TDS Time Machine | Oh, Canada...
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You're listening to Comedy Central. Last night's huge news coming out of Canada. Drake has released a video for his hit song Hotline Bling. ♪ Used to call me on my cell phone ♪ ♪ When you need me... ♪ What the hell, Drake? What the actual hell were you doing there? What is it? What are those dance moves? Like, you just-- you holding every single mixed-race person back. Do you know how hard we've worked to be called black, and then you do this to us, Drake?

You're gonna get our black status revoked dancing? What are those moves? What is he doing? I hope this was a joke. So last night was big, uh, big news for fans of Canadian rappers, but it also had a little something for fans of obscure Canadian trivia. A national election took place. Now, for most Americans, Canadian elections are sort of like hockey. It's clearly an intense contest, but nobody knows who's playing.

Or what the rules are. So, uh, let's make this condescendingly easy. Sort of like when they used that, uh, puck, the glowing puck in the NHL, where they try to trick us into watching it. Yeah, that's what we're gonna do. The Canadian elections. Who won and what was the score?

The Liberals winning in a landslide. Justin Trudeau will be the next prime minister. Justin Trudeau, head of the Liberal Party, similar to the Democrats. He's the son of one of Canada's most famous prime ministers, Pierre Trudeau. Justin plans to raise taxes and run a $7 billion deficit to kickstart the recession-bound economy, and he says help the middle class. Aw. A $7 billion deficit? Aw. That's so adorable.

America would probably drop $7 billion on a clock that calculates their deficits, which is $439 billion. Take that, you fiscally sound-minded moosebangers.

Of course, Trudeau's policies weren't necessarily his most attractive feature. He is 43 years old. He's a very good-looking young man. He's undeniably a good-looking guy. He's a very handsome man. He is very, very good-looking. I think in America, he might just win the election on his looks alone. Yes, his looks alone could win him the U.S. election. Because looks are everything in U.S. politics. If you want to even be considered for president, you have to be smoking hot.

Trudeau's Liberal Party defeated Conservative incumbent Stephen Harper, whose campaign was plagued by brutal Canadian-style criticism. It's a satirical song, but it's gone viral on social media. It's called "Harperman," and it does sum up the desire for a change in government. ♪ Who's the king of secrecy ♪ ♪ Who has slashed the CDC ♪ ♪ Harperman ♪ There is no coming back from that.

President Trump has made this one of the hardest times to be a refugee in America. So where do these people without a country turn? Well, Desi Lydic reports. I'm here on the border where people are sneaking across, desperate to escape a country where they don't even feel safe anymore. But what if I told you that country was America? Right? This part's America?

That's right, last year over 20,000 people illegally snuck out of America and into Canada. It started when Trump began revoking temporary protected status for hundreds of thousands of immigrants. The Trump administration has so far announced it would also end this temporary status for migrants from Honduras, Nicaragua, and Haiti. All of this, not to mention Trump's feelings about immigrants in general... Are they ISIS? Is this a Trojan horse? ...has prompted a new wave of refugees seeking asylum in Canada.

Where their king in the north, Prime Minister Jon Snow, is all like... You're safe at home now. 90% of asylum seekers are crossing along a small section of the border, about 25 miles north of the town of Plattsburgh. So I headed there to meet a local coyote. My contact told me to meet him here. I gave him the code name She-Wolf Blitzer. Are you Daisy? Hmm? Desi, yeah.

Once we got our bad Tinder date out of the way, I learned that Bill is a cab driver here in Plattsburgh. And it's the cab drivers who ferry the refugees to the border. It's gotten so busy that even party shuttles have converted into migrant caravans, taking all these people right up to the border of Canada. You know, if mayonnaise was a country. What the hell? America's the country where people sneak into, right? Yes, because we're the American dream. We're the American dream. Look

- I know, I don't get it. - This starts one person. - Well, the American dream is still there, but you gotta do it by the process the way it's supposed to be done. And that should go for the US and for the Canada. If I want somebody to come into my house, I want them to come through the front door, not through the back door. - That's what I keep telling my husband. - Yeah, well, there you go. - Except his birthday. - Except his birthday? - Yeah, and Christmas and Flag Day. Ugh, I'll never forget Flag Day. What were we talking about?

Right, you want them to go through the front door. Yeah. But these people can't go through the front door. Because of a quirk in Canadian law, if you cross at any official border crossing, your asylum claim will be rejected faster than a dick pic on LinkedIn. That's why asylum seekers are crossing the US-Canada border at an illegal entry point on a dead-end road, where Bill and I were headed.

Wow, this really is like a bad Tinder date. We are turning onto the Roxham Road right here. I mean, look at how beautiful this is. Why would anyone want to leave this? Okay, not exactly this stretch of America. And right at the end of this road is where they cross. Is that Toronto up there? No, that's not Toronto. That's the Canadian space.

Before Trump, this was wilderness. But due to the flood of immigrants at this illegal entry point, the Canadians have built up a permanent presence, which includes the world's largest birdhouse. Between 70 to 80 asylum seekers arrive every day, ready to cross with everything they can carry. On the other side, the Canadian police are standing their ground. This is not a legal port of entry to Canada. If you want to enter Canada, you have to go through Canadian customs.

But then like typical Canadians, they let him in anyway. I spoke with Armstrong, an asylum seeker fleeing northeast Nigeria where terrorist groups like Boko Haram are active. In the northeast of Nigeria, it's terrible right now. It's too much for us to bear. And for my daughter especially. I want her to grow, feel safe.

Not to face the kind of persecution that's facing down there. But Armstrong was already in America. Why not claim refugee status here? America is a great country. But... But with the way things are right now, we need a better life for ourselves.

A better life? I remember when people used to say that about us. You're hoping for better things in Canada. Yeah. Canada is what it should be. Opportunity. We used to be the land of that. That's our brand. City on a hill, land of the free. Is Canada taking our place? As I watched Armstrong walk away, I thought about all we had been through these past 15 seconds. And I realized he wasn't just going to Canada. He was breaking up with America.

Well, we've just been dumped. There's one thing I know: it's how to handle being dumped. You know what? Yeah, it's not working out. I decided first before you decided. Say what? Talking to him. I spent all day trying to convince people to stay. Any chance we can have a do-over? What if Oprah were president? Were all these people really choosing America's boring cousin? I don't think they're coming back. Maybe we should be reflecting or trying to grow from this.

Or we can just handle it like any breakup. Seriously, Canada? With Mueller's closing in, we're gonna change. I hope you're happy together. Only one person could pick me back up. Which is because Canada's younger than us? We're still America. We still got it going on. We are the bomb. Don't say things like that, Bill. Yeah, I know. Makes it seem like we don't have it going on.

Three weeks ago, north of the border, a new kind of protest emerged. The trucker convoy has arrived in Ottawa. This city in the downtown core remains gridlocked. Some residents here say that they really can take no more. So I traveled to Ottawa, expecting to find some Canada nice. But their messaging was a bit more coarse. These trucks shut down businesses and made roads impassable. Can I go?

If I go around here, how do I get around? But how long were the protesters planning to paralyze Canada's 8th best city? David, how long have you been here? I've been here since day one. The whole day down the floor? Pretty much. I'm not going anywhere. I'm coming in from New York. I go by Brooklyn's Kindest on the CB. There you go. We were able to stay here up to two years.

You're committed to being here for two years? Yeah, because two years is nothing. How are you going to keep up the energy to be here for two years? That's not a problem. The people will bring it. Stimulants? No, the people will bring it. I smoke a lot of weed. Yeah. Okay. Right? Yeah. But that's just to calm me down and keep me centered. Are you worried at all with weed paranoia? No. That might creep in? No. No. No. Do you think the government is coming for you? Oh, yeah, constantly. They do night little tactics. They try to look...

They move around, they move in, they add more. Are you paranoid? No. Sure. What kind of stuff do you haul? I haul everything. In 2020, I hauled from food to building supplies to medical supplies. You have my end table that I ordered from Wayfair like three weeks ago. It's probably up sitting either in Montreal or Toronto or on the border. It would really look great in my apartment. So what exactly was the point of interrupting the supply chain? So what is this all about? You know what? Sorry.

What is this all about? This is about our freedoms. Could you be any more generic? You know, if you are vaccinated, you get to do certain things. If you're not vaccinated, you don't. I don't think people should be divided. We should all be together, united. We're setting up essentially a truck barrier to keep everybody together so they can be united. Yes.

- Gotcha, yeah, we might as well lock them in. Sort of like a parent who locks the door and says, "You guys are in here until the water runs out, you become friends or democracy crumbles." - Yes. - And if you're not vaccinated, you're literally a second-class citizen in this country. I can't go to the restaurant. I can't go play hockey. I can't go watch the Ottawa Senators. - We don't live in Germany. We don't live in Nazi Germany. Those days are over.

Show me your papers don't happen anymore. That's a freedom that everyone should have. Is the Germany comparison a stretch here in Canada? No. Are you afraid of cultural appropriation?

Probably. American cultural appropriation, because we use the German excuse all the time. Oddly enough, that wasn't the only thing Canadians were appropriating. Yeah, I hate to use that slogan, but, uh, make North America great again. Make North America great again, and I don't mean to use that guy's word, but it's true. To be honest, it wasn't even his. He stole it from another guy before him. I see the Q army on your head. Is it...

Q, the American thing trying to find JFK Jr.? Exactly. Yes. Exactly. What Q shit is going down here? Q? No, Q is a more of a USA thing. Oh, so this is like a Yankees hat. Ah, exactly. Okay, the Q thing might just be a fashion choice, but they're definitely reading the same internet as many Americans. And it's more than just a vaccine passport or something.

What else? The Agenda 2030 is a good start. What's Agenda 2030? To try the world's hand towards one government. They want to sterilize us so only certain people can have kids. Really? You're afraid the government will sterilize you?

Probably not me, but down the line, yeah. Spending two weeks in the cab of a truck pissing in a Mountain Dew can. Can't be too good for the sperm production. Probably stare out of a wedding, so what's the difference? So Margaret Atwood audiobooks are apparently a thing with Canadian truckers. And while shutting down a city seems to have many obvious downsides... Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. Hey.

Hi. Have you seen a Prius around here? Some see an opportunity coming from literal gridlock. The truckers are bringing in customers. They're bringing in tourists from Montreal, from all across Canada. Everybody wants to check this out. This is essentially a tourist boom for Ottawa right now. You can feel the tourism in the air, right? You can smell it. It smells like amphetamines and drifter blood. Definitely.

The flood of 18-wheeler-driving tourists and their Canadian AF outfits created legitimate tension with residents of the city. No home! Get a job! No one wants you here! The downtown was shut, and there was palpable anger directed at local media. CTV News is lying. They're still lying, guys. They're still lying. And even at The Daily Show. Lack of nuance is tyranny.

We're getting booed over here. We've been walking around here. There seems to be a real distrust of media here. Oh, for sure. There's a lot of cameras up in your face, cameras on cameras. And while Canadian authorities have finally enacted emergency measures to try to clear the convoy, so far the trucks are still there. And a well-funded, never-ending street party infused with misinformation and nationalism feels remarkably possible in our own land of the free.

-Where does this movement go from here? -I believe it's going to be worldwide. -It's gonna come to America? -Yes, definitely. -You think this is inspiring the dickheads in America? -Pardon me? -This is inspiring the dickheads in America? -It's inspiring people. People of America to join together to stand for freedom. -Okay. If they do come to America, then maybe I'll finally get my f---ing end table.

For a normal G7, Trump's Russia obsession would have been more than enough drama. But for President Trump, he was just getting started. - President Trump stuns the world, pulling out of the G7's official agreement and issuing a warning to allies. - We're like the piggy bank that everybody's robbing. - This unprecedented friction with some of America's closest allies. The president and his top aides are launching this all-out assault

against Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The president, en route to Singapore, accused Justin Trudeau of false statements and called him very dishonest and weak. So Trump went into the G7 for a run-of-the-mill check-in with America's allies and then came out full-on beefing with Canada, the Ned Flanders of countries.

It's safe to say that no one expected this to go this way. It's like going into the doctor for a routine checkup and then coming out as a human centipede. I don't think this is covered. I don't think it is.

And other G7 leaders were shocked by Trump's actions. Emmanuel Macron called Trump incoherent, and Angela Merkel said that Trump pulling out of the deal was sobering and depressing. Although, to be fair, she is German, so everything is sobering and depressing to her. Yeah, she was probably at breakfast today like, "I find this pancake man both sobering and depressing."

Now, the reason President Trump went all push-and-tie on Trudeau is because he claims that Trudeau was super nice to him in person, but then as soon as Trump left, Trudeau held a press conference saying that Canada still planned to retaliate against the U.S.'s new tariffs. Because, you see, Trump has a policy. You don't criticize him behind his back, right? And you also don't criticize him to his face.

Side doesn't work either. Yeah, you write it down on a piece of paper and then rip it up into tiny pieces and someone will run by and pick it up. That's how it works. Because if you do criticize Trump, he'll send his guys out on TV to let you know that it's on.

The president's advisors fiercely attacking Trudeau on the Sunday shows. He holds a press conference and he said the U.S. is insulting. He really kind of stabbed us in the back. There's a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad faith diplomacy with President Donald J. Trump and then tries to stab him in the back on the way out the door. Wow. There's a special place in hell for any foreign leader that engages in bad faith diplomacy with President Donald J. Trump.

That is a serious threat and a very specific place in hell. That sounds VIP as shit. Yeah. That's just, like, one person. All the thoughts in hell are gonna be like, damn, who's that dude in VIP? But still...

The question is, why on earth would Trump react in such an extreme way to a trade dispute with such a close and unthreatening ally? Well, according to Trump's economic advisor, this is all part of a greater plan. POTUS is not gonna let...

A Canadian prime minister push him around, push him POTUS around, President Trump, on the eve of this. He is not going to permit any show of weakness on the trip to negotiate with North Korea, nor should he. So this was about North Korea? Of course it was in large part. Of course it was in large part.

Why was he doing that like he had just watched a Tyler Perry movie? Our president will not get pushed around. He will not. So in essence, to win his Nobel Peace Prize with North Korea, Trump is going to start a war with Canada. It really is brilliant, and the man is playing some two-dimensional chess.

Let's kick things off with Justin Trudeau, Canada's prime minister and America's sexy upstairs neighbor. As Canada continues its battle against coronavirus, Trudeau has decided to become a little more hands-on.

Kids might be struggling a little bit with homework, but if they need a little help, there's somebody who's ready to step in. Hey kids, I know we're all going through a difficult time right now and it's not made any easier by the fact that you have to do your homework around the kitchen table. Well as a teacher, I want to help. If you've encountered challenges or problems that are really tough and you need a little extra help with,

Why don't you reach out by responding to this message or using the hashtag? Okay, this is just adorable.

Justin Trudeau is gonna help Canadian kids with their homework. This is the sort of thing you can only get away with if you're prime minister, because any other dude offering kids help on the Internet, yeah, they're just getting a visit from the cops. And I really hope that he sticks to regular subjects like math and science, 'cause the last thing we need is Trudeau branching out into makeup tutorials. But seriously, though, this is great.

I hope Trudeau inspires other world leaders to offer homework lessons. Like Vladimir Putin, he'd be amazing at math. Here is the easy way to solve math problem. You phone KGB, then poof, math problem disappear. Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. Paramount Podcasts.