Trump Renames Persian Gulf, Teases a “Big Announcement” & Loses Another Fighter Jet | John Green
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So much to talk about tonight. The military tries to teach another jet to swim. The Vatican turns into the world's holiest man cave. And Trump is keeping a huge secret. So everybody check your signal chats. Let's get right into it. I'm gonna come. It's been a rough few weeks for Donald Trump, mostly because Donald Trump.

for a way to change the narrative. And yesterday, he made a big announcement. - We're gonna have a very, very big announcement to make. Like, as big as it gets, and I won't tell you on what. - So his announcement is that he's got an announcement? Cool. It's great to have a president who does teaser trailers for world events. Like when FDR said, "We only have one thing to fear, "and I'll tell you what it is after the break."

Okay, Donald, can you at least give us a hint? It'll be one of the most important announcements that have been made in many years about a certain subject. A certain subject. That narrows it down to literally anything. This is Donald Trump, so his big announcement could be anything from, I've achieved peace in the Middle East to, I just tried bucatini and I'm never going back to regular spaghetti.

At least tell us if it's good or bad. Should I be stocking up on champagne or toilet paper? It's very positive. I'd also, I'd tell you if it was negative or positive. I can't keep that up. It is really, really positive. Okay, that sounds really positive. But I want to temper my expectations here because the last time you had a positive announcement to make, it was that you were destroying the economy. So I just want to make sure. Is it really good news? It's going to be

a truly earth-shattering and positive development for this country and for the people of this country. Earth-shattering, wow. Okay, as long as I don't have to clean it up, I guess I'm in. Tell me when exactly to tune in and I will clear my schedule. And that announcement will be made either Thursday or Friday or Monday before we leave.

All right. You have no idea what you're announcing, do you? You're just going to go into the next room and be like, guys, I promised them something big. Does anyone have anything good? I have two to five days. And don't say jello shots, Pete. Next time, just come out when you're ready to say the announcement. We don't need a pre-announcement. This is worse than my cousin announcing that they're trying for a third child. Great. So you're telling me that you're f***ed?

when there's a Gymboree registry. And by the way, it's totally possible that we never get an announcement. Remember him teasing his big replacement for Obamacare? -Wait till you see the plans we have coming out literally over the next four weeks. We have great healthcare plans coming out. The plan is coming out over the next four weeks. -We'll be announcing that in about two months. -And that two months was up 69 months ago. Very nice.

But while we're waiting for Trump's earth-shattering, mind-blowing, orgasm-inducing announcement, there's already a much stupider announcement in the works. We know we have the Gulf of America, formerly the Gulf of Mexico, and next week, President Trump plans to announce the U.S. will refer to the Persian Gulf as the Gulf of Arabia or the Arabian Gulf.

What is it with this guy and renaming gulfs? At least the Gulf of Mexico was on our border, but now he's just going around renaming other countries' water? The Gulf of Thailand is now the Gulf of White Lotus. The Indian Ocean is now the Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas Ocean. And the Black Sea we're just getting rid of. No more DEI.

You know what, why shouldn't we be allowed to rename the world's oceans? After all, we have the world's most competent, powerful, competent navy full of competence operating right now at the top of their competence.

For the second time in just over a week, U.S. fighter jet falling off an aircraft carrier and sinking in the Red Sea. The $67 million F-18 Super Hornet crashed into the Red Sea last night and was lost. The pilots managed to eject safely. Just over a week ago, another Super Hornet fell from the same ship.

Not to get all doge over here, but I think we could save some money if we stopped dropping fighter jets into the Red Sea. At some point, we're giving more military aid to puffer fish than we are to Ukraine. Zelensky should just be following behind our aircraft carriers with a giant net.

all a little concerning, but don't worry. Pete Hegzith has ordered a top to bottom review to determine if there were any rainbow flags on board that might be to blame. Whatever the cause is, we have got to stop dropping $70 million fighter jets into the ocean, people. Otherwise it's going to change the reputation of America's fighter pilots. And then the Top Gun sequels are just going to start getting real weird. Another sunk jet.

Damn it, Top Gun Maverick. Why do you keep trying to see if planes can fly underwater? It's one of life's mysteries, sir. No, it's not. Jets don't belong in the ocean. I would fire you, but you're white, so Pete Hegseth won't let me. So I'm just gonna bet. Please, stop sinking jets. Maybe, sir, but not today. Not today? That sounds like you're gonna crash another jet into the ocean. Don't you even think... Top Gun Maverick!

He truly feels the need for speed. And finally, an update on tariffs. They're the reason your MAGA family stopped talking about the economy. Just mine. Just my family. Ever since they kicked in, Trump has been telling Americans that they're going to have to tighten their belts a little. And there's one example in particular that he keeps fixating on. Maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls, you know? I don't think a beautiful baby girl needs, that's 11 years old, needs to have...

30 dolls. I think they can have three dolls or four dolls. 15-year-old girl doesn't need 37 dolls. You don't need to have, as I said, 35 dolls. You can have two, three, four. She can be very happy with two or three or four or five. Why do I feel like last week Trump walked in on Eric kissing a doll and now he's like, oh, we're banning dolls.

Either way, it turns out that the whole expensive doll example was not hypothetical. Mattel, the company that makes Barbie dolls, is raising prices to offset President Trump's tariffs on Chinese imports. Yes, they're raising prices on Barbie. Even she has to cut back. She had to move out of Barbie's dream house and into Barbie's dream studio apartment with two roommates.

Her pink convertible is now a 2007 Toyota Tercel. It's very sad. Come on, don't make Barbie tighten her belt even more. She only has a one-inch waist. And Trump's not the only one answering doll-based questions. Treasury Secretary Scott Besant, seen here watching a bulldozer demolish a local community center, also had some thoughts. Secretary Besant, what would you say to a sweet little girl who wonders why she can't have a new Barbie this year?

I would tell that young girl that you will have a better life than your parents, that you and your family, thanks to President Trump, can now be confident again that you will have a better life than your parents. You will be able to advance. You will have a good education. You will have economic freedom. Yes, if there's one thing children love, it's the concept of economic freedom.

It's very clear that you were never a little girl. They would never be on board with this. I don't want that stuff, I want Barbies. You can't make economic freedom scissor each other. Today are gonna have a better life than their parents. Honey, I had 25 Barbies plus the dream house. We knew how to live in this country back when I was a kid during the Obama years, don't Google it.

I knew Besant was a shitty Treasury Secretary, but I think there's one job he'd be even worse at. You and your family, thanks to President Trump, can now be confident again that you will have a better life than your parents. But don't worry too much. If you really can only buy one doll, there's a new one that's just right for 2025.

China's eating our lunch. That tear, Jerome Powell, is a

loser lower rates now you'll love playing with tariff tilly during off work hours it's 5 a.m time for your shift at our onshore lithium factory and don't forget to grab tariff tilly's hottest new accessory thing that you carry the babies around in that's right tariff tilly's thing you carry the babies around in now just seven thousand dollars and now you can feed tariff tilly with real american made baby formula uh-oh looks like you got a tainted badge oh a health inspector's got

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Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report.

Back to The Daily Show. When a news story falls through the cracks, Louis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black. It's been three weeks since Pope Francis went to that great Sunday mass in the sky. And we're all still thinking, why Pope Francis, God? Why not every other world leader?

But now the Vatican has to elect a new pope. And you know what that means, conclave! The conclave is now underway. 133 cardinals filing into the Sistine Chapel where they will vote on the next pope. The candidate must win two-thirds majority, which could take multiple votes. Twice a day, ballots will be burned and smoke released from the Vatican's chimney. Black meaning no winner. White signals a new pope.

And red smoke means an altar boy fell in the incinerator. Oopsie! Should have kept his mouth shut. Why, of all these endless rounds of boating, just keep it simple. Let a gorilla loose in the Vatican, and whoever survives is the winner. And if it's the gorilla, so be it. All hail Pope Coco.

Now, I'd love to tell you more about the conclave, but it's a lot like masturbating. You don't talk about it.

A hundred Vatican staff and clergy took a solemn oath today, swearing that what happens inside the secret conclave stays secret forever. Cardinals locked away inside the Sistine Chapel with no electronics. No phones, no computers, no televisions, completely isolated from the outside world. I believe the kids call it raw-dogging it if you're going to go through a long period of time with no electronic device.

I'm pretty sure when Cardinal's involved, the kids call it something other than raw dogging. Plus, without their phones, how will these guys follow the Diddy trial? They're huge fans of his work. Oh, stop. You might be wondering why all this secrecy is needed.

Here's the secret. Because it's f***ing boring. A hundred old guys sitting around talking about which old guy will lead all the other old guys. Kill me now!

But with all the secrecy, many people don't know what to expect at a conclave. Don't worry, though. The cardinals don't either. Viewers have been streaming Conclave, the film, in record numbers since Francis's death. Francis appointed so many cardinals who therefore have never sat through a conclave themselves. Many of them have been watching the movie to get tips on how the process works. That's funny. Isn't incompetency hilarious?

Turns out the only qualification you need to vote for the most powerful religious leader in the world is a Peacock account. Look, if you need to watch a movie to learn about a job you already have, you shouldn't have that job in the first place. If I hire a prostitute, I'm not going to wait two hours while she watches Anora. But it's...

But it's not just incompetent cardinals traveling to Rome for the conclave. It's also incompetent tourists. Rome locals know the death of a pope guarantees new life for tourism. There's the souvenirs, calendars and key rings, fridge magnets and mugs, and even gelato in Franciscus flavor.

Wow! His own ice cream! That's the kind of honor they only give to Mickey Mouse! Let's hope I don't spill any of it on my, the Pope died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

But if you don't want a shitty Pope keychain, don't worry, because there are other ways to flush your money down his holy toilet. Global betting sites now taking in a collective $19 million from the thousands of people gambling on the future of the church. The Vatican Secretary of State is the two-to-one favorite, with Cardinal Luis Tagle of the Philippines three-to-one. Tagle would make history if he were elected as the first Asian Pope.

Let me get this straight. You want me to bet money on the first Asian pope and you won't even let me parlay it with the Knicks? That's disgusting. Shame on you. I know I'm picking the Knicks, but tell me more about this Louis Tagle guy. There's a karaoke king in the conclave, Philippines Cardinal Louis Tagle. I don't...

I don't know if this guy will be the first pope from Asia, but he makes my ears beg for youth in Asia. This is what my career has come to. Assisted suicide puns. But here's a question. Why is the frontrunner for pope singing a song about imagining there's no religion? I mean, without religion, you're just a guy going to work in a nightgown.

Look, if this conclave wants to make history, there's another group they've been overlooking. A Jewish pope. Huh? I've already got my Pope Yamaka. All I gotta do now is glue my foreskin back on and I'll fit right in. Luckily, I keep it in my wallet. Desi...

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Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report.

Everything is tuberculosis. Please welcome John Green. Hi. Thank you so much for being here. What a joy. What a joy. What a joy it is to be here with you with all this insane news happening in the world.

world. Yeah, fun, fun day for you. So much fun. It's every day is a fun day for us here at The Daily Show. But you are the bright light. Oh, you're very kind. You have had massive success with your young adult novels of Fault in Our Stars, Looking for Alaska. You and your brother have had, were kind of early pioneers, so to speak, with your YouTube channel, Billions of Views. And now you have this number one New York Times bestseller, The

everything is tuberculosis. You're like a modern day Renaissance man. That's very kind. Who's also trying to eradicate a deadly disease. Yeah, I'm super opposed to tuberculosis, it's true. I'm a little confused why everyone else isn't.

Feels like it should be kind of a universally held opinion. Yeah. But yeah, I was traveling in Sierra Leone in 2019. I didn't even know that tuberculosis was still a thing, to be honest with you. Right. When I was in Sierra Leone in 2019 and I was asked to go to a TB hospital there. And when I was there, I met a kid named Henry, which is also my son's name. And through knowing Henry and following his story, trying to recover from drug resistant tuberculosis over the next five years,

I really, I wouldn't say I fell in love with the disease, I guess I fell in hate with it, you know? Yes. And so that's where this book came from, was from wanting to tell Henry's story of his ultimate story of survival and also wanting to tell the story of the fact that this disease is not history, it's present.

Right. And part of what I loved so much about your book, it was fascinating, but it doesn't just go through the history of tuberculosis and the gravity of the disease itself, but you tell all of these personal stories along the way, like Henry and many others. When most Americans, like you said, think about tuberculosis, they think of it as a thing of the past.

But just in 2023, over a million people died globally from tuberculosis. That's right. It's the deadliest infectious disease in the world. And unfortunately, as a direct result of decisions made by our government, that number is going to go up instead of going down. It's been going down for the last 20 years, which is something we can be really proud of.

The U.S. has long been the most generous funder of TB response, but that's changing with the dismantling of USAID. And as a direct result, I think the estimates are that within two years, we might see two million people dying instead of over a million. You say in your book, we know how to live in a world without tuberculosis, but we choose not to live in that world. Yeah. And that the problem is us.

Yeah, ultimately, we've known how to cure this disease since the 1950s. And so the problem can't be a bacterium called M tuberculosis, right? Like, I mean, the bacteria is hard to kill. It's a tough disease to treat. But my brother had cancer a couple of years ago, and that's also a hard disease to treat. And nobody at any point said to my brother, I'm sorry, but it just doesn't make sense. It's not cost effective to treat your cancer.

They treated his cancer. They cured his cancer. He's here with us today. And that should be the story of everybody who lives with a disease like tuberculosis. It's hard to cure, but it's not impossible to cure. We can achieve cure rates of over 95%. We do that in the United States. And we should be doing it globally. And the fact that we aren't really is kind of a mark of shame on humanity, I think.

You mentioned all the doge cuts. You wrote this book before all of that happened. Yeah, I wish I could write an extra chapter now. Well, you can. I will. I will for the paperback. You might have a sequel on your hands. Yeah. Apparently, measles are back now, too. Are you concerned that tuberculosis has found out that measles is having a moment? No.

come in and want to teach us all which disease is boss? Yeah, yeah. I mean, measles is an interesting case because, of course, it's completely vaccine preventable, right? Tuberculosis hasn't had a new vaccine in over 100 years. So, like, at least when people get tuberculosis, you know, you can say, like, well, this isn't a direct result of misinformation. But in the case of measles, it really is. So I am a little worried that measles, I mean, it's a bummer that measles is making a comeback, Desi. Yes, it is.

It's definitely upsetting. But, you know, tuberculosis, measles has a long way to go before it captures tuberculosis as the world's deadliest infection. Okay, okay. So don't worry yet. All right. Well, we'll worry for other reasons. Yeah.

Part of what was so interesting about your book is you also go through all of the history and how the disease impacted everything culturally, poetry, literature.

The cowboy hat? The cowboy hat? Yeah, there was a guy named John B. Stetson who was living as a hat maker in New Jersey who got TB and was told by his doctor the only way to survive is to go west, which lots of people heard. He went west and as he recovered from his tuberculosis, for reasons we don't understand, some people just recover and he was one of the lucky few, he also noticed that the hats out west kind of sucked.

Right? Like, they had the coonskin cap that was all bug infested. They had these straw hats that folks from Mexico and Texas had brought up, but there was no hat for the American West, and he invented the Stetson. Isn't that crazy? That's how we got our cowboy hat. Everything is tuberculosis. Everything is. Hey! You say everything is tuberculosis. Can you connect tuberculosis to why fighter jets are falling into the water? Can I? Give me a second. OK.

Yes. So that, if I'm not mistaken, I heard you say, I believe that that aircraft carrier is the Harry Truman. Sure. Does that sound right? Anybody? We'll go with it. We'll go with it. We'll go with it. I think it's true.

Harry Truman, this was in a different age in American history. Harry Truman sent a budget ask to the federal government for $200,000 to fund the development of the most critical or one of the most critical TB drugs, isoniazid. So if it weren't for Harry Truman sending federal money, federal government taxpayer money to fund the treatment of tuberculosis, we wouldn't have that amazing drug. Hot damn. Everything is...

Can you connect tuberculosis to why my algorithm keeps feeding me weighted vests? Absolutely. Not even a challenge.

It's trying to shrink your body. It's trying to make you smaller. And that is a result partly of this tubercular beauty standard. When we romanticize tuberculosis, I know. When we romanticize tuberculosis in the 18th and 19th centuries, we began to associate beauty with very frail, small bodies. And so attempts to shrink the female body are at least in part a response to this tuberculosis beauty standard that goes back to the 19th century.

Yeah, well, I'll give you that. I will give you that one. Oh, my God. All right. So...

How do we go about curing this disease of injustice? What needs to happen in a perfect world? What are the steps that need to be implemented? Yeah, so we know how to live in a world without TB. You search for cases, you treat every case you find, and you offer preventative therapy to folks who are near those cases. And that's how we eliminated TB in the U.S., or nearly eliminated it. That's how we've nearly eliminated TB in many countries around the world. But that takes...

funding. And right now, if you think of the history of tuberculosis as a long staircase where we learn more and learn better tools, have better tools to fight the disease, right now we have the tools, we just don't have the political will. And so right now, unfortunately, we've fallen down the staircase. But it's easy to feel like this is the end of history. I mean, I feel that way all the time, to be honest with you.

But of course, it's not the end of history. This is the middle of the story, not the end of the story. And it falls to us to write a better end. And I really believe we can do that together. I really believe that I will live to see a world without tuberculosis. I may need to live a little bit longer than I had originally expected, but I still think that it's possible. Oh, from your lips to God's ears. Thank you. Thank you for making the world suck a little bit less. Oh, thanks, Desi. Thank you for educating and engaging your viewers and for all of the work that

you do. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Jessica. Thank you. Available now, John Green. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. Paramount Podcasts.

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