucking places in the world, probably.

Some horrid, abhorrent, evil shit has gone down in the Tower of London. The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a Valentine note to Catherine of Eloise. Don't give a fuck. Okay, this is nuts. I had no idea that it's been celebrated that long.

Okay, let's talk about modern-day Valentine's. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the UK, France, and Australia.

In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the end of the 18th century, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. And by 1900, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Oh my God!

Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging handmade Valentines in the early 1700s. Today, according to Hallmark, an estimated 145 million Valentine's Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. More cards are sent at Christmas. Fuck you and Valentine's Day.

Ah, yes. Learning that a beloved holiday is rooted in suffering. Most are. Most are. Okay? So when you're celebrating Valentine's Day this year, make sure to get your significant other a plush flower so you never have to buy them one ever again.

make sure that you buy them a Hallmark card. Okay, let's get some more plastic out there in the world. Let's get some more paper with plastic embellishments on it. Okay, let's send that off. Definitely don't hand make anything. Definitely don't, you know, pick flowers from your yard or your garden. Don't do that. Okay, let's get some more microplastics out in the environment. These episodes are sponsored by Rocket Mommy. Ah!

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Okay, moving on to something completely, completely different. I want to talk about perfume, perfume, perfume. I am on Perfume Talk and I'm somewhat of a fragrance head myself. Thank you for asking. Michelle Visage obviously has informed... She's informed a portion of...

Because we have the same taste, which I always make sure to figure out before I take fragrance recommendations from anyone. I'm like, are we on the same fucking page? Because if you're doing sugary, caramel, gourmand, vanilla, we are not the same. Okay? I, here are my tastes.

There is a fine balance between an aggressively feminine scent and an aggressively masculine scent. I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm a very androgynous queen when it comes to fragrance. I love something that just smells rich, rich in the sense of like a fancy hotel lobby. That's what I want to smell like. When you walk in and you're like, ooh, that smells good.

In my house, I use... And look, don't knock it until you smell it. In my house, I use Glade plug-ins in the scent Fall Night Long. It's my favorite Glade plug-in, okay? I've got one in about every room. And I always get compliments. Your house smells so good. Yeah! It's Glade. It's from Walmart. Anyway, when it comes to a fragrance, personally, I'm looking for...

bergamot. I'm looking for amber. I'm looking for musk. I'm looking for white musk. I'm looking for santal, any of the woods, cedar, moss, oud. And I like an eau de parfum.

I'm not doing eau de toilette because something about my skin, I spray it and it just absorbs it. And not in a way that's like, oh, I'm going to smell like this for the rest of the day. It's gone. I've tried all the fucking tricks. I've tried layering it with a lotion that smells similar. I've tried using Vaseline. I've tried doing all this bullshit. If the fragrance does not last long, that's the fragrance's fault.

It's not my fault. I can try to do other things to make it last longer. At the end of the day, it's a weak fragrance. On the flip side, perfume houses like Killian, that shit will last four days. If you spray that shit on a sweater, it's never coming out until you wash it. But like, this is why I'm like, I don't believe you when you're like, it's just user error. No, it's not. Because some fragrances...

really have a staying power, and they're beautifully made. Killian fragrances are so unique and so wonderful. Love Don't Be Shy is famously, isn't that what Rihanna wears? Beyonce wears Killian. It's like just the most luxurious feminine fragrances that have depth to them. But sometimes Killian fragrances can be kind of overpowering almost. And so I want to be somewhere in the middle. My favorite perfume of all time

is probably Les Longfondes by Maison Louis-Marie. It's number two, and it is just something I really don't know how to describe it other than it's a fresh version of Rich Hotel Lobby. Let's look up the notes. I'm going to read you the notes, and I want you to keep an open mind because this shit smells so good.

Oh my God, I forgot my two most favorite notes. Hinoki Wood. I love Hinoki. And let me tell you something about Heretic Parfums. They make one called Scandal Wood. Oh my God. Scandal Wood might be one of my favorite scents of all time, but again, it doesn't last. And this one doesn't last either. And I've tried.

I even bought the perfume oil from Maison Louis Marie, and I put the perfume oil under it. That makes it last a bit longer, and then you spray it on top. But even then, I'm like, I'm talking two hours, and it's gone. Versus I have Angel Share by Killian. Motherfucker, you spray that shit at 9 a.m. At 9 p.m., you're still like, damn, damn, and it's strong. So here, you know what I'm saying?

Okay, Hinoki Wood, Patchouli, and Cedarwood. Patchouli is, and if you are a fragrance girl, you know this, it's hit or miss. They always talk about you either love Patchouli or you fucking hate Patchouli. Patchouli on its own, I'm not the biggest fan of. I think it smells too much like a bonfire. But when it's mixed in with some of these other like woody notes or kind of like milky or...

musk, or even with patchouli and then like a floral on top. Oh, I'm there. Oh, I'm locked the fuck in. It just has to be done right. And it can't be, it can't smell cheap. This is one of my favorite fragrances of all time. It's, here are the full notes. Hinoki wood, cedarwood, patchouli, white musk. That's it. Love!

Love! And also, Scandalwood, the one by Heretic Parfums, they make one called Nosferatu. They made a Nosferatu scent. And it's interesting. It wasn't my favorite, but it was definitely interesting because I bought their little sample pack. Oh, my God. And Heretic also makes one called Dirty Hinoki. Oh! And they make one called Floorgasm. Oh! So good. Okay, some other favorite scents of mine in that vein are...

D.S. and Durga make some beautiful fragrances. They have one that is meant to be a layering fragrance, but I used to wear it by itself. It's called I Don't Know What. That's the name of the fragrance because it's supposed to be a play on the French je ne sais quoi. You know, it's got this je ne sais quoi. And so when you tell people, oh, what are you wearing? It's literally called I Don't Know What. Anyway, that one is a fantastic. It's just...

Let me think if I know the notes. It's just like a musk. I don't know what Dias and Durga. And I fucking love bergamot. Anything bergamot, I'm tapped in. And that's what this is! I'm so smart. Top notes, bergamot essence. Heart notes, vetiver and iso. And the base notes are civetone, fersentol.

An Ambrox Super. I hate when they do this shit. Like, what does that mean? I'm going to go ahead and infer that that's, it's bergamot, vetiver, amber, santal, and two other things that they decided to make really not understandable. Diaz and Durga also makes one called Gato Blackout, one of the most crazy fragrances I've ever smelled. And I do that when I'm going out drinking because that's like a, whoa.

Who is that? Who smells good? But it's not like hot girl. It's like rich model. I don't even know how to describe it. It's a very non-traditional fragrance. Let me look up the notes for Gato Blackout. Oh, it's a cherry fragrance. That's why. That makes sense.

Black cherry, snow pine, incense, cocoa, jasmine flowers, heiress absolute, vanilla, friend's musk, fireplace. It is so good, y'all. It's warm, but it's also spicy. So good. Some other ones that I've been into lately, these are kind of more masculine. Tom Ford makes one called Bois Pacifique, which I'm pretty sure means Pacific wood, Pacific forest. And

This is a cologne. It's a cologne. But I think they market it as androgynous. It's great. I'll wear it by itself. It's very warm, very warm and rich. And then Parfum de Mali. They make that famous, beautiful bottle. Put it up here. That rose. It's the rose one by Parfums de Mali.

And their bottles are super iconic. I think that they're a beautiful fragrance house, but I just hate rose. I fucking hate rose. I am not a rose girl. Rose ruins a fragrance for me, but sometimes tuberose. I'll walk into that. Sometimes I do like that.

If we're doing florals, I like jasmine. I love jasmine. But you cannot make the jasmine powdery. Then it smells like grandma. And a great example of a jasmine fragrance that is not grandma is Do Sun by Diptyque. Oh!

That's one of my favorites of all time as well. Doseun is this beautiful floral with a little bit of musk in it that they sell as a hand lotion, a perfume, an eau de toilette. They have it in a bunch of different options, but it's a good summer fragrance, like spring, summer. It honestly reminds me of London because that's where I bought it. And it just, you know,

being outside and it's for, I don't do floral. I am not a floral girl, but Dosan is my one exception. It is gorgeous. It's gorgeous. And if you want a sort of cheaper alternative, I would suggest Florgasm from Heretic Perfumes. They smell very similar. Florgasm's a bit more like grassy, but oh, they're both beautiful. That is, I swear to God, the one floral that I have in my collection that I'm like, damn, it's good. I'm

Another one of my favorite. Oh, the Parfums de Marly one I was going to say. It's called Levant. Parfums de Marly. Levant. Leighton. Sorry.

Leighton. Oh, wonder what the top note is. You guessed it. It's bergamot. This seductive amber and floral fragrance with an intense olfactory signature opens with bergamot and its tangy passion, while lavender and geranium blend into a fresh note, chic and chivalrous all at once. I would agree with that because it kind of hits you at first as a cologne and then it settles and it's like...

It's a perfume. The intensity of the eau de parfum is further amplified by amber, enhanced by the natural elegance of pink pepper. Distinguished and addictive, Leighton's character is further carried by vanilla and precious woods, which develop through an intriguing note of caramelized coffee. And if you know about Michelle Visage's perfume recs, her favorite of all time is that coffee fragrance by something addict. Is it called coffee addict?

She loves a coffee fragrance. And I know she also likes that one by Penhaligon's called Helfeti. And I was in the airport the other day and where was I? Oh, I was in Paris. And I was in the, you know, they always have those perfume shops. I was like, let me go in here and see what's going on. They had a Penhaligon's set up because they don't have those in stores here in the States.

So I went over and I smelled all of them. Those bottles are fucking beautiful. It looks like an English country house, like a country manor. And it's all themed like that, like the animal heads or the taxidermy, whatever. And all of the branding is very, you know,

It's very British, British nobility, whatever. The fragrances are beautiful, though. And I smelled Helfetti. I get it. I get it, Michelle. That one is gorgeous. But it wasn't what I thought it would be. I don't know what it was. I think...

It smelled too similar to a different fragrance I had smelled or someone I know who wears a fragrance like that. And I was just like, it's not doing it for me. But on paper, all the notes are beautiful. So let me look up what that one was. And it is going to be $300. Okay.

This is Halfeti by Penhaligon's. An intoxicating, mysterious fragrance. Vigorous grapefruit, oud, Levantine spice, and rose tangle in the mood light. Maybe that's what I didn't like. I don't like rose. But what's that upon the riverbank? Could it be the fabled black rose? Yeah, I don't know. It was definitely... It's deep and warm, and it's got some of that...

Like the dry down was nice, but I just, there was something in it. I was like, and here's another one. Diptyque has one called, oh, what is it called? This one, Bois Cossé. This has a note of hazelnut in it. So this one should be my favorite fragrance of all time.

But it's not. I went into Diptyque and I sprayed it and it has so many beautiful notes. The bottle is done, but the dry down, I did end up buying it because I left the store. I was getting a gift for someone else and I left the store with it on my skin and I kept smelling it the rest of the day and I was like,

I'm kind of glad I didn't get it because there's some note in it that did not, because you know, it all comes down to your pH and how it interacts with your skin specifically. It can smell beautiful on someone else and weird as fuck on you. And that's what happened. I think that some acid in my skin reacted with this perfume in a way that just ended up smelling like a turtlet. It smelled like a turtlet. Écranse is French for bark.

Colse means full-bodied, like the coffee aroma celebrated here. So it's coffee. The bottle is decorated with fine black lines inspired by the release found in bark. The irregular forms on the sleeve evoke the texture of wood. Fragrant notes. Café Arabica. So coffee. Sandalwood. Tonka bean. But some dude at the dip tea store told me it had hazelnut in it, and I think that's what I don't like because...

I don't know. I don't know. If y'all ever smell this, let me know what you think because it's a very interesting fragrance, but it just, something was up. Another one of my favorite fragrances of all time is Vanille Antique by Byredo.

If you have never, if you're looking for that perfect vanilla, and I don't mean sugary sweet vanilla, marshmallow this, caramel that. If you want that, go to Sol de Janeiro. Go get the Cherosa or the traditional, you know, bum bum cream, that smell, or any of those numbers, like 71, 62, whatever. Those are great if you're looking for like

A very topical, almost teenager-y sweet smell. Vanille Antique. Mama, that's a woman. That is a woman. A woman with money. Cash. Money. It is the most beautiful vanilla fragrance I've ever smelled. I keep saying warm, but those are the fragrances I like. Where you hug someone and you're like, God, you smell delicious. It's deep. It's depth. There's layers to it.

It's not just, oh, she smells like candy. I don't want to smell like candy. I want to smell like sex in a hotel lobby. And so Vanilla Antique, it is by far the most impressive vanilla I've ever smelled. And you want to know someone else I love? I love his reviews. Daniel Rene. I follow him on TikTok. He came out with his own fragrance that I bought.

Because I love him so much. And he described all these notes in it. And it sounded like Do-sun mixed with something else. And I was like, I have to try this. And he's such a salesman, bitch. That was what I was like, fuck.

I spent $175 on this fragrance. Damn, I've never smelled it. I did a blind buy because I love him. And if it smells like shit, Daniel, I'm going to be pissed off. I don't believe it'll smell like shit because it's from a niche, independent fragrance house.

I believe it's French. And he developed it in tandem with this company. The bottle is beautiful. I'm excited to smell it. So if y'all want, I can give you a little review on the pod because I'm very excited about that fragrance. One of the notes in it is a vanilla cake. Okay, yeah, I'm going to lock into that. Because when I hear vanilla cake, that gives me some like, it's not vanilla frosting. It's got some bottom to it, right? There's a bottom in it.

The fragrance has bottomed. So I'm excited to try that out. I'll let you guys know. I think it's called Illusio. Okay, I think that'll do it for me, team. I love y'all to goddamn death. Red Bull, I can't do the watermelon anymore. Please send me something else. Please send me something else. If y'all want merch for this beautiful, informing, informational, academic podcast...

Go to broski.shop. We've got Moomoos. We've got slippers. We've got Broski Report merch. We've also got a restock of Moomoos. So go in right now. If you did not get a Moomoo or you ordered one and you had to wait a while for it to ship, they were all being made by hand. So they are back. They are in stock. Go get you some Moomoos and slippers.

Go watch my interview show, Royal Court. We've got some psychotic guests on there. If you have not seen the Aaron Taylor Johnson Royal Court episode, go ahead and watch that for me. If y'all don't mind, go ahead and watch it for me. I think that'll do it for me. Love you guys. Be good. Bye.

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