96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Well, what is this that I can't see with eyes cold, hands taking hold of me? Oh, death and uncanny excel, open the door to heaven or hell.

Anyone know about that? You know about "Oh Death" by Ralph Stanley? Does anyone know anything about that? Until you can't talk, I'll lock your jaw until you can't talk. No one knows about that? Alright, that's fine. Welcome back to another episode of My Big Fat Chungus Fucking Life. Welcome back to No One Gets Me in My Big Fat Chungus Life. What's next on the docket? Fucking being alone? Forever alone?

What happens when I turn into just a millennial shit poster because I've been pushed to my limit? You're going to know that I'm actually, I've crossed over the hill. The proverbial hill that they talk about when you turn 50 and you bet. No, no, no, no. The proverbial hill I'm going to go over is the millennial hill where I just give in. I wear my galaxy print leggings. I have Neon Cat on everything. I have a mustache tattoo right here. And I'm like, no.

epic random pie moment. God, bring that shit back. There's a freedom. There's a freedom in that, okay? To be cringe is to be free. And I promise you, there will come a time when the owl necklace comes back, okay? Funky Julie. All that shit's gonna come back. And I'm gonna, oh, dude. I had so many. I used to dress business professional, business casual, if you will, to high school every day.

And there's something very honest about that, right? I thought I was giving Miranda Priestly 10 to 12 skirts from Calvin Klein. Like, I really thought Florals for Spring, how original. I'm going to wear business casual at the ripe age of 14. And I used to, oh, dude, there was this shoe company called Clark's. And Clark's made, like, Oxfords and Brokes. Like...

Clark's is an English. What's a shoemaker called? Mattiner? Cobbler? Cobbler. What's a mat? That's hats. Matelier. Name of craftsman.

Who makes hats? Millionaire. Millionaire. Milliner. Milliner. I am so smart. Or a hatter. Oh my god, do you guys want to know some crazy tea that I found out? It's not tea. It's a historical fact. I've had quite the fascination with the original Alice in Wonderland recently, as well as 150 other things. I've been kind of on my English lit shit. Like, I've been doing kind of, not research, maybe research.

on something that's very, very inspiring to me. And there's a crossover somewhere, not to get too deep into it, between like

the romance era of painting and I guess of literature as well. And by romance, I mean romantic in the sense of nature. Like there's something of a romantic quality to nature and the sublime and sublimity and how that interacted and inspired a lot of artists in the romance period. Lord Byron has a quote that says, "'I love not man the less, but nature the more.'"

So it's like this real emphasis on nature's beauty and nature's awe-inspiring connection between us and it and how we are inevitably inferior to nature. Am I making sense? I had a quad from Duncan. Okay. Hello to Duncan. I had a quad from Duncan and I'm feeling...

Like I could be giving 13 different commencement speeches at once. Like I'm teaching a lecture in one side of my brain and I'm giving a commencement speech in another and I'm doing the podcast in another. Like a lot's going on up here and I'm trying to, I'm trying to channel it. I'm trying to, I'm trying to channel it. I'm trying to channel it. Just made a new word.

If I'm not mistaken, the channel is a thing that used to connect the UK to France. Does the channel exist anymore? The channel tunnel. The channel. A rail tunnel under the English Channel connecting Folkestone in the UK to Coquelin, France. I am a genius. That's so funny. They were like, channel, tunnel, fuck it, channel. Do you know what I mean? Fuck it. Too much to say. Fuck it.

It's time watching the fucking mouth channel. Bob Shonko, here's a more detailed look at the channel. I'll give you a detailed look at my channel. Sorry. Let's move on. There's a shuttle service that takes you to the channel. There's a fucking shuttle for the channel. Okay. Guys, what the fuck was I talking about Lord Byron for? Seriously, why the hell did I bring up Lord Byron? Oh, here's what I wanted to actually bring up in regards to Lord Byron.

Oh, he had some tea, girl. Something was happening with Lord Byron. If any of y'all are lit students or had to study Lord Byron at all, there is a very commonly understood quality to Lord Byron. For reference, he was kind of hot and he was an author, a poet, a

and sort of a socialite celebrity in the early 1800s. Let me go ahead and pull up a photograph of Lord Byron and keep in mind he's fucked up, okay? He's very fucked up. Here he is though. Damn. Okay, now he's kind of got those cousin kisser lips,

There's something going on with the, you know, strong Roman nose. And how much of this also is like, yeah, and make my jaw a little bit sharper, right? Like, you can't really trust this era of painting. Anyway, he was widely regarded as one of the most attractive, alluring celebrities of his time. And by that, I mean 18...

To like 1816 I think is when he wrote Childe Harold's Pilgrimage Which is this crazy travel-ish novel A novel, if you will It's poetry It's in cantos Okay, there's four cantos

And essentially, trust me, I'm getting there. Okay. He writes this thing about his grand tour that he takes. Cause as we know in Regency era Britain, uh, it was customary for young men to take what was called the grand tour around Europe. And by Europe, I also mean into, um, sort of Eastern Europe into the Mediterranean, um, and Northern Africa there.

was a real emphasis on this to finish your education, to finish your education. He was probably around 22 when he took this grand tour. You go all around Europe and you're supposed to, you know, kind of what, what's his name does in Bridgerton. That's exactly what, what Byron did is you just go to learn about culture and have experiences that a man would and this, that, the other. Okay. And then you return to the UK to wed.

Well, girl, Lord Byron went on his grand tour and he got into some shit. Lord Byron was a nasty freak. He was wildly regarded as one of the best poets of the time until he wasn't.

So he was like kind of a womanizer, but also bi. And he had fucked his half sister. Okay. Keep that in mind. And he had a kid and I think like didn't really care much for the kid. Was kind of abusive towards her. And was just like dedicated to living this life of debauchery and indulgence. And he was excommunicated for it. He was exiled from the UK. Okay.

And I cannot remember where the hell he went, but his life was really tea. And Lord Byron is, I find very intriguing because to have such indulgence in earthly pleasures, you know, to really eat all the fruits of Western society and then have this really pronounced...

deep admiration and deep connectivity to nature is such a strange dichotomy. And it's present in all of his works. It's why he's regarded as one of the most famous romantic poets is because he loved nature. And it is so present in all of his works and some of his quotes and even his sentiments up to the very end. It's just like, here is someone who

who understands his role in nature, but at the same time participated in such self-destructive and just sabotage in general social activity. Crazy. He is such a fucking character. People loved him until they didn't. Okay.

He truly was. He's regarded a lot of the times amongst historians as one of the first celebrities. And he's quoted as saying, I woke up one morning and found myself famous because after he published his book, Child Herald's Pilgrimage, which is based on his grand tour, like I was saying, people were addicted to him. They were addicted to him. Sold out immediately.

And, yeah, why the fuck was I talking about Lord Byron? Anyway, let's move on to Sex and the City. I am finally watching Sex and the City for the first time. Yes! First time watch, guys! First time watch. And can I just say, it is harrowing. It's very harrowing to realize that you are Miranda. And not only are you Miranda, you're a combo of Miranda and Carrie.

and it's a little bit unforgivable, to be honest. What I enjoy about Sex and the City is it has some crossover with shows or movies like Little Women or whatever, where, yes, sure, it's about men and sex and this and that and whatever, okay? Getting it and giving it and fucking on it and sucking it. But however...

What's more important than bouncing on it and sucking on it is actually sisterhood. Yeah, you guys hate, you hate for me to say that. It's about sisterhood and it's about at the end of the day, what a show like Sex and the City is reminding me is that I have not de-centered men enough. Oh God. And that takes a lot for me to say.

shows like Sex and the City, I'm just like, oh my God, can they not see he's a fucking loser? He's a loser. Move on, move on, move on, move on. And then I'm like, oh my God, if I was watching a TV show about my life, I would be saying that to myself as well. So I can't really fault them. But at the same time, what this show is genuinely teaching me is no one has your back the way that your girlfriends do.

Whether that's telling you something you really need to hear but don't want to hear. Whether that's showing love in a way that you wish romantic partners would. You can find an almost identical love with your sisters, you know, with your girlfriends. And that's just like, wow, what a fucking privilege and joy of life that...

Quite frankly, a lot of men don't get to experience in their whole lives. They'll never understand like the bond between women, like best friends that are women. It's just, it makes me cry, honestly. Like I'm watching Sex and the City crying, bitch. Okay, and let's move on to what I actually wanted to talk about. I had to get that out of the way because I do, that's my takeaway from Sex and the City is like, God, no one loves you the way that your friends love you, period. Second takeaway,

Carrie fumbled her fucking bag with Aiden. Are you out of your- Okay, let me compose myself. How are you gonna leave Aiden once you cheat on him and then you cheat on him again and then you take him back? Fuck! How are you gonna cheat on Aiden and then get him back and just let him go again? Y'all, hold on. I can't even start to get into this. I'm gonna freak out! Who the fuck-

plays Aiden. What is his fucking name? I don't care. And he was 39! AIDEN! Aiden. Okay, y'all, I don't, like, how do I even say this? The first time you meet Aiden in this show, okay, for those who haven't seen Sex and the City, it's one of Carrie's fucking boyfriends, okay? And she only, so far, she's only had two serious boyfriends, and this is my favorite, because let me tell you something about Big, bitch! I don't want to see Big anymore! I don't want to see him!

He moved away. He moved to fucking Napa, California. Good riddance. I don't want to see Big anymore. There was a time period where I was addicted to Big because guess what? We've all been there. I've had my Mr. Big. Everyone's had their fucking Mr. Big. And I slowly started to realize what is his name? Because there's this awkward scene where him and Aiden meet and they never introduce him. It's just kind of understood. Anyway, I know that's probably on purpose, but it started to piss me off because I'm like, he looks like...

Like, what would his name be? His name would be like, like Henry or something. Like Henry or like Jake. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It would be some like super fucking white guy name. Anyway, she's going back and forth, back and forth with Big. And I'm thinking this is,

This woman loves the chaos. And someone like Aiden, I'm discussing this with you guys. Like, it's one of our mutual friends and we're at dinner. Okay. This is you and I having a margarita, a spicy margarita, basket of chips and salsa. And maybe we're at Chewy's. Maybe we're at Chewy's and there's that jalapeno ranch. And we're at Chewy's and there's that jalapeno ranch.

And then halfway through the conversation, I have to run out and I have to go have diarrhea because that shit is so good, but it does make me squirt diarrhea. Anyway, this is you and I sharing a basket of chips and salsa. Here's the thing about Carrie. She thrives in the chaos, okay? She was never going to be able to handle what Aiden could have provided for her, which is safety, security, like truly anything she could have needed, which pisses me off because she's sabotaged!

Because he saw her as a marriage material and she wasn't ready to get married because she wasn't done fucking around with Big. I'm pissed. There were so many scenes where Aiden came in and he was like, why did you leave the room to take a call with Big? Right? Like, is there something here that we need to talk about?

She was like, oh, I just didn't think you'd appreciate what... Yeah, I don't appreciate you taking a phone call with him. So can we meet in the middle? And you know what? Sex and City also has me thinking about, am I crazy? Am I crazy? Like things... What would I get mad at if I was in these situations? And it kind of bubbles up naturally. Like, oh my God, Miranda and Steve. Motherfucker. You motherfucker. I was so mad through that whole first... Actually...

How many times have they broken up and gotten back together? I do not like Steve. I'll say it. I do not like Steve. I think he's a sweet man, but I don't- get away from my girl. You know what I mean? Like, of course you're attracted to this- this powerful, successful, hyper-intelligent, independent woman. And of course you want to latch on like a fucking- Okay? I feel very protective of Miranda.

And I know Steve has his own struggles and this, that, the other. Sorry, he's a loser. And Miranda saw potential in him and strung him along and tried to dress him up. But at the end of the day, he didn't want to live her life. And he wasn't ready for

for Miranda to do the change on him. You know what I mean? There's that scene, girl, been here, been here. I literally am Miranda. It sucks. It sucks sometimes. There's that scene where she's like, I want you to come. This is pretty early on. I want you to come to a work dinner, like work drinks that I have.

And he's like, yeah, sure. Of course. She's like, but it's black tie. And he's like, I don't have a suit. She goes, that's okay. We'll go shopping for a suit. He's like, okay. They go shopping for a suit. It's like almost $2,000. Okay. Cause it's a nice suit. Miranda goes, I'll pay for it. She's so me. And by the way, don't.

Because it's this scary thing of, I want you in my life so I'm willing to pay because I see you as a long-term investment in my life. And this isn't some weird power imbalance or like me trying to make you feel like a small man or this, that, the other. I want you with this thing. This is standing in the way of it. It's a no-brainer. Of course, I'll pay for it. You don't owe me anything. But to Steve, right? Steve took that as...

She knows I can't buy this on my own. And she's so fucking fancy. I'm sorry, I don't have any clothes to go with your fancy friends. He starts to take it as a personal insult, okay? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I was so fucking mad because I've been there. I've been there where men take out their insecurities on me. And I'm like, we're not doing that actually. And we're done. And leave me alone.

Anyway, so Miranda's dealing with that with Steve and inevitably, yeah, you guessed it, they break up because here's what I like about Sex and the City is that it explores so many different topics and themes and relationships.

One of them being, you know, yeah, whatever that topic would be. I guess men's insecurities, like a successful woman, who is the breadwinner and how does that really affect the relationship, especially when it's a budding relationship. All these things are so real and I'm realizing I'm kind of living through that. And I also think I would have lived through that even if I didn't do this job just because of who I am as a person, like,

Went to college, immediately got a corporate job. Like I was just going to be corporate girly for the rest of my life. And unfortunately, the personality types I like work in the service industry. So, and this was a real thing that I experienced before any of the internet stuff. And I still experience it now where I'm drawn to these charismatic, right? Like who isn't charismatic,

snake charmer fucking wordsmiths that you meet at the bar or at a house party, whatever. Turns out they're unemployed. They have no fucking job. I really, really, really enjoy an unemployed man. For some reason, I don't know why, I just do. And what do you do for work? Ah, I'm in between jobs. How long have you been in between jobs? That's the type of young gentleman I go for. And then I convince myself it can work.

I have enough ambition for the both of us. Maybe you just come home, put your little apron on and make me dinner. Okay. I would love a trophy husband. Fuck. I would love a trophy husband, but I know myself and that's going to get... There was a moth. Anyway, I know myself and I'm... That's a Homer Simpson scream. No, that wasn't good. I can't do the Homer Simpson scream. The little short one he does. I can do... That was good.

Guys, if I could have everyone's attention really quick, just sort of look over here. Yeah, hi. Back of the room right here. Yeah, hi. Something really quick, okay? I need to talk to you guys about staying hydrated. It's something very near and dear to my heart.

And this time, I've got a little twist for you guys. Because it's finally summer and we don't have time to be thirsty. We don't have time to be dehydrated. There is too much to do. We're booked. We're busy. We're living off of vibes. But those vibes sometimes need a little Dunkin' Refresher to keep it moving.

A Dunkin' Refresher is your secret weapon for staying energized and refreshed for whatever tomfoolery you freaks are up to this summer. Seriously. Let me show you how this cookie crumbles, okay? Let me show you how this cheese danish cheeses. What? What I have in here is a concoction that very few would understand, but most of you should try.

In here, I have a customized refresher base of sparkling water, and tropical guava on top. Does that not sound delicious? Look at me, I am ghostly pale. Something about this calls to me. It calls to me to go sit outside in the sunlight, get some vitamin D and sip on my refresher.

Because that's what life's about when you really think about it. So like I said, Dunkin' Refreshers are customizable. Okay, there's five different bases. We're rocking with green tea, water, which I had last time, sparkling water, black tea, and oat milk. If you're feeling creamy, for all the creamy people out there.

Then you pick whatever flavor you want. Strawberry dragon fruit if you want, mango pineapple, raspberry watermelon, or like me, tropical guava. Very delicious combo. Let your creativity run wild this summer with the go-to perfect summer sip. And I know you guys like my blinged out cup. I know you guys like this. Come on, that's good. This is my Southern woman fantasy. Why do Southern women love bedazzled stuff?

This is giving. It's giving me everything I need. Thanks, Duncan. I love you guys. You guys are family to me. You're like my family. All right, back to the episode. Anyway, I can't do the power imbalance thing. And I figured that out of I need a man with ambition because we need to hold each other accountable. I can't be holding myself accountable and you accountable. Holy shit. I need some support.

You know, like I have gone through that before where, oh, it's so much fun. These men that are so witty. And so they'll tell you anything you want to hear. They're agreeable. They ask you about your tattoos and about your necklace. They're so easy to talk to. It's because they're unemployed. It's because all that time, all that time they should be looking for jobs. They're doing fucking observational. What's that called? Deductions on your appearance. I'm pissed off.

Anyway, with Miranda and Steve, there is a scene, that scene where they're picking out the tux where Steve kind of crashes out on her. And I'm like, it just sent a chill down my spine because why are you threatened by my success? Why? My success has nothing to do with you, you know? And I also see it as, it's just such a double standard of men who make a lot of money and

don't spoil their girlfriends or whatever that don't make as much money. When a woman does it, it's emasculating to a man. I think that's just the love in a partnership like that, right? Like if you have the means, I do it with my friends too. If you have the means, you provide because it brings me joy. It brought Miranda Joyce. She wanted to do that. And now it's a fight.

And it's like, why can't we just accept? But it's a delicate balance, right? Because if you have a partner that's over, that overindulges in your niceties and your kindness and your generosity, then that's a problem as well. It's such a slippery slope.

Anyway, back to Aiden. Y'all, this show's got me fucked up. I'm so serious. When I was first introduced to Aiden, when he's got the long hair and he's the fucking... That scene where they're in the art gallery and he's like, I shouldn't have been running around my gallery with his fucking dogs running around and Carrie knows who he is and she's a liar. Because she goes up, she's like, I had no idea you owned the gallery. Yes, she did.

Girl, from the minute they start talking, I'm like, oh my God, that's my husband. That's my husband. He's silly. He's goofy. And you know what? Let's talk about this for a second. And I'm going to try to be as articulate and eloquent as I can. So forgive me if my words fail.

You know what I want to start implementing in the latter half of 2025? And let me know if you feel this. If anyone in the congregation feels this message tonight, please come down to the front. I'm going to hand you a pamphlet. I have never felt truly pretty. Now, let me qualify that statement, okay? I've always been pretty and. You know what I mean? Pretty and smart, pretty and funny. I'm getting somewhere with this.

pretty and something else. It's almost like a qualifier. You know what I mean? And I'm finally in this season of my life. I just turned 28. There is room in my brain and like in my self-perception where I can just feel pretty. And obviously there's so much nuance with that. And I hope you understand what I'm saying, but I don't want to just feel pretty, but I want to

I guess let my femininity flourish because I've never allowed myself to do that before because I've always been, you know, either plus size or I have to be the funniest person in the room or I have to be the smartest person in the room or these sort of like limitations, like ceilings and floors that I put on myself of how I need to present, how I need to act. And I've never, I guess it's just like leaning into,

This divine femininity that is so complex and so challenging.

as you get older. And I've been really having existential crises about aging lately. And y'all know my relationship with that of, I don't want to get any work done. I really don't think like I've had friends get work done and preventative this and, you know, facelift this. And we're seeing these trends are so cyclical as they are. And the minute you have it, it's not, you know, that's not what we're doing anymore. I

I'm worried if I start dicking with my face, I won't stop. Right. And I don't really want to dick with my face. And here's the the seesaw that I'm always on when it comes to aging. I want to age and I want to see the lines in my face and see the lines in my friends faces. And I want us to grow old together. And of course, there's a romantic desire there as well of like you want to grow old with your partner. Sure. But my friends are more important to me.

Anyway, I lost my train of thought. What I'm trying to say is that Sex and the City also tackles... I love that they're all in their 30s. Fuck! They're all in their 30s. It's so nice that they're not like, I'm 23 and dating in New York. No, I want to see older gentlemen. And by older, I mean 37 dating 37-year-old women. Fuck! It's so nice. So anyway, I...

feel forever changed by watching Sex and the City for so many different reasons. But the number one being I have dreams every night about Aiden like I'm coming home to him. Like he's my man. I mean, for real, like they wrote a perfect character. He's the perfect boyfriend. Am I tweaking for saying that? Does anyone agree with me? Aiden is the best character. He is the best boyfriend. He's the best partner any of them had.

And yeah, he had his flaws, but what? He loved her too much? He gave it too many shots? He was too patient? Fuck, dude.

He even, like, compromised for her on the smoking, on his fucking cabin in the woods. Like, all of these things in his life that he invited her into that were not that bad, by the way. They went to that cabin in the woods and I was like, that's my dream. Like, he's out working in the shit and you're just sitting on the porch drinking tea. Like, that's my dream, bro. And she's like, ah!

Carrie, I'll fucking, oh my God. I was mad. She did not appreciate Aiden. But here's the question. You know what I mean? And I'm asking you this too. Your partner who you love deeply proposes and you're not ready to get married. Why? And I think my shit with Carrie is I don't understand her why. She had everything she could ever want. Is she holding out for big or

Is she holding out for, I mean, like what more time do you need? And to her point, I understand of like, what's going to change if we get married? Even him being like, let's fly to Vegas and let's just do it now. We don't have to tell anyone. Okay. What's the point? Because to me, the point of getting married is that it's a public thing. You're declaring your love for each other and that you belong to each other in front of your friends and family. That's the point of a wedding. It's not like,

you know, a piece of paper. I mean, it's not a fucking joint bank account. Like that's not marriage. Marriage is being committed to each other. And Carrie's point is what does marriage mean to you? But at the end of it, it means a lot to Aiden. And if you give a shit about Aiden, then I think you would get married. I think I would have gotten married to Aiden. I really would have.

Is that crazy? Like, is that crazy to say? I don't know if your partner wants marriage and you're indifferent to it. I think that's a lot more forgivable than if you want a baby and your partner's indifferent, or if your partner wants a baby and you're indifferent, that's kind of more of a, you're talking about a human life, bringing a human life into the world marriage. I mean, you're already living together, right? So what, I don't know. This is my opinion. This is my opinion.

It definitely makes it messier. It definitely makes it messier if you guys break up. But again, you should think about all this before you agree to get married. And I think it's a great conversational exercise to have with your partner of why not?

wouldn't we get married? What are my reservations here? Maybe some things are toiling just under the surface that are going to be a real pressure point in a marriage. Marriage is hard work. I'm a child of divorce. The majority of my friends are children of divorce. So I don't know if I have a shiny example of what marriage should look like and what it's supposed to be

of all the shit, you know, love is patient, love is kind. I don't know if I've really seen that in the marriages that I've been exposed to, but anyway, I'm really dreaming about Aiden every night and that's not a joke. I literally go to bed thinking about him. I wake up thinking about him and how Carrie fucking fumbled, bro. And how big, look, I'll say it again, okay? Not to circle back to this, but I used to be addicted to big because I had my own big.

And it's like, you know we belong together. You know we belong together. Don't piss me off. Are you being all coy at pushing me away? I'll kill you. Anyway, that quad is sitting somewhere. It's right here. It's sort of like sloshing around.

Do you remember those baby drinks that you would flip it like this and the liquid would go away and then you'd flip it back up and it would come back like a sippy cup? How the fuck did they do that, dude? How did they do that? Baby toys go crazy. There are some crazy baby toys today. Like that baby that poops and you have to wipe its butt. What? I don't want to work. Craziest baby toys. 2025.

What's all this fucking millennial beige bullshit? Dino inflatable sprinkler? Yeah, sign me the fuck up for that. Make me a pizza kids toy. Now, hold on. Hold on! Okay, I don't like how it's the full-size ingredients. This is also like, what, it's made of wood? That's no fun to suck on. If I'm a baby, I don't want to suck on wooden toys. I want that good plastic.

I want that plastic that'll bend under your teeth. You know what I mean? This wood, you just leave bite marks in it and then you get yelled at. Okay. You need a nice, a plastic cooking set that is just ideally riddled with mercury and lead and just really get that in your mouth and just suck on it. You know what I mean? Really, really get all the, the toppings off.

Yeah, see, I don't like this. You're making a pizza and it's a full-size onion, a full-size slice of Swiss cheese. Mama, that's not a pizza. If I was a baby, I'd look at my mom and be like, you're a fucking bitch. You're a bitch because you know this isn't realistic. And when I open my pizzeria, when I open Papa's pizzeria, this is not going to do. And it's not real life experience that a baby would need if a baby's going to make it in the pizza circuit. I'm just saying.

And look, half of the toys you get here are just logs. You're not playing with the logs. Actually, I've got a question. I've got a question for everyone in the chat. What is Montessori? Montessori is like some crazy way to raise kids. Montessori wooden switchboard for three and up years old. Year olds. A switchboard, dude? We're teaching them electricity? We're teaching them electrical currents?

See, like, what the hell? This is nuts. A switchboard. Learning about technology with zero screen time. The most engaging travel companion on the market improved finger and hand coordination. Setting up the future DJs of the world for success.

Guys, if you're looking to raise DJs, electrical engineers, big crossover there, you might want to look into a Montessori wooden switchboard because I'm thinking about getting one for myself. Look, rotating lights. I just want to know how does this, does this not electrocute them? And what can you actually do? This feels like it's live wires and it's probably not that fucking special. It's like not that...

Good for them. I just worry a little bit. Oh, what's your son playing with in the backseat? A live car battery. Is that? No, he loves it. It's his favorite toy. No, it's his favorite toy. Come on. It teaches them about technology without a screen. Come on. And what do you know about the movie Flushed Away? And what's your name? Shucky.

And why do they call you that? Shockey! He walks around with a car battery and he fucking shocks people! That would be my kid. My kid when I get them the Montessori wooden switchboard. Shockey! Shockey flushed away. This kid! Shockey Malone! Rita! Oh, wow, I have to watch Flushed Away tonight. Shockey! Yes! Got it! Look, here it is. They got their houses on the boat and his big ass in the back

in the background kept roller skating and leaning the boat to either side which oh me god that's me you always think you're rita but really you're the big fucking sibling on the boat that's roller that's practicing his roller skating in his school uniform that's me oh tom jones oh i love tom jones do you think honestly

If I went to the UK, not even the UK, well, maybe the UK. If I went to either the UK or Ireland, am I coming out of there? Am I returning to the motherland changed with an accent? You know when they say like, oh yeah, I moved here when I was 18 and they're like 30 now. Is 12 years enough time to develop a new accent? Let's Google that. When...

How long does it take to adopt a new accent? Younger individuals under the age of eight tend to more readily pick up accents, while older individuals over 14 may find it more challenging to completely assimilate a new accent. Yeah, here's the type of shit I want to know. If I moved to Britain and lived there long enough, would I ever develop a British accent? I had an American... Okay, this is a comment from 10 years ago.

I had an American accent. I am not American before I moved to Britain at the age of 14. Why did you have an American accent? Now, nearly half a decade later, just say five years, I have a hybrid accent such that British people think my accent slightly hints towards an American accent. That's not what I, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.

I know other people who have moved around the UK and picked up regional accents really easily. Sometimes you have to make a conscious decision to change how you say things. Like my American friend had to change how she said water as nobody understood her here. Yeah, I think that's the telltale sign. All my British friends and all the interviews with British celebrities that I watched are always like, you have to come to America and say water, water. Because they can't do water.

or water. It's just a water for me. What? What the fuck did you just say? I'll do just a water, babe. Speak English. A water for me. If you could not hot water. What the fuck did you just say to me? Say it again. Yeah, it's funny. They have to come here and be like, I'll have a water with a D. Water. Or if you're from Baltimore, water.

Right? Isn't that how East Coast people say it? Wooder. Okay. Anyway, my final concluding thoughts on Sex and the City, and here's where I am right now. Aiden and Carrie.

just ended their engagement, okay? He moved out. That whole saga was so annoying to me. And I cried again because that first time they break up outside of the church when Charlotte's getting married, I sobbed my fucking eyes out. Because what would you do if you're in Carrie's situation? First of all, not cheat. Second of all, realize that Aiden is the best thing that's ever happened to you. And you double fucked up because you will never find someone as good as Aiden.

But maybe her and Big are made for each other. I don't know how it ends. Okay, so I'm on season five right now. I just started season five. Carrie's got that fuck-ass haircut. And I hope she grows her hair out again. Samantha and Richard just broke up. Charlotte is doing a tap dancing class. And Miranda had her baby, question mark. Now, let me ask you a question really quick. Do you agree that Miranda's character would have had the baby?

I don't believe it for a second. I think Miranda, while her maybe not taste level, her judgment sometimes is impaired. Like in her professional life, she is so cut and dry and to the point and intelligent and logical, you know, and like, this is how it's done. And I do things this way. And she stands up for herself. She asserts herself, self-advocacy, all these qualities. But in her personal life, girl, what the fuck?

Why are we still talking about Steve at season five? I'm pissed off. And for all you Steve enjoyers out there, great. Have you ever had to date a Steve? Have you ever dated a Steve? Like, it's psychological warfare. And at a certain point, here's my thing, right? At a certain point, Miranda's doing it to her fucking self. She is choosing chaos over peace.

And I understand if it's for like the plot or if you're trying to, you know, but it starts to fucking green. It grates at me.

Why did you have the baby if you're not with Steve? Why are you doing this weird co-parenting thing and then not letting him like be with the baby? Also, you knew, you knew from when you dated Steve that he is a grown up baby. That is a baby man where you started to mother him and parent him when you were dating each other. Not even when you were dating each other, when you were just fucking each other.

You were parenting him and he started to resent you for it because he's a grown up baby. You think that man's going to be a good father? Are you out of your fucking mind? If Miranda was my friend, I would have in a lovingly way yelled at her. I would have been like, Miranda, what are you doing, babe? If you want to have a baby, what are we to, if you genuinely want to have a baby, let's sit down and talk about this because it's not just your responsibility, right? A lot of that gets put on the parents, the family. By the way, she just lost her mom.

the friends and, and she hires, you know, I guess a nanny and a this and a that. And it's like, okay, she has the money to financially support having a child, but that doesn't make, I don't get the vibe from Miranda that she wants to be a mother, that she wants a baby. And this is the whole issue. And maybe it's my relationship with, with motherhood and child rearing where I

If that child is not guaranteed to be looked after, taken care of, properly cared for, both on the emotional sense and time given to raising the child, where connections can be formed between mother and child and all this, if that can't be provided, why have the baby?

And that's just me because we're operating. I mean, all these shit, this shit swirling in my head of like, what type of world am I bringing a child into? One that's, you know, climate change is a fucking ticking time bomb and where the cost of living has never been higher and all this. It's just not the time or place to bring a baby into it. I also understand on the flip side of if you get pregnant,

and you want to keep the baby, keep the baby, right? But let's be mature about it. And let's accept the fact that this isn't just, oh, it's a little mini you, mini me. This is a brand new person. This is a brand new person that you now have to raise and make into a functioning member of society. Does that not scare the shit out of you? I'm barely a brand new person.

I think that's my thing is like the responsibility of motherhood is not lost on me. And I feel like on some people it is lost. Like you don't understand how important your job is. You just signed up to do this job and it's arguably the most important job on planet earth, being a mother. Is that just me freaking out? That's me freaking the fuck out. And some people are like, oh, you just have to find the right partner they want to have a baby with. No, I don't think my opinion on motherhood

will change if I have a good partner in the picture or not. Like it's still that task and that responsibility and that job is so daunting to me. I don't want to do it. And that's just me. That's me. I've never been maternal. I've never, I never played with baby dolls. I never this, that, and the other. It's never been something that has called to my heart, called my spirit.

And I've thought about this too. What if I end up with a dude who's like, I just want a baby. We're breaking up. For real. For real, we're breaking up. Because we're not aligned. And I can't tolerate. And this is the Miranda and Steve crock of bullshit horse shit that started to piss me off. It is very clear. Miranda did not want to have that baby. So why did she have it? Because Steve wanted it? What are we talking about? Now you just put the child in the middle of y'all's two bickering for the rest of your fucking life. I digress. Okay.

Sex and the City. What else? Oh, Samantha. I love Samantha. I think Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are the best friends. Like the best quality of friends. And I think Carrie's really selfish. I do. I think Carrie's a really selfish character. And I think she plays the victim.

And I don't appreciate that. But honestly, what makes this show so beautiful and so magical is that the archetypes are so realistic. Like a lot of the types of people or partners or girlfriends or, you know, co-workers or whatever it is that they show, those relationships are very realistic. They don't feel embellished for the screen. You know, it's like, I know a girl like that.

or I used to work with someone like that or whatever. It's like, it feels very real. And I think that's why it stood the test of time. Now, are there some topics that I'm like, holy shit, I can't believe they just said that? Yeah, of course. Because it's dated. But at the same time, way ahead of its time and what it was kind of exploring in some scenes, I will give it that. For what, 2006? Is that when it first premiered? 2003? Couldn't tell you.

Yeah, but I do miss Aiden. I think he comes back. Don't tell me anything because I know I need to watch. There's another series and then there's two movies. And why is it Samantha? I don't know, girl. I need to catch up. Okay. I need to finish the actual series. I don't know how much I have left. I think I have. How many seasons is it? Eight. Oh, what the fuck is Montessori? What is Montessori? I'll get to this in a second. How many seasons of Sex and the City?

Six. Fuck. Oh my god. I'm gonna break the set. There's six. I'm almost done. No. I've been powering through this show, bro. I literally am Miranda. I'm Miranda. Sans baby and sans gallbladder. Damn. Okay. What next? Oh, dude. This

How have I not talked about this yet? Okay. I'm actually going to get way more into this next week because I want to dedicate a full episode to it, but I feel the need to sow the seed this week. Okay.

We're going to start talking about songs of the week. First of all, I released another single. It's called Stained. Please go listen to it. It's fucking gag. If you don't mind me saying, it's gag. And honestly, it's a stepping stone to what the album is going to be. Yes! Very yes! To what the album is going to be. And that's all I'm going to say on that. Okay? But please go listen to Stained. It's out now.

Okay, and here are the songs of the week. So if any of you follow me on Instagram.gov, I've been freaking the fuck out about Fontaine's DC for a little over a week now. I'd say it's been about a week. I think about two episodes ago, I mentioned that I was getting into Starburstr and their album Romance. And it was like the first I'd heard of them. And like, I'm really, I was liking it, but I needed to spend some more time with it. Dude.

I don't mean to sort of jump the gun and say anything that feels preemptive. However, this band, dude, I forgot I saw Fontaine's DC open for the Arctic Monkeys in 2022, 2023 in Fort Worth.

And I remember hearing I Love You, their song I Love You, and thinking, oh, this is kind of good. And I saved it on Spotify. But I talked through the whole set. Me and my best friend Taylor, we talked through the whole fucking set because we were so excited to be there. And we were talking about it. Talked through their whole set. I'm pissed the fuck off. Because if I would have known what my personal relationship with Grian Chatton would have been three years later, I'm pissed the fuck off. Grian Chatton is a personal, he is a god to me.

And I missed it! I talked to the whole set! Oh my god, I'm livid. I was ferociously scrolling back through my photos to see if I had taken any videos of their set from the Monkees concert. I didn't. I was livid, dude! Okay. If it's not too soon to say, Fontaine's D.C. and their frontman, Green Chen, technically Irish band, right? Half of the members not from Dublin. Some of them are Spanish. That's cool.

And their whole concept, I guess, was from the first album is it explores their relationship to and with Ireland. And then every subsequent album after that is either trying to get away from that or back to it. And it's just this sort of tumultuous, ever-present relationship trying to speak and not speak about Ireland. Okay? Yeah.

And that's really summarizing it in like a kind of cheap way. Obviously, the art's so much more nuanced and deep and the lyricism is... Here's what I want to say. The lyricism that Grian brings to this fucking band rivals to me, and this is the highest of compliments...

Hosier, Sam Fender, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons, right? Like this level of lyricism. And there are even qualities of Fontaine's DC, because they're a punk band, post-punk, whatever you want to call it. There are elements of it where I'm like, I hear Green talk about how much he loves the Beach Boys and like, obviously bands that have formed major pillars of music history. And

Also very regional, you know, cultural, like the Pogues and the Dubliners and all that sort of music is very important as well to the sort of cosmic makeup of their universe and their sound. That shit gets me hyped. Anyway, there are so many other like punk bands and sort of jam bands and guitar bands that...

I think their sound is closer to, but when it comes to the songwriting, I know he's spoken ad nauseum of like James Joyce and all these sort of, like Sinead O'Connor and all these influences on him lyrically. But dude, there is a song called Oh Such a Spring by Fontaine Stacey, which is kind of a sleeper hit because-

The sort of more head-banging, like, you know, I want to take an edible and dissociate and levitate above the crowd. Those songs like Starburster or I love the song Roman Holiday or In the Modern World or Bug, any of these songs, like, yeah, I'm jamming. Oh, such a spring. Let me go ahead and read y'all these lyrics.

And I put this on Instagram because I mean it. Like there is, this songwriting to me is rivaling Lennon McCartney. And like, I'm a Beatles girl down. I'm a Beatles girl down. I love the Stones. I have the Stones tattooed on me. Like that quality of songwriting is gag. I'm gagged. Okay. This is Oh Such a Spring by Fontaine's DC.

Down by the docks, the weather was fine. The sailors were drinking American wine, and I wished I could go back to spring again. Now they're all gone. That's life moving on. Some stayed behind to get drunk on the song, and they wish they could go back to spring again. Oh, such a spring. The noise of the town, the salt in the air, it plays all around, but I no longer care, and I wish I could go back to spring again.

They try words and down through the years, it all turns to tears. They don't know, but they try anyway. The clouds cleared up. The sun hit the sky. I watched all the folks go to work just to die. And I wished I could go back to spring again. What the fuck? And I know, so they're all credited with writing this song, right? All the members of Fontaine's D.C.,

I don't know. Because there's songs like this where I'm like, that's just a damn well-written song. It's just a great song. Then there are songs like I Love You that are so complex because it's about their relationship with Ireland and both the positive and negative qualities of it and all the nuance that's in that. They're just, dude.

Like, I love them so much. And it's been, I know that some people have been telling me to get into them. And I'm like, I don't know why I put it off for so long. Because I'm gagged! I love them! And they just finished their US tour and I fucking miss them! I'm so mad! Anyway, here are my songs of the week that as much as I love their music, I love their lyrics more. So read these songs.

Like I said, Roman Holiday, Big, Bug, The Modern World, I Don't Belong. Fuck me, I love that song. I Love You and Favorite. I would say start there and then work your way back to like Skinty Fia and Dog Roll. Like make your way back, if that makes sense. Because it's cool to see how they've evolved backward. Anyway. Oh yeah, I wrote down a quote because he said this about, Grian said this about some of the writing.

He said you can either be at odds with your reality and carry that search for truth, or you can relax into the warm bath of madness and delusion, which a functioning society has to do. He said that in some random interview. I said, what? And I say this a lot. There's something very special about connecting with an artist or an author that makes you feel like

God, they could have taken that out of my mind. I say this all the time. I felt that way when I first read Orwell and when I dove into Orwell and I feel that way about Hosier and I feel that way about Fontaine CC. Like you took the words out of my brain and I don't know if I could have ever like constructed it that way. But yes, like, yes, exactly. It's like you take the sentiment out of my chest and somehow you

put it into a, like a catchy song. I just love them. I love them. Here's another song of the week. Not Fontaine CC rolling on by Jackie Vinson. I'm in my women in blues era. Been doing a lot of Jackie Vinson and big mama Thornton. That's the other Fontaine CC and then big mama Thornton. So that's really what I'm doing right now.

Okay, y'all, I love you to damn death. If you want a Moo Moo or a Broski Report hoodie or a t-shirt for summer, go ahead to broski.shop and go see what's on there. I mean, that's really for you guys. And go stream my single, Stained. And sorry if I'm like, something's up with my brain. Honestly, I've been doing a lot of edibles and it's been making me fucking stupid. It's been making me stupid! I feel stupid.

Something's in the air. Major shifts in the wind are happening for June. Okay. It's pride month. Happy pride month to everyone who gives a shit. And something's in the water. So y'all need to beware. All right. I love you. I love you. Love you. Be good. Okay. Bye.