TDS Time Machine | Trump’s Road to Impeachment
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Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or DSW.com. You're listening to Comedy Central. Impeachment. It's the constitutional way of saying, bye, Felicia. It's probably presidential harassment.

President Trump has been accused of threatening to hold back military aid to the Ukraine if leaders there failed to investigate former Vice President Joe Biden. The president pushed eight times for an investigation into Joe Biden. At the time of the call, the Trump administration was withholding $250 million in military aid to Ukraine that Congress had already approved. Yeah, this is huge.

Donald Trump is accused of holding back military aid approved by Congress for Ukraine unless they helped him dig up dirt on Joe Biden, which, if true, would be devastating. It's an abuse of power, it's extortion, and maybe worst of all, it's asking a foreign country to meddle in America's election. Yeah, which is the one thing that if you were Donald Trump, you should stay away from.

Right? 'Cause they'd just beaten the Russia case. It would be like if the day after Michael Jackson got acquitted of touching kids, he was like, "Let's celebrate. Slumber party at my house." But the one silver lining of any Trump scandal is that if you just wait long enough, eventually,

he'll just spill the beans himself. The conversation I had was largely congratulatory, was largely corruption, all of the corruption taking place, was largely the fact that we don't want our people like Vice President Biden and his son creating to the corruption already in...

- The Ukraine. - There was no pressure put on them whatsoever, but there was pressure put on with respect to Joe Biden. What Joe Biden did for his son, that's something they should be looking at. - Okay, we all heard that, right? Trump just said there was no pressure except for the pressure to get dirt on Biden. That's the only pressure we're talking about on Monday.

the Ukraine scandal blew up. On Tuesday, the Democrats opened an impeachment inquiry. On Wednesday, the transcript of the call came out. And today, the big news is that the secret whistleblower complaint that kicked this whole thing off has finally been released.

The House Intelligence Committee has just released the whistleblower complaint. This is the second paragraph of that complaint from the whistleblower, who says... That's right. The whistleblower's complaint has accused the president of soliciting foreign interference in America's election, which is really bad.

for Trump. What's even worse is that this entire complaint is only nine pages long, which means people might actually read it. Hell, if it had a few pictures, Trump himself might even read it. Trump and his defenders are saying that the whistleblower's account is fake, all right? Because they say that the whistleblower is basing all of this on secondhand information. He didn't hear the calls, and he hasn't seen anything himself. They also point out that the president of Ukraine himself said yesterday that he never felt any pressure from Trump.

Although, if you actually watched the Ukrainian president say it, you might come up with a different impression. President Zelensky, have you felt any pressure from President Trump to investigate Joe Biden and Hunter Biden? I think you read everything. I think you read text. I... I'm sorry, but I don't want to be involved to democratic, open elections of USA. No, you heard that we had...

Okay, okay, I don't want to contradict the president, but I don't think the translation of that was "no pressure."

That man seemed like he was under intense pressure. I mean, he actually said the line, "I don't want to get involved." I mean, that's not a comfortable phrase you ever say when you're just comfortable. "How you feeling?" "I don't want to get involved. I'm so comfortable." You can't ask him that question in front of Trump. It's like asking the hostage how he's being treated while the kidnapper is right next to him. "Oh, how are they treating me? Oh, it's, um... it's amazing. Yeah, uh, last night, they even gave me toilet paper. I love it here.

The big news today is that the White House has taken its fight with Congress to the next level, officially sending word that it will not participate in any aspect of the impeachment probe. Yeah, which is crazy. Like, Trump can't just decline to participate. Like, this is not the Vietnam War.

And this new tactic, this new tactic threw everything for a loop. Because you see, today was meant to be the big day when Congress would hear testimony from Gordon Sondland, ambassador to the EU and Jeff Ross stunt double. But just before the C-SPAN cameras started rolling, the White House pulled the plug.

We're following breaking news this morning and it's moving quickly. The White House blocking EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland from testifying to Congress just minutes before he was supposed to appear on Capitol Hill. He was set to testify behind closed doors as part of an ongoing impeachment inquiry into President Trump, specifically about his interactions with Ukraine. Democratic House Intelligence Chairman calling the move to keep Sondland from speaking to lawmakers, quote, "strong evidence of obstruction." At the president's behest, Sondland pulled out of this impeachment hearing, which is a big deal.

Because although many people haven't heard of Gordon Sondland, it appears that everything Trump wanted from Ukraine...

went through him. Even before President Trump spoke to the president of Ukraine, Gordon Sondland, the U.S. ambassador to the E.U., had been pushing the Ukrainians to commit to investigations Mr. Trump wanted. And the reason Congress is so intent on having Sondland testify isn't just because he was at the center of this Ukraine scandal, right? It's also because he has text messages that show what was going on behind the scenes.

Text messages given to Congress show Sondland and another diplomat discussing a possible link between investigations and aid to Ukraine. On September 9th, Bill Taylor, the top U.S. diplomat to Ukraine, texts...

I think it's crazy to withhold security assistance for help with a political campaign. Sondland responds, I believe you are incorrect about President Trump's intentions. The president has been crystal clear, no quid pro quos of any kind. Adding, I suggest we stop the back and forth by text. Taylor texts Gordon Sondland, are we now saying that security assistance and White House meeting are conditioned on investigations? Sondland responds, call me.

Okay, I don't know if these guys are guilty or not, but you have to admit those texts look hella suspicious. Yeah, because the only time you say, "Stop texting, let's talk on the phone," is when something shady is going down, right? It's 2019. No one talks on the phone. The only reason to talk on the phone at all is to wish your grandmother a happy birthday or to commit crimes. Or to commit crimes with your grandmother on her birthday.

Now, for the first day of the public hearings, the Democrats chose to call two witnesses. Bill Taylor, the acting ambassador to Ukraine, and George Kent, senior State Department official and townsperson in a 1950s musical. Once I arrived in Kyiv, I discovered a weird combination of encouraging, confusing, and ultimately alarming circumstances. According to Mr. Morrison, President Trump did insist that President Zelensky go to a microphone...

and say he is opening investigations of Biden and 2016 election interference. Ambassador Sondland tried to explain to me that President Trump is a businessman.

When a businessman is about to sign a check to someone who owes him something, the businessman asks that person to pay up before signing the check. I think it's crazy to withhold security assistance for help with a political campaign. What did you mean when you said you thought it was crazy? It was illogical. It could not be explained. It was crazy.

Unexplainable, illogical, crazy. That's the description Bill Taylor gave of Trump's actions. It's also the title of Trump's new memoir. Same thing, yes. "It's my full story, and it's a coloring book, folks. You're gonna love it!" When it was Congressman Jim Jordan's turn to ask questions, his big argument was that none of this testimony should count because it was all a game of telephone.

You weren't on the call, were you? The president, you didn't listen on President Trump's call and President Linsky's call? I did not. You've never talked with Chief of Staff Mulvaney? I never did. You never met the president? That's correct. This is what I can't believe. And you're their star witness. You're their first witness.

- Mr. Jordan. - You're the guy. You're the guy based on this, based on... I mean, I've seen... I've seen church prayer chains that are easier to understand than this. - Hmm, that's a good point. Good point, Jim Jordan. These guys don't have firsthand knowledge of what Trump was doing with Ukraine, so why are they the ones testifying? I mean, maybe it's because the White House has blocked all the people who do have firsthand knowledge from testifying. That's a good point, Trevor. That's a good point. Thank you, me.

All of today, Jim Jordan's only focus was making it seem like this entire process was somehow a sham. But it all backfired when he tried to turn the focus to the whistleblower. Now, there is one witness, one witness that they won't bring in front of us. They won't bring in front of the American people. And that's the guy who started it all.

The whistleblower. Nope. I say to my colleague, I'd be glad to have the person who started it all come in and testify. President Trump is welcome to take a seat right there. This congressional hearing was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

You know, by Congress standards, that was a pretty good slam. Yeah. The only way it could have been better is if the congressman was like, "Seriously, President Trump is welcome anytime. In fact, I've actually got his invite right here." And this testimony was a pretty big deal, because for the first time, the American public heard from nonpartisan officials about how the president abused his powers for personal gain.

And even though millions of people have been talking about these hearings, over on Fox News, their analysis of this impeachment is, meh.

There is not a single person outside the Washington, D.C. Beltway that gives a damn about what happened today. It's boring. It was a total snooze fest. It was kind of boring to watch on television. It was really just a huge dud. There wasn't anything sexy about it. There was not some big new piece of information that came out. With Richard Nixon, there was a break-in.

With, um, Bill Clinton, there was sex in the Oval Office. -Yeah. Yeah. -With Trump, it's a phone call to Ukraine. There's no burglary, there's no break-in, there's no tapes, there's no dress, there's no sex. It's not a sexy scandal. Russia was sexy. This has no intrigue whatsoever. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying Trump's impeachment is boring and unsexy? You know, if Trump hears that, it's gonna piss him off, right?

He's gonna come out like, "My impeachment will be the most exciting ever. I'll break into a hotel and best believe I'll jizz all over this dress. Don't make me do it. Don't make me do it. I'll do it." Trevor, this whole thing has me so mad. Look, if these allegations are true, then our president-- and forgive me for using the N-word here-- is a complete nincompoop.

Oh, you had me nervous for a second. Uh, yeah, I agree. I agree. I-I think everyone is angry that the president abused his power like this. Okay, take it easy, Maddow. I'm mad because our dipshit president can't even get impeached right. He's wasting his one impeachment on taking down Joe Biden. Joe Biden will take down Joe Biden.

He's already gaffed himself out of two elections. Look, when it comes to Biden, all you have to do is just wait it out and he'll go away. You know? He's like a cold or my parole officer. That guy is so obsessed with me, by the way. Actually, I think that's legal. So-so, wait. Desi, you-you don't think Trump abused his power? Well, no. If anything, he didn't abuse it enough. Look, you only get one impeachment. You got to make it count.

Presidents used to understand that. Andrew Johnson defied Congress. Richard Nixon had the Saturday Night Massacre. Bill Clinton got a BJ in the oval head. Mouth candy. The old Pac-Man. Pac-Man? Yeah, you know. OK, I get it. OK, I get it. OK, I get it. I get it. OK, all right. I get it. OK. My point is, Trevor, Trump

He has blown it. He might get impeached for gossiping on the phone like a little bitch. During the impeachment hearings last week, you may remember we learned about a call at a restaurant between Trump and an EU ambassador, Gordon Sondland.

Well, now, a diplomat who overheard that call is spilling all the beans to Congress. Quote, "While Ambassador Sondland's phone was not on speakerphone, I could hear the president's voice through the earpiece of the phone. I then heard President Trump ask, 'So he's gonna do the investigation?' Ambassador Sondland replied that he's gonna do it, adding that President Zelensky will do anything you ask him to." President's voice was very loud and recognized

and Ambassador Sondland held the phone away from his ear for a period of time. Yeah, that's right. David Holmes testified to Congress that he overheard a call where Trump explicitly asked for Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden. And the diplomat overheard this conversation not because Trump was on speakerphone, but because Trump is a human speakerphone.

And he's like, "I'm calling about the criminal conspiracy. You know what? I can't hear you. Let's switch to speaker. I'm calling about the criminal conspiracy!" There are a lot of damning details in this testimony, but my favorite part, my favorite part was when Sondland talked about just how much the president of Ukraine was willing to help Trump.

I heard President Trump then clarify Ambassador Sondland was in Ukraine. Ambassador Sondland replied, yes, he was in Ukraine, went on to state, President Zelensky loves your ass. Ooh, okay. Zelensky loves Trump's ass. A few days ago, Fox News was saying impeachment wasn't sexy enough. Now we got ass plates. Shh.

This morning, impeachment took yet another major step forward when Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and sober Lucille Bluth, gathered up all the flags she could find for a major announcement. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announcing to the country and to the world that articles of impeachment against President Trump will proceed. Pelosi telling the American people that Trump has left the U.S. Congress with no choice but to move forward. Sadly...

but with confidence and humility, with allegiance to our founders, and a heart full of love for America. Today, I am asking our chairman to proceed with articles of impeachment. Oh my God, oh my God. They finally got articles of impeachment. I mean, I knew when they reserved that hearing room that this would be it, but you never know until it really happens. Oh my God, I'm so happy for you guys. And I know this sounds weird, but I'm actually proud of Donald Trump.

Yeah, because he's getting impeached, but I didn't think he would make it three years. I'm not gonna lie. Like, Trump getting this far into his presidency without being impeached is a lot like when a dog accidentally drives a car into a tree. Yeah, the dog crashed, but he made it, like, eight blocks. That's impressive. I don't even know how he put it into drive. He barely knows letters. Now, there was a big debate within the Democratic Party about how many articles of impeachment to bring against Donald Trump. But in the end, they decided to strike with surgical precision.

President Trump now facing two charges as the top Democrats of the key committees stood together to announce it all this morning. Abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. Democrats have decided to narrow the scope of impeachment to the two articles of impeachment that they believe are the easiest to prove and backed up by the most evidence. Because we are operating in a universe where

Republicans are challenging some of the most basic facts. Democrats want to make this case as airtight as possible. Yes. Only two articles of impeachment. Abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. Which means the Democrats are showing a lot of restraint. Because, I mean, let's be honest. Trump

Trump has done enough crazy shit to merit 2,000 articles of impeachment. Yeah, there was obstruction of justice from the Mueller report, using the presidency to enrich his businesses, the porn star payoffs, flag molestation, the time he looked directly into an eclipse, and, of course, having Don Jr. I mean, that's impeachment on its own. So... so...

The good news for Trump is that he's only facing two charges. Although, in a way, that's also kind of sad for him, because Nixon had three articles brought against him, Bill Clinton had four, and Andrew Johnson had 11, which means Trump will have the smallest impeachment of all time. You know that's gonna make him insecure. He's gonna be like, "It's not about the size of impeachment. It's about the friction of the conviction."

President Trump's set to become the third president in American history to be impeached. This is a moment that will go down in history. This will be written about in the history books. This is going to go down in the history books. The 45th president of the United States got impeached. Well, you guys might be cheering.

But when Democrats in the House tried to cheer last night, Nancy Pelosi shut it down real fast. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi maintaining control of her caucus with a glance and a gesture alone at one point yesterday. On this vote, the yeas are 230, the nays are 197, present is one, article one is adopted. The question...

Damn. Nancy didn't want to hear any gloating last night. She killed that celebration quick. Did you see that? That kind of look would send a champagne cork back into the bottle. That... that's how intense that was. It would be like, "Poop! Whoop!" So there's no doubt that impeachment will hurt Trump's legacy bigly. But it also seems like it's hurting his feelings.

President Trump incensed, lashing out in a scathing six-page letter to the House Speaker, calling the impeachment process outlined by the Constitution an illegal partisan attempted coup. He's just fired off a tweet. Can you believe that I will be impeached today by the radical left? Do nothing, Democrats, and I did nothing wrong. A terrible thing. Read the transcripts. This should never happen to another president again. Say a prayer.

Yo, is it... is it just me, or does it seem like Trump went through all the stages of grief in one tweet? It was like, "Denial: I can't believe I'm getting impeached. I did nothing wrong. This is a terrible thing. I guess we can only pray."

You may remember that after Trump was impeached back in December, Nancy Pelosi didn't pass the articles on to the Senate. Instead, she chose to hold on to them tight. Tighter than Mike Pence's sphincter in a room with two women. Man, temptation often passes through the back door.

But today, after a month of tension, Pelosi finally announced she's handing the articles over to the Senate so that they can hold the trial. And I don't know what was going on with Nancy today, but at her press conference, she seemed a little spaced out. Good morning, everyone.

- It's a very important day for us. And as you know, I'm referenced temporal markers that our founders and our poets and others have used over time to place us in time, to emphasize the importance of time because everything is about time. - Yeah, and speaking of timing, it feels like Pelosi's edibles just kicked in at the wrong moment there.

I think the point Pelosi was trying to make is that she feels that after a month of waiting, now is the right time to pass impeachment to the Senate. But handing over the articles of impeachment isn't as simple as handing over your mom to a nursing home. No. An occasion like this calls for a little ceremony. They are going to be marching the articles from the House chamber through the statuary hall

through the rotunda, along the second floor of the Capitol, past the old Senate chamber, through the Ohio clock corridor, and then eventually to the Senate chamber. Those documents now are being taken from the House of Representatives through Statuary Hall. They'll be going into the Capitol rotunda to the Senate to present the articles of impeachment. Mr. President, I have been directed by the House of Representatives to inform the Senate that

the House has passed H. Res. 798, a resolution appointing and authorizing managers for the impeachment trial of Donald John Trump, president of the United States. So... we're all just gonna pretend nobody invented e-mail? And just as an aside, what was up with that graphic? What was that from the news, huh?

We don't need to see an arrow making love to the Senate chamber to understand how people enter a room. They're walking across the building. It's a straight line. It's a hallway. We get it. So now... so now that the Senate has the articles of impeachment, the big fight is now going to be about whether or not the trial will include new witnesses and new evidence. Because, you see, just yesterday, we learned new details about Trump and his shady dealings with Ukraine.

The new evidence collected by congressional investigators comes from Lev Parnas, an associate of Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani. 59 pages of records, including text messages, emails and handwritten notes, including one scrawled on hotel stationery that reads, quote, get Zelensky to announce that the Biden case will be investigated.

And there's a letter from Giuliani requesting a meeting with Ukraine's then-president-elect Zelensky, emphasizing Giuliani was working in his capacity as personal counsel to President Trump and with his knowledge and consent. No, seriously? They wrote down the plot of their crime and then kept it? That is a literal paper trail. Why would you do that? What, were they just hanging around like, "You have to keep the receipts"? Like, isn't that taxes? No, no, it's for crimes, too. You have to keep them.

Only Donald Trump would hire henchmen who are also into scrapbooking. Like... They're like a bunch of criminal Martha Stuarts. You know? Also known as Martha Stuarts. Trump's impeachment trial is set to begin next week. And as with any impeachment trial, the Senate will serve as the jury. So this afternoon, all the senators were sworn in by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. And then they signed their names one by one in what's known as the Oath Book.

Yeah. It was a really solemn moment, and also the first time, uh, ever that anyone's ever asked for Ted Cruz's autograph. The one big question hanging over this trial has been: will Republican senators allow new witnesses to testify? Well, apparently, some of those witnesses aren't waiting to find out. They're just showing up on TV. All right? And the conversation everyone's talking about right now is Rachel Maddow's interview with Lev Parnas, an associate of Rudy Giuliani and a man with seven different hairstyles all at once.

Parnas is important, because unlike some previous witnesses who only heard about what was going on, he claims that he was working closely with Rudy Giuliani to get dirt on the Bidens. So if those other people smelled the borscht, he actually made it. And now he's telling all of America how it went down.

Are you saying specifically, and I want to sort of drill down on that, that the president was aware that you and Mr. Giuliani were working on this effort in Ukraine...

to basically try to hurt Joe Biden's political career. He was... he knew about that. Yeah, well, it was all about Joe Biden, Hunter Biden. It was never about, uh, corruption. It was never strictly about, uh, the Burisma, which included Hunter Biden and Joe Biden. That's a big deal coming from Rudy Giuliani's right-hand man. This would be like if Luigi went on Rachel Maddow, like...

Mario doesn't care about the princess. He just love to murder turtles. He wants to kill all of them. He's a very sick man. It will be huge.

Now, the White House... the White House has responded to this interview saying that Parnas is a liar. They say he's only saying this because he's been indicted for campaign finance fraud, and so now he's trying to get a lighter sentence, like a Ukrainian Tekashi 6ix9ine. And Trump has gone one step further, saying that he doesn't even know what a Lev Parnas is, much less that he gave him instructions to get dirt on Joe Biden, to which Parnas is now responding, "Pix, it did happen." The president of the United States said, uh, he didn't know you.

I don't know those gentlemen. Now, it's possible I have a picture with them because I have a picture with everybody. I don't know them.

I welcome him to say that even more. Every time he says that, I'll show him another picture. He's lying. He's lying. I hope when Parnas does release the pictures, they just get steadily more incriminating, you know? It would be funny if, like, at first, they just had a party together. You know, then the next picture, they're riding together on Space Mountain. Then eventually, like, all pictures will just end up with nudes. You know, that's where it's gonna go. Yeah, and Trump will be like, that doesn't mean anything. I take nudes with everyone. So many nudes.

So, the third presidential impeachment trial in American history began today. And because impeachment is such a momentous occasion, the Senate had to kick things off with a formal proclamation. The U.S. Senate is about to take on an historic and perhaps grueling task, the impeachment trial of President Donald Trump. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. All persons are commanded to keep silent on pain of imprisonment.

- While the Senate of the United States is sitting for the trial of the articles of impeachment exhibited by the House of Representatives against Donald John Trump, President of the United States. - Hear ye, hear ye! It's one of those phrases that has to be shouted. Certain phrases have to be shouted like, make some noise! Or, you're not even my real dad! Gotta shout certain things.

And despite the ASMR intro, Trump's impeachment trial is already filled with drama. Just look at the all-star defense team President Trump put together, right? This is an insane team that Trump collected. It's got Ken Starr, the lawyer who is famous for doing the investigation that led to Bill Clinton's impeachment. And it's got Alan Dershowitz, who's famous for defending O.J. Simpson. So these lawyers are perfect for Trump because they have experience with super guilty people and super horny presidents. It's great. It's a good combination.

But I will say this. Trump's lawyers may want to polish up their defense strategy, because things have already gotten off to a rocky start. The president's legal team offering the first glimpse of their defense-- that the president did nothing wrong, did not commit a crime, and that even the Democrats' argument of abuse of power does not rise to an impeachable offense.

something one of his lawyers, Alan Dershowitz, maintained over the weekend. The articles of impeachment are two non-criminal actions. But many constitutional scholars disagree. Trump's lawyer, Alan Dershowitz, himself once argued the opposite during the Clinton impeachment. It certainly doesn't have to be a crime if you have somebody who completely corrupts the office of president. This is really interesting. What he said in the '90s was in fact correct, and what he's saying now is also in fact correct.

Previously, you said it doesn't have to be a crime if the guy if the if the person in office completely corrupts the office of president. Now you're saying criminal like so you're not so corrupting the office of the president. Is that in your criminal light or criminal like? No, no, it's not. And that was rejected. That was rejected by the wrong. You were wrong back.

- I was saying that I'm much more correct right now, having done all the research. - Much more correct? - 'Cause that's the issue. I didn't do the research back then because that wasn't an issue. - So you're wrong. - I've done the research now. I wasn't wrong. I am just far more correct now than I was then. - Wait, what? - I wasn't wrong. I am just far more correct now than I was then? That is one of the most original lines I have ever heard in my life. And that's a great line for a lawyer, but thank God this guy doesn't work on a bomb squad.

Because that would be a disaster. He would just be like, cut the yellow wire. Wait, cut the red one. I already cut the yellow one. Yeah, well, I wasn't wrong about yellow, but the red one is more correct. Don't worry, we're not going to die. We're just going to be less alive. If Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has his way, the vote to convict or acquit President Trump will come sooner rather than later.

McConnell presenting his proposed trial rules that break from the Clinton model. Mitch McConnell releasing his long-awaited blueprint. Each side will have 24 hours over just two days to make their opening statements. It means senators could have to sit for 12-hour sessions, part of the Republican push for a faster trial.

But Democrats say Republicans are trying to hide the president's misconduct in the dead of night. He could force presentations to take place at two or three in the morning. The McConnell resolution will result in a rushed trial with little evidence in the dark of night. Literally, the dark of night. You know, for a guy who shares so much DNA with turtles, McConnell sure wants to move fast.

You know what I feel like? I feel like McConnell will be the worst person to go on a date with, you know? 'Cause he seems like one of those people who would order the appetizer, the main course, and the dessert all at the same time, you know, just to rush things along. He'd just be like, "Yeah, bring us the soup, the steak, "the hot sauce sundae, and the check. "We're getting the check. "It's all formality. We're just gonna smash. Meh."

Today was the day that Democrats began to lay out their case against the president. But last night, fights were already breaking out about whether this trial should even be happening in the first place.

Opening arguments begin early this afternoon and we're expecting a very fierce debate over why the president should and shouldn't be removed from office. Republicans want this all over by the State of the Union address in two weeks. Democrats say not so fast. Why are we here? Are we here because of a phone call? We are here, sir, to follow the facts, apply the law, be guided by the Constitution, and present the truth.

to the American people. That is why we are here, Mr. Sekulow. And if you don't know, now you know. And if you don't know, now you know! That's right. That's right. Congressman Hakeem Jeffries just quoted Biggie on the floor of Congress. The only thing, the only thing I wish is that he'd use the entire line. That would have been amazing. He was like, "If you don't know, now you know, nigga!"

Because if that happened, black people would have been out celebrating in the streets. It would have been MLK Day Part II. All of us out there like, ♪ You know very well who you are ♪ But I got to say, man, hip-hop has come a long way. Think about it. In the '80s and '90s, it was considered gangster music, and now it's being quoted in an impeachment trial. Huh? That's how far hip-hop has come. Think about that. That's insane.

Hip-hop just keeps going. I bet it's only a matter of time before, like, Mitch McConnell responds with a rap lyric of his own. He's like, "My name is Mitch, and I don't have a jaw. I love the Senate and saying 'muh.'" Now, now, the reason things got so heated yesterday is because Democrats tried ten different times to get new witnesses and evidence into this impeachment trial, and the Republicans shot them down each and every time. There hasn't been that much rejection in D.C. since Stephen Miller went speed dating.

Now, one of the main witnesses Democrats really hope will testify is former Trump adviser and grumpy Captain Crunch, John Bolton. But when the president was asked about it this morning, he had a list of reasons why he doesn't want Bolton to testify. In regards to the proceedings going on in the Senate, are you absolutely against John Bolton testifying? The problem with John is that it's a national security problem. You know, you can't have somebody who's at national security

And if you think about it, John, he knows some of my thoughts. He knows what I think about leaders. What happens if he reveals what I think about a certain leader and it's not very positive and that I have to deal on behalf of the country? It's going to be very hard. It's going to make the job very hard. He knows other things. And I don't know if we left on the best of terms. I would say probably not. You know, you know, one thing I enjoy about Trump.

is that he will give you every excuse all at the same time. Right? He'll start with the fake excuse, but then he'll just keep going until you learn the real reason. Just like, "Sadly, we can't hear from Bolton because it's a national security threat. And also, he'll reveal what I think about other world leaders. And also, he hates my guts. And also, he'll implicate me in the crimes that I committed." So many reasons.

Breaking overnight bombshell, former National Security Advisor John Bolton ready to turn on the president as news leaks from his explosive new book about what he claims really happened with Ukraine. Bolton says the president told him that he wanted to continue freezing $391 million in security assistance to Ukraine until officials there helped with investigations into Democrats, including the Bidens. President Trump

signaling that he is going to paint John Bolton as a disgruntled former employee. Take a look at his tweet from earlier today. He says, "If John Bolton said this, it was only to sell a book." - Wow, this is a big deal. Because we now know that if Bolton testifies, he would say that Trump personally told him that he wanted to hold up aid to Ukraine until he got dirt on the Bidens, which is the whole thing. This is the heart of the entire impeachment thing.

So I don't know how Senate Republicans can justify not hearing from Bolton now. Like, there's no reason. Imagine an eyewitness to a murder wanted to testify and the judge just refused. You know, just like, "Your Honor, I saw this man, and I saw the crime firsthand." It'd be like, "Up, up, up, up, no spoilers, no spoilers. I want to see how it ends." And by the way, is Trump really gonna argue that John Bolton is just another disgruntled employee?

'Cause I don't know about you, but he... he sure seems to have a lot of disgruntled employees. Like, how come nobody ever leaves the White House gruntled? Just like, "Thank you, Mr. President. I am so gruntled to have worked with you."

So Bolton's book has thrown a big, hairy curveball into this impeachment trial. But believe it or not, the Bolton revelations aren't the only big new piece of evidence. Because remember Lev Parnas? Yes? Rudy Giuliani's right-hand man and the Count from Sesame Street? Well, after Parnas said that he worked for Trump to get dirt on Joe Biden, Trump repeatedly claimed he has no idea who this man is. And that's even though they've appeared in more photos together than Mariah Carey and Christmas trees.

So now the question is, is Trump lying about not knowing Parnass, or is Parnass lying about knowing Trump? Well, it turns out Parnass has the receipts.

Breaking overnight, the release of an explosive new audio tape that reportedly features President Trump speaking to Igor Fruman and Lev Parnas at a dinner in 2018. On the tape, a voice identified as Parnas can be heard telling Trump that the ambassador to Ukraine was bad-mouthing him. Yeah, she's basically walking around telling everybody, wait, he's going to get impeached, just wait. Really? Yeah.

It's incredible. Get rid of her. Get her out tomorrow. Get her out tomorrow. Take her out, okay?

Excellent. Do it. President Trump has repeatedly said he doesn't know Lev Parnas. But on the tape, they talk in detail about Ukraine. White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham said the gathering doesn't mean the president knew of or even remembered Lev Parnas. The president sits at many, many dinners, at many, many roundtables with people that he does not know. Yeah, the president has many, many dinners, sometimes all on the same night.

Come on, guys, I'm sorry. You just can't keep pretending that Trump doesn't know this guy, all right? Because first they said Trump wouldn't remember all the people he takes photos with. Okay, I understand that. Now they're saying Trump can't remember all the people he has private dinners with? What's next? They're gonna be like, look, the president gets matching quid pro quo back tattoos with a lot of people. He can't be expected to remember all of them.

This afternoon, in a stunning argument, one of President Trump's top lawyers claimed any president has almost unlimited power, that his election is in the public interest, and so he said Trump cannot be impeached. Every public official that I know believes that his election is in the public interest. And if a president does something which he believes will help him get elected in the public interest...

That cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment. Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived. First it was, there was no quid pro quo. Then it was, maybe there was a quid pro quo, but it was to help the country, not Donald Trump. And now it's like, hey man, the Donald gonna do what the Donald gonna do. You little bitch asses need to shut the hell up. So just to be clear,

The Trump team's argument is now that anything Trump does to get himself reelected is fine, because his reelection, in his mind, is good for the country, and then it's not impeachable. Anything. Yeah. So Trump can collude, Trump can obstruct, and it's all good. Hell, he can even lock all the Democratic candidates in a room with Eric. Yeah, just be like, "At some point, one of you will eat the other, and either way, I win."

There is no denying that this weekend was a big one for President Trump. And not just because the chef at Mar-a-Lago made boob-shaped burgers, no. It was big because Republican senators stopped witnesses from testifying at Trump's impeachment trial. And it wasn't for the reason that you might think.

This weekend, more Senate Republicans admitted the president's actions were wrong and bad, but they insist not impeachable. I agree he did something inappropriate, but I don't agree he did anything akin to treason, bribery, high crimes, and misdemeanor. Well, I mean, if you have eight witnesses who say someone left the scene of an accident, why do you need nine? I mean, the question for me was, do I need more evidence?

to conclude that the president did what he did. And I concluded, no. - After months of claiming Trump did nothing wrong, many key Republicans have now settled on, look man, it was bad, but not kick the guy out bad. Republicans basically treat Trump like white people treat their dogs, you know? Sure, it tore up all the furniture, pooped on the floor, and bit the neighbor's kid, but who can stay mad at that face? Who can stay mad at that face? He just wanted a quipo quo. He wants a quipo quo.

Who wants a quid pro quo? You want a quid pro quo. Today was the final day in the impeachment trial of Donald Jambalaya Trump. And no big surprise, he was acquitted by the Republican-run Senate, which was never in doubt. Yeah, yeah. Don't boo, vote. You see, impeachment was...

It was known. Like, everyone knew where this was going. This was like a movie where you can guess what was gonna happen without even watching it. You know, like Titanic. Okay, it's a ship that's gonna sink. Or Sophie's Choice. Some lady has to decide which dude she's gonna bone. I get it. I get it. So with the outcome, never in doubt, the only real drama today was whether any Republicans would dare vote against Donald Trump. And it turns out there was one man with binders full of courage.

Republican Senator Mitt Romney emotionally announced on the Senate floor that he will break ranks and vote to convict and remove President Trump. The president asked a foreign government to investigate his political rival. The president's purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the president is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust. With my vote, I will tell my children and their children that I did my duty to the best of my ability.

believing that my country expected it of me. That is shocking. That is shocking. Who would have thought that the most badass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitt? And I got to say, Mitt, you proved everyone wrong. The haters said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk, but they were wrong, Mitt. You're whole milk, my man. That's right. Whole milk, fam.

Now, other than Romney, another Republican senator who was considered on the fence was also, uh, about Trump, was Susan Collins of Maine. All right? But she decided that we don't need to throw Trump out because she thinks he's already been scared straight. There are some senators who could have crossed party lines. Senator Susan Collins will not be one of them.

I'm voting to acquit. I believe that the president has learned from this case. What do you believe the president has learned? The president has been impeached. That's a pretty big lesson. However, during a TV anchor's lunch at the White House yesterday, Trump responded to questions about Collins' comments, saying he had done nothing wrong and that his conversation with Ukraine's president, quote, was a perfect call.

Man, Donald Trump would be the hardest person to defend in court. He'd be like, "Your Honor, my client has learned his lesson." "No, I haven't!" "His days of selling drugs are over." "Who wants cocaine?" Because clearly, Trump hasn't learned a lesson. If anything, he's learned that he can do whatever he wants, and Republicans will let him get away with it. But first, they're gonna shake their heads.

So basically, thanks to Senate Republicans, Trump is now free. He can just run through laws like he's got that Super Mario invisibility star. That's what he can do. Yeah, he's invincible. Except Trump is more powerful than Mario, 'cause in this case, the turtles are on his side. Basically... basically, President Trump is off the hook. He's completely off the hook. And you know what that means? He's gonna let loose tonight, man. He's gonna eat 50 burgers, bang a porn star, and then he's gonna do something crazy.

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