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This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
It probably goes without saying that I was a spectacular dork as a young boy, and one of the places where I connected with my grandfather, who did not speak much English, is around baseball. And so he would take me to the Omni Mall, and we would go get Bill James baseball abstracts because I became fascinated by numbers and how we do measurements in sports. Leave that out when the girls come over, right?
Again, I started with I was a spectacular dork and then I made it worse. But way to seize on the moment, guys. Didn't leave you that opening at all. Jason, different types of BJs.
The Bill James baseball abstract is something that taught me to want to read Michael Lewis in all forms, whether he was talking about business or baseball, and learn with Moneyball how we do measurement. Yes, I know. Reading. Terrible. Not getting better. This is getting worse as we go. Again, dork. Unpopular. All boys school. Too much reading. Yes, I was the worst versions of Pablo Torre. Didn't fit in anywhere. Like,
He also went to an all-boys school. People go to all-boys schools, weirdos. Put it on the poll at Levitage Show. Are people who go to all-boys schools weirdos? Host too busy, beep in 80085. Hell yeah. I mean, you say that, but the University of Miami is run by Columbus boys. Well, they're the dumb weirdos.
I don't think it's their choice, those boys, to go to the all-boys. I think the choice is made for them. Yes, in my case, and in the case of many Latin kids, that choice is made for you. Grow a pair. Tell your parents, I'm not going to an all-boys school. I did. Didn't Billy go to Belen? Yeah, he did. Yeah.
That's a joke. Billy, do you have any FIU sound from the weekend as you are conquering FIU, returning to conquer FIU sports? Do we have any sound from your shenanigans over the weekend? I was told we'll have it. Unfortunately, my escapades as a Panther broadcaster are done for the season because the homestands are done. Now FIU travels on.
to see if they're going to go on a run here in the Conference USA Championship Tournament. They have to take care of business with Sam Houston State first. But what were the stories? Because Juju was insisting that I ask you about these stories. He wouldn't tell me himself what it is that you did this weekend with FIU, but he was saying that I needed to ask you about it because it was good and it was funny, and I don't know what you did. Oh, I thought you were an A1 listener to my broadcast. What a way to find out, the day after Mother's Day. Not a nice day to find out, but anyway.
Anywho, nothing, no stories. I don't know if Rahm McGill's on this week or next week, but I do have a movement that I've been trying to start, which is to get a Panther Preserve on the FIU campus right behind the white right field wall, which a lot of people are telling me is not a good idea to have live Florida Panthers there. Well, why is that? I mean, well, are you saying because it's the Everglades and it's swampy and you can have an area that has breathing Panthers? There's like a lush area there. That's captivity.
It's still cages. I gotta tell you something. I have somewhere to keep the Panthers at the zoo. This would be night and day. Yeah, but that's also not pretending to be a preserve. What do you mean? Well, they have a preserve on campus. They just don't have any Panthers. I'd like to give them room to roam if possible. I'm trying... Do you guys not... I'm sorry.
Do you guys not want to aid endangered species? Don't people jog around that preserve? We don't. No one cares about Florida Panthers. It sounds like an Adam McKay skit, a Funny or Die skit. You know, let's put a preserve out there and all of a sudden Pitbull's being mauled by a wild animal. I thought about Adam McKay today, Dan, because Mike was telling me about some rain...
something atmospheric river yeah he's all about this atmospheric river meteorological nerds are delighted at what's happening down here in south florida right now it's something that's pretty uncommon for those that live on the southeast sounds made up
Really? Atmospheric river? You're the problem, Zadzo. Are you a climate denier? You're the problem. No, but I mean atmospheric river? Sounds like baloney. You're right. It does sound like baloney. It's something that you would just kind of laugh at people from LA when they said atmospheric river is just a rainstorm. But no, it's actually higher in the stratosphere where the storm forms. I'm sure. And it's a constant flow of water vapor. So a river in the sky is what you're trying to sell them on. Exactly. That's right.
This isn't just regular everyday rain that's going on. This is an occurrence that's never happened before. Mike was telling me it usually happens on the west coast. You know what? Show me your carbon footprint, the two of you, because you're the problem right now, denying that this is happening and denying that your actions are causing it. People were asking me how did this whole thing start with the atmospheric river. I'm like, I don't know, climate change? So, I mean, we've got to look inward, folks. Yeah. It starts with us. We're all gonna die.
I don't think we're going to die from an atmospheric river. We all are going to die, by the way. Yeah, we are, but it won't be the atmospheric river. But imagine an atmospheric river and the oceans rising. I mean, you're getting hit from...
from both sides. I don't think it'll ever reach those heights. It's funny to laugh about right up until it's happening to you. I would think that of all the things that could possibly kill us right now, atmospheric rivers are very low on the list. Low, yeah, I know, but I remember when we reacted to fire tornadoes this way. What does that mean in atmospheric...
What does that mean, a fire tornado? What's a fire tornado? Hurricane season's right around the corner, friends. Also, carbon monoxide, the silent killer. Earlier than ever, hurricane season will arrive, I'm sure, like it did last year, earlier than ever. But what I was saying about the D'Antonis and the changing of the sport and where I was a dork, I don't know if the rest of you feel this way about it, but it really has been interesting to watch
ridiculously as my generation of players says you know there's a chess game to basketball that is really interesting if you love that these aren't just guys running around out there that this is Cirque du Soleil of these guys are doing drills all day so that they can be super precise to get an open 16 footer if you like that and then just watch a machine take it out to the fringes because it started with James Harden but he couldn't close he would have
They were better at it than Durant and Curry and Thompson because they gained the... And so what I'm asking you guys is, don't you find that part interesting? Because I'm endlessly fascinated by it. I did. I found it interesting when it was happening. And I found it interesting as teams tried to be better at it than...
one another. Now the team that's worst at it is better than the team that was best at it a decade ago, and it's not unlike what happened with baseball, which is like they cracked the code, they broke the sport, everybody started doing this, and then baseball realized we got to do something about this because it makes the sport less interesting. I don't watch basketball for math. I watch basketball for individual matchups and drama. It was super interesting in baseball, and it still is in baseball, but then it became
all right, it's either home runs or strikeouts. And like, that's not so interesting. Okay, but they fixed that too, right? It's always got to change. We got to change for the attention spans. We can talk. Man, we've been talking for two seasons. Are they harming the sport? Nah, if the games are good and you get to watch Lions feed on Jokic, nah. You remember that stuff. It'll give you moments all over the place. And Indiana's going to challenge that team. And I'd just be curious...
I'd like Tatum to have one of those moments because it was weird to me. Boston with this champion because we all kind of know this thing about it. That, oh, that was easy. And now Boston gets to swagger around as they're entitled to Titletown because they're Boston. And it's like, yeah, but...
Your beautiful languid Ferrari of a star. I will say it again. Third best player in the league, empirically, probably the close to it. If you don't believe it, whatever. Like great player, undisputedly not saying that he's not.
But I haven't actually seen him kill his prey. James Harden, 50 points, semifinals, game seven. That's not where championships are won. Like, I understand. I understand that he's great and he's better than James Harden. And he did score 50 in a game seven and not taking it away from him. But also, he doesn't have a lot of killer moments that any of us remember. Nope.
Nope. He's also had a lot of opportunities in the playoffs to do this. Yeah, it would stand to reason that he'd get a good Game 7. He's played in an abnormal amount of them for someone so young in his career. When you go into the big playoff game, you're the fan of the other team. Are you afraid of Jason Tatum? No. No, I want him shooting. You know who you're afraid of? Derek White. Yes. You are terrified of Derek White. Okay, wait. I wouldn't go that far. I would not go that far. I am still scared of Jason Tatum. He can always get his 40 efficiently.
If they ran it through Derek White, Derek White would not be doing what Tatum is. Don't do that. Man, Derek White was their second best player in those NBA Finals. Derek White has a moment you remember. Yeah, Derek White kicks our ass. The putback. I'm not worried about Jason Tatum. I was catatonic after that game. You guys are insulting Jason Tatum by saying Derek White might be better than him. Come on. I think he's more important to their success, and I think it's pretty irrefutable. Who turned their fortunes around, and it wasn't Jason Tatum.
Look, man, I'm just saying what you're saying. You're saying he's got to show you something. I'm like, I'm right there with you, pal. I'm not even saying that he's got to show me something. I'm simply pointing out to everybody, hey, you know this thing here, right, that makes this feel a note off, even though it's a champion, because this is the thing we were saying last week. Doc Rivers forevermore in that city is a champion. That's not how he's going to be remembered. Like, you have to have the moments to be remembered. Right?
That's how it works. It can't be you just run through people and no one can say, what did you do in those series other than be the best player on the fastest? You drove the fastest car? Well, and going back to the math, this also is what hurts Jason Tatum with the moments because no matter how good you think the Boston Celtics are,
If they make threes, they win. If they miss threes, they lose. Except against OKC, I'd like to see it. Like, I'd like to see what that looks like because I think when we talk about...
What's Boston gonna do? These things are so cutthroat, man. Competition's crazy. The next team's always out there building a better thing. And OKC was ahead of Ainge on, no, we'll collect the draft picks. We'll collect everybody, lock them up long-term and not let them leave for seven years and see how that goes if we get some people that aren't Harden and Durant because everyone's falling in love with not the draft picks. Do they have a chance tonight, Oklahoma City?
Like with all the picks, do they have a chance that it could land on number one and they get to keep it? Are they in that game tonight for Cooper Flagg? They have so many picks and they are so young and they are hungry and they are fun. They do not have an option for this lottery, this go-around. And they are a team that could absolutely beat Boston by saying, do you know how good our perimeter defensive is? Historic. Are you?
aware of how good we are at defense? And Pritchard, you want to keep shooting from out there? Okay. I see you shooting 43% all season. Has to be the most beloved Celtic there's been since Larry Bird. Has to be. He's a good player. He scares me. He is a good player. He would scare me. He's a great player. Yeah.
He's a good player. You can argue that if both Oklahoma City and Boston make it to the NBA Finals, that would be the toughest test in two seasons for Boston in the playoffs. Is that what the NBA wants? Boston-Oklahoma City? For sure. Is that the matchup? For sure.
You think so? For sure. SGA, the young core of the Thunder going against the Celtics trying to go for a repeat. That's what the NBA wants. They want Golden State. They want that Bay Area. No way. Golden State's dead in the water. The NBA wants San Francisco, Oakland as a TV market in there. You want the team that's always been there. Like Golden State and the remnants of Steph, you absolutely want there. But what...
Look, we can talk about that series in a second because I'd like to see Edwards take it from Steph. I'd like to watch that. I don't want Steph on the sidelines making Jimmy Butler's Warriors look like Jimmy Butler's Heat. Very similar now. Offense is going to be very hard to come by if you don't have a guy riding around on a magic carpet out there. Shooting from everywhere. Here, three, three, three, three, three. So the whole thing is asinine, right? It's got to be an interesting experience for Jimmy, too. Right? Yeah.
Because he is also understanding, like, oh, man, the best player being out sucks. It sucks. I'm the best player again? What? That was a lot to go through to just be the best player again and have to do everything. This is hard. And then the other guy always quits when Steph isn't playing in the game. He gets thrown out or he picks up too many fouls. Haters paradise if they get eliminated. Can I ask you guys, I feel like...
This part is so confusing to me because I've been watching sports for a long time. And generally speaking, when a Dwayne Wade bursts on the scene, you see it and you feel it. Anthony Edwards is a size that I can't really get my head around how athletic he is. Like I...
He is 6'3", and somehow, in not the realm of Russell Westbrook, who you can tell has more fast twitch muscle fiber than everyone else, Anthony Edwards' athleticism, to me, Zaz, is confusing. Because I'm not used to seeing a 6'3 player play like that. Like, maybe Wade, but he seems like he's more athletic than Wade. Oh, he's stronger. Yeah.
But I'm just talking about the leap. I'm talking about his jump feels different than other people jumping. I don't know that I agree with the Wade part. He's definitely stronger, bigger than Wade was. But man, like Wade's first seven, eight years. It's pretty explosive. Explosive, but it didn't look like Anthony Edwards.
I think it's because of his physique. I think it's because he is bigger than Wade was. You think it's a muscular thing? I think it was more satisfying to watch Wade play the way that he did just because he felt smaller. Yeah. It felt like he was getting higher up in the air because of... There's some dunks that Anthony Edwards has. You're like, how did he take off from there and do that on a guy who's 72? Well, how is he still rising, right? By the way, Denver won game three. Jokic 0 for 10 from three. Just won that game. Exhausted.
I'm tired. I just want to get to the worst of this. Three years of just trying to hear you. Jamal Murray! Darren Gordon, God, make a shot! Michael Porter Jr., your shoulder! Up on my shoulders! He's just trying to get to a pension. It's such a funny thing for us to watch him like a... Don't go to Westbrook!
He's a plow horse. He's tired. He wants to get back to the nice piece of Serbia where he can watch his horses race. They won't let him stop working. And finally, OKC is like, you know what, Jokic? We'll make you go eight for 25. And he's like, I just want horse.
Two for 18. I just want horse.
I just want horse. I got scared because I didn't know whether I was allowed to do his accent or not or whether that would be some sort of racist appropriation. You've got to be all in. Confidence, Dan. What are we talking about? You've got to be all in. You know what? I didn't know. It's like Dion's yellow suit. Just do it. If you're going to be racist, you might as well go full racist. I wanted to be authentic though and get his voice close to right and I felt like I was lapsing into old Dracula territory. It did sound like Dracula.
So I, you know, and I started leaking confidence on the first syllable. Not that Dracula, though. That was a funny, confident Dracula. Mine was not confident. Yeah. I was I was falling apart.
You want to try again? No, never again. Never again. It's a very vulnerable thing. It's interesting to watch Jokic miss shots because there's nothing about his process that looks different. It's just like they're either going in or they're not. Like if you just watched that game, you're like, well, of course he missed it. Look at his lackadaisical approach to the game. But he could go 10 for 10 the next time and it won't look any different.
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You know, when you celebrate 50 years of Miller Lite, I had to bring in a Miller Lite aficionado, Greg Cody. I mean, no one says Miller Lite like Greg Cody. When I think of me and you, I think of us on a golf course. Where else are we at? I mean, on a cruise ship, in my backyard. At the beach. At the beach is a good one. What do we always do? We hear that...
Oh, yeah, yeah. And then what do we do? We toast. We clink. Nice little clink. The clink, whether it's the can or the bottle, there's something about the clink of the Miller Lite. Yeah, and it's not just how much we love it. It's the whole ritual of it. You know, the popping the top, the sound of that. The sound.
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Don Levitard. Kiss me where you bruise me. Taste me on that fleshy part. Really? Yeah. Really. Taste me on that fleshy part. Taste me, not touch me. Taste me on that fleshy part. Wow. Wow, Bruce. Stugatz. I'm talking about the clitoris. I'm talking about the clitoris. Yes, I am. Now we're out here riffing. And I'm going to try to find it if I can.
What a wonderful rendition. This is the Don Labatar Show with the Stoogats.
Billy, I was surprised to hear you come in and say today, and you quoted Bill Parcells. You said, as Bill Parcells said, and this is how male this world is. I don't like how this is being presented already. I'm not sure where we're going. Objection already. I don't like how this is. Judge? I wrote down, you are what your record is. Is that what you said? No. Wow, he has another saying? Overruled. You may continue. Thank you. I appreciate it, Judge Zaslow. With prejudice, though. Always. Duna. Duna.
I need some help from you judging with prejudice here. Bill Parcells would famously say, don't tell me about the labor, show me the baby. Yeah. And Billy was quoting Parcells as it related to Pat Riley today. Yeah, it's not crazy. I mean, we talked about it. Riley, land one of these whales, or don't land one of these whales. No.
Stop talking about all this whale hunting that you're doing. Also, you shouldn't be hunting whales, but that's a story for another day. I'm here trying to have preservations, preserves for animals. Riley's out here trying to kill them. That's not what we're talking about. Antetokounmpo is available now. That's the big story in sports, right? It bangs against even the hockey player. Hockey and basketball aren't in the third round yet, so this bangs against it, and it will take over the entirety of the news stream. One of the giants is available. You've got to figure Aaron Rodgers makes the decision today now, right? Yeah.
Gotta get back in the mix here. You know he's secretly married? Yeah, but then he takes off the ring when people find out. He's trying to do the thing, and they did a segment on McAfee to try to get the people talking, and no one cares. Yeah. Can I ask you guys a question? Are we at a point with the Heat now that the Giannis news is out that you're disappointed if the Heat do in fact get Kevin Durant?
I'm not ready to be hurt again. So you're saying they don't get Giannis, but they get KD. Am I disappointed? Yeah, because you're like, ooh, that's not the way it was. Okay, so the Heat can have KD today. Yeah. Or don't, and you have a 50% chance of getting Giannis. Not 50%.
One in 29, according to Sean. Well, either you get them or you don't. That's 50-50. I want KD. I want the runaway bride. That's good math. They need to close this one. A couple years late, KD? Give it to me. Give me something different. What about trading possibly for the giant from Denver? I just want horse. I just want horse. You can't afford. You can't afford. You can't afford it. He's not an option. He's not an option. I just want horse.
I don't think getting KD for the Heat is a bad thing. I know that people are like, oh, this isn't the same KD. This is the end of his career. Yeah, but he's one of the all-time greats in the NBA. He's a legendary player that will be tied to your franchise forever. So I just want horse. Guaranteed KD today over 50% chance getting Giannis. I just want horse. Give me KD.
Give me KD. Give me one of the games greatest to wear that uniform and have him in a heat uniform. You have Wade. You have LeBron. You have Durant. You have Shaq. I mean, what a legacy. I just want horse. What assets do you give up, though? Are we keeping Tyler? Are we keeping Bam? You're keeping Bam for sure. Yes. I just want horse. Just him is probably not good enough to win, though. So what difference does it really make? I just want horse. Let me get to see KD. That's cool. That's the thing. It's like here. Okay.
Here's the hypothetical scenario. You get Kevin Durant. You're going to be maybe a seventh seed. That's the option here. Do you take it? I just want horses.
Do you take one of the all-time greats to wear your roster knowing, best case, you're a seven seed? I'd hold out for Giannis. I'm going 50-50. Oh, boy. I'll go 50% chance again, Giannis. I'm trying to go big here. Everybody knows, go big or go home. I'm waiting for Giannis. 50% chance, Giannis. I'm holding out. I just want horse. What's your offer?
It's whatever you want. I'll play Milwaukee. It's whatever you want. It's Milwaukee. Anything you want. What do I get to keep? Anything you want. It's anything you want. Okay, but I don't think that's good enough for me. It might not be. It might not be. If I'm Milwaukee, I'm getting a couple of calls. What do you want, Mike? How about that? I want anything that I want. This is how the conversation is going to start with Pat Riley.
Hello, it's Pat. No, no, I'm Pat. I'm Pat. You're Milwaukee. No, I'm Pat. I'm Pat. You're Milwaukee. What time is it? No, no, you're Milwaukee. Jill, did you see this orb? All right, ready? I'm Minnesota. I mean Milwaukee. You're Milwaukee. I'm Milwaukee. I just want horse. I won't sign off on this. You don't even know what we're doing. Hello. We'd like to give you Terry Rozier for Giannis Antetokounmpo.
I just want horse. Where'd Dan go? He won't sign off on it. He left. Alright, try again. Just don't leave with Terry Rozier. Yo, it's just a first offer, man. Hang on. It is the first offer. You gotta feel everybody out and see, oh, okay, you don't want Terry Rozier. I just want horse. Milwaukee Bucks. Hello. This is all-time great and legend Patrick Riley. How...
That's disrespectful. Fumbled it, too. It would never happen. Okay. I know your crap offers, Pat. Because there's no way the Bucs pick up a phone that has a cord. It's the Bucs. It's Milwaukee. You never know. Don't do landlines anymore. Hello. You have some unpaid toll fines that you really need to resolve now. Representative. Representative. Zero. Representative. Hello. Welcome to... I just want horse. Ring.
It's the Bucks. What if I could tell you that you could leave today with Alec Burks and Kashad Johnson? You called the Tampa Bay Bucks. I'm sorry. I just want horse. Interesting in Drew Smith? He could be yours today. All it's going to cost you is Giannis Antetokounmpo. You also have to take Terry Rozier. Stop calling. Just stop. Just stop calling.
Hey, we're at Highsmith. Daryl Morey. Give me something else. They don't have the godfather offer that he could offer isn't good enough as other people's godfather offers. Passes prime, Bam out of bio. What do they keep doing? Passes prime. You want to bet that Bam out of bio's best basketball is ahead of him? He's got some great news ahead of him. I would bet you that this is who he is. Okay, not good enough.
Okay, but that's not Pastor Prime. Yeah, it is. He was viewed as an ascending talent, and now he's viewed as a finished product. He's 27. Didn't he take a step back this year? So now you're offering me a BAM and a bio that is a depreciating asset.
I don't agree. He's appreciating. You think he's an appreciating asset? No, I think this is who he is. You're a player in your prime. You don't have to continue on the ascent if you're in your prime. This is who you are. He had a bad year for him. Giannis is still in his prime, right? For sure, but you're being mad disrespectful of a really good player. I'm not saying... Look, he has been a good player. I see a depreciating asset that you're out the gates with. It's not yet. He's negotiating, Dan. That's what it is. The sport uses up your body not so young. It's not allowed...
that Giannis is allowed to be in his prime with that mileage and Bam has spent at 27 with that mileage. You don't think Giannis is still getting better, do you? He just had his best year. Okay, but this is who he is. I'm sorry. I'm the GM for the Bucs, baby. You've got to convince me. He's negotiating. That's why he keeps calling them depreciating assets. We've got to bump them. Davion Mitchell's off the table. You're on the phone with Art right now. Art O'Deal. You're losing. I'm taking your lunch money. A-O-D.
So this is the big story in sports today, and I will tell you that what should be the big story in sports is how terrible the Colorado Rockies are. Dude, they lost a game 21-0. Well, hold on. It's not the worst of it. Do you guys remember when I told you last year that the Chicago White Sox were the single worst team in baseball I'd ever seen? And then by the end of the season, they were the worst team in the history of baseball. That team started 11-28.
The Rockies are 6-33. The Rockies are 6-33. This is one of, keep in mind what we're watching, the Detroit Lions no longer are a laughingstock. The LA Clippers no longer are a laughingstock.
The Colorado Rockies have existed 30 years. They've won zero division titles. They've got 10 total playoff wins. They've had 21 losing seasons. And this season, they're minus 134 already in runs. Like, 21 nothing's not that uncommon for them.
Are you counting the 21-0? I'm joking about 21 not being. 21-0 is uncommon. But this is a, what you're watching is not a Major League Baseball team. It's not in any way a Major League Baseball team. Major League Baseball teams play close games. They are just getting slaughtered. I was on ESPN yesterday. I can't tell you the last time I talked Major League Baseball on ESPN. We're in the middle of a basketball conversation.
And we have the chat going on where I get to communicate with the producers. And just literally out of nowhere. Because I saw it for the first time. I swear. I put in the chat. The Rockies are 6-33? What is that shit? Stuffed it at that.
I have good news for everybody here. They won yesterday, so they're now 7-33. And their run differential, boom, skyrockets at minus 128. Big game yesterday. What's the second worst team in the league run differential this early in the season? I don't want to say. Did you know that Bud Black was our manager? Moreover, did you know that it's been Bud Black since 2017?
He was fired immediately after 21-0. Honestly, once they tumbled into the teens, they should have gone out onto the field and fired him. He had crazy jobs to come with me. Did you see who was peeking around there?
He was peeking around there. Tell me it's Clint Hurdle again. He's peeking around there. They brought him in for some sort of consultant something. And then they got rid of Bud Black. And then they moved, you know, their third base coach is now the manager. And boom, guess who's the new bench coach? That's great. Clint Hurdle. I think I could be wrong here.
I think we may have a situation where a team fires a manager twice in a season. No, you've got to give Hurdle the opportunity to catch Bud Black. That's what I'm saying. You fire him twice so you make Clint Hurdle the manager again. I don't know. Has what never happened? That a team fires a manager or a coach twice. I mean, Billy Martin was fired. No, no, I'm saying two managers in the same season. In the same season. In the same season. It would be amazing.
I want to explore something with you guys because I have just asked Chris Cody to find me the looks like for Clint Hurdle, one of the great and famous looks like characters in the history of our show. I believe that Clint Hurdle would be Adam Silver is obviously Mount Rushmore in our looks like game. But Clint Hurdle had in sort of a bloated orange baseball way about him that was super leathery and connotes.
Our favorite time in baseball when Clint Hurdle can go from being a hustling, gritty player to being a bite-your-face-off manager and the sport can turn him orange along the way.
Tell me I'm wrong, Roy. No, you're not wrong. So Chris Cody is looking for this right now, but I want to go back to Dan D'Antoni because I've wandered far astray here. Chris, stop for a moment. You didn't find it quite fast enough. So let's go to Dan D'Antoni saying from his brother Mike's perch of this is how we should change the game, but we coaches were kind of idiots. I know you guys take a lot of threes. Did you feel like there maybe wasn't quite enough working the ball into the paint early on?
You're old school, aren't you? You know what? Do you watch the NBA ever? Will you see those top three teams? Golden State, do they work it in? Hey, my brother Houston. Biggest turnaround ever. Do they work it in? Listen, that game, my opinion, obviously, gone. You go get any computer and run what the best shots are, they'll tell you a post-up's the worst shot in basketball. So if you want to run down, try to get it in there to shoot over somebody.
then you're beating analytics. The best shot in basketball is that corner three. Next best shot in basketball is any other three. No, that's, you go get them and read them out. Other than free throws, which we try to do. Get to the foul line, because you score 1.5 points every time you go to the foul line in the pros. And it just trickles down. It's the same thing for college kids. I haven't finished my dang on analytics story.
You got to go to bed or something, you're going out. But you score layups. If you can get to a layup, it's clean. It's not one that's highly contested. It's 1.8. It's 1.3 from that corner, 1.27. You know what a post-up is? Overtop, a guy standing like this, .78. So you run your team down there, and we'll see how long you stay with teams that can play the other way.
I found one head coach in the history of pro sports that got fired by the same team twice in one year. John Gruden.
But not that John Gruden. A John Gruden from junior hockey. That's right. Yeah. There was a John Gruden of the OHL, the Ontario Hockey League, and he was fired twice as head coach by the Flint Freebirds in the 2015-16 season. So he had to have been fired the first time and they were like, oh, it's a mistake. It was a conflict with the owner and then they brought him back, a mistake, and then he got fired for real. For reals. So the mistake wasn't a mistake. No.
Earlier in the show, I mentioned the Omni Mall. It's been closed for 25 years. There are any number of things that make me feel old these days. One of the things that makes me feel old is when I'm referencing a bit that Chris Cody doesn't remember, that Zaslow would remember, but Chris Cody doesn't remember. Because do you, Zaslow, remember how much fun we had delighting in action star Steven Seagal's
singing career. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, do you remember any of the names of any of his hit songs off the top of your head? No. It's not the easiest. Well, this is one of them.
He was furious with someone and he said, talk to my ass. Now, here's this B-roll of Steven Seagal in Russia. And when you mentioned Bud Black, I was thinking, look at how his face is painted in order to keep up the old Steven Seagal image. Put that up there now of being...
pioneering action hero. He's got the Don Nelson belly that he's trying to conceal with the blousey clothes. That's a signature move of mine. And his entire head seems to be painted and his goatee seems to be painted as he makes his way to Russia. And Zig, while others are zagging, man bun, I'm going to go see Putin. I'm not certain. Could this be a Boris Sanchez studio lighting thing with him? I would feel terrible if that were the case. He was like the top action star.
Now it's Liam Neeson, 70 years old. We do action stars poorly in this country, except for Tom Cruise, also 70 years old. Man, you know about Under Siege? That's a good movie. Look at Seagal right there. Look at him. Mike Ryan, I want an investigation here. What is painted and what is not painted on Steven Seagal in Russia? I want Mike Ryan to do his investigation and tell me, do you believe that this is Steven Seagal's real hair and the real color of his goatee? Yeah, that's legit.
He's doing things the right way. Wow. That man is bloated. Roy. He is. Tell me I'm wrong. Could have a medical situation. You don't know that. Exactly right. It's just wild. Roy comes out and he says, guess what? I was not a member of the media after all. I was a fan just getting free tickets. And now he's just taking five shots at people. Free tickets? My ass. I'm credentialed. What are you talking about? Free tickets? Well, you are biased, though. And you know what? I got it. You know what? He got a penalty. Two minutes, asshole. Come on.
Well, it's tainted by your lack of objectivity. I'm a real journalist. Thank you. Zaslow, Roy may one day have his name on the press box because he's been a long time credentialed, as he's mentioned.
media member of the Florida Panthers. One of the longest credentialed, I might add. Well, might end today. But clearly biased. Like, you guys caught him. That was cold and dirty. You caught him in the second round of the playoffs. He's been shitting himself all weekend. Billy, you weren't paying attention to the Panthers, and you caught him off guard, and you got him to admit something he would never admit. It's called journalism, friend. Want to try it on for size? Wow.
I would like Pablo Torre, too. Did he get too busy? I was told he was going to be here in moments. He might actually have been too busy. Is it because he's winning too many Peabody's? He's winning too many Peabody's? He's probably being nominated. He got delayed. He will be here at 11.15. Do you think he's depressed at all the attention that this is getting? No, absolutely not. He likes attention, right? But he's like, I do good work. Is that your impression? No, I have an impression of Pablo. I do good work. That was good.
Still smiling. Here's the thing. I just want horse. That was pitch perfect from the last time we were here. I just want horse. I couldn't tell if it was you or the clip. Really? You guys couldn't tell? I did it too accurately. It was too authentic, my limited fake Jokic. I just want horse. I sound like I'm about to start sobbing. So does he. Well, he'd like to stop carrying them.
Horses? I just won horses. He's looking at Chet Holmgren and he's like, really? I mean, what is this? What is all of this? You know, Lawson, his arms always bleeding is his nose is always running.
Really? Yeah. He's constantly doing, like, blowing his nose. It's kind of gross watching him. He's tired. Do you think he'd rock, like, he could rock a pony to sleep, right? Like, very easily. If he wanted to, like a baby, cradle it and rock it. Yeah. Does Clint Hurdle look like the dead body hanging outside of a town with no name with a sign attached to him that reads, no visitors? He does look like that. He does.
Does Clint Hurdle look like a high school football coach named Honeycutt, who after 10 losing seasons coaches a group of misfits into the championship game only to lose on the last play? It does look like a coach named Honeycutt. Does he look like a tin of pine tar that has come to life?
I can see that, like via Pixar. I can see that. Does he look like the guy at a golf outing wearing a mock turtleneck who cracks open a beer on the first tee, slurps the froth, and exclaims it's 5 o'clock somewhere just after he makes final adjustments to his tennis elbow brace? You want that looks like 21-0.
Get me all of the Clint Hurdles. Send our advanced scouts wherever in the universe they have to go to find me more Clint Hurdles. Please get Clint Hurdle back in the game. I can't believe how bad the Rockies are. That's not... I mean, you can make the argument that through 39 games, there has never been in the history of our most historic sport something this rancid. Bud Black has been in our baseball lives for most of our time here on Earth. If I assembled...
Bud Black lookalikes and I lined them against the wall. I imagine khaki pants. Would you be able to actually identify the real Bud Black?