97: Moose Are Way Too Damn Big
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I just heard that FX has a new original comedy series coming out called Adults, which after watching the first episode feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you too ever find humor in the struggles of being an adult in 2025. You know, like,

Remembering your full social security number or remembering to drink water or perhaps having had your third existential crisis of the month. Best part is that all episodes are ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults, Wednesdays on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.

Record, I said. You will record the podcast today. Morning, guys! Who's off the fucking monk fruit this morning? Who's jacked and ripped and jerking it off the monk fruit? I woke up this morning, I was like, mmm, monk fruit. I need to put it in my mouth, lick on it a little bit. Guys, get up. Get up! I've got my listening ears on today. I hope you guys have your listening ears on today as well, because Lord knows I've got some bullshit to say.

I would like to intro this episode by saying, me thinks me have a UTI. Me thinks it burns when me pees. Ahoy, sailors! Me penis burns when me pee off the mast. Ahoy! I would have made a great pirate, dudes. There's something very alluring about Captain Barbossa and Elizabeth Swann's father to me because I look like both of them.

I look like them. And it's very touching when you see yourself represented in media in that sort of way. Not as, you know, a young, beautiful woman, but more so as a middle-aged man. We have a similar vibe. Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, who's your celebrity? Like, Adele, Katie Beck, Captain Barbossa. Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2, 3, and 4.

He's in the fourth one, right? Barbossa's in the damn Blackbeard episode? Episode? Movie. Damn, I love Pirates of the Caribbean. I love Pirates of the Caribbean. Ahoy, sailors! It be Tuesday!

All right, guys, seriously, I think I have a UTI. I don't know what's going on. I really don't know what's going on. But unfortunately, in a world of front-to-back wipers, sometimes some shit happens down there. You can think you're a front-to-back wiper and then God sends you a fucking curse. God sends Curse of Ra to your urethra. Is that where pee comes out? No.

To your scrotum. Okay? God sent a horrific plague of locusts to my scrotum. Is the scrotum on the penis or the butt? Taint. The scrotum's on the penis. Okay. It's time to... I actually have so many serious things to talk about this episode, but I'm off that monk fruit. Okay?

♪ Stacking that strawberry bubblegum ♪ You know what album I've been into recently? 2020 Experience. I feel like that's not the first time I've talked about that album on this podcast. I love that album. ♪ Stacking that strawberry bubblegum ♪ I love that song. I love ♪ Ton of vision for you ♪ ♪ I got, I got that ton of vision for you ♪ ♪ I got, I got that ton of vision ♪ ♪ I only see you ♪

I love that song. I love, um, Hop into my spaceship, cool. There's only room for two, me and you. God! Okay, moving on. Here's really what I needed to get off my chest today before we move into what I actually need to talk about, which is, you guessed it, Fontaine's D.C. I think I'm having spiritual psychosis. Ha!

You are laying eyes upon someone who is currently undergoing spiritual psychosis. What the fuck? Let's Google spiritual psychosis. Like, it's happening. It's a state where an individual experiences a breakdown in their ability to distinguish between reality and their spiritual or religious beliefs, leading to delusions, hallucinations, and emotional disturbances. Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah, check, check, and check. Doctor, anything else on that fucking checklist? Y'all, something's wrong. Maybe not wrong because maybe this is part of the delusions. I'm opening my third eye and I've got my listening ears on. There is something major happening in June of 2025. I don't know what it is. I have levels of anxiety like I'm being hunted for sport. And I feel like we're on the precipice of something.

Something huge. And that's very exciting to me. You would think there's fucking like, it's Black Hawk down choppers outside my house all the time. God. Anyway, Jack Ryan's going to come parachuting out of one of these fucking helicopters one day. Let it be Patty Main. Let it be Jack O'Connell and SAS Rogue Heroes. I think I'm having a psychosis because everything I think, everything I think,

becomes real. I think nobody thinks what I think. I don't know, it's just fucking... Things are always happening. I don't know how to make them fucking stop. Things are always fucking happening to me. No, I don't know. Okay, here's where it started. I have been having...

as we all know, levels of anxiety that are troubling the last couple months. Nothing's wrong. Like truly nothing's wrong. I just overthink to the point where I'm fucking paranoid. And when I do edibles, girl, you would think that there is a murderer in the house and I'm playing hide and fucking seek. I'm just alone watching The Simpsons in my bedroom. So I'm like, what's causing this? Am I about to let go of something? You know, like, am I holding on to this anxiety because it's like clueless?

close to me. Like, it's familiar. How do I just let it go? I think I need to get on anti-anxiety meds and I think I need to stop doing edibles because they make me fucking dumb. They make me stupid, dude. It's for real the orb of confusion from SpongeBob. When I'm off the edible, I'm just drooling. I'm drooling watching like the most ridiculous shit you've ever seen. Last night I watched compilations of volcanoes exploding. Yeah.

I found this TikTok account that only does like epic volcano expo. I watched that shit for an hour and a half and I got scared. Dude, I don't know. I don't want to die in a volcano. I decided that. Those freaks, and I'll say it, white people, white guys specifically, the white guys that go to volcanoes and like set up camp there and just peer over the edge, like, yeah, that's happening.

This thing really looks like it's about to blow. I mean, seriously, if you guys could see the view from up here, it is going to blow. What are you doing? Like, I was watching that type of content. I also watch, I've spoken about the National Geographic YouTube channel before. It's very near and dear to my heart. I watch it a lot. There's this one guy who goes into like,

Not the danger zone, but he discovers, rediscovers ancient societies. That took me so long to say. So like ancient civilizations, he'll go in and sort of scout the area and come up with theories. Or actually, it's more so like archaeologists are teaching him. And he's just there with a fucking GoPro being like, this is fucking amazing. This is so fucking amazing. And just, wow, they really had spoons and forks back then. They're just geniuses. Like.

Like that, it's just the commentary more so that he's about. But the actual archaeologists they get for these episodes gag me because they are able to decipher so much from the ruins left behind, the quality of the soil, like remnants found in the soil, local vegetation that grew, local things like hallucinogens and maybe religious rites and practices that they did. I mean, just incredible what you can take away

from how these lands are left, right? What the fuck was I talking about this for? Oh, I'm having psychosis. So all this to say, I sense a disturbance in the force, the force being the universe.

And I today am going to have my palm read because what the fuck else is there left? I can't go back to Christianity. I'm not really interested in dabbling in anything for serious. I just need someone to look at my palm and tell me if it's going to be okay. And I need y'all to understand that. I need y'all to understand that for right now in this moment, that's what will make, that's what will satiate me. Because I really can't. It is getting to this level of what this little description said where, okay,

I think everything is a sign. I am always watching and listening. Not everything's a sign, babe. I was in the shower two nights ago and I was listening to Fontaine's DC on my speaker and it cut off like at my favorite verse. And I was so excited. I was like, it's coming up, it's coming up. And then my speaker died. And I was like, surely that's a sign. It's not. You didn't charge the JBL, bitch. Dumb bitch.

Like, I can't. This level that I'm, I'm up here all the time. Like, the frequency, it's like a fucking dog whistle. I'm up here all the time. I need a horse tranquilizer to fucking sedate me. I need to be sedated, and I try to sedate myself with edibles. It doesn't work. I get more, I get worried. I get worried. God, I can't even visit Eddie anymore. Anyway.

Okay, so I'm going to get my tarot read. And one of my twins, Annabelle Metchke, she read my tarot last time I was in New York. And it was low-key tea, but there's these things. Actually, let me pull it up. I want to read it.

She made me a PDF explaining what all of it means. Because, you know, it's like the two of scissoring and the, you know, three of penis. I really don't know what the three of penis means for me in my life right now. But if you're telling me, you know, the bifurcated penis head of the three of cups is really important for my spiritual growth, then I'm going to listen. Okay, here's what she had to say about what's going on.

Baby, I swear it, I wanted to call. Okay, so the first card she pulled was the Ten of Cups. Now, this is for me, is what it's saying. Emotional fulfillment looks different to each individual at different stages of their life. So consider what it means for you. It may manifest as a happy family or a wonderful community that feels like a family. Okay, now to me, I take away from this that

the universe will reward me for de-centering men, right? And it's an ongoing evergreen process. But it's happening. It's happening in real time. The Ten of Cups focuses on achievement of a level of love and success that fills your life with serenity, satisfaction, and gratitude. Now, can I say something jarring that I believe in this moment to be true? The only relationship that will give you that is your friends. I believe that to my fucking core.

You're well on your way to achieving a big milestone goal in your career or love life, propelling you toward your next phase with increased stability. Now, I find that a little hard to believe because I don't feel very stable right now, okay? I feel, if anything, like...

I just heard that FX has a new original comedy series coming out called Adults, which after watching the first episode feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable if you too ever find humor in the struggles of being an adult in 2025. You know,

like remembering your full social security number or remembering to drink water or perhaps having had your third existential crisis of the month, best part is that all episodes are ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX's Adults, Wednesdays on FX. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. And this isn't the first time I've talked about this album as well. What is the second law by Muse? Unsustainable. Un-sustainable.

What is that fucking song? Unsustainable. Baby, I swear it, I wanted to call. 2007, no. The Second Law, here we go. The Second Law, Unsustainable. Here are the lyrics to that song because this is literally, because I have to read it. It has nothing to do with what I was just talking about, but I have to read it.

All natural and technological processes proceed in such a way. The availability of the remaining energy decreases. In all energy exchanges, if no energy enters or leaves an isolated system, the entropy of that system increases.

Energy continuously flows from being concentrated to becoming dispersed, spread out, wasted, and useless. New energy cannot be created, and high-grade energy is being destroyed. An economy based on endless growth is unsustainable. And that's when the dubstep drop happens. Unsustainable! The fundamental laws of thermodynamics will place fixed limits on technological innovation and human advancement. Gag!

In an isolated system, the entropy can only increase. A species set on endless growth is unsustainable. Unsustainable. And the very final lyric is, you're unsustainable. Oh, I love Muse. I need to get back into Muse. Damn. And this album too, of them in the desert, Black Holes and Revelations. God, that's what Supermassive Black Hole is on. And that's the only one I know. Actually, wait.

Knights of Cydonia. I have to get back into them. And they released something recently. Okay, anyway. Number two is what love asks of me. I got the reversed hermit. The reversed hermit in a reading can indicate a fear of being alone or refusal to look within yourself. Not true. It may also mean you've been in isolation for too long. What is my throat chakra? Fuck,

What is wrong with my throat chakra? Fuck, dude. I need to have my throat chakra removed. Can I ask a question? What the- This is genuine. Please don't laugh at me. What the fuck is lymphatic drainage? I need to have mine drained like a kiddie pool. Someone just come in- You know that scene in Aquamarine where they meet her that night and she's like-

I've never been this close to a human before. And then she puts her hands on the side of the pool. She goes, stop shrieking like a couple of gulls. And her fingernails turn red because she's mad. What a masterpiece in cinema and film. The scene we're in the next morning, they're so excited to go talk to Aqua. And she's gone because they drained the pool. But Leonard, the pool guy, believes in mermaids and he helped her. That's what I need to do to my fucking lymph nodes.

lymph nodes i know lymph nodes do some they're like a brita filter for your body right what is the purpose of lymph node lymph nodes filter lymph fluid now imagine if lymph fluid was nymph fluid and we were all nymphs we were all water nymphs what about that you have to drain your gills in another life i had fucking gills dude

In another life, I'm swimming through the water and I'm playing as the sunlight catches on the water. And then there's not actually a worry in the world. In another lifetime, I look exactly as I do now. Maybe a little bit less like Captain Barbossa, a little bit more like a water nymph. Maybe my features are really exaggerated and my eyes are so blue. It's like they're like white.

Okay, and I am of the species of nymph that is local to sort of the Gulf of Mexico.

like the coast of Texas, that's where my mermaid clan is from. And we swim and we have fun, we whatever. But ultimately the leader gets killed and someone has to step up. And as we know, the best leaders are ones that do not want to do it because they're selfless, right? Like they're always thinking about us, we, a community. It's not about me and what I want. And so I think that would happen to me. I think my father would be the leader,

And I've practiced my whole life. I've grown my whole life just being a happy-go-lucky water nymph that is really, really super into making music from clamshells and beaded, maybe beaded things, beaded wares, home decor, shell decor, et cetera. And then someone gets my dad or he's in some political war. Maybe my dad was corrupt. And I was like, I'm not going to... Everything in my bathroom, I'm not going to be like my dad. Yeah.

And then something happens to him and they're like, you're up. And I'm like, God damn it. I said, what did I say? Anyway. Yeah, I don't want to be the water nymph queen, but I guess I would. You're not really leaving me much choice. I mean, it's like complete and total entropy. Not entropy. Yeah, entropy. Is that a synonym for chaos? Entropy. The measure of a system's thermal energy unit doing that. No, entropy. Entropy.

meaning in life. The natural tendency for systems to move towards disorder and randomness, ultimately leading to a decrease in usable energy. Yeah, I guess entropy. What's the other one? God damn it. Sometimes I wish I had a live studio audience so I could be like, what's the other one? Not entropy, but enthalpy. No, that's not what I want. Okay. Yeah, I'm talking about entropy. Anyway,

In another lifetime, that is what my life charts out to be. The course of my life takes that, you know, and I'm, this is your dream, dad. It's not mine. And then my dad gets like shot down by Zeus or something because he was being corrupt. Do y'all know the story of Prometheus? Have you ever heard it? Prometheus, I could write, I need to write a song about Prometheus actually, because Prometheus is,

helped humankind. He helped mankind. He gave them fire, and he was punished for it. He was punished for it forever still. He's up there, and no one can help him, okay? Zeus punished him by tying him to a rock in a, I think it's a vulture.

A vulture or a crow comes and pecks his liver out every day. And then it grows back and he has to do it again. Every day, bro. Sorry, Prometheus. I miss Prometheus. Because what? Punished. No good deed goes unpunished. Okay. What is the tea? What is the tea with Prometheus? Prometheus, where is he now? No, not the ship. Prometheus...

story why did they you know what's very interesting to me oh there's a film oh it's a science fiction horror by ridley scott i've never seen this darkest parts of the universe no i don't want that i want the actual story of prometheus prometheus mythology but but but baby i swear it i wanted to call echo echo echo

He's best known for defying the Olympian gods by taking fire from them and giving it to humanity in the form of technology, knowledge, and more generally, civilization. Oh, I thought it was literally just fire. In some versions of the myth, not a myth to me. Again, not a myth to me. I know Prometheus and he would not like y'all saying it's a myth.

Prometheus is also credited with the creation of humanity from clay. What? I thought that was it. Okay, you're losing me. He's known for his intelligence and for being a champion of mankind and is also generally seen as the author of the human arts and sciences. Gag. He's sometimes presented as the father of Deucalion, the hero of the flood story. Now, who the fuck is that? Deucalion. Deucalion.

A. Deucalion. Oh my god, did you know you could do that? Whoa! On Wikipedia? If you're on a desktop or if you're on a whatever, you can hover over the pronunciation and it does it symbol by symbol or syllable by syllable. That's gag. So this is do-a-deucalion. Deucalion. Button. E. Deucalion. There's no L. Happy. Deucalion. Fuck! Okay.

He was the son of Prometheus. Ancient sources name his mother as Clymene. He's closely connected with the flood myth. What is the flood myth? The flood myth, or a deluge myth, is a myth in which a great flood, usually sent by a deity or deities, destroys civilization, often in an act of divine retribution. It actually is crazy, the concept of Noah's Ark, because...

If my neighbor started building a boat outside and he was like, God's sending the waters. I'd be like, 100%. And it is so good to see you. It is so good to see you. Have a good day, right? Don't kill me. You're crazy. But then when the waters came, when the flood comes, you bet your ass I'm knocking on that door. Please let me in. I was, remember, I was nice to you. Remember, I was the neighbor. I'm the vagina guy. Jerry Smith from Rick and Morty. Anyone?

Come on, you remember me? I'm the vagina guy. Anyway. Oh, wow. This little illustration here is fucking beautiful. Wow. Frontispiece to Gustave Doré's illustrated edition of the Bible. I need to get into that. Open link in new tab. Okay. Anyway, imagine getting on Noah's Ark and there's a weight limit. Oh, man, there's a weight limit. We've reached our weight limit. Oh, my God. I'm humiliated.

Please, can you like throw off one of the big fucking giraffes and let me on? Are you serious? God, there's a weight limit? It's a ship. I call customer service on Noah's Ark. No, because they said it would be, it's made of, wood is buoyant. It's buoyant. And he crafted this vessel for, no, I'm not done speaking. I'm not done speaking. You craft this vessel to take us through the end of the world because you knew the floods were fucking coming and you couldn't account for an extra 240 pounds for fucking me? Are you out of your, that would be me.

Me on the 1-800 Noah's Ark number. Ma'am, I understand your frustration. However, you did not RSVP. I did! You're a fucking bitch! He's a fucking bitch! Ma'am, please, no name calling. Well, he is! Noah is a fucking bitch. Because why is it exclusive? Make multiple ships. Like, I know it's supposed to be a lesson in faith. Okay, what if I want to believe now? It's a lesson in faith? Okay, well, I believe now. Okay.

Just totally missing the point. Yeah, well, I see it now. I believe it. So can you let me on the fucking boat? All of you are picking. All of you will be hearing from my fucking lawyer. No, because it's discrimination. It's literally discrimination. Noah's arc being fat phobic is such a good bit. It's such a good bit. Let me just let me flesh it out a little bit more.

Okay, the flood myth. Did the Bible just steal from Roman mythology? Greek mythology, actually, because Romans stole it from Greek mythology. Parallels are often drawn between the floodwaters of these myths and the primeval... Great word. Primeval cosmic ocean, which... What is that? Primeval. Of or resembling the earliest ages in the history of the world. Primeval. Primeval. Cosmic ocean. Now, that's actually really scary to think about.

That's really scary. A cosmic ocean? Oh God, it's too much. It's too much because what do you mean there's an infinite swelling cosmic ocean above me and I'm here? And I'm right here.

with my fucking Tatooine laptop sticker. What do you mean? Oh, oh, humankind yearns to be more. Humankind yearns to have dominion over something. We were not meant to have dominion over things! Even our own lives, we can't have dominion over our own lives! We're subjects. We were meant to be subjugated. Oh my God.

Maybe that's what, okay, there's this gaggy monologue that I actually, I need to go find. I'll be right back. There's this monologue that maybe I've read it before. Maybe I haven't. That still kind of fucks me up to this day. It is from the book slash movie Angels and Demons. One of my favorite books ever. Okay. Dan Brown. There is a speech, a monologue that one of the Cardinals give, one of the Roman Catholic Cardinals.

That is supposed to be an argument in favor of faith, right? Like having faith over science. Because science, to a lot of the religious community, has eclipsed faith and has replaced, well, let me read it because there's so much to say.

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Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. 10% off, promo code broski2025. Thanks, SeatGeek. I wrote this in high school, by the way. Like, I wrote this down because it really connected with me. I was probably 14, and it's cute. It's in my 14-year-old handwriting. Okay, if I get really impassioned reading this, don't mind me. Here we go. The ancient war between science and religion is over.

You have won. But you have not won fairly. You have not won by providing answers. You have won by so radically reorienting our society so that the truths we once saw as signposts now seem inapplicable. Religion cannot keep up. Scientific growth is exponential. It feeds on itself like a virus.

Every new breakthrough opens doors for new breakthroughs. Mankind took thousands of years to progress from the wheel to the car, yet only decades from the car to space. Now we measure scientific progress in weeks. We are spinning out of control. The rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. Me having spiritual psychosis. Me getting my tarot read because I'm grasping at straws.

The rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. We cry out for meaning.

Who is this God, science? Who is the God who offers his people power, but no moral framework to tell you how to use that power? What kind of God gives a child fire, but does not warn the child of its dangers? The language of science comes with no signposts about good and bad. Science textbooks tell us how to create nuclear reactions, and yet they contain no chapter asking us if it is a good or bad idea.

The church is reaching out to you, reaching out to everyone. And yet the more we reach, the more you push us away. Show me proof there is a God, you say. I say use your telescopes to look to the heavens and tell me how there could not be a God.

You ask, what does God look like? I say, where did that question come from? The answers are one and the same. Do you not see God in your science? How can you miss him? You proclaim that even the slightest change in the force of gravity or the weight of an atom would have rendered our universe a lifeless mist rather than our sea of heavenly bodies. And yet you fail to see God's hand in that?

Is it really so much easier to believe that we simply chose the right card out of a deck of billions? Have we become so spiritually bankrupt that we would rather believe in mathematical impossibility than a power greater than us? Tell me that's not a very well-written monologue. Like, low-key, look, to be in a book like that, that definitely gave me pause, right? Because in high school...

I was deeply Christian and I loved the church. I loved my community in the church. I loved what the church kind of represented, which is a second chance. And then the older you get, the more realistic of a view you get of an entity, a man-made entity like the church. And that line about, you know, the church is reaching out to you. Yeah. And it always will because it's evangelical. The goal of the church is to grow.

So there are things, I mean, there's so much to say about a speech like that. And it stuck with me for forever. I mean, I still, I read that book in probably 2009, 2010, and I'm still thinking about it to this day. It very deeply impacted me. And while I don't agree with everything, the majority of what's in that monologue, I do agree that

Morals cannot keep up with how science is going. There are so many moral dilemmas, especially with regards to climate change, where things like fast fashion and next day shipping and all these things that for the sake of convenience, we are too nearsighted for our own good. And it takes the real fucking thinkers to

predict that this is such a short-term pleasure and it has long-term effects, how we're living today. And this push towards space travel and this push towards, it's almost like a resignation to the fact that we know it's over and we're planning for stage two. I mean, it's hard not to get, maybe that's my anxiety talking, but like, it is hard not to get really discouraged about, like in the face of climate change.

So there are definitely parts of that speech that I still relate to today, but a lot of it is like, come on, dude. I don't think, and this is me talking, I don't think I'm going to find my answers in the church. Been there, done that, tried it. And the church, again, this is my opinion, overall does more harm than good, I think, especially a 2025 church, an American church in 2025,

I have little to no faith in at all in their ability to do good and to really lead people out of the darkness. What religion is supposed to be, right? It's what that speech said, a moral guidepost. And I just don't, something is not matching up. Like these entities just have so much hate at the core of their religion.

their dogma. And maybe that's not from the Bible itself, or maybe that's not actually what Christianity is, but unfortunately, it's because man practices this religion, it will be flawed. Inherently, it is flawed because man is flawed, and God is perfect, and we will never be perfect. So these things are, I like to think of religion as more of just stories.

They're fables. These stories in the Bible, chapters in a book, these are just fables to teach you a lesson so you don't end up like XYZ character. I think that you can find what the Bible offers in that context in literature in general. I think there are so many options that will provide you, if that's what you're seeking, you know, like moral guidance and

Find a philosophy and really dedicate yourself to studying that. And I think that'll give more concrete answers and almost a freedom than the confines of a religion will. This is my experience, my opinion. That's where I've landed. I've landed on tarot card readings and studying philosophy because these things to me are accessible.

and I can cherry pick versus with religion. That's my main issue, right? Is people cherry pick religion and that's the thing you're not supposed to fucking cherry pick. So anyway, the cosmic ocean, hate that. The flood myth. Let's go back to lymphatic drainage. Lymph nodes, lymph nodes. And is it okay if you don't

clean out your lymph nodes if you don't pressure wash your lymph nodes. Do I have to drain my lymph nodes? It moves waste towards your lymph nodes to rid your body of toxins. Well, I don't have any toxins in my body, so consider that. Okay, well, what about a toxinless free person? Toxin, toxinless. I don't know, but I found things that all go through. Google just started talking to me from the other room. Oh my...

Girl, that happens to me all the fucking time. I have LG TVs and apparently LG has this feature where if you say, I don't know what the mystery word is, but you know, like with Google, you say, hey, Google, and then they'll answer. She will answer. She comes crawling back to me every single time. She wants me so bad. She's desperate to please. It's honestly kind of embarrassing. Being dom sub with Google anyway.

What was I talking about? Wow, that is stunning. This hairpiece is really stunning. Just my tapings. My tapings clipped up like a wig. Wow. This hairpiece is really giving Pamela Anderson circa 1993. I mean, just look at me. Is this not water nymph Pamela Anderson? POV, I'm Pam Anderson as a water nymph. You guys don't get my fucking vision. Anyway.

Oh, was I going to Google? God damn it. Do I need to drain my lymphatic system? Okay. Anyway, I didn't finish my tarot reading. Let me keep going. This is for the tarot girls. The rest of my poll was for message from the universe. I got the reversed seven of swords. Listen to your intuition to separate true gut instincts from the voice of fear. This is what I'm saying, dude. Is there something clogged up?

I have lost touch with my voice of intuition. I need to like turn the dial up to 110 because holy shit, there is so much anxiety that's getting in the way of me like actually trusting my gut and knowing. And I didn't used to be like that. And I saw this crazy video on TikTok, which who knows if anything on TikTok is real, I don't know. But this girl was like,

I woke up this morning with this crazy just female intuition bullshit and I just knew something was up. And she was like, I checked my Instagram DM requests, which I never do. And I just felt like someone was trying to get in contact with me. It was my current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend telling me, girl, he's cheating. Like, you should know it from me. And she had made a second account.

I think, because he's crazy. He went on her phone, his current girlfriend's phone, when she was in the bathroom one day and blocked his ex from her phone. What? Why do men act like this? You are a weirdo. The links they'll go to to cheat on you is crazy. Anyway, she said she didn't even know any of this. And so she got that message and she was like,

what? Didn't know the girl's name. Didn't know what she looked like. Meanwhile, they've been dating the whole time. He's been dating her and his ex the whole time. And the ex reached out and was like, girl, you should know this is happening. And like, I'm cutting him off, whatever. And so the shit like that, where you wake up, because I've had moments like that before where I'm like something, something has shifted. And now I feel like I've just lost touch with it. And I don't know why. And I hate it. And I just want to get back to me.

So I'm getting my shit read today. I'm going to get a love reading. I'm going to get a tarot reading. And I think I'm going to get my palm read. And when it comes to the, I don't want to know about death. Don't mention death to me at all, because you just saw the way my eyes welled up with tears at the mention of the cosmic ocean. I don't need to know anything about that. I just need to know, you know, sort of short-term goals. Short-term, what can I expect? I think I'm visiting with a woman named Miss Chloe.

Chloe girl, tell me what to expect because damn, shit's fuckered right now. It's a little bit fuckered. Okay, um, you don't want to know another note I had right here? Moose are my biggest fear, which I'm pretty sure I've said before. Have you ever seen a moose compared to a human? Let me just show you. Moose next to human. Oh, look how big this bitch is. Damn. I'm sorry, but like,

Its antlers are the size of a human body. It's antlers! Do moose have antlers? Is that what that's called? They're just way too damn big. And I do like how their feet look like they have little high heels on though. I think that's kind of cute, but it still kind of freaks me out. And his coat is so shiny. It's a beautiful color. Someone's been feeding him Caesar dog food, the wet kind. Beautiful, shiny coat. Moose antlers size.

Moose have the largest antlers of any deer species. They can span over six feet. These antlers are flat and broad with points growing from the flat surface. Antler size is influenced by age, nutrition, and genetics. They're used for establishing social rank and mating success. Oh my god, moose have a one percent. Meese. The meese. The meese have incels. No. Ah!

They can weigh 40 pounds. The antlers alone can weigh 40 pounds. That is just crazy to me. Do they fall off? Moose, like other members of the deer family, shed their antlers annually, typically in winter or early spring due to a decrease in testosterone after the mating season. Hey, been there. They get post-nut. They get post-nut shedding.

When I shed my antlers. Oh my God, I am the stag queen. I forgot about that. Why do moose freak me out? Maybe it's because I know that in context of my dominion and my reign, I'll never be a moose. I don't want to be a moose, to be quite fucking honest. I'm a stag. It's a stag-a-boy. It's a stag-a-boy. It's a male.

Okay, well, in my alternate reality where I'm also a water nymph, stags can be women and women can have antlers. I guess women can't have antlers, huh? Women deer. Antlers? Can female deer have antlers? Like, can you have PCOS as a deer? Can you have some chin hairs and maybe grow some little half-chub antlers? While typically only male deer grow antlers, it is possible for female deer does to grow antlers, though it's a rare occurrence. Well, you're looking at a rare occurrence.

This usually happens when there are hormonal imbalances, boom, such as abnormally high testosterone levels or if the deer is a hermaphrodite. Tee! Male deer produce testosterone, which triggers the growth of antlers. If my gyno explained PCOS to me in terms of Bambi and a deer, I think I would have gotten it a little bit more. Okay, versus like, your ovaries have cysts on them. What does that mean? Am I a stag or a doe? Oh, I'm like in the middle.

Oh, oh, right. So I'm going to have a half chub antler for the rest of my life. Okay. On rare occasions, like one in 10,000 does, female deer can grow antlers too. While horns grow from the base, antlers actually grow from the ends or tips. What the fuck? Horns grow from the base. Antlers, horns. There's a difference between horns and antlers. Horns grow

and antlers difference. Horns and antlers are both head-borne structures found on various animals. They have distinct differences. Antlers are made of bone. What? They grow annually and are shed and regrown each year, often branching out like trees. Horns, on the other hand, are composed of a bony core covered in a keratin sheath. It's got a foreskin. What?

The horn has a foreskin, bruh. Ew. Put the, ew, put it away. Which is the same material as human nails and hair. Ew. Horns are permanent and do not shed. Okay, okay, okay. What is this little? Antlers are shed and re- Okay, that's the difference. The more you know. You can never say you listen to this podcast and you don't learn something. I'd like to click on this infographic and it's not really letting me. Oh, that's so scary. I just don't.

Do cows have horns or antlers? Cows have horns. In mammals, true horns are found mainly among the ruminant artiodactyls in the families Antelopepridae, Pronghorn, and Bovidae, cattle's, goats, antelope. Those are horns. Everything else is pretty much actually going to be

It's pretty much actually going to be antlers. So speaking of creatures with antlers and perhaps have a mythical quality to them, I would like to look up, I'd like to start a new series on this podcast called Cryptid of the Week. We're going to do that now. Cryptid of the Week. Okay, Google AI is actually showing it to me. This week's featured cryptid is shadow people. Now see, that's not a cryptid. That is just downright fucking terrifying.

These shadowy humanoids have been reported since the earliest days of written history and are described as shadowy in color but humanoid in shape. Some believe them to be ghost demons or even a yet undiscovered creature. Yeah, I don't really want to know about that. You already know where we're headed, r slash cryptids. This is what I'm talking about. Lizard man of scape or swamp, South Carolina cryptid. What else we got? Sasquatch.

Yeah, Bigfoot. Dearness Mermaid. She's kind of busty. The Kaffee Spider. Jackalopes. Jackalopes are a classic one. I do believe jackalopes exist. That's just like a rabbit with antlers. Mothman. Ew. Mothman's a classic. Cryptids by state. Let's pick a state. I'm gonna pick... This one goes out to Broski Nation in Washington State.

Of course, I picked the one at the very fucking end. Go! Washington's Tacoma Narrows Bridge Octopus. That's not really a cryptid, right? That's just kind of like you guys think it's there. In 1940, the original Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapsed and created a giant 600-pound, 20-foot octopus habitat.

Now a Puget Sound legend, it's become a Tacoma mascot. Forever immortalized by the Narrows Brewing Company with its very own IPA, grab a coma. That's not interesting. Sorry. Oh, here we go. See, leave it to Appalachia to have the actual cryptids. Trust never going to the woods at Appalachia at night alone. Never do it. West Virginia's flatwoods monster. Okay, here we go. This one I'm fucking talking about.

The mountains of West Virginia are not only the real-life location of the new Fallout 76 video game, but also the home of Appalachia lore and legends. The Flatwoods Monster of West Virginia is featured alongside other mythical creatures like Windigo, the Grafton Monster, and Mothman. Deep in the Smoky Mountains lives a 12-foot-tall alien with red eyes and hook-like arms known to generations as the Flatwoods Monster.

You already know I'm about to Google that. Flatwoods monster sighting. The Flatwoods monster is a legendary creature reported to have been seen in Flatwoods, West Virginia on September 12th of 1952. The event involves several accounts of a large frightening figure seen after a bright object crashed in a local field. So it's an alien. The Flatwoods monster sighting is a well-known cryptid story and has generated numerous theories about its origin. People think it's a UFO encounter.

They also think that it was mass hysteria fueled by the Cold War and early space exploration fears. The Flatwoods Monster incident made local and national news and became a local legend. If you visit Braxton, West Virginia, it features the Flatwoods Monster as a tourist attraction. That's like, eh, there's pictures, right? I do not like that. Oh, I do not like that at all. I like its little dress. It's got a dress and a beautiful headpiece.

Okay, here's my thing with, I guess, turning something like this of a local legend into a tourist trap. Because if anyone here has been to Area 51, not actually, but like Roswell, New Mexico, is that as close as you can get to Area 51? Area 51 is very cheap to me because at this point, it's not even like...

did it happen, right? It's more like we know, we know there has been, this might be, trust that this is coming from the mouth of someone who is openly admitting they're having spiritual psychosis. So take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, okay? I don't think it's a matter of have we made contact? I think it's a matter of what are we doing to them? I also think it's a matter of what information are we concealing? Because I think at this point it would be

I'm not even being like conspiracy theorist. I think it would be naive to believe we are alone in the grand cosmic scheme of things. Okay. The fact that we are the only habitable planet surely can't be right. I don't know if we were ever meant to make contact with other planets because we clearly can't get our shit in order. There's no function to our society because we're warring with each other. Like we have to get past this point of,

differences before we are able to as a human species make contact to the beyond. I believe that other planets have advanced to that level and they are ready to do outreach and they have reached out to us and because we're sick little fucks,

We abducted them as they tried to make contact and we experiment on them. And we are this monster of our imaginations, like this figment of imaginative creativity that we've come up with is almost like this children's storytime monster. That's us. Like, I truly believe I don't put it beyond us as a species, but

To do that, like to really not even approach it with diplomacy, just to immediately go, "Yeah, we're gonna experiment on you. Yeah, I'm gonna lock you in this belt." Like, I think that! I actually do want to Google how close... How close can you get to Area 51? You can drive to the extraterrestrial highway and go hiking at Tikaboo Peak.

It's approximately 26 miles to the east of the base and is a publicly accessible vantage point. While you can't enter the base itself, this offers a relatively close view from a distance. That's still miles away. Do you get into Area 51? How do you get into Area 51? It's basically impossible. It's only slightly less impossible to see it.

The top secret military base is smack in the middle of the Nevada desert and a dried out lake bed surrounded by mountains. The closest peaks are heavily guarded, so no one can spy on the activity below. How do you get hired at Area 51? Area 51 is a base, not an employer, so nobody can work for Area 51. Yeah, you know what I fucking mean, girl. First, apply for it and be accepted into the United States Air Force. Why? Why is Area 51...

owned by the Air Force. I might need to call my dad. The U.S. Air Force and CIA acquired the site in 1955 primarily for flight tests of the Lockheed U-2 aircraft, OKT. All research and occurrences in Area 51 are top secret sensitive compartments. I got to call my dad because it functions as flight testing and training facility primarily. OK, let's call my dad. Beep.

Well, hello. Father, you're on the BroSki Report once again. Okay. And I'm calling on your USAF knowledge because I've got some more questions. Okay. I'll see what I can do. Okay. And if this is outside of your dominion, I completely understand because I'm kind of grasping at straws here. Do you know why Area 51 is owned by the Air Force? And what was its original purpose?

Well, I don't know that it's owned by the Air Force. I believe it may be owned by the Department of Energy, but honestly, you'd have to check resources on that. Okay. I do know that many of the programs that were facilitated there, obviously the Air Force had a connection to. But that's an interesting question. I do believe that it's Department of Energy. I don't know that it's Department of Defense.

Hmm. And what kind of, do you have to be a government employee to like, like janitors that are hired there? Like, do you know anything about when it's a government facility, quote unquote, like that, where it's very private, very locked down? Is everyone there, they have to have clearance or is it kind of like a normal military base where you can work there, but you have to have a special ID, but you're not technically in the military? Yeah.

So you would have to have a special clearance to be there. You would not necessarily have to be a government employee, although the majority would be. But obviously, the expertise that we require for certain jobs

you know, skunk work or classified programs, that knowledge doesn't always exist in-house as a government service employee or a military member. So many of the experts that are utilized for research are contracted employees. So they go through a vetting process for clearance access. Okay.

But they may not be a government service or military member. And what are they doing there? Like, truly? Well, that's the real question, right? I mean, obviously, I think they're doing some pretty cool things there. But if I knew that, I certainly wouldn't be talking about it on a podcast. And that is actually a fair statement. I'm doing some research and I'm like, it's a remote detachment administered by Edwards Air Force Base.

So it was originally set up as flight testing for the Lockheed U-2 aircraft. And then from there, I guess the CIA got involved with the Air Force and whatever. And this was back in the 50s. But I don't know the timeline of like...

When all the stuff with Oppenheimer was happening, like that was another super secret thing. And then when Area 51 was established, was that in connection with that at all? Or has it always been UFO related stuff? I just really don't know. And I guess that's kind of the point. We're not supposed to know. Yeah, it's all very intriguing. I mean, and it's all speculative, right? Because there's not a lot of official documentation that's been released on it.

you know some of these some of these things cross uh and then others don't like Oppenheimer and and the

work that he did, that wasn't so much that area of Nevada. I mean, that was actually in a completely different location, but the connection to Edwards makes a lot of sense because again, we do a lot of testing out there. The airspace is great for testing because there's not a great deal of population in that area.

So from a line of sight standpoint, it would be difficult to see something take off and climb, you know, to altitude. And also, you know, our airspace has different structures as well. And that's one of the locations where you can take off and have unrestricted climb access, you know, to tens of thousands of feet, you know, so you don't have to be under the control of a ATC or a,

air traffic control center. Um, so there's a lot of benefits to having a, a base location out in the middle of nowhere where not many eyes can see it. If you're really testing super secret stuff. Very interesting. Okay. Thank you. That's all I needed. No, my pleasure. Yeah. That, uh, the Edwards connection makes a lot of sense because we still have, uh,

our test wing, you know, presence out at Edwards. They do a lot of tests there. There's actually a NASA facility out there adjacent to the Edwards Air Force Base. So that makes a lot of sense. But yeah, interesting questions. I wish I had better answers for you. Well, I'll figure it out and I'll let you know what they're doing out there. Please do. All right. Love you. All right. Love you too. Bye-bye. Bye.

Well, that ruins it. They're probing them out there. They're doing something to them out there and we have to get them out. I'm going to do an Ocean's Eleven heist to get all the aliens out of Area 51 because it's not a human rights violation. It is an extraterrestrial rights violation. Get them out of there. Get them out of there. You have to give them, let them try Chick-fil-A and Whataburger. Oh my God, if I was an alien, I would love Chick-fil-A.

If I was an alien and you showed me Chick-fil-A, I'd be like, wait, you guys actually... There is some intelligent life here. Because Chick-fil-A is so good. Is it Christian chicken? I don't know. Is it Christian chicken? I'd love to show it to the aliens. Oh, they would just love the Polynesian sauce. I mean it. All right, y'all. I think that'll do it for me. This lovely, wonderful episode. I think we covered just about all of it.

I've started wearing patchouli oil. Can I just say love? Love, love, love, love, love. I put the patchouli oil under my perfume and the patchouli oil lasts all day and it's fantastic. I love it. And I think some people think patchouli smells like grandma. I don't give a fuck. I think it smells great. Okay. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. I'm tired of asking you guys. If you want music, go listen to it. Go listen to my music. Oh my God. I didn't even talk about fucking foundation. I'm going to talk about them next week.

But here are my songs of the week. It's still going to be I Love You by Fontaine's D.C. And it's going to be Better Way to Live by Kneecap and Griant. And it's also going to be...

Hmm. Let's pick a good one. Probably TV Dinner by Sam Fender. I probably mentioned that last week. Let's Give You a Different One Actually, Bad As I Used To Be by Chris Stapleton. I love that song. And it's on the F1 soundtrack, came on shuffle. I was super high. I listened to it on repeat for an hour and a half. So love that song. All right. Love you guys for real. Be good. Bye.