Hour 1: Chris Cote, The Showman (feat. Tim Kurkjian)
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This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours. Would I shock any of you if I told you that Tim Kirkson used to rabidly run a pickup basketball game that Cal Ripken Jr. played in and that in general, Tim Kirkson knows about very little, very, very little, but he knows baseball. And I don't know that he knows that much less about basketball because I dare say that...

What are you doing? It's a double negative from hell that you just said. You don't know that he doesn't know that much less about it. Okay, so forgive me. I think that Tim cares about basketball and knows about basketball in many of the same ways that he does about baseball. Tim, do I have that wrong? No, you have it right. And I remember the Don Nelson play very vividly. Keep going.

Keith Erickson tipped that ball away from John Havlicek and Don Nelson shot it from the free throw line. And I'll never forget how high that ball went. And then it went straight through for an enormous bucket in a playoff game.

But Halliburton's, as we know, went, I think it's 7.23 feet in the air. I have never seen a shot, a ball go to the shot clock above the backboard like that.

And Brian Magid, who's a friend of mine, one of the great shooters ever, told me he's never seen anything like that. And he still shoots every day. And he's still one of the greatest shooters ever. And he said, I went out the day the next day, he said.

And I shot that shot, trying to recreate that shot for 30 minutes and never even come close. He said, I promise you, if I shoot that shot every day for an hour until I'm 90, I will never be able to recreate that shot. That's how crazy that was. Hold on. So, Tim, here's the music. Finally, let me introduce you, America, to one of my math friends. He is Matthew.

Tim, thank you, because they were making fun of me. Because I'm like, do you guys realize how improbable that shot was? Yeah, Dan, who cares? Math, math, math. You called it math friends. That's the part we jumped on. My point is, yeah, now backtrack. Now that it's no longer cool to mock the math guy.

But it's not math, though. To me, it comes down to shooting form, right? He has incredible backspin on his shot. And so the reason you do that is to give the ball a chance to not just ricochet hard off the rim, but if it goes up, it'll have a chance to drop in. Now, it went up.

unusually high, but that doesn't make it a lucky shot, which is kind of what your whole premise is, is that it was a lucky shot, and it's not a lucky shot. It's a shooter's role. I mean, you're bearing the lead here. I don't want to live in a country in which some guy can just say, I texted my math friends and think that he can just move on with this show without guys saying, wait a second, math friends, you nerd. Preach! That's America, Jack. That is America. It's America!

This is one of my math friends. You know what? I'm going to do something this month with Tim Kirkson and my math friends. We're going to do a baseball game. I'm going to show you that me and my math friends can throw a party even though you guys are afraid of math and you like to make fun of math. Tim Kirkson's genuinely excited about sports surprising him all the time and what he's telling you in terms of improbabilities, the Halliburton shot's not being covered correctly.

Like, as a historic shot, it will never happen again. It's never happened before. It'll never happen again. It'll never happen at the end of the game.

This is why we need sports science. You're using Kirchner wrong. Yeah. All right. I'll tell you how to use Kirchner. I text Kirchner last week. Who's the slowest position player in history? That's a good question. That's how you use a Tim Kirchner, Dan. Tim? I think I said it was Ron Hasse. He did. And then I pitched. Caught a bunch of no-hitters and was a good catcher, and he had some bad knees, so he was slow. And, Chris, you came up with Benji Molina, right? Yes, Benji Molina. Good call by me. Great shout by me.

And Benji Molina, who hit for the cycle once. How about that? Wow. So Barry Bonds, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Babe Ruth never hit for the cycle. But Benji Molina did. I want to see that triple.

It's so good. It's so good. Sports are so good. And you're right, Dan. I'm still amazed by the probabilities and the possibilities when you watch a game. And that shot I've never seen before. And you're right. I don't think we'll ever see that again. I will acknowledge that I have not used Tim Kirkson, right? So, Tim Kirkson.

Does Pablo Sandoval... He's already laughing. You haven't even said... You haven't said anything other than the name. No, but Dan, this is why I'm laughing. I swear to God, yesterday I went to the Safeway and this guy comes up to me. I don't even know him. And he says, what's your favorite...

like on the levitard game. He doesn't, I don't even know who he is. So I tell him, well, it's Jeff Van Gundy, who looks like the coroner who does an autopsy while he's eating a ham sandwich. And then this guy says to me, my favorite, he said, is Stan Van Gundy looks like the generic face on a pizza box. I came on right after.

him. This is unbelievable. What a jump position. Me next to Stan Van Gundy after a guy in the frozen food aisle asked me a question about the Van Gundy brothers. That's less than probable than the Halliburton shot. Does Pablo Sandoval look like the bear-shaped bottle of honey? Laughter

That's right. That's right. Does Aaron Judge look like the most athletic member of the Adams family? Shoot. I'll call him Lurch. You rang. Oh, my God.

Wow. That is for the Sueys. Limited fake lurch from the Adams family by Tim Kirchhen. Tim, real quick, because I want to tell the audience this again. He does a podcast with his son, Is This a Great Game or What? His son, Jeff, and I will tell you that I am a sucker for the father-son stuff. Greg Cody does it very well with his son, Chris, and Yeti. And Jeff and Tim do it well so that people can see how much range

His dad actually has, or how little as the case may be, because Jeff has a funny relationship with his dad. But when you think of projects you've done in your life, Tim, is there a second place to this one? Like I would imagine being able to do this at this point in your life, this podcast, that it's the most meaningful work you can do.

Yeah, I used to host the show on baseball called The Seamhead Edition of Baseball Tonight, which ran every Sunday. I did that for four years, and that was really cool. But this is by far the best thing that I've ever done and the most satisfying thing that I've ever done because I'm doing it with my son. And he knows everything that I don't know, which is everything other than baseball, basketball, and sitcom from the 60s because I don't know anything else.

And he's a wizard with technology. And he's got a great sense of humor. We had Steve Russian on the other day. And we laughed for 45 minutes. It was hilarious. So, yes, this is the best thing I've ever done. And we now do it three days a week. So we're just trying to keep it up. Does Paul Feinbaum look like the maitre d' at a fancy restaurant? Yes. Isn't he the personification of the...

NCAA rule book? Yes, he is. He is also that. That is correct. I love his corrections. Does Joe Girardi look like he has a favorite chair in the husband's sitting area outside of Dillard's? I can see it. Look at that laugh right there. Yes, it is. Does Scott Hansen look like an orthodontist? Does Adam Silver...

It's the playoffs, Dan. You can't use these during the NBA playoffs. Does Adam Silver look like the four-star general in a post-apocalyptic movie faced with the daunting reality of an alien invasion and the likely end of humanity as we know it, who says, staring off into the distance, they're already here. We're the aliens now.

Tim, the most excited you are about a trend this season in baseball. I'm always complimenting you at how you evolve with the game. So Javi Baez in center field, first baseman's leadoff men hitting home run. You keep seeing how it is. The game changes and you appreciate it, right? You appreciate it.

how the game is being distorted so that what Aaron Judge is doing right now is something that you can look at and be like, this is the best that baseball can possibly be played. Right. Well, speaking of strikeouts and leadoff guys, last night Lawrence Butler struck out four times in a game for the A's hitting leadoff. So that's 16 times this season that a leadoff hitter has struck out four or more times in a game.

Again, Dan, I bring this up because when I grew up, the leadoff guy was a pixie little second baseman shortstop who could run a little bit, put the ball in play, and rarely struck out. And now...

no season before June has ever had 16 guys strike out four or more times out of the leadoff spot. Just another reminder how much the game is evolving, that we just put our biggest and best players, whether it's Kyle Schwarber, Shohei Ohtani, in the leadoff spot because they can get up more times. If they strike out four times in a game, it's not a big deal. So, yeah, that's just another thing that is changing in the game. But,

You mentioned Aaron Judge, Dan. I got asked the other day if Aaron Judge is going to hit 400 this year. The answer is a resounding no, nothing against him. It's just this is the hardest hitting environment that I've ever seen. And no one will ever hit 400 facing the stuff that they face every day. The fact that he is that close to 400 and we're almost to June and he's 6'7", 282, it's a miracle.

And it just shows you how much he has evolved as a hitter and that he used to swing and miss all the time. He used to strike out all the time, chased out of the strike zone all the time. Doesn't do that much very often anymore. And that's why he is spectacularly good almost every night. This is a leading question, OK? But what is the best baseball movie made, Tim? Do you like have a ranking on this? Because I imagine it's Field of Dreams for you. Is it something else?

No, it's Field of Dreams, no doubt. My dad was the most important part of my life in every way. My dad was a really good player. My dad taught me and my brothers how to play the game, gave us a feel for the game. And that movie's all about a father and a son. So yes, it is my favorite movie. It always will be my favorite movie. The movie Major League and Major League Two, do you have any opinion on either one of those? The second. I like that...

I like that Charlie Sheen was able to throw a baseball athletically. I was not expecting that. And he did, playing the part of Rick Vaughn, the pitcher in Major League. And today, I'm going to the airport as soon as I'm done here to pick up my friend Rick Vaughn, who used to be the PR director of the Rays and the Orioles. The Orioles, yeah. Rick Vaughn, big redhead. Yeah, Rick.

And Rick Vaughn threw really hard in his day. Really hard. The reason I asked you the question, Tim, is because in Major League Two, wild thing Rick Vaughn at the end of the movie, the way that it finishes is, holy shit, he throws so hard. He struck out Parkman. He did it with fastballs of 99, 101, and 102. And my question is, give me a number of pitchers in the big leagues who could do this tonight. Ah.

There are probably a handful that could throw three straight pitches, 99, 101, 102. Maybe a handful, but that's three pitches in a row that's hard to do. Maybe a couple more, maybe one more than that could throw as hard as 102. My general point is just what was the ending of that particular movie and series comes out of the A's bullpen now and does that very easily six times in the ninth.

Right. And Mason Miller is tremendous. And by the way, that guy got sick a couple of years ago and he lost weight down to like one hundred and fifty five pounds. I weighed one hundred and forty this morning, by the way. He weighed one hundred and fifty five because of the sickness. Then he gained it all back and now he throws over one hundred miles an hour again. And Dan, one more time, if anyone out there actually thinks they could put a ball in play against a major league hitter,

pitcher today you've got to be kidding me and 102 is an incomprehensible rate of speed chris sit down and none of you guys would get a bunt down against garrett cole or anybody else in it no left-handed right-handed no chance chris you have a good swing i can tell but 102 is something that you have never seen or hear that anybody else in that room what if i time it for a

No, no. Mike, he's going to buzz the tower with the first pitch. He's going to scare the life out of you with the first pitch. And then you and everyone else in that room, Chris included, is going to be afraid to get back in there after he throws it at your face with the first pitch. What if I step out of the batter's box, point my bat to him, and say, you try that one more time, we're going to have a problem. Yeah, pass.

I asked Dusty Baker once. He asked me about facing Bob Gibson. So he went to Hank Aaron and said, I'm facing Bob Gibson tonight. What should I think about?

And Hank Aaron said, whatever you do, don't look at him. Whatever you do, don't talk to him. And if he knocks you down, do not charge the mound because he will beat your ass. The same thing would happen to you, Mike. You point a bat at a major league pitcher, he's going to kick your ass no matter what. Sorry. No matter how big, strong, and athletic you are.

All right, Garrett Cole. You try that one more time, pal. All right? You try that one more time. That's how that stops. I love the jargon of buzz the tower. Oh, I love it so much. And coming from Kirk, he's some sort of five-star general. Buzz the tower. Oh, my God.

But what he's saying, though, the lunacy of what he says is that it is common in that sport to, like, buzz the tower when what you're saying is throw that sphere 102 miles an hour at someone's face. You guys think you'd be scared of that? Yes, of course. You'd also be scared of something right down the middle. Yeah. No, my first at-bat in Glades-Corey League, I got hit with a pitch. I did not swing the bat for the remainder of the season. Ha ha!

Chris Cody. Tim, I'm not kidding you when I say if I put Chris Cody right now in a batter's box against 102, would he see anything other than a black dot? No. And he would have zero chance, obviously, of getting hit or putting it in play. Set it up. Zero chance.

of making contact. And I must say, speaking of, the proudest moment I've ever had on this show was when Dan asked me if you would name a rock band which you would be in and name it after a baseball term. I said, Buzz the Tower. What a great name for a rock band. And that

That was because Dan asked me a stupid question, as he always does, and I came up with a stupid answer. Bust the tower. That's a cool answer. Thank you, Seattle. We are bust the tower. Tim, give me 20 pitches. I'll make contact. I'm not saying I'm getting a hit.

There will be contact with the bat on one of those points. You're discounting that we're on the on-deck circle. We're timing that pitch. We're timing it. Chris, Mike, if it's a competition and the pitcher loses, Jacob deGrom loses,

If you put it in play or make contact, he's not going to lose. He's going to make sure that you don't make contact, even if he has to throw one up and in. Zero chance, Chris. Sorry. I can achieve all things through Christ.

Tim, I got a question for you. Football players are renowned. They watch a ton of film. They're constantly consuming film. I would say that you can't be a pro football player if you're not watching film, right? Basketball players, there are some who watch a lot of film, but there are some who are just kind of like off the feel of it, especially if guys are events. Like, I know how guys are going to play, and I can adjust and figure it out. For baseball players...

Do they typically all watch a ton of film like the football players or are there guys that just go out there and say, I've faced this picture enough times, I know what I'm doing?

Most players look at their iPad or some sort of video device after most at-bats just to see what it looked like. And it bothers me, it worries me a little bit that a young pitcher was asked a couple years ago by his pitching coach, after the young pitcher had just thrown a bullpen, "How did your bullpen go?" And the pitcher said, "I don't know, I'll have to look at my iPad."

So he couldn't even tell you how he threw for 10 minutes in the bullpen until he looked at his iPad and went over it. Same pitcher was asked, all right, you're facing judge, base loaded, two outs, eighth inning, two-two count, what pitcher are you throwing? And he said...

whatever my iPad tells me to throw. And that's my worrisome part, is that we've stopped watching the games to some degree, and we are watching our iPads and our at-bats and our bullpens instead of actually watching the game. A couple of things here, Tim. I want to break some news for you, and in exchange for that, I want you to do a promo for Jeremy Taché's new show, Buzz the Tower, instead of what he's got coming on later in the show. It's presently called...

pitch clock or some other thing or pitch count. Yeah, no, that's right. Or something else. But I'd like to call it Buzz the Tower sponsor or executive produced by Tim Kirchhen. If he breaks some news here that you did not know about baseball that we surprise you with, will you cut a promo for Jeremy Tashay's new baseball show, Buzz the Tower?

Yes, I think I've made it clear. I will do just about anything on this show. It's very unlike me, but if Dan asks me, I'll do it. All right, so that's a deal. That's the bet. Let's see if we can surprise Tim Kirchhen. It's rare to surprise him anything baseball related. And you're asking me to be able to accomplish this. Okay, so here's what I would say. Tim, in the first inning, Aaron Judge was intentionally walked. It's the first time since who in what time?

season that a Yankee was intentionally walked in the first inning. All right, forgive me here, Tim. You can think about that for a moment if you like, if you need some filibustering. Jeremy, I was under the confusion that we actually had a band that had buzzed the tower already as its name. Oh, the front man of that band, Dan.

is Bronson Arroyo. With the lead guitarist of Bernie Williams and playing bass, of course, Barry Zito. Did you know that Buzz the Tower already existed and that these three baseball players made up Buzz the Tower, the rock band? I did not, but you asked me that question about 10 years ago, so it's possible I came up with the name of the band before they formed the band. But no, I did not know that, and I'm sorry, but...

As for the intentional walks, I'm going to filibuster. Judge was walked intentionally in the first two innings yesterday. Think about that for a second. That's happened five other times in the last 30 years. Twice to Barry Bonds, once to Freddie Freeman, once to Albert Pujols, and once to Jose Ramirez.

But to get walked twice intentionally in the first two innings is very unusual. And I don't know the last Yankee to do this. So you have indeed stumped me. But my guess is it was Aaron Judge some other time. But I don't know. The answer...

is on June 17th, 2012. Robinson Cano is the last Yankee who was walked intentionally in the first inning. You math guys know how to party. Look how mad Tim is at himself. That's not fair. None of that is fair. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. By the way, Roger Maris was not intentionally walked one time in 1961 when he hit 61 home runs.

And then the next season, again, just to show you how the games work, he got intentionally walked four times in one game. Having not been intentionally walked once in the year before. This is what breaks out at these parties. It's why I love it. When he and Mike Schur get together, it's like watching nine-year-olds trade baseball cards. Uh,

That's a party to you? It is a party. I'm going to do this. I'm going to show you what a party it is at some point. I'm going to show you. Buzz the Tower. Go ahead. As you get out of here, Tim, just buzz the tower. Jeremy Taché's new show was endorsed by Tim Kirchhen. You owe us this because we stumped you. Go ahead and do the endorsement. In the second hour of today's show, we have a new show. Jeremy Taché, buzz the tower.

Right. Jeremy Taché has a new show. It's called Buzz the Tower. I am the director and the producer of the show. Please watch. It'll be well worth it. It's really good. Promo cut. I don't know why he had to yell at us. Yeah. Tim, thank you. It's always nice seeing you. It was good seeing you again. It's always lovely when you stop by. Well, thanks for having me, fellas. I'll see you.

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H-E-L-P dot com slash D-L-B. Don Levitard. Our Panther group chat, we're confident against the Lightning. This is a different team. You're a Panther group chat, though. No, I think. No, but dude, you're so wrong on that. We've been terrified of this team forever, and I think there's a different energy where the Panthers, they want the Lightning. Stugatz. I want t-shirts made for this Panther run. What could be this Panther run? Our Panther group chat, we're not afraid of the Lightning.

That's a tagline for World R3. This is the Don Levitas Show with the Stugats. So it's no longer Pitch Clock. It is now Buzz the Tower. Get Angel on the graphics. Everybody's good. Everybody's good with this. It's a cooler name. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, he's now the director and producer, too, so the fees are definitely going to be divvied up a lot. Next week, we'll talk about that. This week, we're going to stick with calling it the Pitch Clock, and then into June, we'll settle the financials. I've got Maverick in trouble at Top Gun.

I wanted to ask Andrew Hawkins about something that I never got to that really did delight me last week. And I know you guys talked about it some, but the idea that in professional football,

where all of these people are just killing themselves for any advantage. That they would go to the owners' meetings and that the Philadelphia Eagles owner would speak for one hour about the tush-push in a room of rich people yelling and screaming at each other about how to get a yard physically and they've got to...

At the center of our greatest combat sport, they've got the moral conundrum of, this isn't really the spirit of everything we're doing around here. Can we, in this one spot, protect spirit of preciously? Because if you want to stop the playoff,

the play then stop the plot stop the play and then you've got the eagles owner stop the play like you say i won the championship you can't stop my play rich guys okay and so these rich people yelling about this for an hour as the other owners are like have you said enough yet

It's one of the great dumb things I've ever seen at the top of leadership in anything. That's football, baby. That's how it goes, Dan. It's all about it. It doesn't matter how rich you are, how competitive are you. Can you stop me? Can you stop my team? If so, do it. Do it. Don't tell me.

Don't change the rules. Be a man. I don't care how rich, how old, how fragile the bones may be. It's a spirit. Let's go. Were they at the breakers when they were doing these meetings? Yes. Yeah, the breakers. Traditionally, there is something that is overlooked. And the NFL and the other teams that oppose this have done a really good job in shaping this narrative in that that's an anti-football play. That's not football. That's not what we tune into.

I think it's as simple as this. There was one team that actually came out in support of the Philadelphia Eagles that plays the Philadelphia Eagles. All these teams are just doing what they should do, the responsibility to their team. If there is an unstoppable play that the Philadelphia Eagles run and you play the Philadelphia Eagles or think you could play them down the line, you owe it to your franchise to come out and stomp your feet and say, no, no, not a good play, not a study.

please and not what we do when all you're trying to do is win a freaking football game credit to dane campbell for being like yeah we play them we like to do that too they can do it only team that plays philadelphia that came out in support of the play it doesn't surprise me it was dan campbell absolutely nefisa cobbler

That's a good one. Hey, it is a football play. We all fell for it. We all fell for this aesthetically pleasing debate when it's just teams trying to find an advantage because that team has one. They've been kicking our ass with it. We want to win the football games and take away this short yardage play. It's all they're doing. They probably, if they were successful at it, they'd be like, don't.

Don't take this play away. If they didn't have to worry about the Philadelphia Eagles, they'd be hell if I care. But they are trying to win football games, and taking that play away from them increases your probability of beating them. The issue isn't the tush push. Like, yes, it's an unstoppable play, but it's within the rules, and that is the whole point of the game, to try to find the plays where your probability is so high that you can bank on it. The issue is, can you stop them in first and second down, which they can't because the roster is so talented?

Like the way that they've constructed the roster, that's why it's impossible because now they bank their entire offense off of, hey, we just need nine yards. We just maybe even need eight yards. Skylar Diggins.

Chris Cody, you're eating Blizzard nonstop there. And I believe that coming to you, that's good. Just drop that on the floor there right before. Yeah, that's exactly how to do the sponsor correctly. Yeah, yeah, put that right in your mouth. It's a sponsor. Oh, Blizzard arenas. Not sponsored, actually. No, not sponsored. We just bought sponsored. But maybe a potential one, so you're on the clock. Sponsored by my favorite hockey player.

So you're just eating. Okay, I'm sorry. I assumed. My bad. I'm celebrating. My bad. I thought that was product placement. Why would I think that? It's before 11 a.m. And a blizzard is aggressive, I would say. If Marshan can do it, I'll do it. Okay. What you got in there? But Marshan didn't do it.

And there's definitely hair on his spoon. Yes, that was disgusting. Let's be honest about that. His feet are right where the... You guys won't pick up a... It drops on the floor for one second. You guys won't pick it up. There's no way your shoes weren't in public bathrooms and that spoon hit right where your shoes have been standing for like five years. You all are the worst. You're eating pee. Get over it. Fecal matter on your tongue. As Greg Cody has told me a long time, you got to eat a peck of dirt before you die. Yep.

And a peck is a lot more than it sounds. It's like a big bag. Sabrina Inescu. Because peck sounds really small. It does. You would think a peck is like the size of a Coke can. It's close to speck, and that's why it's your brain. I'm actually shocked to learn that. Look it up. Peck, huge sack. Yeah. He should just say you should eat a huge sack of dirt, because that would hit a lot harder.

I will tell the people who are listening to this and not watching it, okay, because this argument, Chris Cody is disgusting a lot of different ways. We learn it every day, okay? And right now he's lashing out at all of us, okay? And I understand why. He's surrounded and he's defensive and we're about to come after his hygiene, which is repulsive.

And fairly, I might add. And so he's just like throwing smoke everywhere, smoke bombs. So I'm going to tell the audience that might not have seen what happened there, which is he had a blizzard in his hand and those are delightful. They are delicious. And as soon as I was going to him visually, the plastic spoon that he had fell on the floor at his feet with a sound I could hear. And at those feet, I will say,

are, I'm going to say, everyone who's walked through this studio for the last two years, and I'm not sure how much they do cleaning around there. So there's two years of whatever. If there were one place in this entire establishment I would not want something that I was putting in my mouth to fall, it would be the bathroom?

If it had not been cleaned, but I think it gets cleaned an awful lot more than where that just fell. You picked it up. You immediately stuck that and whatever hair was on it right back in your blizzard. It's disgusting. I won't be shamed on this. None of you, when you drop something on the floor briefly, unless it's like dirty, like get over your guy. You guys are all being ridiculous right here. Not a quick internet is looking at me right now and being like normal person. You guys are going to try to shame me. You picked up a,

spoon and then you put it back in your mouth? What a monster. You think the internet is going to be like, you know what, Chris, normal person. Everyone else, weird. It's not even like, you didn't try to wipe it off. I'm on air, guys. I'm a showman. Don't kill yourself for the show, brother. No, we're on air. I got the

blizzard here I'm going back in so this is show business it's not this is it so the cameras are off the mics are off you would have gone to the kitchen and gotten a different spoon but I am a five-second rule guy and like unless it's marked unless I see a hair like I'm not that scared it's different dude it's carpets a different spoon you'd already put the spoon in your mouth at least look at the spoon to

Right into the blizzard look at the spoon. I'm looking at the replay right now. You did not even glance at it You

That's after the fall. Wait a minute. Hold on. The spoon falls on the ground. He didn't even look at it. I want to see the pickup. Before you even put it into the blizzard to get like a scoop, you put it into your mouth. There was nothing on it. You spun it. Look, I drop it. I pick it up. And then I glance. No. Glancing down. No. Hold on. Wait for a second. Wait. Wait.

I'm a showman. Chris, tell me. We're on air. You licked the dirt off. Before you put it in the blizzard, you licked the dirt off. What was the reason for putting it in your mouth? There's no food on it. I'm eating a blizzard. There's only carpet on it at that point, bro. You're eating carpet. I ate zero carpet. Like, there's no reason to put it in your mouth.

to put the spoon in your mouth at that point of eating. It's in your mouth. I see it. You put it in reverse. You see it. You're like, let me fully get my tongue. That's how Marshawn did it. That's how Marshawn did the spoon. I'm doing my Marshawn. No, but there's nothing on the spoon except carpet. You literally clean the spoon with your mouth before you put it into the food. Showman. This is where Willow hangs out.

You need to damn it. Willow has laid in here a lot. Willow, Ethan's dog was here the other day. He's roaming around. Why is Ethan's dog here? The bottoms of shoes. Gross. In a place where there's a lot of construction. I will say that Chris Cody has done as foul a thing I have seen done around here. I've done worse. No, hold on a second. Hold on. I'm not done.

I am not done. You are truly, truly disgusting, okay? But, and this is why I have a soft spot for you, and I can't help but have a soft spot for you, because what I just witnessed is truly appalling, okay? Because I'm assuming, without seeing it, that fuzz and all manner of debris came with that. No. Okay, listen. It looked. No, you didn't. You didn't look. You did not look. You cannot look.

put that on the way up i was like looking okay all right listen i just i am sam van gundy because i don't think anyone's hearing me on this you're not looking or listening your defense i'm a showman is the single funniest thing you've ever said thank you i mean that's what i'm doing here i don't like let a little thing of dirt stop the show it's

Hawk, you get this. You were with me before I thought. Hawk, you get this. There's like certain degrees, man. There is a little bit of nuance and context that matters. But again, spoon to the mouth for no apparent reason after the dirt drop. It's...

Objectively wild. So Mike is doing an experiment right now. He just put a wet towel on the floor. He's going to lift it up and we're going to see. I'm telling you, the cleaning people come in here, like we're spending a lot of money on cleaning. Like there's people all the time in here cleaning. So what is it? That the floor is clean or that you're a showman or the five second rule? You're giving me a lot of explanations here. I glanced, didn't see anything. So I'm like, I'm a showman. Don't care. Let's go. I don't think the five second rule applies to things that aren't food.

Because there's no reason to put it back in your mouth at that point. You can clean it off. Let me see this thing. This thing, not dirty at all. Look at it. Clean. Don't put it in your mouth. You better not. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. I know you're a showman. Is the show still on? Don't do it. You know what?

Go ahead and do it, showman. Do it during Buzz the Tower. You better not. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. They'll say we've changed. No, Chris. Chris. That's too close, Chris. I told the story before. I never throw up on flights. The last time I threw up on a flight was I was watching, was it Dominique eat the picture of Stugazzi's family? Well, I was throwing up and then it became sort of contagious. I threw up watching it on.

on a flight. No, it's disgusting. Billy, no, don't do this. You think I'm afraid of this thing, though? I just need you guys to acknowledge that I will. I won't do it. If you don't want me to do it... Mike, stop doing that, Mike! He said I won't. Why do you want to do disgusting things? I don't want to do it. Is there time left in this show, Hop? Oh, yeah, there's time. Is the show on? The show is on. His hand is shaking. Don't be a... Oh, no. Oh, no.

Feel good about that a lot of fibers feel good about that. You know what that's Showman showman showman showman Mike like school right to the floor with I didn't know I was going up against the showman anyone want to bite no good

This is why, man. This is what happens. Oh, this is fun. Back row, Chris. I am back. Hi, Jinx. According to Transformers, Wookiee, Panther was a maximal ground soldier and somewhat of an oddball. Oh, oddball. Monday through Thursdays. DraftKings Network. Wherever you get podcasts. You good, bro?

You know, I wanted in my mind it was a switcheroo. There was another one that he switched up. And I was like, no, you were looking at him the whole time. There were no switcheroos. Mike scrubbed the floor with that. He might have stomped on it. Dan, don't throw up. Please don't throw up.

Dan gives good throw-up sound, though. Chris is going to be spreading the mercy. That's not just a sound. No, I know. I'm just saying, though, like that. You're putting everyone else in danger now. The germs you're taking on is now exposing everybody else to it. Oh, wow. Aaliyah Boston Market. My eyes are watering. This must be what it's like to try and hold it from farting on a plane. Oh!

Howdy listeners, it's Mike Ryan. That temperature, it's starting to turn up a little bit. Maybe you're going out on the boat, maybe you're having a pool day, maybe you're just hanging out in your backyard, your patio, and you're grilling. Oh, you're prepping the meats, you're looking at the family, you're enjoying your time with the friends, and guess what's in your hand a

Miller Lite. That's right. Miller time is the best time, especially when the temperature starts ticking up a little bit because you have a beer that's brewed for people like you and me, people who love their beer and it cools your body down. I've been stocking the cooler with it for years and for good reason. It's brewed for taste, only 96 calories and 3.2 grams of carbs. This year, Miller Lite turns 50.

That's five decades of cookouts, laughs, and ice-cold moments that never miss. The original light beer, and it's still my go-to. Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to MillerLite.com slash Dan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Cheers to 50 years of Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

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